Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
2 q) [) r: [" hCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
; |$ W* O9 d9 Y/ i  a9 }" YBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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$ i! ^9 b$ T6 x1 I" l" Y/ ^VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

$ |) R2 s7 k4 o1 L* G) CP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

+ @7 ]* F, ~5 e7 [BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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+ c  H% @& o0 ^1 MMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

1 A. Q9 y" Q  [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) r) r* O, W, kYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

4 E3 F. E, ^) |2 J" TWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

# h  L' m$ I; m7 R$ z2 R: ?! ]. uINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

  I  f7 m7 J+ P; M2 W, x% [- NPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
4 [+ T+ d0 w& qWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ b& G/ z# n' M# v3 S1 w. K, ]$ GWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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5 v. ~; s' D2 s* I. VWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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  V& p4 _( C6 l+ TPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
7 G% J: W. v9 R# q                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵