Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
5 U' t4 s1 D# z* l0 H1 ^2 E
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
$ ], j: a$ ~6 E  Q. e, ?  W: Q0 Q
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

2 Q! F' [' h; G  r3 r, q2 ?8 ?; VP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

  i) c) v. ?+ r5 R- a. v: v$ ZBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
: n) J, i1 `* C3 V9 V7 S' I
) }+ Q; P4 |6 [" lSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

6 {& J4 t! c# M7 Y5 K1 f* YSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
) t5 E: U' ^: N* H) U
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
- J; w6 y5 @% S) ]- z
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

+ y) e4 V8 G* a# y( V# w! xCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
3 S8 G$ S* X' A3 f) e( }3 d3 }7 W
4 E7 j) L5 N8 Y7 P' H0 `6 i) n, fYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
8 P- r; t7 \8 [, F
  L+ B! |4 k2 F+ Y" iWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
# i& w1 m6 N+ @" [
- ~6 F( `. k: O! L2 I$ a# g6 I4 T5 SPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

' `  D1 q5 |  D8 M+ J6 a# a( Z  X```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
; c0 k  \( _  {/ J9 ZIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
0 E3 T* u1 N4 nWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
, z2 y  l  W2 F/ a" g% d2 o, XBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
& b0 c& V2 ]$ t3 e) M( v3 M4 KBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
- w% g# }3 c5 j6 ]+ _1 d& d
; p# J# o8 H3 ^  y( t. R6 a6 N! I. OWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
! A3 r' R3 ^+ Y9 _  k1 e
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
6 V" k2 c( l/ ?* Z                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵