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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:; E* Y$ r; _7 n
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
) {  j1 m+ v8 z& UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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: V" |( E8 H  s% x& T, R5 p6 ]  pBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. . h' N+ ^4 F4 y% i
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. : }- D) A# R4 z8 J. u8 _4 W

7 b) ~" `5 C8 N& B. y* N5 G  mVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. , @9 c/ s* a: d6 {( K
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ; v9 e  }' V, f/ q# l) I

6 G- |2 k; j, V7 @4 k. J7 nBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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: e8 K9 d% l' [0 l; b: iSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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% E, I' t/ u. q7 c- x* qMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. ) [; I( w0 n" L2 J
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. : W% p$ |1 z6 k! W3 _0 e1 D
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.5 p, @5 j# f5 _0 s8 W/ ?; Y
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ! g& j! p  U5 N/ x8 j$ J

0 C, }* c; I! D0 `$ mPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
2 |8 u: E5 ?! s/ p: ~# M  _With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
8 ~& K  S+ U" O. \" T, ^9 {8 Z. RWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 g# P4 r* s: t+ M. T3 X0 Y& ^But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 _; A+ k* E$ y8 j$ d. ~. ?+ H  [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? . K3 a1 [' ~9 M! _6 j
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.) P: D8 O' m: U9 M
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, n! R9 Q/ j( V/ W# n6 g' L) ]Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   2 \9 J- V( X( m; H
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
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