Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ b* X) |9 s+ }3 A$ q& V8 i( }+ ~CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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% y+ P! w& E4 w# @- c# `* G( ~# FP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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- }# C0 d9 o8 C4 l6 NBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

# U9 `6 e- }8 U. r) R0 _8 [$ FSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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% z9 [* W5 X+ z1 c3 V1 G9 q  BSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

- p3 P: h1 b! f; L/ \! L' ?# R  pFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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8 H; b1 ]& T3 n0 T) u% uMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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5 c; ^" V: a5 X. R2 ~# h) `CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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6 R; W. l) e' N3 @9 [WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

4 J% z7 d4 {. z$ n' {- `+ gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
( y5 a7 H/ x' w! I" T; e# R3 `3 [With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 o# J. A2 T/ E2 E9 iBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
  P4 |, e5 N) Q& Q+ O: |/ k( i- yBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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/ w9 Q: L# q6 z9 B7 A2 V- ]                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵