Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
$ o: `: P: E# K0 q. f  I> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
  o1 b5 o0 q5 p/ J6 d> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
: A* K; L) T2 W2 e  G>thinking."
- T5 n6 }2 J0 {" m3 {" e$ e> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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2 L8 v1 W  _/ D! ^9 M! M! Y> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
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> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
- [  h: c5 q7 Z5 L5 T> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
& M' s% L2 p* {! T> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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$ y# V3 H. r) _! r9 v> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
" J$ C% [. [/ F> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
4 r( h1 I0 I  w4 O: J9 I0 y% i> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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7 b& G+ S$ O  k5 z, p- r> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
- l) B) U8 W0 U9 k> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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2 y9 c/ K# M; f! q4 \: C> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
# o! k: U7 K0 j) u9 F" M> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
; t% \8 o: j& k5 s; h+ a> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
6 i3 n  v5 o& ]& ]> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
" D% J2 h' F4 S# P2 y2 D( h> > > >same sentence twice.
* T/ _# E: H: L+ X1 W6 [> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
5 d% z" V; F: ]' P3 ?! f> > > >beautifully."
8 n) i  s0 g% _9 H' J> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
$ V9 H, C2 X* J> > > >called on little TONY.
+ T4 ]2 O1 [( t8 H( n> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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  d! L  A8 E) J8 i% C- K* y> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
9 U, \  \8 K6 p0 `> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
- @" ~$ C& p, b" B" y> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
7 x, {1 {9 o" Y" U> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
$ D2 a% G; M8 z0 L3 t6 [  c9 }> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business