埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 1323|回复: 1

Some finance humour

[复制链接]
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:0 F. d, i2 D, |+ d7 b, n
! G# P9 i. _( |% h
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. " y' T, P( d0 \0 |6 |5 N$ s. Q
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.   v2 Q* v- }# k: i
/ i3 O, W; r1 h, y  t5 Z
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
/ i' c$ h' L0 Q% |' wBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
0 Y; E1 J& J7 o: T  [& l$ E6 ^
7 @: w* i5 s$ W+ ^' I9 z  |9 wVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
- \$ S- C7 r6 G7 M' O# k! e" p! i: ]7 [5 l9 q/ `! W4 w" m4 V
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
+ v! w3 `( z, h9 h, t" n
& f& M! ~) ]* h, v' ]$ t. z8 ~6 BBROKER -- What my broker has made me. + ]2 }) F/ @1 E
' B$ L9 |/ D+ k" [! u. h
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ( H( ]2 B* d) `! u2 {3 _7 @

- _$ ^! ~9 \5 u2 fSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
+ [) L# r. T) T; d( N# E; k7 o4 g+ M
, f$ b, O- ~6 NSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. $ X3 {& N0 t5 l* h
! Q! `: Z" [5 T' b! N0 Z9 A1 e* K
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. & ?$ o7 k& {: f# H5 o/ l

; w' e$ |$ E% `( J- AMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
2 t+ M8 B( K* _, `% [; Y8 B; W! M: v5 u
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
; T7 u1 V( }; `6 d( ], {' v3 _1 r9 R" J7 W% Y3 e
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. % s1 f3 `( x# K( m* _* Q1 i
1 v9 V7 x  I0 f& B4 P$ h( |
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
6 b' v8 K. m  D, `
9 L$ Q3 H; ~* ], B/ YINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 0 n. k- c9 X, a8 P

8 K0 ~( g9 J' C, w4 ~3 ]PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use., H/ a" w; D# v+ v& W/ Y' L7 p

# B& L0 V  D: x3 F9 B3 Z```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  ) m, c! P0 q5 @3 T
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
- u! c7 b7 M( D( BWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.: d8 I1 J) u# @
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) o: I, \6 L4 ~( r5 ?1 sBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! x- B! v/ o. C" o, u- x7 e9 n- R$ kBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
1 N- k2 X% B' I$ r) t+ Q  E' | : \1 @. p" h" H, C  i( ^+ J
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````0 ~& u0 F/ l& [. E1 g  V' m

1 O) ~* N* m8 a$ IWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
) g1 W- v/ b+ S1 y; c
) P/ ^2 b' v5 E  e- \  Z+ H# {                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.. O  y- k6 E0 d1 k; K; |1 F5 l

  w) t7 N" K  z9 {( G7 M1 q' M- v``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````/ B" v$ A/ M9 X* j; i- n- S4 A# S
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   " P* Y8 c# u- w* f- e4 X
     
$ I4 n4 K) L7 k1 s6 m) l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-3-23 00:30 , Processed in 0.133616 second(s), 10 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表