Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

, Y. |8 u: R# `# m3 gBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

9 F+ Q! U" ?1 J1 j$ Z; }STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

6 G9 y$ N' r1 s+ RMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

/ J% N9 A* H6 M5 \( m8 LCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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, L  a: B7 i9 u# H% d6 a  F+ JINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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9 z5 b) f3 _  Z9 R) FIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 v- y8 ]$ |# VBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# H' F1 E" x; u4 Z6 WBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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! P/ ]6 O5 p  D2 aWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
5 F! B+ c  C' ~4 b                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵