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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:! h" _6 A, f+ `# J. I& l
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. ( e7 |; k( |3 i: H6 C4 A
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ; O0 J7 T+ x# o$ B* {% C
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 4 N$ A# e: X: s7 k1 Q
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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+ O) A9 |& T3 `6 E7 C, qP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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; S  q/ Y$ V( y1 T' F$ M+ FBROKER -- What my broker has made me. 4 t) ^0 i' P, {3 ?* S, X2 Q
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 5 U' `& b5 U9 F( \6 Z8 j% U5 J9 s- G

9 v4 i! n0 B0 V! k# vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.6 I5 N' s4 e! B6 \9 i; M
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. , O/ s6 f' E7 h

$ f7 m- k  @3 H  {3 R1 L: r$ BFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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) V& t/ m* V9 R: j" HMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. / @% k! `1 V- w# A& L( G% @
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 7 L2 M* F$ e3 @0 _2 q. H* I

" q" S# c3 S: j5 z: nYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ( o2 O+ L! t8 U5 M/ Y

5 L  F, S, H! X( i7 C% J* gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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( f) j. ^4 X- A' M  T  e$ C7 V& ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ }- ]$ ^! ?7 Z5 c: }' H  bWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
! v9 M) c3 N! l# t# T5 F: W; d2 |3 zWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
1 }( P# u4 X0 z5 L1 `6 }But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ' v; U* M, h8 B7 P
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.3 H) f( P- _- |: v% i/ U" Z
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0 C/ j5 l  M' I: yPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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