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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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$ m, C) X% o& f. KCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" w3 ~# h/ c2 H  F7 r% gCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ' c/ U8 P0 ^9 U7 I4 L
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ) k8 }# H2 ^$ Q# @) F
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. & E: K4 O3 e2 X/ v

" K. T" w8 k# [- y4 J& O( [P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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, t" l6 K* K' h% R; uBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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2 V# F5 I: F! d# g- ESTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ' u! Y: N2 l, |  y, h5 w
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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5 t% U. Y, d: L: R4 M" Y+ lSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ! y+ d; E1 O% r* Z+ v1 E& U$ r

' q3 N/ K$ O$ J9 F) [MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 3 O$ q8 W  \( L4 k) J
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" ^  o( y0 l) u" iWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.9 Z* {+ S8 H* C  O0 A
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.% w' ^! _+ ~$ ~  d* }# ]
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.% v& r" I2 H! |& _
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
- J6 Y8 J8 }! l( `But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) s+ J3 \# m0 R( ^Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.- ^: ?0 {% \1 g& y- r! Y1 t% l% v
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. w( z, Z$ d) bWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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* b% a' F& S6 U' i. g# e& \$ ^9 l, n2 ]Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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$ v( L9 z0 c/ ~5 u                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
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