Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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( {: N9 l9 T! NJOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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) b; f9 L6 K. l1 C! m: ]) epermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
( K& Z; ~; }1 |$ `  _2 vCandidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
( A- t  F- i& M+ Kvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
7 p8 Q9 E! v5 t4 T# t  rand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
0 {. ?2 q" Y5 a  u& wSome overnight travel required, including trips to
/ w$ @' Y# C" W! B4 e1 Nprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
7 Z% [2 i  F6 i2 \) qTravel expenses not reimbursed.
3 e1 ^% ?! g$ N7 O) ?Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
: `0 v: P' w0 vThe rest of your life.
: \( V/ ^' Y+ E6 R# I0 e6 H8 v0 lMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
( ^& U3 n; f3 i: Z# C& |$ t8 G7 Kand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
' r+ O2 g& r" `  |. f9 yin case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
; ~  k+ m( r. c& kMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
$ z% H9 [" J! M/ Z, W) p; Dsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
" j! a! J# t/ G, @and stuck zippers.
2 u3 l3 r/ p3 _3 v) q' SMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
# Y( ?  w9 U0 [$ D' pan embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
2 G! X7 w# S, S4 a( c/ t8 Khalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
+ ?* g. N- Z3 Q, h, J, PMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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: j: h9 R; e' ]; k9 t" IPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
( E+ k% K9 \/ c. z4 O* y" G$ ?0 ~None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
: j; R$ G, z3 v% sOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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" ]4 z" M  S: r6 A) ^WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
' G" n. `0 e+ o# u9 ]5 fa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
! `# z' G" r) s2 Ubecome financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
" o, b5 ~  q* F% s$ B, b; XThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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( a3 j5 J+ b+ \3 H# G! bBENEFITS:
5 x6 q! L$ d- NWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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- V2 r: [7 d. v" U) u- ^6 cfor life if you play your cards right.

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
( Q/ Z; ~# M: d: Gfor the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
! z  h- `$ a  F. Z( k( n& H- bto anyone thinking of applying for the job.

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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.