Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 \( Q8 [$ u; V2 O" ~! ^- w* VCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
" T5 N  L8 q9 v& o! D2 e) a  E
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 g2 f6 T) g; N  n8 h# UVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
  o# }7 C, e) V( y4 S4 \1 o5 p
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; Q2 i! E) z9 u: }5 mSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

4 Q) s5 S9 R$ ?1 w( Z7 R% ?& lSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

# O: \/ V, z# o# [) N8 p6 NFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

: l- W1 A# Z, ^, x- G( ]! |MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
$ j6 N) c/ F, [# ?+ j- N  r
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
: O$ w- [; Z8 {) v
8 w1 j! w& r9 ^  [YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
: C& ?6 z+ m, [  ^3 l( i
* I- x/ p, o) R( p, n% x( @PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
' v% }- M4 g: w  p; N/ }
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
) J9 m. q( }5 ~" `6 TWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
6 b8 j# \' e9 p& yWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
/ D# ?: D$ ^* x; x+ D7 a
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

8 T3 t6 p2 P, W$ a  ^) _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

: G* N9 y7 z1 A2 z                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

; e3 I1 y8 h/ d$ a, X# k: y``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
( x# }6 Z) D# J+ d7 jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
, F' f; B! x: M- B1 C4 ~* o: V     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵