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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
% D! j/ p5 c& r! a& R" MBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.& o1 q0 o# u- ]9 C+ |6 U+ g& r1 ^
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem" ^: h+ }" A# W  B. K9 q! B
Thanks a lot!!!& m) G" I4 t/ d2 U# D
4 ]9 o9 ^" ?: L: n/ Q! c  G& l

3 o* a* c& {& X# ]
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* `! @9 d4 y1 x" ~8 K6 t
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
5 ^+ |* y: Y% C3 R) u5 o" u7 f              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 7 X. F8 P6 U- y8 |
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 2 e2 c* r" j$ C# `- V) N6 e
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
7 }  h3 Y$ k5 }              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
$ l& \! I/ W7 J9 C) U              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
  U/ C! \3 k  `# w" rHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- @3 m  _  g& U6 q3 q" I! q! T) W& P             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  K: _; k! C- D' Y& c( S+ F             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! K. U. Q- K& O& N( h
             somehow I lost myself inside again + W& T/ o+ ~8 _- @
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 4 ?8 B4 f5 \6 L" s& U1 Y$ M5 K
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion; o. \( O& d$ `. G7 C- }
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................5 ]% g) M+ i& y9 V
Basically, I almost finish this poem* A- y7 ^, K5 k) z! Q6 {
               I am 一个人de精彩
/ ?8 }5 Z! i" {               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- _$ [7 Q1 c" I2 N* b. yBut........         
' c7 {  A9 Z2 g2 l3 I4 A7 Q: EIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?: O; H+ a/ @! j& P& y

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you , ?* o, \  `7 n7 v* B  {' |
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us . i1 }: K3 G* q4 Z; _
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world   |, h7 U4 b$ t8 R; ?
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" H( s6 }3 c4 e7 U. h8 ESomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind " Q7 l+ ]1 W4 l3 P4 r+ J8 y
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness , c7 g  z4 P7 w$ I7 z3 E
# a+ ^4 j' R+ O
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 A: B8 \3 e: ZSomehow I realized you were still in my heart % O9 J0 l8 E2 \: C4 }( c# d8 T8 ~1 _4 b
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: M. }* `6 {) P, I: t) o3 S
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 7 ]1 r5 s, N& P# o" f& U

8 a3 r1 E& f/ C- W' HSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion: Z7 u- V/ b  K) r; l: u8 d
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you- Q8 \/ D5 a3 N" T5 q2 u
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself3 a; u" {* e: B& E" G' d# ~8 e
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday / o6 T/ q" Q6 ]' Z: w. `3 R
================================================
$ U2 g7 M& H. U1 P3 dHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
8 T; M& c% x: \+ S4 n: s  D0 J  A2 ]5 t* l/ [; Y
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 s% l5 |4 r1 F; T8 f- ~7 a2 ]* K5 E8 ?=====================================================================
8 u0 Z3 J8 ?) k  @, i6 ksomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 $ p7 s( u- E$ i* c
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

; J" d/ c7 w, K! m哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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