Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  g. G0 W" `1 b6 ^CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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/ t4 y% c# p# `* j, h. x& k$ oBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

! m0 S5 t4 w- y. r: i! JP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

2 U& u8 l4 n2 YSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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% P9 d9 X" a8 y2 a. r( NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

& x2 G1 D1 ~3 s1 M/ [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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% [) b2 m% M; ]WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

8 L3 g" L9 R9 @' }4 }INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 y! E/ z& b. ]5 V4 E0 ^( G; EWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
( Q, j* c! L$ q2 G  t) V2 lBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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( T- B  f/ n, e# ^0 c' q. RWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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' X2 Z4 w" G7 C+ X                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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0 P  N) S2 F4 m: D- R2 B; TPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵