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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem; C6 x$ ^: w. `/ n: J" U+ G
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
0 h" E% a- D) W- J7 w, yHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
2 C- R2 M$ C" Z, U* U* T+ |7 ?Thanks a lot!!!5 X7 A! b8 J, u

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8 ?8 h8 q9 Y( e, ~3 ~Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 5 b$ C4 L; @# f# O  q
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
  S& d7 B4 E2 C) q7 L, v( [              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 9 H" k0 E4 D+ U# I
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me : t  [8 A  D3 r- w* y" h1 K  Y: j
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
8 p* J+ X5 s% w4 e3 d8 @              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness / x; M9 [, V( e( H
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 ?* P; }  f& O1 a5 ^; w8 p             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
; u" _3 k- X$ g) n' H2 c) K             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! r0 z, f  n: |5 Z7 f# }% n
             somehow I lost myself inside again $ F9 L; m  z& [
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
" _' R: N5 A" ]5 k% J5 O             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion5 D+ t! a2 I0 \5 G5 I( L9 G
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................8 R2 o8 W9 m9 i# }" s
Basically, I almost finish this poem8 G! ^5 B2 ?$ j8 g# N/ z: A
               I am 一个人de精彩
+ d! @# T" Q5 i* l- n( M5 Q9 \# A               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.. g- M" r4 S: ^4 m8 c- t
But........         6 _1 R& L* k8 K) [
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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( h* i) S* F# W  C; P卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?" I' C& x5 |. U  m! Z
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you * v1 R; E) A! M9 e1 V) C
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us : m9 U; e' ~8 P# I6 f
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world * J3 V: u' W. {9 ]( S3 h! }
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' D5 c/ P7 r3 q0 K6 OSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
5 u2 b( Q8 V+ A3 `Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 2 l( b: z& w4 l8 |
2 ]- ]$ X  Z% Y2 e; x
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ n# m1 R: {+ [. |0 Y) XSomehow I realized you were still in my heart 0 ?& k  L* s$ T& U/ N
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness' Z. h- Y2 n# Z4 Z) z, |4 }
Somehow I lost myself inside it again : g% M" M/ b& y7 n$ e

5 O6 z8 k8 H+ `  T. R) [Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion$ Z$ u) V2 m1 N9 K( P0 R& s
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
7 S' T0 }) d3 [5 ]. H2 `Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself4 h$ V* t3 M+ G7 z' @; V) q
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; j; K9 Y, d& w
================================================
  g4 D% Q5 |" Y  N( ~/ {6 {. H; \  lHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 9 f1 T% @# v$ v! N# y

- e& o* r: [' J1 w" X6 `9 M  Zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
' `6 A6 j+ V7 i% V- w( P我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 G- y4 d0 [# R9 {  F0 _/ y! c哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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