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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
: \! ^/ d7 l# bMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
" k9 a/ @2 @, M, d. |Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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3 |% x* I! Z" n& R  aJOB DESCRIPTION:) x. O8 |2 q3 a, Z9 p' ?4 k
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.   l) q( b. C. O
Candidates must possess excellent communication / m9 V. E+ |5 U1 H) r. X- S+ s
and organizational skills and be willing to work - ~- N; j0 q- t0 X1 ?; r
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
' q; n* I4 b5 U. s+ l( q3 f/ Kand frequent 24 hour shifts on call. . T5 R+ S; X" b0 `) W* R0 ?7 q
Some overnight travel required, including trips to ( S+ q. L! }$ q) q+ v, R* r7 x
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
/ g4 K, ^- ~- B4 ^2 \% b7 Eendless sports tournaments in far away cities! 3 {0 c5 k# ~5 J) w9 Q3 \' ?
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
' Z& X4 r# W# oExtensive courier duties also required. + p' A' d5 d( f- j, O

5 v" k4 a& a2 JRESPONSIBILITIES:7 p7 A9 t6 a) _; s9 }( y
The rest of your life. 5 p; V9 V5 N* u0 m7 H  c) q
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
5 Q4 N: H$ S. V; ^until someone needs $5. ( W0 r: H/ Q* G/ x/ h, l+ \
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. : Y6 I" m, `/ u. j4 L  Z3 W
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule " c) l; `  p& L  c3 X3 k# I4 Z
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
: a  S' n% M8 qin case, this time, the screams from & j; b  a: e, |& g+ ]
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
# j/ w9 f* {% a) P" @7 G+ A9 iMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, 8 d9 V9 g1 }4 ]* \, E8 V% o4 i
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
9 m- d( _, X9 a0 C5 ~2 k# V" Pand stuck zippers. , }; m3 W# p! V0 G
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and ; L; p4 u& P$ Q) R, p4 n: o
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
& R$ W2 F' O. ZMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. * l+ z, H) ^. R7 l. v5 b
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, % G5 v* k, W1 r" k. x  w5 a1 w
an embarrassment the next.
4 K3 I/ w4 M0 r6 \  G7 P1 r: Z. K' PMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
- ~% I; q4 p$ t! Q7 m$ m: m, {half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
2 p5 u3 G* M7 A0 f  r$ w2 b* qMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. $ r. L7 G, k$ M$ P+ }" k, c
Must assume final, complete accountability for 9 [- r; N: |6 p. N5 c
the quality of the end product.
$ A4 b$ ~* ]9 k6 ~! q1 X) dResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
1 G) M$ |. L0 z# j& n0 L2 _  R- pjanitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
3 |8 O9 w# l$ J' HNone. 4 z3 q* k7 d- L( e2 B" @  u
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
( Z; |0 q5 Y! _; {* g4 X, n( t5 ^without complaining,constantly retraining and # v8 w- a9 t: a8 m7 g& E2 ^
updating your skills, so that those in your charge 5 h6 R% c" g; _: N3 J6 p% b( ~  e
can ultimately surpass you.
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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
. Q; }8 u. T8 v1 q  tNone required, unfortunately. & o$ C0 w$ i1 G
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. . E- R' c+ ~/ O
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
7 E0 d9 [% G" g4 g, w  L! D- pGet this! You pay them! % u2 y. S* w( _8 o# z
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 3 c, e! c  R/ q- H  J
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because . V0 X9 h# h0 W. F6 B
of the assumption that college will help them ! z# k1 t/ ~& }( o$ I7 z
become financially independent. 2 V9 K7 I  ^) D( u5 i1 }, S
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
, c3 C2 _% c0 `! j/ t( WThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
7 n. k$ J5 M" j* l7 @! D" Xyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
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: i7 L' z2 ~. r9 ^6 }/ s$ D5 iBENEFITS:
4 n) T" K. `! F% z6 z! eWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
$ B% e8 _! f. ^) G" @no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
6 {% @( a3 d" u6 ?no stock options are offered,
( {3 }7 f, x4 l& Z% ]- ?this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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  v2 Y5 _/ V9 s4 j8 K6 s$ Iunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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; R0 w$ M" m* C2 z2 ^1 }for life if you play your cards right.; Z4 S8 s& N. k% H- D( |; ?1 G. k

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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# ?# t% u0 t* f: rForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
4 F3 {9 X8 F/ o* R! ~/ }5 vletting them know they are appreciated
3 Q9 _, d" N- Y7 P! F; k1 ]for the fabulous job they do... ( j* ]3 m  O3 p5 X8 P, K5 h- x2 O
or forward with love 5 o, z0 Y2 L7 @/ o" q
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.% o7 O3 x  @5 _1 q2 \

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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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