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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA/ Y8 {' _2 g9 y9 f! E% X: N
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7 ]& t' y3 S# k9 t1 r* B: W 1. Bring your own house.9 O: u2 j! A$ ?4 I+ z9 N o8 x
9 w1 n$ `; R* X. k4 |: Y& R3 }0 S 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and; L$ j6 J8 g6 X0 ~
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder9 s8 @2 Z* s3 p4 k% I0 a# b
capital of Canada .
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) i k4 K2 ^/ W# M2 f 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
# G/ o+ G) J, b3 l, ?" ccapital of Canada .( n$ G" s& @' `+ F1 h
. k0 \) ]1 R7 Z) J' v) M( j. u* z' Z 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is: o5 W% Z3 V# y5 s% m. j7 P
$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.2 S& \1 x) j' k! d0 r
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money/ W1 P y( F0 y
on a 15 year holiday ?
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" t" z$ O+ m. m" l/ ` x 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas! ?, N( l% E2 R" S4 ]" p2 b
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
, t8 ^; I1 B. t) C8 c. myears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.) r) [ S) @! F) p* {
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# U: o& Q' l9 |# S* p0 b, X THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :& J1 D+ f4 Z& e$ j! m
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".6 N$ Z& _0 f6 j" s }
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
1 X5 U+ ]: m, j! E7 p9 yis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning." P/ h" `- U9 q u
! ?2 {" a4 N8 w3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its1 U0 J; {0 t* ]4 q
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
' u9 a* q' n( m3 G6 a$ Xmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires n7 B ~9 N3 v' \! f
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
5 M( l, C; b& {" Z, _2 w2 r% J. E/ Wphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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% @, f% G0 A$ z4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
1 I! }7 d) k; I9 _cussed out, and possibly shot.% F0 ^) w) R+ ]3 `0 a& W2 g8 Z
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that& m6 P; t0 }/ I* r% Q. ]( q
can get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour$ R& F/ B1 x+ v7 k; n3 g$ k
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next0 b- i6 k0 M! W6 W0 J
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and3 b4 [" p; L5 U7 }2 ~$ D
more construction starts everyday.
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$ t7 p1 M- W4 V4 l) ^) \5 n% J0 j 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
0 V* D3 O5 _" Z9 L& U! Q/ Edeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,8 E% m" Q& N& g' |
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.) {5 R9 T0 K% [$ i$ `" F
6 B4 F7 M0 S$ `8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
. Z! y2 c, z" E/ G( Hthe same road.& {! {4 f8 R% i6 _
. d; Z3 D, [1 ^( v9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the( u1 I$ g4 D, e. l( x
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km0 K3 q C u& C+ H) l" g p
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
6 e+ o9 l$ {1 E [& laccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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& M {. P( ^9 u0 w11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur9 m7 B; q' S) i/ p
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
" @/ ~1 g; T' \: ~* o% mblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
# C( u9 [ X6 Nvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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