请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
1 X5 f  J: Z6 Z0 eHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
' m! D9 _9 m2 ~1 y- E* o2 Q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 S* @6 d! Q( o+ r* F7 ]2 p( S              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
6 O; V$ v1 }; [5 C              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
) t3 w. U0 C8 \) D              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
! p5 {9 \# G' _% DNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
6 i- ?" m* H3 g             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' j. ~: O$ ~, {! z9 `Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
2 D# o  _% ~; Z$ R* i9 h               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- q. V$ h4 X+ o& A  p5 }2 K/ XBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
2 D' p. v- g% g% K+ Y6 HSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 M1 U% _4 ^% U6 t' H- xSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
2 y6 W. v4 v+ B6 ^Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, p& X' C/ m3 H9 KSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

, u8 q1 \. n2 r$ VSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* c+ D( J$ R- T: K' r- l( t* ASomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
. |% L# z( F8 ^. F7 _
; s$ T8 K: E" ]3 dSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
2 S% F6 k' k# @" t9 ASomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
9 s: p  L/ Z$ N: l, qHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: `& c, {& X9 z* v2 k$ T7 t' D/ ^=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

$ b* A  z8 b& Z; }* L( f) Z& U哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？