Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

% X) I) Y/ K7 s- U2 l" H+ s+ zCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, n2 h2 M% w( b: pCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

; m1 Z1 }7 L$ o6 f; Y8 v% L# uBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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# U1 P3 s8 t1 N: K, MP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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9 W. a/ P2 Q  g3 W# P. QBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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0 a8 C  [) w; x  I4 q2 |5 \( w+ \2 nSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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/ E" G0 I' Z. s/ u+ H2 xFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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: ^& c1 D* s! j, b( c: w# tMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

4 ~9 R9 M! l/ V. mCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

' a; i4 `) z, C- HPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ s% P9 L7 `1 A- M; W, V* U4 PIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 e, H* r0 C7 r( K6 R$ w+ QWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: y, e1 W7 b/ {7 V# B/ D7 |But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! j: y" j( w$ q: f. n; U8 o% ]Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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* P  Z5 W1 U! s- L3 A                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵