埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5392|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
3 a0 L$ ?8 E% sBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
6 W( G& q. P3 L  H% H9 ]) u2 ^; UHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem& ~' c1 e7 D( k" ?6 N+ y; m# c
Thanks a lot!!!  k0 _3 H% }7 d9 E  x$ V% `. S
! t, W. ^* R% i' z/ {

7 m7 Q3 E5 _% D" k. K
9 R2 h4 O" x8 G
. v8 _: e% o; T' R0 W1 o2 w' T) Q6 @1 K1 S; n

0 E$ J2 l1 r- u# \0 Z( q# b6 z" o+ ~4 E& p% K" T
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 O, J% S1 {  v/ h# X% Z3 v              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us - x# R0 y7 g4 D3 h  E
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
, H2 W9 G$ k1 l8 ~$ K, H- P- ^              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 7 H4 h1 [- b3 B# W& z  U0 r
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 1 D  @3 b0 ~6 P2 E+ o
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 5 J  V: J$ h, m6 F" d
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 8 A; J( ~6 ]7 m( O
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
6 Y' ]8 ~! e  `/ u" @             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" g' z7 a3 K$ @1 a             somehow I lost myself inside again
7 b% @* T2 c$ C2 @/ n3 TNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
" P* q8 a" g9 l$ z$ u3 @$ T             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  ?: D7 m' a: M3 R& Q% {' L5 H0 gFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
: J( I4 V7 x; a: J5 yBasically, I almost finish this poem
1 X  `  j8 C5 c, K) ~# x7 W/ ?& v/ V               I am 一个人de精彩  l) l6 K+ R. t  {2 S
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 N5 J  l" ~- X1 |- Q- FBut........         
/ t' v% ^, M1 X6 m4 @; ~Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”  _7 G" N2 y$ ?% ?9 v& t$ y

5 R5 ?) T  z6 A: ]) @5 n卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
& X7 Z+ [5 p" ?$ k7 D8 z9 c5 [4 K: x$ g& x! r1 W
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
, g* X5 R5 t0 pSomehow I'd find something wrong with us ; g2 N3 }' C% _# p% R+ [% U
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
1 @- v' S1 G, b5 f/ vSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
2 T6 m1 i' W' M4 l3 }; s" OSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ' U/ f$ y# o  g8 A1 k+ O
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness - [2 t" h) h: P

- `1 }$ z, Y4 j# X/ B$ c$ \Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday / |+ h# k( e* p+ I) w( V1 K
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart , C2 b; e9 t. L7 y. X3 {5 o0 \
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness+ l8 m! j& Z" M1 t- _
Somehow I lost myself inside it again / X$ v  L% U+ b, H
( I+ i  E1 J" v
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion* F, n2 S: L* T& s
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' V( R" Z* U" X( `8 C) J, w$ o: bSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself$ f/ d5 A  V1 ]* n" O+ b
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday * C+ Q, d( }& q( ?9 l& p9 t
================================================
+ v2 }$ j+ o! a$ }However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
' u# e4 M/ L" A2 ~9 w* W! Y
! G  [, y- H9 }- Z+ Vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  e/ D1 @3 S' L) G. p=====================================================================
7 P2 S3 J4 k' t" N$ _somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 : X  G8 d4 b6 @2 j! l+ A
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

: j+ R* H' Y$ ^: N. ~6 q& L4 m哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-2-21 20:56 , Processed in 0.150007 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表