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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem' `0 l' m; k$ M) K% ?
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.4 G5 F# W6 M, l/ z
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
4 x7 y  t. e! Z8 a% P8 tThanks a lot!!!8 \/ ?  I# m2 ?0 w
  o% |0 d0 i/ t$ p: ^0 x

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$ y1 e, [. z  M- C% [# L7 b' h  |3 {" l# X7 }$ t
" `& {* O, ]+ V  ?* v

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% s6 p6 ?( w- |# ~+ A( m2 @3 wFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
/ h. r: V) }' k8 y+ ^, q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ; p6 e1 V, G6 I# q3 ~( I3 O
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" }# T% c( K( s4 R4 q              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
) p' C. x. ~5 k! n8 A3 ]; b              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
: O  ~; j+ n8 d6 g/ B7 N) U2 [2 h1 k              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 6 w. V' r% X2 u. Z
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' L! u& ]& ~) K' ~* J9 t             somehow I realized you were still in my heart . u( i# H: b7 i, T5 W7 l7 \# a: w% X
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness1 q) t8 X' q0 r" D. I. G
             somehow I lost myself inside again
6 \: A* d4 U# N9 @* A. W: [# sNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog % D/ c. L- ?+ K
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# p! O& E- ^& ~Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
4 k  r! c+ G( OBasically, I almost finish this poem
6 \2 |) m" R: S# M% M( p1 \               I am 一个人de精彩4 I. b! Y$ P$ |5 Z# z6 F; \2 Z& E  C
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
/ h" ], d' [5 `But........         ( A6 _& C8 X% [9 r  W7 a4 r+ i
Ironically? Isn't it?
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”5 |, D' ]( i, y) j0 e

- Q9 z, R0 J- J1 J0 I: u+ R$ Z卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you * _. B* F2 F# L$ C+ [, P
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us 9 @7 h# ~2 ~( j& }6 R$ K
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
+ [( J) h5 c! n( NSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   8 r2 d5 ?6 P: N$ `, ]5 j
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind . s* ~( f$ {. o( n
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
9 m6 {# [' G/ g9 ^  _  X$ O3 E! D. P: K0 U; O
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, w: I  k$ V4 j  VSomehow I realized you were still in my heart ) ~  S( d% u2 j3 Y6 f# z
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness0 w& U3 I8 T+ e0 ^# h2 ]% f( u
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
# U7 ^3 t/ F1 V+ u3 ?4 O' A, {) G6 ~4 b. |6 a
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion2 \& \# ]+ D& |# T, E+ L
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you2 Z+ B5 r. E6 U0 ~2 P8 ~3 S
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself9 X: F- x/ V5 a; H* l1 Q
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ H( C  E/ D* k7 \9 u1 Z4 v" B- b================================================
2 a6 }$ ~. i# I; y; C0 ~However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday 4 N& R. q& a9 H" {8 q. f
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness: c6 ?4 u7 f4 D3 ]* q2 d) l
=====================================================================
* o+ Y- B7 q( Z! T0 K! usomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 * F: B  u+ G7 T
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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