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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
8 V3 Q* y2 ?5 m: w  _Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
8 e. R1 V! l# }. l  XDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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/ b+ `4 m7 d5 n: G, [JOB DESCRIPTION:. t7 p  q* [) a. ^/ B1 W! n7 x
Long term, team players needed for challenging,) G' L# F! \; V$ B9 Y' j3 U5 V
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
, Q! [0 o/ \- k/ `7 O! ^5 Q( |3 oCandidates must possess excellent communication
* s. x+ H) r  Y4 F5 f, M2 zand organizational skills and be willing to work 5 s3 }9 O( ?2 C9 @1 p1 n6 v
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
) \. v1 u, |1 p: m! b0 O# }2 iand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 0 B/ [4 q0 W) y8 ~4 g
Some overnight travel required, including trips to ; O- {9 F" N1 K% I3 k. s
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
  O4 M( q6 `1 U' X- f3 M2 sendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
8 d8 c& x& m3 E: oTravel expenses not reimbursed. 0 [. {2 q4 g' i1 E9 ]4 w7 r
Extensive courier duties also required.
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7 h3 W+ w6 I$ q9 m' D2 URESPONSIBILITIES:% V( J" }0 ^& z* R- p
The rest of your life. % C/ Q# F3 \, r+ n
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
6 T" P2 C3 @# @4 X6 muntil someone needs $5. 1 j5 R% N8 n9 l. S
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
% G0 n" J8 {  F3 N" J3 \  hAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule ! z3 }5 p8 Z- \1 c/ M
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
; r& p& a3 I( I0 W& V: J2 nin case, this time, the screams from % v' T7 B3 g' k9 m+ G% m9 Q- }
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. 5 w! z0 ~3 l" [+ D; ?2 M
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 8 E$ u' `1 n8 [& A
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
, P8 o* O( O) ?7 j/ zand stuck zippers.
2 j- ?9 R3 a) r: @Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and " k. |: i) h7 s0 H' D" t; s9 d
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. 3 ]+ ?& T. G% A% R8 k
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ( M# s6 m; W. n0 b* |
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
. H% ?! q$ {/ X+ x; kan embarrassment the next. ! ?) Y1 I. A; J; M, `& t1 {6 q
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a - ?! q5 }. A/ l
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 1 C4 S% i3 {& {4 r$ \8 ]$ f
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 0 S+ ?* M% m( }: r' T! W
Must assume final, complete accountability for 5 ^2 O3 e$ M- J7 S  [
the quality of the end product. ' s' G! {9 j8 K* I( t/ O, A9 a
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
0 y- e5 N0 H) @janitorial work  throughout the facility. & c" u: c; C5 f! O' g
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:1 k+ {: O( w, y9 c# S- T7 W
None. % u( i+ ^- F6 b+ U0 j! j# S
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
! i% J3 r+ `2 ^( V5 Bwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
) ]( Z7 k8 V9 I1 d+ s, ~9 _8 x+ nupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
2 b2 R9 {: r$ c; d1 `0 \can ultimately surpass you.
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5 `  S& M9 n+ Z. m% mPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
2 I( x4 M7 e: ]None required, unfortunately.
  \" T3 P0 X  }# M  B1 X3 z  x$ W7 kOn-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 8 Z# a2 q3 V' J' g% T

7 ~  q7 H; V) E( J- B  u' }WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
- A2 a* x2 n! F2 ]! tGet this! You pay them!   f6 u0 J# j0 I. g
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. + `# O, e1 W+ t. y
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because % ~  T6 E5 Y0 b
of the assumption that college will help them 9 M. x/ i- N6 V/ A0 J
become financially independent. * c. o7 Y% }5 c% g$ U1 y8 R8 l
When you die, you give them whatever is left. . C0 A' h* b9 ?5 u
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 2 g5 k( e+ @; ^# C
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. ( ?# P2 X: w  x' K

  z; v, J- I4 o* P- z& oBENEFITS:
( E( }- i! _1 h8 L$ o& EWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
: B% \/ [/ W1 k; Cno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and - t3 {- m% Z5 K% T' l
no stock options are offered,- y8 ~7 L, }3 j* H* X
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, & }2 p0 P3 J8 h
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ( j; e4 m5 X. s7 l- Z% I% b4 U
" {7 C. ~( l. Y# ?0 w5 X
for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, . u( G: I, B3 s) e4 }
letting them know they are appreciated
% \% N8 s) u5 T9 c4 Rfor the fabulous job they do... " s% ?8 W$ e# o" y$ W7 a6 j
or forward with love
6 y# n2 n$ w% b8 `/ B: uto anyone thinking of applying for the job.! T" E& \$ D6 X5 j! J8 C7 b
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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