 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
 New Stock Market Terms:
! T* N# f' d/ S; S' S! I4 R% t0 c( C# E, n2 S
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
7 j/ J$ N% k$ ]8 YCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
+ U' U5 g8 n% I0 k2 ~1 O) l# e6 m0 |
% `' k4 e% ~. _! |- ~BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ( ], Z) n" E4 w O; W8 q' ?
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
4 j1 \6 `1 T2 \; f( T
+ w6 ]; M e/ P& ~+ \1 g0 fVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
3 U" I3 u( B" M- b% H N5 A# X- N+ |9 x- G
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
; E! d% j { j( L, \$ n! J+ K* \/ z7 X3 {% k- T% g" P( r) J
BROKER -- What my broker has made me. ( U, A0 v/ H$ k1 [
2 T) o& }% M; S2 Y) gSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
' o3 o- X1 c: p0 r8 n2 _' M( m0 b
, v! t6 X; w8 C6 b8 [) l eSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock., |% i% t) b \) c
# |6 g' C3 e1 h3 B, NSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. + }0 {3 r+ } A) ^6 t" L- P' P
: v) v6 S9 z0 t6 m) p: f1 CFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
. m0 l1 j# T3 q! l! ]! ]/ [" B6 I/ ~ F# k
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. * t7 A# O2 h1 K7 h! c% j
* q% ~" E1 F* G" C3 ^, J* E! j- @CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
9 R! |' s9 f4 L3 f( l* V! o/ ]. [# k n& N
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
, l, m& O' L; c, J
$ K q3 W0 L/ j5 }* ?7 dWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
$ A# b' V* g3 w$ O% u s* X0 g: ~/ P# V8 F) ~' P
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ! Z! S2 e( K; T6 l! u/ R L
3 I+ @0 {. I' R8 f. _ |# Z
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
0 [+ H* e2 k7 z: ?. h
) o7 t. I, h2 R6 Z5 E3 g6 k$ m3 @! d```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
$ r7 h) u C! x- q" T1 I* aIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.- q' B5 a- M! K& H. u& B
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000. x, l4 G4 H; H* ?; x6 q& E
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.1 X& m7 L; ^8 h4 p: l
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. : U1 ]+ }- r2 Y& b$ e
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
4 }* d! \' H! P* j 0 d3 \3 H! h* X# _0 L# [, M2 l3 U
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````2 b" c6 T5 O- N
) ]# Z) y$ U7 J+ @What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
" q' g* _7 B! q- T3 C+ n5 j \! u! N4 G+ o# `7 ~
A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
$ @$ E' t7 i/ e
0 `9 B' o4 } X- m C8 n! e``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````3 H( w! E$ z$ N) ?( I' J- V
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...
1 y0 e. s& J# k1 i e' W: K# x% Q5 U
...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
|