请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
" b) z) c, t% OHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
+ x" f: B, T- O' l: Z4 \# YThanks a lot!!!
) t! b6 |2 G) Y6 i



$ @; u. }. f' g3 r! h1 i( \- L: {( o


5 H, E7 F& ~' r. s3 [5 t- WFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 N2 b  J9 q$ ^; R6 j* @/ S              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
, B: m. e' u7 w  l              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
8 K' G4 n/ _0 k6 N# }8 J1 ]              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* @4 L8 J$ M( w) Q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
) [; e3 Q7 Q8 j! G. v; v  t' a: k              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* d7 j3 F# e* @             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 N  F- T( {8 ~/ j             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 b) B; ~) T. Q" H, R0 O1 o/ D$ TFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
9 ?9 B$ |" Z3 [. L0 W1 k7 uBasically, I almost finish this poem
5 y; M* r$ v3 D- H0 D) @! t; J               I am 一个人de精彩
2 e& r7 W2 K5 v) ^! K               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" S% A3 x: ?- i7 j! e  XBut........         
+ y1 _& d* A. Y/ d# E5 xIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 A$ {& P! s0 G- g3 q9 fSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
% @% k: d$ |6 lSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
1 [% H0 [% p* a8 n1 i+ DSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 W+ F0 g# T6 {6 mSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

( E( k. J- j. T1 ~! \# T, E1 Q' M$ mSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- |# {5 E& R; N# Q' a8 FSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
- ~9 k8 i7 s4 d( |1 kSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
2 F' G9 M, l. J9 i
  p: R( V; I4 o) }7 x# hSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& g; Q, B) L3 y' R: t5 tSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
3 s( a+ O* Q( I5 o5 c, S% HSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
& F; W4 a* B( MSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  W# ~, p$ k. O! y* D8 l8 W================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: E# q& H# C: \$ }=====================================================================
5 w. Z+ e. W4 {; K+ O/ `somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
! p" h2 u7 r2 I4 H8 N我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

3 }( ^# \1 {$ A! k$ G0 j5 r哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？