请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
' W0 l- B) G$ u: ~' C1 y6 PBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
) s3 f! [2 h, j* YHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! q$ i1 k$ ~: j3 _- h6 X# v1 b  dThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; S* q. Q$ `2 C7 D2 b& m1 M; ^* v! x              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ y, E& V& U5 a* S& [; W              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
' q3 s1 O( m6 y4 T$ z; ~              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
6 T% u, R/ _+ L9 T. n              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; D1 \  Y. `2 @# S/ S5 V/ UHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" O" ^6 t; o) o. u& j4 K& S( f6 V! f. }             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
) M' E3 l& A2 S8 D) A" x             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: u3 h+ k: C# O+ r' D# v. n8 p" nFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
2 ]' T9 |9 k9 B6 L* {Basically, I almost finish this poem
5 h- e2 u/ \% X9 D- |  U               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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7 d5 Y% S( a7 h7 E% B5 ?3 V2 n卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* C3 }# k9 X* S. d  j3 Y# G+ M) x( nSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# d# A4 t7 X+ N1 a/ T* e6 wSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

. T+ a) ~2 ]# iSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 b3 T0 H6 g8 s8 {5 p7 i0 q0 n- ^Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 ]1 v4 Q' S$ b( v" x$ @Somehow I lost myself inside it again
8 o* O' E6 Y8 N- t8 L! X) m9 E" w
, u5 _, L3 @- d9 @/ P0 W& j# BSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
9 O. n0 h* R0 \- G1 XSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' f0 O/ Z3 `: v% t  dSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
1 s( o- B4 {, j$ Q( ESomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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+ i% q  C8 W# AHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 J/ v. u! Y2 T# }! r& Q) l% N=====================================================================
1 l: y5 r; P# Y" y$ hsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 b! M6 h3 N; Y4 V我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

- w* ~$ X9 K4 o$ e. _哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？