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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
( x3 q) x8 S5 C6 v- U' O% l: J+ vCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. $ t! O" \% ]$ c( P9 W1 N+ n
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. / h. X# |! X0 |! E& j) @
% O |! v! I4 x% ]" o7 L& AP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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# F+ a6 R6 m/ ^' l* {BROKER -- What my broker has made me. + Y1 r- y2 d; s( ~$ w, Y2 F
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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7 f; k P6 B, I/ u: B) fSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock., r) n9 N! ?0 K; [! g3 X
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 4 F$ ]$ n% P/ O
4 Q( s$ d% G" N2 ZFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ t2 \) q" j' _# ]- NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. ) |* D' A( ~* a; g
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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" M6 C! B/ f& B1 \YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 9 u0 W) z# E" Z, h' Y6 Z0 ~, [1 a
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.0 j F3 \+ m+ [
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 2 J/ B' _: D3 k7 X
. s9 Z/ v6 g; f( y5 mPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.' T" G0 L% f9 H+ t+ H
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# @$ _8 D0 _$ t8 H8 ~1 c( t* bIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 t. q/ d$ ~2 L7 v2 t5 A$ }With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.* x& E) z d, |) x
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left. n$ a7 y( C: C# ]. o0 l- ]8 ?
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! k# G3 k' ~/ jBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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. v0 P$ M p" e- iWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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6 U) `8 R8 |# O2 K4 }$ W9 h+ F A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.' c. A5 R6 M! @" Z+ `+ z8 a% _
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... ; L5 p. g. D- a+ C: n6 N) ] }( U. ^
5 n! t6 Z3 \/ t% c ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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