请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
$ ]+ Z3 H( |3 S5 X0 B; [Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
/ t* ?4 B  D7 iHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!



, O! ]+ t! L. L& y
& B' {; t4 t1 f6 e% B8 e

7 Y; L. E5 t8 G$ s7 K% Z( d( F8 ^, |
3 z5 Q3 z+ l: e& p' j" R( _Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) V4 ~. y- y/ [1 \5 P* F# n              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; L! ]: @+ p$ M' l              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
, k1 _: b; ~- z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
- F2 y0 O) Q# H) [# e$ @However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ L" C0 Q+ }* y  a% o             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& S. |: i6 ]: K0 _             somehow I lost myself inside again
7 h9 b) a. V+ e9 cNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
: U+ u4 ]3 ]( r# F, d  s/ o/ D/ k             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ f" b8 z8 T& H1 I3 lFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
# W, N3 G, ~/ ?+ W9 @* JBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
+ F1 D, P* b( F! }3 S5 X, w               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
1 s7 F1 n1 U. p/ f$ ?Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

  x8 S2 z8 \8 m2 _卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 r, x6 `: C, z* U' dSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
, ^/ r2 ~' |4 [, \8 H( A& D) q' aSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
/ C8 e; c  `  o& hSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; f" t" Z( T: t! c9 hSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 Z9 O, \) M) h, w1 s' [Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
# Q6 C- I' d6 e' D5 V' m" d
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: L6 L( ~% [$ m' GSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
3 e. k4 \) H' X! F" u8 kSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
+ K7 @$ p' j9 QSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* D% ^. Z8 i6 \+ G& x# a================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
+ a2 a) A3 b/ r) F
, z- A3 @2 y& B; ?0 x& T* Rsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 `9 D& @+ i- B2 H; {=====================================================================
  e6 F# {* ~3 Isomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？