Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
) T" c/ X. G% Y- ?$ D5 Z( E2 H6 o& _CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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. k% e1 P4 [5 MVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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1 t" X+ \3 [' ^- e: z. K- b+ YBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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/ T) u& I% v) L. kSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

3 `3 H0 Y1 l; T  m% DMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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' o& R, Z. c: T( b/ x  W/ J4 SIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ `1 D( |  ~- n0 c5 I0 N* QWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
* n7 e6 j$ _; q: {0 pWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

5 t! v( y8 E+ F3 D$ H- U                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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- K- ~" x/ F( M4 V' B& |Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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# s. |- V( ^0 s- I& ~% O- K% v                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵