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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
( k6 ^2 A4 t7 n9 I$ l" NBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
2 z3 \% o( y4 W  @9 GHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( }: B0 P. A! ^; I6 u1 D9 OThanks a lot!!!) }/ b7 w) _$ Y8 Q  M- U1 H
) X7 r2 t8 {( {! n1 p* z4 M

# q% m5 q) N0 x% C7 B' V, p. g, J5 o# o2 h: Q- M+ Q& p" m
3 o4 y) T( |7 v4 O2 L/ ^
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you # i8 x! @7 k/ z) E
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
$ R2 y0 C8 k6 U8 v+ Y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 j0 D% |7 v9 @  I3 B6 C7 u0 z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, g4 z3 Y0 y6 [              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
8 \; p$ v  q9 l* e2 j* ?              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 3 h" e- q* D# l0 o1 w; Q
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# R& ^. g6 }) n3 C/ s, x! K2 A1 |             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
$ n$ m9 P2 e% \             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 {5 n+ C- H; s  F# W0 I: h             somehow I lost myself inside again & n1 o, q6 A% H1 H/ }( C- b
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog # F. b) N4 y% x6 R0 V! N0 d1 }
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion# B! ]3 Q: `! B0 u$ w# ]% f
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................6 ]% ?8 @( b: a% {% L
Basically, I almost finish this poem
: G% r% ^4 }. O& Q4 n               I am 一个人de精彩
+ b, L2 g* {5 |. C% e, M               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
1 v3 y9 s) H: M5 zBut........         ! r  n  a. I! r" D' h( y
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”: H1 S! [$ C4 g+ k6 p( p

) H7 f) r4 |. _卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
8 X) U, c8 u- P, i. V  q9 i& N9 Q- a2 m# r8 f
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 2 b" M, L- `8 l- D
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 7 W! k/ `3 u  e3 A) \+ ^
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world . J7 A+ ?2 m. |3 b$ k9 N) `+ c; d  g
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
8 V" B( j( h4 P. O9 ?Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
) D" `3 ]) \3 qSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
4 ^8 j9 }/ s, G  n; a" m# n: A4 v# W% ^! ~$ h& c
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 b5 A2 t$ e$ w& r
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ! C; ~/ S6 V& H& @% w6 T! v) m
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, F% d. G' c* T+ r6 ^4 O4 C
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
4 {2 S# q# p: Q6 O! Q- z8 f/ O2 W1 ]7 j$ B9 ?
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" `$ c# J( P) X: J" KSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' V$ k. M' e& V9 }. s3 L. |Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself0 o5 u" J) ?; S' A: s
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 `' [2 R- w: @. Q8 B( ]2 n1 O5 Y
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ; E7 n% \! v& R( d1 O1 C. `

. h, R; q8 I6 S& X' Q" y; z; esomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness+ N9 ]' T0 Y2 @2 K* B- A
=====================================================================
2 |" U& n% ^. `1 Q4 W. Isomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 6 n0 K/ q9 Y8 j/ A3 M5 |4 r
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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