Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
( v) J$ P: u  a- K2 uCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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& Q2 N) `- |( r* }1 vBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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" s/ {6 e1 ]: P) d" F- U/ K6 \7 l- USTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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" n4 C9 m  A) YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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9 g; f& L  P+ y8 jIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' B. [  R2 N4 R5 u: c' A% Q. eWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 V! i: r3 C% J6 ?Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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3 h0 E  S. Z  z3 QWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

( s% s9 p* K! G3 Q5 k                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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5 x6 v$ T2 x* `Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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" \( T4 F7 j# _  O                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵