请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
- q5 V) [# Q3 p% mBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
+ K2 e- B0 {. h0 [$ n+ u2 V/ THowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
5 N. E- I7 k; f0 Q$ z- aThanks a lot!!!
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5 J  h) i$ p. d1 N$ c

% L1 D6 [" J$ G& X! u& U  J
( ^6 d( Y$ B' d  J# c& l

% l6 h7 S- r' G
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
  W7 a. Z( F+ q" F              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 P# f* V) G/ m( n# m( p# j              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' i5 \( k) H/ ~" B8 |- I4 M0 z! OHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ O0 r8 w9 h* P( X4 `5 P             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ B- |6 g. l, t5 n( L             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
( E: b' X& x0 ]! w% e' B6 Y2 ?             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
/ P. c. C4 g  o$ W$ E$ YFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
4 y1 Q2 t* V3 J  n2 @               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
( B$ ]/ I' O7 M: mIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

  d& J# n" y, L0 Z5 n; I卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
# y2 m8 Y  P) j% ~Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
9 [0 k; A* D  L) G: ?Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
: V3 h2 g  Z7 X- e+ n" {9 ASomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, e$ E2 m; {* p. n$ ySomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

  t; s1 i' s7 X9 xSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- Z9 d: [$ k0 `- R* o2 B& L. vSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
! |! q3 n! o" P* iSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' H1 G6 }( S( C! c, QSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 U0 q2 g. P. ^, z8 H  mSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 E& F6 N) k4 \8 c5 f================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
; \6 s1 M2 n% o: ^我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 w$ o5 P! c6 G/ M* w$ s" C! H哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？