Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
/ }6 ~* i1 f; h3 w: @* R1 MCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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* c" n4 {+ g: a) ~0 w: J" Y3 @2 |9 J- {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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7 m% z* c7 ]' W1 Q+ U6 P3 CP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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0 L5 j+ \' h) T1 z7 `$ USTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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- s9 r* x: h8 }  rFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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$ b: m/ _5 F* y8 g5 W4 `% j- KMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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  s3 O  T+ P4 a; W0 M4 Y/ X5 kWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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; }3 F3 i* z: XINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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8 m5 ~0 N) L, YPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' g; J% X* z' \) k8 v, G- SWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ D; Q  Y4 p1 b% b& t; dBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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4 `5 D0 `4 U, r# w                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵