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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
* I) y* \/ Y7 r% C9 yBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog./ ^7 C1 r4 K% ]2 o, L" n3 E  u" I/ d
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
# \) E+ d$ _& zThanks a lot!!!) A0 G& f+ D2 D4 R( v1 {

& z7 d# z3 n# ~* s* D5 x+ B. W& P% l# h& Y& k6 T+ [
4 @# F3 t! s, A4 M' \8 q7 V
, ~- W; d  v1 q/ U5 n- l' b5 G* y
6 m  q2 m& J& m

9 ]5 M  S4 C2 k. g+ v/ A% {9 {/ o  y7 P0 e$ X% c! W. Y3 v
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 4 @, _- K, G4 B% i; k( ^
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us - h* Q: H' I; g8 q# {6 n
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
7 _% d/ Q/ F3 h; R              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me   X6 I* v# a$ U$ i3 D  h0 O
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind - m3 X! R2 @1 R; ?4 v
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness & d) W9 _5 B  P, g7 \# L% ^1 G
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ }! P4 k8 S9 J" E  s* Q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, d" z$ t) v2 B* f: d0 n  Q             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness. ~5 m: |& q) b7 B" J2 O) n
             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ R$ W* A5 J1 ~( |3 Q8 u0 fNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog # E) E0 n1 v5 G2 Z! ?) F  C
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 D% s. B& J: f. |Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
' S. a8 \  |0 T) m4 X1 t" zBasically, I almost finish this poem" Q2 o% q1 U1 y0 k: a8 ]. d6 M
               I am 一个人de精彩
: C+ v  R  m, ]8 ]- v+ e' E2 ?/ h8 S7 c2 h               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
. T- N; s. @4 ]% hBut........         2 i/ x5 z9 [! Z% \
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”3 r5 Z! u% W8 f7 |

# A8 u8 {) f- R* ^2 p5 r* Q, X9 h卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
$ \) L& t+ E# v  a/ R" x7 ?- k; A3 i# f' T
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you - w) m3 {5 w5 g: n6 p% v- T5 C
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 9 e* D( y/ K" o. Q) e' R- w
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. L: X5 V6 X1 BSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
! Q* O" J7 E  w( a' h. i* _Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind - r9 y) ?( b( _# ?( ~
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness " S. M/ O3 r- h# d$ z
* g" T/ ]  p6 Q6 S4 w' x
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 u9 I9 M' W$ k% w8 k, c/ X, NSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 ^. d* I" f7 b& I8 cSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness' g- U9 R1 l" {9 Z1 Y- Y1 H
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
0 Q6 D$ U; b( O/ |2 F4 r: G' q
7 k7 q# r1 G; c* E& u; a% }: ~Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* D! @$ k8 L) h# Z8 SSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
+ f) r/ {9 L3 BSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself, f1 f. a/ v2 i+ k( w. O. _7 s
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  c  R4 A! f2 y$ o. |% `================================================$ B/ H! a2 h& H, T) Y( x1 y
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
. {2 ]4 ^; f9 {
2 `- z! U' O) j: w  k1 ]1 w; V1 S1 I( Vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness( ~' Z8 @- C6 e: @% m3 @- `
=====================================================================
2 Z9 t- y; ~5 Q+ X. fsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 . x0 C% |# n$ R' G
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 H, k- Y5 c& x4 B哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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