埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5407|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
4 C' g) ]7 ]9 U7 V( jBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.. w$ ~4 N( z8 {, T! j( x6 p3 R
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem/ L4 r) v. ~5 X% M2 C
Thanks a lot!!!
8 x. s$ l+ x8 c- G) j# [: W5 k, N; A+ O$ q

5 R  o4 I3 _) E; ~
2 C0 v% N( ]' Z+ K; J) A% }2 t* N* ~, ]; p& ?" a9 r
' P' c* x6 s9 ?: }
/ M/ V% ~2 q. Q; R

2 I) U9 W! @2 f/ DFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
0 M2 Q" n7 V+ f              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 3 e! N. q! l4 O
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world / P' Q, d6 G! r2 }
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
/ y" j) ]# ^: k              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ e7 {5 x. F+ k- ~, a% m              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
9 ^4 n$ D' Q0 v# g" A" mHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 O. d. }4 c/ P  Q& W
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 I* s) _! P8 `' g, U             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' t; \( l/ O% k. k0 [; ~             somehow I lost myself inside again
9 S, f' `0 h( \; x1 D& ?Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 3 T+ D$ M& u( s
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ [% M- t, Q4 d/ Y6 bFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& i8 H5 s6 Y7 Z  ?2 K. ^Basically, I almost finish this poem  [: X. x% ]7 D) v/ b, @' ^  }
               I am 一个人de精彩
* |' d  r" c+ A2 O% W               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.6 {4 J) n, \. Y8 j- y7 R
But........         
9 c' o. ~) W( H) x. t* a- FIronically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”! V/ d( B/ ^2 ^* T, U: a

8 C! m/ z+ W( b7 D: W卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?) U1 a9 ?$ c4 z  N; c9 J4 T0 i
( t3 n; g" i( J1 p
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
' t& X0 J# ~. @0 W2 o# {* nSomehow I'd find something wrong with us ( w! X  K7 l3 D. F$ s3 S+ g! Z
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
7 Y4 Q% c3 R  z  c. ESomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ; V! P% V5 l; Z: j# j9 q! {
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind - g: E5 o/ |- ^2 C5 \% E
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness # b1 {5 u) t1 A. h: O

) D, s5 N% G7 f# W$ @, bSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 I2 _+ r: H; r9 F
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
1 V6 ~. ^3 [) j( eSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: H6 g! _. o: c4 {- ISomehow I lost myself inside it again - K9 S! s; h) o6 c

: j9 ^  n5 b1 H" W% S  eSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion  D5 G8 D- z% H
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you( g1 z$ c6 w9 L1 z# T- J
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself7 a. `( f) p+ |) `0 h. c$ N
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 l; R" `% |) _% @. {
================================================  q: K( v; X1 |* d; p2 @
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 1 v) Z: L- m* w* ^4 N
! `$ m" d0 g+ N8 A$ ?0 U1 ?2 C
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, d. m  L, i& U2 E& ^6 Q- j% ?
=====================================================================( r) X! j! A5 Q! o
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
( M# {$ \8 n' N% `我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

4 x- V4 H: n% {6 p& ~- s2 f0 u( \哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-2-27 17:05 , Processed in 0.138878 second(s), 18 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表