请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
4 k2 \/ p! D5 E# dHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
- `. W/ B( Q  O

! Y1 v3 S! l% C- d  z4 T



  O  D# ~6 y; R# l+ C
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
. d9 r* x  U$ U0 p  F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ ]  s4 M: H6 \7 {- }6 c              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 w5 ?3 ^% z& H              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
- j; U* W) v- Y- T& x/ dHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
! N0 B5 }4 A- N; G7 T! C3 k6 `Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 G* M6 ]6 }6 ~6 JFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
7 m5 E. i8 W' U, |               I am 一个人de精彩
8 A, B( X0 M! I$ o* j               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
! J; M( h% r1 G& hSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
$ @, u0 p, w8 q) ]* u" QSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
2 v1 y- s9 {6 z  dSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
7 ~! n# b4 S2 H* k2 e0 A* _
! Q  V, R) \; V/ s& l1 h8 `Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- t, X8 t3 I2 I; F0 J================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？