Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

. P4 D2 P/ Z! GBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: b0 _. k& n3 o7 i9 {BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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2 k7 |- C9 P- e( n9 j0 y0 @8 A- k5 hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

4 ^* o" q; F" {) {) o7 p% rSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

) B( r7 b" W% A" k# y- i' ~MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

. l; {1 J- w+ X2 ~3 KCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

6 a! u; Z; A4 u- N8 fWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

8 L8 C  Y6 ]* b" Q' M1 X& pINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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6 D3 m# r4 z+ [9 r& Y' C* TIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
! s7 S9 D& `5 P9 w0 @$ R. P7 [( ~With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 G- W: l8 y& j) EBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' A1 z" N( ]/ g' X. ]Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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2 O+ p0 D: ]8 g5 t4 P! s/ TWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵