Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,

permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
8 p. s8 x5 D& m( j3 s+ i: Q7 hCandidates must possess excellent communication
" M7 ^! W/ {9 C' H- q: Iand organizational skills and be willing to work
1 E/ s' T& u. Pvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
) E, Y: N8 E2 t4 fand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
; P/ O( z) w; T" B* ?1 jSome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
2 Z. ^! s% C) R, a& jendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
# }% r, s1 E6 B& j  P2 H$ gTravel expenses not reimbursed.
1 N- l7 v* w. s5 _Extensive courier duties also required.
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, D! E7 Z- k+ k% aRESPONSIBILITIES:
) I* K  X& U" [The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
. g! K, c  c& `( S8 `8 }and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
- s" G' d7 r7 y$ o  D7 s( A: ], Wthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
. t$ ?4 [- r4 j1 j5 Osuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
: _' y( U  I9 F: p$ [. [0 [and stuck zippers.
0 ~: ^! Y# e) U; tMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
( v( E- {) W' a. rcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
! {9 t4 b6 ?4 y% {Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
$ v& K6 F3 v, {8 ?0 a  zMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
. j2 J' B# Q3 \6 O8 D) V$ B; Dan embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
! e# M# M' h1 U6 i: e  dhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
! v0 J" l; F/ g: ?: m' q) B! fjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
9 s/ C5 |! w0 Pwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
+ [: z* L$ J. G" L8 k9 ]3 Cupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
  u* U# o/ i" t$ ccan ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
# u5 s% u+ Y! e* G4 n' J7 Q- [On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
6 p1 j6 c- c9 N  b* IGet this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
: y4 I  L1 I# M5 {$ @a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
( q( s. f' {& P; Ubecome financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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& `2 Y6 B+ w  O$ }BENEFITS:
7 y3 \; [+ q8 D+ [While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
% r, f, N- E6 j' E2 \: wno stock options are offered,
1 i/ F5 [) b+ Ythis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

1 b# O" @  B0 A$ s, ~unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.


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- B. h1 K( C  g** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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3 w. a* l" T6 K  I& w+ O4 oForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
% c- c1 Y+ F: X, R; cletting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
+ i: t* h  i( `1 y8 J  }or forward with love
1 X& V9 _# @4 K1 V* ?$ s8 Xto anyone thinking of applying for the job.

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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.