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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
- n! D* F& k* f) nMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
+ Z: ]; Y. I. K6 BDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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0 x5 T6 K" m) g$ u2 v- C9 a5 xJOB DESCRIPTION:7 R9 \3 N1 u! y
Long term, team players needed for challenging,0 R! V9 E3 x7 `

# u+ q  G3 `' }6 [  p# o- spermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
9 z+ T: Y& |' J4 A: vCandidates must possess excellent communication " v6 g, z* j3 h- q% j! P
and organizational skills and be willing to work
+ N! O+ R" S/ g+ H& F) F- Yvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
; S8 X, h! Q# hand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. : [3 V+ L- [2 x7 G* i3 z2 j
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
3 ]5 h+ O" `. u) O% lprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 3 m! t  i/ S1 q& V
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 5 z/ v- k6 r' ]/ x7 W; C
Travel expenses not reimbursed. , ?5 S# ]& b) Z8 Y# M9 ]- ?2 A
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
4 T- Y% m8 ?" f8 }- z! _, N8 ZThe rest of your life.
: H& c  g4 `) {" RMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
8 y% k8 [- U# U) l2 r# \5 K& Tuntil someone needs $5.
" q( e8 F8 M# o9 e6 A8 MMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. " w2 j; q, i! S0 E
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
& x0 s( e2 H9 R' n; O% Uand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
$ Q7 O3 ^. U1 z5 o$ z% W" @in case, this time, the screams from
5 _! V0 {1 R9 z5 Y( j9 m- t+ B$ Nthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
) |% o5 J- T1 M" b% f% i; M' H) [Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
  f$ G  W, `4 d; n2 T- R; gsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
* G" e1 m) ^9 I3 c1 t% G) }& H. Cand stuck zippers.
1 j- C# |9 q% I$ {Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 2 S4 g& g& W* ?: x, l
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
0 U$ {$ h) P* r7 \Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 7 \" `) V2 A) y3 g' P
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, , ]# R6 m* }3 x: U
an embarrassment the next. * v4 ^, U; ~% {& p4 S. J" g( P
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
# ~4 p5 n2 K) X' Q: ]9 w1 `half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 4 ^- z) q  ?0 a5 k
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
8 D! h! k/ Z' y9 A( AMust assume final, complete accountability for $ e2 n! E0 u4 l
the quality of the end product.
% i1 W9 i% E  [, _: mResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
. d* x9 `  f. R, {: F2 njanitorial work  throughout the facility. $ |  g2 A6 s' _% M2 o0 ^

1 q& g' e% f- o( PPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
! T3 P1 W, X7 A% `! iNone. % V# W7 h/ A! ^4 \# c# n
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
* ^+ t9 \7 H3 m& i/ q3 z8 e* ~4 i* pwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
+ K! U* C8 I* j' gupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
  e5 G4 ]; X* u/ H3 _6 F6 ncan ultimately surpass you.+ R/ Y; I$ n" D1 C  s/ C
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' ~2 A2 r; J% R2 {8 p4 ]  fPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
9 W8 Z, t4 u& ~, U' r. @2 ENone required, unfortunately. 9 }2 L0 E' a7 ^2 C
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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1 s% g" f! ]0 S$ M6 }/ E% CWAGES AND COMPENSATION: ! @4 t/ \7 k  u/ C
Get this! You pay them!
7 E4 s9 G$ w2 n" n6 a7 V5 pOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
; ^& x3 z' b# P5 I/ l3 }- wa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
0 }! U* r& v1 J# d+ g7 rof the assumption that college will help them 2 G  k3 a. l4 j) P* n" p0 O1 T
become financially independent.
; o# O- I3 f2 i  _4 P2 `' m3 UWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. : v; q- p! k% ?
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
2 }( z. O) [. o1 ^* O# @you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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* ~1 X6 _- r& r- [" xBENEFITS: / c0 ]; t/ _  B) `/ y! J
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
+ G( n  R$ Q% l9 Eno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
( o$ Z6 E1 P! z2 M9 H) R. A0 ^! F4 jno stock options are offered,4 t$ I4 ^( G1 \9 w1 v# x2 D* R
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 7 v8 `) ?$ r* _1 A7 E

) y1 l/ g7 h1 l( D" O6 Zunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
& F2 T' Y. M9 v) N* y& Z  x& E5 w. v( ^2 x, h+ O% F
for life if you play your cards right., [' G3 J3 Z& L" @
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. M! Q$ {9 k7 F9 S. i% g2 r0 D8 k+ y3 H( u. M7 a; h8 d& T
** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **, j. p9 K: P9 M1 w) |2 A3 X
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& r7 E% x$ N7 \! W5 W8 t/ {
+ n$ ^5 l- K& X6 L5 o7 `" ]& AForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
+ v8 Q! e1 I$ e6 n' o$ ~& r3 Zletting them know they are appreciated
3 K& T9 j# D" v/ a8 r1 A  hfor the fabulous job they do... ( t" A& \2 O, O1 _# k
or forward with love
* Z8 T) ^9 x& Z, h7 o. ]to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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