Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

( b# K3 w  j$ @' U" d7 P  iCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
. I, y1 ~* {! S+ ?. aBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

+ P3 A! Z2 B  M- L& ~1 Y+ k' [5 bP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

! ~3 v: X# s/ D3 |2 c! s8 KBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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% F$ _2 B# b) ]; bSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

' A6 v' B4 G5 h+ f0 nFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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, z1 `# i6 I' k# p" NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

% s7 x+ F3 H( i' ~. I- K% DINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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. W7 Q/ M$ T6 M( s) X; }5 IIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 Y2 h- P% v* H# FWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
$ x# Q* q9 m! \& V$ tWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 R' z8 o- o: h: v# b0 [" FBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- M( }0 i# V" O: fBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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2 v, B2 H" H- x1 XWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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& y# d* C: {1 B% q" v                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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% O: [- G5 j: {/ WPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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& ?6 Y9 u1 ]. u. n6 {                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵