Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

9 R3 e# e$ L5 G/ h; oBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 D. {3 D7 m; j8 p6 v" j) k6 z6 uBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

& d0 ^8 i* e( Q5 M, Y$ pVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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; R' U. O4 _2 oP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

9 g2 Q  R' M1 a/ V1 F! NBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 x1 E% l# D0 ?STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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. T: Y7 S5 ]0 M2 B$ z" W: J& |STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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. V! M2 d' {4 m2 qCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# f; a+ p4 ]" k* ~! nBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

) P3 |  x, F) {+ M4 u: ~                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
3 J" r3 o" V2 Z1 i) a5 f+ _                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵