Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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7 Y) j4 `0 G$ D+ Y7 l& LCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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- B9 ?; l: t, zBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
1 j, Y9 v) ^/ i9 \6 ^BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

- t+ e, ?4 ^" {" kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

6 ]3 G) b" N4 U0 I  A+ `7 VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 C, O# F$ }  vFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

5 F& k: `4 O8 w1 _5 ?- SMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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8 F  Z& B6 Y1 O* b$ y/ cCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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- j+ _, n4 h2 T( |3 L: D: gYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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* ]( B4 @  \5 q; m& G) oIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! c* y0 y0 Z: nWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ ?6 w* v0 a3 A0 UWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
6 J0 I' J( a. z% x% xBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

: E; E2 @" C" J& C                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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! _  r% s- ~1 b1 J* HPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵