Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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: L2 q: q* B- H4 rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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1 C$ w* s* v  v- `8 [, o# DBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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# [* z6 w+ V" \+ ^8 i1 yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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. S' c% k& L& }$ B/ W/ MSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

+ e6 B9 n! l0 O. |8 e  u0 H. g' U% lFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ f# k' `; Z- S9 c* S" rMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, Q+ p8 Y. n7 uCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

% I6 m% X/ p+ o3 {" H$ U, nWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

$ O: N# c" r% U/ Y2 {PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& V7 J/ z* f% f1 I1 t) CWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ R* [# J2 t) E5 B( o& TBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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9 _% k) x7 l4 n) ?4 ?  @  V2 f                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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2 g$ x9 l- R$ R/ V& t6 RPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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5 j. c" q) Y# X$ t5 j                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵