Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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& m9 o$ Q2 |& b2 iCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ Z) l! g" }1 s- M- dCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

. [% [; w5 p; DP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

6 V! R: X% J+ K9 u! I  WBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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# P- I* l" }% a/ ESTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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5 U) J& A4 y7 x$ i4 f! m. vSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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0 X: D: [+ \" e  lMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

. m7 V! e* x' oINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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5 h! V& m) ^) y  yPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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* I5 m8 K( c. zIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% S- `+ a( g% r( x+ V1 kWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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& {! e7 z! T2 P# l; B, EPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵