请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
1 Z( G+ t" d" i3 m2 h& D& B- fBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
% ?6 g! u, x5 @% I) c, KHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
9 t: h  M2 q" i# K! r7 ?Thanks a lot!!!
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5 ]' O7 }5 Z* f/ R5 H# m% G6 f
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 R* i7 v) A3 k7 Y% {              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
+ y5 b3 g6 S: Y              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 m3 y9 a5 H/ ]7 ~' W0 B             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
- F4 j: o+ S* H7 g             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
+ p2 N& X' Y: X+ _- H             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
& ]& @3 q% Y# e. t: V3 y               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
& p. f* h5 ?8 R5 b- l  iIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
* }2 W6 |4 Z/ _5 ]6 f# {Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, Q) q* X  s9 l# p1 ISomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

; a' {2 X0 w7 F3 J3 |Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 ^4 j9 t5 y' |Somehow I lost myself inside it again
) {& Q, a: \2 M5 X4 `
& w( ^4 V/ n5 L5 U) O8 \) ]. g  ^$ MSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
: z4 p3 Z) o4 r8 _  S, C% W1 JSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 e4 |: G6 ?9 M5 @7 N0 T================================================
/ a) h8 j$ X7 O% P# Y$ [" _, GHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？