Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* j( k# d" \; k% j" m1 |9 c+ @CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
; b1 \- s) y! |2 h3 zBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

2 Y. u# `! q" |0 O- PSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

/ b; J# |9 D/ `7 C+ R* @% L# S* ZSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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1 L. @! H. e0 L7 O. pSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

# m* y& k$ c7 ]$ `. ]5 j$ BFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

! i( ?2 {2 R7 B. A- SCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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% n8 R$ ^" F* s! _, o0 ^1 GYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

( F7 s; N4 `! A9 U! d: \INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
: r+ m( V" j9 ?1 DBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

9 \! H: M2 a7 e! p, ]                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵