请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
, ~: }" I6 H* G! }" dBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
' |5 E( x& u6 N: b" R, A- L. b) GThanks a lot!!!


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/ q4 e7 ?- w( o/ h7 f' M+ tFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
$ f8 f8 b& @( O7 u$ c              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
3 i) y  k, p6 j; w              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
& M2 Q8 t' _' L- R; }' G& U              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. T2 d+ I( s- X  q; B% c             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 a& M3 o9 d& z" ]7 f$ h             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
" C* W2 q; y- f9 M* [Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
0 }  p5 w9 k9 ]' d             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
6 i9 R) H% c& ^- C  H% ?" o& EBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
' m  y. \3 S7 ^% x  f               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
2 U# ^9 v: D% |" b2 V: _Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 o: z  g$ l* ]2 u$ Q" X5 ?$ g, TSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 @3 ?4 h( k% J: lSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- r3 z+ U3 F, }4 C( J  Q% c  G; w, V
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ F' D0 @* }  D1 v( E9 N. ?% rSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

/ m% m8 C0 {( L  R: P  Y* VSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 b9 P: ~$ ]0 U' T1 m/ RSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
/ D5 u: v, a$ QSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
3 `/ e, c( e* M% pHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
* X7 Q& V' j; b) q# {0 C
5 {& ^5 Q: o/ Zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 v8 a$ P6 K1 n( B. V1 _=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

* s% _) |$ b' C3 U- J1 z5 z哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？