 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
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Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:4 K. o/ Q' ~: y+ H# |
Long term, team players needed for challenging,. f0 z- g& h V+ o: j% o5 `5 }
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
3 k3 u! K+ o1 i0 B2 kCandidates must possess excellent communication
5 \: K; c* p* F7 }: a9 X! D& Gand organizational skills and be willing to work 2 `7 r6 R1 z- s
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends : N6 z$ r2 I2 Y" N% j! l
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. / T) k- `( N" H I: M1 w
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 9 B# j' Y: \. D! O9 C B
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and / U' l! j. ^1 i8 x P# e
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
5 X: i' L; `, U; U" _/ o/ z8 O. qTravel expenses not reimbursed. $ S: X7 H3 i i; j* _
Extensive courier duties also required. $ R; k+ V4 q( @" h9 x! G( L
: |7 _* @9 P/ b- K. ZRESPONSIBILITIES:
% V! P2 ]9 \0 }& F( H* qThe rest of your life. 1 t" i q% z9 V$ Z# P$ |
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
' |. e" p) a$ U Muntil someone needs $5. / r: w9 I) f6 q, ?, A) @) ?
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
' b4 Q* A- ]" r% S, u( w9 YAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 6 H: h/ q6 F, L/ s* h% ?
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat 2 E1 p7 u' o% w# G( L% g
in case, this time, the screams from e' ^4 F) K" z( |: y$ \, l
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
V1 w( [' H L- qMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
: [8 G% @2 I0 E- P, bsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
/ t) C: D) E$ A& Sand stuck zippers. * Z; \4 _2 s* j0 ~7 K% j
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
2 |4 a% o( y ^6 }' ccoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
+ o H/ V$ r) K/ I G! S$ VMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
3 D+ {7 t5 }7 h& H3 _Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
3 H9 X/ g' j! G/ d% Man embarrassment the next.
' o0 R! O2 p; R( s; S1 w3 LMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a ' e- x4 \6 L$ `8 r6 U/ {' \
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
h& A( B/ i& UMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 7 p: f8 G& D& Y% }% c) [) C3 p$ O
Must assume final, complete accountability for ! [7 b" E6 ]/ h4 _0 H
the quality of the end product.
- n: w2 N/ d& o6 C$ s: E: YResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
9 d4 G+ Y! q% `. b1 J1 O: L9 e$ fjanitorial work throughout the facility.
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" D+ h2 Q' K0 M6 APOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:% {, h% {) }! ~
None.
; w6 q7 ~# L8 m& j! K" EYour job is to remain in the same position for years, : g# m: [' F) T1 c1 Q4 E0 T# |
without complaining,constantly retraining and " q; W3 S: {9 n# v2 M2 D
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
( a2 ^; [6 L' Z, A9 hcan ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 7 r/ g/ o0 M7 A7 M( |
None required, unfortunately.
7 G/ w3 v" B# Q9 Z" H4 {On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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$ p" l1 n! r( _' {* ]WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
8 b8 n* ~/ j8 u. ]* IGet this! You pay them!
6 o6 j. |; ^+ k. t* tOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
) Y& l2 e3 v- J2 L) La balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
2 S7 \ q, X) R- sof the assumption that college will help them
) v& g: r/ F& A6 M3 xbecome financially independent. + j' u+ m8 |9 T+ p+ @
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
& z/ S& |+ T+ E" Y) @The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 3 O* @& x! H& ~( f( P- K5 u- W
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 5 }. R9 U8 Q9 P6 T: e, {0 T/ t- x) g
" u& X( j5 q" {# D1 p1 M1 HBENEFITS: # D+ G& A0 v0 m
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
7 u/ r# Y: f, k5 F) Rno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
4 g6 C ]2 y; xno stock options are offered,4 x' ^. O4 \. p; Z* T1 R6 c
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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+ m) T/ }; O: w+ M/ z5 e" `7 n3 H4 Punconditional love, and free hugs and kisses . ^- B/ p' _9 p' |+ a: b! J8 b
1 u1 ~* g- z4 h$ }8 gfor life if you play your cards right.
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. F1 L6 x- b! s5 {, f3 @& L** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
/ c% K+ s$ v ?) X# hletting them know they are appreciated
2 y* R* n, Q0 t# k% ifor the fabulous job they do...
+ ^( B5 g$ h X5 O5 A9 r* `! ior forward with love * T: X, p$ D2 Z. S
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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