请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
% P, C8 \# f0 YHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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0 s2 B! H3 ^* Z9 ?2 T. |& H: I$ ]Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
3 c- q9 H# ]  b. y3 N: B2 Y              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
) S2 F7 j" ]! M: f9 q3 h& P& E* ~9 Q) T              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  ?# w  U5 K0 `  Y; S, ?              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
" F7 V1 b& @! k0 @  R% ~6 }4 hHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  Z/ r/ l- S7 o2 n1 t$ J0 e3 s             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, C) e' v; [  A* e             somehow I lost myself inside again
1 I8 \: h7 v, [1 bNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 x9 H2 M9 O- x1 G% ]Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
! Q" {! J* L  X0 A' f0 HBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
4 Z( I6 Z% e9 x6 G/ C- ^6 VIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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1 W! \$ d5 Y, B4 W, ~( k% e5 E* C* M卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
. t8 D, H: Q8 D/ Y: LSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
5 ?3 H! J/ t# b, k$ FSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
  G9 k' {$ r- q9 C0 ?Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
: z& }. b3 L5 \3 n' M- J
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 |, E+ o' D& N, ?* N" c: X, SSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

( E) ^2 I+ V5 M- I' w. x2 h0 e5 g+ @Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
2 w" b$ U9 c) N! a7 ~! `7 YSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
: Y' H4 C0 t  m$ N- o5 |+ B+ T* x6 HSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* d4 ~, e1 l9 Q$ k- z=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

6 f9 h% n% K2 `4 z) H  v4 C3 ]哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？