Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& O1 Z1 d' T+ d' s5 M( ACFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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! v0 i, W& a; RBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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  h& g/ f/ _% {5 ]P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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; @9 g4 W4 _/ {! JBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

, f  d! Z0 f! xSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

; w; ]$ L8 {. O, a' bSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

2 n) Q! I& V2 m. H$ G9 TMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

0 h" ?( ~% p0 ]  S# y  y. L5 m( iWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

: P, X' j  T1 g7 P* A# jPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% M+ ]: g# g- ~- ^7 j  w8 aWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. R4 [2 N3 K3 y: r& |) cBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

: F; o. P. I7 _/ O/ N% i+ S) |                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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: M% E2 L9 u* {* f: h$ C* W* T; D1 jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
+ m, `1 s0 B- Z) x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵