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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem2 f) C4 |& O, m4 M% e% N+ d* p; k1 B
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.# d; E4 ~' K) ?) `
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 o* [: @' D9 y% I! A4 \Thanks a lot!!!/ Z5 ^& N( T( p% W( M
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; }2 ?6 U* P& F1 g1 W, u: {: L
* ~, U1 ^+ g8 Z+ m( d0 @) m& N

' f" C+ B7 R  Z. X/ x9 l6 N" D: s* I" {. F: T. ?) O0 A
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 3 V  G! y) O/ q& D( g9 O0 Z8 I
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us " j7 q) Q# L" }% C; J+ p
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
2 f1 Z% |) W, _              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ) v- l% h8 O% h8 ]- P7 h
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind : x/ T1 B4 [8 S7 \! t( Y4 V
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 0 G$ D' p! B+ X( L! v) f$ H
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# x8 n* O' I+ d+ E' F4 Z" Y             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ; B; K* G1 {7 ^2 b
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness% ~+ ~6 H$ h$ l& w' S2 \( B" Z
             somehow I lost myself inside again + T- B! Z. h/ P) G! C
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog . T$ Z; n+ q' X0 S; F! E
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 s# V* D: A9 {% i! Z# NFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................- R5 n2 R2 ^* B% T8 N2 G! r
Basically, I almost finish this poem
$ F7 J4 V! i4 e  v; `1 \* E               I am 一个人de精彩
6 h7 d& G# e( s" Z+ k               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.( a5 b* K, z. m8 K  V. H
But........         
) C$ f( `0 I, s$ j& ~Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”4 x/ o1 v. K( h* w) |

- {+ N' I0 T) F" U卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* y) G' d2 K0 _( g9 {& WSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
) ^1 N5 ?: @! ~$ f. MSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 1 d! {/ ]: Q" O" d& a! Q7 {( g
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   % Z* B) o2 W( ^; Z
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind - M  d" h: m2 v5 m6 ~5 N/ E
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness " e9 K. E$ A" d6 r8 k

  x2 o' A& N$ O$ g# y9 E* SSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* t, S6 e; m: O  `Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 ]9 W) v/ C. a4 WSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness4 K. ], Y8 ?1 [) M/ F  F9 A) }
Somehow I lost myself inside it again : L* F5 ?* {$ u! `+ u. ^' u  K8 G& ?
' f  z* _" g* I( d/ `9 T
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# W# D2 ]6 ~% m+ o5 c- aSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you9 U7 Y6 y' V, |  L# e
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself  i" o: H% B* `! c
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 b  E  f' U- R; v7 @$ Y, Q================================================, ~0 ?5 F8 z1 ~& A1 b( G1 p8 \
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
6 w+ j7 I! I9 h  c$ b! \
- B' R  b( \) xsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness+ R5 R- T8 a2 m. S0 y8 S/ o
=====================================================================
( W* ]1 ?0 ~. s0 L. D4 W# Csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ! g: K7 O3 f2 t6 d  M8 {7 S
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 k+ b+ m+ m1 X2 y哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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