请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 x7 y  t. e! Z8 a% P8 tThanks a lot!!!


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% s6 p6 ?( w- |# ~+ A( m2 @3 wFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
/ h. r: V) }' k8 y+ ^, q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" }# T% c( K( s4 R4 q              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
) p' C. x. ~5 k! n8 A3 ]; b              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
: O  ~; j+ n8 d6 g/ B7 N) U2 [2 h1 k              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' L! u& ]& ~) K' ~* J9 t             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
6 \: A* d4 U# N9 @* A. W: [# sNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# p! O& E- ^& ~Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
4 k  r! c+ G( OBasically, I almost finish this poem
6 \2 |) m" R: S# M% M( p1 \               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
/ h" ], d' [5 `But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

- Q9 z, R0 J- J1 J0 I: u+ R$ Z卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ [( J) h5 c! n( NSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
9 m6 {# [' G/ g9 ^  _  X
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, w: I  k$ V4 j  VSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
# U7 ^3 t/ F1 V+ u3 ?4 O
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ H( C  E/ D* k7 \9 u1 Z4 v" B- b================================================
2 a6 }$ ~. i# I; y; C0 ~However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
* o+ Y- B7 q( Z! T0 K! usomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？