Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

/ z, E8 Z% V) O) i1 d' B& B- xCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

0 c5 P; x1 L. _) nP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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0 g4 ~5 f9 V- y& d# ~7 w7 [BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

1 X3 K% @# k6 e: k3 _. a1 U7 W+ N- `2 ^3 uSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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1 ~5 E; n8 Z3 B' J2 g. d" iSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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1 Z7 a3 ~; Y# t2 Z; S8 AMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

0 C, X4 h( i/ e, A4 z5 dCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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$ F* X1 ~6 T7 z& {( KYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

3 }1 K! @+ O# W8 nPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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, n. Q  b2 e. o( o7 c1 oIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

1 W5 K7 m; S2 Y* q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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/ q5 A+ N% m& @, Z% W6 A                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵