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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem) p7 \  n! W3 B5 Y& b
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.! m( ~$ @4 C1 E! J4 ]. v8 @- r
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
, K$ C5 a7 s3 |9 CThanks a lot!!!) X7 C2 @' E7 h

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
$ B/ d$ K2 U2 \8 ?              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 8 j$ {0 @  ]. F: |4 Y
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 7 w. `6 i( v( H% k4 j
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% p! W# _' W) @& a              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 0 o4 k8 c( C* g( {1 }  X7 Z6 ?
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
, S+ n/ ^1 U: B7 q4 g6 |5 ]2 jHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday . j! a0 u: _* C0 S) W
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 8 K( u$ U0 h6 |) R' `
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness2 v7 T' Q: e0 N% {6 E& M5 G- G, U
             somehow I lost myself inside again 4 ^& `# _5 g0 y, _* `
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ) e7 o; a  Z1 k) x0 I2 V' z/ C
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion# w- B. f# _& o- X, c
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................# w0 Z5 E2 D: h' ~) I; }
Basically, I almost finish this poem
1 J. P7 u( j+ h  {  J1 a2 P               I am 一个人de精彩
' L5 b. g. ~+ {               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
/ j* Q: S- m" E1 R% bBut........         
) i5 G, l* L: ~4 b! o1 zIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”# K# w8 Y/ ^& y$ @+ k2 @
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) R9 @+ Y" `1 I% u0 R. FSomehow I'd find something wrong with us & {8 X" ~- u/ ]" ^
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
9 N' u2 J- p8 ]1 z6 V$ d* XSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" _* c3 b0 r0 I+ ~  j. USomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
* Z& p8 x( |/ s/ i+ V2 ySomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 5 e  v; O, w* `) M

- o9 r" W* o9 lSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 7 }% R# X& I# u
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ t5 [7 H1 }) B1 L" X, R8 ]Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness& y' ?! [6 X- o  g( D" N
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
  }- x* S  F% S# d8 o
/ M7 q7 ~9 s4 t) l6 j# f4 D/ ]  [Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion$ t5 n1 z/ |- N8 W. E0 i
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
5 y8 o" T& R) {$ ?0 g- tSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself# l; e/ O1 `: D2 y2 H$ S3 S
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday * J& f5 R; ]8 R' z! W
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! X* ~/ ?% w0 |9 l1 n+ |0 ^' uHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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4 q( O" w% d( I5 u: x: q) vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness' ?# A6 |1 s  H3 Z. W4 P
=====================================================================( q4 ?3 Z$ n+ v: G- F
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 s8 f/ ~5 F9 x, s9 v% Y5 [/ w4 A我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

/ y4 _$ F. c, a哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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