请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
8 R1 U% `, q# w" _Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
8 r! d3 u! j7 S, Q2 P5 i/ yHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

1 T0 m7 ]# S6 k" H, ^4 a3 ~  R  h5 `

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% u" ]  d) t( S7 T" zFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
4 c: h4 J2 ?8 S) O# l8 Q  i              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
- z: J% Q) N# Y" f+ Q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* P- b: V9 V0 `: t$ B! I2 s, F              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
4 t8 E; W8 }) l( j( bHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, _+ Q1 A6 z  {' ~, |3 N" y             somehow I lost myself inside again
$ ]" l# I0 N2 b! ?7 d3 c4 _- fNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
- z& V# D/ I' p/ yBasically, I almost finish this poem
1 ]) t' z, e2 O) F  J/ p; h               I am 一个人de精彩
1 I! Y1 b1 m! q8 l; X1 O3 `6 L               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
% p. h; }0 K6 A% x! _! K" oSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" @1 p. D3 g  r% OSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
- e3 w. Z1 P1 p& l6 O  i' `Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ @4 f5 a1 O' @/ d( u
5 {1 m# O4 r6 B2 h" X, ySomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( B( [& ~' b% u+ ESomehow I realized you were still in my heart
% ^. ^: x  |- F* i& W  r; A& M. [Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. F- X: b; E6 J* P/ Q5 b4 GSomehow I lost myself inside it again
1 U' ~1 x( Y( [! C$ ^( C
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" W. j3 l& a1 F& rSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
/ n. a% |. M1 T* X1 v% E" `3 ^Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; ]: Q/ g  T/ Z! ]* z3 b+ ?" J================================================
" Q7 E; X7 u6 y: G# p8 [: pHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

* g9 ^6 F- S7 O' wsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
1 \5 T0 Y" m/ M/ v/ lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 T% K( W2 b- ^% b哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？