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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem9 T7 o! y4 r2 }5 E- u9 b1 g, ?
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
0 b. `3 t: I( i  p0 U$ u7 cHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem, E- J' k& R+ l: C, o9 H! o" W
Thanks a lot!!!) ~7 l- }* n( q# h  `

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; V7 C( ~% W2 r9 l7 |/ T( e. p3 p; u* }2 W
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 T, B0 e9 ]5 k$ t, @- ^              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 {1 x* I% R% d  |- ^7 j              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 4 M5 ~% G3 z7 |  Y
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me : l9 l, P& K0 r, P
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind * M3 R% n* h! Z" k6 G, b$ V
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
$ r$ n2 G- N1 W  C' c( RHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- `, i! U) Z' W- h4 z: f* k             somehow I realized you were still in my heart / ]5 P, a# h. P
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness' \, W) J: w3 A- _9 @+ u
             somehow I lost myself inside again
  |  q5 Z# @' y. ~  H. d* |Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
$ P1 Y! ^- ~$ l' R' F             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion5 F; J2 }$ W, P6 Y) S
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................8 n8 Y0 M& O! {+ ^! r' }2 N! C  J
Basically, I almost finish this poem
: p7 w/ n6 f+ G  A3 d9 B1 i, t               I am 一个人de精彩
3 L: Q% v' F5 L* V3 _               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
/ g! t$ V& k' z0 ~/ G! cBut........         & G$ n  j5 y1 w/ U, U( ?- w
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”9 u2 X) P, X' v% p

& C0 N6 D. i- g( D卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you / n, N) e- H4 N0 [/ B3 x
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
& G1 O+ T8 d5 Q  E% W- fSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ ?5 C7 I% M+ X4 [6 U4 `6 ~Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% q, r9 u& ?& g& |( TSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind , i/ s1 {# r, ]
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* k" [, O& N  g" y- ?" B6 z
2 |; M0 i! ~7 K/ ~, a5 V! T9 L3 YSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 ?% Z6 p; m0 X# Z. H
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart ) d, T& s, Y$ G
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness5 V8 O5 [! y' @! D
Somehow I lost myself inside it again % |" [2 R+ K! d* M

0 h  ]* r  E/ S" O/ oSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion3 [- B' Q! c2 I5 P
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you& f3 V( Q8 A* m( f$ D
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
# O+ b5 {: A$ K2 Q9 v7 a# GSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday # a% @' v" w4 u* `  n+ @
================================================
  T- F. H& O/ V3 b( W3 ?) gHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday # b8 `4 r. T% L4 Y* C* N+ ]( y6 |
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ! ~( C+ Y7 O9 a0 m! {+ D4 s/ }* c$ @
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
大型搬家
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