Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

4 W+ a0 s  M- P2 g# v% y6 M- xCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. e: _1 _3 p' Q1 K4 s- H( @: o1 jCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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- X7 K' ]1 i" ]+ k( FP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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- Z$ d6 I0 K: d7 I) V& O( j! M, xBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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/ V' l7 ]6 E2 X+ _6 _" hSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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' f9 ?  Z$ n$ @7 F% D  rSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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* P  l+ V9 C$ y' DYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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4 q6 Q5 C. n* L2 e) gIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* T) Z. }- V/ [' f; ^) y* O; f9 pBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! g8 `6 o5 S- n0 p  v! Z& a- F4 ?Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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- w/ |! P$ N  e3 r7 }: `4 d% S4 w% t                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
* I) f3 S- n& d                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵