请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( H0 p3 q. L# J% ?/ d. OHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
6 V& h5 a+ Y) }Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
6 h, J$ j& t* k3 V              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# X" m& B: e1 [              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" g4 c) }3 r3 ]3 {$ M3 b8 j+ C              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
/ C  K! e! w% }+ y4 ]/ F/ i) Q9 pHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
) D" u) h' P: G, s4 l: y9 I# p& T             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
! U+ r5 J+ }* @& K; v9 |5 yNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
# q; U- L0 }% |& E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
) s5 X" z) Z" K9 VFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
" t1 g% a/ U# N" dBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

- _* X( {0 f  F" w; }+ \卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ s" m, K. u# _, @" a" T8 wSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
; H: b/ U) ~- k1 A8 K1 ^Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
) h1 Y& I: H1 p* P4 w' hSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
4 S4 |/ y2 @' S, C9 @$ n
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 l! p% D1 {- q/ `! y8 ISomehow I lost myself inside it again
/ {- ~1 I" l  G: ~" G% R. K
8 F8 g9 I0 a) M% f: `3 L2 e% g3 ^Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
. w' o- O2 y) R- ^2 mSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) D2 i8 N6 q( J! ]0 l5 ^3 C================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) @8 {7 W1 v* m! c. ?* x( U+ d! r/ b8 ~=====================================================================
. v+ T" ]4 G$ _. csomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
3 p( n+ K! W# T+ J/ {! v我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？