Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
! L2 }- \0 j& i> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
4 \. f/ d, e1 P0 I; a> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
1 c* z' _3 g/ X> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
7 x8 x6 v- x& H/ t7 z>cream.
* n% L5 p! |; z4 R> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
6 r( [% x$ M" b; Q2 j& H# v% c> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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' Z5 h& ]* L6 N> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
( z# o7 w3 @% F9 [7 n> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
6 `& B% H- C. d% L> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
9 J- O2 O9 ?# H! g> > > >"That's what I said!"
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! x; M. T5 w/ m( W' j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
$ w, ?' Z4 T0 ~9 i> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
4 \4 S: E2 s2 I& B( q> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
7 |7 r, B% n) r9 e> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
! i: j- L9 Q( F( I- y> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
  O- {1 s; ^6 b5 a( A, Q: N7 s> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
- [: ?) Z0 M1 i( f5 I/ J/ x> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
& ^1 J& [- D7 R- K! U> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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. d/ S5 D) X3 I1 i> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
4 P1 H3 V; ]: p) D; K8 n6 h" f> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
: u$ ?8 ?8 m9 h$ r" |8 U2 w" _& i> > > >same sentence twice.
' Y2 P# U9 h9 ^1 [) w) N> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
" f" i, r6 M$ G8 p> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
2 ^2 E$ O& G9 d. [# h! B* H> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
4 f/ D" N, U$ m5 R+ n9 S> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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. s0 `! W3 o6 E0 R9 Q5 M% V> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
$ P3 G* h+ M/ ^. w3 J: A> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
7 {7 k8 `) S0 }8 \6 i> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business