请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
2 p2 K: J) i( ]2 b- H2 I$ hThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) ~* j* Q) }+ J              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 ^% `( O  [# D) [# r              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
( Q) ?) ^" w. q( X2 `              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, x0 c# o# C& E7 V              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
" \0 |$ R7 A' t% VNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' u. Y, H* A- V$ hFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
7 u% d+ Y" z& M& K7 p0 xBasically, I almost finish this poem
9 |7 l9 N) n7 r0 h               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 s& r6 `1 r" Q* O" O# W7 I% sBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

- M+ y5 O& b) ]8 t  T

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
% H( f7 v7 ?  v3 ^; w5 X5 Q) KSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
9 Z  w; |5 `4 s# ~2 S- |Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

- T- ~5 t- z- o5 o+ K% ySomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 a& \2 R2 }4 rSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# S$ B2 Y+ B) t$ nSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
# ]. P5 o* F* ?8 I" i$ X- XHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？