Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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9 v7 i2 n" V3 L' J: d, n/ Q4 aCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 a; D% D, Z0 Z" g$ B8 LBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

& Z: Y# [+ s" h: C& [" fVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

0 ^, p9 g+ F' V( s( P% h1 R6 ], P  zP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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9 G7 ]2 ^) C: w. x, i3 j! mCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

6 R: g7 Z$ E4 ~" YWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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4 s: c+ j4 K' s. ~: K2 XINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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+ y% B; a4 k. }0 BIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
- P  c# S% w) bWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
; l8 O/ F: x" L% o5 t& ~; s0 A  QBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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$ X; ^3 l9 L) K3 kWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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  @' Y. F3 W4 N1 L- n: U                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵