请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( O* T# w; N& u9 U& A# E0 CThanks a lot!!!
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  w* G- I- j0 v  n, L6 ?
) X# \  p0 S0 @% }Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
4 S" n# ~# f8 t              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
% m$ B  V0 C2 A4 }/ m8 Y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
# f8 r: A% @( t2 L! }/ V              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
+ L) J, ^, r8 l1 j0 [5 e              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
8 p9 o$ P8 P# l# E& yHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
0 f5 L( y- T2 m* W* d             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
1 W- {& @! `1 y: a9 rNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  @8 G6 @+ |. ^  x7 e- `' l2 ZBasically, I almost finish this poem
% O2 H* C9 A; c6 b$ k9 V2 G               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
6 e( A  p9 ?; V1 ~, c& ?+ RBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
9 V( t4 n7 [0 z! q3 ASomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" Q4 ]. f  W( Y! Q. I5 i% ISomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
% z3 r9 t1 H# y$ g
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% R0 T' a+ F3 USomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 k6 A% s6 C" o) C/ G6 a9 z4 cSomehow I lost myself inside it again

6 i% X3 ^" C" _. `! E0 `# t/ vSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
4 n* ~. }0 |+ E" c# ?/ R: wsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？