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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem# X6 q; D. V2 ?# a8 Z; `/ D+ z
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
" w' s. l, H% j. B9 hHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
  z/ j2 m! r. I+ ?Thanks a lot!!!
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; ^! ^3 N/ z" ^Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) V: {' p% T6 Z9 _3 t9 X              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us   m% E/ O4 m8 r, m6 `; i
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world ! X& j/ E  q; q1 U! Z
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 3 Z! x$ [5 h% L8 [3 U
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind : k" g& K! s9 V5 Z+ F* ^
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness * G* {* o4 Y% O5 I' g' Y' ~
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 9 v) X  A1 Y5 X3 l; K7 z! M$ g
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart + @3 {; ?5 R/ Z# X7 f3 |, ~
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, L) P" w" y2 O+ w3 P; D             somehow I lost myself inside again 5 d3 F) N4 M" E
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog . ?% _* W  {8 L" U( v- H# o
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 I; H' f7 m0 y: U& U- D8 LFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................1 j- p. k; ^, S8 c2 N2 ^' h
Basically, I almost finish this poem
. R2 F; K9 }% D' W5 D6 r% y7 a) g               I am 一个人de精彩
6 ]0 t# D. b0 e+ |( f& X               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
( t" ]- L3 ^; R& w9 S. jBut........         
" s* H3 h- w! x2 e- q) {$ J7 DIronically? Isn't it?
大型搬家
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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7 s" \2 j/ w" _2 x# k1 o- n卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you & @+ q% s, t2 m# k7 p; }+ J3 J( ^
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
; ], r4 z& ?, t6 U: ~Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world 8 J' n" ]( s, B! c. o1 |/ K* {8 w. f
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
9 D+ g5 H7 O/ m9 aSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
/ v# f6 G: {' h- w+ ?- ?Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
1 {0 t7 j2 a" v" V! @/ b3 \: y! G* ?7 Q% ~3 d6 G
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday , P7 a! _+ E9 c8 z! T* a
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, [7 [/ C1 ^" _; C4 y' Y5 TSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: r& D4 r  N" F1 Y4 }( x, z/ o- {Somehow I lost myself inside it again 4 V( Z% p) H( C% W5 ]: }
' m4 b& y# E, H8 O: y8 Y: G* ]
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* z* V9 k+ S1 T3 D3 k4 }8 H9 w, SSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
1 d: C) b/ z% H3 ?( RSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
, F0 c$ ^4 h7 Y$ t2 xSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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" U5 t) ^8 G8 {$ |4 Bsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness! F& Z- x8 H, Q9 [8 l& b
=====================================================================
9 C5 t: n2 j: T% Nsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
/ [) L8 l8 S2 m4 V  q我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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