Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
, E' W' M5 M( }& ?
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
* t8 f! a% B* {' n7 c+ e. v2 p, L% s
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 E5 O& P. M, {- |  _* KBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
( k3 M1 e$ e  A3 M4 O# ~0 b' C' I
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

1 U% M7 D2 E2 g5 Y7 w% K% `8 D- k' L) LP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
& p. n8 K9 C6 ?- R* u0 r
- X( B  z# D# v# q+ C, g2 ^BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
$ k6 ~4 Z$ Z- G( }9 k" F
+ G2 g  N& Q5 d- |# d$ _( e* uSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

( L% O, ^; T3 c  ]3 z2 mSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
: ]! R3 Z! w3 y/ Q: F
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
- Y3 W: ^; S: I( `/ r9 j- h( M
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

; d( b9 \, v( \& @9 t% E- ECASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
# P6 t$ u- F: g. k
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
* ^5 d9 Y+ W% y# D, T  X
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
" p8 v6 F# h4 K/ O. s& {
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
/ H9 O4 X* ~5 S3 U" E$ w, \If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
7 }& J) w# C1 r6 b/ o- ?5 O8 f/ JWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

3 h$ z! m% F7 w' \' C`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
* Q# v7 y# k, J7 }4 F' T$ S
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
; ]8 t3 b4 u- e( D- E( Z" w, C: `Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
; _: f1 A& c! O; R6 b                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵