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 New Stock Market Terms:' t3 X" o2 O4 K: S3 L! O' X; e8 Z
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 1 U+ J1 J* ~" T' E* V
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. " V$ [# R( Z7 _6 Z/ t
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. * N- Y% i3 W0 T' ?, z. N
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 4 U% P- a% {8 f. k8 M
H" c/ V" |! _* }* O( \- EVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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+ e* d. ^: B) d0 vBROKER -- What my broker has made me. # n6 _# C; \2 O$ O
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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- |* ]/ _. h8 O1 u* B1 b* T+ nSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.! f' y& S( [1 J( a$ |) N1 k
) Q3 I9 S, Q" g, [* g2 q1 k8 PSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 4 q7 R6 n3 Y- E! C- J) o0 |8 p
+ h+ e2 T! c- s7 ?8 PFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 9 w& t* E* c8 u' Y# B; m
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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. j' ~+ V* T: R$ O, @' s( r, MCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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0 V: y+ Y' Y p9 c7 _! _8 I! nYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ( S% R6 {; m' ~0 ^
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.0 Y$ n0 Z% o' A& M1 H8 L5 I6 _
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 3 r7 r' L, q7 d
2 X5 \: G/ C3 oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.2 [% F7 L8 O. d: }/ i
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ X/ Z5 f/ ]8 b' l0 s W* Y) g& P& kWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.. f, j' z) y. ~/ o
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. G- o; p* b' a9 Q% N& K& CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
$ W+ p& l! \6 J6 pBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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, L7 W3 z( A9 k P m7 G3 Y7 C( r& G7 jWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... 9 Y1 l: C: I( S
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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