埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 1188|回复: 1

Some finance humour

[复制链接]
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:1 W' ]# j6 n/ g' l" x, Y& y$ S
9 K! }4 f) G6 v% _9 c; P3 B
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, h4 O% u+ I) {( |# D2 L: dCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
" I( O  Q- }9 G: r
* q. p0 w3 O0 `0 J: e3 A/ @; ZBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. + G7 r0 r3 ^1 Y2 z" y( F
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 5 w3 p1 ~& g5 d: H% ~

0 l, T' I5 H& h1 v% n) PVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
- n: ]5 W% I! E
1 M% m; t1 ~& d$ j* aP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
* w  F+ [% N$ B! }
; D" k" f% R! {* |9 Y# Z, `BROKER -- What my broker has made me. 7 \3 u! F+ J0 {! d% L' Q; u% u
$ O$ E7 T- a4 k2 {; T7 x0 a  Z7 c
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 1 p+ C) b) n  v- o
: Z+ w" M) J) ]3 O; }* a" ]0 \
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
; X2 u( ^# k) y: U
% Z4 b* \. D+ u! O( n$ i. K0 ?STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 5 V. I) [- N. c
& {0 v% m3 B* K; j6 d, |7 {, q
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
3 h2 p$ R$ ~% h; S# d7 N: }# i/ G( g# m; K4 h% V
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
) e/ ~7 l% _9 _8 c4 i# t* u& |. Q, V, @4 y
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. - b) r* Y6 |+ A2 c+ E

: ?3 d% X# w' i3 B2 q) V. yYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 7 |% g% D# C$ _+ c, m

" E: K! Q7 J! \3 oWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.0 g$ K' I9 T0 F6 J  D" v7 k
6 O8 F6 T! ?( k& z; I: F5 n
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
- R- e1 W2 q5 c# C, V3 q# @6 G$ T) i! T9 T! \4 P: |" i
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
, l: |% j' \. [% g4 S0 K
% n1 C+ l7 l* Y0 E# `* J```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  + w( r$ U/ x( Z! R1 r" c& J& R
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.( w' `2 [- Y# j+ V/ a
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000." {% [7 ~) z* q8 v7 a) ~% Z
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.0 l9 j+ w: M2 F5 i4 @2 \
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ' e; V/ o3 h) i$ h2 \" L2 n
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
7 x- v! T3 ^+ z$ e7 D# b$ J 4 g5 a* Y6 F3 }+ g) K% T0 Q: A5 r
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
2 s3 W7 I' h, R. R, U& a" ?
% L. i" m7 e; G" HWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
; D9 c% b2 j, u0 n7 V' s! a. o
, L- ~8 o7 A& `! X4 v$ C                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
/ G$ [4 j( D4 T ' I5 @" ?( w) d' I, @8 B! Q# h8 N
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
) F; `% Y: s/ n5 {) aPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   " Y7 c* e# w3 Q/ D1 |' d
     
* z) x) @/ u: s) c                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-1-23 03:39 , Processed in 0.131510 second(s), 9 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表