Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
7 j/ J$ N% k$ ]8 YCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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% `' k4 e% ~. _! |- ~BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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+ w6 ]; M  e/ P& ~+ \1 g0 fVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

2 T) o& }% M; S2 Y) gSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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, v! t6 X; w8 C6 b8 [) l  eSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

# |6 g' C3 e1 h3 B, NSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

: v) v6 S9 z0 t6 m) p: f1 CFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

* q% ~" E1 F* G" C3 ^, J* E! j- @CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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$ K  q3 W0 L/ j5 }* ?7 dWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ r7 h) u  C! x- q" T1 I* aIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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) ]# Z) y$ U7 J+ @What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵