Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

8 |' C" z7 D- V( iCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& ?( f$ h) \) O# H6 ?7 BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

% H/ U$ t  H% [0 d7 I9 n4 IBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
. |- G( M+ e+ [( f1 H1 g' wBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

* b! P0 t1 S  yP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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  j1 S: i9 M. W* d7 R5 p2 f$ ^3 YBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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3 i6 a9 A1 Y+ y* T5 p% W9 ?STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, d! l3 R( e6 r$ A0 E7 E- V0 @CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ s) y' H) c1 W  ~5 \YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

* a( h9 q3 y8 }# V+ o. U3 ]WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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4 n) s! x  P) `PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: S) X; h6 L0 e6 vBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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. P; z, o# L; s* BWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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! A- [! [& Z1 @* R; g; Y- X( RPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵