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Some finance humour

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发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:2 o  {  L- Q' X

9 t) h/ M$ S! L+ n5 D! O: Y  jCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 7 C& i9 \9 f6 L5 @3 L/ c( b7 L8 w
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 Q# [4 {3 H2 Q" z% d* D. r/ t6 k4 iBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  @6 }1 p) C' ]. {& b0 a  @: r" [BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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6 F; N) s5 E' [1 @* [VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. + ]+ N4 S( {( N8 A* s+ A0 d; Q
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ( ~( r2 I2 |5 i# E1 e$ \

8 p) L" b% ]5 F- iBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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8 b* t% V5 W7 V' Y& ?STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ) k% H" V# d; B* G
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.+ D* d$ G# [- S

. i+ A7 l! L" i7 ^3 uSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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: Y! B9 S$ u$ p$ r1 B! D+ cMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. ' j8 o& ]# B! U5 @8 }% u& K
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. . u, j) K3 @; j3 T: T
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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! W& p3 f5 n* l; a5 NWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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1 {! {) o$ ^- y* U: K; G" nIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' U; p8 k% Y5 ]With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.& s3 o7 f' v" a
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.+ o4 J& j  V# k  D; I$ V, Z
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
# M  X/ c4 z; W3 }5 L) ^Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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; a9 O. k7 u, y4 C! C. M9 }; k4 k/ h8 }What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? 7 ~+ `. B" Q3 j$ U1 H) j8 v

8 F" \* E" E2 P3 q8 l& A6 x                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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3 b# Z8 p  o  ^7 U' e) {, I                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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