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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:+ H& O7 [: v  ?- v' q4 O. p( M
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
% e  ?: i" R. U: _1 N, ]Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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- U) j0 n  f. T, YJOB DESCRIPTION:
2 S% F- _- R# }* X$ VLong term, team players needed for challenging,9 m/ P; M! J; e* A5 x

7 x$ ]8 P: W0 Gpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
) G$ L5 x" \+ F& @Candidates must possess excellent communication ' X. A# ^: m- T; y4 q
and organizational skills and be willing to work # j/ M" J9 ^7 v. d& `' h" U% y
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
* E8 b# B" }; `3 C+ p5 z5 [and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
! ^, t9 [3 ?3 C& q! xSome overnight travel required, including trips to - H& I) Z! L* C/ B
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
# @9 L0 A. y. F1 h* Bendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
' {7 e" ]; V5 v' q# `1 h- ]Travel expenses not reimbursed.
7 ]+ H6 p' B- l, `$ H, a" b- lExtensive courier duties also required. 9 t6 k( H3 H; j' F7 t
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RESPONSIBILITIES:# p0 P1 g4 p! Z3 `" K
The rest of your life.
+ z# {2 Z0 d' w3 P+ [Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, ! `0 f$ _' K9 H$ O$ k% c6 ~- e, n% H
until someone needs $5. ) L7 i3 j3 o; }
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
' ?. J3 j. D, H+ A+ pAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule / r- c$ w$ |4 ]9 |! F4 L5 S# Y( t
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat / o. A  a5 I' O" L) [+ J
in case, this time, the screams from
2 V$ j" O4 U; g2 W" |the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. , k* ]) S% S3 P1 j: B& g
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, * L+ K* Z$ @' P) u  z
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
0 t' \6 ^% q( V" o9 A* vand stuck zippers. ! X# D, c  A% c4 |. }+ V+ Y. @* s! d* o
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and % s0 K7 @0 {1 z* h
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
$ @1 W: y9 I1 Z, O8 a- pMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
, M( E( N: S# J) PMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
3 ^2 e* z/ V3 _8 r* C+ \) R7 qan embarrassment the next. ) `$ l5 g+ R2 A, L
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 3 F3 i( L/ l4 P8 \
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
4 e6 V# Y6 W" x3 m2 f# QMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. # k' r6 W3 Q+ I2 F6 l" j
Must assume final, complete accountability for * h: N# y( }& X0 N5 |
the quality of the end product.
: @4 r2 o2 t9 @; y) {! \  uResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and ! k$ E4 V* H$ j$ X& g' U4 F: A
janitorial work  throughout the facility. 9 ?1 ^& C4 w0 V" }' w

2 i1 C# E5 Z) aPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:( \' u, A7 I& |" o
None.
3 p# ~: ~1 f  u+ j: Y0 {. ?2 MYour job is to remain in the same position for years, 0 X1 b4 M, C2 X  D8 j
without complaining,constantly retraining and : K5 w- B. F/ C6 n3 w1 _
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 4 a  T6 L% {! L
can ultimately surpass you.( F5 X2 K) p4 s. m% A( b1 r- v

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7 j0 I+ f$ W8 ?4 nPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 8 V0 h8 u  [/ b1 }5 d
None required, unfortunately.
* L0 O/ q0 B7 oOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. ! y9 C6 _. o. K/ M6 B% [

/ R" ?7 v7 x+ v6 @WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
3 }+ i6 b; m) h0 n. ]Get this! You pay them! 1 w. t" s% @% n" ~
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
. V3 w9 H* d" [* d0 t8 Sa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
; y3 {1 Q* ]) R: Z5 [! l& V( G& gof the assumption that college will help them . _, d0 J4 B7 f1 _1 g+ z
become financially independent.
, `) A4 N8 i* }9 D5 `, R# dWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. . G/ q9 F  Z' }) g; o! R
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 9 J+ n. `! s9 F1 K, s& C
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
; H% ?! m4 J. Z% w3 }4 CWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 7 [! b; m$ g4 b7 J
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and , f( P6 Q" C9 }1 f! f5 G
no stock options are offered,& |0 J6 v+ f3 b5 r0 E* o
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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0 [, |  P' N0 B* F2 Gunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses " o0 }2 |1 p! f: }2 T) v
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for life if you play your cards right.2 V! R% c! ^' B, t
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1 U) G1 H. N% c** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
5 R4 N& _5 O  W4 U6 oletting them know they are appreciated 7 y! F$ N9 A  z8 m* ?
for the fabulous job they do...
1 H! T2 w/ U! X- _- v' Jor forward with love
: B2 ~+ p" K3 H: f: |: r+ v. o- }to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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