请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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; d) q; h: Y6 J$ d. U. a  V$ qFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" F" S7 G4 i2 `              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 v0 q( Y* E: H$ O              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 h' G" Q0 k, `# i4 b             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. [, z3 b  y  y7 @2 h1 E             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
, t) Q! T' |9 q# s4 i             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
5 q% `3 k+ s: r5 mBasically, I almost finish this poem
# [; d/ Z, q/ i% K, B               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 g$ Q  ^% |" ?) m1 U% U* xBut........         
6 b5 e% Q; _- O$ v3 WIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

9 E3 \1 D. T1 {4 m0 f卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  t2 D" c! D% w7 m( O/ C. h% wSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
: ~2 c1 N5 b& x/ X: @Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 B3 W2 j( r* `# WSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" \; ?0 s8 B& a4 H2 cSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 X. X! J0 K6 ?2 H  kSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
8 G; ?/ P* O% D0 F' _4 Q& ZSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 ^. W9 Q! U9 j6 v5 E* |================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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0 J0 x- u5 t4 g( |2 xsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

3 w; B; ~2 q1 l哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？