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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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3 |# ^; \  E3 u* L+ X# rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# J( a9 o# S/ o! GCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. . p/ P3 B( ^1 t. L% Z$ Z
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ! r2 G: Y  w( L# L  Z

. Z6 r# t3 [" u3 x3 N0 kP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. * c& I& \1 _' i& `# y# E

6 W8 z' H% K, G: u- sBROKER -- What my broker has made me. 2 ]" R9 F# K, F( Z0 t0 ?3 A

! k# [$ f0 V9 U; `STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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" o- }; n2 B& C, `STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.9 P5 ^6 u% V  }

! O) Z% T) O: r7 mSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 8 [: l( ]5 H! c

. t7 z+ j) i- ]" C3 xFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. : g" F# Z7 M2 }
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. $ L* m: I: O$ X% Y& I. i6 R
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. ) M3 L1 g9 `% ^" A" O1 B( \

: ]/ I& [- @, b% Y4 y: A# R+ ~YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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2 I2 K: K* Y+ B5 ~If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.7 g4 O; u  E% u" T) o
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.3 z0 H! q- i# i( e
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 U: r  w# `9 }) h3 Z( m, CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
( Z3 C/ T8 @% |# rBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.5 G2 Y7 V  t' d4 g% M; A' A) O; @

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...     O+ D3 O+ Z* R# f, T
     
- p, c, I+ b/ {& p2 G3 x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
大型搬家
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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