Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

% I4 {0 U1 n0 C6 C# x7 F( eCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
, ~1 I; t2 E7 p0 y5 f7 }8 G& w$ q
& @0 E& l. {( l1 x% [BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
  \' A; u+ ]( v4 \# d
8 ]3 g* _* @  b3 x3 G: c) EVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
4 d& j$ ^, b% }9 ^4 j
! H  C6 s9 g5 M3 K* K  e$ g, e- QP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
2 Z; w0 I- j$ [  W* h, F
- m& t2 A2 D( F3 ZSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
! m# c" p  e$ }& m9 t
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
8 S  w. a0 l' \3 Z
, v0 I7 u' u6 ^1 [5 z1 E! WFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
/ T$ E0 ~, L6 q1 `! c: J
% M) i  Q- S- n( }; @CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
/ I% F8 ?/ K5 d6 z) @
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

, |" U- [( `  jINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

( ]7 R5 E7 \% T, y- KPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
) T  {( q# ?, H; Z9 Z3 X3 E
: O$ K- a; H: o1 b```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
: J: Z: ^" D- ?! c$ WIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& k) g( B# \$ U: H# F2 GWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
( `) R" l6 r; A- x% zBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
5 D& [' _% `* S8 c7 n1 MBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

+ h* C. |+ Y5 `+ o% U2 H1 t3 }4 \: J9 f`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

, U8 _2 v  p% l  l, s" B5 L% r9 n                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

# y# Q) M& S0 o0 q: O! h8 ^``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
6 A+ V+ x' a. g) P; P# K0 {Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
  O8 J& q3 f( {     
9 v; Y9 u8 F, Z  w1 A5 V9 R- h7 {; i                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵