Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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! B/ S2 |* t3 m# Q7 HCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! K8 |; u) K* g  T  H0 jCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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* u4 D6 V5 @5 a; K6 K) |BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
1 O$ e$ b8 F- t9 Z* g! lBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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7 \$ L  i0 D0 v/ B5 [8 K4 Y  zVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

3 _9 r' n. X! E: d: VP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

  u( ?4 ~7 a) m7 R3 N- T. ^STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

& D7 J' \" v# d8 j8 c# qCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

2 J4 z9 J6 E5 r& lYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

* a* w( P( i0 l$ p( `WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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; J5 Y8 F9 s6 e+ LIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: X6 \3 z9 `7 y' Q5 p# k$ K! {. qBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 y+ X  L1 g$ E( o3 m  r% @3 f! V" ~Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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5 U3 N, b; ~/ IWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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, q* x4 }! Y# c( ]" W+ x1 K                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵