请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
- B/ v9 D- ~' x0 ^( ?However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( D; G  v, C9 ?0 _; d. y0 k# \+ K' `Thanks a lot!!!

% h0 E$ l% r( R8 f, r9 H- ]2 \. x/ C


* K; W& n' E) B! \; ^4 f


( F+ T( E0 F" w& q3 Q; pFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
+ k; U4 H7 ]4 G6 G: U5 [              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
1 i- Z( ]5 p) Y4 F5 Q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 w2 T& N& L# V              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 S3 D. D0 J2 b             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  r! d+ Y& s9 g3 H0 A% n! e             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 B0 X! X& `. p! H             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
, K( Z* I9 G" `! eBasically, I almost finish this poem
& H& W' @9 l4 l% Q& B  q               I am 一个人de精彩
$ K; P4 [6 ~7 L9 g               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

9 g; U+ h8 \0 I/ i  V卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
9 ?; H2 |+ r/ w* A4 A3 P/ e

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  ~6 J1 {* j1 B2 l: d# l/ u/ \* ^# U$ TSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
% }& |. C3 n- i! aSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
. |- m0 ?) l" K5 S) ?% F" ?5 ^Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
! ^  Y: u; h! F  m" n* uSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

2 p1 j0 \. A3 |0 VSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) c) G1 \$ a/ Z# ]Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, E/ m& }% X$ h( m* N% Q0 y/ |, e' DSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

8 J  l# r7 B7 y, v8 uSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 C2 B. d" B# ^# D& }4 G4 {Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& C* A! T3 o/ b' b; w/ p0 M$ ISomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, \: ^9 h4 z4 y; b3 cSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) u( N' M+ E, w8 e================================================
/ d1 K. h/ L. e/ [However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
( v: o; _1 x2 p$ j
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: N9 P! h% h4 V4 e" f=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？