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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
2 n* f1 Y, E+ r( ^% ?' l/ sBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
; T0 d7 _/ M; I4 A7 IHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem0 u2 ~! c# @7 V# Z
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
7 [9 d' V% g5 Y( c3 k              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* O( m5 }1 M$ h/ Y/ W+ `: }              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
# c! x% p  ?8 x, t4 w6 c              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me : m& f9 k  F. Y
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 7 s+ z# ^. T& K. Q
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! i' M5 m" W# Y& C$ p7 UHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday . c; `0 f! L8 R/ @* k" G
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 4 g+ V3 Q1 O( q6 v) n
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 U2 L4 a; p; F# R- }% z9 E
             somehow I lost myself inside again & _/ H, t$ M- i* a- a" `
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
$ |7 h" v0 c  R0 V             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion, j6 n3 |  S$ M. U6 e2 ~
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................+ i  m: `9 L8 j8 C1 g5 R7 U7 L1 X
Basically, I almost finish this poem/ q" L/ B/ h7 p. x1 z
               I am 一个人de精彩$ d* g+ U/ m+ h, b8 a# _  H
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# h" l+ V( ]; B% ^; _But........         4 a, m* P$ }1 ]3 j' t7 m) o  G
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# u. T# H+ S4 a) U* v) FSomehow I'd find something wrong with us * C# s! W2 w) _
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 I' P! P# `4 lSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 C( {7 ?! e6 m' USomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 l) [; B. ?2 O3 J  O' gSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
' M# F' e7 P4 m' Q2 Q% {5 m8 F, ^  a& P8 S
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; K; L7 N1 L0 gSomehow I realized you were still in my heart : ~$ z4 A3 B* B7 t. Q% d& |
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" c0 m! x- H- ~  w2 k7 L- {Somehow I lost myself inside it again
; [/ Y% g4 {' \- M7 A* X7 C) @7 q- h3 Z: c0 V; p( V- a
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion9 Q( {7 |4 U- y7 i
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
/ U, g' q5 T3 g3 o/ `$ XSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself  K+ k" K6 E# [& U) }# ]
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ' Q3 ~+ {% H# `% J6 V/ F3 w1 A
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness/ r2 M+ j! x. c5 t) ]$ `& j
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 \( @( s. G: ]: `' @0 l/ X我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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