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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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8 j: J8 r& g" u; ^  I' }# EThe following were some of this year’s winning entries: 1 V: Y. d) _" v) X/ U
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. : ]# u& D5 y. Q# V

$ p. h& w  w) k2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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* s. c) X3 t* U. _# G/ I6 ~7 h+ [3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 1 F$ `! }: K) `. A8 _

: C; z: ?' `- M8 w* q4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 3 L( q7 y1 ~( Y2 G( c

5 A, A: L/ H: N5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent 2 L& J4 ]( |8 q3 ?, D9 h
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. % z- i, a' X: F9 J# ~4 H" U& n

; V0 |; m. N% C* h/ X& p) C7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 2 H4 }2 B6 `* E2 [6 Q$ _  \

+ K! {! c( y8 j1 B$ P8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. % d- n' U! q0 Z8 j! q- _

7 \  }9 s- i; N8 z) G10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. . b" r4 T& F  h, S" B! D! E
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 2 ?  g6 W8 p6 r' c/ A

' e1 P' J$ p1 |2 v# C12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 4 }) m- b& H8 @  \/ ]' l8 v
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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- b+ C0 Q5 ]$ j0 F14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.   L- M) `  C1 s* h) E- s. g

; }. Q5 ^. [7 S2 r! E, K15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. " Z5 ^% s* y9 T/ w! R

" v0 }+ j( v3 }; ]* D* n16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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