请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
) \4 I' }4 P" q9 fBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! H8 u  @/ M' \6 e6 S( @4 g8 F2 U+ `Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
% Q. j; Q+ c& ^1 B8 @, W+ f# o              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 t1 O+ }8 x, l6 N. M              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, U! k8 R9 s# B8 g1 s, [             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 Z" ~& d& j1 U2 X             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 S3 n+ ~- G3 JFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
+ y4 Q7 ]& h4 c1 k5 f               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
5 s6 F. ~( o! c' c* D( R5 j0 @, VBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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2 U/ S) q: B6 Y1 `8 \/ S卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
4 f2 y1 ]3 A# V% R/ f/ C7 @Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  J* o# O8 r+ c! |Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
/ Y$ S6 c/ Q$ ASomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 p$ I6 N- a2 g  a1 pSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
# Y. x6 _$ C2 Y0 m
3 h  u0 O5 `" z7 j6 s, vSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 ^! B1 q& _1 _& JSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ k8 Q6 V) s  m( U" C; \( U) wSomehow I lost myself inside it again
% e/ [9 z5 l2 \5 Z/ L& O
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
. L. ]& D4 V/ \: t$ V% nSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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% x/ A, r6 i" w$ Fsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
; k) G2 _) o" r. J( I( z1 }somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

+ i# m+ v; F3 j  A哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？