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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2 ^2 z, e) {6 G" Y 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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z$ O5 v l! S3 h/ a b) S 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
) V; |* M$ q4 p( q Fcapital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .3 R/ L' [9 a' S( H1 M
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug) f' I8 o4 o6 ~. N- M
capital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is; B! b4 X& z9 D" X* o
$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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# i; h8 V6 g# E, Y$ B1 u- Z 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
2 v5 g6 ^2 O0 l3 d+ F( ?5 @2 [2 Uon a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
- r3 K) Q& f( {$ V- G" Lprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
; F! q/ T& S+ U- j# ihere sick.! u# z; @, \. E0 z- ?- a( u3 ]( v
6 s X' W! g: I8 p) O1 X7 W11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
: F$ |& n' J# S, N9 f* n7 u/ Byears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :; y* k m# o* T! y
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN "., x& m! a3 Z6 x, g. x, i
" A# X+ t. k# Y3 o3 {2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour0 b+ h6 Z/ I2 m6 {& i- I6 U# D0 _
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.7 [7 q9 Z( ?( ?# v+ `8 ]
/ Z+ o7 @4 i4 z3 m; ]+ y; r3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
2 S+ ^1 w$ {+ N* A1 _own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
, a2 \4 [' O5 o- i4 fmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires1 O1 V( {$ B6 S6 M8 j3 D
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
/ U) m: x5 b7 j% }; Cphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,% Z( I4 {% z0 o1 r% Z. }; T, m
cussed out, and possibly shot.. P' K, O' V4 Z3 ]
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that% C' D: Z: Z$ b1 m+ e0 y
can get you shot.
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" ]8 d9 o& T" D4 }4 H7 t0 `% s; a6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
6 Z, C1 K, b3 g9 \barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next2 C0 p9 {3 k) W% h$ G
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
! L1 ?/ V( T% a$ l6 G1 qmore construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
5 g* O$ h. F# P; j) z, r% Cdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,5 ^7 `7 g( i# F6 _" t
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.2 l/ Y, }5 H& ^- h3 H9 f& P
- K" C3 m h% N9 u3 f/ O' T% z8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all& i. b. I9 F \/ Y( G# `3 r) _7 p
the same road.9 f4 L* i3 A0 q" u1 t
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
1 ~8 t2 L$ o5 l. q4 wshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally9 \. S/ @( Q; w( ]
activated.") k2 _) F& y1 G0 |; D
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
* C6 L; V3 L% ~zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"' R$ U3 n7 G3 \) O6 k
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.8 t$ s( s$ d. G O' P! r# e3 k7 c3 y
+ n% D: p# v* b2 ]6 f4 G! A, [11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
1 n$ W5 {( Q6 f) C* N" M6 Slined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and f6 s) P# d; K& Q0 n+ j1 h
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is c q, k' K+ o! m! {: A5 d j& Q; c# F
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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