Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
5 S5 F9 v& ^3 J! u, c7 U' X3 G& ^- \2 i3 ICFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

  ^! u6 q$ K- j: pBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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  k( n" ]# V" h2 FBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

6 ]7 t: h) B) ~STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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. x  v, l, R3 w& j; g  @; ZSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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" I2 o& K' \9 Z0 T& LFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ k, C+ E, M* C7 N+ YMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

& w  a, i! D  J2 s% d6 gYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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" H6 s$ U' m6 s' w4 ?6 OINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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# ?  t8 L4 a6 e/ t. a% S5 x$ OPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; l1 ]$ z$ g0 w2 O! lWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ n3 _+ A1 L' ]8 ]$ lWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* x' w* @& F( j- [* |3 WBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
: n+ q3 a$ O# C2 C$ `, }" N, xBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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; h. I, k3 R! P  O0 @& P+ T7 \What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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% a, j6 ~$ b3 q( Y! _) b$ wPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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1 T1 y4 l+ S" P                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵