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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem7 s! D! r: V/ k  J1 q2 \6 {" Z1 f& i
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
9 V" [6 h  Z; V+ h. C, y' l3 c* S+ uHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem% j) l" K, S% f
Thanks a lot!!!
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6 S5 b& t4 j. j! u) H! P& J9 b4 E/ I& W$ t: ]' [
9 x5 F2 H6 [" k/ U- u+ r# j" s
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  u% x) F( c, |5 \/ pFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
8 t4 ~, j+ Y7 M6 ?5 e) f0 }              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us % z7 H, u# |5 i) M  a
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
& }* V1 v; R4 s              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 5 a1 h7 d" D  `8 W9 @, P
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
: W2 W( j! _) ]- q# x; W7 g              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
9 _& H* ]+ P7 A* P7 v  c0 O7 ?However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 7 m. h9 N6 q4 b$ z3 o9 t& L
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 o: Y4 C; n/ N7 \& v$ W0 c             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 y% p- G: Q& y2 Q+ e0 c& ^             somehow I lost myself inside again
9 T7 s* e$ H* [! I- i4 ?  a% \+ hNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 8 q* @* i% \/ Y) U; `
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
4 y* J' O1 C) u, z( o; G( M9 sFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................& B7 z& U1 r; q* H
Basically, I almost finish this poem
- s3 P) V. @8 ~9 T               I am 一个人de精彩
/ w* e; g# N+ m: X  m: Y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.. P9 p7 {% F! u  |
But........         
4 G- Q* R; Q3 f, l' tIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”7 h4 B' ~0 p3 O6 o
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
( P6 a; e! J7 |# o- P2 {8 F9 o, {' L; ^( m
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you , i; y) Y  H+ L
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us . |3 x# T, o& z- a
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, |7 ?* z, m% _Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 B  x: o( V/ O2 U, x0 m7 JSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ( t; g1 @: H" [% @9 i
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 5 \) _8 Q) C0 ~4 D$ C) l) ?+ Y
+ ?3 w. K! |- V
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% X! X& n- l& u' ASomehow I realized you were still in my heart ) n$ `1 D* o; \5 k+ i4 }& N. }
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) Y) p! }) ^5 ]" _, N3 V! ]% qSomehow I lost myself inside it again ) k; E  {& F+ p4 y

* a2 p  v- k  F3 }$ XSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 M. V- l# @" Q  h& H  g) }Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you3 M  T$ w6 J, ?8 l$ ^
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself( q" b( ^+ i) c, ]3 |
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday : q3 v7 @% q' Y2 v/ j3 L* o
================================================
- ]( p( C/ R% q7 X; i! z1 nHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness/ l: [5 [9 K( P
=====================================================================$ ]5 C; K+ X9 f3 d8 r
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
% a, {0 k  |. L$ ]( ^我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 v# {* T( y0 M$ ~, E2 ^: w哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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