Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! I( T8 ]" f9 Y% qCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  F- D" D6 G1 v3 u0 `# a+ @" ^CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

' v# a& x. K; X; {8 xBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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# n) G* y# Y3 T. y) o  C2 mVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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+ J) a2 e# _# v3 mP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

# `. [$ @8 H! k% K: C2 `% jBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

8 G- |3 U% f2 ]2 ~" ~4 HSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

7 j6 _1 a# t' R7 R7 \. hSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

* S& u! y* x, z  pCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 f# N7 E  R+ {, J" V# MINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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5 @% Q. ]- |. D) j' r" t. fPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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7 p$ j8 O0 r0 gIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
- l! O6 i8 m7 @: @" ~6 {1 mWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
$ w$ p5 M  W2 o% @7 ]With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 f7 X5 Y. Z  ~, B! @Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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! r' M! k3 `' F0 ^9 o: U. W                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵