请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
* r4 T) N' o/ LBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
% L. y! _4 _/ s5 P- `5 n8 gThanks a lot!!!
3 M" U) w: S  H# f# G3 `
- ~: U0 C1 [6 T$ p$ l, L
' {8 Q$ Z4 v; }# f  x3 u

% P* y* Q: a9 d8 V& ?

/ e. e$ f5 `6 V7 d- B
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 b  m- ]8 e& @; f6 g) S              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
+ ~0 S8 P8 J- t$ l' ^/ t8 b              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, N! U3 I! |( V& w) i0 K% {# ~              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
+ M: G' a1 k* j7 _However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% N' Y3 c' Z: M5 Q: G             somehow I lost myself inside again
% K1 T* Z. `: L. I! ~& \- x& e/ eNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 T+ G1 L% ]0 T- nFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& F+ @! A* U9 Q1 |2 M# L" b/ sBasically, I almost finish this poem
( u, \8 C3 ^) W% }' a               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
1 f1 Z+ y1 X( @( z. y& U1 q
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
+ B  o+ ]# f  w. L+ R

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
  T6 c+ X: z' o5 T5 rSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
0 a6 R) v, M! j0 ?. s/ f+ Y* NSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
) B, a* M" f0 P0 v' LSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
- G6 A) x7 t' [6 A  YSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
! F, ?6 D2 w$ ]6 qSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

9 E1 P+ c5 T; X& Y. d( `+ H' g' @Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! A" j- \& A) O7 u' T, L" tSomehow I lost myself inside it again
0 V2 R! j% \5 j! m  v$ y
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* ?* @4 Y& p2 B" I, g# Z/ R================================================
5 g$ f& ]; T7 r4 S! \  J( ?/ zHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. g$ _+ s. w2 S8 _# L3 n4 ~: g=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
! E6 U' w; T1 \我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

5 Z7 K% `" B5 }9 R哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？