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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
4 O) K8 Y- i* I7 g1 g$ [Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
  v2 A) J+ ]) C2 P. x( vHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
3 v* ~# U0 @9 Y6 w, ~/ k1 o1 gThanks a lot!!!
4 g8 B& I0 m7 Z" i- a8 _& u4 `3 `. L0 I3 q% x

6 t/ R; A7 y2 Q  R
2 @/ ?' m7 z; U3 r/ H
8 H+ A! G" p; P0 s
0 T# J( }* R8 @3 b
8 v2 R1 [* R1 a! y% M* x2 B3 p" i0 t! l# s6 C; \
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
0 I# a# r& e/ {5 g              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 8 G( q- S! i, H
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 6 h! H' m) O* d6 H
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me , |0 n1 r" x; _+ g( Q& x' A  A/ }# f
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 Q6 m7 m- z8 C* E# w+ \& w3 M              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness * r; b+ f$ F' T# a
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday + E" E0 d% l  A3 y: c
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart   T0 ]/ [( R* l. L3 l3 M9 A
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: ^5 }$ \3 Q* {, y, @
             somehow I lost myself inside again 7 ^6 K; U. @( `3 P  ]
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
( j2 E8 u+ e% y+ O4 R! @8 g             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# `5 p$ S5 p6 |; D1 gFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................! s' W0 }6 y& ]1 F& i6 i! K
Basically, I almost finish this poem
) d# C$ B& R, }5 h, l  f$ Z) @7 h               I am 一个人de精彩
; b8 a6 T/ s+ Y  u! b- u, `/ l               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.2 W, x& a9 b2 x! C9 l
But........         
0 n% V5 u9 \5 u8 e/ \5 p% a) KIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”( y9 e, g5 n* V4 Z2 w' l
6 z; y2 m: U) L8 T: w3 w# |
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 4 y$ p5 p0 i, m* n7 d7 ?3 T- E% }* Z- @
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us " \( I& }* ^9 _- M  \2 [# y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world : r1 C+ v* Z* w1 w9 Y" E
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   * G/ T+ u# f! a4 b
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
& _! V- J2 R4 [5 M# ^Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
3 k+ Q! |9 }7 R+ r7 O/ c) J. x' M& D  h6 Z7 {) m3 y/ k
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  u" }: k/ F4 L: a) T9 c# nSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
' i0 V9 K7 f8 x- T: wSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# U3 I( f' x% C7 E; zSomehow I lost myself inside it again $ s. U. w. u. U8 q# G/ }0 L' q

# S: G2 j, O  n, N% ~5 G$ E5 V/ L9 lSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion) D  |+ ]9 [" ?" q
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you9 R& N& D; o8 q5 f* b
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself- `) t% }) ~- P$ O# a& G" E% m
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
" U$ w3 }6 m$ }4 C7 {: u, a+ [) Q2 i+ j1 x2 U+ P. Z
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 m) R% y# c3 G8 Q2 I% P=====================================================================
" h3 k# h) D3 k) W( A2 Usomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 . a6 V& w3 ^7 W. ?8 e  q3 U
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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