Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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- g1 B8 r1 L( ~% b7 [" S, N  Q' BCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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0 K6 H7 I/ B* r* @2 c% [BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

% u' m4 N/ L: i' a. r# \, ]) DVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

7 L4 ]( }3 E; T/ bBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 Z3 N' r% h) E' T$ J- U9 J: Y9 NSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

. M% Z9 R/ L1 f7 gSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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+ ~6 S9 O+ K1 ~* E8 M! xMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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2 G, G4 j+ r/ nYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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9 y% B0 a# N/ P1 G- u( n# e& T% R! @INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

' @; ^, I. t8 P; WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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" |+ t( F5 e, q( ~  ?! R/ l9 VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. y0 h0 G4 ~% y, X) ]/ RBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

. Z) w! e% y) F. t                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵