Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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! c9 N' K! D1 X9 ~4 b7 eCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& n. {4 ?1 L0 d3 ZCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

' P9 X# z' n$ W- a2 V8 ^BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
$ z/ N* M7 v3 ]* ]BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

2 V2 V( o; d. k, K; j  i* MVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

9 C- f6 O5 K3 r4 S  {+ {! QSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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1 h. e5 r7 u, lSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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0 G, h# A. t6 M5 _STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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+ H) Q: F1 I$ kFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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6 v8 _) i- @6 G8 A2 @) NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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' h  h6 z0 `" `$ a: fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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; m8 @1 A9 b& ?7 ]6 i4 e( rWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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- ?; P$ U& b: c; ^INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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, ^+ Z3 X: x+ u! a+ n7 r6 A# p0 PIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! p; z* o- Z. v, k8 xBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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% H  E+ K3 ~, RWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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& ?- w5 b9 l9 [& W3 O2 G                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
3 `. R8 l4 N. C- b+ n2 t  z                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵