Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
; s1 w9 V" ?+ T' `+ W' _2 jBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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5 R( N0 _' }7 |1 A3 X& ]8 PVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

7 H3 C9 g# t' ]! aSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

6 \7 O. @4 p, \% t6 E" `  d7 L5 I7 wYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" p! p* c0 G; [- c; s8 ?) HWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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. S/ r! p. g, X9 _( S) IPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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3 n0 k' F0 S; S0 \8 }7 e) x$ ?& yIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& q; a% O/ S* q, _4 |With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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, r8 S1 x$ V" Y0 R$ hWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

" I) M! o0 ?) T8 I. H                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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! T0 A' ?/ B. P7 |! w# I                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵