Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
/ }8 q& S' A$ ^. R. |  T+ x# j% X> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
& @' C& Z$ i6 x, h0 n9 _" D> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
6 L  H* g4 I7 Z* g5 z>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
$ Z* B" _* {) w9 R> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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2 Y8 W- s6 Y6 o) ?; }, v> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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9 T. O( F. d2 p. g3 E# _> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
7 P7 f) q( ~: T# [8 g- \7 |; Q9 y> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
2 ^9 d8 \( I; j% A; _" G. n/ \> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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" t7 j& a1 S( O- k- s# x8 j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
3 C' W7 d9 [7 b' p, m( k) m3 V> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
) r! Z8 Z$ ~( y" Z! b& X5 Z> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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& ?# e, W) R. I! S> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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" T) g, r$ T5 q& ~> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
; U) ~7 M* Z3 ~% |. k- R) d> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
6 p- b; Z( p2 H> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
7 E; X" }" k/ c7 l' ~% L> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
) |5 X2 T( @2 T4 q5 {> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
$ E+ o2 j5 F. Q0 C5 `* w> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
& K) V1 K$ J) T" @7 d/ |/ J7 Q9 M: u> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
& U6 h( S# g" a% v  I# b> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
1 [( v( A/ a4 N& ?  z$ J2 n& U> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
, s2 f% t4 s% |! E+ h& z* Z! @> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
8 v7 [1 ]) I& y  J6 n3 {- b4 A> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
7 a9 y8 l- v6 W1 Y- y> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
" f# l7 U+ l5 J4 h. |> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
! f" M: V8 \$ R# Q> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business