埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5464|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem* B( P5 u- l3 C$ p
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
1 v- ]( x/ X- a; lHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem0 J3 ?7 l6 z6 O) g6 S% ^: X' q, ]$ ~
Thanks a lot!!!
8 A& C0 G  r" K; P
, S  w, |2 u5 c
4 f: Q5 |5 K- i+ ~+ ^: H
9 I1 H" b6 {7 X' H8 j' x
9 [% h. C, t' d' [$ ^# Y
% I3 ~7 X! }* @) O; ?7 V1 U" f
: l1 ?- {; s3 r7 L; ~+ R. i( G0 ~- p. H7 I8 {
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
8 k. S! z0 b& [. |              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
+ N) k  g' a5 C( A              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 m& B: s4 D. R8 y              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" {& i+ t( u6 K) f$ |              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 8 s; ^+ y2 H6 {/ Q
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' t, a- X. P6 P) X$ X2 D, ~However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) S. b2 y& q& C" T# d% c, |             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 F4 ]  g9 G- |; H( j3 t" n             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. _6 [% t: g3 A) n" l* e             somehow I lost myself inside again
/ L7 G% `. v0 U. RNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 D7 I& {* n1 T/ n* d) f8 ?& ~             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion6 T6 ?- G4 j- _7 b
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you....................................../ [& S6 r+ d; j* Z; j! _
Basically, I almost finish this poem
* l* b2 N% A6 u- x7 I               I am 一个人de精彩: h. U( ~  B3 l( ]7 O/ b; U
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.* J& H7 z" {$ b( H" P5 N9 y
But........         
+ X# l5 n1 N7 r2 y2 V3 KIronically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”) d- [% r, ?# k* g; ?+ b
5 D$ H( D" }8 C: \& i+ v" e
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
* \0 P2 o+ |6 X1 B7 ^  E! A1 a7 c
. _# v7 _9 n) N9 ^+ L$ A* Y
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you % o, p* D/ z& T+ {2 c
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
7 M5 W: Z0 s8 T3 D) r( }Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. ?9 {" V  N3 N# t$ cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   & z2 j1 x  Q3 T* x- O3 r
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
5 V3 ^: f6 P+ c3 l# r% A- d7 TSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
$ h" Q- f8 V9 m; C+ a$ V. J# u4 z* Y  l  K8 V2 A) N' [  l, X; k/ h! _
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday , ]( G0 C- a5 E, a
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 2 e! g2 q( a/ ^2 W, W1 v
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ ~1 s3 F& ?' cSomehow I lost myself inside it again
5 Y  b+ B* u, a4 P
5 ]# S; T$ i  y3 c7 \Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' q  K$ e7 P2 Y: ^Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
5 v1 q% B. N4 b9 D' oSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
+ |6 T% U1 f3 v. oSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" {1 _0 s. A8 s4 X* k* A! W' D================================================
8 N, Q* t# U$ eHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
( V$ s" }$ j, Y$ V
9 _) N+ K+ H7 u5 |somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- ]; k: @+ |; u8 X- {; r=====================================================================
, H& m1 o8 d- {; Z4 H) C; _% Rsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
  G) d' t  L: z: S" ^$ M0 Q; ?& d我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( n% W6 a% l3 ^; @$ Z9 M+ n哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-3-18 22:10 , Processed in 0.179361 second(s), 18 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表