 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
 New Stock Market Terms:8 [& n# t3 K+ L* ^% u2 X! e' f
: `: Q+ O) j6 G0 _) \/ m
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 0 X: J! a9 R; X
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 2 ] Z3 ~# o3 t* n
' y# y, h* U7 Y* l' l
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. $ f% D) u' ^3 K5 X( {
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
9 I! w, T" J+ m# L! f+ A6 [
' t- E' n4 ^2 {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
8 f1 }. S) `' `) l9 y6 Y- T: ]7 q. ^7 F+ u& \6 F
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. % [: y3 [1 }% `4 D6 ^
9 @ d/ o! ^' Q* X; }
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
& \* q+ m; G" G7 `% C" q
5 \' @$ c9 i; I9 m, c( LSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
2 |% L- R5 s, b3 Y7 U
0 `( j$ t* Z5 t8 ]( u( o& f# USTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
! U: g" C5 n" P8 }5 U6 [" _, W1 r3 z+ O$ F' M `
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. $ Z! U. f* L3 |2 A
" |8 X& Q$ g7 O* F& X( {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
3 r" r- g5 z5 L" a; m9 \- W/ H6 }0 _) O( b6 L
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
- }$ x" y: L1 g& w. M/ W, a# y8 d0 r
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. / Y4 m( _4 `- ]$ B
' k7 }1 X3 l' k6 h% u8 n3 x
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ' B4 J* y! y/ L4 [
, M# l0 A. I0 V! x! X3 w6 vWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
: k2 G# V8 b% O4 N4 [ A6 r" I! B$ U% l2 N) l( \
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
) `$ X1 }' ]. f" U, P- X
& G- Y2 W6 j, j1 _9 OPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
. o) Z4 {1 N8 P3 G5 X5 M ! j8 B2 \6 Z2 Q" y W
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
& K# k- M% T8 V/ sIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left./ K7 h+ O! w* t: w1 d% J
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.' H$ q. _1 B3 W% j$ e) M
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.3 v. C T0 y) b
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 4 }0 u( m5 r! k4 S0 }) o
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.# ?" r# k( U r5 d. c0 J2 X
: K5 g' s$ T. u6 |0 @* h3 T`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````1 |1 W! |8 Q0 g* _! B! E
0 B; W) Z. K$ q% y3 x9 c
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? ]# `8 R; Y; r8 l2 N' c
8 f4 S& H" _& h7 d
A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
3 {9 Z* g" ~$ H0 @3 |7 [ 9 g: Y2 U& _. M4 H- s @
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
* Q, |) \2 T* fPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common... ' Y1 T0 F; R8 s. _; u8 { W
K v2 v7 i& u
...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
|