请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 w0 P1 H! j  [- h1 mThanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
. l( M6 D- R  A( I. J              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
) X% S' F! Q8 @; R+ G$ w              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* \2 }% U+ I; M              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 u! Q9 m* y3 [, B6 K1 U             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 i9 u" p7 G1 |2 E( I. C- K             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, P: i* y" ~0 ^             somehow I lost myself inside again
  p1 U9 }1 p. I* KNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, U0 J/ ?) ]! N+ T2 n6 yFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
& J8 p- [- U7 r) w& ~/ _7 k4 Y               I am 一个人de精彩
+ E3 i4 S7 ?: d               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
. [5 E) e, h/ I! B% ^, QBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
' ^' S( L' S6 z, a# U) \Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ S; U7 A& a, c) V" sSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 d# w  k- N3 V* G" t) D5 }Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, Q! L, Q, d3 zSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& J* V1 }: ~, m" s& `$ P, O
6 t$ c% U) M3 Y1 f# ?4 |Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 \) |4 K% g+ W3 |( D% WSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- z: `" [4 s4 G) y; M; d+ ^9 fSomehow I lost myself inside it again
; `; V: D4 o& k# n9 o
: u0 I6 V& I% ISomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
8 q2 w: A) x2 a6 i7 P1 Y/ Y8 o+ l5 XSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& G( P1 M3 G0 k3 E$ N& RSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
' l& ^9 n% q9 t; F! k1 ESomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 M6 K- L0 `. t+ C1 K- H6 b================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
2 L1 l* J2 g' F% K0 b3 a' z/ l* o; ^3 ksomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？