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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*7 c: T; _; y) C+ s" D4 b2 p: L) L
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
6 q  z  x* z) [6 r: N! pThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
8 V9 i  z: {) L  [! i there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
4 p* i9 x# J1 q+ B4 Y Before she says a word, Bob says,
+ B; E* Y( P4 ]8 X, O! f "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
! J* h* ~; ?' ^. B) N0 NAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.; w; B  Z8 A) n$ _6 D3 n, W" l+ |, ?
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. - y2 v7 @. C. e1 u' q
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
' r. f* K" o( d6 OWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
3 T/ q- N9 ?* Q1 O; H- I. x# o "Who was that?"
& T/ L3 y) D- h; X6 x  q8 `"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. . T% k  N/ v& P1 ~3 O0 _/ B% y
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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' q6 |) p% C/ e% xMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your/ ?" o! m. T# ^3 U
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 24 `/ q* z  U" ~: Q
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp." ^( A4 G0 r' l6 k) g1 A8 j
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
: l& y* k/ t* y: ]0 }( `The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".2 O5 L! x2 X3 @: l' }% E& Q
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." . X: d$ C2 D( g4 `! c
Poof! She's gone. : w) I; A2 C  c
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
7 d' M0 ^% N9 Z; W# d9 G "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
: ^5 {( b2 |9 j3 l9 H; C; [4 XPoof! He's gone.
  B( G& B2 T* f0 ~"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
# g9 J9 @" u8 c4 S4 c/ N" qThe manager says,  m( J( a; }0 O3 Z
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."2 V9 R& t  V; `! a6 k( y6 W
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 2 J' b& E/ _- X; P
*Lesson 2- k: L% R" z, C7 n
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
9 \/ N8 a8 [1 I* J$ }9 eThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
' j( {8 Y/ j. y2 f/ ~, O; RThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

$ k- }; b! m7 r- K! f) l: o* ?' xIt is time to fire such a boss.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
; Q1 H, y$ c# h: H6 f A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. ( j& B5 U( R/ D4 Y: m2 Y
The priest nearly had an accident.
4 q$ Y2 R6 A, EAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
0 I8 h9 Y! F. J7 F" S7 F8 lThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" * h5 n0 H+ V: j  S% A0 {
The priest removed his hand.
% b+ D& g! n% V4 R- ?But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 4 e) v" V, N: e' z: j
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
) e3 G  t0 J" m1 l+ Z4 T. MThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
( e  k9 ~1 C: V3 ]3 DArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
$ z& V0 D/ F- O* x' ? On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.1 j; H' x# J) E' `6 ~1 N/ ^
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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9 s8 J/ ~- i: f: M% Y  F Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*6 A6 _& R0 {: V% I
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.- u2 ?; G! T9 P( ]- S
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"7 h" ?% R& D9 M5 x% B# o
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
9 Z% Q/ V4 ]. L; M/ B5 @" qSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
( p. `& t! _! Q9 U% ~7 p; F A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.) L' d4 r  S$ z0 L) J% {( l
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*- K# [+ b" B) g4 t; u7 E
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
8 A  `. z' i+ S' \" ? "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."   J: E7 X8 k# w- b' |
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
$ _" S1 ^9 a4 pThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.4 p& n- Y; H5 X9 b  K- {
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
5 b: U" K+ J# Z% e. Q1 M# p Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.+ D! ]' ?' F$ M1 w$ C- O

" e; ~( e* k- x( W4 V4 }3 {Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*& a- x- d2 o1 D3 ?, \8 [
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
4 o/ m4 w! H* L, ]3 J8 Z: v+ F While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him./ x/ @, A3 G: \" ?$ T7 D
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
$ g( G, E/ }  W* [# GThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. , D( B0 x8 p4 w% g( o8 b
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 8 g) O& V' n$ L; D/ A6 M) m
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.% Q& d* s4 v5 T* R, M1 l; G( W' v
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Moral of the story:! O1 @& t3 P" \
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy# y& |- j- u+ e  O) `* C* m
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend8 p+ h2 n9 [+ ^) D) n( z" `, U: x. n
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.! }0 M# [4 k/ W- b* a

9 [8 V; E: r1 M$ T& w* I. P$ g% IThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
: Z1 |- B; Y; |1 r/ J1 {) e race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
, Z0 G) |" E1 h8 U2 `PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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/ o4 b' ~2 c) }- wThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
- a: z& V1 @0 M6 f, c5 Lpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:$ `# [. G0 c* F$ L6 D6 g+ Q' l
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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9 {2 Y+ r+ L+ |. F% m' U' IThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
& X$ F0 ^9 ?% E4 u' Hof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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4 J  h( ?2 V% h+ s  GThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
4 x1 G- J0 t6 x% w, UNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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/ R- o; C, U$ M4 r9 N$ Z+ e/ V) rThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
4 s" u% S% b9 ^1 Gof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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- U& b& G, v7 E( uThe next day the paper read:# |  M4 n% V9 B7 Z6 E
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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4 \& @  X( ?( C! S: S6 W$ bThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
& O" y9 l" e2 kthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.+ M4 L* h& {6 l
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The next day the headlines read:- R+ g" B6 b4 h# ?
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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* d' D1 }+ }! S) R% WThe bishop was buried the next day.0 h# G/ e. j+ U  y7 x8 e

3 a+ r: Q# a7 a' M+ S- G3 n7 A2 @The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
6 r( t! {( E6 v0 l# h& L, Mcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.6 ^- d7 X2 r" W2 v$ [: d5 p) w2 ~3 g

  _8 w9 i1 f$ o/ q$ x- ySo be yourself and enjoy life...* j5 g0 Q2 r* B( `; J+ Y0 x$ p2 Z- R
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier! Y# T5 a3 J7 _9 J
And live longer!) n# Y7 C/ i( ]3 p* u) k

6 r7 R& P  n( f- Y' a( NHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life , ?! L. t- ]2 a: L8 r. y0 Q
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"5 b4 D6 J$ Q8 m  I" o# |
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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) R/ }/ H5 [6 r9 }% ~0 @1 q. xWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. " U: [: G$ q' S- N2 B
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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+ t4 ^; H+ _# s2 H* S) @' YWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
9 [1 r; \* w  B( N7 S! B# X7 A
8 `! u( `5 O" e, R+ n, A* WAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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6 T: E3 e  D5 u7 j' W( V  Q9 _Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 * F7 Z& ~6 W' v) S
Thanks for sharing.3 p5 c4 s  T% e2 U) b1 r* A+ h- |2 H
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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: z+ G# g2 g$ d: sYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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