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是我太纠结,还是太软弱?

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发表于 2011-10-19 10:09 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
跟男友在一起快5年了,两年前开始ld,但每周末他都会过来,我其实更享受这样的ld,工作日有自己的空间,周末两个人逛街吃饭看电影,见面时间少了,不像过去一样为一点小事生气耍脾气,因为分离的思念,多了份包容和忍让。当然,这些年来男友对我一直很好,几乎百依百顺吧,虽然我总抱怨他不浪漫,没激情,但也多了些安稳和踏实。 , H: ]& c' ~- J0 Z" s0 E/ @6 Y+ b

- C# {+ i. q, w' `) \. `不久前发现,他跟他们学校的一个女生关系密切,几经追问下,他承认几个月前,我回国的那段时间,他们两个有过暧昧。。。。觉得自己好傻,那么蠢蠢的相信他,毫无怀疑。不知道该怎么办,本以为我是肯定无法接受这样的事情,义无反顾地转身离开,可当真发生在自己身上,才发现时间实在太可怕了,那么多年的回忆和情感,就深深地刻在心里的每个角落,怎么会那么舍不得他。
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6 V8 r7 }- }) N& v0 B他不肯分手,我也答应再给他一次机会,重新开始,但要他跟那个女生断得一干二净,没有任何联系。可是,发生这样的事情,让我重新相信他好难,我知道我有意无意的试探他,考察他,我也不想这么拿不起放不下,我也想把它抛之脑后,两个人重新开始,可我忍不住地还在观察他。然后,发现他们还在网上聊天,问他,他承认,说确实断了,只是觉得那么狠心的完全不理不睬对那个女孩儿太残忍,她跟他说话,他就回两句,说我不相信他,一定要怀疑他。 心里好乱啊,是我太小气,太没有度量吗?要他一刀两断没有任何联系,很残忍很过分吗?该怎么做啊?心情很糟,有点语无伦次了,真心求建议。
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发表于 2011-10-19 14:44 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 青春没有尾巴 于 2011-10-19 15:47 编辑 ' |3 ~1 v4 s' ~6 _/ w
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就算了吧,这种明摆着的脚踩两只船的人,不那么可靠。BY THE WAY, LD 是啥意思?如果是同居的话,那就更应该算了。明摆着过分的是他而不是你,你的要求已经给对方一次机会了,明显的没有收到足够的重视,如果你将来怀孕了生孩子了,这种男人估计还不会少给你找麻烦的。
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发表于 2011-10-19 15:01 | 显示全部楼层
"经典大坑"
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发表于 2011-10-19 15:26 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
就算了吧,这种明摆着的脚踩两只船的人,不那么可靠。BY THE WAY, LD 是啥意思?如果是同居的话,那就更应该算了。明摆着过分的是他而不是你,你的要求已经给对方一次机会了,明显的没有收到足够的重视,如果你将来 ...
8 o" m5 M# ~) I3 a% _青春没有尾巴 发表于 2011-10-19 15:44

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Same question
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WHAT DOES LD STAND FOR?
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(3)
发表于 2011-10-19 15:32 | 显示全部楼层
One foot in one boat is unstable.
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发表于 2011-10-19 16:09 | 显示全部楼层
我觉得是long distance.......
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发表于 2011-10-19 16:44 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
本帖最后由 珠圆玉润 于 2011-10-19 18:00 编辑 # d1 a/ r8 v# i4 p( ^7 l' s
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也许,我有点超前----我觉的一个人爱一个人一辈子是有可能的,可是我觉得,一个人只爱一个人一辈子是不可能的。希望你能理解------人和人,男人和女人,为什么要婚姻呢,可能就是为了约束自己的行为和感情,可人本身也许有时是现实的,,在情有可原的情况下有第三,第四者,,,,都有可能,只是你不发现,你辈子就非常的幸福,你发现了,你就一些日子为了这些事情苦恼,为什么呢,,因为人本性,和爱本性的自私吧。看过萨特的婚姻关系,他和老婆曾经一直每个人都有第三者,第四者,他们还曾经试过几个人一起生活,不能说他低级吧,他可是世界 上有名的哲学家。我非常的敬佩这种敢于遵守人性的人,这样每个人都没有苦恼,而且,他们婚姻是真实的,他们爱情也是可歌可泣的。爱情,婚姻,人,如果你是那么那么的爱他,就让他自由吧,有时你去爱一个你想爱的人,不限制他的自由可能会给自己减轻很多痛苦。可如果你想限制他,让男人说说,有几个人,真的没有过一次外遇的。如果你能走过去,他该会知道如何处理,怕的是你过不去,那么这段感情最后也会因为你的难受而夭折,多少年后,你有可能会看到她和他在一起结婚了,而你却孤单着。为了你曾经不能释怀的他的过错。其实原谅一个人很难,原谅自己更加难。我说的原谅自己是,----如现在你是不是一直在问,你值不值得在和一个这样的人相处-----5 w/ C4 x* a" t( D8 R4 l/ I* u5 T
如果你爱他,那就值 得。如果你不爱他,就不值得。
+ J4 P% U6 V, W  Z: v这样的男人------也许就永远是这样的。那么多日子 不在一起,那么多日子 他肯定不会自己独活。所以男人女人要结婚,要天天绑在一起,可就是绑在一起也可能有一天失误。。哈哈,我不认为人出轨是错,是正常的人性需要。不要让爱情 和婚姻成为束缚人性的监狱。试着让自己的心胸宽大 一些,日子 才会好过一些。但,我知道很难。。。
1 X( l5 C/ M  M, T9 G# Q男人最讨厌的就是你考查他,其实我敢肯定的说,他们断不了。因为,你的这个男朋友是个心软的男人,如果他不在乎她,他也就不会可怜他。说明他是个浪漫的男人。就是没有这个她,他也还会有那个她。( x" I& {( F' }
其实,回忆是最痛苦的事情。回忆会让人停止不前,还会让人沉浸在现实和过去的纠缠中。浪费时间。如果你用回忆来相信他的现在,那你就是错误的,不要用过去为他的现在买单,感情是个现在时,过去的都有可能就过去了。可人们的习惯性思维是混浊的,但行动是现实的。
. {1 E, I4 o5 A) o3 Q2 S& q我不知道你多大了。要还小,就不要在继续了。要是年纪大了些,就试着结婚吧。人,男人,女人,都是进行时,谁也不能保证谁的感情是买了保险的。希望我的话对你有帮助吧。
. t" |& D, i  h" {5 ~不论是男人还是女人,最主要的是自己要丰实自己,事业,感情都开心。不要让一份感情成为你心中的痛。如果痛就远离,保护自己比什么都重要。不爱也不要痛,爱更加不要痛苦。爱自己,你爱什么样的人,就去找什么样的人,他不让你开心或者放心,就离开他。如果他爱你,他会永远在那里,不管你怎么做,他都会让你明白他的爱。如果他能让你保证觉得他是专心和你的,那就在在一起也无妨。有些时候给他一课,是应该的。但如果女人含糊不清的感觉 会让男人觉的, … 这样做了,也无非就是这样过去了。不 管怎样,如果你感觉 很难受,就离开他,看看会怎样 ,如果失去了他,就说明,应该失去。如果他还是想证明 给你看他是爱你的,那他就是爱你的。你查他是没用的,不如离开他。随他去。
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发表于 2011-10-19 16:58 | 显示全部楼层
Same question
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# {% {6 o; ]0 J) DWHAT DOES LD STAND FOR?
0 q$ u: l' j1 E% |. ]00544 发表于 2011-10-19 16:26

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long distance
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发表于 2011-10-19 17:00 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
本帖最后由 tobyq 于 2011-10-19 18:02 编辑 ; G, ]5 P- J9 ~! @8 q
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有女朋友了还到处暧昧是人品问题,这还有什么好纠结的,楼主性格太软弱了。赶快分手,这个男人现在这么花心,结婚后有你好受的。
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发表于 2011-10-19 17:18 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
7# 珠圆玉润 - c1 _: L- [. I" n
精辟,你可以改行做“marriage counselor”
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发表于 2011-10-19 17:30 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 玉雪冰心 于 2011-10-19 18:48 编辑 ! B; I  a7 D8 Q; u; u  B
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7# 珠圆玉润
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$ M* E, o2 h4 {" X 呵呵, 对男人了解的挺透哇! 还有呢,偶觉得爱一个人就要相信他,相信他才能得到他呢! 这也是对自己的自信。那么纠结,累不累啊? 呵呵,偶喜欢简单!
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2011-10-19 17:56 | 显示全部楼层
7# 珠圆玉润! ~3 A, @# T5 V1 Q5 e( V& _

- S; j; h4 I* r; _太明白男人了,以前的我也是一样博爱的。。嘻嘻虽然我经常幻想着有外遇有激情,但现在都没有勇气去做了。。人经历过哪些激情岁月回头发现原来没有什么大不了的事情,我的家才是我最温暖的避风港无论工作有多累看见BB哪一张笑脸已经什么都忘却了。。
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发表于 2011-10-19 18:43 | 显示全部楼层
同言同羽 置业良晨
7# 珠圆玉润- C- m0 ~" J7 u. h! ~
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太明白男人了,以前的我也是一样博爱的。。嘻嘻虽然我经常幻想着有外遇有激情,但现在都没有勇气去做了。。人经历过哪些激情岁月回头发现原来没有什么大不了的事情,我的家才是我最温暖的避 ...3 W# S' H3 H5 [( @; K
stevewoo 发表于 2011-10-19 18:56
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这才是纯爷们。
5 a: L4 C  A2 U" F4 t# O9 B% g4 g: s说自己永远没想过的,那一定是假的----但为了家,为了孩子,为了含辛茹苦的老婆,真爱当前,那些都是云烟,也都是逢场作戏。其实,家庭在男人的心中并不比女人心中轻。人,大多还是想往家庭和爱的永恒的。只是有时,自己想小打小闹一把,心情一把,如果遇上老婆不知道,也就吃了个甜枣,可如果被发现了,就会发现,你从前 对老婆,对家庭的爱会被女人一笔勾销,可事实是有些男人还真的就是在外面玩一把。爱,用时间来衡量是一座长城,可一旦有了突破口,有可能不加固的话,整个疆山都会沦陷。婚姻就是城里,外遇就在城外,哈哈,有度的人,站在墙头看两眼,守不住的人就想在城外打点野食,其实,聪明的女人应该懂得什么时候计较,什么时候不计较。我不聪明,所以我单身了。哈哈。
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发表于 2011-10-19 19:33 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
鞋舒服不舒服只有脚知道。别人都是扯淡。
鲜花(64) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2011-10-19 19:43 | 显示全部楼层
反正没结婚,你也可以结交别的男友,祝福楼主
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发表于 2011-10-19 21:06 | 显示全部楼层
早点离开,别在浪费时间,他不值得的。看人要看透本质,他本质就是不负责任,做人没有原则,没有底线,直接踢出去,越远越好。
鲜花(69) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2011-10-19 21:23 | 显示全部楼层
同言同羽 置业良晨
当你能放开的时候就放开了,不能放开的时候也别拿别人对比去指责自己是不是不对。他究竟是什么样的人还是你最清楚,至少比网上的我们清楚。每个人都是不一样的,有些事别人能接受你不能,有些事你能接受而别人不能。按自己的感受去做,如果爱他要坚持就要做好受伤的准备,如果不,就及早放手。。。。
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发表于 2011-10-19 23:33 | 显示全部楼层
也许,我有点超前----我觉的一个人爱一个人一辈子是有可能的,可是我觉得,一个人只爱一个人一辈子是不可能的。希望你能理解------人和人,男人和女人,为什么要婚姻呢,可能就是为了约束自己的行为和感情,可人本身 ...
% o" k* c9 E& U+ i; r珠圆玉润 发表于 2011-10-19 17:44

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& g7 c1 ^2 k0 t1 X/ d% W“哈哈,我不认为人出轨是错,是正常的人性需要。”---,加拿大是保守国家,老外结婚还出轨的一旦被发现就分道扬镳,想出轨就不如不结婚,天天换男女朋友,没有朋友要很热衷于那件事也可以花钱,听说也不是很贵。如果一方比较忠诚,一方欲望高涨无法控制,那不是要伤害别人。大人了,做人也得为别人稍稍考虑。要是评估自己沉迷于欲望中不能自拔,就要做单身好。想要得到家庭的温暖,老年时不离不弃的情谊,又不想付出,控制自己的欲望,那是不可能的。但是人有多种多样,有的人不在乎夫妻的情谊,那种灵魂相交,相依为命,互相扶持的猿分,只重视情欲关系,有的人本来就没情义,伴侣就是发泄工具,找到这种人,运气不好还是没眼光?
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什么人都有,出轨不是正常人需要,是不正常的人比较自私的人想在婚姻里外都占些便宜。这种人哪里都有,中国更多,加拿大不多,洋人有部分知道自己负不了这个责任,干脆就不结婚,不是很好吗,利人利己。
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发表于 2011-10-20 01:21 | 显示全部楼层
我的蒋公呀,我的中华民国呀我记得在你的领导下,我隔壁那老爷爷讨了3个老婆呀。现在的中国男人苦呀。{:1_124:}不仅不让多娶半个,连外面有个想好都不行。鱼子酱,你回国了,找了一下想好都不行。你哪那么自私呢。陈龙大哥说,不犯错误的人不是男人。陈龙大哥与吴倚莉还生了个小龙女呢,凤娇姐姐声都没出。你朗朗啥呢。又是要老公写检讨,又是要下跪。。。。。还拿到这批斗。{:1_124:}{:1_124:}+ l' _  v' ?2 w+ l5 l2 s
还是中华民国好,可娶好几个呀* s& R, v5 C$ `9 Z1 j

( z$ c0 V# K5 y4 D  ^。。。。。。。
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发表于 2011-10-20 06:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
本帖最后由 珠圆玉润 于 2011-10-20 07:42 编辑
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) f6 W( K8 z& R- z# N" p+ @* [1 AWednesday, July 15, 2009  K: L3 e% D" q) s6 n9 L' X& M
Marriage rates are in decline in Canada despite inclusion of same-sex unions
7 c( ]! V4 O( ^) k2 RStatistics Canada released its report on marriage statistics for 2004 today revealing that a total of 146,242 marriages were registered in Canada, a 0.8% drop from 2003.
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This drop is consistent with a downward trend in marriage rates since 2000.Marriage rates per 1,000 population, including same-sex marriages, breakdown like this:
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1 n* X7 ]) ]* R! i; N8 C2000 – 5.1
. K; y4 i  c2 T( h- @2001 – 4.7. s" h5 X, p9 _2 a. A0 `
2002 – 4.78 H$ ~8 X: q; v
2003 – 4.71 O0 G& ]5 Z! u
2004 – 4.64 ?( P% p" k& f) `

' D- U# g" O) CPrior to 2003, marriage was defined as the union of two persons of the opposite sex. Following provincial court rulings in 2003, vital statistics registries in Ontario and British Columbia started registering marriages of same–sex couples.  In 2004, subsequent rulings by courts in five provinces (Quebec, Manitoba, Nova Scotia, Saskatchewan, and Newfoundland and Labrador) and one territory (Yukon) expanded the number of jurisdictions registering same–sex marriages. A court ruling in New Brunswick allowed same–sex marriages, a month before federal legislation legalized same–sex marriages across Canada, on July 20th, 2005. Starting with the year 2003, Statistics Canada publishes data on three types of marriages: opposite–sex marriage, male same–sex marriage and female same–sex marriage. 0 _5 P6 ]% K# v+ h2 G

  X+ P; D4 N: p6 e, WThere were 1,369 same-sex marriages registered in 2004.+ {. I7 n$ d% x* ?4 C8 d

1 ~6 v5 F  Y% r6 M8 V$ s, X) `What’s responsible for this decline in marriages? Western Standard columnist Dr. Brown has an explanation that can be found here.
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Posted by Matthew Johnston0 L2 a& G8 \  S0 ^! w
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Posted by westernstandard on July 15, 2009 | Permalink1 D9 Y) B, j0 r" j1 s) T* U

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but the divorce rates are goibng up cause of the recession....
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Posted by: Patiently | 2009-07-15 9:13:51 AM
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I'm not surprised the marriage rate is down. The law profession and the feminists have done much to make the institution less attractive for males, particularly atheists. Maybe women who lean towards feminism should consider that the next time they're confronted with a male who won't commit.9 R( s8 |% N2 T! j; y! t# s

2 P; u& f  O6 N4 J6 ]! t9 vPosted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-15 9:33:45 AM
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"but the divorce rates are goibng up cause of the recession...."
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  N6 D7 s: \% iPosted by: Patiently | 2009-07-15 9:13:51 AM1 D  ?5 }0 K6 j- }# K- `7 h$ I
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Sad, isn't it? The one time it really pays to stick together, and people are splitting in record numbers.
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I know why this happens. Women get restless when their "provider" isn't living up to expectations. It's a biological thing, a way to protect the interests of the brood. Unfortunately, it usually ends up doing more harm than good.As I'm writing, there's an ad for "muslim matrimonials" on the side bar. Do they get double points for extra wives? The couple looks so happy. I guess she hasn't had her first beating yet.: g2 D% S; G+ b. q9 f& p7 _

# ]: S% y6 P; o: T, v  APosted by: dp | 2009-07-15 10:23:47 AM; p2 k/ [/ N5 U1 R2 S0 _: S8 {
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Statistics Canada released its report on marriage statistics for 2004 today.; r4 |! o) h$ f/ o! s" T4 Q) {
Posted by Matthew Johnston
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It's taken them 5 years to compile that info???& N9 t' ^: }1 v& X! W4 Y
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What is interesting is that gay marriage was less than 1% of all marriages. Didn't they claim that they were being discriminated against because they couldn't get married? Gay marriage is then made legal and hardly any of them get "married".
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( }. f  r: ^% pPosted by: The Stig | 2009-07-15 11:27:03 AM
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I am only common law with the mother of my child. And neither of us have any intention of changing that.
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2 b! H3 c5 Y; B+ k! T9 ?In my case: I believe that the legal sanction of marriage is a state excess. And I like to practice what I preach.Posted by: Mike Brock | 2009-07-15 12:42:01 PM) L8 Y4 c+ `+ r6 Z

# _# `+ W% E  b% G/ r"It's taken them 5 years to compile that info???"
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I thought that strange as well, Stig.
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Posted by: Matthew Johnston | 2009-07-15 1:08:07 PM0 Z9 p/ F2 C. H' H
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"It's taken them 5 years to compile that info???"
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It takes a long time to tally the data from any national census, Stig. The very first large-scale mechanical computers in the early 20th century were built for just that purpose. That's why you never see census data less than about four or five years old., J6 f, H! r( E, Z/ X; k3 G
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It is safe to say that had they been interested ONLY in data pertaining to marriage, and tossed the rest, we would have had the results much sooner.
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Posted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-15 2:15:47 PM1 M2 W. K- A2 b, @
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People are seeing that they are screwed tax wise as a married couple I think. Each partner responsible for the others taxes. Mind you this only applies to entrepeneurial types as wage earners won't be effected by it. But the more creative and productive people can see the downside of a divorce and even when there's no divorce, they still get screwed by Big Brother's tax department. Its symptomatic of the tacit, socialist war on free enterprise and religion.$ V( I0 N2 n% V2 g

0 {5 N7 w( ]& {: |* CPosted by: The original JC | 2009-07-15 4:19:36 PM7 ?+ ]  |4 a" Y4 X, Y7 o! ^# {
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What if marriages keep declining...? ' _/ V6 s& Q/ C* h9 C. B7 k6 j
Does anyone will directly suffer from that?, G( L; J4 x" x/ E6 W& E: R0 w
Is "not getting married" hold people from getting involved in long term relationships or building families? Before answering that, one might take a long walk around his neighbourhood to realise nature always find its way.0 ]1 v  C' i* \- D
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Social conservatives are pretty good to put the blame on gays, feminists and the left for the decreasing numbers of marriages, but they seem to forget the reasons why people do not get married anymore is precisely because the precedent system, where church and State were in the same bed, was a total failure and created very unhappy marriages.
! P8 K( ]0 U. rFeminism is a direct result from that era.

. W6 o3 z# r+ A, ZWould you prefer a country where people are forced into marriage?
6 c1 D2 N+ |/ W" c0 gDoes anyone here believe marriages will be ban one day or something?
+ @! y3 A7 p  `& z0 A/ BThis is a non issue or at best, a church discussion.
: F0 p  }$ A) C" E. ^6 a4 CPosted by: Marc | 2009-07-16 12:07:21 AM- P, @5 @* c8 O5 U/ e
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"Social conservatives are pretty good to put the blame on gays, feminists and the left for the decreasing numbers of marriages, but they seem to forget the reasons why people do not get married anymore is precisely because the precedent system, where church and State were in the same bed, was a total failure and created very unhappy marriages."
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: H; n* A8 t/ ^8 Y5 QThe Church did not and does not create marriages, Marc; it merely sanctifies them. Marriages were and are created by people. However, a new generation of (some) women has come to regard men as disposable meal tickets. Most divorces are filed over women; most are filed over money.6 O, ]2 A" [9 {/ i( o9 x2 M

5 s( x# a3 W! K! pIt may interest you to know that feminism as we know it is unique to North America. In other countries of the world, women are still making ingresses into the business and professional world, but watch with dismay the antics of their American sisters, whose conduct they consider bitter, boorish, and unfeminine. Hillary Clinton is a perfect example of this kind of feminist.: J& |" f# S( {! b, j8 Y
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Posted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-16 6:29:15 AM! M! Z1 s/ _  {- B

$ Z0 Q: ]0 n9 u  D, s( X" hSorry, most divorces are filed BY women, and most over money.
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8 I7 _7 p$ s! U, rPosted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-16 6:29:54 AM' L+ ~3 n" B1 W) s  c
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Shane Matthews,. g+ c6 c  v: S- _1 L" ~, B" q
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So women should act more "feminine"? Why? Because you said so?; G( t) ]. r/ o( N

% `. b3 ]+ @- V2 QPosted by: Mike Brock | 2009-07-16 7:29:38 AM1 N6 C1 f9 G0 V6 m

" ]& ^' Z! N) w% e7 L4 f& f% L9 \2 @"So women should act more "feminine"? Why? Because you said so?"
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) \" I0 b, }: [' sBecause MEN say so. At least, they should if they ever want to be wanted or trusted again. And women in other countries, even other Western countries, seem to agree. North American women are in the midst of a deep-rooted identity crisis they would do well to overcome.; c/ i7 f# b+ i" |9 d  V

. G) R* }% K. ^0 h& M: v) n) ?Posted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-16 7:45:45 AM
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1 S, X6 }1 K- d# d3 X* Q"The Church did not and does not create marriages, Marc; it merely sanctifies them. Marriages were and are created by people."+ ]% A  p* q* \" @* |! Z# k

& j; O% o5 y) v; ]3 e1 g  e6 HDr. Matthews,
4 S0 Z  b' \( v  M  H3 l5 }4 G0 xI never said marriages were created by the church; although the church still thinks it have the monopole of its definition. What I said was that under a very religious state and society we once were, the beliefs around marriage created very unhappy marriages. For example, marriage was the only option for young women wishing to leave the house they grew up in. It was also forced upon young couple who got pregnant. A divorce was a seen as a sin so a very unhappy woman was invited by all her entourage to shut up and stick with her premature ejaculator and wife beating husband.
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& x, e8 X: _8 H9 Z+ H. u% O8 hAnd I'm not even talking about atrocities like "Les enfants de Duplessis" in Québec where an "illegitimate" new born was stolen from the mother and given to the state, controlled at the time by religious authorities. They were considered as mentally ill orphans and sent to institutions where they were beaten and got their pipis’ touched.
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' `) e4 O0 o. b0 b; C) K9 lAll that, in the name of the sanctity of marriage.- v. h2 j9 o# w8 P4 {) R; u( |
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Anyway, even if I agree with you that feminism had created some vicious consequences, it’s important to remember where it comes from.& [$ _# `- `4 L  l& g7 i. |

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This said, I didn’t come on this tread to say bad things about the church.* f! b6 D2 I0 a; Y
I posted here to simply put in light that decreases in numbers of marriages worry only social conservatives.
; q4 ]- k! [! H8 [% ~Posted by: Marc | 2009-07-16 10:08:25 AM3 t) {4 I! L0 M+ v
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Marc,
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5 j- ~) o7 @0 J. p" cNever try to argue with shane, he know's everything about nothing.
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Posted by: Doug Gilchrist | 2009-07-16 10:49:34 AM- q3 v+ t( F+ J8 I
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Thank you Doug, but I already know Dr. Matthews.7 ?6 f& g# ~0 i" q& D# x/ _
You have to admit, however, that this full time blogger is the only one who can create such jewels.$ i+ K+ j5 l4 w1 C

" E& I2 u* @- _$ @4 _6 D+ Y8 xFor instance, here where he put the blame on feminists for the decreasing numbers of marriages while advocating they are the ones who profit the most from a divorce...2 `9 o9 d$ j$ d, ?9 l& {

0 m5 R4 N7 L" a) g  s9 RIf divorce was such a lucrative activity planned by the feminists’ camp, wouldn’t they be known as aggressive pro-marriage activists?
- [. R& a8 ^0 \. U" L" P% uPosted by: Marc | 2009-07-16 11:33:02 AM" b% P# [  G" t( ]" l5 Y3 _

4 x7 t! K) {# |3 i$ L) F"If divorce was such a lucrative activity planned by the feminists’ camp, wouldn’t they be known as aggressive pro-marriage activists?"/ D  L- v+ h  q

, Q" i- \# O% P! |Feminists value their independence from men above all else, Marc. If ever they do slip and get hitched, and then get buyer's remorse, taking their ex to the cleaners is the next best thing. Besides, if a racket like that became TOO obvious, it wouldn't work.! d" d. B  ]4 V. \7 T$ l2 k$ S
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I'm not saying women marry a man with the intention, from the outset, of divorcing him and collecting alimony. But there's no denying that feminist attitudes have thrown gasoline on the war between the sexes. Sympathetic courts that frequently favour wives over husbands only exacerbate the situation.$ y* a8 y% A* G! d5 k

! }* y. I& V. Y; L& S/ yPosted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-16 11:38:17 AM+ n5 O0 b, [6 C, _6 j2 W

' k, {0 d9 x% K" `1 p2 L"Never try to argue with shane, he know's everything about nothing."; [. K3 h% H3 o6 X
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No, Doug; you're not bitter or vindictive at all, are you? You've mutated into a loathsome troll, visiting only to indulge in a drive-by smear. The Red Star is a good place for you.* T% g0 ~7 |( q8 k0 q
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P.S. That one sentence contains no fewer than three errors. "Staff writer," huh? Did you have one of your underlings translate your semi-literate ramblings into something that looked like it wasn't written by a contemptuous 15-year-old?8 b1 A0 v% ]" A
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Posted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-16 11:41:39 AM
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"I never said marriages were created by the church; although the church still thinks it have the monopole of its definition."
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I don't believe any other major faith recognizes gay "marriage" either, Marc, nor do most reputable dictionaries. The definition is in better hands with these institutions than with aging boomer activists left over from the Quiet Revolution who have somehow managed to ascend the bench.: x0 I8 g8 J( B( Q& N

7 ]3 `; s# I, R) g; S; D"What I said was that under a very religious state and society we once were, the beliefs around marriage created very unhappy marriages."
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How do you know how unhappy they were? There are unhappy marriages today, too, you know. The difference was that in those days, even when divorce was legal, couples often remained together for the sake of the children. Nowadays children are weapons to be used in the vicious wars between embittered exes.
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# w) O4 l) d5 s2 e' T3 N2 h! X"For example, marriage was the only option for young women wishing to leave the house they grew up in."
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Not true. Women could become schoolteachers, seamstresses, live-in maids and housekeepers, nannies, and other occupations then thought "womanly." Spinsterism (which in those days set in around 21 or so) was frowned upon but not actively persecuted.
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' x2 t1 i7 S: A& E3 \"It was also forced upon young couple who got pregnant."7 X- ^" e# t9 o* M+ ?

+ o( Y3 A" z8 wNot true; there are numerous accounts of outraged fathers turning mother and baby out into the street to survive as best they could. And a shotgun marriage is preferable to dismembering an unborn child alive. Pregnancy in those days could not be ascertained with certainty until the fourth or fifth month, at which time there is no arguing that the fetus is just "a clump of cells."& r" \* X! K7 [

$ ]. D0 Y/ E3 v# R- ~"A divorce was a seen as a sin so a very unhappy woman was invited by all her entourage to shut up and stick with her premature ejaculator and wife beating husband."+ a% _6 }1 v6 Q
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Or a mild, meek man with his shrewish, domanatrix wife. Here you betray your own sexism, your belief that only men can be bad or abusive spouses. By the way, divorce was not seen as sinful by Protestant churches. Although there was a social stigma attached, it did not derive from theology. For that matter, divorce is not illegal in Catholicism either (although remarrying is).4 g2 s8 A- ~0 a8 d! t/ W
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"And I'm not even talking about atrocities like "Les enfants de Duplessis" in Québec where an "illegitimate" new born was stolen from the mother and given to the state, controlled at the time by religious authorities."
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2 Y. O% v, n- L1 `) d0 gYes, how very much better to give out free abortions, as many as the mother wants. Better to off them and flush the remnants down the toilet than risk hurting the mother's feelings. Québec now has the highest abortion rate in Canada, isn't that so?' N, s2 F- x3 F8 t* b: n

$ U3 t- b- u* |"Anyway, even if I agree with you that feminism had created some vicious consequences, it’s important to remember where it comes from."1 M- Z5 y! K% B4 J; r7 z

# N$ C7 ^, R4 Q- B3 ?' N6 ]1 |Yes. It comes from emotion. And emotion is not an acceptable foundation for public policy. Ever.7 `/ B+ r1 t$ j+ X

* ~! s, N0 V9 SPosted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-16 11:54:46 AM" p6 f+ O7 V7 F; \: A
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Hahahaha...
5 w; X) b7 l: _# HYou're so not getting the result you're looking for by twisting Québec history and modern society, your religious way.' Q- {8 C# k. m7 X8 O! ]. ]2 M

9 A" E! a* G% }9 F"But there's no denying that feminist attitudes have thrown gasoline on the war between the sexes."6 Q0 g+ ^# j1 I) r" m
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Dr. Matthews,& m* `$ j! x) L4 \' m% {' `
Women were not given basic rights for thousands of years. Yet, you keep trying to sell us they're the axis of all evil; just like a religious activist would do. I certainly don't believe some 40 years of "feminist attitudes" has inflamed a war between the sexes so therefore, I'm inviting you politely to find another friend to play along with.1 b8 P4 K: N3 \: ]  Y% Q
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Say hi to you wife for me, or maybe should I have more chance if a pass directly to your milkman...
3 x" U! {+ i5 o$ OPosted by: Marc | 2009-07-16 12:18:31 PM
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6 k; q  ]  O6 Q, R% f, A# ?2 GNice to hear frome you Shane. How are the unicorns and dragons doing in your world? Where can I get a dragon, I always wanted one as a pet.% L0 s7 W1 j; h9 [% K

9 X: W- p; s2 g# S0 QPosted by: Doug Gilchrist | 2009-07-16 12:45:35 PM8 \- f0 F* S4 V4 m3 d9 x$ j$ V
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"Nice to hear frome you Shane. How are the unicorns and dragons doing in your world? Where can I get a dragon, I always wanted one as a pet."0 [3 a/ V$ e6 s1 I( H1 o4 n4 J
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Try yo momma's house.
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Posted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-16 4:57:44 PM4 R3 K7 t  r0 U& @6 S; ~- D. y

0 V3 h  e4 X6 G, L7 \( z"You're so not getting the result you're looking for by twisting Québec history and modern society, your religious way.") k6 k+ e/ r  F

0 j+ n; J: u8 V8 R: H$ bNeither is Québec getting the result it's looking for, apparently; ever on the cusp of secession for what would likely be a very bleak future for a province that hasn't been in the black since Duplessis died.  p# a! ]" g  F  B& X* ?

- H- X" D& y6 s) Y' X$ f' q"Women were not given basic rights for thousands of years."- V2 g% i1 L! l' m( D, a  w- X; j1 s1 |

, Z/ S5 w0 s1 FNone of which the women of today have any claim on. You can't claim compensation for something that happened to your ancestors, certainly not in ancient times.6 a5 l+ I( A; O9 k, v4 c' Q0 Y
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"Yet, you keep trying to sell us they're the axis of all evil; just like a religious activist would do."
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They're the author of their own misfortunes, their own bitterness, their own unhappiness; I have never met a radical feminist who wasn't the most miserable, wretched, lonely creature you can imagine. And that includes those in relationships with milquetoast trophy men.
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"I certainly don't believe some 40 years of "feminist attitudes" has inflamed a war between the sexes so therefore, I'm inviting you politely to find another friend to play along with."1 ]2 Y! }( w1 k5 e/ Y7 y( c

& m8 Q$ `  C, Z# ^1 VWhat you believe does not matter.
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$ G$ r* G6 F% o* b! v' j) N% o"Say hi to you wife for me, or maybe should I have more chance if a pass directly to your milkman..."
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( W! o: P0 @$ ]9 YWhat's Québec's divorce rate again?+ Z8 N" `( Q/ m7 I

; `. ^* S" \4 k2 b4 z/ X2 QPosted by: Shane Matthews | 2009-07-16 5:02:45 PM
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Marriage is in decline. Abortion is unrestricted. Step by step our guns are taken away. Our criminal justice system has the toughness of a tooth brush. Gays are everywhere while Christians are being pressured to leave the public square. Our youth are rapidly abandoning christianity. Government sponsored human rights commissions shove political correctness in our face. We say that we support our troops but all we talk about is turning tail(which indirectly aids and encourages the Taliban scum).What are our choices? One, socialists who will tax and regulate the hell out of us while telling Christians to drop dead. Two, libertarians who will cut taxes and derregulate but still tell Christians to drop dead(be good little boys and never express your opinions publicly) We have now truly become worse the even Sweden. At least Sweden has some restrictions on abortion. Heck, gun ownership rates are higher there and from what I've heard less strict than Canada. In Sweden, the main center-right party(Moderate Party) is essentially libertarian. The main left party is essentially socialist(like the Liberals).Congratulations, Canada has now gone off the deep end! Sweden anybody!
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Posted by: Jeff | 2009-07-17 8:32:33 PM
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$ s7 H; x: B5 b7 ]& M& z' l9 m1 X6 n! \Jeff you're making some valid observations but your conclusions are wrong. Libertarians are NOT telling Christians to drop dead. We're saying you have a right to express (and be) yourselves, but not a right to force your thinking on anyone. That goes for all factions of human life. We preach tolerance because we can't demand rights that we don't concede to all.
+ B& H0 {/ @0 u( D4 Z; \- b2 rWe still say you have not only the right to property but the right to defend it also.$ W, K( e# N8 [+ ~  a& m

# a& V; C- o2 a0 bPosted by: The original JC | 2009-07-18 8:35:45 AM
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Funny, I married my wife before I had kids. It seemed right and I didn't want anyone calling my kids illegitimate or bastards. I guess that isn't any concern of some people. It will be interesting to see in 15 years how the children of these "common law" situations will feel about their family setup. What will the parents' reaction be if the children have issues with this arrangement.
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Posted by: Art | 2009-07-18 2:46:16 PM* Q7 j- y- E3 g

: p9 T9 p4 }, m& ~0 f; WDivorce laws have been changed in many many ways during the 20th century, where what we call "marriage" no longer is. It is no surprise then that men are refusing to sign such a fraudalent contract?. e- t6 K  {3 G$ s5 m

- j$ C  y: k+ |4 hWould you sign a contract where the other party can break it, yet you end up having to pay the damages for the other persons betrayal. For example no-fault-alimony decrees that even if your spouse was having adultery, you can still be decreed to pay her alimony. She can run a brothel from the family bedroom, and still get alimony plus half of everything. That my friends is a Fraudalent Contract.
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Facts and Statistics About Infidelity5 N. K; @! B+ A8 E0 N  T* }! J, ?3 N
Given the secretive nature of infidelity, exact figures about cheating and extra-marital affairs are nearly impossible to establish. But, listed below are some of the most well-supported facts about cheating. All cited sources can be found on our reference page.( d' j& J8 ~9 `* H/ X) D4 ~
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It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage (see, Buss and Shackelford for review of this research). And these numbers are probably on the conservative side, when you consider that close to half of all marriages end in divorce (people are more likely to stray as relationships fall apart; also see, who is likely to cheat).0 y, Q: _3 n- i; H, {
Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity (see, Anderson). And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers. DNA testing is finally making it easy for people to check the paternity of their children (see, paternity issues).- t* g& v9 k) y9 |, C0 {
Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity (time spent away from a spouse) and young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married (see, young and restless - Wall Street Journal).* \$ X6 e  W/ G
There are no definitive "signs of cheating." But, in hindsight you will always find them (see, signs of infidelity).) F5 z0 E8 G- U- d6 z; \5 t
Some cultures have adopted extreme measures to combat infidelity: female circumcision, allowing only limited contact between the sexes, and death as a punishment. While many other cultures view infidelity as more of a nuance, not a serious marital problem (see, cultural perspectives - Msn).% k/ L9 m1 l& L3 H
Men are more likely to cheat than women. But, as women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity (also see, cheating wife, cheating husband, why men cheat, and why women cheat).
+ ~: J- L  i. O. {4 zIn many cases, infidelity never gets discovered (see, cheating spouse quiz).6 F3 r2 H& X- {$ A
Emotionally, it is possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time. Pragmatically, loving more than one person is difficult to do (see, polyamory - Truth, Lies, and Romance Blog).0 U. c  m: h& ^& O: s5 t9 A
As more and more women enter the work force, "office romances" are becoming more common. Spouses often spend more time with coworkers than with each other.  h8 s7 t9 ]9 |3 z( N5 w3 Z" z
The internet, e-mail, and chat rooms are making it easier for people to engage in infidelity (see, online cheating).3 _; T, e+ A( j8 Z
The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice; instead infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one's emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their own behavior at the start of an affair (see, decision to cheat).- G. O' A( o- F, T7 w" o% N' I) C# e
Emotional infidelity, compared to just physical infidelity, can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering. And to make matters worse, most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal (see, what counts as cheating).$ J; G% g- H2 F: ~
Unfortunately, many people find a more suitable mate (someone they love more than their spouse) after they are already married.% [& G, _4 }+ M1 ]1 U; L( T2 Y
Biological evidence (i.e., research on biology and reproduction) indicates that long-term monogamy is difficult for humans to achieve - NOT impossible, but difficult (see, Barash and Lipton or the myth of monogamy - Salon.com).; a9 P2 y; B0 m7 f) S/ U" q5 }
Almost everyone admits to having fantasies that involve someone other than a spouse (see, Hicks and Leitenberg).; _4 n) m! Q9 C8 S7 m" M3 i0 y
Jealousy is such a fundamental, universal emotion because infidelity has been a part of our human nature for a very long time (see, Buss).6 H  K2 H1 F# _0 d% P, [( j0 Y
Didn't find the information you were looking for? Please, visit our common question page. * G% M2 y0 ]  M( d4 X9 t

0 I5 o' N. W- p4 O. YRelated Information:' l2 c3 J6 c! a/ Y" ?( _

! }- Z6 i( o- F6 s8 G6 scheating spouse - information, facts and advice
4 w  I1 A. B! W; C* ^8 xinfidelity and cheating - articles, links and resources
& H& K0 _5 X, W. T1 C$ wquestions about infidelity - National Healthy Marriage Resource Center
鲜花(2) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2011-10-20 07:10 | 显示全部楼层
同言同羽 置业良晨
“哈哈,我不认为人出轨是错,是正常的人性需要。”---,加拿大是保守国家,老外结婚还出轨的一旦被发现就分道扬镳,想出轨就不如不结婚,天天换男女朋友,没有朋友要很热衷于那件事也可以花钱,听说也不是很贵。 ...
( A, o  g: g- v: ?' e* O新移民123 发表于 2011-10-20 00:33
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人要遵循道德,也要明白生理。在道德的束缚下,人的生理会不健康的。- |# v& f) ~6 P( X6 s& Z; o
不过你说的是普通的中国人的道德观,而不是科学的健康的夫妻现代观点。没有别的意思,加拿大是保守国家不代表他们的思想保守,和美国是一样的。说老外结婚后不出轨的,我觉的不太现实吧,都是人,都差不多。看看他们的数字你会知道更加的多。老外外表上看不出来,他们闷骚。不是品质的事情,是生理的需要。从动物的研究上都能发现,能量高于对方的人,有偷情的行为,何况人了。 可人有道德一说,动物没有。如果偏要用道德来桎梏人的生理,我说点见外的话,这就是人类精子成活低的原因。保守和封建,开放和文明,和道德的定义总是在很多方面冲突着,而人们并没有发现,自然是最好的,人性是需要自由的。婚姻本身就是错误。
鲜花(93) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2011-10-20 07:53 | 显示全部楼层
同言同羽 置业良晨
本帖最后由 玉雪冰心 于 2011-10-20 08:55 编辑
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22# 珠圆玉润 # d& K; ]3 ~& R, r  r  f( V
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你来当缘版版主行不?咱俩换个位置吧!
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(3)
发表于 2011-10-20 08:33 | 显示全部楼层
人要遵循道德,也要明白生理。在道德的束缚下,人的生理会不健康的。
( I2 j6 `- s3 a7 X* R- \不过你说的是普通的中国人的道德观,而不是科学的健康的夫妻现代观点。没有别的意思,加拿大是保守国家不代表他们的思想保守,和美国是一样的 ...0 L, M  N9 |7 f4 D+ b0 }
珠圆玉润 发表于 2011-10-20 08:10

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有点象EDMONTON的李银河!继续努力!
鲜花(2) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2011-10-20 08:55 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
22# 珠圆玉润
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; N" R7 S5 L5 _ 你来当缘版版主行不?咱俩换个位置吧!
/ A8 _) a- t: P- c玉雪冰心 发表于 2011-10-20 08:53

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对不起,我比较喜欢做发帖的人,而不是管理的。版主位置太高,我怕跌着。
+ T- c7 y+ Z; n你比较适合,踏实 啊。踏实 啊。。。。。。哈哈。。
鲜花(2) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2011-10-20 08:57 | 显示全部楼层
有点象EDMONTON的李银河!继续努力!7 @5 i# \  j. B
00544 发表于 2011-10-20 09:33
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我最讨厌的话,就是说,你象-----。
- h% Y+ B3 y& e+ E1 o我只做我自己。傻傻的活着。一点都不努力。但也不泄气。哈哈。。。
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(3)
发表于 2011-10-20 09:40 | 显示全部楼层
还有一外国男人,弗洛伊德 Freud!理论也不错!
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 楼主| 发表于 2011-10-20 09:43 | 显示全部楼层
又是要老公写检讨,又是要下跪。。。。。还拿到这批斗。harrypen 发表于 2011-10-20 02:21

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您误会了吧?写检讨、下跪、批斗?我没有这样做过。大家都是受过教育的成年人,最多就是把各自的底线开诚布公的谈一下而已,体罚、侮辱爱人的这些事情我不会去做。您试过去真心爱一个人吗?试过爱一个人但是却被欺骗了的感觉吗?信任一旦被破坏了要重新建立信任很难很难,需要时间,需要行动去重获信任。可是他的所作所为并没有给我重建信任足够的信心。这才是我困惑的原因。
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2011-10-20 09:44 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
就算了吧,这种明摆着的脚踩两只船的人,不那么可靠。BY THE WAY, LD 是啥意思?如果是同居的话,那就更应该算了。明摆着过分的是他而不是你,你的要求已经给对方一次机会了,明显的没有收到足够的重视,如果你将来 ...
+ z5 ^  Z6 p, O+ g6 J2 Z, H1 \3 N青春没有尾巴 发表于 2011-10-19 15:44

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谢谢你, ld是异地的意思
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2011-10-20 09:46 | 显示全部楼层
也许,我有点超前----我觉的一个人爱一个人一辈子是有可能的,可是我觉得,一个人只爱一个人一辈子是不可能的。希望你能理解------人和人,男人和女人,为什么要婚姻呢,可能就是为了约束自己的行为和感情,可人本身 ...
2 z4 M# p' R* k& B  ]珠圆玉润 发表于 2011-10-19 17:44
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谢谢,我可能需要时间慢慢理清思绪,现在脑袋里很乱。确切的说是两个人婚姻观不一样吧,我会一心一意,同意期望对方也一心一意,可能就在这里错节了,大家的婚姻观不一样
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