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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. ; d! g% ~1 L# C& m; x9 `" c: P) L
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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; ?' }/ S" x/ |1 h/ LBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
2 c7 Q/ }, m( h$ uBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ; v9 b& \% v. A2 Y% J- s
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ; g0 w# e3 u+ U$ y

* V$ }% b; o+ c- z, uP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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& j0 S1 F5 C( a2 H) Y6 f- HSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. # r7 w2 T& J' ]3 @( y! W

+ t- ?4 i. _% QMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 9 N, {/ v' v9 w& f
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 0 V) {+ P9 I! T( b) c0 z7 \; v

) d. S+ }& }+ G$ t3 d6 IYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. $ S% k: w3 L5 _8 m6 B

. T, s% E, C+ o/ u: g- DPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.6 h* u% \3 B" W1 @8 Q

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* E0 {  J) e- ?/ I. {With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.: f' ?" J2 M/ x  i8 s
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.8 f6 b2 V; `# R2 L/ N9 h
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. # _! a) `3 ^3 ]
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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6 X: y2 D  \+ K6 bWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? / a+ `' T0 j# S6 q# `7 `

: d2 [. i% W1 m& t                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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$ N. N! B# R& S  _1 XPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   4 e( n, z  J5 `. }2 {8 V6 @9 c. O
     
. j% O5 r* V" V9 k                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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