请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
4 k) Q7 w. p; a% k& W# ?Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
) R7 R! M* b1 jThanks a lot!!!

6 M. U; a/ T: _9 x( \

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9 F+ k5 |4 ?# o5 |: d8 w4 K3 AFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; O3 u2 T8 t; z( t# ]% B% `4 v$ C9 X              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
' ~# V. c# i8 a# Z$ V( }4 `1 z              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 Y8 G- _, Q4 k+ M" B              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 J" e! D% \' `: E: F) a             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
$ X6 P( k! y0 z             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  Y) v# }1 N, w. V: d# s% ]             somehow I lost myself inside again
& Q6 R, S- B2 ]# m9 TNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
3 `5 U0 Q4 A2 ?" g             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( w4 q# d. Q- M: y+ U+ pBasically, I almost finish this poem
- A4 r( v+ a, x               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
0 T/ S0 Z* z- R$ P$ z0 n0 QIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
4 p' Y9 |( r; O$ v+ }, E
! F6 z6 W- F6 J( v9 H+ L+ E卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
6 ^9 C, i4 Q/ Y2 a5 e) t

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 w( U$ V0 X  Y9 s3 t/ H  ^/ W9 TSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" H1 j) |" }7 P. X! H7 pSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
8 G; y! J7 {% e, |; ~$ a
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* d+ A" F8 P) s2 JSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

" y4 t7 o6 q3 n/ eSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% G* e9 B  f3 ~Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
9 r- o+ {, k" A* v
1 j0 H) K; b/ H7 v* D2 _5 B6 B6 Psomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 }+ C- }) r# t=====================================================================
4 a' @' |$ r3 B4 P- r# [5 _somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？