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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. $ L j% X6 } ]7 h* D. l
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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3 Q% ~' k$ Q7 I+ \BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. n5 J: K( ?. J8 H$ W8 L# e. }
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. % ]0 }" F* M9 r# W9 U- R
; b1 q" g, E. L, ~8 EVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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2 `( n3 f6 o1 ^" r* z7 E( m; vP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. 1 Q+ M+ g2 }5 e r- m" ~
2 K1 h8 R+ ?- ^/ v% c3 DSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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w; d7 j, l- [8 H- P7 uSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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& C! l" I" K* ~STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. / p9 [8 l" g% p7 u7 X
5 B! O! C# |' v7 _; LMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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* v Y. e5 G. I4 p1 u, eINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. * s" k/ S3 T0 z1 n6 e
1 n9 F5 f0 A+ \3 lPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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0 ?: s/ @* L# k' I* R8 KIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left. K2 l" |0 ~& d
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
% K2 H) h$ A' G: g& Y# |With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.) f- E: ^% y! b. l7 \, v) \/ }, E0 j
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 0 s' N9 l& q# ]" W2 `3 w
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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/ R) s0 U; P. \6 RWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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" I/ a" N2 b6 X7 W$ o* Z A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.) W1 U% s" Q- d
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...
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- z+ m1 C* {, [3 n% Y4 G. ^( \; ], ? ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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