Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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# ]9 m2 C" ^; ?# S" qCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

2 _9 o9 l+ m* aBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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/ _$ f' ?$ H: D  `4 hP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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0 I. V& Q/ Y6 U8 eSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

* [; i. B/ S; @# l9 w5 |, b3 _CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

1 ~% s4 s9 i! \/ }1 sWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

$ s, s6 ?0 y- R6 ~4 _8 P, g/ BPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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' }: R  H8 O( p) d) }% O$ n) TIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* @% \# U9 ^4 BBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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" I+ l' L  q9 j9 d7 UPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
3 X# [  S. k7 N/ i% J( ~4 N0 w                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵