请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
2 d( Z4 t8 G) Y# x0 @- OBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
0 r# G8 V- I+ Y& iThanks a lot!!!



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/ Y- ~& r- F- s( D  y
( o$ S* U1 ^' D8 W& D3 K# AFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
* c5 J$ E& u9 @" O, T2 c! b5 z  S4 p              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! M% F. Z' H. O+ g              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) \0 V5 V7 v9 e" Y1 {% k" lHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
# n" P4 F1 e7 m3 M  E9 Z' l' l             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' g! p. ]8 K: l8 X! T/ m' I" gFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
2 ]9 ?' f# r, XBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
8 E( D  R# _) {2 Z3 M               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
4 Z" h2 c3 X' H$ U5 kBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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7 [: d2 T( [: @1 a( }" ^8 Y卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
; V* k. {7 Y" _# |- ESomehow I'd find something wrong with us
; x: D# Q4 [* p" b  Z7 n( iSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
0 S, b. I" ?* C5 g% p' S1 XSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
+ ~: `  x  s- ^9 S
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
9 U. c1 f( j* d  P: T5 B$ c, ZSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
5 e4 ~  J2 \2 |0 c4 S
+ S  b3 h5 ]2 Vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

/ r7 w# N5 M7 k2 n% W8 t哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？