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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
. K" l' u4 s% N. K) t% x. dBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
: v% y* h5 X$ v2 mHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem! m$ ^0 c1 s( S9 a4 ?
Thanks a lot!!!
8 \' K/ v/ Z1 D$ T; ]- b! J5 @* W: H

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* ^6 `' C' _' q. j; p; S
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/ d  e# ~3 d0 R) n+ }Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
3 ?/ O4 x: Y% {) q0 U1 b; ?! h              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
& r# J9 a, \6 {9 N; E0 n              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
7 Y) m+ K% e  ]9 y$ J              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  z( W) b' k) i$ U/ r- R0 j4 o' x              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ' f7 h$ e7 F- F& m* ?
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) B& N8 p8 g8 M, g' {; R9 N) NHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 V- p3 U, z" f' \1 {+ L             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ \0 j, M9 z! E8 v& ~4 {  ~             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 g9 B, J( f/ R0 e! `
             somehow I lost myself inside again
' t0 Q# j* G  E! a) Z' N% BNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
, ~2 i! `- a. K+ W             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: b% A3 ?3 V0 G  B# U1 [Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& p* S( L0 ?* i; P* v5 aBasically, I almost finish this poem! {; k% u+ _$ V3 l
               I am 一个人de精彩
. T6 I( j0 P: {4 J# N               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
4 t# q* O/ ]% {5 H' F* UBut........           |7 x; Y( q# Z2 H! r+ L. l
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?+ X$ u1 s: k; w- a# r" Z/ |( g
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" T6 l: }; }8 hSomehow I'd find something wrong with us % U& |( V! t  B! q6 w% t
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# N1 L* q8 a: o. ?Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   : B6 A5 {% J& ?+ `9 T- `! D
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 I, U: m% N$ Y) b# tSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
) S# X% ^( |5 n# q# B( p' l2 n) U  p: o0 K$ ?# A$ j8 ~
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 B2 w6 d' K2 I: h1 z4 jSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
% n8 |4 a2 f. `" [( Y/ W3 \! USomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness/ E+ c' l) f' k# Y% f
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 1 V$ V, D, {4 @) B

. C: b; T2 R9 E  q. vSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! S+ a/ l7 U9 W3 T' ?  j' |Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you: H& N) I; X+ v
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself# i# T2 _3 T4 }0 G0 I/ @- {
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( `: [9 n. H, I4 y" X# U
================================================
5 t& U3 H! {% x8 ]However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday * Y: C2 O* R9 H3 H# ]) M

$ |) I( T9 V; F8 p( s% n0 Asomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& D, D3 |7 g4 O0 b7 z5 i=====================================================================
- O( Q$ p' N3 Qsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 , c7 p& w7 g2 L3 y0 i9 Z9 d" l
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

# J" k8 ?! i; g: O# ]5 A哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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