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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem: j6 A! J- w. k) Y5 p
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
! z. \. D0 g4 G3 ]$ rHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem! q8 C: y0 H; A; r7 z9 @
Thanks a lot!!!
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  k0 X! o$ M/ S9 zFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
+ S* i8 O# ^, c. }4 O0 h              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 5 z0 h& ^& q; d  V
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 7 i$ ?) a) W" T; ?1 i
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me / z9 e2 \$ V, z4 a6 M  Y: _
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, p& W+ w9 K% J' z              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness + i8 }1 M* M$ ?' \. t
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* G7 q2 O; Q' r7 |/ j0 s             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ( Q5 ?: r7 v" L
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" }! M+ [8 _% D* v6 {             somehow I lost myself inside again 3 Q( M2 u; Y+ M) S8 J
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ b) N7 X( U: x$ L: v5 F/ b- K             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion! U/ {, X/ u) r+ h. h# G
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
' C, l2 Y1 I: e% }% n: H4 XBasically, I almost finish this poem+ ?) P2 |! K% H& v, _* I' ?
               I am 一个人de精彩9 }+ k" G) f- X+ @! T) H
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
& ^" D% ^: x2 c0 f. W& k* O4 EBut........         
# C5 M/ o2 a! ^) M( t0 W/ SIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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$ }$ m" F7 b# g卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?/ D" _) S: K7 m- k  h: u
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you % Y* |: d" a! q- q& f
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
. u) T- T. F7 X' Y7 MSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 5 ]! R8 f6 ]0 `
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   7 W! c! r  M* f" z
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, |5 J* t2 I; \  |8 \' zSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness ' ?0 c3 U* [, n2 `% R
! [' T! b- x" }
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 Y+ F& B) t' ]4 y+ J7 O/ a9 C& JSomehow I realized you were still in my heart ) f! ?1 N1 [+ F/ t
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 m/ G5 c9 J' ~/ D$ Q6 \% U
Somehow I lost myself inside it again   p& L- c9 A3 r" C4 I) i

4 ?7 I$ z0 C5 o6 [0 q5 ^Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- g3 o, c0 M! n. ^; q! g; G3 o2 {Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
" Q$ [* V3 R- `7 Z$ d) \  p, R7 _Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
3 w4 \' ^) y3 fSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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, h" ~+ A0 |+ O9 z& q" W" pHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 _. J/ k1 f2 o! U' }$ I3 }0 c1 C=====================================================================
; n! }( [& Q4 n9 Zsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 % V$ Z4 a7 W7 _& r
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

. S) P  x3 |' [" \, _哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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