请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
& h7 ^& o, @, e  FBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
8 X, A& M8 `0 F+ j: U' c, yHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" t$ ?! Z7 h' H; P# {              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
$ S" Y/ _1 |( B$ N9 V% v1 {! Y              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
" \5 y; K( n$ o% @' m3 c0 G% IHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 J+ r/ g( _6 F0 [/ j) \1 o             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
4 I  q8 `7 U7 \, P; h9 [               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
, }+ h# t8 W4 P- N6 z, l% gSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
- Q; S- x/ q% R- PSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 E; C9 ?" k$ Y1 ?Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 m  p% }+ A. O# HSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ Y0 E- g# y# c& c4 B! a. ESomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# t- ^: a9 M1 K7 DSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
* l, Y  [0 X; Z8 w4 I6 WSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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- Z* ^$ W4 X/ \somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

0 {# w& Z2 g  U# u$ \( `哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？