埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5509|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem( O/ G4 N4 O# y* M" c
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
: C- [6 S7 \. b, M! H5 J8 sHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 V0 M/ A! J! V+ _/ S3 |Thanks a lot!!!9 h3 o) O& r3 g: v# M# `' _

* ?9 d' C4 T( }7 |: P% T
9 u3 B5 B7 Y& H$ Y) h0 l
; o. g, u% H8 J* V* V% y, B) Y) t: y) k/ _+ g% W! y% b
& S! b0 i5 B0 C# C
3 V) g- M! f' G8 ]

/ Z+ j' H7 l3 f9 V( uFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 8 S) |8 [" ^' p, D/ P- x& Z
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
! q: ~; x3 _: ]$ p! ~  Q4 y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
) C7 @/ X- J# N              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me : a- V& M' h' t
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
# J, j. Q4 |1 c' W& @; b; L! i; H# {              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness & {# N5 c# l% z  M$ z3 E" M$ @8 {
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday : x, t: g1 B/ |2 ^$ i. b; L
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart $ u/ q  I9 Z' Z& x  s( J5 H5 e
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 c  J" V- H. M  Y6 q' w             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ V* |) Q7 W- b" Q. SNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog " K; O" K4 t5 w2 T. ^
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' s4 h; h& m6 dFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................" @1 ?; O/ V+ B4 f
Basically, I almost finish this poem. E! A( n7 g1 a. k5 h1 O9 P
               I am 一个人de精彩! c7 W! F, h' p7 h
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything., W2 k- P7 ~6 E' x: i! r& Q2 s( ]5 B
But........         . E3 y7 _9 D+ Z
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”( X0 y% I: ~+ G7 G+ n
, k$ h. x) J# d
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?% k6 v- P" c8 f4 a* [7 g/ X6 p8 P5 ^. s

/ }( Z& ]: j% M- x  _
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 D; [' A+ K2 p, I5 H7 J! qSomehow I'd find something wrong with us 8 S( S& l8 o6 n2 O* e& M- ^
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 1 [0 N( w  G+ k: s
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   , ]) ~7 g2 c1 v! x( H
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind # y5 G; {" z* R: ~3 H3 H5 p$ x
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- p/ r0 w, x7 c8 T. c* Y; T/ ]) @. @6 i& J- ^
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: z4 |- O& A! \Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. c( J" c3 G! s) D/ H5 x) SSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( x) ]- j1 [# [7 k% RSomehow I lost myself inside it again 6 u' [- s/ {9 P8 G2 N4 T

! T) c# T  k8 y6 T) KSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 a' s! @! q2 T9 K, ySomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
" G) H* D+ p" o) }. @# b* iSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( A9 v: x. l$ ^7 r. F7 jSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 H. [; B. Z: e4 L& v) E================================================
! G) Z& E% {" w4 [! G& z& }7 RHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
8 T5 d, s9 a7 j+ J4 X
- Z0 V* z) j  X' |% l3 ]% X# s  \$ H' _somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 z/ @( ?0 M  I; W. S
=====================================================================+ k) p5 |$ H9 _/ J$ z
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ) e* {0 I4 g* K+ R
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

8 L  D, n3 M: i' g) \8 y哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-6 06:44 , Processed in 0.190527 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表