Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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# a; W1 \# Y* [; a9 {/ S7 t- n0 M> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
1 N5 f/ H" i( b) |> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
  L  F1 L& k# I/ m. f5 a> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
; T2 |. X& C  |> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
9 t/ g' N! S- R; N, Q2 F4 r> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
) [. Q$ f& z2 V7 }> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
% ~7 j5 ^( U2 a1 s9 O> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
: H2 X  z; l# a3 z' v7 L1 L> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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* G6 o2 I' |0 x- D> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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* |$ y9 e) F  y/ V; S0 A2 Z> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
+ H) L4 U) j0 r9 ?1 ]> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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" L, x- y* l$ O4 J! E0 G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
& }) d2 X: O# a6 T: [> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
  u0 t* G( Z7 r& f> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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3 ]+ i0 b; h" T: p> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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* n3 c! p) U$ O7 [3 G2 Q0 [> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
# E: w( K# c* a3 G, G> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
( J4 @* c2 A3 }: I- |2 _; T0 j: T> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
* y9 U9 ^( {# d) h0 ]> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
5 t: L- W& B4 [% Z> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
3 o# {/ R' E. A9 O' G3 x& o/ x> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
" M) l& F' n! S9 @( V% {# x> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
. \* B5 a7 x. y  u6 b& x> > > >called on little TONY.
! P8 N, d& m7 `4 Z% x> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
/ u" g5 A5 V3 g/ N5 Y* K6 [3 E> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
  o) H1 N1 t& ?& a/ {) @> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
7 f: o8 M5 H. S4 D4 Y> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
9 U/ W$ H) l8 y: W2 X6 H1 c2 P> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
( ~. r' h' F1 J2 d* t$ P> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
; @- h' Z, q/ j4 F2 h6 U& }> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
" }2 [2 M2 F8 Q8 q- a> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business