请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
5 M( E8 t3 J3 f2 EHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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' T5 G, }; _) V, B) B/ BFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
3 A- C' Y  ?* o) _5 S; e6 q( E              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
1 w. S, S% Z7 F  k8 U3 p" L              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ L5 g+ r& y% Y0 z  z+ ~' A              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 |  r( b5 [0 a; E             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ `! E& F3 [7 I6 A) s2 YNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" L8 a+ S$ N4 x( v" F: j) T9 i' xFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
4 _+ A4 I/ i* l/ H& k0 YBasically, I almost finish this poem
+ a2 t, H4 X7 ~: v               I am 一个人de精彩
* `3 P4 f* Q! G2 u# k               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
. c+ a( m+ P+ rBut........         
2 o  P5 [7 e3 x; o: H# fIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
  H6 S& X2 |$ J  e8 C* ?

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. t. w: x0 G0 Z, _% d0 \9 ASomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 {5 l1 L! U+ zSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. z# Q# i8 U! f4 \. x
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; B; t  r6 r9 d( n( N; b' J2 U: YSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
9 l* [4 H8 R* ~* x- s7 X  t
( f% t" e3 f' u0 B) w- ySomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; T/ C- G- y  |/ _2 B# Y) ~Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
. o: t/ W4 w3 U2 f: Y4 k# ^Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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4 O$ }. k3 o, R. ~3 s0 YHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

8 i3 ^0 O; j  u" ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 l0 ], H2 V8 K) u8 w, y=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 L+ J% L  B0 P. Z2 x我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

5 U7 |5 z7 Y3 g哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？