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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
8 P$ G* F; w! D8 H1 k1 l  VBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.# I8 |9 d/ W, t. W
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem  l1 K6 R0 o- |& [& j# V. b
Thanks a lot!!!
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; K* k% l4 q. R; I& pFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you / i8 H6 n" d1 S
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
! F" C9 u9 a+ e+ R( ^2 m* u3 f2 i              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
/ O) A* q, M) A  d6 \. Z3 \              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
1 N7 @* }8 R7 I' B( G) J7 ^              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
2 N  R! ~/ b( w              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness ( q2 Q0 F3 i( ~) A+ s
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' H$ S; s' n9 \6 l/ K; Q9 A             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 Q" J! J- T+ a! T, D2 |1 E             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness' ~% `4 c% Y$ u9 b+ n, E
             somehow I lost myself inside again & N( y6 o* h  ~2 ?- P5 @
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 9 R2 T# Q8 l1 y
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion" q$ W  d! `0 i3 L# C$ X! ]
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
, A: A: k) ?" ^" X* {. b$ IBasically, I almost finish this poem
% q4 g3 G- I8 e% d) e# a& a& k% p               I am 一个人de精彩. E8 v5 {# ]% {! _: _
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
: Q0 f$ X$ s5 {9 G% xBut........         1 @9 O) g. A7 f9 {
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
! n" o" `% w' e3 o0 lSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
! o" w! ^% z/ O+ e; p5 oSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
' R5 Y  g" z3 x7 R7 \* ?5 cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
# X( e7 ~: D6 \3 P+ j- q" bSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
% r! H* z1 @% WSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& Q7 S4 P' T7 w- W5 R: c6 L9 W7 m: L, b% G3 D! ?
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 C; I, G: G9 c4 s% I$ `Somehow I realized you were still in my heart " u# _- h. R8 u" X) a) L' ~
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 Y- G9 v$ b  p, b
Somehow I lost myself inside it again & Q$ J6 t! N) B( M# d& K" V

  ~7 `) s' U* r. {Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 A, v8 H7 a" n  k; d. M8 a8 XSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
; J9 W- ?/ ?! Y+ {0 ^5 i. @Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself; _9 J) v9 Q; d* l7 z
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ) ]% l2 m/ @6 S: x7 }- v! y8 p  V3 E
================================================
9 P& |: g. K7 F/ tHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ) d& H- S$ k! {% s3 Y5 r
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

6 p. v5 |/ {9 L; I哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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