 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
 POSITION:6 O- r; s* W0 K; b! G2 v
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma 5 Z4 s+ B+ Z" O& R" b- Y
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
* W; L2 ]: j+ i' _8 B% u) g
# }! Q7 G' E) o) q( K( D. \& ?0 ?( b
JOB DESCRIPTION:8 a4 W5 f. j0 e8 k
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
! `3 q3 v/ a$ j, Y6 G" Z+ q. q |: t S
permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 5 U* F' G6 G g/ R- a
Candidates must possess excellent communication T2 n' E+ h4 q8 U" v6 K! S
and organizational skills and be willing to work
3 [: G& ^1 t. y" A, Y, o: ~variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends . Q+ [ U/ }. l# Z& j9 d
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 9 D6 j8 G; u- [; T; A* y3 Z7 T
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
! d0 P% c3 Q1 M3 q+ Wprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 3 D5 _. Y, ^) @4 B' E6 b4 Q5 b
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! # n! ^0 ~+ X+ [ ]5 p, t# s
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
, r9 U _' V2 b9 P6 S- q7 u/ wExtensive courier duties also required. 8 _, O" A" M* {0 J
. x! c% n0 ]( ~, P5 L! \RESPONSIBILITIES: {8 U5 ?! v- K1 u5 {5 O
The rest of your life. 4 }8 [( g0 S, s& A0 X1 G; B* q
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
z+ o" u* d7 Runtil someone needs $5.
5 U3 X i) w2 ^- VMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 8 G6 G- d) m. z T) {' `) b
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ( _ w4 [0 J5 y1 k5 e, |& V( j
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
3 D$ w8 U$ I, Y3 S, |& c' `; H \8 hin case, this time, the screams from
6 n0 O' m- |5 \' o" @( C8 I) y4 p3 Qthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
4 u. m+ |+ U) i2 A; ^% rMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
$ \, ?( w& D) T1 |such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets : m& q d7 F. g5 y5 h' a
and stuck zippers.
$ p; D9 ?! j& ^+ }3 @Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and . n- n4 Q( ]+ g- L+ p8 K- w1 c
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. / }# ~9 T: k8 A; a" j# Q; j
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. & x6 m/ @9 i* {0 u$ ?
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 2 O- Y+ n v, \6 B# t F7 m
an embarrassment the next.
e% x- l1 k) m& n4 }: @Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a # ]1 J# p o" Q% \) Y
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
+ v v$ g& y4 h; T9 h, jMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. ! w7 \( Y, l& l% R' M5 d; s( _
Must assume final, complete accountability for $ t u0 U5 T6 b% d% ]+ Q
the quality of the end product.
7 F q1 l* Q. n' w( b" fResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and : E" P( L1 f+ u
janitorial work throughout the facility. - ^# L' \- f+ {& M
1 C: m; h8 t( z" T+ g) N$ ~( t0 i* T
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
) Q: p. z5 L0 ]8 U' W2 rNone. ' f, E/ E& p( X9 y+ k) o* w
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, & Q. D `9 U N6 F* I
without complaining,constantly retraining and
1 ?8 J! ~, R# B3 P3 R7 qupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
5 H" m( V" ?2 N4 Y" R/ \& @can ultimately surpass you.' Z3 K# }, l# z3 N1 b% {
# ^* ]' I1 z, Z* e9 n7 [+ S# D5 g6 g
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
, t s- m1 B& h' i6 t0 I8 \0 JNone required, unfortunately. ! G8 B) Q( r. S7 t k% L
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 5 T" S1 `9 {! _9 V/ Y( _7 Y
$ D$ a2 c$ j6 E# Z3 j. G7 N
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
7 C ?9 ~. }& V3 _1 B8 |Get this! You pay them! : }, _! s. p, e3 t- M
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
) I% O% E7 |/ S. H7 M, Y# ka balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
) ?: X* \ r+ V6 yof the assumption that college will help them
_$ f7 t4 m6 h, Y& c8 nbecome financially independent. . f8 B4 K' R4 R) y: C3 t6 q- N
When you die, you give them whatever is left. & h# T4 x0 i3 [
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 8 Y7 w( Y( \* g" ^6 c. B4 e
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
( ?" W4 u% ~. g% N
5 P k$ P- ^% K) UBENEFITS: 5 M5 m. H2 n$ N- D
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
2 G" k9 O0 ~5 ~: k ^( O/ Pno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and 6 [) I L6 Z9 C9 l Q
no stock options are offered,7 j0 A8 }% v# `: L; h0 D" A& s
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, % `2 [" X' `8 C6 o0 W2 |
5 w6 S5 V: d& T- X) Q" a1 _9 h8 s! i
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses 5 _$ v/ ]1 I; H8 m- G, X
7 x+ T2 w) K) C, Yfor life if you play your cards right.& ?6 i/ @+ N/ B ?# g- J }( d
' T0 v9 B- P8 l* e+ h7 s* ~. X
; k+ ^7 E; Q# X+ n. y
) Q1 ]) R5 u$ G2 }" ` q2 m. ?7 w& ]
** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **% L2 j; G* s& @" _; D
3 Z, A0 J+ K6 F. ?3 z
* a) O1 q' j' C, b' r1 X" z- k/ u1 q* k
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
- b5 w. @( }/ [; |5 f8 ^+ E1 j8 R. cletting them know they are appreciated 2 [: |6 h3 Z5 I4 V1 Z+ ` J
for the fabulous job they do...
. W7 u* B8 G2 }- H, i' a3 }. Dor forward with love
7 t1 m, d8 N# V/ s2 Gto anyone thinking of applying for the job.) M; r' _4 j4 Z2 B
; @7 f7 W- j1 J* I7 @! W7 A. i9 f |
|