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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA. c+ @4 U8 e& o) h& W$ w
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1. Bring your own house.
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% r* E& x u. X) [$ y 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and" m) T5 Q# n% {. S" C) J
hospital.4 c; C4 x% c" X5 X5 C8 ~/ U! M
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder9 n7 N; V& P, _/ C
capital of Canada .
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1 w8 i3 R1 G' p {% D$ H 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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8 j; z% k) g# q# j q) P3 f" z& t 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug, D* k( q W# t6 E# w- V, k
capital of Canada .
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6 c3 V9 M2 x4 J5 o* b 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is/ m' R4 k# @2 Y9 G
$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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" ?0 \/ A: v% U4 K7 T8 }, C 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
% e8 S5 L' U0 @on a 15 year holiday ?
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0 I+ e' K" D8 P1 } 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
$ K1 R8 l9 e5 ?prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage). [2 R2 u1 F% t
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
1 r2 v& G5 ~! J+ phere sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
, k' V- E# i1 Ayears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.* r# r" C- K& {4 k# K5 P
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
3 h" Z1 A5 W) ?4 a6 ois from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
, _# C" m: i; X) @) gown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
' U. g( P+ L/ Mmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
+ G$ B! E" j% D& T1 sgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
7 X6 S5 A& X+ l. Q$ ?1 R6 z- G% p2 L6 vphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
+ P1 v0 l5 g) X/ ~* c D( Lcussed out, and possibly shot." O, w& @% J5 T8 L9 o ?+ n
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that% K9 a1 s' f, s& d+ M
can get you shot.2 D$ K' C( r. Y$ m
/ }9 J- K8 R1 f6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
* a8 }8 ^& a9 _5 k0 I- Zbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next# {2 @" D& [' M& g4 S
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
1 f$ H# d3 l& O/ Q" v0 X) i" x: ^- s6 emore construction starts everyday.6 N1 N: a; }" R
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,& _. g+ D0 N! p0 c( J; I
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,( ^8 u. t0 ?% j/ b" ^3 M! N% Y5 \) ~2 B
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
$ I' L1 z4 A- M- W& Ithe same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the% t1 {7 i6 x" X7 M) U) ]+ K
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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1 |: \' H* F* |' {) Q6 }$ q, D10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km, o2 e$ z1 [4 S8 G8 U8 l& m
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
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8 `& C/ w& _; X* U3 Z9 g$ v9 _11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur% ]6 L9 e+ ?8 n1 U0 R: @
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
- R* n1 S% E% Q, o7 Bblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is9 s( S5 j: o0 y1 c. j- E7 @
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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