Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  F' L! {- p3 s) V% W6 x% e+ J' y; Y: vBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

' a( G& I' b  d! c# }* l/ x' oSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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; J: p0 ~) t) A! USTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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- \) |3 M3 K8 q" i0 h/ @# jFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

$ [3 O- S2 J6 u. e0 S2 F7 jYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

3 a) {) m" _$ |9 O& B6 qWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

. [- B7 t8 }9 G: @4 F6 aINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* g: `% o# n' U% VWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! Z/ P: I" r- t; x; P1 }9 ]8 bBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

6 D, C3 K/ x9 e5 M                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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; `5 T: [: H8 R3 I/ \( bPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
, {+ b( y) x& j3 o2 F- Z                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵