Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

2 e3 w0 ^2 b6 Y( z3 qCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

1 R% H% L' @: g1 Z' D5 B' E3 gBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

( x$ l# g( ^9 a' }! f" lVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

  W* X% A  I' ^( C# w# ~STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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: t- J, \# {6 [/ a; k7 CFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

# I! ~' D6 q, I0 q8 dYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

& R4 N3 D* n9 }0 w& \/ F# WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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* W# L: t7 H; b& wIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 b. O7 i: L) g  c! PWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. L' q4 L+ U4 X) H( A* ^But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 U; A/ Z3 w% \! j4 |- ABased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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3 O5 W6 s7 ?, \# [/ v4 RWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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- h. y6 @& n3 e- h1 Q+ b4 q* r                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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5 J  r3 X& _! A( D6 a                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵