Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

+ w) v/ i4 [: x8 M) M2 fCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. q8 y/ G& Q! Q( Q* s5 `CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 y* g( L3 Q4 S3 z. GBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

; v, q) d6 J6 E: W6 PVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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& U, h  B& c1 PP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

2 b! e- d' C7 n' w2 f. s4 \7 |STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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% i" y0 R9 l; fSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

4 V7 N* j. g' b$ c* g$ @FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* u  w6 r$ D) _With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
  x7 n4 o  {3 X5 b% mWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
( D( O7 K0 b+ vBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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( d" k2 M- K8 q4 DWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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1 q7 @% ~5 g5 S" C* W2 f. f6 X                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵