 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
 New Stock Market Terms:
& S% d( a8 H- b% i& ]7 n7 E& Q1 ~
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
% [ h3 y4 f# s) `CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ( c, i# B1 |5 l" Q+ R7 N
( v3 W0 V" B- V V$ F0 U! ?BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: r/ b, s/ Z- P0 v. }BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. $ x1 x8 s: H# |3 W
7 f- n3 u+ y. \ x5 H5 z! RVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ! }8 N, H3 j( K- ~! m
; z7 `& n: @8 ~6 u/ s6 `7 ]P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ( e$ t/ ?! }' @0 G: ^5 M, B' z5 x; c
, N. Q, T* E* P$ [
BROKER -- What my broker has made me. 7 [! J5 f% t; Z3 F' K# X1 Y
9 Q1 U! ~6 R7 P9 K; K* ]3 M5 d2 fSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. " O1 c- o7 Q6 q
" P7 F! d4 l6 u/ _9 f& f
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.3 m+ z: o' g4 |6 h& r% ]+ x5 ^
; h/ s& K. S; q6 z
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 6 a$ u, \3 n+ \3 U/ l7 @
0 m$ [" ~* i3 D3 X9 w, {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 4 R7 x- U5 }" A* a! o( H" P
- j$ F1 H. ]+ ]$ C7 ]. _. ?
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
; _+ e5 q" |+ @" [+ N$ \
8 I: y2 @% V) E7 Y \/ yCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
$ H8 Q8 W$ R8 \" O+ I8 l; o p4 J
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
3 B2 U- @2 J. ]3 O& Q
% ?) a# g) a- h4 J& C: T4 wWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
- ^9 F7 K. A/ `9 @7 `, |" ~$ a6 b0 r: j+ f* ~4 R! k
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
5 {$ ?: b& c6 N- E2 y* {* Z
5 s$ w+ G: E$ a9 i! v" L& gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.. h+ l7 x5 Q1 ` x
, N) v; g5 o! D. U# ?% M
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ( U/ t+ J/ B( n
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.$ [8 L6 i7 Q8 c8 S7 `5 Z. w5 Q. u
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000./ A) k1 u9 V8 H- |/ z
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! a8 w& ?+ V) E" O5 `But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. * }# R+ G% |2 h1 s& o N
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
/ c8 i4 }4 u. B1 y @
4 ~& o8 Y4 \- A+ C9 t`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````. U1 b0 S6 u8 y3 y) }" S6 J
) T1 b& E9 X8 G! `9 k( N7 gWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? . }6 l7 W( D& z' G
~ o! z3 F8 ^( } A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
1 Z7 m2 z) ~. x7 F 1 u6 [ Q+ z, W! Q
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
6 _* Z9 |. [- I$ B- {: q& @Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...
|, T" |7 V3 {! K, K1 l( l& z- k 1 p- U. s9 p/ ^' K5 Q4 I
...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
|