Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 s6 @2 z2 x/ n0 r+ yBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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% |+ }8 \3 p' Z* cSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

: y4 T+ {5 d' M! f% {& t5 JSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

( }: ^5 b- n: s, C/ s& z+ A& GCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

& h# q0 `/ G0 [# N; CYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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5 ?2 G' J; Z# \* Y( m; \. uIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
7 M* k, F1 A. |  r5 fWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ z( k/ I5 G" T% J+ u- o8 S) TWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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2 `& I8 p3 v" i/ U9 ~6 l; I3 ~What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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; ~6 u9 }, Z, z4 y9 ?Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
8 `/ N/ e" u8 Z4 Q3 [) \                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵