Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
1 o. b' p! u( ^
, r  _$ h" H' h7 }$ T* B( g7 |CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
9 A5 t5 V2 q, @1 l# }. r8 WCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
! U( ?6 I  F8 _% @
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& `( M- ]7 s) ^$ g8 F* m! c. L% VBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
( y% H$ ~4 O, @: w
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
0 E4 j& b0 ^9 z- D0 `' }
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
. S% o  Z7 X$ ^# J8 ?
, K  w+ g) U( i( X% TSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
3 H% Y. q* @! M8 ?# v) A# E0 [% ?
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
5 y4 G( I9 H/ y% R0 H" ]1 P
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
2 ~/ Y7 j/ p8 H7 W
2 J8 P* B$ U" F( e7 CMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) o) f5 P0 `+ FYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

# G6 i. N+ W! A) GWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
. {' x- w7 o  p, {4 i6 ?! g
/ _) R% B; ?, `+ J: f/ qINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
3 o$ i% o5 M8 t" r* I; D
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
$ Z9 r1 I' S- R0 v
5 T3 {7 w0 S; i```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
# D# u0 {) F; H, o+ e" [6 \5 d: sIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' t  K/ ~: E5 [: d5 P7 ZWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" V% \  U/ U; Q. l; \But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' k% K  N  t5 |1 M# ~. x, eBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
+ [7 R3 C$ R% E$ c) k
; X- x( x% \6 f/ d  o2 O`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

, O4 O+ |& U6 p$ ^: Z                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
/ L/ q' Y4 P: y$ \
! ~- v* c+ x& D# @1 e# G# }! [``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
2 Q3 Z8 s8 q$ y( e) C6 |     
7 u3 G/ R5 \7 b3 \+ ~                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵