Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

6 X' d! Z9 ], R7 ?; nCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
5 j8 K" z" |' \8 ?/ S# ^CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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  ^) I" h# h$ W0 m1 k* `6 zVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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5 r7 ?5 M6 J" {8 vP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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* s0 M3 v5 N" `; Y9 v* w1 dBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

4 b* C2 U7 m$ m! u0 [' jSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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3 L; s/ _6 f2 F' g8 E) b* zSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 |! }" L! }& H, gFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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$ t# y! V; k/ M+ |' e" d- ZCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

+ K- s" O! Q- h3 u% EYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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5 R+ _  {% H* Y6 A% cINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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& l/ n7 y' u- z+ d. [2 _, \If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 w. _  c" S: J( b( {With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ v; V. p" E2 M: B- ^# OBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵