请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
/ X, E7 _4 Y( dHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
" y( K: N8 ~) D7 ?Thanks a lot!!!

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* o) _: V( A9 x6 L, Y+ CFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
! ?4 [9 ]3 j9 P  i7 V              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
3 v2 J' f# M# n  O4 y/ S! \              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
. \! ~- Z& F. o) H8 l              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* Z. e+ l: ]9 T: D% T% v. Q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, Z0 m# k7 l7 s# \' z              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, p8 i: w" U0 ]5 Q" ?' X" F             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
) @" M/ Z# \. S6 f# i& P' I( x. H* yFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
" S. I9 W) R1 T/ ?3 O9 g               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
0 k8 L% |$ j8 {% b  \) r2 MBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
1 J9 f5 P5 m* _( x- L  C7 ^Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 f: J0 K, |  x5 v5 c% B4 C- f: QSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
1 k5 e, p( Y- JSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

( n4 D4 O/ K2 `! q) r& xSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ b$ Y# L: x; H6 \Somehow I lost myself inside it again
$ K" N. C$ |  v& {; m' A
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ K% _/ q2 v) }2 DSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
4 g+ i9 A# g* P' Q. A0 D* TSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
' ?: l4 W% X. n* q4 K) HSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: V- I3 r' v0 `9 v" c$ t- Z6 [================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ c" Y1 G0 S& ^=====================================================================
- m. I: s  H" s5 k1 C5 D  jsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？