Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
$ {  t: L. E% v0 A, W> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
/ ?  g4 j4 }# y1 f> > > >little TONY.
/ V- _% d3 h1 m> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
8 R$ q4 v: P, q% P( P6 E>thinking."
% Z' N7 H# y' \0 y> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
- i$ E- W! v6 \! d> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
. a# V/ S* W* F; ^3 s3 M> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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3 \+ y2 f1 U$ U4 h0 G$ ?! q/ s> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
5 j1 F& t) B! t& U) O9 V1 Q> > > >Which one is married?"
% v9 v0 a) {, J# M4 [> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
2 S$ D. V( G7 }1 l+ Y7 O& [9 i; D> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
+ A- P% j! E/ @7 l> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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# {& O  ^! ]7 D. `3 P> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
" ?2 `: ~6 o/ ?3 q; r, p8 y> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
7 g  k6 A8 _* F5 s8 E> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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  B; D3 @$ G* J8 @) {4 e$ ~> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
7 C1 {# u* n9 a> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
" ^& t& F+ N3 T- v1 ?) ^% Y> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
7 L& f) h. M6 P: u: z> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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) V' a/ ~) ^2 R# b7 L. A4 g> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
- ^4 q. R" n* R( k' x> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
2 h; \* N$ r/ ?. s1 l> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
: z& Y- `9 d8 ^* \2 A7 ~% P0 N> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
% g5 |( z6 A( C! N  o4 O# s. o> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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: E9 R0 Y/ D, e& a- m! i) t> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
2 i7 r, v0 ]' c9 |7 _1 {> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
( h: A$ ~% m6 L4 r* E8 M! N6 B! k> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
8 \, a" S' N" R> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business