Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
) y$ J/ e! M4 o! ACFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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- C2 ?* J* j& ]BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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/ l+ l; i, a8 `. [) Q$ E0 tP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

  u  ?, k$ C* U$ S/ R8 \- X3 h6 kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

$ Z, c/ T+ Y- f, i8 G# lSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" z1 F) e# ]# r) i$ d. uWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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* r5 p$ M, ]5 E. A' O( AINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 q/ S+ p  G8 p  iWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ d+ [/ q) k* z$ k3 rBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 F, a+ i& K/ M9 G1 mBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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: ]+ S* p- C0 {& _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

3 ]' ^/ W" Y: `: \6 p3 f7 u# ^                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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$ y0 w0 q' ]2 |5 y2 tPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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& X. T# w: ^0 `6 E% E                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵