请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
0 D1 m. b& G, F/ ]- f, ZHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


; C# W( c) ~* F) K& |$ W6 C* F


7 Y9 l% k! n/ d
3 r  u) ]7 z  g- c
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
6 ?2 z$ ]6 j! @  g6 k# T5 f              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; ^6 E  U& d' [              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
& X* H% _+ N4 v' g9 y8 I5 O              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
$ S# Z9 t; O3 k  Z4 R( u             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& ~3 v  {' r4 u+ @: I             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; w! J9 {) ^& a6 b- n4 T$ dBasically, I almost finish this poem
% C. p, `; q& F# B* |3 }. y+ C               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
0 D9 H9 A6 U( F# p( G5 bIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

. \8 C( h9 t- t5 i; v卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

  v+ \2 }; A/ J! ?  P4 o

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
* N3 k  l5 Y5 D+ lSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
) t8 `& H: o3 G( ZSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
# g, \: c' R  t6 ?Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

3 B( B, Z+ O, H6 D* _Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& }  S7 o6 S* I7 h7 z+ pSomehow I lost myself inside it again

  R* d* I+ G$ rSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
0 ~- ?, l# |0 h" C" DSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
* N0 Z1 y+ J3 G% NSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 @3 s+ r, H- {9 Z: X================================================
) B; @7 P3 x8 f( @However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
- }4 r. b* G1 R$ T  ^4 l( H
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" E% b1 L% M6 T! h  G/ N6 J=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
# P2 W, \' P7 k5 U7 e# V) B: h我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

4 @5 u- o: I4 {  A" o哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？