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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
3 A# D6 q" {: P  W% CCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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. T( U. s+ ^$ l3 C" mBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. : t% Y; u/ F7 @1 f& Q1 a
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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" M; M) d" h/ K0 hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 0 x) o1 y8 v9 ^" f' F
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 9 J& H/ N+ I+ h1 d( s2 p4 _

; w; O0 }5 B' t8 Q1 H' x" O6 ^. bBROKER -- What my broker has made me. & m( m: k  s4 w8 @9 X3 ?2 B

4 W% {' T7 K; mSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. % e  Z" h9 S6 S
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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; n8 s7 h% p& p. GMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 3 \% W6 C- \. N9 n

6 C4 R' R$ r! \/ c! r( o3 xCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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; E5 \3 Z! I" H6 ^4 s, FYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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! ^4 W4 f* t, g# A* {WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 4 B! m! t8 l8 X+ y- o( X

# l, P& s7 w. }, j  v7 IPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.: A# L- R% \. s0 O2 Y; u6 `

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.) T. k5 d" q5 B
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000., ~* s! d" b4 M
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 a: [% {& I* E4 c8 yBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 A: h: T% Q5 X. K' {  F1 S& R2 v) JBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.% y' {: ^4 K3 s" {1 t

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& x4 J6 H3 ?) T7 |What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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, }7 _0 _! Y& m& p" {9 m1 p. [                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.: h7 g2 C1 Z7 D

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   , ~. o, I5 D/ u* P: X1 h% t
     
" s/ D. a' S5 w6 W# t                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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