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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:% c; H9 }/ a. J1 u$ ^8 J
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
4 F: O" G' l6 @* O6 LDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:- b! R$ Y9 C- J+ y2 W
Long term, team players needed for challenging,, f- C( y& T* d0 c

+ u8 b2 q) u$ X1 n" \permanent work in an often chaotic environment. ( j& n) [/ ]& E( T
Candidates must possess excellent communication 6 |. `2 X& a* Y2 Y3 I$ f+ N
and organizational skills and be willing to work
/ X2 _0 Y) {% U& @" \variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
- g  g1 b1 w$ Q5 u4 Rand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
: J) ]5 [# M, ~3 x$ G8 ^2 j6 X+ m' {- uSome overnight travel required, including trips to : ~1 M6 @# t9 Y( H& l0 i
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 4 c8 |; N1 m7 X- x- {3 f. g7 {: B
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
1 B: D- l# O/ W1 ^' ZTravel expenses not reimbursed.
0 A4 \4 l* }3 T  v6 Z0 `Extensive courier duties also required.
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) l; G5 l5 c3 ^; B  T  P! URESPONSIBILITIES:
; U# {4 x& C# V# y  LThe rest of your life.
; p- |7 N7 M3 k' x" {2 i4 OMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, . c3 G$ S/ H8 q
until someone needs $5. ; V# K$ a) a4 S% _/ Y: D3 J
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
. f6 [: U! l- F6 p3 ]# yAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
- \5 q' e6 B) G5 Uand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
/ ~3 K7 f# k& f; Y6 M0 Win case, this time, the screams from
. N6 o. d6 x+ L9 P. `the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
3 h/ }0 v* w! L# o1 cMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, $ Q! k: p# K- W( c) c4 M
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
. A. ]+ }; g2 W- d4 pand stuck zippers.
' \0 Z  ^" P& L$ s6 KMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and / z% b/ Q' f7 D& U3 n
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
( [. L" w5 a" l% N; Q6 gMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. / ^3 _1 k9 M# n6 \
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, , K8 d4 g. x' o- d! X. v
an embarrassment the next. , M3 s  [! }* p( n: D  l
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a " z% Y( D8 T/ P' M- R9 Q9 H$ U
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 4 e# d' @! r! j0 O! ^! Z
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
4 r5 J& H+ F. nMust assume final, complete accountability for
$ n' D4 }+ `+ G% _1 C$ z/ Q7 Cthe quality of the end product.
6 T) Y; O/ r1 D! Q2 U) ]/ w- JResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and # ?& S; \2 y+ c! |
janitorial work  throughout the facility. ) ~3 h: j" t4 o+ D
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
0 L  l; V) {8 R) P3 A4 l% ]/ ~None. 7 T2 ^: r/ D' _0 {) K4 E7 L
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, - H5 m3 O, {: ]2 f9 b  K6 c" n
without complaining,constantly retraining and - e; @8 D* I) c- r! v
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 3 V% D# I- }& ]) D$ Z- Z- z" |
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 8 C; l9 Q" u5 o9 k! O1 {
None required, unfortunately.
( d" a& L; E3 @On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. * |% a: E  X( k( z% Y: P
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: : L4 ~! K1 m4 B6 a$ G+ ^  @8 j
Get this! You pay them!
" y; }4 y! Y  a6 |# @9 jOffering frequent raises and bonuses. 7 b" Y, e* C! D" D3 A5 s/ p1 z+ {
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 9 O6 m8 ?" B7 S) v0 u4 v: x
of the assumption that college will help them - c) R* |3 L' j8 P6 x6 t8 I0 \; @
become financially independent. ! Z( u- l0 W. f3 ^9 r
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 5 W* R8 ?5 v) Y2 D' m6 P! e# Z
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
$ l/ N0 a: l' S" l: jyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 0 \3 B' O9 F. D: O: `
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BENEFITS: * x. q8 m" V5 u
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
/ q. ^8 B9 H, S0 D  {2 qno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 0 M2 x8 V* m' w4 C+ e7 w+ O' M/ M
no stock options are offered,5 K+ Z3 p& G$ q% q1 U. D
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ( l. ]& k+ J7 q. U, Q5 M

, d9 c2 Y9 a: N) j$ t) a2 Cunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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( e( A# F# ]4 `0 H; y4 V  V- Ufor life if you play your cards right.) k( a9 c* ?) r- W  [
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 7 U' ^) B+ I* H  ]" F. t) g
letting them know they are appreciated 9 u" k& |  E- H: n, x
for the fabulous job they do...
5 x- K% Q9 p3 M, |3 R6 c  |! dor forward with love ' K4 ?" z0 Z. P' |. s5 p- o
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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