 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:+ \; W: K6 H* v6 n* _; e4 \" V
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
v5 R( x& b/ d! JDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
8 C3 A6 Z) m; u) o9 x) vLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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2 l% m7 ~; d# w; s# O/ apermanent work in an often chaotic environment. % y! ]3 h/ c! k3 u/ }% q: F0 E" z' ~
Candidates must possess excellent communication
, f' I7 q3 i5 e: ]/ Gand organizational skills and be willing to work ) V4 n8 n9 p# Z# x5 r8 {0 ]6 Y
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
3 r0 N* p. b" N4 f1 t. `and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. " i% ]) Q9 i1 r3 l8 _, P) M
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
6 {7 Y) I/ ^& `- e% w8 ^* Sprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
1 {" J U' F+ }) S% t' Bendless sports tournaments in far away cities! # E* b! m ?# E5 z, V
Travel expenses not reimbursed. ! g8 F5 B2 q5 a) M4 H, g
Extensive courier duties also required. " z9 ^7 t$ z6 ]4 P8 k
& A4 z1 Y, E6 n. T4 j) hRESPONSIBILITIES:% ~; o7 s2 X% s3 j
The rest of your life. - m# O }' R3 C2 e; f! h: v
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, / E* a+ h8 f/ X0 L) ~% b8 f& d
until someone needs $5. 9 i+ Q& [$ T9 O/ A/ M7 L
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 4 B; |& y7 s7 y0 d
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
3 A' H) V- E4 t: u# o+ Nand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat . z u: I. @# u1 u2 s( v" Z+ f' P
in case, this time, the screams from + [0 N, E- Z2 w1 r# V$ _1 s5 O6 ^
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
1 X2 q, @. k& v3 c6 GMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
/ L8 X6 q/ G' t! \/ }! \4 jsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
1 C, I7 U3 Z# \& E3 Aand stuck zippers. * n6 m9 L j% ^& ~6 D. C& O
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
4 a; Z2 y% E& ?1 Scoordinate production of multiple homework projects. ( p$ _1 J0 d7 L6 q
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 9 Y M' w2 w) s/ ?- y7 q
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
9 ?/ d) Z @) |$ C- xan embarrassment the next. 7 B4 N$ j! M& V
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a . z5 |# @. j% v- {0 D7 P5 Y
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. & a1 D- E8 ?2 d
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 6 x! O1 `: F' }+ h/ M
Must assume final, complete accountability for 7 \- G1 Z, |6 n0 p6 C+ e1 ~
the quality of the end product.
U5 l8 i w% G" f% r. l/ M3 ~$ L2 vResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and * n8 n# i# B) Q7 m! c
janitorial work throughout the facility. ! X* N+ r' N0 R: E) _$ n4 C8 t
2 z7 {2 w4 R7 A z& K5 W# p* vPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:% V' H0 G$ B" I. b8 l3 p
None.
$ H# h5 o. |! U; x3 P% O% TYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
0 |/ E. ~0 ]5 k! }6 c) p/ ^7 j0 fwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
, t2 K+ L6 F2 D8 Y- x$ pupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
: r- T$ D! O+ [; z, A2 p; Ecan ultimately surpass you.
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8 w- J9 w% d1 D4 c" a% gPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
2 ]" e9 ~% I$ `- a. ^) eNone required, unfortunately.
+ q* Y+ A" j2 _4 c' o# HOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. - S G4 b6 O+ ^; Q
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: ( K8 D. i$ v7 c( X; K, i5 v
Get this! You pay them!
% v/ x0 Z7 _) @* _. P+ F# aOffering frequent raises and bonuses. 1 T& j- h& a* L$ Y/ T( F6 g
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
+ a1 N# q5 O% Vof the assumption that college will help them
( y: s4 t! q n% B* W) e: I9 Ebecome financially independent. . r* ^3 n- T' N6 x2 f
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
2 I( x& K1 f# s2 u' `9 hThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 0 K ?0 N K- O% `
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
+ K M- t! Q9 P4 a/ ?7 gWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
/ x! A" t( N/ I; }; Z* Cno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and , U% Z8 Y v' N) D" s/ X5 d- ~
no stock options are offered,
/ q3 X% X! u5 d: R3 j# p0 Q' wthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, , l: G$ y. ~2 f' a4 \7 t
, P4 ^' Z( G8 G& {unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses # E8 t7 L Q- q. e; W& F; A; `
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for life if you play your cards right.
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/ G( U" K1 f3 L) p** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **, Z B _- p8 }2 W& Z; I& o+ e
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
8 S. o0 \( \- v" D( Vletting them know they are appreciated
0 N0 {& K# N2 r6 Q o- g- Bfor the fabulous job they do...
- q& \/ o& w1 E" i7 Kor forward with love 2 e e$ v% F! W* d7 C! E! I7 F
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.. t9 _' S# `- j X) Y1 y- L
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