Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

5 N( s3 a( P9 [5 h: `. GCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

2 j: G* a8 j2 H1 [9 C9 w5 P* A. XBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
7 ?6 X6 B- k2 H, Z6 s) H
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

1 p' i* R9 _5 g' KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
. j  S8 Y$ g7 O$ _" J/ j
, E/ L5 F8 v1 v0 GSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
+ K4 R# r9 ?! D% L# r2 u
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
6 |* K% c  |% _- l! t
7 [4 L; z5 h* p* ?; ?# GMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

  H% c: F* r* m4 z- eCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
0 _& ]" ]% J! r' @; I
& r3 r8 h6 L- V/ a- @' tWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
0 W2 E6 Q1 y0 W' }0 m: {
% C! f2 c8 t7 `& QINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

  t" m* r6 n& B2 ]0 a3 kPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
9 T4 w- @9 l# p! O
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
0 n+ a; o  P0 p& O. nIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: }" p* p; X5 ?$ @4 L* l5 eWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 Y8 x  [' z4 i' oBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' d/ R/ I" S. _# k0 }1 M# _% ~Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
$ c- p# A3 J5 b$ B' i) P' q
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
% u8 ]; T- r" S
: `7 y$ {8 R( w* e``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
9 h" {# I) O7 \/ Z3 T! o4 CPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
1 `# E$ s8 C" b* L9 N9 C6 |8 @     
/ |- u5 w; a: A( z5 O$ f                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵