Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: X4 }7 e' d2 L4 ^2 |CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

# }2 ?6 \( ~% J) @; ABULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

% S0 x( f6 a5 i; m2 h( K6 L. J' FVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

8 o, j/ i0 |' ^- {P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

4 q; I/ {. g: w3 f  y) T( U- B, x; Z3 zSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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0 {0 N% q) M" F4 g+ b+ Q) Z3 m; ^1 {! ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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, _7 e3 z4 S# v. m' O. ?YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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) ]" _* Q  |0 f. r8 A- {9 ?7 ?PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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+ O/ I, r; K* R' D* R' Z( DIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
4 j5 ^2 G: l# O; N1 D& AWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
3 X- X8 a, l+ w# m. FBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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7 b0 ~5 h. I7 ~: X                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵