Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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+ O) A9 |& T3 `6 E7 C, qP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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; S  q/ Y$ V( y1 T' F$ M+ FBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

9 v4 i! n0 B0 V! k# vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

$ f7 m- k  @3 H  {3 R1 L: r$ BFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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) V& t/ m* V9 R: j" HMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

" q" S# c3 S: j5 z: nYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

5 L  F, S, H! X( i7 C% J* gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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( f) j. ^4 X- A' M  T  e$ C7 V& ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ }- ]$ ^! ?7 Z5 c: }' H  bWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
! v9 M) c3 N! l# t# T5 F: W; d2 |3 zWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
1 }( P# u4 X0 z5 L1 `6 }But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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0 C/ j5 l  M' I: yPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵