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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem) q" I' v2 w. X0 G  k
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.& L. w! Q$ J, K# H  Q7 g0 m9 D
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem  e' ^" K$ j1 G
Thanks a lot!!!6 Z7 L) ^* N9 _; _$ D

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you * o* I+ ?) t& O1 Y7 c% p
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ! d/ m! N, ~4 a) {: k& G
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world $ ?5 t" \. ^  m. M
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 3 ^! {0 L: |  A. i) Q' B1 T) I$ r* w
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind % `  m, O8 e; G. A7 `2 t
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 0 J; W1 l. R% n3 I0 Y. b
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 1 X% |, K. k7 G2 y. r
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart " ]- K5 _7 u  e! S- O) `
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: I4 L' |& E) {
             somehow I lost myself inside again 3 v7 L6 x8 @' k" n' K3 C
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog $ i3 K6 U' d+ t
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion+ I- U1 I* K3 H' ]' a
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; d- ?$ M; U6 W, y# D- O8 L$ b2 YBasically, I almost finish this poem% P# B4 h0 Z6 |& _
               I am 一个人de精彩
: v$ J. G% N  {3 L               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.( X1 C7 }( P3 C) }
But........         
& M2 b7 m4 O" l9 I0 @. gIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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+ v$ x8 u+ f9 q3 @卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 0 X$ v1 @: M/ i# x& c) d- d
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 L$ G. M# h* W  E2 SSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ; {% ]. {) F1 `3 M5 E$ O  R
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   / X. x; m5 a* `) h# L4 V) ?' m; O
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 0 F5 g- D& G0 z( ~8 [; R
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- O* n' I' A. G7 O* N+ ^
& l* h- N  v$ o6 F  {Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 A8 H% j$ X1 f% e  F7 B7 DSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 }: y( W9 |9 j; V, ISomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness4 L0 U- H* n! x' N
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
2 u1 B8 D6 N  L* ?- ?2 T" V0 ?
6 g& W) A+ n9 nSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: a. n3 K% [# n; Q9 l% XSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you; W2 z, @" q% }# S- U* V
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
. Y6 w  n1 j/ {4 QSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday   L) u: H7 c; I( L; V% g
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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/ t  r0 `2 w' ~3 asomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness* J9 m# D+ r2 b2 H8 T7 C
=====================================================================
; E7 \: q$ P* M/ w+ c$ S  Vsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ' ]- V" ?% R$ T! |2 l/ ^. p
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! I; g6 k! z- ^哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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