Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" s- t, p# b& W: z1 w: p2 tCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

4 d* d5 ?; K: A, ABULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* ~6 n2 e8 j$ l. V) wBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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3 o0 V) y: \) F# {$ hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! P9 |& T) E1 |" CBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

0 y& C  Z4 p! z* e/ rFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

6 H5 c% e: V0 A, CCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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/ F4 C6 d$ R) n  ?  W. FWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

! T9 @, e( O: [' _& v2 K1 _INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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9 R% H$ L* y& X9 c: QIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 L2 v1 m, _! g* B' Z5 k/ P" M$ jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* A) q2 k& W3 r0 R" R1 g/ H. h7 [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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, y8 n9 m" j2 E1 _* YWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

7 F% z' K& S$ f5 ?6 n% {                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵