Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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0 g. K: H& Z/ PCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
/ R4 P( v- x8 R; c. [# H6 tCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

0 O; p6 b( f$ {( ?VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

$ D& W3 D6 b' w. C( ^! M9 O- p9 zP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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/ z1 m" a7 ]2 O" }, ?" EBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

+ ~, E. Y+ n5 R* b0 ?STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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! k' V" O$ e& L% O8 xSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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" K8 o. U7 G* w6 L+ f. `FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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& t( w8 B/ Y/ J* r2 f% wMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

  z  l) D% F+ h5 d7 wCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

2 g9 ~( ^, Q7 xYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

/ m! E# c  p$ b! fINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* s" i* M" L6 Y/ i) _With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
( f4 I" l# P6 u3 E1 ?$ ^With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 u% t, A; q4 t/ r* c: pBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 L- A) N% k  iBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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$ k6 y* M' g8 L/ h" K1 s1 _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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  m  L- u8 n7 s3 M* l+ k                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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7 C0 C3 u: H. s                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵