Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
4 C; w6 p" p8 z3 z2 _BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

6 A# B- ?; r4 N# i& t' @2 F. x) g- }VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

$ ^$ g3 P- A/ Y; hSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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3 y% H7 ?% y- [% SSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

% x: n/ }, P4 f0 ?STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

* ]5 `, H; Q: bFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

7 ^7 N  V7 g+ JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" q% v7 I7 h1 P5 b5 K1 rWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

# M7 @7 f4 D) x$ y- Z! I3 Q  \INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

. ^) @) K/ X2 @0 bPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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  S5 Q' Y# x0 }) v/ Q7 _If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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0 B* B( [- J4 n. {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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' B* M) ]3 r( F                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵