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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  o  z) i) L* s! h! T* l- k9 S5 ]0 |  cCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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0 V+ i$ i; [; M3 g! U4 ?BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 z8 A9 B) N# JBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ) _. T6 s0 C7 ?  d5 q3 K1 G

8 C4 q$ K$ \$ U4 }0 p+ LVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 5 D9 K; D/ D2 w8 ?
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. . `2 Y: q( @' W. \% _- N5 L

1 y/ h2 i. |; @( Q. i/ f3 ]BROKER -- What my broker has made me. . |9 D" ~/ P+ T# A

* D/ E0 |, Q: d+ i2 RSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 6 R2 |/ D% R+ B; d

9 g2 y( b. i3 ^5 bSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.# n, x# e4 Q2 l  {& e- [4 |

' A- S" }) |2 q* N! w9 [STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 0 Q/ N% n: Q+ W/ Z9 @4 F
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. ( j0 B% S5 _. x0 J: {$ n
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. : f: I5 P' \! L5 i9 w8 P, ^
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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3 O9 I! k3 Q. w/ V6 @& p5 F" NPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ g1 l" Y9 p8 ?& W6 C3 S9 h& X2 ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.. H* M: T: w. y/ B+ C, i
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ G5 T  b% h) c% c/ L, n7 n/ X$ UWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 U0 I- X; O4 CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. & B/ q5 y0 ^. [( @" Z* Z" w; R+ \
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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  H: r# U6 t. R6 U2 n) f9 ]                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   7 l+ K, @+ D: J' l
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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