Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
9 I! w, T" J+ m# L! f+ A6 [
' t- E' n4 ^2 {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
8 f1 }. S) `' `
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
& \* q+ m; G" G7 `% C" q
5 \' @$ c9 i; I9 m, c( LSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
2 |% L- R5 s, b3 Y7 U
0 `( j$ t* Z5 t8 ]( u( o& f# USTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
! U: g" C5 n" P8 }5 U6 [
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

" |8 X& Q$ g7 O* F& X( {FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
3 r" r- g5 z5 L" a; m9 \- W
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
- }$ x" y: L1 g
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

, M# l0 A. I0 V! x! X3 w6 vWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
: k2 G# V8 b% O4 N4 [  A6 r" I
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
) `$ X1 }' ]. f" U, P- X
& G- Y2 W6 j, j1 _9 OPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
. o) Z4 {1 N8 P3 G5 X5 M
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
& K# k- M% T8 V/ sIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

: K5 g' s$ T. u6 |0 @* h3 T`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
3 {9 Z* g" ~$ H0 @3 |7 [
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
* Q, |) \2 T* fPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵