请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
" ~' K% u% N% `Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; O6 c' o  }9 K/ P2 f. r1 C" B+ n( VThanks a lot!!!
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# d1 t) Y5 v3 G9 [. iFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
1 J* O' W: s9 w0 d              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% q. C5 b) ~1 t, ~              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
, L1 Z7 ^# e, U- g4 t  R; \+ bHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 ~. U" O6 f& d. a* A8 N1 Y# a( sFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
/ ^3 J# k, S1 q               I am 一个人de精彩
" O8 j4 e* x+ O2 G               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
2 [( d! d" \2 U" \Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
! m6 x' U1 b4 m+ ^5 A, J( ]& NSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
1 k  }7 X4 C' u2 c. ~Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 ~1 p; `6 M3 e6 OSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
' W" V5 V" F+ L0 T) t( c) B
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 z  n, o* L4 l) _Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
& I- s2 q- {. U/ a/ Y, nSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 Z! _. C8 O7 f================================================
* t4 V/ I+ s4 P* HHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
% Z4 Z+ L" [1 e$ d我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？