请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( r5 x5 e' A9 r" ^However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 n" s  N. x- _1 nThanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
: r; x7 ~! `& f5 j! W3 ~5 Z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
; s& ]; A+ H$ H: R: _1 w0 D              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
1 J" g7 A! E1 P" B# b  o9 ]However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) E$ L' Y8 n# R/ R0 i             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
2 Z7 B* l7 p  ~( \; S0 J9 SNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
9 X8 o, L. P/ N+ hBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
* ^' a+ C, Z/ E2 Q/ PSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# F( f2 i( H, O3 @+ tSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 P/ g, B$ }& c+ T; a& MSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

' N7 a$ N& G0 b3 s' h/ TSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 K9 W' f1 `$ [- P- n. [( `9 E' rSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
- ~1 q4 F3 t  R# w) K- `Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 G6 q: N" [. ?4 y. U& S; _- c/ eSomehow I lost myself inside it again
2 L: F' P$ Y" P
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: _/ l! ~: U; r; J6 U& n% P/ f================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) E! f  T4 _8 x+ y# z6 }; c=====================================================================
8 B1 b+ r0 L; N9 Fsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 E6 C- t; r- _# T4 t哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？