请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( m) M4 t8 \, [3 ^However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 `4 S: x( J) [6 i. qThanks a lot!!!


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( w6 N  D* m" u% c! E& e

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
. A: e, P3 |# N9 E9 B4 G: E              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
! s; Y6 A" _. T' u* Y8 U2 b              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; ^7 o: \" f0 P( L1 O              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ w: G& f& P5 I" \; O             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 |6 T, g# q+ B# JFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
4 ~# r2 Q: R! v- V               I am 一个人de精彩
1 h! L; j( I1 F9 H( J' U- T               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
! K$ o) `; Q2 V9 YBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

& {: t8 v( A4 n6 u! e卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
% I, L7 E8 b* f2 d6 D4 Q5 }Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
) |) R2 w7 |% x9 s; fSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, Y4 D( I! v, h' p  H, BSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
3 ~8 v$ x4 C8 o  I# K# Z( R+ c
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

7 y$ t6 {* S$ ~# B! i% kSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 m. o; L5 K3 g" ISomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
; m  P$ a* s: L( s" cSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 @8 _1 ^' D6 ^$ |=====================================================================
$ \8 x0 p: \! Y, _. k* |# q! e- b1 Dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
( o5 h9 k% [' q1 I我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？