Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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" B$ D6 a; X4 ]5 K: Y+ G1 `1 |, RBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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' T) c. ]8 J) Z& S( Q' z* S# JVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

5 h! _2 y1 B6 f& ?* tP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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( \6 s7 o; c6 ^8 WBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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7 t  S5 C4 Y8 O- k! FSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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$ v9 j2 S3 n+ K6 ~* k* jFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

* T! p* b: \! L- ]PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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* t2 v: w* F' |6 w' LIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
3 K0 h6 u& g8 ~- ?7 A0 rWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' t4 U1 H; P0 P, @Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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/ e/ z$ ]* D& t' N, q3 c$ [% GWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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4 F+ C+ o. U3 P3 L                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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* ]4 I0 a- B4 {7 v. H  ^) ePoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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0 e+ b8 M+ [* z# {                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵