Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

, L/ i9 h8 e: QCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  x# S5 @' \4 t1 G/ G% j" R2 ACFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& r/ p: I  u& M8 Z. ^8 ^BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
& g) U# W5 a; H3 N3 W
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

% ^1 b: k" y0 X/ h% A* {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

4 g4 \/ {/ O% o7 ?) R- fMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
$ c7 e/ T6 x. [6 [$ z& b) K4 A
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
/ z9 v$ l6 V3 z( e: F
% i& q8 C& N$ w7 r5 F( p$ fYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
7 c0 i+ D' h" z5 t
) r! Z0 c  [: \) b- JWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 u/ w( [$ n4 ^6 d& `' O" GINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
4 G! f7 j- X* r7 W1 g
; X1 d3 Z& ]1 K' a$ R, W/ V9 OPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
8 a, c9 }( D/ M! T- A. a
4 `; s- D+ m/ B2 l9 u/ m```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
) ]- Q6 t# _& p* _' V, f7 X" BIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
& `$ A2 w3 `9 f9 A9 l; I4 WBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
, M: ]& W/ D' S) S
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

  q0 |7 `# m; y7 u" ~+ l5 uWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

( D3 R& D# r% d! Z                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

1 H) [  b5 ~5 @``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵