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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem$ E- x6 L4 b: z6 s- v
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.3 y- T- l9 [  d6 T8 F1 q
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem6 G% i3 E0 h% ^) g, o
Thanks a lot!!!7 i4 @1 f9 b  {+ C
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& d  {7 G) r3 ?( r! _Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you & P. o" T+ \2 m9 g! m- J4 W  P
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* C# E/ u( c# R              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 7 n8 @$ G1 J. a  {: M
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
+ X0 ]  d" c/ T* c, M( A( u              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ( C  V% o9 f4 w; P7 }' y* I
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
8 l6 p6 Y- ~$ h+ V8 T# V7 yHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* X# r" X4 {' l; [  {             somehow I realized you were still in my heart & f8 r. ]  z. {! x1 u
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness& P3 y* M" F/ E# P: J& @! W) T
             somehow I lost myself inside again
( N2 V  A, w! H2 W6 dNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
, Q2 B( W4 u9 d; Q. O             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion: x5 Y4 H6 p+ q: T' A
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................0 c0 ^2 L; t5 n+ W
Basically, I almost finish this poem) e' D! T" R  L9 y, x& v
               I am 一个人de精彩' G6 j% J$ k8 |1 h
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' t% B7 O/ W+ vBut........         
- L, C1 k( F; G/ b% \Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?7 _& l* z% g# W+ Z; k- E& Z

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you , q' S  s( z+ F  w  ]* ~: N  s
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
& T; l2 \, z3 ^3 v% W! Q% WSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 4 J/ |% v& p4 s$ E# p- T) x8 d
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   # N* ^3 U$ L6 m6 |+ t- \* J
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
. H2 N2 g' k. ]- L$ b6 @; _" o( W- K3 kSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
9 u7 n% K% @9 N  ^' Q$ {( _5 [7 H0 \* f2 Y) a
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ y, A- J- @6 Z* z& ySomehow I realized you were still in my heart
- \3 @( D0 r% sSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: `+ a9 |$ M' Q7 uSomehow I lost myself inside it again
& s6 r( I0 e4 J. K" G4 j
/ I% @9 Z# F/ O9 tSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion3 t) H8 q7 E& Q2 ]# \
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
) B- F, i( R# I& D3 mSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself+ q6 b' ^" }. t) h
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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6 U; b! I+ c8 U7 w% k: d# Ssomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 f' g% E1 m0 `
=====================================================================
( \' M1 V  l3 @. z  d% lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
理袁律师事务所
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
( m' a6 x( `" h我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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