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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem+ @; w& x' ]. |  P
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
6 I8 L, E4 ~- g2 M. ?$ a* U1 \However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
3 u6 v+ n, p7 u* c5 t  U1 NThanks a lot!!!: J4 q# w$ Z8 [0 U& X& D
/ E2 j8 C. z; _6 e8 t' l( o8 M( m
/ J2 h' X# A8 C
; y. s, U# l1 r/ g( v$ Y4 y* d

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# C2 y, a! N' U1 L9 _. E% `4 x9 w# Y6 r9 D3 T, F/ y* x
/ f) x- [& ]+ u& ~/ a7 z7 j; \
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you - a4 t4 W9 X- X) v. x0 e
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us % l* U9 @$ U1 t; {0 c
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world / B5 P1 j" z9 ~% o
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 3 O3 K9 c0 C+ ^6 c- ~8 L
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 6 x. C0 \+ P" r9 k/ g4 @* {
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' L, n! a( H; bHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" ]7 B: m' U3 l7 t% ]) b8 q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart & G- t: n; B) K( i$ ?! Y6 B
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; X" T# K% p% n1 G- e( [7 `' t             somehow I lost myself inside again
9 ?) q) \; }+ [3 J, E% sNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
' ^  T" O; {7 U- \/ B5 [             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 k: m4 {# o1 c2 G) p# bFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
8 L3 r7 a) b. I5 E) |Basically, I almost finish this poem: p/ c! `" L5 X1 x$ w5 @, b
               I am 一个人de精彩
5 P5 y$ g# j. t: N8 r- m+ d               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
5 Z7 D3 x+ Q: _: x% S  I, UBut........         
. }0 J* _4 m! I- g6 OIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”( g( H9 `9 v6 ?0 l% U

8 b# w, M; {6 @4 i7 s. ]卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?0 i3 J6 ?7 V% P/ P8 f" v& L5 V2 L8 z

; A, F( b* Y. D; ?. @7 L  @4 v' _% m
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 2 g, ]4 j1 T* w: _
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
8 `  Q+ j2 C" `8 L3 [0 N0 \% xSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
- T' [; \% ]9 q6 i& WSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   + R7 X7 f) a- n/ [( J2 a9 l
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 b2 K0 }0 P+ C4 {" S; OSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 4 B8 v8 O5 i' L8 p
4 |/ P2 t/ c) S; C7 h7 S
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 R2 v1 J5 E1 @6 l) kSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
( D2 ~, ]/ u0 G& [5 ?Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness1 O$ D, x4 k2 O. R: w
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
% Z% O- _' o* l  y% O6 _8 T: [: `- ~3 K& J, I& K
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion# M' W6 e+ J2 a
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
% W8 @4 \# b& D' [+ |Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself$ ?/ V3 w* |/ p! i+ V4 Z/ {6 \
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 J. c: L' s" M- X3 l: }# p================================================3 C" M) N0 J8 D9 F1 b$ ~; c& n
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
1 {4 t0 D( @3 {0 @0 [% ?! D3 Z- K! Q/ s- A) Z3 T
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness/ `% L: s& f4 q" A+ P# i1 X# T$ r/ {
=====================================================================
8 |0 J8 z4 {9 M. H+ c" L2 ]somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 . E2 n; I2 J2 u0 O
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

' Y2 S/ ~' o- a- X哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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