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1 j: G& ?# Y) Z l1 ~5 ~CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" t6 U* r( }& t. Y b, JCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. # s( P) l, V% Q& V& X1 h
2 v- `) k) k) k1 a, w6 gBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
^7 t* b$ M' ABEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 0 j7 ~# d$ \ }# U9 a. K& P
0 o- S3 N: R2 I: LP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. & i: n; u9 L( Q/ E- o
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 6 m' X& i+ X1 P
/ v+ m* o7 C P& K6 q2 CSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. " X5 z! k& ]' c8 Q* Q# G2 ^! n0 C
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 0 r" \4 H' M2 c
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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c! J1 r' x; @* h' P" n$ H. {4 OWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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# ?! I% g9 b f0 T1 ]INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 5 g# ?7 n2 S/ H
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.4 G/ \" Y# V( v
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7 @" p; {; m- _3 x# \) S' VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.0 Q1 M& ^/ J |6 \: e" ^0 d+ I) ?) x
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.7 {( `3 [. H6 [
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.' c6 C! x- G2 w _, ?
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ) N) D1 o# B5 b/ u) S) N2 i
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.* _. y- H, [3 x& V ~7 U5 b# V
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? ; Y6 b0 X% V" }: q
/ r* p, `* i [$ i A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes., g# {- D, n, t3 t
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... 9 ?% J* v) T, F7 T
1 K0 [, E( Q; Y' _$ U ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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