请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
: ~1 d! G! l' J. f/ zBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; m% I% s  t; I& {Thanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
2 f0 S! @. b. h) A              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
1 g$ J* d$ e4 K0 z) V' X              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
9 [: t1 b6 W/ x9 {) N* @              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
" U& g0 O7 H$ VHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
8 {7 ~! F1 X1 b$ |& tNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( K! ~# H3 N8 mBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
, {! c0 W3 V! A               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
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yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ Q( t# @: C0 U, s- ?Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
( t8 t; s. e  B+ TSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
, B- {. ]6 c1 Q) A0 Q
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 g/ O3 f! _, k. _1 Y- SSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  g% A0 R5 n3 J: [) r/ d* NSomehow I lost myself inside it again
2 G/ b5 q9 `! a& x
6 d. s# M* B; B% x2 L% B2 XSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( }* p/ z/ ~$ O/ |+ _8 BSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
4 ]$ @* i) H- ?9 [6 KSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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: H5 Q! k) y3 n" M4 D/ d3 z) psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 k2 k' O- k# y; {5 ^1 C我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？