Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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4 ^6 N' l' h( B& Y, N; E# e( LCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
) a2 s' X: I+ |CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- [3 V+ L) J3 |; i5 ?# pBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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  N4 w# N% N$ D) OP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

  i/ i9 u2 j0 y6 O  z. _BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

" v" I$ [1 C) h' W5 g& p' NSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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. `) t# b/ C& z" jMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

5 z2 ~* H7 |( |1 ~2 ~! d; cINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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( i! m" ]% J( J$ ~8 }: K( {If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
& S. g7 e5 ~9 Z* y: G! Z7 I( ^With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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' t3 y8 p: X' {5 ?% vWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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# k6 E+ g/ B: t& R. h                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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* E0 q, p8 U& n# M$ V- f  o* I/ f& HPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵