Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: q7 B2 d# Z5 r5 lCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

$ {0 B) G8 |$ i) @) E5 pBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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: _) X! i" C- K2 O" hSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ b: }4 R6 k: _& ~: o3 KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

1 ]# g* ~6 \+ d& L5 `# r& \STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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1 k% F* x4 d$ R& [% `  B& ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

6 q0 ^+ X7 C0 F; f2 OMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

5 i: a$ u& o" l% N4 r3 E( YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

; k! l; M! B* t9 J; uPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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8 f$ y! A; I1 B+ mIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
5 c5 i4 S# d! E, Y3 O1 d; jWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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! X8 x( F- i0 M' k6 Y* v( ^What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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: }: b% i. x0 F                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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5 t7 `9 R, I' ~$ `0 _                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵