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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
5 O$ v* y' j" g- o8 U# t! |5 ~. o5 [Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.6 I# [* p. w  d5 Q* _5 _: I/ V
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
- N  v; L: [* w( zThanks a lot!!!, k: s5 w2 V. _9 E9 h; a

1 h3 r  y; F9 G! U1 N6 B, H' A( a/ I

3 Q( k0 @  \  C: B% Y8 k2 ]& Q- N/ I. V" b- G% T
, T. y" m. A& y; ^

  W, z5 a/ }; F, d9 k8 ]/ }1 g, ^7 z2 m+ P! Z1 A
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 7 s. }& o+ W3 d+ E0 _
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
- W( n3 H% E0 x- d              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" |, F, a1 f0 M              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me % ?7 v% W! g4 L+ b% ^7 O& z
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
% B$ }2 F9 R- D7 E; C, ?              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
* k# h$ Z1 c2 @+ ?* W. A9 t4 MHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  o/ S/ {- @- W' _# n             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( n; E- m" ^  c; Q             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness& j' g& S8 g+ z, M4 N
             somehow I lost myself inside again $ Z( ^9 d# s. o6 u# G
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 0 D+ r; V- d( A' c
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion* j+ o4 u4 F4 W! |' g3 E1 u
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................5 r# H/ ]& a; f8 U# g: l; x
Basically, I almost finish this poem
+ w1 o' }1 e# w, N               I am 一个人de精彩
0 `( w; j4 Q3 K# u# S               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.$ s# J" P7 ~* V1 M
But........         : R- @5 Q4 C4 p$ i! M6 i
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”( N2 N: f$ ^/ U7 }" r
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?+ I- D" K3 w, r3 f& a

& |2 d# n+ |9 G& }4 d/ f
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 1 U  k( F3 i$ f" n7 ?+ O
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us # R+ L" V) ?, M; Z' _: |* o
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world   |: s- S1 r: D1 W; v" C
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
9 S$ y  G/ Q9 S+ K9 Q, iSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind & m# ?2 `" z& h1 L/ V1 \" l
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness % _$ i$ [: `% ^' G
9 |2 w: ?2 K7 `, z9 E
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! P/ F) d6 c: aSomehow I realized you were still in my heart * B$ E) ?+ Z9 D
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness2 r4 G- b  R( U. [6 z- D/ k
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
, S0 a7 Z/ M- p$ T1 V: Q% z: L% T8 c5 s$ t
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' g6 {! K/ c" T; N, k  QSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you! y# d8 w3 M+ @; ~
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
9 e8 m+ @) F% E. C5 S9 DSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; [1 q5 _. ^- ~: P6 S, c
================================================
8 j6 I- u0 L- Q% `" }However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
" l5 F: O% b4 s( C: V* z8 f7 l- Q
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# |7 k  Z) I7 `0 x5 t  |+ O; g=====================================================================
2 V) L# p+ R. ]3 S' Xsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表   p" w. F* k, ?3 S& y
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

7 ]( e' k% m" E- n; Z; z哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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