Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, h4 O% u+ I) {( |# D2 L: dCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
" I( O  Q- }9 G: r
* q. p0 w3 O0 `0 J: e3 A/ @; ZBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

0 l, T' I5 H& h1 v% n) PVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
- n: ]5 W% I! E
1 M% m; t1 ~& d$ j* aP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
* w  F+ [% N$ B! }
; D" k" f% R! {* |9 Y# Z, `BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
; X2 u( ^# k) y: U
% Z4 b* \. D+ u! O( n$ i. K0 ?STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
3 h2 p$ R$ ~% h; S# d
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
) e/ ~7 l% _9 _8 c
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

: ?3 d% X# w' i3 B2 q) V. yYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

" E: K! Q7 J! \3 oWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
- R- e1 W2 q5 c# C, V3 q# @
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
, l: |% j' \. [% g4 S0 K
% n1 C+ l7 l* Y0 E# `* J```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
7 x- v! T3 ^+ z$ e7 D# b$ J
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
2 s3 W7 I' h, R. R, U& a" ?
% L. i" m7 e; G" HWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
; D9 c% b2 j, u0 n7 V' s! a. o
, L- ~8 o7 A& `! X4 v$ C                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
/ G$ [4 j( D4 T
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
) F; `% Y: s/ n5 {) aPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
* z) x) @/ u: s) c                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵