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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA/ G/ S% k0 o; m J4 ]; y" G' A
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0 R8 [. M) B% F: s% q& \) M 1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
' o; `6 k" e& t6 G b3 T% xhospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
: X) D) x6 h& T% X2 |+ g- ccapital of Canada .( _) {+ {0 U& a0 `- y8 G* F8 D
+ ~. n. g$ ?& c0 N- u 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .9 j+ S+ V! v9 Z# ^4 [2 y# o
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug- z9 @; \' f" }0 w6 `4 t9 X
capital of Canada .- g. s2 y6 o+ z3 ]6 Q6 O& @
: c. M3 I4 K- e. Y 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
0 `- u# p. c' Q, D1 j) t1 I$8.00/hour.' m9 w7 b4 y7 m0 {5 t
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.; A- E6 {3 W8 f* g' l; a3 {
v+ C# n8 T9 a: ^- K" w 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money K0 ?9 k5 T$ D- O' E: ~9 ?3 l
on a 15 year holiday ?+ U/ a/ A) K& p6 @
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas- T5 M$ P/ j2 f% d4 L$ B, _
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)7 W* A) v6 O! |- }+ l
; f' [. l9 @4 p, T10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come* t q3 z0 s0 o( w3 c/ F% @
here sick." s# _ ~7 a2 g. N, t: x- }7 K
$ o& k% r3 S6 u# q2 L: A8 t- M11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
' ]- b! e( e* Pyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.6 k, c V4 R. D. z8 f
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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8 m8 ^2 v4 F8 W# J2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
1 ~7 |; W3 \5 Wis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.* \4 P0 G9 v T9 {# l: \
+ W7 l6 ` d8 _7 i3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
- @4 t+ A3 u3 n4 F7 `5 r: Qown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest* @6 ]! _& p( i, e/ n
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
v, ]2 ~0 L2 ego second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell+ y. b/ F) c, K) m( ]" i
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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/ R k$ z2 `1 q+ ]7 a4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
+ @) Q Q: R5 }6 {cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
0 Z; v/ ?) H3 b4 m, c9 Q. S7 d8 rcan get you shot.: ?7 s& V+ I% G
, v2 |% C( |" v0 @8 {6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour: u2 U' {% e2 D2 w8 M4 W. V
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
2 Z$ J, M; C6 s1 u$ Vday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
9 Y n" K3 h" ]# xmore construction starts everyday.
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8 K$ r) u; t: y, ?4 S 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,0 t3 p: G* E; P
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
' Q% Q. z$ ^7 i+ p- Wsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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) h% g3 P: M. N( X8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all* T1 T' N0 K* V% j c. v3 Z' H
the same road.
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2 _( H9 J0 I$ h8 N* e n) i$ G9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
6 F* z) K* O4 Tshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
. s5 W6 k& n [! J" k- lactivated."
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8 j; T9 ^! X3 P0 \2 `3 r& [10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
5 X1 G$ t6 r' r2 w' `7 T0 z( t, Uzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
" D5 S. w5 B# A% K; n5 |7 @6 [accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
' n$ G$ @( n) h; ~& _lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and8 `' o+ v7 Q. M5 n
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
% n& X$ v: d: l& ^8 D! J/ Yvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
