Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

; [" n% G4 D6 ?" ?CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* z$ s* C9 T2 S6 \0 RBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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* g! k# J4 h$ p' ^; D6 nP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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- O' |! l8 v. B7 o& z0 @2 s) bMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

# A. @3 J% f4 n5 _2 c: Z  M% JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

' a" d, _5 h3 w$ k5 N+ {# fPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! x4 }# m; y% c, }With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
( ]$ w5 _- u# |But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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9 Z, v1 O) h3 |9 R$ e4 R                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
* O' i- |3 K  {0 a" }8 i# I                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵