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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:; X5 {) S3 Y# N! ]5 k7 _7 w+ I
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" @( `/ j7 P  Y& H0 k4 ~9 SCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ' ]$ Q% M* g! a$ q# {

$ ^$ J4 U# J4 c$ q0 _' H& {8 s& ]' UBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ! Z+ b' |- G8 F( z- N4 `6 k5 @& N7 x
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. " V% J+ R. G- i( m- i( e
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 4 s' m" T% P( t$ I! ]! M* C  e

" F( X: C6 L7 q7 F; h2 UP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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* U' Y: \0 Q. o' m) s+ VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. . i8 M; |2 K8 W6 h
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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/ j5 B/ s- r; O2 BSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. " u. X- U9 R/ `; `5 n+ T% s6 z
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.   t( ^; f6 r7 N8 B0 S- }1 @" g

' P8 t9 m( ~2 }# `. }# K+ A% L. g* lCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. " \0 W' M- P: w% S; v% K" M* m
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 3 t% g* W9 Z: F( T6 [; U3 ^2 _
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.! r) Q' q( ^1 t

' X6 f5 T: F$ T# ^) _' ?0 v! GINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.0 V/ }: t# U; L& O
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' h1 g6 T0 {3 O$ ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.6 O1 [  v) [+ T) o* m
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- _4 D# X, t/ l$ l" ]* ^: _With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 L) a/ M% _& u9 p7 _But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
% N& P3 T- |/ kBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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( I8 V  e' K" h: Y' v( \3 p, VWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.: d7 l$ _$ k0 q
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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% C/ t" v# G( \! s; o                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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