请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
, Y  W' g4 z1 q' PHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; j! e4 m: h8 |. Y4 ^! aThanks a lot!!!
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" O! k5 @3 A- w# mFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
) ^4 |! b  a" x              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
+ a( G: k3 G4 R9 }5 E8 q! W              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. \2 Q  o5 R. y+ n& @             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 o! _$ d6 S) E, d/ i! o             somehow I lost myself inside again
" B0 U4 l- G1 ]! `Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 Q& D4 X4 v6 F- B3 U5 _) m             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% S, `% _5 R) g& y. wFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& ]- n+ B% M( L: ]# R. `Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
. ^" L" @& V6 w7 F( GIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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/ b# v; x% A# d6 F! _0 L; U卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
, H3 }) m* ^( L9 kSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
% p5 y- r0 n; G" |8 KSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
4 D, X/ ?. i* n/ [# G, ~. J" Y2 f0 _, kSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
% N# z' H+ n  S+ M9 _  I
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, j: Q: \" E; p) D1 @0 N. }0 _5 USomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
( Z) n* k' O/ `. n+ ~% \+ Z8 s
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
- O! h- m5 n1 P8 D& pSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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- m/ V# S$ o, J: I3 \6 esomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
0 @3 b! f( K. }  l+ D我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 l7 `1 N' A9 q8 U/ t" v" v$ M2 R哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？