Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, `; f( x# y; a9 {1 ]+ iCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

4 t9 _/ l; M3 @& K; OBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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" `' S* n+ \, J8 o+ V: N2 AVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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3 w7 O* _+ x+ l' E& Z5 lBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

* }- c1 e# |  R8 O7 p  QSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, A, p3 e5 m0 n# v. |4 O; Y; ?; G8 TCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

' r) m  g9 X; K4 fPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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- _7 M6 i9 M( N+ z# L; iIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
" {2 X  c# D/ s6 M! a1 A2 P* JWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% R" Z0 @, S$ V5 d! r: Z& jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 T! z9 {9 H, `/ s% V1 i8 j& _" p: HBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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+ |5 Z; Q/ V  B+ f                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵