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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA# k7 ]8 N' _0 z( s
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% i7 J! `1 ?7 U) o& l- w+ \: X 1. Bring your own house.
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$ A( N! O3 ?+ ? o: _ 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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2 [5 f& @. c- v9 @* m 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder# ?% S$ p2 X) e4 W# O3 a
capital of Canada .: w5 h* o5 G8 ~* X m' @
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .9 N9 y0 s' c/ r0 o e+ \
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug1 N8 p3 A2 }4 a6 @
capital of Canada .* I9 m% a5 O& H5 C
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
+ t! R: Q0 C' f) E8 E7 Q: G- i$ Q+ o$8.00/hour.( T3 _5 w: W. q: J( D
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.& a& f6 Z2 o3 |) H7 J
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money' D, v8 ~7 A; q' E/ U! O
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas8 g2 P \& w2 V: k9 L. b- B4 c2 J& n
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)* z% [$ S1 M. l5 Y) W- g _
3 G/ s8 b9 F8 M9 q4 M8 s5 U0 G10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come$ w. w/ b3 ?0 O9 f. i
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
9 I- u8 {9 O: v( V3 l* R4 x) myears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone./ {% J7 e/ n- E, j
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :1 p$ J" O+ @- |
8 D6 n3 S" e# x( }9 Z1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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7 d! N( s* ?3 [+ s; z0 B. u7 N2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
: t! y1 h- A( x. C. s. _6 Pis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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4 Z) _$ J& P, I- P7 \0 L3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
6 M& ~. x5 a7 a7 G4 p! D7 Zown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest1 D1 ^, u6 o. x( s" ^
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires" [6 y' b9 Z( A
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell: Y+ t( f4 f' x, \3 A
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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! l% ?7 R- L$ [% j H1 U+ D- k' t4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,$ j$ h* }% p; S: c; a
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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) j# n. G$ V5 }3 Z# I2 x5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that6 N" v( m' M w# N8 G( B
can get you shot.- R0 s5 S, w* h; @# q! C
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
; s" i3 J% o0 h5 N8 w) t: L* cbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
5 U6 Z" I) O5 I% \$ ]' tday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
" v0 t ^, m/ n3 }more construction starts everyday.% g1 r0 B$ y+ j; W! S9 L8 X
" L; H" R! @4 q! k 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
3 G, {) u# W7 s1 _' [- zdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
8 p5 T/ w- I! d3 B. X: F. n- Bsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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1 M, B2 K- L, A- P8 \% M5 i8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
3 V1 F: ?' i+ B7 _8 Z) B* bthe same road.8 A/ d }) `. O0 a# I8 T! v
9 d u% B6 u# U2 q0 l1 y; o9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the$ L5 P& Q5 Y! u U
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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& S6 @2 v9 S1 B& W% x10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km5 I( x( z3 O7 D6 } _1 ^2 R3 A
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
1 r; F% J+ n. q" W$ `, l7 Qaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.: d* g4 P' h: P: I8 n$ h# T4 ^
( x' D, L V% Z2 h11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur% b$ w/ |% [& L. d1 w& a. J' ]1 q" w
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and* B2 e* U4 v+ v' k d. [9 d
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is: G9 x8 r3 ?! h+ Y
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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