Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

2 X. A/ i5 {* s) w% H3 k$ }CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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, S- L7 ], `' V3 }/ p( YBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

; _3 r8 @/ w/ f/ GSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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& t/ N3 Y, \- T+ ]( z; FFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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' t+ g) ~2 g/ N, bMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

' f0 n- b* U$ ~% }+ t1 SCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

3 Z0 K9 t& m% G$ u4 @YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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( c+ v7 [) N9 X: n' u' EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
6 T' z5 L; U4 C$ E' C2 R- nWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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- N# |1 P# r. `What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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" C1 R+ V& b8 \1 X* n                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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  n- j7 ^: _* Y, c# M+ xPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵