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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:# e% |) }) `/ v/ Q8 }% Y, I& [

0 X6 O' w5 R5 B9 vCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. & S: ?: U: G, g4 H2 N. w6 H
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. : i6 r6 E( t. C$ S# w; Y& h4 J

, t4 |- a) N7 t+ O6 WBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ; {) n7 o& x! A) W7 f
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 4 t3 ~- r$ H/ p: P

1 e$ f" i; U1 b, EVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ( P, V# C4 Y+ L6 ]2 W) u/ H+ c
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. + F  T- y: H7 C0 C+ H

% x5 m8 l4 a* r( O; t8 ?- j' JSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock./ b( R1 y% M1 W
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ; }5 A+ C2 c; V9 @0 X; d7 `) S7 O
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. & x: N" Q( n; l7 `* m

1 V* Y+ {8 f9 @CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. - i/ [0 Y7 z$ Q9 e& {
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.% D/ D0 D9 s- z+ u& _' a

" i, e- O& f+ U# J/ JINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.% c4 Q" h: W6 i+ s# v) Q( m9 A% W
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' c% a- M. F8 X/ X; mWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 }  v+ c+ d9 ^4 M0 PBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. $ b7 V+ U# C: |2 G7 c5 z
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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! Q: S  ?& i4 M4 y  g6 f2 m7 c6 C) Y( gWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? % m" M% g  X7 Z: \8 R4 ?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   & r5 d. J5 A" l  d5 S9 Q
     
: J# f+ |2 s5 B                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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