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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem9 d( `& `, J3 _+ o+ ~  ^" z
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
4 k2 \/ p! D5 E# dHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem) K7 b/ ?' R- O4 u$ J
Thanks a lot!!!
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  O  D# ~6 y; R# l+ C3 m6 X( p4 E1 I2 h% k: Q; z$ D5 B1 L
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 2 J, H5 W9 g2 a2 P( t
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
. d9 r* x  U$ U0 p  F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ ]  s4 M: H6 \7 {- }6 c              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 w5 ?3 ^% z& H              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 9 c. ], O5 A1 }8 ^0 U
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
- j; U* W) v- Y- T& x/ dHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday # V! {9 V; m- _9 c- K7 G& i$ y8 Z1 M
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 7 ^& t* X- b  o  c5 V; t( ]9 r6 H: z
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness9 R' K% e8 W; d4 v0 s% W
             somehow I lost myself inside again
! N0 B5 }4 A- N; G7 T! C3 k6 `Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ( s, z6 N! U/ U  f0 f
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 G* M6 ]6 }6 ~6 JFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................" q  o, }4 Z( U5 e; q
Basically, I almost finish this poem
7 m5 E. i8 W' U, |               I am 一个人de精彩
8 A, B( X0 M! I$ o* j               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.: D5 ~( ]$ L5 x! r: \) p6 W
But........         9 j9 V+ U1 ^6 N* d, N( Q
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?& R% `' f! ?) i" @
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
! J; M( h% r1 G& hSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
$ @, u0 p, w8 q) ]* u" QSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 6 U- `, t! Z' R/ g
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
2 v1 y- s9 {6 z  dSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 0 K& z  a& W9 l
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
7 ~! n# b4 S2 H* k2 e0 A* _
! Q  V, R) \; V/ s& l1 h8 `Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 5 a+ @8 G7 a, W* S
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart 4 z" c% u9 q# Q# x2 q
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness- r9 l6 N; r& u$ i: d
Somehow I lost myself inside it again ' {; t7 ]/ ?! ?; q# [
' j3 ?9 U, W: R0 x8 ~5 }  j
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion' C+ B7 L5 L' n  q
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you3 X) B  S% L7 d1 j% D$ F
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself' L! |, C* {: `2 s# _' R, z9 I* p
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday - z+ j5 _! C* t8 p
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness) n4 ]$ v" M5 G$ C3 [1 K( I) {8 R6 s
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ( y( E" g: C5 L! z/ P" s6 I
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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