Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

6 W8 X0 O9 g3 m/ a6 YCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
, V1 ^+ |- O) X& C9 k8 |# N* aBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

$ C1 B- Y6 u  ^( \P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

' c. T) P: g8 ~2 e* Q9 qSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

3 k, r* {- y' F" USTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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% I. Q* R6 H! dMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

# a. ]/ f! L" l/ |: {5 vWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

5 D% i* |4 Q. j7 O- ]* uPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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6 \% ~; C* Y$ L" z$ yIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
3 v9 @! z2 p- Z# aWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 g( Q) T5 W5 c' eBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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2 V  i/ p: U9 FWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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0 `3 x  F5 r6 f/ n+ H/ Y/ d; h4 c                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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3 C# Z, V$ j4 |( x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵