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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
9 K: j. R3 J; _! NMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
" e3 o. h7 S) O8 q+ V. d# b; U' [Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:0 P  [2 A; z2 {1 v  c- j
Long term, team players needed for challenging,+ W8 q: {. E( a
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
- M* m3 K  M3 g" Y5 j% E: A! JCandidates must possess excellent communication
6 O- C7 E, _1 ?$ O& E3 jand organizational skills and be willing to work $ b/ K- F8 n. q" ^' o. e
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 4 w6 c1 u, Y& ?
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
( J. @4 Y0 D) J& @; DSome overnight travel required, including trips to
2 K4 _; n+ x5 E6 ~" m" G' v4 Vprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and ) ]3 u& X& W3 D6 e2 U
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
4 U: h  @+ v# ETravel expenses not reimbursed.
  ?) M* c) _" ~/ f+ i7 ~Extensive courier duties also required.
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* K4 w& }2 |4 O" b5 p  VRESPONSIBILITIES:
4 V5 v/ U6 ]: R9 j' k% ~7 v- qThe rest of your life.
8 k( e9 _  u/ UMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, ( C$ \0 @4 g- @7 X% |. d3 b
until someone needs $5.
4 A$ J6 m- J. A5 jMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
0 T% w$ t. O2 s" yAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule # s/ j1 H0 f8 _. X2 s( x" C1 I2 ^5 C
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
1 \& i# X3 Y  f/ e7 M5 i5 ein case, this time, the screams from
1 W: m( p  p4 B9 a$ H' i% u9 I( ^) kthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
3 g/ P, Z; O7 g3 mMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
: f( z: L, {  ~9 U3 zsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 6 j+ v- J$ ~8 d1 a
and stuck zippers. 3 d% u6 ]* @0 L" E
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
" z) R' A! J9 x, D* vcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
1 z4 d0 B2 I  EMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 5 k! `. r, d, o' f9 `. |. x
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
1 L; g) J9 g: l" aan embarrassment the next. ( o, U& {1 J% U+ N* U0 d6 X5 Y/ ~. z
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
* l2 `; K$ ^: D- Whalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
  \3 w* ~2 q( L+ JMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.   l5 C4 D. }9 O; @3 U
Must assume final, complete accountability for * x* Z7 p9 s; e: _# q
the quality of the end product.
& b" C% u& F5 P: E; _Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
6 u3 W3 h0 J3 D: w. \: L! V: v% I% Ujanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:, U! Z2 H3 d# K3 K% {
None.
6 m1 W* q6 B+ O% R+ dYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
3 u+ U- M# P4 v* owithout complaining,constantly retraining and 7 B" U% l& t* A, t$ l* P2 G/ U+ \6 m
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
6 j$ ~- D. l5 n8 _' {" O7 Ocan ultimately surpass you.
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* D' \' Y$ Q) C  a* s2 j. ~# XPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
9 |7 B3 f& C, I: f- `* J( W5 q1 |3 S0 UNone required, unfortunately.
; U! N% f$ y/ m- x8 x* ?. O% G. }On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 9 c1 D- V$ Q7 u: W5 Z8 `! {" y
Get this! You pay them! 1 r! R" s: G; C
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. / X8 i) f; @  V# K
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
+ V# e- ^' }: m! }- Zof the assumption that college will help them
) r  J( k$ h2 obecome financially independent. / h, u" n: t- [9 Z7 ]3 e  a
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
" q! m' h1 o" ]The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
, u: C) {4 U, D+ Myou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. ; t- f7 P- f& |- \( T4 Y
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BENEFITS: ) y: Y5 C; y# x; ^9 B+ |1 u
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 9 c/ K' q/ Z. `! J
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
) R, B. `0 n3 T2 d% lno stock options are offered,
- L. L- w! E& m- G8 y3 N" @this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, $ e+ Z9 U5 s4 U' K0 d+ y

0 {' Y" `: i: c1 `& nunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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2 G* U: H1 ~* k& tfor life if you play your cards right.) r  i" u  e# u7 t" S$ W

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9 H& e; d( T6 w; B** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **+ ]9 T" {& D* R6 C; D
& l# V1 ]4 ^) I# r7 H$ `6 o

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: O- T$ f- H) |$ lForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, 5 w. J' m( Z, h$ `8 ~5 J7 \
letting them know they are appreciated
+ ?7 A$ y# J! p$ ufor the fabulous job they do...
. t0 a  B+ X+ lor forward with love
* y0 u3 U9 N7 z, z+ Dto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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