Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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7 e. [: B! h8 V. w8 A3 o2 |  c1 v2 J> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
+ n3 c0 c8 [% @: P> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
% U# s9 J- Q+ L- i- n> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
7 s1 o( b( o$ B2 H- a>thinking."
# z+ y: m4 t2 y. |7 }, n# X* \2 f> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
5 [( H, f) n+ U> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
; r( H/ s% w8 z2 q> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
/ C: U. C- `9 U>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
. n0 i- R0 T" L4 _> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
# S6 Q5 k+ \3 i) G> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
" {: P2 D" F9 u/ \; y6 \$ J> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
% s. C' s. u$ |" L( x> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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& x$ P6 O8 y2 j' J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
4 @8 l0 I, ~/ ]& R; a# M> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
& [, \6 N' Q1 @& p  b2 E> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
  [9 E, L- {8 |6 [4 I( W) T; L1 @> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
% N5 R0 Q" K- s> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
, G9 \& |7 @3 N5 f% W' T* B> > > >"That's what I said!"
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$ k  U: u$ r' H7 i> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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+ E. x( Q& ^5 }: T1 i. O8 F: J# ~> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
: K+ e& b4 @+ h3 _, u" ^* |/ J- l> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
* Y( g5 ~2 L) A1 \> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
8 ~$ z) [- Q5 }9 m2 b> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
0 R; U  c, J4 n5 n> > > >you to go."
: _, r4 N+ J- M! M> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
. v+ G% I3 a$ O+ W: ]* ^> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
5 E  O; |3 W0 C$ K$ E1 M+ C. Z> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
  ^& K8 t  v" y8 T> > > >beautifully."
1 G% ^# q8 E7 Q+ [% Z* O. H- b> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
3 l  G6 K. @/ u$ P% S3 n1 Z1 S> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
& r" K8 m/ V+ {5 e* \7 u6 ]> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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) y# i: ~4 L) z; ^> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
. L; e3 z5 D* _/ k& H- n> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
1 S% R; m2 [; o% G7 w+ q> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
0 S# l$ J6 H# G2 N' n$ v: v) A> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
2 O8 z% M# M  N+ g2 P1 _; `> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business