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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. . }4 c8 @% c+ r+ z
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ; E% e" c/ Z1 `6 t3 m: d
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. # m6 i; v9 {- p. _" X5 \. Z7 C
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. " Y4 b) f( L( M5 d; C4 g
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 3 k; B0 Y' C0 M% R* D8 ^7 S) e$ H
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.( U9 A( l1 j& T/ _) a/ k2 K
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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, b, }" y* i( P8 p8 zFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ) E$ R, z8 w* Q$ U" L

+ [. |* R( r; a. v* hMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 7 O  x. }* M9 I( H! ^) T

) J9 l& M1 z( u; _4 R* w. l2 ]CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ( E' K- S4 a- }5 [, f& p

4 ?5 Y- m  T3 X5 P! b' {( C# R6 n) |' \: [WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ' i1 P1 ^. ^9 `
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.* }" ^' _' `* D5 s" c4 k
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.% x& S3 G0 A7 w; t" I
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left." S" |5 P% ?7 [: g: W' d% w" y
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. # x6 J* `- h* r( r
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.. s1 b5 Q, C$ ~. p1 E
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/ z3 z2 l) {  j+ k( l2 GWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? & L4 u/ P: S- _
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.% s7 T/ ~* j! _( O

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  X) o( p0 g. U# p: a0 Q4 jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   $ l8 b+ A9 R# t$ u6 B0 E
     
# ]) I5 C+ S6 x9 I1 m" S  M0 x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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