Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
- s/ [) t/ o/ t6 g8 y# Q
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
' |8 q" R5 W8 U
; ?' }/ S" x/ |1 h/ LBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
2 c7 Q/ }, m( h$ uBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

* V$ }% b; o+ c- z, uP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
( O4 S6 y/ V* W- m& X. Q
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
. l) T+ i  s9 t8 ^
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
3 Z" o' x2 ~% @9 B. g; p2 O
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
& K6 C6 S1 J8 |$ m" Q+ K; X) e$ S
& j0 S1 F5 C( a2 H) Y6 f- HSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
% J" ]9 g; E; D  M) U+ j6 N
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

+ t- ?4 i. _% QMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) d. S+ }& }+ G$ t3 d6 IYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
9 l1 y# E! F) Z/ `, l$ `& ]
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
  r3 O/ ]' b/ d9 D# J
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

. T, s% E, C+ o/ u: g- DPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

- m5 ]; Q7 B" X. @```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* E0 {  J) e- ?/ I. {With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
5 F9 P& w5 \; M% ^$ x
, O9 A2 T5 O& t* ?3 y# s, }`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
6 B: d( D) y0 O$ P
6 X: y2 D  \+ K6 bWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

: d2 [. i% W1 m& t                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
+ s9 v7 M0 p4 p  L
5 t' e: ^+ N, |$ F. D4 C``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
$ N. N! B# R& S  _1 XPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
. j% O5 r* V" V9 k                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵