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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem6 Y) p' r# h. s+ ?' S4 \; |
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
1 X5 f  J: Z6 Z0 eHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem& d& S6 f3 S) r  T1 N9 W+ m
Thanks a lot!!!
" P8 I* t: d5 V' O  Z1 y$ k0 n7 j' A# q% U

2 Q- l1 w7 ?2 }, j/ j7 f: {$ a) n0 K# r) {
* a5 g4 h8 u6 s! g0 v, g3 J2 l

2 P! E5 r  Q6 Y3 G0 Y! M4 N, z6 W; U4 Q" Y5 Y5 q
* \4 S; o2 L# d8 R, O$ O5 M
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
' m! D9 _9 m2 ~1 y- E* o2 Q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 S* @6 d! Q( o+ r* F7 ]2 p( S              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
6 O; V$ v1 }; [5 C              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me / x8 w0 Q" l8 F  L( H' B
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
) t3 w. U0 C8 \) D              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness * Z/ n; I) x. A$ {& v. y
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ! ?/ x. ?0 e& H/ b: |
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart # m' K" w' o( Z1 O! k; L
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 e% |  Q7 H+ L  `  V
             somehow I lost myself inside again
! p5 {9 \# G' _% DNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
6 i- ?" m* H3 g             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' j. ~: O$ ~, {! z9 `Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................& e! a/ M' k8 ~) `; D9 a
Basically, I almost finish this poem
2 D# o  _% ~; Z$ R* i9 h               I am 一个人de精彩& t" s/ X. K* O+ p( S
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- q. V$ h4 X+ o& A  p5 }2 K/ XBut........         6 k9 ?" L. A+ g( R2 y0 x/ n. v
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?. I4 D2 {% w8 V; {$ [
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大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you , U( x. m, g  ~
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
2 D' p. v- g% g% K+ Y6 HSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 M1 U% _4 ^% U6 t' H- xSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
2 y6 W. v4 v+ B6 ^Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
, p& X' C/ m3 H9 KSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness * }7 S& Z9 ~( u

, u8 q1 \. n2 r$ VSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* c+ D( J$ R- T: K' r- l( t* ASomehow I realized you were still in my heart 2 i. T) z3 c- x- v" l' O
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness6 O; ]; b( N! V0 ~5 g
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
. |% L# z( F8 ^. F7 _
; s$ T8 K: E" ]3 dSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion3 O: W4 [" N6 I; q- o% q
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
2 S% F6 k' k# @" t9 ASomehow I am the only brilliance of myself- t! s! B7 ?; q3 P
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday % }$ y7 O# q  K. @' Q
================================================
9 s: p  L/ Z$ N: l, qHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ; f+ E, t6 _+ p2 P4 ?, Y
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 : L1 C( m9 B9 R  h7 k
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

$ b* A  z8 b& Z; }* L( f) Z& U哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
大型搬家
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