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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem/ F  C2 o4 m- l: a3 z
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
/ l  p4 C9 Z: ?$ a: c* _. hHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem/ d: |: P# [0 j+ [0 O
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
' I' ~1 P! }2 W0 f4 q9 p5 F9 t8 Z% U: w  _              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
7 e- L4 l" ?3 N( ]7 }8 M+ K              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
6 b6 p& V% Z2 q* W. g4 f. j* T* r+ u) q% |              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 0 G* U1 n, V* B3 s8 w5 E
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind + o) Z: E; I+ G, J: A- T
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness * P- i* [6 O0 V$ q$ a3 @; G0 _
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ! X& N7 P6 \( h4 B! H2 y& o
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 3 f! V9 U' L2 t0 o! H# f1 G
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# \$ w4 A- O# Y1 F2 v             somehow I lost myself inside again
; P( K# Z1 |& WNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog " G+ Z/ X8 O& R- X
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion; r4 ?3 F, u4 ], L% W
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  N7 U5 R) P3 R# d" v4 ZBasically, I almost finish this poem
" N; X5 o3 J$ h               I am 一个人de精彩
1 U# F8 W* a/ F2 j* ]0 y9 ?               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
% Z. y" i, D# p4 h4 SBut........         ' A9 l. _! v7 f4 O: z3 E
Ironically? Isn't it?
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?7 t; M, i, G, a& B; Y; b
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 2 a  j9 b. |8 A1 ^8 Z' b
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us % P" o2 ^. |. e; l$ j/ a* g+ b+ W
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world + P+ I. S7 C* v$ r! Z
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
7 g5 m$ b2 H. T& m' a5 T& g- z8 BSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 3 {" y# ?: |( U" g
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness   \) d3 X4 m6 m- C( a2 ^$ \! q

+ |/ w8 k4 l: u$ s; M* `Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday & V7 T$ o) b; ]8 i
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' o( T% d9 u6 O( G$ L8 ISomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; r; K, H/ A$ m- ]Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- f9 o  P' r. v9 f# \; h) \" Q! h& I
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion' f0 _& w0 A7 k. Z8 ~
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
8 Z  f* d* l- kSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself+ ?- L! l+ Q5 P: C
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 7 v# T  Z0 H1 O6 g. j5 W4 g
================================================
+ u. A6 @$ \* P( @- oHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 0 e6 B8 J4 I5 P9 ?% `2 r% l8 h4 G" Q
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, F* Y# i4 v9 A% f7 d* I# e: u  L
=====================================================================
* e) X8 O1 W* ?5 x& ^. L" a7 vsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
: d* Z' }6 r' w, J# T4 B我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 a  Q7 m4 m) L1 g' y哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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