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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem3 G- D4 r1 I5 J) }+ ]; _/ v! r& R& f
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.$ F- d8 e% {6 N6 z6 k2 I7 w
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem% [% @3 P. t/ W. M% J* L* J9 ~
Thanks a lot!!!
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) V( m% A- E. rFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
" \1 q% I  r. I( Z4 [! ]' q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" q8 u7 l7 A. \  o6 m8 `0 ?              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 5 s, q9 r9 v5 @. O. k
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# p& S! h8 e/ l              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind - `9 z9 F. Y; I  @% D0 L% `  k$ I3 T
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
. X$ Q5 `7 B+ Y2 \/ I, pHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 }* p+ |* y0 }! R+ ^
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 0 J" ^2 n0 n/ c; l! S; c2 x
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness% ^7 J2 O- r% K1 w8 D+ G1 n
             somehow I lost myself inside again , Z! @) r  i% n* w7 J
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
7 M& R. ^$ P0 b             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 l# T4 y5 i% y5 ?+ IFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  K, c/ m9 {$ i' F. o' P6 JBasically, I almost finish this poem
4 f2 W2 h: d( v* V  ~, \               I am 一个人de精彩3 s: p' u' |: q+ L7 l8 q
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
8 V6 d# b1 i# ]: \, |But........         / \$ C) @: c# G& l9 B& G
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”  X& _8 R0 ~6 [9 p
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ' l: k0 k% X2 F, |
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 C) f3 _6 }* X: B' {9 N+ b  P, \- fSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 s( l- i& _6 ~% [; l6 bSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   4 O, V: x, x( z2 k0 R- T% o; W
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
8 V; ]7 ]9 x% H* K5 bSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- ^. N& M0 R! o, t: `& c
9 w( \9 B$ T7 B# h/ |. s8 uSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ h! J4 \# X7 G  F) m1 X9 I; kSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
( A: O3 _' N2 cSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness5 h( |7 O8 n2 k* U
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
/ B& j0 D7 x3 _2 S2 }$ m
$ z1 b5 ~7 _3 A8 DSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 v2 a- f2 ^0 j, ZSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# Y8 O! L6 y! m9 \Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( S# D8 J/ K3 t8 d: ]3 ?) PSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 c% ?5 u  H6 J/ q
=====================================================================
  q  d) a1 y( m! {9 N$ ^. Lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
理袁律师事务所
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 2 o8 B" {5 h' |" z8 s4 c
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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