请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
$ S: L: z3 U! M4 G/ \' g5 S2 UHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
) e* }% ~5 ~$ }4 k- i" [2 T- oThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
: [) z0 b2 j) r2 c- E              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 E  T* b' x# A0 T8 M% H              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, M$ _( P4 R7 n6 L) r. m             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
. @* v* Q8 X" D6 d/ K5 ^/ O             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ }+ j* ]# W9 b# m% [; OFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
# |3 W5 @! w/ p1 G5 b( @               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 p6 x8 U+ g8 S. @6 S! jSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
( x' ~' ?+ W1 USomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, [& @* g* @8 _1 R6 YSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
) A3 z! }6 x( B& T( H6 g  O
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! u% |5 I9 Q1 s, ]7 X" Z; W' i1 ]Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
5 h- Q  |* e) C2 j  [. [, z4 J! m1 I
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
% G+ F. ]# y! T0 _somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

/ l3 [/ W3 J2 k' A) K6 a. }- r哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？