Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
5 L6 l8 Q0 _' b: m  M$ |CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
" `6 z! q3 P' K+ w0 OBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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! |9 ~7 B5 R& x" V2 MVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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9 i' ~) E" ?* y$ r& f) JBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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/ K! v' d- [- ^9 ^STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

8 Z2 Z8 G- O3 s6 D  P  J% eSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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! x2 H3 K, }% w) zFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

4 P, V/ t/ ?. `# ]% sCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

) M  ~6 k* D1 |- M0 VWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

- ^1 z; x( Z/ E, HINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

  {2 b% [1 C5 T: IPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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0 b) M! T7 T$ U. |; FIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* `$ [8 M* h6 e1 ^3 ]+ G5 Z0 \With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
, R0 r4 F! t0 r; A! aWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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3 Q1 n1 i/ T3 OWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
6 P1 \" e; Q6 u) `6 ]" q                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵