Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. a# e/ M0 p! w4 JCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 w* G3 w* Z& `2 F/ t5 q- vBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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- d8 O9 [/ K0 YVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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4 w) S3 M: _2 J7 OP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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' t: Q/ h4 o) fBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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& f; O' N, ^, F* m2 tSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

+ i; Q& [. _* L; f( Z6 E0 XFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

% r' `8 T  N% v6 V4 C) K  NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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* ?: ^" e: |0 |) y/ E" Q. e$ aYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% ~2 D  ^) H( _0 E: L0 TWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
  }" @% U% o; Z- S" H" \But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
" v5 Y, Y/ _! r/ d* r) R; B$ O8 C$ bBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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; m! b5 O! g. T. ^/ ]' uWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
) Z! G  t) D' I/ S& @2 [                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵