Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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- F) z6 X6 F2 J& G3 `+ fCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
- E# m) C3 g! g8 L' e- ACFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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4 K5 ^% i0 A' Z1 u0 f; sSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

1 b( {  V8 @+ OSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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: M9 K" b8 L' D+ P3 c' m- GFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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9 {  R; G2 B; m7 H, I- PCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

4 f( E* C# Z7 I; X6 `; U- FWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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; s$ V/ T6 z: u2 F8 \7 U+ ]INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

% L* T6 w  |+ t1 rPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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$ Z3 m1 R# e* O: G+ A, QIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
$ v& M! |  o; _& S* y# u8 d+ WWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 G! }. B. r4 X/ _- V2 aWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! R6 x: V1 |3 Q) CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 F6 V  h2 m( d/ TBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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, P' y3 c( `' s/ c! x6 s- m' e3 ?What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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* L, j8 K/ A) R  o* C4 k" g                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵