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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
% e/ T" u0 D/ `" oBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
* W, w6 ]4 m* e4 _8 w0 ?+ yHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem6 P- W- t! l" C5 i; c
Thanks a lot!!!/ Q8 r  T1 @" i9 B

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
& O/ \; U! k% c3 N              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
  [. q9 l, R: h, _              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 1 s) S- q1 j5 h3 ]9 o! V
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 1 F" {/ m0 \! O5 H" f
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
) g. v7 \, x: }: G              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
  B. D% [) ^8 U# p. I6 K: MHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) q6 B7 w% J; ^5 i! V             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 9 l) `0 {' H# _+ T, Z
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 y7 }& ?$ V: j1 m             somehow I lost myself inside again
# E# \! P: q* V7 XNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
% i1 p* I7 @6 c: q) c+ ?             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' d( n5 r% q- aFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................) y/ _9 |- o1 x- y
Basically, I almost finish this poem; t. |9 Z! Z. S; Q$ ^" C# R
               I am 一个人de精彩9 m& P$ H8 ~' a# a$ {# D
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
, l, L  l( u0 H/ n9 [: HBut........         
) p8 h8 C6 g1 y- X# @Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”8 e9 {' [# M6 p$ A4 ^

3 G- [3 u9 I# m' }卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you % ~$ t. s+ m% _% N! F
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us % d  T8 \9 i0 p! f3 R
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# @* D) m1 x4 h+ C1 c% uSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   9 M" l! r7 R$ ~
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind * f$ N% I9 |" ]* [% P
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness , U! G. `# _# \0 `, b# C
6 \2 ~6 w/ l4 T% ^0 ?) r% \
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday $ \+ V( `2 X( y
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. [# a! B: D0 p* {+ J, n. Q, C* `Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 N7 Q4 B  Y3 n( vSomehow I lost myself inside it again
7 `8 H1 I; y5 t& Z2 G. }$ |9 X+ Q
( E4 s6 E7 a4 K  {9 _9 Q/ Z  a8 h$ vSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 C$ }4 r$ n' B6 l* ]& KSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you$ |2 a. w3 J$ i  c% c
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself8 \' @% [# Z4 ?6 O" S
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ) {0 ^8 C4 R1 x1 A3 W, f
================================================
2 t1 }7 l0 Q* z; t: p' p$ OHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
9 m+ n# J6 r; n1 b# ^, v我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

& T% I4 F! x& a$ f哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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