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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:8 ]$ T: G! M. W/ b" n

' t3 ^; V8 O: J$ i- z4 VCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. " L$ k- E1 ~+ i- Q+ h* V+ W
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 3 z2 E" W& V& o% s
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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, b! H5 Y) F  U2 D" uVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 6 S: K/ a; H7 u' V" l8 ^0 H

- v, s/ m, h3 e/ B# y; vP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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4 g# f/ W9 @! u. vBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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9 {/ V2 S# n7 G' g5 n7 p) r& lSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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! v+ j# p1 U8 D! C/ wSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.  ^# s% p/ k; F* C7 v
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ' n, T3 ]$ m  R9 h* m2 R, d
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 2 X# t3 I4 Q- `* B: ]: x

( X7 B2 D4 P* A$ gCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 3 R3 Z+ E; e& M) x8 G; k/ u
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.$ V; E' L4 o+ }1 Z9 G
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.1 k7 n3 n' d- c1 z: G" }4 q* H

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
) r( \3 N4 i6 i1 TWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ R/ x# M2 `+ I5 q) B0 b7 F8 mWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
  \# G: \  Q3 H( I: OBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.   y+ J' [# H& Q; ?  T6 w; [
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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% m+ ^2 i% u- m7 OWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   $ o0 i: u- k1 V
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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