埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 1176|回复: 1

Some finance humour

[复制链接]
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:0 _2 g/ C+ e5 C, E* a. ~

1 V* j3 z: C  o$ Q4 i$ OCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 3 u  [# O& M/ b3 `
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
4 d1 @. ?% Q) \7 T- Y
# w% W* \8 d2 H: _BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. / O2 T+ x4 A! y1 w
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
1 V* D: d1 T8 R# M$ r7 Y5 f& m* D7 T- f/ u- `
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
6 [& e0 v1 E/ C5 r  l+ Y) V2 B, B$ v4 g
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
( D3 L# D& F) q6 M0 g/ C4 ]
+ [) W- }' O; V0 o2 W  OBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
  Q: l, G+ B1 @' ]# e& F$ S  I  m; h4 X; D$ g
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
6 J# J# s9 e' S# l* f
# z7 w) G% E0 p; SSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
. A8 f8 J. z# t" \; v! g; _3 M7 K3 f5 f' J
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. * R( o4 d; A7 M# C0 T

6 v/ y. @* H0 `, vFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ) Q* W/ o0 u* h8 L# j* ~/ B
% p5 ^8 c$ R1 ?; t0 f: r/ a2 Q
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
7 z% }2 E. i8 R3 a( c
  s; q4 E0 d6 ?) `CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.   \- w  `& Y5 r0 x" T

: O; R$ c' i/ p, W! PYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
2 \6 B; q) c- ^
+ R  A3 T: J8 {/ j) D) v; @% I$ mWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
3 |  k  ], a) b3 b, L
; A2 R" x) y: J/ a( lINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. # w+ @3 ?9 \' j! O

* E( I& S! H$ c/ ^  f9 xPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
/ l9 u0 G# I# c$ i9 s8 z
& h' v; C- J! w) F5 R6 ?```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
! a& J. {; Z& n9 ~* U. h  yIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
, r1 K; k# [3 }7 _  f& a, dWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ g& @' ]6 [/ e4 O8 V1 p4 nWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 M$ H# A. m) U3 A- p' G# |; R. WBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. " V0 O3 E( N4 P7 h
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
7 j  X5 X/ U, b) D% J% h! e . Q8 O5 @' j/ V4 Q" p1 D2 g8 V0 [
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
: I3 f' W( Z7 x4 Z) t& P$ F3 m$ f# }- H: ?
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? 9 x6 f( h0 @2 e& n

4 e$ L; o$ _! d: ]                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.: i+ ]1 K3 d( S4 G4 ^7 K
# `0 d, X  [4 l+ P  H
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
* V6 j8 q$ S& W0 V. i4 [6 ~3 }Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
# @4 d5 i. r0 F, ]- d& ^' _( `) n     * @  ~0 w  u+ }6 e6 v+ g  P  [0 m
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-1-17 09:35 , Processed in 0.085841 second(s), 9 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表