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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA `2 Y: `+ n0 B+ \' u' N& ?
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1. Bring your own house./ Q, i/ N z! z7 {* \
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and6 E% z! S7 i% c- S
hospital.- H$ h4 m- g' w% k3 p8 _
! d# }! {; D. x u! w% x3 V 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
9 i1 p8 Z& B& M& m( R- R @capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .+ M$ Y3 f/ L" S/ o/ G' _2 n
/ g3 a0 W" |8 D3 k% S/ { 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
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" m! B* z: d/ D 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is1 Q6 P+ P% t: v2 ?6 L( d
$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.3 S' {2 y. I M! v0 ]! m$ V
5 R+ H% b | O: Q7 U8 g 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
& b* f% A7 f% ]5 {6 f# C! i' Eon a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
' h. X! R5 n3 e' c cprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
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. B7 V \5 ^- q+ O8 Z11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12& t7 K& ]* H0 _9 }1 y' f; R; B. b+ ]5 G
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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" N2 w: g9 p; |5 t- s8 m0 o) y1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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$ d( q* _0 ~7 T; A+ G' p# {2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
: c9 e% B7 z" v" U7 l9 k. A Uis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
4 p7 z# D- X6 {7 H, f' xown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
3 a4 a5 V9 D9 R9 mmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires( W9 w5 m; \/ U, W
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell5 r! E! I& d7 ^7 T, K, E1 l U1 K
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.* }& w6 B, i% ]0 j9 m! o
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,3 ?$ i C. }. g* _( ~
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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# \7 p1 Y8 r: `) {5 Y. e5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that* o V* \3 Z( b3 d( Q: J* k
can get you shot.8 _. R+ {" ]% l
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour! a# ~! [. x9 Y" V. h
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
1 d8 p, q: `; I- S2 Lday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
$ O5 @2 `8 D; o1 vmore construction starts everyday.2 x( e- U8 n/ @0 T0 a
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
( k9 M% B% [7 ^3 m4 }3 G& M9 h& _deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,1 `$ e6 Z: l% C/ j6 H% O) u/ D
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all6 [# [0 J. ]+ d8 m R
the same road.6 O/ I8 @6 K* O) e" U
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km) B% d W- q9 S" E- S
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
1 Y9 C; Q* D! @& G, K' [accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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" H! D/ Q( D9 U, a t% p11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
C) X; q! n! K, Z, z V9 |lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and; l m8 K; l' o# O* [/ @
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
7 H: q. @# x% j! F0 Zvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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