埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 1362|回复: 1

Some finance humour

[复制链接]
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
- a' [$ u' q, D+ [6 o
- f: D, z7 j- TCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
0 O0 _  D- ]8 V1 R0 MCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 2 T  S' Z7 P" G( U& |! g

, L  L  [; {0 _BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
6 f4 ^% S) N3 J0 XBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
3 l! ^9 r) A: c2 R8 Y( e* C& \" B, {: ~$ d& ~0 j( B: f
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. + u* c, I" h$ t

( R9 |9 Z1 I- F. y8 `" }' RP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
* u( ^# [8 I+ @5 m& H; ?4 ~7 F0 G: Y" V- B0 {7 [1 o& ]3 ?
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
8 W9 E8 v# S. E
+ O; `1 s, t+ u6 C3 ?# L: w3 RSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 3 \& ^  r' W$ m
% `8 x( z/ Y; X% F7 E, y9 N. F
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.# r* g) v/ J( h1 D* O* u

$ G1 Q4 j9 a0 SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
! F+ E) G  k' f/ V) l; A
* ]! L: d* E" j; I, gFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. : b) {6 a8 ^, B$ v3 R$ c
+ G( W1 \$ R* u: J
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
! ]- z$ f% }8 w( U* H+ K
8 b4 ^$ q- k+ ^1 g6 F6 M" [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 3 \! J: |* U) l) Z

4 P( B6 w& m+ QYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. : g, }6 K( j. _: y

6 u. o2 N; O  f' Z0 HWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
# {7 C. e( ~: N# s: V0 P# R8 G$ G1 m' S: O; U
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ( [8 K0 h) w# a
' S4 `( e$ I  @9 W' s6 ^2 Y
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
9 `; Z- L+ _) \4 P# n9 ]
3 a5 \- ~7 V; U! U! @```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  # `  \' l% {4 f  U) o/ d5 \
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 Z8 s" s, b! X- r! d/ L1 z! fWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.0 W% w7 a0 y7 o/ c
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.9 e/ t' h! \& O% x
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 4 I, m7 A7 F8 x
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
3 I7 `  Z6 x$ N6 g * V# k+ g. ]2 Y+ u% a3 p
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
. \  n, f- s2 _3 u4 @
0 I4 z- q/ |, @4 u6 ~" RWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
4 P/ }2 j3 F1 s
- z' t8 ]/ L: z( s                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
% A1 C9 p# }- ]9 `
4 ~1 S+ M, a. i5 ]``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
- }- \( B) z/ h6 {  o+ `Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
3 N7 t$ k( Y$ c8 b+ V4 Q/ \! p. A9 h     2 J4 Z. k' Z4 ?8 I6 c  L1 G
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-11 13:24 , Processed in 0.137833 second(s), 10 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表