Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

- ]6 U1 z& `+ o% y* k3 X3 jCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
( l  o! U! o) \# j5 L) |  EBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

# D5 j& J& i5 xVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

; `/ b( j" ^0 {8 Q0 b& A: b. NSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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: Q' e8 ~- a( C; F/ @CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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$ W2 ?. C0 L8 PINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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# Y1 \+ a5 u9 `) C. a+ V$ }" LIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
, N4 U7 l# H3 p/ Q9 ~3 p! uWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
& y8 x/ z: D$ E' hWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
( @& f/ A; e2 y+ ?4 [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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8 h2 O" H6 p; {  t7 q- }' OWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

( S4 X, n+ O$ Q8 a: C, O7 t                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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! S& z* O* [: v* d) \Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵