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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem6 H2 W* v7 d- W: _
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
. |) r$ l+ ?( E; n' w" U$ hHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem  h( j9 m- p0 S6 o0 n: W
Thanks a lot!!!2 \/ V) R3 p# G) s- Q' A2 x
- [) n! u& O: q" }. J
* p2 Z) C; f8 E1 e& T) H7 w
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9 x' W+ D2 Y- L( @( V/ s, a" n0 F7 A1 W" ]- }8 \! M  ~

  B* R" ^& h! e% I. ?7 P( {- i' y
' a+ Z) ^  C5 X4 t2 |3 D' O( xFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 3 T7 c( y) j0 l+ h6 m1 t
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ) R: P; d$ h+ h0 b' R
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world , g3 k, p8 m! g+ y0 Y
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
! `0 Y6 c! J4 Q; z8 n              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind + V) D) F' @& i! C
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness - _+ X' y9 p& l" q" c. I6 T
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday - b9 E1 s- B9 _) o) F
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart   v9 y  x  Z0 L# c& T
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness% H: H# X  G( t& S6 F- y0 ?- I
             somehow I lost myself inside again 1 @% A$ H3 B. z$ |. x2 x
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 p- M9 d2 E, _; x5 b: O4 F1 h             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 i* i6 E( i3 E- [7 T( _9 i' \Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& w& b9 r  |) `" jBasically, I almost finish this poem
: [6 ]* [* L& r! y; w5 I- y5 Q               I am 一个人de精彩
6 Y  x  }6 e# w) W7 ?               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.0 l) i2 ]0 L; }1 _# Q; |0 x( O: G
But........         
6 P2 l+ @3 h- c2 r+ J* m5 eIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”* y- s: i0 r! C
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ O# t5 }& }! xSomehow I'd find something wrong with us 8 f0 e3 _6 u( t7 v- u2 S: [. y2 a
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
5 U* i; B, q8 V7 x9 USomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ) k* x5 B! v# P0 q7 N0 ^' m
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 p5 z6 ^. ^, |9 Z* TSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness : N, d) E: m9 m

0 e  ?6 Z& a% LSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ' A7 Q6 v3 w4 u
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
! o7 G. R& l' I8 F" ~" gSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 _( h# V* J, D( p8 O& d- k
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
1 F& E, [* D6 T, a% O, I, x5 `9 o- w) E0 L5 h, s+ C8 Q& j
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 g; L8 [; z+ P6 Z) G. _. DSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
( ^3 @" I+ ^& z- hSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
; m1 R8 i& S) j$ [! DSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday : I! B! y0 R! [7 F( `0 l
================================================3 ^. i; p) P$ D% |6 d
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ; [5 H/ r6 [7 O
( l  r1 Z. j. u; l4 U  ?: ?
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: }6 g3 l1 c# c/ g/ A( [# z
=====================================================================
- R( |. G1 b: @. z, C. ~somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 5 D2 t) B+ d+ B# m
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

- R( K4 ~: t: B9 y哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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