Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

9 t) h/ M$ S! L+ n5 D! O: Y  jCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 Q# [4 {3 H2 Q" z% d* D. r/ t6 k4 iBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  @6 }1 p) C' ]. {& b0 a  @: r" [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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6 F; N) s5 E' [1 @* [VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

8 p) L" b% ]5 F- iBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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8 b* t% V5 W7 V' Y& ?STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

. i+ A7 l! L" i7 ^3 uSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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: Y! B9 S$ u$ p$ r1 B! D+ cMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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! W& p3 f5 n* l; a5 NWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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1 {! {) o$ ^- y* U: K; G" nIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' U; p8 k% Y5 ]With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# M  X/ c4 z; W3 }5 L) ^Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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; a9 O. k7 u, y4 C! C. M9 }; k4 k/ h8 }What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

8 F" \* E" E2 P3 q8 l& A6 x                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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3 b# Z8 p  o  ^7 U' e) {, I                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵