请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
+ G, f  I0 w9 S  ?$ FHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
& o2 C5 m. r2 c) a$ DThanks a lot!!!

- w+ ?$ e- C/ w1 s0 {. w



" e  ?4 s$ r, z- f" d
6 L5 o7 r; l; P% H. P0 f4 z( |
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
- m3 |0 D& e) |5 A" B! \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* F' d! e2 E- |; h) v: X3 K              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
  y7 M, Z. _) Z1 D! g              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
6 B( ?5 n/ ?( D# O3 p9 o8 p              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' s, s' t$ |! n. t! DHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' e9 H* \! m; I5 G, I             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
. K9 F9 W$ N4 c- G# _* O6 {               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" Y, E+ J5 K6 Y6 v% }0 QBut........         
5 q0 {+ W) V5 \8 x5 [$ z! _! ], ZIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

3 r* n3 V% @+ H) d5 h; @! C卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
4 X1 A7 `5 D6 L) h- _6 j

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ y3 Y0 b' j' K5 @9 m( wSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 k4 y& s) O- R  k' w+ s* c1 ESomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" r1 v4 w; _8 m; HSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

3 \* h4 e* e0 ]) c6 }& Q" ~2 QSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

7 f6 z0 k: ?4 B2 \- i* Z1 OSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 i5 _; a5 r3 gSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
( I2 t) U6 ]- l# P# L4 y3 `0 \Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 z, r* a6 v9 l================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
. B! R$ ]/ B& f! h* w& D$ j: v
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

7 x  Y& p& `4 b8 U+ X哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？