请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
; s; h5 x3 W* R/ MBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
# _; |4 o) l2 J7 FThanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
5 |! H  R3 |3 W: s. J( I2 i/ O* ~              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
2 [3 V/ Q8 A* w& l              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 |# e$ `; O: }7 x5 o              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
2 `& a1 d" T% M8 ^( Y* Q9 d$ RHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! Z8 l3 Y4 }: z0 G! h6 [  e/ }             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
3 d) {$ @- ?: P8 d  m5 ^2 DNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
+ Y; r) n4 {1 J) L" Q$ B: gSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
/ {( O( J3 _9 M' S3 O0 Y! ~* W# _Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
; H, a( R" I& j5 w( x8 D# O, nSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
+ n5 t; C* e# R; A0 hSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

/ p% `2 O& i, i0 xSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
0 w3 G8 B, F" F& e0 V0 ]. e% PSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
) U$ X2 M: ]; |: YSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' @2 u- h+ A5 d& e( ]* P; Q. `0 NSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# }5 b' t  {9 m7 c: w: eSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" Q# v' o7 s4 t4 w, n2 c=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
! B9 F( ?1 c; M! v: S" W; {我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

% P, Z/ z- u4 z0 ~哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？