Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* [8 K& ]% g0 E# K, aCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

8 x6 i4 _$ N2 G, {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

4 Q5 L. \- E3 V( @+ y3 LBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

/ T! P# o7 w& f+ S( b- kSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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4 X) Q0 i& k# d5 ]6 a& _STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 I% w. k" Z9 d( p5 Q' }0 EFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

7 r8 V& q6 f, X7 p% M" L" ECASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

6 M+ p2 C8 q8 ^, o) D1 h6 AINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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) W1 S$ s+ D+ eIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* O: H8 H$ F9 Y& P$ T2 tWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' j9 A1 u" o3 @+ rWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
% d8 c+ a8 B3 Z. F1 Y- Q: u7 R0 l8 NBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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+ j# T% m& X( b! U. k7 P" qPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
/ ~' N1 j' D6 Z; s                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵