Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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- K! P0 M$ w# N8 CCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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4 k3 k: ~% b0 Z( R( ?) G5 j- pBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 r% i2 y( m  _& ^4 gBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

; A% e" W& X; `7 _$ S- a& OVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! I0 h8 L& h3 w7 kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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4 e7 n) |8 W) J* eSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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( o7 N% o, I5 U: N( ~+ T9 o' [FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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( z8 H4 b% ]. a. l, oMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

2 M) Q8 J6 {# ^1 c. KCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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$ P# h- {5 B, r6 ]7 n% S$ v9 {YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

# d9 Z; `! r" ~' C# O+ i1 ]INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

% D! m1 Z0 b7 u2 J3 o- WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' ^& K" `8 G! S4 x0 KWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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/ ]" G& o5 P5 l. |  KWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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8 T5 U6 l0 f4 ]' k3 p' r' c* @' @                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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9 @9 w& @0 E. n. j! P* l! yPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵