Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
) ^: l- d( y' `: A' W9 P( ]! ^' TBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

5 L8 X; ^0 `1 L* U7 i1 ?- g" fVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! {% E# x) k7 E" z9 {2 OBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

2 r6 w: {, T; c, `7 {0 {STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

. O+ y" k1 |/ q9 K  YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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& e2 \( c* P8 P3 QYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

7 {0 X2 m. l" ]5 gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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: ?, }; P4 V# b) t0 s  }5 UIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; [# M) x; ]) g# H! l8 w" y) \, }With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# F" ?: z( R* M/ |' N( l- EBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

' e5 n9 ^. P4 {. z( p0 A                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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) W6 I% M" l; l# ^4 x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵