 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
P5 {& K3 U) WMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 7 [0 `% F4 z$ Z- N- f! I* x9 E8 q
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:7 `6 Y1 u4 N$ L8 ~
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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. `$ t% a# Z5 ?) k3 J; Apermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
9 [. R9 K+ L/ i. @3 K: ^6 JCandidates must possess excellent communication
: n& v [ H# v Cand organizational skills and be willing to work
) W/ z; S9 ?1 n8 d) A% m/ h: }variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends " A5 w( X9 e. ]! y+ M
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. : J; `: }0 z+ R
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
- B: o0 F2 n8 _3 [( n `primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
( E! W6 X, X! @) u& jendless sports tournaments in far away cities! % J. B0 P/ s; | ~3 V. N
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
: W5 p1 V8 i; I1 @. f, |Extensive courier duties also required. 0 l9 e% b" T* \) s1 \3 Q
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RESPONSIBILITIES:6 _' v. j3 r! R
The rest of your life.
0 }3 V* R4 _% E& j9 S6 uMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
& V k: e. ^* U5 V$ z. {2 Nuntil someone needs $5.
' a0 q9 c0 u1 s! i! Z+ C' g' dMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. $ j. p7 j7 f0 U" ?
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 7 I' r, c5 _$ |/ F' r" X
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
- `9 j$ o/ C: h- f3 L5 gin case, this time, the screams from 1 K6 w$ C. f$ N M
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. # ~& ^ I/ G- e Q( Z0 x
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, G' G& u* J: V
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 3 j6 |5 @) |' t5 r
and stuck zippers. 2 Q [ J9 w$ m. c
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
( Z; \6 ?. ~+ C2 C; a8 z& ^- \) h1 ucoordinate production of multiple homework projects. # @; X4 U. o* _' L ]9 [
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
2 ~( Q1 g% E* `1 n$ X% mMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute, / Q# Q H* V% [# Z
an embarrassment the next.
1 t0 l% Q% h" V: x8 s8 gMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
5 Y" s/ O" D K5 D! i- Z, Z- Khalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
7 _# F/ x, U( Y1 `Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
/ a. A: k. P( A! g7 KMust assume final, complete accountability for 3 u4 d' F3 W. U. d" q* P! P- D
the quality of the end product. ( |) `5 ?5 c( b" w# B# q
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
9 O5 }1 _3 B7 pjanitorial work throughout the facility. 1 \) `3 T; K1 R" c
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:1 O' W. k- ]5 ~" [- A$ B
None.
* w8 x" M- P0 i8 Z, `Your job is to remain in the same position for years, - x6 l" T7 e& J# y6 G$ G9 M
without complaining,constantly retraining and
8 Z" y' M2 _& w5 Iupdating your skills, so that those in your charge % l Q3 _/ D$ I7 Q
can ultimately surpass you.6 J% O7 W1 j9 ^( m& m
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* o8 k$ i6 p- Z3 U+ [, ~PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: / K7 v" ?# ?: D) N! ] @0 {
None required, unfortunately.
: F+ T8 V4 n/ {3 XOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 5 G# z: ?8 V% y
1 c" j8 B* V, X& R2 G% U: L- s6 yWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
& m! [2 c0 l5 i* QGet this! You pay them!
. R+ G4 [1 ?3 L7 V, Z' ~Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
2 f9 g, J/ o: n1 R* m3 z& Ua balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
7 n3 r3 ]$ y9 R0 N8 f, a+ gof the assumption that college will help them
+ ` z* x# F& ~. _# Ubecome financially independent.
+ t9 {4 c# o1 sWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
0 d+ Q. t. {, O' Y6 w! o1 G7 KThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
% K/ }# R% y: S9 P3 [! uyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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3 R3 h+ X& k+ I% X3 W# ?# E8 B+ ^BENEFITS:
/ ?+ ?9 m6 [+ M p" oWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 0 ^" u( w8 a! A% H% L4 ^
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 0 Q$ k; |$ K8 N* N
no stock options are offered,
1 N8 k r# M7 {/ K# {this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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5 Y! f1 p+ G: c# f9 w! m5 `. j$ qunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses $ a& V [: N4 h9 k9 f
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for life if you play your cards right.8 O4 {% \) c, t r) n6 I
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
$ ]$ t" p% S8 Kletting them know they are appreciated
, x% J+ q- y7 H# d, dfor the fabulous job they do... + x& u O6 c* I! ?" ^: A0 s# g
or forward with love x/ j; K" r2 `) x4 a
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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