请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
  F# Z( S0 k- E0 @" J1 d# ~Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 Q' z9 W2 e+ n9 PThanks a lot!!!
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/ s; R- K% U# Z' E: I2 Y2 b, q! YFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; L% P% t8 ^" d& R) F9 ?5 b              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 V- ]2 U4 w: X- N% K8 \7 y) f              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
+ V, f. m; z; F# c$ M0 u5 }1 ZHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# n  s/ m, u! ^$ k( |+ `             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" O- {4 Z9 b: i: @             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
6 s, M$ b- l# j4 F' {9 l: I( l             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
9 w- U9 p9 q! r( c  b" F9 bFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
7 O5 x% ^6 h9 M9 X' C" T7 n' j0 qBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
  X( e3 E0 O3 ]" O7 A               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
, B2 ]- o( k0 T0 U6 a& U# Y6 D) oBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

5 X8 S0 ?3 {* U2 A+ H卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 o2 H6 _3 z5 Z0 [% t8 k8 K- ]Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
' z' D, g4 I4 T& A+ cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" f. N! E* ?% e' h6 W9 A9 DSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
7 x* o5 L  i7 b, w4 @, h) S* FSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
' M5 B( f9 l! a0 N, l, C0 E
) X* M- l- O# P* X( xSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* e' ?. `+ T1 Q. K& f2 i5 x, [Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 Y* \; g: b5 ]$ a) J( r; |Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! a$ N. b! x- `) sSomehow I lost myself inside it again
6 o& l* J. {( _, r( C4 U* G
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
) T' p, S6 z6 x, O我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

' f9 b- T5 v" \& x哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？