Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ r- N6 t6 \  y' _& p% PCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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9 L" ?5 H% b2 e5 q- C+ I" hBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
" \! K) k- q6 @BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

$ d( M5 w" _( \4 @- q4 U. @STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

/ T" V- i1 G' F. sSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

! {" f4 H4 G0 S' B+ Q, y: s2 BFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

  s( l( ]4 i6 ?0 B  uMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

( R6 s" P3 d. d8 ~) PCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

7 x# A/ u: M) @  V* xWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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5 T' m' _7 g5 X* `8 B! \If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 O: `: a6 \' w5 t+ ]) OWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# G; h% S+ X6 x0 D0 m- R% Q9 xBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

. o# r+ U) W- M0 C! g) n% R                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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. F- {4 t8 @; p4 r+ Q  J% xPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵