请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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0 w0 w# o1 A' h2 x; U0 aFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
! N2 }+ l. A7 k( Q3 K8 D$ i+ r' H              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% \. A# Q: d+ @' Q- l; [6 g              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! X. B9 a! E3 ^) D  n2 FHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 q0 i  g& v# L0 q! o% B+ h  J             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* S" q$ w7 b. M( M6 m% v             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. _& R" q0 Q9 R7 `  }. B4 `; f             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
  j6 o5 [# \4 J2 Z               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 _- c9 T# J' w) l8 UBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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3 M( r1 n: l+ t$ q' G0 q% v( H9 `卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( B+ }* |4 x6 C1 `, R/ @Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
& I- l+ R4 i3 Z: S4 w( mSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 G$ U8 \2 ?2 Q2 }6 y5 `% WSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
( u$ d0 \+ T2 g0 ~" ^9 K$ rSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

) P3 ~/ k7 W% ~Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 c' D" I* }& K3 _* Q9 t( R% ESomehow I realized you were still in my heart
$ |1 n) R% }  g7 C# q% hSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 _$ [) h( n9 Y) h; [Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 I' r- t: ^, x% KSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
6 Y0 L# y: d# c& s: a" b
" ?& D: V$ u+ F/ n# C9 p4 nsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 \; I" x& I( A=====================================================================
$ |# N) n/ S: E; e# }somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 j( W( I! R9 ^% s我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 Y- t* P8 D; x  D: R哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？