 鲜花( 1)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA/ _$ O% h$ Z" A, W" J: I
! C) F& Z' {, T o: e
, E# C2 b# ^6 |" r+ P* g
1 @1 M& F* B3 j% ]$ G, ?/ ^& O | 1. Bring your own house.
3 P4 O8 T/ D0 Q* t4 \
+ {, X* B- s# v4 z 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and2 H. d/ k% H h0 C# L
hospital.
* h+ ~) w9 ~. C( Z
* `% B; {+ K! T 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
' c) b3 ~: a4 k( T. Hcapital of Canada .
; i! O: F+ o3 z2 V4 ?; s" U) O3 _8 ` m+ d$ ~- B) d( I2 w
4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
5 r7 k7 d$ T# h8 l2 o6 D7 I$ e1 y% w5 _( V6 A9 G
5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug$ R! a, _! y2 ] b7 O$ B4 n0 z
capital of Canada .
9 ]3 @6 [ T& ~$ H5 T- o, o4 p+ W; t: t! J/ n3 n4 `5 y
6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is* b0 z% t: C3 l4 d+ P# ~
$8.00/hour.! E: c3 X9 h9 k; g
4 p% ^! ?6 L$ _8 n4 J% G* X 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour." l$ Y$ R; C8 \# r) Z; O
2 l8 F4 ?$ v9 K% ?, u2 A" w
8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money: H( ~" h$ u, c4 t" y3 i1 }3 j
on a 15 year holiday ?& ^4 H) F1 \: D# N; S" T/ X" P* D
4 N& i4 u# E! |5 P$ r9 L
9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
- p+ Z0 R! [! s! Gprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)0 e0 w5 p# x7 D
8 A3 Y( l3 k+ i, u9 J* s10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come" \# ~# @- X. A; j! {/ C- `
here sick.
2 F- P0 X) i3 x! [( r4 J* I0 [- s' ^: a) `3 A
11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
5 ]! M1 v& z1 d/ O2 a" T! X& M) ?7 Oyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
c. O% M8 E4 R% @: d1 c- I; c/ |% D+ c/ a! R
' P# a5 s# Y+ y4 v; A: D8 s4 Y" t, |% \' b" \, m
THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
* k3 R) d& I8 \( N7 v% h* z Y+ C. l5 ^# O: O2 [
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".& I; \1 @% ~% F0 A' U
+ H' m1 @: J; ?3 X- U# z) H5 B, s2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
" m3 p/ J( ~4 {. ?is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
# G) N9 w4 C( `5 A2 G: g
+ q+ ~6 O5 e2 y& R+ T3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
; G J# {$ w: g. f$ s0 @9 E9 wown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest" I- ^5 `0 B w6 Y! b* g4 j H; l3 X* v
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
8 g, g; g2 G2 n @; Rgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell( u A+ J% b: p7 N5 H
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way." X/ p& e. q, M0 E; W: c/ g
3 X6 T. Q y4 Z2 K
4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
+ Q' O' m- v- Bcussed out, and possibly shot.
- }. x5 B, N+ }% R8 I/ w' A5 W/ N9 e! q' s6 J- T
5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that: l$ c$ r3 ?$ v- h! _
can get you shot., j: G2 S+ V: D m
! y/ Y( D( D# r3 @" b- j6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour/ {" ~ q, v6 F0 W
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
! G: t4 S9 {2 A: m# R) Sday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and0 d0 L& h; o% n+ g: E5 b' y
more construction starts everyday.0 O, F0 {3 l: d, a# u I
! G5 V' l2 K" ?: H, s( I) V% Z
7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
2 ~4 c2 }# a& ^$ G! Ydeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
, D' \- N+ c5 \7 K$ J; {& wsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.# @, A' _$ e" P& [7 z9 j4 Y5 D
/ b/ _+ v; V, f* V4 M) ^8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
* f+ F! Z& q! c2 \6 L0 Uthe same road.: `) F) Z9 ^* K) j. o" h; R. i
4 q! w; ~3 F9 X7 C% s6 E) N
9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
/ P3 i3 Q+ ]* k+ o3 `shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
& D, z& W$ ?0 ?1 l# iactivated.") R; ~3 @4 o5 p' y
8 e+ U; O5 r* T, I8 `) G4 p# y, U/ x
10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
. l0 _. H! X* w# e4 vzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"2 R* j, P9 _' `- w$ l# i
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
* ?8 L1 z. F6 h7 ~$ ?4 B$ J' W+ m% |0 o3 _
11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
k2 q) S. U8 X0 Flined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and- c( A- C |. @, Z; l
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
2 T( K2 h4 n: p6 O& uvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
|