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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
7 e4 Q) t! |, I$ GCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ' c' i5 j+ J* t! h1 C8 p( }$ S
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- B7 R, \) X; l* S* r/ BBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. # a7 C, y' s, k* g, I$ s
0 \+ H# i. Y6 D9 G" P! fVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 9 ]6 k6 ]; N* p3 r6 s! E, H0 ?) t+ h
N! K& @8 `1 G# Q5 gP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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( j5 B8 P3 J- t$ |- fBROKER -- What my broker has made me. ' Y2 z# T. ?/ @/ W
' v! w' O+ Y9 @% O, [STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. , w' J+ X# v! f# l- n- i
1 T j+ U3 f% _& h6 JFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ) u; Q& A, h/ M+ J
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. : o( M. X8 L8 `2 F7 D
0 N0 G/ A0 ~+ I9 P# mCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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. e5 }% ?) O* g' E* yWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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/ m" g% [( s" B; Y, [# rINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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- _% {2 m! A1 k' j, cPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
b9 t8 V( r" E' f9 t6 R4 zWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.# B& W6 C# c. U5 @% A! P. O
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 |) I# h5 N7 N2 Z/ TBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. & ^3 s4 s9 O ?) u
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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. X W: e. v: QPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common... # X0 C' G- D! H! O3 R- @# o; l m( A6 F
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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