Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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. |1 n8 Z. Y6 E3 T! EVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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% L- R+ j# U7 a4 pP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

' M" I) B' K% I0 G7 A" G3 W0 vBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ a8 J/ Y7 d2 ]+ L* FSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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: Z7 P/ z; K/ d) pMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, b4 V  b. Q- L2 L- ]" c( X9 hCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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: E& L+ H' ?6 x1 ~WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

3 ~+ x. A; J6 Z% b2 Y) eINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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. H+ X9 E+ B/ p6 A% [+ AIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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  e, r: Y9 l& S) ?+ }( y7 iWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵