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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem) {9 p0 @. ~0 e8 j8 _2 G
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
4 v0 M* w1 W5 N8 ]( E2 i8 N* gHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
& [$ H: F8 e8 u; P* _3 _# ?Thanks a lot!!!: q0 J6 n) A% i& X7 E; k7 i

% G  z* A. W, g/ k$ Q- s% x# u- B1 A$ V# H

# J; o1 O! C7 o+ G, @8 O& i# {9 v& Z% V: Y
! a  V# D1 V1 {3 @( w; s' _

$ _6 d+ z% v' S3 `0 g& t. v' B% Z, s! Z
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you * e% ]1 G" S; R  b" j! r. ]# q! e
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us * X2 h9 t5 ?1 k9 S5 O+ N
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 8 p4 g7 x8 v. ?( P. j! r4 s
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me : X7 Q( @' D( w: e0 k& i' L- a+ `
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 9 H/ c3 M6 o8 Q" i3 [' R
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) K# a) @. L" zHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday   d2 f( [% ?! C
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' {& h& A5 R, g# X             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, M' S% M: r. P# H/ J
             somehow I lost myself inside again
3 U0 ]7 z* z$ G$ B8 H$ L/ K9 M- LNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
3 s0 R" E0 o4 b# P) [             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion& ^. `; a. j3 f
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you....................................... g$ A3 Y! J) F2 |$ E% y' s9 v
Basically, I almost finish this poem3 g: r" u9 ^2 |8 J2 _+ N
               I am 一个人de精彩( c( _5 X5 F$ j- W0 o" g1 b& A( b
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 i3 ^' N! b* R/ H6 WBut........         
; R7 d& K7 Y% ]# s$ G) ~- y9 Y2 QIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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* Q2 h% |+ O1 p- H卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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7 X( y1 w* N8 |* ]
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 3 V5 s. [0 H$ a5 W* X
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us - v- M- J6 R6 |& {
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
* {4 q7 H0 N( z# _: HSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
$ m. u. p# \) Q! uSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 H: |6 V  U. j8 U' ]Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
# s5 x! }$ |; i
: s& o# N7 x1 O( o+ wSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday   n* q- b0 }" a+ O
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ( Q7 u5 g9 Q1 ~0 r# X3 n
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 A$ N" j" }: [! ISomehow I lost myself inside it again
4 e7 _& J3 _1 g/ f. H0 d0 l0 G
* ~- q) d4 Q% i2 oSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% q$ M# V$ P; l" u. \. S4 o- xSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
0 ?9 V7 y: b3 I2 [' {Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
% m/ S5 n& O1 V( ~Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 4 D2 V4 a, i3 A. W, t% `
================================================
, w3 S7 {  U2 p  i' Z$ PHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday   i8 A! V/ B4 ?" v
  q, t, J0 h1 i" [8 a3 {: H
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 R% m7 \' m% D! K. Z2 x/ i4 k=====================================================================
- E$ j  N) r8 Dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
: @9 H2 a9 K( h+ K+ n我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 E- c& ]$ E9 x; I! U# V% {6 s哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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