Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
0 O7 P7 C" c/ v& [0 U: C+ G9 pBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

3 `# s) ~) \4 yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ q2 D# l: z8 N! f) u) |9 qSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

9 B/ d  A* D% N! |STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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. F9 y) K0 B* uMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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* z9 U0 U" `, }1 |+ T0 kCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

4 p. o0 b) `# o$ D2 `4 b7 iINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

* w" ~5 P$ _, n8 ?; e: rPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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! V/ ?' l+ Q$ d; G# Z& aIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
- y/ O* e: f+ i3 ?  ]( uWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
# D/ F. b4 |- l. ZWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
/ a; g9 H3 X6 \2 FBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵