请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
  `" M0 l; ~! J+ [Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
% W1 v7 [' i) d( VHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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" s  a; E; K/ Q' W
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
0 [" w7 l4 F6 k0 |) e1 i2 }              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 c# t; C3 s9 w1 o+ X              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 s  \6 H; u9 Z  Z. U" i              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 L5 Z" _- i$ c$ S5 L4 V             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
; H5 x* p0 q; m+ e& Y2 p- t             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
0 ^# _  K- j$ P; lBasically, I almost finish this poem
) D) ~3 |& J$ h8 M* P: R, R; L               I am 一个人de精彩
2 J/ e+ D' X( x               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 ]" T4 e: u' v; LSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
- p0 s% Z# u6 r6 F1 hSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. p/ r  z! X0 L& k' jSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 q1 ^5 }3 `; T, e2 ]6 jSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

% z9 M; T: M; W( _Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
; d" b/ Y$ F' G2 M4 z0 A* z- S
* r' c; C$ N# Y3 wSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  y  O3 i" Z( {( m* k8 fSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
/ W7 \( h# @9 R( X, ySomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, H) n- ?' w* F" G; K, FSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
! ~4 o; \* c5 t7 I5 M+ `1 M* tHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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' ^6 B7 O% b; R% _6 u& I3 ~somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 {& t; Z( c1 u3 x4 b$ Q$ b# B=====================================================================
  ]' D  ~! D3 t8 asomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
" ]0 r$ m- O) ?5 C7 g" M! ~我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？