请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
8 g: k: s* s9 m% xBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
6 g- y5 A% x# k! ]% IThanks a lot!!!
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7 [& }% J7 s) {/ J
+ j8 w8 c2 y/ ?4 `, O, ?
* T0 G4 D% f1 `/ T8 P' H

Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
! S- H9 z% n9 W' X$ s5 m              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
! [2 q6 ]3 b3 \- f              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; [2 ?" t" |3 Q- ]2 y6 ]              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
3 [+ k7 d0 o* Z; u9 G5 B9 w              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
8 f$ |4 x6 L$ J( b; u' @However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" X( i0 }1 x6 A* o; k9 n             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
1 z- }! R, q( b. c0 P0 [0 Q7 ~             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
, ?8 Q2 C2 Z1 S$ }- Z- k% x               I am 一个人de精彩
/ N9 {# o2 W1 ~; c& t               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
! J0 ]7 {. S' h% u5 {2 QIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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  S5 {8 }) O& Z4 T9 |) H卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
. ]+ O$ w+ E: t' }" m) Q6 s" T1 HSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 N& x- K, ^2 y: J: ?Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
- D$ C& e$ g5 r& u# iSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
+ S0 ?' X# Q  j* y, [- w3 q7 a% a/ `Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- B0 R! N1 _" d8 h6 F
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* [  Z+ h$ {+ f: ~* ASomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
4 T3 {, H' M% i6 ESomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( a  ~$ S/ ^7 m. qSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
3 t' a$ ]! A4 t; M! n  a8 Q' \However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
. v: U) G5 ^1 E4 s: O- f" \我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？