Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 }" F. E+ T$ i8 ]7 tCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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5 ?, ^9 C; R7 @- `' I: UBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% I0 e( N6 M' a6 h/ z! H+ `& eBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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' @$ k) ^1 U% @7 o( ~VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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% I' H' \) x- |  r2 fSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

: g/ n. }9 |( D) n) \8 [, \STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 e. W$ L+ \2 {% I* j: J. B# q' {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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) o  U1 W6 e' w* K) k7 c# T) C: J: ^  cMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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/ S) \8 v* f8 A7 p9 WWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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; x4 F$ c. \# o+ v) YPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; ^4 M& y9 ^6 xWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
& h# l. u+ A8 q7 j) k/ S0 vBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 G: @: t5 u' R  X* IBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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" M( @. o8 }1 ?4 @1 LWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

, Q; H- {8 J( _2 p8 ?+ L$ B; L! I                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
: c" O  X4 _/ {6 Q0 E$ |                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵