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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
' w& O' [, A/ M" j4 N* cBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.& y) m. k; a" t- y$ q$ W
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem  }4 a) k0 u  G! w+ O8 ~
Thanks a lot!!!
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3 a$ l/ t* M2 Y& B. d) P$ G. ~

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 L/ K/ ?1 i9 I* p7 X6 m& B( _              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 9 d7 e% C3 F# n7 C5 y
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world & j+ D% T. O8 D0 I5 |
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me + ]% b9 N' {" {; a, J  u6 O
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; s( j0 c  k& o1 d" E              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
7 j/ ~  ?9 Z' A! RHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 o6 M4 H' M6 P: N" }             somehow I realized you were still in my heart / h8 Q" S; I& N
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness  M) s' R, I$ M, M1 v
             somehow I lost myself inside again
* U  h/ I4 ?* N. R: d4 s0 Z% vNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 4 M# k. F9 R8 r% ]: v! K: l0 C* o
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion$ w4 U& q6 v& y+ C- }* N
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................2 [4 g5 b% d4 M; h( B
Basically, I almost finish this poem7 a; x2 u$ |; C. p. N1 u- w: |# N: B
               I am 一个人de精彩
3 c& P# b5 p1 J& c# ~% t               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
0 |# _" M! M5 d: _9 c( \But........         
( r- R- l$ f: I) \) [Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”! [0 |9 T$ N) o' Z  ]
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 V; V1 t+ A  q1 ^4 SSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
2 o7 P; \) f' I$ s* t9 z5 C3 Z& LSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ i! A& c) w2 }. gSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
# A& Y+ F' m* W$ l! v0 rSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
- f5 H* B6 }4 G! o0 q% WSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
3 x2 s5 ~% f4 L; ^1 Y5 u
: M8 w8 y# C' I2 A. P: s* YSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 o# |3 ^* M* d' GSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 K: Y) j1 h# G$ RSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! u. \5 s4 Q6 _' ]  G
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 8 _8 \9 A( T+ q; T2 G

' ^7 f* e, T: `$ B+ P1 w+ PSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
8 ]5 B$ H/ P5 `# \$ k# s/ z& MSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you* S0 |9 v% m2 v3 @/ P/ u% Z
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself" I1 ^. ?) p1 e+ J, W  M
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 7 ]( G8 y$ s" E. D1 i* L' v- u4 q: m
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# z5 X) t: f' H3 Y& FHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ( `" ~7 @! B( _3 R, _6 A- V
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness; H# T; R' |/ u+ Y9 P, b
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
+ l1 i- D/ P3 y# n我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

- A! i& @1 F2 j5 |& x! r哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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