Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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! L# y# ~4 q3 vBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* D5 ~, o. V: _( n' tBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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1 Z- p2 _! p, }1 y# E: ~6 yVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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/ K+ }- s, i( ]/ V2 v* LSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

; E' A- ~6 G0 d" B- ?7 VSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

$ m* x. N$ B" r. tFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

" a6 t6 a' _7 O6 _* A, eMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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+ }+ U+ P8 y0 W  MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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0 y" I+ X2 K( d+ D1 B2 A$ D$ UINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
( y, o4 t6 x* p* r& O9 QWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) U, w( I' c  J3 {; x5 v1 yBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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$ u" L' s9 V3 a. J                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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( ?, ~) A7 h  N' F, [8 D; pPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
+ I( q! K' Z! P: }+ e                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵