Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
% [  h3 y4 f# s) `CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

( v3 W0 V" B- V  V$ F0 U! ?BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: r/ b, s/ Z- P0 v. }BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 f- n3 u+ y. \  x5 H5 z! RVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

; z7 `& n: @8 ~6 u/ s6 `7 ]P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

9 Q1 U! ~6 R7 P9 K; K* ]3 M5 d2 fSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

0 m$ [" ~* i3 D3 X9 w, {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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8 I: y2 @% V) E7 Y  \/ yCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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% ?) a# g) a- h4 J& C: T4 wWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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5 s$ w+ G: E$ a9 i! v" L& gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! a8 w& ?+ V) E" O5 `But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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) T1 b& E9 X8 G! `9 k( N7 gWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

  ~  o! z3 F8 ^( }                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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6 _* Z9 |. [- I$ B- {: q& @Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵