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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem8 |1 q6 \; S3 _) k* j  u8 O
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
7 U4 E" @6 L# l7 y$ `( x7 @/ fHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; g( n2 _' {2 W& s( FThanks a lot!!!" _' N3 v$ o1 M: T

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 0 k3 _" J( `, B. V; b
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 4 h2 r8 ]: c$ e& L& v
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world   _$ I% d& S3 K% \! z  P; x, f( u
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% }! d2 ]2 a% I$ y: x              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 4 ^/ \8 c' U8 v+ d4 o
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness - w# z9 |5 A" V0 m3 b
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 0 u+ h, J) k) H/ u' @5 f
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" i! x1 Y# |' n1 Y6 f9 |             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! p! v* |; f* W+ Z+ J& N1 C( B
             somehow I lost myself inside again
" }; q0 \" U5 V' YNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 7 X' Q/ c4 B* k
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
4 Y3 I! Z& J) u6 c" }7 Z, TFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  g' {# Z% q& f2 m- N& f! kBasically, I almost finish this poem
( r6 Y/ E% a& K2 d+ {# P4 x* h  k               I am 一个人de精彩
3 [3 Z# Q6 A: U* a               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
+ s& |' [, Q: E0 F1 JBut........         5 C- @/ M6 m& L
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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6 z* e4 D, P2 U卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you . [8 j) H6 p& p; P( \
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 6 S& N* \% l) ]. W! O
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
0 C7 b7 Y7 }& J) D% \7 d7 YSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   7 E1 N# r- E; x. n7 {3 r
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind + k' l7 {" w6 w
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness " V6 H4 W4 C/ I: t

: N% N* ^6 d2 S, vSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 D  t/ F" c+ F( P: n
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  K8 q0 z) q# U" h1 W2 rSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness& O$ {1 x8 t/ T. x
Somehow I lost myself inside it again % V9 A( Q) K, {; p! k4 P

+ y" _' P" ]* Z' c) GSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 y5 o9 W7 H. m, VSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
: t. i' _: _2 K: t! J! a& Q* W; ESomehow I am the only brilliance of myself1 b$ E5 U# R1 k* T; H. q
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 h$ G+ }# {) k  _: R. e4 @
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ; l5 Z; F, a( i
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 r2 w2 g, I( a3 r/ L7 j
=====================================================================
% c3 e6 ^, \' O& Bsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 x' r5 T; @  q1 X7 R  [- `" {" I8 P我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

2 o6 ]6 r3 H+ k7 N$ }- w/ A哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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