请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
# f: T: q* k7 J8 ?Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
0 k4 M. }0 F0 o  L' Z; C* cHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 S1 E9 p7 }2 `) [Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) O, D3 ^! z; z: |8 }2 ]5 J              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# X4 |( i9 K! p; E. c: S" y3 i              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
4 y& n  _, M$ t- I) c8 j/ p+ n              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
$ Y- x+ Q. z0 ~, rHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
) A. Q9 Y% }' a4 K5 I             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 b6 c( t# Q" H6 l8 m             somehow I lost myself inside again
5 [' R0 c$ l, I0 Y! R% z" INow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
3 H2 j) U( ~# y3 i0 n  S6 k4 O5 J               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

* D+ X  z6 U4 Y( c, Q卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
2 S, n& }: w: o9 |# pSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
; [1 B; Y# E+ M1 Q( {) VSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
/ x9 n% a" T: ?3 `0 G5 nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
) f! k2 Y. c0 o. |9 k5 g! z9 GSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
) q' ~( f  m3 ]  r) l4 o& PSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

5 P' {1 [$ u" V; ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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! V% |8 H9 f; d  ^somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
- ~2 d& c. ?$ V+ \3 `我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

: |! N" t7 j" Q! ~4 V. ]- B3 Z哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？