Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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# F; T, }& v7 s! p- N0 v; NCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! i8 I, A0 {: I+ }& _0 w# k: z, kCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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2 G- k9 v5 N+ Q. NBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
6 b! O$ q. i: g; I' GBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

/ x) h( W  F) V# jVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

0 o; ], i: ?( }. n) b. {1 WBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

7 w7 r% L( T3 c, j4 VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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$ m0 h- q% P6 R% ]( r8 nSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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& X' j0 K; q. j! w) E( y  ~3 DMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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; F# @0 l" C' m- s$ SWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

# h% ^1 G- g" m+ P: l9 IINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% `. \: [% a1 x  f; X5 QWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. L7 F* m7 W. e9 m! K* dBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

" W" a' o/ e/ ]! o" o                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵