Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! ~4 d" S: t$ T, ^CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
2 a! m& u0 T: W* hCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
& M' ^( Y/ i6 n# C
3 ?; ?* \& \5 \4 kBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

9 A) s6 l1 C! qBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
' d+ L0 e, j$ E; d& q- _
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

2 z. {, R. {6 c9 l' I- o7 aSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

  @) Y& _- \. ?! o# P/ K* OSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
0 U, H. j( Y; N1 x; e! @$ m$ f
% z% p3 S- E: o2 D2 n* nFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

$ B, L& e- n4 M8 l% gMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
. S0 {* G& Q- D; D& K! P( L& o
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

( B& k" V! |9 A7 x5 r% |* w# g( hYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
+ q. {8 S/ D6 M
% ~. [/ H7 ]5 g. L+ QWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
3 m& X0 q+ g/ `; B/ m9 m+ M
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
2 s" r3 {/ g. ]+ I
5 y) c# ]& Z3 Z# M7 n4 JPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

. t* x  q7 d) W! ~7 j```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
9 M- ]8 }8 n9 Y& IIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
) e+ l  }9 J# i8 H- r% ]With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 `* n& @, ^: e5 }) v1 CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
$ T6 ~3 G3 _! v. M. `' }5 `1 KBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
& P$ {0 I( W  R) t* o
1 j0 ~* Z) R) z, QWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
8 Q2 d. h3 U( W) j3 x5 m
8 L5 ]6 s- D$ ^" P/ y( c+ O+ [                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

1 U- S! {$ |  _& ?``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
: g% o$ x- I) P) ]. T/ B% yPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵