Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

* D) {, d: Y" R+ ~3 E2 _CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
! X# n2 G( i' j- C6 ^$ ^' {
* H! E1 b. {8 b6 N" k' Y- sBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  M) y- Q* R6 U9 ]BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
( t' V1 k2 k' p0 T; b. a
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
, Q: p2 l6 v8 Y5 C  p! L4 ?" }
4 s0 X( H5 }+ r8 l) l# XP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
7 G$ I' E# @6 a6 N1 m
1 A" d1 P9 h, N- y" JBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
+ E1 z$ R5 O- j' ^2 s# ^
( r2 G( J& h5 U: E- r2 x! }STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
( `5 g2 |. i6 v* X
- _0 s) ^+ s0 p1 r- O; Z& d( \STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

( r4 p7 a3 b3 Y; r0 T7 l7 {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

  g7 {5 a% O7 T8 T) {2 q8 K; gMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
  V0 V( V  j  m& C' {5 M/ H
% v* }; Q! b& jCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

) J! T2 z5 O" I; H9 d' S% aWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
0 G2 N0 J  r. g  V. S0 x
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
7 E2 f+ _0 A& s9 KWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 ]6 D- Y* J. Z( `% A3 r  Z3 }) _Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

/ n) Z7 z" o) [, x: r0 f`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
: e9 |/ d, o5 n7 a; H1 H
  _+ C9 X+ a- j9 ?: Q& C8 {' m6 ?What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

3 }7 r$ t8 N1 p: k% S* f# @``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
& {6 ?; O% R/ C- K, |' `Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
7 o2 ?! B: V) g# m: w2 j, s                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵