Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
0 |0 v3 k/ K  @$ UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

7 `# m* u$ b: ]: A4 ^BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
/ h0 F+ d: L( B$ `4 N5 l  YBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& T0 |) M, V5 J% xBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; L/ j- {; ^) x* k# J) L  WSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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2 z1 e- c0 k3 QCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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/ V" `: e4 B4 [# y9 w( Z4 uYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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; S3 J# G7 G2 b7 I6 r5 k4 J. P1 gINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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1 _& N5 [' W5 g5 ZIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; t* i2 m4 x7 v0 {But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

" K" o9 K9 q4 T: O$ k4 {! W( D                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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0 T* V8 L. d2 v# A, a; n* X. I1 L, FPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵