Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

% r; K' m! Y5 G- gCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
5 [: D* L  D* |CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 b) d0 L0 Z* k: x5 z3 V- v0 x$ SBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

% o% m! h& h! X: _3 [VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& _% a% P" p3 d) GBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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0 @% _$ W2 Z5 `* W2 ^5 pSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  b) O% y( g& {5 oMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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- e! V) `% B( C# j" t1 r$ uCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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. g9 F( N( z! x0 c5 T! m2 Y+ \4 ~YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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* j" h! z$ [+ k5 B! eWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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8 J) N& R7 P( e  |What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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; a+ h$ O% F! Q% A+ M% u# w                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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! \' G" u2 H8 E2 l3 W  x# C& iPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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1 M* M8 l" L+ J& Q3 F* }  q                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵