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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
! H* S% g3 Z+ G& hBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.; ~4 S3 U8 E! G+ q. T
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
6 ~7 b% i$ Y8 F' XThanks a lot!!!; M  W8 ]& k6 j* t4 H2 l$ s
3 S) [- t. J3 G! g& v  i, u

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 9 d6 r  C# i& M. e) q
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
) H; Y/ s9 k. Q# }% g              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" g. a2 K/ G& q# d; L4 T              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 4 R$ P+ \* H4 L$ a
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, N; a7 ]1 q; G              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
. _3 J) R7 j* h7 M' kHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: Y/ c& M/ K/ @, O5 s             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" q( k; r6 u' Y& M: i' T             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  h0 [7 M# q) `4 e6 V# V             somehow I lost myself inside again
! q2 ?& n3 {- m- E4 ]Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
2 m2 q( L6 t1 r& @             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion1 u# }7 x) S1 f2 z7 [" ^( C4 }
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
7 |$ k* z, O  Y; SBasically, I almost finish this poem+ R$ K! J) l6 t" T; Y9 }4 M9 f
               I am 一个人de精彩; J# H# t# c8 K3 y3 H1 \
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.% C) |9 k5 n* G
But........         
0 \' ^6 [- e. m3 n- aIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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  l/ W) a2 w& y- ^卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
8 j/ U  \  S, I9 I4 y' \3 _Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 8 b2 f) T6 m7 k( u" v
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
: ^- Q$ o) I8 p+ KSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; |4 u/ m9 p7 u) @! l3 USomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
/ U) S9 E' L4 x6 r% {6 c: vSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
, W6 A/ N% W; c7 y$ K
5 g$ C% N" q8 ]/ O, {, }0 \Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday - `* g5 U0 q% i- a
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart $ J6 D; Q$ M% u
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness' w  K, U& I& H* \; [, C
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
, i$ g9 O, r  n! E6 a' p- @0 G$ n+ d% f9 T0 W
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- k* W' o$ l& A  K3 I' ?Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you2 T1 E8 C9 Y& B& `: S( R3 r
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself' b$ Z! A3 g3 D( I+ l9 ~% |
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday / E5 l4 g! I1 n. h' B& E
================================================
; V1 y+ c# u0 i  i9 g! }However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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0 R/ Z5 _- ~3 _& |somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness- Z/ \7 I/ j! y9 u8 g  l6 P$ `# }& r
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 . }9 u  d' j7 S  Y
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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