请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
0 y- x( I/ ]$ UBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
7 g, I  i, d  f0 e4 G7 kHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
6 Q8 C( Q- @9 \- _+ M              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# i7 D6 }$ W& R1 E# j: z) j  K6 `              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
& q5 X' A  I4 F              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; ]- q3 G* o/ q, `             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% V9 b8 P% Z7 m8 p  [             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: k- V$ v# u4 ?             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
6 L" b6 o4 N: `% M5 k( B+ o2 nBasically, I almost finish this poem
! P3 ~2 U# V6 X               I am 一个人de精彩
  P$ ?6 q$ G8 O7 g, U) h5 t' y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
& r7 {0 n* Q: B0 A, c0 m8 OIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
. _# m# w; I; R6 g: QSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
/ @- l' Q1 R, p- \Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

* W2 M, I' B* d8 A  ]( w" \  T5 LSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 n/ ~, \+ g8 @+ ^, f5 ISomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; L4 Z8 ~+ f+ r$ kSomehow I lost myself inside it again
) X$ L1 ^% z5 x$ \
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- y' ~; ^0 A  w1 e* A9 PSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
; x9 W  p$ Z  R. w0 PSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  v, ^$ ]1 n- i0 }. U  \+ }================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
  a9 W( h3 P4 D0 t- esomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

+ n0 p7 y4 v% n哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？