请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
" i7 n0 L; h& ]# }$ O9 N" RThanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
' {( r$ i0 m9 a( z              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 }+ w7 O. g9 M2 h: J4 ?& j              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# Z. c5 M/ l. ~, C              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
. Q6 N0 Y' g& X) F7 r' a              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
( R4 I! L* f, t) U* mHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ d$ ~7 `6 {. f% ~+ Z             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' a. N9 G1 r" g             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
" w  J' R; a$ y2 A8 e& w% v. B5 Q. v& LNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
9 x" I1 w4 `. n2 a$ J             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' F- Y# f5 m3 R3 C  WFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
" T& u) F; x5 DBasically, I almost finish this poem
5 M, z3 Q6 n/ v6 [               I am 一个人de精彩
) V, O) p' v- s# o% W" t               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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1 P) l. o' }- A1 p; t6 F卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
1 Q# Y1 N/ u  c! mSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
7 M. D4 t7 Z8 J# zSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
7 Y$ j7 ]6 I+ [1 k( Q7 F; b$ vSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: @* X( C2 }- ~) n8 M- `# v5 n- ESomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ f1 {7 u! t  `+ d& ^Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: X' x) q; w% ?4 h# [8 Y3 S: j/ QSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, x$ l# M. ]) \* uSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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' \! r$ [+ j8 V1 k& e# X, w9 L& WHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？