请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
$ ]: q. f; s& ?Thanks a lot!!!

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3 I1 K, Y- |, Q0 FFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
9 O5 b& U. s$ W; k- {5 m              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
; A1 k3 ~' f8 `              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" H, `- g4 C7 ?5 n' E  {             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 _" }3 J/ U! E             somehow I lost myself inside again
: }+ t  I, ~. v: ONow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
5 i" q, J: z. A0 ~             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
$ i# O8 p0 U! H3 m$ zBut........         
4 X& ?  _' U' G( v% PIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
- g) n, \( e- Z- CSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
  j8 |3 }( f5 q+ D1 b( jSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 _& h# o8 s' JSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

& d  J3 B+ j# N( u, [' ]& l( X! _Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' y: N, r. }* f5 k1 T! l2 bSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ ]- W# G$ D: c$ u' ISomehow I lost myself inside it again

. ?6 i+ Q' [/ N6 b8 a1 }Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 s* ]2 a0 ~2 pSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
  H2 M8 c2 V( s, HSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

; Y. g; S& Y' B6 x" isomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
6 \9 a0 a# Z7 Csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
* Z/ F6 U/ T7 s3 \& W& Z7 N+ W, T我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( i4 J9 l- e$ s& ?哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？