Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

9 {% e3 ?5 `* i3 jBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
) g- u1 g+ G) I9 [1 |- a6 b! F- SBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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$ o) r, j* p0 D) AVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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0 t; _, L% p6 g0 \P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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/ w6 W5 r( ^" Y6 B' ^8 t0 mBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

6 c, P+ S1 \7 `3 {! @STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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' s1 p' ~% R. ~; g1 BSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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* j9 f0 C/ h7 h: W+ ICASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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8 ~/ s0 ]' \" F! {1 MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

+ j+ [( Q  |2 |3 v3 C+ p0 x% i* oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
5 b& N  q$ s/ |7 e8 s$ ~With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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( L) z2 d& P% ?  G. i7 f+ P) d- nWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

' T  e' V- s* B; {3 z0 o* f6 m$ M                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵