Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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- o8 P/ M/ A) L! Y: w4 |BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

+ Q4 s/ I2 r; |7 L8 MVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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7 G1 K! M6 r$ G' I' KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

" F: t% f5 {/ A2 L# HSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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' E  }* U) O! n, H7 ECASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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  v9 f/ P2 ?2 n. g4 L" MPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 e$ p1 n; z. F0 n5 uWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 l2 O% Q* M9 |5 ]' B, }, @But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) Y! t. n. ^* G  n3 F( yBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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3 F+ E& x  H% c* w                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
3 M1 ?  I/ I" T' j% ^. h6 p                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵