Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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- o, c7 S6 s, N9 o* UCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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: W, N. |! G3 _) k, FBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

, \" l! ?$ D. d7 B! I8 OSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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) j# b4 i5 r* BMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

1 T2 q& m5 o: [7 H7 s: LCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

; j  b! l, X0 J6 I+ lINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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, @# U1 K4 d4 E  K- |  O* UIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# T' Y8 \) z  a+ sWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 T( d; W6 y3 G- j0 f; lWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
& i' m: e6 {" g9 EBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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5 I9 a, z" ]% CWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

3 w3 x" ?( P) g% m" e/ c                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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2 I) T$ H* a$ }Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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* Q6 r; t7 K; ?( z                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵