Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! O% _9 d) y1 V  g* }4 p) kCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' c7 p7 x" L1 s/ K( M- O, o# D/ z! l' F8 UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

4 M. s, a6 b# |BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# X: n" i/ P: VBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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- q( i0 z* ~* O0 S3 B) L- p6 |* GP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; N1 ~; o% A8 w9 X7 Q8 ~3 dBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

) j* p5 e( `! w4 g4 W2 j$ C! A. TSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

. g# r% |0 @: DSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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: c& Y' C3 D+ L( \- @& ~6 r" qSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

, _" o4 H  `" j& U& ~" T: }FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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7 q# D' `; m% p' u: }' h) WMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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' h- z! c& f' T  ^$ L0 n1 f* UYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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8 \  D& E  v1 u! y) fINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

+ I. W/ p3 S6 R0 W( T6 b: {2 hPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ y1 w" R- c1 ]8 W# XWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ E: |  I! \- u* p& SBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 |  B2 t/ O" IBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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! f" V! S4 j$ {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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# |. v. N# |4 O4 K2 |                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵