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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
, I9 m# ^9 g. zBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.3 C) E" b$ l7 s, V  T  X* z; N
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
$ U5 O3 ]2 O4 q% IThanks a lot!!!4 n" `$ C$ Q' T
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  |, w2 V& A. J  w; m+ X

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8 i7 _& r# [+ o# N1 GFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
8 E7 P- ?0 |; X  `, D              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 a: T2 j* I  Z( `' S: Y  r# k              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world " j' `) i1 i) N' F* J$ k
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me / M0 q8 W1 K4 R  k# `) R  E& b
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ; Q- [7 Z+ f: T: D( J% J
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 9 ^- x1 M& t3 ~" v0 D' r9 ^8 k
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday , v) l% J, }, o6 @, H
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
6 f" ^4 N4 z0 q             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 P0 `) @$ T- r             somehow I lost myself inside again / |% @; ?# |( f1 ]1 \7 M, A
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
9 S% a! t$ O0 G* _) K             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion& d9 k0 w3 ^( Z, g2 Z. c5 u
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................' G- S5 l/ ^# I9 t( V  X7 p
Basically, I almost finish this poem- f5 K, h! _$ Q8 d
               I am 一个人de精彩- u* v' P8 D+ `+ S) c5 e% N2 d
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.& @) u7 T, G4 J) U
But........         
( ~. |& ~0 g2 m  YIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 7 k% G( q2 ]3 _) b1 w
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 8 U+ A0 a) Z, P1 x3 ?, ?& t( H
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 5 [) v( }5 O8 ~- ]% O" X6 ^+ x
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
, c- x3 B1 V1 j" x; KSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 4 L9 b% P2 Q' @' e
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness & ^$ y* B; D' E9 d& L$ Z
% s0 U; g! G: L; M! [2 N
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& R# o4 g% v  j$ _- d0 W& P3 P7 ~& QSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
# m6 N% D. C4 d  Y1 eSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! I; U0 z- I% o$ E2 }; x1 b) z; o
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 2 U  l& i1 w; k% b, R) }# O
0 U) i  M. Q: M, N* K- e1 z. y
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. S& i, M. {! w( I0 f
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you& i) D- M4 e% J/ G, i/ n' O) K
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
- `/ C/ W  |* R% wSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday & e) a7 F# Q7 D5 s
================================================
" [5 ]& v+ _' n+ m; {However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday & }/ K  l' q+ V
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
: b, U4 |) M8 |1 s0 r  ^# E+ U6 F我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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