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Some finance humour

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
New Stock Market Terms:) j+ \- x& d9 j

2 e3 w0 ^2 b6 Y( z3 qCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. ; u- N$ A5 i' ?7 k7 ]
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ( b$ u) r8 R6 v1 ^( x, l

1 R% H% L' @: g1 Z' D5 B' E3 gBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.   [1 ^) f$ v4 z. e! {
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 5 {5 L; Q5 O* G  Z! h: T+ N) Y

( x$ l# g( ^9 a' }! f" lVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. $ k$ R  w3 g- X0 U* ?

  W* X% A  I' ^( C# w# ~STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. * m0 j; C! B5 M
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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: t- J, \# {6 [/ a; k7 CFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. ) Y. o4 y: b1 y

# I! ~' D6 q, I0 q8 dYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ) l; P; S9 n; f8 B, `

& R4 N3 D* n9 }0 w& \/ F# WPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.- ~& A8 y/ q% ^# N8 o: m: V

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* W# L: t7 H; b& wIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.1 {7 ]& ]& d6 W, O
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 b. O7 i: L) g  c! PWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. L' q4 L+ U4 X) H( A* ^But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 U; A/ Z3 w% \! j4 |- ABased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.9 o6 d8 |; R) h+ b

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3 O5 W6 s7 ?, \# [/ v4 RWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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- h. y6 @& n3 e- h1 Q+ b4 q* r                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.- P+ i  y4 ^3 n8 v

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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5 J  r3 X& _! A( D6 a                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-11-22 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
大周末的,乐呵乐呵
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