Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  s/ {/ D6 B* t$ fCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

. E; {' V& B& [3 c+ OVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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. z. k4 N: I" }. D* j4 fBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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8 t) I, l, Z$ U- ]STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

1 d1 l% Q  ?- ?$ E  B# K( gFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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1 v+ p1 X2 ?3 ]3 VMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

, H' X$ V/ }4 ~. ?4 K5 ICASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

! y, `1 v( E, b# {INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ H% k' W4 A) x! I' FIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% r8 Y4 q1 e0 Y3 P( s# o5 |* @/ mBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
( Z, p) c2 |! SBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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! `) R1 K, G( c& ?What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

- x( F, e  o, G$ p) M( x; X                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
2 D4 p9 R+ g  f" u0 `+ x4 ^                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵