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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:/ _5 E; D7 w" j# @- v
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma * F. f2 U+ `4 ~1 \  n6 k
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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6 H* B& B; u# B( F3 m" s  wJOB DESCRIPTION:0 f0 x6 e; y# E% u: R9 h) K$ s$ J
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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9 k% p( o, S$ X0 I4 kpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
+ k5 s# J- O  FCandidates must possess excellent communication ' Y, L2 z' i" E& ~+ m
and organizational skills and be willing to work ( B% T$ w1 G) u' D% }6 U1 V5 Z
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
3 d% _( n$ s; Y7 }1 X' }8 a& p: Band frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
& x9 ]9 c( j( GSome overnight travel required, including trips to
' f- u' A, a' O. uprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
4 h, B6 s" w8 c9 q/ }' U. @endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 7 c" c9 |) ]) }" j- o. k. e: P
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
% J7 a4 r! T$ ]- fExtensive courier duties also required. ( M9 l$ G, n; v: P4 ]) z1 F4 j

7 Q% H2 }8 L0 u, a, BRESPONSIBILITIES:* w+ L$ [2 o  s
The rest of your life. * Y1 d8 V" k, S0 o2 T
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
& k( k, c: d0 x; |: z0 n. ountil someone needs $5. % h4 O( q6 h6 l
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 9 x5 a: J1 X* @$ u8 F- X
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ( u2 V& M5 e0 G0 k" F
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat ) B2 }' T8 {$ r. X& S/ w
in case, this time, the screams from
0 f7 C" ^+ f( G* Ithe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
. _1 k) N) Y, a5 ]- @3 Y  Y2 v# [Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
, t1 W! t3 s2 o) U: T' o0 A  zsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
8 N1 q9 @: z( W4 T# X" Jand stuck zippers.
8 S* ~4 r! y3 NMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 3 q. \. A8 r7 e( ?
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. ; S* u: b& T0 d
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. # n* T7 I0 [4 V: Q
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 5 M( o$ v0 f7 ?. N" Y
an embarrassment the next. % _7 q/ v3 X  t/ a  ^* c' F
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 1 u6 S4 o2 v, a: H
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. % @/ f  G; e+ h, e
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
7 `9 t$ ?  r/ ~- G5 y+ L& pMust assume final, complete accountability for
) S1 w. E+ T' ]the quality of the end product. ' S/ _: {% S1 U' Z" R% z" \
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and ! q/ r  V# K/ o8 i1 M7 F2 l
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:4 l2 S" \$ n# R* r& u. h
None. 5 U! U1 {3 T! j; \3 o- ?+ E1 @$ p
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
9 a2 [$ L2 T$ _; Y' G1 t( jwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
! J. z7 Z2 z, V6 `- l6 Yupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
. b. d1 F9 E" g. u+ Gcan ultimately surpass you.
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9 o6 l  x, N& n4 i7 FPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 7 Z" O  y/ e5 g
None required, unfortunately. / L( g- d/ F: E, |- C
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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* U) ^; s# C& n: C+ \0 rWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 2 l1 x" w& ~$ r& i$ W" k, K
Get this! You pay them!
) r$ @7 C( P/ W3 M# D3 d2 POffering frequent raises and bonuses.
2 s, j1 n& f; o; }9 y, Ba balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
4 _( p8 F2 I+ dof the assumption that college will help them 7 v1 N  t' E3 G
become financially independent. & x. O5 \- h# [; u
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
7 U1 p$ a7 w" p; c) R% Y3 qThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
  ?3 c8 y/ K' s# L& t4 o$ S3 |you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
  t2 W0 [4 A! zWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
$ k$ c3 I9 n9 Z5 Yno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and % r- ?' R. _" `
no stock options are offered,
- |# k( f, Z; ?# ithis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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; V$ T. a: |/ F0 J2 ~" K6 Gunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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  @2 Y, a8 e4 Sfor life if you play your cards right.. n, D5 c) T) J. C9 t7 j; H1 `' D& P
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **! V4 w' [& x' @0 u( Q, j2 F  `
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/ |" d8 i2 _% @) ?6 n# J& gForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 4 M; |  X8 c! b" H/ z
letting them know they are appreciated ( N9 @0 f( X% W, u% n/ \8 d8 q9 S+ ]
for the fabulous job they do...
/ x5 F- D/ b' v3 ]8 jor forward with love
8 R9 I( P/ v1 M/ \. Bto anyone thinking of applying for the job.& e0 ~9 {3 e! q/ d2 }
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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