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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA/ j b* \, k' v2 T5 n3 \
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- q- |5 P( {& f5 n* {5 n _4 _) A 1. Bring your own house.
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Q3 R/ v" {& ~+ t# a; F J9 `0 m) ~, W 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and% S8 ] l0 y; m) |2 \2 {0 o0 \7 ?
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder% S7 b# b" V' i* ^8 x3 `
capital of Canada .$ G0 N& M: r! Y+ L7 ?
- ?3 q2 Z9 q9 Q3 R8 E 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .; Z) P/ L: @9 l2 M- h5 N E9 w1 K
. P9 Q/ M. j" s) f/ L1 S9 ^ 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
( n6 U4 I, K& p9 Dcapital of Canada .
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, m6 ^+ Q7 m4 n- y( y! Y 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
@/ L1 o. {7 R! \; j$8.00/hour.
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( L9 E7 _9 y. E0 j7 B 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.' A4 Q6 B* n& ?# s* M. d# _8 c) B7 f5 U
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money( H' c. M t) ^, m7 S' |
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
6 G5 j: ^ h+ q& eprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)' ^( l' m& b) T. a, L
. X1 i2 P, z% C' d- Z5 U10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
; r6 `8 X# e; X' b; B/ o0 Bhere sick.- _' [5 |4 G- i3 p3 A6 s
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12, ^5 `% `& A7 q4 Y
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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! H5 C0 f% P k3 e, x! W; | THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :# _$ E; [/ d2 c, C6 O+ N
% j; o0 }+ F& n1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
* H( o" k! l1 i6 ` _1 xis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.. g9 M: B# Z2 H9 f# Y; U5 S
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its& r. m% t7 W( w1 X% W) W3 H
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest# V4 i$ Q, E* Y, m8 j
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
" H4 a# r w* o& |) G7 Z& p4 Igo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
% O2 V1 U+ S+ Fphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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}3 B' Y4 P3 X9 d. z3 G4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
0 @; H9 y) R( R! `0 u& Zcussed out, and possibly shot.6 d! A0 `, f/ z* f! b. X B) s
# I2 _2 u8 A8 B7 C0 C5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that0 D* T- T' I. o" O/ B. g0 p6 @8 o4 A3 s
can get you shot.
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J* C7 N K: j% Q' }6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour4 _4 d( z3 e/ m. S9 I
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next" q% Z X' A+ z! {' w$ z
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
/ X: J1 H3 m& Y7 ~2 }more construction starts everyday.
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, I+ ~5 o0 v- M! @7 x" P' ` 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,, o( o0 f0 y% s( |
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
9 n6 y4 @- G3 E5 z+ S$ Ksquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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6 l( t: o2 o) C! L8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
: s* z6 O/ ^% f8 F2 cthe same road.
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% Q7 x* f0 L! B9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
# i* d9 l8 J) d& k& q+ j% Tshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally' t G+ k" S; K4 h$ X
activated."' J, d5 Y7 _$ d
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
7 v4 A& q$ N: }. Bzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
# z3 p8 {. ?8 J* P4 v) d- Haccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.' Y2 z3 o! Z. R" B! e
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
P0 o4 T% m/ c+ `9 y8 N1 Alined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and! L' H; F) i3 e
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is& h: n* J+ X! R" B/ U- g' v
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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