Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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* m7 F7 [5 |5 rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

" V8 G$ x- X% k0 R$ a+ sP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

* ]* w0 O; {5 n/ H' g# TBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

; `; A* f+ p8 f0 w4 t: |* k3 I: BFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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1 P. U4 {( `' jMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

0 q" Y# Y" R! ^+ y3 a" T# WCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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  v% {0 R- M* L, R) oIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# T' ]  o* H; Y/ K( ~! k3 Q, C3 fBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! A; s/ _) r! p1 FBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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0 S" h* ]% D0 C( {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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7 }3 p9 Q/ M( v* i1 U( q4 U- g  HPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
$ b* ~; W% x' v) d% e# h% i  t                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵