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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:1 y+ l% d( U8 V
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
) T" c/ X. G% Y- ?$ D5 Z( E2 H6 o& _CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. * u% ^7 o$ R4 u
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. : Y" |' M) L; c9 ?  Y0 K. e) V# j
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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. k% e1 P4 [5 MVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 9 D0 A' w8 D# ?5 j! }9 |4 j8 c$ |
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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1 t" X+ \3 [' ^- e: z. K- b+ YBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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/ T) u& I% v) L. kSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 4 X7 e4 ^* @" e! Q7 F& U: z9 C5 l9 K+ b
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ' B6 h: \; l/ J8 Y6 Z( V: D+ ~

3 `3 H0 Y1 l; T  m% DMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.   J* U' W% X9 b' l2 V# ~/ M
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. % b1 G+ x4 @2 Q: ?) A
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. & d( m, G9 b, n: a5 Y7 O& F
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. : h; `; Q9 G) u% ]; o
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.- T" c5 S) \8 ]* M

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' o& R, Z. c: T( b/ x  W/ J4 SIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ `1 D( |  ~- n0 c5 I0 N* QWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
* n7 e6 j$ _; q: {0 pWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left./ j& \) H* s: L6 Y* [* K5 ^4 }
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ) v1 k5 q2 |9 F/ k2 @/ ^
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.3 g- K* L3 m/ U+ ]9 h! R* y( G
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? ; B% w" f1 j/ b9 ^, h

5 t! v( y8 E+ F3 D$ H- U                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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- K- ~" x/ F( M4 V' B& |Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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# s. |- V( ^0 s- I& ~% O- K% v                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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