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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
$ T- u8 U7 r& M- i" A% BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 M. o- {+ R0 [+ C0 `. U/ g: q( V9 HBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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5 j/ M) M, c1 v, e. E# H6 \VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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, X& N7 _9 F6 a3 P# [P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ) j; }/ o8 I  \; L, f6 A; \

$ r7 n$ c2 O3 X, W4 _+ A8 @BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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* b# s: b# `& _0 oSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ( i- F- ~- O0 G6 Y. C$ j* m
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.; z5 e1 a# ~& B" s5 ]6 ?: I" f; S- y

2 h/ J5 H) @. b" X6 a9 [7 ^STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.   [" [6 N/ ?1 r( ]2 F: ?  p

3 x: ?) z9 x$ @5 m% ]3 n# DFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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* ]. O2 u8 W! b5 `9 t3 M3 V: UMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. / H2 n6 o! [. _; K6 ]( p* Z

" P- T0 M& H& _1 b9 sCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. " H( N; T8 l* V% @, y+ N  |# c7 C" S

4 x$ M2 Z" S' `% S& x% XYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 1 l- r1 Y1 a% S' \" K" H

8 q& V) G9 k1 W' EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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" g! Q3 t6 Z. I1 y' iINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 7 Z6 I; r! k. p7 c3 Y% e" [

5 y9 X, j4 Q4 G+ s0 a2 l* aPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.+ {# r) _; r0 L0 n
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
9 H' R5 G2 C% F% S0 H7 i5 Z  |With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.. y8 @& z, S9 ^7 u3 D& t( J" ?6 g
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left./ b; a! C. h- |8 a& z6 B1 i+ g$ e7 E
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. " V; y( G7 _  h4 n
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.& k5 L3 e7 A. E
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. h9 r* J6 @; R1 ~: u$ {3 N, yWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.) n3 A9 W% P5 G. O; [0 \( Q
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% Y6 W0 {# z9 R6 i: S7 H( VPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   + r9 H: |) j' _
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
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