Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
- K! e& J! ~2 R> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
6 G3 @" x! z2 ]> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
( X% B  y( A. z9 d2 C' R+ b; }1 F4 _>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
4 C, i( c. C: q) y. `' N! [7 Q> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
, S9 Y$ A, u% ^7 }3 }1 o% U> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
: L. w  S9 c# T" A  z4 d> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
; Y0 Z2 |+ ]  ?> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
, {! r7 a+ R( d% v3 X> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
; g8 z6 B5 Z5 C+ W$ j> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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/ E$ ?. G! l  f4 Z0 I, W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
. L( C. U6 O4 f' Q3 X> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
4 n: o8 Y% B1 M- B: `, o- h( t5 i> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
0 o2 d, J; c; o> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
7 [" D4 b, ^9 i' T0 Y> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
) l* t6 t! r4 s6 e9 ^+ [> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
' U1 L) c. J# ?1 G* @4 K> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
& `4 X# J% @( ]1 K> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
5 Y1 r+ j0 K" k+ O% b- E* @, l> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
: |0 e: ]1 c" j' }5 {/ c/ ^> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
/ I3 y- P5 k# X# i3 p& }> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
: E/ W0 J* w: Z; A( ?7 ]3 E) x> > > >allow
; F$ {, j* F& p, t4 v  @, J> > > >you to go."
5 }& {0 z" k0 m& s> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
$ h/ q/ s# Q8 F5 [) k1 x> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
" `; H, ^4 ~$ Z( W> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
) H5 ~1 B$ m' N$ C> > > >called on little TONY.
  s& W1 F- u/ B) g( C! ?' K; E> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
' U/ V& \* J  M2 f8 i6 b> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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8 I& c3 @8 m( I9 {8 _1 J> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
; L: Z$ l2 @' s1 I$ T1 Y' l7 j, \> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
/ h! R& k" R! ^> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
; P( R& e- m; c> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business