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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem2 k% |, N- [4 b8 s) O' D2 A
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
$ I( v1 l% A' R, {+ c# a  w, D3 O8 eHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
, w! l) ?, }4 VThanks a lot!!!
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# x: {" l6 l" o# ^6 D8 X9 A: y+ G  N- z
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ) d+ ?( d0 r* Z. E+ J) F+ v
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us - G& a; T, \& i. ~# N* S
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
7 w' L/ p1 s' N9 ~  q              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 K% ?' v( j* I; v! J8 q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ; P+ i% H5 `3 T( G2 ?) U. U2 V
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
7 v4 x0 Z1 T% @4 t* A+ J8 V9 W7 ZHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday * o: {/ J( N! h" b
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart " A6 o* j  p: Y1 m& D* V! s' x) Q; ^
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ C- n4 D7 S( x             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 Z  ]8 U+ b' w3 }; kNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
* V( ]4 t* A6 t$ V# _; ]             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion# S6 ~: j+ G4 J5 Q) \/ i. D
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................  ]6 {  o" J* X0 n8 q
Basically, I almost finish this poem
8 X; N0 A  H8 |6 c               I am 一个人de精彩
+ E  X) h9 i5 b/ L4 k               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# h! [0 J0 m9 S5 m) rBut........         
! I3 {0 j& v1 P$ B$ lIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”9 D7 |9 V. N; Z0 s! j% K

4 |+ ?. r2 {: ^! ~7 }卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?; e6 k* ?& Y" q5 [

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" H6 Q5 T- Y" z) y2 _) [Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 4 \, y: a! e- F  i0 W& d4 W
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ; U0 c3 r3 e% b( N2 u
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   8 v  X6 D1 R" Q1 o* g
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind * [/ ?$ v) F7 U9 @* P
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
" }, L# l1 o) D- }2 g
) `2 L# i/ u  ~5 vSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ h2 D3 `/ k7 j4 w2 D. ]& M' B' |8 ~Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 u- S1 E* c: H% N3 eSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness+ f8 n0 _  o( c/ p
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- s+ I# S% m! ]0 N/ Z
, ?' H9 a7 g# {8 l  H* F7 NSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 S: ~& g* L, L% S2 J" s2 P5 nSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' Q9 m3 w  X  u6 YSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, B& h% \. g& K% SSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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7 \. z. e1 f' ^* z: kHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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( ?6 W1 d! |: O8 @8 x+ f- ]somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ \2 J( K9 s& f=====================================================================
! _; V( q0 W+ I) p; V& ksomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
/ u$ u. l: d) Y( \! V1 m' `6 U1 @0 r我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

# s$ q$ i% `* x! {2 A哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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