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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem5 j$ k, K1 A! ?! D
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
9 |: n+ r3 n. i& h# }* GHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 Y/ Q' J' f) h% N  [9 wThanks a lot!!!' U3 R# x) u& {. N; h  d- c0 t
2 X5 e- r  |: s* f2 j% w
1 d7 \( Q7 n! @( F' o
  E, @" X; U8 D! W! {. Z8 F* L. k  i
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you * H: ]$ e, Q% O2 Z, t
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 7 q5 t! L( w/ |
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world   d+ {' G; p7 x" \% P
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
4 _& m: f' l- `* q; S% w( g              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
" V& e( \- X' C- J, I( I8 S              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
5 n0 y. l2 Q/ x% S! `* mHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% d3 d; @* a* ^8 S             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
6 q+ w: K8 T2 U8 R" E             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 E# j& ^8 R0 n; z( K
             somehow I lost myself inside again
6 J' ^5 b: |  ^3 ?. P6 F7 S" iNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
$ o; e. ]: V- }. s- B9 _             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. y6 k: q. Q+ W6 ~0 ^
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
3 s& C; R4 Y! r( G0 k  tBasically, I almost finish this poem' L1 u7 F+ |' N2 }
               I am 一个人de精彩5 r6 a5 P: n9 a, K# l+ o: ]4 A
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
& Y! @* n0 f1 p3 k' y/ ^5 ]. uBut........         
/ M7 ]7 L$ T8 _: j$ BIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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5 j9 e3 P  X) C; V/ v# O卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?1 x& O3 ?9 z" ^2 p% r

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
1 c, e- V0 @* sSomehow I'd find something wrong with us 4 c7 T' o3 I) Z
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world - d. F) `, Y6 I/ @
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   - G: O! G0 j( g& r) d0 `
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
2 h4 B' @7 S  c, u# U2 XSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness + ]" S% C7 Z6 E' w- j6 Y- l- p7 ^  P

. s& F0 o* v5 e0 ^% ~5 Z: `  s" |Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 Z% u- z1 V# t# `5 `
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 2 w5 t/ u; C! Z3 ~
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness2 h& v' ^7 P, d( |2 O) t$ R7 x7 y
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
" l! J4 U  [- _5 s
& E% O3 E( {; C3 Y& ~9 s4 I: iSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" D$ h* K% ~) }1 v/ W3 kSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you5 R* w% [; {; j& m, t
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
" B- J7 h8 ]5 A) t& bSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 @( T! g+ g5 x6 s2 D
================================================
6 ^0 K$ b% C1 LHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 0 u# a: s2 ]0 W' O+ i5 W* e9 Z& W

  j8 q+ |5 `3 [+ E9 e3 e& h* Osomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
理袁律师事务所
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
. ~) s5 ]/ |5 p: P我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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