 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 New Stock Market Terms:2 `6 j, T; P, D+ ~1 `
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. ) i4 N, c1 _/ d. L" u2 r
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. # Q5 j! l& W5 I: ^) v1 Q; s
9 R3 e# e$ L5 G/ h; oBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 D. {3 D7 m; j8 p6 v" j) k6 z6 uBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 1 @/ G0 I/ V/ S0 E
& d0 ^8 i* e( Q5 M, Y$ pVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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; R' U. O4 _2 oP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. * c" b" T% C0 I1 R5 a* P
9 g2 Q R' M1 a/ V1 F! NBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 x1 E% l# D0 ?STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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. T: Y7 S5 ]0 M2 B$ z" W: J& |STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ( y6 E$ A( v8 g5 v
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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. V! M2 d' {4 m2 qCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. * _! |) m# l0 R# o, V3 |1 M
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.3 q1 X4 O0 W: P& m0 q- I+ Q2 j' Q9 z
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 3 m% y, ^" I. w
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.6 T" k; V! S$ ~+ O; i0 m
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.9 v" D. @3 L' l, V
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.0 D7 z, }' |$ Z8 p6 W' t
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.* X, B6 o( j$ V5 u8 {) e! L
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# f; a+ p4 ]" k* ~! nBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? # {6 |2 _! E/ U" I$ [; P
) P3 | x, F) {+ M4 u: ~ A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.; R9 N3 L/ w: Q* K& W8 o* \
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... & F9 R) j, w) W+ p0 T
3 J" r3 o" V2 Z1 i) a5 f+ _ ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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