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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
0 R% M0 _! ?5 A; }  t& sBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
& P  O0 R7 V1 O8 v+ L7 ^However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
" t  h, T1 @5 F6 a" i8 uThanks a lot!!!
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- q8 R& r( w/ d1 t4 r6 e& mFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you 6 w. T/ Y8 Z* d# \" H8 P' {% D
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us - v5 ^' L1 V3 o1 N
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ! Z( p* `# r  V. D* F
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me + _' D, w2 f5 E0 _3 o# I
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind * H/ F% O: [- O+ P/ s% \+ @
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
1 W2 G/ m4 Z; M1 ]* |However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 X+ Z% B2 d9 R5 H             somehow I realized you were still in my heart 4 ~. x( ^* S7 c$ S" U  c1 V4 w
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 x$ O" f+ C9 ]& y1 y" w             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 |8 x3 J6 ^/ YNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog ; P0 M- i) q7 N+ K9 L" _( n. g
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: y' c2 v. J2 yFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
9 S( E2 Z7 v' a& S9 ^' vBasically, I almost finish this poem
% c6 a9 [! i7 [7 ~1 f8 U               I am 一个人de精彩0 f* A. K1 o7 z+ e
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
: ?6 X( [, s  U( wBut........         2 l5 B) ~- m  n! K! V
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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  X/ m% l) w, Z5 l卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?. \0 m1 A, {6 {9 V+ s
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
! v- W/ ~* n6 i3 a+ d. D, k) nSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 W$ Y- `/ N0 K, U9 ZSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
; C2 N" Z7 \( M  wSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   " \5 [( o* a/ X4 r* C( y9 L, J7 A
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
) G+ V! ^+ X& y9 _6 I; OSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
( G, i; h( P% `. ]% E3 A
3 G8 r9 k3 r. B: `2 L" b* ?Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& h4 z6 ?8 R! dSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
1 M2 V9 Q7 c7 Y7 q& D# aSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 M. q/ ?" n, t* E3 d
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- H& d! {1 K  I" Z' `/ S8 _: J3 C+ i3 [+ W0 @$ O) p# k
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 f% q$ y7 d1 r. p; zSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
. n) W, _4 ]$ p# W; NSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself$ e2 k. q% [2 _+ Q3 V: K5 F4 K) N
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 3 u& |# w8 _; z. b+ e
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5 M% `* j* z; W' S9 E4 xHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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+ L, r; O) h# Q& M/ Q4 Tsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness# ~+ t. B( K  {$ ~: G! A0 O
=====================================================================6 }% ?3 ]- |8 z6 I; }: h# N3 A
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 " y( ~) M. X1 w6 B' k0 s
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

/ t- {! D9 f, R2 b3 o哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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