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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem& H( M( u7 S# a2 y  y
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.* H+ `, P1 O* O" }" v" w" x2 X, b
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
" i7 n0 L; h& ]# }$ O9 N" RThanks a lot!!!5 h8 O9 C0 F: o7 ^! O& @+ r) {: N

1 }0 Z6 Z5 o5 X+ }0 z$ D
9 @7 A& x) |' `! _* t7 A# C  S. Z8 e6 W& t* G
& S  ]6 A& F1 j+ y/ e

' K% F5 |' Q! l* e' U- J
. u+ H8 V: k5 d" R' C) U) ]8 Q# C/ `% |( a; y
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
' {( r$ i0 m9 a( z              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 }+ w7 O. g9 M2 h: J4 ?& j              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world # I, ?& q" h1 b/ o
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# Z. c5 M/ l. ~, C              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
. Q6 N0 Y' g& X) F7 r' a              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
( R4 I! L* f, t) U* mHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ d$ ~7 `6 {. f% ~+ Z             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' a. N9 G1 r" g             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness" |: ?0 l# N% o9 X* D. K9 y8 R
             somehow I lost myself inside again
" w  J' R; a$ y2 A8 e& w% v. B5 Q. v& LNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
9 x" I1 w4 `. n2 a$ J             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' F- Y# f5 m3 R3 C  WFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
" T& u) F; x5 DBasically, I almost finish this poem
5 M, z3 Q6 n/ v6 [               I am 一个人de精彩
) V, O) p' v- s# o% W" t               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.+ P3 U2 F+ _+ z1 R
But........         ; w8 A: F" {) X  r; o1 |; ^
Ironically? Isn't it?
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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1 P) l. o' }- A1 p; t6 F卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
; F6 r) i  x3 l! R( G3 }* r' \$ {7 }
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you - z% n- C6 {; g; H
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
1 Q# Y1 N/ u  c! mSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
7 M. D4 t7 Z8 J# zSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ! ^0 ^) Z' t& Y5 I* c" g* n0 O' D! n
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
7 Y$ j7 ]6 I+ [1 k( Q7 F; b$ vSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 6 x7 B( m* W: c/ [5 R* n. _
# p) _! T, _6 `" Z$ H, l0 J/ J7 b
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 4 ^  u5 d" o7 l' w5 Y- G
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: @* X( C2 }- ~) n8 M- `# v5 n- ESomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ f1 {7 u! t  `+ d& ^Somehow I lost myself inside it again   \2 d) n0 q2 [4 W
7 r& p  Y; W0 d8 s- z
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: X' x) q; w% ?4 h# [8 Y3 S: j/ QSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you+ t6 I. s  {! q/ r' U7 M! G
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, x$ l# M. ]) \* uSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' ~  w  s% N# h+ C7 d! `================================================
' \! r$ [+ j8 V1 k& e# X, w9 L& WHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
' f/ \0 J) y& I; Z" m3 `, d& O; o& d/ b( c. B# R; @8 S
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 K% E, M  R$ L7 w3 D
=====================================================================, n, o* F; v& q7 h& l: }, I2 b
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 # G6 c1 g- V" k. z; I. @& j
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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