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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
+ }$ E( i+ F# ~$ ^' RBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( N2 {; y7 R4 N. a( ]  C7 rHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem6 ^( M5 B: w, T, G* x. n3 G  s
Thanks a lot!!!
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2 ^; L( @- D6 N1 h/ X$ ?
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; R+ H* s% ^5 F5 C$ B9 O: YFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
; N  ~+ |+ T" s/ e  C# l" C              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
: u( |9 k8 Y+ ]- P7 @3 U              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 6 S% u7 P, H* p* p2 k  B& ^5 i
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
6 d1 D2 y! Y3 a  z1 o  s              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; n4 ^" Q+ u5 m  u; j( x9 Q* V7 z              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; t% F. c- Q9 y7 M  pHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 b# ]6 f6 I/ G             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 R6 g; x' d) b- B1 Y% D: B) v             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness' i( W* j/ E* B( Q* _0 j: b
             somehow I lost myself inside again
  h* P$ J6 k& `Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
; B" N; Z8 x5 i, w9 x/ A             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# y4 m9 {. v* _: s1 C- R2 ]Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
1 r7 h. Q/ f- ?, x! A5 E, @Basically, I almost finish this poem
, E! k5 b- G6 x( v7 y, [# t               I am 一个人de精彩6 n2 D7 z' A. _, R5 Q! ~
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
  X9 |0 l7 n/ N& OBut........         9 ?$ v- f9 D8 g/ s# d8 T4 L
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) f/ m/ f" c' E& aSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
* v6 U- M- ?/ O* I5 I% d, {! s; i) G% iSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
& L! ?4 L2 a0 }7 N3 V8 [Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   # G! K- A" }+ J1 x9 }
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind & d0 S& I( Y- b  t" T+ U7 {* p
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& p7 Q. S# {3 }8 X% ]5 B, J
8 E* P* G5 i5 R7 Z) tSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; v: G& T$ h4 C5 k$ HSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
: S0 b; ]9 ?8 s5 {8 S, p+ F2 f- CSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness# @+ d( X) |( d: r0 g
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 0 G' |/ S. m& O$ w3 g- e5 J1 I
) @5 a1 D; {6 m4 F$ T; S5 u
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* e5 X& w3 O) Y; P* XSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you7 {% j* ?5 t" V0 J# J8 T
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
1 X' d0 A1 J; a: Y/ K  TSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ! t0 ~9 C, u$ X1 U
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness* a& C$ d) c% C% R' P% X0 t
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
  [+ T' s  v2 g# b9 V& Z7 X3 @我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

& l/ g8 X* s0 X. J. m  W4 S哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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