请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
- q9 @% P7 N6 z" m# lBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
: C. v3 H, h, _0 L3 a1 UHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
7 m+ Y& P' q- `4 o. Q3 x% b              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 D5 V* Y8 y; u' f# O8 V1 D! z- }              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
( q* v" i; ^; }  X" d7 X+ l4 K! R' P              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
$ b3 B; u  Z! Z. \6 D9 O              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
$ A8 W2 N' b& ^. I: R4 _However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, J1 r; |4 T/ H7 K! Z             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 T2 f& f( b) e* G9 I7 s" k; |) q6 L2 l             somehow I lost myself inside again
% |. A- i; e+ P. z! k0 @  J% @2 BNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
- c+ t5 z- k! k6 ]4 P7 P             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- c! e  v! I* l# vFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
+ B& o" N5 b& [( H2 O               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
1 O. t/ p$ ~- L7 C6 r  @* K& KBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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# h. k. e. A- \, x. r/ R3 B3 ]卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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6 x! m' Z+ _& E  p" t

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ }6 r4 o  H3 w9 h% o( {- x2 K2 gSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
2 Q$ G4 B0 q, |2 E; C8 [+ SSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! P3 c+ h2 P& O# t* N5 m  dSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
9 Q* ?; b$ i; Y+ j2 O2 O9 cSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
/ {- W' ]/ R# l5 b' N+ l) m) g7 J& p* kSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
) i1 a) x/ E5 v' u- H# [' WSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 k8 u: g5 q( OSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
1 K  U, R! v$ J2 I" s0 }Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 A$ V, A' z6 R) x5 z2 x4 i1 S8 ^================================================
( k, W+ X# `4 p: O. pHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
% _* j, S+ t0 N! I& @: Q5 N5 E
" I% p. Q- C$ Msomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& K+ e9 p; h- g% E9 ^0 ^=====================================================================
$ @7 u$ H! T7 D% Z- M. y: z! u' Ssomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？