 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:6 X0 u0 ]2 R" w7 {* y2 j
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
( Z4 F4 p S6 C2 vDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa' Z4 |5 @) n3 w' N. R2 K' V b
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
' e1 i' b$ H' o6 d" g' N) s6 fLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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5 w' |8 B Z' S6 {# p& F# u* vpermanent work in an often chaotic environment. $ Q) i, D, b' G& O' \. {
Candidates must possess excellent communication 8 G$ l0 e' L b6 ?3 v
and organizational skills and be willing to work
6 u- x# M2 _+ c m, Zvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 5 }& s9 {+ l5 J. }
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 8 x( |/ d/ g3 G5 ~/ y
Some overnight travel required, including trips to : S5 g' n. Q1 g& B# X
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
: m2 w2 Z" d+ G' j& _) Kendless sports tournaments in far away cities! ; Y% w" t7 H9 k# B
Travel expenses not reimbursed. , j( l; I# E- d+ s) J9 z% s6 h
Extensive courier duties also required.
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9 Y5 }, h7 o# yRESPONSIBILITIES:5 N( d$ q1 ~9 c. k; Y+ j7 [
The rest of your life.
. G4 J4 s8 A; e3 R4 H2 K- AMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
. \) s. y( x! [+ q" P# h1 runtil someone needs $5. & h$ A, q( W& r8 d5 ^
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
( o. i( o) r3 Z) ^% h' @: QAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 3 ?/ ]! i1 ~* ~
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
/ H w6 p8 a- c3 {in case, this time, the screams from
' D# q- y2 X% Q6 ~6 u( wthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
B, c4 a% }: @0 Y+ L5 X7 ~/ dMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, % A( T7 t8 {! }" K1 g) F2 K
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets # k3 S2 Z# z+ U/ v. u
and stuck zippers.
, o' g( E8 E1 ?) F L; bMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
% P" j8 [/ L" y+ ^coordinate production of multiple homework projects. ) I5 Z, N' ^2 `2 m6 h
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
* K O: D. t" Y( I$ dMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
% q7 ] L. @+ c0 P& O5 S% C* }1 uan embarrassment the next. 1 y i% v) i! g9 x3 a
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
4 V5 X$ v o8 q9 Uhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
$ _; M, n: S* Q) b, \) I% eMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ( G6 i: y# y1 v
Must assume final, complete accountability for
6 q+ H2 g0 ]3 Y( i, V7 z5 q! Jthe quality of the end product.
/ A4 h, [& x, F, q" M" HResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
w0 U0 q$ \; L8 v9 w" |4 ajanitorial work throughout the facility. ; C! `1 f; U* w( _
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
: c- w: _$ Z8 K% G# vNone. ) L2 D& Y, l/ G' C
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, " Y: H, p; n1 a% `
without complaining,constantly retraining and
* h/ }* i7 v' F0 q; vupdating your skills, so that those in your charge ! _; t u9 k' }- ~
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: , o- A0 K8 r: r& T
None required, unfortunately. 4 j2 E+ i2 i# I7 V0 R$ f8 m7 g* }) u
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 3 D0 e5 m* ~- }6 Z& p' t
. r+ _ z2 M4 V; e! \2 R) R4 gWAGES AND COMPENSATION: ; W/ L p% ~' d/ V6 j' p
Get this! You pay them!
' T; y; U: @. NOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
3 n4 P- E9 X& ea balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because ; B$ J- s: D0 E; o1 w2 ]0 y! ^
of the assumption that college will help them ' N( x% [# h0 l0 w1 Y4 P4 ~: z
become financially independent.
7 ^ e2 C. f; V+ ~( d* [When you die, you give them whatever is left. 3 s8 D% I- P6 M) [' a5 w' d( k
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that % B. i7 S9 H+ {+ h6 p
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 2 S0 ^, a* a( P( M
' v L. G$ P. Y& {! ^; K& j& XBENEFITS: 3 b4 s* h( I; H z1 \8 ^
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
0 M; X1 v; @' H& Z: n& z8 ^6 bno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
$ b( S) ?6 d% I# R3 k3 ?, uno stock options are offered,* d3 `4 J8 z6 k( {
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ! [1 j0 D5 q2 k
6 C% y- Y# d; Z: o4 `unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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) x; Q+ z3 ~" [3 y# ~for life if you play your cards right.# g- [6 \' {) `1 R, n) ^. T
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Z; [3 Y6 H1 o9 l+ t0 g. b** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! ** @% J! u* q/ F$ O* u, G
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5 h# u( `8 I! w z8 D6 H$ XForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
, L' ]" w& Y0 U# w9 n3 Kletting them know they are appreciated n9 s; W- H e9 c& K
for the fabulous job they do...
5 G- P2 L) n+ ^or forward with love
- h3 }2 L$ a# M3 H. hto anyone thinking of applying for the job.9 F# G7 z; r: c8 e. _
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