 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:( A- c+ T! O J+ ?
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
* \- Y4 a7 J! M( N0 c- R# v0 sLong term, team players needed for challenging,# l0 e4 {3 o( C$ @
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
" x: Z) E$ k( X2 uCandidates must possess excellent communication e: R V' ~+ h4 C) T0 R) `
and organizational skills and be willing to work + r' i5 X( {% [: y( X6 R, Z
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 5 O9 n, v9 }* c$ c2 {# t
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. # J" Z! D4 w0 Q+ b, _( u s. {8 ^# L0 w
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
. {4 c9 z& `- R& I# lprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and " v5 r% | u& x# t
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
1 a# T+ F6 Q0 f1 FTravel expenses not reimbursed. 1 E% v9 |) a( P6 {5 I9 {8 u. J3 Z
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:- G) X0 ~! }5 c( G# F
The rest of your life. 1 U% [# h' r% |8 t2 j5 ^. N
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
6 I" \ c& s, {- uuntil someone needs $5. " ]- N2 P' W. \+ R. o: i/ A
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
0 s- K/ l. ? M/ w4 GAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
, H8 r1 H5 y: w, nand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 7 a( Z$ w# e6 s2 S
in case, this time, the screams from
4 b3 C, A% G9 e5 othe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. ; M U1 i3 S2 C+ d( a7 v. ?- g
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 0 B l0 R# a0 i/ g
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets : X% M( F6 Y* C& M7 A
and stuck zippers. : S! A) V4 P% P% _: B
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
$ r8 W: r: I+ n& Qcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 4 t" ]5 e, e7 J' K7 |
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 3 T6 Q+ `. |0 p/ u W
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
! V! c" r0 c5 N6 ]" r! N8 san embarrassment the next. G8 ] M) L, ?( U9 J
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a % H* w$ D1 o* T: j
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
0 P( m: x9 ^% C" l" |% b4 KMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. " _. o8 C Y* ]# L- K/ D
Must assume final, complete accountability for $ G6 w" r8 d4 L0 z9 O
the quality of the end product. ! D; g. _; @( S! Y* p0 E4 m N
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and ' f* E, q# X4 R6 p4 A5 u' C
janitorial work throughout the facility. . m# o; n0 X5 m! e$ p* M$ u. C
0 C! @( N ^; j9 ^; q: QPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
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Your job is to remain in the same position for years, + ^* W3 \4 A0 ?8 L
without complaining,constantly retraining and
S3 l& t7 g. G0 Y% X9 \" n Qupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
, Q) W2 w+ e8 a5 Bcan ultimately surpass you.' N1 f: {- _0 N4 G# J
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: ; [( W+ L7 M: F9 W( b* m5 Z
None required, unfortunately. + S6 O8 z+ K& p) P# B m) Z
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 7 e1 }7 L, @- p# m5 C
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
5 F# Y$ |; N- p7 nGet this! You pay them!
, F! \/ L9 _' r' q& J# k9 nOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
: f8 T, M% i# z ma balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
9 v: M( G- i% y0 d& y) bof the assumption that college will help them ; e3 @- C, g* o/ F& v
become financially independent.
- Y5 G( E5 R4 N2 b e7 yWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
7 P% k7 E4 `* B8 GThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 5 z5 z# P' C% v: T
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 9 E% I4 g& E( Q3 D
0 m7 B- b! x0 C3 \( {BENEFITS:
* i; t# \4 `* M( y" M& g3 gWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
1 o+ l- D# A3 M4 V0 F! `, j2 Zno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
$ e$ H6 x- u1 D1 Tno stock options are offered,
. }+ _. n+ O# g: \this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 6 ], s# a; p0 K9 j6 Z
/ J% {8 u6 ?- V P! `8 Sunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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& J+ j" W; \* J3 nfor life if you play your cards right.
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7 Y" p! b; x4 g; @, o. h** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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/ a* R# _, Y9 j; W, }Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, " E" ~2 t& q/ T* c$ a
letting them know they are appreciated # K# o* I" ], e
for the fabulous job they do...
V. W9 ?$ p+ r- G# Aor forward with love
6 F/ d. s! a; e6 Z3 Y, o" i& Lto anyone thinking of applying for the job.* H" K, q. Q* R* c* X" r0 e* ^2 {
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