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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem4 }' V. L- }; a3 k% a  [
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.6 y, o  n3 p+ o1 j/ y) j
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 J9 ?( g1 g$ _% _. }Thanks a lot!!!
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0 k7 i" [/ l2 s5 R2 c! x0 Y5 E. j( J  P" i0 G$ X

5 e+ w: m6 d) {( [, i9 Y- B
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 9 f, y* Z8 }9 a1 Z8 \; j9 n& E
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us # S! W) `& p8 I: ?
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
9 A: W" i- O6 a3 X# Y9 X3 p0 Q              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
4 k6 \2 |# ]: b4 \              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ' p: X! S' D4 M) @. ~
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 6 E# ]/ }+ K- t$ `/ T$ |4 v
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! g. a0 m+ N: e             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
# a- [* q; }( j2 F! k& |0 D3 _, s             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) y' V: r" l& m/ J7 I5 a( @; ]             somehow I lost myself inside again
# U. Z6 S( L3 s  R5 H: f- w: GNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
1 k) B+ Y$ x$ u$ r' g             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion7 [8 f1 i) v6 n, M! I; i3 y
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
% O9 ~3 b5 i/ Y$ Q6 g  PBasically, I almost finish this poem1 \- i* ?1 A$ ^2 c' F; Z7 w' ]
               I am 一个人de精彩
6 Z% X* C9 c+ M. j) I. L3 ]               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.  |; k3 N# {! F/ L" i
But........         
: e& b  D; a4 f# EIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”- y5 X7 e! O( ?9 Y
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?7 Y* I% @2 v. ~3 v" n
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
. B; ]% e% B, D& @) f, D3 RSomehow I'd find something wrong with us ! m3 F5 c5 p6 B" w) [; {
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world / K9 \1 v; s! x: w2 N
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   5 h) R: v+ ^2 p7 @
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 4 H: B! }5 E. @
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
; ~: s% |) T5 V8 M" j. d0 J+ y0 e" r* L
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 T: U- b! G4 d6 h! KSomehow I realized you were still in my heart ! L  O, J, C0 O. y
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness( |, ^- A% \3 a% F* w. t, ?- f8 R
Somehow I lost myself inside it again , o$ M. z8 {# f% o( w* g
0 O* \: {9 [) T' Y: T) B
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' `8 O( \0 L; T0 sSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ U! U& B7 D9 |  oSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself8 N. B' a6 l9 Z$ i( h4 N  n
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 5 d+ {* T1 v- @

, u- ~/ t4 l) d) ?& gsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表   `% p2 {5 L; N# D. X
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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