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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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- B2 K! F/ ~* F' hCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' S7 X9 G! E# k$ A% D1 pCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. & h/ i+ u: o8 b. b# `* i
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: c8 R! S% A0 A" }, uBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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- f) F5 O$ N" y3 n" HVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ; N; W$ x4 r9 D9 ~& J0 B
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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( u7 H3 J8 d) G& OSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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: q7 `9 Y/ l. S5 n+ G8 KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. + X) a+ g% B4 A" n" |

& Y% l$ d. ]- z/ e+ D$ @! k5 }FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ! H6 I1 U: Y: ^9 D1 ?
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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  S) k) b2 x; e& z1 s6 e9 R: PCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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: s% g: K1 E4 v8 d% U' e0 uWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share., o+ Z  A$ T1 x% O: ^9 y

: m3 [3 b  f. CINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 8 }2 [( m0 C1 L" H; O: u! Q5 ?
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.$ o' P* w  S; J8 m* N* Z" e& ?
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$ |  ^" A* z1 O% W* nIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.: i8 y, c9 t, ^  W0 [
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
4 W$ K3 p; ?$ b; `5 lWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.- Y: R  v; |* q. m' |
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 8 W" ~5 l) c8 \/ W2 f/ t5 d
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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1 ]  o# K3 G2 y* u9 ?What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?   V( M/ e5 S7 X% n" M, J1 \7 ~
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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8 |5 {0 u8 c5 \5 R8 l6 S' J( u                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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