请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
. g- v6 S& J( iBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
- D8 U# j1 U; Q0 n3 _/ P. `Thanks a lot!!!
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1 x0 m% Z, h; u: z" @/ f
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$ H% w' j9 N7 E4 F' A7 }( `Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
2 x+ P, ]  E0 m9 ]              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
& b. u1 K9 X" h' i% r0 z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  p( I6 C  ?% P$ F( @              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
( _1 W: a, S  `! i0 `/ {              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ A; }2 F9 [: B             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  ]* h# m- j, c9 R+ c             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 r6 P+ z0 X- h' c" H0 F& p" qFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& n! F) e" [: ?. KBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
2 ^5 A* a8 G. f5 L8 x3 r               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
( F# F. n3 b+ O; \$ SBut........         
1 i" u( J& V1 \/ H6 O; \& QIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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# T4 [& M7 g! b; o卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
4 T0 y, K9 M' K8 p# i& t( }Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
2 R+ ~0 b: b( ?Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
9 f/ z, j! l2 L) h( N6 ZSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
1 M3 G. }% \. [! D" [Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

: i: {; k9 I2 n& Q# tSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( z. h- r( U( e# q/ f6 fSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
2 P- D2 W5 X5 ~
- p/ A7 {$ L  _3 v& JSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
+ J' F& w, ?' r- `8 Q; K; HSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？