Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
( p* I& E% W8 x2 ?' W# n: y: l6 \Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
: J( x- u/ w+ O+ xDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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2 o+ e0 ~/ m* b7 x7 ^: sJOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,

permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
7 `3 L+ ~" H+ F5 Z8 lCandidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
, q+ D' ^3 ~; N- Jand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
. W2 t: ^8 s/ @1 G; z+ V$ p* vExtensive courier duties also required.
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; M% C* {8 u* ~$ c" ]2 Q) f0 d0 X  ]8 zRESPONSIBILITIES:
+ J; c) n' B) u& G( nThe rest of your life.
) W1 B- y$ t+ V8 BMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
; ^7 f* A8 H/ t. P. R+ l' n& }$ tuntil someone needs $5.
( |$ |8 O4 [) V! M# N, c; {Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
# p+ i& ?. H) e7 i, j) xAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
) u% }. @' b% }: ]) Mthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
5 S: K: a5 x! B6 N2 s, E" jMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
, I; `  G1 n, X/ q) x' g" osuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
/ ^- r' O% J  d5 M% y" H7 i5 |and stuck zippers.
6 D0 C) \, O1 q! K* L8 i* o3 K$ BMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
) I( ~0 Q: ]1 khalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
. K5 f9 h/ q! r$ x, |Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
. X, q" T8 I& p) m% p& ]" \/ hMust assume final, complete accountability for
7 ]0 a  l0 u* M1 Z$ o) W" a5 f$ ^/ ythe quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
# [/ B5 r3 A6 ?- njanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
7 v. q3 E6 o  `' t6 o+ rYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
" z  J( `, e0 Rwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
% v7 M, r  _3 T- E3 M1 g* Z' Gcan ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
) O/ Z# C6 T$ p- y/ jOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
$ \6 v8 x9 u. N9 H" Gof the assumption that college will help them
1 Q! _5 d, A- M+ w- I/ v! Abecome financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
! ]" \. u- v$ mThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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5 x# l$ Q. Y+ e  `BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
! H4 d/ m' R' y# [; u6 wno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
" `$ I; G5 M2 X8 {9 D9 zthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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: R+ d: p0 n  Y5 k4 tunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses

for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **



* e* s8 |) ]! mForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
! y+ I3 Y5 D# Z. P0 aletting them know they are appreciated
0 p! c. J# X; E8 O: |* }for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
4 {* f1 e0 U9 m3 oto anyone thinking of applying for the job.

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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.