Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; l% v" b0 ^! h7 V8 \" ]$ _CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

4 j0 o9 K. x3 s$ h3 ZBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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( ]+ E1 K- H" y0 o( tVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

' K; g0 s0 n/ F5 ]P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! ^" y0 _$ w+ g5 e1 _6 yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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# ^) M& A2 q8 ~STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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3 b6 Z: h4 P5 O3 Y/ Y) E1 u# F, zSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

  d0 |6 t7 \8 e2 V3 @, d1 v; VFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

$ Q. r- l/ Z% C3 JMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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% E5 P& d1 D2 d' Q9 Y, b6 iCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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' W+ t3 W0 l( ?+ ]0 T1 JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

+ I$ w* ?/ S0 M4 R8 p* l5 T$ M8 eWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
3 V6 T8 Q; P1 z. U: ]1 `+ V4 EWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" A1 q( K% I+ v# W- q8 [* s+ W+ vBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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$ b! u- u# _% P; w, f9 q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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' U6 o  P3 @: ?4 I  `3 |' EPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵