Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

$ U. l! _( y0 ?7 T: h5 {CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, G+ ~0 ]$ \, R. D, UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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& P. F7 M1 M( M( UBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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" o" e3 T; d8 t& L0 jVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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( d# q: y( N. g6 XP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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6 a5 n! z4 _9 w( L7 U4 D' ZSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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, m7 a  E4 ^. g$ h+ P$ V  c/ xSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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& R* L2 z6 S1 _* S5 A6 yFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  c7 a$ d% p7 l( \9 n* v7 R! XMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

5 b3 ?8 t7 W: N; eWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

' b9 u0 z* I+ j/ k# q5 nINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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3 Q. B; k$ o6 i5 I( XIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% k+ ]* [7 [. M0 j! FWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 E) U# a) J$ s2 v4 BBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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+ h0 d, z" n) O" A  p                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵