Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
* [( N8 s& H9 N8 r2 S' p. K
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% @0 v: R5 ]  \# {( X% M+ P; LBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
+ u8 x* Z3 D) s9 l- F
1 I$ l5 E6 [0 v" v4 L9 v5 lVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
/ Z" Q4 n' }  }- A) {- x5 S
/ j  S: Y' V& n2 \/ B" |P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

5 y1 ], i1 y. e7 h! g9 T' L& iBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
2 X' _0 r, G& [
, l( e; c- R: P2 x: F  c; s% X" i( RSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
9 L3 B" {/ }% ^3 e
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

: ~  F( R% @8 y7 jSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
. L( P+ _! C8 z9 g4 h4 M- Y
* d( o, d" _# YFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
4 M. p' ]0 j3 O* o! p' T
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
/ t( Z+ |. x2 j
1 H( O  J8 D, S% W* C+ tCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
/ ~! `8 N9 z0 D2 w  c2 M9 C4 K
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
3 r" F2 G5 U% v- n) h2 r! i
# K. n) q% \5 }7 V/ _4 A0 DWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

' y" A& C+ N$ ^$ y! YINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
' G) B" g/ R5 |# v
1 \' O+ H, J- T```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: V4 |3 v/ d% X2 D5 j0 zWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

+ D1 k3 L' F' }; mWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

  m- X0 ~8 ]' R* O" Q- C                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
: I; B1 A7 v( b' H" |Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
' e) G: p: _# f     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵