Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! Y9 S! _8 O( H  o4 Q) Q$ ~6 ^BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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. M8 r' A' h% G. P0 t, a, b7 }VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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" w$ x- _7 J5 J% R2 S3 pP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

3 [' S0 ]9 E# x9 ~BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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5 |6 h5 u7 h$ x9 ?# o8 H. j! TSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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+ z9 D2 q6 v* p2 M" i# lFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

; L5 S; P5 ]" u3 }5 H  j& GMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

, o3 {) b$ C3 N# c4 t' r7 eCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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8 x! Z* e7 K9 V  n8 r+ QYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 h) ^/ s; C" Y/ U$ ^2 ZWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
! Y  G7 g5 {9 ~. o4 ^# g- GWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 d% \# t3 E6 S7 ~3 _* [) oBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 m- R1 y$ [6 F7 L0 ~What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

4 Q* B2 g% M/ ^                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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7 F3 x; _+ Y$ l, W+ p& l3 _Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵