 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
/ y; o$ ~5 i/ N& f0 h, VMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 8 s# Q5 p# D& s$ s4 G
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa, X; I/ B* ?2 W, P$ z
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- _2 J4 ?; U+ Z* {* z, Z$ NJOB DESCRIPTION:
$ u. }1 W6 l. _# t' [( RLong term, team players needed for challenging,& J! Q. V' ]$ L7 S6 [
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
A! R+ D) ^$ j* G# h" M1 `Candidates must possess excellent communication 2 ~% F& o; L/ p& k6 j. Z% L
and organizational skills and be willing to work
( S* [- U9 e0 \variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
5 L5 J! L9 m8 yand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 3 [0 `3 |) n. Y$ d4 ?8 u
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
, J* S/ s( N6 C# Z- Lprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
. h: M4 x' j v7 q# R' @0 q% iendless sports tournaments in far away cities! % Q' Q$ S/ N3 `* i
Travel expenses not reimbursed. ; |% v6 Y& d. z d) ?& t) V
Extensive courier duties also required. 9 u# m; u$ l- L( u
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RESPONSIBILITIES:* ^8 h3 B2 X& Y8 D
The rest of your life.
. n ~. V* G4 y M8 {$ NMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, + F/ j9 i4 c+ e0 s
until someone needs $5. " v& ], i' p' F- S: V! b
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 9 {' C2 R+ ]" U% A
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
& t' e/ U F( J! [$ _ yand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
5 m- n. t2 i; O8 Vin case, this time, the screams from $ }" e! B7 C( T4 n" h; n9 e6 L
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. % L+ I; ~9 V7 v5 u# Z
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, ' x+ l) i3 U( a3 u- x
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
3 u% q2 S9 l& i% k3 Uand stuck zippers.
: _) ?5 C9 U1 g: j# gMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and + Q# R* C* T4 P* l
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. / x: J6 Z# f& @: C, d
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. & }% i8 B' U6 J/ T+ }3 Y0 H" ?6 ?( n
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 4 P% h! n! e0 } n
an embarrassment the next.
4 E. L. r7 a0 Z* e: u4 hMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
c3 B8 }8 y) @8 k5 hhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
' B$ f2 U% p) B3 RMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ( c) M3 y! X# W! g
Must assume final, complete accountability for
7 U5 ]) C/ a: |) `! fthe quality of the end product. : ?& J& T+ x- u6 S
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 2 _; M( v$ u, p7 @( `: w" @
janitorial work throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
2 J K& m9 }! m. ^4 i, a! o9 F0 oNone. 7 J! Q6 m8 G) G' l; T+ d% e
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, / y2 v+ J( [, [; m2 g; m) k
without complaining,constantly retraining and
1 I7 z; u' X' C/ W7 S6 T+ Y1 y. B! gupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
/ v6 F+ {4 m5 ^% R; f8 Mcan ultimately surpass you.7 g4 t% r% s6 ?0 A
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
7 b) O+ Z1 }9 v4 u6 P9 a4 z, R0 N9 oNone required, unfortunately.
{. r6 c9 c. A7 XOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. ( ]! D( u- z- z- D. l& C
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
$ v0 h: B6 s h+ sGet this! You pay them! 0 Q) k8 ]* m/ q, H$ [
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
/ P4 y( `1 n$ [a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
# f8 q# S2 T; Tof the assumption that college will help them ' m2 ?. ^* a6 p& ]3 M$ Q
become financially independent. i" B/ V+ c8 d, h: w
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
* B) A8 f6 O. U* ?" }" CThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 5 T/ t6 {- U V* v8 E' ~2 M
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. , j# p, S' c" P0 T w, D* U
: W* U$ J6 o: E/ x: BBENEFITS:
2 t3 o2 y! \* K3 Q" r- VWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, / P2 h" f4 e9 ]: U. p
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and # | P c& |1 V
no stock options are offered,4 l: W$ p) T3 k# s
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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4 e; |. P" u2 q3 c5 K" junconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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2 X/ R6 a& j; |- o4 ufor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **% \. H" v$ T2 g! p, C
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
" V- d' S( }1 H' iletting them know they are appreciated % j$ ~* L% c% y& Z! I( K% j. n, D
for the fabulous job they do... a% V& o) `* z5 X6 n
or forward with love
t/ n" J3 |! k4 r/ U, a2 q; |to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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