Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
- `0 n' k8 q" D* W" vCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 y% f6 g3 E. }. D* m  HBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

" s8 Q& W) ]# M% T( y1 d- _P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

. v! ^: Y. i3 i: l  N5 t% CSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

5 |# \( F$ b* H% SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

  ?6 y6 G( s) O# g- X2 p  U/ DFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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9 h; u, v9 {, j% I, [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

8 P- a- U1 d! |& H" M, s; D& XINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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; ^4 \/ B. J( r* ~PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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. g  A4 {3 _+ B% @$ l& zIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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2 c& [! O% ]4 k$ K0 \  IPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
4 K' ?% Y4 V. [$ W1 g- _/ ^8 p                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵