Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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  `( q7 b  Q( m' |- iCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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1 M) l* ~: f, QP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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' u6 W- L! ]( v- Z* [6 _6 q! cSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ o+ j( K. l- C, b- f  x) m: xSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

  q, E+ I+ H# eSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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* X% o: c; V% B$ k: S( Z( bYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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* v' o* G" P- |) r4 g- O- NIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
) |' T( N% W' r( d# aWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
' _4 N  j4 m" @% ^$ r+ L: pBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! \3 X5 }4 C# X7 y2 x" gBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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/ |0 d! ^+ u+ @5 EPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵