Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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8 ]0 _$ `% t6 J1 a4 pCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& d3 y0 n: O" \7 u# cCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

& ]9 E& g+ K8 y. {$ t2 d- Y% [BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
. {( Q) J  P+ M, s1 _" `5 U! uBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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" S4 {* P( S- O5 T8 sVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; t& a5 o8 U9 E6 s1 c  lBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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1 q# T9 |2 v# ]8 l  e- {, k; qSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

0 d7 }; d* W) e3 c5 NSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ s% k+ N: G! ]YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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; M) X3 O4 m( F& kINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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3 p; \$ p6 m  Y! X. y* TPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 y- O# f% H6 d3 Q6 l+ VWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 W, \5 m0 Y: `' c# @, OBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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6 o' [# @. `" o, r" d9 [                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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8 \. Z0 l/ }, f. n& y$ _Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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* l- c! V: W2 W, g                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵