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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
$ q! V  L  J0 e3 yBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
. @8 C+ I4 B6 W8 `However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem4 m- s! a" v1 }. V
Thanks a lot!!!
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+ y8 t6 N& ~) j5 jFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you : t" U( `5 ^& a! S8 Q7 d: @1 Q  D
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ; Q* y* c- Q+ P$ M! _0 R- {2 V
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world : a$ }6 Z& r! d8 `: z' ~2 e
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me # Q" {% f1 f8 N/ N
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind " m1 M! @2 O% ?) v3 k  x1 p
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
. y2 C- C% C4 v1 y! WHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* |+ k* J  t; ^             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 e. c6 e' w$ X$ @5 l, l. z             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& w' I6 i% ~2 q0 Z/ l$ }; h             somehow I lost myself inside again
: C  s: ^, P2 n0 q/ D' v0 o7 Q# nNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog * w) \" N+ s1 l$ [5 D! F
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( E) |4 D: ?' t4 v/ ~9 o" aFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
' D6 b5 R% n. xBasically, I almost finish this poem/ a0 P3 |6 d" j. I' w4 b2 \
               I am 一个人de精彩' g. J9 f1 g) h  m1 N( n
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
  w( P/ \/ |9 n* {4 k) A* j" LBut........         
5 C0 M& @6 o& I+ G, ^$ ?  ]Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”1 b" J3 E6 d2 [7 I% [
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 3 W. \+ _/ P5 H- h$ c3 c
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
! }( }  S7 m; p: Q% gSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 n. v1 x& C1 y; v8 g( GSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ; O+ t" {9 C4 \( d% {' C
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind , z  T$ Y. v6 ]. W- L. D
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness ! T+ v0 M( w" l/ B$ _4 v" k- ~

$ G; G% S7 F8 l5 [) I* dSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ) w% B) n. w2 U8 Y8 M6 j( M2 y9 \8 l7 Z
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart $ X! J( u5 {+ f* l& Z
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, [6 k2 v6 {4 U  Z' H0 v
Somehow I lost myself inside it again : b2 d4 W5 Z4 f6 V; }- k& j
# g# T' T1 v& S$ o4 i0 s  U
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion* E) S  e. R9 w# s. j" b
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
3 M6 l% b2 c# w1 {5 K7 H! S! JSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself0 Z; h2 ^4 z( E: k( f3 D3 l
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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7 e! g$ q" H9 N# X5 CHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday . I# z6 `! R; s1 b  Z4 J
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness/ K! k8 n+ U- z1 g0 ]3 ?; i
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 J3 B$ M- X2 L0 H6 u1 Y" y! A, t我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

) m4 D4 H) t, M2 Y" C哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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