Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
5 i# p$ O4 J# n( t# v! C3 G> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
" b0 R5 e% k8 ]1 P5 z6 e" K> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
- s$ }2 J$ ]( V9 y1 S9 s0 [# F> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
; {! b: C7 _, |/ v. M; E: C, e% k* f> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
+ T0 n9 J0 B( L>cream.
) Z! I. a% t6 _+ A. a! P> > > >Which one is married?"
' L: Z5 V+ s9 @: G+ x, B> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
& \1 g# z0 N7 h5 U2 T> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
' U/ @7 ^" k% l$ c. E4 `) X2 h> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
  G# W5 H' R8 s& a3 f> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
& i8 n  N0 c/ C. a% r% W4 t3 O> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
7 P! g! R' S9 g1 k> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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  l7 ~# x' U8 m! Y! [4 ^3 |4 r7 @4 N" ^> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
3 t7 K8 j! \" W& f> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
/ ~& o0 s! }( O+ U1 M> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
5 Z8 U( J$ O! E2 L* N> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
5 S9 A6 B$ j4 n9 H  u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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( U& ]9 Q" z/ j! G/ R. c> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
8 z) J4 D7 n7 A> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
  M- B7 l) M' e5 s5 ~' V> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
8 U4 a; E8 q9 u) H" e> > > >you to go."
5 Z$ X- i, h  c9 E> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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3 e" o8 a3 }+ p; o& T+ v3 @> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
# a( Z* X% U! H: s" ?: ~> > > >same sentence twice.
3 }& _( n  H, V  W> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
1 h! a; h& S0 j6 ^1 K> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
/ u' L2 s7 Q1 J+ k# i; {  G) Q7 r- H> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
4 I) q  t7 B; N+ f5 n6 U> > > >beautifully."
7 G# |9 w3 K" q$ L( G3 J> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
- ?) f8 n' G3 \# g8 d1 Q8 ^> > > >called on little TONY.
% J$ l+ i1 V- i; u> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
' \1 g4 M* q5 I7 t$ x. H! x" T> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
  W$ |* n6 u* ~# P! {. h> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
9 i% r4 A+ g% Y+ b+ `. j> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business