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it's hilarious, but i didn't write it lol) U. B& q7 m& j# K
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Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/parents is/are taking their sweet time:
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8 F6 ]% n* P& W+ A; ]8 |1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.! L4 e3 e/ f1 a( p. E" ^, W
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6 u; c/ s/ O5 a' [5 H d2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.- Q+ i Z/ c" c( b
; f S& t1 M; @' u3 X. z4 Q* U& V3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.6 e! L' E$ w# N6 c5 f8 q( _' x
/ Y( q* y0 X6 a' o1 A* _4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.
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" r, X" Z: e6 K* d1 j5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
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% d# x6 q0 D0 }: x$ J$ E+ v4 U) E9 M6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area5 W/ k$ w+ j" I# P m
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7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.
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' p& w( N, D4 c8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask! K2 D" Z. E8 f: [; a
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'3 B3 b) }$ i' ~- A! J
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9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your nose.8 K+ c; O \2 A& r- j
2 V/ x3 o. J0 _, k, Z10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.
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# r3 `6 L; F3 S' w, m7 L11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.
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- }( D8 B6 N) G12. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.% l% E2 W: _7 D3 c, L2 S; z D: E
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13. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!
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14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!# X6 g: Y: i/ P; Q5 s3 t' F
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And; last, but not least!)
# l$ |1 ~5 a4 ]8 D% g15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" |
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