请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
# h. d% G0 q4 K, P' D1 FBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
, r2 t' D, a! I  o: H( s* a* x; v$ Z9 YHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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7 W# ?* _( G% q+ S
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
% o8 H" r0 y& j* D3 N              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
* r- Y+ m% ~% l& C! K8 |/ k              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
$ _; g! p! u) o/ O7 I! P) u( e              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! m- h4 J7 [! p1 x1 I5 W* O3 T; O8 O              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 c$ K' k' g, @7 K' S$ K: }& R             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
; v+ B, `. i$ Y; c- ]0 I2 LNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
( |4 N# l+ x! F* O4 j. {             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
1 X: y" [: a- y& ~( [6 N3 i. q3 T               I am 一个人de精彩
' Y7 l. O0 S, g6 X+ e7 E               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
  l, h9 M& a( e* p7 I" N$ O1 c+ A
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
; A) P$ t, z# S- r; }8 C! V, u+ TSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
: Y: s  E+ O8 \Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
1 `+ e: g5 V3 Y) p" p7 ISomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
5 ^4 b' J0 Z9 G0 h6 }* d2 o- z4 ~1 U
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! P; O" h" u$ P" J* P3 F! O5 D3 YSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 ^4 M  m' Z* W1 TSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
; d( ^5 G; E9 t0 x2 h6 GSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

9 o9 b% i) w- V5 t2 fsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ L! ^% T4 d3 h5 r7 N=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
/ x3 A9 c$ g: K我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？