Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
$ d/ X# U! _8 uCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

! Y2 j9 c# M. Y/ A2 D( |& tBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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9 ~' Y% A. S' d. |P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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- d0 @" ]" ^8 b- b6 WBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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" T0 M0 n/ ~: h3 W6 b3 ISTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

/ i6 P& I/ V3 v3 L- S5 F. M! e  VFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

7 o3 B4 c& a7 `7 ?# n/ uMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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2 u- p& D, J  ACASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

6 M+ h! O+ `. `  E  }5 T' @YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

5 `2 W. H2 H5 A' M9 H6 f0 UINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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8 U+ a4 r2 f9 b6 t* f* S0 gIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ u( I/ c, t$ m2 N$ Z$ ]" a9 tWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: n' @) m' l, v* F# ^& [With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
( N5 F9 f/ o1 n7 M" `' vBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

  `+ D* T4 Y: t/ |" T" R                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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7 j0 B- B$ a% M' ?9 A, F                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵