Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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+ i: \: B' x  _* ~9 H$ q> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
0 x( O& ~7 Y+ _# X6 \8 j- |6 h> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
$ k( P5 R1 H! Y* h. {' {5 Y9 d6 Q/ [> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
" |( @1 [7 B4 _7 M( L5 M8 b4 \4 L>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
3 x) D  ^; d$ |> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
* H! y3 C3 x3 [7 y> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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' g" Q5 `1 k6 v  r# u> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
$ y0 ^2 Q9 y% ?3 V6 D6 f> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
0 Z/ B$ D8 ]/ J; _4 T( n" N> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
" I, w/ [+ v" E4 G9 p# ~> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
2 R0 a' Z6 \7 w> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
8 _. q& a7 d4 b7 t2 K> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
: ~+ o, x, x2 S. G# q> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
+ G! K8 I, E, T) x# s( K. X1 P9 M. d> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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$ N6 V5 b3 F2 K/ z7 \3 ?3 c> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
/ ~! ]. \& P# B" ?, m8 i4 Q( P> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
. O7 H) A1 R4 @7 T- H" S  Y, t> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
& ^$ v9 y- B! o1 U8 v% w> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
3 q  ]  O1 F; X1 `> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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" `6 f5 p9 n2 @; f" a6 X2 s, T> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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! `9 Y! U4 A% l4 p9 M7 i> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
6 W; Q4 y+ [% b& r6 _> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
" ~$ r- Q4 d4 W0 i+ E* n> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
- {6 ^8 r" g) s6 X) ], I: u> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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9 E9 Z* q$ `+ e: w> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
2 Q8 k9 q7 M3 X8 c, e' f/ x4 z% U+ o> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
9 z. Z+ y: G+ e7 j1 T> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
! @' S9 E- P% ?1 B5 I! A. u> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
, O/ F2 t& f" M- }, R- o' w$ i> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
( _8 l7 C8 m! {8 c7 o% K+ C> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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! J/ q7 B( I4 Q8 K8 }1 w> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
+ |2 `' P' n4 U; c" v  n+ I: N2 y> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
8 q2 b. d9 ]$ A. t1 z> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
$ E$ f! h2 o4 c1 t> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
  q- M6 q4 d  T3 d. S> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business