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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA8 d# O& O" o1 x0 E0 n. t# V" N+ }
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1. Bring your own house.+ T$ y y3 r- j* U! g4 q# _
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and& c9 L7 C5 Q9 N/ u+ E; K. x" u+ h
hospital.
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q0 X- M5 \# o& S6 S4 B' A 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder1 o9 z$ t' G" r0 d
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .9 ^0 K' \2 @, z( _) Q, a5 L7 b
% S6 S, T" R v/ t/ q4 e* ^% T 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
{0 O0 h" @/ \; r( Pcapital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
$ e. O4 N& N+ N) ~7 ^+ F$8.00/hour.+ t7 l" z& S2 W/ a- M
0 l9 W w+ C6 P' S2 u- y 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.8 t2 j# d, Q5 `3 c" Y
( U; A Q& o% |& p1 k- S 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
1 y2 X T4 K0 n9 bon a 15 year holiday ?" b: u Q. \6 e
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
( |/ ^7 [8 _! V7 P) Q9 D }% ~( Dprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)* h' a1 u) ?* f. b8 m) q" z, C
! d7 o! _8 a% o* g10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come! t' k$ k: P* l9 W o9 e# O
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12. N3 x4 E" i( X' A |3 n
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.; u$ o a" B6 w1 m$ U5 q/ _
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
' w& O6 n+ _( k0 ais from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.4 w4 m: c* ^# s6 W0 G8 |
* C F+ R M6 c8 o* }$ W3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
3 A0 o2 R7 |( }' _$ q% Lown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
+ l! ~' R2 I1 D) c: {2 @muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires/ \+ u4 ^8 j* S5 R; e1 d
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell+ f) F. ]' p' w
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.9 z! p( K7 s: ?0 W* f |
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
1 X% { F) N9 j, b. k) Gcussed out, and possibly shot.
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0 \: d* r) A& n: N5 r% I5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that; k# V* ?5 D/ [, G* a
can get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour: r7 u6 p5 [# s8 W
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
. H( ~$ T7 V0 V6 u0 |/ Z) i3 S! Q$ S* lday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
/ [2 ?* ~7 G, h* dmore construction starts everyday.0 a; j# b, W9 g) h3 P
- p' N. k. g ?9 u8 @& y9 ` 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
7 z- M7 s7 H5 A+ [' Kdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,& Z- \ @& b+ s7 f0 M! g
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.' |6 C( u6 O( O! _$ T' V
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
G$ T0 u- n" G. S, y ~the same road.1 M; L' F# r/ p- Q J5 L( J
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the( B& Y& I1 X2 t4 w' ]
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally D. p9 Y ?4 v9 o. p
activated."0 J& e! h5 ~6 y8 e4 w
, F% u) R6 v; K0 h10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km; z' M% H. S( P# j
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
; A0 b9 {6 q: d- I8 G% d# @, }accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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% g: J7 l# f* Y8 e6 @9 m5 b11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur, q. d) n6 _) x! H0 @" e, u
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
; ^% G* i$ A G& nblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is/ Q! G; q; R8 f! K" C! }
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
