Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. K( y  B+ q) Z: @$ ?) {CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
" J; m. q; e) ]
7 Q- U0 g# |% XBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

$ D( q* X7 Z$ zVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
% \1 ]$ y$ J4 H( V$ ]& Z
4 s, E/ K8 Q- l" M" f; }& K  ?, N$ Y+ PP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
1 u; d! k" m4 }, v9 F: n7 ~. L
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
$ J2 ?' ?! s, Q; V1 t
. u- ^" ?& s3 X. X* X& S1 [STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
7 v* [7 n  Y9 M& d( z. y% o5 D
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
7 b1 C! r: w! O$ |- \8 m' F
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
. r' s2 X/ J) O# a- P* w. F
. u( F; E3 ]) FYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
7 m( w- @$ u: P0 O, I/ q. w) p' M7 w
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

! q" p/ z) P: }" vINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

/ n6 [6 j3 f1 G& PPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
3 L4 m- j( H! S! h
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
' @$ q( a1 n' w* u1 ]  ^1 pIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ j* Z5 ^+ c& _4 ~6 |; V5 ZWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

* y) r! s1 k9 TWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
6 h& r0 y5 N4 M# m
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
% M' \  Q/ l  K. [8 n" l7 D  y
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
; m$ n; f. |* ePoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
+ t2 J0 I& O$ p4 W     
1 \! Y* R- b, L. [                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵