Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

  H" c/ V" |! _* }* O( \- EVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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+ e* d. ^: B) d0 vBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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- |* ]/ _. h8 O1 u* B1 b* T+ nSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

) Q3 I9 S, Q" g, [* g2 q1 k8 PSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

+ h+ e2 T! c- s7 ?8 PFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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. j' ~+ V* T: R$ O, @' s( r, MCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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0 V: y+ Y' Y  p9 c7 _! _8 I! nYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

2 X5 \: G/ C3 oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ X/ Z5 f/ ]8 b' l0 s  W* Y) g& P& kWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. G- o; p* b' a9 Q% N& K& CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
$ W+ p& l! \6 J6 pBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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, L7 W3 z( A9 k  P  m7 G3 Y7 C( r& G7 jWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵