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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
  O; w: b# K. N# P' {8 B, GBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.8 t/ w/ U2 p. Z1 \
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem2 y+ B3 a8 A1 \7 K
Thanks a lot!!!8 B% O8 n: j5 d# B  c& a
3 Q7 U8 z6 `5 e# F/ e

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1 n# O: h9 d( V2 b0 m, _Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ' x; j+ Y' \: C9 R4 Y
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ; d5 L7 O3 g7 Q2 n4 F$ M
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world " n, ~) z' S# r0 Y0 ]
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
! D8 I- O. F$ ^+ V3 A  m              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 3 l4 L) O2 Q4 t5 l
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 5 U2 A/ p, @, S9 r
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 4 c" G. F* X% V5 o/ e+ w3 j) i6 I8 x3 C
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart " Y* i# v+ [  V, q8 u9 }
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 ]4 Y/ [' B# b. O8 E/ U             somehow I lost myself inside again : C, o- p  G6 |0 {" {8 A
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ; F0 X* a1 \+ c: Y! s- m; @) \' W
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: F* c3 z8 X. W: V9 `8 a2 n0 xFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................7 S0 k/ h' _2 C! K; z, v
Basically, I almost finish this poem
# {! r' H) G8 F( w               I am 一个人de精彩
# W- P5 D( L: v               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 J, L  m6 x- ~: S" c8 l) SBut........         , d8 A, M- Q$ J6 t* c
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”7 ~4 u" Z- O) S( T% ?

4 V8 [& \) I& ?0 C, R! O卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
$ i* s% T. a' G; B* c# x! qSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
  n0 W. U0 d: w) l* T9 k* J1 [) {Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world - E2 P* Z3 x: B
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 W+ o1 Z5 O  u1 eSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 6 U" P' F" r3 g4 W. c+ t3 `" u
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
# m# r% C6 F6 Q3 c7 H+ p& K' w
& y& N$ E) m* w3 S& }: b; XSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- x, j/ S: X/ s+ xSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 c2 ~( m7 y8 Y/ ESomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 E9 |) U' s9 p$ g" S: I% i3 x( q6 iSomehow I lost myself inside it again
7 o2 g1 V; B/ _
) G3 V% J# }% F( LSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion/ V6 ?5 [; r: }( C- E! a
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you6 a1 `5 D! C1 a2 v
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
& n. B, v7 m" K8 @& X6 `- M& LSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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5 p! T9 ?2 V- |. L/ g! BHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
; a9 [- `. ]2 x- }
8 @. L9 B$ S3 ksomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness" T' k) V$ S+ Q8 a
=====================================================================
' m5 R6 g/ ?/ G7 Ksomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 & `5 N# E4 u/ a: N8 F! l$ Y# A, a8 e
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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