Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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- X+ j* Q1 t- @, ~5 `# W  GCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" P7 @9 Z; O6 g( |' u9 ^CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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2 Z' O( B5 Y6 j" j- RBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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. R! f& n0 h9 v% W; p& e4 aSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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' Z  l6 l( a' X. _. V# B3 ISTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 Z8 t7 }$ p' @; X5 V$ ^FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

7 |7 u! q2 e& A7 u% _- X1 M# I2 nMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

& [5 v3 I6 K, S6 e) w1 _CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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0 {3 ]9 }6 Y9 ZYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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5 [2 B9 R$ O$ Q0 P/ i( [: nINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

+ N9 N6 z/ G9 M% gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
) M: q8 |: {2 A" V$ n- i6 W7 TWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
2 f$ R+ K2 L% }) u- O* K$ _                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵