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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem( t2 u, W* U- I/ v5 a% m
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.7 w+ J5 D  v" V2 b0 N, m& x0 E
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
- f! t8 t: q$ _* Z: M2 E/ a9 TThanks a lot!!!5 z6 U" s0 `" m6 h) B% D; H

+ I' b! F# n$ @$ {& q5 }# a, e& U% w/ t8 z3 E* M
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" z/ w; E+ `  dFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
4 N9 u9 {% ]+ X$ ~              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us . H# b7 U4 M1 a& ^6 ?1 I5 p
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world - U' y+ m6 Q! ?% S4 d1 B& J
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
3 |1 L$ w& v& b2 U              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 9 S; e3 y: S# R* n  u
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 7 P" J/ i) _: M4 W3 A5 ~% v# K
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 v2 @3 }/ G& {8 n1 C
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. V1 i* R5 B) J+ ^: G+ k- k7 o* a             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 |' s$ o" `8 S4 ~
             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ I) T9 F, D+ e2 K4 Q9 @' I1 G3 ?Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 3 X+ }9 ]9 g9 S0 W0 P$ s: i
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion3 J' d' D1 b" ~$ c& r* g, }
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
4 B7 S4 c: u& W$ hBasically, I almost finish this poem
9 Y% g( [' I  b2 G3 C               I am 一个人de精彩: F0 \& T) A8 Z% z  ~
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 `5 X1 y$ ^2 l  ^- l9 @But........         / `  O; v* ?; T0 s, |% `. e; K5 c
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( `2 s* ^; N) A* p* S6 d) kSomehow I'd find something wrong with us # O5 [: A0 y1 Y1 e: g1 ?1 D: a
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ! q0 t( o. Z& M& c7 R0 V
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 N/ z* j# ^7 g5 M6 e% HSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind : f2 [4 D/ ^3 q7 P) `' ]
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness % b8 b9 L' b. A' {' r: h6 g+ K# `* b
! d# L" q0 ~/ f4 [- R
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ) g) L. q4 T$ G* |' \
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
- I5 b8 n1 r5 K, A4 nSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ Q4 J: a) f0 gSomehow I lost myself inside it again
3 j! a' Q! g! a, j" }( @! w/ T" \3 L; @" Q$ n' F
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion# m, \, n% p/ u, Q
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you7 g7 Q1 e7 `# \) h6 ]
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
; ^5 ?/ F1 V' g, f/ Z" ySomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ' b9 T' c7 D7 m! \' H

. X7 Z( ]3 o+ l) a: _, ksomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 Z9 ^) U* B) v4 U# }. m4 [% w6 t. e
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 7 H! v' V. ~' s' x! r
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

, `* i$ c. x& ?5 z哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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