Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

/ k* M. J/ \6 Z& J9 `CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# L  U1 U5 m( G$ DCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' T1 B* F$ L6 S% o9 R8 J) gBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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6 V, W& }, N* p" r! P( a, WVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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+ s7 I; s) ~6 i* W, `$ AP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

$ e  ^, \/ E1 d. ~BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

! J+ K7 Z, t# o, M3 FSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

7 x5 T+ p. V; BSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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7 [6 k  {0 R) G# l, @FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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, z( E% G! A# y+ B4 gMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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5 P; U! {% }% ~, `/ cCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 F/ Y3 `; U/ zWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! F0 R( d' X; p7 n* Z7 `7 V# LBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵