Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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- x; W7 I0 K  U) v1 p8 ZBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! Q) i* ~( n/ c6 J* Q. y/ m4 V3 YBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 b, G3 x8 u+ o& T7 E. C8 M1 xFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

5 ]/ q' }1 U  j: a( Z7 p( JMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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4 o+ B5 N) h( D) n) tPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 y) k) J% D! D* C  t% r( }. B7 x) OWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
6 Y" z9 {0 B. j% ?But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 X# [5 K! e# d: D5 MBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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7 Q- _( A0 J( g1 W! [* TWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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2 a) }+ `# `) j1 g7 `                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵