Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
1 Z5 B4 W- D! n9 v! l2 C
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

9 C; @# W& f1 y0 }. M  P2 @% PP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

+ I: {  i" n* h2 nBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

3 }& I2 W8 B+ M8 p4 NSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
. h! q2 z* f! q( [. ]
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) l6 D6 c; N0 i7 r% u0 vYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

4 u* H! G9 j- D- t) pWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
" Y: C9 a) P3 c8 X1 ^
* X# H9 [1 \/ r' ?+ v* kPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
5 y& P+ T5 {# N' ?With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 Y: Z  F( W6 o! EBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' j' c( K  [3 B  B0 iBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
+ _' i; v; d9 O
/ w' ^) O: d% w% s: @What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
4 Q. W# ~' K, {" f' x
" }3 q! X! `0 x- Z2 I+ j``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
" d, p4 Y) Q8 }+ ^9 c7 y# h! aPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
$ |5 c3 o" {$ q& n- b' F' a                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵