Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* _+ }# i/ [% h) a/ |! ^CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

: [7 L6 ^* |3 Y3 u/ oBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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3 B5 f# i( ~8 k) m. m3 aSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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* U) f* |/ f/ i% b7 ASTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

$ a( r( O. ?( _8 IFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

+ c1 R  L/ k+ ]" W% @9 P, ~WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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5 Z5 f# D- f  k. j* i( B* IINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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/ N: V! m1 c0 r; I9 }- wPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; I$ B! h8 F. }, N) XWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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. D* C$ M) \& }5 f5 u* F& P# t4 PWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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4 Q6 f* L% l8 E1 ^  M, l# H( }# B                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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; {" l9 t; I0 NPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵