Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
7 q0 j, |, k: n; _4 b: s. o9 kCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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7 E3 |( ]+ w; c* `$ Z, xSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ ^. a- V7 B" C7 N. J( jSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

7 M$ ?0 }0 H4 l, S! U5 _STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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/ O! D5 F, B8 u; j  ZFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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7 j# p9 L7 u# _1 G/ u" y4 t# aMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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! }9 z, d0 A1 Q* }5 b, e% k. J$ R2 ]+ fYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: N* s7 [8 V! E( V! @% _& rWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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$ {: _! N1 D& G% GWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

) M# N5 h: J: v; M                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵