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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
5 S) ~3 {/ Z( |Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.  @9 |' D$ a6 K5 E" E/ M
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
  @( D3 ^# Y: C3 {Thanks a lot!!!8 U6 M. A$ z. W' e* w2 A7 E) b
, D9 y7 n; j- F

  c! |; G9 ?5 G8 C: J6 r' r" s. X* o+ H# J9 H

4 \5 v; @# V: l" e! n1 N; ~9 B) L1 ^% }2 B/ a6 X
# n7 u7 G1 {. K, |# O, ^5 ^* M" f
* I" e! [/ g& W; F5 [- j8 L3 {
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
' c, I3 s) _) q, G2 ?2 H# \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" Z/ G" i' k! G" J0 W8 M3 D; v              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ; ~( X& I' a" o& W, q- n, _% G# T& D
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
( }* o# y, W3 }7 ~% N$ t' B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
4 @2 A4 Q& c' W" u. F# ?& O              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 5 L! G6 A+ B" K  C/ x$ }8 K
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ F, Q( A9 m+ s& Q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 O. \9 Q( E" U- N             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 K: {5 _1 F7 e" W1 R, J             somehow I lost myself inside again
$ ?! K* s0 Q; K+ b9 F" KNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
3 R8 A& U4 m# }6 e+ S- H: p             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion3 [3 S+ L4 Z; o
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
$ _/ j4 W6 R! r. N8 oBasically, I almost finish this poem( Y! X! S8 O9 D0 ]3 z
               I am 一个人de精彩1 P* a5 E, T7 F  l: _& }4 f5 w% g
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 |. A. |4 e$ b: NBut........         # E* d8 T- [. E1 ~% I: z% k
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”- i  G1 \' g/ l0 c+ t+ g  Z

1 V! K- q. _9 ]: h+ T; t卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?7 k5 a6 w: s) ?' k
- [  a, s7 ^+ n, I
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ' T8 b1 }$ A, C# {; Z
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
7 }* d/ h5 @2 I9 B( X1 {) T3 ?1 FSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 B$ m( Q& d3 s: X: X8 ~' u% x( Y/ c! ASomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ' W( f! F' d- O) W* L, Z# E- B
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind & c3 i7 X3 {# _2 [8 q/ Q
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness % w# c1 u& s; g8 v7 }) A: g. y

. q8 y& H5 r) T; F1 k& BSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 4 {1 \8 b: z: @- u; U3 `" U
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart / t, `8 x- c" c9 }
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, m: K) V+ a6 p: ~  j2 V5 Q( @Somehow I lost myself inside it again
/ M, n6 H% X$ P! T4 d! V. s) S) r( i+ J; U
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 H: E" z; ]8 M) c) FSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ M/ t# z; _5 u( ^4 `Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself" b+ c; f' l) m. Y, S
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 z3 D2 u2 Z2 [$ a/ O================================================
5 |% e6 m% W# B" ^! `# h7 Z7 fHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 0 {7 u% n# [. M; r7 K  P) ~

: w# x& o4 `' Z7 a6 n$ R# y: Isomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- n. C+ J! u# X4 V0 }. N, D( |=====================================================================
$ b* }6 m, Z6 j, |9 Q0 M+ l6 w2 Dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
理袁律师事务所
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 2 ]2 I6 K/ R" g# I0 Q% ^  ]
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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