请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
- N& L7 x+ T- W0 J% bHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
, I- ^; t( ~& dThanks a lot!!!
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$ S6 ]0 o& A" ?: I

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& _6 x1 K6 @8 T% `; M2 Q( ~& v
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
/ h7 P# K& @. @5 O8 N: Z& `              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
' [- n( R& k, U$ T              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* U, z! u6 i/ y/ z, L# @# I             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  q, k/ c3 R( {. Z# \             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ W  ^* z8 s) i& H( {, U* M1 V  ^Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
' D: h& _/ b2 y               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
/ k4 e. D3 c! ^5 EIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
2 l& p  j2 p: r! MSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
) ~3 n- m; d6 d, v+ O# x! C1 }2 N4 dSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" R- j  H1 G: |0 r& E+ rSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: a) V5 t7 d7 N+ ESomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
/ `7 ^4 B, l) `( c/ U& T; i" l/ t
: b5 t( S  A8 Y3 S! k: @Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- ~2 Z% T; Q' z5 BSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
+ {( ?9 i8 E' E) N2 u  N9 eSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
. u+ W# Y/ j/ J2 PHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
( v6 U/ J, S% y7 \5 G% w
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' e  ?7 G7 j$ B=====================================================================
4 b5 v1 [  J! F, Y0 W% ]7 msomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
+ K8 b& x, ^# L# t; r% g4 t我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？