Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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% I6 q) h/ E$ J& n! }7 ~CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 s+ j3 i4 c: U2 d# P' R( pCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 ^7 L) B2 u" s4 C* ?: IBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 n) B6 a) N1 Q9 l- f* c$ ~5 {  f7 v/ e, ^BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

# o3 u1 C# S3 X9 ?6 ~; [P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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- Z* m5 }1 S! O3 B) j+ w, o% FBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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" {  |) c* R) B" L5 cSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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+ B6 [. S! K: xFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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" m" }' S& O, @If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# Z, E+ k2 @1 p7 W  B0 e& N1 pWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- u; M, P. `9 x0 v* F, d$ y. w1 w2 rBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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* ^  y: a4 L) W& E8 }. s7 J$ oWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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% [* M$ j  Y3 d+ p; u                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵