Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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6 A& V) x% ]# n2 L- u% ?* n( TCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' C* K' p# ?  l9 n8 l! G7 p7 `BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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- F6 a2 t7 F6 ~" u% EP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

# A5 f( y5 u2 l6 g. vBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

) t, Y% S( W8 vSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

2 V" ]) z2 {5 tFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

5 K' v' }( E+ r7 s$ ]+ ?5 y& \MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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+ m: x3 Z2 U/ h- Z: |* xCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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5 h  E) i* E7 N) \" \$ xYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* E" e, @. \2 ?% G4 YWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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% q- x/ C, r* Z( |2 I6 D. ^1 ?8 r2 b! eWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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3 M' ^4 L5 ^# [2 z; w' `                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵