埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5589|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem1 D) p( \0 ~4 }, ~3 f" ~
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
3 N6 R/ S( J/ M8 KHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( D% r0 Q- J+ i. ]$ M9 nThanks a lot!!!5 z5 Y3 c$ K1 x' V

) Q6 [- n* O% g2 D1 B$ [/ M/ h. e$ a2 o$ e
1 E) b. Z$ S6 E  x& {4 i* l# Y1 }* }
6 S: b& @+ Z0 m0 y- j2 L( ?) H

' Y. D- k3 f' L$ ?
6 U. L9 w  X/ G# Q) ?0 k7 o0 Z5 Q1 d
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
0 `$ C1 A. l& z8 Q0 S              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 3 P/ p6 X! O8 x* I
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; Y* s# D  _# c5 u- @# N              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
/ L4 |8 W. |0 j9 l              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, a4 a+ t) a) P) ^! l              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
- c2 t4 c9 \& i" pHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% h6 A4 d, D+ m2 ~, b1 \+ C             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. @$ `3 q3 E. ]" y( o             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 |& q3 V( d- z( S; R$ {9 [             somehow I lost myself inside again
9 E/ G+ q4 b" V$ \- |+ W0 m1 }/ ^: sNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog . T9 I3 w* n& L' y# j; q
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
4 o) z, y9 R' x* H' u8 z9 CFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................5 l5 o6 c+ G+ B  J8 J
Basically, I almost finish this poem
, Y( ]7 G7 W( s! P5 J8 D               I am 一个人de精彩
7 i5 q' @% l1 G/ J               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" c/ o$ u3 C; h9 O6 X8 U. [But........         7 f. b2 M& c" t3 \7 H6 `; M! X- g
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”2 \8 g0 J1 ^1 y; e, c
* R0 B+ s% m- |6 i7 g- P! q
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?( |+ x* X! ~  A3 U' @4 L  _
2 b1 Y# ^  v; s+ C0 m6 r/ |
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
- h4 k" e8 M: B' Y( g# sSomehow I'd find something wrong with us $ W* B; _4 g# r, W  y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 7 e) i7 x+ U' c" B) t5 x0 m
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   5 D( E; N2 H4 P5 O( ~" R
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind : H) }0 J& j3 [6 Y/ L6 ~9 z
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 3 A- Q1 K( a$ `. s0 x; k& J7 K
" [3 @6 x! Z1 M, n0 Q
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 V' y+ x- x# M# I
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
$ g2 }  Q3 l% q0 w; {Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ }* l6 R/ v$ g. ySomehow I lost myself inside it again
; y: Y+ A8 v& R: k9 ?. B+ E, s3 T& w, F0 G
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion1 [6 ]! A% J& V0 c7 [4 n7 _
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
7 S1 s( T9 j' c7 g7 dSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( @; T0 C6 H/ [2 E7 i5 R! _Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 F4 x4 y8 m+ P+ O: u' J$ J================================================9 U: S* ]6 b) H' y& V; }2 K
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
# l9 z& J+ Y( U9 f. Y
" k" F4 d0 ?! B% t9 ~9 k- K/ ssomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 @/ Y, y% i. A=====================================================================
. V( j# z  Z% ?, S9 X1 Xsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 % {# w. `3 h. |; R3 q  j) U
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 `* i8 A8 }: z5 T( X+ M2 Z哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-23 00:21 , Processed in 0.222563 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表