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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:5 v0 o! V" y2 J3 ?: b

! O7 x* K0 E. w; S. J9 h( l1 n3 wCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! s4 o$ R& q3 W; MCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 2 E% Q) Z, O! H9 A6 D0 Q

) `6 i5 Z( l3 N2 nBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ! D! C( w) S6 R4 q7 u) W' W
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. & ]) X* G; ^# a

2 N+ Y8 i3 _$ p9 QVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. % D9 P. l* v6 P9 k5 {7 N

: g# k+ o4 B2 Q+ ]BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. % o7 D. g; f! r+ m

7 R8 M7 o: B$ A7 k0 gSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 3 V  S: `3 E& |6 }0 j5 k
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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& p1 L. C4 J8 I5 u" v8 ~4 [  `/ ^MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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8 _: a( C* E) K; \$ [$ ECASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 2 d* D& U  b8 E: r( T
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ) G  U# q6 T# }6 o1 Z! o6 B: P9 t
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.5 t* V4 w1 z# V7 _
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.6 q/ v; H5 d0 P, O$ K" u* F1 X

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. e  |% i( a9 ?6 d7 m+ |4 N# c3 qIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.( x* z, u: e2 [( g5 W
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.6 M* k6 g8 U* M) {# l; W0 m& L
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.7 h+ _' x. ?2 U, _0 u9 g
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 P8 G; D1 u: x' T- s; {( LBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.' j6 R: p0 O- H- C  G3 J
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% B+ _4 i' c: X% e8 uWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? : q2 F0 d8 x( c8 @* y+ k8 }
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes., L3 J8 \& ~  {

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: @( R9 R# U0 l3 q# i! oPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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