Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
) S" R' h% t+ G4 ~
0 J. l& x' q4 Q, m! M$ jCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' o, U/ ~( J  H; A, o! ^# y* qCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
/ D. U; r3 {4 B; q: v+ e, G
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
4 f7 Y  L: j) o! g3 ^) o, r3 n
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
& a/ }( r, l* C; D7 I8 P; O
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

$ ?+ v- Y" W3 B8 L$ g& NSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

: A) o& e% l; T" y0 Y4 {STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
7 _6 `! [5 f# j" V. k# _
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
5 L4 O$ N# @+ C
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
- {7 z3 e) A3 T( l
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

# K; U# t. [8 W! E1 H/ B  NPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
" `$ W: @% c4 M1 X: m  e. UWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
9 B, p" k7 ]) g, S! D
3 L# c* F% |0 J$ ?6 T0 ?% Y`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
9 U$ d# L# g+ v& A! P: v$ ]$ R
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
! i" x$ A+ e: D/ e
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
" j3 f) I8 I( B  Z4 U% t
; j& h+ z% d. B* w" A  C7 D``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
4 \' b. \- O4 X9 b$ C. m  g) WPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
8 b% f# E) l+ m. a+ ?- |1 e' M& w     
7 g) Z, c5 V0 ]3 |) @9 U4 u                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵