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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and# P4 u- j, R2 N2 O" V, |+ b! y
hospital.
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7 W4 O% h5 s& i! c 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder1 [( G G, A7 f; b$ Y
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .. x. i: [$ C* l2 J- o9 R
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug7 _3 _# b0 Y9 T+ x5 F- W, ]
capital of Canada .
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( l1 U, r) o; K1 E! q8 w 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is- a/ E+ {( W5 G3 q0 f( t
$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
. o8 b7 X/ Z6 H5 r, Ton a 15 year holiday ?/ l3 F$ g, N, ?- _
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas$ B" I8 a) v# N
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)2 X+ X5 ?: l! K& P G: o
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come1 ~( s0 _6 ?! n
here sick.: V4 Q J) I: K/ [
8 A8 b- X3 _2 Q2 s11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
- K/ v+ ]6 S, I* ~& G3 { Iyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :; e8 w/ i+ y9 X4 c; C5 Z/ w
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour k8 r/ j$ V8 {
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its) z$ ?1 v& l0 S
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest0 k# H# Q& S c$ O+ J
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
' S% m4 t5 p0 {$ dgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell1 m3 p( f) L6 K- Q9 N
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.0 ]( R: L1 x% Z3 T* G
- x4 C: I7 B5 N; s2 C" M; g4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,+ i- q5 _% R3 X( d1 d5 `6 G
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
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! R/ f* {' m$ x6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour8 M* \; H5 e. @; M" |: Z
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next ]; R8 U+ Z( |& h. r; n( [1 K
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and( L1 d7 |4 T$ c9 l
more construction starts everyday.
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k5 G- [, a! c+ I7 `& g 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
# m0 ~. S* W% q9 y& U2 wdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
9 V( |! _1 Z5 F* X' e' x+ D/ Lsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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, S/ } d; p) r8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all* [. A8 I* q* w# ]# b$ m
the same road.8 N3 C% u, }' Q/ m f
. j. c4 J6 U# `/ C9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
) c# R) ~% u' y: C& ^! Rshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
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3 N( w0 s& [" y Baccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.. [" P% j8 a" c K$ O
8 b2 w& h0 h0 j11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur+ Y& ?3 y$ U. F# r/ d7 ]2 r. b/ V7 X/ Z
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and4 d+ }; N/ ]# w( m- k! l
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is5 R3 m8 d+ j9 \' I! F
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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