请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
" I7 t  P4 C+ q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ ?" R" c7 k* C6 d              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
& h$ E0 j+ [, r7 u' i& g2 M              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
8 H; k+ r3 D3 o) h8 ]              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
$ z/ s5 o! p2 N7 S& U             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 e; t. F) e& L$ P  _             somehow I lost myself inside again
8 v0 j" f% M  {* b" X! b, xNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- q1 Y1 ~8 J; N# m" `9 CBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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9 k$ L: |& K6 v卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( Q) X8 L2 G" [% v5 ~* z, jSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
" u: Y" m( i/ F! J0 v' lSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
; U1 a6 n- J  w2 uSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
2 X2 }' y+ S3 z" \4 o
! ~8 Z% }4 j4 v; u# rSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 D5 o' Z" o8 s. p: B2 o" vSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
) I: V" _8 s. g$ w) ]; rSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

3 v% Z/ r: ]$ Q. M# [& x; N1 BSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
) A0 X+ a  x9 I) \2 \: ]% lSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
7 [; t9 ^3 S+ ^$ ~- m* tSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
( i0 U- S6 W' I& m* JHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
6 _  Y0 n0 C# k- I3 c* J( [8 \* G2 {somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？