请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
. K" l' u4 s% N. K) t% x. dBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
: v% y* h5 X$ v2 mHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
8 \' K/ v/ Z1 D$ T

& I; n9 Y* L1 j  e2 R
* ^6 `' C' _' q. j; p; S
# V& N4 @& o: g( e2 M4 j' |  }


/ d  e# ~3 d0 R) n+ }Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
3 ?/ O4 x: Y% {) q0 U1 b; ?! h              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
& r# J9 a, \6 {9 N; E0 n              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
7 Y) m+ K% e  ]9 y$ J              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  z( W) b' k) i$ U/ r- R0 j4 o' x              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) B& N8 p8 g8 M, g' {; R9 N) NHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 V- p3 U, z" f' \1 {+ L             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ \0 j, M9 z! E8 v& ~4 {  ~             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
' t0 Q# j* G  E! a) Z' N% BNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
, ~2 i! `- a. K+ W             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: b% A3 ?3 V0 G  B# U1 [Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& p* S( L0 ?* i; P* v5 aBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
. T6 I( j0 P: {4 J# N               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
4 t# q* O/ ]% {5 H' F* UBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
# l8 [- a: e3 J
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" T6 l: }; }8 hSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# N1 L* q8 a: o. ?Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 I, U: m% N$ Y) b# tSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
) S# X% ^( |5 n# q# B( p
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 B2 w6 d' K2 I: h1 z4 jSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
% n8 |4 a2 f. `" [( Y/ W3 \! USomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

. C: b; T2 R9 E  q. vSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! S+ a/ l7 U9 W3 T' ?  j' |Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
5 t& U3 H! {% x8 ]However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

$ |) I( T9 V; F8 p( s% n0 Asomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& D, D3 |7 g4 O0 b7 z5 i=====================================================================
- O( Q$ p' N3 Qsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

# J" k8 ?! i; g: O# ]5 A哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？