Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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" r4 [* f+ b4 T" R- x8 tCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
7 J! T5 V0 S4 k8 k: \8 K* m* `+ B$ qCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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# \! z) u; e4 B1 ^BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
; L. }: y! z& N9 ~BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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$ @) H. g( p% O1 k5 XBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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' L  n$ j5 M4 Y1 PYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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  Q1 A1 ?1 M. d# p1 Z2 U# IIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
4 j8 U& ?1 J3 N, q# y  cWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- ]3 S) t& z/ gWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* U+ M8 A, r6 M9 |, zBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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. f2 M; S. u: ?                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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, E, S  G0 j. \4 i5 u! Q6 @Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵