Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
4 y# k7 F/ S) Y% Y( Y# c% `Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
. L* g8 _" w- d: i- k5 t% eDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa


JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
2 `! Q* a9 k: L- [+ \5 Z
2 _" M) n$ v2 ]permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
  t  v! h9 }5 K) B7 G9 O( vCandidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
, O: r. P5 `5 Uand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
2 O9 T/ Z2 Q) G( O* \endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
" g2 ]& L9 @" ^) K/ YTravel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
/ H! z0 ^! i1 `, A1 j; tThe rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
; f1 ]* O; Y# j: oand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
9 r$ h8 i+ j9 T- {; P4 w4 v2 ~in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
: t+ j1 A3 |* S2 v: fMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
1 a; O, B' A5 d& k% O! zsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
) Z1 w6 g$ X! }' @, }) k1 M8 _and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
2 f( W0 f0 |& ^; V$ R* p- ?8 B) b5 vcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
- o4 V3 v6 O5 d" C6 g- {Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
# p; g7 k8 Q" fMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
1 v1 O2 S3 @# ~1 e5 ohalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
7 }- V$ [0 Y0 _: sMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
1 c, I9 y9 G" V8 o, eMust assume final, complete accountability for
% y' A, M% ~- y8 p: V6 K6 {the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
$ f- l. E1 C- Z7 c8 p# k& W
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
$ P6 x7 `3 H$ g4 qYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
8 G# R1 l1 z$ W3 V0 ~updating your skills, so that those in your charge
$ l2 U! J4 n/ v! ?can ultimately surpass you.

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+ ^7 {+ i& b, ~; EPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
7 O& ~' h! F" V- K' |' PNone required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
* `- ^7 o! ~5 L) z
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
+ z$ Z, d( }9 J- o. U& `Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
' Y( D, a; I' s8 u$ X% B5 nbecome financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
7 v# Z; Z1 _1 ]The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
6 q7 W, e/ n. L, j  {3 X
BENEFITS:
; M  C' X2 k& G9 U5 xWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
9 s/ n! a- ]* O* P. d
9 s- G2 @0 h7 h, U! Z( y. wunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
; ?) |, [# M) T5 k& s7 @( [/ M) d6 O
0 b" D% I5 x( \5 j6 bfor life if you play your cards right.
/ k9 i8 m% n/ o8 u


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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **


5 n) T; S6 P3 ^/ a: v, o
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
) O: j3 [6 r7 `7 Z9 @letting them know they are appreciated
6 X; U# S* e" vfor the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.