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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:' |! G3 H; F* Q  c# v
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, `; f( x# y; a9 {1 ]+ iCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. + q3 x* X' P5 w% b: M$ {  O

4 t9 _/ l; M3 @& K; OBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ( C4 L: D6 k& E2 U; q
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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" `' S* n+ \, J8 o+ V: N2 AVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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3 w7 O* _+ x+ l' E& Z5 lBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ) f7 P% T$ t. t; A& V& L4 P9 f1 m  m

* }- c1 e# |  R8 O7 p  QSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.0 j8 R3 _* H7 X$ ^8 x& h
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ! {9 s# K9 M# j( S( ]$ g1 {
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, A, p3 e5 m0 n# v. |4 O; Y; ?; G8 TCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.   J2 u' ~4 F  N" R* g4 Y
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. " Q( l# m4 ?- w5 ]3 O, {  P/ m
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. . X  P1 h+ H$ y; I9 @

' r) m  g9 X; K4 fPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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- _7 M6 i9 M( N+ z# L; iIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
" {2 X  c# D/ s6 M! a1 A2 P* JWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.: s+ M; z) \9 b4 }0 t; ~
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% R" Z0 @, S$ V5 d! r: Z& jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 T! z9 {9 H, `/ s% V1 i8 j& _" p: HBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.$ A1 {# _, [1 |6 B9 o

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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+ |5 Z; Q/ V  B+ f                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   : u+ a4 z( A6 X7 H
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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