Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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# ?7 p) q9 s. |; Q7 aCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! d' w# l3 L8 K5 PCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

' a$ _+ l7 L4 T0 L  ~. EBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

* N$ C9 ^3 G, X- a# y* ?, @& H& gVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

% [& K, N) |# K; B0 nBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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3 H# e2 Y; A9 [; C  ?- v; i. eSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

6 b# J+ C. Z- f  d' q- t5 j3 ySTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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: G3 b$ M' P; a9 g7 j* ]2 {9 ?) ^CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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: Y9 K( n& ^* o% O  R! c% ~/ DYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

2 p1 b$ }' J) S. N+ ~6 _' ^INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ a, `; k: I- B+ R0 D; E0 F% RBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 d' K$ W% j4 e1 e, VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

0 e4 q( l2 s6 u: I, ~. E% \( _                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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! R* _6 h7 g0 `5 L8 R5 I1 s$ jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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1 v- C. @! D0 h' g                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵