Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ g; i% p  g3 i5 T6 YCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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3 P; w- w) G, }$ |2 ?. VBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# k6 \" _+ q0 c# YBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

4 o- p8 P0 v: e( i% s/ k4 jP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

5 {1 L6 h8 L4 w/ X+ MBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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! K6 p5 g9 z" f" s2 D) gSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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) _, o- s5 M! r( u3 J: ~STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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# E( R% N! l% I' v: iMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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- {' h  T2 ~* H% O4 F  yYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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1 d2 H/ |) ~( [- e% fINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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3 c$ u+ s) P% [( T4 C! A6 f9 z" O' FPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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% a% l  [* L$ O( W0 i( d! p, lIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
/ c+ T, |4 Q1 Z) @$ C* e  EBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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6 H; p; g( i/ _6 R5 w" c# {; V4 g                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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# @! A$ @3 v' v, K0 nPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵