Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

1 D: G' m5 }& A9 _0 X/ RCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' m- t& I/ t: ~* G3 q& ECFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

$ t# a5 D/ H$ X+ x9 e' \BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% L! v0 w' f9 z# N  O. P  f$ V& DBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 X0 z8 ~+ h8 p! p3 ySTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

8 ]' I8 n' e4 pSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, X+ R& D' x# g" C$ DCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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6 g$ n' Z6 c$ J, n% FPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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8 S8 B( e+ s6 ]4 ^" m3 L8 L9 AIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 o- I/ ^& L* [6 J' }& D# ^0 RWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) i7 v  E4 m# F( JBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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! p7 s! v7 o* J; WWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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. T: n! g( ]; J4 t. A/ m; z. U& mPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵