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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:& R6 Q5 D" h3 Z+ `0 ~, `7 H; P# D
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 1 s: \2 M" h& S  W0 Y
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 2 Q9 W3 F4 x6 d0 L1 O+ v

, G1 _* X0 {2 D: R: Y* ?  M+ cBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. * p" q( l. Z* g
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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# V) n: B4 J/ I8 ?VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. & F+ L5 l' s. Z2 u  z) M
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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( M: C# o0 z' QBROKER -- What my broker has made me. , ?& E, _' u2 D! H

; J6 }5 p5 e9 x9 cSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ) H! X$ e+ q; |1 l

- `, f. k; R4 H! U" ^STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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- {" x/ n# n( a$ Y+ j; WSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. ( |  M; c" l# B  Z9 t, `) z
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 6 W, a& J  J; I' \/ B6 l1 V2 u

$ T, g* z3 \# m. H' h' x9 [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. $ W8 I$ l% [; Q" w

3 Z5 |& R+ H/ P! x$ h3 MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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3 |% T& H) u$ h) X( `WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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2 T6 _' s% a" QINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.. V9 ^  M9 ?% O
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.' y' L# U4 O6 j1 }3 H6 }' v
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.5 y+ {/ J( ~  r" ^1 F
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.. Y" g: j4 `& C8 C
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 d3 P8 ]$ Z$ d2 tBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.# J6 M2 Y6 {4 O5 \  M+ u

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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, A' H4 C3 _3 n% q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
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