请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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" ]& j; H% Z0 [# K% aFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
+ T* l  V% v8 r+ K1 R* j              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
" F4 N) b* @( h$ Y/ Z) G              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ Q+ ?9 r7 x0 p: \              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 ]$ u- M( K! y              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) g2 t# t/ f( f) A! m# I# NHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! b+ ^- E8 k- k, \5 R( J& o             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 {! D  }  C# E8 d  i. y4 T             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
/ ^; @& M4 ~8 l* k8 `" KNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 T/ Z. ?: O' s  W; ]             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ q( R2 I+ @+ Q- W& |$ k4 [. q! _2 MFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
- i$ n* c, I3 N7 qBasically, I almost finish this poem
! k  h* N7 T8 {3 u6 j               I am 一个人de精彩
' }+ X# e7 p$ M$ i9 n7 x6 W' W               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 g$ `, A- @6 ^/ ZBut........         
6 T# c" ?6 i, G% k# MIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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; u! W  T  q& d# s卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
" s9 e! p& s* S; O3 C; r+ OSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" y' \: X& i5 a% W( VSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* W5 z( V( K! ]- y
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" `6 B4 }7 `) E+ xSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
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Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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5 F5 C* {" p  H- d# LHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
3 S: Z* Z% ~% b" J6 csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
. B: k) ]' A) X/ G( g我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？