Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* ^" `, M# T$ X/ U2 K: U, a, ]CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
$ n$ q5 W" v. U  Q% r' k) L* ~/ OBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

* z: v- \5 h2 jBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 u% Z) [7 s4 Z  E) hSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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  I5 U* P$ q2 X# G! zSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

+ a( r* y/ ]$ TFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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# D/ a8 B* j5 K% g# DYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

  s5 O* Q& u* M  JINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

. n9 A! d) v- }PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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: ~& l% v( e; pIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' n( |! f# \( `  [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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1 g4 R  @7 d3 @0 V: E8 s! J                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵