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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: q7 B2 d# Z5 r5 lCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. $ N& y9 Y1 u6 J/ Z2 Z4 U

$ {0 B) G8 |$ i) @) E5 pBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 6 g2 ~2 Z. F2 k1 }5 K& M$ i8 T
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ) u* ?) D% C5 d  Y
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ) U4 g6 z& m4 d$ G9 K0 V
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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: _) X! i" C- K2 O" hSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ b: }4 R6 k: _& ~: o3 KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock., `5 j6 Z7 N0 C' i5 j

1 ]# g* ~6 \+ d& L5 `# r& \STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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1 k% F* x4 d$ R& [% `  B& ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 1 T; s$ `- y) A

6 q0 ^+ X7 C0 F; f2 OMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. , K$ [' A$ o# D$ k& j

5 i: a$ u& o" l% N4 r3 E( YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. # q8 ~% |6 a* ^  h6 c
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 9 _3 D* b$ c' @# `9 n4 S5 D  {

; k! l; M! B* t9 J; uPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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8 f$ y! A; I1 B+ mIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.# j, f4 X, f) p8 s6 a! I
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 c5 i4 S# d! E, Y3 O1 d; jWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.- W  ^& u7 x$ N, t
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. - f" n; ]% _# c. U; l. {( v
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.# z% {: h/ f: C; H

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! X8 x( F- i0 M' k6 Y* v( ^What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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: }: b% i. x0 F                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.& {4 `* M$ T) ^' L( p7 s' ^1 P

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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5 t7 `9 R, I' ~$ `0 _                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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