Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
4 P( A0 s7 }. s$ ]- M6 sCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

0 {( e5 Y! t+ o* P- W8 ]BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
1 w9 R. w' D* b3 _3 BBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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5 d$ }! M0 r. L' S# N9 oVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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# C& M; Z" ]" V: wBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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2 c* `' S( d' C/ u9 o8 ^STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

) j8 n2 N8 K( t1 GSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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0 `, n4 o# d2 q4 ZWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
0 z4 N- q( Q. K$ n( Q7 RWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) _1 M. n2 ~  s$ PBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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+ g3 P3 k1 e% G" t, X) eWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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0 N: ~$ h: e! M4 I. `3 `8 oPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵