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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem: n7 y( L+ s6 p3 j
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.- _. R4 k7 M3 w# z+ ]
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
: T* B/ u% m" OThanks a lot!!!
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/ u2 f+ F' m+ ]! }, UFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you % L+ H( h2 _: m# Y
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 1 {9 V4 y5 Q1 z/ z( {" a6 E0 e5 G
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
% r5 c: M5 U" b. k. ~# m5 i( [              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 3 Y8 {* Z2 o, I
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 k6 X( w2 d: n+ R- ^              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
7 t3 T7 _5 |3 d2 I( r3 b" O( xHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 5 B& u7 v# Z# \& d: u0 g
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. I  k: f( U& L# e, G+ g             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 B% r' v" }( ^0 U6 t& z. t! }             somehow I lost myself inside again
3 h& ]& U2 m8 n, A! k$ KNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ( N# O# `8 b1 `: V" @7 _. L
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion* ]5 k" a3 e1 e- {1 D' c) \. l& M
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  y' C: U# @1 E( {- F  E! V8 C% XBasically, I almost finish this poem
, H2 v4 O0 ~* @2 d; M               I am 一个人de精彩9 B7 o3 Z7 `( |, g6 u( F4 |
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 S: ^2 G1 T9 F1 u# wBut........         $ q$ p9 [& ^' y, Z6 H- y+ b
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”4 A/ {! z8 h* U. O9 B" z& h

# z$ n: _! ?: i' }4 V( c0 F卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you / ^7 }8 s5 p3 ?" H, W/ u9 ^+ h
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us ) x; w4 Z* K/ r9 u# ^
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
- J1 [4 c. g5 z- I. a* OSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   * g+ w0 G5 g3 p  ~6 t
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind $ X, t  _8 b% J; k( |6 m
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* J  \. o# \, E; z: U' {7 o5 L+ z( \' [% d. D& C
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 t( J$ a! ^) e+ ]* j4 w9 @
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
! S$ a# |( U+ s! |' n5 eSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 D5 Z& H3 }5 r0 NSomehow I lost myself inside it again : ?6 k( s" h+ H
: w% O& E& S8 a8 d
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion* o5 l, F( I; Z
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you, L, S; a4 {) Z* D
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself. d, y" m+ K& `# {; C4 k
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ( `, [7 Y8 R1 Z" N
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5 y1 Z' P% b, i3 M& T! ^However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 3 r( {% n& w9 O; S" ]% P( ~0 D
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 H& `* B& p5 j3 K& k$ s8 [+ S: e( L+ `=====================================================================
7 N- b- C/ @( isomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 $ f8 p% w( c6 Y
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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