Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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3 c2 z/ Q1 v/ p% j7 f5 ]# v7 J& ECEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

' E( Y! _7 N7 |2 OBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
. V* ^6 U, B  T6 `+ A* k4 R8 GBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

. p3 L" R  y: ^) T. rSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

9 C+ ^* l  l; ^8 H2 `& @STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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( v9 {# \$ m- i  I  q8 N  NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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9 g+ E5 l3 j/ I1 G  HYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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0 F# Y, y+ n+ j2 }If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# z7 j2 Q6 c* Z; T6 k5 k% L; `With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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3 }: h$ v# }5 r# G# s. SWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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: s- j2 H% j0 K! L' Q, kPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵