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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem5 D: G  \8 N( Y6 J9 I$ z% f
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.. o6 Z2 b+ D8 H2 Q
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
$ P" h  Q" v1 Z( uThanks a lot!!!/ v& E& k: `  e: I( Y' j: N

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you " G' B4 F* m/ y( p4 q/ \" k2 T
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
  G8 u5 ]6 L( G9 P5 @" C- o, j* Q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 3 r: \/ F, }1 }5 ?
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me + b3 S/ o+ ?+ R% s; `& o
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind - a3 |! Z9 e% O
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness & K4 `  D$ v! M8 l  n  h
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ M& M& n# ^7 I2 K  r$ o  o: [             somehow I realized you were still in my heart * x5 i/ e* ?  S  m7 }
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 ~; D3 @& W$ Q6 A             somehow I lost myself inside again
' o2 d" r$ ?! `4 Q+ T) N# t; hNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog * Z7 v- N* r' g  j
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion5 Y+ I; C0 y2 _
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................1 f. Y. k, x3 s
Basically, I almost finish this poem
" g* q* a5 q. F3 J) F" X# ?               I am 一个人de精彩
& i8 k' T: o1 c! K% Z; y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.6 Q9 o. H# @3 x; l5 j. A' S. T8 C
But........         ! p1 m7 C1 _+ v5 o0 v
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”4 O9 L0 j/ T2 n- h8 \
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?& H) [* {; \$ e9 i  F9 z

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you # E  t, c: G& |, ^8 f4 V0 ]# Y
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 5 i( Z8 I; f& t) M" }' e. ]. r
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
( y; `2 X/ x+ g8 S+ }Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me     F: D' ]4 t9 S9 d$ D. D
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
- V: l6 _# q1 ]# |( x. x+ D; M7 bSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
  [" S6 p2 o+ j9 Q% o: T
* f( N- o5 U9 \* ?+ ZSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( z8 o7 s6 v3 L6 X# @) J3 W
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 1 Y' b8 Z5 A5 i4 w
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness+ p$ k8 c1 l( ^$ ~3 @
Somehow I lost myself inside it again % E) r# L1 n# X9 B6 i. X
9 B( O, ^* e% x9 i3 e. ]" T' D5 W
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion: t4 Q0 k* E2 ^
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ S$ o* v! I7 }Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself( `8 f- `+ N' B& y
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday , l! H. m2 m8 D2 i' y1 r
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 4 d0 v6 d3 j+ W& y# W0 B; {, c

* j4 g' ?3 m6 ]somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 ?) G4 |8 d( |7 u
=====================================================================
2 K' W0 Z+ l+ o2 ^2 {1 `somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 4 b$ [* |7 N. B0 s4 B+ }
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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