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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem4 Y) U" J# u( T# R
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.7 u5 p% Q1 o! @% E
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
5 w! S! c+ P% y5 m, l& |/ L! I, eThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 6 C; M* M) V. Y& ^! [# Q, g9 V3 T
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
/ v) U( ~* c: C" E6 i              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 4 ?8 Z' |, _/ x$ \- @4 |+ ?, M/ x
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me . w8 P% a) l6 ~2 m3 B6 d7 M! o
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 2 Z3 Q4 G1 C* _( S2 e1 U
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
7 {/ ]+ a6 s! C' u  `' C: Y+ wHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 4 B/ A6 x; U* T
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
6 Q5 M/ e/ n) o( s8 t             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness% m! Z6 q+ i5 q# _: ~) p# l0 e
             somehow I lost myself inside again + d) ^* ^' J7 C
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
3 M( }' ^" f2 W+ U- K             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ T% t+ _3 \' m+ E) XFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
' B, W: ]- L1 K  mBasically, I almost finish this poem0 E9 i, E3 K0 b; t# w
               I am 一个人de精彩7 f* ~% F6 d+ a3 |' c2 J/ l7 t9 e
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' E7 C' a3 M- TBut........         
  V% z8 y- v0 z% J" c% [' n8 UIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
& |7 s, c$ Y5 S& q9 T7 o' I) \  WSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
- ]: t6 s. e) s' K0 bSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world # Q9 I; k# n" u( V1 }2 R
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 Y) K4 Y& n. Z% X0 |9 t" E' K* `% bSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ' @! B1 f  {  d, [
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness % q; p( M0 x1 N5 K

1 L( S0 J+ B  |9 a$ ^5 vSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 4 ]8 _- X& Q# p; ^' u' _+ g( v! @
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ [6 u% }  ^! [' BSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness/ F9 A; K3 `7 i4 ~% T
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
! b: U: r$ E8 q& v1 Q
% T: a0 ~' h4 q( u. `$ u( h$ lSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- R0 o! x* d# X: C& vSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you) h8 x. e1 |( v4 d
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
6 m0 w2 f/ Y  g5 R% i. MSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday + d6 F1 A$ \9 b. s. [
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 3 x2 w6 V* j# ^) W
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ( T3 I* y1 R6 T5 R0 V. ]
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

0 d% z) h+ ?2 K3 A; z( m哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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