Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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6 \- A0 C, @9 U: G% |( f/ BCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
( C) `7 `9 m4 ~1 {: UBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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0 K; l) }3 a" o% C) `" @VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

1 s2 M! _; e2 uSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

. l; Y- v6 L1 |8 YSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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; n+ b1 g! Q- k5 g% e7 m, [STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

4 Y* w* \3 U# V4 m2 i7 x& XMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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2 z* o! Z3 S. J7 O$ x0 qYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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, |' T. |4 ^/ H/ ~3 iINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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* ]9 A% K8 A  {7 m  c6 SIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ `9 J$ l& G0 z/ RWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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  t  y1 b% W9 F1 T9 Y+ ]: nWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

% E; N! y' b4 ^! Y. k% E                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵