Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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4 g/ k0 X& d5 U) z/ ~3 l- x$ XCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
3 q2 V+ z. E- d0 j8 i6 @% J) OCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
1 q# b6 s5 l; fBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

0 i7 W* y4 V# a$ G9 lVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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4 Q. z3 h' [5 [& X2 hP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- z/ Z; G- Z4 J5 q+ ]8 cSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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/ H4 H! n0 a: X6 WSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 I' k! P( ~3 j8 C% k) ~FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

* Y+ S2 T0 P1 Q! c' S3 z7 NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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3 Z4 I$ S- }7 ]* n1 ~2 q& DCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ G. o! A* u: }: H* G# n7 [YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

$ c, ~; c1 l; }6 v; Q# F: B" Z# S* i) U; QWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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; C1 ^% |7 m& B7 dINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ Z( Q' I# l. r- QIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 Y2 i! z2 L) l% \But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

) K, J6 f( e( l; w' D( Q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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2 u+ i7 w, g  m' E) v7 L7 d& \6 z5 W: V                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵