Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

0 Q8 v9 {% O3 W/ tCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& G, l+ G0 M( `# ^. XCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  q% h4 \7 h2 R7 C* ~( \BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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& E1 L0 M$ l' U! y% o* vVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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" Y2 b- y# l) f8 ySTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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) [9 ]( ]; L; P' kSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

0 O5 r4 w; }( V, S" p9 JFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

' _1 y2 E* Y  q  `/ HCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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6 n( O& A" G; PINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
( @2 w! k7 \9 w1 ]% y% n* cBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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* ^" [* y+ f4 x                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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' V1 ?$ i1 \9 M4 N( m! PPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
) e3 j) V5 d2 `) p6 z                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵