Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
/ ^7 e# [! E6 S7 I> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
3 g: E8 [5 n8 j$ l$ I2 J> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
) \7 f2 L5 C! K. \>thinking."
' j; ~! u, a5 w- Q/ m1 N> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
( p3 d0 `" |4 M( g# W. h/ G> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
4 i/ t/ l; I, h5 {/ J. L> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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" L0 p9 L. C9 m- C( Z; S8 {> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
# I6 u4 t9 u$ ~4 [4 t/ C4 z1 S>cream.
# o* X: v; Q  c8 l2 K* D. M> > > >Which one is married?"
- }9 W. O+ x5 }* V0 N> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
6 c. l" `" D1 z# k$ N. c> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
! _3 M' ^( P$ p" e; o1 K) A> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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3 t9 g; [+ U: f2 ~0 u% R> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
9 w0 L1 h& M$ Z! h) \  N8 I> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
- V# l: l; n, E% x% b  t2 Y( s5 j> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
( _$ p& N6 o4 R$ @, r> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
( i+ m2 T/ W1 \4 h) l& b# r> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
+ N% m- I0 M# H/ g. ]> > > >"That's what I said!"
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7 J/ J3 H: z0 q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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( w5 i5 c/ h5 c. G7 O' I> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
# X/ x% Y/ ^/ d+ k; n2 B9 t# @> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
6 m$ k5 ^( \5 V; M; I$ D0 X> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
6 z& ?  n9 c0 Y* S1 y0 r; ?+ `9 f> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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( d1 `3 J( F- w, V/ {> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
& e" f* W; n: C> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
4 E& x$ {, @% m( e5 J0 l0 E> > > >piss!!"
% v. e2 D; n+ n, O8 I> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
& E* N1 v" |; }> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
. d8 j5 N: \  n% F9 T; r> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
% ]5 E: P" u2 c5 O1 h! V> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
3 C2 Z. M( P& c6 L: ^! b5 ]> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
$ k9 o! U, S6 O/ b> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
" P8 |7 r# l2 U) a0 W: m  k> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
! @( Y9 B* k/ t8 g> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
; _' h8 W4 f4 p! d% A> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
. {, N8 F+ z7 h7 Z3 [; y> > > >called on little TONY.
0 g" H7 |- r9 o4 \* F! v( ?1 W> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
8 M* ]) I* g9 q) I> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
0 v8 s$ M5 F6 z' [# Y> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
$ x7 K- ~/ U& u8 Q# N7 W' _> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business