 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 New Stock Market Terms:
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5 q6 {; f' t5 Z( D4 s+ |; oCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ I$ C! n: v/ g% e! ]CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ( n0 O: @" i3 @& i. [! t! Z% I. N
; V0 n- [8 h& X3 E* @BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 r8 Z2 {: x2 _- p# v+ Z) U- ^ N d) mBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 1 S S' L2 p2 M# J& R! K7 T
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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0 ^" f( c# H, @6 U: D9 p. X( a* |1 hP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. , R; V; w: z5 i1 Q( A
1 H! [7 a* W/ Q7 q& a QBROKER -- What my broker has made me. . v. W# d0 @$ r. C6 }& \
4 I: Z, B+ Y( a$ q9 YSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. : Z1 e4 g4 g3 W; S1 F2 [, y
5 G. w: z. r/ D+ tSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.8 [# C! Y. q' t' j) C, p, G
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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t0 o1 Q+ V6 UFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. $ y3 b% D/ |/ n# v& |
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. / {/ [5 b/ g* V% T3 ~ v+ L
5 s" n1 E1 l0 C7 S' k$ ICASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. / E+ O- e0 V+ W/ r1 g) c6 |
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 3 L& }0 u: V0 {( \( L/ o/ T4 C
. B' O/ N! g6 rWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.8 e3 e# w: J: X# Y
) }0 V: y1 V3 J: N. sINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.% R5 C; |- o9 J' ?& s3 s
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. J% P. t l% vWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.# n& k# w3 W2 { d
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.$ }. Q+ j8 J& A& G* Z, |/ ?; f
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# X2 N; F$ [; P X! J& p3 vBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.' m; Q) I5 [9 s% D. z
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2 T$ f# f+ X( O, P' g6 ^' T- kWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? * B& ` S) ]4 x( p
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A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... 1 @1 q8 a/ I2 Y0 ^3 ?0 d. ^" [' Z9 @
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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