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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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/ F" Y0 ^1 |* j% J 1. Bring your own house., F( K& L3 r( I2 R: k$ O
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and' E4 z# w% u: _
hospital.
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: R/ i9 b+ @7 o) X- _$ F 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder$ N% t8 C$ v- `
capital of Canada .6 W+ U) i, X+ U' F5 k' Z! D- d
% g& a+ ^5 @' F, o0 k9 [ 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
& Q: H- {1 J7 B7 X: b3 zcapital of Canada ." C! J6 g0 g, [0 O( [2 U& j" s3 ]
- E/ y+ x' J* z; D 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
* L/ _6 j+ q* c$8.00/hour.
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. W, ]# i- {' p+ l2 y0 t 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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) O" _. S" K. z9 X8 {1 w 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money* F; F# a; a* X. j' e' H' ?
on a 15 year holiday ?% G! @& T" g8 p: N9 t
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
, B- }! l6 q) A- l( ?3 sprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)" r9 O% P1 X5 r* [+ B8 o$ v7 R
; `' o5 O9 I* ~10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come" X6 |0 M, G/ [* _
here sick.9 Q) P, K* p8 I/ V4 T' @
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
; P5 Z4 V3 x& M1 {) M$ U* Byears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.8 l) k2 M/ w; ]/ J3 H: B! o
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2 _* l3 I8 I6 d. [) r THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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% |) ]: Q: M2 A5 r) h1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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/ s; V D1 ^7 j5 A6 W5 Q2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour$ _* Y0 t D4 [8 R. w2 x& T
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its& v" a0 J8 g, ~+ V0 z/ C
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
" V" r0 q* j! Y1 V- S L0 P) Jmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires& E Z0 x* [% y4 @, \ {
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
2 w5 h5 E. T }; @' Uphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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- k! J, Z- x- p1 o' L2 @% b2 Q4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,5 w1 Y: a. N, K+ i! a" @& ^
cussed out, and possibly shot.# k# J- y0 Q( t6 F9 e9 b" k% N
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that7 Q4 r3 R7 l, \" [ ?7 b
can get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour, F+ I3 G3 z% w! |2 S
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
N8 n* U/ K, E! Y0 f0 E3 Gday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and/ f* a" i i; z! M
more construction starts everyday.) B: a( D. O% J u: j" f
. @: j/ _* v* E1 v& |* i0 N. k+ w 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,5 ?5 A. P! D2 e% r# q
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,6 k& K, Y) B1 b: e" e4 D
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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$ k/ v* G. o8 ^. W$ ~; _8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all2 U% r1 O! q7 T" N: v
the same road." P% y3 E; u E& I! S
. H0 N Q1 z+ g, o9 G9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
2 d, x# i. y! O1 l! x8 [& P% Dshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
8 ?( e& g0 Z& Z7 B" Z$ {zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
* K1 d0 o3 ^) N( y% N, Qaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.8 \- y6 P8 G; y2 H4 b
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
5 M/ _0 D- L' l( G0 Rlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
1 D* f' K: |! w0 Vblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
3 ~' S3 L. D: C tvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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