Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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" D  n4 j  `4 q0 t' M3 ]/ I3 nCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 J% C, m% @1 e- aCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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0 ~  F) m& i# L3 i# UBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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- G4 s) k4 }0 g. L0 fVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

( A3 D9 ^1 L( j) i6 g/ qP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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+ q$ c+ a2 u/ J+ t6 ?' N' qBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

5 n" D6 v: T8 R9 xSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

1 d$ ~1 C6 L: p# m/ hSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

8 l2 u" h3 l4 g$ E6 ^7 L7 W/ I! s- FFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

5 ]# I; x1 g# p0 uCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

3 o0 v2 n/ ], q2 Y8 _6 LINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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. J! M$ S* f1 w7 l+ Z; M( w. J1 |If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
, c8 t. k8 N; V1 j, M  i/ RWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' m5 Q' t3 G# qWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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0 J5 L3 Y/ U) b2 _, a, ^What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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% ]; P3 P1 ~8 z* V/ ^; e                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵