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' ?8 F9 d5 i: Z2 TCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. : K% z. n, }. C" b1 {& b
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 9 J7 `8 I7 ^! B- e ^) I2 a0 t m. f
+ ~6 L$ B& v# d! h8 BBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- [" v9 [* X" y- zBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. y( p7 r& j& |; ?4 A8 S* A
, S8 i2 ?5 {; B' V* o7 kVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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+ X( s9 v) q( F; `P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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# M' f! l: W6 Z) A# uBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ' { [# ~4 Z% Q( }6 U8 c( r
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 7 M2 Z' `) N% W, B8 @
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 5 Y9 F* x1 \# E; H" T! m
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. & I7 N& g+ {% A3 P, [
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 2 c1 x2 P) W: B1 k8 S0 F
4 q) T# c4 `. Z8 HPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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' y+ j8 p! G; O/ H" eIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.+ i9 }' G* X7 N2 f! ]
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
" B& y, u1 w- m/ U$ c( J/ d* GWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; x3 `! ] n' _. s! {But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 T" ^$ |# o: G( I k( v4 nBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? ' P/ P6 W/ y' o- O# j/ j& y
% n9 A! N) \) h- T A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... ) f# g2 D) V( N( ?9 ]9 Y) L0 f- ^
" q3 j. `+ J+ I* `) } ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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