请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! W& _* e5 \, j; U& ?3 Z. [Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
+ J6 d) u7 n  e* O1 P- K              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, q- y5 w/ F' f' t0 O/ J7 g! B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
+ _2 I; P- U7 k              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# }$ M! b! Q  P6 Z5 p( H2 _             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
6 B0 l6 s1 [! n+ `+ _+ z: B             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ ~) P# X. z0 m/ b  ~2 @5 ~0 \. Z             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
! M% s. h+ W: l/ k             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
1 }/ W7 N7 k/ L- E( L) l* F4 aBasically, I almost finish this poem
( @0 Q. M2 R; Z! }% q9 `, w. z  q               I am 一个人de精彩
9 c5 J! z( D1 P( v# R2 j               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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8 R8 O! D# z- o/ E8 M3 a卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
5 C  O' P. J& J7 M7 K! sSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% K# ~: \" i' j; b/ xSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ k+ Y4 x1 |$ N+ j5 VSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, m5 A/ }4 l# c8 }; vSomehow I lost myself inside it again
1 d. w$ v3 D0 Y( \( n5 R
- |* m  H6 N& K  p  t5 CSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; V$ r+ A( R: i/ J0 k6 q; W& ySomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
+ r2 A& a) [& |/ y4 ~$ D4 }Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 [# s/ x& s9 {+ o' }% u, {+ MSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 x  E$ v! B* e' e5 N& Z; O我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

; ?+ S3 ^' z* u$ X( S7 w7 w6 d8 j- ~哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？