请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
  e3 L; |5 Z: C# c; P/ ZBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
+ V3 U% ?/ e6 p) U  JHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
6 Q% h' P9 w; f6 Y4 d5 AThanks a lot!!!

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8 J6 P& R% M4 g0 C2 f, d$ {+ e6 uFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
2 D$ o! M# g/ u! w8 D: v              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; Q3 ^$ D" _9 Q9 l) n6 L              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
; e" I0 \% N* v! u' c4 X* g              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
* `. K$ K4 }% C- B              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: e3 x  ?! I6 f             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. Y2 ^  }: N, g9 i  O- k+ U; ]             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
. b! I# i! q6 m             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 B* ?/ g0 a/ O: B; J& zBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 e- i, T& h8 b5 J; F8 S2 f3 TSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
/ k( L: R" Z" w+ BSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
% [/ ^" @2 r; w; JSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" F7 Q! f. e8 X+ qSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
& l3 N; t, J# l) {2 V( p$ A9 NSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
0 G" G# `0 _7 `" x! v+ M
% x% k! @4 {5 U, k: o/ V1 KSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 j8 m- B5 m# k% Z/ s( }9 Q/ SSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 I9 T' g% ^; R8 r  ^/ v( V( qSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
, e, ^$ \: e5 E$ d) i
$ W6 k# S7 n6 O/ v, Msomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
/ d5 p7 s% B# A1 p( `$ Dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
* i/ |& }* O# G1 ^1 e8 Q7 F我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

% a/ s: v, T, A哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？