请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
+ k+ a; w7 y7 ?" L% o! vBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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% p% X0 O! r' i2 ~3 zFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
* ?5 H7 y: D5 M" k# x2 ^/ u              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
& }5 {  L7 E: ?              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' i, ?& T2 u" Z  q+ x- nHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 g! p0 b5 Z- ?! ^; w7 v. ?- O             somehow I lost myself inside again
# t- Z0 n& H+ c$ LNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; ~2 E( F' x$ v/ Y( {Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
; Y. q8 H" [6 L/ L' [' T' x5 T1 P9 ^Basically, I almost finish this poem
: Q1 }% _. B% m8 Q. `  s5 L4 ?               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
3 T- ^0 @( {) |* @+ I0 L6 SBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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/ Y  }( k9 [. }( Q卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
- f+ a" I  M# y) \Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" R8 ^6 M: v6 oSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. H# Q/ n* n- ?  v( d) h- A) P
1 f8 k$ k- d1 b& S  _Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

; E/ A. ~& d' q0 [" NSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
6 S+ J0 p& U0 e2 M9 t6 }我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？