Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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  M6 b# z7 f- x, v- gCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' [1 V' Z. m  l: UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

+ j, \- d% i" ^! c( x( fBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 I% U9 p& N: I! W* SBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

) R0 c7 _/ \* P2 ?4 mP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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, b% l# W& I; N- i& n0 ?STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

3 J* ]  i5 o9 o7 u$ f! b5 XMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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. {. q/ Q* R5 F: D, d* }3 XCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

8 R% A. r* K! U" z$ y# \* X* Z: iYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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9 X: A+ y) q# a) `. Y8 S! s( DWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

1 s4 m7 c: ?9 ?% ~% I, I+ YINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
5 T9 ]2 Q9 P, i+ d$ [With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
$ e, ^& b' ~: b! O9 [                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵