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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
+ a  `# ]% Q2 B$ f1 q6 mBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog." M6 v+ _8 ^6 W- K
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
- _  z- U; G) m3 o" ~; n! WThanks a lot!!!/ I! B; C' K3 W$ W% U; R7 U0 E; H
2 F. T3 B; U/ u. s! a- k

$ m9 U) a: ]2 S9 c) d" m1 \9 \4 j7 v% U& s1 K6 r
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you - s; t, W( j: F  ?0 B% Y. y
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us - G) i- R$ l: V  p. M4 \7 _* K; [
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 8 K9 d& `5 B3 e  H4 o8 I1 g
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me $ B/ Y1 z- `( h, s# N: I
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ! l1 X8 z. Z% U2 I
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' Y) z# z2 k  A; G$ t2 d& {However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 a) g6 v0 \1 @+ A
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart , x) A1 c% c$ R; |
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 x" b6 v+ G1 `. y' W8 i2 }             somehow I lost myself inside again
6 R8 C# n6 S0 F  E& [4 |Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 6 v5 w$ n8 ?' `3 J
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion) M" p6 C* x8 M, ]% \
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................" H1 a# @. g: c: D: ~
Basically, I almost finish this poem9 J2 Q, u2 L: K  I" z4 v1 J6 m
               I am 一个人de精彩$ p; N8 @* N) x8 f
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 U- U4 w/ _8 @: U8 U1 z/ W1 QBut........         
. N: J6 m" i, LIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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, k; k* m" Y" K2 Q卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?6 C0 a1 \, c. {& t  w1 a# e8 k. T1 K: {) Q
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* o& Y$ g' A0 g/ B+ \Somehow I'd find something wrong with us $ h- t# U, e7 [1 z0 E7 V& M  y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world - c" J) l8 e5 P) J  T3 p
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
+ y# F4 H, w9 a' ^! v, ^( x  [Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ; l$ L4 y; X: A, N! M
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
3 I4 H% |7 K! {7 j3 v2 X. T# B# g& f; H* Z" T
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 1 [% a7 [' F/ j  t) I
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 x$ Q5 O6 E$ g* f7 RSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 @8 x* \0 ~5 k) }) U/ MSomehow I lost myself inside it again
5 X! d, I! P' o- Q% V4 L, }: H2 O; X) K+ W
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 h: ~- T) B+ p* DSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ C  U. V0 R& A7 W3 xSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
$ T7 m; h$ \! n5 e* `# ^% oSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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; T: U2 x0 Z4 P: n, uHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday * O4 C/ R( U9 h) F2 j. m

/ m' i3 _' G8 r$ h4 H5 @( X3 Usomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
大型搬家
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 7 y: ^$ o7 u! |- V
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

# N9 J( T8 C* Y$ ]. z# P哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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