Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
2 x6 E5 I! ^+ |& UCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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* F( k( c2 [  ?8 G4 I3 ^* \, EBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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; K7 d9 ^% Q9 ], C9 g' H2 S* M8 @VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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( B/ W' a0 e! h* G8 p6 x5 Z0 xP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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1 ~1 M+ M7 b* Z# KSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

: v" M( i, c& i9 {% n- oMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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9 V/ n+ X$ v0 H* c+ k" ]2 b8 WYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

& _$ J' t/ y" X' @  o5 I8 aINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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6 n4 `: h/ b, [4 bIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& j% z- i9 D% d9 A8 AWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
0 v6 ^; B, p  x, X& eWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ N; T, I4 u: Z  q8 BBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
" S6 ]* k9 w6 f/ Q0 w; RBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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5 n7 E: C# ?. {# C2 ?5 Q9 GPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵