Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# q5 C# B3 c8 S! C/ W; }' XCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 G3 m  P; L3 M# Z: mBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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5 H1 h" u3 r4 P1 S! H# GP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

. @; ~$ x& Q/ E' r7 NBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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4 t* V/ S5 i& v) B9 ^! |7 ]0 Z! MSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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8 Y' }4 A/ r3 e; V+ jSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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; E  J  _; Y6 Z7 J: I/ tSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

1 D4 Z: g. g4 O+ }MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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) o3 L4 U, U" U+ Z7 fYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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2 Y0 O# s& I* \9 c: b9 `, VWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

  @+ E+ c3 E0 F3 HINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

/ c) m8 P& n9 rPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
# m  D8 z* X6 p6 J7 q5 n8 y- xWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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7 m: M4 L- D3 N. J1 |What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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% \# ]( |, |9 G' V: b* c) F                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵