Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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/ I) w/ |! n6 y2 @# ^  b0 rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; C: N& r1 p# c( bCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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+ v' q  Q) R8 i1 tVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

+ B6 ]. ~( I7 }' Z/ vBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

+ P9 U- B) V: R5 Q9 [+ BSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

  a4 u6 z7 M9 h" kFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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' Z1 E6 s: }1 P! }- r: b; Y# NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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0 R- l# K; l3 m( B8 v- BWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

: F" v6 z" s& a2 Z  {- yINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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2 N9 g* c# J( ^: FIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 t& c) h" B; c7 g# MBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
  X  e" Q. W( n5 pBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵