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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem4 y. j  Q0 G8 g! K" Q: U: T
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
! ~; B! @! L/ [" rHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem& V( M/ J/ u4 g$ x/ [& W
Thanks a lot!!!* C4 x$ n: x+ h1 a

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+ m) s' f; h. p% Y0 e, x: Z+ a* f/ H/ \7 ?
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0 ~+ {0 W$ n" A* n. rFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
" R& l& y3 A7 |5 K* t, p* P" Z              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us , ^# }& r5 i7 @
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world / W; X4 c" g  S0 T/ L  o, G
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 2 ~7 {9 b) `# C7 I/ P4 d
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 Q6 F# P  C$ Z) w              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
3 _6 {. \, f* Q, w! `, P2 vHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# u4 f# z. A! K             somehow I realized you were still in my heart * }' c  n2 R* n" Q. J0 y
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ K- |( q. U) s             somehow I lost myself inside again
! g) N7 X6 Y0 M1 U" o! B/ ONow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
6 h; j  v8 C1 x. I, B$ @! F: q             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
/ @) b1 i6 Z6 ]8 a. jFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you....................................../ `% R# A$ r' E( U! V
Basically, I almost finish this poem
- ]6 M% }5 S: N* H/ w2 B2 |               I am 一个人de精彩
7 b8 N$ o/ v- A3 K               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
# \/ g- l" }+ p* }6 g& @But........         
) L% x, V/ E- f' n: j* jIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”+ s* f+ W( x* l

% m% M% b! V6 H; R' }# y7 u/ A8 t: m卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
& K  P5 |4 H) }) T7 a! cSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
7 X4 L" w- s( [5 ~  Y; RSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 6 {7 v  f( b+ L; g5 K- V* a9 _
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% g4 Q' i) B! V  t+ m( xSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, Y7 b( D2 S; c5 MSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness ( r$ n' P/ H( Z9 ~" l5 o2 ^

' p1 _; ?: h7 [  o& \Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 ]( C( q/ z8 [8 I. S( `9 q
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ( D% _- i! h  [1 Q6 }
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness; v& Q9 x0 P$ Z; n1 W! l3 h
Somehow I lost myself inside it again + [8 Q+ j7 Y. x% Q5 q- q
! U4 i- [( ?; I: R0 o, s5 h
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion' }3 ]! a; K  J. P
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you" A' ~9 X9 e6 W% N% ~+ ^
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
0 a3 P, m; ]( N& L! @% HSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* O2 f. e0 `' \, Z& Q=====================================================================
( j) }% c% p& u8 osomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
6 E! w* f8 Q1 f" d3 c我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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