Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! K" x2 |' N9 K0 n0 r( M  OCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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# ^$ E3 D- y! L8 r4 q/ E. F  v& aBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
( c5 o7 P3 N* i. kBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

  c' N. M" _2 C* ~( K3 }3 w2 SVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

1 c: T: q4 z; d( T; D7 b+ uP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ K  I$ S! ?* K$ r! o$ `( Z! A  GSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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1 B5 K8 g" W# ~- S- O3 TFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

% G4 ~! z& Z. _5 j4 Y; SMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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4 u' ?  P1 s1 R% f+ ~# [WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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* o% D# a) q: G, ]% S1 M4 Z; XPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: Z+ q: K4 E+ |4 F' ?% l  Z) LWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
8 D: q, s2 @& |With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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4 |5 h* h; r8 C) fWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

' m$ u8 e4 }1 w1 n8 M                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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  Y; e% g, d; `/ x4 lPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵