Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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- |1 g2 p4 ?& \+ {9 V% SCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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5 c1 h+ p% l7 s$ d1 Z/ [7 {BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
" |+ T- D7 Z1 q5 v$ QBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

- C2 t: U' A+ A4 kP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

  b3 {) e4 }% E* {+ i" `3 {/ vBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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# v3 T: _" N; l0 hSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

4 H$ w) m; B& n% E5 z$ \  ?( wSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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' q* z: ]+ A! Q6 `0 hWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 T2 V* `5 Z) [1 w* UBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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" j: v* c+ d" K1 T* vWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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/ d8 j8 @3 u$ L7 t! x: p5 T                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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4 W! ~4 t; @$ @% t: mPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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6 J; c# P$ B7 Z! e9 U                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵