 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
 POSITION:3 L8 i9 ]6 W$ t' u
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 0 d$ u1 g* |+ s$ E" P
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
|& ^! \* D3 o7 M
/ O; e+ m" V X' i ^2 ~" W/ q. Y* L
0 T2 B- C9 R; Y- f$ MJOB DESCRIPTION:
. N1 w. Y8 z3 c& b8 XLong term, team players needed for challenging,/ {+ V- p, ~4 L6 v, v1 ?( d: u
, K" K% K$ Q1 A+ T+ v9 L: \ Spermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
( Q9 J& G: F1 fCandidates must possess excellent communication & g; g. w( t3 V1 k
and organizational skills and be willing to work
8 A: T1 j& d8 E4 [5 J: g7 m9 o; G9 nvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends + ]# B; T5 R: C# d. E2 ?$ s
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. : y$ r/ o" n3 M& ^7 J% K
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 8 v! ? H* i- q# h3 f
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
{# g" M& Y, ~- N1 r) i. oendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
]/ H5 j% g5 o1 @Travel expenses not reimbursed. 6 O9 w8 E: Z1 F, f% `. l
Extensive courier duties also required.
# V: O9 A9 E: ]8 |3 p5 ]
. ~$ \# p4 D+ W2 l) jRESPONSIBILITIES:
O q: I1 A* h" [The rest of your life.
9 R( ]4 ]3 C5 `* o9 tMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
5 }0 [, h P4 Huntil someone needs $5.
; R# ~. B3 ?" y, z8 A# XMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 2 Q1 Y/ w; {% B1 P9 R1 P4 D
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
9 K5 {7 J$ A3 w# O/ W& Y6 Eand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat # |7 t# ~7 `* s
in case, this time, the screams from
* I% T C0 C. }the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. ( k: s2 b/ G+ _; z0 M) @1 B
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
3 E) A- Q' f. x$ X. jsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
. c% X% P& p4 }9 D' Fand stuck zippers.
) p$ ^5 g, ?0 C- s* GMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
! p# O4 f& K$ T0 i% d" `coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
# m5 ]. x- o; H! T) ]) x3 mMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. & K7 M2 w9 K. C0 Y# @
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
: `8 z+ x4 k1 p5 J2 [8 Pan embarrassment the next.
1 M* M1 T/ |- ]8 o0 V4 @Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
. Y' k9 F- K/ }2 Lhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 6 K$ F5 n( `/ X; l4 X$ N
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
, W! S' g; X) ^$ k7 E: M+ ^: RMust assume final, complete accountability for
2 s7 D% [$ z! |! }$ x6 `; Vthe quality of the end product.
% G+ M" {' Q) B. XResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
. L' S. v8 l3 j$ U$ Y$ `) j- ?janitorial work throughout the facility. 1 B, J6 u& I5 b8 {1 g v
& A* d- m1 W7 R3 r- n2 q4 TPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:2 a( \6 n! F7 T7 U7 Z3 K
None. ' y, [4 v$ Y5 Y( O0 X
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
) m9 g6 w$ B6 f/ {0 Zwithout complaining,constantly retraining and ! Y% p) ^- W! k0 X
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
( c% {4 D/ [% K& ocan ultimately surpass you.
r* C. X. C. J$ @) f% k1 L$ u1 W) U2 P" k M
/ ~) c8 _7 E; F
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
. z! E+ i) Y) [1 M e0 rNone required, unfortunately. Y+ o9 }2 E0 \2 U( A
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 1 q6 Y1 B$ P- x# e" r; N$ i% g7 ?) ^
+ Y$ L( s; r' K& H; A
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 1 L5 p C }4 ~- n
Get this! You pay them! ~6 n5 B8 V5 |' U
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. ( n8 Q9 E, d* j6 _7 M
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 3 T$ E, s/ h2 y0 k
of the assumption that college will help them ' X6 a5 ?1 t) X5 Z# ?. W0 C* ~+ E# q
become financially independent. % D( V. `# G0 H h8 Z" i. u0 Y
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
7 }# R4 `' z2 z# ]& x6 AThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that * |9 D, b: J" P% \, \7 R7 a
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
9 e A* b0 v+ C* e n7 C( Y3 r7 E) r* ?" q( [1 i0 M0 R
BENEFITS: * t) S0 ~9 m B9 N+ F8 i6 F
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
6 m: Q. e I0 l( rno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 2 j4 @, l* \7 |- s
no stock options are offered,) M- J% }& a } G* i, w
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 8 ?( ]' ^, Z; `! C4 K- C
2 R" S& H Y% a, t+ [ `unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 4 j/ x& A* M$ i a
- m5 G& `3 C6 C }8 k2 Ufor life if you play your cards right., r% f/ M: N3 d% H
+ I3 \0 [, B# J( ?4 }: C2 [
! `! `( p8 Q+ ^/ p) Q : u! P! S! f" B' L" c* @1 \
' V% @* H I3 L& s3 }6 }1 \% H/ m1 R* x
** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
# |8 a9 d) b6 j6 V5 h* n$ m* _5 Y" J! N& ?: U$ T$ h* y+ [7 A
) {5 M$ H r, `) A* j8 w7 o* j9 e& R- y1 R* v
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 6 u; V" G6 q* |3 J0 B- t
letting them know they are appreciated $ m6 Z: T8 D3 A# m" M
for the fabulous job they do... $ R; d1 [% [1 B6 u8 |( v$ U; k
or forward with love
4 y2 W7 V$ l# r1 ?! vto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
7 v8 D: G7 J' b, g" c3 d( Q2 j3 ?; M. j& _3 [$ B7 S
|
|