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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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. c' i# N4 J" QThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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, t6 t7 L" e7 u4 l3 ?1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. # W! |# k9 }6 b3 P" t
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4 @& s$ _) x- s) i" j9 s
( h& U A' s8 G$ ~4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. & ~ J* G+ M0 \4 \
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent " j+ x& T% I+ B* e% h
2 ~6 s# k; Z7 g6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. 7 d" \# X& f, s3 ]+ G" N5 l
3 a4 O' R7 a; C c7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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, P& @& ?* g8 x" v* [: k8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash. & M* Z( }' M, V, R
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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/ z( |% F, D/ e( \) f' m: W- T10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. ( z5 g" k. E0 D% i8 j5 X
2 ~. O. Q8 X. y0 y( ~11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 2 ?! l# C) U, Z0 n+ _
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 3 U, R9 E& Q' m& M6 ^" D( r
" |% o" K# G/ {5 h, c$ o* m13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. $ u; X2 O5 e Q9 Z$ r
8 D' } U$ L* C; o14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. + V! Y2 P# I% E: I9 ~7 P
, ^0 z0 b% T# B1 @. b15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. 3 n5 h! }1 T& Y4 ~. E; a& F
8 _9 X" P: g4 v' Q% U) v16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist. |
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