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 New Stock Market Terms:
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5 a* w8 I" ]+ r* J* E6 ]CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 v/ R) ]4 d T! B: r) G1 _( i8 JCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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" g% D9 V. }, v$ rBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. : x. M U0 ?7 Q" ~5 W- Y
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 7 A6 J" X! Z6 n9 Y7 M% }# H
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ! H6 s- Y7 g$ T: H' `
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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; U% Q2 t d. M, o6 u1 LSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 2 z F6 |; |' @- ?* e) S
4 t) T% s6 G- e# a4 ] P( H4 t2 tSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.. f4 |$ O' t9 P+ v/ w
) c9 L! ~% z' u* d% d$ o( [STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 0 {+ ?+ c9 g ]3 O0 \
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. : p4 m, A9 e; w& m8 `
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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5 U! y. L$ h! x+ QYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 9 |) H3 J$ y- [+ \
J: P% O2 ]& IWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 3 f- v7 \- }8 [# w2 }' J
/ Q) l7 l6 @9 b, m9 F3 o3 U7 `1 xPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.- w' ^" r3 g6 T
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: \: Y* L8 K8 o2 H( m Q; UWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
1 q: ]8 M& R! Q0 \With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% _9 Z8 _- b* f4 H/ Z. P, h) IBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. . R% A: M7 v( i- a
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.8 l# R0 ]9 l* B# v& P$ g1 U
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0 s0 o# q) L' G0 A3 i K! g' G- eWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! |5 @; y( x7 }; d4 P A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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C4 S$ k- p& ?6 l1 d6 m" g9 uPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...
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1 o2 R2 M$ r x# ^ ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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