 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:
. b4 |8 Y+ B- e( H/ {% H) FMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ; X9 `9 B2 R0 H; n" }& \
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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( o% g& B9 E+ [$ m* M- sJOB DESCRIPTION:
7 T' ]7 E% m# a& LLong term, team players needed for challenging,& X) E C' a4 P) f* p) }9 g: {
6 ]" G6 B- C4 s; o: Epermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
! \# _2 M( O+ s" h" ?Candidates must possess excellent communication
3 H' b; w4 d1 b( T/ I7 Fand organizational skills and be willing to work 7 _' ^3 [# q4 t* X0 F/ _
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 7 e" e& [* m1 @# v2 j
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
9 U1 S& i0 Z8 W' M8 }5 b4 USome overnight travel required, including trips to
. U3 {7 L4 l9 e' E, lprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
: p# e4 Z- T) W# r" [' @$ ^endless sports tournaments in far away cities! ' u: G9 w6 h7 x) \" J# f
Travel expenses not reimbursed. * j6 Z8 r9 J- L2 C
Extensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
3 z0 B. j$ D& f: d+ ]5 [: qThe rest of your life. 8 L* r6 D/ b! n9 G9 @$ b
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 2 J- n# u, P7 Y- z
until someone needs $5.
+ Q+ u- w, N; v5 c* i) t( L0 _Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. : I2 x+ \! |% h; k% q
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
0 d+ p& i& X3 o3 d% u @# g* Z" Gand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
) ^/ z5 C; f7 Min case, this time, the screams from
0 i5 D! J6 I3 M4 I, ]the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
) `- c. E+ e0 F h/ i V+ q0 WMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 6 H! G! ?- z) D+ E2 ]& _
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets W- _ I% I+ t" f* c l
and stuck zippers.
1 ^: y9 R6 x9 _# O& b# w0 b9 MMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
1 Y5 O5 _) u; |coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
d Z* A4 z8 X4 @& [, `Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. . L0 w( g8 a. z5 _5 ~
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, : V' l' ^ @" r' u
an embarrassment the next. & p0 q& r! W! U: y6 T+ T
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
% ^! H# Y2 |# Y5 l: G. X$ n; m: Nhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. 1 i- Q6 j2 R0 k1 r: G2 ^# y
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 4 c2 M* |7 c; \$ T
Must assume final, complete accountability for
+ ^& q/ j# H- }9 w) zthe quality of the end product. 9 i+ V! U" H! z; L
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
2 _; ?8 [& Z. B8 W1 Y; Fjanitorial work throughout the facility. 5 c2 }$ X5 o7 K1 [0 Y
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
$ z& u& f$ c8 b+ m9 CNone. ; L, V7 \4 |2 K$ K$ x8 T" F
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
o2 O0 N: [4 Y f& Xwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
1 Y7 X* b' B6 m0 Zupdating your skills, so that those in your charge ) @" j- B7 |3 d
can ultimately surpass you.; F3 ^+ c; S6 Y) ]3 |
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, `& O- g' W) aPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
1 a& f5 j$ ^1 ?6 ?: _9 {9 l0 G* NNone required, unfortunately.
6 h; W8 n+ t/ a9 p1 ^On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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$ Q) y4 q/ e2 v1 d/ M8 `* \WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 3 H' B- q' t6 ]
Get this! You pay them! + C1 P' Q3 }- b! S7 \/ g
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 0 s( q ?4 l" n* n) ?
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because : s4 }7 v+ \: |6 z4 X. S5 J# l `. L- b3 p
of the assumption that college will help them
/ @( S4 y3 b9 z' cbecome financially independent. ; I; y. Y% C% R. ~- x, p$ A& ?
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
, x( v( R2 p) k" r2 M0 j- e. b; `The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
' Z9 R9 q4 j4 N7 @you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS: 3 {. j$ | J# [) }' ]1 l x
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
! Q' O) @/ D1 O8 pno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and ) Q) l& i7 C5 E0 o
no stock options are offered,; P5 ]- l' h: l5 ?( D; a
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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* `8 Y0 x2 x( s; h! g- mfor life if you play your cards right.2 { p; l! {- R
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **+ c$ I9 T# }) t; G f( J9 k
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
3 m/ Y9 e2 J: v2 R; Pletting them know they are appreciated
% `' M1 c: U3 q. W/ z4 ~for the fabulous job they do...
: r. y% `; v# V! C$ G( t7 w hor forward with love
3 W" {2 x' I rto anyone thinking of applying for the job.3 W' J) k) U# Z# ?, _4 G
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