Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

4 s& v9 L7 X+ qCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

$ m# P. d4 R2 e" j4 `BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

; _3 X. ?; u2 W9 [0 g0 sFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

; L7 L3 b* c* p. eCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

# M) T% W6 o$ C2 c! a' ]  E" C  CYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

' z- X6 \; x4 i& C5 w: u1 b; mWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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  a# _2 x; Y, E/ V5 {1 c; j6 dPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# N, t( E$ m2 I3 E, s; D) @$ IWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
3 j' ~" ^% n1 @7 B8 A* RBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

. C# j; z# v+ j                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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5 A! g" J% z% ]  OPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵