Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! ^+ V/ Z; K6 |, ]* C; }6 X* m& fCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# V& ]  ?# N4 G/ _) FBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

( Z1 P; o# P2 d2 e& fBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

5 F! \" O9 {$ X+ GSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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4 ]* n% ?  R+ o5 ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

9 |' T3 `5 p% h$ pMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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$ V1 h- Y+ y. W9 X! J+ L/ c/ qCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 r2 b4 t3 W/ J0 B( w4 P7 b7 gINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

. N" q$ J: B. j( V* X, z9 {PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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8 u' Y6 N& A, u- uIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  |  k0 O5 \0 r: D* L6 `With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
& a+ u' H: B/ t5 q: I8 pWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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9 ]6 t8 u9 L: ?; D: WWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
+ H2 c* G5 J8 L, n, l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵