Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

. E  P% c, ?- l7 E  gCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 T4 l3 `; [; o; p; Y, r7 m! {+ @# t, xBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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9 M# ]' T/ V- g. E% AP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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4 K- @; Q% Z. R, x8 X& uSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- k9 r& [, m& [( j$ TSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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! p9 q$ T" q; oSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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+ I: o1 `1 }& S6 {" w: QMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

4 g) h' H4 n9 f: v' C7 OCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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- ~5 S. [+ ~, ^' h5 SWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

6 k3 R! b+ c1 y2 dPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; M$ `$ p+ q" s' \With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
( k8 O' h# p3 r9 H2 p! hWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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4 {' S. Q6 G% T6 `& SPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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* }" v5 H3 y) m7 F. b                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵