Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! r0 {. o# |% K4 S/ s( h6 ]7 J) k( oCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

: P7 V& I8 z1 C4 sVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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+ T0 }' h( t* d, W8 HP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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+ ?! J1 `, m3 a7 dBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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2 ?5 ~8 W7 u  h/ \STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

2 _& F6 C5 \; hFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

' k5 S+ Z5 u. a4 l& E+ xMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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$ V% b8 {9 w# c' `; i8 WCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

% o2 L- k  m& j9 @% A. |YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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6 q+ @1 W! o+ t( YIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
2 t$ B% |" V" K' n9 XWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* }5 p3 @4 w9 J5 S1 c6 VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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& D$ r& s( Y. o" Q) SWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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0 }. _/ `$ j* f+ ^6 q  W; ]                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵