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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA! @, m8 R4 b& X1 k$ z
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and9 S7 b1 N B9 |% R( l: c" S
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
+ O" w+ B4 B: {5 s4 v8 Z# fcapital of Canada .# Z4 O0 ^1 k+ T N* J! w# B. N
& c; l3 ?; i! o9 i. y& ?0 z; a7 g9 k. O 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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+ ? v, q3 Q; \1 A) U 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug* h, b: f/ A" t
capital of Canada .+ Q0 |0 l% O* a
2 q, p) K: V" j 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is$ e: e8 a% j- B
$8.00/hour.6 G+ M+ `$ s' a6 {3 m& Z5 w
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.7 T7 I6 l, ]3 K
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money9 B3 h) j; K! V
on a 15 year holiday ?8 F% y1 o. {) L5 I& n# R/ U
" B5 G8 d; B r" i8 F! T9 t$ ?; n 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas; B- @: y& A2 i0 V9 q1 _
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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- [$ T2 K- L" w3 |' U( T9 }7 N10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come, K6 J- ]4 r+ F. E @9 Y0 n, }( `
here sick.8 @/ g8 a) |. g# d' a
3 q2 O- Q( M" G; W& z6 H11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12; p0 P6 { H% S8 g, V8 Y
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.2 p& R2 j: ^! U* |
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :% @* o/ A* ~7 I9 L$ B4 O6 u- J
* \. h& e {. [' y( j5 I3 H1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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/ k$ O6 c) q% }* D; b) c. O0 ~2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
2 i! X# e5 J$ Q: O, [0 Ais from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.9 S2 @ B5 N( {$ c
, V4 @ [8 l+ ]: [" B2 _8 L0 l* o: y3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its& q1 x* r% p; p0 U4 s6 ?& ~
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest0 E) s( s% b" [. E8 M$ M5 g$ F
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires! ?1 S. A5 w7 N9 {, Y" S- i
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
) t' i# o" L4 Q- y9 T& qphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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, H, E A% d- L, ?( A4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,7 b' K- _# I1 p$ g
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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2 Y" b7 S8 H# s) e; B6 y& j5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
$ ~' Q2 w- @( ^9 [can get you shot.; E7 Z- c7 T+ V; h. @
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour2 ^& P# o& j2 |1 T) G
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next: Y! O% N3 y4 V3 a* ~
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and5 l$ `7 F9 z/ N' e e; b! z/ U
more construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,, W# s( P! X" E5 k
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
- V/ U- M' L$ I1 Gsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
, ~7 l7 h$ M- g/ c Ythe same road.
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' q: f# @& O3 G3 S9 N. |& F- I0 D9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
+ A( ^& ~- H& H$ Y# i" hshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
$ c8 t, S8 `$ W# c5 Y6 W# j0 sactivated."2 K2 v8 W1 t9 N3 x" w. w7 V; r7 w) f
% |' O+ @) P& O- g( k, `) a1 w10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
! ^* x& h8 s: c! Q$ Vzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"3 J' [: b* i9 `& I
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.7 J& {! ~5 `4 P; Q% f5 Q6 |
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
R4 k: b+ m- r+ X( }: q* p; Flined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and. D2 y$ y$ A& B% F! |: D
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is8 P# T) V, r: T9 `: P- U
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
