Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

1 r& l/ R% O: C" y$ D# m5 HBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

, P! c4 n3 m: d0 I# bVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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" F( D, ?/ D/ n6 ~' ^$ U. c" o* |7 nBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

$ N- q* X1 R& m' p  A: P6 W" fSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ g! u& M% w5 D: tSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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8 a7 Y- c; d: v* P6 H4 uSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

$ c; Q, [1 ^) F+ M3 W% iFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

7 W! s% a8 D) _MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

9 _) s/ J8 ?3 r+ V# R- u$ p# ACASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

- q$ [; _6 t: U  D3 A  rYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

$ v. |' G) C: _5 U' DINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 Z# {9 O" L9 k' }2 |1 G, H' fBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
( o( P7 H5 x! |* S7 tBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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) c7 @; K% `% I; r8 s- q( z* H# `Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
5 s1 A" H0 d+ i0 A5 k, ^& h$ y                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵