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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:* Q0 Q2 r' U4 T- ?3 `, p; t/ W

1 x. y# j( a1 U& z! I* s: eCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# G4 f0 [. a* zCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 7 E! {$ U( O3 ?2 O  x, m: E

/ ^: }, s3 D  j4 d8 E, M; B- lBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ' ~" _+ \& f. A
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ; k; |& y# _4 `
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. * q' i  k7 _; p- K
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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2 c6 ?( u7 \" P' Z6 n( HSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.7 C" b, Z5 V3 k4 {5 z

. w- |' c# e8 H3 ^STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 r4 ]; m6 D( A  F" m5 ?FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  U6 I& S" p0 e# V- E5 VMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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6 ^1 I+ |1 g2 |CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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! k# O& |: y) X6 ?$ M" _" C( hYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 1 ~6 o: a: l- [% N% V: s
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.% f8 `. u5 l3 `: ~2 h

8 ~/ u& o/ O; x! |! CINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ' I  R5 `2 T3 `! l0 l& A
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.6 v# R% @$ l3 h/ Q7 \% V
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5 ]  s1 f$ i4 _; r  B2 VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.. I. \* ^6 Y( C2 w1 Y
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.! p6 }6 d+ s5 I  N5 R" S7 _
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.: Y2 e' T& Q7 B! {& Y7 o
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* S: ]9 I5 |, c9 ^  KBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.) l$ J4 t) F0 Q1 L5 l! _' b

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? " M4 f4 E; a5 \7 |8 `, O/ z
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.% ^1 H/ P( y  ?% M5 b

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; K! q+ T$ b! S1 L: y* n( X3 ]Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   7 A* ]3 x6 E. `* m
     
' h" D# G7 w1 O; t                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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