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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem- T' S5 p; B- [9 M& r  s
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
* @3 C2 Z. d9 X3 `" YHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
8 `2 z8 |( B- WThanks a lot!!!* B7 v- ~% }* h6 A$ r& c$ j0 Z

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you " J4 S  J) w" z' t* R2 W5 ~8 b
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ( G5 [' p) A8 H7 G* K* f! B# H; w
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ' P( e+ v' H. J
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 o' Z! h1 w" Q4 X0 `              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
# v2 p; `) ~, C3 b  V              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness + i  l6 m2 c1 C8 w
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 [( }+ L$ c& _: b* x             somehow I realized you were still in my heart , E: c' i" q7 l* Q/ l6 e
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness. J4 Y' l3 U; G4 I0 K* M6 V
             somehow I lost myself inside again
7 b# C' Q+ {2 Z6 S' r9 C+ SNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 7 F$ o' C) _5 M* w
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! |0 t' B6 s, s+ ?Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................* z* a. ~, E) L3 g. W4 ~1 ~; \
Basically, I almost finish this poem1 v1 G$ m# X  R( J, o
               I am 一个人de精彩6 ~+ X3 m$ R. F2 u5 I3 f
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything./ \2 _" Y* i6 ~+ o+ ^6 e
But........         2 m$ Q8 N0 i5 y2 I
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?% k% B- u3 y1 `
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 8 R4 Z. `6 g1 w! t3 i- v# c
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 9 c& p' q- q% J0 z0 s; N& y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world / z0 y7 h- H; N3 b& K1 ^  i5 V
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; o  N2 J, n5 ]8 u7 [6 Q: S. C/ XSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
$ l2 u" |) }. s4 oSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 3 L2 D) D5 E8 K+ h9 y2 n2 y  z7 d
5 s' p4 e% w& G: H5 @( i
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ x; T& J5 W8 QSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
' M8 O6 @3 V9 p) A9 Z7 DSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness$ w- u' _4 S7 I+ P  Y$ ~
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
  K% h; A# {+ h( q8 f5 }4 p$ ~% _+ K9 q" o+ X7 i5 q5 v8 N/ ?
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( W7 s2 E) l7 `2 d/ SSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
0 q8 |2 Q3 B6 a1 V1 g/ mSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
" A% F  x9 U# {Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  M$ k+ {# D; H=====================================================================
6 ?5 ]6 a3 e9 Y+ q6 V4 v/ \somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
+ K( \/ w) y0 J$ \我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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