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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
0 k7 O% W8 w* j* p+ Z, \1 QBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.+ L4 t5 R# s! B* J3 [$ v/ H
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
# T0 @! O. U% V7 UThanks a lot!!!
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  L& G; m. k, W, y2 C& i$ {Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
- p  c% Y  k" ~6 C              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
0 J$ a. z3 d$ q( a) M              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world & N0 }" H" u% n5 ^
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
5 Z# [" b0 W% n; M% u' U- a" C4 [- v4 a              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
6 s) y0 W: H8 ]! F' ~: ]) I              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
( d* ?7 @/ b* W/ M6 O) Q' s4 RHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday : \1 X0 V% U! b1 V, @( H1 h
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 V) l0 n9 p1 G: O0 n" P4 V             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% B9 s1 d0 n+ u0 `6 \& m# {0 X7 d             somehow I lost myself inside again # \7 M! l. a! A$ W: \
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 1 W  A2 T& O- g( @& O
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ N! s& C6 J% }& ]4 [Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
# {* Z* h, S2 ?) \Basically, I almost finish this poem
( V* j  {2 ]# B. D# l$ ^& `9 [               I am 一个人de精彩* f2 ?1 s2 c' Q
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.5 n0 F) L5 `" s) @# {
But........         * ?. \# ^0 C( Y, F6 a! @
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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1 y& s6 [! ]' |0 c' }卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ' q& `# n  A# G: D4 G$ b
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 7 B; E2 Z' b! l
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ( A' y# q! x5 Y9 Z6 Y
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
8 l: y/ D' W" O0 P$ o6 ?Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
# w8 ^/ M$ Y5 l; n" LSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
) g7 C3 a. N# y; J8 \" o* Q
$ q3 n8 J2 W$ X  h5 H( PSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; S% w7 ?, q+ S+ w
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ' Y4 h- z. ^- t  V" h3 L2 f+ |, \
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ L8 z3 P( A* K' v& a; g/ kSomehow I lost myself inside it again $ Y: g2 Y* b: L1 l; h- R+ U

  i0 b6 e; {# Q% q/ vSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion4 i' u( B4 O( |# p9 N
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you# q$ k$ i+ q& p
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself0 W( b+ F+ t: c) _
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday # D) U  D9 J& i/ d. Y& I" p
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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5 L# m) X- n# Asomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 & H( K+ Z- o  n; j
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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