Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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( g6 I+ E! U# D' @. GCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
* a! q6 A3 w; QCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! m' L6 C& W! m- q. ~7 |0 wBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

, n" g( y7 l4 GSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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' d5 g5 Z! h6 f$ [6 PSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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' B2 q+ ~: o7 t# X! FSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

* N; H5 s& ~. E; eMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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& t/ K6 Z+ q1 ~, p5 G2 cCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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/ b1 o2 c0 {+ i& j3 R; e2 IYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

7 r) x& y' b" d# f; G, J% z1 XWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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$ s% m- w9 n. J, j; o, j/ J: PPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
# a1 h9 H, L7 L3 h" t% q' CWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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9 |, n) B: m8 a" P! W/ {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

! a  s4 T- r! j8 }, x7 p# d                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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2 D, C; l0 U. X8 ~& hPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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" Q. _1 @# F+ Z% V# a* O, @                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵