Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# ]0 f/ j% P9 V4 B; p. A/ Q6 U# B( BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

7 e- C$ }- o5 m1 f! V+ Q7 uBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
$ g9 a0 d. d  r' u1 W) k" KBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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  J9 }2 G! M% {& tP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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' ]9 X' b# T$ U2 q6 |STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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9 j% s0 V1 Y5 X3 SSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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; T/ i9 V" D/ b9 O* _, x, D/ AWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- |- @8 Z% f7 `1 KWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 t8 i8 |3 ?" |" K- F7 R8 S! bBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

/ W+ u5 _8 ^# o* w; @* d2 Q% F" {                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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! Y- u3 S3 O' a: n2 b. x. `5 @/ r+ l* IPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵