请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
! k, L8 R* T5 P- ^( C, k7 UThanks a lot!!!






5 N8 Y1 m0 I; p& s+ B5 j
. |/ \9 a8 B; o, `3 D4 c7 sFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
" @5 T# @5 m: T) K, V3 y              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
3 o- J+ s! k' N' m3 ]! v4 T7 Z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 }3 T, a' M, K3 A2 c& ~; z4 @              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
- X$ N& \  U* b2 [( w- L2 V! `# gHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
( i% i. e& W4 V+ v7 f             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& G' n* E* P3 `* i& O' gFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& |; C3 a+ m3 t/ MBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
% F- {5 \) ?$ c" \. }& e8 vBut........         
/ ~2 i- N9 ~( v- O6 c& }4 ~Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
: P0 J8 A4 X; E8 x% Z
# H, k# r; H0 O+ j3 ^5 w  S% f卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
. W& |$ S' ~' H! x1 ^' P: B
6 ^, s6 k( {9 }

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
5 H1 u! h$ X3 ^, w7 M1 o" b( }Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
- H9 F$ D8 K3 l7 ySomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" P8 w$ e7 j  V/ a2 HSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
$ ^/ e. C" k" x# j
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 M" F7 y, ~1 j" J: }' kSomehow I lost myself inside it again

- J- m: [+ J/ i# d7 O8 Y4 RSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# q$ w8 [+ ]  q( Q! u3 uSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
, @. S3 {7 I( h) P/ \0 W
9 \8 R6 c9 A: h: g4 z9 Q) nsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
* _8 r( m1 N3 U4 o) g8 E9 }# ]) U我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 a3 A! |$ U$ T! ]哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？