Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
1 I) U" X9 M$ F* W$ o( f3 {& @  V
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ J$ \7 P5 q$ z2 ?CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
3 n2 _5 e$ e' S: ^4 b% M0 v
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
& u6 c" Q3 m5 _! s' m
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
7 `6 O% h* |  C3 D
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
. N  E0 }, W3 _9 P; j  H
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

. o& N+ q" ^! C! V9 F) wWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

4 x3 Y% p3 e; D8 |, Z" uINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
+ P( o" {  J+ R; E5 m
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
, T* R4 ]3 u+ X; l) K8 d/ mWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 [8 C+ f+ g* p9 Z5 X+ L6 ABut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
7 G1 v+ ]) ^0 a9 C& U! {8 t4 i5 g
/ M! H$ B* X$ H& Q+ q6 |6 X# z`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
/ }" }8 X: b- c7 D# M& k
. W, v& }: X( Z9 F& _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
( G+ [# D; W' z+ F
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
" v, D& W- z3 K6 U4 `' `
% _: p; v& k  z``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
  p4 b+ o& d8 _     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵