Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
4 m, I4 ^- `6 ^" q7 O5 b6 |! l3 UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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  F2 B7 p3 Z. K; fBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! ^5 {: D! }  k0 g5 hBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

: g  C/ S  X3 Q  U7 h8 C+ M7 u) YP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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& j. O1 L( [( b: B' u' |# }! y: G& z  NSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

" ]+ r  g8 l& J. h& E, NWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

# P4 }2 d# g' x' U( w; c3 B1 nINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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2 j( q3 P3 Y  K- UPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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5 ]: ?0 }0 K) f0 ^8 GIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
4 i" g/ V5 }: g) n( K: lWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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1 @5 z# W# \; ^; }) ?* qWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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& X2 Q  B  O! q9 s/ C% p                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵