请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
# Y  e8 f* `0 P9 o+ q; k' b3 b: aThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
$ Z# |0 w4 x6 ~# U6 `              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
) q1 D$ U/ a) p. C" ?! J$ X              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
9 d/ }+ `1 M, J6 V7 }" ]5 aHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. y. b+ g/ V6 L* V8 _             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 w9 e0 j) I) L8 o8 V             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 n* H; C4 k9 [; n( F/ c; |, G             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
, c* @/ w( r8 q0 S7 f, B               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
3 ~% f0 v! |7 I1 j0 iBut........         
8 C& l+ q2 W& C! NIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( a/ u( j! }$ w% Z5 c% v) MSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
. R3 s" e) H+ a; I% S) ^Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 M2 Z1 q; `" A9 U+ p( gSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
) J' Y' n- N, w* Y* V
1 Z6 B0 g. {: O, }- w' a8 E$ {Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 d0 i% M& w2 x7 D* ^Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: W/ }5 Q7 z/ M4 [: x  w2 ~Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 G& n- i1 ^' L* X# wSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
$ d8 J2 l+ \# n% A( p) ?7 xSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 U4 G3 x& ~" k' ~) o================================================
( |, s0 A7 H; @7 aHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
: r. @' k3 i; F# V6 x' z7 x" esomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

* J, H& Y4 q' M哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？