请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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9 i& c- T( F, u4 d% d  [4 GFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
$ h& y3 A' @2 x& m8 O              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* H& |" l; f) @. ~              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, F1 E0 j' m. `! a+ }2 E% C$ j8 f              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 }' X9 r! T, G1 B              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: n7 k  t$ o/ j1 f/ _& W. \             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
5 Z) @# R9 N! w: w             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; D. d; N! B: ]# a( C2 W7 C& E( `Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& M3 U- B/ Q0 D7 g& PBasically, I almost finish this poem
! ~, y, R* J& N+ X7 g. B               I am 一个人de精彩
# k% P- S; O/ C2 z, w% M# A               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
* i; G" C; U. m2 ?% X/ |* N) yBut........         
$ P1 E$ r+ f6 P9 \+ l! HIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
. Q7 f  I( [" Q0 u% ^1 mSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% n2 b, ?3 K& r7 X! N9 L- XSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
6 R/ x0 @5 l8 m, B$ E
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
1 b$ H( n) p# V- }Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, c5 Y6 G5 T; K9 L3 u$ z) k+ _# dSomehow I lost myself inside it again
* U; n) P& _8 ?5 T, C# t' K
+ ~4 D/ w- ~& M) l0 G6 J4 wSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% p7 }0 i8 M4 E) K" @' kSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
0 }  |+ r' _8 H+ u7 ?Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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/ u& |# q) m! W0 a4 [% N& Qsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

* A, ?9 [& O/ R9 I' ^; M& [! _哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？