Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

# O: \* R# ?% K: YThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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0 F- L6 l6 [% [% o5 s, c( Q- a1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

% ?+ o& T& t$ O: R( F2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

+ G8 W! l! G: ]/ N5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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, Q) p/ C  i( C7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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/ Q# d3 i) R: f8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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$ S* d; X. `8 Z5 ^10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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9 \9 ]! j' X2 y* x11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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* v- q$ e; y0 b9 B12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

4 d2 s4 b/ w3 ^0 Z& q8 k  J1 ]13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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+ x3 d8 ?" ^, B2 N1 Q9 e14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

/ d2 v; ?, f4 ^, i1 m15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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7 M+ G1 G, o4 G/ d9 B' h) M16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.