请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
  H" @) p8 K( ~4 g; SBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
7 \2 |: J" E9 O7 K7 V+ W9 Y              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
2 X8 |* U8 {8 h+ T* z0 ?+ s, F              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ W# q( ^1 p" X& |" E              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 N4 k3 ]# i! x             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ M& Q: e: R$ ?0 ]Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
8 g3 w% A0 Y, Z6 y6 y) b: C6 hBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
7 M- Y0 b2 D! B               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" ]1 H: f5 p7 N5 S. l4 wBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 @! Y( S; o* bSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 z' ?: w& S' B! k. gSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
6 a$ }  U  G! v" s& ESomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
4 j2 ^- b! A0 }' H3 G4 T* T: OSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 N8 I/ g0 H8 Q+ `! k- H4 eSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: \5 o3 i, v6 D1 R( a8 H2 pSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: M3 P5 I0 W4 s, g- E- f, v: |Somehow I lost myself inside it again
: M( v4 Y* c* d
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
2 Y: A+ X, T$ Y- p, T& LSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
/ r* @- C8 \2 FSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 `+ T) V% ~' W& M% F================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

0 m4 N. Q0 N0 y4 t7 z2 U哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？