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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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$ c: Z. ?. `9 Y& D4 ^CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. ( Y* S) y- |" S0 h2 h5 A; _) W7 H: w
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ; S4 U, ]7 d: u; z

* q$ B  \0 X8 ]- B" l3 R  _BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 Y' ?3 @7 ]$ G* yBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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/ t: _( a9 F" I8 a0 R! UP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ' S0 \, z( u  m2 n. K+ B
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. + r6 r2 G8 P# a5 `* Q& o! W

* E9 ?: s+ f9 T% uSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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# x- @" g3 q6 T. K0 Y* b. W3 N) kSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ e" J+ @1 M7 ^; K# WMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. ' g% h4 ]  R, Z1 y
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. # E' M6 a% q' ]$ f

$ Z' N/ x9 t4 b: F. O+ }. DWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.- G; G3 E" l+ d) G
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ z" @7 V& g6 n, }If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  O9 e$ Y; ^& Y/ tWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.4 i9 d' e' _/ U( k5 ?( s
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.3 _* T/ h% W2 }# H) ^& A8 T/ {
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 1 C% `9 y* @* G% p7 ^
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? 4 i& g$ J$ j- w$ [3 W

1 ^+ w6 x3 `0 p4 @8 K                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.1 L$ ^+ _: ?9 d0 a
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5 ^3 P( Z& q6 F* M+ nPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   5 t8 c& j6 B* H; X6 {1 _
     
$ G/ q. B! i; }0 u. H% `                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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