请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
6 Q) v1 R0 X9 k! _/ e& V6 OBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! S) g) q" A+ R( O& \Thanks a lot!!!
0 x& R' `% M- ~: k- ~
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, b. y" ]8 @- E2 M# `


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, J& F8 N/ M; {! R8 s
7 ?& A% O# Y& D2 GFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
! W( j: H0 Y0 C) @5 L  w, z. T4 }              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 v( d! ~" @5 o# D' ]. h( _1 V              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
1 }% W6 \' j& u5 z9 j" ?; L! p              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
4 |" }8 h9 ]* w              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  d" \3 j% l- }9 v' S7 ?, {6 C" w             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
$ N5 ~' t2 M! }* {2 t, l             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
; P4 T# m2 M! @) t' XNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
7 v3 P2 W% e' [$ e' y             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& X) ~: m8 \3 w7 LBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
, e; l/ h6 C6 _2 j/ ?But........         
( o: S1 j! s: q% [1 c  uIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

; R8 ?( F' h& j2 V卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
! y% N+ z* j, _2 {, |Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 X& @) {$ J/ d: |" U/ Z% V3 tSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 Y! c/ m8 C; MSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

. O. R- ^% Z+ O  C; ISomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ J" O1 H8 _1 F+ \Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ k! z" m1 w& M; D- J; _Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
5 H& K9 g( I" n# vSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
6 w: E+ D% c' b8 X, ]1 ^8 d% _6 _$ nHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
/ ?7 A+ f2 Z6 P: h" X
: q) E1 n3 q$ |7 Wsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 g/ V1 g3 G% m% r6 ?=====================================================================
/ m' C8 z. a$ o4 [/ L' r1 gsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
$ T: u. C3 A# f2 J" C0 R2 J* s我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？