请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
; Z% }! Z/ L8 R) w1 k& JHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
1 `7 S+ E' K1 a9 ?8 Q0 \
5 v! d; {0 e% w# ^7 j' Y

# I, R5 s8 T8 ^- f" B; V6 G, ^8 R


' ?  T' S+ P+ q
7 C) [5 U' Z3 j) t: D0 RFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 G8 D  \9 ~5 O* C/ G) F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
2 H# `5 d) T1 s& }- ]7 U, z6 G              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; R. o6 p; P6 SHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ |: q8 _) g' H             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
" b3 ?" P" P- v' I$ d8 y4 TNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
8 F% y5 D! z# ^7 O0 d               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
; j! m  s2 X% }7 B/ ~0 f) n5 bIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

: `: a; u/ S2 S" U! k! B6 q6 T卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
. P; A: J  s* v( C
1 o. ]  C7 H  l) P

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# d& U' D) ^8 tSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
: B% K6 ~" ~7 Z% c2 ]5 kSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
) a' Z. s4 E) V/ H) u5 }/ y7 ISomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. F5 M( A. }" h6 ?4 v0 v. F6 s
6 P5 S  V3 H) ^3 M, ]/ S/ VSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 ^7 h2 c" Z) i3 z4 A' E: F( HSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
# y1 K8 ^# w9 t* l0 wSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

) x9 Q$ Y# G+ Z% M+ xSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  c& S, v: Y, a( U' f. VSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
( Z$ L# W& L+ F8 U$ [& C
) d: ?0 {: J' B& J" }2 zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
; Q9 e) w6 ]9 `1 W; esomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 v1 I% ~. w4 B+ c我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

+ H- o7 P. k  L+ F* M( B, L' h$ H哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？