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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
9 V# l: ~! J8 J9 S$ P% |Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.6 g/ ]5 d; ^5 r; e& b4 t
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
$ }5 `8 f1 h; k! h; j4 \% @Thanks a lot!!!6 `1 K( x; Q+ K+ _2 Y# E
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you / W6 }+ S7 v: B. f
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us   M, ^" F3 i6 Q9 u
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 1 _  u$ k; C: |3 w6 U; n
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 r( J' ^- w1 E" G              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
4 R: |" r1 q; S/ k* e3 {' d              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; l* e, ~; m+ LHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 5 p6 ~0 ?: {5 y+ l' u
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* v; W  X7 V4 O             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ w6 m. p) G5 y6 G1 t6 `             somehow I lost myself inside again
) @8 t+ B  h; O* hNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
1 j+ j/ e, {. V1 A: f1 `6 u             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# s! i& A0 S( }Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
! n2 ~. p+ w: [1 B0 H, ZBasically, I almost finish this poem
6 w/ Q' F5 {% i8 }- H) `/ R               I am 一个人de精彩( V3 F0 j: e1 \; f  k1 @# M8 \0 K  g
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.! B) J$ q/ I9 {$ }
But........         
8 N. @9 p2 k2 j9 k$ nIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
, s2 X0 y0 u. O' zSomehow I'd find something wrong with us . Y: g* S. R4 y& W
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
5 V4 p/ D1 s( I# g& h& a% z3 h; XSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
2 @: C) H$ g8 P. ^) a  r! sSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
& N5 J7 Q2 e, a/ ySomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness , m$ E" x' D6 S
6 ~/ O" C1 V! v0 `7 Y  c/ L+ e
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
0 v0 Y4 f# o) Q: m; xSomehow I realized you were still in my heart , ]7 ^9 e: Y$ u! z
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# i# v% n' ?" K: U( [Somehow I lost myself inside it again
" X+ g3 ?% t( [- ?/ r- |
0 X; @+ u& b. N' X6 m+ ySomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& a" X& R: ]. E: A7 uSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
+ _" b& ~2 K5 {1 o  d/ tSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself+ @2 g7 w, [7 J9 F* S0 s! l
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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, I' V' i8 T7 e6 B' tHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ) o' J, G8 }6 \: N" D( n) f* y9 J

1 d1 R/ h' ?  O" osomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness; A' X: \* x/ c
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
& i4 D' r% D3 r8 C我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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