Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
/ i' c$ h' L0 Q% |' wBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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7 @: w* i5 s$ W+ ^' I9 z  |9 wVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& f& M! ~) ]* h, v' ]$ t. z8 ~6 BBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- _$ ^! ~9 \5 u2 fSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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, f$ b, O- ~6 NSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

; w' e$ |$ E% `( J- AMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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9 L$ Q3 H; ~* ], B/ YINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

8 K0 ~( g9 J' C, w4 ~3 ]PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
- u! c7 b7 M( D( BWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) o: I, \6 L4 ~( r5 ?1 sBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! x- B! v/ o. C" o, u- x7 e9 n- R$ kBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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1 O) ~* N* m8 a$ IWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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) P/ ^2 b' v5 E  e- \  Z+ H# {                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
$ I4 n4 K) L7 k1 s6 m) l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵