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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
/ e; A& y# @$ NBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.. |) ^" x6 E( c; X. w8 H
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 A7 W# q, g" KThanks a lot!!!. ^9 t/ K' z3 |% p7 h
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you # `0 j- c) C: Y+ c; @& G
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 1 Z. {$ E3 D' _$ x, @+ x" M4 y, s
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
/ X' K" w  n! r' o. O              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
/ ]6 @- q4 h: I5 n6 m              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind " T- U5 Q$ m+ I3 ~
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
, B+ ]# q9 b/ d  \# |! c& xHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday " W1 D8 p$ M7 @# e: J+ G, _
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
) X. a7 e, ?' F! K. z) R% h             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 C3 h/ t6 H# X
             somehow I lost myself inside again 9 x9 Z: ?/ Z+ G7 l
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ E3 e) q$ J, U  d* H7 ^             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& Z3 c. X  _% N8 w4 {Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
, B/ c! Z7 s' ^! W3 s' xBasically, I almost finish this poem% [4 r" m; T* f/ j0 h) @( b
               I am 一个人de精彩
% x; c+ e# \, O, U% w& c4 K               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.; E3 F! }8 H2 @1 V# g( D. i
But........         
8 d$ D2 _$ O, t, R3 ?Ironically? Isn't it?
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”; T7 v3 |4 y; ?% C& E

8 M5 V+ }$ ]6 ^$ D8 s卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
' K  W: m# B! f! ISomehow I'd find something wrong with us
! p. G4 v' E! U! W. v* m) }; ^Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
( f9 h& N: B4 B3 j$ G6 TSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   6 L. c; M& U9 e' ~& t: V- s
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
$ C4 O) w( |4 D( l. mSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 8 @  v5 l' S3 o8 o9 q) x0 q2 V; J
  b$ P; T6 g3 t5 b, G' S- O" {7 m
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday % C+ X/ N* {$ l+ a8 d2 X5 L1 f) P/ w
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart   H2 d% Y" [1 T7 T
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness2 b( P7 n. z) C$ [4 o' T( l
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 3 Z% z' m8 a; m, {. N
/ {5 N7 r8 B2 {5 `, E$ a
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: b3 J3 G3 Y# Y' @9 tSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& G9 Z: z6 g9 l0 S. [0 \Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 u5 ~1 B: z, |& Y0 y" NSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ) r& q/ }, F2 V8 W  H- t# L. V: e& ~
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% ]' T7 z' Y* \8 ]; r=====================================================================
7 t4 ?' S2 L4 f7 D' x1 ysomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
大型搬家
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 x' u7 s5 f# d; @# P2 Z, `2 f我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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