Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
" b' _4 d, o0 h2 S> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
( `" r: C' A. W> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
, `% [+ M* A/ }> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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5 F6 k/ |7 W  L2 q2 I" d6 w0 \7 o> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
: s/ a! A. }1 y  C1 u/ p8 H1 \  {' @4 h>cream.
4 r) m6 Q# N5 t) X; E) [> > > >Which one is married?"
8 B3 V% ?- h& M4 w, m4 z> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
6 T$ i1 R9 x$ [  }> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
' Y) t; J9 ^5 H% W+ i8 x, _  `> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
6 H/ i: D9 J; |$ }3 M+ p  d! }5 [> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
1 X: D) B2 h3 {: s5 d: K! ?! d> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
1 b0 w# P( E+ U  m: ?> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
2 Q2 r+ S# p8 m% V! Z" r> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
" I- @/ Y6 w7 _3 K7 S( u( R> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
  Z# h6 J; K5 o4 D& t> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
1 `1 {7 U2 _$ q7 [, l! c8 S> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
! t- Z3 W. t4 b1 m3 s9 j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
; B: l: o* h$ ]* ?+ R8 U1 X  R> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
) C" M; C7 a) @, z$ X+ U> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
( U7 E3 S- H2 A) S: I> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
9 H/ v: c2 I. m! J2 D> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
- R; T' ~( `* z# C# r; n$ }! V& T+ ]2 G> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
; y" k$ }8 W9 `> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
( ^8 g; r( @/ G/ e" O> > > >called on little TONY.
( f, D7 U. O7 a/ u/ n$ b1 \> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
% j& k7 a# L" J> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
$ x9 v4 m/ X0 N" [, y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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* K9 ]: N0 N8 f5 |. u> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
: a4 W8 e% G4 W& f> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
* ^9 ]* V4 H8 x8 y% R> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
" t: }9 G0 U6 w; R) J> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
) K; ?5 S3 n" c& E, e' f> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business