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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
5 g. B, g; C! z! w+ ?Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
$ t- ?; x5 n& }' Y( s. [  `) R) g; bHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
6 }! U# O( `" e8 u, WThanks a lot!!!
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8 U) H& B& F* q. g
  @/ l5 [) t7 |8 b7 v/ d

( q  e  W# `8 H8 c# u- y
3 u1 h6 `( I; P1 b6 s' ~4 f
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& u8 C- ?$ I1 [' j' q% b7 ]Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
& `, ^4 L7 I8 y& ]( y              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us " y" u2 v9 E( T' b3 R  N6 J
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ( d7 r5 a5 t9 w6 Z9 l, l" q
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
- r) v* p' Y" R5 O+ e              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ; J0 c% k& P" o  U
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ( K, e7 w6 R) s
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 E3 `7 _3 U- d' y4 P
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart $ m1 [+ J) ^! M" Z4 O- f5 b  a
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness6 Z& G! r; p$ K; u$ B; E# d- g; x
             somehow I lost myself inside again * M  r) E$ g8 u& s
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
( Z% H/ ]" x% f) N$ K; A+ C( Z) U             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- \; Y, c0 c; u- D" {Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
* E' r: S* q; \) ~2 E$ q  P0 X# NBasically, I almost finish this poem6 G6 D  X9 F$ S4 U4 V
               I am 一个人de精彩
6 r0 u; T! N& a. {* r3 z7 Q               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 T- ^- c3 x7 k& X" j$ L2 pBut........         
3 P4 k4 g; ]  o& J: j% rIronically? Isn't it?
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”* m' F' P; i! a# I1 k3 k5 I, i* m
* @5 V3 K0 A7 n+ z1 Z8 U
卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?/ i1 S2 P7 e3 ~* z) G: ?! y
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you + j# d' @9 P1 `3 l2 y
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 9 I: b& L2 B+ e  Q6 t3 T5 r
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world   M! F% I; f! u$ m* H# x
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
& e3 R) k; D/ Q. c5 a$ Q! w: GSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind % t! g# M6 r& e2 X
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 2 d9 ~* ~  t* D5 ]0 Q! i
# G1 A/ e# B) o& B% P% k6 }
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
0 F6 j, r- G. o8 GSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 |: g) c+ a* _8 m( O) tSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness6 \. W- q( S9 u, ?* e7 B# U
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
( q+ e0 }% h% m' N
1 x4 F$ }* ?6 HSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion+ U) t1 S  J! B! M. a) ?9 j9 g" t
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you* Z% D; \8 N5 _. v2 q# I4 L3 u3 W
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself% m6 M. Q! i2 M/ A! L
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 v& q8 B  [; S$ t
================================================
2 f3 D6 ?. T( K1 }, f+ \However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
( E. G2 W3 R3 j' H( [3 s0 S7 ]( C
/ d5 u9 h, n- S% ssomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 _3 j& L  u- q! g4 T% O=====================================================================
3 J. K5 {# ]2 P! a# A& \) j; _somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ) b/ f! F! \- ^. p# \) V" Y
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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