Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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* A# g1 Y4 ?) C9 X5 A. C+ CVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

# K! N  A$ a  y3 v- J0 pP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

  x' n* D- k# ?+ O# tSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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" c: X4 I& n5 N/ c* Y/ g- }( ]8 qSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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% u& C, e" [3 J0 Q+ ]# l8 L# SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

: Y  {; e) w- v9 C) T3 B1 w! @FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

0 W* M+ N+ h! R0 ?1 N( sCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

9 I4 c: V" v6 O8 R( W9 R& f. qYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

; ^: x0 z1 @) V6 fPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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2 N2 Y, h, @1 [( b. u& S  |' f( v. @If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
- s- }' C( Q/ O! F8 r8 ^+ sWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* \& B: \7 q) p( yBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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7 t& c) t4 g/ ]4 CWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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2 m5 B9 i1 e2 H) z) e                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵