Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. F, A3 T; x( k0 D5 l! BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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/ X9 |. z  m# L6 U. p: ?2 j# QBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- G% O; c. W% bBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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, S; I' w" d; f! f4 ASTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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) \  M2 s% l' r+ M/ zFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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* {' l4 i1 @$ ]- L" fMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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4 A% e0 h! L1 ?2 h! [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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+ Y$ y4 O8 z  v+ J& U6 A2 u/ MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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( l9 E8 r& @( JIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! l2 D4 ~  `' PWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 o* {! Q+ \; j0 h  Z& NBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 k5 O, l5 {1 Y- `" |" hWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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" F  ^8 Q/ T2 q' O0 M. Y+ M* k6 GPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵