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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
0 K1 |* L+ P- j3 d2 \$ U# BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. . R$ t8 D2 b3 s# Y) k0 D- }
8 O, a4 ?! t" R( m, G9 X. NBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& {; G- \# N/ N; dBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ' B4 H1 N- y- l2 K# E
7 M j) X3 V( Y/ M7 v( o+ P- |VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ( |0 C' ?, {0 @
6 c! p% ~9 {) }( BP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ; T% H2 z% |( i
. O+ p c+ O' }0 V: WBROKER -- What my broker has made me. 0 c6 l" x9 a/ x; O
8 W+ K# I: [' bSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. % q/ d% ?' E, C2 b# W: p) r0 {
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.0 M: \% c$ T: r9 G5 O( v2 ?; O+ o( N
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. ; C/ a7 _9 q% y# ^$ o+ z; n' c
$ |. ?& j% f+ j0 ^2 |* EFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. $ T% `# c7 V! D+ L4 O
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 5 A d& N7 H# u
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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9 o+ G2 n* X) z6 k! S0 \, }INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. . r7 Z9 h% [0 M, z) [- v0 t
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.+ l6 Q2 {8 T( X5 ?. z
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! x6 y# Q/ X% j% vWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.; ~: @% K) A. [; ?( S2 E
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.- X8 V* h; {/ K4 g$ T; Q
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- Q7 p, Y0 l _; {, D5 R& dBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle." ]7 a" a- f7 x2 i- F9 j' k
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5 I4 ^6 S! s) ]) O; C) _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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' z; o6 W. E" y" `( e3 e A% x A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes." K" G U1 E4 ?1 R' i- f. a
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" j( W/ Z$ l& G/ J- g; APoliticians and diapers have one thing in common... ( O; E/ S. z0 q* F2 e
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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