Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

: a1 C, w4 k( ~. W' SBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  ?8 w; ]3 o# t- B6 hBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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- J% ~" Z% C! G3 {VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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5 w0 U+ f- j# SP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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( J9 M+ l) y2 n. K4 t; N: [BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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! i0 U- B3 H4 y3 s' h+ @1 QSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ j+ S( I) W$ [$ |5 g( Y' _STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

& j# h9 D+ c9 @STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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7 o6 J$ S5 v  F$ ^4 K1 I2 xFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

+ R; B7 j1 n  ]3 k1 \: uMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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- F2 B9 v. a9 g& C9 V8 hCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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, x& M7 [( n$ g8 r( EYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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3 g$ e8 r- \9 I) r0 B4 QINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

7 Z, H. `0 L- X/ s. ?0 M( cPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# s) G6 c# J, d2 v' z, h0 L) wWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
& g8 F/ {$ H5 W. ~0 {: {Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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! b% w/ k( e2 K3 \0 cWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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& j: \( L7 v3 b( ^                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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2 I" Z5 c! A! Z5 I( l% MPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵