埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 1359|回复: 1

Some finance humour

[复制链接]
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
  S% j1 q) w) ^4 s3 h) g- I8 E3 \* ]0 x
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! ^) r  g' h5 k- oCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
) v; |1 z' u  P$ |! {% {3 X4 p% |8 L4 z9 f- E- z
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 U( t+ g' X/ I9 f! [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
/ O7 K( a" e1 b1 T% z2 H8 g
1 L" {! d$ H: Y- \  l  H6 [9 \VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 6 A# s0 u: E; \9 a$ j' O' V( o+ \8 w
& ?5 ^1 ~9 G, l+ p1 T
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. & m! O/ \8 Y. `+ `* K& U( W

( a2 h1 B- G$ v5 xBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
1 y. q# D& P7 O/ f/ i) U
# L% [, D, n0 ~" P; R& G- [STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
, v& B. D: ]9 N) j
% _; c- t4 e, v2 ]STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.& [# V1 _4 D' {# ]) d$ j; I
* {6 c3 j! u" O: f' d$ m* ^4 H
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 3 c2 w/ X, P9 U- d/ |

1 `; m. c0 T7 A. PFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. * n9 a, d0 G7 g+ z, ^

: p1 X$ C% v6 Z6 ^; Z, [4 t$ r" |, HMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
$ F' z# t) {; c; I! l- T4 f4 h' z. A$ P2 b: |0 L
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. " C# f/ L7 w* k0 h' a+ O
# W% b) W$ Z# o/ U
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
/ ?" t  b2 H' c: i* V0 r- I, h) j. L5 G
8 A0 g9 Y7 M+ L; L( H8 KWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
: r- Z( A# _) z4 _' P7 W" o. b: p: ?5 J
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. # w  _% L. {1 H+ ?

$ c# a2 S8 q. z. iPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.7 z, e) i5 [2 v7 f
# q" H$ r  ~. l& v; e
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  5 o8 B' {0 t1 ~6 K8 g. p
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
$ E( F, U. N$ b! G) e0 _" gWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
" ?2 s" r; v- V, oWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.+ f3 w" R) \; M0 e; x+ k
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 0 k) y7 I8 ]4 `0 K/ T
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.$ a2 W" j0 X( E' U
. u% v% J  ^( U5 [) O6 V/ L
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````3 z0 D( m2 K' g& h7 `( |0 q' u
! K0 h  m  f! r/ ^
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
. |+ O1 @3 a! M, B' c, ?0 K% ]3 u/ m/ m9 U9 a3 _6 h- d2 _
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.- E2 S+ A0 T' K6 r9 p! o

4 _3 x" R% ~6 l4 u7 k1 o% O6 B% i``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````! O& z7 o4 U3 n  n
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   % d. ^* |) a1 A; t3 w% T
     
! p: v0 ], \% {$ y$ d                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-10 05:01 , Processed in 0.126285 second(s), 9 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表