请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
1 Q, w7 Z) F, Y# l( D0 c! ZBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
3 W" {* Q+ P/ D  j& XHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


# L) e; l( @7 g2 }- ?1 C; I



+ V( f7 ?2 L% ?( t
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
  L- k2 n2 z; a- F/ ]1 ~) X2 X              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
/ w0 N% M1 G" M              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, x  w4 f2 O' P# ]              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( q# \* o' N0 O             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 ^; S6 ]- ]5 ~# b% v% Z! `' X             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ q  o$ R5 E+ [             somehow I lost myself inside again
5 @1 F, n* `6 O$ b, r; J( RNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ e5 F! {8 R, H             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; l. I5 ^6 o4 h! \Basically, I almost finish this poem
7 r; g0 r6 H$ T  V4 n2 l5 `               I am 一个人de精彩
/ R* m( n- {" W* Q/ ]9 V               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

& i; |0 D" n) Z- F7 d卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
2 J, E  [2 P  M) L& ySomehow I'd find something wrong with us
- N! L2 G5 N# CSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
6 o9 z4 Y/ l! F/ pSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
5 ?6 I8 O7 T9 o1 Q) z1 J: k+ ]7 C' bSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

- v3 G7 [5 M/ w* y: r) mSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 n$ O& s$ Z# ^& Z9 ]7 GSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' N4 _# V: {" g; Y$ o7 FSomehow I lost myself inside it again
, V  t% G4 V1 [6 D! b7 J1 o$ ^
  B6 h& v4 |6 n, K/ |0 }" gSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& T5 ^* F/ v- W, U* @1 DSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
$ R% @9 O) Y+ q: W0 z) i4 `; ~Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 F0 e9 C( Q- _( X+ c' V! f7 e================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

6 K+ `% _7 z% q7 a% dsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 O# W8 s9 `; ~, q6 y: j=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

# V. W# l- U. r哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？