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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
4 O' c1 r- N% y" G  `% Q/ ?( G1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
. d, W, t! m) ~+ y4 }- @- K0 U2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
# d. \! j7 z4 [9 [  Y4 w; N8 p3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. + K& ~# c3 }2 c, p& a# ~
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days: 6 w3 ~6 N6 x" G: E
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 0 r# F4 n/ ~7 g4 O

& |% ]- o4 D) T* B( Z/ q- ^Personal Days:
9 t/ F- v# P. U: i/ BEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. ' {6 ?8 g, b( ?& v4 R( _8 s8 W

5 ^$ K; o( J, {0 [Bereavement Leave: 5 T$ e+ a- z  G$ i9 t: O
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   2 m1 l- C7 l1 r! G9 A. [9 C( L
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
: j# h0 I5 K& X- @3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   ' k3 i$ c/ Z& \3 O# N8 b' X
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks: 7 d% j/ A4 J+ Q4 o
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   $ u1 J! C' S: }& @1 W* K3 `! a
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   9 R8 D+ t6 a2 _9 M
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   # H+ Q' z9 |; h" m& ]7 J
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break: 8 d; N1 Q" V$ g6 Z! z' W6 @" Y9 L- s
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 4 Q2 w9 R2 _0 \' d
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 9 Z( T4 @4 Z  M2 ~4 g4 {
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 7 E1 S6 t5 Y* n( E5 S
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. 9 [# Z  ^, m8 h2 N9 |# q
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The Management 3 K$ Z" _( J5 `( R7 i6 P

1 ^+ b8 ^% \- N  z6 c& mPass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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