办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
& |. \/ C+ p$ H2 k3 Q( T: I0 n2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
/ I' y0 _" p0 u' c# H: n7 t% N3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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6 X+ f  M+ v; X, j# L3 \Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

) ?& d8 X- A+ M6 \0 KBereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
9 k2 t5 J; m  R1 X) c7 F3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
: a# X: `, V, s8 R3 ^; a4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

" A0 o0 Y- |$ O( GBathroom Breaks:
& M7 L' a( X) r* J4 N9 M; b& z5 E$ V, m' Z1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
4 z5 I6 L* x! m/ ?3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
7 z5 t  z- y4 ]4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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/ {% B2 }/ M! t4 L' BLunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  o( k  q3 O$ w8 x% t2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.