请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
: T* B/ u% m" OThanks a lot!!!
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/ u2 f+ F' m+ ]! }, UFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
% r5 c: M5 U" b. k. ~# m5 i( [              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 k6 X( w2 d: n+ R- ^              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
7 t3 T7 _5 |3 d2 I( r3 b" O( xHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. I  k: f( U& L# e, G+ g             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 B% r' v" }( ^0 U6 t& z. t! }             somehow I lost myself inside again
3 h& ]& U2 m8 n, A! k$ KNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  y' C: U# @1 E( {- F  E! V8 C% XBasically, I almost finish this poem
, H2 v4 O0 ~* @2 d; M               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 S: ^2 G1 T9 F1 u# wBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

# z$ n: _! ?: i' }4 V( c0 F卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
- J1 [4 c. g5 z- I. a* OSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* J  \. o# \, E; z: U
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
! S$ a# |( U+ s! |' n5 eSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 D5 Z& H3 }5 r0 NSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
5 y1 Z' P% b, i3 M& T! ^However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 H& `* B& p5 j3 K& k$ s8 [+ S: e( L+ `=====================================================================
7 N- b- C/ @( isomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？