请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
; c; z6 e2 J9 K0 m! MHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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8 W, S9 |" }/ e" bFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 A0 X5 r. r4 y- m" \' Q5 i              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
3 K5 a* F$ G- v7 p" W4 ?4 X              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, B& u% Y$ t7 E* B2 v2 _5 F# q5 d              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  H! ]& j1 k% y2 ~1 ]             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: }% @; I) z+ Z. J: ~             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 W) ~( b3 z% ~. N3 Z. I* iNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
* ]; \' u9 l: N8 m               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

( w1 b& t+ [7 \2 i2 D$ o卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
8 [" M2 ?' Z" |Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
/ C: @+ _( A& dSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 w# b8 ?3 p5 ^, D/ U1 nSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- E. V/ e# P; A) p
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 B6 M! A' O" |- }Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 a+ T& P9 m2 h/ k; p================================================
0 l1 y: M7 H# `However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？