Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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5 h. p. z1 V/ K1 m: H' XBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- _+ c5 t. W' V. F/ h  i' HBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! X8 Q6 B- X* s: z$ VBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

' C. t# k$ L  }' n) o+ w; d% SSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

5 T9 k2 E/ i1 T! R+ F' @STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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2 {% W& g; |- b- \! }- A5 T9 TYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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: L4 y- `- M, o" H' H4 sINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

, G9 Q" R5 K" k" LPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
% T8 f6 o) r6 i+ g, f8 c+ U. o% x/ qWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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* V! C1 y# `* j& yWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

0 }/ X3 m6 t9 P, T  R! ?; F                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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/ E# ~- r5 I& m. y+ \2 y                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵