 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
/ ~' d) g$ Q; d. jMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 6 v3 W# x: M$ L8 _% B4 a& H& q
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:7 R( b. o7 b# n T
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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- ^$ k1 c/ ?1 c. `5 h( C. M }permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 5 O3 H" B+ U U d5 e8 a6 V
Candidates must possess excellent communication J& l, I" _% K9 P' G: T/ V
and organizational skills and be willing to work
' Q3 u& i1 O- F' Wvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends . s8 ~: j, U( g* m
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
: R/ N2 N- B1 ?Some overnight travel required, including trips to : B0 p1 v8 m! w
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 0 [( G, U3 J H3 {0 p9 W E4 t
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! $ P# x9 [8 E* s- ^6 y- ^, v
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 0 u, ~% F! p* j/ l5 {
Extensive courier duties also required.
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! n% s$ m/ N8 f- c6 j5 XRESPONSIBILITIES:
3 ^) N9 F) O# Y9 a' K+ QThe rest of your life. 0 u, u- a2 U' L! {8 l: {: V! F
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
6 }0 o4 U) J% `, z% funtil someone needs $5. - V( f1 _6 f6 h/ ?; r
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 1 H ?, v H/ a, H
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
: b# @6 J1 M6 x1 dand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 9 V* e7 n9 k" n% o, D5 H
in case, this time, the screams from
* T! K0 e. |1 r. _the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. ; l V+ L4 Z; r2 a! G* ] _) ~4 K( T
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, & ?8 V9 ~$ [2 N1 J
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets $ z2 v" A$ ^, T4 n# L& G4 x" _1 \1 B
and stuck zippers.
" A; W4 ]) G( D" o5 V; qMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and " ]1 ^' s. p( n8 a$ z E
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. / P% u* i* q0 P E8 O6 {
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
7 y4 P: r: g: NMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, ' E, j8 m9 ?9 H% @, x1 x- A
an embarrassment the next.
0 p* Y% u a7 l7 U* tMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a . Y6 v8 D" p! I
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 9 w3 a k# I6 @5 B0 Z) V
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
2 g5 I9 u& C! I& q! g5 DMust assume final, complete accountability for
9 H, y& |, m ~1 l# M+ [- g9 z; O- mthe quality of the end product. ; b- Z+ p( V: q0 \
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
7 O: f* C4 H$ I! S% a: {janitorial work throughout the facility.
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8 d" P1 a. i, ^( ], U5 aPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:. {' ~2 D* s; t- S0 s2 c5 J0 l
None.
2 \& L$ g7 r W$ n4 q$ G/ gYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
. j2 {+ u3 d, Awithout complaining,constantly retraining and $ m' W4 t* [% v$ b
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
$ a) F' U) A6 w" b% m5 s& ]- Rcan ultimately surpass you.; \! ?# Y7 p- G, D% E2 U, D) ?
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/ J: O* p4 z6 ^! j1 k/ n$ ePREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: / k% d& l* m& d) F# m
None required, unfortunately.
! A! V) C" X9 V! MOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. / E1 f9 I" D6 W$ ~' {3 x7 T
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: / m! y0 I2 X: s# B5 t
Get this! You pay them! 7 G3 I+ z! \' N" O* C7 A# B
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. ; g( K N6 j5 X" f
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because , Q$ Q! m& H# d7 x/ f7 B4 z* ?
of the assumption that college will help them 8 b; c+ T: x' }( q7 H( I: S
become financially independent. ; _6 l8 |' S: h1 s) _
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
& ?5 N6 p' Z+ Q# D1 F( ^The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that - ~( F& l" a2 s
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
7 ]4 W) r% o2 fWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, ! C- I9 ] y% R m
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
; r. o4 v3 E7 P* Cno stock options are offered,
# V/ ]5 ~1 `8 q U# X6 ]6 {1 sthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, $ i) r3 T) b' R0 F
7 {# e' z; }: F) h6 }4 q5 I+ w0 kunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses : N7 |, ^& D8 o- Z; B; l/ J* s8 S
0 R! U7 i3 { @+ Hfor life if you play your cards right.
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2 X9 ?. l, n1 S, ]** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **6 e" C1 ^( X) k8 [4 j
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9 H0 [/ F, n, l' aForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
# ]& }, H. N% g% l" V- Y6 C" rletting them know they are appreciated ; O7 O$ `8 K3 r. h, Q
for the fabulous job they do... ! g, ^ t6 s* F2 t7 E1 p8 P
or forward with love $ t" z$ W% _& R4 O
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.4 d; \! `% c+ w- A
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