Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: W# ^6 T5 ^' M0 b8 n' ]* wCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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: q: i3 z! H3 K& r" |  vBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

% Q9 R3 ^! K* R3 Z$ T. iVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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1 a3 D2 _: V) h6 e" FCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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2 ?; j. Y$ A; HYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

/ J* D( Q* V' s$ [3 T: f2 u/ qINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

0 v1 D& M5 }! i; [PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: R, r/ M& {. n3 l( a' ?With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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0 t5 i( Y- l4 ~" A  q8 C( ~What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

, a: ?  H- y# \1 P2 P8 i8 }! ^                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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! e$ U7 z- e- M$ ~4 ?8 aPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
. l  k. u/ ^. Y3 Y0 U: k! |/ c7 U                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵