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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA6 x! M8 W) o, f- c* v) K7 a9 w
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and1 z# S3 v7 N- Q$ N& t7 C
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder; Q4 ^1 x3 b2 O
capital of Canada .* m8 X$ B8 I0 [: H2 |6 v
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug" y; K4 X7 e& T8 K) w
capital of Canada .
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' l3 B4 l& H) L' x# O( W 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
$ {( K1 x1 Y" [" s C4 ?$8.00/hour.# {" ~0 C0 V; S0 l7 \
) V% m$ a) M- | 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour., g# X1 H! X/ O6 r
, k% D6 d! t" I2 s! d" U u 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money# }. e7 K% T3 d5 M& ^! z4 o" T
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas7 m H' {8 ]4 V6 C& U& P1 U% o
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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. s- H' o' b# W. N: Q- a4 l4 j10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come& K W% W# Z5 F% J
here sick.2 I6 S( c9 a& O v% d8 B( C+ k
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
- ^* Y; j" E# dyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :( z1 X9 ^8 r+ ?; m
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour+ Z2 K( E2 x2 _/ i q
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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' h' k5 _1 z3 R& x3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its9 J. l$ m4 { c6 J: m8 m
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest# o9 O! K) q& |5 Q
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires5 e! L, f" t2 P0 e2 u
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
5 w0 T* ]5 u. A( L/ f4 U! M# {phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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; s) V; e3 X& d4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
5 l2 f; O+ u1 J7 s$ {7 W0 scussed out, and possibly shot.& K- u: [& i) L0 x* R# m) h
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour/ b# R, N4 g9 _! ?- L1 \: y1 m# w
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next, u# ]5 ~: l, e! ~3 }! l7 s
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and. \' W/ o1 S/ r/ l8 k5 {
more construction starts everyday. t1 V" P# i6 _1 G' A; D, `
1 S& x$ t- J! j 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,, p: N4 K; z/ p+ B3 a/ |
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
6 o2 o. U- L8 m xsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
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' v) A3 ^' ~6 k" _9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
6 l; d h, s' B! u, {4 j- z. g7 Lshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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2 m, D/ t, B6 B5 T2 j10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
" g" L- Z& T) [, x( V7 z% ozone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
( x6 Q8 H! T- S! y% L: ^) a2 ]accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.) {9 a4 z5 Q% P6 O9 Q! Y/ g
( i% W8 b2 M; S9 l11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
) O* P1 Y# C; R' Wlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
5 C1 H# x8 p* O: D" pblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is& \( M' ~1 \ Z) N! y1 M
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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