Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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$ v# ?) c* W- C) \% Z3 Y) yCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, ~7 h! R; R& vCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
0 `0 E+ y" H/ j. z% J/ Y% t/ K) V! jBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

- ~! ^! I. q4 UP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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  S) n! n' g8 n5 K$ H9 ZBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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- E2 t0 a! y' k( ]* lCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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8 Z  H8 |7 A) k- r, I0 \WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

5 D8 s! f- j0 x0 b# JINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

) \: _/ m$ T5 q4 R4 s                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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5 g$ i8 ]$ S& m( IPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵