Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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3 |# ^; \  E3 u* L+ X# rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# J( a9 o# S/ o! GCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

. Z6 r# t3 [" u3 x3 N0 kP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

6 W8 z' H% K, G: u- sBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

! k# [$ f0 V9 U; `STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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" o- }; n2 B& C, `STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

! O) Z% T) O: r7 mSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

. t7 z+ j) i- ]" C3 xFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

: ]/ I& [- @, b% Y4 y: A# R+ ~YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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2 I2 K: K* Y+ B5 ~If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 U: r  w# `9 }) h3 Z( m, CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
( Z3 C/ T8 @% |# rBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
- p, c, I+ b/ {& p2 G3 x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵