埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 1339|回复: 1

Some finance humour

[复制链接]
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
2 o) Z6 L) U9 o, u
) S, j: g; j# \CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 e, j' C' D/ i/ wCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
  D% h  ^" b6 M+ Z2 x. ]& a
8 ]' _& G% b9 rBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. # b2 y  j$ l3 b. M9 F9 G; `
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. : l9 b0 C: H0 f& V
. w7 C# m1 T  {( m
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
, L5 S! D3 B0 V& y: z% I
: E: E7 ]3 n" \- ]9 WP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. . s  t/ Q/ T: V# M0 I0 x
: C; E! ~' U5 l
BROKER -- What my broker has made me. ' e$ ^8 g1 x) t
, d$ N$ Q  g2 ]
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
$ U  ?1 E+ z# _: N* l
' j& q0 _( |7 K; e- P+ Y7 R/ KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
. y" Z$ `0 p) ^8 r; R. t+ `' N6 ]" a2 E
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
1 i1 x# [/ b0 w# {' o
3 q' V2 W5 G8 v, DFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ) i2 J! x  b" ]- }- \
  R+ j5 @9 e* p
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 9 q' j) `" q; z- V5 E
/ o+ V& v$ |) M
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. * i& k' J4 b6 ]) H2 h6 G- o
  k3 b' h+ |) D2 T( _( N
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
7 t/ o1 v- i+ F  m$ D% Z# d- \$ N$ e4 d, A' M& ~
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share./ D  T! Q8 K& C1 E

8 ~, @1 s9 L7 H. q+ ^INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
5 t5 a8 O) t7 l1 r5 }4 a: G' L" k+ m! P, Z3 S9 }; b- b
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.1 o2 s% C8 j, \9 e+ d- l) s: t

2 }' a( h' ]# T0 C```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  " j5 n, r6 c& F  l2 [$ n
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left./ K1 w9 V  ]8 H3 q. F) p. S- y
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.5 [* g! l3 Y6 W$ D' d4 w
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; M( O' r! W$ c" D, mBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 3 r8 z" @* D4 p' ~) W( l* J
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.. b6 X' P9 c) d: k0 e* q

2 e7 F, W: ]8 w  w# Q% L`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
- Z" g9 S4 F' m: y. ?
* Y* Z' @: t; H! z4 c4 ^3 J( bWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? . h9 P9 w2 N- n9 h

3 V  i& j8 H$ v) Y" D                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
* \3 Y0 V; ?  n3 ~
0 ]% d3 K8 ]0 m- E``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````7 I: a& f& s9 U$ |+ `! J: y9 Q
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
4 o: Y- H2 u2 z% S     
5 G0 r  |2 b+ C0 q9 p+ E# w' i; D                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-1 18:00 , Processed in 0.131817 second(s), 10 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表