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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem' j2 z# J- F5 h! r
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
' a/ o' Z' X8 i- Q+ y" rHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem9 b- G# G3 [8 V  {, z8 b
Thanks a lot!!!
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/ s1 f0 z) O9 l; o# h5 e: C$ q0 G* l% H6 c3 f2 a. A

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3 T  {0 G6 _2 Y# O, X) S: QFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you + Q0 e- v$ T# b/ X
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 1 T, X$ S# n0 D' e
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ! E" ?7 T7 r; o- k6 B/ m1 D
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" p# y  J! ?7 `: ?" u$ h1 w              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind . p+ p1 F  N' `, z+ Q
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; Y! Z: D& p" a  r' y* M3 NHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ V2 [6 W7 C- S+ _" c7 Y" l             somehow I realized you were still in my heart - ^0 Y: Z! {! s, L/ Z% P
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness& D1 i+ y2 R7 Q* ~
             somehow I lost myself inside again
9 O: d9 V/ K3 J; U; I# i. RNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
0 S5 |6 u+ L9 d  n; u             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# a/ S& ^0 [$ K' NFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................  w" d  C0 M6 _% c& i3 L
Basically, I almost finish this poem
$ J- G7 l% \- }& E               I am 一个人de精彩
& q0 s% u' ^) v& z! N4 j               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.4 ]2 i" r4 O" O2 J
But........         $ z2 S8 I  o  C+ P$ U  c, m
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”) \+ f" h! q) b" @
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
- m- O2 v; m) [, b; SSomehow I'd find something wrong with us 1 W# _! `, q" U3 o/ P8 Q
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 0 x0 R2 e$ k9 E4 d  n; A
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
1 i' s; g# t) X4 D( s1 oSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
  z( H1 s( f) v; Y3 SSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness - f/ H, K) H" R. O" H$ {; Y' p

4 @. v! ~; w& Q0 ?Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday * I) c' o8 M* J, I% r1 ?& B
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 C7 K% N4 q& ]: X" b& hSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) b1 k+ S  w3 b: ASomehow I lost myself inside it again / M1 L+ D2 V% F/ R. a# V# C
7 E+ W) B( Z) z" g. x
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion7 \) n7 C! X2 j& p% `" Q/ x& D
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
, d$ k" R6 U# }1 A. lSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
- O( m$ W9 l4 ^8 _7 m& t' f3 A& zSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 N, V. N! q0 s5 }' \
=====================================================================
# D# m2 u( ]6 ]! B' `) _$ P& r2 rsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
, X. O" M# U  j2 U7 y我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( _* K$ b$ w2 A# G* e9 o% W' l哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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