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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA& x q! u; W0 G& V
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; m; i, X5 P; ?7 O) d/ q 1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
3 p2 J# Y3 X# B/ {! I4 Ccapital of Canada .
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/ U/ `) V1 L5 |% S" E 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .& `% E, c W t- Q
* i1 _! e) b0 B 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug& }! E# o9 H% P/ e
capital of Canada .! i. @' P& u4 B. O, d0 r
, f6 J5 i9 I7 Z) U7 ?: z 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is: U5 g# N+ z9 M4 k* a# k) c. T6 X
$8.00/hour./ |8 f! Q w$ B& r4 e8 x
4 l: t# r2 A/ x5 l! x 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.# M9 E6 J, c5 \9 C) t
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money' [2 q' s' O: W. B2 u/ d: G
on a 15 year holiday ?; o9 v" `$ _( m, z; L5 Z4 x
3 A X" G0 x, ]! L3 U8 P 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
' ~5 M% q6 ^ g6 p, w2 B8 m) lprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage): c9 ]0 w2 w- M; |% F; N
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come; L- i5 M% P2 {1 E
here sick.# ~# u/ g0 Q2 f1 W: l
( D+ u" F4 ^ d& F, W$ N# l! @3 Q11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
% }/ W6 W' x, s& g$ ?5 c! d4 Wyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.; C, h9 X8 m: ~" L; M
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".7 [+ R% n6 ^) e% L
& w- X2 x6 y" E' p1 l: R2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
% O' M9 ]4 z* p- dis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.; A# w% W7 W6 s/ P" |* f, x$ T: `
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its) H5 s+ r! }+ [
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest2 y2 w9 `! ?$ F
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires" W }" S) p/ q; c, P
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell9 \$ A8 S/ V# u7 ~
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
8 d1 Z& l+ I& `& v, wcussed out, and possibly shot.- v" O) A; e; @1 ^0 g; D9 m5 J
4 i4 j( T" Y0 ?# T2 v5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
5 s' j5 u0 O( I* T0 {3 Xcan get you shot.
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+ E* q" \" P5 y6 x+ b7 q, O( ]+ h6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour0 m0 t4 U( Q/ D% z. w5 O1 R
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
2 n* T' V; E5 q: x- h1 s4 pday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and0 w* Z8 q. U- ?
more construction starts everyday.5 a6 p0 u' C6 K: {
5 i- x4 L, R4 g" ~ 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
, d) o! w/ y) A7 h0 }/ Edeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
) Y1 b$ v. g( Psquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.1 J3 x9 b" }- |) W0 ~
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
) ?/ f& a" Y2 Xthe same road.
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8 {" M" l$ G$ V# I' W% G9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
' R1 E! ^/ @ r* zshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally$ }2 r7 R/ w3 j" q$ l
activated."8 r0 _) y: O0 l7 K- w% p
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km( F1 _+ {3 X" X; A, z
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"# A0 p1 k5 R/ }) p q! I" E' ~
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.; O9 R) U9 F) H# s7 m0 a1 w0 O& P% L
5 f9 W& t# D5 Z3 F) r11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur, Y: M+ ?! \/ v: _7 N8 p
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and# j/ n3 {+ n8 [
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is+ R/ Y5 Z1 N2 `3 o1 h
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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