Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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8 H0 i! _* @# PCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. C8 p5 h' J* a" `& F/ x6 o( _0 ACFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
2 X* ]1 H' G+ L2 [) P4 J, X; fBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

9 F! P# N4 `4 Q0 `1 I, l0 C$ p2 [P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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: f$ N+ i& V& z3 `5 V) h: n, WSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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( X" ~2 B0 ?& l% Y4 XFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

+ I9 t3 z& O4 ?; WYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

. |  L1 ^1 p/ c' g, V( E7 uWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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* d  I0 `' {, F4 M2 X8 r& jWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! {+ J# ?" X: t  W' Z- P                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵