请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
- D1 h' Z# i) z7 w" D; E: TBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
* O" A- P# x! NThanks a lot!!!
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/ D/ N3 B; Q) |4 s$ g; ]. vFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
; Y, D: J+ T! Y( k              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* Q8 O0 r9 m) ~              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
) q' T; T( {7 q' s9 z4 ^, P2 P              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
4 S& h* U  g0 v, c( ?              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
: D  U8 X2 U# ]* P3 m4 V              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- Q  v$ O8 u5 `4 T: fFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
, l$ \( H8 L' z; I( a               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
( B/ n3 F: P1 n8 z9 j8 i" d' UBut........         
5 V: B% z  i2 q/ iIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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7 E: B* r; G! B$ M卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" e6 l4 u& S/ uSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" D/ a6 x7 r" ], dSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 F& ^( _3 S8 T- \9 C/ g0 YSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 |6 n! A  s% v* Q' @. CSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( V: G( h7 i; T0 ]+ fSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  S. ]8 ~5 y" C! M: C, x9 C================================================
9 B' ~8 J' I7 p! h* h7 m4 LHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

" f# t2 N* P9 _& M+ J) i7 _somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" f8 O4 j! s: R" q=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

) @  f$ e/ H) z) Q哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？