Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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2 b! I2 Z1 X( w! x8 ]CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 V2 a3 m6 G7 c; LCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

0 v: B# ?, K1 Q3 @% fBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

4 i& J. r* R4 h  w# P; \4 j; fSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

* e* T& p; x: u4 v3 KSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

" m$ r  l$ B$ R. E+ MMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

5 L4 l' ?1 L/ I9 V& j+ dPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ B, A0 ]0 }5 c6 ?With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
- L, ^- X/ b! b% c& a- F( T" b9 E; x; _But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 f7 x! N8 j% S7 V% @9 _Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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; o/ f' z, E+ t3 r0 |& e& YWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
9 k1 ^8 R0 R& Z                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵