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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
- Q4 {1 X) q  }0 f& z: l3 g1 S$ ?Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
2 z3 @5 P# u; OHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
+ |, V. u- t7 `; }Thanks a lot!!!# g6 D) q; `7 |" x1 P

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. i  b4 X0 Z4 z2 }2 U" _, aFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you # b& I' |2 P. n6 T+ e, Y
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ' l: o2 R6 O( Q6 H. n/ O2 D1 a1 |3 d
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
' K* Y1 R( I' C- ?5 u              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
/ B% [. V% S% V# q6 Y              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; k/ O) H  \3 s) ^6 p              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness + |# {9 [  o, y( q5 B8 N& o  U
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; V5 R2 P  H, v             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* [, T: A2 U( l             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; G5 R4 L6 I  N. N; m3 A- ]1 y* ?1 ^             somehow I lost myself inside again ' \8 U7 Z3 H7 T7 O- [
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 4 Z: Y& k) L, c5 s9 Z3 D
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% ~2 O+ q' w% P( z: X5 FFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................5 J; v! n3 y* [: d5 X
Basically, I almost finish this poem( w/ [9 d, v/ a
               I am 一个人de精彩4 C2 _8 m8 k# H+ [8 _. Y- N
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
( ?2 Y8 K; s4 Y  p- g- M5 R! RBut........         
  C# V. O/ F6 p3 W; _& iIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”5 S8 p# F# }6 m# m7 t
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?' a0 z* t; `0 m/ ?& B7 Y; x

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
4 w/ h- K* q5 q- e) g+ dSomehow I'd find something wrong with us / C1 D8 M( `) @! [6 @6 j) s
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world # \* c. E! T* _+ h
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   . M0 P% T/ b. h* d) P$ j* R% G4 X9 H
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 7 a+ i  a3 X" Z! b6 o$ s
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
) D6 J2 k1 A, c5 q% @% ^7 l- D5 [
$ l+ T7 z- u; ^Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( a( y3 Q+ y  F1 x) O2 z7 x
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( p7 K# L4 M4 V$ t! T# f2 x8 qSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 d& I0 A0 t! {; x: Z
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 4 F: D' y& I4 g' B( p

. |+ V& j) v) M* T1 dSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% Z2 f8 X' P- G% H6 d+ p! @  z2 pSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
  i* o" H) Z, eSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
" x8 [3 _1 f# p; V+ bSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ' F4 s' A0 e# @3 X5 w* u
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& }4 M9 D* ~  T1 {* @! n=====================================================================: Z* S+ S' g( P  I/ J8 r4 H1 o
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 2 d! a$ j0 p: U0 r6 ]: ~) Z* H( t6 l
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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