埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5302|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem  w% `0 A6 k3 \
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.6 \' v' _9 M) |- d! _  F
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 ?4 c/ i6 ]: @/ wThanks a lot!!!
" u$ @1 K/ n3 B% v1 G1 x8 z( W; E$ t9 h/ @2 U, E
, F  k. \2 Y6 C1 c# i& L, x
! T2 G; `# Y: ~+ S2 g
2 Q( N( I+ ^; l  c8 @* k; J

" d' p/ b( j+ `& G9 `% m0 Q5 {8 _# d# _, m
' e; I% e8 O$ l' t9 U4 s
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
, R3 h$ B- w2 z, l/ b% S) V              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
0 P* x& f* p7 y: m, @% c              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 4 E1 S/ J) L' p- ]
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  T2 w" A2 {9 K" `, F" S5 s( y              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 m5 {7 ^. ?% o2 ?- C. j& W              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
4 ~  b3 p1 Y) ]1 WHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ' Q/ M9 f- j. _6 C' M0 O3 S
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
- ?! a7 ^4 R* Y; o' k4 r; R             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 A2 B0 E/ s' l! c- @
             somehow I lost myself inside again
. `  o. ]& Y8 ?$ x8 z$ r+ c$ iNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 m5 A3 i3 J' c' _- k( E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* P- b- U  N8 Y5 C. y& s% A/ NFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................- R( b. K9 N6 Y# d2 I
Basically, I almost finish this poem
- K8 P  o" M$ V3 ]# v2 y               I am 一个人de精彩7 _! k# K7 M4 @0 F) U, \, L% C  h
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' V8 C7 r# H- H# mBut........         ; M# L6 K8 E3 ^( k0 H3 e
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
  c0 \' x4 N# l4 n, T; E: r5 o' m/ y8 P- R
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?5 N  w7 i4 p) R" _: X# N& N

4 {) p( Y5 K# I; O, x
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
% v8 m- w" {( G( `$ {1 G& bSomehow I'd find something wrong with us ; g, C, M! Z3 u# c
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! q9 D  a; ^" D  N% l- o- kSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ! D& o( h* w5 h
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
1 S0 ^3 S6 r3 n$ o1 jSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& G' W* w2 c8 \8 e$ s, {( s9 K4 {1 \% [0 g7 z
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( ]9 [- X# ?( }3 r$ G3 l0 c' L4 N
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' u" V' B4 m7 S/ x  LSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 G8 e" h) {" U1 O' C4 SSomehow I lost myself inside it again 0 J. {" o) y1 |& Q/ {; \0 f- g9 ?

: h7 W! m& z- W& @; S$ |9 ?1 sSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion; u& ]0 O2 K9 c7 {
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
, h( F4 |2 l0 u% K! ]$ pSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself/ v) L# O. s& K
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 H; f" {- D# H================================================3 c9 ?2 U/ d  B1 {" H9 r" ?
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 5 T' h- L7 R! q: B" V- [6 T. F

) p) R- C: I2 T1 rsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness. M( Q' ^1 ?8 x" s
=====================================================================5 T# m5 s2 V: o' v; \: x
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 1 m- d( v8 L, x  ^) `; Y: r
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
! V/ A4 Y5 ]/ t6 i# s# T  t
哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-1-17 08:51 , Processed in 0.171026 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表