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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem( Z+ c% m4 K1 S* i8 a
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
, X1 i1 c# z$ t# I& SHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem4 L. E6 Y% J% {4 V
Thanks a lot!!!' q' c3 `4 _9 r
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1 t) X" B" ?) [Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 7 d. q! l! n$ |8 S, _- K$ l
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us + {- H9 G1 e0 w$ ~
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
0 o9 ?0 F7 I. S& C$ \              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
$ G% A" w4 e7 ]0 V( c4 |              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind % T1 O/ M' f: G1 G2 A" P: h1 E$ j
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 6 y: M- a% @( U! O& {* r; v( J
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday # `- |1 n7 O: f- ^  i! G# ?; }
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 1 g  h$ d, e; {4 B  C' G- W
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness. s, h# U( }; X; S
             somehow I lost myself inside again
& e. F0 `  g1 F" dNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
* A% ]% R8 L8 g             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* d6 {# e9 o' b2 FFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
3 E% f" P; V4 n; ]Basically, I almost finish this poem& X  ?8 n- ?  w0 l. W0 O% ^1 ]
               I am 一个人de精彩; ?, q6 r. M0 U8 J  R" Y
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
, T* G1 {! G8 RBut........         
# W; ^0 f4 n. E# M' [! E' f' \! yIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”7 H5 Y( U1 i2 ]. R# H3 a
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?4 Y4 A$ G0 }  G) h9 ^( s: T
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理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ( B# t7 m) F( a" N. U
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
0 _2 |- J; {/ `" C3 u" r# ^: ZSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! E' k2 L1 p  O# v, W/ RSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
# ?/ l6 Q7 T, Z6 g) I' nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ! P- t1 b  {" R4 J! I- X9 @7 p; n
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
+ F8 z0 v9 H' G- P8 n6 _
" r  s/ ^: \1 F! Y) pSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday $ z8 {) d+ v+ ?; {/ p9 {
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 7 f8 ^1 z) r9 b9 Y0 ]" w
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 Z! l% M  W3 [, X
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 9 I0 p* R$ R5 m9 P; ?' L

8 z2 a+ X6 Y0 V6 J7 TSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion0 D# M8 T; f# P; r* J3 C* l
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
2 U9 p, P6 q. q$ A* qSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself4 l1 f7 d' Q$ m3 H4 f! i
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ! k0 Y* r) i: Q9 X
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. Z* M% j7 a3 V! _6 x" V9 r% f& A4 ZHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
+ V2 H9 P' ]& l8 l9 S; L7 u  L7 f+ ~
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 Q& O5 |7 E/ e=====================================================================
( d1 x6 k. `# k8 v; p# e  D/ Bsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 9 `' A( `, n" v& C6 G
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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