Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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5 q6 {; f' t5 Z( D4 s+ |; oCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ I$ C! n: v/ g% e! ]CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

; V0 n- [8 h& X3 E* @BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 r8 Z2 {: x2 _- p# v+ Z) U- ^  N  d) mBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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0 ^" f( c# H, @6 U: D9 p. X( a* |1 hP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

1 H! [7 a* W/ Q7 q& a  QBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

4 I: Z, B+ Y( a$ q9 YSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

5 G. w: z. r/ D+ tSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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  t0 o1 Q+ V6 UFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

5 s" n1 E1 l0 C7 S' k$ ICASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

. B' O/ N! g6 rWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

) }0 V: y1 V3 J: N. sINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. J% P. t  l% vWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# X2 N; F$ [; P  X! J& p3 vBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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2 T$ f# f+ X( O, P' g6 ^' T- kWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵