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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem# }5 s& t7 E8 u# h7 s7 E/ a
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
" b( Z& _& O; P0 T/ \6 ]However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem. ~! k+ Z7 B* I5 S; d( A3 |0 P% A
Thanks a lot!!!
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9 B  V" i; Z+ |* C& o% C0 B4 G+ K
6 u/ |, |( t/ F; O# b4 R6 G7 o1 q. v

! ]' H5 }, c& `1 l7 n: ~( c! S1 A- L4 d  ?

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& J! `9 H7 L6 Y4 fFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you $ [4 o  S  L$ J( d6 Q& ~
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
  \0 @6 Z- V' K1 [- C0 J; J0 S7 h: n* G              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world - E) p9 H+ L" N6 [9 i* D4 z$ b: E! O
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 6 u2 v1 j! r5 R- [
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 6 N& V: f5 q& Z) ?+ W
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ( V+ P6 h8 F+ N
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 7 a% z. F8 V) P" S; K
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 4 g. d( Q# d  l
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 G/ p: p: u; l, o- Z3 R1 I
             somehow I lost myself inside again 3 D, S1 y' m- g7 x( p( M/ w' T
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 7 s1 V9 x6 T0 w
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; l: L- G, A  |0 Q% d: NFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................4 e4 l) s- a2 d3 g  L8 X% K3 {
Basically, I almost finish this poem
" ~6 f- s- {+ F9 Z. F3 k               I am 一个人de精彩
+ B6 \; ^0 G3 d9 L' C3 I5 T               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.; B' M0 }  o" A( d5 f7 a, J6 b
But........         
6 V) `2 Q9 K, a, P, `. P7 Y6 d8 z: \( sIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”7 q6 X1 i4 Y9 w6 `" T9 Q

8 u& u5 A. l* @2 p+ ]  R卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
. Y- P9 {* p& u6 i4 RSomehow I'd find something wrong with us . c9 x& W& ?* E; e. ~/ @3 q% O
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
0 h+ G% ^) [8 Z% g- `- g+ CSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
. K7 v5 O7 h. t7 E8 j& ^" h1 j" D" m! DSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
6 B) G/ m8 @$ H/ d9 n1 `3 xSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 6 c' I5 T* S+ l3 m
2 {5 O/ Y( u( C8 \) `1 x0 |. T# {
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 2 R5 u( f( L6 L. X5 N+ O2 r1 @( }
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 L/ F" f% o( d8 Y3 e( B! w" cSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: R3 O, |1 F9 U" p1 Z; L
Somehow I lost myself inside it again $ L  S. z& Z5 ?1 B- ]# Y

+ q" Z3 f: s, HSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion: M4 P5 m: x! u+ }2 q6 c; ^
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
7 f& U! J1 a. o1 K+ Q0 rSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
0 r& T$ Q' j# ^) wSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 }* I: A# V+ I. `) }! i9 t6 _================================================
) n2 P  N  V9 P8 V0 C4 `$ j7 oHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 7 |' g  X# C7 B! R( f
6 Q2 _; H& I# g3 \6 g3 h/ J+ J0 _% B
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness5 F* N3 E* a$ h2 o- P0 ~
=====================================================================
) G8 C8 \8 H+ F- d- j" _4 Lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 & o. `8 P! q, J/ f
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 j) Z# v1 h* W' m: v哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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