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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem; J  M/ _0 ~  s
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
; S* z* F$ ?" qHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem% [5 w/ s& i" T6 n  ~! ^' D
Thanks a lot!!!/ m$ [0 I. o6 T1 b+ G

8 R  R- B, g! s8 G+ p9 q- J8 l" `: T9 H6 `, R+ ?
# j% e8 I# M: ~3 n" K( R
/ T4 u$ p& H6 o1 A; m* l# [& K* m+ y

/ T2 a; @: O3 X2 R! ?" O& u: d& `- D1 P$ M

5 R' L& x% I# O, k1 y5 Y/ i; ~& l$ }Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 x, k: F, H3 F0 D              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us & J. n2 S9 _$ c' s5 Y0 @. j' J
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
8 k7 Z) Y. W7 Z# \, ?1 H' ~              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" K9 L6 }2 U+ M, U+ ^; D1 c9 w1 C              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 3 s$ h8 b. ]5 N0 i5 f
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
! J0 k. }( X) X* S0 ~: W0 DHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 1 r" t. i8 @6 b( E7 X9 K# R3 J( y8 E& I
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" g4 d  [1 R7 i' U: S- y             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! `1 h* t" ]! V  _             somehow I lost myself inside again
. `# R" j3 v& ENow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 3 G3 C% V0 j( U- F
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion- `/ Z: m/ @+ d% M5 Z9 u
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& ^1 y6 o, `# {/ UBasically, I almost finish this poem8 f5 W4 y7 n: a  m; E$ F  I7 o; E
               I am 一个人de精彩  a. m6 k: V( ^# V9 x
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" _/ z7 T% \0 V6 }. }5 f$ qBut........         
- O- d# N8 ~/ `& u: _1 i8 G* F- dIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”, m" M. z8 ?. R0 e! ]

( @: g$ V+ z& ]卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?6 ]6 r" i9 |- T+ c( l9 T. O
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
9 n. S) [4 w3 k* R  ~: c. K$ ZSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
# {: w& b" C2 b7 ZSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  o/ E) R) @& M0 WSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   6 I% K* z: p. L! B
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind , O9 D! u% ~! ^  E& S& e
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
  ~" `8 R5 ?! x5 F: k4 p8 a, F9 |& }6 l
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! c+ P: D+ a2 [0 wSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
. }; d6 w  I4 s; H2 qSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 U. U8 }, c4 b5 o7 g* W; C* D
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
( M9 _6 R$ ^4 O+ Y4 N1 Z% K
2 ^: D+ T1 o. N; E. _8 TSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! E, x$ ?6 f2 B( }) DSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' V. R% M3 |& USomehow I am the only brilliance of myself9 o/ L6 A. i+ Q" q) q, b/ B( j
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday / y; x: O! m& _. \$ n
================================================
3 v  I0 X7 a) g5 yHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ! m: t+ z) _2 M  g! M( _
4 V" X5 b. V8 A3 Q
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness  e7 x# d4 J3 s7 r( w1 f8 d$ R
=====================================================================
8 C" [! @5 ?9 S$ Psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
- X" W- L/ q2 J我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

3 `: O2 Z" |: R哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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