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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1 L* L ^' @& y# Q% h) T. S6 a 1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and; b. x. c7 u1 d6 Y
hospital.
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# ?; s: m/ b/ l" D5 v: S7 z5 P 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder! Y% @2 {- A0 M# Q4 k9 y
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .2 }1 Z% n, V: a0 i6 G0 N
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug( }9 O2 B1 Y3 z9 O' ^
capital of Canada .5 q! Z. A: q$ I( P
$ R9 b& a* Z, F5 ^8 S8 s6 k3 x 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
/ T- c$ J( f) W# \, h$8.00/hour.0 Z4 i" p( Y/ T( u8 I
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money5 K8 `0 s9 e1 Y6 x7 ^6 n% e
on a 15 year holiday ?
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& F; R# N4 P) t9 ` 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
- y, E% E. b- B. `7 d: Iprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come. v' a ^" D( C# s
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12: N& E! ?3 [. c" E1 n- O
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.& C- F' w5 M8 y) r2 a4 P
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :4 d0 I) r. f" m' T/ U( ?
* S9 L, w/ K7 z/ S- z( S1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".) d' q7 H3 b9 I- S* t, R0 l9 }: k
H9 l+ s4 f9 G2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
1 S$ O6 v2 f: }% uis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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7 y1 S' [% m- q5 f3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its- _& w- p _3 P* e* B9 d# w9 w; N c
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest0 i' U$ c" F6 R( z
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
$ Y, t3 M4 Q3 l Xgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell3 w' |# X* ~/ T" F7 c4 A
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.- C/ `" S! M4 X, c
" ^8 j1 B* }: l3 b0 @2 u4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
! z! ~; G5 }- Q, v/ U1 T2 e" Xcussed out, and possibly shot.
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1 a; w' C4 k+ J; S! [4 y5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
3 O. x% G6 A% }8 j, X: n$ Ecan get you shot./ b9 Y" D6 h1 K) u% \. i! {
4 \2 r& n2 M4 t) V+ Z! F6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour: Z( ~5 d5 \) P/ B5 r7 C
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
5 B2 T6 ]2 s; \+ H. k9 {! ~day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and2 K) V! \3 x/ ], ]0 l8 `5 t
more construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,' d. ]% q3 s9 D1 H5 T1 d
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,2 h7 s0 T8 {4 m% R+ F/ P- D9 f& } d* P
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.3 x9 v7 f7 x( P$ F' p
1 T+ a7 w$ h& w6 G- F. f# W+ J& R% I8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
0 E! I7 `( h5 p9 H/ V8 L; U! I2 y& cthe same road.5 V" V1 g8 a; ~ N
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the- O2 J. F6 e1 l+ c! k8 w2 d
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally7 s& v0 ?+ k' _) G
activated."
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5 c+ j0 e$ ~: I2 z4 M i10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
. }& j& v" F/ T9 p7 G. I% Y8 zzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
* f6 o3 {5 a0 w L% E2 o* d- Aaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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0 T, R! `+ ?% k! N- m& P D: C! u/ C11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur; F1 x y; a8 H# q1 I# V! E5 T1 I
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
9 W; X; z, R! m9 e0 Nblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is# z$ o4 Z8 t! P# F
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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