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 New Stock Market Terms:: ]( ]2 x0 B6 m0 V! T* s8 a
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 \( Q8 [$ u; V2 O" ~! ^- w* VCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ! m# e0 J6 I' H
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. $ t% I Q2 t, W/ ^, Z7 w( j
7 g2 f6 T) g; N n8 h# UVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. & R( s! K- z. e
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. 9 J9 M! D+ l1 w e
; Q2 i! E) z9 u: }5 mSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. * T, ?2 v9 f+ \
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.# u+ p$ a3 d: t3 |
4 Q) s5 S9 R$ ?1 w( Z7 R% ?& lSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 6 a$ m9 B2 z# q4 Z+ @$ `
# O: \/ V, z# o# [) N8 p6 NFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ' D. }5 y0 j- M9 J1 D, d- Y
: l- W1 A# Z, ^, x- G( ]! |MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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8 w1 j! w& r9 ^ [YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ! x7 C' L7 R/ \
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share., U2 h. H; u( T9 H q+ g r" i/ w
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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* I- x/ p, o) R( p, n% x( @PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
) J9 m. q( }5 ~" `6 TWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
6 b8 j# \' e9 p& yWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.8 A- _1 z7 k% b, G: p1 v
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. % a: c4 d/ c% l3 ]
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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8 T3 t6 p2 P, W$ a ^) _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? $ e8 s( T8 X% d
: G* N9 y7 z1 A2 z A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.: b0 y6 e, t" t; Z: V; B3 s
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( x# }6 Z) D# J+ d7 jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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