我的作文，请修改！

老杨 · 发表于 2004-12-7 00:18

A Special Day

August 3rd was a very special day for me because it was the first day that I really contacted Canadian and felt very bad.
My friends and I drove to Banff and Jasper before August 3rd. The trip was very nice. We came back on August 2th evening. The car was rent from a company named “National Car” so we must returned the car in the morning of August 3rd.
I got up very early in that morning. I cleaned the car and drove the car to a gas station. In the gas station, I filled up the gas. One of my friends was already there. Because I didn’t speak English to Canadian before, so my friend have to go to the company with me for translate. Everything were all right, we paid the bill and returned the car. The lady in the company said had a nice day to us when we left the company. The sky was blue, it was really a nice day.
When I arrived my home, I found I lost my key. I went to my neighbor’s room and called my friend, “Do you remember where is my key?”
“Oh, I don’t remember. Maybe in the car.”, my friend said.
Then I remembered when I was driving the car I put my key in the box of the car. I told my friend, “Please call the company, my key must in the box.”
After 10 minutes, my friend called back. “I told them you lost your key in the car, but they said they didn’t have that car!”
I was very angry, I don’t know why they said they didn’t have that car. I decided call them by myself. A lady picked up the telephone. First, she said they didn’t have that car. After I told her many information about the car, she said, “Sorry, the car is us, but we don’t have the key now.”
“Where is the key?” I asked.
“The manager took the key and he is on the way to the airport.” The lady said. She said she will call me when the manager came back. I told my phone number to her.
My neighbor said to me, “It’s very strange. Your key is in the car and the key of the car is outside. I wonder if the lady understood you. I will take you to the company and you should talk to them face to face.”
When I arrived the company, I found the car was still there. I talked to the lady and I was sure she understood what happened. She told me that she didn’t have the key so she couldn’t open the car. She said she would call me back as soon as she got the key.
My neighbor took me to the place where my wife worked. My wife gave me her key and I went to Home Depot to make a copy.
After I arrived home, I waited for phone call all day but nobody called me. I didn’t understand why the manager took the key. I didn’t believe what happened.
The next day, I called the company. The lady said they didn’t find my key and if they found my key they would call me as soon as possible. I don’t believe them any more because I didn’t receive any call until today. I will remember that day because I was really felling bad.

莫迭儿 · 发表于 2004-12-7 00:23

有进步，句子比原来长些连贯和好听些！
请财神发奖金50。希望老杨同学再接再厉争取更大的进步！

connie · 发表于 2004-12-7 04:26

哇，老杨进步真快！！！100金币奖励作文的进步，并借以宽慰一颗愤怒的心！:D:P

[ Last edited by connie on 2004-12-7 at 06:12 AM ]

connie · 发表于 2004-12-7 05:08

A Special Day

August 3rd was a very special day for me because it was the first day that I really contacted a Canadian and felt very bad about it.
My friends and I drove to Banff and Jasper before August 3rd. The trip was very nice. We came back on the evening of August 2th evening. The car was rented from a company named “National Car” so we must had to returned the car in the morning of August 3rd.
I got up very early in on that morning. I cleaned the car and drove the car to a gas station. In the gas station, I (删掉) and filled it up with the （去the）gas. One of my friends was already there. Because I didn’t speak in English to Canadian before, so (去so) my friend have had to go to the company with me for accompany me to translate. Everything were was all right, we paid the bill and returned the car. The lady in the company said "had have a nice day " to us when we left the company. The sky was blue, it was really a nice day.
When I arrived at my home, I found I had lost my key. I went to my neighbor’s room and called my friend, “Do you remember where is my key my key is?”
“Oh, I don’t remember. Maybe in the car.”, my friend said.
Then I remembered when I was driving the car I put my key in the glove box of the car. I told my friend, “Please call the company, my key must be in the box.”
After 10 minutes, my friend called back. “I told them you lost your key in the car, but they said they didn’t have that car!”
I was very angry, I don’t know why they said they didn’t have that car. I decided call them by myself. A lady picked up the telephone. First, she said they didn’t have that car. After I told her many much information about the car, she said, “Sorry, the car is with us, but we don’t have the key now.”
“Where is the key?” I asked.
“The manager took the key and he is on the way to the airport.” The lady said. She said she will call me when the manager came comes back. I told my phone number to her I told her my phone number.My neighbor said to me, “It’s very strange. Your key is in the car and the key of the car is outside. I wonder if the lady understood you. I will take you to the company and you should talk to them face to face.”
When I arrived at the company, I found the car was still there. I talked to the lady and I was sure she understood what happened. She told me that she didn’t have the key so she couldn’t open the car. She said she would call me back as soon as she got the key.
My neighbor took me to the place where my wife worked. My wife gave me her key and I went to Home Depot to make a copy.
After I arrived home, I waited for phone call all day but nobody called me. I didn’t understand why the manager took the key. I didn’t believe what happened.
The next day, I called the company. The lady said they didn’t find my key and if they found my key they would call me as soon as possible. I don’t believe them any more because I didn’t receive any call until today. I will remember that day because I was really felling bad.

OliveOil · 发表于 2004-12-7 11:59

This one is like from a different person, comparing to your first one! It is incredible that you have made such a great progress in such a short period of time! Pretty soon, I am gonna have to ask you to correct my essay should I need to turn in one! Would you return the favor then?

OliveOil · 发表于 2004-12-7 12:00

A Special Day

August 3rd was “special” to me because it was the first time that I confronted a Canadian and felt really bad about it.

My friends and I rented a car driving to Banff and Jasper and came back on the evening of August 2nd. The trip was very nice. Since it was late in the evening, I decided to return the car to “National Car” the next day.
I got up very early that morning. I cleaned the car, got full tank of gas and then drove to the rental car company. One of my friends was already there waiting for me. Because I hadn’t talked to any Canadian in English before, I need accompany as my interpreter. Everything was all right: car returned; bill paid; we even heard “have a nice day” from the lady at the front desk when we left.
The sky was blue and the air was fresh—a really beautiful day until I was back at my door and couldn’t find my key. I went to my neighbor’s to call my friend, “Do you remember where I put my key?”
“Sorry, I don’t remember. Maybe in the car”, my friend said.
Yeah I suddenly remembered I put my key in the glove box of the car while driving: “Would you please call the company? My key must be in the box.”
10 minutes later, my friend called back, “I told them you lost your key in the car, but they said they haven’t got that car yet!”
I was getting very upset. How come they hadn’t possessed the car? I decided to call them myself. A lady answered the phone. At first, she said they didn’t have that car. After I gave her more information about the car, she said, “Sorry, the car is with us, but we don’t have the key now…The manager took the key and he is on the way to the airport.” She promised to call me as soon as the manager came back so I left her my phone number.
My neighbor thought the whole thing was too weird: “Your key is inside the car and the car key is outside. I wonder if the lady understood you. You better talk to them face to face. I’ll give you a ride.”
We got there and saw the car in the parking lot. I recognized the lady and was pretty sure she understood what had happened. This time, about the car sitting in the parking lot instead of running to the airport, she explained she didn’t have the key and therefore couldn’t open the car. She promised again she would give me a call as soon as she got the key.
It seemed that I had no way to get my key back right away so I stopped by my wife’s office to ask for her key and made a copy at Home Depot.
I waited for that phone call the rest of the day but my phone never rang. I couldn’t believe a word from the lady. Why did the manager need to take my key with him instead of leaving it to the customer service? Why was the car in the parking lot while she claimed it was on the way to the airport? How could a car rental clerk not have any access to the car but the manager?
The next day, I called the company again. The lady said they hadn’t found my key and if they did they would call me as soon as possible.
I don’t believe them any more as I still haven’t heard from them about my key. What made a simple phone call to customer so difficult? I just can’t forget that day which gave me a very bad taste about my experience with Canadian service.

老杨 · 发表于 2004-12-7 18:31

谢谢两位版主的热心指教！也感谢莫同学的赞扬。

顺便提一下，莫同学就用自己的金币奖励我好了。

莫迭儿 · 发表于 2004-12-7 19:12

Originally posted by 老杨 at 2004-12-7 09:31 PM:
% S' s) P! N7 r1 p* [谢谢两位版主的热心指教！也感谢莫同学的赞扬。2 n# |% R) \* E2 `

; L$ j3 o0 n5 i0 m; L0 y顺便提一下，莫同学就用自己的金币奖励我好了。

嗯，值得值得，看到老杨同学的进步，莫老师欣慰地笑了。奖了奖了，不多，就50！：P

sleeptiger · 发表于 2004-12-7 19:27

朝阳 · 发表于 2004-12-10 00:27

老杨，进步神速呀！

蓝海 · 发表于 2004-12-10 18:26

真是用功的好学生，语法进步大大的！

老杨 · 发表于 2004-12-13 11:24

My teacher correct the composition for me:

A Special Day
Yang

August 3rd was “special” to me because it was the first time that I confronted a Canadian and felt really bad about it.
My friends and I rented a car to drive to Banff and Jasper, and come back on the evening of August 2nd. The trip was very nice. Since it was late in the evening, I decided to return the car to “National Car” the next day.
I got up very early that morning. I cleaned the car, got a full tank of gas, and then drove to the rental car company. One of my friends was already there waiting for me. Because I hadn’t talked to any Canadian in English before, I need someone as my interpreter. Everything was all right: car returned; bill paid; and we even heard “Have a nice day” from the lady at the front desk when we left.
The sky was blue and the air was fresh — a really beautiful day until I was back at my door and couldn’t find my key. I went to my neighbour’s to call my friend lasted, “Do you remember where I put my key?”
“Sorry, I don’t remember. Maybe it’s in the car”, my friend said.
Yeah, I suddenly remembered I put my key in the glove box of the car while driving: “Would you please call the company? My key must be in the box.”
10 minutes later, my friend called back, “I told them you lost your key in the car, but they said they haven’t got that car yet!”
I was getting very upset. How come they hadn’t possessed the car? I decided to call them myself. A lady answered the phone. At first, she said they didn’t have that car. After I gave her more information about the car, she said, “Sorry, the car is with us, but we don’t have the key now… The manager took the key and he is on the way to the airport.” She promised to call me as soon as the manager came back so I left her my phone number.
My neighbour thought the whole thing was too weird: “Your key is inside the car and the car key is outside. I wonder if the lady understood you. You better talk to them face to face. I’ll give you a ride.”
We got there and saw the car in the parking lot. I recognized the lady and was pretty sure she understood what had happened. This time, about the car sitting in the parking lot instead of running to the airport, she explained she didn’t have the key and therefore couldn’t open the car. She promised again she would give me a call as soon as she got the key.
It seemed that I had no way to get my key back right away so I stopped by my wife’s office to ask for her key and made a copy at Home Depot.
I waited for that phone call the rest of the day but my phone never rang. I couldn’t believe a word from the lady. Why did the manager need to take my key with him instead of leaving it at the customer service? Why was the car in the parking lot while she claimed it was on the way to the airport? How could a car rental clerk not have any access to the car and only the manager did?
The next day, I called the company again. The lady said they hadn’t found my key and if they did, they would call me as soon as possible.
I don’t believe them any more as I still haven’t heard from them about my key. What made a simple phone call to customer service so difficult? I just can’t forget that day which gave me a very bad taste about my experience with Canadian service.

风潇潇水潇潇 · 发表于 2004-12-13 19:30

恩~很大的进步！鼓掌！！！~

莫迭儿 · 发表于 2004-12-14 02:26

我的老师修改作文基本只修改语法拼写错误,而不从修辞手法上给我们的作文润色.所以我的作文就提高不了~~~

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祝贺老杨！

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老杨进步可不小呀！！！

还是NORQUEST的老师好啊!