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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and$ d! Y% L9 a% U- t* I: b
hospital.! H2 M( m4 B# i6 u
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
( P P! a% X* [, P* \capital of Canada .; T8 |+ d6 ~2 R& M4 P$ ~4 b5 z$ j
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada ./ c6 K9 ~0 E& l7 a
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug7 Q1 b" X& W( _: B" j: D
capital of Canada .2 p! K5 Y v# Y$ o/ m7 p8 `% ?
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is0 n: C" D8 \5 x/ o( L: U
$8.00/hour.
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! L1 w w3 _0 N" ~6 `! P! K 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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; X1 T: E4 l6 V6 R/ f# B 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
0 K/ b9 ^& |+ d+ n5 D' Zon a 15 year holiday ?! e8 ]+ z: Y3 F0 m1 `
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
: U; ]. m7 [# b; |0 [/ oprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
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4 G0 O( H# i* L" Q' o' Y6 P6 g- }11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
2 e; _+ _% E( s8 ^! q( W3 ?8 q6 Iyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.7 Y) o7 W/ z4 R9 N/ q: _, d! P/ Y
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/ t- z- d& h1 u THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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4 C4 f% w2 K+ q w' S2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
- D/ G" D1 x% jis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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. g+ g5 B6 P2 s( p9 ?" N& J3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its) d6 i/ _3 O3 P
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
( K1 d% g* i" K* smuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires! m2 z" B: s H$ x
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell, h; P# }- X. V
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
3 ]$ W& d/ k& B# M* Ccussed out, and possibly shot.
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3 h6 A# M" [) Z; ?, K5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that. [. ?. X0 o) P$ G6 a7 }
can get you shot.
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9 n6 \% F! Q5 [5 o6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour) }4 R2 a: D8 o4 F7 Y3 R
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
: D+ O! h7 a9 k5 t( ^6 Fday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
$ Z9 s1 y8 Y/ F. S% v$ P! Smore construction starts everyday.; F$ w$ L4 C/ d1 z- v
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
- d+ Q1 x H4 u/ ~! pdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,0 y5 {' t5 J8 p& O" V" @/ w/ @
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.! @ O# B. M- w7 m8 s5 i
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the. M$ h) f9 g" x2 u2 C
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally* z1 Y# R7 e( s) a8 X* n0 L
activated."8 ]4 |4 I. W3 g* ^5 U, Q" x' X
2 T; o1 w- i" f: L5 x% f' o' y10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km9 K/ w. O# J8 O# q+ ?
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
' L+ l) I, W! Uaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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6 v1 y( ?1 N4 n* i! E11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur. N! h0 W& H1 s/ w" T* l2 N4 c
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
& U! [7 A; b# D/ ]blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
! Z u4 t1 u9 G- |5 |0 `0 u1 h. Lvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
