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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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4 o0 E% J' W% K0 }3 W: p. ]9 e; g *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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* s( b0 c% e0 @, ] A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
) r5 ]$ e- m! J3 e/ |The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
, T1 ?; ]4 g: }* M5 x6 _- r( Q there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.% ^7 p# ]8 J5 X# T5 B; {8 J/ k
Before she says a word, Bob says,4 h1 c  C& J# l+ q. j4 [. ^
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
( u* ]$ q) P  {6 Q  iAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
' V' U9 N* u5 s; O& h* DAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ! `+ K$ c; M- _  b, a
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. * B% x$ U6 U/ u% x
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
! D8 y6 M" f- P% C3 x "Who was that?"
' O4 D. c: c% Q  R' m! D2 T: m4 R"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. + U0 K# u. d# h
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?": o, ~( m7 U3 x" x
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your; E  t6 Z; _3 k/ d/ O. v2 T
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
, t( g! q; o* k! L: G- Z A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
: S5 \3 h3 |! H0 h, KThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
. s+ q$ o3 @( ~2 \6 w8 J0 z/ OThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".; W. J+ K/ a& i% }# |
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." " ?  f$ f+ e& P" ?) ^6 [. p
Poof! She's gone. ; B* ~: N1 L0 P+ ~; Q7 i. g
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
5 S. \2 D, Y. a8 P "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." / `6 C( b6 J1 R' I* U# t) H
Poof! He's gone. * P5 R: R+ A, C% d
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
" p' \+ T6 Y* q/ C- YThe manager says,
6 U3 O! X8 J% s# M, J3 ?5 B! S6 b "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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" _7 l5 z( B$ i( Z" F0 M5 W Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 . V3 w% v5 b, U+ b8 y
*Lesson 25 }/ |# }) G# U- i% F' b2 a
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.9 n. s2 H' K) L  P5 D
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
$ n% V/ R/ W  W% _- v; S" ?The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

& Y3 P; p1 U( g- k# t% n/ QIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*% V, q" H& n' g& _" z2 o, F- t- Y
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 4 j, r% z) T$ v8 w
The priest nearly had an accident. * f* q7 w: _6 W/ Z
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
) W4 A) ^8 y6 M! P) ?+ k% xThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
6 W5 U* Y+ c( m; I" G! OThe priest removed his hand.
* G4 f2 c0 A1 \5 {- DBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
+ d/ N5 Y4 Q3 o8 _. ^4 ?  J: P  mThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" & X- q+ @2 f: [1 K) d  g
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."   e6 s; F" C; X/ F: C
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.+ ]7 v. j; r1 W) l0 U" W+ d
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
* D9 `' }$ q5 ]$ Y' a9 K It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
  c) E7 {' K# ]. A; {1 X! s A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
9 H0 d8 X/ F$ n) ?$ q4 | A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?") G1 t7 A; {4 f5 R! M$ B
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
+ G8 H# s: ?1 I, HSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.* t* l8 Z) `2 w
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
) n$ V4 }8 `6 Q* j1 n0 j Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
1 v  |/ @1 W" a& Q( L- p, \8 ~4 Z A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."2 i& u: z# `0 M& V; r
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 8 ~+ F0 q) W, @/ d; z
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
0 @1 N3 v5 G1 o$ C" f9 X& g+ }. K9 kThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.6 N1 _1 z- Y: I4 G+ H; ~) H
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.  C- |1 b% q% L
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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4 ^' y' C. Y: MMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
& G8 K4 I( f1 k4 e' x5 f: J5 m3 U A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.$ l0 I5 e- @8 R
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.4 z3 U' i* l& g, e" C' J
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
0 T; W& J6 A% ^8 ?7 c( F( rThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
. U( I$ J1 q0 i& F A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ; ^- V5 {" E7 V& R# q2 M
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.1 j0 s* ?1 b- J
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Moral of the story:
  X% B% a2 u8 L2 O4 V9 ~, s2 r) i1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy8 ~4 a( x, A& U; ]5 q/ R
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
, d, N$ T9 {. x7 J% u$ d" p 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the5 a. o4 d" y$ A; _
race again and it won again.6 D$ E) z, R+ p! T, l

5 ~5 w/ @) h  c. BThe local paper read:
+ k' Q* _# s$ ?( w" zPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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+ @( N  _. f! _+ `! [. VThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the: S* r- J& h3 ?0 U' }: K% i
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.. L1 n) p1 a7 N6 @8 w$ F( S5 D

9 Z* B0 n. X$ V1 C/ x, v1 }& }The next day, the local paper headline read:
7 |# N9 B: C6 m# ?/ O7 dBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
$ Q* r8 _# J1 l* b: b8 ~. O+ s# Pof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.* u" S  m) f6 f' L% g' p1 i
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
* r) z; ]' r. `6 oNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.% c$ ]3 m4 N, M
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
+ O, {. V% Y" \! _8 c; Eof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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- o' F4 T# n; @$ b( [The next day the paper read:
, z* a1 s$ v+ x* h8 {" `NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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9 x& b$ y* W- R! v2 S# UThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
8 A( c. o% S6 ~+ Rthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.+ ^1 @; f% d! ~& A; |8 y2 e+ V* a/ a

/ {7 w8 r; i( z6 AThe next day the headlines read:/ X3 S# Q6 f4 m) Q; f% J  }
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.$ e# p$ {* h, j8 w

3 w% q/ c% V* c; t) dThe bishop was buried the next day.
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# n7 T. I  l' y# GThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion& R" a# E2 r# l& n: o0 w
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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9 d- R9 c+ v  B/ @5 Z  I6 _! ISo be yourself and enjoy life...$ l) Z% s  H& s( z, y  [. P$ N- L& s
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
0 f% y9 h5 f! I7 O9 V1 M9 k And live longer!
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7 U) B0 v9 s& P# n9 t/ ]- l- dHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?". D$ Y) ^! p* Y* f
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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. Y; e+ l2 O6 ZWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ! S/ r! s. p) u2 T0 T2 ~
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ; v7 c+ T* @6 i8 |+ I- R
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. + E' N7 I7 Y, \

! Q- j/ H) v6 w: A/ H" g  NAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ! b: ^, q7 [1 Z" a% T

8 p' m! q! L/ w, l  iSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 7 K# v- P" Y' F- k* @( F* P
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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% s: g! n( v& D& YI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 7 p6 T* V# k( ?0 }

, X) R& C$ Z. FAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 $ |" O( t$ y/ L) b( `' h6 i/ C
Thanks for sharing.
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. o! s5 w8 ~8 E. @% Z. LI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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