我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
% G' q7 o1 @& y! _3 p% B% g
I fell in love with you
0 Q' m( V* f4 m3 f* N- p- a# ]At the first week we met
: H' L7 I, ~4 W$ P
You have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
( ?+ V3 ]9 U. _3 i3 \. j) N4 ?As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars

* W3 N; g1 A4 m7 }4 jYour lip is so big
5 I5 y, b; G* \; Z1 ^$ o) HAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex

/ v) P' g4 D$ t$ C7 fI was deeply in love
0 v: H( a4 h2 v% o% V; e+ TEverything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
" Q, O# C' P, s6 r; a& c% s
9 \, v: u+ r* `0 l3 oYou could not stand my eating
9 ?1 i' G4 x6 q- c7 y" HSaying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
8 C, m8 v, M8 b) H1 {1 ?1 LEating with sound is a pig

. ~) b+ r% I$ Y& [I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
/ C3 a* _0 N" v. c  a: I: FAnd that is the price for love
5 E, y$ o6 m9 K; J) R* K
. {4 T' e# b% i5 oyou are deeply in love
8 e+ ]+ ?5 U9 `' L3 R2 U0 e1 S- }- x' \Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'

/ M- Y' ?/ e  }' O  {You are loving me
3 P. ?9 [- V, N" Lor that one in your mind?
9 {. A" U( V. cMy mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want

unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt

I will never love another
' @! |, e6 j$ ~* w* ~If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
! H( k1 {5 C- ?2 Cmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

8 g( [: r( D- [: ~, g! ?
  F5 R7 `* g' z咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
6 W  {( t# Y" o4 h$ V* \! v不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
1 K  \1 h  ^1 a$ i4 S, ], t& XAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
  k0 V/ w4 g* a- w& J; a; zIn the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

Your lip is so soft
! j6 K/ |! J7 r0 b8 P0 [9 Vthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
& R4 k) n/ G  ZAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
0 J4 {( K. f. x* x4 W- T7 g9 \
& i- }6 e/ F1 H: G7 II am deeply in love
: [" B* ~' v. U2 KEverything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
) n. W3 }0 G' V, x" i* PAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
. @- u5 |1 Z( A4 f' g: JBut u can copy the way how she ranges the poem


  _' q, W% K6 l( J% Q& THis hello is the end of her endings
( V: T# c6 B4 _Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
2 {) h' g; d. C! J/ fHis hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
! f- A* c3 [  q$ t: l7 T- zAnd his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
$ i2 J* j) k2 g- t
( Y# l) y% Q" G$ c  A! `# }Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
My heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute
4 Z8 ]- m8 x- z1 m9 P+ w8 d- P' w
You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
( c- J6 ]' ?0 h/ |0 n4 y, AMy mood is like a cloud
8 m! L' [  R+ iHow could it be dispersed?
8 @$ m( H2 `, a. _* t
) N, R9 C/ K& r: h6 o; ?0 Q" SFeelings bite my heart
% Y; Q8 @0 C2 d/ B) h. vYou are the right one I wait
+ h2 W; X' S0 D, ?/ FIn the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
5 A: t% Z% v; f4 a5 _0 y阿,我爱你
2 d- P% a0 Y2 C3 b( h. `  q你让我心跳好快
9 {6 l1 b) ^  k3 }5 M0 w& D你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
- P2 x4 a/ s& K4 S8 c/ @XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

% o. e1 O$ F7 r$ X7 ~如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
, |8 l. E5 s' `) \" F& l; ~1 y# y; l至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
: c; f0 i9 b; P% z6 ?/ [# |你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
& t: m4 ^  X- ~$ B你让我脸发热
! G6 @5 U1 `6 M' S我爱上你的大嘴唇
! Y( j2 r' B' i: V& K( e7 ~. }: yXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

- z7 X4 ]' {/ X靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。