请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
9 V" [6 h  Z; V+ h. C, y' l3 c* S+ uHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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  u% x) F( c, |5 \/ pFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
8 t4 ~, j+ Y7 M6 ?5 e) f0 }              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
& }* V1 v; R4 s              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
: W2 W( j! _) ]- q# x; W7 g              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
9 _& H* ]+ P7 A* P7 v  c0 O7 ?However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 o: Y4 C; n/ N7 \& v$ W0 c             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 y% p- G: Q& y2 Q+ e0 c& ^             somehow I lost myself inside again
9 T7 s* e$ H* [! I- i4 ?  a% \+ hNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
4 y* J' O1 C) u, z( o; G( M9 sFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
- s3 P) V. @8 ~9 T               I am 一个人de精彩
/ w* e; g# N+ m: X  m: Y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
4 G- Q* R; Q3 f, l' tIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, |7 ?* z, m% _Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 B  x: o( V/ O2 U, x0 m7 JSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% X! X& n- l& u' ASomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) Y) p! }) ^5 ]" _, N3 V! ]% qSomehow I lost myself inside it again

* a2 p  v- k  F3 }$ XSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 M. V- l# @" Q  h& H  g) }Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
- ]( p( C/ R% q7 X; i! z1 nHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
- C- j8 T) N9 N1 U8 q
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
% a, {0 k  |. L$ ]( ^我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 v# {* T( y0 M$ ~, E2 ^: w哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？