Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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: c" b6 {* c. E: z$ pBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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( E5 \9 J* `: U8 e4 ]2 r1 o/ ]7 fSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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2 B, _) G' F# i6 s! WSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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, Y9 K8 K, ]3 f5 L; x9 b* mYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
' U9 q' g4 M, P$ M+ u8 i6 R0 xBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' q: c' ~5 p; j# y8 X+ }3 y& @Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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% ?9 L- f. g) ?7 nWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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  }( y% ~, S+ ~5 X                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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- ~$ @9 N3 @# y  d* {" w+ rPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
# E% L) ^2 l  C: S( a6 N                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵