 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
 New Stock Market Terms:. R- `; a# D8 d2 K; w m
" p4 M! v, G1 D6 \. N. Q6 PCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. # W: L7 A/ N7 P/ M; A2 Q b3 k) w
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ; X6 z* s$ w1 W4 H5 |/ ]
V; g! k' |$ M7 d' r0 y |- nBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 ]$ D$ S# [) H$ OBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 1 d7 y) q+ ^: m% h
" `6 F) D& r& B% K# d) O
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 8 T" J% B8 h* G( L3 j+ {7 |+ x
) w4 F0 k. _2 g: a; W0 KP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 8 B1 H7 Z3 z) @ H# ~7 Z
- ?- {& V( v3 c% z. @/ i0 l; [7 |
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
9 J j- M- G* S w; O& G3 w( J8 m3 |/ E
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
4 x9 V8 ~9 Y1 Z1 D1 S- G2 Y' a V5 Q* i+ l
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
+ V6 l; M7 b1 h% Q+ m5 ]& v k1 G% ~
- n" r G, P7 d6 B0 B: A$ VSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 2 J0 S! A2 D) M* t2 }3 ?/ Z$ L
' ?' C" _3 z' |# d' T6 d6 A9 WFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
4 \% K2 Q ]1 o6 y
% q+ U( w# V8 g( E' @8 lMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. " O* ?9 M3 {) Q/ z( n1 p6 s! n
U% H, S% F* t# S% ^ ?
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
" ~1 |+ m- Z& `; m: ~9 L7 ?$ m8 U6 T5 A- t5 f* a
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 4 k s+ S3 j4 I+ ^
2 c2 {! ?; F' T4 H; m$ K' NWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
) a' Q: n4 I8 _8 t! c) H
' x, |: y% _/ C6 ]8 [INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ( B8 S1 q% p4 h8 w5 J; G& ~
: ?. ]3 i, e6 [PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.* Q1 a' K0 U( D$ l
& ^ r" J' t M* j& H/ }``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` & y" `2 }/ h1 c9 l3 O5 N& y
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.5 ~/ t" x9 S" C' E; `/ ~7 T* x' _
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ u( l- i( a/ C. [: iWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 G; L1 @$ O, U1 B6 O gBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
+ S3 d- t: N( d0 D/ [/ m% zBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
! E" M7 r1 a+ q& y* F0 T1 w3 x9 H/ n6 ] 9 P7 K( N p+ K/ y g+ x, f
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````7 x9 r( _- N3 ?( n
; k1 x9 u3 G& u: oWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? % c" S( Q3 M, L! i& N0 M
4 c. L7 s7 ?; D% C! T- d1 }% |, @
A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes. E* ]7 j8 q. y& Z# D9 Q
w, F0 D( y" D8 }8 [``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
7 V6 c% h/ Q5 u$ iPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...
& }, f6 K( J" z. ~3 Q" s: B
]8 K7 P6 b& B7 H, z: c8 \( r% N ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
|