请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
' L. B0 l; L4 i. o) o0 x! kThanks a lot!!!
) o) C' J+ J) |* _1 ]7 k

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* J& T& {$ R8 e* f% Z; g' T3 K              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
$ ]0 p1 x* N* B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 u6 W/ ?; f" G# F, B9 x9 x              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& a. F; M! G4 Q% @. c4 W             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
  V, a6 |* d9 s% c5 y" l             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# v! R3 y' M9 a  d2 oFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
+ r: D$ F' s' Q$ |: u5 F# D' v               I am 一个人de精彩
9 r1 |% |+ C9 z, g1 _               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# E! R1 ~  Q& M. G. \. I7 t: oBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. V3 ?* s' G  _Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

7 E: x# b+ ^* H7 \+ jSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
) m5 Q# g5 v  |1 {+ s* c$ R" }& ~2 |
4 \% S+ u# ?0 `" C1 C2 KSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
/ W$ I& f- Q! rSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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2 a3 u! N- A5 v- aHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

# w  E' V! m5 ~somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! B/ t$ ]+ Y3 S; ^2 J- a1 G哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？