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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:6 A7 q2 j, {9 W% S) T. s8 O* r
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 5 f  f/ H% r6 N/ e
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ) j2 r% m- Q7 G. L% @. K( w0 d

+ @2 I# d( f. D% TBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ' \. Y' y. s0 X/ t* x, e; t
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. % F% Y$ c! i6 C* V( o

4 E* a% {5 t$ n# U1 J- j, i8 D( lVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ! \5 Q; M: d  k+ |' C, w4 S

: Y& p6 o: x" n0 q  k$ @& x9 U/ iBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. / H; D) Q+ b* W
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.8 {  N0 F& u; e  ?
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. : p3 o/ G7 h6 ]( V) r
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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  v8 ^2 Y: a- |9 ^5 B. vYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.; @& @# W1 {0 Z( g6 M' P
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. + ~. U" G4 S6 ?0 F# g
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
" Z2 @: F+ J9 Y# w+ R) j9 k: {With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.7 @0 M% r1 ?% a
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.5 a3 z" H+ O. I( l- i3 Q
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
. d5 {3 k- i0 ]; r  ^Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? " x/ Z$ C3 a& l  X

6 I( O0 Z1 G5 ~. \' ?                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.% M! K; k0 T# l) d+ T
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, e( D) v, [3 f/ tPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   8 f9 {5 c3 I- K# ]) K+ T
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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