Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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& [  s9 r8 z" t" @7 X6 d1 O. MCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, U5 q; L3 q, O/ i' W& pCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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6 O; U8 p& F/ L# \8 Z8 j+ ESTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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4 n" v: |6 M. K6 x6 SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

9 `6 k# e5 V  M% a0 N  E4 P+ qCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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1 h3 v3 t6 w, O0 L; MWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 m6 O9 O! a. V8 T0 n2 ]) q3 SWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
1 a6 A% w1 M5 K+ }( kWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
  _6 O8 W( L7 [( n) WBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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; `: X% X4 W4 iWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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4 ^& H& A  M; Y+ X6 ~: [: \  e                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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7 l0 b9 {* d! f                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵