请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


3 a! l0 h8 o. o) W% V9 a



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, ]5 m$ b; i  s8 z3 OFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) p# _4 w5 w2 w' ?& O/ l              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
) N/ p7 [# o) h; O$ E              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" A1 s: E* `7 c2 a3 K              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 z7 P% U9 z  C  k: [, z             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
, d+ ]# C8 {6 V& B( WNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
7 t. b" \9 S, ~2 m) J6 g# F) DBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
2 I4 r' {) l+ g; `               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
2 C- S& p. J& |, e, ~3 AIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
+ l& \& |- A; o! E2 J7 w' z- `
3 B: E/ [1 h9 k4 @& r  i/ |' o卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
' L, V- z  W. H/ `/ i: g+ ]

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 m/ {* g6 v* P6 X% Z) tSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
5 C( N3 S9 M$ d7 T" X# V& ASomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ Y- G+ A" T+ VSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
$ H; o- T! f' J* v9 s# o  n; y' g! uSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
) {2 S  |" M1 B0 dSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
9 K7 T' v/ y4 `- I$ Q2 n) `. W4 C
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 e; @; G0 n: a* N- X0 v! y$ MSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
) Z# v% n. x1 a6 \
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
# M' R& T  `2 B' VSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
' ]' R9 `( r" P" [7 }+ s
3 `% I) v$ C# e' L; u4 Y5 ?" P" @somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？