Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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8 D+ a* D/ F- I4 {  b; Zpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
3 F1 @) Y  u1 X& CCandidates must possess excellent communication
- \. l. x: J- ^. p$ |and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
$ d/ z( x6 M" F; F% Z3 Q% |: iand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
- d8 t: t9 r- }9 oprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
/ C: P( n+ u9 k5 U/ H4 lendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
( N; o1 I- o" M8 zTravel expenses not reimbursed.
/ \, Y3 \4 w" b9 JExtensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
/ i: N/ Q; `0 j) A" L, s5 ?The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
! R$ X6 d* N3 cuntil someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
  `: M8 C1 y3 l  qAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
( d: b5 r+ u7 D# o( V8 y0 Xand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
0 v2 F/ E$ U* O. `+ U: c2 Y5 Ethe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
2 V/ K% ]3 A( u7 gMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
, A- Y3 F- v4 o- G8 v! xsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
* z+ V  t3 f) e7 Gand stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
! Q2 H; a6 v. J; w: @7 LMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
% {4 o8 W5 _3 C* B( p' Van embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
4 o% }; r& E+ D7 V5 ^half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
" k% H" R( i, ~) `6 nthe quality of the end product.
7 z6 d0 f# V. @) A: B/ c- IResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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; b% i) y3 `+ c1 a$ P/ J  I# c/ ]POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
) z! p  R  _& t6 {; \  Uwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
% [. N( _7 }, Kcan ultimately surpass you.
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! q+ A2 R7 S4 S* n5 }PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
, c! J3 U9 P3 n9 O+ Y0 I9 QNone required, unfortunately.
+ n' ^8 j7 r2 T2 Z& K6 VOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

; m" f/ u* [0 A. rWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
; |! ?2 E+ F$ `- U- qThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
3 i. x5 Z1 z1 l% [you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

1 Q8 f5 r& N4 k5 Q$ `" N7 CBENEFITS:
8 }; v' ?7 l" qWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
& L; J5 d) b0 p3 s7 Qno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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4 _" y# F# m/ i- e. ~+ Ffor life if you play your cards right.




** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **


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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
$ P+ E# z3 S, Cletting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

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billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.