 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
5 R1 ~* z4 M5 @% HMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
" V2 U* Y% W7 o9 t: WDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa& @: e. k n2 [% g8 g
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% ?8 _3 t/ C$ l1 K( G7 RJOB DESCRIPTION:
0 U1 K2 [ J' E5 V4 E* V( T. U* rLong term, team players needed for challenging,: j& ]& u$ Y ` J7 S( a, s4 g, c" M
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. / Y$ b3 N! r/ Q: E; h
Candidates must possess excellent communication / ^4 L |3 g0 O, u8 k) R
and organizational skills and be willing to work
6 T! y6 a# y* z# i6 {" `variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends % L8 ]8 r% l( m' o1 v
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
* g# E+ P" n8 OSome overnight travel required, including trips to 8 \5 G* `$ V1 `. X! |% Z
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and , C& Z2 q) N& i, s5 j% I! X3 J
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! & }& z9 \& r6 Q |
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 1 J# k0 ~! c$ A1 R/ A7 w' x8 n
Extensive courier duties also required.
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) \3 s* f; E( j) u! p, A7 lRESPONSIBILITIES:
: i/ @/ t" q7 u4 l* ^* P2 WThe rest of your life.
9 c+ ~ J4 c: ^0 ?Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
9 J# G5 r# T/ g- b; Juntil someone needs $5. % J5 v+ i0 |/ u/ v) ^5 |# K' l
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. + _+ x! I3 W8 E3 S8 ?3 G( u7 i& A! P
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
# k* g9 K' U! d' rand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat # s, {% g! A, n( A H
in case, this time, the screams from
/ P" E2 k3 r$ D+ }! ?& nthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 6 ~) g, t8 C: ~: _# c0 e- G# a
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
! r2 _; t, ` |0 F6 Tsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
) [- \# f9 v- J: K: Tand stuck zippers.
4 u* s: n0 R9 F# _; J9 N1 bMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 5 g8 [( @$ b/ b
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
: q# r' K: v* ~/ AMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
& ]+ t# M; z! U8 G) W/ Z$ k) ~Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
4 Y( w8 ?$ A5 J9 n) x x0 {an embarrassment the next. # Y! n& G8 r* \0 m9 f
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
" t! ^0 m2 j$ G# dhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
1 m6 ~- _9 n" f5 c2 jMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
7 V6 I& J# h, @( j! MMust assume final, complete accountability for x5 B! r6 l8 a9 L$ s
the quality of the end product. V: K3 k+ _5 a+ d0 T
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
0 x+ J2 k, d' P6 I% j$ Ojanitorial work throughout the facility.
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6 @7 m+ {- h/ e/ p" qPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:4 W" [$ a2 i% d4 D/ \3 o# h# l
None. L% ^2 L$ }% t, A' }5 l% T
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, ' R$ r. W) o# \ f* }
without complaining,constantly retraining and ' o. i5 H; ^% `) _2 t% j
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
# T1 P6 [6 }# N0 H; E1 N5 gcan ultimately surpass you.; s! ?9 I! U Q( {6 A% U6 y" W. H! q
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: " A0 T2 a1 d- O( t
None required, unfortunately. + _' l( t ?6 z1 B3 x4 r; @
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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* f% n/ ?. f# d8 H# t' kWAGES AND COMPENSATION: $ i, w% b9 d8 {+ S4 ~
Get this! You pay them! # S: B! x/ H8 u* z0 z( p
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
& A) q4 w0 C( r9 N! j! S) `a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 0 H- K% ~. y9 e8 o/ R6 ?3 E$ H, x
of the assumption that college will help them
1 Q2 X* t5 |; Qbecome financially independent. % `( b- z& n" L4 N0 X
When you die, you give them whatever is left. 2 o( Q2 X( J2 B. G9 p! o
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
- o* r5 l9 Q( p1 t' pyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
- x0 D- O2 X/ x& VWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
2 R# w8 {" q9 \( ], Y- G# S4 }. yno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and " Y, B; I [9 }; `3 ]$ G, n0 ^
no stock options are offered,, _3 k. v' z% d2 q# y- x! S
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, & k: n7 B" D% n, c: Y8 K1 ~
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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- ~5 a8 B! l/ A$ i4 X& j. @for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **- Q3 j, b9 w# r& c! f
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, - e G$ {! r( N$ e5 O. P
letting them know they are appreciated * h* q( A& v9 W0 m: S' a
for the fabulous job they do...
: k; z, p+ q# a8 ?, \or forward with love
/ y; @" {" ?' T3 f6 B# xto anyone thinking of applying for the job.+ q. G: O- T- W, X
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