 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 New Stock Market Terms:1 f# v& w/ {/ D g8 g: {; m8 F
1 ~# @* C9 _; Z' c: d7 @CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 9 m6 s8 a1 i+ G* }2 |' K0 |/ ~
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
" e; n- s# ~# W. h1 K, `& a, [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 5 }5 a8 N8 X- W- b I$ O
% o1 q; c: p" U' D* lVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. % M9 `) y9 Z$ n
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. : k! [* b4 j; I1 r# h
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. ' R8 H* ~. A6 @0 t/ q8 R' _
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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1 y; \+ Y! Y5 ^& QSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.$ p+ X- X0 ]$ s$ y' C2 o. U
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 8 p4 }+ a5 W* k" W$ B5 b) W
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. $ J9 B |( C# F
( \) {* W1 _9 \) n1 A% H- UMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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7 T- w" d$ i$ k; i0 fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" q9 r: i2 m, i, T5 P1 B$ Y4 aWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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+ \4 p9 W) b9 I) C4 z! P; kINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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6 z4 v# F0 S# N0 L" ?+ S5 N" zPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
8 _) o. p, F& w" ]1 w, e; E9 oWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ _$ E6 _: x: e# q: zWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.' ~, Q, L4 l# ]
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 3 U2 Z+ O9 s3 {# g: U6 c$ f3 N
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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) O! R( a, |$ {7 M4 ?; I# O A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes., O+ F0 R9 `" y7 l. a* I4 s% U Q
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2 B( _) O. Y. i5 V y( NPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common... % R$ w& v7 w) j8 q, h- \0 V/ O* S2 a0 s9 s
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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