埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5448|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
: m# `+ r5 B! f$ EBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
, v) z) ~, y( B8 }/ L9 Y9 `" tHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
0 i4 D# v3 p9 q9 o7 z$ YThanks a lot!!!
: y2 R9 o2 H% [+ D8 q
* O% ^  d  f7 d( D
4 d/ ]+ M4 ^9 M- L( h% Z% K
7 }* O* u' v  O4 k' c% Z3 F4 O) j6 I; N1 g6 A* b  `# v
0 @# [4 ~' x/ }' V  z

- c6 m( U! R$ z6 V/ G+ T5 e% l* v+ D& V5 N. E  C5 Z0 `
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ! y. a! H- U0 e7 q/ u+ w' x
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ( C; L: U" G+ K* v
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
0 W% L& f5 W( k7 |9 Z9 y; |/ d              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me - i" G- I+ g$ q2 P% l6 \/ [% N
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind / ^" c2 d  Y. K/ }. C8 [
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ( J" f8 q- o: ]
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 R3 N6 D, z  [* D0 Z1 ?
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ' K) o2 w# D8 K
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! D0 n. }: }; ~3 V0 F( p             somehow I lost myself inside again 8 i0 ~7 @% Z# r& Q
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 0 s9 Z. u7 r) G9 N7 f" q  m5 Y+ k$ Q6 x
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, h8 m1 M# B  W4 w0 x$ CFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
3 E, }8 F2 A+ b% e  kBasically, I almost finish this poem; D6 d* c1 v0 @+ _% _0 L
               I am 一个人de精彩6 a+ `0 q" L7 E9 D+ J1 T
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.. [+ \6 f3 D, T$ \. d
But........         ; d# K# C3 Y5 ~/ F) b
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”2 Q! Q+ K3 {8 B* ^) f- }
" t2 M( N. s+ b& @- v
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?/ ^, s7 o( w3 a8 Z1 q) c% L: _

5 R1 ?2 c5 d$ [: _8 O
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 5 [& S8 T, S: @1 `, Q- ^
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 7 B. L# [' U5 H; R: ], S
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, v# e1 a) C2 _$ K, f# G# B% [4 e1 WSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ( l) G- l! W# |9 @/ G- a
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" V. `; q! R* a- ySomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
+ d! J5 _2 R# m1 i! k6 N+ l; T( V& R1 P
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 ?2 Z) D! \' P7 zSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
% y0 f1 o& t& I/ lSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness( J7 W! _% I, u! V3 {3 s, P* F% s
Somehow I lost myself inside it again ; t7 T  i% N! f9 m, g

) H  W4 n" P/ ?) y. ^+ c- [. D: aSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 O- g" E1 t2 k) [! `4 A9 jSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
% B0 U( k4 V6 C" D" P0 WSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
$ H' e" }% d0 W% d) J( ?) s1 DSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( E4 D7 W% p7 g1 X7 `
================================================1 h8 m5 `, E2 V; C& k
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday / H: O, g5 i: G, k. v% V6 R" @) p

& h5 w9 U! M) Isomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, s  }0 p2 f) R% e6 Y
=====================================================================0 q) g9 a( i1 C1 c! {; M" W
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 + ^* q7 u' Z% R
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
: t' q9 i$ i7 j) W7 V/ P- e
哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-3-15 02:42 , Processed in 0.159754 second(s), 17 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表