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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
/ H* x/ D" ]: K0 Q% VBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
% ~; e; F* m) z: f9 @0 lHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem7 }% o1 B4 _* a( X6 i1 x( K
Thanks a lot!!!5 b) x# f* O( Z0 V" G

+ `! }- N0 {! H0 |7 V
9 _# z+ [  ~, ~9 [: c) n/ m
3 F5 S* W/ f! M4 S* K4 T' p: A5 {/ t% Z* c
$ }5 j7 w+ g9 Z$ y: \  F5 A" E

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8 _# m- z- a: |% M; n+ C5 vFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 ^# i! u9 Y5 f9 q* ?+ ^- J" J8 H3 A5 m              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
( c5 L7 ~8 d& N. D              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
: ?8 p+ C  y9 G+ R  Y              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ' o) C6 `8 k& O- S
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ! E* L" w6 N: r( E: j" Y' E
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 6 H3 Q9 a; @9 m% Q
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 T2 V7 A! a9 W# P+ N. @5 x             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" s0 U  Y5 y- L& H! H; j, |% Q1 S  g             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness" R3 `1 O' L. l2 ^2 y, U
             somehow I lost myself inside again
! r0 g0 U- v  T1 \. d8 ?0 I7 T+ zNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
0 w" ^& I; Y$ n& L* S& H) A             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion0 s% k5 Z& s* Q! {8 A
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................% F  v& m1 J; E& T: P
Basically, I almost finish this poem8 j" [  c( Z! s6 q
               I am 一个人de精彩2 [7 s7 r% E1 @
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
$ H( n, Q) V4 t; pBut........         2 V. B) f+ K5 [: |8 f: k
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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8 W, ~' d' l% I3 O1 @' p卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?6 o  @& \3 s0 ]* ?$ p9 X3 S0 Y

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) v: z2 ]+ q* v; mSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
8 y2 F* ]! }4 X0 {! n# iSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
8 p  S2 M& R0 m" D7 V' e! YSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ) Y8 c: ?, b% Z
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 M- G/ M1 F1 ?8 u' p* }7 {Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
' K8 B, B$ O7 R. `* W3 P0 o2 N9 _" |* O$ a+ n6 M, s5 [
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( I( P, ?/ p8 l5 qSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 `, g% @; Q- F$ m8 V& ?/ FSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness* l( ?6 z1 O$ ~: I9 [( h
Somehow I lost myself inside it again ; g9 i* J* n6 D. t* e4 \

" k1 M7 \4 p& n) z/ QSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 ~. v5 F* y. G; S$ A1 Z5 cSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you" U7 P+ i5 n3 ?1 G
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself' i5 B/ p4 V" n
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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5 ]$ ^* }, |0 _) e9 _+ `! |However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday : M! W$ z3 y) x9 K( ^
$ w6 Q" C; ^; L& z: o) _6 I4 x* Z
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness$ Y& l# T" ]) b% P; F7 x  R
=====================================================================
( p6 J/ a2 `1 g: s, f: ~) w6 W% Ysomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 8 R  x% G8 ~, x: ~
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

& p% y) |8 Q9 [9 ^2 Y8 K哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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