Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
. t% Z9 b5 b& c8 M) x4 y
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
- C) r3 n2 `+ F$ i4 t! k
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
4 h& D, v+ m1 ~8 D+ K
6 _0 c+ P3 D* y2 RVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

5 C# ]$ X1 X3 a$ @P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
- _* l: [0 W4 B) `
8 n9 @& K, b) C/ e+ KBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
6 `7 _) {5 ?; \0 e
# p2 S# S& Q  Y) d: {5 f  v$ M. {STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
, Z. y/ S7 B! ]: O$ I& G0 s
/ D0 _0 |* A2 l3 {STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
% @* o, K7 I) o8 O% c
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
' @" w" u' I( q- H1 t
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
+ T/ z+ ^/ `' x% r; B% P) k
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
# H  f& c4 _' a. T
! }2 r8 Q: D2 {2 SINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

  J% V0 e$ E; A0 L/ M  nPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

0 p; E8 y1 `9 F```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
5 Z+ H3 b4 z2 q- }: LWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
1 q4 g9 |5 e; V7 V* a# m. uWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
% o& }( V( H. F/ Z/ D" vBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
2 g7 d2 F% y' T6 P
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
" V# R) k# y5 F0 r+ ?& ]( |
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
  N$ P; R, W# y     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵