Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

6 b$ Z+ M- O3 L/ \% NCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. t) ~3 y3 S( `8 ^0 YCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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, ^1 [. v% A# I2 w5 L/ @" T$ xBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 M! b8 H; G! C8 T+ oBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

- _4 [. j+ l  c$ Z+ \BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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3 p- n0 C9 O( b1 BSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

5 t3 Q9 V# i) y4 L& I  W6 OWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

8 p7 L/ M0 e  ?) a& Y% fPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: _0 `/ ~# r0 ]& qWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! T( Z% p$ R! BBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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, @7 x/ W! _0 ZWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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% C: ~0 `9 e( u9 h% f* Y3 }0 h                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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, g0 B  r% y& n3 xPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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& O/ ?2 {  I1 f- b                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵