Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& X( t# d; i! U! S& v0 tCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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; Y+ g1 `2 G5 E8 i2 r9 UBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
/ f; ~5 O3 c% d% A2 k% ABEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

! G) U$ t0 e- d4 `' nVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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; Z0 J  U, m, E7 t7 C" nP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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8 g7 i  q* ^5 H, ?STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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  I8 P2 B, M1 S" b$ _STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

. ?9 G, |5 f$ m- G, p2 NFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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6 @* `3 r. i- G* r. H/ UCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

2 D: F* E, `4 JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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4 M; |2 |" `2 W5 C4 T1 H3 K3 ~WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

. x9 P) g3 S% |INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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  i& L- G. L( k7 `, P+ WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 l  P3 \2 J; |  h/ IWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
* }0 {* w( P7 j2 Q! x2 mWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) V# _" t6 l' p# |7 ~8 nBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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- `6 h( `8 ]3 f8 L                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵