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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA2 f' c# H; L- D% ^; O5 y( f! ?
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1. Bring your own house.: r& j( c( @# m/ |" x4 d; f
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and* w+ u4 O( ^; C& d
hospital.
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2 N; Q' a) j; D9 I4 l/ P 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder' V, {' d9 Z7 e6 Y& w6 }
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug$ T) B# D7 Y: i% s# P+ g9 U) [" t9 {
capital of Canada .
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+ M+ Q( U, p8 p 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
1 D1 G: q5 E) g: _ L! {$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.9 `' ^0 [0 W/ h" b+ Q
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money8 d. z4 W! Y5 S" l) M
on a 15 year holiday ?
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( H- l. A) J; C 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
7 O- K. j( W* {" k! \# i; _prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come8 f% h- P: P8 ~3 k
here sick.
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: ]6 H. i* f4 f# ]11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
/ S' Z# O# S$ r" K( `4 o( P6 {years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone. |" ^$ y- ~4 g: t8 i; k! h3 b) `
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( K" R! K+ L4 n# b6 }+ F THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :8 t9 y! t% G* P
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".) }8 N S8 ]6 Q3 K. b- K
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
' l! @% { L- [' J8 c6 ]is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its6 C! V8 t1 A3 O* E' I
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest5 a( o2 O2 _; Q+ S1 g
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires, ?! H+ Q2 x( L `# |9 r7 Z# K5 k
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
4 ~" H5 q1 P( J/ f4 M' uphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
3 U5 H" A7 O/ s4 `cussed out, and possibly shot.& ]2 z- Q( h3 T/ D5 e6 X
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that( K2 E' r3 ]" o' z$ s& M
can get you shot.# K+ K/ p" J3 @/ A- B- T& L
8 s+ \$ i0 i2 p& Q- B0 _+ e/ w6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour* C4 q7 E# ^& i; Q& P+ l( N8 X
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next$ C! {4 u) {, l
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
' d. A, F% Z, r6 I) I+ C& smore construction starts everyday.; {3 K& H1 ^ A1 q) C- ^
8 G! Y7 A* ?4 N% p4 a( A 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
8 v, J4 [9 K5 B' r: N& M# Qdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,' A- \& G/ e6 b9 m# S5 H
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items." ?% N" o" w6 l2 G( I/ N
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all' u; S0 k6 x5 ~: o/ ` J7 Z
the same road.; J( h5 E: p0 r' K- g& |
, { i, r' I1 X% P9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the( ^7 j( V* G. V# ]9 K9 n/ W P- p
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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: \9 T9 S+ s# }. Y# B10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
9 M+ @$ g: o3 f& x& }: R& t8 qzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
" U. L/ s" d2 s8 Q8 t- I" vaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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+ D; \6 { O6 G7 s11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
! ^$ r8 C2 W3 o3 qlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
2 ~2 y6 u1 J+ B+ lblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is) ?/ K6 m! M/ L8 T8 \
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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