Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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! `. `3 L' h1 f! `CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

6 E6 n6 a6 P  ?. i" z9 K( l4 QVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

% y$ H9 z2 Y1 u8 J/ I# ?P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

0 b# x. _  s* O" l! ABROKER -- What my broker has made me.

' Z7 r; q9 O  l, v0 n8 \0 MSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- n; M( B' k* g& ISTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

- a) i! m1 H( r* u; m* cFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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1 _" f( ?$ Z* q; p; qMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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8 y: d3 E1 P: A0 e% S  k' Q( vYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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5 [& f# M1 S2 M% v2 R+ P" tINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

2 ^# e; V8 r! p2 ]& P" FPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& }$ P1 W6 S9 Z- w5 eWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
& }4 ~+ f& z, T/ `But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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: c4 |6 i$ ?; P& e# S+ a$ x  ^What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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* P& f! I8 G3 q% d                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
  l5 `6 g! v0 \5 b                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵