Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
2 o) Z6 L) U9 o, u
) S, j: g; j# \CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 e, j' C' D/ i/ wCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
  D% h  ^" b6 M+ Z2 x. ]& a
8 ]' _& G% b9 rBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
, L5 S! D3 B0 V& y: z% I
: E: E7 ]3 n" \- ]9 WP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
$ U  ?1 E+ z# _: N* l
' j& q0 _( |7 K; e- P+ Y7 R/ KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
. y" Z$ `0 p) ^
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
1 i1 x# [/ b0 w# {' o
3 q' V2 W5 G8 v, DFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
7 t/ o1 v- i+ F  m$ D% Z
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

8 ~, @1 s9 L7 H. q+ ^INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
5 t5 a8 O) t7 l1 r5 }4 a: G
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

2 }' a( h' ]# T0 C```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; M( O' r! W$ c" D, mBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

2 e7 F, W: ]8 w  w# Q% L`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
- Z" g9 S4 F' m: y. ?
* Y* Z' @: t; H! z4 c4 ^3 J( bWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

3 V  i& j8 H$ v) Y" D                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
* \3 Y0 V; ?  n3 ~
0 ]% d3 K8 ]0 m- E``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
4 o: Y- H2 u2 z% S     
5 G0 r  |2 b+ C0 q9 p+ E# w' i; D                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵