 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:9 @: D9 Y2 l2 I# W
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma + D) L" `/ d) s/ L- S* U+ d$ ~0 h
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:+ ^' t. h8 l7 C) p A
Long term, team players needed for challenging,6 m# B( ~4 R1 U/ b E
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. % _1 V, U& l0 S9 H+ {9 p! I- b) d
Candidates must possess excellent communication
6 ?4 O2 y+ k- _) xand organizational skills and be willing to work
+ G2 [$ U1 I. Vvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends - H2 E8 @) w- B9 p' Q, ?2 g
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. # W& o7 W( h8 A& s4 N
Some overnight travel required, including trips to % }1 U/ V$ ]* f( D0 L7 e0 T$ M
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 6 J: o+ R( W! O: \
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! : {. L' w( e: R" S+ e
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 3 o5 p7 ]- G8 C
Extensive courier duties also required.
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0 N" s& F% f0 u- Y$ P9 A7 {RESPONSIBILITIES:
. Q! r2 M& k6 y0 wThe rest of your life.
) P! L. w+ a2 g" d; ?Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, - o& Y7 p. y) ?
until someone needs $5. . A1 x3 B" [1 M5 p
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. + ?0 n3 v2 g! r( p5 ~) @9 ^/ i: n/ P
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
5 ~2 d( B% b9 d3 a3 oand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
; A8 c+ y2 @6 ] L: T* U# zin case, this time, the screams from
' q g# C1 q' t1 s6 O7 Y: u; Q) h0 Tthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. / d, B( e6 I3 T& |% C/ V
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
% k, v9 u( d0 F. d. zsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
5 q& s+ S: z! G% P ?3 \1 u# O( pand stuck zippers. / n/ r I7 r' h7 I
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and : e$ E& j. U2 ~
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
% B3 u5 P0 ?: P# B; jMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. " i% b0 i7 T. m+ G% H1 q+ m: ?
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 8 o% L# S9 z3 `7 H4 f9 c s. Q; N# g
an embarrassment the next. . J% ]; @/ h7 A! \
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a ; j% T. H8 V# t$ M6 ]4 x
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. " C0 _2 j: X2 |% i7 o* j
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
; c, M k s. c8 X, J9 TMust assume final, complete accountability for & M( a9 a& _9 [" ~9 M
the quality of the end product.
! |; V( l' p0 }# SResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and # x: k$ o$ c2 X8 X
janitorial work throughout the facility.
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& B- \3 T G% r& Q. p4 h# _POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:7 s/ S+ J4 s) J
None.
4 D; ^( d9 E: ^7 M/ G V4 C; E2 SYour job is to remain in the same position for years, / S9 i7 _% t- z, c9 W% ?
without complaining,constantly retraining and
; d( f+ ^- _8 I7 Y( xupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
& q- T5 P' q" u' rcan ultimately surpass you.7 h3 e* v7 W8 I! m7 \
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: - ]6 U6 i) ~0 K# `$ T
None required, unfortunately.
g/ l/ R7 Y8 I$ {! sOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 0 C# ?* H' A& i4 V8 S M+ Y
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
0 t1 m; m; g% j3 U; I3 z9 }Get this! You pay them! 4 m) M A4 K, u1 R, j! R
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
: l& J8 m0 n7 q; l+ fa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
! i8 D# \, v9 }/ x7 Jof the assumption that college will help them
! [9 C9 M, l* ~2 ]* Pbecome financially independent. 2 [- V1 V7 Q3 L5 R
When you die, you give them whatever is left. ( ~1 y; _6 |# L* E! G8 q# e
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that $ T0 L: ^7 G3 l
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 7 \8 \% }$ p3 ?% s- L- Q8 B
9 N& g, |* y7 m, bBENEFITS:
# Y" B6 ?# {! `3 JWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, * J! e& c# q7 a
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and - d" T3 d# p j: ^( t8 T
no stock options are offered," a- V4 `( n* [% I0 }* Z
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ; z; _! @7 j8 S- N$ c R" W
$ a a$ `8 M! E" w% ~unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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) T% v, f5 m1 p% Kfor life if you play your cards right.
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1 h3 P: N4 G7 d6 a* u3 G4 ~** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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( S& h: ^5 J( h5 z# F0 bForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, : ?; k( @" H" R. H" N( U) n
letting them know they are appreciated 1 I/ ]; k4 C: p a( c4 k
for the fabulous job they do... 5 d# k: G/ X% _1 E( J
or forward with love
) F1 f6 C6 R* ?9 [7 e" a9 W! Pto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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