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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem4 x/ f, Z# d' P8 E
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
& F, ~; \) |, f0 C8 c; HHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
  ]$ g( r- U0 L. s9 X; K8 {, GThanks a lot!!!8 M- S+ T, u5 ~7 Z
: d) J* w% {. \/ P0 w$ Y. g; b

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3 j4 ^5 |8 z* `9 a& E" hFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you # g3 x4 L/ o& E6 F# V# H
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us % D0 [' X8 S7 W) A% E! h5 f4 f7 r
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 H, l( |# m6 \1 e              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
6 h" N  p" j& `3 ]- B+ c: q$ A- @              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind % }7 A4 y. t9 U  b6 r) L
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness $ K5 J9 T& v, ~4 h
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday . Y# q9 [# l& d/ }1 Q
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ) V+ _# N/ W9 J
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness- }/ e; _7 L. ]) y9 g1 t! c1 s& r, ?
             somehow I lost myself inside again
. s- j4 H6 P. t% Y: {Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 3 Y8 H6 e+ J# ^- X9 }) A. Z2 w. m
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
8 [" b- a5 X2 v6 EFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; S0 U! w1 S0 h0 ~Basically, I almost finish this poem5 y3 R  v4 j; t0 P/ v# Q
               I am 一个人de精彩9 t& {1 A4 x2 `
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.6 T' q7 W' A" o4 U2 _* |
But........         
- C9 Y/ R$ T1 ?$ @* G+ T$ fIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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0 N+ A) Y( d( B! d6 @% x卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?6 _9 @  j* y1 L9 `2 l9 |; U7 o
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
4 E8 J- A; w( x, ?$ R& LSomehow I'd find something wrong with us   \2 h. V& O9 d3 f6 Q% Y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 2 f4 S3 F0 L0 B
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   - c9 r5 \& A* h: @+ R( |8 B
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
% E3 Y3 [  H2 l3 }$ l# ~  PSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness : J+ y6 z- F. `9 g8 S
  Z& x, Z' C  e# V2 j& n9 [6 P/ q
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
0 k& z3 h; z* V  V9 E" D6 ^Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ; N( S& }: r$ t9 S6 o6 w
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 E/ l& a+ P( W
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
2 A( y! ?8 ~* p; R5 Q, x8 @3 v
% P3 x) W4 |4 K1 M$ JSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. A% e6 G  ]$ q2 a! _& }1 f3 s
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
0 p6 O# x; w! m$ ^+ b0 K0 u  mSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
$ r0 E3 p: t$ I" ]$ vSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# y# L3 d# u0 ~================================================
* J. i$ ~- M7 }. V6 p# J: eHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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/ x5 ~- {; ~& B* i+ Dsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness( |; x( }5 m% D/ C; \
=====================================================================' x7 N/ s1 i  Q  B; V; b) {8 H
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
; P3 T/ L2 T* @2 X% T/ F9 W我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

4 z6 u* }# R8 l2 }% H, P哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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