Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

& i( y# g0 v6 O6 u9 OBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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" i# e, v" ?: |- m+ \2 j1 OBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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* q$ ?3 p! H7 F3 S0 J; VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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6 \$ q# \  r) X6 q: M1 bSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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4 Z$ C7 L6 W8 }' P( wMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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/ I% Y2 t- d" p) @+ k: ^* P. q  G* vCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

1 M1 P  @2 V3 Q8 B/ `WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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1 m# E8 B" p; o; h5 @PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
. a5 ~% r- U7 O9 d- cWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# q; _5 f, m  M' ^But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
  r8 t; p1 D+ U, |+ a1 a- T9 QBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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% x, u( p9 ]1 r+ Q- v& S; {1 w+ K                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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" m8 h6 E" Q' d, Z( e, IPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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: Y) Z2 L0 Z% N- u6 {* o- V                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵