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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem" B4 @9 y! G, X/ }3 ?8 Y
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
0 D1 m. b& G, F/ ]- f, ZHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem3 s# V% Y) o. Q/ J# m0 ?
Thanks a lot!!!! _! c/ I0 X+ A) g3 z- z
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; C# W( c) ~* F) K& |$ W6 C* F" E/ \$ A. H- Q1 [0 g2 A
6 @& B: u. p2 K5 D6 ]

7 Y9 l% k! n/ d
3 r  u) ]7 z  g- c, Y  |6 u4 C9 r$ E- a
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
6 ?2 z$ ]6 j! @  g6 k# T5 f              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; ^6 E  U& d' [              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 0 V& Q# z9 b2 b0 _1 f! S; e3 k
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
& X* H% _+ N4 v' g9 y8 I5 O              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 1 u1 r) N7 E6 F1 i7 N3 r) n1 P
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ) O  L+ h5 o& Y$ f$ ^% K
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday : G' G3 U3 D3 R8 c7 X  o& c
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
$ S# Z9 t; O3 k  Z4 R( u             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& ~3 v  {' r4 u+ @: I             somehow I lost myself inside again , a. l4 j; j. o/ \1 o6 @
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog & L& `9 X. R& I5 Y5 V8 V
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion8 }' N9 o: E# V+ J: P4 V8 w! W7 h
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; w! J9 {) ^& a6 b- n4 T$ dBasically, I almost finish this poem
% C. p, `; q& F# B* |3 }. y+ C               I am 一个人de精彩4 }6 ?, L9 u+ b) w3 i% @+ g
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.' f9 E( l* n' {" {, F% ~: {
But........         
0 D9 H9 A6 U( F# p( G5 bIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”- _7 u6 _) {, p( \3 i5 A; W' B  A" v

. \8 C( h9 t- t5 i; v卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?, k2 P% _/ }1 ^$ M

  v+ \2 }; A/ J! ?  P4 o
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 4 p/ W2 f6 j' R
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 7 e! D- z5 {2 }9 r! W
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
* N3 k  l5 Y5 D+ lSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
) t8 `& H: o3 G( ZSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
# g, \: c' R  t6 ?Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 0 N- |& W& p" H" c5 u1 p

3 B( B, Z+ O, H6 D* _Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 K: ?/ ^. Z! C  M$ ^
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart & b, U$ _8 E3 a
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& }  S7 o6 S* I7 h7 z+ pSomehow I lost myself inside it again + H* I5 z  z. u$ D& H* ?: K

  R* d* I+ G$ rSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion) K# ^0 c  C0 J3 w# {+ T& w2 X% X6 y
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
0 ~- ?, l# |0 h" C" DSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
* N0 Z1 y+ J3 G% NSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 @3 s+ r, H- {9 Z: X================================================
) B; @7 P3 x8 f( @However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
- }4 r. b* G1 R$ T  ^4 l( H, t. f' \, |) A1 O$ T( p0 C
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" E% b1 L% M6 T! h  G/ N6 J=====================================================================6 P% D$ T, O7 g% G- {3 x
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
# P2 W, \' P7 k5 U7 e# V) B: h我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

4 @5 u- o: I4 {  A" o哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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