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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
( S: s* r- j/ {2 JBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.- A$ ~4 t( j; c4 A% c9 D% l# F5 B
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 B0 I# Y, C3 ]. KThanks a lot!!!8 i4 ^/ A2 s  d+ U

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# {# D" T1 |/ D0 z& O2 V3 w2 k4 H' j% H- F8 s
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ; ~* v9 ?, x( n' m
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* }0 w8 h% m; \! \7 ^$ `5 N$ K' U) X              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 5 N6 B( T8 l9 i$ T( [
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 7 ^0 F/ `0 [2 l% ?) D. u
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
$ [, Z. h2 z. d/ t/ r- \& y7 G              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
6 x6 a& m( P( [* d- b* x& R1 ]However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% u8 C0 w7 [. X% k4 d             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% j( h3 e: @: D9 u             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness2 a8 v% y% ^6 c, D1 }
             somehow I lost myself inside again
  F6 L" [$ T3 W; b4 N6 \3 D; R  N: Y: ]Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog % I+ W# K, Z8 `/ r( P
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. g% H9 W; R6 @4 k. @3 J
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you....................................... @& I- P1 V- e% }+ e7 j4 v* f
Basically, I almost finish this poem2 ]2 T! c  e/ E3 A5 H  H
               I am 一个人de精彩: o. s/ H. i2 h0 J# E, c
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
5 p6 h: ^4 M8 z- ?/ I1 M. BBut........         7 j2 Z* H+ ~5 s  m
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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5 `. U: }' B6 ]( f) l5 g# S) r: j" {卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ) t  b6 P# d4 ^8 ]' e2 B
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 8 L) o: w0 p% b4 G2 T3 x: G
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" f  a# J8 v8 a4 n& S* o3 OSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
1 ]7 T) w4 [0 I9 O1 I- QSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 q  B; a, B- `- ]Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 9 d0 p8 q. O; m3 U1 C7 v

7 O$ H& M9 _- @3 d, dSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 4 ~4 }  W0 Q. H
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart , q) |& f; w' N5 ~5 x: L7 r
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! T# D, q) B; W$ C% |. r3 {+ X
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 6 S3 E6 l4 M, L" j) b6 D) p5 I
1 L/ F8 e4 |. e* [3 h0 c
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" v/ d/ v! K$ ]. L+ i2 mSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you. q" }. D& T. d! A3 y
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself6 m1 `) a  f0 e. j1 ~
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday + E- A! v5 J0 `) z' j% X2 v3 N( g

6 v# Q& C7 b! b$ _# ?$ c) Bsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 0 f5 u6 V. ~9 w4 }) ^" Q6 Y
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! T( f  W# E& h6 M* Q5 q哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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