Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

4 _4 B  e  W0 c  e8 A. n8 z0 DCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

) W0 `5 F. \  n. w, bBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

4 `# y4 g1 C( }/ t9 [! l5 |STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

) t6 `* B( H/ D7 S3 w$ F1 y: G' zFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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3 n) x3 @+ S  A4 w9 n: H% Q) pCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

; c; a5 f& G% h: iWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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4 I" l# i& @* P  F5 K7 aINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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" f7 t! E, C# D- p* l" cIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' T1 ^5 u. l$ o' V# r- q0 [4 AWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
2 V. c/ K6 ?! _5 g# H- S" DWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ P/ d; d# l" gBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 ~# s7 X9 ]' E( W+ VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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, d& I( O+ _( x% b6 C+ R# _Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵