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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:3 I- N) i) \5 [$ t
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
7 g5 d" e, R3 I1 k- T6 u; q4 rDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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0 x; U5 d' s  k  ~" R- UJOB DESCRIPTION:" K$ O) p2 H4 X# j. Q
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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6 f" p8 j3 F. x& Q8 N3 D" l$ O% `permanent work in an often chaotic environment. : e8 h# C& m& x
Candidates must possess excellent communication . s0 R4 z( W9 v) y0 P0 S6 D
and organizational skills and be willing to work . o2 X6 c) u& I5 y6 p5 @
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 4 L2 b8 u) f3 c: c
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. " w1 ^& }# n0 I" [8 [
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 6 {& P9 z# R( |+ K( M, S# T
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and - {1 R( w- l  R4 f! F( S: p& i
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
1 _: x9 z& V2 X+ o% STravel expenses not reimbursed.
! O; \# I* d6 A" N7 L$ R# I8 q& CExtensive courier duties also required. ! ?# [: w, [5 ]+ d
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
& B; Q$ e$ K& f) V0 ~6 ?The rest of your life. 0 b( N9 G0 _( S" L; k  b
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
( u3 D( l+ @- Ountil someone needs $5. ! x' \. x+ O# ?6 K, w: v1 |: ^
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.   Q  r( g8 w, _* ?8 \! p/ m* m" L
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
/ S0 L3 X6 o1 \: T$ X  Qand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 2 {2 B8 Q6 Y8 f2 ]# U* z
in case, this time, the screams from 1 U. V8 {3 u) I) K( o
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. " x" q) Y! @* Y+ y" A: Z2 r8 _' O
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 6 K  w# ^! M, u4 Q0 H* b! e
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
+ U+ \0 i) g( N# jand stuck zippers. ' E) X' @2 ^; g) o0 P
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 4 r8 k& T9 P) G" L; U& u
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 4 ~3 m6 c7 w8 L3 a1 {& f
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
6 w& I0 H/ U# X- O+ v( aMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, $ F' o* [2 w8 ?) c! S3 f
an embarrassment the next.
$ P4 Z8 g; v( R$ h! Y8 AMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
+ Q! ?2 {' _* v6 p- N: [, d6 lhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. * W, r5 v; h; Y& a
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
3 q5 {7 ]4 T5 j( w0 d7 Z# IMust assume final, complete accountability for 7 y2 O( i( @- W
the quality of the end product.
1 {9 J! `) J6 |; Z- {Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
. F+ o% ?+ |* j4 B- l# gjanitorial work  throughout the facility. + S  v+ N; g. s! Z* E/ `

& a# Y0 q& @0 d  r! ?; A1 }POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
1 e! ^8 O( c+ f9 x) `None. 1 y; T9 O- `7 a7 m8 o3 l
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 8 ~7 {) k" L4 ?" e2 B8 n' B
without complaining,constantly retraining and
/ J# X/ ~( P9 ^1 _+ a% dupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
: |5 F  D4 I4 @( m7 P! Y4 d0 |can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 4 f% {2 o0 W$ ?; @! B5 p
None required, unfortunately. 2 V& x2 T! A' j$ C- N
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. # r0 [; s7 ?. F

) o3 Q9 Z: D7 b3 D. kWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
- g' M, n' n# v9 N. [3 w4 Q, d2 b9 fGet this! You pay them! 3 E& s7 v4 j+ m, X
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
/ r8 f5 H  [; ^4 k3 {a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because : F- s8 c3 B& w. l$ Z7 C" c
of the assumption that college will help them / g1 a% ?* s. |- [
become financially independent. 1 i* G) [2 q$ z1 z+ u
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
; v; q# A$ A. gThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that * H; [0 f3 Z& a  j+ v- a9 n# P9 e2 m8 w
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 9 C5 t; A( c, ~3 }" L
+ N" Q: ^  B' J. c7 Q. l2 x
BENEFITS:
: D, Z7 U: j: y  oWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, . e6 ~$ l7 [$ H; H" a) ]' y* i+ c
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
: T  Q1 [* L2 I5 Zno stock options are offered,
' o" y$ H4 ~& w" W8 `this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ' _* o9 h0 F4 ^; `* ^
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses $ U! j, g# I3 M4 ^/ q

1 I- r- k) `) U; }9 d( N! c3 q$ Cfor life if you play your cards right.
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" S8 u" E# o7 {% z# w) ]7 d+ V** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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6 N% K% o) }1 C+ P, B5 z6 iForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 8 e. n. G' J. a
letting them know they are appreciated 1 a1 J$ B, Z+ t1 h
for the fabulous job they do...
# f$ c7 k# |2 P# C! \: p! j, Zor forward with love # |- z( W' V  f8 J& c( T' h
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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