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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA" s& E4 O2 l9 W$ R2 u
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0 |+ n# A# v" B# Y5 }% Y2 G 1. Bring your own house.. C7 I7 C7 e! G: J2 y
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
) a" U5 V4 e$ Z2 G5 ^4 }hospital.3 K# i9 s5 h! X( ` l# X
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
% o% s. l! D) y; |" ~capital of Canada .
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, ?# k+ [+ ^9 A' U2 i% x) v 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .* L, C+ f) B. f
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug6 S E+ Y' }: d
capital of Canada .
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0 k8 _. b5 l& p 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is& B X! e" z) x. x* {& O6 t
$8.00/hour.! R! y7 T7 J1 c$ \) E* z3 d s
; N q8 t) c, ] 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour./ V0 p6 Z$ |: {$ {% p
- J& w. {8 \' W 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money8 G' }$ v2 S9 D& [; F2 x" b8 J, X9 ~4 o
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
/ X# z2 c' c/ g# }prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
" @& A, P. Z+ A6 t) y$ Ihere sick.
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) s' l, g* W1 D1 a* \) W3 _+ Q# Y11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
( C0 S/ \" ?" S. }5 Xyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.- ?5 [1 ^; S! p4 \9 v
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
- D2 r9 j! w2 yis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.. h$ H7 u6 R ^+ G! |# i$ Z, v
1 [2 ^2 d; N S" X E) X5 R- ]3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
3 K& L* |+ X% _' u: E- i) fown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest: A5 Y! D0 C# U8 y/ Z% B( m
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
" Y& m2 X" o8 y, y* g; `( ygo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell [4 \/ p" X6 d6 W: l. }
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.6 Q; ], B2 Y% V5 ^1 u1 H
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
0 n3 j) z% G4 q7 [/ qcussed out, and possibly shot.8 L9 Z8 ~+ d% I# x3 |9 V9 @
& R' w+ o. R K1 n5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
+ y1 {+ K3 b/ F$ ?2 hcan get you shot.! r' j8 ^' E4 A" P: U
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour1 ~6 Q7 {* O L* F2 S2 y% C/ I* R
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
* W: i0 o& e5 S" Oday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
7 n1 \( _1 m; N) x) _9 Z5 C. _( tmore construction starts everyday./ T0 e% O+ F. @
+ \$ Q/ ^/ x! F& l) g3 Q 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
# E" M1 a9 L; Ldeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
! M5 X( u; g; K$ G4 r) Fsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.5 o; W7 }8 B$ e8 ~2 J$ a. a
# y; S) X9 c: L. t4 y8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
4 U$ c' y0 U- j) Mthe same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
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activated."
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km: ~4 T$ C# j0 }! c4 K. @+ `
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"2 K8 j' \5 j$ e7 F
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.+ ~8 F8 q; @2 a0 U
% B r& v6 D0 f: D9 _) @6 J: I11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur& B5 K) _1 e4 _5 L1 o: e' {
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
t* u: l# g3 Q9 r2 jblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
3 x8 I! K& M: }: w0 }6 v9 v- }0 h7 Qvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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