Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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5 t" P# s4 J0 D1 Q8 uCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

+ m* V) g  X% u1 D( @5 mP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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( E7 Y# T; Q7 ^! C: O! _8 V  jSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

1 ?& \# d0 P0 mSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

9 p3 F* j: I/ c$ f3 ?FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

* {1 f, G3 [% k  A. tCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

4 V3 Y, ~! ?5 H) P; r1 T% ?WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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; H( g4 ~" @6 r" Y. ZPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ T) ~$ A( g5 R6 b1 Y- }( n9 fBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
. c+ b' l  h- O- v" mBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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4 X; V5 U" U- j/ V" |- K                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
! T3 c) @7 }3 u% b8 C: E                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵