Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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0 r9 d: Y, V* [& a- f( f6 l4 C> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
6 D6 i& D: R3 t" L6 h> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
3 X* D- Y& `  y# G* X: l$ D> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
7 y7 s- T3 R  g5 ]' K% ^- }1 H: P" H> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
3 M3 _. V) L/ n; H8 D> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
+ f# M* i! R7 n8 ?3 u* H>cream.
5 o' _8 Q' Q3 G> > > >Which one is married?"
( a: b1 j% y9 M* Z> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
1 _' T( R7 M2 R. I6 i& G> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
# }6 |# U# ^+ k7 j> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
; Z! o) @+ S% ~% x' s> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
; c$ n5 A3 d' h# [) ]. f> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
( X3 {% m0 @* [* Y. M> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
9 O3 {+ r3 y5 i& C> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
2 h# q; j7 w: S5 B> > > >"That's what I said!"
* D8 Y( h( k4 l0 \  Q" b> > > >
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( G8 x9 T9 j+ m# Z4 d. _! q' S> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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5 R- ^) t4 A. s+ D> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
: E& C8 S, `6 {% U- \) ~  A9 ]0 E> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
  a5 k! A% @8 S% F1 H; p> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
4 T7 V; A) y- k6 U. @> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
) l& Q  u+ I( _( R% x; e  s> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
% _7 B4 y& t9 _( S> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
. x& U8 R, f2 O0 }; d3 M$ T> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
% Z- J6 @+ u1 q2 k) P> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
# O- j8 ]/ a5 o/ W0 e( ?8 C> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
% M( n* @- X9 g0 n  l' w1 |( V> > > >allow
* z$ i5 E% G  y/ J& g, p: I> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
; x! }% W/ z" @> > > >same sentence twice.
& S& z; g3 [$ O: ]) Z> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
* ?3 Q2 Q& O; N> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
7 S% `$ l9 _# P7 {> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
8 n; k3 j  G% O( {8 w4 p> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
0 K! ]# ]" o  q, a, u+ C; @> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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: s  G- Y  ]- e# e; u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
, \- p) ~% |, F* _, O6 ^> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
# L7 v% P% b4 a8 M> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
& f! j5 S* e% s) V0 ^# R> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business