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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem# l" l8 L1 e2 O. ?- D. _
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.* c4 }9 n* o0 Z/ S" A6 K
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
/ k5 a* ^( T! I3 ~( l1 FThanks a lot!!!
4 ^. H' T7 S) {( S: b, X* {+ \, m$ F6 p5 m

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: F7 L+ V* Q9 Y' B' N; `! |9 s6 U0 H7 D- f  i
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ) A* r+ A; w9 C& X* ^
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ' _8 |% ]5 c9 J& r1 Q4 D2 d
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
/ R: `/ }! _- s, J  R1 B/ F! l" B              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me + d* C% Q/ g% Y) G) t$ D
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind % C$ S2 f! B* f
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness & O6 R, i4 D: x! n: B* S
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! U3 {7 g) N! w. y             somehow I realized you were still in my heart $ X' A, h! {1 K3 S" p! c
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; ?$ ~! a' ~# Q; `1 M# c             somehow I lost myself inside again
3 d! M3 K2 e0 _" l  @% xNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog * o3 M) J7 q6 L3 P
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 V- u/ E" F: \  UFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; U) d$ N/ C1 eBasically, I almost finish this poem
0 Q2 |, b/ r8 U& I+ l" T9 ?, x               I am 一个人de精彩
( S0 ]$ S+ b1 M& U/ E* |               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
+ Z- e0 I* p" c9 d6 Y+ b+ T1 J  }But........         
- \7 v4 Y. _( Y( c0 F: Z& M) p4 `) i5 sIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”6 {% x: i) T6 X  M
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?# g5 V' }( Q5 |/ t% V; p
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大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# R0 x+ s7 O0 A- c* G; nSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
/ z- h, X7 U; V2 |Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 0 x' H# n; s, {2 ^- s
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
( V8 A! m1 ~( `. ASomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind   X& ^; s9 K6 G6 @
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 5 t& t1 x$ N- Q8 E
- o/ A0 l5 h" R$ Y
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 R; ^) S0 m6 A2 n* _Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ! w3 j& W3 s0 Q/ |6 z( W" P4 @6 v
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" h( p7 U8 y: ZSomehow I lost myself inside it again + i0 g4 t5 R9 v# f+ N, [
0 k$ o" f1 Z; Y* @# E6 ^5 }8 Y
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* t+ K0 a5 {, t* k% x) x/ V$ FSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
( |, J/ i2 N) {" x- E4 t" r6 `Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself7 G# b, }/ ^2 D8 l! K
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 ?+ }. z+ I+ P
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) e8 Z( ?* ]+ d8 o, ~' R8 q+ O  LHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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# n2 @- x' c/ L2 vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 T0 d2 Q  o# a# S
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 " l) _$ V: ]4 B  Q( _0 v* `9 P
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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