Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

- w6 E/ F. f! p" i0 aCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

7 }0 Q3 m$ H: i9 N' i/ X" n9 fBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

0 j  `$ Y* w1 P; x& SVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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( z2 k: r' t' k4 J3 [3 M8 sP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& |: a  \) J3 t2 S+ UBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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( e6 U) _# h, ~8 S6 HSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

. p9 I; {0 P5 s: R# yMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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% B) ^, ]# F2 C6 s$ GINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
. i8 b# ]8 e5 [3 d% ~* G6 H! TWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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5 E9 k3 ?: s" ~' k  u: R' m) e' c2 xWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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# g4 {3 o/ a* F) N  R& {Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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( |0 i. X2 s8 ?) `$ a1 z" A                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵