请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
8 I. Z' O: V8 [. \' \Thanks a lot!!!

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) |9 _  g7 f3 y! g* PFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 p5 o0 Z+ `9 S  @. h. S              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 K) k2 R: f% j0 f3 c" x              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
& _- \* f" K0 w' J! z              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 ?& X4 t+ @% p2 T             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
6 s. h3 [" L8 J5 ~             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
% h, `" E' G0 `( t! u% gNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 Z" N" C- [- j5 P! k' b- LFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
  J8 L: g; G% V: X3 q; ~7 |               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" y  @; T2 T" M$ G: ]But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

! r2 x5 r- t3 [" i卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
5 {6 ?0 |5 g5 X1 C& fSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
" p9 m4 n( _: k) ^3 [0 U/ L* @3 ~Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ [) E2 g# [5 [6 ?- ySomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

: K- ?, Q+ s5 ?* h) PSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 O. k; V# M; B# z6 G8 v7 S/ H1 U6 sSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ O6 `+ z$ n# s2 {. CSomehow I lost myself inside it again

; A4 g# a* z! U$ GSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
9 b% s7 x* S) U6 ?5 i3 ^4 Y$ s6 K- TSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
5 H. u0 Q, p. _# L( C2 b我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？