Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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/ N/ q' g; T  K1 ~2 r' rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: l; v* }) {0 x/ n  `  cCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& b! H# n  X; I. R7 w- nBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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0 [5 A1 j- V. Q' v! KSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

' P% h" w, I3 u4 `- U+ uSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

% \& ?0 v& W+ o$ ^$ FMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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5 m( `: @# H6 y% h+ @INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

5 r, N/ J! |( X/ B, z) m( k' x; H                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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) x3 E: }/ R1 e1 H+ D  R9 f4 ~Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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( o, f& C2 I3 s                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵