请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 @. N! v: H2 F% E0 `1 H- N$ jThanks a lot!!!






! Z. v: a2 G9 b1 d! [* i
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
, M/ K- S5 S+ L5 S. a' k              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
0 f  P* @, J  M              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% s  q0 v% D" C              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
' [# h" @+ R- d; N! ]. a/ E              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( ?( }+ p& I- B             somehow I lost myself inside again
8 y( a  N1 T/ y$ nNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
' |8 ^1 ?  D. o' z/ F) Q* c             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
/ i: i) B( D$ a; x( W$ H               I am 一个人de精彩
6 ]( b5 w/ ^! ^. N               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

5 K0 ]3 V6 N" j% i  G

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* }* m& U* ^: W1 g2 h( ~. a+ wSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
1 ^2 I( P3 b% _3 p$ ZSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
: }) T% j, Y5 Q( F& ISomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
- J. b1 s/ W) a. l9 P) bSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

& D& H/ y) O0 U9 e4 ~Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 J4 a- ?1 n( h5 }. F- a0 xSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
. w. C4 }, U0 S5 b  g
5 s2 w) w/ w1 d( w* A* @Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; R. H+ ]' r9 b% p================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
. \. ]: B+ B; V6 Y* C
, B5 j- a2 h6 fsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 f2 k  K3 j9 }=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
! m7 b% w, {& h! K我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 _! ~; b0 ~. F哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？