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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
4 I6 y: ]1 c6 K# t5 t  rBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.- K9 F; w' w6 `+ h* V8 j
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem& F/ F$ C: g# Y& ^2 U; n* i
Thanks a lot!!!% y. X3 F, C; z! x' f! {! C6 }
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4 ~* Z! R9 j$ H. s: _/ [  W4 j

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! r; i! `* ]  b9 N8 kFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
3 _0 G  ]. ]+ M1 s) u              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 5 ?1 H* F+ U0 L- Z# B
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" P1 }3 l* D" ~+ g              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me . x" u* k7 V' K
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
+ F3 b) A3 S7 E# T' U5 ^4 _              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 6 C2 p1 F4 _+ K, I" w* V
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 }+ V+ H: x; N             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" x3 }% E6 r* |4 t             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness3 V  E* B1 p" Y) o
             somehow I lost myself inside again 4 x# I( N* j, n6 u7 Z
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
3 I4 ^  Q6 a) t             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  [5 M& ~: f3 r# ?: [5 e! Z6 gFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you....................................../ p: F' k1 V( N2 V% b' |
Basically, I almost finish this poem2 L, r8 U; r4 A; H2 l' I+ L2 j2 C; z
               I am 一个人de精彩4 s& R1 `- @2 w' X$ O
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
8 K- j* @' d% VBut........         
+ W$ u8 _$ G7 g* b1 w' S& fIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”0 l* Z5 u% w! g

: b- M4 @4 p6 ?* J( ^卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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$ x8 D/ X+ h' V9 s, h# @8 ?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
2 u  R4 }+ H0 P2 K& t- f0 q8 ySomehow I'd find something wrong with us + I  t" c0 ~# ~. T; g
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 5 t9 U  B1 ~' j
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   * K$ a* \* |* O; S' F
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
) o1 q$ }" u" mSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 6 W- i# @( @2 ]% N

4 K6 G# k: D; CSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; K1 L3 H! P- a
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
" p. e; y- P+ }9 c  cSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness; i# N2 V: T" D  o8 i3 M
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
1 K) P* ^* n; J" P4 Z1 }! l1 d3 h
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion- h9 m" B+ U$ I( l6 E2 c
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you5 Z% _; F+ U% f) E) E; r7 u
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself7 K# g  S! [2 M5 K. P
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday + O2 P" F; `/ ^1 u" K) {7 x4 h
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 _, ]4 {6 f3 g. t=====================================================================( S, V9 f7 h' Y, k
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
5 T5 {& G6 {* j# \我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 K! U, B+ E! P$ i5 Q2 V( x哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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