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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence ; k: i) J& N& s& m" l0 B
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on 3 K- `7 N, i: c" ~, {
> > > >little TONY.
3 u f+ j$ Q. K3 ^3 n> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." , l3 R9 E$ W3 S
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your ' O+ ~& X6 {' B
>thinking." 8 Q% x) D, D* x7 T3 r
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
. I- Y$ T T6 P. Q> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
1 v5 \' E2 F b& B# W' B& a/ D/ A6 a> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice 5 r0 ?+ q' V- ^& p$ L
>cream.
4 T3 Y& o: r% a a* Y$ p1 s> > > >Which one is married?" $ {/ [( w: b8 R% P8 x" }2 d
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the ! C4 f4 d3 l' K/ |* m1 X
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." ; K- I6 Y2 V5 {9 g# B
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
' F! O3 _0 p4 q ~1 ?8 Z; n> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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% v" A" @& q2 _+ s! h. l2 ~> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. % q$ K; K8 W6 R2 ~2 w; o
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
1 }3 v3 K& D9 F5 m4 E> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY. f' l" v! p3 B. U% W6 E3 g" o
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad. 0 w6 L9 X( n% H, l3 X* ~+ L/ a, C
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
' z* Q: A" \" \6 n+ M( b1 `! B> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
6 {# _: e% l. J) [' V+ V1 s2 O> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH 1 W) L0 l T# l5 ]9 j
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are - m& a; x' c. p! M9 t+ h: z
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an & B) b* @% s8 f3 ^; a7 p$ Z: g6 E
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
1 K6 c6 q' i- h7 W, w, T9 p> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
, c9 i# m/ G9 {> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful." # x% Y0 F6 _# x) t% f% l. \7 Q5 Q
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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) e8 g# \' N" m2 B> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR + [& R$ \" f' k' l; s1 j
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; Y) { |1 T4 e* f$ T; D9 X> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
: L5 S! w2 ?' S, p) F> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a 8 M0 a) g! ?' g, u
> > > >piss!!"
' ^3 b* V! z. W% j( }, ] ?- }+ `> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
5 C% C! f/ m$ t: B+ W7 y> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. 7 L" B; \" r" O! W( |& K7 c
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
& H3 a' S2 c* b9 ^: d; D9 O) i! c> > > >allow " W5 T6 q; Q" z o! M! d3 F% l+ q( a. ~
> > > >you to go." % `6 c: W6 }0 Q$ P2 c7 Q: o5 J& W
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but 4 l4 ?: g8 C/ r+ H8 }3 Q* z3 q
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" 9 y( q/ [( Q7 a
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& L4 }" ?- E3 g1 g> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR : `% \! O- P# Q+ z( |: H, E
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0 d0 Z0 [$ S q. T4 y> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
' I0 Q) i. _1 f> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
; O+ s$ l$ u5 `1 c. C6 L# T> > > >same sentence twice.
7 _0 q9 z) P2 ?$ J( y> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
1 {; n! D* S- ^) l3 b> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." : \% _& k/ y; i0 S9 P. ~ _. [
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
, u0 x* r# ~" Y9 V7 d& F> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
9 k8 z) C2 Z( m4 B5 E% X> > > >beautifully." 5 v `6 M2 b6 Z3 `: s1 t
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly * s) C) t# j) ^
> > > >called on little TONY.
. k& q$ m- A4 C6 t! C" N5 o> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she . a# `/ A. \5 N! j
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!" - _6 m8 t7 Y$ z8 x1 i$ k
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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: j9 N* ` z0 C4 z4 `! x> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar 9 [7 ]- M! \0 v/ {" U3 m$ a# I
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him 3 X+ o3 ~$ r B- d- p+ e. x4 p
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
) v4 p+ Y' T: \0 X> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
5 m. [: y3 n- x$ M% Q> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
7 C" k2 R* D% u8 c1 f& p> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
( g+ s e1 q; B5 N" j> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business |
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发表于 2008-5-9 19:16
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