Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 X7 k1 H1 N! CCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
2 Z: O  m$ c1 Q& Q; W
9 V1 \7 y9 D4 k  z' Z  l1 eBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 r, h- P/ I- M% r/ J7 _BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
1 q" l0 W* m& p* n& b( m8 I
( q8 a; T6 v3 a( v+ G5 pVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
+ X5 A& h/ e8 Q, }& }+ _
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
3 v) A7 R( K+ K% v8 u3 x$ l
" L1 d! {0 a5 x# }STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
9 k; ?: u0 |8 c  w
% W8 V6 r* r: P: eFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

! ?6 q1 i3 D5 S3 FCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
4 [$ B4 _7 @9 a2 t* v1 ^
1 W, C! Q; \' S6 D& g/ FYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
; x; R( X: i% q, h# k
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

1 H. D( y) T% N$ D: p* M8 ^INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
7 R4 B6 |6 |* Q6 t' b
' b) r( l0 t, A& ePROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

) \2 w$ d  i3 b& O. `  U$ w" |  J3 P```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: v8 S- M. L: @/ y/ L! }With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ C6 P) N9 r6 _+ V) o- B: gBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
7 Q- _9 ^- S. V5 @$ x& m) zBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
/ I  r) n% i) P" B7 d  m8 j
- s' f, }' d$ ^" m* W3 T`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

4 l! u* X5 W3 T2 Q( M( u9 pWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
' P! i5 V1 A) t- k: l
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
. q" R! a9 w# s! I/ hPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵