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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem4 u: j2 b: m& I. J; M" W
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.1 h7 _4 n' d3 \) ~1 @+ ?- e1 S
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! |* J6 y9 |# f- e" nThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you & s  W2 O! `1 e6 ^4 t6 o4 L/ W
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; o8 I4 W( I- z3 ^              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
3 P+ k5 e% h6 ^2 C# e              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
/ Y& b9 f- h% E, ^& `; Q* A( v3 l              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! R) {: x% o% o2 G* D) b              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) _% o% n+ G, O8 S, ~However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; R; Y3 t3 O  k& P2 N
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ! k& I2 A' W5 k% a
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 i7 s; h5 R4 l. A3 w6 X             somehow I lost myself inside again / P+ a- }+ v- B7 H. E: S
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
" w0 A  \  ~( D* z0 Q9 B             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' l4 i8 K6 o) Y- I0 DFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................: A/ j. ~, Y* `$ W
Basically, I almost finish this poem4 K' g4 z8 C: u: C% _  l& `
               I am 一个人de精彩
4 e& Z) Y( o: \7 ]$ \  X* I' \$ X               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.* d  V6 N. H+ t4 W. [8 y4 P
But........         
# K, Y& `. C# @5 L- ~0 @2 v: ^8 Y$ v% VIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”/ \: D2 P: t1 J
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?1 s8 u( p2 k. I1 P7 I

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
- U% Y8 p2 Q$ `& tSomehow I'd find something wrong with us - V+ Y$ H% ~5 o/ T+ F  Q
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world + I" F2 Q% g7 i* C# O9 Y0 K
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% Q3 X! J+ X. `" e0 QSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind $ o2 _) G  ]/ `: C) c
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness # o; a9 A0 W. g7 z- r/ i
- J8 A+ w( I# e! [7 O
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday $ ?* b* o. W" t2 ?
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ k' d+ t# B1 TSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 u1 F* A) w* NSomehow I lost myself inside it again 9 l$ r! c! Z- B5 Q* l8 J. w

2 e# U% t6 N9 s8 l% s* i' ^6 @; LSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. z1 O1 o, [. y& e1 n2 z
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
. @4 t0 r2 ~! p& N: i- HSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself- y3 [) u( E- |3 F! y' r
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday & [! v: o" h! k" c* ], M, _' |( K
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+ e  |/ h9 [9 N" P$ XHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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/ l8 f; ?% N* g  o, N  M7 O) Gsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness" z# @7 W6 e2 c, p! R/ f
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 & C8 J3 G( m' [& Q# r0 U
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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