Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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, b, }" y* i( P8 p8 zFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

+ [. |* R( r; a. v* hMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

) J9 l& M1 z( u; _4 R* w. l2 ]CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

4 ?5 Y- m  T3 X5 P! b' {( C# R6 n) |' \: [WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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/ z3 z2 l) {  j+ k( l2 GWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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  X) o( p0 g. U# p: a0 Q4 jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
# ]) I5 C+ S6 x9 I1 m" S  M0 x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵