Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

7 D% q) g% G* v, H0 M+ OCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 d% }7 K; w( D' C  q, mBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* T2 N' {- N# `% n3 fBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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" x* @" N, w+ M* {  M8 o( SVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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" }1 G/ `' p+ A1 F% J& U1 z/ I. JBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

8 R5 y2 L$ A# aSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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' F, R. T# R! m5 JSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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) n% M1 i* p, m0 |! c, [7 SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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8 z! s2 k- H+ q3 _5 cFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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4 N6 @' m) ?# D" YMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

! g5 i+ c& O5 G+ I/ p+ XCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

$ V. n% t+ Z$ r9 wYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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" V+ O6 N5 }* L) x. o' AINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

9 \& o* n9 y+ I% g7 f8 f5 [PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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- k; c" ^  d0 |0 O& J4 eIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
3 t1 B0 P' R6 R7 t! ]8 FWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# V. v4 X: ]2 Z$ ~( q8 vBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
$ t; ?  e" L" J                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵