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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:# Y' g9 `) m; Y# R
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. , V, d4 I' i5 Y
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. - ]0 q7 b. B* q+ N
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 7 e! M' {; ]" i2 u, B( S0 g% Y
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ! |( m- b8 E9 |; m* }! n' ~

" Q* O+ V. E5 L4 PVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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0 _5 V) {2 R  d( [: b! j( MP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. . X$ C7 q" |8 u- W# V

7 f) ]2 F4 i- _% R# gSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ) O% Z7 v: Q$ _% U

) P, q& g! }1 s' B& {STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.* r1 y: y4 r# L1 c/ Q

. }6 l# @1 [. [' M( O4 N2 S; \STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. + T, c; i2 F5 t( i( h  |& B
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. / Y  P% J5 [% @& i9 Z  w
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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" A4 W$ W  {1 ~( W' T& ^9 @  V. gCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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& s  S) q7 O1 ]4 }7 JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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0 u7 S7 k! o& e7 B; a( K% p) vWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share./ y, }# J* ]* @) t
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. % m  {1 V( w, D
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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, \. H4 Z- j" i3 _" _4 ?/ QIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.8 E5 G, }3 I/ T+ }
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.2 j& U7 ]& J- |. }$ U* a
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) n8 ~& x( N' U' ?But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ( e5 R2 T) P+ x6 p. G9 Q) Q
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.& {. _3 n$ [0 L/ ^
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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