Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# H% f( H6 p* z/ nCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

" n; F: Q( `6 n1 zBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

% ?% H) V2 [* |7 M2 hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

2 ~) l# f( s2 z! K1 _STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

( A+ w9 v7 G4 P* Y, gSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

# a% z' k3 w2 t4 rSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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) i" k3 a9 `/ p  X$ T3 ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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, L7 t9 y# `6 W3 y9 d% xMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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) N4 y/ S: Q  k5 g7 gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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/ b, _4 W7 Z0 q2 Z/ I, ^If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
3 C8 I5 W! R% P, {' l8 \" K8 e* O1 sWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
$ D6 y, j# f( f+ S) C( ]% eBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 t  H0 l# a9 {; @Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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  C8 j  n3 i+ z8 J- U5 Q8 F- p7 ]- h% d% EWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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& ?& c; x& ]* |3 O1 @6 l7 e                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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# J. o% U# C+ b* }* Z  w3 KPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
! n2 i0 c# p) B  j$ q. ?. C                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵