Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

: V! @( A9 I2 v4 wCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 [* l* w6 a6 g% b1 L6 @CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

& z/ `) o! h8 \4 ^BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 Q8 \0 c5 D. Q! `% I+ ^BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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; X  v1 F3 n9 Z4 O% k7 j, vP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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7 X+ n( m% w7 n/ L9 z" jBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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8 k. s: A6 Q; N+ t2 USTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

, N6 P" M3 p% }& u4 PMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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8 ?% F! X' f$ K7 _YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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8 B+ I+ w. I2 C4 W5 }9 \/ S% tWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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! d* @. `9 j) d# v: x% ^& TINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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4 p9 |0 L+ C0 Y! ZIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. d" P  N; V$ l! X& RWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: Y) E3 F- ?3 @' X0 z3 kBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
+ l9 Z  J( S0 H# n2 w+ t# h2 eBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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! O* A/ B& I  w                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵