Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
( N+ s& C4 G! Q& z0 ^0 rCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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6 ?0 T# b1 L  d. [6 S. p9 ]VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

+ X4 \: \5 u( W4 ~+ W# RMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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5 {; R- W: H3 JCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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  X& U: N; a5 T9 B# y) ^YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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  ^& J; M7 w0 l2 ~: V" F; m  T) w0 P9 lWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

8 m1 D2 [8 @$ [5 K# L$ MINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

, n# S7 Q2 ]$ x& x) C! ?9 aPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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% b8 J  T% _* g* `2 c' l5 |4 oIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 \" V9 ~% r$ x" w& aWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
, E0 W; z+ q+ R- ~. WBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

; Q; M3 f( A" W0 f                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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+ W1 c1 F  L0 [: i( h- MPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵