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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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( i! H9 z' \" L& Y. h! X 1. Bring your own house.: U4 j. M" m5 H7 t
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and1 n9 T: ?3 v, {, y
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
* t5 G+ [8 ?% ]. @7 }! Z: L& i6 Y7 wcapital of Canada .
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3 O U& B2 p4 r" l3 q: i3 O 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .) z9 P( \+ B5 e# g* i% v, R c
( N. c7 K! j; h5 n/ l* q8 @% l# m 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug1 Y% u) o) ~. s$ }! h' a1 f' ?( {
capital of Canada ., W9 z/ Q2 n. ^# G& T3 E n% G) E
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
0 O6 Y0 V% Y& a5 P9 Z1 r, ?$ F$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
7 D5 ?4 Q; A8 I- G6 [# Gon a 15 year holiday ?
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3 ?/ E$ @1 a* j" a9 I 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
+ y$ |- Y/ @3 e' c% Jprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)6 R" A+ y7 M3 L& A
. A; c4 z; t$ l& W10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come7 }* o, |# ~9 Q" L/ a% x
here sick., A, ]9 }. ]1 D8 m5 q" r& ?* [/ q
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
3 K3 m) S7 t \% k+ ayears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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, c, c I) \2 C- |2 i4 V# F8 o THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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6 x6 X4 }+ I0 q: c% H+ U8 W' L1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour) G8 a+ F9 s# _% G% Y
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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' ]# i7 I. r5 y4 x4 Z' Y% s3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its7 @& Y! V! s3 T0 s! Z9 r" p& |6 N$ m8 O
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest" k6 p! Y: d" T" u/ j
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires" s/ u4 N( U& x# G: W, {
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell( A5 j, b5 j! Y( n
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
$ o/ ~5 i1 w. z7 ?3 zcussed out, and possibly shot.. K9 r9 Y# {6 z6 h
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
% A& i$ D9 `$ _ Y; W% ?can get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour* F Q" }" s+ Z9 q4 f! i$ z
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next: d$ [! D6 i, I6 o6 T( c2 C
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
0 v$ y: J" K6 L/ v- ~2 umore construction starts everyday.! @8 H, O8 h4 D; F
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,4 d+ K) K6 |, `. M, L
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
" k- _3 K3 C. w" v+ a: g, o' osquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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x" B1 W9 S0 m0 k* `0 T" P! T7 r8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
7 w8 T9 Z% x2 b& o6 ithe same road.6 _) g4 ~+ @* X7 E) A
6 O& `* h2 i+ M3 \# ?9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the# e* I, C$ ^3 p e
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally; K3 p; ~# m; r& v u1 y) k
activated."! Z0 O5 p' E6 o5 @
6 p! I3 U0 e. l/ p s# B) F, _: l10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km- l/ w# k# ]/ j
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"9 l7 C t7 z2 I0 M( \
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
5 [. e" G2 P0 u6 ylined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
2 W3 s9 T6 s3 ], e+ Q# Y1 Sblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
: J. }1 ?, }9 J( {7 }virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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