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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
! j  F% K& T6 L! r- Z: hBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
! ]# }; [9 z3 W/ C5 N; f( d5 vHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
+ I1 o6 ~+ @  p1 uThanks a lot!!!
; w  e( d3 N% k' {4 s4 j! j! S+ w1 ?) e$ s

; s5 E# N& m9 A( n- `* q- Z, y) [0 D+ r
& W7 d4 j$ V/ b0 o; h
: }5 X& A* R" `  j, m
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7 a, D; u' T6 x6 o# [Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you : a0 T2 K0 F& O: z3 v
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 5 O# u; ^4 ?7 C) k  G; W* W( d& K
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
0 Q  \' j3 ^6 j+ e$ }0 s$ t              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me % n2 P4 c0 t) J! _' y- |1 m
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 8 M: Q" b' T  H# A
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 2 C, R$ e7 K( I5 M  w1 n+ t6 l7 q
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 7 p/ A/ F% {0 ?- R& v# m
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart   L+ s2 p) ^! d8 f. R8 I5 D
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness& f% C$ E# T2 [6 R; d6 c1 i
             somehow I lost myself inside again * k+ O" y5 P6 }1 e+ W3 {
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ g: C/ a( `& T2 e; E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion' c( X" d! V5 |/ e& D; n4 ~
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
0 ~  m* |  D- \! F1 Q. ~7 \4 B3 e' dBasically, I almost finish this poem+ h$ l  J3 Q7 w5 w7 R
               I am 一个人de精彩& r% U. _- R9 s' x9 ^0 l) {7 \
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
$ l- E6 k6 e8 BBut........         
/ s; a2 Q2 A" [* C8 \( ZIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”% T# s, H) M* Y. D

7 e) V% Y1 {& |# y7 @卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
2 t8 l+ W% ^4 J
% P8 I2 G- P% [0 |5 Q& l2 M3 ~; Q
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you   Y2 a# M% q1 v2 U0 O' c
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 5 J/ `, F  d( i
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world ) j  D  \9 \8 J$ W  N! W
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   % H) N( o$ B+ p" O3 |% G
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 2 E- \, ^, v/ }
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness : Y5 l2 ?! i+ m  H  V
5 l  }" _0 d+ w  T7 `2 T! l6 l
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 0 o2 O) L  n7 f( G$ N
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 B# w9 l2 x6 @! Z/ e0 m0 Q8 z, ?, GSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( @# I8 p( [' I4 r! x6 TSomehow I lost myself inside it again 3 c" _' V  @6 ]0 \& I& [" V7 ^) B
. _0 a" w" B& C# c1 |3 B
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  d) C% p/ i4 Z3 m0 ~Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
) t! }5 Y* p( N4 y, c) L4 ASomehow I am the only brilliance of myself: T! g1 D3 S3 g3 q% q4 i# J
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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7 M9 d1 v6 V( ~( `' O, U- \However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 6 z8 j- R) ?9 @" D6 \7 U; T& \

# g$ }7 }( D& F# x3 i8 Esomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  h7 z8 x3 }! l4 I# E& X=====================================================================
3 |5 a' \) O* W5 p1 Osomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
& k# }+ b& [$ b: w% e我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

) O, P& T1 x+ S( W' v1 c哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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