Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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' X8 q6 U# i) E, t$ }( sCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 N4 s3 u( \) g' {, \/ C9 V' ICFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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" S6 \/ S4 l) j. m: b: Q# S. ^P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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* ?" ]/ p" n& m( iPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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- Z! ?5 Z3 r; O( qIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  H) K1 \2 u$ u0 I6 aWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
( i/ D  Y9 \  G( {3 S# D1 x+ A: ^2 \With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 [; I8 i/ S" r+ D) D  ^. ^But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
" ^' U9 D7 ]+ V5 G$ iBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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/ T7 z$ a9 ?( b2 G+ I, bWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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" x- `* G1 I! f+ S# n; g$ G                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵