鲜花( 3) 鸡蛋( 0)
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POSITION: ~4 c* m; U2 i+ W2 e
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
* N' L7 I& Q/ r7 k0 KDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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' [2 K4 I3 B) R. oJOB DESCRIPTION:
+ l& Q/ t. A3 U8 @Long term, team players needed for challenging,2 _8 |1 A9 s) a( [! s& q- M3 b4 V
* y) v. i" P6 R, E$ Xpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
& Y2 i3 Y6 P; z" iCandidates must possess excellent communication 0 t3 R& d2 {5 f, X& l& |
and organizational skills and be willing to work
' O( @$ b9 ` C7 evariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
% l9 E2 ~# [' T* J0 C' eand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
, ]$ W6 D3 p) D8 N+ o# g- H/ _' m% LSome overnight travel required, including trips to
7 P7 r# b& [9 V- b4 q/ M: Pprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
) r' x: {2 ~* Y+ aendless sports tournaments in far away cities! . v# a4 u0 A0 S0 g% L* G
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
6 p6 y) a: [2 C! hExtensive courier duties also required.
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7 ~; k0 F& E6 |RESPONSIBILITIES: ]) U; Z2 n( F- K. H0 n
The rest of your life. A3 t9 j' C9 _
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
+ t: S, G X2 x) C' l$ wuntil someone needs $5. - _' e8 A9 h1 X! d2 K& v
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. \( u0 e7 L. ^; s2 |2 E: Y
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
8 ?5 o* [2 ]% H: ^and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 4 V, Q: ~8 a2 }$ ?3 `
in case, this time, the screams from
1 u( ]/ C) ]& O& ]8 x( lthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. # ?+ {$ I2 D* o
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, ' W8 F e: [ o9 x
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets * E# x; G6 w1 T
and stuck zippers. _( Y- A2 M4 _, A
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 7 k4 j$ Q1 T9 Q" [# j: }" X
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. , H- w( O6 W6 j% r9 L8 l
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
9 M1 u$ N: X; _9 f- h9 B8 O" yMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
) y' q0 x% i/ L/ p* Zan embarrassment the next. * l1 L! y( X+ Z, _) U
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
" q- C4 Q# j$ Q4 \* ?9 ]3 Yhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. ' O/ ?& [% @. ~9 y6 {( M
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ( b1 c0 B) N5 y! z
Must assume final, complete accountability for
" P9 C( c9 F8 C; |( Bthe quality of the end product. 1 t* m; H9 f N/ G Y0 c
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
( X7 |- n( F# X# C5 tjanitorial work throughout the facility.
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% v! N; Q; R. `8 w* M {POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:: Y: [% q" m3 f8 G" W
None. 9 e0 g; ?5 x$ p+ t
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 0 o. F9 u3 f, m) h: H& r
without complaining,constantly retraining and $ v7 V7 Z) |, ~( t' |) f9 }+ a& Q
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 5 K" w$ M$ d3 u4 d) p
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
2 k! \+ c0 i$ q; {None required, unfortunately.
4 l1 o! ?9 ^1 gOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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8 M7 h; {. ^: uWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 8 G2 q+ G' ^& l5 I8 i3 S/ Y7 R
Get this! You pay them!
- c5 m7 E& J/ U4 M, POffering frequent raises and bonuses. ) X0 N8 v% q/ x; ^) m' ^3 r
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
6 b( c/ ~( s6 r) n3 R' Aof the assumption that college will help them $ ~; h7 R7 P6 K% i7 x$ @
become financially independent.
+ k: y9 Z; h |) }* y* N2 `When you die, you give them whatever is left. ) u$ h Y- |( w& U* T
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that : k I1 I! d7 Q, o- a( t
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: # x5 g* m% |; k7 x7 \
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
8 N! y* |1 D( [no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and ! j ^$ Y( t& s4 i
no stock options are offered,, h- @5 r6 ?/ p. s* a
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, / n0 ]) v3 t- }# t1 H" D L, u
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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: T$ B% _1 _- b0 H% M2 `9 Q/ Cfor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **. G+ V4 T7 t A6 I
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& g" ?$ M) Q* i5 A2 i, E/ CForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 6 Y# T# Y# I1 w5 Y9 D
letting them know they are appreciated
3 H1 o9 o- N8 {2 y5 m& wfor the fabulous job they do... 9 r& i& u; f1 | o5 c! g, C
or forward with love
( n; s( ]& Z% S/ t- ?. R$ qto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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