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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
  b- [- h9 C$ Y* @: ^0 tBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.! n5 H6 d# a  v+ [% H. `* v
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem* k- p, c7 X# ~
Thanks a lot!!!
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  G, T* q) M& t$ B6 W4 _  A: q' d- ?  S: s# j* a
. ?* Y! W3 @3 M8 ?

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$ |4 Z) ^8 f! ^$ }/ KFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
& _: w% S* d" o" x& @              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ) r9 H* H" w2 ]7 Q& K9 v3 ?. P: _4 k
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
& Q* C) X9 M+ i" E              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 5 O! C( P% {( \  W; Y% T
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ! }$ \, c0 f( y8 j# M/ j+ N2 L4 d5 L
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! u( g. h7 [( m1 R4 wHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 0 L# J2 Q: @/ V- W) O& p/ X
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( l- e5 l. ^8 N0 a, D5 [8 p             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ _5 f$ @: x0 P5 p2 Y! E& Z2 U6 c             somehow I lost myself inside again
* r% H5 T6 O  x" n  J, k* F2 B3 gNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 H5 J  z% K6 l6 L0 Z1 }& }: Z2 u+ [             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ ^9 U( n! D* C) g! RFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................9 s6 X; f" m! r8 f* @0 j
Basically, I almost finish this poem
4 c5 C- C$ ?7 R, @3 T6 |+ S0 K8 ]               I am 一个人de精彩) x+ \- g" z; G' Q
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.7 p  X. ]$ i8 S! G1 B6 G- X
But........         
& d3 v9 Y" a4 v& J2 K4 r0 ?Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ' a' b' S: j* C  S- w+ u5 v7 `
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us / d, z" u. k' l" A
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 7 b! ?, q- M; i: H
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   * o1 ^, m8 H0 W) y3 [
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 3 c, ]- r) u& X" ?' D) B: F
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness ( v% i, |4 j& d( m+ P
2 N: M7 T2 ~. ~+ e
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& Q) V8 G1 ]% q6 Y- j4 X0 U( ^Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ) `% `, n% w4 {% E$ l$ i
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: e' y6 [8 r' V. M% B; \/ I
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 9 T* g1 G  m2 i6 u/ }2 S
' x' ?+ q" c2 T5 g( `+ o: L
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
. F6 R( i6 D; QSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
  ]% }! ?- H$ ?+ _8 bSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself- N6 K. K: h, s' p% e; a
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ) o7 g8 J0 V. a/ n( @+ a, v

& N' R0 F% H- |" J, g# gsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, s6 Y1 d, y& U& x; b( g# p=====================================================================
+ \5 D2 z, m6 m7 P3 j6 Hsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
' Z& ^, M5 G' o) a2 B* |6 t我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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