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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem. x8 _+ K% c8 M
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
+ G, f  I0 w9 S  ?$ FHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
& o2 C5 m. r2 c) a$ DThanks a lot!!!6 S1 y- U" @$ Z; K/ Z) P5 {2 B/ T' R

- w+ ?$ e- C/ w1 s0 {. w3 g' Z; B' h- e  y
5 v8 f( K) b* D9 O' F5 a( l
( @1 M& O4 H2 ]( j( i9 D- L

" e  ?4 s$ r, z- f" d
6 L5 o7 r; l; P% H. P0 f4 z( |8 U, N) P* J- C1 w/ {( y! D
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
- m3 |0 D& e) |5 A" B! \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* F' d! e2 E- |; h) v: X3 K              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
  y7 M, Z. _) Z1 D! g              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
6 B( ?5 n/ ?( D# O3 p9 o8 p              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind   R! M+ E/ d9 ^# O! e
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' s, s' t$ |! n. t! DHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' e9 H* \! m; I5 G, I             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 2 f. X7 P, O& W, n
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, d2 e- s8 H( n% _) W1 C' A
             somehow I lost myself inside again 1 s5 `- y1 f' k( l2 Y! A
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ) G4 p, b; f# K- o
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion# u7 r; b. F) s$ o0 b4 a! O' a' h
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................, E1 d0 Y5 r+ ]
Basically, I almost finish this poem
. K9 F9 W$ N4 c- G# _* O6 {               I am 一个人de精彩6 L6 c1 Q! K! A. a$ L
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" Y, E+ J5 K6 Y6 v% }0 QBut........         
5 q0 {+ W) V5 \8 x5 [$ z! _! ], ZIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”" h5 |6 q6 ?' y

3 r* n3 V% @+ H) d5 h; @! C卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
4 X1 A7 `5 D6 L) h- _6 j$ a5 d% G2 S- U5 k  s) H7 F
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ y3 Y0 b' j' K5 @9 m( wSomehow I'd find something wrong with us & m! a$ W% P$ I3 p
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world / z8 ?. v3 @- j
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 k4 y& s) O- R  k' w+ s* c1 ESomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" r1 v4 w; _8 m; HSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness   G, l/ W3 e0 n4 d

3 \* h4 e* e0 ]) c6 }& Q" ~2 QSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday / ^& E/ D* C/ S! E
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart # _# m* g7 S& {7 J9 q* W/ z( t) l
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 w( j' K6 T: j6 J8 q; V
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 3 [' q! R+ G9 _" g8 C

7 f6 z0 k: ?4 B2 \- i* Z1 OSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 i5 _; a5 r3 gSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
( I2 t) U6 ]- l# P# L4 y3 `0 \Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself) Z- k/ B$ T; [7 X
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 z, r* a6 v9 l================================================. `6 }. R4 t2 `- L2 H) Y/ |
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
. B! R$ ]/ B& f! h* w& D$ j: v* S" B2 T1 `, y( K  E0 @$ m: a
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness) H& K: A5 b: _7 u( Y
=====================================================================! b% H3 N! Z; h6 Y3 I7 k9 X
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
大型搬家
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 0 @# B1 \# z: t- y5 M, K
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

7 x  Y& p& `4 b8 U+ X哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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