请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
% o! O, T; D4 X& g; p7 wHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
3 X# d7 M9 I: ^5 S- q& kThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 ?8 ~! f9 l# e3 a9 C              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
1 [7 J! R/ D$ [; x              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
+ ?8 d+ F0 g% C              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) B# K' P1 [& @# A) W! dHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 `: [5 n2 p  d6 J3 ^             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! P6 U  `/ R" ?/ n             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
1 {# Q/ M* P' }% g) a% O             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
! R& J5 f+ e# s# r6 CBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
  [- I, S+ {* M6 [Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
! J/ p9 {: p4 z- ~" NSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" p" `# c- R9 k1 \* [7 M( PSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
$ g4 q7 N  _8 D* R, mSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
! c& j# X- @! `4 a# ISomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
0 c  F6 X. t) J& J9 f; q, `
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
: S# q4 q: ~! L' `) |Somehow I lost myself inside it again
+ e' P, q) W0 r/ q# Y: V  y
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 G& d% Z9 G* {( S5 g: ~+ F7 _1 NSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ y( A: J" Q6 w8 u- N4 XSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
4 u! o0 }! J0 P5 G5 q  U. }# x( OSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
5 P1 e9 }" H: s/ a1 p# osomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
( u, X3 K; ?6 c& F- r我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？