 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
7 V5 F( ]; n0 D3 N8 ZMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
3 U' z0 j1 g N4 u" |8 uDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa. z) d) }. L& Q
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
+ A% T+ L$ U. p9 A* _4 @Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
2 j' L+ u0 x/ G1 F4 u- HCandidates must possess excellent communication 9 p4 }# y8 B9 e6 K2 u/ e
and organizational skills and be willing to work
8 ?0 T, L5 c. t' O2 ?variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
3 d- K7 U4 h) X( ^9 \4 tand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
* P+ L, U- t) ?& W2 [3 ~2 D3 f- ~& BSome overnight travel required, including trips to 0 d7 l" C# }1 ?: t; M7 V
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and ( \/ V( `, H, f# ?5 m
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! & C7 ~8 J2 ^" b+ p2 K' B- Z$ p
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
5 Y3 O4 F _* ^2 E: [ vExtensive courier duties also required. * _; D5 P+ V4 l/ g
0 ]! V) j* b/ H* ~2 zRESPONSIBILITIES:7 {9 t/ u7 W. K% i
The rest of your life. 0 `7 k G% G) m; I+ s
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 5 v0 u: N7 N- M" P& j* b2 p
until someone needs $5. 9 L K# ~6 Y: m& l, _% Z
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. ' W$ E) I% j4 V: C+ [
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
- B/ q3 w4 L* ~0 dand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
9 K2 n! s; a2 |( _; s; hin case, this time, the screams from : h* v5 T$ c1 U. V6 j1 u9 S
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. , `+ K! p, m( o6 p$ ]
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
, y7 }* n5 R- Osuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
7 H" V9 G1 f! E% p( ^5 s9 i4 u B9 F$ Uand stuck zippers.
0 _, k' H6 Z' HMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and * T* {9 |5 Q' ]; P3 ?$ ^
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. ( k, w6 M# N: V8 o. P
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ) o$ p) {% P( s+ s
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, 6 ?. T* C O+ V: y
an embarrassment the next. `# ?% D* n( V" b) w$ D
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
2 {" w" { y$ Y. s; _% Khalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
4 y9 i# ]8 c) s# e/ y) GMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
( }1 Z2 Q/ S; \! Y5 G: \Must assume final, complete accountability for
% E# A0 l9 d1 C% c8 Z) Vthe quality of the end product.
( @' W; r7 t q3 Q; AResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and 8 F- y& Q3 P; o7 X+ O
janitorial work throughout the facility.
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" q; W. a; j( K2 W y0 ^; ^( NPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
& ~ w7 y6 f9 ~$ N# KNone.
% Q( U; N1 y% aYour job is to remain in the same position for years, + y8 Y; |( H5 y! P$ }6 g
without complaining,constantly retraining and - T. v% V. a3 }" g
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
" S3 I, H7 v& {: A; ]6 Vcan ultimately surpass you.
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+ v3 @, L4 j0 z; \PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
' L/ G7 H$ E2 p- tNone required, unfortunately. $ D: S" r0 d' F) v
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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# c! ~6 ]+ U7 uWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 2 w! `& W" V% {6 c& D
Get this! You pay them!
* |6 [1 J/ V) t8 n! R5 `3 r) }# R0 ~Offering frequent raises and bonuses. : [! }! t% b( ^" F7 ^2 L
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
: b7 I4 M1 h' _% g3 Z/ G2 Z/ \3 Wof the assumption that college will help them 1 e4 S' i/ {. ` i! B
become financially independent. ' D/ g& v( G3 y
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
# D0 ^ \$ ?! ?The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 4 \: Y3 l6 h. O8 M+ K8 G9 E# }
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: 3 R" ]+ L8 I: [& D) T3 k1 J
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 7 Z$ v q% p# Y9 K
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
8 ]: q4 F/ z( P! i8 `: @9 Qno stock options are offered,
" s: `! A& E) J5 Q$ U1 `this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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% o* D# y# F& M5 f) |4 Runconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.6 J" @: d7 N+ V
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **; Z7 B7 b+ \% }2 j$ A; V
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$ z$ Z" v7 w# b! L0 g2 G' gForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, , l1 g- ~" K- Z# E$ q7 n, A
letting them know they are appreciated $ J( \# \' r# W! ~+ c0 C
for the fabulous job they do... 8 C2 T2 y( r, A, h
or forward with love 7 ^2 | N' H: O7 ?# Z. Q- m2 E: r5 H, D2 B
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.+ u8 g5 }9 i5 R' @
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