Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
( x0 T2 A) H' p" U! eBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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4 |7 e0 q" m$ p+ P7 S% z: e" \VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

, C0 l, u. H: sSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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# L/ a+ a/ P$ G. g  N+ C. X/ _6 lSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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0 g$ a( S3 O# C1 s+ LFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

- f: ^/ X% S; V4 n' ]MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

2 P0 c# M- X  m9 c# I" R1 ~CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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9 \3 X. E. U5 n; q1 {YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

% ?/ o: P4 S) zWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( Q  e+ K& Y9 H: a: ?9 }& EWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) A4 M3 V9 o# T9 a( ?/ k4 Q4 FBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
( g! h/ a, a& ]: e% l% BBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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9 l: y. B1 y5 ^4 _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! n6 f$ A# P. }- B5 Q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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1 T: I( X; X5 [; D/ C% UPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵