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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
8 R1 U% `, q# w" _Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
8 r! d3 u! j7 S, Q2 P5 i/ yHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem: S, T5 Q; K. k: `
Thanks a lot!!!1 d$ A3 ?! v' D! J6 n( J1 e! Y

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; ?7 J* X3 d( ]) h- ^5 O  h1 T5 |, G, k

8 l" j  s+ G3 V5 w+ l2 e4 }7 Y6 [3 D7 `

% u" ]  d) t( S7 T" zFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
4 c: h4 J2 ?8 S) O# l8 Q  i              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
- z: J% Q) N# Y" f+ Q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 6 j+ m' ^5 u: E) f3 I
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* P- b: V9 V0 `: t$ B! I2 s, F              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind # n- S$ V. |+ }' m' x+ a" b
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
4 t8 E; W8 }) l( j( bHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( o4 ~7 I) K% O* a. s. P2 {/ w. W/ W
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ) z' g* i: ^  J& {& S
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, _+ Q1 A6 z  {' ~, |3 N" y             somehow I lost myself inside again
$ ]" l# I0 N2 b! ?7 d3 c4 _- fNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ) @$ V! o" U6 p+ q! W$ g
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion2 @% B0 z6 c5 {# T% r
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
- z& V# D/ I' p/ yBasically, I almost finish this poem
1 ]) t' z, e2 O) F  J/ p; h               I am 一个人de精彩
1 I! Y1 b1 m! q8 l; X1 O3 `6 L               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything., w$ g& V6 b4 l$ y4 S
But........         6 o1 h* E. q0 T; R# p3 M! t
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?  m$ r, k! l3 S; P4 w: m0 ?" l1 T
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ! a3 N: f; n) K4 N8 @7 T
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us . Y7 Y6 e3 F8 N% Z# b4 C$ H
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
% p. h; }0 K6 A% x! _! K" oSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" @1 p. D3 g  r% OSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
- e3 w. Z1 P1 p& l6 O  i' `Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ @4 f5 a1 O' @/ d( u
5 {1 m# O4 r6 B2 h" X, ySomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( B( [& ~' b% u+ ESomehow I realized you were still in my heart
% ^. ^: x  |- F* i& W  r; A& M. [Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. F- X: b; E6 J* P/ Q5 b4 GSomehow I lost myself inside it again
1 U' ~1 x( Y( [! C$ ^( C- U: k% [- y3 @' U9 b( ]5 x
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" W. j3 l& a1 F& rSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
/ n. a% |. M1 T* X1 v% E" `3 ^Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself+ }& A3 l5 T' G, o+ W! M4 U, s
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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" Q7 E; X7 u6 y: G# p8 [: pHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday   u4 O/ W9 e3 W

* g9 ^6 F- S7 O' wsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: e0 p5 i5 i9 R: ?
=====================================================================
1 \5 T0 Y" m/ M/ v/ lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 8 i, [+ r6 E, R& W8 b9 g+ D; Y. l/ E0 w0 M
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 T% K( W2 b- ^% b哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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