Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! s! N' {/ D/ S1 W- O+ A( V! k8 zCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  O4 U) M9 e8 A/ f+ k! L6 `5 [" D7 ?( HCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
( Z- H% c4 [( B& c" o7 MBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

; W( e& X" P( `" s0 WVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

7 s! ]9 i" u% r& |8 p" KBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ L. j+ P; F* \  A: j3 ?STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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# T6 C! @: g3 `3 aSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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+ J; O- m$ L/ O) |7 }FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

5 g. H) t9 m) v) H4 iMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 Y: `: l. `, |6 `$ bBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

* g$ Y( }$ [" K" _0 n! M2 s3 n+ Q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵