请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
. g0 l+ r- ~& U$ f2 i" n% e! KHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) v- S9 p! c6 i8 m  I& Z0 Q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# @$ Z( C- j9 s. q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 L* n) @5 U4 C/ w: D- ?3 `              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
# Z! k2 H- ~1 a- O2 DHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
, r0 ~0 |  ?& h- K' z& }* j             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
6 X; M, w& W& I1 I9 S( ABasically, I almost finish this poem
, \: L' f4 w! g0 ?               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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/ l" |& `4 K4 c2 p/ s* r卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
: }1 k7 G1 r$ K1 xSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
8 _/ b/ P% d( bSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
( g7 }! h+ j! tSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, g, w. h2 w1 q2 Q/ k9 LSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
6 V7 M7 {7 A' Y6 W2 Z$ cSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
+ q4 c; ~: ^0 O6 WSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
- X  [8 w& J: Z; M' M& Y0 \However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

4 l( n! g+ y" c! C2 O6 G3 ksomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
! W7 v( q" m0 a5 ]0 U) {' vsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( n# D' W+ Z. H# f哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？