Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
. ~- @- p' ~6 l
5 h0 r$ Z' `7 W6 XBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* e5 _" C. c7 M* \6 `) N% SBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
9 {$ w/ M/ T' j, v) M7 m
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
1 b, L+ r  l. ]$ ^# e/ O6 L' D
! [$ x. C/ _: ^! r/ z' i- zP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

" ?5 O( _$ G3 [STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

$ H4 g5 n7 a2 Y! i# |" vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

7 X% k' R5 `) d" Q" sSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
, Y$ U! M4 |" \1 _# s% r
! r' c) ?; D- t8 S! k1 xMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
" z4 r: _3 q; `( }# f9 M; _. m
1 V3 D2 k2 N3 c* sCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
/ s' k5 Q& W# l1 W
! K9 D, _/ ?" z' YWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
' x, u" G' v  D  j
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
3 o- o, _, [; b2 s7 C* o$ P
8 t5 i* I9 d$ t9 r0 k, c9 nPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

& q; [; _  x+ {! t3 ~```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
& `$ M/ \, r+ RIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
) D" H5 w+ L4 T' Q0 w! ^With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 _, `4 K) i  d+ ]; q# mBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 r% s- A' v' P! [2 nBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
/ A# e7 F' w" s/ h, N' `" h
) H, K, w$ M6 ?7 h`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
& M( t$ e( E) V! E8 m* ?
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
; a+ w$ |1 T4 F
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
8 ~$ B9 y" I" E& [. v+ T3 \
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
' _" e  X3 _( ]5 I+ BPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵