请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
5 S) ~3 {/ Z( |Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
  @( D3 ^# Y: C3 {Thanks a lot!!!


  c! |; G9 ?5 G8 C: J6 r' r" s

4 \5 v; @# V: l" e! n


Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
' c, I3 s) _) q, G2 ?2 H# \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" Z/ G" i' k! G" J0 W8 M3 D; v              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
( }* o# y, W3 }7 ~% N$ t' B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
4 @2 A4 Q& c' W" u. F# ?& O              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ F, Q( A9 m+ s& Q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 O. \9 Q( E" U- N             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 K: {5 _1 F7 e" W1 R, J             somehow I lost myself inside again
$ ?! K* s0 Q; K+ b9 F" KNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
3 R8 A& U4 m# }6 e+ S- H: p             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
$ _/ j4 W6 R! r. N8 oBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 |. A. |4 e$ b: NBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

1 V! K- q. _9 ]: h+ T; t卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
7 }* d/ h5 @2 I9 B( X1 {) T3 ?1 FSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 B$ m( Q& d3 s: X: X8 ~' u% x( Y/ c! ASomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

. q8 y& H5 r) T; F1 k& BSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, m: K) V+ a6 p: ~  j2 V5 Q( @Somehow I lost myself inside it again
/ M, n6 H% X$ P! T
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
5 H: E" z; ]8 M) c) FSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ M/ t# z; _5 u( ^4 `Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 z3 D2 u2 Z2 [$ a/ O================================================
5 |% e6 m% W# B" ^! `# h7 Z7 fHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

: w# x& o4 `' Z7 a6 n$ R# y: Isomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- n. C+ J! u# X4 V0 }. N, D( |=====================================================================
$ b* }6 m, Z6 j, |9 Q0 M+ l6 w2 Dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？