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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*9 e3 c' r6 E& x( Y$ J6 v. s: z& ]7 @( A

$ t* S% a" u4 `/ c3 E A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
: b) @; C$ A' A7 kThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,# ?3 W* K! O8 [1 F* A1 c
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.* s) q& ]% E4 r
Before she says a word, Bob says,
) t( J7 `1 e: ]* i$ }+ } "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." : z& ^0 J9 x  O
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
5 n9 b$ S) Y4 r$ J9 G" a/ q3 {After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 1 O' A6 e0 ^+ B3 S9 v
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
3 Q( a  J  h* ]; c# N& e$ I' EWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
2 n3 j+ g3 j. }+ D- e5 Z7 Z# u  S "Who was that?" 3 l) E1 y7 p0 D$ u
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
% z) m" Y% F$ u7 x8 r1 H"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
4 E/ S# q' r' E5 q9 O: `( u0 | shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
2 i. }' a$ Q: x, L: s) v1 D, r  m A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
4 ~! h. N! ?. X, aThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
3 X% d4 O- Z& g, ^* Y$ cThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".( _# o2 q7 a8 k4 U& w( \
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
6 H# I0 q1 Q7 Q1 G* _5 n, C$ S- c- KPoof! She's gone. * h5 s0 k( @3 z8 X; F9 `8 \  Q/ r
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.) X5 S  E* A* F; a; ~6 N
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
9 B3 Y. S0 Q3 [* I( rPoof! He's gone. 3 ^0 W# {+ F2 @. f9 o! e
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. - d- i' \+ B$ i3 _3 N6 T1 {, z
The manager says,
+ F. ?" Z: n( N: t( t! [* q "I want those two back in the office after lunch."" W7 B0 i4 X' W8 k* X: d
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 & t' O7 U& {- J! C6 `) f% X8 d
*Lesson 2
& p& s5 X! i2 M7 o* X A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp." s2 L) E# C2 |" u6 R
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
$ Z- l9 W  I. z  D& T, [The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
6 n2 b6 H0 n9 c  v; C5 t A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. % m; M; K8 G( G' r
The priest nearly had an accident. $ m9 q2 p: Y+ q/ J- [
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 1 `3 n  }3 Y, g/ m, D; o
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" , v7 ?# S" S" J, N
The priest removed his hand. . |4 P3 w: E, c
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. + {2 C9 W6 {4 U) k3 C) u$ e
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
9 J  \8 _- [2 F! G/ ?7 y. I. O! XThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
$ S* b% e" G) _Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.# o9 X/ s  M: H: l( k
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.7 G: y0 R' k7 X. r
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."% D  m  T6 f6 n3 e

; n7 ]4 l' l; M% p8 V7 ` Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
+ C6 s' {: y6 d" k6 Q& p7 R& g A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
  d6 U' L, J8 U1 F0 y: Y6 K A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"5 _! ?+ V1 k2 x% `1 H
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." ( |+ z( W) v, t7 t: X5 k5 u- x
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.8 ?5 d4 N1 A1 T& L  c
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
# e4 |6 ~# n) ?" Z' B Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*$ m& V: a$ Z" v/ X2 ~
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
, u4 B0 d2 P) x, y- g  ^% V "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
! }0 o: O- W2 VThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ) D1 k& l) Y1 p$ B/ |: a
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
& P( g5 U9 W* d% h9 ~/ E8 ]/ P Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.- T# {( @+ |2 g# D* `
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
0 C9 @' x- i+ f) J- g: ` A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
& Y6 g1 ]* M9 [ While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.8 v' B+ |+ n% G( ?
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. . w& c& Y6 O7 `6 g, x! E' e
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 9 t7 ?9 b2 Y. A+ d
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
2 I3 @- ?9 x( ]2 [# WFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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1 ?$ u2 V, z- {+ J% p$ d Moral of the story:
8 A- f( a" P7 m) U/ b% K0 m- ]4 Z; l1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy( a1 [/ ^4 n7 w+ S4 q( |( Z5 \% w
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend8 Y4 W/ B5 K0 k2 m( R; F# @9 Q
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.. K% c/ Q' B" U' {: L

( f: d) f9 p* N' hThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the3 V: [' _  g8 v( t( c) g" ?, V, t
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:1 i- P% f0 b3 ]) b+ j
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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7 m2 i& S$ N. ]( l0 ?. TThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the/ S- R1 {% ?$ p9 o+ Q* t  a2 R
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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4 ~, s6 W/ M/ Y7 t+ O# }The next day, the local paper headline read:& A- w# K& o: L/ ?; T9 s4 Z3 c
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid+ d4 v1 n' l4 ]) X0 p" w. A, g
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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+ K2 y7 j' |  q* hThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
6 p, N; ]8 x# ~; g$ P: FNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid& g' h6 ^# Y7 C; Z  l
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.+ I9 q5 r- l' D5 o

" ~1 t  S1 n) ^- Y% H! YThe next day the paper read:" P2 `# E# i+ f/ l8 j/ p- ~
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.* p. r6 Y  O( h) I- R* B
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
6 k; X3 V% Q% a% ]- Mthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.- C0 f1 Y2 r8 F; F* k7 @9 a% u% D

8 Q- M6 x" ^& G* p! ?The next day the headlines read:
5 e( g6 z. m& m/ `NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.. _1 Y) y# E* ~4 m, L1 L/ h
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
% ^) H6 e; X  d8 H: fcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.5 q, G/ E9 k& U3 q" ~

+ I% o0 ]* f$ y' Q$ TSo be yourself and enjoy life...4 p( T0 t1 @1 [2 T* @- x! G

: g! n0 \% e  g# f8 R! B5 LStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
& l6 l* n! _. l( Q7 C, p( g And live longer!- o: d2 f1 x' S1 Y# ]% i

8 ^& U$ d" l" @, CHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life * Q9 x6 M/ n# J% E
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
6 L# f8 I+ r' |; b+ @4 }6 i6 `+ tHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.   Y9 z  S  S5 {, E6 W. d/ @  Z9 p
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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/ m6 d4 v+ ~0 d/ H% V# iWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ; _- I: U8 i1 [

& Q. A" p  A& XAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 4 @, K0 ]9 s8 k  l4 G
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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& Z- Q% [6 N" {- g) r# Y+ t2 K: a' sThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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) {7 q; D( w9 H: TI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.   Q( Z: S- c) B  b0 Z
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
% l9 {# ^) u  q* _$ S# z% hThanks for sharing.
/ w* [" W$ y# `) y' ]
( E! A6 d' O3 z& sI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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: ?# v5 u3 s/ B0 a2 B1 ^Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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