埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5274|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem2 G9 u5 R/ t5 I# H+ b* p
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.1 t# }5 d- r# j4 }4 P& c6 s) w
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem1 |5 o- _8 [# F
Thanks a lot!!!
/ n# k- |1 R8 l& q9 b2 K6 H6 L6 n8 H+ W: }

" P, B* m6 f% I6 m/ J9 K
% v) e& ~. r0 e& }, [, Y) _' Z7 N9 k3 v+ R% ~8 m3 p5 X  \# \

7 v4 g. O* z& F. R6 O/ ^
( I4 H8 I, q8 w4 \
- B0 Y  N$ s# }Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you # s7 x) ]3 }, _. q" D2 f6 H
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 M0 K- v3 F+ y- s+ l* c              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 2 T3 ~* `9 `  T5 \
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 5 |) N2 B5 E, s5 {' P
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 9 d; h3 {# H6 P$ f
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
5 z$ \' G- h: z, h" ]5 [( \! S5 HHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; u3 u8 c* {( J* Z             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 7 b$ ]( j; I# u- o
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness; H/ D0 D! S. l( S
             somehow I lost myself inside again $ N, ]& v/ _, n0 B
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
. y9 O; a6 G! g7 x; H# H( R             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  f: ]9 i$ x# }& s, x+ C5 C* a; n7 jFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( ^, }4 p( u+ ?5 d0 B8 WBasically, I almost finish this poem8 P  Z4 ^, w5 t' L
               I am 一个人de精彩  b+ p7 j+ ^5 X/ A% R6 a+ i5 S
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# b+ f- W' d2 i/ J4 O# K  mBut........         
; K' |+ N+ A& H; [  y& f6 ]2 NIronically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
" J+ I" C/ B8 g8 \, T. D3 k9 ~$ B2 \- s3 ]5 z
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
/ r0 j! D0 b9 t: u3 ^8 [8 s6 S' h& h( r& ]- O
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you / M% C7 u* v. R# ^  y
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
* j/ F/ X  S8 VSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
7 {4 k. g/ n6 x5 M0 ~6 S: m3 ?Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ! s0 y! t6 ]0 m& Q9 R
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" @/ b8 i5 i4 @) ?Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 7 ^( V( w# N" J3 t8 B
8 `( t( i2 G0 M8 L, h1 C
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 l3 `1 p' N9 t7 T% K/ w, q) nSomehow I realized you were still in my heart 4 T: |, b$ y: O
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 I! {( f: l/ l! USomehow I lost myself inside it again 6 y" A/ d- |. {! w* k' S
" [# Z, a! W- _+ l0 M
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, L6 W% s, m/ ]( ~6 c+ KSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you+ i% o. U# ]  Y: g: y/ K4 V4 ]
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself7 ]. f; A- b: Y0 s/ h& D4 g
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday % z1 u7 t! [* c
================================================* n- e* O  r! A9 q' B
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
0 D, f" }9 \, M' T' x  a( C7 q2 U* V/ [
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  Y. x! a0 ?' w1 |=====================================================================! `7 c& q( H# G$ b- ~6 i' @9 a; e
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
9 B8 Y0 O; T% H: s' t我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

" a$ I; c2 r$ J! o  X哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-1-9 11:33 , Processed in 0.167164 second(s), 18 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表