请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
' Y$ A% V# F8 q- V7 I- g  ^              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
: ]; \: C% J6 g, J  t3 Q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
$ d& G& x/ S. t4 H              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
* |) r3 B$ z# |3 y. R; qHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( V- ]) E  W5 P4 |' q             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
& V' `! @' [* u+ _% Y" P             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
/ [+ i% `$ V  g2 Y  o' CFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
3 Q: y1 [  n' l2 K/ R0 F               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 e; T" F+ E& o, ^8 K: K; jSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
4 L/ i6 |8 F4 Z3 M# s4 }# P9 RSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
) z  F. l  _$ x+ ]4 QSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
6 {3 U& w! h! P+ ^Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
$ D! p7 Q# w6 U- U/ q2 [1 ?7 ?. ESomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
4 H& ~7 W' f1 K% Z. K
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 D' A4 h5 D( JSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ }. B6 ]& p2 ?+ c) z6 G; gSomehow I lost myself inside it again

) A4 I4 z) _$ b& r- wSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
1 J9 t! W$ {7 M# m" O  j7 f3 k5 SSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 U1 v* ~9 h8 y9 d=====================================================================
7 A) Y: g5 J) l2 n9 P; csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 s6 q* ?8 M& K我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

$ @4 o* o) n; ]: i哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？