Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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: h1 \6 y2 K  P, c& D! \) QVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

! l) N6 i  n1 m* v" P4 qBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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9 o' m9 y2 W+ ?1 qSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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# b' F7 A: Z% i8 @0 \8 J+ p! DSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

& l' m% X9 w4 R* m# ]0 m: jMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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% N. S2 G& J0 oCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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# }7 i: L; w9 ~3 p2 x1 J- KPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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# }7 ?- |6 Z5 C6 pIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
3 E+ F( C: l7 W8 b5 ~( L0 Q' uWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 p# R* l( y" p% W; rBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' x3 u, c) S- R% t2 gBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

+ K. F" h* ]8 I3 F4 a                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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1 d. R+ Y+ B+ ?  U                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵