Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
/ t  }- X, M/ V6 k9 w8 `% ZCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

1 H& ?9 Y5 l( mVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

0 ~9 d7 V0 K1 H- }; fP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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7 o0 N' i1 j  g) ^% k( HBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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  k: Q. p: t" k. E2 mSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

% C& \9 j( \% w9 d/ K: Q! N6 jFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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5 {: k# J# O; ?' t. R# IMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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2 ^+ S2 r. q  C8 |3 {WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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- o' e3 C3 a( f+ I% f8 Q, R* \$ ^PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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9 j4 W) g  |& i7 D/ e* h+ sIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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: @# ]$ w- ?$ b% s, G5 c  f+ TWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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7 n' B; [) F7 E7 K  y7 ]+ e                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵