Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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; f6 _3 o# o) T3 k/ S% CCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
. J6 v5 ]# l/ Z3 DBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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7 q" D# j0 M: a  o1 L, NVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

$ ]( ]9 D7 F  t0 d& n8 MP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

6 O7 x, p1 b- p5 YFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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: g0 P" L4 M3 A4 J: C, E2 oCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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/ U7 s/ q2 a! H1 |WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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# |! W. F. t  [! AINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  _# o6 B3 f9 A! _5 \: C% oWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
& }& r# w! q% G/ ~( EWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! Y) h3 E  K, ^1 u6 I) lBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

% ~4 d: U6 T6 P0 g) I                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵