请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
# X/ z3 I, N% w* q# V4 A/ {Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
# T' i5 G7 [: ]However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( o. K: [8 v0 A7 W; A! a  `, oThanks a lot!!!

+ o- |( T7 }. i* `( N: E

' \) S9 K. I6 f8 Y) r# M



, e5 y0 q5 I2 Q+ \$ @- i$ @Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
+ c1 J" l4 t- K" s2 @              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" e0 Q- k: d8 C              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( h8 Y% A4 A. Z) d) Z8 G7 a( G              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
- p9 w/ G/ S; V5 Z4 w' \1 I              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
- E6 v3 Z4 W$ J* a6 s2 ?" @              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
! x3 O+ O3 r* [* z             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
' I4 U: N8 C! @& D$ O7 Y) D* L0 B               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
; D  V" [2 l$ p. ?3 XBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
/ U9 N3 G' G& dSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  ?) v. G  l9 ?Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
! G2 f3 W8 U- u" c' jSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% X+ @8 ~7 [0 I/ X: R6 ASomehow I realized you were still in my heart
( u& d+ w: ?5 _* iSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

& R2 |: @+ y) s4 f7 _6 mSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# a7 Q# ?. \; b7 K8 M2 K9 SSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, ?+ V" Y. N1 H% |5 l3 @( g6 kSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 B; m0 R9 p/ j0 |" \; u================================================
7 `6 _3 L5 s+ i2 F. ?5 DHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

2 Z2 k3 T" M0 l+ W" Ssomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* h+ Y$ f! B0 \, ^/ U. H8 T5 r=====================================================================
6 a  m7 t' i/ Usomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
7 C+ G, C$ X! T( o我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？