Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
2 L8 s( R3 ~- b# j: n
- B2 K! F/ ~* F' hCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' S7 X9 G! E# k$ A% D1 pCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: c8 R! S% A0 A" }, uBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
' I2 P/ N, D" ^$ S8 H
- f) F5 O$ N" y3 n" HVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
' O- d6 \5 @, X' V
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
1 N, t  W2 p3 ~
( u7 H3 J8 d) G& OSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
9 `2 D, A  y% k9 _' i
: q7 `9 Y/ l. S5 n+ G8 KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
( Z8 z8 h$ q" C3 B1 Z, n
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

& Y% l$ d. ]- z/ e+ D$ @! k5 }FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
( c, D) `2 h$ |/ U7 R1 l% F
  S) k) b2 x; e& z1 s6 e9 R: PCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
% U) G+ S  Z( v# ?7 i. T4 q0 n) \+ Z
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
$ F0 k) ~! W) ~& \' r* C6 q
: s% g: K1 E4 v8 d% U' e0 uWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

: m3 [3 b  f. CINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
$ |  ^" A* z1 O% W* nIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
4 W$ K3 p; ?$ b; `5 lWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
% [$ V% W. k1 z# V- L& K
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
: I7 j/ W- C5 @7 z9 E
1 ]  o# K3 G2 y* u9 ?What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
6 L7 X2 z! X* k! V$ z  U
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
2 p( M5 A7 f; V& M. s+ Z$ J6 v     
8 |5 {0 u8 c5 \5 R8 l6 S' J( u                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵