Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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( m. g( Q; ?" m9 i6 _CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" ]  r: m5 f& h+ KCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
$ i& \% C* `6 C% }, WBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 c  A; l: x1 y% L, M9 z* VVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

& V  V! U7 q/ {- O% @, mSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

1 p2 p+ |$ K- d2 kFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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2 u& C: ~$ v! n% }MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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; J6 I* S" r3 N5 Q3 ^$ E$ d/ }( JWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 @1 w) ~; p6 Q. d; u- ^8 ]0 _But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
" U) d. m$ b+ M- s& w: V: mBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

0 z/ R- z4 h: Q* V6 K* n0 q( _3 @                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵