Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
) {  j1 m+ v8 z& UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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: V" |( E8 H  s% x& T, R5 p6 ]  pBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 b) ~" `5 C8 N& B. y* N5 G  mVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

6 G- |2 k; j, V7 @4 k. J7 nBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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: e8 K9 d% l' [0 l; b: iSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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% E, I' t/ u. q7 c- x* qMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

0 C, }* c; I! D0 `$ mPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
2 |8 u: E5 ?! s/ p: ~# M  _With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
8 ~& K  S+ U" O. \" T, ^9 {8 Z. RWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 g# P4 r* s: t+ M. T3 X0 Y& ^But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 _; A+ k* E$ y8 j$ d. ~. ?+ H  [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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, n! R9 Q/ j( V/ W# n6 g' L) ]Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵