Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
" s/ `  U& `* {7 E; ?
8 y7 k  h  [! @+ a$ T' ?/ UCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: k# g; ?+ i& ?CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
( Z3 H% x' P+ {2 g( @
2 r& g  b7 `2 k1 u0 e9 r, \; j$ KBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
! r# O- }) `6 e' b2 L1 r
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

8 N. S2 p; u9 w- W# y' gBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

( O- I! `. J4 a1 P1 _STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
3 s5 M* `, S# [- P
4 O" d+ s, y$ P) q1 L8 _, x. I% ^: G8 }STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
2 d% ]' S- O$ H9 j9 T0 h
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

/ U9 P% z) ?2 sWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
( X8 x% n" M1 \4 ~7 J, |* o: Q
/ h; B; S5 b6 I# O9 x/ i+ A0 sPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
9 r/ _& N. Z; D9 `* h! X/ ]: d
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
& {) v3 a7 l& w  T& c. m9 R4 j# JIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
2 A% b9 E# g# S  lWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# D% r  I0 I+ a3 v& w; wBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
3 k  ^1 L3 b7 M4 d4 w
8 M. D$ W2 y1 ~0 ~0 Q5 nWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

3 a5 Y5 n4 |1 S* ^                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
+ }" X+ {6 X8 }0 u
; X, k5 Y8 g/ g  N! D. I``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵