Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
( l! n1 U7 C2 T' e7 c3 X
, r6 f7 h! p+ u7 ?& w% oCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  h; |. C  y8 e1 o: D, d* F. H! xCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
  a. @# M3 O/ \. D; e4 C& U3 k6 b1 d
6 P4 h3 W& T/ R" h" C& oVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
% C% t8 i7 R: Q4 z9 Q& F
2 a( z9 @8 v& k' N& F$ aBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
+ I! `& T* e0 s: O" }0 O5 X- K  E
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
: B7 |! G- e# v  v, e# _9 S
; a/ ~( O' D. }; I" sSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
& ?; @1 g! s# \
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

, ?7 d- v2 k: O6 J0 L) nFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
4 b2 k' i$ h2 ?8 _) b$ @: j
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
! J/ F2 P  F' e; V6 Z
; F, {) |# i! }, f. D+ f: `& C& eCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

/ F3 @8 f0 G# j" A% ~: sWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
/ B. B" j, U+ X# G4 B) d
4 p" x6 A8 d1 F/ {- T* aINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
1 s  w9 s+ h3 |8 D( R: Y
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
3 Q) \8 Z4 a. o3 H5 nWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" I9 g/ e5 ^9 k( E5 f' z, RBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
5 z& R. \. T- l! E7 j% [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
/ _% v& m+ M/ f' }* F, u
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
  o. F8 G5 Y) j' j6 O
0 t8 f) @* z/ m* n, j" A``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵