请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( R# W$ [! q0 yHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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& S; s3 d. U  m9 R% N

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
3 [& v  z9 q5 f( s$ Y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
. m5 R$ |7 n6 M& F8 \% c# |- E2 O5 H              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, @7 K! ~' x+ p+ c& K              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 h# j5 }- ]9 L" S7 J$ GNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# ~7 \. G3 z  B% p$ W; |' ], _9 hFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
7 a$ ^* Q* O  A, ]( VBasically, I almost finish this poem
7 }3 k7 [6 M! k5 ~1 E5 q/ N               I am 一个人de精彩
6 J0 p- V. O: l7 \8 }( B               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' q8 I9 t) M1 L* F; f, t7 v8 MBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

5 n; N; F! f- t2 B4 V* T$ }4 r# `卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
; d% d. S: u6 l$ `" s# O; lSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
* |2 C. \2 O# A- |# F3 [4 }3 NSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
( a2 O5 N# N2 R3 `Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
& Q) |7 }$ [/ Y9 D, g9 C; D0 SSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
* g( }5 N. }5 z& R$ ]Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
+ t* ], ^7 `) I+ S/ }7 ^
1 P; @3 ]) R- SSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! ?* k0 v. W- Q& L' BSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

) M. t+ t, R; ?: pSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
9 [$ r) K. X- O2 Y- uSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
5 s; X6 a0 [; q) Q9 B: r5 W. QSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' s3 C/ x8 \8 ]! j=====================================================================
; N  [; o% M* w9 t6 T6 G; O3 ?# k1 Tsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

/ l2 Y; B' c/ C1 g. Z+ @1 N& o4 V哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？