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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA( T3 M) X8 ~- w n" U
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and2 G0 r+ I9 ^- @& c# {
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .5 H$ _3 A0 V& e. O& t9 {
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug6 r. Y7 f" P' z4 v) Y+ I: S
capital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is/ Z Z1 Q$ \2 p) n( D
$8.00/hour.7 q- B1 m. F! X4 w2 n# y! I% C
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.7 m/ O- k: u& N$ N" n
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money9 m) k8 H3 F. i% Y
on a 15 year holiday ?" o0 R* O3 f9 a
2 w5 K, W1 m$ I% j& X4 d5 n4 @ 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas. D; J2 p- {% _# U7 d
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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2 {- D4 ~* e& y$ e$ I( ~10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come- O6 x, y" `. u! I
here sick.- [1 U& g* Z3 y: k, l% ^) }
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12! D9 @5 B7 l f$ z; f) \
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.' x5 j) [; D G3 a9 N
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :1 J( b( T! h0 X3 m( |8 d
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".( k; h7 W% b5 C" a+ C) x- N7 _
( L+ H2 g9 Q5 {9 k" h2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour" W: e9 k U) n% W
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.) F" q; O/ r W/ I: @" \
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
$ g" x' ~2 L9 l s1 fown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest. O9 g: B3 ]7 y6 P
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
9 P3 x3 u! W& R6 Xgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell" _4 I7 ?( i8 o/ l, @& X
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. A( n; O% m! M
_/ f; }+ W' ^4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,+ e( D* b" H/ A1 T
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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. I, E" r; A; P3 Q5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
$ v) w+ w- c) I U! `2 |* f( N: pcan get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
( \6 ^; V# z/ K/ U% \barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next8 E, Y S- t9 ]& }, k! X, q4 @; a
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
7 Z; | b! c% S3 S1 G+ L/ o" }2 tmore construction starts everyday.8 B) r% L, u9 S p* |
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
+ v: ?2 T( Z5 l/ _5 hdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
4 q+ @: J) H* h# e- e, A9 m) ]% Hsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.; c7 [% C) ^8 h6 C# \0 p; I
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all. @; S. d& i) y* S# v
the same road.4 I4 Z; l; I, d. O' ?% H
8 E5 S- l: a: `0 m) n9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the4 g0 U2 i( w0 L* c3 o! d! c
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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& `6 ~$ ~+ q# W0 o1 K10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km- x/ P/ Y" p4 r% a
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
5 C' W/ X- u) U" a! i G( h' Waccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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) ]0 _4 \3 G, h% O11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur! M' b8 {/ o* ?2 F4 J
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and2 j9 w2 F( Q2 I
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
, q9 y- k( x5 d- d3 jvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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