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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:1 n/ g) T9 b' l9 b1 M
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
" M2 i: B; V- d5 F( w" w# gDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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* K% G0 y+ v: \; Y( L9 K/ BJOB DESCRIPTION:
* S) d# K& L" u& t6 {1 Z" g" f5 ~6 BLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
0 r) X/ f! V2 k5 P. oCandidates must possess excellent communication 1 L- K" Q- }$ U+ ~: O& s
and organizational skills and be willing to work
9 i! J, v5 d5 U5 E  k1 {# v7 b7 b9 Ovariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
; m  d& Y' h$ k% m8 E8 |# wand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. * _8 m/ z; [! w9 R
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 3 G3 h6 E) d3 G
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
% ^6 e& L8 V; ^3 Q( yendless sports tournaments in far away cities! 2 T# r. v+ A6 j- `1 o* L3 b. u
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
8 }, s; z% A- J- n" }) J0 aExtensive courier duties also required. ! g" l+ L6 G8 ^8 ~
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
% }. b4 Y' z5 H) u3 t1 @8 `The rest of your life. ! I  J. B; _$ @% C! \
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, % Y6 u3 g6 V9 f! s! X6 d( R4 V
until someone needs $5. 6 y( K7 m4 {, f: S& c# ]1 w6 h0 [
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. ! I- U- R. f) N$ g% x
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ! S% M6 i/ w6 ^. P# {8 P
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
$ {6 |: |# }3 {5 j5 g6 K6 Zin case, this time, the screams from
; S+ O$ c' P! U$ G3 Zthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. ' f4 S& ^& K% j2 j( h( u) ~
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
' y3 {: O9 b5 D, n( I! C6 W/ `such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets : [8 t7 G1 Q3 n+ M8 @
and stuck zippers. 2 j8 D$ m. L+ L
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and ; H+ R* ]/ y$ u+ }( d9 i2 \* \
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 4 u( s2 [; ?' \" G4 Q. f' E. g
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
5 i" \/ I) P8 Q  {" dMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
7 j7 w/ ?: ]9 ~( b  {" ]an embarrassment the next. 9 s, s, F6 d7 n: {# G5 a& y/ O
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
$ D; b2 E9 y4 {half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
( t- n3 n+ ]. L+ N4 e' {7 ^7 `Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
5 a3 j- G- i+ V" q0 c/ ^Must assume final, complete accountability for
! l& p; s# z0 A& R. z1 L/ [1 Zthe quality of the end product.
( E3 f6 p# X. o8 XResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
* F  i: G3 e5 u  h+ qjanitorial work  throughout the facility. 6 p. {  `6 b" J) L5 f
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:; D! x9 T1 t+ [/ [$ |
None. 0 x, T+ x) N9 e  k( l$ ]
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, / z/ E# w/ |4 `  C2 z" ]. N4 |
without complaining,constantly retraining and
' l; n3 I% m# F5 y& H. {updating your skills, so that those in your charge
1 l1 a7 A% Z, l: \' P0 M1 G2 x; ?can ultimately surpass you.1 ~& P8 u: Q+ d

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: % `  Z3 i4 A9 R/ F+ ~
None required, unfortunately.
9 ~- P" d: o7 Z4 m6 GOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:   l# a8 Z6 e& N3 `
Get this! You pay them! % U2 E& P% v' e4 V
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
3 c9 D7 O3 m8 x. |  W9 fa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because & _3 h# K2 \: T8 w# X6 s
of the assumption that college will help them
$ F2 o9 X: [8 {2 B% W) @become financially independent. 6 F4 h5 [: w' _( r' U7 b* R
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
  D! M$ p! `( P. N" r8 rThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that , K$ T& e% x  r
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. # U# r+ B6 P2 y9 _) U: {
$ V4 D; {, d4 W! k  _
BENEFITS:
6 `! y! Y# _! d% X5 w: Q: \1 RWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
# R3 b: s4 e7 F* yno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
7 ?/ c" b# r7 m+ r, lno stock options are offered,! _( L/ {, O  E: F% H# ?
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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  d6 ?. |  |* u3 S& K6 |unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 9 l2 X. o8 a4 o2 U3 W

" N2 H( |/ ]6 Z% e: I; ]/ A1 Efor life if you play your cards right./ r( s) @& X; ~7 [& r3 ^( X( ^) n& i

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. x4 I/ ?" ~9 F2 f8 c** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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- h# ~! O+ ]! ~: }Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, + b2 F1 B" G, d+ }! _& e* [, M
letting them know they are appreciated 5 {8 p. d% C) U, u9 m5 Z, \
for the fabulous job they do...
/ ]- A; ?- O  ^  Mor forward with love " E% k- i/ Q: n  w! f2 G; g8 e
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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