请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
7 V8 a1 \, M. I9 r4 u: h4 BBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
% d! V, y1 g# Z+ \# R* _: wHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!



( c# s7 p" i, C* {* {- r% C
- e1 K$ {/ S; ?

/ C; J0 X8 u  {/ G2 |) t
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
- U0 k, Y! k& S( {% v              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 |! a3 a( r4 @' e* X6 n+ G              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
$ z  v% o3 Y4 I' J5 R              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
/ m/ @* m, t; R. P- f' ~6 RHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 X# H, B* X; i! s4 P! F( i; s             somehow I lost myself inside again
& a" K0 k: u# s2 cNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
9 n' {; S% c7 v$ q             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
0 A8 t+ }6 a7 m# ^* i6 |3 O1 N               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 _$ h, u, \+ E8 r- vBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
& m0 {- D6 J! T! Z  F4 R) `
1 U. h! O+ m7 T9 j) t

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ k# D/ }' V$ f( Z1 Y7 GSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
/ w1 N5 L! L( b+ d- _/ d( {Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
; c/ e! k3 o4 L% kSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
3 H( Z; r0 r+ C6 J0 f0 V; R7 \
/ E3 @8 _$ y$ B2 M4 `) `Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 ~+ F+ ^5 A. J; I& cSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 X1 T8 l% d0 V0 `/ y* ySomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 t# h0 {! S( ]4 K( F  R, i3 dSomehow I lost myself inside it again

3 R: E( \( p% E* WSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 H7 f" w* O+ `) {9 TSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 x1 R! T: |+ t, j: X' c# Z================================================
: d9 A# Q# H/ u2 n5 iHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

% o; \  G+ a0 v0 h" z5 g) Rsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% H/ i' h2 F4 j=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

3 _& X, m& d4 Z! \5 Q哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？