Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

5 z1 Q3 V2 i3 }3 E. YCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
% L/ \/ N7 t8 n& T$ I0 _CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

  @! Q! M$ G! X8 H+ W% sBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- c: c$ k# _- W& a0 [0 O1 T3 lBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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" z5 K' z# T6 X* w" D$ HP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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3 u- K& z; E) w; yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

  u% p9 q! I( M! A7 M* aSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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/ R7 a: D. r0 r' K: CSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

' ~4 o9 o' _# W, N! H# z5 ]WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

# a+ A$ m' ?: j- kPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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- M, \/ V3 N8 R# _$ X5 tWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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9 Y/ \: ]1 c2 L4 r, q5 q3 ~: a, `Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
5 @0 r. w% z; j2 S1 E" E8 w7 d& c                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵