Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 F% D3 z/ e2 f: TCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

% s  `! Y9 V" F0 F9 lBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

/ T! D* h7 @, s2 t0 B. w. _$ z9 qVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; y+ H4 Z2 l" h- P4 j- \; kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

6 }, O" G) A& y1 p. ?, d$ HSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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' A$ _: M. {: T" I" O0 M/ kSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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0 ~- Q- l- q& ^/ A2 tFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

9 [( R! ]% B6 j$ s4 f8 b! I7 h9 fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ p' r( o8 ?; y0 e8 n1 KYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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2 |3 N- T6 ?  i* T+ CPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
3 T3 O8 x: n' q0 ?  f% k) }' l5 xWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* O. \' e4 v& r& Z4 {& QBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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9 w- k& a( s0 @7 A, i$ MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

* z" o( J$ H" G+ k9 t                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵