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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem3 G. s0 x9 \4 C" G0 ~7 H  V; L0 a7 Z
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.# W" Q4 r$ m% b6 w7 G
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem4 o/ A9 i9 ^4 X" Z0 @- w( M, s
Thanks a lot!!!
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+ L/ K3 m( T1 C! l) D1 GFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you % _1 ^* z* {9 I
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 M8 {! x6 B2 u* ~2 A& Z7 `, y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 6 d! |/ g1 S' ?$ {: K
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% u6 ]% h! b- m) U4 a* p& L              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
5 C, g3 K. B4 P% h3 \& A              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness   P; Y* `7 N. g) |) t
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 e7 Y( d4 S7 X* T             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 e/ M( d- x. z! G( ^             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 @8 V/ M+ }' q1 m/ o5 R% @' z' u             somehow I lost myself inside again 3 d' s: Y! T! E/ p& o8 w
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
' U" e" y* c6 K( d% g             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 R; L+ u2 g4 V2 Z; t( I+ O$ }Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  y& U+ E2 h$ `1 HBasically, I almost finish this poem
5 f8 x3 o2 ]4 G               I am 一个人de精彩
7 C) b3 w: o  H9 J$ Z" u               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.  Y8 u% O0 w. Z0 h, _+ k2 l
But........         
% T: S4 Y& U- L- W1 C1 `; dIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 o/ M1 T! H8 i3 h9 h- M9 sSomehow I'd find something wrong with us ' b8 e6 o$ r8 n
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 0 ?, i: W& X6 k+ y2 O" y  c' O- ~/ u' a
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
+ O' \( \, N9 g0 O0 V4 P1 nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 8 X2 H  g) h0 h& Z% c
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness ! v1 y8 q6 D1 Z& V4 \9 n% K

/ l3 @9 u" M+ Q) O/ x/ f9 [1 hSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday * D: N- t! ~9 e1 F0 F! m  Q! X  \
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 N5 Z* H. j# a& gSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 I- q! \8 M& K; O: A* M
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 1 o5 }8 F9 W' }- h
. w# P# ?8 m  J3 q7 y5 w
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion: U  N8 p# X" l- I: b" `# c1 d0 O! W
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you. H, S6 e; w  k! L
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
8 ~1 I9 z3 `# w2 N$ p- OSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday # P1 j/ ^) ]5 h% S. e; p# }+ k# A

0 x8 J" W1 \( S7 Hsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 $ v& J+ p3 C4 Q& A
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

& `* J# {/ c2 `3 H. F哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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