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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
8 I8 k! r: c4 Q6 e1 n. s$ s) e+ _3 jBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.. N* m( T; x" f6 k
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 Y, v- o% O+ P5 z& r& Q9 jThanks a lot!!!
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" n5 e5 M6 H  u; ZFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you / o" M8 g% X$ c: c) O) h
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
/ S! F( P. o+ B. z/ w- ^8 i              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ' B1 f3 \5 D5 R; Q! O! M
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 6 Q6 [; ~: X0 e7 @0 g/ Z
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
- x1 Y- I* h8 a) V              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 0 |& G. |) W7 [  M4 X3 w
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ! B+ w7 G% t9 T
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ( W9 W1 Z0 y* Z6 h5 r
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 r3 q. J: F# |5 c% a0 |7 ]5 n
             somehow I lost myself inside again
( v0 X, j  a. u6 `+ K2 DNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
) X% |' W  I2 x, _* o, M! r             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion5 U. ^6 g4 q! Q; ~- [
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; U! x/ ^5 T1 }7 @; aBasically, I almost finish this poem% {, g  f; O) _0 _/ ?: o. k
               I am 一个人de精彩- I& I2 U9 N. i. w: A
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.2 J# }* Z2 d0 e$ J! v; }2 O* T
But........         
' ]+ W9 S+ V, k, d* |/ dIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”5 `5 E4 C$ Q9 a/ E: M6 F
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?+ S/ J5 V. _% I

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
0 c2 @; s9 W8 w) M! ^Somehow I'd find something wrong with us * q+ ]1 M: m* N% [
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  H5 j( [1 q# V8 W) X& ZSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' u% X9 l& Z6 S5 eSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind . g6 s# J$ A9 P% q8 _* }
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 0 U2 q% s9 {6 p: n6 ~
- Z0 W' r, u; i
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday * S+ E  e  m2 j- `4 g
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 c5 o+ s" |) I! PSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness+ b8 v* Q7 K% N- S4 m
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 9 Y7 E+ N& o5 K& X2 H- c

/ \6 \5 }& m; g8 mSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ k" T6 [7 y& E, QSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' D( P9 a2 A9 wSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself8 d5 [. J* s) l5 V
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday   l# w, l3 g) G. t6 X7 A/ o

/ Z7 `% R. s; S6 C9 {1 esomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness4 o- i! k% R) d4 [. X4 d. k: r
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
大型搬家
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 5 F2 |0 q9 U5 s; g0 P) l; z
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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