Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
# O: x9 P' \$ E+ bCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

& ]& Y: E9 t* h) g4 n+ }. `P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ l# k7 ]+ I; A& zSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

' ~1 f3 _  Z) m$ ?! C* P, dCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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5 S: @' n' P. H7 y( m; p5 a- j* uYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

  C$ |: U/ ~) EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

5 A* m. s% K% ]! T% tPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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% y) x- g- T1 _! C" yIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
6 H% [/ s5 X/ m* zWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 \" C& U: Z% I  z6 j- gWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" O# r9 x# f: Z. y/ wBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 }" E; ~1 Z, t, vBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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6 Z7 l' [% F- d( L: PWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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% H, A7 O6 i* p3 m- d' ]                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵