请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
* _  \8 t2 Y( n+ O" I8 e- THowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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9 ~; p8 d, m- @1 S( ]Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
4 J- f" Y/ G3 @' Y" x/ C6 u) ]) g9 s2 Q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  H' R0 V9 e4 a% H9 m( H              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
5 S& ^6 K, Z9 e  B! A% S1 B: OHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 Y9 o2 Z" G  N5 O: _$ e             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 `2 j% r) a% aNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 F' y! Z( W1 N6 r5 ^Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( Q  S5 t4 x/ c# P0 dBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
5 ?* T0 U. ^; w: A; K               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
6 L- }" i: k; B+ E, XBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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% u2 O4 X* x' i& g7 f4 D' k) L卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 K# n- s- G# e) H- }8 ~Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
4 j& ]1 Q3 i5 D; V6 N* pSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 _3 l) m5 {) o) QSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* x' e+ X1 h; U' s
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 y: n1 w! W# \8 R! u2 F% }- v& a/ LSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

6 [* N* p7 i9 m. q8 {* ySomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- a# m. p) B- q* W) w4 p================================================
0 k0 L6 i. R1 VHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 }9 z+ ^5 h* {+ j哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？