请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
, K$ C5 a7 s3 |9 CThanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
$ B/ d$ K2 U2 \8 ?              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% p! W# _' W) @& a              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
, S+ n/ ^1 U: B7 q4 g6 |5 ]2 jHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
1 J. P7 u( j+ h  {  J1 a2 P               I am 一个人de精彩
' L5 b. g. ~+ {               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
/ j* Q: S- m" E1 R% bBut........         
) i5 G, l* L: ~4 b! o1 zIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) R9 @+ Y" `1 I% u0 R. FSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
9 N' u2 J- p8 ]1 z6 V$ d* XSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" _* c3 b0 r0 I+ ~  j. USomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
* Z& p8 x( |/ s/ i+ V2 ySomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

- o9 r" W* o9 lSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ t5 [7 H1 }) B1 L" X, R8 ]Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
  }- x* S  F% S# d8 o
/ M7 q7 ~9 s4 t) l6 j# f4 D/ ]  [Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
5 y8 o" T& R) {$ ?0 g- tSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
! X* ~/ ?% w0 |9 l1 n+ |0 ^' uHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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4 q( O" w% d( I5 u: x: q) vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 s8 f/ ~5 F9 x, s9 v% Y5 [/ w4 A我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

/ y4 _$ F. c, a哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？