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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem2 |5 ~: ~1 @3 m3 X
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
& K1 O/ U' h# Y' ~9 HHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem$ ^  M% j! H# D1 k
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you & {7 ?( ~- u) Q, R4 v6 `- a( O
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us # A% e0 U) V$ u+ ?
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 6 T; S+ r( P+ w9 U2 w- A
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
! Q( U/ |: B8 r1 l2 @$ g5 E8 v& Q& W              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 0 e" T/ X) T8 h2 R
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
. a& _: h. b8 G/ M/ aHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* L7 A$ ^4 V+ @' D) T; k, ~% U             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 6 n4 i5 G! {8 f3 a0 t7 P( O1 @$ ^
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 O7 b; Q) Q$ h1 n2 a             somehow I lost myself inside again 4 Z3 f  I. Y0 O( D- S6 ~  B' f
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ( }! {% I0 k6 l: o6 s% ^* ^% n9 O5 W
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
) M* a- a5 @2 MFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................) E. P: `+ H% ~/ `3 L7 @9 F4 S1 r
Basically, I almost finish this poem
/ q1 {  q2 U) [( w0 t; f               I am 一个人de精彩% e0 l5 V; K- {" y* G
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.% t. U2 X: l5 j& y! B
But........         
7 u6 S' n: P: nIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”# k. w% w3 D/ y7 D* V5 M0 }) z
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( [% x% }( v$ ^' u5 @, W& s: FSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
- b* V! ?* P2 s6 I5 A/ v/ `Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world : b  y1 [& }+ R3 ~% ?
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
8 d) Y" |8 G3 ?% k# G5 pSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind - c$ l" f. q: b+ [5 {5 C
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness # ~0 p2 i; q1 L: o, R; w

* z1 b7 R! A0 ^$ Z, l2 gSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. L5 F& H) C+ Z3 V$ t# V  wSomehow I realized you were still in my heart * S" s& Q, Y4 C! E8 b, M
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! c$ _0 A: A4 QSomehow I lost myself inside it again
9 j# t1 l7 z, M% r3 E. P5 D% S' m/ j# }5 {4 L& \
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 h2 A! ?! b( h( e0 l" `2 R3 ^$ |4 ZSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
3 a' i5 e- {/ c1 J! n8 x* _& CSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 L! r  S: T; r( V* H6 f) Y! {Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday " W6 M" a5 t# z$ ?
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9 c9 \& u6 ^9 y, q' s8 c+ fHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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  B) B" k* ?9 t3 p2 Y/ }, wsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
& ~* ~0 ^5 r+ o) n+ ^" W5 X7 E' \' M/ S我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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