Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

$ S6 X- J3 u  A; S& @+ \: V3 \+ _. UCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. }, b# P. B% [% Z$ \CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

  @* P( F; B+ aBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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8 c; W) T- w* a- b2 kVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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- S  N4 G/ J, S: O3 X! T4 IBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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; f1 ], |/ E$ ]- u( r7 B  L: ]$ A5 aSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  j' ]- Y7 Z+ Z" @1 rMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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) J2 [) M% C& Q, d2 yPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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( b& f# l2 O. B$ x6 N. v4 ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 j0 Z2 T- I1 m9 d0 B, WBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
, Z# k% @& S" ?! W3 B: o; KBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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, G- }/ J% m' \( T+ k! H0 rWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵