Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

0 I. ^. Y% Y3 }6 r; O* v  ZCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# |' b) s  {- z' g8 kCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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  z" a/ o2 E3 c& I+ K3 R, s; M( `BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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: H( F) c! h/ C6 k3 F( pVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& j) h7 ~0 t( N& bBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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3 o  R$ H# R% c2 gSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

; J# b2 r# O4 m9 lCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

, ~7 n# G4 \- b8 AWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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! o3 j6 a2 X6 H9 f  WIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
, A& u/ I% k% z& O% `' p+ yBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

. F, c- H1 s( l, z                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
0 A! V2 Y( b* z% y0 Q                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵