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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
' @# N4 t2 ~" q, VBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
8 z/ B! e  n, t. e7 RHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
$ p; _6 Z: \7 c* q" qThanks a lot!!!6 t+ }1 k- L7 M9 v3 D! k( X9 T
2 f" M3 K- B5 d) v

" Z* @3 u' `0 c# K$ h4 I4 }0 X1 ]  g4 U- ]% `

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9 z! z7 C/ y" @% |Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you . Z' z0 m# q, s8 x6 I5 I" v
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
1 V: z4 ?( \) O; y6 M# j! G              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
& C4 F- ?) ?! d; H              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me & |( L6 X1 k! p0 ^6 o2 t- k
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 1 p' V( q! h& C( I$ Q! T" w4 c3 }
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 0 G% `# f* @; w1 ]
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  g* b; R' l+ z' w& i" C             somehow I realized you were still in my heart   E* K+ `2 l7 {& g  t$ X. R/ Q
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! Q& J' v6 F) ?* v3 w2 U* Z
             somehow I lost myself inside again , q; @2 p" ?# l7 {' z' q9 r5 V0 c$ m
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog " f/ `. J# o/ S
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion( J  H2 L6 K" o$ ~6 a6 |7 _
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
: e9 l! o6 C; x) l' L4 ZBasically, I almost finish this poem" Y; W9 U$ v! ^" l: a/ C  L4 b, |
               I am 一个人de精彩) y2 ]) Y/ g0 o: e
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 ?2 ?4 w  i( O* A6 JBut........         
. J( W7 N$ V% W/ V' a' Z- DIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”1 [7 h1 Y7 v4 L4 ?9 E/ \
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
0 ^4 S1 U" j2 l" L3 M0 uSomehow I'd find something wrong with us $ p" q* x' @# g/ [: s2 |8 Z  P
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world + n: h; \2 o* C% C3 P4 L' Z
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
, H' o* R4 ^1 x' sSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
9 B, ~1 e5 x% M0 d/ CSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
7 K+ c2 ^) Y- ?5 V4 R- {7 n; A, ~8 Y- \% t2 h
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( g/ ?% L7 m) W! F4 ^2 [Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
; F9 G; {5 S! j. H  ]; QSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% p! }- R5 a( W8 u: D3 gSomehow I lost myself inside it again
! k3 M+ c( ^, R7 A& a* L8 L6 f6 Y( L! h# u8 V
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion( \5 y: X' U3 }  [; x7 B
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you7 o3 \  K8 j1 I2 c6 [% ?4 b  e
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
1 _# l3 t5 i$ W$ ySomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( A$ G4 G( U, C/ Z' d
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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, ~4 {, ]% g# {$ tsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness" j; ?' c1 {" U0 H. k7 R
=====================================================================
: i! A# E& K$ {! x7 a- csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 7 i3 K& V: a5 I7 m
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

$ S( k8 s/ g1 M" J  V! o哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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