Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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; g, y' b, e& F, x5 }1 E  K- zCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ b( H8 L0 _  t+ a2 p2 I/ mCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

- c$ w% Z" Q5 o6 N9 E4 gBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 P2 R5 |# F# z1 E( @VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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; F8 {5 F, \) a  M! V, R: `" AP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; @: U+ ]% N- B4 M* yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

1 [, M7 @) q2 i# cMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

3 o: r+ T0 o( S' j$ V  j+ r) u' SCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 z# M6 O" F, c" uINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

4 _6 M* u. t; f. ]' e' z; g; S4 KPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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  r- T5 e8 d* RIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# _  u( I2 @7 k% \- yBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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* \6 A' h4 t9 j  u& M" t2 L* nWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵