Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

6 ~# f7 y5 O! u. H5 r) kBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 f+ ^/ P% z# \4 Y5 J* eBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

, j+ L) a- F& }$ DSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

9 X; t- O" J$ a( M8 h  Z- ESTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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1 L8 y" |5 @; Z7 mFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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9 R: y6 M; N, D# FCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

; ]: t* Z) W1 P1 y4 v4 ~, j* b! P" SYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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& v, U9 L( f& T8 [2 t% sWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 S% A/ P- J$ J" W2 F) XINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

9 i# y$ p8 B6 H- I4 i# j" APROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 }! @8 t6 |1 p- ?  b; DWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
4 T: [. I3 A* }: u) T% ]2 x8 OWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. i: z+ I# i- t, t6 O3 ]2 J$ tBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! F- o) O; n5 l9 ], lBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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7 L/ N9 n, U1 `$ GWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵