请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
2 |3 ]4 T, R# K5 T" b. KHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
8 {+ I: D6 \5 r- E1 G9 @Thanks a lot!!!
; w- X/ M, G* i  w) Q
% I0 Q9 Y: K  n- j
( F2 W5 l# t  N; p/ B
" G9 H) G9 \9 t- u1 Y( B


5 k2 b" g3 z0 V: z9 o  {
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
/ M! s" c" A1 F. c2 v              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# N$ ^! R. D1 B' n( N              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
" z$ D: d3 f- O3 s% w6 C              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- _7 A/ Y) [2 y9 l+ ^4 [             somehow I lost myself inside again
! Y9 S" y; T  d9 U' U9 G9 `Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, L6 v5 o0 J# O) _5 P0 z! QFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
8 J) H" u3 J% s) bBasically, I almost finish this poem
% }* a4 \6 t& O% x5 z: J               I am 一个人de精彩
, i; z2 e. R6 ~# T: U               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
5 z7 G% S  ?/ g2 N! L6 s# H( u2 gIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 u, ^& o5 E; vSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
' x; U: f$ ~. ?( _9 b& ^5 QSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 M, j' \; u- J) [: zSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

" L* Q# y+ N6 q) C3 {& S, sSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% L( X& t- X, ~& F* p3 S( J, fSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 F0 Z7 f* Z) {) v- L% LSomehow I lost myself inside it again

6 c) j3 D* z4 [, @# G/ X1 ^Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
+ V0 x' v  h0 _0 B( K9 ESomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
2 j# u. @; J" @4 h, w9 X3 qSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, l) n; F8 t% t1 C5 W" {================================================
- r0 A: S# J& ^- M9 kHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
9 h* G, a# m- ]; \- o/ ?
) m( g* i* x; b# I0 q5 n& Fsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

% j( e9 g8 j7 J! j& {, U哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？