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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem6 P+ C2 }" d5 R3 z. L" j
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.2 g% z6 Z, v) x7 T
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem1 y: F, m% d6 ~7 J& [$ W
Thanks a lot!!!$ F1 ]* L8 w+ K" C1 p% \/ L

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" J# y% j% \0 ?' p* V1 I3 q4 f

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9 E3 w$ j, ?& j3 }2 o, jFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you   x0 T3 f! U3 z# ]
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us " P& `# v  }: y! P+ f' s' g
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 2 L! Q0 m# Y. G& |
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 2 x# L$ V7 W" P
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
3 G9 Z  O% d9 L; |8 n              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
; X8 G5 M6 a% E- _0 _  k) eHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; S: s. n1 J2 E             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 6 @+ N+ I$ H; r% l/ d
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& w" F" U: j3 S, b; k6 k             somehow I lost myself inside again 3 c7 i8 Q) k3 F0 z
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog + h: r+ H0 L- q( G
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" e8 b5 M' x6 WFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
, D* _: y3 M( s: h0 s, vBasically, I almost finish this poem
% }7 a$ I9 w- i5 D* ~; g" C3 Q8 K' I               I am 一个人de精彩3 F: e2 t, x+ J
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.7 m% F. V3 s2 l8 {$ l3 J
But........         
' p! v0 \/ X. F. oIronically? Isn't it?
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”5 X8 x' l9 H# Z. s- u; R1 k
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?  k! |# B5 T2 K# l( c" H

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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 8 G3 m8 m) U/ Z7 P
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us ! b1 {. }3 E# m, O/ H/ _
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world & [) D$ w3 z7 k
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ; S. `0 @2 ^- r: R7 K2 H, I+ p: g
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 k, A2 w4 a/ {8 BSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
, C9 q% C2 m+ J, u* R6 B; P- s1 _0 f+ I
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 [/ f4 {, m' {9 r8 m( O4 s% {
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart $ u) b; a7 j# Z8 x9 t
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 k6 O; ~+ w4 ?4 p2 |, v9 }) G/ g, @* w
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
; k+ [/ f& m* Y! T6 D2 ^/ t; F% I9 m, V, a+ S% U. ~! \# ?
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( a& F2 z. S% Q1 N# l# R! m: [Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
; v( U9 H0 m! v4 |Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself+ q7 J! J. @/ t
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday & P4 f3 M8 ?( {8 Q9 V1 K7 c8 Z
================================================# M. i5 h# |1 |
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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* V. @" {1 P* I7 |, d. f$ Dsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 L; w' C" C8 X
=====================================================================
, N+ x' G% x5 ^  X% Q+ bsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
- i- e/ u6 M% P) y8 g  Z/ n我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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