请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
. i: S! D* I9 B( C7 V: Z% LBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( m$ K& V. i! a- A) y1 C6 aThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
; K4 k/ k% J0 t' p; d" e              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ v* w# d$ v1 D( c3 g              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
+ b. U; P' s0 _+ B5 {0 u) }However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 Y8 Q' ~! ?3 ~/ p3 c% q( N             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
! c/ v+ Q0 p) u3 ~             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) d# a3 V% i0 v# s( q. L( i0 w             somehow I lost myself inside again
3 e5 m% o. ]( _& P1 NNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 ?$ P1 e5 H) p+ A) R  xFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  U9 g1 I" y& bBasically, I almost finish this poem
+ l9 y" r8 A% F7 U$ n5 R               I am 一个人de精彩
# D% K6 Y$ v% D, A               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
0 c$ G- `$ Y' s! _% aIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
+ R8 L6 r- W8 \
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" {& z# v' {5 A4 r* `9 h) A& U) h' JSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
) Z, U1 L2 E9 [  W, aSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
4 f$ Y: r& [7 o$ x. J! K
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: x$ }, L! T1 A; j/ v, T; [Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
+ q3 k4 p* h# Q+ I4 H/ L. r# R  d; Y& a
% F  u/ K% T' k" y5 @* R$ ]Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 @- |/ j- _" X5 c* ?Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
! ~( }# }( [; c# u: aSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
# [' `  s$ @5 H. w; m9 j' B7 ]
7 N, {7 i' v4 N( `+ G! P& b- Psomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

* L( L" Q! c# q$ q哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？