Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

6 M) M( @; u) L. @The following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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8 i1 L2 i- [! `$ X' ^$ y: U3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

0 K8 C2 h, a4 ]7 V4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

/ B, b0 ]' f; P) }! t6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

# _7 p6 t3 k3 T# ?0 `& C$ s8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

3 q/ }8 W$ ~) h$ [10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

+ v' @: f1 [: c6 n12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

( ]- w3 S5 C8 z3 j0 {13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

6 T. B% o8 c* i% ~. j16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.