Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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8 x. @% l4 M% o* T  j> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
2 B3 i- N2 J$ u9 K) i- \> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
" I0 x5 X. J9 K6 w8 k> > > >little TONY.
- m3 ~0 z/ C1 c" b( o9 B> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
' D1 t0 k) R0 T0 s>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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' X+ M; p3 J) u6 R2 m, H1 ]> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
" }+ n) a4 v* {" R) v> > > >Which one is married?"
9 B- a; @9 k3 T9 \& W> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
- G' F5 V* h, H$ }" l! h> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
" t& {2 }" |3 n* J! s/ {; ]> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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& J- P3 p. `8 ^6 m> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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5 g. Y+ G8 r4 t" r: X; W> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
5 G" x% n* X" b  i  q' E* x7 _> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
/ A: X. A# w# S3 l, o> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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) S/ d8 M* k. [/ D; [> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
# k* {1 t% c* ~' H> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
. G6 O" k& q: B- t> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
: y$ n5 V8 Q0 L: ]0 J> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
/ G: A+ k0 n5 E: J. j/ f> > > >allow
4 d3 p. I( m7 M4 Q4 [9 f: @! l> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
: V( K& J* r8 ~3 w' ^> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
3 H4 {( f+ k- M' X/ T> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
% J0 j& i* a% ^: `5 J7 m> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
+ n0 ^4 m% S; a# D% w7 x, C> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
2 r7 L. Y1 t: {2 h6 m. p> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
  x3 l3 g( S3 B: k! ]> > > >called on little TONY.
9 y/ e6 Y. S2 g2 G> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
% Q) C) o( l) N+ k; I4 B> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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7 b# I$ O$ z. l& Z  j  E% n% V> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
# g2 ~! M; W0 n> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
3 `7 D0 L) _9 |& s; @) F2 i> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
* L* O' w% R2 W. P% Y( n+ |7 u3 B> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business