Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

, S# d4 _8 l) A: }( \CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 h+ q% p6 ^- N; `$ i6 m0 K& ZCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

% |2 R+ n: C7 _% C- @BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# ~! Q) m. q& w' dBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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1 j- P9 J* K; v- V  jP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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) e* [2 H7 a  CSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

0 ?0 z0 \% q4 A, y: `7 F2 L: eFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

1 }5 G9 B0 @0 q5 [9 dMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

- J% ~1 K9 r- l# wINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

2 `5 F+ f$ S* F. K' D# dPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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# m' w7 C# c  y+ b( EIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. g1 U1 ~" i8 ]) E* o, a" x: qWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 n1 x! H5 o$ p" C9 k/ GBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
. w# a/ o; G" t" b6 [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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, \0 Z% |6 `% G7 kWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

6 z4 o  \2 v4 a$ }6 k/ [8 W, }                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵