请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( ~9 A' `- R/ [Thanks a lot!!!

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& G' j3 ?4 T- e8 C1 LFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
  @/ H( I  w& s# o, o              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
) Q1 m$ _& V+ \( q2 Y, E" p              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
8 Z7 S) L( i# q, s              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
- l. Z+ Z5 P1 V' P3 ?/ Z6 x! `However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 D8 @+ H# t9 N9 I! Q* L7 X; C             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 N9 W: B  w3 E& h) A# c; n             somehow I lost myself inside again
  W8 }/ d9 a/ p, C1 ZNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
  C" \) {0 I% }1 G6 `             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  e7 b, ?$ J( D, \5 g# \Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
/ I% P# C. K# L6 D1 Q. F9 [Basically, I almost finish this poem
/ ~1 |( L. O% g8 d               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
4 R$ O5 C1 k, HBut........         
! {4 W; U8 p+ e! Q9 v* ^: T* O+ f3 e6 uIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
8 t  D8 x" E- b" OSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
1 k& Y/ q- R- x- B! ?Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
) O$ V+ ?* t6 V) Q+ M% hSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

4 @, v% R" k! d$ b. K; E; gSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- c( v: V6 [! }! Z; ?Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
. [" `9 D* H- Y/ u8 l- [
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
. [* R1 e1 @3 Y! ]1 TSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
6 B$ G4 q" @  \0 eSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
5 N- l4 W( p9 vHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
3 r  J9 E7 ?' E4 _% {6 i& D
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ |( a4 W) @) {: O8 C- y=====================================================================
# D1 n" l8 k8 Z4 ~somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
) K# h& x0 _% S# d8 Y% m我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

  c- |# N6 i9 r0 W4 @$ Y5 l1 M哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？