Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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! p- V3 V3 B0 v" yCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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7 X4 R; b: l/ t0 B/ cBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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4 J# L- F" c( WSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

$ X; L) q* e6 u! h6 I) B/ fFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

$ g. `0 m9 H) x% y* `& T' X# q' K; ZMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

2 e3 T* {0 Y7 ?. v: ?CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

1 I+ r6 M% R1 }8 {) f* u3 e$ d& SYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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4 y5 r( F* A; f' `6 z3 QWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& g/ n7 L/ ^6 `  XWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
6 m: K( T! ]3 \1 cBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵