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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
# H, i% M  u6 V0 \$ e! jBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
! I8 I7 h% ?6 c/ p2 p# T' h& ^However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
$ R  O8 _; v; M" z. @7 B( ~9 @# ?5 v( [Thanks a lot!!!
* p' ~3 d7 c1 i' x8 L. B& H/ t  e
$ w: m; T; L. U9 ^1 i: B9 {: U/ G; q+ s; f8 X1 Y$ Z

) Y0 i: {9 x: E+ d
* G- K% _! @1 L0 j7 {# k" M$ k- }( j$ a! C  `4 u3 [" f

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9 v( k# Q/ k* I6 Y; ~Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
! z# Z! J6 x) O              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us : x% S) D/ |6 V. z* w5 D
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 6 Y0 y' ]+ H  F0 T5 k
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me - k  h5 q9 w7 G
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
( a, N* Z# l# Q0 H* H. f              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
4 `8 g/ h( c$ m& l, IHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 z! `2 q, P5 ?( ?" I8 j             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
; j; f5 n6 {3 h+ j7 O             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& B, u( D, o& _% R# l, D0 ?  L             somehow I lost myself inside again ; A; y# R4 g7 J" L0 L
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 2 u. Y- a7 n, N/ W& M3 \
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 z3 s6 q. i, \, QFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
- c  O2 ], X- vBasically, I almost finish this poem
/ O3 R4 P+ n& w               I am 一个人de精彩
1 v5 J  T: y8 q8 D% m# o! w               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.# V  T8 k9 i- h9 n& J$ T
But........         
7 ^1 o# x2 c0 j, I0 uIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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$ c& X  R* e6 F+ A) x卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?9 P0 ?& e( [3 H1 W2 U2 c; u

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
- K3 [2 R$ n# i. y- ]; j6 n" l7 zSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
: b2 ^$ Z  O: V) N, k/ {Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
6 m' q3 I- Y0 S2 c" P, wSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
) A: f/ b% l8 V- fSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
: ]( e9 d3 R' O3 t" C: ^Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
  g' U$ ?& a( U/ u, b/ b/ Q8 z& \3 f
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. {& Z3 s7 D$ I- P- S" u3 M. cSomehow I realized you were still in my heart 0 |1 Z) I* ]1 m+ Y# F
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness+ Z1 e! {5 f( S/ x9 \
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
5 E/ Q" W# Q6 ~9 h  r# E' \% b& l9 P
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion  y0 p$ n% f1 t& R3 n  e
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you6 Y6 a/ B( r6 q0 l. F% c
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself* w; E- j4 d  P; i( r
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 v. J$ V# `' d! C+ ~6 m% r( l================================================
/ S. E# |6 y; V0 s7 n: l. N$ ~However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ! O7 _2 h) }3 G4 g) v& w! B2 k
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 M" u* x% l, L9 A3 w! ~2 V2 F
=====================================================================) m+ I" R' ?4 p5 y# H0 I
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
# Q2 j7 W8 l  t( P6 @3 f, B; o我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! E: y" [4 t; _% Q5 ^; D1 h$ C哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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