请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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+ L/ K3 m( T1 C! l) D1 GFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 M8 {! x6 B2 u* ~2 A& Z7 `, y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% u6 ]% h! b- m) U4 a* p& L              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
5 C, g3 K. B4 P% h3 \& A              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 e7 Y( d4 S7 X* T             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 e/ M( d- x. z! G( ^             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 @8 V/ M+ }' q1 m/ o5 R% @' z' u             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
' U" e" y* c6 K( d% g             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 R; L+ u2 g4 V2 Z; t( I+ O$ }Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  y& U+ E2 h$ `1 HBasically, I almost finish this poem
5 f8 x3 o2 ]4 G               I am 一个人de精彩
7 C) b3 w: o  H9 J$ Z" u               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
% T: S4 Y& U- L- W1 C1 `; dIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 o/ M1 T! H8 i3 h9 h- M9 sSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
+ O' \( \, N9 g0 O0 V4 P1 nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

/ l3 @9 u" M+ Q) O/ x/ f9 [1 hSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 N5 Z* H. j# a& gSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
8 ~1 I9 z3 `# w2 N$ p- OSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

0 x8 J" W1 \( S7 Hsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 ~% o( \" O6 a# J+ k- Y& v=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

& `* J# {/ c2 `3 H. F哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？