Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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6 l1 Q  g7 j1 r6 w0 FCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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6 u( _* H" ?2 a9 j9 G+ ^' zBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

3 b. G+ B1 P8 S+ H5 n' Q8 {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

9 ?+ N6 p$ p) U8 G. J+ A; ]- aP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

. ~' Z0 s2 {, D4 b: \, qSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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5 [5 r6 M1 z5 q! MMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

, L/ R1 W- D  q5 j& C8 H# P7 ^  h6 D8 _CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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! [$ E; j$ J( ^: x# ]. cYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

$ ]4 B0 N2 x9 w. S7 X# t* XPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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- V4 T7 g0 _* [0 lIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! f' l( k* S2 C' |6 |With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 a1 O  T& F( T1 u2 T& m' ZWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
6 }9 @& X6 B, H5 P1 t: mBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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( _* r$ a: Z6 t- f. J0 Z# XWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

5 ^7 c0 j% `% S+ F- S5 l                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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+ Q' u& M4 H2 \3 t3 V7 FPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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: o9 Z6 X9 D" P                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵