Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

0 X6 O' w5 R5 B9 vCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

, t4 |- a) N7 t+ O6 WBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

1 e$ f" i; U1 b, EVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

% x5 m8 l4 a* r( O; t8 ?- j' JSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

1 V* Y+ {8 f9 @CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

" i, e- O& f+ U# J/ JINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' c% a- M. F8 X/ X; mWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 }  v+ c+ d9 ^4 M0 PBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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! Q: S  ?& i4 M4 y  g6 f2 m7 c6 C) Y( gWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
: J# f+ |2 s5 B                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵