Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 c6 k1 g% W! {8 NCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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# }% B! k( G  l; C1 {3 eBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  q$ W/ H. S  {0 c7 Y$ ?/ HBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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7 q2 d8 g; m5 \8 A5 ?P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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3 M2 d% _5 H# l- Q! MFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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' V7 S! s7 O9 z5 ^6 yCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

( C( e8 K9 |" Q! Y$ O% m0 g$ [YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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: r5 U" A( O: t- jWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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) A: t3 v7 f6 \  p( `- LINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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% k) U" k& V$ i& mPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. d3 N& s  Q) |1 l- ^, S! z0 I2 ~But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
3 A6 P# _' f- sBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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. ]9 u" ~0 p5 ~$ z5 Z/ K. \Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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2 G' y* J) u( Y7 t2 I3 o                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵