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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem1 w  U- e# [2 }& k
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
5 M( E8 t3 J3 f2 EHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem9 a) f) X0 o; |/ f
Thanks a lot!!!
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' T5 G, }; _) V, B) B/ BFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ! [. A, o/ D" `4 `0 Q8 {/ S: k
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
3 A- C' Y  ?* o) _5 S; e6 q( E              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 9 H/ k3 M2 _* U4 v9 t
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
1 w. S, S% Z7 F  k8 U3 p" L              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ L5 g+ r& y% Y0 z  z+ ~' A              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness - Z, [* S; P9 z9 ~
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 \) A/ \  {' Q: Z6 k
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 |  r( b5 [0 a; E             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 a# P( B+ K7 a4 s
             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ `! E& F3 [7 I6 A) s2 YNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ! c8 r6 i8 e; Q' D# w# X3 |
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" L8 a+ S$ N4 x( v" F: j) T9 i' xFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
4 _+ A4 I/ i* l/ H& k0 YBasically, I almost finish this poem
+ a2 t, H4 X7 ~: v               I am 一个人de精彩
* `3 P4 f* Q! G2 u# k               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
. c+ a( m+ P+ rBut........         
2 o  P5 [7 e3 x; o: H# fIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”) g) h( V( C. r% j5 Y6 b- l
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ; l0 P. w) b) ^7 _5 |: k
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us . s( i( a- N- U8 x! ^8 ~
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. t. w: x0 G0 Z, _% d0 \9 ASomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 {5 l1 L! U+ zSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind , I, k0 {0 `: h9 I: }0 J: |9 ]
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. z# Q# i8 U! f4 \. x* a- u. Q, r( H1 d' Y4 b
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; B; t  r6 r9 d( n( N; b' J2 U: YSomehow I realized you were still in my heart 9 [% c+ H9 l$ x0 ^& c6 O5 Y( Z& Z
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 J; H; A9 R, O+ p. b, I* O
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
9 l* [4 H8 R* ~* x- s7 X  t
( f% t" e3 f' u0 B) w- ySomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; T/ C- G- y  |/ _2 B# Y) ~Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you6 O$ ?( K& l- \6 g) q- S6 s
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
. o: t/ W4 w3 U2 f: Y4 k# ^Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ g" H) I9 m7 _% P: x5 V: ]' M================================================
4 O$ }. k3 o, R. ~3 s0 YHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 4 T$ M0 E  {# x$ \5 x

8 i3 ^0 O; j  u" ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 l0 ], H2 V8 K) u8 w, y=====================================================================9 O/ r2 B% l9 G1 C
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 L+ J% L  B0 P. Z2 x我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

5 U7 |5 z7 Y3 g哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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