请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
0 D9 |* g% F4 v4 K( Q9 k( G+ q/ eHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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6 E5 e+ K6 X1 z6 @Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
# z4 p& i% {/ I; q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 g- {; o# z2 l! C  x9 A) F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 v- o( c/ x) d. j$ @- m+ t              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! ?! S9 M$ e) v* I5 O' m/ E, MHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
9 o( t0 X/ a0 C9 R( n+ R             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' r  W3 A3 r  J! c( MFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
. m) L7 B$ U* A8 Q1 c# w( Y* zBasically, I almost finish this poem
8 e, n& l9 g9 W' r7 S1 J2 H               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
$ {% h. v0 I$ c; `Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
( K% _& S8 u: eSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
6 o# |0 H+ E& c% h- WSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
( P3 p# ?0 f' {Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

- y, W7 t# r8 J; C8 `$ ESomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
9 Y, m  l$ h; b  `2 H
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
5 s9 T& t' b. w) t9 hSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
5 r5 z+ h$ z: n* tHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
) |2 O4 {, T5 xsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
# _/ W" [. c$ a& p: @: n/ \( N- f我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？