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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem+ {* a- m$ k) A4 `
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
' q: i" U. y4 A3 q+ HHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem  L' J, U2 x) N& D- q
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ! f; a; J9 q$ m% _$ H0 t
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 6 g* h" s/ M$ h  B" A' ]# t
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 0 S3 J! E  o. g5 V1 |" p
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me & ~2 P5 ^5 E6 _) M5 {0 ], V, c1 E" S
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
- _8 x" g/ e' Q8 k              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 3 I$ J& w% f: I1 B; u. \( a
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ @; _, ~4 P6 Z- v) F6 L             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 4 \2 I. {  U" O$ b' X
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 G! ]* Z) \& i7 P/ u  b8 q& @' B; ~             somehow I lost myself inside again
$ Q& N4 d% c: Y$ w) ]6 o3 yNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 4 i+ q9 o, e3 s9 v0 w
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; \/ m: L+ t2 `+ E( r8 SFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................+ h- m$ n8 K2 A4 F: E
Basically, I almost finish this poem" L0 o1 o5 r" B3 r& Z( s/ p  S
               I am 一个人de精彩
) P8 s; f- n) E3 d/ B4 ^               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.5 k3 f! k  W5 }" H) d! Q* c' Z
But........         0 g  ^' s  Y" u/ }
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”; `9 b! _. }7 n) }

# [# N3 S, K2 D卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?4 Y$ H$ I" Y  W7 r0 F0 ^3 W
" a" W0 d6 q6 d  |5 d4 R" ]
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you # V7 q- n& g. M5 X8 a+ ^
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us ' H8 [8 S+ a0 l9 Q/ u
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
9 O/ E- E3 Z) i+ E0 g6 N0 FSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   9 j+ W3 H$ o2 u( u8 i9 q' u3 D4 X
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 3 B, j8 Y0 v9 T' d
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness # y7 m- t2 f$ n7 K% |4 p$ R
9 @; t$ z6 V4 [6 `, Y( ^* L% [  l
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday % S6 ^, t" u- x+ F' P
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 N, [1 Z* I% e$ H; g, JSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 D" a" m! j1 I! s2 q+ E7 cSomehow I lost myself inside it again 1 m; V( j1 H* H9 f# ]$ {5 r, V- `
: O( x7 B: d, g6 c3 n$ C1 S
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* N6 `2 o9 ?- u' qSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you( n) M& T8 r2 X$ A7 I
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
9 p$ X% b6 n! R0 u: Y$ {/ ~Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday + w- m$ k/ R* l# ^+ ]9 Y, O1 X
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. ]* M4 X% T' ~$ f  C0 t3 |1 xHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 2 ]. ?: Z% p3 G/ \

& `. {9 C3 T9 O1 zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 / i4 g$ ?5 g. F/ H: {" S
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

2 V, u' Y& P+ h$ F7 V2 O哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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