请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 ?4 c/ i6 ]: @/ wThanks a lot!!!
" u$ @1 K/ n3 B% v1 G




" d' p/ b( j+ `& G9 `

Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
, R3 h$ B- w2 z, l/ b% S) V              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
0 P* x& f* p7 y: m, @% c              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  T2 w" A2 {9 K" `, F" S5 s( y              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 m5 {7 ^. ?% o2 ?- C. j& W              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
4 ~  b3 p1 Y) ]1 WHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
- ?! a7 ^4 R* Y; o' k4 r; R             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
. `  o. ]& Y8 ?$ x8 z$ r+ c$ iNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 m5 A3 i3 J' c' _- k( E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* P- b- U  N8 Y5 C. y& s% A/ NFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
- K8 P  o" M$ V3 ]# v2 y               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' V8 C7 r# H- H# mBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
  c0 \' x4 N# l4 n, T
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

4 {) p( Y5 K# I; O, x

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
% v8 m- w" {( G( `$ {1 G& bSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! q9 D  a; ^" D  N% l- o- kSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
1 S0 ^3 S6 r3 n$ o1 jSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& G' W* w2 c8 \8 e$ s
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' u" V' B4 m7 S/ x  LSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 G8 e" h) {" U1 O' C4 SSomehow I lost myself inside it again

: h7 W! m& z- W& @; S$ |9 ?1 sSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
, h( F4 |2 l0 u% K! ]$ pSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 H; f" {- D# H================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

) p) R- C: I2 T1 rsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？