Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& f1 h! x" X- ^3 hCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

8 u* ^/ c: H% E6 n% g1 ZBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  ~! f2 h: w* @* p6 i2 x6 `BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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; ^- D5 G( o8 o& D; L/ OVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

$ U8 a. d* S" J3 d6 y/ _* yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

# {! |. O; U* f1 q# Y4 v4 bSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

  q6 ?* v9 P3 ]! x0 wSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

0 w+ _8 z5 L- k: r* G: q. EFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

& t8 h# B# X5 N' y$ p- JMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

* u) v7 w* O; T/ b& x% v' `INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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2 A# ], u0 z; `PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ b4 W7 x- y1 I/ c& z; @But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 U0 z4 M7 w. U" c; m: K, TBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

* Z% V. p+ Q% n                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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5 Y  n; g9 v8 G, c5 bPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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3 z1 e6 {8 A8 H                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵