Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
3 A# D6 q" {: P  W% CCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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. T( U. s+ ^$ l3 C" mBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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" M; M) d" h/ K0 hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; w; O0 }5 B' t8 Q1 H' x" O6 ^. bBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

4 W% {' T7 K; mSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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; n8 s7 h% p& p. GMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

6 C4 R' R$ r! \/ c! r( o3 xCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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; E5 \3 Z! I" H6 ^4 s, FYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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! ^4 W4 f* t, g# A* {WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

# l, P& s7 w. }, j  v7 IPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 a: [% {& I* E4 c8 yBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 A: h: T% Q5 X. K' {  F1 S& R2 v) JBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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& x4 J6 H3 ?) T7 |What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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, }7 _0 _! Y& m& p" {9 m1 p. [                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
" s/ D. a' S5 w6 W# t                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵