Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* d) ?7 C& }* g9 {/ G9 K- `7 z# ABEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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' ^2 ~+ M  G7 P3 }, W8 hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

7 q% g, u$ B( ]- |3 j; k7 kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; n' u! f6 ?# \" r9 _9 Y: ASTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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9 \# O8 Q# z( c! q% ~( VSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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: t4 M% c# L" {; R* yYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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, @6 p# E8 p- ]WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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4 m) _0 G( @- B3 I( J8 {& eIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: U0 Z9 R* h- t1 uWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- A, L" b$ t  B2 fBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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8 b5 k0 N/ G& |0 f; MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵