Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

, k, o1 b2 J. C; e* N# C9 e* d7 lBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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8 v" K" `; L8 y3 W2 W) N, UBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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) j5 b( o2 z7 P2 i# xSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

, h+ q6 y& P( I8 q# ?6 B. c/ Z; pSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

- u, W9 X( U* y9 v& \& [# q' ASTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

; y3 @7 d; [9 }+ E1 c7 `$ hMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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& a3 z/ {- m, g7 a3 t! B) wCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

, {% |. U: X4 B, e" q0 LYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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! z9 v1 X/ g9 W7 E! U4 qIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 R5 }- ?  w1 ~& LWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. I; d. k3 R' q) u1 _/ b1 GBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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5 _8 ?9 H4 ?+ H2 v) N7 Y0 P0 OWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵