Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
  M# @( R5 [+ l" p2 T( O5 E$ Z7 y
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
3 z3 C% ?# u5 o/ _/ ^1 d. z+ L
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

: N, Q9 p6 [+ V1 m- S) h' t7 VP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
8 k4 |& K) z  A/ I
5 A/ \( H: t; T# {* FBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

: D: L& a9 u) \% }/ {STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

; J% U/ S! X& J) y6 l6 P& R4 z9 R- dSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
# {6 A# R5 U* V1 Y8 S
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
0 F9 v1 O/ ^9 F$ j
+ M7 ?/ C: R8 G& KFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
) p1 _6 Q# V* a2 y- W8 b: O
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

" L( I5 |$ A! n# L5 x, ]1 ZCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
1 l& ?9 h+ Z8 `+ J
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
/ i4 G5 x1 I  q& @
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
7 K) B. _" a. g1 Z8 K1 h2 T: e
- `1 v' F( N! R+ _6 L! }PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
" }4 I7 q- g# c. q1 ^9 l
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
# U/ i( P6 G$ N1 W! X0 U- o0 W4 hIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% I' A% z9 i9 Y% JWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
/ S8 x5 _  O5 H0 U/ K/ f6 qBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

0 H3 q; ]$ v4 z8 P9 F0 |`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
- I8 G# G& _% F- f( @' Q
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
8 N  m9 x6 Z+ \
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
+ g5 {2 t8 a2 Q5 J% w1 ?6 a
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
( U* k7 M( `* q( w7 \                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵