Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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& S' g8 W/ Q4 j7 J6 ^BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

4 f! y3 ~4 t. ?4 t1 I* KP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

& o4 @% c9 ?$ [/ S7 cSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

; J' i. Q% Z7 ?# UMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

9 w: F4 z( O+ B4 y4 N; l+ Q* FCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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, z2 \9 X8 [5 F# t$ Q$ t" WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& q" ~) ~  ?" z% L; g* oWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* [9 d" [5 J" ], r7 M* J5 ZBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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0 y6 o6 ^: ?( _( {) Y0 C                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
' d1 Y; b' T' T! b) o. B1 q8 M6 @$ p                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵