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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:- G+ j1 f; f+ ?  j
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
! t" k% Y; H" r/ ?* ~+ VDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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( d: Q8 v4 Y, R; _: [2 |2 x& NJOB DESCRIPTION:
  G+ O/ G) ?2 N2 eLong term, team players needed for challenging,2 D. q* u' S, T3 [8 l9 r
, @( w& i  G: i: x
permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 1 K: t6 Y* N0 Z- X6 E/ A4 g
Candidates must possess excellent communication % O$ A. H& m  ~/ B/ Q
and organizational skills and be willing to work
; d1 M0 @: A$ i  Fvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
4 m0 Z" _& @* t3 |- ]and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. ' \- R2 k+ o/ t: A. I1 G
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
: Q6 ?& k9 c/ A' [primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 2 c4 `5 L! S2 C& _
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
8 p3 b) {  f& G: o: O- fTravel expenses not reimbursed.
4 w& i, h6 A& v' H$ s9 xExtensive courier duties also required.
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0 f+ ~7 C& F3 G4 {3 @$ {6 z$ C7 I0 W5 oRESPONSIBILITIES:
9 z  R# M9 u" ]1 t. @% \0 \The rest of your life.
" K/ B- ~: V! d% R" W, p' f! kMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 4 b5 d1 N  a: L4 f
until someone needs $5. 5 Y8 g$ W0 i0 u. Y0 B+ [
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
% E$ V2 d* o& E  X- zAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
; Y* n) e- T" @0 Vand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 2 i* |4 a/ R0 T/ I
in case, this time, the screams from % {) t# u0 n  n; |) c( Z
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
8 c' R  A- b, P; dMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, ; n6 w; H; n4 u) f. A5 T4 n
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 3 s2 Y3 X2 `: v3 a/ E  }
and stuck zippers.   Z$ ~# q; l* ?, K% X( a5 f
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
# M0 l4 ?8 P: h4 w+ U, b' a- Pcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. ( _$ w7 p9 j* A5 X: ?# ]
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
6 R$ g! ^4 u6 l: f: OMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
4 U6 u5 [2 I5 `( b! l2 m$ F  san embarrassment the next.
# f3 T$ ?" h- G+ w& a2 ^Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 7 [7 e8 T3 C9 P& _0 O
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
* w9 s& x2 |% I0 K) d4 uMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 5 |' W8 q3 ~+ D0 }- _9 k, }
Must assume final, complete accountability for % V" Z) h% J8 V; L, `
the quality of the end product. " G; O0 P  `5 D
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
: p/ _/ b( W( x% `' V# ~) ]janitorial work  throughout the facility. ' e# a0 {5 R) ]; ]

/ d- O+ \) q3 OPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
8 g' O8 I# Y; e% N  ^# ?None. . a0 z- T! A6 |) u% t
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
7 V; n  N4 F0 v  Y1 v! @! ^5 z- k# o1 Pwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
' f( @* i1 V/ w# M9 k6 u0 O7 m* Wupdating your skills, so that those in your charge 3 C6 Q3 k3 P/ \. g' i6 `
can ultimately surpass you.9 `2 R& S0 I: O$ R$ s8 l

: i# F% C4 U$ I  `2 u: Q. ]; A/ `1 v" Q; k
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: " u+ l4 w( D: r$ O& ^8 y
None required, unfortunately.
& C1 p6 w) H! o. q- }5 jOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 3 ?( }' f# `; d' j
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 7 b- q+ X" |8 F% E. F: a! E
Get this! You pay them! 8 m9 f6 u1 d! v. V3 U/ f0 D
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. & x6 k* v2 N) D9 h' b5 N( K. Z% P
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
4 G( m& |; Y- @7 H' {of the assumption that college will help them
# W2 Z' f( g; l: @1 n. J! d* \become financially independent.
( s3 u3 [4 w6 i9 X* pWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
2 `* Y* Q. W5 e' rThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
3 Q8 H; F- l( `1 L  f7 lyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 1 q- A# K% r! {, q
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BENEFITS:
# N( Z. X, ^+ h1 |, `$ E9 A# H: bWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 0 V& x2 x, p! _1 B
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 1 g1 f8 H' p: X2 s9 M8 j6 k, ]5 j
no stock options are offered,2 v* U# X! X8 i# P6 g0 n& M
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,   w( M9 g# n4 ^3 s$ M: D

" S8 }$ C: X  G0 `# g/ ~0 {9 l: Junconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.7 r# m, P% f* _/ V! ~$ @
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# ]  n: o2 U8 c' {
! Y& |) F+ W: |2 }: ~5 |** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 7 U( x/ n/ D/ S9 H& n  i% r* u
letting them know they are appreciated
2 `2 I! E% H2 N/ c9 w2 B9 Sfor the fabulous job they do...
/ L, g/ \( \. {9 o. u: [or forward with love
5 N0 z0 _7 ?; `5 [* P$ eto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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