Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: t! F/ X  }$ T! p' T2 G" fCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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! l7 m9 f% v' V4 yBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

$ m/ J9 M& J8 ]8 ~7 |: w4 j2 N/ w: {! ^P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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5 W' {0 S. }  l& c" t# H, b% xBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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; m! J4 {/ n9 w0 Q  L* ]  HSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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. O. w/ N/ B0 o) h5 FYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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- ^: ]6 i/ C# I1 S5 _; G0 L# mWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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" V0 M3 o7 ^/ s2 h2 hINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

& @7 j! Q) C# ^5 }1 u: MPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( X4 l- W/ L& Z. a0 b1 j9 m. ?With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
1 n7 ]) R( ~8 O7 g" r: `With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
5 a5 c0 [, ^0 F; b* f* UBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) D- K  X2 U9 H7 dBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

* s, H$ A. L+ r- i7 h0 z, h" z                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
& i% p4 v( U/ F                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵