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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem2 Q7 H1 j$ C& R: d3 y) m
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
. w4 w: `6 k& }# r9 Y5 nHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
2 t6 H: s1 ]$ e- w2 M  wThanks a lot!!!
( ]" D/ M9 f% k, A5 k& \3 r4 ]2 p) u
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0 U0 t+ y9 h$ f- {0 L  u7 S4 o% e4 x: X: r
* i" s0 R# L' v0 A  z
' q3 i) [4 F! w" f& r; \4 H+ q
* f/ r* k2 Z& \* ?  u
7 X  s7 B+ ^/ p  W% F$ uFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you * f- X2 J, f4 u) }/ g1 |
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
2 W# _/ b8 r3 f5 r1 F/ P              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( E: w, t* b: j! y4 \9 c5 j, l. q              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" {/ m, j6 {& F, @              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; r# a3 S  C% _5 m( j3 C              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
% l0 w/ m! ]* z& X+ {# U. R/ ~However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 e3 P, q- [7 ^; w% A1 ]% B
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 8 n* N% F) m, C: _8 K& s; {( f- }
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& @' W! z9 G- Q/ S- b. I             somehow I lost myself inside again
- n! n( u1 H6 r4 cNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
$ P5 e$ @( G6 f6 N% X# D             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ ]8 m9 ~$ I' }; e/ F: @; L8 i& B  {7 eFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
) x, N! u  N* y: |Basically, I almost finish this poem6 A7 X3 w+ T# B- g, n' p  I$ p; I7 u6 A
               I am 一个人de精彩
( z6 D2 W7 @6 w9 I# j: E# C" Z' d  K; s               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything., S  V( c" Y& c8 }, X3 m. i4 D% a
But........         
* t) W9 y2 t/ EIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”' P7 f# {' ]* t

" c8 ^. ^* F5 @! ?; h卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 6 I# u. \9 _9 O# q
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us : ^% T2 Q: j. n" E$ ~
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
/ }8 A. e' t5 K. n+ V, l% V6 y9 nSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" ]) G' B8 t4 r7 n; NSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 8 A; @. ^$ G3 I8 W
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness   n1 e4 ^. @0 j" g& W
& D7 Z3 u. m1 h1 _% c6 J( l
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( m6 {; C! C) V3 uSomehow I realized you were still in my heart # W) D" o9 D8 r' i9 G5 ?
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness' \0 T3 e: v# `
Somehow I lost myself inside it again ) P) _: W+ @/ i3 F& q2 @+ \

+ p  h4 ~* F, c: B' v* jSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: b' n; i; k2 a" x; W$ x8 Z) L2 \Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
7 n  M* D. E) d2 Z2 U9 C+ g; n2 PSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
% _+ M* U8 P3 r7 j. |Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ; b+ _7 K4 S% l# O/ D! Z* ?' t5 W+ J# u

, T$ O* j/ w! J  {- |) U+ j- zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 s& A( l( t/ z' x- a6 D
=====================================================================. Z+ R" `7 k5 Y5 ~/ f8 S- g2 {, O& k
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 " L* k  L3 y0 @- H; C" ]
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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