Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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$ L% B) Z2 f+ e( {& _CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 B7 B9 x" l9 @- f/ g* I: F+ s7 h; m- KCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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4 {9 K+ R1 u. z2 pBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! N/ ?) I  d2 O2 k  I- _BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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! m2 p& {8 N+ A- aVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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1 `( J% b, ?1 L. ^6 k9 [% eP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

. e- a6 w) x6 a4 l) k; TBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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4 i2 M2 ]" u: MSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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2 o9 }+ [5 \' ]% iSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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) D/ z! L5 N6 W$ B! PFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

4 x% N1 S1 S; fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

6 U% j! t  b& D- R$ FYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

: t# G$ @, n6 X! u6 _WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 ]# a; p9 T& _! A+ Z- sWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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- L2 k( X' k$ r% n* Z$ e$ vWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

5 h9 I% F9 X# v* O1 {                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
  \6 c5 L5 K$ X                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵