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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
& w- ~6 z2 G6 y+ O& I* B# A: ]Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
" M8 D1 `( n3 W4 t+ C) r7 _* RHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
& Z, \/ i; ]2 l# r( uThanks a lot!!!
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: D7 v9 X, w: \% ?" B- c/ X' J9 v+ U8 {1 W. ]/ ]
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/ _! T+ m; a( J7 w& I4 Y* L8 \7 l2 B' a! h1 a
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
! N2 N0 L. D9 k! y" f) r              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ) r! L+ j$ ]- c; h: B- j+ a# m
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world # ^$ s  N2 {; b( N" z5 a7 d
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me   s- q; S6 ?$ a! ]0 }
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ( V" S9 B+ l, v5 D
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
( O6 C" J- F) zHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 C* x  m8 q$ R! D% H' u             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 c) i( {& t4 W/ r+ Q" `5 h' n             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. z& L( C6 \9 B! z- o) r7 [2 U3 E             somehow I lost myself inside again
( n4 A# n4 j. _7 \) ?% vNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
: }1 n0 n% e) a& f3 t+ P             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
8 J0 O& b1 G+ a3 {+ _( I8 }! b+ eFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................# f' q0 W7 d& b# C6 C
Basically, I almost finish this poem# Z, l/ l! h4 Y/ \) B- C4 N
               I am 一个人de精彩- f: [8 I  c9 q( P1 u9 v  ?2 z
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 {% K" \6 {% a- ~3 WBut........         
2 H+ t* o( [/ H  O# K% H( r, wIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”1 C9 g. M0 z- l0 k( D

1 ^6 M4 r- U8 k! F: R8 C卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 0 ]2 s( x: g8 g- H8 k8 Z
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us ! I( @( N2 w7 v% ~6 B+ K( {
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 3 O+ T% G( a0 `' ^
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 x; Z& f2 T( `! K8 J$ B% BSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind % x3 O" A0 W: [2 q) H% }2 l3 o$ u- h
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 8 x8 V, |- Q- j0 E$ F; Y2 b7 t
* N* e. I9 r) l4 p
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 e1 C# ?: ]0 u- P3 O) @% N  nSomehow I realized you were still in my heart . P7 Q. K, u$ s
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- s% k6 T. U2 H4 \Somehow I lost myself inside it again $ K) U7 K0 ?, I, p  g

9 Y4 H* t% t1 Q/ l$ I; {, k/ gSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion: I3 P4 p+ t% C6 E
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& V4 E- Q, f2 A+ e# D- WSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself, q# T* w0 P) [$ B& }" z
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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! H8 q5 K+ H0 d( HHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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2 D4 R5 d) f5 Dsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ H6 s1 N7 O9 s4 j. e=====================================================================
8 }% A( x( \* J9 wsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 0 }6 Z, x( X+ Z( S# L' ^
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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