Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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) h  \7 K2 v: \BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

" z6 i0 e) S( \* ~8 WSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

4 t% A( j5 b& `* G( s  T1 A, C# yYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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. |* R) G$ k" z4 X2 ?WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

2 ]# }/ O" L, Z+ ?INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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7 K( S" Y# E" ]) m, lIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
4 E+ u3 |/ h  u/ MWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 q! X" t/ S9 A5 H/ c$ h, VBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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) R; v5 x" i, ]9 H/ n# ^Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵