Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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' C0 }: Z! N4 n. VBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
# ?+ R! d9 D4 p5 W9 N) VBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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$ M" M/ U5 f# _* K- y6 U7 ]VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

; |" z2 u$ n3 H- w. P' xP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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* T9 l4 j& }9 C  w  DSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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$ D/ V. z* c8 n8 P- h8 kYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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! Y$ R1 \6 T; L5 {0 t* AWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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% b( P& @: v1 U0 ^& y) U7 {PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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1 r: \9 b: @  f. q0 TIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* |0 a) W8 f7 A* |, XWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 A. e2 b# j4 P+ E4 g6 ]2 a; wBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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( s$ Y1 H+ Y: i: m/ B+ yWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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7 f# [  C" d7 w1 Z                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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: }$ F) l3 u. v' J9 g; [* I1 ^1 \Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵