Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

1 ~# @* C9 _; Z' c: d7 @CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
" e; n- s# ~# W. h1 K, `& a, [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

% o1 q; c: p" U' D* lVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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1 y; \+ Y! Y5 ^& QSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

( \) {* W1 _9 \) n1 A% H- UMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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7 T- w" d$ i$ k; i0 fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" q9 r: i2 m, i, T5 P1 B$ Y4 aWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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+ \4 p9 W) b9 I) C4 z! P; kINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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6 z4 v# F0 S# N0 L" ?+ S5 N" zPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
8 _) o. p, F& w" ]1 w, e; E9 oWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ _$ E6 _: x: e# q: zWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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) O! R( a, |$ {7 M4 ?; I# O                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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2 B( _) O. Y. i5 V  y( NPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵