Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

/ Z1 B6 p+ B8 R$ RCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

; e/ }. k" x( c& @/ M& K+ ?: OBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; T7 C! U, N+ ?/ O$ ^7 R3 qSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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( [# l0 J9 M# T7 Z4 Z# g# T+ PFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

( v9 f. ]5 d& ^% xMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

  a* U% t; Q7 \2 lCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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( V( ~* w" Q! o/ }YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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. |1 ^5 h% [6 M: e* \6 c9 IINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 @( w- R3 R  n. s9 E( eBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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( S) C/ L8 x# k" J  {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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, _0 v+ C) a2 _& E8 X0 n# a                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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$ K6 p& m4 E" J! S# e9 q9 aPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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! R$ |. N9 K, ]  @( G7 W( F                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵