Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& L& N& c' N  [( T4 s) |: n% N: {CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 o! w; \% _, k, l. `! kBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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; Y" I* J, l. }. {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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+ t- H: g5 @) d' zBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

+ N  x+ \' T: J% r. T7 E8 c* gSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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2 ~9 y/ l% J+ C2 q7 K  X* AMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

: y* w1 F0 L% i. `% JCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

7 s; V( _7 {' l+ A9 z4 u- L6 e+ \- AWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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) H1 J% z' i- z* i$ vPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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4 p" H  `' b; MIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% I7 x, ]- J% ]: K& O9 JWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
4 Z7 U! w: e( |, e- A( TWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 B) h4 S5 E, y7 {, G1 i$ FBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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  p' D6 F' b; z* m4 Z+ u4 P* uWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

. k( J: \, N" G                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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; g  t' u" t* E, ~: xPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵