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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem% N4 U$ S. X7 m1 q8 N# @
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.; `2 m. F# N; N9 z
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem9 z& l4 D$ |; ]! Z, A1 a
Thanks a lot!!!7 F" ~. {% S; j6 s  B
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7 [  a: R% |/ r" t, {0 j3 @, m; U
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$ `# _% G  y$ _/ ?, a& UFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
: O) |- H) n) t; N# F              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
  s8 ?# p: s8 @- W% b8 g! C! p' A              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 9 o- e5 i! ?/ W7 h
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 6 h  A0 z7 e# {4 r) B8 E/ m
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind : K3 w( ~2 m" M* f+ ~
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 3 f9 z) i$ b9 Z6 C6 P0 [7 Q# _; m( _
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 0 D. ~2 G2 f9 a! \
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 b8 c& C) b/ \; K             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: o0 y4 n. m9 b' O/ V
             somehow I lost myself inside again
6 N5 _, }( b" e& N" sNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog . l* q4 Q4 X+ c; {) b* g
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion, c: R5 L( _+ L/ e4 w, I4 t
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
+ @9 G) Y% O0 b! h# NBasically, I almost finish this poem/ ^/ l' Y+ m; ?: Y$ r2 h5 n# j
               I am 一个人de精彩
5 b3 g0 e8 x6 Q( c  D# r8 ^0 l" f               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.& |: q* H) [- T8 U/ R  D
But........         / W, j3 g1 d0 F0 |
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 8 V2 P! m3 u6 `5 X3 S% k) v
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  ]1 t& w$ r0 o6 J) g! F' iSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 4 t1 R8 a! P+ r6 I4 o. Y: [
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ' L4 o% P; H* v8 D2 _- l5 [
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 g$ U% V; x8 J: U7 k: cSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness , m3 o* u3 P+ R
; ]. `* F% X% A/ C7 W( d, e
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday $ d% M$ x5 M9 l: R, `" p
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 3 C1 Q2 f/ z8 e% n8 S
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 i& Q. d3 E8 g
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
, y8 @! h$ I0 c4 {' I, p9 t; K% w" W1 m" D
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
/ S; o8 Y( c5 nSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you6 _8 X8 }' g# c0 ?+ b
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
% x1 K1 `4 C( fSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 0 `1 j2 }/ ]! m) O2 n
================================================
& @+ r) V; v5 |- |' E9 n  BHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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# H& i% m* |+ `# S$ f6 z+ h) Bsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 $ x6 _  \/ O. p- U/ o' ]
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! {0 P) j( N) ^+ l9 Q哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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