请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
+ }$ E( i+ F# ~$ ^' RBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( N2 {; y7 R4 N. a( ]  C7 rHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
- l  f) k! I6 t9 b% u




4 W1 a- q5 i+ T/ f( }5 Y" l

; R+ H* s% ^5 F5 C$ B9 O: YFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
; N  ~+ |+ T" s/ e  C# l" C              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
: u( |9 k8 Y+ ]- P7 @3 U              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
6 d1 D2 y! Y3 a  z1 o  s              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; n4 ^" Q+ u5 m  u; j( x9 Q* V7 z              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; t% F. c- Q9 y7 M  pHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 b# ]6 f6 I/ G             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 R6 g; x' d) b- B1 Y% D: B) v             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
  h* P$ J6 k& `Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
; B" N; Z8 x5 i, w9 x/ A             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# y4 m9 {. v* _: s1 C- R2 ]Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
1 r7 h. Q/ f- ?, x! A5 E, @Basically, I almost finish this poem
, E! k5 b- G6 x( v7 y, [# t               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
  X9 |0 l7 n/ N& OBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
+ W0 T& b/ B' {7 ]9 z7 }
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
4 \& [4 e0 q' w* J5 }

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) f/ m/ f" c' E& aSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
* v6 U- M- ?/ O* I5 I% d, {! s; i) G% iSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
& L! ?4 L2 a0 }7 N3 V8 [Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& p7 Q. S# {3 }8 X% ]5 B, J
8 E* P* G5 i5 R7 Z) tSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; v: G& T$ h4 C5 k$ HSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
: S0 b; ]9 ?8 s5 {8 S, p+ F2 f- CSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* e5 X& w3 O) Y; P* XSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
1 X' d0 A1 J; a: Y/ K  TSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: M6 n6 O6 i" A  G5 G1 e================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
  [+ T' s  v2 g# b9 V& Z7 X3 @我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

& l/ g8 X* s0 X. J. m  W4 S哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？