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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
& M1 f! w6 {8 {Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog." N; y8 E6 k8 \6 h
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 C/ @: k/ N+ c" K0 m: qThanks a lot!!!
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0 s) Y6 Y, I5 @- r/ v( g/ W9 }4 t0 s; S5 i
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 5 ?0 P2 j8 W6 _* l0 u  z
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 6 o% b& Q9 _- C, o5 }- s3 k
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 I1 N- \& Y3 k              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me & f1 y% F3 d7 e0 G3 r$ B8 h" g( ]
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
6 Y# A! b# K) `9 v/ n              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 5 X( s4 b) G; Y' N  K4 e1 l
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. l6 d, X& }. |6 G& E  K5 @             somehow I realized you were still in my heart " W- Y+ q/ R+ M( ^
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness7 G  Q0 N. C  O8 K% |% n
             somehow I lost myself inside again
* _0 t; [* I- X3 i8 eNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
( \* L* Z6 ?- _2 J+ j- Q* A0 e) f# H             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion/ v0 A+ T9 X# y  ]. m3 a
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................! {& }  T1 a, m* J3 g) S
Basically, I almost finish this poem0 M9 X4 d* U) G: u" l. S' P
               I am 一个人de精彩
4 D( T7 x% [0 ^, ^) j8 U- I( s& s. M               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
) y, f. P1 a" zBut........         $ _: j" v" S1 H0 T4 O+ e8 \
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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' B9 i3 z9 n7 E4 [" c1 n( I; ^: _+ g  s卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?7 |& R( `  C6 D& L& Z, m: C

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大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
2 v: H3 _7 E9 E& @; r+ @" {3 H: XSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
  Q4 C! g4 G; h1 S. `Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 1 @3 \* h% C6 u6 M- z$ \
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
4 m6 B$ W6 O0 Y; o' TSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
+ {0 U' Q6 R3 j# r' dSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness : X% j6 y+ `3 s( I- t/ ^

. ?  ~6 V, e0 t8 H6 `: L1 QSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 A, h" \" P7 m1 D0 b; XSomehow I realized you were still in my heart . }" [2 H) q1 \8 W. H. [/ w; Q/ }
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 V% T" Z2 A0 Q. J( m/ h6 mSomehow I lost myself inside it again
9 z7 h( |* U2 f3 C+ ^
- u. y! [+ P& o# D( w! \  a9 mSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 b( ?9 m, Q- R3 q6 SSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
( ?/ G6 ?* k* e7 ]) LSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
2 O% [, `. T. x5 o- {, K9 hSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday $ }  d0 M3 u, m6 w' q3 ?7 r5 Y& H. l
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday # `/ H7 F3 C, t" i$ d

: Y/ a6 V8 B6 R6 b! E0 ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness" {: t- c' C! F+ W9 c% A
=====================================================================' `, ~, h% ^. \
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 5 n7 m+ T8 u% {2 c
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

) d, H7 X( N* v, F4 N( N, t% r哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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