请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
& T. \. ], [( _0 @Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
9 l& J  e* r; E7 DHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
" f$ d9 c* x0 y- o7 UThanks a lot!!!
$ }" s1 p4 f& ?

0 ?& ^3 w5 E% }* Q' X9 m' ]


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$ k9 _+ g) H8 [9 E& y" i+ e6 N
: v  a" z# q, E) |( j# q& xFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 i" `3 M/ ^+ W/ U& P              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
7 h! f1 I! T3 O( T              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
. Z% i  V) o! p" C2 u, ^" ^              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 c4 W; [& @2 G9 o/ u( L8 MNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
- R( Z& h/ @5 G+ }/ k8 [) ^+ MBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
5 D, w; B! y; t8 r               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
) _5 _+ s  ?5 @Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

  R4 a) c$ @: v+ J卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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8 r, M% G( t% ^7 \* w; X  `+ A

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
% u# `( n- C' t1 P+ `: N1 xSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
$ O' W6 b: M* X7 _2 `1 }0 v6 Y0 nSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
8 Y# b* K1 p1 j- `- P! NSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
4 y; A! h; ?$ a
) [6 h7 h) J4 t9 S" y- E7 W9 KSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 H0 E  m6 P  o; t+ a+ V9 k7 rSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& O- H/ S! b7 x% kSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
, U8 Z9 G3 M$ A$ R, A( sHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 B1 i* [1 R1 h4 J% c5 C=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？