Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* D( Q/ w  G: HCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& D2 g* P0 I: b6 B7 @CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 P$ Q$ }! R" I: ~% F+ L0 o$ h$ }VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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; z% u; C5 W3 j' R, OP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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5 Z/ n" e* F" a# I: N8 L0 rBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

/ d) Y! T. i/ K9 MSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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- p9 ~; U$ w( w% K9 W* e# Q7 x$ x: E$ AMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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/ }& G1 f! f; R* K9 \CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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$ Q& L( v( U7 ], i" IYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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7 T( n- H6 B' `WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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) O' ]5 g5 a% Z9 vINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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8 H9 a  {4 i* h" `$ S3 G3 VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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1 ^5 y. |. W& P, z! HWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

! s' e  i( r/ }, r: e* B" H                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
& e6 G. z2 L1 U6 V                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵