埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5310|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem' l& I5 u1 ]1 y: {' G% T
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.! ^* n4 X, j; E* O# d6 a6 ~, B
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem- k- ^* b  e: [- K9 l- R0 V: d! V
Thanks a lot!!!/ t& Y" p8 \, D* q/ Q: r

) z3 G; d0 C1 d- W; J4 ]: l9 e0 S, Z! g5 e* h! s9 r( B

7 V3 q" `; N  z% o2 `/ n3 A0 ]7 a4 x  x9 m0 R. E& V

  E, C- l. ^& s/ U% X; o8 y2 ~* I, y9 \( C
+ z4 }4 c+ R2 k
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 5 `3 |4 z. G( `1 L1 m' _
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us : v6 x6 y' y- a1 g8 k
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
' Y$ A% V# F8 q- V7 I- g  ^              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
: ]; \: C% J6 g, J  t3 Q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
$ d& G& x/ S. t4 H              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
* |) r3 B$ z# |3 y. R; qHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 2 H2 ^; K0 k  [
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( V- ]) E  W5 P4 |' q             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness+ B4 y6 H9 ^% D6 w% q- }% i4 j- H4 X1 l
             somehow I lost myself inside again , @# V8 v  H; j. _1 ?1 B2 |. o
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
& V' `! @' [* u+ _% Y" P             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
/ [+ i% `$ V  g2 Y  o' CFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you....................................... C& ^, a: K! f+ b) b
Basically, I almost finish this poem
3 Q: y1 [  n' l2 K/ R0 F               I am 一个人de精彩: k' ~! e$ \5 W* `, Z
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.2 `# y8 |3 V7 k8 z% ]' z( r
But........         ( \$ _. @- ^6 A9 _
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”3 o, B4 N3 c  c$ Z  |2 I( M# d
4 z3 W7 L% F' W3 u3 W) i$ [$ e1 c
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
: w( I$ p4 V# H! A3 Y
/ G. \  A; s4 p' C% a
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 e; T" F+ E& o, ^8 K: K; jSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
4 L/ i6 |8 F4 Z3 M# s4 }# P9 RSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
) z  F. l  _$ x+ ]4 QSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
6 {3 U& w! h! P+ ^Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
$ D! p7 Q# w6 U- U/ q2 [1 ?7 ?. ESomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
4 H& ~7 W' f1 K% Z. K! `) A& [$ s) Z/ u
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 D' A4 h5 D( JSomehow I realized you were still in my heart - g/ M( \; h3 N0 R( x
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ }. B6 ]& p2 ?+ c) z6 G; gSomehow I lost myself inside it again 6 R" |0 b3 N6 n( u2 C, K/ C  O

) A4 I4 z) _$ b& r- wSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion7 i4 S. H" o( K# b+ C) U8 m
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you( {6 |6 H/ e  a' l  e% D3 O- P1 A
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
1 J9 t! W$ {7 M# m" O  j7 f3 k5 SSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ z3 ^$ D4 o- p3 `' M, v================================================0 I% u0 @3 `& {2 `
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
" B/ ?  T- ?: U1 y/ y1 p" Z9 a( ?) B: v) p
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 U1 v* ~9 h8 y9 d=====================================================================
7 A) Y: g5 J) l2 n9 P; csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 s6 q* ?8 M& K我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

$ @4 o* o) n; ]: i哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-1-19 18:09 , Processed in 0.136977 second(s), 18 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表