Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
# f- c  _/ Q9 K) {
4 L* d7 ?7 i4 @* j# E$ hCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
* t( c+ I  w  L
- _; ]" G* N; A6 E/ G5 PBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
* f( @5 j3 L5 B3 V2 t' X: V; F
3 m' T# l; B  v& kVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
) |9 z2 h5 _) i* a! J0 N) R4 y9 _; P
2 x+ V- [& i- y) RP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
9 V6 B% O9 D& m, g  a% C3 ^
. K: c3 h9 s2 d6 H) CBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
+ n. z, E3 {) n. F% j
, U# `5 e9 N7 |  Y4 m; m- `STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

. M! _- ~1 h" R. gSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
, l0 T- G% o4 q# ~- @" q7 ?' i* N
# X- a" d4 b! f' VFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
# E* @% q9 P' J5 C7 C9 h  I
, f) u# b7 s2 FMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
- K7 ?6 Y# W3 W% c) k$ l% s4 e
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
5 J7 j- w+ g- L6 D& u  W8 a5 ~- s
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

. _! x1 c& C! L# A7 g; c% OINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
1 U% `  N- p$ {' p5 g* Y  L# A
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 p0 K2 m0 m" K( [With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
+ j; T" g7 ]+ @* R  c+ V8 h2 yBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
' d; F5 x4 e' k: H) W0 V8 t
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
6 q: d7 Q0 m; a" Z! z* U  A' w! {
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
$ u% I- f7 }, M
" N4 H8 u4 B, o3 p                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
( B2 E/ d# X$ W, w     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵