Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

% G! e/ x( w9 v7 ]/ q1 XBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 a# S, X3 Z% @6 o) w2 i2 bBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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/ m# w! |1 h" h5 y  hP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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5 v7 l7 P! W! i6 wBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

/ a, ^  g1 J' o# A+ _FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

  V) Y* ^6 H% J1 \MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

6 `& B3 [% v$ h% ]/ y' d1 `' o" PCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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0 S& p5 a( h; z: P& Z/ VYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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( z' `$ u0 m0 \& yWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

% E) b; ^( p1 G- S$ h1 n9 xPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# Z2 c& I8 V% [5 {$ l  Y6 h3 IWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
! G' Y7 `3 @( a: rWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
- q1 V* o7 p) j2 X9 L$ ^2 [But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
$ B7 h' \  R' _2 y$ TBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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' y2 C5 M/ N4 l# VWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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; I' n& z' t1 u, P8 }                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵