Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  @+ V! d. F% V& T( j) l' k- ~CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

! B5 [) o; O1 U7 Y4 f' gBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

/ ]6 H3 i* u3 TSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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$ H0 E6 m3 @9 U+ A: TFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

" }& S* d% n  o/ YMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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; O5 p( V. C0 i2 I( U6 o2 K: X4 V& B, LINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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7 ]0 ~0 C: k9 l( K3 e$ j4 OPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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! p% X6 h( b2 P4 u6 eIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
. E! D0 x. u6 ]With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# M  L6 j  C1 J& M, K# |! I. KBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

$ h* B' z4 I' E$ G' U( a                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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* V0 {( m6 m; F3 r& x+ }                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵