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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
6 `2 Q$ \1 ?2 F1 a' t+ J* wMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
0 B; V* X  p! I8 I: kDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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: g/ q( n% l9 c1 Q- M  x* E1 \JOB DESCRIPTION:
, t9 f" H) }5 A/ TLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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+ j* D" v5 D$ H3 xpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
4 f8 G( F  L: VCandidates must possess excellent communication 0 M# r  E* }9 v5 i
and organizational skills and be willing to work ; z* {, S; u6 ~  a& r; Z9 ?
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends & Y8 v& i; E! i
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. ; D. w" u# E) t/ P4 o9 |6 f) ]8 T
Some overnight travel required, including trips to 2 Y( Y. z8 u& R: C$ ?
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and # e& n6 r2 i9 @8 f  g
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! / F0 m/ X) T+ I0 V. }
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 9 p' Y; k( x! I. b7 M* @" g
Extensive courier duties also required. ' }$ J4 y9 j5 `# R  I, H0 P. T  l

% i7 P4 ?1 W+ e- fRESPONSIBILITIES:7 B/ R3 A. I4 x2 K
The rest of your life.
7 g+ t* v6 W' N! X/ P' zMust be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
0 ^" v; \0 y. S4 duntil someone needs $5.
/ [; R0 W' R! K, JMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. $ i/ J: M6 D; o8 T3 m
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
' ]+ C  a2 k& u+ q. h1 zand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat . t& ]% q! D, x' r- t
in case, this time, the screams from
. w, F, o/ u  v  S% x2 k/ _the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. : Q- D5 {2 s2 G8 C8 q7 |
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, + m( h) c# }# r& @4 p
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets . N5 A4 {) I/ Z/ G' |2 F3 ]
and stuck zippers. ' q# U3 B' F6 M- x  J! x
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and 5 @: E1 O! c/ q4 n& `$ i
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
3 E  k  k1 ^- {: M, D4 T  OMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
+ z$ Y# n' f% \; c; EMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
! E, J+ e8 Y/ f! |an embarrassment the next.
: N6 P% e  [$ B* a) xMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
5 z' q; V3 u& a3 k# y  @half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. * O/ Z; q* _: D% D- [$ N
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
) X: }0 u4 \3 H" ~1 E% uMust assume final, complete accountability for 6 ]' s( _# h0 k  F
the quality of the end product.
  \4 z4 C# ^4 j, Z6 uResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and - e2 j; Q' j0 ]* ~' b3 D$ k
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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* Y( y' G. N" N1 ^; C" pPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:! T. ^5 K" b6 I+ A( k$ u
None. * d) b' y1 `7 l8 b+ d$ B: l+ ?
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
+ ]0 m: r  W' I5 H4 ~& o  pwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
: ^/ y5 A# R  y4 iupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
. b  i  {0 B: Jcan ultimately surpass you.- E' A/ s9 }! Q; `0 d
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! Q' M2 W: b+ z4 v) WPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
( m* H3 s  @5 i  y" d* u4 G* fNone required, unfortunately. 9 D  \  G& t2 z- d( a
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 4 p8 W0 ?  Q! S9 B5 w
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION: - c; O6 }# Y7 H- O: B
Get this! You pay them! ! p8 \7 e$ L1 Q) D7 e
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. ; m& C# i+ ^- H! _
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
& y0 l- E: ]) |" |4 x: gof the assumption that college will help them ) I+ i" ]; |' `, {9 x
become financially independent. 3 p2 @8 r0 ?* ^% U3 y- l' m+ S
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
  w9 b1 C; b7 \3 B, X  nThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that + ^" z6 S# _* V9 o5 `
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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BENEFITS:
8 S3 s0 j+ S7 \. e% \) s: R4 }# Y% R5 vWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
' [* X; F. W+ S; _$ ^! b& ono tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and , u) M0 Z7 w* C) b
no stock options are offered,% h1 c% k9 o0 K/ g, g! p8 `
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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  ^+ X  T* B! w# Xunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ' c# r% l- x. o" B- y
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for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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1 O2 |8 w& q- ~9 k. u! j; AForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
6 i' w* f0 H( r$ H7 \& m% C0 X2 D! `& ?# Eletting them know they are appreciated
* m( W7 k; U. @/ Y7 J& S4 W  Z/ W( pfor the fabulous job they do...
" `0 E* B4 j) s! Gor forward with love " _! m% i( V. B6 d7 Y9 T- W+ j
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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理袁律师事务所
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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