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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem2 N9 l4 a! Z; @/ o+ j
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.$ t% h/ k) {5 F
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
* r% c2 R+ N8 m3 VThanks a lot!!!
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1 n1 ]2 B% ^6 lFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 8 T9 I9 I* W; w1 o: w( D$ v
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us . \0 h# i; ^5 x/ k, N/ f/ t7 m
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
  m" \- N9 t* ~9 i! w. p+ Y% S              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me : C+ _- a: h9 E% ?  r5 o. W# u
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
$ f/ ^0 k) c: O$ p) ?8 @7 ?% v              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
* S' @* l* y6 M( J" D" m! r* D; lHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ' g& O3 M7 G8 e# j' J
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart : N! X1 t+ Z# P; _4 c% b
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness1 Q; @$ u- U! H; f% o/ Q! g8 i
             somehow I lost myself inside again 5 o5 \$ O* }( t
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
" f, ?6 {, Q4 ]5 T6 W             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
8 ~9 x7 X( |% E, ]; G0 D* @9 _& OFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................( u* w+ _; s5 S9 Q) }7 }3 e/ d
Basically, I almost finish this poem
* a( c$ ?3 r; g" G               I am 一个人de精彩; y& `! a. @  |; u- @2 d- `$ i7 t, L
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' T5 g# }* G8 P: O% `1 ^$ EBut........         
( M8 U5 X8 j+ {3 P4 D5 L! {1 vIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”, n- p5 {3 O$ ^5 H' e+ U! }
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?% i2 z% O# g" F
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you - {/ f/ C% k) Y
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us * v: m5 y* U# R+ c4 M
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world % x' ?5 z* s2 b: i7 q- r
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" z0 G, p% J7 P7 PSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind : z- S- Y( J6 a3 q& N. i8 \8 g3 A2 X
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
1 r* O0 I& l' t( U' d6 [0 E: {: F% t. C/ `3 K2 R' B
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: H& D( Z+ ~# T, m+ `2 tSomehow I realized you were still in my heart ) X/ }. n( w$ c2 [
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 |! h; D2 v' n3 k& j: c  P/ aSomehow I lost myself inside it again ; b& @- `  T8 W
. _& J0 w# w3 u/ O: E
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 O: P1 t# ~" G8 ^; A. |% sSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
/ {) y- s4 D+ h$ y; g4 xSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, N) I; n2 f# ^) o5 ~Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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9 Y# C; q% i: T  `' ~7 v1 Nsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( b/ P5 [& v  Y- l, F=====================================================================8 H4 O2 P9 E% u/ k7 {+ K" J
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
! Z' M( u) u: g! D$ e% [4 @2 S# E) K我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

. C: C- @  n7 T2 T, {  ~. b哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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