Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

5 X  E5 b6 S; q1 w9 k* h5 Z4 JCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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6 e7 o, Z. R: r& B1 nBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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! ~2 l; d4 q2 I; o( ~STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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1 P* z7 K7 }# ^1 `$ B' {STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

. B* O0 K, H6 _# jMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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- e; t3 M0 L" [, o8 lCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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+ a( N9 t6 ~# H* Z7 k4 g" mYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

  `" z0 R% y# E3 L( w# ?  X# O2 mWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

" y* x3 C. Q" @* z/ Y# a+ SPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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0 j4 ]5 ]$ ?; q' e! X! S' MIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 N- V6 |0 _1 M2 p* X* F% }With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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6 Z8 O; P5 J) E& U2 u) Z  z' @What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

# s& @! w  o& ]7 I7 n                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵