Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

: d: a0 f  j' m( v. SVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

: {; d- I$ j3 `3 M  A2 LP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

% Z4 w# }& S, i3 `4 }& MSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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6 l* M% G; y$ V/ @% JSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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$ P, b4 q% V# ZSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

5 V8 S+ o2 M6 |8 O# OFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

: u* N1 `$ X. o/ i2 y/ G& ?YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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5 M  n$ C# l7 p# ^6 Q( n5 [  KPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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6 w% T# l. d& Q+ W7 w9 D* xWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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, p( v, e- e4 s; H$ y' t0 [; qPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
  E. Z/ u% A$ x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵