请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
; S* z* F$ ?" qHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

8 R  R- B, g! s8 G+ p9 q- J8 l



/ T2 a; @: O3 X2 R! ?

5 R' L& x% I# O, k1 y5 Y/ i; ~& l$ }Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 x, k: F, H3 F0 D              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
8 k7 Z) Y. W7 Z# \, ?1 H' ~              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" K9 L6 }2 U+ M, U+ ^; D1 c9 w1 C              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! J0 k. }( X) X* S0 ~: W0 DHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" g4 d  [1 R7 i' U: S- y             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! `1 h* t" ]! V  _             somehow I lost myself inside again
. `# R" j3 v& ENow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& ^1 y6 o, `# {/ UBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" _/ z7 T% \0 V6 }. }5 f$ qBut........         
- O- d# N8 ~/ `& u: _1 i8 G* F- dIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

( @: g$ V+ z& ]卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
9 n. S) [4 w3 k* R  ~: c. K$ ZSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
# {: w& b" C2 b7 ZSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  o/ E) R) @& M0 WSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
  ~" `8 R5 ?! x5 F: k
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! c+ P: D+ a2 [0 wSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
. }; d6 w  I4 s; H2 qSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
( M9 _6 R$ ^4 O+ Y4 N1 Z% K
2 ^: D+ T1 o. N; E. _8 TSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! E, x$ ?6 f2 B( }) DSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' V. R% M3 |& USomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
3 v  I0 X7 a) g5 yHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
8 C" [! @5 ?9 S$ Psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
- X" W- L/ q2 J我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

3 `: O2 Z" |: R哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？