 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
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Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:+ R' c7 J& T8 V8 @& A
Long term, team players needed for challenging,$ k6 [/ g7 m1 `) Q0 X
6 f1 K* O2 B# J& x3 H2 spermanent work in an often chaotic environment. % ~* ?# u- \0 R f1 W; ]: j; T
Candidates must possess excellent communication 0 N# p C( Q! c
and organizational skills and be willing to work
! a; N$ d4 x0 e1 m& pvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
0 ]6 o- Z- |! B' L9 v, v2 T4 _and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. ; P, f1 ] w4 ^ T$ @
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
) |7 J$ Z9 G. s5 rprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
' O M# w3 t) D& Sendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
$ B+ B2 \( I5 _* x. hTravel expenses not reimbursed.
% u' `; I6 y% ~4 a2 MExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:6 h1 o* V/ K/ j* t
The rest of your life.
/ P% Z! C: n' _0 _( \' R' uMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 6 R' s8 I% v4 f' o
until someone needs $5. % E$ e+ Z1 k, y; ?
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
) p& ^/ Q2 D& z) q2 XAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule : V: s' [. ]6 S
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
0 Q" n% B4 R8 }5 c+ h+ fin case, this time, the screams from 8 `$ u; G6 _: o( w' U; Q
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
$ |+ e$ ]$ o) K. XMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
9 u) V3 h' x1 V- ]7 @" asuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
7 q2 }3 x% ]) x# f& n/ ^' Jand stuck zippers.
8 a6 h3 C C( }, P; j6 LMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 1 n: \! E. A4 r- m6 k2 F4 u
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. ; N& j. I" q \$ Q/ q1 I3 H) m% T8 ^
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
3 {% O" s. {4 V+ ?! ~0 G% qMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
* T. E: s* Z7 qan embarrassment the next.
, U$ [/ ]* M5 k0 WMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
+ n$ M3 n1 ]# S) d$ O) \half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. ; v* s9 i( r# x$ g1 d8 J" w3 [6 |9 u
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 4 A" D. y, T1 g( A
Must assume final, complete accountability for
* ~7 h- n- N wthe quality of the end product.
* p8 i6 U4 L/ t4 E! f' |5 @Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
0 `8 p. g5 |) P @+ \% d9 jjanitorial work throughout the facility.
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8 E! [) `. r: F5 DPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
/ p5 X9 R4 l: x, {4 J! _! INone.
7 ?/ K) u( V" B5 Q, CYour job is to remain in the same position for years, 6 L3 \1 H* j: R
without complaining,constantly retraining and
' r) P t% A5 L* q( n4 zupdating your skills, so that those in your charge ; n6 L: B I L/ J- x, m) ~( i
can ultimately surpass you. L% q1 p! S# M' V/ e: A
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% g7 V* g5 `# f& S( O4 H5 K. j gPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 3 Q* O! N4 U6 P0 L) T
None required, unfortunately.
$ e2 m; U! y) A" `On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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2 I, G7 ^$ e+ t) A5 u2 \, v LWAGES AND COMPENSATION: & P X) @4 v p$ F4 U# v
Get this! You pay them! ( v! S* j% H6 {8 B4 j" T
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
6 }0 g" L" m) `" ~5 @6 oa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because * L4 }& j' C+ n6 y
of the assumption that college will help them
- o+ y) _3 D$ A" s6 \3 l* h1 Hbecome financially independent.
# t I3 G) f- I' @8 VWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. & }6 K2 O! e& P" Q/ N5 l
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
; n5 J: h8 ^8 [2 K) y1 Ryou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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F8 o9 x$ C6 k; r1 eBENEFITS: : P5 E! e/ ^6 M0 H6 y' d7 Q& b
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, : i4 p2 E# `. |4 b, s$ C( ~: {
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 9 d" h% f& ?' {6 ]
no stock options are offered,
( V, g- p8 R' f1 f8 Z# Qthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses : r% ]$ c3 X: Y; J
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for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **- I8 ^0 e3 i% l N+ F
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7 A! J5 m8 K' I1 C1 K& V& v/ QForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 5 Y2 n3 q+ Y: O& \
letting them know they are appreciated ; @0 E% z# b# n
for the fabulous job they do...
$ w+ V, T2 ` n, R4 A" wor forward with love 0 i3 ?% u+ ?( G- {0 ?
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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