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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem. s  k; o9 c. B
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
, Y  W' g4 z1 q' PHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; j! e4 m: h8 |. Y4 ^! aThanks a lot!!!
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" O! k5 @3 A- w# mFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ' V7 E- t" t" K5 v: \# ^" E
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
) ^4 |! b  a" x              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ; ?. K$ r) K: p2 [+ f; G2 U
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 9 c3 X! z; S$ u8 T5 H. l
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
+ a( G: k3 G4 R9 }5 E8 q! W              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 8 h5 |  X4 p8 C! k, `: ^/ s
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. \2 Q  o5 R. y+ n& @             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 7 {) i) a# M. T9 u/ q+ d0 q
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 o! _$ d6 S) E, d/ i! o             somehow I lost myself inside again
" B0 U4 l- G1 ]! `Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 Q& D4 X4 v6 F- B3 U5 _) m             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% S, `% _5 R) g& y. wFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& ]- n+ B% M( L: ]# R. `Basically, I almost finish this poem" t0 ]) Q: D! @1 |* ~  p6 f
               I am 一个人de精彩+ Y7 a3 f6 |/ C
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.2 X: }  T: w: N1 h8 D
But........         
. ^" L" @& V6 w7 F( GIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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/ b# v; x% A# d6 F! _0 L; U卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?9 p3 }& h( i0 Y7 N7 u$ I8 B; ?

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you " E  |* n. D& [+ w9 w7 J1 H% ]
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
, H3 }) m* ^( L9 kSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
% p5 y- r0 n; G" |8 KSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
4 D, X/ ?. i* n/ [# G, ~. J" Y2 f0 _, kSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind / t8 X; [$ G2 N; o/ s5 ~* E0 [# x0 b
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
% N# z' H+ n  S+ M9 _  I. s4 Y# ~! w. u, }* Q
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 \% X* H' h! Y) Q; J
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, j: Q: \" E; p) D1 @0 N. }0 _5 USomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! _/ m! O' a4 h' c$ a! C
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
( Z) n* k' O/ `. n+ ~% \+ Z8 s, O! D1 p, Z! y9 f2 Y/ J
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion4 V6 b1 }. W. s& P4 \, I
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
- O! h- m5 n1 P8 D& pSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself' M( T' A/ S; `' }& X
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday . l2 i6 F0 |: u1 J: ^
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 D6 ^2 N+ {6 y=====================================================================
- m/ V# S$ o, J: I3 \6 esomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
大型搬家
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
0 @3 b! f( K. }  l+ D我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 l7 `1 N' A9 q8 U/ t" v" v$ M2 R哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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