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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem7 s' n* J( H0 v' {; Z4 w3 H
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
3 U) U; x, y4 r& n. Y5 nHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem/ o9 S2 t; @4 a5 _% {- h9 n% p' X
Thanks a lot!!!
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2 t# y; r& u: W' G5 @Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 @3 ~9 m/ a: {              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
$ c, _: @! a6 C( L9 \& f! ]+ U              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
. {: F' U4 M7 O9 u# L# O2 s. j              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ) p3 D6 ]9 Z9 ^* f9 C
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 B( Y( z, V) S( }              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
8 K# h: L, D& Y% g2 r- `$ xHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday - B2 R: y7 Q, K! w# k, d) Y
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
; [' ]" `* n& g1 n9 ]9 A/ K9 Q, _9 U             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; k) m9 V' g5 e+ T5 c( k- D9 H             somehow I lost myself inside again ; s, n  j. k. g& H( G' Q% }$ F9 x
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
0 j2 A: q. Z4 f* V3 U' T8 }& v             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. j" j& d; X, h6 e" `+ s
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................4 y& {2 E/ e* u0 o3 U
Basically, I almost finish this poem* w& A- n6 ~8 c) y
               I am 一个人de精彩# M8 A' O0 `) g/ h' p4 {( L
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 M+ l3 |6 O, `# e: L4 X3 }/ zBut........         ; F; e& \+ d+ K# b' C7 j6 V
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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+ o5 L+ [; d. l8 i' w0 E卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
' F/ i6 m% R# ~1 [" }Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
( ~! Y$ F; p2 QSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 8 z# f2 i# U5 K: H* c
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   $ t9 o9 z; s; ?, L; H. g
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind * a8 n! ~7 ^8 a7 R
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
, ^8 a5 p+ l4 W2 _- ~+ J4 L$ a( |( d' |5 W6 o3 [8 X
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: k+ |3 b) t  f; q5 ]* g2 Q) H; bSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 U4 Q4 o% q- v. o1 h, n$ f; MSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% A8 M/ Q3 o1 ]+ U- _% GSomehow I lost myself inside it again
3 ?6 a/ d% l$ M" Y# D% z2 C0 U) ~
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion9 H* J+ {! \( j+ t7 h: f& N0 _  C
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you2 D* J8 V4 X: D7 s4 I6 ^% e# H
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself, V1 o1 }1 G5 o8 r2 L- d: G
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- I4 y( Y5 i& {0 L4 g=====================================================================
. V9 O3 H8 ]; L) \/ k# E" b* Osomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ( T( @+ e# Y: q+ l/ J2 N
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

5 m# u3 |8 X, C  r9 H# V6 |哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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