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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
. e3 k2 j% H4 y" S/ \1 Q+ v( ?Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
- k6 ?8 z# r8 d5 F/ nHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( f& F6 d3 [( g  G9 MThanks a lot!!!3 m4 Q8 x" C/ u: }0 Y# ^" I
( }! u# b( t: j  K0 ?9 d# n4 |8 e
1 j& J. b" j1 ?; @' |

  Q' U0 z! r2 U. Z5 x! y) v& Z( g0 ]0 ^
" t7 u- _5 U" `! e

) Q3 g6 U$ E7 r: F) M
$ M9 Q# ~% k$ m' N- WFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
. d6 v$ o+ X. g  Z2 L: b4 Q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
$ V5 ~# ]! u: Y- n0 _( n4 f' w8 P              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ) _$ b* h: K) |( f1 A1 e
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 4 m" y6 K- Q( t; {0 u$ v2 ~
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
1 R4 w# h( A# B, @8 Z) i- B              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
- y* v& D/ _( QHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ' j* ^$ {5 P6 }
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 3 X( |* s1 M. V$ v, y4 t
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 }9 ?4 C, W$ m. a4 f             somehow I lost myself inside again
& u" H7 j6 O3 @6 zNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
" V  j( B* ?( F8 f9 a# G             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion" B) T3 o4 z9 y. g7 a
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................) _* m. M- e& D0 S6 ?% w& _
Basically, I almost finish this poem2 ]. R( j5 O, n6 b9 K3 o
               I am 一个人de精彩& V' G1 z  u  O
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.9 V6 w7 B* q0 d* h$ ?. c1 _
But........         ( d. d4 U1 S2 E; Q# k9 n6 Z
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”. _% F. p; B' j/ o* K5 x9 J
$ o1 A7 D* [/ t
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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' W9 s  k0 m! r8 Q& m
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# F9 y6 x; C. C  @& TSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
: `- v% y2 T7 DSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" }* b4 e. l( [/ _9 nSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% O8 T( l* ^" SSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind - ^7 ^+ m4 G$ n
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
! j- q6 W4 ^6 [1 q" f# B4 u8 r, L. D
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 U* v2 E+ O% _1 W; p# BSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
  r& [& S, J  zSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' r5 ?( H3 ~+ Z* W0 JSomehow I lost myself inside it again / R+ Y- [2 t4 C7 z( j

$ K+ ~4 p5 u& GSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion6 ?* W& z% _. |- s7 @
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& P9 E% N' `! k% `; w" I  X2 mSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself3 L  |8 |1 k. I5 s& j1 b1 j# V
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday + H# q0 q- ~( q) r: S/ _6 ?: s
================================================  |; u) c7 L1 T( p# |% }: ]
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
" L9 v8 ]) z! X2 A# }6 L& S" }5 a( x/ n! K, W' c: h
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: c* C# I; d8 \9 W- V0 T8 h
=====================================================================
  ]! }& w1 ^, Z& Psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
- g" y0 `3 G1 x- _我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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