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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. % `" p# ]: v+ A; k9 B; J) C9 L
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
4 C; w6 p" p8 z3 z2 _BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.   T% Z% A! w1 @) m; Q$ d; g8 i6 m6 Z$ _' X

6 A# B- ?; r4 N# i& t' @2 F. x) g- }VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.   ~, M' o4 _6 F

$ ^$ g3 P- A/ Y; hSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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3 y% H7 ?% y- [% SSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.& G/ [  j- W/ L9 I. |4 Z

% x: n/ }, P4 f0 ?STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. ( h/ R9 y. v& S& X0 m

* ]5 `, H; Q: bFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 6 o9 V& N$ U2 o, U
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. ) A" c9 s. r- |/ o) _

7 ^7 N  V7 g+ JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" q% v7 I7 h1 P5 b5 K1 rWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.+ [. y1 M; B8 {6 c; J" W$ r

# M7 @7 f4 D) x$ y- Z! I3 Q  \INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ! g: R& W9 y) B1 W+ \9 w+ m% {6 L

. ^) @) K/ X2 @0 bPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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  S5 Q' Y# x0 }) v/ Q7 _If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.  I& A- k$ u% a" Z
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.+ G. X3 l5 ?) m
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.# @  j; `( D1 a3 k: x, d* U
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ) O6 n' T/ O; A8 q  f
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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0 B* B( [- J4 n. {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? ' f* Q8 X/ _; l% u2 K$ d3 k
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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' B* M) ]3 r( F                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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