Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
2 c0 a$ H  l! K! K5 [. \. I( z! [; G> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
! h9 J- u0 q  o; n9 S! a5 V* L" Q> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
% u; y. S: V1 V>thinking."
& M3 o  @: \2 }) T# ?0 P2 Y> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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0 u/ c! }# w& V: D9 A0 H; D: P> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
; e: p" T4 E) }; {9 q6 v  U4 C>cream.
2 {- ]$ s, ^- [$ P( l& {1 M5 j> > > >Which one is married?"
; y& @" x/ C) X/ l& r9 R6 ]> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
' H! O3 D# `$ X5 {8 `5 x> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
4 {1 O0 w/ w. I: u: j> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
6 E8 G9 b" \( i4 T1 @> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
! ~( o9 p: M8 A1 }+ r> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
3 \' j9 n! |' }  R) i( V9 R, x> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
6 I* O9 ]; S3 V- |0 S+ y' A> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
  G( n4 P( e- h) S' p- u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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( O# q0 f$ q" G" ?; U  P> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
0 ~; p  H4 y% p> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
- }+ x; K4 u; }1 Z- l- Z% p> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
1 K0 z3 o( e3 E> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
( d  g& p2 p* C: V> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
8 O* M2 R6 D" w7 r9 G! H- F> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
( Z% T! D: O& s7 j+ ^* m  q> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
  x) x  I8 z9 v; [> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
" W3 H8 U  L7 p- R' m( U# s- D6 P> > > >you to go."
/ E9 h* N3 v  p9 E& S0 E3 l5 U> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
$ o+ L2 @: W+ Z> > > >
5 [; b/ m/ R' i8 F! h5 c2 [> > > >
> > > >
& b0 R6 B3 G  Q) |) {> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
& \7 \) Z) d# ^: H> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
2 g+ w' Z$ i/ R5 \7 J> > > >same sentence twice.
7 e. g7 L: ?7 q> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
; \% F" O2 [+ y+ e/ ?2 M/ F> > > >beautifully."
9 D! m' ~# d7 C1 b2 V$ u1 K> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
8 o& D/ P( e/ l  z, s( ]( Y5 T> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
* Z* {: A& e0 i> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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" c8 d1 b! p9 F> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
6 P4 s9 u1 d( D/ ^( i% r$ W1 n> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
9 l2 p  o! s1 ]> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
& Z& A$ J6 k( S% B: P+ c> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
' ?  f$ `1 P# [, e) f7 M" L> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business