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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem0 P3 z5 r  `/ F" A
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.% j1 C0 Q5 I6 p: C0 P$ j
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem2 h/ Q9 N! {6 l( n7 r
Thanks a lot!!!
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  _4 ~5 _8 e4 q2 O" B( z8 SFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ; A6 x2 X8 F# t! x" P+ B( f* ^, D( q
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us / }6 y$ k- @) K! Z) T
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 9 v7 K. h, I$ V' @* ~, c8 y3 U
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
4 {* `6 e9 g" @0 Z. a! N* N. r              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
$ l. W" x3 f6 Z. k+ z; e              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 5 q" f. n* b  u6 q3 M  l
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 d# I& T" F5 D- A
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart $ x" y8 d% E4 C& U4 l) ~
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 ]& S  ^0 n/ R- \% W& _1 a' l8 ~
             somehow I lost myself inside again
4 W% y$ R0 V  _4 O% a; B+ l8 S+ jNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
3 n; ]$ _( H* C7 [             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  t8 m% f5 Q, F; d9 n# X0 RFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
9 n  [  p0 I- s; |Basically, I almost finish this poem2 L, G% s" E+ M9 o9 [0 I7 y
               I am 一个人de精彩4 y5 J1 z4 O  u" b
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.  f6 [/ }$ ^+ c" h5 y- a$ C, s
But........         ) {, I. Q3 @; T# [3 E. S
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?4 e4 X0 o5 q" z3 K# Y

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
% I2 H1 u: P6 }. sSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
4 u4 m/ @4 Z3 P" k9 ^6 `4 a5 G$ ZSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
5 o2 o* i) ~0 P# I% ISomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
1 \# u* G& e9 v' BSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind . u, B" B! [# K/ A
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
! N; J" y( H( m; I- I4 I% G. l2 }& w, h: ^  F' q+ i& \
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday : \' e" S' g) s$ c
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* [8 y- {/ Y. [3 X8 t4 PSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 Y' D6 Q6 l$ b" m  A5 U$ |Somehow I lost myself inside it again   w) R% J! Y1 u- U: j6 @

! u; Q6 d4 g2 |, k1 g; R5 pSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 z: D" M+ A0 D- PSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you6 Q$ V- T1 U; d9 I! U5 r6 P
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself5 J+ A- y0 T2 ]1 U0 d
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 1 z6 W$ Y( ^+ l6 b
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ' [6 K, r) l0 m0 j
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 ~- v: z" T) K+ `) Y* W' g我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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