埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 1100|回复: 1

Some finance humour

[复制链接]
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
& f, R, J0 G! c6 B
/ I) w/ |! n6 y2 @# ^  b0 rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; C: N& r1 p# c( bCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. + }. M' W2 t, {4 W! H
; e: v  \4 p$ I2 |) U2 E/ t
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 4 {# @8 Q, ^, X* F
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
4 U5 M: A! k  ^$ j
+ v' q  Q) R8 i1 tVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. & e4 K$ @: _. h( Q% _' f' [
! O% t* s6 ~; `6 a/ G5 B
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 6 k! x) u, [: P1 K

+ B6 ]. ~( I7 }' Z/ vBROKER -- What my broker has made me. 9 I  q4 x4 U) `! h9 u

+ P9 U- B) V: R5 Q9 [+ BSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
& l' ], B* I; l& V/ ]9 i8 u+ z3 I% X- K
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
/ d2 ~' \; E7 n9 f$ C9 S) J$ l/ \
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. ) \# o, K. \" a) l% ?

  a4 u6 z7 M9 h" kFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
/ W; Z# p+ R! A  r  t3 \
' Z1 E6 s: }1 P! }- r: b; Y# NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
2 U2 M+ ]/ v* @( n. y: _- {: O) H; S( a0 J. B
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
' W$ J8 E3 _3 @2 z7 p! ?" F/ d1 ?  G# O
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
6 P$ R; E- U( w
0 R- l# K; l3 m( B8 v- BWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.' c4 w4 D& w2 P# i, T

: F" v6 z" s& a2 Z  {- yINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
( R0 ?8 X6 U7 s4 s* h5 v: Y7 u0 |5 R* E/ X2 Q$ s5 |
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
2 K1 W8 {8 Y! p4 H) I ; _7 ~+ u& k( \( G. n% o6 F7 p
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
2 N9 g* c# J( ^: FIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.6 b; s$ {+ S. l/ N% f5 f3 K) ]
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.4 o, V( ~* G) [. ^' ^, @
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 t& c) h" B; c7 g# MBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
  X  e" Q. W( n5 pBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
, T5 F* ?5 Z; V" m " ~0 f( Q8 Q2 I$ e
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
5 T' e3 T' y2 [3 `( @8 F3 u8 Z( p9 ^% P; P2 j4 X, ]
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? & q5 f2 k* V5 U8 I# O
4 K. q8 p/ I, |# i! P7 `- C
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
3 q! @+ C  V2 Q/ J2 k: x+ |
8 v* @6 ^$ s  J3 T* T``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````; I' u3 r( v$ D  V( u
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...     l: |) Q& Y$ |) b7 ^
       j# \2 W/ v1 m
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2025-12-4 20:41 , Processed in 0.094685 second(s), 11 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表