Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

, G1 _* X0 {2 D: R: Y* ?  M+ cBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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# V) n: B4 J/ I8 ?VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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( M: C# o0 z' QBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; J6 }5 p5 e9 x9 cSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- `, f. k; R4 H! U" ^STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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- {" x/ n# n( a$ Y+ j; WSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

$ T, g* z3 \# m. H' h' x9 [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

3 Z5 |& R+ H/ P! x$ h3 MYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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3 |% T& H) u$ h) X( `WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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2 T6 _' s% a" QINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 d3 P8 ]$ Z$ d2 tBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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, A' H4 C3 _3 n% q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵