Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

2 O0 P9 U$ u0 bCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

3 V& S& C& D$ X* Z1 ^/ U7 nBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% i' d( E! l' v% H) FBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
) B( i% y2 N! L6 c3 D- ^! ~: h
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
1 D. Z! E' `% P5 j/ H& O* Z) i
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

$ a% E1 N7 \6 i/ ~7 m6 _% `STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
2 s$ D' |) g# q5 ~
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
( ?' H2 _/ b8 d! [4 |9 Z
) Q/ f1 W9 H+ e( h+ X5 ~STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
( N, i& Q! x  E% C7 G$ }3 J
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
" e, M; C* W% _$ v4 U  t3 ^
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

$ o- z3 h, a4 o/ y& r2 s  r0 uYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

4 V" u& P2 D- d4 ?" y0 s; |WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
9 `% c8 f1 V7 R
6 x6 Z% u; c: z+ x' [) i```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
% \2 h; ^- i7 x# i7 S) _* }% YIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
3 P/ y. O/ j" H  b) U  _' k# VWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
( k# E3 d  p' WBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
; t; z. O8 E8 B, y4 d! Q) }% ^( l2 x
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

. d* b2 Q! \: HWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
- U5 ]% {. q, Q1 [, Y
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
+ X; L6 Q; i' @+ j# a1 V6 F                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵