Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
- a' [$ u' q, D+ [6 o
- f: D, z7 j- TCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
0 O0 _  D- ]8 V1 R0 MCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

, L  L  [; {0 _BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
6 f4 ^% S) N3 J0 XBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
3 l! ^9 r) A: c2 R8 Y
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

( R9 |9 Z1 I- F. y8 `" }' RP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
* u( ^# [8 I+ @5 m& H; ?4 ~
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
8 W9 E8 v# S. E
+ O; `1 s, t+ u6 C3 ?# L: w3 RSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

$ G1 Q4 j9 a0 SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
! F+ E) G  k' f/ V) l; A
* ]! L: d* E" j; I, gFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
! ]- z$ f% }8 w( U* H+ K
8 b4 ^$ q- k+ ^1 g6 F6 M" [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

4 P( B6 w& m+ QYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

6 u. o2 N; O  f' Z0 HWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
# {7 C. e( ~: N# s: V
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
9 `; Z- L+ _) \4 P# n9 ]
3 a5 \- ~7 V; U! U! @```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 Z8 s" s, b! X- r! d/ L1 z! fWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
3 I7 `  Z6 x$ N6 g
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
. \  n, f- s2 _3 u4 @
0 I4 z- q/ |, @4 u6 ~" RWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
4 P/ }2 j3 F1 s
- z' t8 ]/ L: z( s                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
% A1 C9 p# }- ]9 `
4 ~1 S+ M, a. i5 ]``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
- }- \( B) z/ h6 {  o+ `Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
3 N7 t$ k( Y$ c8 b+ V4 Q/ \! p. A9 h     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵