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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:" \* R* r( K& ?; }# h- m" _

$ y1 O$ {. ]" D) [! |* RCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" x  l% Q2 C% k5 F6 uCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 6 V  L: N/ R. `& r/ C
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. - k! b. Q( [, C% ?1 \
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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6 e3 n  Y( F! cVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. : B+ e4 ^( f& [; _3 f9 G
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! [& F' \+ f# t% u3 Y9 B3 p5 D# oBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ; o. u* j/ O* i2 ~( ~* K
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.) Y- {4 R, {7 f. }$ p
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. . ^" V5 o! l0 _" Z) N# }

3 w8 Y( [' E9 W- I: ZMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. / U% B3 u% _& ^- H% K& z
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. ; F2 c9 U' q* c% k, Y9 n! T
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ! Y8 Y7 ^& d5 T7 c% h0 O: I/ d
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.2 ~6 K( P& x  g* f5 |( ^
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 1 Y* @; q% u- W# E) k

) J: ?( l/ ]6 N+ I6 x8 \* dPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.* N( z9 p* Y+ b& |7 D3 j

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$ c+ w6 {* D& LIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. [0 b5 v8 q5 [" b6 v$ ~- eWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.2 W! i7 Q4 k/ u$ i
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.6 j3 S( V+ p* V) j4 Y) |- O
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
% _/ ]% E' A  p- a* `. H* ^Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? # f9 X  j1 M- P' V$ R
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.3 \+ f# M' i" |: `4 R- f) }* h4 c
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- f9 X6 D5 Z' V4 GPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   2 n$ o! Z5 g8 @; X
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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