Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 o8 r" f3 p; u- TCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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% u( ]  P) v; _* h/ |- {BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! B5 j( q9 d3 K# M8 G8 CBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

& }6 c0 y9 ]9 }2 \1 m6 W+ QP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

7 g  y1 w7 c. P" O4 H# _' kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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6 P8 J/ k* d3 r+ b6 Y/ eSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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8 L; q) E, a5 v6 ISTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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+ k0 e! D' _$ d9 g. [) ?MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

' j' P$ |; B% x, d! BCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

5 l' A! S; ]4 ^PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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: U2 E3 t0 Z" z  ^" Z) |% r! sIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
6 g0 E% b- x5 d" `0 M$ i/ X! bWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
& H0 y; Y6 o8 l) y1 k% p! F$ G  SWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% K( A2 I% K% Z9 dBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! B8 R, |% ]: b; `Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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* h+ K# Y. Z2 j( jWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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; e7 }6 ^, m' w6 \& EPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
9 ~8 L% a; Z% M/ B; X                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵