请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
2 A* E$ B( ~# f5 w: jBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
5 I( C; _0 [1 ^* u, G1 w9 z5 jHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
8 d& @! v( K- E( J) f8 ?0 ?8 {


8 q) {/ {1 G$ ]; n  j9 j& [


1 s4 o( s* T3 i. F
. a( b4 R% O! `4 A+ g, z3 ^Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
; y: }) y! Q0 g- {* m( z" O6 a              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
4 P( S& v  A$ e8 T+ u% n              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
- A2 |+ M) d) k" y) X! F              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
7 ~: N/ H+ S7 d, b; B  _4 H              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
. s) w6 X. Q2 U) t1 `: U             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 t  T  j, C, L) z& s# B$ i' KFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
' L+ n8 W2 H1 {* N. {  q- yBasically, I almost finish this poem
5 i" N( K; O" B. T; b               I am 一个人de精彩
! F5 \) Q- b  K) R. e) o               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- A" t9 A) h$ r9 y6 q% uBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
# o1 W" {, x- j$ p

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
' R3 T; u# G# k( j9 y3 M% Z1 PSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, V) T$ ?5 r' w3 |Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
1 w1 _& V  R1 Z6 I8 ~8 |( iSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: Y: |& x# ~# q# a. ASomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" S2 x( Q- A/ r; \2 r: `* ~$ VSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 e* K) v  D# oSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
" u9 O' Y2 H2 a0 U! r, gHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？