请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
* d& |- `/ ^& K  HThanks a lot!!!

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, ^7 n2 @0 @) y$ @# t0 K

: @2 F: }( `7 N6 ]& Q0 w! J


: B) S$ v" C9 t& ]+ c; O8 _7 mFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
! L. t) o/ f. d! ^2 [7 ?              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# j) @1 R1 G% g& ~9 U0 B              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 i3 J7 [! b$ X9 c1 v              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: ]& ^0 S- ?2 T% [) ~: ~( x0 B( Q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 [& O1 D# N, f             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 {2 y, S' Q9 ?% p% k9 x/ Q             somehow I lost myself inside again
  }$ l$ _, N+ q0 k+ D3 y7 ~' INow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
9 Y- o, I5 C" J! M- q0 B/ n' c               I am 一个人de精彩
. o4 d. u  Y. j* Y: Y- a& y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
) D6 I: _6 r$ Z# f5 L- Q& u. sIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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6 D# W6 ?8 w8 ]' y- }卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ v4 |, U* b' T, ]2 T! {; I, G5 X2 wSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
: c1 o! `0 @3 \$ U" }Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 h. S# j& l6 [) q- E8 }Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
1 q, c9 g) T3 a3 ]  q
, L1 E- `0 ~. Q# N4 o% V% SSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* N3 x; U) A; Z, P& D8 x& xSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* t/ [6 j  p$ i$ {Somehow I lost myself inside it again
: i( E; y9 B9 I- f6 [( s" Y: a
& |2 k! g3 a3 [Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
9 L3 u$ o8 `4 M8 Q/ F8 a; [1 RSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
: P- o7 ], ?* C, r% M+ ZHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
# {- y. P' Y5 H% `0 B我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？