Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  o  z) i) L* s! h! T* l- k9 S5 ]0 |  cCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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0 V+ i$ i; [; M3 g! U4 ?BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 z8 A9 B) N# JBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

8 C4 q$ K$ \$ U4 }0 p+ LVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

1 y/ h2 i. |; @( Q. i/ f3 ]BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

* D/ E0 |, Q: d+ i2 RSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

9 g2 y( b. i3 ^5 bSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

' A- S" }) |2 q* N! w9 [STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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3 O9 I! k3 Q. w/ V6 @& p5 F" NPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ g1 l" Y9 p8 ?& W6 C3 S9 h& X2 ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ G5 T  b% h) c% c/ L, n7 n/ X$ UWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 U0 I- X; O4 CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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  H: r# U6 t. R6 U2 n) f9 ]                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵