Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

9 ^, T$ W. ?7 U( X+ y( U6 jCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 h5 O: ?4 f5 ^& OCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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/ s8 @$ ]0 I* z5 P) [BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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, `* V; S$ z" g; Z1 D) {% ~# ?VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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* E2 w- t& S2 |' KBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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( ^. H0 {# g3 K6 x1 ]) A, sSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

# m7 S  m2 j& t& O' TSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

1 q6 U! Y9 K2 t% j2 [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

8 {# v, `+ k7 Z, \PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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0 |" c. e0 S9 I# i5 vIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: C0 }/ E8 {, wWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ W& ^2 X/ S+ \With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
: u# v& b* `! y5 dBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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  @7 ?1 F9 {  a; N  w# _, f. mPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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+ E3 {: R# c2 X                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵