请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
) @* l( |. V# C; p. y# A( O7 TBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
% F$ _; p# F0 J5 DHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
+ v# G  k2 L6 k$ b$ U; \( |Thanks a lot!!!
! Y" \# J2 A) x* U0 V" h
% N7 ?' \6 _/ h, Q' Z, t


( ]! A% ~" O- ?% @7 R3 R2 i


Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
! o# V6 }* i# \1 g7 A              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
' A0 A' ~# l- l  {9 |& D. H" b              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
) g" q. R  e" b. n( F5 D2 E) @              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ L. h; i! X& i, j              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
5 d& ]1 m' q( Y, _2 F1 `7 W* mNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
- N+ y2 |( l; `             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
" u  a5 K5 m0 y  y               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 G9 {% n9 _% \/ x1 n  h% @- J, ZBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
/ @) m# E, r; O1 N- d& p3 m

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# _3 |  z6 p+ I7 Y$ ~7 k+ F& M4 USomehow I'd find something wrong with us
1 }4 L, ^! i% k: V3 s8 @/ [2 USomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" @9 Q* h: |% ?' ASomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 o  {! }( z9 b; nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
9 H' @" Z: J# F2 X/ B0 c
; ^  O9 V+ t0 {9 i; WSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% }6 Z" J) d. |2 ~) }7 W- D* USomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
$ {, c% b- E+ m( S4 f9 T3 N- m# A- D
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 l, \3 c8 C, q' l3 e7 \7 L! O. CSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
) n1 \5 z. c* c1 l5 M% [  Y
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 m, A5 \& H' y% a  u6 W' x=====================================================================
; }8 }7 [5 \* ssomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？