Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

  I' M  K, K6 LCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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* T4 {  Z; b$ X+ Y: dBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

, F$ K+ A$ L) T7 A2 s; b' {/ U5 SBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

' N* d. _& n7 x$ c9 K/ j5 eSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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  E" M: L/ j* Q* I; jYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

% V+ M, M5 a$ `, l# ?: UWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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; `5 G$ f7 y8 X. P4 p& P& p3 x5 P+ ^If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* N( @8 e9 f3 r0 d+ x9 ^With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# Z  ?0 N7 u: T" s# ?5 _7 |Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵