Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

" p4 M! v, G1 D6 \. N. Q6 PCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

  V; g! k' |$ M7 d' r0 y  |- nBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 ]$ D$ S# [) H$ OBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

) w4 F0 k. _2 g: a; W0 KP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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- n" r  G, P7 d6 B0 B: A$ VSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

' ?' C" _3 z' |# d' T6 d6 A9 WFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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% q+ U( w# V8 g( E' @8 lMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

2 c2 {! ?; F' T4 H; m$ K' NWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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' x, |: y% _/ C6 ]8 [INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

: ?. ]3 i, e6 [PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ u( l- i( a/ C. [: iWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 G; L1 @$ O, U1 B6 O  gBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
+ S3 d- t: N( d0 D/ [/ m% zBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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; k1 x9 u3 G& u: oWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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7 V6 c% h/ Q5 u$ iPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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  ]8 K7 P6 b& B7 H, z: c8 \( r% N                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵