埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5284|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
: ~1 d! G! l' J. f/ zBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.* a3 v  {0 d6 a6 N9 O
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; m% I% s  t; I& {Thanks a lot!!!( j; E1 B2 \! l* u  D

4 s0 j: V: l1 B0 U) d; l+ S
! s/ I& a- G# n- E3 E- R. ]- t$ e
$ g2 x9 ]0 M8 T9 L$ X1 R2 k9 L- l
* J8 I1 Y7 J+ {6 h5 W
& h5 m! X4 U# \; [6 j. V) ?% Z; y0 `  s- w: A# u. }9 q
9 J; U( u) U; H2 z; V
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
2 f0 S! @. b. h) A              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
1 g$ J* d$ e4 K0 z) V' X              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
9 [: t1 b6 W/ x9 {) N* @              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me * _5 l, N- S! F0 p# ^) Q8 z
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind / x) [, K; L8 v  F4 @9 g
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
" U& g0 O7 H$ VHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 2 e- T; j7 H) v& X" O  r" j7 r& i
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart + e. S( r) j, o, T3 ]
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness5 w1 Z( S9 C2 J
             somehow I lost myself inside again
8 {7 ~! F1 X1 b$ |& tNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ' I' v& k$ J* d. n, b9 M
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion' W" H2 o3 e7 W' ^. V" N
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( K! ~# H3 N8 mBasically, I almost finish this poem: H- u2 p3 K, ?# b1 p/ f; `( i' R6 K
               I am 一个人de精彩
, {! c0 W3 V! A               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.  ~$ s. }) z4 {, w0 M0 ?: w& }. r- W
But........         
/ h7 u+ T( S3 T4 S8 s# a. U' MIronically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
9 k: }8 Q# ^0 M! a( a; T" n' _+ A$ N5 i7 P& O2 J* A  O
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
0 U9 b  s1 [' K6 c# z
8 Y9 E8 x) x+ }* U' E
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 6 ?# \/ K7 s- p2 T
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 7 e$ p$ O3 d5 H" M0 W- r
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ Q( t# @: C0 U, s- ?Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   * m9 x/ y8 y0 \# {& k5 o
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
( t8 t; s. e  B+ TSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
, B- {. ]6 c1 Q) A0 Q2 W6 B- n1 Z' ?9 K& @- N& R
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ' s/ D. W' v: Y  U: V7 |5 B
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 g/ O3 f! _, k. _1 Y- SSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  g% A0 R5 n3 J: [) r/ d* NSomehow I lost myself inside it again
2 G/ b5 q9 `! a& x
6 d. s# M* B; B% x2 L% B2 XSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( }* p/ z/ ~$ O/ |+ _8 BSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
4 ]$ @* i) H- ?9 [6 KSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself0 d6 Y+ p3 o. x+ |: V: f. E
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 P. Z& m# Y0 ]2 B- O/ L# ^  U
================================================- `) O5 \" g: B2 p! v
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday * _9 H0 u( P6 i9 o
9 S) [7 t2 A4 O" ]* A/ M
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" V" z* T8 ]3 S2 ?5 G0 n+ s=====================================================================
: H5 Q! k) y3 n" M4 D/ d3 z) psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
大型搬家
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
8 k2 k' O- k# y; {5 ^1 C我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
3 }! t, ^4 k6 Y0 P/ y8 b- F- n9 D
哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-1-12 06:26 , Processed in 0.281143 second(s), 18 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表