Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! ^) r  g' h5 k- oCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 U( t+ g' X/ I9 f! [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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1 L" {! d$ H: Y- \  l  H6 [9 \VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

( a2 h1 B- G$ v5 xBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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# L% [, D, n0 ~" P; R& G- [STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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% _; c- t4 e, v2 ]STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

1 `; m. c0 T7 A. PFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

: p1 X$ C% v6 Z6 ^; Z, [4 t$ r" |, HMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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8 A0 g9 Y7 M+ L; L( H8 KWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

$ c# a2 S8 q. z. iPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
$ E( F, U. N$ b! G) e0 _" gWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
" ?2 s" r; v- V, oWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
! p: v0 ], \% {$ y$ d                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵