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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
/ }6 ~* i1 f; h3 w: @* R1 MCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. : j. T# c  b1 G5 v, ~
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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* c" n4 {+ g: a) ~0 w: J" Y3 @2 |9 J- {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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7 m% z* c7 ]' W1 Q+ U6 P3 CP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 5 R4 Z* H- F: d$ V$ F
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. 1 h; g" g6 ?3 M% H
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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0 L5 j+ \' h) T1 z7 `$ USTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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- s9 r* x: h8 }  rFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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$ b: m/ _5 F* y8 g5 W4 `% j- KMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 6 t* P/ K8 ?; {9 P' j
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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  s3 O  T+ P4 a; W0 M4 Y/ X5 kWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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; }3 F3 i* z: XINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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8 m5 ~0 N) L, YPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use., h0 P3 f2 D# y; n  n  W% G

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' g; J% X* z' \) k8 v, G- SWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.! Q, T$ @5 @4 p0 I' G+ e- s
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ D; Q  Y4 p1 b% b& t; dBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. : t$ q' z9 e' t
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.6 n, P" l, I/ u3 I2 Q
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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4 `5 D0 `4 U, r# w                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes./ `( p; A$ j# k

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   ; T3 V4 M3 B& q
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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