埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5408|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
. w: J$ b' m3 V2 s0 c) qBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
4 @( N! I1 }: j- s& U% IHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
5 m( w' E; D2 f! _" g) TThanks a lot!!!# Z! |1 K6 [  ^! F* \! W+ q7 W

1 M& ]* @# x- V- W
" L$ c9 n( p5 U1 D) C0 @: w
1 ]: B' h8 c: `# o7 t  q
: ?# j" n3 f/ v0 V) u* r
! I3 k5 K) g7 |. Q$ ^* g8 q5 {6 i$ b! H* k$ t* z4 l2 M% \

4 F% \. R# X; a' B6 i  g+ k( \# h- tFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
2 V# o/ o2 {+ `0 [9 [0 a! u              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 D3 Q+ h$ @8 c) B' G! k, ]              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
3 [9 r& U& }& \0 p0 U1 }" m1 g7 Y( d              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
& ~3 G7 D' p4 }) `6 n" b5 z              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 D9 a; c, n, T. t7 F( M$ @% L              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
* }4 a5 N$ P8 E# XHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 v+ L. A8 d. Q5 ?7 |$ \             somehow I realized you were still in my heart " q, g, U2 c& R" Q
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# k+ m/ N% v' B+ B% Y, v- {             somehow I lost myself inside again : p, [, S' u& V, o/ }
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
! T; m7 e7 s/ n# S( O             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion1 s' X$ K, i3 t! j
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................8 t, z$ H9 L/ H, I' V" H2 c
Basically, I almost finish this poem. L( \; J4 V; V/ m/ A
               I am 一个人de精彩! E6 ^2 D. R3 A6 U+ v, i- ]
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- u0 v1 H. a, v% |$ GBut........         $ X( `- Q/ J+ u) t5 S# Y8 V/ M! H& j
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”4 l' j6 p8 j/ V: q% ^

3 I. t) O' z3 F7 a6 }卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?) w0 J& A( Y3 o$ t, a5 b

$ K$ y; J8 G5 o9 ]* i
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 3 `* F& v& h0 X9 F  ]( h* v. E( [: I
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
5 L/ ^/ F9 q$ O) ^Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
5 J& {4 b- }. d5 p9 zSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" M( y. G9 N# ~1 G) g0 k/ S+ ESomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
8 M( s  w- r, _Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 5 J) \) F, o" b9 `4 _- Q

7 {9 ^( o+ [* y" q2 @Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday $ Q$ a0 Q' w% M3 o1 q
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. z/ F8 f& H0 E, L7 r2 c% xSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness. g, T$ W1 T3 e4 h! l; f8 F
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
3 Y7 s& v9 g0 I- @4 [" \1 d/ h+ Z, B3 V3 Z& Y9 ~# X. H5 V
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% y# j9 V) s* k( K% cSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you& d( [9 ~/ Y* _) }* P/ U0 a
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself/ c' m( L/ s# R$ U$ E
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 5 f3 S7 }& ~1 p8 K. k/ ~- r1 O
================================================" G8 h) Q; n, H5 W3 I5 F
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
; C2 m0 ]8 v( m
# S9 m  k3 y' vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness* p2 W/ f: q' o  i' L
=====================================================================8 A* ~5 e- }* M4 a# \
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 1 N8 s( g$ `3 k; s
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
9 B& f+ r9 ~; p6 s! ]5 _
哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-2-27 21:02 , Processed in 0.084257 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表