Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

# W, l5 {: [6 `/ wCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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! W$ ?8 ?# D! [1 LBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 W* `  U# ~. KBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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9 W2 A" B2 m$ t- N$ b% v' V/ @VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

  @; q$ b1 K1 ]& v* T# HP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

" @6 M: b; D: n! J* [BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ T& O. f3 S2 n# l2 PSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

1 `$ f: h; D, M& ySTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

4 g/ u) N1 Z' v; v0 h4 hFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

( f' Z6 o& E" k5 @MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

/ q) D% o  n+ X) J: p* ]CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

. J  {! q* j7 c2 d+ g8 B3 cYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

1 j+ C+ z; H+ p6 o- p/ GPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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5 k3 X( @0 X' }' D4 M/ ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# Z- @+ R1 ~' L1 ~$ XBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵