Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

% m9 H) a8 y" n: jVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

, W8 H. r  Z- i- p: C8 m6 Z  _P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

/ k7 B/ ^/ `7 i7 r7 o! X% ?STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

8 F) \2 _$ m3 n1 Y# T  [/ ~STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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1 }+ f- J9 h% F" R" Q5 ySTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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; }% q, X6 w& l! |$ z8 T9 |MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, M' C* D9 |- z# g* _9 s1 U/ \, b3 C, UCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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  C: y8 K  D+ k- z1 g2 LYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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' k2 J# g& q2 _( r7 S* R) a. F0 WIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
% J' q2 V' N/ I, P0 A' @8 PWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* m7 ~2 f. D: C  c8 I/ HBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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* Y2 J, A1 I6 z% [What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
* o4 Q3 Z+ T( F9 q4 b: @6 ^) N                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵