 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
 New Stock Market Terms:
. {" `/ y6 Z% `; C
- g1 B8 r1 L( ~% b7 [" S, N Q' BCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. 8 R/ D7 S' r* A/ S9 ^
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
% p: h# Z* }. \
0 K6 H7 I/ B* r* @2 c% [BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 1 N R# D! Z* ^$ X, N% B
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. s2 I+ v7 z- H. ]8 m
% u' m4 N/ L: i' a. r# \, ]) DVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. * o( t/ i7 v4 @' K! d
5 |' @/ w+ W- E$ b! P' v. x; T2 O
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ' X6 T' Z+ }( C) _6 F
7 L4 ]( }3 E; T/ bBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
& M A- f w: l
5 Z3 N' r% h) E' T$ J- U9 J: Y9 NSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
- s5 Y7 p1 s/ Q( ~; g5 i& }( ]' A! T9 _1 t5 D! U' o# L8 d
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock., j4 l* X& i$ D
. M% Z9 R/ L1 f7 gSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
) m( Z* y! q7 _: k l: `2 Z y1 z# G# H+ q, F& o, F
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
+ G @4 @8 O( Y8 w6 r( \8 ?! j1 M
+ ~6 S9 O+ K1 ~* E8 M! xMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. + |" C8 l1 h0 q1 m
; t8 K) |4 X# V; @
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
. ?- V- v5 Q2 M9 Y! \( ^
2 G, G4 j+ r/ nYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
. J w4 y3 p4 V$ H5 i# m6 J& ^* ?& H; V0 N v$ N
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
/ ~( W2 e& I. O* A6 S6 G
9 y% B0 a# N/ P1 G- u( n# e& T% R! @INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ; g- x! P; Z# [) }/ g* x% S% s, |
' @; ^, I. t8 P; WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
4 G p+ P: W- s/ k9 `6 R2 S; S 8 ^ U& R6 j: t A: ?; I
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
" |+ t( F5 e, q( ~ ?! R/ l9 VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.. \3 c2 z5 W p, x2 p4 R
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.8 F+ s! ~: p* H! E% {4 Q) Q. R
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. y0 h0 G4 ~% y, X) ]/ RBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ' l1 p4 K A8 ?' T, L+ D+ Y
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
`: ^# C) ^$ b4 Q5 V# F
' a, L0 ^3 N4 {2 |- C% r`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````" m( n# F8 h o6 B* w7 [1 P
' Q% ?) d) a: K: z3 Y, ~
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? ! e6 z5 S/ C3 s9 h3 V) S! a7 m1 V
. Z) w! e% y) F. t A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
; X9 w# E5 ~, Y3 o! g9 w
6 ]# U. W1 U9 A0 g+ ]``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````& l; B4 z: U/ k; v2 c& O. O, R2 z
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...
) B6 P/ p# T4 w& K2 N . N8 B8 N$ V+ P+ @ N) B
...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
|