Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

2 }3 s& o. w# h8 c* e. K+ S3 x" l; R7 RBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 n+ ]2 l% C2 ^5 `. SBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 d% `: L9 \9 QVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

4 F- ]/ e. [* K3 v2 f0 k; O+ i7 SP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

2 D; h/ C, {& EBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
6 n* I, y  S8 t
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
6 H6 o4 _: E8 W! J0 [9 I
# L; q! v! I+ b( ^. ~CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

7 W% D9 t( ?9 y8 N; R3 `YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
0 G( r- k, w* w4 z- ^) B
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
# k% j! {; b+ A2 o
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

, ~, |$ p# `, ]! j& |3 o```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( r$ E% f- e: j9 t- V" ^% }: {With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
% a: i4 `; u& F5 JWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 a6 [! s7 |7 H* y9 d; |+ l) nBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
+ g5 p+ _; k" H1 d7 [
# o" b; h' y! h; a, h: v, Q`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
4 B! U& a2 C9 K' J# f1 T
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

1 {! N2 i* t% Z: W                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
# s8 s  T( b. Z
0 d0 J5 G( z; n6 Y``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
' g2 K3 Y6 N- h8 Q$ L$ ?     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵