请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
. w4 w: `6 k& }# r9 Y5 nHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
2 t6 H: s1 ]$ e- w2 M  wThanks a lot!!!
( ]" D/ M9 f% k


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7 X  s7 B+ ^/ p  W% F$ uFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
2 W# _/ b8 r3 f5 r1 F/ P              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( E: w, t* b: j! y4 \9 c5 j, l. q              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" {/ m, j6 {& F, @              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; r# a3 S  C% _5 m( j3 C              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
% l0 w/ m! ]* z& X+ {# U. R/ ~However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& @' W! z9 G- Q/ S- b. I             somehow I lost myself inside again
- n! n( u1 H6 r4 cNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
$ P5 e$ @( G6 f6 N% X# D             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ ]8 m9 ~$ I' }; e/ F: @; L8 i& B  {7 eFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
) x, N! u  N* y: |Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
( z6 D2 W7 @6 w9 I# j: E# C" Z' d  K; s               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
* t) W9 y2 t/ EIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

" c8 ^. ^* F5 @! ?; h卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
/ }8 A. e' t5 K. n+ V, l% V6 y9 nSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" ]) G' B8 t4 r7 n; NSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( m6 {; C! C) V3 uSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

+ p  h4 ~* F, c: B' v* jSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: b' n; i; k2 a" x; W$ x8 Z) L2 \Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
7 n  M* D. E) d2 Z2 U9 C+ g; n2 PSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
% _+ M* U8 P3 r7 j. |Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

, T$ O* j/ w! J  {- |) U+ j- zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？