Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

1 e* u( r% e7 f: k3 ?! q, S$ HBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

5 f6 \% n  U& B: }9 MVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

" q  k, x: U5 B* B& }# F: B. c, }0 [2 lP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

' D, _' N  _; h% d' j. UBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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! A6 C9 D" t7 |2 E1 Y5 S# kSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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7 q8 y: N8 M- t) v1 X  |FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

$ F, \- f% e7 N* y/ K* @6 e$ c) DMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

1 d# d4 [" x! f3 g6 eCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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2 `! p. ]/ o4 ?YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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' h4 T3 H* \1 sPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  L) q$ T0 W2 G3 u: z/ d" v4 V3 vWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 U& v# ]9 V1 jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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6 K4 M0 [2 {$ B) h9 ?What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
; W1 f2 U6 e1 m0 D, e                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵