Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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" a6 F# i7 X6 }" y. ?  zCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

4 ~4 P% W+ y+ G) @, G+ \BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

4 ~7 A" N: k& _0 iP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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6 \0 r) G0 |5 U$ h, \STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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% }& Y+ F$ f" Y( k9 ]2 ySTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 n4 i% q& E* U4 T8 c$ |FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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6 C: e5 q# s7 Z4 m4 T- X, o! ~, @# MMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

( b4 v1 N: z4 b* ~, hCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) `0 V) u; V3 r7 MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

9 r7 j+ I" ]) l2 ~2 CWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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$ a/ O; m0 o( _INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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  K7 Z+ k+ m' E( ^; f; R0 PPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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9 y& ^$ ~8 p0 A  X: j& R% TIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) d1 z0 v3 d* y3 r, Y- xBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
7 B6 Q! S& S1 wBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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$ f! _( G! C2 y. M4 l6 n" LWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

  W$ [+ ~6 u/ _2 ~* A1 t                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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# J% V  U: }! h# ?1 C) K                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵