请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
! K. W& X2 |: q' \+ _) j! qBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
& y0 }( G; A% S, {+ w$ FHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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7 a2 O# q3 s5 z$ z7 k' YFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 {% q) a; f1 l              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
: `# u8 I. o8 |! [              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ I% B5 t+ ]2 L              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
- P1 x( k9 X/ X              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
* r0 j2 W% ]5 a  q; g$ ^              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
- }' J: t$ D5 D$ c% [, I; dNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
2 B- o4 E2 M" `5 @" m             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
; t1 }& q2 C3 E. ]& U               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
3 x5 `) ^6 D6 K5 w0 y/ }; v. XBut........         
$ m0 C1 u5 h' _" v; [6 s. f# nIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" S5 a. n8 x: k% _* XSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
+ r2 u0 n$ u3 m7 ySomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% y4 s5 q8 C  g1 u& [Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 K3 `# s6 f& g2 |( G( wSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& r* D. h6 X$ B7 o' ?
  @0 Z0 Y, S) S& I" _6 `6 zSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 w4 R. V) N2 RSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
; h; Z  u! E; c# n; C# YSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
3 A6 Y" }% o6 \6 x3 R  I5 u; H
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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8 V" H) h& [# r2 W3 Dsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
  K& E6 ?5 i- I7 @' n& q: X我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( f. M8 F* s4 \1 V, `) d/ q哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？