请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
' k( [5 E. L/ L% B9 [However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
5 ~8 ~: B0 R" @! K6 p$ K. \& fThanks a lot!!!
( D8 v$ t. \1 w. i0 }7 e4 a3 N6 ]/ W1 T8 ?

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
  x) Z2 Z" _5 k              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
- M2 P1 T: S! ~/ j. i# K7 O0 S              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 l; C- Y3 s' R! `+ x; S              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* e- @0 d. N' w             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 a% C- ^1 s" h8 c6 n! K$ _# L             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
: O. e9 n% u) }. P2 r" E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
& a3 a2 L& J: w7 R! NIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  W% D: F, q5 I- c( wSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
. a1 R! C: X* Z) }0 \0 GSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
% V' o& z0 @! B5 `$ JSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

7 o' D) h# H: ?, @Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: ^* ?4 W2 m5 ]Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, ?8 X' a4 F4 o0 eSomehow I lost myself inside it again
5 Y9 C' j; Z- i9 u! \* {% N
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
  d) N; p) V+ J, z3 W3 mSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
1 ?0 E8 ~) X1 Q+ ?However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
2 H! l7 o) v) \, y; T; e( s9 J0 Csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
% Z2 U& R  l& f我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？