Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
6 `  a8 S- }  E$ O/ Y> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
8 U! Q+ o! u4 O  U) E5 r( u> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
" Z; r+ W2 Y# ~% x7 W0 N> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
6 s6 n' \+ a0 o/ A> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
" n( |1 c5 {! [; M> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
1 `6 v4 d' k1 i6 J> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
/ m# {: B8 ~* W$ E) P> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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1 x9 ~  p4 u( ^) u1 u! b0 ^> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
# a  n) U! w/ M> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
$ A) R& N, |; E, \; S; \* q9 I> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
& a. h, }6 B+ M( y4 i7 H% w( S> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >
8 q* u! W: P# j/ W) X> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
* [3 d: _& f$ m8 v' r6 V/ N> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
- T* G7 }8 n: x# [# f' h! S> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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' k0 C% A( n1 H& W! f8 \9 u8 f+ F. ~> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
+ `! S9 t9 y9 J) O> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
6 g1 ]% Z% X. Y& j- g( x* G> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
" |( |/ s3 b: t9 k> > > >you to go."
5 O5 G( k; v+ u7 O/ Z: H' O2 D: j% c> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
" S* L7 b& S: W/ S: ?, [) d5 e, j+ a> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
2 N- Z$ }4 W# g) g$ _> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
: h/ S8 {% x! q> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
. t- E% S$ e4 L+ D$ D> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
5 c' ]- B% o( }) W, e% `> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
" P9 R. m( p  s+ M3 V> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
$ b  {' `( i! T; a* I> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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. V( j* m' ?. ~, v> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
$ T/ P4 T! C, g0 k2 z& B# t> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
4 i" b0 g% @) ^> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
* F$ \3 c# l) E: f2 o+ x& V> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
. U% |* l3 C( f# }> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business