Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. P0 L, A" o, m; R  K8 HCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

6 y: c- e" E4 g7 N8 CBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
0 f/ [1 _+ C0 A+ N* ?2 M9 {BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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) T  a, y+ S+ C; cBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

' U4 m1 W) g3 S, C, _* A' ZSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

! T* R- Z! r+ x4 h! T5 v1 N( i6 C9 VMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

7 Y4 F+ b* ~# p* }% ]( O, d- DCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

5 P( t. k$ G, v1 l" @WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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& K' P6 @1 h- p: WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
5 _3 ]/ D! C+ p! @But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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4 B2 {  m7 p8 t4 i& `0 D) cWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

  Z6 D7 e# I) k5 f, v2 T, C* Y                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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. ]! N5 O* d0 V. {3 \4 yPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵