Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 U) W1 [3 Z9 V5 }CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

( g( _  C+ `/ y) O# B! \8 [: sBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& t" O7 B( X4 X+ D  g, }& ^3 X) ^BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

# P9 A+ ?9 \+ J1 V" \3 Y* A# tSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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# a7 }! i3 z+ x1 ]  T3 c5 Z( mFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

* E2 g, W2 W2 a2 }7 `1 qCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

' g" J: t) W3 X8 h  j0 s; ZYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

* D0 m  C# g( I" V' K# ?WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

) X8 D  w) m. k/ ]9 XINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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' A- W7 k3 Z) _If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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' y, C5 v! T5 g# ]6 P% j+ MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

1 U6 N8 }) c. X7 `5 a; ^( d( L                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵