Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

& ]4 s5 A" J' J. FBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

* M' g9 N" a8 Y' DSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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0 a# o( {' ], S/ X/ _8 {MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

" L" J. N3 F8 sCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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! g# C2 v4 z. e( _, U% a6 gYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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( o2 R/ L; I2 Y; sINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
6 B4 O, X, t2 kWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 c" t  Z) _  N' y3 `* bWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
5 F1 L8 j6 w9 e! l1 G) R' rBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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, Z8 e5 E: j/ K- ?What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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. i. Y0 X1 P0 X; O! F5 ^                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵