请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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) V( m% A- E. rFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
" \1 q% I  r. I( Z4 [! ]' q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" q8 u7 l7 A. \  o6 m8 `0 ?              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# p& S! h8 e/ l              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
. X$ Q5 `7 B+ Y2 \/ I, pHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
7 M& R. ^$ P0 b             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 l# T4 y5 i% y5 ?+ IFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  K, c/ m9 {$ i' F. o' P6 JBasically, I almost finish this poem
4 f2 W2 h: d( v* V  ~, \               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
8 V6 d# b1 i# ]: \, |But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 C) f3 _6 }* X: B' {9 N+ b  P, \- fSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 s( l- i& _6 ~% [; l6 bSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
8 V; ]7 ]9 x% H* K5 bSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- ^. N& M0 R! o, t: `& c
9 w( \9 B$ T7 B# h/ |. s8 uSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ h! J4 \# X7 G  F) m1 X9 I; kSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
( A: O3 _' N2 cSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
/ B& j0 D7 x3 _2 S2 }$ m
$ z1 b5 ~7 _3 A8 DSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 v2 a- f2 ^0 j, ZSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# Y8 O! L6 y! m9 \Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( S# D8 J/ K3 t8 d: ]3 ?) PSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
  q  d) a1 y( m! {9 N$ ^. Lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？