请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
0 h, r# D! L1 x, B# h              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
% u5 E" v# ~! ~$ n% J8 X2 H+ y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ Z, P  y: f. k' w  f              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
) |+ K  ]& \# z# |              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
3 s* _  Z( y; o8 w. A/ nHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
5 N3 f/ R% K2 f3 s  L4 }- S  y               I am 一个人de精彩
* ]7 z, m( W" V8 E. Q. a               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
$ c# o8 E) w* l2 O+ U5 m3 h! ^But........         
0 |( i! s* A# N9 `5 X& n3 ]0 EIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
5 n7 h0 ^" n! O8 l1 q. rSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
/ U5 ~. @/ O, D4 h, `2 V7 aSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
0 g' l: W0 y8 b: r5 |- ^8 r4 w- N
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' h0 q5 u7 r# {6 w3 J/ O4 C6 kSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% \; U- {8 e& d* ~Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
8 v5 G- j1 a- G5 n9 dSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
* {' w/ t5 D% [Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
- e& s& @1 s3 |5 j* S- LSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ l3 C1 b% T9 `& U================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
# I6 J* J& D% K2 y
- I! X7 f. ?; e$ v* Ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
- u9 _( E0 m& D! P% c6 @somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？