Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ V. d. i- Z6 V2 q5 HCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- w7 {7 R0 h; }9 kBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

5 f: j3 q8 e; B' p# UBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

7 T% n. O. n1 U6 X7 f7 f# {3 `. M, dSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

- _. o" s$ N2 Y, s7 kWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 R, v6 A4 S; Q6 X1 X0 Z; E/ Q" fINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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7 {% q4 l0 Y+ {, R4 uIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 a7 ^* M, l/ J3 e, Y# SBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
: A5 k) b4 R/ ^Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

6 F2 m# o1 V  O7 m. M                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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) n! _* b$ _% P$ g# aPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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$ {& @: O9 G5 D, E0 |                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵