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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
. M. J) w5 h* i, qBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.* H  e6 ^1 }( F! r5 s! Z7 m% g
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem  p2 U9 E+ z$ ~& {+ a' ^1 t. N6 I+ X- C
Thanks a lot!!!
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8 P9 j2 ]1 \& L: i/ F$ s# @0 w: r! i9 j' W" x- K% q

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you # Y0 G1 K3 @' g4 O7 N# A: _4 H
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
( J! @- v1 X5 ?/ F; `4 l              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world * {: S0 s: r2 J
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ! C* F8 M& a( W' M
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 R+ H+ w! |) b  v              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness + z! ~! Q& ^4 n% \& x
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 s* F/ P! h0 p
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
) A! Z% r0 w6 S, {% v' O5 D             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 _/ [  J  d: v
             somehow I lost myself inside again % _, }- q# e9 }( d' n2 k5 f" n, T
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog " V4 t; ?/ c; N7 _  b' h7 N
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion9 f/ B' L+ U( A* n3 }
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
9 W. S+ w- m1 C+ ]- n; ?Basically, I almost finish this poem
9 D6 j9 T/ H1 d: p2 i0 H               I am 一个人de精彩9 A8 f6 {5 x1 K" f
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 C- }' z  L% o3 F* [But........         8 W1 S! ^/ U& n5 e+ ^4 M( U, F
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”1 `; D, K* U2 Z; {
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 1 z  x: @2 {8 H/ A
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us ; Y1 ~. P; F) N8 }0 _
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world % L) C! S/ ~1 \0 Z9 G
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   , ^* D( l8 e8 l2 C& E8 T
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
' p& R' @$ Q6 x8 {! D/ P% `Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* z1 F7 ^9 }+ P1 d
& p  V2 W9 g+ m: Z" n; n& |; }' F0 @# ASomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 5 A4 P! P0 U; b8 [
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart : D# h6 X3 }; A2 n8 U
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 O$ |) h, l, B! x1 h2 i8 q
Somehow I lost myself inside it again " Z8 k6 o; ]5 u! X
: @! d0 i9 K7 Q8 m/ G3 }
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 e7 ~' e$ f1 CSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you! d0 x% u( |% I! x7 C
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, g( V* P1 U, h/ \Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 }+ x- z  V, ?3 R8 N3 t
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% e; }+ U' D! U8 K7 Z=====================================================================
/ ?' O! A% x2 m1 y) z1 u  Dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 4 ^# c# ^$ o- c; U/ ?3 D; p4 H
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

, p' {& K4 M8 T- p哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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