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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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- M7 k6 `, M- L4 d 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
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* G, r) f) w1 R3 d6 R" T) ^0 a 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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0 _& k! z: j& L: g+ s 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
4 ^4 f8 N h) A4 j1 X: x9 O9 ]capital of Canada .* u% E' k- ]$ h- {" S
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
5 f1 k! b; h) a$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.6 c- @& x. Q7 h9 l* G
! T) @& E, M ]+ q, G' v 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money2 w) A0 f+ W O
on a 15 year holiday ? R0 `6 F4 Z! y$ e+ t5 S: }
|6 P X5 h1 T& p! S! I 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas) p+ T* i/ I( T" V+ ?5 ]; j
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)0 b6 G4 l5 [, x S, n
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come7 }2 ?5 e- A) ]* `: B
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12+ C4 } s0 ~8 n. J+ M; y& F) j' k
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.$ f7 E; i$ }# m) C$ r; a
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :% b9 h* h" A4 s5 P# e
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".8 M: }6 U3 y8 l4 w( q' ~
! v. K- |( b; {2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
: g, N# O( h2 S* q$ Zis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. f- S' `( E: h0 t; z
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
' g* \7 a! S* ]own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
1 S2 f8 C0 q3 M6 |4 \muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
" R6 `: b6 h; b1 Tgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
9 }. v1 [8 ]0 S' D3 Gphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.7 L% j# p9 D. Q5 o" B$ K* A) N
k* l6 V( m0 L0 ~! ~4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
7 Y" y8 _% x, m$ K) G9 A$ Gcussed out, and possibly shot.! W% ]8 [8 ~6 P* H% R
4 H! z+ z: a5 d( z2 k0 x$ o5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
& f3 ]1 m+ y( d5 f- H" ~can get you shot.+ T4 q; d- t% x: r1 i
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
* _" B+ r! ?7 ~ G! _9 Wbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
0 R, |& p! _8 x7 k, H/ Xday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
' |* W/ _9 r, F5 x: E, Gmore construction starts everyday.4 f' g$ c0 m0 s
4 p3 ?; |4 k" j" n6 k- R 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
L! E8 K$ U1 H& Z( Ydeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
+ j6 ^) m+ p- H) m( b) ~squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.* v+ Y! S* P+ {. J8 r
6 k6 |: D& |4 j# X8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
9 X$ v$ V) l4 R0 _- K/ Uthe same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the' @$ Y, _; ^$ n" |7 Z
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km" P1 O. [( F: s8 Y! {3 h7 |
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
1 G0 A2 f2 l8 C& Q* \accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot." q7 n7 e$ k8 ?
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
0 Q% O; U9 ?3 r6 \- V! ?" K: Dlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
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virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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