埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5323|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
7 |+ j2 a- Y3 H9 X- x! R& h8 Z0 yBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.# p1 h( Q- b2 M/ k: V$ p
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 W  C7 J9 ~0 V6 YThanks a lot!!!# [* E5 u: O3 v, `( h, c, G

6 w+ ]1 Q4 I- Z$ j8 j" f- C; T- u! r& Z$ t% ~1 f* N5 @
3 U1 v; V$ H1 A2 R. I

* D, u' O$ P7 `4 @$ m9 N
7 h# T5 V; d2 H1 O+ \% R* `+ ^5 T4 j4 y

- T* s2 f" p( V* {3 _Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
  I! [# k+ ~: f2 K+ L              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 8 g! P  b4 d# P8 @
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
! c' g7 G& _# d              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me . `0 z! X) z& e' a8 q+ n% v
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind % i: Z4 J1 z3 i9 F/ ^- M7 D1 v
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 3 R4 i+ D$ O. @# B% |9 G! t
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 k# w0 q* W0 j5 K             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 6 c: w; r2 h3 ~% w
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness" X* r* L/ H) z) ~$ A, H; Q, y
             somehow I lost myself inside again ; g% f( F8 T9 k) G2 Q  r2 @
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
& S; w, _. L5 W% W# p$ \/ z: ^             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: _) x8 L1 m5 x3 u* p& vFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
7 [' y1 N& j2 r  w( HBasically, I almost finish this poem. J( n' `  O* q* c; @; O$ Y
               I am 一个人de精彩
6 G9 U; C, h; Z, D- w               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.5 v% T& [' `' D* c
But........         
8 a: L8 l# M5 j1 {' b6 [/ @% T$ yIronically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
2 K8 b6 S6 s1 t3 y, K$ Z, ]
- ^) U6 n5 ?: K卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?. n/ c- ^& P7 D

3 P9 d# t$ f. k7 U$ U7 o( F
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 4 d, E) ?* K! z" M( Y
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 9 h7 [) M: ^0 V5 a. s3 E
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
6 s+ b) ?+ S0 Y1 VSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
* g; D; I, L9 _0 dSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
; L8 G1 \  A0 g! r0 M/ n6 _. OSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
" O- ?0 h! _  a- `) F3 B) y" R, _- Q- T% Z, a
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; T" H. C$ @' t% V  w) t$ u) g
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 2 t! r, J8 b" Y
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# Z! S' B/ v8 e; \. a4 f: ISomehow I lost myself inside it again
* `( ^' n0 f) c! I* Y4 k
/ S, V: v$ x  I+ w& c& p+ wSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion8 ~( a6 Q& J/ X. I) C
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you/ l: `$ F: I) N% M6 u  b/ W
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
3 u6 l( s5 ~0 \2 B; Z1 RSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 p! s2 O# ~: s; e3 x4 b% \- `================================================
" x4 p+ Y4 s3 m3 `/ E! fHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 4 a  K9 l* m$ w8 ^
& o( q. \+ p, [+ V# \' I
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness4 S& L6 g' k8 M5 z9 X" ^& Z2 I
=====================================================================4 {8 |7 |# A7 k9 W  u- @0 z
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
/ G, f) ?3 X1 |' U: c" w* N我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

% ?& G- B. J& l6 z9 t5 @' h) }2 E哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-1-25 03:02 , Processed in 0.104883 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表