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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem9 x- v% J: C; L" S( v
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.# A# D5 C0 B  B7 I! n# J  b$ p
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem" k# b8 w  E1 p- D/ k, A( y
Thanks a lot!!!" M6 t6 H  X/ c# O6 G
$ R' ?8 z- f$ S/ C* {1 V3 B2 K1 L

6 K- j( p" q1 Z. v5 s3 t0 t) d' `. F4 b; S5 ]0 F

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 5 l$ N1 w; c# W. w# g, M8 w6 d- F. _
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 7 t) g7 x# N$ ?; r8 O
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
/ C5 T4 G& k; R/ y; {              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 8 p0 g2 g; n0 \% s
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind + `; j/ E7 J0 ]8 e5 C) ^( S- ~
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
  j" q( X  b3 v$ FHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# |" V/ p) y; ^% A! Y6 N             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 V( C0 O" I. ~5 D5 q$ ^8 P, z4 e             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness( }( V" |0 m) N! q  b
             somehow I lost myself inside again
, S, d, b  P6 V" P) B' ^' hNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 8 A3 `9 G! A. q6 b
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& H# E1 s* V/ m3 D% C, HFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
0 F$ j* M- y& c3 i( c5 _Basically, I almost finish this poem% U7 o) o$ L# A( S8 o
               I am 一个人de精彩
8 R% N8 I9 C# R, t3 U               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything." p: e( C( j9 [9 y/ _" G
But........         
- O3 O3 \" M% U4 H: a) r& w* l/ `Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”5 t' z9 [, C& D. z9 N8 B: r9 a

+ v6 A+ r; A) j- z# F3 g卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?7 g! }+ c5 ^: m% @) }* Z2 a" M

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ' w; b3 K' Y4 K- I5 a& c) I
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 1 p. L: _) ?$ I4 X3 }, Y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
- I0 A4 [0 ?1 B# S, Z+ RSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   3 a6 J, a" c% a7 A" `; {
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" y: v7 q$ L2 W/ eSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. E; n0 T) U; T8 J
0 x3 w0 T: [1 o& g; Z; p# JSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* @7 C- X+ }: ^+ s, m+ _Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 2 U0 F0 X! Q0 X  T
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% }5 {& K. g3 dSomehow I lost myself inside it again # a% W( b2 u: m, d2 R& a
( `( A+ y7 U, d) B
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 k* v# T9 N1 p% l+ \0 t+ r6 o0 {Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you, x" T% @. e& Q& x6 r- n
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself! U) W: j" P8 F2 R1 B
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 W6 ^' O1 s4 r! z; H& s================================================
% Z/ P; {5 p; v. ?9 `$ Z& k9 {However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday . |3 y4 E3 }6 i% P/ v# M
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 G6 {, z; B' S9 z- G: M=====================================================================# @1 d7 x5 l# I0 [# h7 C5 y. t
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 " H( e+ o, ^2 Y; u. e& P  m1 R
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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