Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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8 R6 O, y; ]2 Q6 X' I/ bThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

) `- u. a: _% }& @' l0 ^5 S/ g3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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- B# }' q( M' v# G2 V8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

1 Q2 W4 Q( F. G, n10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

8 g* s' {9 f) h; T7 U11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

$ U& f$ |* ^& h12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

9 j7 V% o2 y% h3 N13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.