请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
' i2 C& g4 \* q# h+ [& d7 BBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


. F1 j/ @( L1 Z" h" `/ |/ \) `1 v
: }7 m2 n4 m+ Q/ _9 N


9 [. ~3 g2 c+ \. f# Q- W3 r
5 h6 `* y( z$ aFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
* P+ E, T) Z2 P& o2 p# L% t( x              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 I! Q2 ], Y5 P9 A/ L1 V0 r* A              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 U3 K) r/ |% e; t  G% c& m) `             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
# ^, E. \) D# F8 ]3 O  R0 C             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
! b& E4 j& w9 Y7 f1 V# l5 H+ I             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
3 J# P  e" z6 Y# pBasically, I almost finish this poem
: x8 `$ P$ m5 I# n# ]               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
1 E2 {0 u/ c' V6 r) f; {But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
8 V3 b/ a5 I2 I& r; d+ K6 K; o

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* e" `  K# ?3 y. y7 F0 Q. }# y0 fSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
; r8 R1 Z4 a5 L! `3 j) b5 [3 cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
' b' L& w. P, O& z1 G6 m# n; mSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% D- O0 @( l' RSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  `$ S$ _6 w' T+ ?Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- D( v/ H7 T8 T. c1 K& y
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( J, ~) _; t, T+ }* qSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 `5 w& ]1 X6 r  {5 S. G================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

1 `1 G- o; V$ N9 Psomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 X; B6 t# {% e( ?% c. F6 J: N=====================================================================
+ P; t% ]) a" ~1 }$ rsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

" \: D/ h# P7 V$ L- I; x哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？