请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
( [* Z, K  }4 U$ o1 ~% ZBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
  p3 b9 E, J3 Z8 Q$ A6 G: U9 l
7 Z* a, G% r9 A4 _! b& h
( C# u$ T+ q$ `, W# f1 O


' ^; K  v' k: c' N" [5 ]

Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
# [& A2 g  I: g3 b) O+ {              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 n; h2 A; b% |+ ~6 n* v              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ ?* ?# ]( N8 R1 M, e8 M. z1 _& c              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
  V5 R7 r7 ^1 [: C% N; N" J) THowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
2 q+ }. P4 D, A  g( k9 E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* a6 u' ~( q0 M  VFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
. v+ E* s* K' O" QBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
9 h8 H$ U1 O- }4 E$ |2 o& y4 u" p               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 h+ ^  y* w8 n0 iBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

9 Z, r  @% g2 W卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 _/ ~% ]6 i$ t1 b6 ~5 @Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
$ L' s# M0 `. p% Y, D6 k% |: Y- hSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& B' Q7 R4 b5 N7 ]6 [) W
% c1 ?4 J3 G5 \. H7 kSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. q$ V; c2 A5 ~7 e/ N- ]$ lSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
; e0 }+ O4 s5 D" {* @4 `
; p0 f" m/ z. k; mSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! k6 U; j$ E* {5 l& Q4 D+ i7 Q( M================================================
! z4 A! Z" w7 J) THowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
* r8 _" Y- H+ C& A7 D. m8 ^$ E
3 }5 s7 O* U) s+ E( T) Osomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" l9 U- `/ _. c, E- `. Y=====================================================================
$ K6 }. d9 Y0 r$ Osomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 F6 \& E, M+ q  _2 A% D我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

" k5 L) A- `0 d/ X! s哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？