埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5187|回复: 6

请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

[复制链接]
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
, `% Y/ @/ Y( }+ `0 `% R1 lBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.9 I3 S& a: m- X9 i* F
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
6 C9 X- w- P( i+ W' y( ?' I1 o  bThanks a lot!!!: p0 l3 b9 ^2 P( G+ i9 }
1 u: _! e5 ]+ D& A/ k+ u# ~0 A& x

9 e$ ?9 e# j, `
- U1 b$ r/ D" [; ?( f2 i+ h- l
' Z2 b- K  _) p3 @' C- g
; t6 D3 \! f. r0 y) O# ]1 [4 j& X6 ^+ _* _6 X9 {
9 e1 C) {: t. D* g7 W4 v
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
& R) L2 U2 I) Y1 T# |" z- q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ! Y; @" N! \' h  j
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world : F4 j- h' a5 f$ E+ Z( D
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 0 G5 M  ]" r: H; l3 a9 V
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
+ Z2 _' h7 o" N6 F& S              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
$ \8 A( C. h8 qHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 k7 h0 `  U+ D# t  O* H             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 7 H$ i* e5 r! e5 p
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# j, W2 C: |, i* z: w( x. M             somehow I lost myself inside again % h9 v7 ^" i' V( ?9 a2 \4 {
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog   |* x9 t! x$ ^2 E. k
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion! T% w$ g! k0 \8 x) q/ Q9 b& g
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
1 j5 f! Q& [5 b8 b# h. lBasically, I almost finish this poem7 j/ B- ^0 e" [" i2 P
               I am 一个人de精彩5 r/ b9 P/ K6 Q7 ^/ ^* y: V$ k
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.8 D1 u, l0 a: l: F
But........         $ Z+ e% K; B* S% I' V
Ironically? Isn't it?
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
7 z( u0 U0 @. G$ c) U
. a5 f1 [  j: V( ~- q- G2 o卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
- C/ g2 V0 G) P" N+ m6 n, _8 P2 i; W/ i! S' l2 t! ]8 g8 h7 A
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
+ V/ k0 H5 X8 `& ^( lSomehow I'd find something wrong with us " p3 [9 S4 j2 l. d5 L, X
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ w* Z$ e: s' l* V1 K! gSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   ( x& d2 t, j" w9 h5 Q+ u* W: t
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
- C: E) R. F) Y  d* oSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 2 k& A  `' D/ W
% x" S2 Q; |8 Z
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday & C0 v7 t9 n2 X9 l1 `
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 M; E1 `9 \; y2 {& A, {Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 O7 X+ W3 X! _9 T4 f1 g* s" cSomehow I lost myself inside it again . d6 u2 n8 ^0 S8 |% A& W

' z$ ]2 C/ N- g( n" m" h5 |Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion3 M2 _1 @# {: B: a0 q
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you7 ^& L1 i3 r0 U$ ]) x
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself" Z9 W3 O7 C% e# E& z
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ; T# p6 u" ?. n# @. T, x/ S4 i( m) s
================================================% t" h5 |* A, C8 [- ~/ g
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
% b5 Z4 ?; C2 d; p  P7 E: H  X% ]; u9 c4 C) K- q# N# Q
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: i6 z$ d+ k9 E! {1 t=====================================================================$ W7 ]7 G- ^' H7 }2 u- x
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
! f. f- d9 i. M% }/ H我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
5 k1 V& a8 @0 }, }7 c
哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2025-12-2 23:51 , Processed in 0.176590 second(s), 19 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表