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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem. r8 Y6 F$ ^6 {( ^3 e
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.4 E1 l- ~! X) |3 \0 @" A
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem% V" [3 b. M. R9 O5 Y
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
7 m2 `, _8 o  j' u              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ; c( t) b2 F2 @- Z
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
) z4 t( d& j) P9 G# _              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me + `+ X/ o3 d# b9 N8 \, M. Y4 T
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 P4 T/ E4 t! i- I1 k" ~; A              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! Q4 G; b, T# J, \& HHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday   f- E* u( r8 {+ V3 J. s
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 3 g2 P. _& c' S! U+ M3 Z
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. \; d! V$ {  }% ]             somehow I lost myself inside again ' P* @6 P* t! \+ C
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
6 F! [/ f7 {. w             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion/ [  ^/ K* z( d, I: ?
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................# D. t5 a; H2 P7 n0 `6 [
Basically, I almost finish this poem+ z. ?  l+ \8 I. i% `
               I am 一个人de精彩* T; u7 _8 n" \3 [
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.; ]- c+ ?/ p: h' S3 Q' w  }: u
But........         
1 T; h% ?! B0 V: d1 x$ jIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 4 J# m: e2 p: k$ q
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
' [( w  c# s6 N+ n- RSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" v5 R% a# c; p0 j# c: U+ cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
- a. q& ?$ A! }. xSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind * Y8 E" U2 M! O. {0 M
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
: e3 C- l; [5 W$ o* g( d: O9 a* ~. a- Q8 J# b/ _4 p$ Y
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday % r, B" J. w) D" N# ~3 B  v5 G
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* r" o' q5 H4 J) t$ rSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: w& K; _4 F1 `- t% q9 b- LSomehow I lost myself inside it again * O. U3 K/ b" m- Y! ]0 l$ P
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Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion" L: a& `$ M; b3 I7 s" Z2 U
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
( t( ^# P8 l- W  I" P! R1 o5 g( LSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 K" s- ~- V7 O  c0 W& \* PSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday % y8 T, |: R6 f
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( I( J9 ?* A+ {However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday / q# H4 f% J& N2 R; u$ H, [1 N

7 ?; D; n; s/ N: Rsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! ]1 F. y# ]6 n% j' K( ]3 s4 w
=====================================================================
  {9 D  l) q! Z: @somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
, S5 C3 T9 c& ^7 _5 c7 r+ g0 |+ e我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( f/ B( p2 C8 j$ g哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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