Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

# h8 T8 c* R2 W- r6 qCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: T' C* g1 l1 `, `6 f! N4 _CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

. |' T" Q" e7 c1 HP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! M; w, j7 v! x# w# c0 nBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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, a% ^) P2 |3 ]: @7 t. b' X; cSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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1 X3 n' W) v8 f6 G  H: U1 WSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

$ b% @9 ~( m  O. f5 o& {CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

$ B* f. G5 k- T, X' ]6 e1 NYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

. k+ M9 m8 j8 Y/ wINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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2 f. `. l/ \7 S" A9 F) r3 Q- |6 RIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' F/ r; q1 ~4 c# v9 I1 EWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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9 m$ m) x* t' [2 V4 o6 h' t* q0 N                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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3 P! w# h, A2 n' j; [7 DPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵