Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
6 C3 f+ Z) U9 A1 Y
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
/ U. h" v/ ?4 G- W$ k! ]
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

( N) B9 k- M" p4 I+ X7 Y4 aVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
4 ?3 v+ c* D" }: D) j7 e
1 N: a$ @5 s  F) ^+ fP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
9 Z2 P+ z" j  b& p
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
3 m2 H* @9 y8 h4 b; c& ?, _
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
2 m! |, C7 U$ x; z5 q" [2 z- @+ L! \9 d
8 n5 M( ]5 ?, o' R$ i/ T( SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
7 y& q) @1 w5 \2 \+ j
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
! D. _  Q! ^; I5 B
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
5 Q. A; a5 i3 J( y
  X; A% H/ y& r+ RCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

" _  R( c9 W: r8 Y: c0 M+ ?YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

% s5 M" e  b( r1 D' CWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

. w  o& F3 p5 [5 z: |) f+ wINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
/ v0 W9 d" n! H7 K) V+ q: }4 R
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
; V$ f1 C' Z$ J! l
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
1 k; X; Q# q' a* m# y$ N$ V: [If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: p0 a5 m  V! z. w7 k9 v9 aWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
; S; f' m1 @( @Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

- l7 G! T9 n' d& f+ C, j+ T`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
& Y0 f, v7 y0 w) j
% G$ S% d) M5 z4 _2 }$ P& K                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
( W  L2 w5 A, f' i- P) i
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵