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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:6 V9 \, Z8 s/ k! M
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma & u7 g+ U& O. o1 f& F( V9 Y& W+ D
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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& f2 ^( D2 S+ vJOB DESCRIPTION:
* |2 S5 x6 r* `: {5 P  l8 tLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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. ]) Z; x" }! N6 G$ |permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 5 [  `: g' a' M. k# f+ W
Candidates must possess excellent communication
( G: p1 r# M3 Oand organizational skills and be willing to work
& K: z8 a7 Z: j7 ~variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
' F  g" H; ], N' X$ b# gand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. * r+ f# K7 X! q/ g( Q4 c! w
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
" a7 N2 ?8 E" @* g* aprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
" ?% c& N  `3 Yendless sports tournaments in far away cities! 4 y2 B8 z" ^/ @* z  K# Z  e" r" x
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 9 T3 u2 r; ?5 D$ n
Extensive courier duties also required. , k0 I" g/ Y$ n  t" F

0 L+ `2 ?# `( m# p, H6 ORESPONSIBILITIES:* V0 R* H1 R' W
The rest of your life. 3 @; v3 Q% X: a9 S) ]7 |
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
" L! U0 O4 y7 d# e7 R# d! k2 I8 buntil someone needs $5.
+ e8 A- I6 i; k* PMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
) s. t" `0 E- L9 ?9 CAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
4 b" X  L6 W/ f' `9 `and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
" T1 b( U9 F0 vin case, this time, the screams from . T" r' B2 K/ c, o) a- P
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
. F# B0 |+ g8 H1 G5 R- RMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
: d" C) N! ?7 E; \: q% M0 _such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
6 L! @# b0 v8 ^' Z. {# Z. K# dand stuck zippers. ' Y1 i5 N+ C7 N; `* o
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and ' e, T2 e4 n0 e! ]' G
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
9 Z9 k9 h( Y9 O$ Z! q5 Q* YMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. / I& l* b4 v0 L0 a* d# f+ u- t
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
- ?) x5 R4 W: b# c; f0 r$ @# w/ p. fan embarrassment the next.
, g' B2 z# L3 N' A7 H3 Y1 y& |8 g0 zMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
$ q! `9 T  G2 |* F# k/ mhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
- A: @$ u! a" U; X9 j& {Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
% |0 g7 V) A4 ~6 y+ R; o6 TMust assume final, complete accountability for & f- N# i% S" |
the quality of the end product. ' R8 Y$ e: F0 f0 l# @7 A
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
! K& V* z$ X8 X/ g& n; b2 ?# njanitorial work  throughout the facility. 7 H7 `2 T' i9 H: o% o' @3 w& ?7 L

, w7 A! R, x2 cPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:7 [0 e; D, f& L2 e! N( h
None.
6 w) j9 Y" N8 G$ Y, A. fYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
; e- N6 s2 s0 l4 O' \/ _! cwithout complaining,constantly retraining and * ?% L0 q" s) R+ o
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
% ^" R4 {3 s8 O! g( rcan ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
: _, ]# s$ n# E1 R) k+ J. XNone required, unfortunately.
; O, v/ ^8 x* _6 a3 ^( QOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. ) X1 R, W5 g0 h* ^* a

& s, x1 z# ~- d6 d$ F$ W& F5 sWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
3 F4 T  }5 M9 Z: ^, z  D0 SGet this! You pay them! . b. K! [9 B2 v+ g* K4 x
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
* L6 B2 t) K0 I1 z* `: Ma balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
8 u' B4 J9 x. ]6 _% c) |2 nof the assumption that college will help them
4 t: `5 [8 O: T. ebecome financially independent. " W" @( A/ l% M. o7 [/ X
When you die, you give them whatever is left. $ G! r! z" I; _5 J- S! s
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
$ v/ K  q: O" R* Qyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 0 t$ {8 }/ z( d
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BENEFITS:
( N* t3 R$ ~/ {. P: [4 QWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 4 n$ H. x$ ]1 b+ b+ m+ L9 ~
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
/ l+ I" Y: P0 n) }no stock options are offered,& ~* ]/ @# I3 @
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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# ?$ i2 o; y- }1 D; [for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **/ X& ~/ @( h) c7 e9 b3 |$ A) ^5 Q

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: Q  k. w/ l" P4 KForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, # v, D" r7 m" G5 x3 O1 B% n) Z
letting them know they are appreciated
, ?! v* R' c( L: m  a8 l' A; Qfor the fabulous job they do...
  U' p: b5 w- W  P* v, C9 S9 kor forward with love # E( f/ e5 \6 p6 r( f( _$ ?4 h
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.0 `4 ~; B1 p1 R, @' G
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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