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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem6 k+ b& p- k7 ]" B+ T) X
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.. [  u* P/ [+ w8 t  F6 }( E
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; H9 F0 C! J8 p7 Y. p' yThanks a lot!!!, W7 `3 K5 V7 M+ ?

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% r6 y7 m/ h: J0 V6 ~) DFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 9 B# }; k: G, W
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 _. y- i$ C. x# W. D! w) L              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world : s" ]$ w0 X+ |+ b
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me " x& o$ L1 N4 q: d' n8 S9 e& O7 j4 M
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! A1 g5 b4 T- c& |              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 9 y% D+ ]/ x0 x! y8 p
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ v: r* Y: }7 |2 b+ r& s. {             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 9 f5 _& w4 O9 j$ b
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 z  k3 \9 |9 }; |8 `. s
             somehow I lost myself inside again # i5 D  L) Y0 g1 k% `8 ^
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
7 ?* @+ o5 g& @. Z3 R7 q2 V             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion7 ~1 u4 b! ~2 \9 _- h; F" M1 D
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
' P  W9 s. p0 f! R  lBasically, I almost finish this poem! o: `, `( r9 ]
               I am 一个人de精彩
7 q' a5 b% r% G               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
& `9 T9 n. y* U* j2 m  d0 LBut........         
2 _) ~3 F, _, O' e$ u# NIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”1 F* k- n7 j) y. `' \: S" r+ g9 k

  K$ y$ ~* ^: U5 I8 `卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
: V' U. x) v' r$ k$ b0 J7 @$ _Somehow I'd find something wrong with us % Q) D+ L3 M4 t. r( y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world   x4 c% y; f( z& B- ?" s
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   / _+ r0 Q; C1 ]. g5 Z
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
( G+ ]$ O  J% x% ~1 k3 fSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* h0 G  d# e% [, y( Q. ~6 t' A2 A4 Y! g+ b5 I: u4 H- X/ `
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 2 }- [1 u0 g/ H5 F! T- j" O
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( o2 ], m2 f9 l; S2 ?0 kSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: J$ b' w1 i4 P$ w4 D8 F, ~
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
7 d" @  \7 v; ~) H/ X
! S7 `; j4 x8 E2 O2 G0 O+ USomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion0 K# k+ i; y: F6 F% y7 n- U* I$ ]
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
4 T9 b" F. B' j! X7 X- t' RSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself/ ^* W7 h4 J2 _8 S
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday # }6 y) D- |" P1 i$ h
================================================
0 K+ |# N( s2 P. g7 z" tHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday , G3 |6 V- m3 p8 m/ ~3 E4 j  Y

8 v. ^, ]9 ]6 C7 ~2 d( q& W' m0 f+ hsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness& J/ q" j& Y# T! Y  j- R7 E: X
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 % {' v: ~* N% N* Y5 H
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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