Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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4 {/ ^3 f+ i2 r7 K1 h7 tCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
5 c* F/ ?6 n' Y) i: W" U, m. u( f$ ICFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# s) [+ i2 P" ]BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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8 K4 n" T* m9 M# rVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

' g# W- u) Z/ K# R" b8 pP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; q/ y. d- @8 _# c: a2 |STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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$ s# z% w) \" D! G7 F& fSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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0 m$ V! a- V- fFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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$ e+ D& o$ Y* t. m! }MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

9 D9 |) A) E# S8 VCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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: N% S+ P* i) A3 O* A! \0 \YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

, s6 q& _9 a; N& k+ X. |INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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! v' j( H5 [8 E  LIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# N, Y  c6 P4 c, l$ S7 iWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' O. x+ K4 H" A; ~( t! nWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
  S+ q0 \# n' l8 OBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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( o, X0 l% ]' K1 e  TWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵