Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! s! a2 [$ b- j% N$ VCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

' b- |. a6 h8 z8 vBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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& u7 W# D$ f* O( O) ?9 a+ bP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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, ?- d8 f! |9 iBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

2 \/ B6 j2 d1 {7 dFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

6 g% d% ~  |/ @9 ~5 X0 RCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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% T4 `% J# G2 CYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

8 S$ |6 [- b& D/ J) {WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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9 t* ]2 x% g7 n* _INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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- b  W2 i! I7 f# e) n% {' jIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
7 K8 O8 h3 d2 ?# F4 o: j5 s7 OWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 @, B' I9 ]- k* Z. \But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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1 P3 e) G5 g8 U1 [* J6 B3 N! sWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

0 H# d+ w" r  o, z4 v                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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8 k; f& z( S0 a$ W9 l( Y, UPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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6 \/ Q) m8 d  f. H                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵