请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
) I. D+ i) U' f. D9 f" bThanks a lot!!!

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. s& P8 k3 y4 q5 m- pFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
2 j4 F& m  A  `. Z# {              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
" q0 C: U& _6 i7 ~              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
/ t  Q5 c" b. X0 g, J! S3 L" B( O! GHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( K0 A. }/ n- k2 m. G             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% \' O9 ]/ N6 e7 q             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
6 T3 A0 m$ u, X' c             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% b$ U! N: f9 D2 H$ P$ l" yFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
2 L9 z4 K, k8 O+ [5 ]( f               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
% e* x. E0 D! i3 O/ ]$ B" h: gBut........         
  u" K; w  D! wIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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6 \. [; L' ?8 K$ d' P卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" m$ y/ L6 E% M' G" WSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! P* `/ _1 t0 R% Y: aSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' m7 k8 W4 {' ?) l6 CSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
: c& v& N/ `+ _' p+ v; I- W! a1 D
4 g" O$ {. x) [# l8 ~4 w" ASomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 I: \7 C- c  `6 qSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
) D' M: h. m/ f& K  L, H5 O
" G: b/ ]0 j9 \: ]' }+ QSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 n! o' W8 ]3 {0 [3 Q2 SSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
, s, Y5 R' \" |1 E# `0 [+ i+ W, LSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
+ A! n4 T: z, @/ x$ F+ [Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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, C9 q  c) s" y! ^3 PHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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3 J, \! l+ {. U: H5 r' T6 E$ Vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ S9 L- C8 p9 y7 M4 F=====================================================================
' Q6 w# d  h, n/ F! Vsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

; W5 I$ V, R6 l! Q8 T! U! k6 V哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？