请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
8 K1 R- U: U4 Y+ p% ^, jBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
, w& r* c. N; V6 WThanks a lot!!!

( e% U( E$ K5 L, q4 ~% ?" O

' A" t" v0 U* `) K- V( q) |


" e4 ?  q: ^$ G7 E; Q
  d( V* ^: O4 zFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" g4 S. }# r' s% w. }% l8 n! X              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
& y2 K, V* G) {/ e7 S: K! B              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) A# Q3 y# _, i) p9 d3 y& v1 E7 ~# {5 [4 gHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 ^: n2 ]5 x1 B0 h' Z             somehow I lost myself inside again
  N: b6 \! ^# B' i) c  J) c  N: X/ s' ENow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
: Z& I8 g# y6 t2 C% z% k               I am 一个人de精彩
- _8 R4 A6 ?5 ?1 ~: U               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

& U. j# U' R3 U% E, e5 A7 ~$ Z0 B卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
- n9 p/ ?4 @- m: d( ^. y& @9 j5 v; OSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 K  G" a7 m9 N' G6 C: v9 ^Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

/ [* i! y) L7 }Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
; T. S( h5 |" D$ a) O" ]Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( d0 ?8 T+ f% PSomehow I lost myself inside it again
1 ~+ ^% E  s- w- {( M! \
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% a) E3 x/ E4 s1 k$ @Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* m9 n- i  a7 }3 y" g0 }================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
& s% {. u1 \* q* j
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
4 S- z$ O! R8 U7 d$ _0 X' L9 psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
/ X& x- C( Z9 B, u( g3 a3 T9 b我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？