Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

1 x. y# j( a1 U& z! I* s: eCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# G4 f0 [. a* zCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

/ ^: }, s3 D  j4 d8 E, M; B- lBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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2 c6 ?( u7 \" P' Z6 n( HSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

. w- |' c# e8 H3 ^STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 r4 ]; m6 D( A  F" m5 ?FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  U6 I& S" p0 e# V- E5 VMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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6 ^1 I+ |1 g2 |CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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! k# O& |: y) X6 ?$ M" _" C( hYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

8 ~/ u& o/ O; x! |! CINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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5 ]  s1 f$ i4 _; r  B2 VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* S: ]9 I5 |, c9 ^  KBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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; K! q+ T$ b! S1 L: y* n( X3 ]Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
' h" D# G7 w1 O; t                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵