Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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  l, q* e" p0 U1 F3 q> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
) C) e5 }# Y; s8 S> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
1 i. C" [, K& B> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
- L/ `2 [: s8 A9 r" n3 w! _# D>cream.
) P1 ^' D6 m% s> > > >Which one is married?"
3 m& }1 _) `* S& S! Z, z: b> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
$ n7 J/ |( H/ h> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
+ O. K; B7 N+ t: B, U2 Z2 c> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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* o3 a+ _/ W" {8 i, w> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
/ f/ N2 I! E/ |' ]> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
; N3 V$ y8 W" l# b6 X> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
0 @4 Z! W1 Y5 Y4 C3 \/ z, A- Y/ u1 G> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
. o# D+ F' ?0 W> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
% f8 r, T5 h3 G, ]> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
  v" p( p7 V, C' b% p; e% B3 l# W> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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; j2 A8 k5 e* b& y' g( A' f+ e* B3 V> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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3 `& O% J* f5 L+ q  n! m> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
4 ~/ [6 W* p7 a: X! G: p. Q> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
" x' e6 T. `. w1 v- S% Z> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
* }8 S. C3 `  V/ h7 J$ }  F> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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# q0 x- i! ?3 x+ f% d; K$ j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
- o2 o, Q( }5 t/ P7 l> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
! T# A- S5 a. h5 k4 ?' h> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
# |" b4 w% Z0 o) B+ r> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
: \& |" r+ L  u$ I, i! e> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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& ?: Z- \( ?; M2 |9 O> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
% R6 ~+ B$ m% q0 g/ }/ F$ C> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
. P  E2 s  u- N' h! F. D1 R& U> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
9 [) ^2 l! ?& f+ @, B9 W0 K> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business