Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

1 U5 m1 L7 [6 B8 B. KCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  r+ T* q: p* v( s- G- UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 c4 g- v; c% v4 E  nBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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( u6 Z1 V0 K6 Z0 r- wVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

. \/ }; Q* o' m6 g) X+ G& TP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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, v; }  m5 ~" O7 t  |BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

9 N$ q# @, H6 u0 T3 u( C0 g6 ]STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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5 n" f; ~; ^# o, B3 iYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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) j" [" V( i- a# T/ LWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

0 q5 q  N  a0 O- xINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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, g: l- W- Y2 z. |% O+ s) r  ^$ dIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
5 V' H0 |+ C5 D- R( sWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 B. b7 j+ f1 k" F5 P" m' }But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
% ]( m# N$ i& ?* s4 fBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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! W/ H" W' ~9 Y) c0 e! t$ _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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/ s! x  v3 W* ~( p' s) d1 a                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
( g9 r: w6 B4 S3 P, u                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵