请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
/ e; A& y# @$ NBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
1 A7 W# q, g" KThanks a lot!!!






4 R3 G; T6 I  r- |( e7 q
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
/ X' K" w  n! r' o. O              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
/ ]6 @- q4 h: I5 n6 m              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
, B+ ]# q9 b/ d  \# |! c& xHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
) X. a7 e, ?' F! K. z) R% h             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ E3 e) q$ J, U  d* H7 ^             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& Z3 c. X  _% N8 w4 {Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
, B/ c! Z7 s' ^! W3 s' xBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
% x; c+ e# \, O, U% w& c4 K               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
8 d$ D2 _$ O, t, R3 ?Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

8 M5 V+ }$ ]6 ^$ D8 s卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
! I5 P" y, c8 p3 q9 B9 a- {

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
' K  W: m# B! f! ISomehow I'd find something wrong with us
! p. G4 v' E! U! W. v* m) }; ^Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
( f9 h& N: B4 B3 j$ G6 TSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
$ C4 O) w( |4 D( l. mSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: b3 J3 G3 Y# Y' @9 tSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
& G9 Z: z6 g9 l0 S. [0 \Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 u5 ~1 B: z, |& Y0 y" NSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
+ O9 e$ L# d( F1 {- O! o& c
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% ]' T7 z' Y* \8 ]; r=====================================================================
7 t4 ?' S2 L4 f7 D' x1 ysomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 x' u7 s5 f# d; @# P2 Z, `2 f我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？