Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; {3 R& r2 p5 K/ h  e$ I8 |CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

$ E0 A$ b; `4 O" f( d& j+ O. K  kBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
/ ], ~( g; I0 t
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
9 [; v* R- y* M. W6 z/ b  E
+ p8 }9 O4 H7 ~+ A# o8 ^+ aP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
4 s. s! V% M' V' W9 u
4 L- G0 L' P- l" z" g* s2 x: eBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

# g! _7 k+ i! g9 W" H* uSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

2 `& b5 e( h; J" jSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

' m' y' `: d, \) F, G% SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
, k' V2 G: P7 [2 |' U( D- j
3 U7 M6 Y7 z) Z( a6 FFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

- F6 L  ~& D1 y0 T- K% ZMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
$ y& q2 ~/ N* k# ~* W
% [2 K1 b( Z* C4 ZCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
# r+ A# y- @2 B& d, {
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

' O9 O; K% r" P8 L( |INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

+ D! M5 o# a. [# ?5 BPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
( m# f) f3 m5 [If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
( s( _+ [+ I0 |With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 P3 u! p$ i# `+ Z! zBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
* k* Y0 ?% l+ d) _
' O2 ^0 J) n# l, E8 H  `% R6 @  ~`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
: q+ b& Y3 }& N3 u
/ E0 P( n* E9 k7 A                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
1 y2 j  G  k7 L; s8 m: C
+ K6 L2 q, H% k8 f$ A``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
$ D4 \9 E/ N4 r5 t+ U, j     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵