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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:# a: c! ]  n, {9 U1 y& v! b
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
5 @* Q7 L( M" ]& |9 a( C2 I" `Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:2 ~" C; ]; F( B8 ]1 }; V
Long term, team players needed for challenging,) l/ o6 |& o% d: \* F7 V3 {

2 ]  p6 w( t+ l! u$ i' wpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
! Z* J9 o' b0 V3 `Candidates must possess excellent communication 7 s) L+ C4 b* M7 d( q
and organizational skills and be willing to work 1 }) a6 h9 P$ Z! @
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends # V* B& v& c% H
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. / X0 t: a) C5 k* ]3 L
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
) [/ ^" C" U: }# b5 ]primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
/ D/ K5 n( y( x: Z3 e, Q( b$ A( jendless sports tournaments in far away cities! 9 r/ G, h; b2 w) z8 G
Travel expenses not reimbursed. ( ~: m) j) w# O) z0 F
Extensive courier duties also required.
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7 C6 k6 F9 l! _8 z$ c) CRESPONSIBILITIES:& _/ Q, z- A% h7 y
The rest of your life. 8 g. C* ^8 [4 }( V8 D) v/ D
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 3 k3 p3 M: z% z1 j+ a+ |. `' N
until someone needs $5.
5 [3 P& X! d2 X( n: V. x2 {Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. ; F3 e1 ~$ W  t9 a
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
6 P5 b( u/ q( T* Tand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat " @/ [1 k0 U8 q, B4 ^) o- C: X
in case, this time, the screams from
6 b# a/ j: K1 E/ a1 `7 [1 [the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
. L* O% y: J( }* G; U9 QMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, . r8 z( \- U6 r
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets + C: R' v) c. \9 d7 Q) p
and stuck zippers.
+ x/ C# ^" [5 zMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and ! t8 x$ d9 k6 S7 j2 O" P
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. ( n/ w/ J4 M: N8 [: S
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
# `9 k8 x( v& E3 a2 U/ f- |4 ^5 eMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, ; U0 X) M" [2 D8 y; R, a2 X
an embarrassment the next. ) t6 C' i( G* X
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
. l7 `3 `* I+ _9 \8 ~half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. : O9 n, ~1 h) j
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
) c- g  T! K) k6 F8 \Must assume final, complete accountability for
9 C! @! U. h& f9 ~the quality of the end product. 0 [% l6 P2 p: T: n
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
( A# a: Y7 L; {& h* hjanitorial work  throughout the facility.   w! L' _" M& v% C! q" B
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:2 b9 U7 {5 p- b( m5 h
None.
. n% _* m- U, ?Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
% d! {3 B( G; B; mwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
( `! E) F& }* cupdating your skills, so that those in your charge + b% v; a  L5 Z3 ?3 N8 v# p7 z9 G
can ultimately surpass you.# o5 M' ^! {6 {
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0 g+ s5 ]  Q* N! D6 h) XPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 4 k) }; v1 H) h
None required, unfortunately. ) `& Y3 f: F3 \$ G6 w8 ?
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 3 c$ J  h7 X) A& ]- _

2 G1 {1 i; a6 p- r2 `9 uWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
" u9 b+ p2 H1 a4 {9 {+ aGet this! You pay them!
/ v2 H% {  z/ A+ q: UOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
2 d, E; D* [1 ]& h! L( n# [a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
2 j0 H- r) A7 F7 M" Cof the assumption that college will help them
: y4 t' P* t5 r: ?become financially independent.
# r( ?0 E- t$ T8 X0 hWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
" Y0 e1 e) b8 ~6 ^% V  LThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 2 z. x5 c+ u0 z! O) h$ s
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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! V# e& W* i1 L2 \+ a2 ]BENEFITS: / P% s" K  M5 E" x
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
1 i# v- i/ `- `0 }- s% l2 Eno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 3 V* j) Z" X! b( R* k, z
no stock options are offered,% U* u9 B2 p+ m& V
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 1 f9 h/ O! @- `& J
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses , p8 ?( k% M" N

0 E  q7 o# M4 ~: xfor life if you play your cards right.' h" u+ C7 t& D5 S/ N

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **5 K3 Z! |% c0 _; r( ]6 f( X
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' b& P. S1 z' ~3 w8 C. e, BForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, # m: d, x5 j+ K' t/ h
letting them know they are appreciated
: M; ?$ A+ _! n4 M3 t+ J3 ?' tfor the fabulous job they do...
0 B  H' m1 G+ r: y# {3 I# Cor forward with love
% L4 u- \; L% f) U: O0 cto anyone thinking of applying for the job., ^: ~) J3 ?) Z; c5 h" m
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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