请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
, c3 q0 f: o4 s0 `Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
( W$ E9 P8 z! W6 \9 O1 j              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; g  V- ]% R7 V* s! x              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
" o# X! {+ @0 m! ~: \" ~              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
1 Y! m4 @4 e; \( [5 i+ |However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 b7 n7 N5 g, n& S             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
# F1 }% \' P5 X0 D; _) `  b! ONow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
% F2 y; }- c6 I/ S; T             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 K5 N+ o! z0 a2 Z( ~- |Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
2 H1 r( z5 @/ ~7 Y1 p               I am 一个人de精彩
" Y  n6 C8 ?+ Z               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
, U% q( [0 {6 S7 |4 c0 s9 E1 cIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
; F  r% z4 o; Q. F7 j- vSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
- O# S/ k" c! oSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
7 n! X% h9 N( w' b& u- J6 ?Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
( \6 }  F* e  T' g( z
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; `% j  g: Y0 Q+ zSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
3 t8 b! {! {' T6 `; [7 c
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
. d0 ^/ p  O9 ~8 Y; N1 {  Z7 }Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
4 h# c' p7 @/ j/ hSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
2 A5 S4 a/ C* G- D! t/ O# oSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 w( t1 n" ?5 [) w" M* V5 c=====================================================================
  I1 Z  Z8 Z0 O5 Q3 H7 usomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？