Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; d! h8 P" [) c! [8 e. zCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

5 s5 Z1 s' t; v8 d. SBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
1 j6 _. q0 ^( H/ v8 oBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

: S( [; b4 K' aSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- D) A' u! p- @) X& b" i6 D- s( E9 Q' [STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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3 y$ p6 `0 T) x  n. P* t2 GSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

+ M& J. u. J5 D1 g+ B, I$ @, MFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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3 \. S. F3 q$ b$ HMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, ]* C" R7 O& i1 FCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

' J/ f% s% o6 P. y$ w/ V3 hYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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2 t8 t. a$ ^4 Y& s! {4 U) APROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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; @/ H6 `. J3 N( T' TIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. q* B& L6 b8 ]* aWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 Q  H3 u' f6 U% RBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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5 C8 i- L- t/ u+ B1 ~What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
) t9 s0 r: g  d0 g  `                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵