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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
# X/ z3 I, N% w* q# V4 A/ {Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
# T' i5 G7 [: ]However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( o. K: [8 v0 A7 W; A! a  `, oThanks a lot!!!+ _3 h! Z9 K- w/ Z

+ o- |( T7 }. i* `( N: E# u, e- P9 l1 Q  h

' \) S9 K. I6 f8 Y) r# M. r# n$ M' s' H$ ?) U
; b/ u- K6 o4 @! ~% Q
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, e5 y0 q5 I2 Q+ \$ @- i$ @Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
+ c1 J" l4 t- K" s2 @              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" e0 Q- k: d8 C              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( h8 Y% A4 A. Z) d) Z8 G7 a( G              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
- p9 w/ G/ S; V5 Z4 w' \1 I              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
- E6 v3 Z4 W$ J* a6 s2 ?" @              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ( |' a: }. W- k% U' Y3 _9 i% H
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday % h- ~# l" `% d$ G, P9 b
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 8 }  x- l$ M) W0 A' h. Z
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness  C5 x1 W# Q6 W
             somehow I lost myself inside again # T. _$ y* l; y% l& ~
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
! x3 O+ O3 r* [* z             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion6 J$ c3 G2 q' ?( C' v
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................- ?' O) K( `/ x! c2 ^  q# Q9 ~# ]
Basically, I almost finish this poem
' I4 U: N8 C! @& D$ O7 Y) D* L0 B               I am 一个人de精彩; k: V2 x' A/ h2 O$ B2 H( f) z3 ]; C
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
; D  V" [2 l$ p. ?3 XBut........         , H! H% d( U3 X9 P4 x
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”7 E) I0 w; S4 \- r3 ]- u
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?- A, n/ K, K' }4 W. N; b. i
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you - X1 |# d. M% t3 L: O
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
/ U9 N3 G' G& dSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  ?) v. G  l9 ?Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   : {' F0 W! V- s# g5 N& m
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
! G2 f3 W8 U- u" c' jSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness   g: P$ i. ^& m1 A
7 B0 W/ B5 Q& P0 g9 U5 q$ `) i# C
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% X+ @8 ~7 [0 I/ X: R6 ASomehow I realized you were still in my heart
( u& d+ w: ?5 _* iSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness4 {  h6 Z& g8 \$ b
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 1 U' q- n2 n9 g6 `1 K. B

& R2 |: @+ y) s4 f7 _6 mSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion! v8 G$ w- M9 ?7 }' d& W
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# a7 Q# ?. \; b7 K8 M2 K9 SSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, ?+ V" Y. N1 H% |5 l3 @( g6 kSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 B; m0 R9 p/ j0 |" \; u================================================
7 `6 _3 L5 s+ i2 F. ?5 DHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 3 V; e$ t% \' \8 b% d

2 Z2 k3 T" M0 l+ W" Ssomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* h+ Y$ f! B0 \, ^/ U. H8 T5 r=====================================================================
6 a  m7 t' i/ Usomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
7 C+ G, C$ X! T( o我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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