Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

8 i, M/ G) A% r/ P$ \2 o0 E6 BCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ s4 V$ N$ d4 e1 Q$ M: h. nCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
/ W- [+ e/ \, I- vBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

: a2 `# _$ z& N+ _% |P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

+ y/ a. J& L3 d$ kSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

) T6 h  d% [; @STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

4 q( G5 l0 Q3 W6 n' X4 B% cSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 @# r% X$ T% G  U2 E5 XFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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) Z. }6 U) \" V3 B- ^MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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' y/ u" L% u6 X6 ~1 X! ^CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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/ G( g. g$ |3 u6 z5 g  ^2 _; IINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
; i2 G* U; S* X. V5 i, v8 J# }, {With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 q4 B& U- @- @; k9 c6 D, yWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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: O; k  U8 j, p5 rPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵