Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

- B, ~$ H5 l( Z* Y: I3 p7 dCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ b0 @7 Q0 ]+ tCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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- y( X0 F1 `  r5 \BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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- c9 {3 e4 K  N& b: t6 rVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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7 r, x, I- K9 r  u* x( D4 LSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

) u  F: U' }- k" X7 f( J1 P5 H( b9 pSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

( R( {. I# R, \1 vFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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6 s0 U2 F$ a+ K# t$ Z' Z/ t6 _MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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4 z6 t) W! ]; wCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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4 e, _2 _3 k- TINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

6 p" o3 p1 k& a1 Q! V2 vPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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4 S9 U5 G4 q1 ~. U9 {Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵