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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem/ h; N$ h, s: N% H% J
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
- B/ v9 D- ~' x0 ^( ?However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( D; G  v, C9 ?0 _; d. y0 k# \+ K' `Thanks a lot!!!  v, K8 s. b  s6 I: i  \

% h0 E$ l% r( R8 f, r9 H- ]2 \. x/ C  k2 C! Z5 `( |5 ^' z' N
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( F+ T( E0 F" w& q3 Q; pFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 3 ?) y1 ^4 t# k
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
+ k; U4 H7 ]4 G6 G: U5 [              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 4 K3 ^9 w) Q# M2 _
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
1 i- Z( ]5 p) Y4 F5 Q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 w2 T& N& L# V              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness & h7 {5 e" _, X/ e3 Y9 _5 a- n
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 S3 D. D0 J2 b             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  r! d+ Y& s9 g3 H0 A% n! e             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 B0 X! X& `. p! H             somehow I lost myself inside again ! I  \+ y4 V7 h: P3 v
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog - E2 e( ^) w! b6 ~. @, V
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion* R7 ]' W2 A! I( X
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
, K( Z* I9 G" `! eBasically, I almost finish this poem
& H& W' @9 l4 l% Q& B  q               I am 一个人de精彩
$ K; P4 [6 ~7 L9 g               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.; r" i( ?5 {  t' g
But........         & M( H* @6 \( y" c  C
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”+ Q- J3 i. Q; U3 [0 {

9 g; U+ h8 \0 I/ i  V卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you % o' ]. ]7 T( Q! [& B# Q4 {: H
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  ~6 J1 {* j1 B2 l: d# l/ u/ \* ^# U$ TSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
% }& |. C3 n- i! aSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
. |- m0 ?) l" K5 S) ?% F" ?5 ^Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
! ^  Y: u; h! F  m" n* uSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness , p4 c9 X- E% w+ z

2 p1 j0 \. A3 |0 VSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) c) G1 \$ a/ Z# ]Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, E/ m& }% X$ h( m* N% Q0 y/ |, e' DSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness" I( N8 V1 m) g
Somehow I lost myself inside it again ' ?1 R5 a, B& U. N6 ?* ]

8 J  l# r7 B7 y, v8 uSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 C2 B. d" B# ^# D& }4 G4 {Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& C* A! T3 o/ b' b; w/ p0 M$ ISomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, \: ^9 h4 z4 y; b3 cSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) u( N' M+ E, w8 e================================================
/ d1 K. h/ L. e/ [However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 1 ^6 y8 X1 i! Q! |- d) H! X2 l# L) E
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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