Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 n7 Y" G9 B7 _: U+ J- DBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& j. ~4 g$ \* s+ _6 I- x* F" qBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

. n& }2 A7 }! e8 U" S2 t7 h0 \BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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9 {* s. }4 a1 _5 Z8 d6 wSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

2 j  A9 z* G! gSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

5 x1 @* I5 z3 {9 ^: _STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

' v- x8 Q( ^4 d6 ZYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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& c& [) w5 M' _/ ?" b, F$ SIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: O' D# U, {1 ~& [With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
& P0 T, _; k  T5 e. Q" L3 X9 @! ~* bWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 e; G1 U# ?3 y5 K! Q0 JBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

5 H! g/ @3 q! }/ L$ V$ q) o: E                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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3 `7 C. x9 J( D# X6 bPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵