Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

) q8 ]$ ]* N2 w- [! h- F2 ]$ VCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
7 }, [1 w( s* tCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 M" x$ u+ M/ IBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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+ P4 m9 d. X9 E  N1 aVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

2 {7 p5 |) G8 b% QSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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2 `9 ~0 P$ I3 @, SFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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4 O; D# R& E3 H* n- }, [MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

5 _5 f' D0 s! _& O5 uCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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, P6 Q* i! u$ P# U, ~- g' bWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
, _1 t. ~+ E, j/ {: }With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
, m9 o7 Z$ ~$ IBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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. F" A" e/ v7 r* \/ A. b* R+ XWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

- I4 z% A" T6 d6 M0 L  w" w                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵