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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:; l5 G$ k1 B: s( S) b
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. + D9 g8 j. E8 R
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
) ^: l- d( y' `: A' W9 P( ]! ^' TBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. % [1 O2 X8 U) U/ F' u, J8 c

5 L8 X; ^0 `1 L* U7 i1 ?- g" fVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! {% E# x) k7 E" z9 {2 OBROKER -- What my broker has made me. ( \" G+ Y) B- ~' `9 G$ N* Z

2 r6 w: {, T; c, `7 {0 {STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.1 e. o5 j$ c- P' n) [# ?
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 7 Q& @' [& \  {
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 2 ^0 [! F! {1 q& p" M

. O+ y" k1 |/ q9 K  YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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& e2 \( c* P8 P3 QYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 9 U* e, B' q, b. F& r
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.1 E& M0 O9 _1 J( d
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 9 H' e* l& ?1 Y9 y+ F" m

7 {0 X2 m. l" ]5 gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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: ?, }; P4 V# b) t0 s  }5 UIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; [# M) x; ]) g# H! l8 w" y) \, }With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.3 L/ D0 l+ G/ o
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.0 n% q2 ^. d5 E6 V$ x! ^  v
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# F" ?: z( R* M/ |' N( l- EBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle., H* ~3 u: ]+ U, P% \, L5 @

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? 0 E6 H7 s  F9 F

' e5 n9 ^. P4 {. z( p0 A                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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) W6 I% M" l; l# ^4 x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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