请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!



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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
6 Y- t% ?# a4 n9 D; @  U              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
0 d  B! g9 V* v6 x# D2 G/ S              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
7 ]* c6 W9 b) ?! d: k7 S) xHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ \, ?7 c6 U* I! t             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 u4 P. K. S+ A( D, g* ^8 XFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
$ ~' M3 |. }8 |! D+ |Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
* [( `& A. V$ _! j7 m! H. ?2 G! oBut........         
* k+ m* k& [0 F1 A, x; _Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* h3 O! A2 d5 X& [6 ?Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
5 V# Z6 o+ N5 z  h' oSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
! \; g7 g" V  _/ @Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
1 l% p3 n) S! y; l" `$ ~  i
. Y0 v( {  u6 s2 X! A6 p8 zSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
/ t& N) ~2 j* T+ b
7 S: B4 m6 N, w( J' z* l' z/ m# o4 @Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ f% e2 g" ~' J2 L) k1 hSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& v+ z- T2 g+ A5 E( l' J& A; sSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
: N+ m+ g! S8 E0 DSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
6 x3 k) @( ?1 bHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

( s3 K" C/ v3 c! n6 Ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
! v4 u$ V9 H- G! d4 E2 [somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 ]) g  Z& S: O+ G我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？