Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
/ f( H, q6 ^( J: s1 l& Y: xCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

% H% _% _" w, C, A; dVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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: e% O5 s' e) eP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

9 Z1 n+ {5 D/ Q: XSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

7 D* y" {6 B+ X) ^4 gSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

/ W; ]# E; h" mMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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1 `" O' o+ d# M  vYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

  j! p2 c. C6 Z" X. |* k- dWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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7 B+ E( O  h# m$ s9 Z" ^INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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# w5 N9 }' `" s0 m# \! x$ U! CIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ L3 ~+ {/ w- HWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
1 v, S, I7 D$ o! kBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵