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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. F, A3 T; x( k0 D5 l! BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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/ X9 |. z  m# L6 U. p: ?2 j# QBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- G% O; c. W% bBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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, S; I' w" d; f! f4 ASTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ! ^+ J) I0 L  s
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.6 b! T2 r2 [8 `% K
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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) \  M2 s% l' r+ M/ zFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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* {' l4 i1 @$ ]- L" fMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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4 A% e0 h! L1 ?2 h! [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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+ Y$ y4 O8 z  v+ J& U6 A2 u/ MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. % v4 i5 j4 K" ~& o+ x. X6 ]# P
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 1 I7 g& F( Y8 I, y* b9 w- _
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use." w  ^' E# o  t# S! Y
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( l9 E8 r& @( JIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! l2 D4 ~  `' PWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.5 S' G" F) y) D1 D1 n" Z+ p2 c
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.8 H! l7 N# s9 r' ]7 y  Y: j
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 o* {! Q+ \; j0 h  Z& NBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 k5 O, l5 {1 Y- `" |" hWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? , V& N1 B8 N! O- v" ~  E
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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" F  ^8 Q/ T2 q' O0 M. Y+ M* k6 GPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   , J2 B. r. Z7 q' C, d) S
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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