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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem1 F2 w6 j0 W1 J3 i) h
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
7 K4 z& R9 c( A2 }( }* z1 KHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
- V( Y2 O$ a# }/ V  X' ~Thanks a lot!!!
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+ V, ^4 z7 x1 S9 h7 j) vFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ! e  a/ t; a+ h8 h2 h7 [2 V
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
1 \* ^. g( S0 t3 d; Q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
  Q: B# h$ k0 l3 n8 @2 x" l              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, q/ [9 F3 [1 x1 E3 U. H/ C              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 4 W  |) j, q0 S4 l5 H3 A, m3 c4 K. f
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 6 N0 E; G1 t9 H7 X
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday : |7 h. y# m3 f& ]! ^
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: q' ~6 s7 w2 U9 G; C  k0 H& A             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% \8 O1 o# I# b. D1 F: f6 i             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 ^- Q% \, R* M$ _7 \. S+ Q6 n* PNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
2 t# z- ^3 z& w  v: x! j7 Y# e             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 @; ]3 Y# I) ]% l7 H* zFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
$ F! b4 O- n; k1 G8 R( \7 Q* PBasically, I almost finish this poem! i; \# ?9 }% @( D
               I am 一个人de精彩5 a" i( o2 m) s  I
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.: n2 Q3 c  ~8 u
But........         
! |1 e& o. [, v2 O3 O9 LIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”9 [; y! W/ f2 S& W3 v9 f
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?0 G' U, m5 L1 {

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
  D0 ?  Y- e; k* {Somehow I'd find something wrong with us $ T/ X; z9 L  Q* {8 B
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
( d1 v6 M3 f" ~1 oSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me     v% r) E$ ~/ J
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
$ P" t! b1 H, [) t# BSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
6 ?' [9 h; i, o/ j* H5 P
% r' X; F/ X2 JSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; A" U- s( z: H
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart - p5 m1 s( p9 i/ L! }5 _
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( J5 u# A2 n! P4 {+ k/ RSomehow I lost myself inside it again
6 U  m7 b  d( s# j0 v9 n; c! P: D; z8 Q! b% W. x
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- ]8 l" V& p& W1 o( e; ~6 aSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you  L  K9 g. A* n5 c8 i3 @
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
! @6 j; t6 W% HSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ p3 \# b; C5 l& c. a( V================================================
& Y! w9 ~( [- _' fHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 9 ^  u* Z% v+ U4 v4 _0 M" S

% C1 i# Q9 A' o7 C! f( d. Q0 Jsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! N: H; g6 f5 \( }3 {3 Y. V2 `/ Y3 `! U: L
=====================================================================
% Q. E0 |8 m7 k$ |1 k9 ssomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 + u9 `% Q% s3 c7 k
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

' a+ o  e+ B0 K' @" x) r- D+ O. {哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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