Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

5 \& o0 d, A* [1 zCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
$ y3 T: [2 U2 F$ H
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% T' c( T! u5 ]' s& }BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
+ b$ o. U6 m, E  i2 ~+ O# f8 \
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
; }# ~6 n8 Z; C2 U4 s% y) D" T
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

* i6 S# E# N% ^% J& t) Z& z) zBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
0 ^" q% y$ T( K" z! Z' V& S
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
9 U" G7 s4 Q  c$ d0 F  e
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
0 c9 j* t0 V- k$ b* s( F
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
; j$ _# h) |. N0 [. {, W2 f
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
4 Q1 E$ t  K; X
8 `2 W) }% m+ O+ h1 g5 ]MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
8 ~0 w/ G% @3 f. b5 h  k7 r
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

9 ?0 v3 h' c$ U) S, z) IWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

& ?; @+ h2 F0 \+ a' PINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

4 s6 V9 ~2 G2 G! t, `PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
; F# G4 e, F. K4 q/ Z) j
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
( v: `" W0 N1 v" l9 ~& w! X1 }With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

# F1 d( m2 q' D2 e. E`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
- w& y  `5 w2 {. ?9 K# M- j
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
, {0 Q* n  o7 w
- C& @* S! h* L' x$ Z3 y$ k2 i3 @$ g``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
2 r5 d* s5 [+ k) i' r+ b! i! M* }     
3 j$ ?: R: }0 r                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵