Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! O7 x* K0 E. w; S. J9 h( l1 n3 wCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! s4 o$ R& q3 W; MCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

) `6 i5 Z( l3 N2 nBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

2 N+ Y8 i3 _$ p9 QVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

: g# k+ o4 B2 Q+ ]BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

7 R8 M7 o: B$ A7 k0 gSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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& p1 L. C4 J8 I5 u" v8 ~4 [  `/ ^MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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8 _: a( C* E) K; \$ [$ ECASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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. e  |% i( a9 ?6 d7 m+ |4 N# c3 qIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 P8 G; D1 u: x' T- s; {( LBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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% B+ _4 i' c: X% e8 uWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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: @( R9 R# U0 l3 q# i! oPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵