Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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# f$ L# ~3 Q: l- |( _CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; S% g: D1 s; d5 cCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

1 w) v3 h2 A, \, D% M5 @/ ?BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

6 D  T$ [, [) C6 k1 u. W5 j0 HSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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) M% j( G+ I4 _0 m, g5 SYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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/ J# _+ K! L* @! J; _& ?% Q" `9 s% tWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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  l3 h/ n3 a) {: e- J8 rINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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, z+ b7 h6 a3 D8 m( z' p- CPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ Z: ~* q+ L! i+ k& N( jWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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- b9 s) v- e' w6 V0 DWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
0 f) T( {2 g0 f                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵