请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
2 n* f1 Y, E+ r( ^% ?' l/ sBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
; T0 d7 _/ M; I4 A7 IHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
7 [9 d' V% g5 Y( c3 k              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* O( m5 }1 M$ h/ Y/ W+ `: }              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
# c! x% p  ?8 x, t4 w6 c              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! i' M5 m" W# Y& C$ p7 UHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
$ |7 h" v0 c  R0 V             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# h" l+ V( ]; B% ^; _But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# u. T# H+ S4 a) U* v) FSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 I' P! P# `4 lSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 C( {7 ?! e6 m' USomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 l) [; B. ?2 O3 J  O' gSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
' M# F' e7 P4 m' Q2 Q
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; K; L7 N1 L0 gSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" c0 m! x- H- ~  w2 k7 L- {Somehow I lost myself inside it again
; [/ Y% g4 {' \- M7 A
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
/ U, g' q5 T3 g3 o/ `$ XSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 ~9 X9 F* _1 X================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 \( @( s. G: ]: `' @0 l/ X我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？