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 New Stock Market Terms:
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- X+ j* Q1 t- @, ~5 `# W GCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" P7 @9 Z; O6 g( |' u9 ^CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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2 Z' O( B5 Y6 j" j- RBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 8 x5 @6 X/ D; b/ K+ W
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. w6 L' [8 b# C5 J% A" W; p0 `
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ! \9 L/ g; Y) Y
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. * t9 }. y2 t# r7 |9 k. ?
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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. R! f& n0 h9 v% W; p& e4 aSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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' Z l6 l( a' X. _. V# B3 ISTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. _: ^1 {0 z0 O
3 Z8 t7 }$ p' @; X5 V$ ^FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ; R- @3 O% n' p, `0 F; |3 P L
7 |7 u! q2 e& A7 u% _- X1 M# I2 nMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. : h {. C0 l1 Y( j S9 m3 |( _
& [5 v3 I6 K, S6 e) w1 _CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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0 {3 ]9 }6 Y9 ZYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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5 [2 B9 R$ O$ Q0 P/ i( [: nINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 9 a- ?. J2 X/ G* W2 m
+ N9 N6 z/ G9 M% gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.- F% K0 }* V/ ~& s, y$ w
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.$ F8 N+ J% W; ~& W2 u7 |3 H& |
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
) M: q8 |: {2 A" V$ n- i6 W7 TWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.. e$ L- T [! L" j( b( D
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ! h/ m6 M4 p! u) D9 T$ x9 A- p
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... - ]' C5 y" K. J0 U
2 f$ R+ K2 L% }) u- O* K$ _ ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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