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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
( [* Z, K  }4 U$ o1 ~% ZBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.! \* V9 G. L9 i; b
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem4 i6 `. [) Z1 n( ?, Y( H- s% n$ b
Thanks a lot!!!
  p3 b9 E, J3 Z8 Q$ A6 G: U9 l
7 Z* a, G% r9 A4 _! b& h
( C# u$ T+ q$ `, W# f1 O* C, F+ h3 U" k1 }
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9 e5 r+ [' d+ m4 B. _5 U
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
# [& A2 g  I: g3 b) O+ {              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us - M/ h% b. K( g% c! B
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ; R4 n/ N, j# Y7 H& A& |' T8 J5 F0 Y
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 n; h2 A; b% |+ ~6 n* v              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ ?* ?# ]( N8 R1 M, e8 M. z1 _& c              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
  V5 R7 r7 ^1 [: C% N; N" J) THowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 1 E7 _2 O  b+ W9 P2 M- i# `' J
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ) Y4 a) A  e3 `
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness4 x4 v% X8 Q! z3 ?
             somehow I lost myself inside again 5 C$ `3 |: x. L
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
2 q+ }. P4 D, A  g( k9 E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* a6 u' ~( q0 M  VFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
. v+ E* s* K' O" QBasically, I almost finish this poem2 S4 ^1 @2 }  k
               I am 一个人de精彩
9 h8 H$ U1 O- }4 E$ |2 o& y4 u" p               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 h+ ^  y* w8 n0 iBut........         . e0 n3 z2 b. k
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”! K4 ~4 Z& _" G4 _

9 Z, r  @% g2 W卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?" k0 W6 A9 j- \4 ^& @8 e
: y: M( l% i1 m$ x; B* y8 o' Q
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 _/ ~% ]6 i$ t1 b6 ~5 @Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 4 W  g0 K' O% N, w, S
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
$ L' s# M0 `. p% Y, D6 k% |: Y- hSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   / J( l, ^& |( H, H  }; ^6 C* p
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind * F/ g6 A5 z, S2 G; u
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& B' Q7 R4 b5 N7 ]6 [) W
% c1 ?4 J3 G5 \. H7 kSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday . m$ h/ G0 O* V  y0 h' A* g% B
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. q$ V; c2 A5 ~7 e/ N- ]$ lSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness- N( r/ F; ]' B* H
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
; e0 }+ O4 s5 D" {* @4 `
; p0 f" m/ z. k; mSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion/ [( g3 o1 D' u' o$ P1 I6 w
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you2 o: u. h+ N- v7 k& M. m/ `8 ]7 g9 U
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself3 l- W2 j5 u! M8 u
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! k6 U; j$ E* {5 l& Q4 D+ i7 Q( M================================================
! z4 A! Z" w7 J) THowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
* r8 _" Y- H+ C& A7 D. m8 ^$ E
3 }5 s7 O* U) s+ E( T) Osomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" l9 U- `/ _. c, E- `. Y=====================================================================
$ K6 }. d9 Y0 r$ Osomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 F6 \& E, M+ q  _2 A% D我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

" k5 L) A- `0 d/ X! s哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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