Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
) O; Z; f  [9 y, x# y9 J, ACFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

/ K  |' z9 R) t  I: c; h6 qBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
. I; w* q& Z  u1 X* g& vBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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" F, H$ D; f: Y$ c# r+ X& X* y% WSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

6 b) O1 |. p  ESTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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' Q$ y) _, u( g& p- t" ]FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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; p- v' H6 @, ]& `MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

9 K& z, m4 z* Z8 T2 K4 p8 u3 WCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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3 I! j  V1 u+ _+ k6 a5 i3 {If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* U+ A) j- e  m0 V$ L- H: DWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
% y1 \, ^8 o0 xWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
  g; O& s( ^( XBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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/ x' s& O; X- x' A9 dPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
- x: \4 p2 F: z- `0 n; r4 u. h                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵