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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem# @! W8 ?8 V# A
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
* {  P9 Y1 U& P  h' d2 Z, eHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 c1 b" A6 u9 `2 M9 KThanks a lot!!!
/ S" u' D) U( U4 C$ U. r# G: Y; H0 ], _8 F1 T0 m0 k5 ~
2 a* i& M' |' L, s& f
( l# e* y) f! l) y! a/ E

* G  K2 t4 m) [  x2 }
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ) B0 M+ m+ B/ l5 R
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 4 q- D. |4 \; P; k" q# A2 e% V
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
9 e" x" j* C4 j8 P              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
- E/ J$ w, [6 }* C$ W              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
6 u5 T+ E8 o( f" i; n              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness " S* l: i) J3 s2 i7 e
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
0 a7 R* p' R9 e, z* A! P- y  z             somehow I realized you were still in my heart " i7 \7 I# P) w
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness5 U; v2 W# x& c
             somehow I lost myself inside again 0 p  M% O3 @  S; V9 I
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
' z- z7 u1 r8 |2 I/ {+ s  q, }             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 h  {# V' S' c. BFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................, D6 p6 Z0 a  l8 v5 o
Basically, I almost finish this poem
3 b/ `4 E1 h) Z$ i               I am 一个人de精彩
  F( Z& G8 w! _! H; d+ s8 q               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
$ f& ]5 _5 ?+ OBut........         1 B' W  w' u5 m" z+ }% Z; G3 u
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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( f, P( u3 s; s  i' W+ ]卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?4 u1 Y4 d+ n; _

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 8 L7 n+ [- v: P! B# G: o$ O
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 1 H) H: A  R9 m8 J; P0 U& z
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world . J8 {: h  T! N* A5 t4 a9 L" g5 M
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   / q* M! o6 m8 r: F9 i3 P. q
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ' L7 o; [& Q3 V
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& m0 T$ O+ H1 i" G' ~4 g
" P$ r* k2 D4 l% h% kSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 1 ~0 h% B7 ?1 `# \' `& r
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart * z/ a  \8 |. f) f& ~5 e$ ^, z
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness  }, r5 q9 Z: C; r0 w. ^3 X
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- b. t3 Q# B( @0 X& q2 @6 e' G3 U/ P
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion, T8 E4 J, W& v7 a% v
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you$ \. U9 y7 [) `: U
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself8 W) p  |. O9 N
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday $ j$ ~! s$ o3 _0 l& T) J
================================================8 X1 u* z' ~, L5 v- X
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
5 B9 v& ^3 V+ k5 t4 d3 L! i2 R% [9 w) }5 n! q9 V% r$ p. S; P
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! B$ u5 O' [/ g- b8 Q=====================================================================
) a* E+ ]: l! L& msomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 Q( s; e0 r4 @( V8 Z我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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