请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
  |! E3 H' V3 d1 wHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!



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7 ]5 S0 [6 `# X( o! rFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
+ `) t8 I3 @- n1 }# K              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
& v2 e. ?: [5 f: z9 v% O              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
7 }/ X3 C* A7 K4 |3 i* RHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 t  b" s/ P- m' K( @1 b' L             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
& _2 P" V1 [6 z& X* R             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) v& i: K' x9 ^4 H. ^7 y             somehow I lost myself inside again
. u( d; F: X" f( [; {Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, O. k6 M4 F6 [% W8 i; O4 N4 `/ WFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
8 f8 k" g* R1 a/ R               I am 一个人de精彩
. N( d+ J/ b0 X               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
2 ~+ D: J# U5 r9 B+ aIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 l2 n9 a4 o3 h! z8 T9 ?Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
5 Q4 t- ]& x, K4 x4 a% p% c% |- {Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
: E1 Y  j0 N6 V; ~( ^* eSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
" D7 W  B# ~7 v% I8 N1 E- V: p4 d
$ G( H# z- c2 nSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
  a( ^2 Z2 x# w- G# S4 U8 c
) ~" n3 U; m& w# oSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" Z- R9 J" Y6 }2 h. V: c& _Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
0 {/ p* [$ `' {( N: v) W# x. n  o================================================
9 d, F- Z, M0 U3 z: YHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

* @" Z. N5 T5 [* c$ lsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ t% `0 c! {, l% L& B- K! F=====================================================================
3 _) L5 d+ G! Msomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

$ I$ P6 S2 V, b, c  C4 j哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？