Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

4 ^0 q9 v, i  j- t: v8 S+ NCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 }+ {, m3 A$ B' U4 z7 gCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 {# ?8 K( X, C: dBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 L& r: v  F3 f* Z4 qVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

' s6 {( k9 _; _/ p; [P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- K$ J# `, D; `! f! X' vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

" V, M  W3 p) f8 ]& N2 rSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

6 `* [8 W, l1 [. Z" T& x+ M+ VMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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: r, a2 i, O. l& h1 C7 i5 o. LIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
$ M, O& w$ s$ f9 }  Q+ ^. S6 U2 sWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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0 e. B2 o) G  BWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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. p5 e) I, c3 Y                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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$ S8 r3 L9 x& y8 MPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵