Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
0 K1 |* L+ P- j3 d2 \$ U# BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

8 O, a4 ?! t" R( m, G9 X. NBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& {; G- \# N/ N; dBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 M  j) X3 V( Y/ M7 v( o+ P- |VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

6 c! p% ~9 {) }( BP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

. O+ p  c+ O' }0 V: WBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

8 W+ K# I: [' bSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

$ |. ?& j% f+ j0 ^2 |* EFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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9 o+ G2 n* X) z6 k! S0 \, }INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! x6 y# Q/ X% j% vWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- Q7 p, Y0 l  _; {, D5 R& dBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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5 I4 ^6 S! s) ]) O; C) _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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' z; o6 W. E" y" `( e3 e  A% x                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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" j( W/ Z$ l& G/ J- g; APoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵