Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

9 G) b; V& U. I- E. m; YCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! w/ |0 e7 n9 |$ T/ cCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

1 u6 Z4 `8 g: I) z5 gP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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7 D' b" v' }& X0 T. pBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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2 V/ F# v$ s9 MSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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* B. R6 C, k4 [# P8 z2 J# eFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

5 e/ |7 |8 R- F1 ]" {/ H# z/ F! [YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

! R. K* y% F% h& mPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 }/ m1 h( }+ G9 @With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
. U- e# U" _. _4 `With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; ~+ f! Y: e: X3 |5 T% hBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 f; _6 p+ I& y# A! uBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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9 z" r1 Y/ `; X/ r1 U4 ~Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵