Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  b# m6 ]% M; `8 g7 X5 CCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

/ C- ^5 g( P! q8 I, @BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

0 |4 \1 p1 K4 N7 c) y; v/ {! [VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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1 T% o( k4 c( `: B" ]5 gBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

9 `/ n( X: A* y- eSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

0 L7 M1 J! [' Q- USTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 {+ ]0 e: o' [FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

9 a, J" O( i/ w" nCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

3 J2 x$ V: w9 w9 o& F/ \YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 v9 @5 M0 M& n% R4 l8 T4 U0 }% DINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
8 S, q( N2 T0 T* v+ yWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" z4 X% a& q0 r3 h$ V" {But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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  ~8 J2 Q! s. H# Z' [What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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' \$ A0 ?6 V# {; a2 R# ^Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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7 W) `+ j5 z  r! C( n5 i5 i9 B; p                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵