Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
! r' Z/ d5 j0 c2 M! ?Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
6 \& F1 o, z( hDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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# ^/ T5 f$ L! \; Z$ |; U% H( W8 YJOB DESCRIPTION:
  Z+ X. |# Z4 n9 {; BLong term, team players needed for challenging,
  ^) O8 ]9 M2 }  ]+ W0 e, B
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
' U+ I3 t% b' `0 e, t& ACandidates must possess excellent communication
; {( d, O3 L  |8 x; mand organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
( G6 x' M) q& ~1 ySome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
1 S7 |- m. h" \; R% W8 Hendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
! P- X4 K: y! Y0 s, _6 ?" S" R5 n  KThe rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
2 q& y$ {4 O+ J1 c# U) G/ o& o, xMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
7 i* R& @' J6 i/ D; CAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
# m( K% g+ ]8 m+ }/ U: a7 w2 yand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
: @* ], L6 R3 g* n, Tthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
$ |2 d& n6 c2 k8 D/ F6 J2 Qand stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
0 s7 w# q  A9 OMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
: s5 g' G9 D/ `- s2 s% ]+ w/ vMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
% B; W: S' c6 \5 \* ]+ i' Jan embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
5 P2 j1 w# l+ @9 I( K, k! }# ]half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
7 j7 A1 q0 ^5 u8 t9 F4 GMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
# b$ T, _! s. i6 [& uResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.

' a! Q) ]: v- e+ {' jPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
* O" m$ X. _" j, M$ S) I5 y6 ^. rcan ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
( b5 I0 }! b% I8 kNone required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

9 N6 V5 O# g+ Y- j- VWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
1 h, S7 f3 g7 e, `Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
1 \+ m  j% n$ |( l" O& {a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
% L" \( t8 l% w3 H/ {4 y% K4 yWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
" [4 B+ t: ^$ T/ Ayou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

: U! g4 F, X  z9 x+ X' {4 {BENEFITS:
1 k6 }2 L' ^3 L( a6 {While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
- J& _; D$ ?7 c% R5 w1 ]$ n5 Nthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
4 R. X" F/ z& T& B; K
$ l* M: k" g: g' E, gunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
& E& r3 {. B( X
) u# X' O4 a, k9 z- k6 [for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
: [- n, M" z3 {1 L+ f( r' e& b. Xletting them know they are appreciated
/ O  e3 n/ C( U6 }for the fabulous job they do...
- G+ v7 N9 z+ z3 e$ i; H% Oor forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.