请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
0 p: r) Y, C, O0 I, L, rHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
# k  y5 @' x( r7 }) U4 G8 ]: N              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" j% H, R9 |, P) {  o- x              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
; v0 U& K; m2 ]5 v( U              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) d& f) i& e4 u- M) P% kHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! H, I0 A! W. n6 q  Y' `! L$ a: H             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& X% Z/ W9 S" t$ H# k' D8 [Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
# a, q! B, O9 w  sBasically, I almost finish this poem
$ W7 W0 f! n# L% V               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
5 t! ]8 l; O: l) T( Q' @Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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5 e2 |9 G1 r( ]0 g4 R! }卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
( k% i3 J$ V& U1 rSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# e4 E7 k6 s2 |8 l8 N/ p3 f' tSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
6 l: Q5 s* s3 L2 z  ^* qSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 t& h6 n' k# s( ?% uSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

8 c1 X  |: }  a# }3 l5 C7 mSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

% u0 e+ ]+ J9 j% B/ E0 ~Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" k* M6 A! c& iSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
* j9 D* R, a5 f- vSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
* f( o5 f. V- p% j; iSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
3 T9 s9 m. p9 `0 B( e. ~. Ssomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
$ ]" c+ v9 c# ^8 H; j我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

; P; U6 A; k1 q哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？