请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
2 q5 c; D( T2 C8 s+ s3 t$ ~/ @6 U7 |  ZBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
* _) K$ ]! l2 |; nHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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! o& t- Z* B4 }; G- K. TFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
$ v8 f& s4 N$ g3 Z. W1 Q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( h; o) f, E! Z! v. O. p5 k              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! ~+ [1 T) ]( X+ d              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! q# J7 O  C# l6 \( S( y             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
3 X% g1 v) D6 j! x$ Q" }* gNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

; ^6 t( K! z* |$ u7 C3 u( g4 h卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
0 e; t- G4 g$ S- g6 @  [Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
/ Q2 u& `2 s; xSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

1 }1 G6 J3 w6 uSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

4 e1 `/ ^, \' s# \" i9 U2 ^Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& i; D- l* Z& \( ISomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
% h- ]# y% V, v0 h) y  }  b  L5 WSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？