埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5547|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
% X  b# Y) T9 a; ?& B! ZBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.$ y7 ~  X, i* l! U( j- X
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
3 N$ X) d# Z: x# P; w+ _; L: m  BThanks a lot!!!
- a- p, `: G* z5 i5 P
- L8 I: r% [$ K: Q  F* W- B  D! T
; j: c6 o% N" }) q0 O2 R
6 B3 I( y$ E4 c) S3 u1 t. a6 @0 j) I* Q  \: w  X$ L, B
! K2 p7 {8 n  O& |/ x/ y$ f

3 P- f; ~* C& T6 ^5 @
: x; p8 K* C& ^( @% tFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
# O; j" R1 I4 Z  d0 g5 t$ n0 d              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" ]0 m% V# D4 {0 h% u% ]              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world , [) }1 @) G: L" S% \9 p% c7 Q, N
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ! U4 x; E: ~+ q$ W9 w6 g
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 8 u  S2 p# E* j1 X) ^% T4 J8 Y
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
3 ]) e) Q# r" s: THowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday % J/ q, i4 W0 w7 Z1 R
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart / u. v+ H* g7 K! z
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness2 ~3 Q# q0 M! p, N# _- C. w
             somehow I lost myself inside again
7 t) d- x' `$ P# N7 @Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 6 b# X, a  ?/ s, ^5 x; T: E1 m
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 w2 t* R5 z( CFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................4 m& {, N' F0 F
Basically, I almost finish this poem
! P" N" @6 I- c; Y$ T               I am 一个人de精彩! a" k, v+ Y* S
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
  g) R' j) [# `6 f, v8 G/ [+ pBut........         7 \7 B8 I% ]7 d
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
; T( g. o* G: r' w9 @2 |* R8 D9 g7 x3 J. |$ D: b
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?' `7 k! O1 I; q4 C7 W) T4 c

# L+ [3 V7 l- N: P( t
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
  L0 w+ `* E- A$ TSomehow I'd find something wrong with us ! Q' S/ _, h3 n4 M3 ?( r
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
& I( d& b0 {" p/ @- D. K2 a( U2 @Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
2 q' e  A% N0 v- W3 S- m8 m/ H9 N6 p9 A1 ~Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, t4 o; S: H9 K2 E% g: \) W* ^& HSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 4 B- v9 y; ~& m

$ {- ]# l) Q: U, h8 F; D- vSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( B2 l/ o# R; E) G
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart   k4 e8 C& p  Y+ H( a9 f
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) }/ Z) k& G  ]0 vSomehow I lost myself inside it again 9 s2 U' g% S  f

$ f. Y8 a: [" @! K  s& H0 @9 |Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% S& l) w0 e8 L$ {; E6 aSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you! N/ }! u4 G0 j9 V  r
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself- q) s6 s) Y  f  Y' [- L
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday   Q& N8 J+ n5 \8 S" i" g* o3 l
================================================; m6 ], X2 p! G4 y+ }
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
& A0 n, g* O, g( A9 x8 @
/ s. x, z0 P3 \2 ^/ m( ksomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  s# D+ u# q; X& ]=====================================================================
. L5 X- Y& J. |' y, Xsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 " ^* l7 D8 j) L+ I# k7 }; Q$ h
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

" K5 t6 O( ~+ I5 f; @哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-12 06:50 , Processed in 0.124723 second(s), 17 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表