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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
7 i/ j0 L& \: |" EBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
6 K+ }. w1 l+ J- {) L, H. Q9 SHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem& B1 U/ I$ y( A9 {4 E
Thanks a lot!!!
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+ ^; I8 P+ e1 |7 p0 k. ]3 `9 Z! v% v( I3 U$ o, _9 B& I) y2 M  A5 ~

$ d/ I' d7 u1 j) Z: V# z+ I! `7 b7 |" k9 z- x  A. _3 U6 g
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
0 {' l7 \6 F. G! S" Q0 b+ o! W7 ^              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ; X1 m8 ]/ L- H9 v1 I
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 4 E# {9 @1 O8 U
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 b1 I1 U. ^9 a6 b              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind $ ~- G4 x5 K% Q
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! g, |- q0 E! J8 ?1 o' ~/ P* GHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 B* S% ]3 E# ]! J( e5 J  H             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 6 r: D' Q- u6 r4 t
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! N6 H2 z; \4 Q  @             somehow I lost myself inside again % _# y6 @0 U/ W& Y) f) J& A+ W  U
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog , {6 h5 D: J: _$ e3 y! H, T4 L) x
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion! |" [+ [8 `, ]# K+ Y, v
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................! w1 `8 `, P+ _- Z$ W" w
Basically, I almost finish this poem
. X7 B( a0 q5 N$ j$ b1 N               I am 一个人de精彩: F; M: l* L" S) _6 L
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.5 H6 L- n* d4 M/ j) _5 m3 C5 o
But........         
: e, X& r# h; o) }; Z, R1 \Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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  ?  s& C+ n" V( [  d" D卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you " \( W9 ^5 s2 Q) J/ N! `8 c! c
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us   S- q( r8 z# p/ _  S" [8 b
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ( f8 l; r2 ?) T  P7 f! Y, d* `
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
, P* L" f. ]$ v0 ESomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind $ W1 W$ t5 \8 F+ e7 j  K0 t- Z  w& g
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness , k  H7 v$ B5 X
1 [8 i- T1 `% ^( d- p
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday - K' G3 u! `1 c3 e
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 v5 D8 B, e4 sSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness( _8 G) x. u3 u. B! I
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- J/ n+ X" n; N6 h
+ J2 ~- b1 w$ m0 ~* S3 t, ASomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- c, X5 P7 T: b( ]% lSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
, ~- q1 w4 C5 q* H& m9 ~Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself0 H  n/ x* A# ~. O% g- q3 B* x: e4 f8 }; F
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( k* E1 A0 U. A$ a& t=====================================================================5 S& s5 V- ^, U0 x
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
$ t" S- Q5 s2 Z我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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