Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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5 a* w8 I" ]+ r* J* E6 ]CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 v/ R) ]4 d  T! B: r) G1 _( i8 JCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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" g% D9 V. }, v$ rBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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; U% Q2 t  d. M, o6 u1 LSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

4 t) T% s6 G- e# a4 ]  P( H4 t2 tSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

) c9 L! ~% z' u* d% d$ o( [STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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5 U! y. L$ h! x+ QYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

  J: P% O2 ]& IWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

/ Q) l7 l6 @9 b, m9 F3 o3 U7 `1 xPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: \: Y* L8 K8 o2 H( m  Q; UWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
1 q: ]8 M& R! Q0 \With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% _9 Z8 _- b* f4 H/ Z. P, h) IBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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0 s0 o# q) L' G0 A3 i  K! g' G- eWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! |5 @; y( x7 }; d4 P                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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  C4 S$ k- p& ?6 l1 d6 m" g9 uPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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1 o2 R2 M$ r  x# ^                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵