Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

6 N( P. s8 J9 Y/ S: z7 GCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" {" n5 B6 x+ T$ LCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 P) t+ V. ?5 y7 K) f3 n5 E8 r) V* e7 k- ?BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

* U- n% p1 G5 tBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

5 I! s! r# [, R. n/ \! RSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

$ k! [* z7 K7 U3 l' q% l! s/ p0 XMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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7 k. \7 K$ b7 A0 ECASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

+ b+ c4 P. i( P) G8 W) v* V% bYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

' }% ?8 P) g) e( I9 }' d7 pWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

0 Q; N. {6 a! ]8 y' lINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

: W9 _- D4 s" E+ V- o. t: z& M: UPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
$ K" j+ ^& t; p) @* _With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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2 e/ b# S, t! F5 _. N; sWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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$ K' \  q+ u1 g6 O' {& \+ y' fPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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# D) L! R0 F. ]2 F1 }; K' l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵