Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

/ `; [6 h8 \7 ~* aCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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% I6 x  m5 o1 V' A" d7 KVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

, e+ D8 M  a4 r* XP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

) N# |3 Y* Q0 yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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/ D$ I+ t1 Y8 Z+ R* [STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

! `) t5 A" |. n% F" hSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

* X, U' k. t% ?$ h9 KFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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0 t' v0 E. M6 A6 X% l4 a0 `  z6 \MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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. {9 h" x6 F& z+ zYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

3 [% A' T0 G; X: b. L6 ]6 Z$ _PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
0 F" O, t: }3 l4 O( LWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) ^. Z+ z. t$ d6 j" LBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
" ^4 H+ l: p: ?9 wBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

( s% y" c8 F8 R- k" Q: d' h6 U                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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* ^& p3 R* A* e  q6 U* e& W2 I" K                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵