Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
3 i: ]8 C- x. ?$ q  k, B: g/ `1 |CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

4 w; r4 H+ j2 K# R! `VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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( J) f6 @8 Z+ xP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

* G) `* }5 o% t4 Q; f" S# v  q5 ISTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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- M( V) [8 r8 f% _8 {STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

2 N) M. g, q; [# A; c* MSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ w! \5 Z5 N, X- h4 \. m% ~MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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2 ?2 P( j- A/ ]7 u5 YWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 ?; g$ {9 c9 q& y5 M& EWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 h. D! N+ s% G% w6 VWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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% p$ K6 ]3 A6 ?# O7 x( t+ s, R  Z( m* {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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, Q+ H2 T0 d5 X8 y0 R                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
& d( h  U8 ?/ F" P9 e                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵