 鲜花( 1)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
6 @: p. v1 s0 P# c' O& W5 I7 h' P; t" k b' S; x: M
. d9 P/ M( j+ k) O6 l
6 i c; K/ s" k* W! B# l/ R5 B# w+ S 1. Bring your own house.
. N+ W3 U6 o) _ c! _
8 P4 O3 b$ c; p 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
+ W N+ z8 Q* @) Ghospital.; s: y" O$ B6 W+ d+ [( H* h4 G T
7 J$ h) h5 N8 F1 q* K
3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder7 |! H) W& }7 g9 ~- v8 l
capital of Canada .- g: S" J% l) x4 o: t7 Z
. d$ r( b! _0 a$ ?( t
4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
$ Z, ]* y; ^& U% l! y4 B: \
J( u, q# V7 [6 s( A V `0 S 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
7 _4 S1 b* h! S+ D8 B4 {; Fcapital of Canada .- I$ Y# p2 w+ T! n* F" B' j: R$ ^# n
; K F7 x& {9 h) J' [
6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
+ x+ z9 s! s: T- z* p. \; _$8.00/hour.( ~9 p) x. O- y6 L0 H7 Y( B1 z
0 G( u$ H4 m) U, Q3 ^, s 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
( Z7 [6 r7 y& E0 z; S$ P4 x
, t. f5 E1 a( ?% b) K6 s( v( N9 c 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
, E4 }+ z, I0 _ U5 p8 Von a 15 year holiday ?
5 ?/ ^* F5 \/ j8 h4 F4 R" g* T6 u1 }. n' S& j- e' y
9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
@8 W/ R- N. e+ d, @prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)9 m7 E9 Q" y/ z" s
/ s, g( p$ I# X- g' u; g! J u10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come/ a) x' {/ E& N$ w4 S9 T& d
here sick.
/ b' N/ m, ~. H3 s6 T$ P7 F, z
" Q U0 ^( j6 q. Q% X T/ _( p11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12& u/ f6 V/ S4 s% y/ P# T# X
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
) X$ l7 I6 i+ S
5 X) e4 P% h+ G7 ]9 {' p; s& X) b9 M4 l! f% ~. S
& u5 F Y! H5 i- V/ v2 \3 q
THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :# k: ^# N5 Z0 x3 n1 d" P% B
& Z3 w' [2 I) C* _1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".9 S" F4 s) G' i( c9 P
+ L# p7 W/ H) H' s# O9 [. ?! {
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour9 a2 k; `" j1 ~; N+ a- ~" h
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.6 u6 x4 l' @( r. e6 |+ G9 x& k; {
2 T- @) K' X4 ^/ ^+ n# {& Q) J
3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its2 ^, P2 E( ~" F' I3 s. H
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest! I6 u1 N8 k* x8 w: Z1 s H2 J) ?; A
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires$ ~9 s- M. J( t5 q/ o% I; Z# l
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell2 p9 v b/ t4 `. k. n" w% r
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
3 f: a1 x8 s( G. e5 a4 e" b0 @, m1 Z1 \+ d L) t i
4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended," v! r; w, j+ J1 R9 K4 M
cussed out, and possibly shot.2 m# G. S) K+ p! j% Z
1 M1 p! L7 [* h4 i& E. p1 N" J5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that" t8 c6 p7 h9 m" {! P6 o
can get you shot.0 q! h9 c- e3 b2 T
7 D+ N! k$ t9 o, s
6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour/ i1 l& p& ~, C% L3 w& ?, b
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next% X3 Z5 R) w- \ w
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
! Q( F! O; x; J9 m9 R8 wmore construction starts everyday.
* y; j. H: _/ h- n: Q, E0 V5 \9 r- C* ~
7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
1 m7 N; u% @% n( J1 F4 i( r; Bdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage, u* d/ M0 H* w7 X; ^* N2 D
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.* ~( \" ]1 O% n9 J0 A5 P& `
8 p& P4 }0 R9 T/ F7 E h- S' J/ |8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
. F4 N6 q9 n% a% F) Zthe same road.# m; L! L: m% E+ H7 F+ G
, j# M& A3 n1 V) W8 Y9 T0 O# | E9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
) Q9 H- a% t* b) Yshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
" a r! R# H# k2 I% Uactivated."
" w( @ q6 o# k+ f" X3 E3 \( U* A% V( A
10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km5 R6 W- d8 z, N x# t) {3 q" |
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"' i0 E( J4 L i! g! g$ T% [) c
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
: C8 t X, J/ D/ Q9 [; p
^9 R8 B4 z2 Y11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
+ z' G: l6 j& {lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
3 s; }. m6 _* Iblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
* w4 h1 s" `) t: [# g; ^virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
|