Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

# Y+ K% G# O9 f- T7 ECEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
/ j  W! x$ J2 L. |1 i- c6 R  VCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

& a7 a4 W/ Y7 l* XBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! a/ ]0 v# A1 O) KBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

$ w3 ]# u+ q& u: X2 j& mBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- Q  T5 g+ h6 i( K% \& ?STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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, n5 A& }. u* F# L0 V1 ^STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

9 P; y/ L0 U$ x! KFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

' B8 k+ I7 Y' pMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

. _; b$ P' t' B; H6 B+ K4 SWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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! ^9 Y- C0 N2 M) R) l: XINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

) R0 J5 s$ T6 V7 e6 QPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
4 A1 k! ]! \2 o: S$ H% gWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
  M. y5 F* N$ kWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) H) h! i& s& VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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. m! L% J0 Z  g. ^% n                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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! p, H1 ~: u9 o$ E; t6 E( PPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵