Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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) M% ^  \6 V  v% |' s& V> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
9 x; p% k" }* W' |9 b6 s- h& Q> > > >little TONY.
6 `4 ?. b$ j. i5 H2 K, x> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
9 v+ q' ^6 I9 m, c2 P> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
3 m9 N; a8 I& h+ j* ~" b9 s> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
( @1 ]; ~- [+ r: {4 H> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
. G+ r# J7 _1 k( h> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
" O4 ]. S1 G2 G1 o8 }: }/ b7 B7 T( U> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
9 y: r7 C. H$ e2 `9 q> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
7 \% j2 V- u+ o' S) N; c! B> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
8 w+ G; T3 L: Y' {8 r+ B> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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- L! S* B1 V7 o8 d/ w+ w0 R> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
- ^: D8 m/ G% L) v0 n9 c. B: n> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
9 O2 q4 i9 r/ J7 j- d> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
0 [. D) E4 z7 ]- Q. z, b> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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6 g) X8 |. m, U0 i* a> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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7 x9 ]& ~9 l4 L0 u$ a2 d> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
- `7 I3 A$ V' X> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' z9 D6 X! P, Q( |/ n. F> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
* G) |$ H6 O; P: u8 ?' W> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
7 K" R7 z1 U1 S. J: ]6 {/ e> > > >
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' Q( Z% R) H2 J8 A) c# Z7 c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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& @; l' P4 k  k+ u3 C. N> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
/ S6 u" B% P' h8 ~> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
, ]8 {; {1 x% c8 U- J> > > >same sentence twice.
* Y9 I4 ]* t6 t! Z% b> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
2 c7 V: a+ T. M7 r: K9 o4 c; {> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
5 K& n4 t# Q; j) g> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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# c- C5 G! F- b1 t; g; u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
0 b$ h+ }9 ?( l> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
' [9 X' W% t& `> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
& y% r& z1 r" H5 V! w> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
8 \9 `8 S* S2 h" Z2 d$ W. u> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
1 E3 s2 O% F8 w. |- k. W  g6 i9 T> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business