埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5207|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
" v& m( F' u& p& z* @% S3 G* {Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
  M" J* R3 c' S$ V* Z  hHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
: |. L: n4 t% [: L, ^Thanks a lot!!!" O% C# c! Z6 X* l& {# j2 c- h( K
" ~- ]8 d8 F. W

& L$ X5 F& P9 I1 t8 h" T- B9 _. G, E

6 @+ [# `+ X/ i8 ?7 J0 K3 p- t6 b" l+ k& W, O, E" m
  Z8 A# u; `0 G: a; l& A1 f

8 U. E) G$ ?' q$ jFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
8 C: O) t- Y# q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* ~( D2 P3 R, z( y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 4 A" r6 Q; a4 q7 h2 B' o
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me - \8 j) B0 O+ S) ^! y
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind " L1 j' T, z( ?* X* `) g; M' `
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness , b8 B( Q7 c$ X3 B% |
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! X9 P5 W: b; K9 ]4 R             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 F3 Q1 W3 n  J; T5 c' c" Q( {; n: `             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 o" D2 ~. b4 }
             somehow I lost myself inside again
5 y) q1 m4 K6 q( M4 gNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog # \" R; h& D, U. O8 b% b' E
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion+ e: c; i2 k! u0 T' u9 u
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................$ u' u5 c: `; _; Q5 B8 \
Basically, I almost finish this poem5 l' H9 }. H2 w- V& R9 H4 A3 V
               I am 一个人de精彩2 U9 f# c% j8 N3 @4 X/ M
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.! H6 s! O/ A% c$ o0 R3 D
But........         
1 g/ ~! w7 o# RIronically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
8 F, ^$ f/ L! G; R+ P0 x' v5 Q$ V8 ~& e- i8 G0 C
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?1 j& e8 N% v: K4 n9 r1 R) A$ ]

+ Y3 r) t2 S* G
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 0 D3 B3 Z3 v* `- R0 l
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 2 J  D$ j* m% Y5 h- [$ m
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
) I4 B4 }. B( A* u  S! VSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' V0 K0 G! Q% Y, PSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind " c; B' ]2 o( Q# R2 e
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 6 I5 J# ]3 B' ]5 D$ R- O/ n* G# u' n
# B$ Q9 L# x3 n
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 B- ~9 W# N7 P8 n+ f+ V2 j8 R
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 |" N4 G9 u3 h4 y5 {0 aSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 d0 D. U$ {: g/ q2 dSomehow I lost myself inside it again
! y- M$ n$ o2 J! A( {4 Y+ D1 @
; A$ F9 i/ V( s& @Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 F" _0 ?0 l3 S( `* WSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you# U7 j; d, ?6 X8 h1 |  L, ?0 s5 S
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself; v, Z7 G9 ~& u  m2 \% w
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 X/ q, e2 E3 B================================================$ b2 W  B) K  D9 O
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 1 Z- l' X  S3 p3 V: x( b/ d

( E) F& c* s1 \" Hsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, X6 b3 A7 [6 _9 d7 y! o- D
=====================================================================
  a0 N6 f, c! x  f, ]$ Ysomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
- |. S% h$ Q. k  p& T我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
0 x. a% o1 B. ]9 G. @
哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2025-12-11 09:50 , Processed in 0.152324 second(s), 18 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表