请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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5 g' _! g. m0 Z& ~/ Z( R. bFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
  M  ]) V! x3 h+ I9 C              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
- f7 b3 h9 ~/ P              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 h/ i" J/ g4 E! k$ o              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
3 ^7 e& f8 m2 o, Q, kHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 w, ^# ~1 E0 L4 O             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
0 G, T. Z9 t2 j4 G. E4 @  q8 u- K5 OBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
: H: r  x* S  E+ }Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
# ~6 O, G' M/ u; D% b1 cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
% j' i% v5 r: S! }  G% pSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
( P( g; G5 g0 k% d& s
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  W# g) h) \' r7 F- uSomehow I lost myself inside it again
' r/ X: x9 _8 N) y& t
) m# {1 G2 l7 P, pSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( a8 F5 }" G. u" X( T  mSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ x/ Z, \0 p- J! f. Z================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
7 j; z& E: E0 `somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

" u1 [4 T* b# w5 h哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？