Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

" Q* O+ V. E5 L4 PVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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0 _5 V) {2 R  d( [: b! j( MP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

7 f) ]2 F4 i- _% R# gSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

) P, q& g! }1 s' B& {STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

. }6 l# @1 [. [' M( O4 N2 S; \STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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" A4 W$ W  {1 ~( W' T& ^9 @  V. gCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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& s  S) q7 O1 ]4 }7 JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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0 u7 S7 k! o& e7 B; a( K% p) vWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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, \. H4 Z- j" i3 _" _4 ?/ QIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) n8 ~& x( N' U' ?But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵