请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
8 I8 k! r: c4 Q6 e1 n. s$ s) e+ _3 jBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 Y, v- o% O+ P5 z& r& Q9 jThanks a lot!!!
4 W0 a2 }7 B7 \& A& l" A; Z- K


, R3 U+ {# n, z8 a& _) j6 m/ p
4 E( V/ G6 }5 G
, r2 ^$ h1 b" \

" n5 e5 M6 H  u; ZFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
/ S! F( P. o+ B. z/ w- ^8 i              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
- x1 Y- I* h8 a) V              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
( v0 X, j  a. u6 `+ K2 DNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
) X% |' W  I2 x, _* o, M! r             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; U! x/ ^5 T1 }7 @; aBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
' ]+ W9 S+ V, k, d* |/ dIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

* t  `( p+ m. d5 O1 J; `

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
0 c2 @; s9 W8 w) M! ^Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  H5 j( [1 q# V8 W) X& ZSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' u% X9 l& Z6 S5 eSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 c5 o+ s" |) I! PSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

/ \6 \5 }& m; g8 mSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ k" T6 [7 y& E, QSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' D( P9 a2 A9 wSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 b* k. q1 }( L+ i================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

/ Z7 `% R. s; S6 C9 {1 esomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？