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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA' S2 v7 [" w7 V! A. ]( Z5 u
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; n1 w$ K2 z9 J2 j8 J 1. Bring your own house.0 i* Z+ f# A# N
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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& i: a3 A9 n4 k5 b0 w 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
; X9 @* P/ ^$ H5 ^9 ^5 b* O4 lcapital of Canada .& b9 x& c7 M! S( K
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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$ d6 W& b* n! A, C2 s" T) z% k 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
& j% M' c* Y3 t7 Z& qcapital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is& P$ ~8 D* K3 k# U4 C. C8 G+ a
$8.00/hour.# T6 ~" _0 K1 z) p9 m7 f! O
) I \* _ j/ {+ T* I6 B 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
7 p9 E7 f6 O1 v, q% d4 U( ~4 [5 Lon a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
: ]: w0 ^: K# k; w1 t# V: V" `prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)2 s2 j) S0 U1 s3 ~1 p7 ?% Z# U
" X7 Z% j: h8 o. m6 `2 @10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
; G3 _0 b' H6 u% chere sick.
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& p3 Z3 F9 [7 d" r1 }( x d) {11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
) ?& _+ X! u# G& V. \, H- byears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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B' y) a6 o' N9 ]4 ~. l: N; [8 U THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :/ Y+ q3 K0 H3 ~8 E8 U# F. l5 e" z
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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8 F/ @2 g1 k1 w9 X2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
4 }# x* Y. t r! Z9 kis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its" f2 ?( w7 I7 P% }6 e
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest4 f7 I2 {( x+ P2 A" _
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires9 q- v# k& p# R9 D4 ~% B* ^: J2 `
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
$ y3 ]* d2 H) G- wphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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9 U9 A5 {4 h, J: P; ?8 a4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,0 c! J$ U- p. r- k2 |0 ]
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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+ o$ x7 p- {" A, `! ~1 f4 U5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
( {0 F% {, s1 g7 k& mcan get you shot.
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1 W/ `% O+ E- T, ~' ~$ g; ?( x: N6 G6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
7 f1 y5 C3 z6 R* h& |7 Nbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
7 t a5 u: k% {! h# W, A: c+ Y3 P: Dday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
1 ^6 i* J0 A# s$ E( P% z) jmore construction starts everyday.
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/ l |- ^% t! J/ P, g+ c3 l- Z 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,# M; G3 N8 ~% r; A3 E- h. I
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,4 J/ R, z$ A6 x6 q, i: B( s) ]
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.8 Q4 o, M1 H3 s0 a7 v# r
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all$ e j0 _3 a2 m! c
the same road.
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' x5 O% r3 P' i, Y9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
; n+ ?* L/ M$ p \+ Ushoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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3 x7 D5 _7 H, i0 v" W- I9 T; s7 ?10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
) s$ f# R2 |* b$ Z4 d% r9 N/ S% Vzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"- [) k* V2 l6 R$ `, P1 L9 @& ]
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.4 S8 ~2 R7 C) y+ @" s" o5 i0 `0 T
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
3 `( `2 x/ V; K' s. ylined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
+ X0 }: _0 D9 ?% h! b8 |* vblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
. h ^: l! @4 evirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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