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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
- `0 n' k8 q" D* W" vCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. : \, V2 K: u+ _6 E  @7 v. {
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 y% f6 g3 E. }. D* m  HBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. $ C  d$ v% p; M
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ) |' Z' {4 I* }0 k- s2 A- t1 y

" s8 Q& W) ]# M% T( y1 d- _P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 6 f9 r, P4 f. `
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. 9 T% i% C  {, O2 }6 c0 f
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 8 u, o+ s8 H5 R6 ]. E1 v# k

. v! ^: Y. i3 i: l  N5 t% CSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock." V2 N2 e# S. K) B" a' c

5 |# \( F$ b* H% SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. + G; m0 K( V' K; T1 h. ?# M

  ?6 y6 G( s) O# g- X2 p  U/ DFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ; X. q! d# r! N* [4 q
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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9 h; u, v9 {, j% I, [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 8 b& W/ O& X  F6 S3 u
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. % e+ L. Q0 C, _! Q, r" P8 ?
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share./ K" |& |; Q- D! ^- W

8 P- a- U1 d! |& H" M, s; D& XINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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; ^4 \/ B. J( r* ~PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.6 ?% v" m5 t) x* \) L
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. g  A4 {3 _+ B% @$ l& zIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.* O0 t% A( ~, n5 x2 k
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.( a  q- L. o$ e5 p$ ^# C/ J: S
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.! `+ m. a  R) i6 A: Q  C; u
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 9 v6 o$ ~& R% g( ?1 E
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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2 c& [! O% ]4 k$ K0 \  IPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   % S: \. A4 y7 R
     
4 K' ?% Y4 V. [$ W1 g- _/ ^8 p                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
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