Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: l+ Y7 z# e4 ?/ O8 r; L8 YCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 ^/ I) p6 R& ?' ~  D+ |BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

4 ]( g4 A: M$ z3 [# ?P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

2 h/ ]! F- F' f$ q- d7 uBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

, u+ C/ m: z; t0 T" sSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

8 l+ ^0 [' i7 O1 F, ?CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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# u9 p7 N# C. }8 C# w# W; sWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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3 R* n- \( i' Z; A! U! B" bPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
3 K4 q2 N" ~4 a* V$ [: J2 j/ P+ f& rWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 Y# \9 a) ^/ P5 _% L- Y2 d  jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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4 @4 m: m/ P2 {& XWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵