Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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$ c: Z. ?. `9 Y& D4 ^CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

* q$ B  \0 X8 ]- B" l3 R  _BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 Y' ?3 @7 ]$ G* yBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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/ t: _( a9 F" I8 a0 R! UP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

* E9 ?: s+ f9 T% uSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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# x- @" g3 q6 T. K0 Y* b. W3 N) kSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ e" J+ @1 M7 ^; K# WMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

$ Z' N/ x9 t4 b: F. O+ }. DWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ z" @7 V& g6 n, }If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  O9 e$ Y; ^& Y/ tWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

1 ^+ w6 x3 `0 p4 @8 K                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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5 ^3 P( Z& q6 F* M+ nPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
$ G/ q. B! i; }0 u. H% `                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵