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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem* @! K& G$ Z# R
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.; M1 V5 z7 D/ A) i4 E& k; @. U
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 @. N! v: H2 F% E0 `1 H- N$ jThanks a lot!!!6 C- D& U+ l; |1 {& a
, }3 o* q7 ?& }7 W$ o# f1 u) k# b
2 s. S8 _( A: \
2 d8 L% X1 N) |6 f* p& {, [
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* ?3 R, h# L+ j" a

! Z. v: a2 G9 b1 d! [* i8 W  K5 h- K; @$ v: D, w
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 8 e% S% R4 V1 v& |  K
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
, M/ K- S5 S+ L5 S. a' k              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
0 f  P* @, J  M              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% s  q0 v% D" C              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
' [# h" @+ R- d; N! ]. a/ E              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness . v( {+ w. x0 _! M
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday - j2 w$ V0 f0 `7 E
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 5 |, m( L5 R. ^- n* \  Y
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( ?( }+ p& I- B             somehow I lost myself inside again
8 y( a  N1 T/ y$ nNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
' |8 ^1 ?  D. o' z/ F) Q* c             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion3 L- N* ^* y8 B6 b" j
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................; w3 k# d+ R: H: C' t; d0 _4 y
Basically, I almost finish this poem
/ i: i) B( D$ a; x( W$ H               I am 一个人de精彩
6 ]( b5 w/ ^! ^. N               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.4 Z3 `1 C, |4 |4 \9 M, ^% |0 c
But........         % e/ @0 W. s8 S* `( u
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”6 y3 p0 a% g' p6 G
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?2 p$ k! ?# |5 P

5 K0 ]3 V6 N" j% i  G
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* }* m& U* ^: W1 g2 h( ~. a+ wSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
1 ^2 I( P3 b% _3 p$ ZSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
: }) T% j, Y5 Q( F& ISomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   * J( |1 q! g/ l, [- u2 V. m. C" s  q/ s
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
- J. b1 s/ W) a. l9 P) bSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness ' N, n/ h1 p6 _1 G) G4 h

& D& H/ y) O0 U9 e4 ~Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 7 C& Q( r3 @5 n% F/ X3 ^! h: E2 g1 I
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 J4 a- ?1 n( h5 }. F- a0 xSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 C! V2 l. @0 o# M% j
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
. w. C4 }, U0 S5 b  g
5 s2 w) w/ w1 d( w* A* @Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion/ J( ]) u# E" S/ \- [9 t
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you" _" ~+ a! p. u! i" Z5 I$ y
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself# _& M9 M; q0 @
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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, B5 j- a2 h6 fsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 f2 k  K3 j9 }=====================================================================! g. h2 U  z( N; i
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
! m7 b% w, {& h! K我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 _! ~; b0 ~. F哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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