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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem( D; M# S" N" S5 x/ b2 n$ g
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
/ G- M9 H) D9 N% [9 @+ m( NHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 u* y) U. ~0 X  K0 G( @9 zThanks a lot!!!
: B- c0 G! E# z# ?; u1 r
/ E" @1 ^0 I: u5 s7 K' s! Y) j6 U9 t5 |5 e* [: V

' D$ v* I6 z0 z" A7 @* L3 O0 b: ^# Z2 r/ L: [
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* k- B5 L2 W8 R% q4 @: i0 NFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
7 A% d# |. ~( L5 I9 P, K6 v              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us * ^6 c) ^4 j2 Z* r& W; x$ R2 R
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 3 _9 c% w: f1 y
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me . T3 S( g+ I1 y, h+ a1 Y* c( \
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ O8 \0 G+ z+ _* ]6 T8 \2 K              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
& ]: ^9 d2 L6 [: g7 o( i6 `However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 i. ?$ {0 W# S" C8 k$ k1 A; I
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, E& O# ^. ]/ |) `* f; z7 \. X" o             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: g8 X, s4 Y, k6 h) H8 h' J( Z
             somehow I lost myself inside again : S6 S6 z/ r* }3 z" G) y/ E' `/ Q
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 4 S0 n0 l% d1 |2 G, c8 ]
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion; e& p; g% O7 O
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................% {( J! Q2 \% ^2 E  f* a
Basically, I almost finish this poem
6 R* u/ S# i) x0 t& Y               I am 一个人de精彩9 |. x/ q" v2 C: w5 E+ {
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
8 O% D" r& l5 x* w" T- Z2 iBut........         
1 u" t# O! t. P8 q3 sIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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3 f: d, G# h* L7 j# Q% a卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?  C1 `$ X9 T7 I7 W. l
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大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 1 c+ M) O. g, J, M! O: r4 v" ?4 s
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
! b$ i5 e  p, }6 b& |' b  |Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# P4 Z( L& v3 h5 W3 V" ^; {Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
. i) [5 _! w- f; j2 S" ~Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind / @+ e% b0 @. o) l; I  k
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. Y. U& b. w7 v9 S# y
+ T! s  e. g9 z+ N! gSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% v5 S, j( Q% ^8 w# mSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 ?: C6 J; [2 l0 d% i4 k1 G: \Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! U0 _  K2 @4 T1 MSomehow I lost myself inside it again % I8 [3 c0 V& B$ B: G" l2 f! V7 [" }

6 @# x: a$ M; h* l# iSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion* K1 a' t; O' t
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# E8 q+ R6 p- O) ]% d$ oSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself% \5 k; f% d5 ^+ _, ^6 d8 `# ?
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% p( P+ b4 o+ K- T. H" E================================================
2 T0 A! J% S8 [( uHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
( u2 z  U+ t! d% X. ]
: b* N3 c, h% g4 Usomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 C* L: k9 F  q% t9 X4 o7 ~/ A' s! x=====================================================================
# X& @2 \1 Z2 g+ w& G) Tsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 E  j3 M# G( a( w& x我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

0 k3 Y  o0 {8 Y# t" N9 T1 g8 C! T哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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