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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA4 j. }1 e5 W- d V* |& g
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1. Bring your own house.6 q/ k/ B& G) ]$ b1 @; U7 P
. A0 @3 ^7 U5 s1 k 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and1 M6 ~0 t: E) b9 [
hospital.
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+ A+ B' m& P: l) L 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
7 }9 k; d. L" B- c: X( O/ ^capital of Canada .
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8 N X' J8 x* g$ J6 E 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada ., J- d6 b+ @3 X; m( [( M
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
$ N/ Q4 F3 G# {; b' kcapital of Canada .7 @1 u& F& o& i
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is8 e9 D, X& F. W9 j' z
$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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2 i, o( [$ w+ a6 v* O. a/ c) p 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
$ y+ d" s$ @9 |on a 15 year holiday ?
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0 s( O6 B0 w6 M& ^2 @ 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas& T( x7 V, c7 h9 W
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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; w7 j: t8 t& c7 p8 x10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come9 Y- r- i, c$ m8 X
here sick.
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0 y! \- e( ^) o, B8 k) }11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12, l7 C1 }. F: E2 o) E& V
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.; j- J8 \' t% K8 z
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :* |& B# o6 E% P7 N G
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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- J0 y7 E. }; Y( h2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
# n2 W- @. z- ]- ?is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
* I9 O' X( i6 iown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest% _7 O1 b5 i ?3 Q6 \
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
+ Q0 ~; f7 k& z$ g$ x& f% Ego second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell* F# R# S L8 [: D) s
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,% C8 \. J) _+ y' I: [. y
cussed out, and possibly shot.7 |, J& J& ~+ _1 a* n
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that% D0 U7 D* v3 V6 |- p
can get you shot.' [, V0 m" W' C. [+ g8 G
9 ~' B$ ?4 O; Q6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour9 x( }. j" s' ]2 A# E! y p+ q
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next2 {- N8 u; `1 B5 a
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
5 t" z5 I' |; Q L8 Xmore construction starts everyday.& m3 E' ]0 g0 {. R3 w% `. W) ]4 y0 g
: E' h5 t( ], o, a4 o% b 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,6 z5 U# P3 N$ c+ R3 k; M
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,8 j. `1 ~$ B* ~0 l! i* P
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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) b( G9 ?, E. l0 u/ z8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
7 K; h5 ?7 x$ A7 Bshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
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accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.0 T5 b& K a$ _
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
% |1 E/ S; N8 E0 W; }( r5 W6 ^lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and/ u! _ P: j; S- Q' W) N+ V
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is: U3 j) q2 ^- k
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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