请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
9 Q4 m/ P3 h3 T3 ?8 [Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
1 S# Z  B9 R; X& w  ^              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
# v. c+ H$ G/ A. jHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" P; Z9 _9 i# W. M) l             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 ~1 b: P; q, R" y7 Q1 K1 ?             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
# U+ q& c# P0 q+ `             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" _% f" {2 o8 H; YFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
  I. ]4 j/ Y: D. f# V$ p, Y               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
* i+ H7 n% w" i& HIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
& H/ @: i* Z; F2 f& u! }" X; USomehow I'd find something wrong with us
  v( C9 a" `+ p" T: P1 fSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 f# l4 t: O/ i1 C7 D' oSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. Y6 E7 z* G8 h- l
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

  w; `# i7 R- wSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 A, Y/ ]4 F* C/ eSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' `1 @6 H5 ?" @9 X% W0 ~$ {; \================================================
( y% y: _1 A) PHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

" j. V$ e$ o- msomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! c" K# L2 b5 G9 l+ v4 {5 x3 k=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 }, ^( q7 L5 h6 A  h& q8 l" L我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

/ s1 T3 X" I) I哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？