Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

6 a' W& j% Z# y1 D) e* o* A# v8 g9 jCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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1 Q- b" A" H0 X+ RBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 u% T: f- _, O& }3 [3 e8 IBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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* t( |4 i0 s& E% F; cSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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, l4 {8 o! G* J/ K- JMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

7 g& B! e, J, M( N/ SCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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. V' c& R/ @+ f; }YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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8 d# ]7 ?7 }. VWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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- z$ C* Z1 e& \" R! ]If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 j& w# m4 B' D% s+ z! h7 x" xBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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" ^  r0 m9 v8 K6 y$ P* dWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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9 {! r: t9 S4 f3 j+ BPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵