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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem/ @6 H1 }/ G$ ]' n8 V4 E
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( r5 x5 e' A9 r" ^However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 n" s  N. x- _1 nThanks a lot!!!$ K, r* W2 g+ |/ H3 O$ B
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6 v) g% R- J, c% ]5 m. M! x' e0 z2 j! o* L; v0 v4 ~; F1 A6 r
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 1 j# M3 B- _# H# _$ _# p
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 8 A! M( i& o( U% g1 G4 e
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
: r; x7 ~! `& f5 j! W3 ~5 Z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
; s& ]; A+ H$ H: R: _1 w0 D              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 1 N2 \2 a* ~" {2 |. F
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
1 J" g7 A! E1 P" B# b  o9 ]However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) E$ L' Y8 n# R/ R0 i             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 6 N. w5 C  @( k- m( @, ?* c
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 y' Z( {0 X; J" o; G" E& t
             somehow I lost myself inside again
2 Z7 B* l7 p  ~( \; S0 J9 SNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 1 `  {$ W6 K+ A8 N( f' L$ @
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion$ T. j7 H( x: }/ Q+ J2 }
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
9 X8 o, L. P/ N+ hBasically, I almost finish this poem' z4 ]: y$ n/ D" X( r" R. ~
               I am 一个人de精彩7 X3 |% M3 w/ \7 g
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.( V0 }# T8 P% l1 U$ M% g- H
But........         + M* R$ g/ T9 g0 f' R- K. }
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”8 }2 W! K" _1 `6 L
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ' i5 Y4 r1 X2 X* Y+ b9 X
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
* ^' a+ C, Z/ E2 Q/ PSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# F( f2 i( H, O3 @+ tSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   " t  r* ?) u% }% @4 q! n. {
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 P/ g, B$ }& c+ T; a& MSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness   `# W' e: v; n% d8 N

' N7 a$ N& G0 b3 s' h/ TSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 K9 W' f1 `$ [- P- n. [( `9 E' rSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
- ~1 q4 F3 t  R# w) K- `Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 G6 q: N" [. ?4 y. U& S; _- c/ eSomehow I lost myself inside it again
2 L: F' P$ Y" P9 R+ Z. u8 [. j" J4 u  \% ]
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion. a8 c/ p: h0 o
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you) a5 s+ Z( y  Y. l  u6 Y4 Y
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself- G* S6 |4 H& V  ]( y/ G: U
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday . ]8 S" i' c, \- v' ^/ J
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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8 B1 b+ r0 L; N9 Fsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 $ y7 T: t! E/ k4 M0 G4 {
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 E6 C- t; r- _# T4 t哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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