Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
; t" I, N8 \, j1 N2 E5 `* E6 X' F
) T0 Z4 f) K1 b& \6 z& u0 }CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

- T, G4 Q7 {) m* ?: qBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
; Q0 x4 a* n" M8 L7 b- W
6 {! J- ?. F% c# e' K& jVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
0 e% E) x( R0 c6 ~8 ?/ E$ A
  M+ c# |7 y0 L2 q1 t; d) KP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
3 @/ O# c! U2 T2 B- ~
) e5 A) m$ @# m1 e: N- y/ aSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
# G- q* S  h1 |5 k- g) R) Z
4 d1 g5 S% f! `$ w3 ]# _STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

, G1 d. U" h& N4 N- ^/ x' DSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
3 T0 _; r! W8 k/ b) q/ D0 x
/ o- m0 x  E! t" [* U, Z7 @6 [$ l3 fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

: a4 |" I1 [/ c7 v. E0 sWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
, V" ]! I8 |' c4 X6 U+ y1 \; m$ j
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ U6 S' m9 p0 m2 Y& cWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 c5 ?+ g" I+ VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
/ }: g: ]2 d- L/ p/ K
! T* v' E; s6 H& c. NWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
! K2 y/ c) y3 d7 y
, W5 _6 l% i4 r6 \2 p& y% @                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

+ Q! ^$ r- g; y3 v1 j``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
; S2 L; A6 |" u1 M  _% H2 fPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
) ~0 q# Z, R( e: W                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵