Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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& h. T' o5 Q3 n) L% k' ?  N% KCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
( Y; g) U7 H4 L% ^' |2 aCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 f( T* b- d  U4 v0 {BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: e( h1 R6 @3 M' MBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

5 r2 Y8 ]4 P2 Z+ wVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

9 F4 C$ |$ Z9 f& q1 E* k- gP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

6 b. Q% D, ?0 z! C/ c& vBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

- o3 W1 u0 W8 j5 F% o. iSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

. f  k9 e( `+ g* G- }) qSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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7 _6 r  O7 _* z7 A# T; X, U' [FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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5 \6 p" z" |; [2 ~% [% xCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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0 V- x7 U* V# j6 a$ YWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 n9 C! j! q2 X# qWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) d% v8 X; ]7 P, w7 `4 ~5 {  BBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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& y* z7 B  y) A0 g                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵