Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

The following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

- w. x* B# ?! {3 q8 x4 g" `0 m3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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2 M: y( D1 v; o% w; W3 Z% z) H6 m5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

3 g7 S0 N1 R3 T$ W4 O% j" V  o6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

3 O; P, n/ `2 C3 f7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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0 p3 @% I1 |9 U7 Q8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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6 p$ W6 ~! A6 X7 B4 ]3 p5 l15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.