Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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: H: ]* F' \8 j) D% I) W3 x> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
0 o0 ?' b* A1 C. z> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
% H9 K; d% P( w/ ]3 l- d& y7 p) z> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
1 I6 j& I$ L. d: m: O' X- X>thinking."
  O  o5 J$ K4 I4 t  q$ G> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
! Q# j1 j9 v1 R1 w$ F5 {. f6 ~> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
  d( N; B% A0 o: t$ k1 P> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
- @% a% a0 t3 k% ^> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
. S$ t/ W. D& ?( E> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
9 V7 D1 x0 L# l" w6 X" n* z: s> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
2 ^# Q/ I* k1 h. |$ f0 Q; [> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
# p, N" P2 a3 O3 l& c, Z+ B> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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* i* T% l' D$ ^! `9 o> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
: t3 |# i3 b! M9 A! B* Q0 p2 D* M, Z> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
( P$ ~+ V8 [1 _. \- v> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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& J1 a, @6 t  O+ ]8 \0 j# @  X> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
7 t9 W" e5 F4 R) Y/ i: `9 [> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
  G# @7 W+ G! W! D, C' U5 P4 y> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
! Z2 @: M0 c6 V2 W; Z- f6 \3 u> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
# i+ [9 J  n( E> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
# }  T$ C4 V* s> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
. E! a4 A; N! h' B% K> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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- D# T) ]" |. S: m/ @8 S4 A) d> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
7 z" h, V1 E8 O1 c, n" a> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
$ g* Y7 _" o. f2 t4 K> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
9 H2 _8 Q, f( w4 o2 L" \6 S7 N> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
9 c  P$ R3 S; ^' O> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
7 R% `3 y+ D+ W, d$ G) Z> > > >beautifully."
8 E5 W3 @  H: M4 ]> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
! E- t' O: b+ ?# W> > > >called on little TONY.
4 B  L% l% q0 O> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
2 m4 f! d: j: h0 t> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
0 h% g  {) i( a6 F& K$ |2 i! K> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
* |9 J" R5 @" O! B6 G0 N> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business