Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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+ F3 x5 B9 O  x( |CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
9 ?! R* d, T4 |: \! @( K7 n& j1 ?CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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6 v3 Q" J' {1 t+ l) `& ^9 x9 w) eBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
0 b% c' F8 m1 fBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

$ D* F1 T1 @$ A. d7 d. VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

- ~) x4 ^  }! f$ \STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

/ o) Z2 `7 ?- `7 S$ Z) O& IMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

+ @; O* ~; [  h0 @4 A/ I$ Z: XCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

% D$ Z, ]. l3 jWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

" J& f& U4 ~6 G2 |7 Z) DINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ k5 S# a0 n7 I* kWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 V; B- ]# _- Z- i- H  g# v( LBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵