Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

: `" i% e% C# M8 e8 g) r( pCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' b9 h3 u6 g2 M* m% ?" u+ i7 e* SBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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4 u9 m3 R& |% K7 e0 m$ cSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) L1 A- A8 I3 n! J, |YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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5 ?* |2 P6 Q$ y3 |WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

8 ^' O2 x3 a& `) h9 f! m  }: NPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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* Z" F( T) g) w- FIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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: H3 C" F4 @. I; i/ FWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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( |" g/ m1 Y5 Z2 d* z/ X  a+ a                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
( J" p5 ?: d* f8 O7 Z                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵