Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* h. ~) `3 L: Z6 N4 A) mCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
5 h/ s3 B& O* l; j7 vCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

4 `/ \8 m+ X9 ~7 IBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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7 A, j0 c: R6 fBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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' J* Y- Q6 p" v/ `& J, _7 \8 |; k' _STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

& s& {5 T& N  zSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

$ g# I# \; R& z7 ]7 `3 X% [( y' pMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

* `# a/ ~' }# f( zYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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5 h0 x6 }0 ]7 u$ x$ EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

3 k+ U5 K; }, Q; FPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
5 D7 R$ q. h5 K, OWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
, s5 x( i$ U, Z! u3 B3 GBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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3 k% C( \% o. p( M, c1 rWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

5 A' B/ o& w) r                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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2 T5 a3 `/ g; s- l8 x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵