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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
% h4 X6 X- Y6 e$ I8 r4 `/ TMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 9 O1 Q+ A& G) r$ F+ p
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:8 t6 u2 I2 b! C
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
% S2 J7 q# u5 D) p; V2 BCandidates must possess excellent communication 4 y% g* x0 X: O1 b, g  E, Z) t
and organizational skills and be willing to work & Q5 z% b! ~. x. n% _
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
. |" \  b" f9 m, qand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
" }" p9 ]0 q8 G; @( K! ]& r- DSome overnight travel required, including trips to
4 R" q+ y( w4 x: b3 Jprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and " w3 ~7 h. s4 b' g8 y6 t
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
( t+ j# G; P5 ~, }9 T: P2 S, ]) zTravel expenses not reimbursed.
/ C8 s/ T1 B& {0 h; v  C( sExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
2 f5 D, m; W: ]# x9 b5 h$ r4 fThe rest of your life.
! M3 P1 Y7 V; h0 R8 \# FMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 9 B# j' @/ n; w8 m* J% S6 I
until someone needs $5.
& e8 }9 x3 u. K, N; IMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
! m# o. r# T4 i0 n4 F) pAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule " @# {+ ]5 [5 n7 D
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 2 s9 _' b/ ^4 ^0 P# q0 ?2 }
in case, this time, the screams from
* l9 t  l5 ^' |3 nthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 4 c2 }% q* x8 P# A* f4 @
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
4 g% W+ v7 e% E1 {' q1 w$ f* c( ?: Tsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 9 s' W' E* `9 I& x
and stuck zippers.
: m1 X) k9 K/ [Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
# j1 H/ ]/ Q! q) J, ^- F0 tcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
4 j6 v% x" ?8 d* f* X# VMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
( m% f  X0 H8 }# ~5 ?Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, % d9 m% w  h3 l3 `& S
an embarrassment the next. + v% R& Q& N. O- d% K; T
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a 0 D2 a) l5 v$ G7 b
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.   x/ l3 \0 t  K, S$ k
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
, C* N( s! v, y6 }5 X  RMust assume final, complete accountability for , R/ T: T# g: G: W
the quality of the end product. 6 v8 E( a, r  M2 p7 }; g
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and 6 {" g9 |8 _, d8 g1 b! E
janitorial work  throughout the facility. + u/ p- `+ g! A5 o) ~: |7 u3 `+ U
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
/ ?7 @8 B- x, Z& l; [, ~None. $ A# _7 J  _% J  A
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, 0 G2 y) ^, D. n2 J7 `7 j
without complaining,constantly retraining and ( p9 J# h5 C+ {: h& ?; j, d3 _
updating your skills, so that those in your charge & m6 T; X, o# E; t, M
can ultimately surpass you.
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' L; D; ^5 p/ `0 o5 VPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 6 Y  `( z# |. F( c# o* j( x
None required, unfortunately.
* m, p7 X; }4 [) k8 COn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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  I& g; v) o9 `& z5 iWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 8 h8 ~/ z8 Y3 w
Get this! You pay them! + Z! O# t  w) z
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
% A/ k  z& g4 {1 Z( Ra balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 5 P" b2 A" a3 I3 C" O" Q9 L
of the assumption that college will help them
3 ?4 L1 n+ i; x# E0 Ebecome financially independent.
& V; T9 U! O; g* E" A& }2 ZWhen you die, you give them whatever is left. 0 E2 H8 c( k. Z8 B3 z8 l
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
8 H, x+ B$ Z+ a! |* L* f4 nyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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$ L6 B: C* e- g' k( B5 N5 pBENEFITS: ) h7 B. R) a6 b" r0 @/ w
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, . ?, U* n4 j$ s/ R9 L& T4 K
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
6 D; u2 D7 O" r3 `& Y! L' ~  Gno stock options are offered,
& z! U. g% r) Z: l1 ~4 I; @$ m, _: vthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses % H* C' ]& o8 k) Q5 W: A1 s& {/ j

2 e9 {& l+ s% g( D6 O* e1 _for life if you play your cards right.9 T! D5 ^. h# I* a5 Z+ b! W7 q
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& u$ b5 p  e! n: \$ q+ J- H** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! *** d8 R6 Z3 q( d

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. P8 @: D; c) t0 E, t. sForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 3 g/ {: k0 x' H/ C& Z
letting them know they are appreciated
# Z7 \6 h4 |" Y# }for the fabulous job they do... 6 L# |% G: J8 F8 y( \1 z
or forward with love
/ Q" C8 R3 X- P3 R* I9 e$ ito anyone thinking of applying for the job.! B) u# a9 o1 }% C

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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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