Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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7 a1 B) B9 ]6 q, ?7 a: O8 t> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
: H4 l+ ]2 Q3 n! j5 G> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
: U* ?( @$ g) E! k> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
( I  D/ E* A, f7 _5 \> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
# p. x) E  {3 l3 c0 Q& T# u% W> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
$ Z; j9 n# C9 q1 }0 ?/ \$ Z>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
, u+ y7 Z' y6 p" v! Z! }> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
. I# o* V6 R4 g1 p/ l, _> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
5 J' h/ j& @$ N> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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) {9 p% Y/ Y! G& @> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
* B+ C( F5 f% L& H6 Q> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
" j5 v0 S8 v2 j: ~> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
; H  C1 b: k) _> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
& x5 y! e0 k( A5 G/ I! }> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
' w, B2 i* [6 x+ }& X> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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3 T4 r& V5 @! }7 |3 ~6 v' z: p+ G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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1 ^; `5 ^& N4 ]( N% A& \> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
1 `4 f& E4 Y- H# \> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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( u$ Y+ G8 V) R> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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& P( ~5 O2 F. V5 _( Z> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
+ @9 I2 E5 \8 f3 q5 Z% ]" z> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
1 C; [" [1 E: A7 [> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
# K8 N5 y1 W7 y3 ~, V$ B> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
: D/ ?0 S4 M  W/ Y8 Q> > > >allow
# [$ P% G1 s4 b6 ?+ u+ J- r  [9 U> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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+ o" c% h$ G5 [& q; I2 q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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0 ?% y) m$ H' E2 m2 F. Y> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
4 h- B0 L# g' T( p> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
3 m7 |+ v3 `: e& f! V, x% I> > > >same sentence twice.
, ?0 F8 [5 D# u1 o: ?" m> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
. t9 g2 T4 T5 G& t0 `> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
- z& p* O7 p3 b* ^> > > >beautifully."
" x# _% B& T/ E% Z8 f& f3 _> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
8 e, i8 y9 o' c3 c; L> > > >called on little TONY.
: \* \+ t/ |% y> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
* j# W% `  Z5 u& T> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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- S) g9 U" K* Z' A/ U5 `, ?9 a( W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
% V& I+ u7 o' }% G> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
% E& I* g* k8 ]4 i) s> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
1 C" f3 s) `. ?: Y( o+ n> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
% w/ Y% E$ [9 a: P! l8 n> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business