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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:5 h( E$ j* B! z) M
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ) Z9 Y4 l5 _8 Z3 c) [* k
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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/ U% K* v- I; i3 p7 m; }JOB DESCRIPTION:7 ^$ _( q# j+ v' Y* H8 H; Y! X
Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment. 2 G, s0 ^- h' a( Y2 X1 b5 x. k
Candidates must possess excellent communication
) K8 k: K* x$ A& `- `8 A/ q" Z6 W5 m1 Rand organizational skills and be willing to work
3 m5 t8 }  k  Q3 _variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
+ Y  V( \6 ^4 u% \and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. + \0 A( l4 ]9 ?. `$ H' V
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
. B/ H4 X: ^3 h, W6 V2 k4 }primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
4 _0 S6 h* W3 ^3 n; Hendless sports tournaments in far away cities! - x& T. L' \" B* K& |
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
$ s5 S/ z7 L) [+ M" _Extensive courier duties also required. 1 g5 K0 P, G0 u, m) [
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
$ e$ w  f; Z' ]3 j! d4 vThe rest of your life. : y1 k# x" W0 k* N& [
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
2 ]# h% u3 H+ ?& g+ Luntil someone needs $5. + t1 Y% U' p& n
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
+ D1 ~: `6 j' B7 |Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule $ C0 V; {& {0 k
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
! Q/ C2 U4 L) S0 Bin case, this time, the screams from
5 K$ O5 d+ \- \5 G: Dthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. ! ?9 v8 o( U; {" b3 J
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
- d. V; h2 l& R8 Rsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
: ~1 u- A0 t/ H1 {1 `0 Land stuck zippers.
6 h+ R: n! e& D8 YMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
+ D$ F7 Y  y. Lcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
8 |" t  c  C; t6 U. cMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. * a6 S2 [6 s9 @9 E* w
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, - ^6 Y, Q% E. x1 ?
an embarrassment the next.
* J: Q( A- W- `8 OMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
3 S2 [3 _4 |$ R5 ?' G/ E% dhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. " k+ G, {$ {  Q: @+ ~
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. 6 M: w$ h  h: X$ W( P& F
Must assume final, complete accountability for : c7 F7 Q1 k- A3 B' x4 R$ _
the quality of the end product. / P8 P4 @6 Z+ ~; B* ^, i' A
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
/ w" F' |5 t3 U. C$ Fjanitorial work  throughout the facility. ( B' u7 V, G7 A! D, `
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:0 }* H4 W/ ?& t+ [
None. ' ?* A: a( [9 ?
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
$ F- ?0 s+ S2 X8 Qwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
6 M7 V- Y, D1 K! Mupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
' l; o6 I- ?* T6 u4 ]. Mcan ultimately surpass you.
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( ?7 j0 o% }# L$ V0 ?7 x3 XPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
2 B: B$ W* A! |8 m$ N7 s& sNone required, unfortunately. 4 E. U% b( |. Y9 U3 [# [
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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4 s$ @5 g: K- jWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
+ Q8 J2 S4 i# v6 d3 fGet this! You pay them!
: d# N# f6 t6 n2 V5 E! BOffering frequent raises and bonuses. 4 s/ S/ Y9 X6 ~/ Y! |$ Y2 F
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
, B5 `. t; N- ]$ {  P% {* K0 gof the assumption that college will help them ! j1 |% H$ Y  K
become financially independent. ! F" \, T! J+ u- T1 M5 c
When you die, you give them whatever is left. * ]: U; J9 o6 X5 B
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that 4 I6 A# {. ]8 U! N7 h2 y# g
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 5 R5 O! |. c; o" }
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BENEFITS: * U" U/ `+ n: C) j7 u6 o
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, 0 E2 Q# P# i& N( w9 M
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
3 a; o% C- h6 O+ p3 Z+ {4 M* |no stock options are offered,1 z, G% F& J( G. O; g# L5 x
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses ( `! u( m& j" z

' T3 ^5 U8 _  @: Yfor life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
6 Z# I8 m, }& mletting them know they are appreciated 8 e2 S: ?: b( W) J
for the fabulous job they do...
3 h  B9 J( S: q" S1 ~; b) D: y5 Aor forward with love $ D" I' P, h, ^1 `0 o. d$ z3 [
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.: k- B6 [; k4 ~0 |6 J$ S6 y

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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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