Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ _$ d9 G' \0 O- s* t- wCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% Q" J& K2 F: [! g% I! Z+ SBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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1 |- v& z& _! Z7 _8 y) i3 j' u7 i! t4 [VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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( ^( X/ D7 R1 t/ B$ ^) `- y2 l, rP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

2 i" P% L& p% [+ ^; p; HBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

& ]3 f: M) p! `8 h3 fSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

8 O7 G$ s: v' i. Q& G$ OFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

# Q- c. e# {2 T9 V; m+ f/ L9 sMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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% S6 H: A' K$ U9 r2 yCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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4 s1 `3 g6 v( m6 |3 M6 I* y6 LWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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7 S1 j  N2 ], B* D% WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( N  h1 R( L5 F# a: KWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* g& N4 V) {1 u; h8 y# r4 ?Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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; f3 C8 k4 n( H7 g! XWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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2 x8 |7 b! r/ K5 S                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵