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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
& R" S7 r9 e2 A1 `; N4 xBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.  G7 [2 [7 A( S$ w( Y  C; \( S
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
8 s' _+ N% f8 l' z% PThanks a lot!!!
+ l& h; f2 B9 ?$ j5 T
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% h5 Q* i% W  p, }* V" P5 k" J+ T5 ?
8 {. I6 t; g1 Q( S* ]" Y/ j3 p

- Q; `  ^. c+ c; s
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  B5 h3 z4 H% o8 v$ K/ pFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you & I  V, O' z; _: h6 ?+ o
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us + i( z/ e, O$ t2 g! {* V
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ Y5 t2 C* k4 a3 B% W              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me + t/ U$ x" G6 t* y; ?  V
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 0 M. }+ f8 y- T5 A/ e- G* G* ~
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ! j8 b, c) V6 L# o2 E
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 7 q: j5 E9 w6 r7 i1 J+ R& m$ z
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: [! {8 O$ k5 V" C6 }             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& Z2 r3 }1 V# m. A( X             somehow I lost myself inside again % X3 E9 \4 a$ E; F" ~% f
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog , P! u5 b9 q* S4 L" f' {
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion# E4 w" F$ r$ i: d- u1 P& U9 A
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
# ]+ s( b# i8 W2 a; N0 ?1 A# _Basically, I almost finish this poem
( ]# h2 `) h5 ~& S8 p9 }, d: A               I am 一个人de精彩
) w+ i3 _5 R! P  ~/ z; [               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- D6 n& l; s. N. o( [5 ?" [  z% `3 R2 XBut........         0 y$ ]% y* r  _, K& y/ i" I* X# ?
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”/ G! ^) B5 M7 {9 _

' `  r6 y# s0 L! b卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
6 d9 }$ H, a' T- p; ], i+ d4 u. J" H6 Z' F
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you # u- G4 B) B; B6 {
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
! m& }' v% S6 X; v) X6 }) ]6 fSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 4 ?1 `: `9 x+ m; _  _# n: D  \( c0 e0 c
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
! F6 A  ]# X# {6 F0 WSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ( B4 T5 @! _+ ~/ U0 C
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness / X& g4 c0 C( x5 T9 \6 X
" a6 u0 o; Z6 E6 n9 u/ \& _) }7 s
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 d- Z. |! _2 L, H
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ! w5 Y  V3 b2 ^
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness) {  m. R) ^! ~% g* K
Somehow I lost myself inside it again # P- S( y& b" s7 c9 I/ l' t
6 a, I) p# g" y2 C
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion% n% b- n$ z* s
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' m! @& w2 ]8 v) b$ n* x0 g1 XSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
- Y( J/ O1 Y$ ?Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 A  Y6 x/ A1 T  z5 o: s
================================================
4 C  V3 h7 G2 C8 g0 N1 G" }# jHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 1 Y8 F. o+ s3 F% \1 y
7 T1 X. a$ ]4 I: o5 E: ]
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness$ `( }7 b  {0 v, W: L; Y1 c
=====================================================================% n6 B) n2 C1 Z, Q4 B
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
$ ]/ \7 ?" P3 r$ ?/ ^  v4 c我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

. Q$ N" z* |, {) z8 r哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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