请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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" `4 n- F5 ~, K7 A3 oFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
2 Q. A' j# j7 x0 r6 }              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 K6 e; \  L$ c4 s              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
( g0 ?" `9 c, L8 C5 {However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
- ~/ y  \/ e  w% TNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ C4 ~/ ~9 v8 E8 I  p             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' `% n) x7 K: j; _, pFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( O! F4 v& \. G, P, L# jBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
8 x5 a8 M- k' V+ l% FIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
) t1 H1 f* ~% I8 T' m# W& J  n( l7 o
+ {4 l! U( {+ e/ K0 O, P, {, s; f. i5 T卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
0 B0 {$ N* A/ {1 M0 j% B0 s# PSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
. S7 @' F. L, R0 R7 J- f! ~Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
" p* w. ~5 w. ~( V' @  ~7 [Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
' p# F% @% s8 p. b
' ^) W* L# p- VSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% E8 [# }9 x3 MSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* f4 P& k0 t# d  y2 u6 r. o  S  OSomehow I lost myself inside it again
2 L6 R- c6 F0 r
9 y) b1 T) n: t% f1 N! gSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
1 f/ G3 u  q! r2 H% fSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, S+ |; ?( l/ |4 t================================================
; b' a$ }7 u0 IHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
. p1 H9 a" h  p6 j5 c6 s6 @0 N
" I+ ]4 r" ~+ v6 {6 Zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
; L  b% S( g! qsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
" v" u' S2 e; Q; t* S1 m我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？