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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words. . x9 I. i) D# ~" s
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The following were some of this year’s winning entries: " u0 k+ r* J, U, m3 `" n
# k# t2 l9 B' z1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. - d' F$ S g9 G, x7 _ ?3 o
, s8 J. O; {6 q1 K% e/ q2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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' |; q) K$ u5 y. d1 J3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. ) D9 o7 L. O% C* u2 I9 c
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. . {) {+ H$ |: F
% s% v$ G3 d+ Y% j; N: Y! ^2 z# S5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent # P: b* R( Z4 y+ b3 j0 }% H" _* t( y
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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5 ~% L" q. ^. R5 _7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. . ^9 k, @0 h' C
7 @; l/ `2 X$ s, w3 ?2 v" h8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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4 s3 l* Y8 d) J+ n9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 6 `5 q; i6 W3 ^' F
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. : K* v1 B ^! i7 t/ L% Y
@0 T+ L9 ~5 }11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. 6 i4 t# b5 I" |% G. ]' [$ @* Q
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. : h! t0 ]% ^, _6 t/ r5 t- n) C# c
3 J7 [" e- K4 s+ ^16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist. |
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