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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem5 \5 Z3 V/ y* b( o1 w* K' N1 O
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog." o" Z1 N3 e. o# ^
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem, o( _' Z( j( b  @6 N- d
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you $ `3 _5 [5 X1 H8 G, H; P1 e
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 3 O9 h; M9 X+ T! X0 N/ U
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world , _3 I0 I, ]+ T) m$ p4 i, E5 M
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
: l/ N4 }. g9 I              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 3 r' V" z, U0 _5 L6 E
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness % P0 a4 v; ]9 Z/ ]
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* l% z$ Q9 v; W             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, z% M- }' Q2 c! e4 ^1 ^- _' F             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness/ I- l7 M' n3 P" d4 D  |
             somehow I lost myself inside again ; C0 j- Y2 }: n) |2 |6 j  f0 B
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog # q2 w0 ~. V5 M) M
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 K, K/ T) C+ q& yFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
$ o5 P* `5 n# z# A1 x4 qBasically, I almost finish this poem2 j: [" }& L. S- [- |" R
               I am 一个人de精彩
% `) K* @. z& l/ c               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.' b( x4 ?) R5 ~  [8 |- u% p
But........         
' \- D, J; T) A: `Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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8 _( [* U% K8 J- l. _卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 4 d# N% j6 t! R7 ]
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
- @- x+ t2 G% M7 ~2 \. r$ f0 S: ]Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
- k0 M- n- N4 hSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ) k. V" x# n- |  Q8 `% e9 u
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
9 y; `7 k" K( O7 P0 O4 uSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ z/ f- e: L* a. ~" h8 H! E
. L3 U% p' D1 x1 G; Q# m3 Y- [Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday / z6 A* g$ R& u. x9 Q) d: t
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ! T+ m7 g. h/ ]0 ]
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness2 Z6 C5 E9 r: a9 `3 p* v( q
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
+ S/ o% L6 B* z* I
2 \3 I* A9 T/ B& t4 XSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ A% C7 W4 y+ ^Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you' m, i" S: p# p" J& ^' S4 |, b; c; _
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself! }7 N$ R3 N6 m7 I9 s
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 4 _$ a& ~: f/ g" m

" n' _1 x5 p$ U% ?  Lsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness. `8 E2 u7 J8 R) R3 K
=====================================================================
* v+ p3 u3 H3 U! E# Wsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
大型搬家
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 $ U( T+ d- W! s- E5 y
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

4 J& C% g7 ^2 [# b( z哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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