Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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$ q/ ~8 @0 |* v5 p. F+ RCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
$ i( }& B; a2 s; B2 R: V; f' PCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
; ?7 r- l  G) T  |0 i$ aBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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* A( ]) C, _% eP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 {$ r- J+ j! m  g9 L5 D. R$ j- X! rSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ N- r" d1 I# ySTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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: w* M6 }4 v0 Y# V% Y$ m, Y7 FCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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, \& ^1 k; ^5 B: h8 n7 _If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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$ x& [* H6 ^6 w' P, j9 l  LWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

) l( b* I) o. \' Q4 y, R) {$ S                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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2 p1 n; b2 y$ o                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵