Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

1 V* j3 z: C  o$ Q4 i$ OCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
4 d1 @. ?% Q) \7 T- Y
# w% W* \8 d2 H: _BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
1 V* D: d1 T8 R# M$ r7 Y5 f
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
6 [& e0 v1 E/ C
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
( D3 L# D& F) q6 M0 g/ C4 ]
+ [) W- }' O; V0 o2 W  OBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
  Q: l, G+ B1 @' ]# e& F$ S
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
6 J# J# s9 e' S# l* f
# z7 w) G% E0 p; SSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
. A8 f8 J. z# t" \; v
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

6 v/ y. @* H0 `, vFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
7 z% }2 E. i8 R3 a( c
  s; q4 E0 d6 ?) `CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

: O; R$ c' i/ p, W! PYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
2 \6 B; q) c- ^
+ R  A3 T: J8 {/ j) D) v; @% I$ mWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
3 |  k  ], a) b3 b, L
; A2 R" x) y: J/ a( lINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

* E( I& S! H$ c/ ^  f9 xPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
/ l9 u0 G# I# c$ i9 s8 z
& h' v; C- J! w) F5 R6 ?```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
! a& J. {; Z& n9 ~* U. h  yIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
, r1 K; k# [3 }7 _  f& a, dWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ g& @' ]6 [/ e4 O8 V1 p4 nWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 M$ H# A. m) U3 A- p' G# |; R. WBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
7 j  X5 X/ U, b) D% J% h! e
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
: I3 f' W( Z7 x4 Z
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

4 e$ L; o$ _! d: ]                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
* V6 j8 q$ S& W0 V. i4 [6 ~3 }Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
# @4 d5 i. r0 F, ]- d& ^' _( `) n     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵