Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
- ^( l3 \5 O# E) ^% {CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

" I- @' @6 L/ J, L# M3 L; w5 |, x7 YBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
+ K* P4 R1 w: @* f7 iBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

$ H- }. ]. e: P7 V9 ^3 xVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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& j6 |" \/ ?1 N( J; r/ g6 K2 |1 eCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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) p! I7 X. y, ^6 PYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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4 d0 b. c! u% ?: c7 |/ @; lWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

% R  _$ X' }, W- Y( DINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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, o6 w. d( }, n/ h2 V# a+ N' VIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  M$ v- l. t. RWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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, O! Y( I, D$ ]* JPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
; Z1 q/ f& z# A                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵