Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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5 p1 b$ X% E9 {* WCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# |; f3 J. z+ J; ?CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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) V: K: [1 D; \- S! ?" O( B$ o  `BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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) T8 T& U- T2 x5 v$ p. B6 BP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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, q% B  F% v* @$ c: UBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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" H5 s  E0 e' d. T5 F: I5 u$ ^# YSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

5 A6 h6 f% q6 ^- \9 UFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

" O+ A# m$ G* qMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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) @; d( @, b8 C( U+ @CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

5 i+ d2 r% J3 Q- }7 RINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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1 x2 |7 L* {0 e  |$ V& i* D: ~PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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3 P+ M5 r6 X! _# l5 m# s% zIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
3 ~+ v" P: ~! C8 s) P3 MWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ _$ V; F% }% l1 L; m/ R* PWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 w: h* K3 w3 M$ dBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 B/ j5 u- F3 O! @) qBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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' O1 `; `' @: JPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵