请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
' m! V, y# N, _4 RBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
* b9 F" p! l( BThanks a lot!!!

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; J9 s) I0 W: R
0 x5 j8 A8 J$ n+ F5 ~3 ?2 `+ yFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
5 a( A* ?: b0 c/ w- Y              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 P0 o+ o" O, N% s              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
5 ^5 @: Z0 B2 ^              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 [2 `0 R- B% M% Q# m             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ k; c, n: w; C& \3 [& ]             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
9 `: W$ F2 m( e/ s& W: J1 r             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
* V" M2 n3 U6 L/ t: N7 ^" f5 c               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 ?1 R. K! Y6 {3 ?. D" }* i3 g5 BBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 i3 P8 o  ~" n8 [' _; s( Q  bSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; b3 m9 x% C- ?5 F$ t7 ?7 WSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
$ J# g( _3 M* u, J5 o& wSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
# O. c3 R/ c( @  ^
% E2 p; d& f% Q+ {Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" H2 r: u& N; M) PSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
& n2 k) T- T# USomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
2 }# l! y  Y5 {% T5 Q% _& Q1 w/ ^! H
: {  Y- X7 E( P3 M* ?Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
3 _& ^- |6 ?/ u( QSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
$ `; [7 H, ]6 a0 `& wSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 a/ d! C$ g6 p& E( ?1 R=====================================================================
5 }6 E" y5 C# a; k( T& o  ~% Tsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？