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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem' H/ o. E8 o% K+ E$ P
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.# a) N+ N' b4 l7 P
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
* d& |- `/ ^& K  HThanks a lot!!!: J% O% b* x3 F' |. _

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, ^7 n2 @0 @) y$ @# t0 K" K( n, Z5 n( F: e9 P9 w! \! p; S

: @2 F: }( `7 N6 ]& Q0 w! J9 |  f0 K% w1 a- y, p  e
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: B) S$ v" C9 t& ]+ c; O8 _7 mFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you + _  Q% ?* h5 k( S5 U; R; l
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us & `& B: L1 J% o  X
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
! L. t) o/ f. d! ^2 [7 ?              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# j) @1 R1 G% g& ~9 U0 B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 i3 J7 [! b$ X9 c1 v              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 0 a) V4 T9 k. U% J' N* m
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: ]& ^0 S- ?2 T% [) ~: ~( x0 B( Q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 [& O1 D# N, f             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 {2 y, S' Q9 ?% p% k9 x/ Q             somehow I lost myself inside again
  }$ l$ _, N+ q0 k+ D3 y7 ~' INow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog / A. A$ U$ N0 _, b
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion7 ~# F2 Q" ^, _: T
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................: J$ E! O8 `1 ]8 v# [! Z2 U8 }
Basically, I almost finish this poem
9 Y- o, I5 C" J! M- q0 B/ n' c               I am 一个人de精彩
. o4 d. u  Y. j* Y: Y- a& y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.% d0 @( z3 x* X3 F/ D& J
But........         
) D6 I: _6 r$ Z# f5 L- Q& u. sIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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6 D# W6 ?8 w8 ]' y- }卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?- F1 b' K4 T; m+ j: Q* z. f
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ v4 |, U* b' T, ]2 T! {; I, G5 X2 wSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
: c1 o! `0 @3 \$ U" }Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world $ X4 Y& \* X+ Y
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   - B1 ~) O5 F# p% h" B; j
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 h. S# j& l6 [) q- E8 }Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
1 q, c9 g) T3 a3 ]  q
, L1 E- `0 ~. Q# N4 o% V% SSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* N3 x; U) A; Z, P& D8 x& xSomehow I realized you were still in my heart 9 B  t3 o- }- k& Y3 `' u
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* t/ [6 j  p$ i$ {Somehow I lost myself inside it again
: i( E; y9 B9 I- f6 [( s" Y: a
& |2 k! g3 a3 [Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
9 L3 u$ o8 `4 M8 Q/ F8 a; [1 RSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you* H6 x4 v; ~$ a# c2 X; C+ X8 R1 q' Z& n
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself+ [8 x+ L, B' _
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 O% w0 I1 a! s; I
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: P- o7 ], ?* C, r% M+ ZHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 4 c$ E$ Z6 R+ a9 U" p1 X; U/ j
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: ]0 h( u. B* d. U$ f% Q* e) f
=====================================================================- I, L+ m. Z5 f
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
# {- y. P' Y5 H% `0 B我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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