黄西在David Letterman Show上的台词[英文]

十年移民路_

Hi everybody. So... I'm Irish. I read a report recently that a man reaches his sexual peak at age 18 but I didn't know this... until I was twenty five. So the world will never know what a stud I was. No one took a bite out of this peach when it was ripe.
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" {5 q# q! T% ~3 A5 N' BI'm not good at sports, but I love parallel parking... because unlike sports, when you are parallel parking, the worse you are, the more people that are rooting for you.
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I'm an immigrant and I used to drive an old car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, "if you don't speak English, go home!" I didn't notice it for two years.

I worked really hard to become a U.S. citizen and I have to take these American History lessons where they asked us questions like:

"Who's Benjamin Franklin?"

6 W2 P& ^3 L2 C* r  |7 r5 K7 SI was like; ahh... The reason our convenience stores get robbed?
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And the second one was:
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0 E) @( R  I; [4 r"What's the 2nd Amendment?"
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! M0 n3 K% ]: ]/ I+ G6 u$ LI was like; ahh... The reason our convenience stores get robbed?
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/ E/ V2 S" n4 `0 u8 r7 O"What is Roe vs. Wade?"

; J* U+ L  i$ d( T! V8 u' d! ~I was like ahh... Two ways of coming to the United States?

I have a family now, but I used to be scared of marriage. I was like wow... 50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever!

0 q. \6 N# n7 X  R' m6 U  DI just had my first child last year. I was really amazed at it. I was in the delivery room, holding up my son, thinking to myself, "Wow... He was just born... And he's already a U.S citizen."

So I said to him, "DO you even know who is Benjamin Franklin?"
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Now I have a sign in my car that says ”Baby On board.”
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This sign is basically a threat. It just says that I have a screaming baby and a nagging wife and that I am not afraid of dying anymore.

Thank you very much!
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) k8 W  M/ ^  F% k* u. f5 wImplicit explanations to audience with culture difference:

1. Ben Franklin's picture is on the US $100 bill.

* ]" d' h- i" G( m* Z- V, y" `2. Second Amendment refers to the US Constitution for the right to keep and bear arms.

. Q; H1 Z" l  e: c! i( h( q) g9 [6 r+ Q"Roe vs. Wade" is a famous court case that you'll learn about in history class that deals with abortion.
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Joe Wong used this case in a form of a question: What is Roe vs. Wade? To which he cleverly delivered the punchline "Two ways of coming to the United States".

% @% ^) v8 ?$ oRoe is used as a play on words to describe "row", as in using a boat to "row" to the US.
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The denotation of wade was used, the definition meaning "to walk in water".

billzhao

the first passage is funny. I did not fully comprehend the humor until I looked for the exact meaning of stud, which means:
a young man, esp one who is thought to be very active sexually and is regarded as a good sexual partner 小伙子（尤指性慾旺盛堪为性伴侣的）.

cyz0116

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SHARING. IT IS REALLY USEFUL. JOE WANG IS A FUNNY GUY AND HAS ACHIEVED AMAZING ACHIEVEMNET.

billzhao

朝阳

this guy is really cool.

cyz0116

50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever。
9 @- d4 R4 x8 X4 ]5 D+ t怎么理解？
50%的婚姻最终走向永恒？

Tara2009

6# cyz0116
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3 Z# a, |  l6 f3 P" D- P4 ^不离婚，白头到老

朝阳

50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever。
怎么理解？
50%的婚姻最终走向永恒？
( F: B$ [  w+ J* C, ?cyz0116 发表于 2009-5-6 10:12

/ q' B0 y% M* l' M# g我觉得JOE的意思可能是不离婚的比例这么高，（因为他害怕婚姻）可能他离不了婚吧。

Tara2009

8# 朝阳
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3 x" |5 G4 @3 l5 Y# _我觉得他的意思是离婚率太高了。

billzhao

同意朝阳的意见。原来没有认真看，觉着就是离婚率太高了。但是这样就没有什么幽默了，好玩的对方可能是为了迎合一些不爱结婚的美国人。从一而终对一些年轻人是来讲，不一定是梦想，却有可能是噩梦

Tara2009

表情僵硬。看第一遍没觉的，越看越觉的离专业演员差好大一截。

陕西闺女

东瞅瞅,西侃侃.