Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
* v4 \) ~0 `- c0 X$ V1 hCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

& [8 O4 W' r+ v0 ZBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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: X$ n# i; n- W/ q! C6 o! |STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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6 L+ [+ [6 [$ T% g8 n, LFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

% [- W" O) S; W/ cMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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+ T9 @; W: u- Z1 }! `WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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# E( D. b. u" ], V) OINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

8 `$ F/ J* H, D3 U' B$ K+ t( iPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
) G9 f% @' P, [% d+ y) b! F. xWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ V  }$ Z$ p2 c) OBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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2 l  |4 l# ?8 u% a5 \' c1 z, v) AWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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- ?2 C7 E  I% Q4 K- \$ q6 k3 I/ C6 MPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
8 M; M/ ~- Z) n0 b3 {                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵