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it's hilarious, but i didn't write it lol
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Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/parents is/are taking their sweet time:1 H9 ~2 m* q3 B+ y% Y7 J
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1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
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2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
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& P4 n) S c* e4 f$ d" m8 Z3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
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4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.! N: ]# P$ s3 l; g2 T- w
( o/ t% g S# T3 L7 b5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.5 X9 p1 c( B1 D8 h: Z. K# W
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& Y: u. C% M, K$ ?6 t' a6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area: A. H5 g: N2 e& k* Z* q
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7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.
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8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask
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3 F' C9 s. Z" l4 a9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your nose.
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5 R$ h8 u7 H5 K( D& {& Y10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.
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6 z5 D* U2 L' ?8 Y11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.* V) [% R7 e% y; y) _
% T6 @+ Q8 U% y8 R9 |. k3 e12. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
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1 [0 C2 |" _6 Q- R13. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!" D9 C6 v: ^+ ^# Z% y! A1 [
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14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!
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- a$ Q8 Z- `9 W8 |' D5 A- OAnd; last, but not least!)
9 y5 W; [! M y8 K4 A15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" |
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