Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
4 b# n( \; _2 e9 L# Q$ L$ OCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 ~+ V" ~! q" q7 l& a" j# NBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

0 e* _1 L. ]2 p; YBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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, v, ]) R$ w8 b% i  p5 H& f% DSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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) R8 u$ p  Q; }5 i5 QSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

1 a+ w# I, ~8 d' h, ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

0 O% }$ Q5 w- G6 qCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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$ {; W5 D. ]3 O! Y3 D  C. dWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

) K  M( @/ T( y: DPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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0 `7 J8 x( v& G% v9 {If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% i. p+ q+ J+ @7 P6 U( }With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
' s9 n0 C( [; C2 @+ @8 LBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 U6 v' \8 J$ J( w/ i3 b+ R, qBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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) |: H# Q& w7 u, i8 n" f/ ^What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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5 h) X6 X1 `, u& ]& {Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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/ B! c( {, A& W. M) M                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵