请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!






) \' s6 y+ s' Q* h" c: _
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
( G/ R  @5 ]/ L, n" H$ ?% N' L* I              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; g9 j: {" W7 ?' Z3 N. V( X7 k              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  @0 K- e1 V/ k5 Y; D* L$ B             somehow I lost myself inside again
8 _2 v8 [: I. r1 \Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ R. @1 d8 ?- mFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
! Q9 R4 G- }# P' zBasically, I almost finish this poem
) p' B$ S. s& V7 a2 Q               I am 一个人de精彩
5 ]$ @! N0 W- L' a9 v               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
/ ^& i. V! B% ]( h; P8 M8 fBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
) V$ Z0 h% u  ~+ x/ a- m
2 q) |8 q2 \; i# f: |4 A) q) _

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
8 o1 D6 w% x  }6 `7 A+ k& ~) uSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
/ K7 L% R/ X, r; N; S2 n" XSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 \& u* i: Y2 v  T  B9 @: Q6 e: D& j  PSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ p  h  P7 D1 }
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 Z) q) v8 q- J" B# {+ L' y) MSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
, E3 p7 @6 R8 o% I( w2 R. I6 WSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; a6 V5 U0 N' tSomehow I lost myself inside it again
# t, x1 v& M. D: I* S9 ^
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( l& B( F6 t% I8 `: @6 _Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* A/ f; F" n1 h8 |2 `0 I================================================
% i) j4 M7 o* W5 q9 D. E) bHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
! n# ~$ w' Y, p) ]$ m我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

. d: {* j9 |8 `哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？