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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
5 q6 C. l! e+ c. GBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
+ w: e( Z# a" @# o% I. l* n( }" V% U" ZHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
" Y( _8 i& B! l- uThanks a lot!!!( y, _- [4 U. g, e8 C7 _
7 C* g, d. U1 J- X
* x1 S4 H2 B; z3 O9 }

/ w. [; k% G: \7 x; x& {8 M: Q& Y" _" R6 [# Y: d3 }
1 R9 o9 A% ]& z$ P3 ]8 _# s6 L

  r) [- Z' L  _5 [5 \2 Y) S$ x( @! C
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 8 m7 g+ f$ I6 \' E0 F3 r- Y
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; I; ?1 t$ }9 Z2 y$ m- {              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ; _9 F  K2 E; b9 G
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 4 V, I2 ]  z0 k
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ) t* c3 h& H8 z
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
4 V2 S* C4 W6 R& Y3 fHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* |; f# f& w7 Q0 a( M9 l: ^             somehow I realized you were still in my heart - x7 g( v0 H1 y4 ?: ]1 O/ d# f& u
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. E5 I5 i- K/ w7 ^# f% A4 m             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ n  s9 h8 d; I7 S) C, `; UNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
% \' k5 V8 v' v7 _  @0 u             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion; {3 r  A+ B/ H. _& Y1 i; h
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................% r, x2 G+ [% l& k% {. W5 i; G
Basically, I almost finish this poem
! G2 o) f- F# B5 H; @8 [               I am 一个人de精彩9 H! F6 R& Q$ n) ?, D7 X- Y/ w$ C: Y
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# e0 L. P2 d7 e  W( P7 _But........         : u0 l* G9 d' c* b5 Y
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”& g: T1 a3 G- c- ?

0 A2 G) Q+ z! _卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?* j; d( z) i% ^. V
# \2 _$ a. r0 W. z" b
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 W6 }7 }; i/ C& F. U% c# `Somehow I'd find something wrong with us $ O4 _0 |  [; Z! y- D/ n
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! P$ w0 Q& P5 o1 tSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ) ]7 E9 p5 H, O
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
* k/ R  D* F1 S% ASomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness $ @- n5 V  S7 u* Q. ~
6 ~3 P  m# s# k
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 5 q# j5 @, k2 c
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart " A  v+ q) f# j  a' ]) o1 t2 e
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness% z& @; D  g+ u7 W4 C
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
; k1 D9 ^4 ~4 `& g2 A4 z& ~1 {4 G- v8 x% D0 t
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
/ S' p; |! R' CSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you/ {) X; S' k4 _
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself! h+ C6 x+ [, \+ n6 O9 n( g8 p3 b
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( |* ~7 {0 k+ n) b8 W
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness1 ^& P- [1 Z+ F% x4 Y
=====================================================================
0 S4 _8 W7 C0 D4 T1 x2 _$ D! g" Rsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
: O0 n( b3 G. b8 [9 t. Z我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
" ~; ?" n8 \- r/ h3 K  ^! F
哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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