请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
/ r9 I) J/ ~# ]- a) b; V, X% zHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 y! G: ]5 k/ Y: O% X  ]0 q2 r$ ]2 QThanks a lot!!!

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7 G1 A( T0 v; W& L! XFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
8 s  a; T8 l) Y8 f2 L" e) o- d              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 I( R8 r8 t; G  v$ U3 |* n- O              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 |* O$ P2 I0 n( z8 z) C4 u             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 e! \6 }% n/ w% m8 T3 E0 z             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; h$ t+ Y' V$ x( x. n! @+ M0 {7 mFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
8 N; E' D/ S" L8 `Basically, I almost finish this poem
) r6 X( f6 f7 _, F' {8 q7 \, Y+ ~               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
8 j& {) ~1 n* l& H" ]* W3 VIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

! D  l. p2 j6 I卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
7 J4 _2 o+ w7 vSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
8 i2 P: t! f$ t' r8 _% T; pSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 ]. j2 m, ~6 q, aSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
* Q1 N4 M* T9 @Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& v9 m7 K1 k, ^. _2 K
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: `# h" }( W# |8 pSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 \& s- P/ c* V( S% o* j; ]. wSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 J4 M7 P% |' N0 X  JSomehow I lost myself inside it again
8 j0 ~. T& @) b: p, Z( W2 x
! ?$ [9 U9 j; C# u4 k* ?. SSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  n1 ]6 @8 E& d' mSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
/ s2 k6 j; e: S( u7 d" kSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
8 {: J' m4 Q* v
: T" `, W4 e& J4 q. nsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
9 {/ ]- Z* q- `" @$ L4 s4 ]0 v& U: [somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! K* y$ r) a2 ?- C哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？