请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
* p( F% H+ I, k( [8 {Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
7 ]; K7 I4 L2 y2 d              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
$ p% p# w3 B, R              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
8 S9 A# O" S* i$ t. y: M: {( _              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
- u5 o6 ]% U' F& \Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
. A0 ~/ e( P* Z1 `3 e- L: m/ S% lBasically, I almost finish this poem
0 }5 |9 R, g% d) }               I am 一个人de精彩
# Z+ T* w5 U& O& A" T! q+ j: h/ g               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
$ c6 G+ ~3 Y: Y& Z& \Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

+ i( K0 X# s, E/ q卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
* r# \/ C6 v3 u: tSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
# L6 U* b8 k( H1 D. d, ~% u0 gSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
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& u& {5 g$ K( }* HSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' u$ B, [+ ?5 B# D: K/ J2 V5 \Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" Q1 t8 A& u: Z- @5 DSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

0 q% A, u# D2 ISomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
% v3 @8 [; y! r6 |" F) `Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
# Y# |) c3 b* j. \: F( u& vSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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- g; @3 t, J4 |- o# l0 osomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 p8 i% J9 f$ Y我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

5 v8 \! V' E) \哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？