Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
0 P6 Y1 o# v; h$ oCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

3 V) X# U& ?$ T6 U4 X4 dBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
2 U% A5 `1 u9 n" A$ Y' T. [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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2 M9 w6 G# t$ J( @FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

2 k' q+ U$ r2 PMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

% ]' ^1 u, }1 d. \4 S; }CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

7 c  ^, V7 [& R7 M) bYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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& M% K% F+ v5 b7 y4 Y' Z7 WWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

" }, |6 x- i( @# S' o/ YINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

$ B7 G$ n) o8 n" g  G) z9 o% XPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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. P2 K, l& q1 ?4 OIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 Y! {+ H# Q$ L$ B( ?5 T7 X# VWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; a& E9 z% H+ a6 n) v$ k) J% k: x) ?But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! H  e0 Y! l0 P4 z' ~- pBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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$ a; r' Z2 }# x7 LWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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: K& J* E3 M3 A+ b' {                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵