Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

. }' R  }" y. h- LBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

0 W2 Y2 k% S2 o+ r# `VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

% L$ k* a8 t8 B8 y4 M: u7 rBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

2 N* v& C) r9 S8 b' q: KSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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7 ?, C! K. L+ q( c- n/ }* o# OSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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  x. z8 k4 n4 M/ l% i1 v0 \4 `STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

1 d/ S7 K# |  R6 FFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

. f1 f( W# T6 HPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
8 y6 W$ Q) T5 b( P; [With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 p0 P* ]& o0 i( L: _Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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$ L6 D) S" ]' v9 _! wWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

6 r5 w" s1 {% b* B4 k2 [  [" E- k                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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, K. c1 w4 s/ c                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵