Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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( h! X( E. N- e: CCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
4 _( m9 z+ z! FBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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& m- A" p2 A6 d" s1 x2 i+ f: ^* TVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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/ C! |0 m2 S2 {) a3 FP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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0 I; o  p! E3 {. pBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 C  @# R6 R5 c) C0 k& s4 SFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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4 ?, i+ ^7 K" a* V* k. Y2 I  ZYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

! X5 K4 {2 |/ @WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- u  l: z5 X( O2 R4 fBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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1 p$ q- y3 r5 O2 K. e/ e- EWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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: I, J2 X' h$ G; w# \                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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3 G) S+ `2 t% N" kPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
# W4 H# @: p  g/ g  X6 l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵