请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
- D8 {1 x% m- m% X

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3 j7 M0 c/ Y: X% F# l2 k9 J3 O4 W
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7 G. K9 c0 g3 w5 c

2 i  |4 m# r5 E# p: e9 Q- gFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
3 Z- Z; B2 M& V' Z. \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
: ~* K5 w" w. L              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
5 A. }1 O! s, X$ L  y              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! |  N$ _+ u/ W6 T3 P. h. K+ [             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 F* k; ~  k: H. t9 ]0 u             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
) H7 d) V' |- S9 v. X% b( }             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
) x. O  R8 X" n. `3 A               I am 一个人de精彩
1 e# V5 ]7 E, i* {5 I3 i* P               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 f; C6 E+ g& E) r; n& g( X# JBut........         
! ^+ E9 V& T5 J4 j, N8 TIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
+ }8 _$ v5 N* {& `. Y% `
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

! e8 i- q, O: \( F) T% F1 X

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
% M( T% h+ W) E9 Z3 MSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
4 G0 C. f2 ^# v+ Q. a+ S9 R8 nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( V, X+ X& W7 d' w/ hSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
2 i1 U7 `" k$ N9 g/ L2 h/ f
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 Y- E; C+ [% g5 {2 N================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
7 T+ `: c4 h0 x" \7 Q; Jsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
) o, M% \* [; S# `- R" b我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

5 g; O5 j0 Q0 n! Y  X; w* {哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？