Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
3 {3 F7 d; H& T
: q' I) t2 p$ r: _. FCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
$ a1 G. U! |3 X& [CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
3 O$ X1 C, D/ X% l" J1 |5 c0 e1 C
* g) [' W' G; H% CBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

: u7 Z- G2 ^& F, n; gVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
% f- i/ q) p  C' w& ]; }
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

, d, r2 e& `/ ^9 ^4 v# W% b- xBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
. ~# E9 T* e4 Y6 u* f8 u
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
+ ?, S' T' w. H$ j8 h* J7 O, Q" y
$ _! {) I8 L  C- h6 H, P) FSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

2 P3 `3 p1 c7 J8 |" v# NFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
) P4 ^9 n, Z  R# s/ ~3 Z
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
! n. |$ B' B: H: p/ {4 }& }
& V# |7 I: V( pYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
# e6 ]1 t6 B" `9 I/ N: [
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
5 b1 M8 R) i' Q
- k( o: k& J) l) G! zINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
7 J" D! `7 ]1 E- f+ s8 ?
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
5 A% k; L* B0 `& d( d
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
' }) q% L+ _" X, g7 E$ aIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
6 L3 m; t+ C, C: BBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
- T% s5 r! e$ \$ k5 V/ X+ g
0 }1 j3 c$ o! U8 m8 T`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
1 \: |8 x% F# ^
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

+ `  e# k( r+ ?8 c$ Y% u0 s                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
9 o' D" g$ j7 H, G  v" [Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
" V  w7 W3 r: o9 b( F: I     
8 W* A# B3 B+ `" n8 n4 A/ w                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵