Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

3 F- X/ G3 Z& Q! Y2 a4 HCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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: Z+ {& O9 ~, @' hBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
6 U, W& e& @1 N( O, M+ gBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

5 U- D+ b* B/ |6 y4 d3 |9 I6 W: i$ tBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

. `- {( f- _, l4 B9 ^, tSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

( i% i4 b% F' OSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

) C7 c# p! ~& {# C2 G: f" [9 A/ `FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

* H' Z" l  _6 h: bYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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8 z8 e# H. S3 G9 Q- W8 N% B9 eWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- r4 I$ H* p/ F7 lBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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6 T' M7 t  j' N- n8 R( pWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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* K" O5 w' C3 m9 f' h% O% |                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵