Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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: e$ L6 m  W' N$ Hpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
/ E0 A6 I3 m; bvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
7 g* Z- Q) e  M6 {% f4 mSome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
# v/ ?+ \, \3 q# S1 v" N* w( Q0 @endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
) q; `; j5 V1 e' n2 r0 X, X1 q/ @, iExtensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
2 \* F; b6 A* q) DThe rest of your life.
. M# ?0 Y; [4 t& D5 EMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
6 _: a" C# r9 a9 qMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
3 j; J" t8 l/ J- g' jAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
. j6 C% v+ Y0 Tand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
$ N2 t2 k2 X  h. M5 ~- g9 Jin case, this time, the screams from
2 G# K, Z; C  s/ Cthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
: t$ c: N) m0 J& [3 c4 H3 h3 Tsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
8 F! v; c, O9 d' [& ?Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
6 c  f2 \3 y  t/ S1 BMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
) O3 n: M  Z8 f$ s' D8 X$ yhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
. P+ `  d+ v9 o7 O% L) [& p' ?Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
) r- L! _/ z3 _, AMust assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
2 h, [1 G2 s% `/ mResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
; c) _5 R& C$ o# B. f7 v$ ^) A2 G! |janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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7 I; P, G8 n, F5 KPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
" k; h  s4 S7 d) X8 |( K+ zNone.
$ _$ t, K8 Q) ]2 F( s7 J4 U+ |Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
( n1 I0 C; h8 V$ T- \without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
1 `2 E. N/ ?" l  T$ z9 tcan ultimately surpass you.
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8 ]. ], a" t2 x7 I7 aPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

1 J/ o: @7 @' Y7 J9 l. ^; {WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
! q4 H' F4 L/ R# L* {Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
, F3 V) [# X+ ?) o7 H! Gbecome financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
2 h5 `& U% d9 I# X8 r' q/ byou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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& A1 B7 v% o% ~, u5 d, NBENEFITS:
6 Q3 E2 D. Q- ~% ~) uWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
7 w3 r5 _0 g7 N) M* Fno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.


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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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3 H3 Z% s  d5 I  z  \Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
" w  W* ?% {% L$ _1 Gletting them know they are appreciated
# q" O- c) u* ?4 p; i& jfor the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.