Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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# c% ?& s) R) l3 j& b( a& b  M6 ]CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
$ n7 r. I. h  D& C& g2 qCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 ]. c/ V/ ^& B6 q% P3 u+ e! MBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ v/ e8 V( ?# ^; O& J. d3 uSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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# I$ x; W- v& q0 \8 iMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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1 Z5 F3 m% w' T0 `8 tCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

1 O6 S: q4 r7 L2 S3 r8 q, _YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

7 @) Q2 |1 C5 Y3 g6 s6 X1 e- AINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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. m9 h- ~6 t, p( D5 H. SPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

( i- c* `  \8 A9 x) l, s& o1 c                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵