请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
& M1 f! w6 {8 {Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 C/ @: k/ N+ c" K0 m: qThanks a lot!!!
& m  m; n3 G$ V! Y0 \+ r, @9 V0 D
0 s) Y6 Y, I5 @- r/ v





Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 I1 N- \& Y3 k              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
6 Y# A! b# K) `9 v/ n              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. l6 d, X& }. |6 G& E  K5 @             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
* _0 t; [* I- X3 i8 eNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
( \* L* Z6 ?- _2 J+ j- Q* A0 e) f# H             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
4 D( T7 x% [0 ^, ^) j8 U- I( s& s. M               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
) y, f. P1 a" zBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
8 H6 N- F9 m& W% i8 ?% |# {$ P& n! a: b
' B9 i3 z9 n7 E4 [" c1 n( I; ^: _+ g  s卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

- o; a+ [# J7 p

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
2 v: H3 _7 E9 E& @; r+ @" {3 H: XSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
  Q4 C! g4 G; h1 S. `Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
4 m6 B$ W6 O0 Y; o' TSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
+ {0 U' Q6 R3 j# r' dSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

. ?  ~6 V, e0 t8 H6 `: L1 QSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 A, h" \" P7 m1 D0 b; XSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 V% T" Z2 A0 Q. J( m/ h6 mSomehow I lost myself inside it again
9 z7 h( |* U2 f3 C+ ^
- u. y! [+ P& o# D( w! \  a9 mSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 b( ?9 m, Q- R3 q6 SSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
( ?/ G6 ?* k* e7 ]) LSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
2 O% [, `. T. x5 o- {, K9 hSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

: Y/ a6 V8 B6 R6 b! E0 ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

) d, H7 X( N* v, F4 N( N, t% r哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？