 鲜花( 1)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
7 ?1 t- q# F" y! F, k. {$ Y/ `% p% j( r) y/ E
1 I* I) m) G) w: V2 A) W
- W9 n+ w; F7 n5 O* o3 e' r7 v 1. Bring your own house.% A4 `2 U# c* a" b
7 r5 q4 [% f5 y/ h6 m, |
2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
. B8 f3 a1 K! U4 ^hospital.
2 `6 B) h& m6 b/ B9 T2 }6 M/ ]% A4 r- T0 L
3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
, x: X' i; z- ^& n3 }capital of Canada .2 @3 e- \2 I! B; u2 G. _* j
/ ?" k+ I& m( V& N8 k) `8 O1 \ 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
5 t) d {; \5 n6 g# ?3 S6 _5 }# C
8 v' H& J. j! Y3 K- t 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
: c, c6 C5 _$ b8 B7 P! N- ]capital of Canada .
0 D/ V: X; Z( o$ r- ^) i
) Q" Q" M0 Q) n2 i 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is6 Y* d# t% X+ U( ^
$8.00/hour.& [0 I: }/ [1 e. x# I+ _; G8 }) F
# X) Z! P( A. ~6 |
7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.1 A; H7 i: t6 Y' P0 f1 d
3 q/ Y- i& l7 T 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
/ V) h$ p. \! c5 r) s. Yon a 15 year holiday ?
3 `5 o6 o% S3 A6 J. k/ e9 k8 T* m* l5 n( q) n: Y2 B5 ~+ |* d1 N3 L
9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
/ _$ L% _- u% n! e8 Tprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage) \- C0 K2 A' f; i* S6 F
) B( d; w8 M% `0 D5 l! _0 P10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come" U3 E: v+ N, \) l
here sick. J0 i% {/ T/ o
0 d+ r" Q1 D/ ?% F11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12+ D6 D& o# z! ~) G8 y8 S. V
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone." }& J9 _2 O+ w7 _9 j; F0 d, }5 r
, k% S* p+ m* C7 R$ m+ I
7 e* V' L: N% K- t" y( L' f0 U) @/ Q5 s) P: w4 G4 t
THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :4 |' S T7 l% g# J6 E& @2 r
. j- E- K8 k" J9 v- u5 Z: n1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
2 @! b3 x9 D4 l/ m+ U+ s+ Z5 R* j0 m4 E. v/ E
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
( A5 d. g, m4 ~' f5 Ais from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
7 \+ z9 p% z Z
3 f0 x8 M& C9 B4 j( |3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its2 m$ b) Q* k+ X( E
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
; _, x& |7 s/ _- `; D {! s: Xmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
) P# [* E4 p3 m) A# Q9 ]$ rgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell3 }" k, C6 H) K! k
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
# L; C2 _! a) x) x9 ^; ?3 a7 K7 c) c0 k2 |7 f7 \% G
4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
8 n5 y. p5 |! d0 k5 qcussed out, and possibly shot.
& g/ V( R' c V1 f# s- H b' o8 j4 z$ ]" i5 `8 N! i7 M' f3 k
5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
8 ^1 t, C2 b7 q6 |7 t6 @can get you shot.- j& Z: k% M0 }
3 V" G% U0 V% F; S" R! @
6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour9 l0 t! c7 i4 g; c
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next; ~* J4 w) I: \+ U7 ]2 f, W. @& T7 S, V
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and+ E( o! y/ u, ^4 W3 z$ E+ o5 y& p
more construction starts everyday.
- [$ Y& Z+ a4 E: b, Y8 N+ v1 q+ Y4 z# _9 |; s
7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,( ~, c0 p: Y, G7 E
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,2 r* V8 x% p+ g" q$ q6 E7 c
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
$ x: _; h1 ]% G2 d5 l& u4 _; @: p% d- w# a/ d
8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
2 E0 D P; p7 ]- a* s+ I# q1 fthe same road.: l6 V8 j+ O! t/ ~; R
$ F8 ]( E" g. a% Z# B! D! l9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the+ q8 q, X# }% @4 L+ Y
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
: C$ b2 t8 |7 z7 d* p+ iactivated."0 z \# T# i. {/ |5 C8 X0 d
1 a; i: n, R+ O3 S1 O: k8 f
10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km" `- w/ ~4 B0 u& ^
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"# r& K! E) \1 k
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.3 Z$ L2 u: v( X- B+ n
" n4 K+ [' M0 T3 `11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
8 n3 b) y% I! Y$ [# t+ H, _lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
7 J6 A' {( v8 F. Fblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is2 C; k- x; R2 ^, h0 R
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
|