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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA/ v1 ?+ Q+ L4 X. X) n
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2 n9 _' [9 p+ h3 F& p% w1 K 1. Bring your own house.0 @/ K4 K; W9 Z4 K6 |: z
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and0 c, B, j1 }$ t6 c& N# F
hospital.: Q- M' o' n5 g" o8 L: T; [. V
! o# K# K6 ]0 K3 I7 d v 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder# ?! v& \7 W$ X% L' H5 ^- u& Q# v
capital of Canada .
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7 l3 E' j4 d; l- Q9 C 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .* s0 W& x1 c0 A( A% L" z; o
+ d" n8 ^4 \% m! N: |& N 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug/ K4 F! l/ }' Z+ v
capital of Canada .$ a1 u3 j8 y' ]
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is- D: f( X7 Q- N) H1 ^
$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.5 `, N" D% K$ a! t
' n9 C8 ~0 }9 S0 k+ r: F* C 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
$ f1 q. Q! l7 t2 A9 v# `0 v; e( U$ Ton a 15 year holiday ?9 E1 k% F! A' U: s" h
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas+ i+ |; @, h7 V7 U; O* f3 L# @
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)0 G Q' n- {2 ^
( m& L: q8 o, T9 q2 a10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come' Z9 y/ d4 e( b/ d
here sick.* d7 L5 [3 x7 a9 d3 q; M+ M9 e: W
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
: |" H, T* D; g2 @; w- Gyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.4 O3 P% T& M/ E; t/ p1 r7 Q% W+ j
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :7 P: [: S2 Q5 ?4 {1 C) Q- J1 v
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".7 e+ F" w& r( C0 R* h$ l* f6 i1 \) B" M
- a4 N6 A* J% A# r5 P, Y2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour1 B% {/ Y" K) P6 W! ?% z
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.( V( ?+ i4 b( b
4 \6 E4 x* ]5 r( C& D# b3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its6 m1 B* e( M) j& g1 T
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest& k8 G: S: e5 }' G
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires6 J+ l2 |8 u2 }
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
* |2 v; k6 ~" c8 R( M3 cphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.( g u7 T3 P# L7 X" A
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,/ z2 h$ r7 t. } V0 _+ w
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
5 J ?, p* L5 F0 i+ b: Mcan get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour) ]- g8 E# v7 g7 _6 N% W
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
6 u* T3 ]9 n8 H4 z& v. G) fday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
2 x2 y) D2 u% \, t! cmore construction starts everyday.6 H, @3 Z- ?8 } X& j, Z
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,4 y8 R3 i. s$ u/ A
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
0 D9 S) s! `9 m H1 Xsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all! v% Z7 k3 [6 ~/ j5 Y
the same road.: S2 W; T; T0 r
9 g0 m. V |7 ~ ^& B0 Q! q u5 z9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the' P8 W1 ?& ~% k. l
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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1 P9 b6 O2 D! [10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km1 D8 }; H' V8 U8 S0 d
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"6 o; }5 |8 i) M/ z/ M
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.' r% B6 a: u) A# U4 C f5 X5 R
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
% D/ M0 u, V: ?$ E( M: b" P4 C8 o4 `lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
7 ]" X8 z Z& }" \blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
' \5 W8 _4 G& l8 Ivirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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