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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:: z& ]3 Z4 }; o- g% G3 p
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
4 b# n( \; _2 e9 L# Q$ L$ OCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 ~+ V" ~! q" q7 l& a" j# NBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 1 B! g. p/ [$ i) A- |1 |9 V0 a
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. . r5 ^- X, W. V* `7 b# t1 |
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. , u5 U3 o5 e$ B; G% E

0 e* _1 L. ]2 p; YBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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, v, ]) R$ w8 b% i  p5 H& f% DSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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) R8 u$ p  Q; }5 i5 QSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. $ x1 [0 _4 I. S$ e; k- E

1 a+ w# I, ~8 d' h, ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. % s" E- f% T! X" l# L

0 O% }$ Q5 w- G6 qCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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$ {; W5 D. ]3 O! Y3 D  C. dWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. + m0 i: J' O% L4 w$ D5 ~* x0 k0 `( `' ?

) K  M( @/ T( y: DPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.- q6 w+ j2 v! @+ b

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0 `7 J8 x( v& G% v9 {If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% i. p+ q+ J+ @7 P6 U( }With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.8 k! {1 K9 w! O* h& z  y$ j/ M/ R
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
' s9 n0 C( [; C2 @+ @8 LBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 U6 v' \8 J$ J( w/ i3 b+ R, qBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.. x. x7 s1 q: H) q; W$ ]% a
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) |: H# Q& w7 u, i8 n" f/ ^What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? / A" o, S& U# P% ?* l1 ~
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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5 h) X6 X1 `, u& ]& {Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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/ B! c( {, A& W. M) M                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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