Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, e2 z" _& Q8 eCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
+ F# x" X, f" G. ^' R' M$ k+ |BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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1 Y- l1 x5 L* G! b; [2 X+ K. GBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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$ ~; O0 l& p% s: u5 GSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

9 `. O# l  C4 S7 P* |* q- R  mSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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- L$ G. X4 H# F  R; iSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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1 _/ \) E: \3 mCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

! Y( I4 O. K- t& F" ~8 Y% R! UWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

& C/ f- C' y4 ~/ \* Y4 @, l4 V; sINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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' @+ k+ R5 J  sIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
" g3 \& \+ H: FWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
1 S3 \$ ~6 B7 {/ r, |( RWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' v' K5 i( m; l) n3 iBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

* u, q. i) ~$ ~; e; [& ]" K% Y; J                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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4 k# e) Y  k/ f+ Y1 z/ MPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
6 }5 @" B9 I: \* B$ R& j( x% G1 @                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵