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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem9 ]% f% F/ X0 t# G4 r0 N8 L- X
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.# Y! B' Z! N9 x/ X- C9 z
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem% y. m1 B  u" K/ ~
Thanks a lot!!!% ^6 S) @! l" ]* C& ^& ~

5 x% w8 i0 S; k( a6 a/ ]; G
* l6 M' N* f  J. g1 a) C
" s% X* o; W- U0 s5 K( n% V5 h' N) i& U9 o

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; d) q; h: Y6 J$ d. U. a  V$ qFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you + d4 R2 c/ j* ]$ \$ O: i8 n
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 3 h9 l- V* i4 M+ {+ i' u
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" F" S7 G4 i2 `              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 v0 q( Y* E: H$ O              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ( i9 Q$ y! u3 s2 r
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness % z) x* o5 N7 |  [
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 O, z6 B% b+ a1 _- p! c
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 h' G" Q0 k, `# i4 b             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. [, z3 b  y  y7 @2 h1 E             somehow I lost myself inside again & w% R2 h0 C3 w
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
, t) Q! T' |9 q# s4 i             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion" Y2 d3 X1 ^" j
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
5 q% `3 k+ s: r5 mBasically, I almost finish this poem
# [; d/ Z, q/ i% K, B               I am 一个人de精彩3 B. d2 H  t4 [9 }% |
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 g$ Q  ^% |" ?) m1 U% U* xBut........         
6 b5 e% Q; _- O$ v3 WIronically? Isn't it?
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”- ^+ a" w% R2 f  t. y% J

9 E3 \1 D. T1 {4 m0 f卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 1 W  z2 g! H  W( y7 x
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  t2 D" c! D% w7 m( O/ C. h% wSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 6 W* }! Y! b, K, |/ _! f8 v* }
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   # k$ l' U9 v' x' l. Q) H- [
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
: ~2 c1 N5 b& x/ X: @Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness $ H! h0 [( j4 N
2 H0 P2 t1 D8 Y- T3 a
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 B3 W2 j( r* `# WSomehow I realized you were still in my heart 9 s- A+ V, G7 q- d1 ~8 W& d5 d) y
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" \; ?0 s8 B& a4 H2 cSomehow I lost myself inside it again 5 z7 I5 F6 r; L# e" t4 H* q' M2 a3 H
) h: ?3 T* c. z9 [
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 X. X! J0 K6 ?2 H  kSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you! j" p1 P: i: J5 i. N' G
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
8 G; ?/ P* O% D0 F' _4 Q& ZSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
% n4 d: P9 b$ Z/ \3 s  }% X4 v- w$ [; ]
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' z1 K- P- y/ b7 ?=====================================================================
0 J0 x- u5 t4 g( |2 xsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 7 n( A/ E( D$ o7 {6 k6 u9 X! q
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

3 w; B; ~2 q1 l哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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