Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

+ E5 G5 T! W) x; c& S7 N# i9 fCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
) O9 Z8 F% L; W' Q( }2 ?BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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; n1 S9 k$ i2 j: G1 K5 SVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

1 b6 |3 T3 Y/ wP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

. }9 Y$ I) U+ U0 F2 L8 _STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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- [) F, d% E" v! N6 v7 wSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

: f& j0 {0 @2 b8 i, u, ]) uWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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3 t5 o& A4 |. S6 H; _If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. h! p; b9 K: h. ^- X' H( AWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
& l! V, o  t" x, ]; j; cWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
' j6 c5 v3 N7 kBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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; M5 Y2 F& R+ L9 c' ~. ?9 DWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

, i. }, m0 i* Q5 G2 _1 [                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵