Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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: T$ g* ~4 Z' E7 N' r- GCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 K6 O% B4 y' e0 y/ o0 ^% B- DCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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5 F* h4 q: A5 Y6 c1 IBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 G+ @1 q! `" M( E8 E8 W$ lBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

4 H  m* I. I  d& a: q8 D- ^VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

4 J$ \& \" W7 S, }. {P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ v1 \! C1 N3 R2 o3 mSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

8 P1 Z! p! s! x( hFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  D" V1 _4 X& y* W/ C, D" A' q7 tMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- @8 P7 x( B3 `+ k0 H/ f" H% W$ d: GWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵