Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" @0 ^! D0 f+ n+ p' LCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% F7 G1 m0 ^) k( S) v( xBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

& x) I* K& f$ b1 M" SP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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. B* T; o# t$ V$ D/ f/ PSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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: c9 _7 @) {) j3 D+ o8 ECASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

4 ^1 S# o  Y; e4 h+ KYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

" T/ t1 F$ @. |1 r7 @' XWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

; b# ?) w1 Q$ I* c$ m# dINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
3 v4 v$ |3 D( J  u) `With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 p" P# A+ S# ^. YBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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/ a. L$ o4 U% z- K- p                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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2 {. Z- E0 ^/ [2 r" z. `9 I/ wPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵