Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

8 F+ a2 a. P+ @; GCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 t8 x) K  }9 P+ l  SCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

, L  S! |; v6 L) CBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  X* R( E7 J; J9 ~' K- f) rBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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, K( e8 U% ~: L' l( E" ?' w  rP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

8 ^2 x" l. ^. i  p1 c" RSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ d" {: h) k- s! G5 s" dSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

0 U) |7 ?: t; V) ?. Z( B0 RMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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; O# b; J7 m) G# C' V: z, tCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ S! Y0 Q$ ]$ N" n8 }2 sYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

9 o  Z# B- ^! C- Q* u4 XWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! u; n* D2 k* x! z2 mBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵