请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
0 D2 |' S4 F# w/ _% @Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
) H. C1 x# l: \, b7 CHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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% M0 r3 T' _' S  W4 B

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
' l+ x1 h& l6 D6 k% o6 n9 `              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 O$ n; C3 |* Q# M* a0 d  }8 F+ {9 q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. _6 r0 f4 m/ I$ J1 z+ E1 x             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
% k4 B6 r+ }) L* Y9 e9 E( @Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- L0 c4 |8 r; x% W+ TFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
6 C* ]8 N7 e7 C- l: c               I am 一个人de精彩
* O, v6 `/ `0 p$ Q3 x. e- c6 W               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
% K7 s6 }, Z+ Q# UBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

/ i8 x1 T% x8 W. \( m& u8 y5 T3 ~$ t卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
: O# q$ m* _. N3 C4 K) i5 JSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
( r# u) O2 u) f3 z9 |8 cSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 R0 O3 J5 c  E. T; y5 SSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

" Y4 `% u$ f& h) q5 C) a  ~+ S  b( mSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ X9 K  r" c; m; m9 }5 v# E0 XSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

6 A% H1 {4 J/ |( @3 HSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ a7 G7 j1 ?0 Z4 y$ d1 x4 w6 oSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
+ n3 i! c& i- G: G0 _: dSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( F' W) X+ o7 S4 _- p, ?Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

* C  P) s4 Y# ^: y5 Bsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
0 \) l2 H0 F' {! }% B+ H我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？