请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
; Y: @+ i. i- U. q6 E1 MBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
! o' A5 ~' v9 o' |              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, B5 e6 x/ v2 N4 w2 c  k              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; Z3 X0 t) i, b* O              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
# R/ I5 \/ y+ S$ uHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 e, v9 o3 |# }% }: H* a$ t0 I: l             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( W5 d3 t! x# V! s; E3 E; lBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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( j  [% N: I; E4 T" j1 X卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 k* G4 a! @$ x2 G  JSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
9 A; E, D- o. K5 t* \Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  ^: F  P$ [8 P" c9 Z2 X. h, USomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
2 Y( W0 J7 w4 f/ c2 z% X1 ISomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

2 u( _' p' G7 {3 SSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
0 F2 ^" y+ }+ X+ `6 [3 J4 S
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
8 |: I5 a- v. S; ZSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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" }8 W$ n- t* Q- }" qHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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2 y+ w& x3 F+ Vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
  R* n3 B8 H2 E! |我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

% G. V1 Y2 C2 y) r; C哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？