埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5227|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
) d; X; ^/ V/ E5 O) Y4 P. Q9 _/ `6 TBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.6 C" F& R& w/ g8 k( u1 y
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem' F, `6 T/ b  D3 U
Thanks a lot!!!8 T( j) u$ x# }% q( `
8 h! r/ U6 P1 O' k8 b0 B; @
; q& Z5 ?8 I, l
' q: m5 p' c) F6 ~5 G
( {3 N; \+ a8 a. j3 V

- ]9 D6 c; G( Q' j6 l( g3 T7 q
) z$ ^7 B- F, p- T/ h6 R, ^$ N& f8 Y$ ^1 Z1 w5 {& |$ |/ O
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
6 k8 M$ X1 S" V% B9 ]8 T7 q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
3 b! J( N5 m" Q              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
6 n! F' F+ F' k* j              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ; \- \  _0 x( `9 `1 W6 P! J* ]$ M5 A
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 2 a3 U7 o4 s5 b( i2 D
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness " J- b4 y( t3 d' M8 V# B
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 g/ y# E/ s; J2 c8 Y
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 9 |  Q% A2 A& B0 j  @
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' R/ k1 i- S7 Q+ v             somehow I lost myself inside again 0 Z. i, X" Z% z4 M4 z$ @  C
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
2 o( A- t5 M+ V! t+ J& d1 m5 w             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! s) y* S' O& H- ]Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................: B& w, |9 f3 @5 \2 s
Basically, I almost finish this poem
/ D  X5 X- F# o; n" u% R$ x               I am 一个人de精彩4 W9 C( G( F5 F  n% z. z0 {6 P0 G
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.1 s3 {& Z0 S4 N6 G. s
But........         0 w! `# j$ T0 X/ U+ Q
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”  R+ P' X8 T  c: E, X
+ J# X, q3 u6 e& I
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?4 X2 |! x3 X  @) Z7 r$ ^+ B' K& j- t, y

* C- W# o: O3 D: k1 j
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 @4 ]$ y6 I+ @7 s$ KSomehow I'd find something wrong with us 3 U5 u6 z1 v# e/ O1 Q
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
: C' d. _# {# O, G# t2 KSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
) y* U2 B; |' J; i  ^Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
5 Q" w" p8 g8 X: DSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* p9 Z' Y- [( I" M- q1 t, o$ p- J) p5 @* F- H( q2 i8 a
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! f) b8 `( ^  {& CSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
& a0 F# s8 N; }! q3 f4 }. A' `Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' u. P; C3 }/ C9 H" BSomehow I lost myself inside it again * ^* `' U$ s, x6 X' a% E
6 N) f* w. h7 z2 H: ~" U
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion" L' Q& V/ h7 y9 ~% m* D+ B0 k
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you$ B( B1 w2 ]  N& r# U
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself2 w: }* f+ b- ]0 o  G' o+ W$ U
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 \' A( {7 w! W================================================
) @" f' r8 q2 q  N* x+ A# UHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
0 s  B9 D! _2 X' Q/ d, a5 ?* D
. u; J: j) y8 [' Msomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness1 p  u- Q  l  c, \( [
=====================================================================1 v. q& m  u' k4 O7 ~# I6 H, Q
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 & ~* l6 a; e+ M' p" b0 B) q! r
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

, y4 V, V5 }. n% g" u9 b哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2025-12-18 16:42 , Processed in 0.113307 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表