埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5199|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
' W0 l- B) G$ u: ~' C1 y6 PBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
) s3 f! [2 h, j* YHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! q$ i1 k$ ~: j3 _- h6 X# v1 b  dThanks a lot!!!
9 a2 Z9 g6 h' Q% P/ F9 E& C
2 r- R* O6 b& v$ H9 ~; _. M- D2 m, q( b; Q6 [; _

0 L5 h, K) J1 ]! q  C; W9 d: M# t' p0 I, T1 T# j) f# A
0 P4 W- d0 j7 j1 }4 |
( A; K1 v  [% Q
; r" z& A; N( i6 K% u$ G1 ^
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 0 I- ^0 n4 W  `2 M( q/ P9 o# o
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; S* q. Q$ `2 C7 D2 b& m1 M; ^* v! x              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ y, E& V& U5 a* S& [; W              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
' q3 s1 O( m6 y4 T$ z; ~              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
6 T% u, R/ _+ L9 T. n              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; D1 \  Y. `2 @# S/ S5 V/ UHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" O" ^6 t; o) o. u& j4 K& S( f6 V! f. }             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 8 ]0 Q+ y: ~$ \! U1 D
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness) p$ G+ S1 {6 E4 D/ Q
             somehow I lost myself inside again 3 `- K0 E$ P5 b! d0 e. y
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
) M' E3 l& A2 S8 D) A" x             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: u3 h+ k: C# O+ r' D# v. n8 p" nFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
2 ]' T9 |9 k9 B6 L* {Basically, I almost finish this poem
5 h- e2 u/ \% X9 D- |  U               I am 一个人de精彩* a( o" L( X+ |/ `
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.# J: f: Q. ]/ S4 ]+ w& E4 W
But........           L: t$ L4 \/ E2 `$ D8 D
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
% K; e4 n& T8 c8 K2 S
7 d5 Y% S( a7 h7 E% B5 ?3 V2 n卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
0 `7 T# M/ ~, @" e6 |, \5 t. z) z5 i: Z( M& d8 M$ R# F
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* C3 }# k9 X* S. d  j3 Y# G+ M) x( nSomehow I'd find something wrong with us 0 A2 L4 I. _7 ?! h/ v
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# d# A4 t7 X+ N1 a/ T* e6 wSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   2 k' }( M  _: ?2 S9 m
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind # z  j7 L# q. x$ i! u: E1 E
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness ) t$ M- U. L. ^8 z3 }

. T+ a) ~2 ]# iSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ! s( q. A+ X% c+ Z
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 b3 T0 H6 g8 s8 {5 p7 i0 q0 n- ^Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 ]1 v4 Q' S$ b( v" x$ @Somehow I lost myself inside it again
8 o* O' E6 Y8 N- t8 L! X) m9 E" w
, u5 _, L3 @- d9 @/ P0 W& j# BSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
9 O. n0 h* R0 \- G1 XSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' f0 O/ Z3 `: v% t  dSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
1 s( o- B4 {, j$ Q( ESomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
0 o4 _) H. C/ _- O================================================
+ i% q  C8 W# AHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
5 h% `. ]# ]5 Y$ k# |; d1 y7 z0 z) v; ]3 Y: {9 I# m
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 J/ v. u! Y2 T# }! r& Q) l% N=====================================================================
1 l: y5 r; P# Y" y$ hsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 b! M6 h3 N; Y4 V我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

- w* ~$ X9 K4 o$ e. _哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2025-12-7 00:24 , Processed in 0.114804 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表