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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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: T$ g* ~4 Z' E7 N' r- GCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 K6 O% B4 y' e0 y/ o0 ^% B- DCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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5 F* h4 q: A5 Y6 c1 IBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 G+ @1 q! `" M( E8 E8 W$ lBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.   L! l, q+ \: K$ A- M

4 H  m* I. I  d& a: q8 D- ^VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. / V% e% I  K7 W8 b+ f/ g

4 J$ \& \" W7 S, }. {P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 7 T1 o# W" S3 F% U
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. ! f# v' v! S# t; O) Q
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ v1 \! C1 N3 R2 o3 mSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. & f. E: r/ ~+ T- K/ `, p

8 P1 Z! p! s! x( hFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  D" V1 _4 X& y* W/ C, D" A' q7 tMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. - G& r6 K5 A" @' u
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 4 R3 P+ c7 T& \
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ! Q, H5 }/ r7 ?( P) Z8 ?
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.& q1 y9 U2 r! ]6 K6 c) @
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.. G0 P! ^! v" e$ @% Y8 Q$ U

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.1 P; F# d; i* |1 P5 W0 Q& e1 B4 j
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- @8 P7 x( B3 `+ k0 H/ f" H% W$ d: GWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left., {" A+ e5 H& O0 q) t
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. : p7 b/ u# |7 j. c( e
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.9 a+ s3 g' _' _
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   # c% d8 P, H# X+ y' E$ m
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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