请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
/ k9 W1 O4 i# [              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
5 A% L) H" e3 M              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
% t1 Q3 o& `0 d; S. b! W+ j9 k( Z! c3 N              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
8 [% Z9 _$ }" m# e% J+ E- B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 ?, N- j6 l' }, w- p0 H) y) Q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  t/ y3 }! J$ U- L: n             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
, z/ Y- d! v5 h! f8 pNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  B; O  M: h; V+ w! L* hFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
* |; m  n" p3 H* |3 o% cBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
  H5 `; W) [5 S" c2 T4 PSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
+ U$ }( k5 i6 T: I- xSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! N" T, Z) o+ m  FSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
- q* {, X: {0 [, W! ASomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
" c7 ^4 r6 X) E- Q% m
. {+ i  [% h( T4 n' X5 ^, ~  j& jSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- F2 X6 S- x/ q5 h* cSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
* ^/ _3 E; r8 c0 B9 D7 B
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
5 P+ o  n5 C4 d, VSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
' I* h& m! X6 z7 ~. usomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？