Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
- n4 g+ c) m* v' b. k6 UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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, W  V( Q9 z  X) }  ~8 d2 rBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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8 o- u+ _- r7 I6 nP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

9 x8 {  _6 I2 }& ~( f  \6 w5 rMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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' J: g! b, X, a& V8 ^- F! n+ [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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6 r- q, g1 |' l# {, c, s1 z/ m2 J; AWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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, P& \3 [% e4 ~  D! VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ |9 o9 D6 `* j) @With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
$ i2 t" \& X0 Y! Z1 m+ qWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
. a5 {1 p+ |. C0 l- N9 w" uBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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. L  H# `% b, P) w' L4 rPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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# J) C. k6 _% U                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵