Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
; |$ C9 Y% `# A$ g& h' H7 k- z
$ m, C) X% o& f. KCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" w3 ~# h/ c2 H  F7 r% gCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
5 P% A+ z" r& O: K
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

" K. T" w8 k# [- y4 J& O( [P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
% \' B* h+ s4 j9 I
, t" l6 K* K' h% R; uBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
- C" k6 U& [$ Y7 ^5 K3 ]
2 V# F5 I: F! d# g- ESTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
$ T, E- A5 ~  q, [
5 t% U. Y, d: L: R4 M" Y+ lSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
0 J+ j) ]; S4 n& f, n+ n2 x8 T" [
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

' q3 N/ K$ O$ J9 F) [MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
: j3 T' v' G: f: g1 a# j" X4 h" E
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
4 N8 B$ e' Z. C# V" v! |% `
" ^  o( y0 l) u" iWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
+ E. x% _. ?. Z
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
$ U! r) R5 r' `3 b! C! S4 ^
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
- J6 Y8 J8 }! l( `But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) s+ J3 \# m0 R( ^Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
+ X  z' l  h; v: b/ Y, \6 Y
. w( z, Z$ d) bWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
; C" }4 y+ R" G) ~) z' @* q# I6 \$ }
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
( J/ `& p$ d+ S; P" U' \& M
, G- Z- Q& M1 G+ e$ l3 z2 U0 d( o4 k3 _``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
* b% a' F& S6 U' i. g# e& \$ ^9 l, n2 ]Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
" B; P: L- h" Y4 f4 S0 J) {& A     
$ v( L9 z0 c/ ~5 u                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵