Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

3 W0 H' N* ]) R1 z0 b$ [( C5 _CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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( `/ I4 R/ B" |) i5 rP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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: p, }4 V' w* }9 B% J9 fSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

/ m1 X/ a: }! @; L/ z3 ?. q  k" bSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

, i: z  w: ?1 _5 _; l/ v. ~; a% X; WCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

0 @; j6 n; i1 r4 E) X8 a/ g3 aWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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; T  Z& y# n: z( w6 |( ?PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
- A$ D( V/ |$ A# Y8 c9 ~( ?: D* ]But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 n* }- e9 D4 R- O4 \Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

2 q! Z8 t- Q* S                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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0 e& c7 R3 \' X8 U. s& TPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
/ |4 l% B& f( A" H% v- t! T+ `                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵