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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
! d- {. v+ `( T; OBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
6 B. @& ^2 y5 z5 ZHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
% g0 d8 a: [! S. eThanks a lot!!!8 o6 z7 A! c) R5 T0 X1 c& a2 w

/ p) A+ s/ m6 b$ R  J
- x; s) ?: t. m  [; E; M7 H' p) }
) F/ q1 I+ [  s4 b& @
3 o3 o$ x* S' P& N2 y' a
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) N) {' r$ s# H& m7 N( R              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# ?0 r5 T% q) V8 g, y8 ]/ C0 q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
9 i, N) e% S, t- p              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 D2 u$ |* x( I4 J9 v              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ' V5 e! {; n2 T- h  s3 l1 p% t
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! R1 r% M" J( ^However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 4 z/ K- p5 L+ c4 o6 G3 g8 S
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 Z+ B& ]9 [$ F+ o5 g- w             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! }! r2 O' g/ j1 a& I5 e             somehow I lost myself inside again
2 _5 B) `5 U$ T) w2 f$ k9 L3 L% bNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
; r% ~! Q# I. L, x9 J& U             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. g: t4 G" G* I8 K: i& \1 {, J* ?
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
" H" [% I" ~0 ^$ e* x) E, QBasically, I almost finish this poem
! @9 f) h* S6 u+ N6 W/ P' ?               I am 一个人de精彩
$ g# z7 z5 z- A% W3 C- d               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.  E3 N) q. b' G
But........         ; |! }& C& E6 O; l- i
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”5 H- l( w6 z& X+ ~8 s# N
6 V* \: p$ |% e4 x$ o2 p+ f
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?" l' M, n  w& K# D9 j6 n
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
% c5 ^3 M8 ?9 k2 p5 u* Y" jSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
4 w1 T/ |' j$ tSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ' Z7 n2 W% G2 q# Q0 m
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; e% N( V- u4 {1 XSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind % w; G3 x% z5 f1 A$ P! u
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness * S" m; z/ K% X# x; H* b0 j( M

" Y2 \3 j. P1 BSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# M+ S# j; f1 W' @Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 n; G7 l  G* V  O) p8 uSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness# c+ l4 D- H5 n! i4 e" Y, K. [3 _
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
( n  r- n+ ]6 H  B8 h
8 O  U- r; Q# JSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion& A3 ~$ @9 W  l' \0 ?4 W/ C
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you. J, [/ t# ?4 s9 P+ e
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself* T- c6 S0 ?( @+ _  T" s
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 Q: u6 {' B) |; q- E: }7 b================================================
$ v0 b- S9 r/ I8 T+ `/ o$ pHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday + j$ ]$ I$ m2 h4 f4 ]) K

, l1 G0 t: N) }% N/ \0 S7 Dsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness. a$ e, r% G+ x( b2 g
=====================================================================! M, ]" x) E/ \
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 - J7 b- ?8 f, B( K! R
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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