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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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# L- s4 b2 c! ?3 | 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and& m T& ~& U5 c) Q$ b
hospital.$ A( f$ K, q; N; p4 Z
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder& `0 b# b; K. D0 W$ T! L
capital of Canada .: e( L1 V* A; V
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug9 c* g5 G) e8 r, i4 d3 \( }! d
capital of Canada .
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( @" @2 n: S; }! A, S& J 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
. x# D8 \7 _2 t. K3 Z$8.00/hour.
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% ~9 e0 b- z) i 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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5 D' s2 d; P4 p I; m0 j6 U/ n. r 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money8 z9 k2 g8 P& y2 C& S6 R( O( U
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
# a' Z2 h e% bprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage). E3 y: ~6 M; O$ m& e, j5 A, O
7 ?& D) j5 F& V; Y) ^10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 121 K& _# |3 {3 e3 n
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.8 w0 f$ F! v4 X- u) {* S3 ]7 w% n
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".! F9 I+ w- x7 V
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour1 v% r9 \6 c) {! W* E& k7 ]
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.7 D( Y5 \% Y* C: o8 }( e
/ {* j/ O+ }! E& o1 M! }3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its: v A0 t. E# d6 Y& v" C9 b
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
2 X" E3 ^% @3 Jmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires, z; [' j- o4 n6 i& {' y2 B2 z
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell+ H: O) L: n0 c% n5 ?$ N
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.! `9 K, b" h0 [+ A! }$ M
" M7 M6 ]) N' \+ ~4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
1 ~9 l2 C8 w; F: Acussed out, and possibly shot.* v5 y8 R( f5 d) m+ o( R
8 e; r# Z P. _0 p+ E. V, {* c5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that* f' w" O* c, Q6 t
can get you shot.
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! h$ F* J; P% g6 d" A4 s6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
" X/ ? q7 V" a7 d' V2 x3 n: ubarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
' k$ F5 C$ C# L; I2 L" dday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and4 Q( t/ C# c5 A2 V6 ^0 g/ W# y5 k
more construction starts everyday.+ W" w7 x! g7 X* k+ ^& \ r6 [6 {
/ [3 C! ^$ \: { 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
, q8 l/ H6 A8 M$ t. Ideer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage," r6 K6 a( w6 D% n& _* B7 t5 o
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.! R3 |+ M- o& a% ]" n& m$ o9 Q
: F5 e( k$ a% D7 b8 D: V. O6 f2 \8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all! @! Q/ J" k& C; A9 w
the same road.9 Z- z: v5 a2 A, c* z' S: C" O. z
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the/ X0 t! q7 E; H& x% f
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally0 n7 ]3 W1 |) }" H) v0 u4 N
activated." J s! B( ] R6 e! F0 g
9 N6 [$ D) K" Q$ f5 n10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
( I) u' i1 P) wzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
7 v- O/ B3 Z4 y5 O* `8 T( l" M+ T# Waccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.1 \1 T R+ }% e3 c
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur& [/ L5 p% I! W7 D1 G7 F
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
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virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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