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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:3 y% }8 H; X2 E+ }) w" k. V

! O% _9 d) y1 V  g* }4 p) kCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' c7 p7 x" L1 s/ K( M- O, o# D/ z! l' F8 UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. $ X) g: X0 Q" A$ \2 k8 `  G

4 M. s, a6 b# |BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# X: n" i/ P: VBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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- q( i0 z* ~* O0 S3 B) L- p6 |* GP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 5 R6 b# ]  @- D+ ]

; N1 ~; o% A8 w9 X7 Q8 ~3 dBROKER -- What my broker has made me. # y9 D( \6 i3 Q- N9 O

) j* p5 e( `! w4 g4 W2 j$ C! A. TSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ' f  a6 H2 N1 R. C

. g# r% |0 @: DSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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: c& Y' C3 D+ L( \- @& ~6 r" qSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 1 `0 I6 p& |$ [3 o5 T0 q: L( e( W; N

, _" o4 H  `" j& U& ~" T: }FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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7 q# D' `; m% p' u: }' h) WMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 2 j# P. a8 Z- I( R7 z
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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' h- z! c& f' T  ^$ L0 n1 f* UYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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8 \  D& E  v1 u! y) fINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ) r0 r: Y3 s) p; v5 E' A* ?

+ I. W/ p3 S6 R0 W( T6 b: {2 hPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.' g$ `3 I$ G9 q- Z) F

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.- X0 m& E3 ?$ a) N5 b
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ y1 w" R- c1 ]8 W# XWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ E: |  I! \- u* p& SBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 |  B2 t/ O" IBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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! f" V! S4 j$ {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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# |. v. N# |4 O4 K2 |                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.4 m9 J# a" U. y* u* u7 A
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   . A7 ?* g( ^0 g+ ~5 c
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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