请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
! H* S% g3 Z+ G& hBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
6 ~7 b% i$ Y8 F' XThanks a lot!!!


* O1 ~* K7 ?+ T" t3 J% _& P



! m2 r% U4 i: b& E3 A- e* G  H
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
) H; Y/ s9 k. Q# }% g              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" g. a2 K/ G& q# d; L4 T              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, N; a7 ]1 q; G              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
. _3 J) R7 j* h7 M' kHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: Y/ c& M/ K/ @, O5 s             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" q( k; r6 u' Y& M: i' T             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  h0 [7 M# q) `4 e6 V# V             somehow I lost myself inside again
! q2 ?& n3 {- m- E4 ]Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
2 m2 q( L6 t1 r& @             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
7 |$ k* z, O  Y; SBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
0 \' ^6 [- e. m3 n- aIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
$ P- P! @& {7 [& s4 I% p: I2 P! L
  l/ W) a2 w& y- ^卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
- x# ^2 p* @9 {
" g8 o8 H7 I+ x: G

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
8 j/ U  \  S, I9 I4 y' \3 _Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
: ^- Q$ o) I8 p+ KSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; |4 u/ m9 p7 u) @! l3 USomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
/ U) S9 E' L4 x6 r% {6 c: vSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
, W6 A/ N% W; c7 y$ K
5 g$ C% N" q8 ]/ O, {, }0 \Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
, i$ g9 O, r  n! E6 a' p
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- k* W' o$ l& A  K3 I' ?Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
; V1 y+ c# u0 i  i9 g! }However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
9 ]. z3 x# S2 d" L
0 R/ Z5 _- ~3 _& |somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？