Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

3 `  i2 l4 e) n1 g* G2 V; C6 h% j' @; XSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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# z5 e2 D0 h/ h, \; R9 ?# [2 fSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

: S8 y" a" c5 \# l: rMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

6 h8 \' E5 a; `! |CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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) d8 w; ]$ ?2 W  G& LYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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* Q1 U. l# H' N: U: x& DWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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1 N, l0 V- ]" ?, e% L- UINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. G9 W# j7 q. R, G& JWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
% U3 N8 \/ v1 ~With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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& p& @0 G$ d# }1 w1 iWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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; P# p0 F' m) o- ?$ `2 mPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵