请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
  v# Q8 t$ k& Y% jHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
+ f+ V8 K3 V2 F6 [, _1 M+ ~Thanks a lot!!!

  {  j% P2 t0 y1 S) ~


5 H4 L+ ]( [7 E5 u7 O8 q
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7 h9 q+ M( r" i0 lFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( J" k- ^2 K3 j              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
% ?, N2 B" m: f# h              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 [- D, f- w4 @5 l+ z$ Z             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 p3 H1 H4 q! y/ {2 x             somehow I lost myself inside again
* \0 c% p$ J- oNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ I8 `' s! P7 C. Z  l" |2 e             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
  q' i# ]# T# S5 dBut........         
9 k) E( Y( A! u! kIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( I) D' A! }5 i# s; WSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
$ m% V+ |, q  P  N* W' qSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. U- R! w; Z- _( P$ [0 JSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; c9 [5 t0 q( U( o4 A# B, {Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
6 R9 X7 Z; H4 _Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

% f0 d' I5 y# g5 USomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& n* [0 f' V" I1 n. Z4 F. @Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* ~" n5 s% S- Q- {% ySomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ j* `. R$ j) g$ }. o- Q5 Q: gSomehow I lost myself inside it again
9 k( S2 D( \8 r: X) y
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
/ _& B6 U" \0 u+ KSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
* a/ f0 T/ l2 D0 B" }1 sSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
9 }  @) v* v4 \However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
' p" t) D' V1 u1 E) k2 `, {! J4 q& K
9 {- P8 D1 [$ E( e+ s5 z# ssomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
4 }6 K8 C# P/ J" r+ B) Ysomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
; o$ r  S1 H  ]+ B8 D0 \我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

4 {1 }" h, a$ e+ G6 m' l% |* T哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？