Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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6 R. q* ]3 ^0 b+ m% u; D& W6 MCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# V" ?) E& ^8 e; V; w3 J6 @BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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' q9 K% h( ~- m  c: p% SBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

' V. F# I( z7 X5 u" f" c; r2 ASTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

7 R: r2 x' F3 P! ?STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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1 g" S7 v" e) n, tCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 j, Z  v, D4 \Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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$ K! e/ J2 C4 a+ D2 {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

6 D; d1 Q& D* u4 H                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵