请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
: A, ^/ Z1 K& d) k& {/ OBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
7 Q# ?& C: y0 `4 Z; g' nHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
" Z& U/ a) a% l/ h* [. H# r4 Z
2 m) L5 v$ |) U/ d8 O+ D3 M$ G




. z8 {* g! X5 K# i$ i3 s; F4 S, o; i
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
! w2 m% ^$ w2 u6 B0 f              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
+ S# {5 C$ [; M2 O- s$ K% [3 }              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
5 f5 [4 G( V# A% L              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& x, T$ K  f+ e' Y% S/ H3 S             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: S7 N; _; G# d, B8 \* x             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 ]; l. p6 i- K6 B! T+ s" w2 o             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
% O: N1 Y: p  j             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 j" _% x6 N* H! F; s# m2 f8 ~Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
$ l* P/ y% H3 K% d               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
! `2 e1 m5 l+ p& g7 {* D' r) HBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

' ^! Q1 s: i; Z- D  x; {( b卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# Z" S( Q: D  H/ M( C* W& xSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  o, @% w& M- o; j. A$ lSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

0 P* H" N. u4 @  x% V/ b. aSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' ]. V' B7 h7 L# j+ \: ?Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 W6 w% b/ q4 ?6 ESomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
# T+ q; j6 w& ^) h
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
5 f* T$ G2 |7 ?$ [9 r, t4 [( H3 FSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
1 O( g0 {) e' S. x9 v* @* I9 b( BSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ m3 D! ^5 q* E( ^8 M5 U& H8 @================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

4 ^/ R; T' X+ R' msomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
5 d+ q  X5 x9 N2 ksomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？