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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
# V% J: I' W; VBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.( @9 X+ j( `% x0 f" A
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
) ?  }1 ^: }3 VThanks a lot!!!
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! Q0 j; k& T( F, K( t7 lFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 7 B: i- _* L; f4 A& z
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# z* v" T  i. w8 A; l* g& P              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ! V+ ]. \  \/ G: f! Z! A. Q3 o
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
& ^5 u# g- F& |              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! N+ T! I+ G) r1 u& Z! u  ~              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ! y) o9 P! ^7 K. [  ~' }9 {
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* G% a7 n- m+ Z+ x& y4 S( X             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
; J0 ~+ N, L7 m/ w  N; B& C0 m             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness) G( {! e$ v2 {, |7 |; ]( W
             somehow I lost myself inside again $ N! K* Y. `' k7 p  [" F$ J
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
) L" W% w6 ~  M% Q             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion* D3 }! m$ v0 s2 c
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................0 j& T8 A3 T; ?6 A/ K# t
Basically, I almost finish this poem) I1 i- {. x0 F7 a& }
               I am 一个人de精彩- q* X5 J. H* t0 s! \$ U# z
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 J, U& {2 Q' _' uBut........         
$ q2 l' L# g- D: Z5 ~Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”- ^! a2 m  D+ {1 X/ X, t( k

# A+ Y  }+ p( \- q卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?: M) Z8 a( {0 Y. z
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
- Q; D' R2 ^% g4 ^* M+ S& cSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
) h# l; {& ~- HSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. o9 `& o% @' C3 a% D- ~9 |Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   7 _) Q/ u% u1 u
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind , i# T6 N2 m, j9 L) P/ X" c
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
9 j$ ]+ b$ b! s$ b& p+ i- y7 z; W% m9 c4 W4 s- K3 s/ H% p
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  z& S% j6 x" u, CSomehow I realized you were still in my heart # `& u. U3 U- Q! A" S. I! k4 `6 P
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. m( S2 Q1 [! k. ySomehow I lost myself inside it again
7 _& b+ n! p; i7 u, h, g' B' p  |8 Z" h& _; W
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. H; L- D' \2 D4 B# @
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# e6 y' e! {# Q; ESomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( \6 Y0 f' A9 x8 ^4 dSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( N" Y' m2 r- v" s& m
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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, i9 T8 c& G  _/ Asomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
% w* g6 t/ }8 g0 @我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! a. G8 f" o( k5 {; R0 J: e哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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