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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
& D! S3 E, }; Y  l4 H. MBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.% \& F* y7 {5 v6 j, U1 v
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem1 ]' y1 Y' \8 \. L8 a+ q; O
Thanks a lot!!!. N( o0 z$ @. o2 a( T

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$ e8 s0 K8 D( e4 b5 R$ h: A8 U. U( i1 x* N

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
& h7 D" a! t" n% R              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
% }2 x; q! ~( b              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
& p. S. n8 w( a/ i! n              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ( X+ a! {: m0 ?% c) H$ C
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ' A; n. }5 ?# Y2 X  p  l
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ' M' k: M, b. x0 |' ]8 f
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday $ i1 z- V# |$ E; Y: G
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' _8 C' Z) H" u; w/ z0 Z% B             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& p1 C0 A4 C" c7 ?+ t/ f             somehow I lost myself inside again 9 o5 Q2 u. ]1 q1 |
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog . y, U0 p8 G, A5 i5 f2 r
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion6 e6 \! g+ h" Q& g. L6 g) S( X8 ]
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
) V' p6 D9 E3 a# V5 d+ VBasically, I almost finish this poem7 V4 G8 U; N: T; r
               I am 一个人de精彩  E. E6 ?& {( a. c; O/ m$ j) R- y
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.! Y. d5 ~7 \& G/ B% m$ S
But........           ?2 J% Z+ w8 v4 T' n6 N' @
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”$ v2 Y" [+ k8 s* n4 ^& \
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 7 s: s3 E8 M5 x2 c4 @# _1 P2 N9 w
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 1 @' V+ p# A1 c
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 1 H7 \+ U. j5 j0 b
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ( @2 j4 C2 ]8 e5 U+ i/ g
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 8 U. E2 a2 n" A/ X
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. b' ?1 [5 R6 B# \/ p9 f, u' m) D5 Z. J; L5 C/ r% J, d, |
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 A6 s( I* Y/ ?/ _: Y2 E; x3 h2 a/ U
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 s, E) Y. y/ {4 CSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 P. ~1 i& W% K/ y' I% _Somehow I lost myself inside it again ! l2 L& @3 ~2 _% D' K# I' \" r
7 Y! z3 k* M! Z2 h7 U; S
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, f$ r/ @0 c  k  w& z/ T2 S) {Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you0 n1 @0 E4 E2 d+ H% L  ~
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
2 j4 \+ a4 i4 ^- @  p$ jSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday , y' m: G1 Q. N! N$ B& d( i* Q6 k! }
================================================- _4 ~8 n3 o2 A6 Q
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 7 B0 e7 X7 T: O  J/ t8 `

& F4 W5 e! L9 |, s  Q3 U0 q1 G9 n. ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness$ I$ n5 t/ j0 u% }
=====================================================================3 Y4 G! E2 p6 l5 y2 W
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
" A$ \6 V( [" k# r+ l我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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