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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
2 q5 c; D( T2 C8 s+ s3 t$ ~/ @6 U7 |  ZBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
* _) K$ ]! l2 |; nHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem, l$ W& \# l0 W1 \) y" E* Y
Thanks a lot!!!
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! o& t- Z* B4 }; G- K. TFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you * f0 r. \5 \$ w5 C6 o) m
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
$ v8 f& s4 N$ g3 Z. W1 Q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( h; o) f, E! Z! v. O. p5 k              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 1 l; v4 c9 P( R  r; {
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! ~+ [1 T) ]( X+ d              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 7 V1 }: D" d8 I7 A4 w
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! q# J7 O  C# l6 \( S( y             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 7 I: o& ]6 X% a7 ~4 |/ Q+ V
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness6 v* G2 y% [, X2 u$ z& [
             somehow I lost myself inside again
3 X% g1 v) D6 j! x$ Q" }* gNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 4 U  x# r" ^. t+ Q- n* D' m
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion: c8 t9 Q8 P& S. f; m$ e6 T
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you....................................../ @$ `- o$ @& ]. ]' `* w, ~+ C
Basically, I almost finish this poem; |' D4 }* C2 C0 j) k& o% R
               I am 一个人de精彩* J9 q: |4 m2 H. K. ?$ |; g
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.+ E! w3 ?" f4 G$ l4 x6 ~
But........         ) r( ?/ ?4 w, r( N
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”  p2 c9 \. S8 M# B- C+ \

; ^6 t( K! z* |$ u7 C3 u( g4 h卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?4 y, O& `( n( V4 O! _/ {

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you : u) j$ v& z# m1 e  g4 u5 l
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
0 e; t- G4 g$ S- g6 @  [Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ) @2 T7 n! Y" }0 |5 @
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   , H5 B- M" |2 M5 w. J' W; d
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
/ Q2 u& `2 s; xSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 4 j: k1 y1 k! E7 z1 t& W1 f

1 }1 G6 J3 w6 uSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday , z  @; [8 y) N. K; Z' _
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart / X+ a, j% V1 F# ^1 @6 Q" x3 f. @
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 P1 V- ~" _* {' G& U# _) s
Somehow I lost myself inside it again 8 w7 d: G2 o' L1 v2 l0 k

4 e1 `/ ^, \' s# \" i9 U2 ^Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& i; D- l* Z& \( ISomehow I discern that I am still in love with you" l) }9 i5 u0 L& ]7 x
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
% h- ]# y% V, v0 h) y  }  b  L5 WSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ! p5 p: j- R: |9 H1 v3 w
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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