Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
$ T- u8 U7 r& M- i" A% BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 M. o- {+ R0 [+ C0 `. U/ g: q( V9 HBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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5 j/ M) M, c1 v, e. E# H6 \VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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, X& N7 _9 F6 a3 P# [P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

$ r7 n$ c2 O3 X, W4 _+ A8 @BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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* b# s: b# `& _0 oSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

2 h/ J5 H) @. b" X6 a9 [7 ^STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 x: ?) z9 x$ @5 m% ]3 n# DFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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* ]. O2 u8 W! b5 `9 t3 M3 V: UMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

" P- T0 M& H& _1 b9 sCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

4 x$ M2 Z" S' `% S& x% XYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

8 q& V) G9 k1 W' EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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" g! Q3 t6 Z. I1 y' iINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

5 y9 X, j4 Q4 G+ s0 a2 l* aPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 H' R5 G2 C% F% S0 H7 i5 Z  |With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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. h9 r* J6 @; R1 ~: u$ {3 N, yWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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% Y6 W0 {# z9 R6 i: S7 H( VPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵