Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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6 Z- v5 H: B  `6 J2 J" k9 |8 WCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; @- K- S" w: |$ r0 T2 NCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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. D8 [) N! r6 RBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 X2 g! W& \% w7 R1 w  ?. fBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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/ I! E; e) f! m+ A' a' B: RVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

/ k4 r2 V# I4 d! a: i: m. mP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

+ J1 v+ O4 A# i5 ~# bSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

2 I- C' W; p* A) K: S* v% g5 w0 jSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

- Q, N/ P" H4 H8 i1 p& |2 p' x) tMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

" N- x, B1 p* V: wCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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8 F  m1 S: f  B2 a) mYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
7 v7 S% A4 P% H7 s$ r$ RWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 M8 Z/ i' f9 c& P* }With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 b& G' _2 n& c$ w4 \( m3 NBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
$ x  X: M* ^" `7 hBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

7 }$ E8 }8 {# w0 c                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
$ t- X+ a5 m$ S2 d. k* q2 i                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵