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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem- h9 U9 u* d/ o1 }
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
! q0 G4 G' D3 wHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
$ E4 A) Q8 U+ u' ^9 X/ d, [5 kThanks a lot!!!
* E  ^0 Y% W6 u" G5 O5 h* W9 O0 U! z  g$ y% h
. |& Y! j* j3 k' d9 c' K, J) M. Z

2 S0 p/ H( S: W$ F- c1 O0 H0 W5 \7 j, ~( ?

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 7 {/ `9 [* T$ J
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 5 w7 h# I& r% E/ J7 y4 F
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world & {: C) h8 ~' j* z
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me $ B* V" `3 Y3 H$ [; s2 v
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 l1 c4 u' C* H* X) ]* ^              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ) `0 Y3 {( i6 F4 {$ Q6 O, L
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 x/ A2 q, f4 C. {( M) K             somehow I realized you were still in my heart / [! _' z* d: `9 Z) w$ U
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- @* W% m. l' Z! C* r0 h             somehow I lost myself inside again
4 I; z1 [) W& [1 e/ f% w4 C* }Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 l+ X" r, Q6 I9 N! M4 {% l- Z, J             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, R' s5 `/ c; T- QFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
2 G0 S& `6 f, N) B1 y4 ~! WBasically, I almost finish this poem
$ c) ~! R9 b- A, \$ S               I am 一个人de精彩
3 t- b( ~3 O' y& A( c' j               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything." M9 _7 Y# P7 N1 d
But........         
0 I3 c. n% [. x) B) ZIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”0 A" v  I% M& d5 a5 m
4 \3 z2 t8 Y2 O7 j5 w0 }
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?) I* @- B2 W9 `* r* W& V
7 L) _' t- }0 A- }
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
. K: x9 B, T/ f) j( m  xSomehow I'd find something wrong with us 9 _& v2 N- k4 d. l4 Y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ \1 O) b9 |. ~0 v4 NSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
+ |# S" w1 X! a$ w6 W+ J0 ~Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ( ~6 f' D  V2 l$ V2 N
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 3 L1 P/ S5 `" y9 a( y# B+ v7 ~6 l
  J: u: u- o# ]( L4 x8 W8 K/ ^% v
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 A# q( ]/ \/ w' r& @2 f2 FSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ H8 H  ^% a" @2 w9 n( A. l1 j5 NSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 G7 ]; D* d5 l' n
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
. z" f( j7 V1 e- Y$ |  W4 ?- t* F" S
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: }. m% e- Z) H: H5 QSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
/ L$ m  U# a/ q4 M* [3 u- I: \2 WSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself) L# `0 [, ?' h4 [6 L! E7 c
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ! e# o* c1 I( F% {. \

( K8 Z- X( ?8 J+ q' `somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! Z1 p4 L8 q  w  j
=====================================================================
; x- B  N' G3 b  `  h, csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
) ~1 X2 [" F" c. |% o我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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