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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA: A6 n$ t8 Q3 ~. h! Q
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1. Bring your own house.
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! k9 Y% U! q0 Z8 V( Q 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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3 Y1 |3 L0 u+ [+ z: X, R( X 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder2 ]) z, U0 t. {& X, [" x
capital of Canada .# P% P7 z$ T2 k# s( a
) r2 x2 S1 R1 c2 W 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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$ A4 M( i/ m+ m 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug4 X% j/ x. A* w, m- X
capital of Canada .# L. a. t2 K7 y0 W, w/ j
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is. A# c! y* {# _! |" A
$8.00/hour.' l: N( J- l* I# o: Z% S
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour." f: u! e6 r9 ^6 \8 K) e
+ G5 H) \5 j& u; M0 e& R+ T. ]$ z+ i 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
7 d; g/ f6 u5 o: @on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas6 n! p! o3 ?2 X/ W! e
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come, W% \/ z6 I: `, V" H" v$ ^ E
here sick." q3 a5 D9 o- n& q/ A
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12* m/ D+ M1 F: h" F& ]1 {
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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) B) l7 i0 t q% p1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
" F9 o3 z; L) Uis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.& F4 L. ?! R1 K6 T+ Y, [7 l
2 ^( `/ P! }5 x4 s3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
: g4 P5 d- N& Sown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest- q1 W" ]* |( y) R5 C& q. |& {, e
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires6 C Z+ x( Y/ g( a( o% x& o5 J% i
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell8 T7 S2 v7 r* C2 L& S, i
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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! e, d- i& d! b* F7 S& R4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,6 C) B( a$ V: r* L) k
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that8 a6 c) M: A# P- S- x$ z0 I
can get you shot.
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5 f( S6 h1 T/ w6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour0 j9 T3 h6 v% T: v
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next* T3 S% o3 m: e, G8 O7 P
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
5 G7 S5 Q$ y! E; Dmore construction starts everyday.) _; D2 m3 [! F5 C1 Q1 G6 h- Z
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,1 L: ?6 y# M, h( i, v
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
- _8 t9 S& [1 \' m6 j( ~squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all N0 R' `+ k/ s5 g
the same road.0 ~* a$ d( l# D7 V2 q0 n
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
( e7 Q! V% @1 }9 {- jshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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% u* K3 h7 z/ Q* p+ Y/ Y3 N4 V10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km6 R- Y5 o+ K8 o
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
* B) I% a% V w; L& ^accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur4 p n5 p3 U; e6 }( g
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and$ S, h+ [5 J7 P8 s+ `
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is7 s+ j% p1 F: V. C ^/ B
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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