请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
1 v- ]( x/ X- a; lHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
8 k. S! z0 b& [. |              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
+ N) k  g' a5 C( A              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 m& B: s4 D. R8 y              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" {& i+ t( u6 K) f$ |              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' t, a- X. P6 P) X$ X2 D, ~However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) S. b2 y& q& C" T# d% c, |             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 F4 ]  g9 G- |; H( j3 t" n             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. _6 [% t: g3 A) n" l* e             somehow I lost myself inside again
/ L7 G% `. v0 U. RNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 D7 I& {* n1 T/ n* d) f8 ?& ~             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
* l* b2 N% A6 u- x7 I               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
+ X# l5 n1 N7 r2 y2 V3 KIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
7 M5 W: Z0 s8 T3 D) r( }Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. ?9 {" V  N3 N# t$ cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
5 V3 ^: f6 P+ c3 l# r% A- d7 TSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
$ h" Q- f8 V9 m; C+ a$ V. J# u4 z
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ ~1 s3 F& ?' cSomehow I lost myself inside it again
5 Y  b+ B* u, a4 P
5 ]# S; T$ i  y3 c7 \Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' q  K$ e7 P2 Y: ^Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
5 v1 q% B. N4 b9 D' oSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
+ |6 T% U1 f3 v. oSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" {1 _0 s. A8 s4 X* k* A! W' D================================================
8 N, Q* t# U$ eHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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9 _) N+ K+ H7 u5 |somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- ]; k: @+ |; u8 X- {; r=====================================================================
, H& m1 o8 d- {; Z4 H) C; _% Rsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
  G) d' t  L: z: S" ^$ M0 Q; ?& d我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( n% W6 a% l3 ^; @$ Z9 M+ n哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？