Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

  O5 y1 e, q0 O4 RCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
: Q& s* j$ h- k. w
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
& c8 n5 {. K; S9 @) p
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

6 q8 L9 R8 A, i( ^STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

& k- g: u7 K8 O. C* b8 bSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
$ [' l8 D1 z. b1 K0 t
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
, z3 u2 A% v  d) Z4 O9 D+ T
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

! X: m3 V5 a& \0 h4 h8 ^5 t7 w+ lMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

. N4 E; p+ @: }5 J1 I! J2 zYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
1 e; w# w# z- R% p3 e. W
5 G5 G6 z2 w3 o3 a' ?WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
0 I0 ?% k& X$ Q+ t1 {
8 l! x" i) U: e( n  Y( J- j7 QPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
& g5 f# h% \2 x' N
: ?7 A/ y3 u% E; d/ E```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
; l, C! x$ }# J" F: [# N5 }If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
$ D* r$ X0 c0 f, C" L, @With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
0 R' A* d2 w1 J# Z2 W$ R4 W: G/ jWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
1 x1 g! S' L/ P+ U. f) T! e4 ?8 j9 P
( J9 {7 g7 n' z`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
  z  [9 u1 c- R) j3 F9 r* g) `
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
% [2 M/ a/ f1 d8 w2 \
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
+ Q' q  ?/ V7 ]/ _- o
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
& y) b2 p  K, {$ S- O4 X6 \     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵