Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" @( `/ j7 P  Y& H0 k4 ~9 SCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

$ ^$ J4 U# J4 c$ q0 _' H& {8 s& ]' UBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

" F( X: C6 L7 q7 F; h2 UP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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* U' Y: \0 Q. o' m) s+ VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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/ j5 B/ s- r; O2 BSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

' P8 t9 m( ~2 }# `. }# K+ A% L. g* lCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

' X6 f5 T: F$ T# ^) _' ?0 v! GINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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' h1 g6 T0 {3 O$ ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- _4 D# X, t/ l$ l" ]* ^: _With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 L) a/ M% _& u9 p7 _But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
% N& P3 T- |/ kBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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( I8 V  e' K" h: Y' v( \3 p, VWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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% C/ t" v# G( \! s; o                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵