请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( y3 O' P+ A5 t. P, m3 h3 w3 A  I0 RHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 O4 d; O4 j& b; \' M- hThanks a lot!!!
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0 z7 ]5 k; c/ f3 e9 nFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
7 i, ^# u9 ]3 m: {, v- }4 C, H& i              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; M+ |6 L  A1 [              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
. z8 p0 S7 U; S6 N: V  g              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: ^& O) D, R" {, H9 f             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
5 B$ h5 k8 R" C7 F7 Q! F+ h             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  Q: W: \1 d4 A! _5 B' J& e0 W3 f# pFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
" Z2 A; s8 y- E2 x/ @& xIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
- d* \9 n7 \' v& v  P( g: b  }Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
& U7 ?* j) W9 C! N2 _. k" p1 OSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
8 p3 n6 d8 J1 |# T% o# LSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
1 _; d# ~5 D9 j8 ]Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 h& ^8 @0 Z8 ]1 o9 hSomehow I lost myself inside it again
0 I9 j9 A" J% }
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
: q9 h+ A7 |6 J* y, JSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
6 R* z) n$ ~4 HHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
" `" M0 Q. ^+ `# N0 `5 M1 Q* E3 ]# i我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？