Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, A. y$ E' M7 ~) d1 k" [CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

- Y$ O  J' E4 T6 fBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% Q/ A" z' z" e% JBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

; O2 c4 P- Y" e. W/ wVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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  |1 _, H3 W! [( V! d# WP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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: U9 g# ?8 t- b6 ]# I4 O% kSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

$ S0 t' \! g3 I. M; z# K7 \2 aSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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8 d! O% C; ~; y) R+ J) b8 q0 ^STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

# ~  T! u& D+ F# H% gFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

8 b( N7 h, B  v2 rMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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2 [( g6 u( Z. b, \5 F/ g; OYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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7 [, r2 f/ S! fINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

/ B2 w1 I; j. Z: q5 ]: }6 J" z' ?PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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% D% }4 j# y& `/ T0 ]2 OIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 G& v6 i: }9 q% GWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵