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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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3 i: ^% d \, A- i' f, M 1. Bring your own house." U# L6 @3 L- }3 d) n# L- n4 A
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and1 b h, A* n; n, R, R' G: g
hospital.& [6 l' p, e" X9 e
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder+ q( q6 B+ ?& r0 ]/ v
capital of Canada .8 W' C1 O; }( l- M8 j# U
( P+ x& z! ~% R. Q0 _ 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .& l0 t9 k0 e4 v
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
v( _# t3 c& U) fcapital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
) k9 {1 o/ n- w' v/ a$8.00/hour.
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/ w# h( M9 Y2 M# Q 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
$ m, M8 Q' Y- {on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
/ P4 O0 r3 G+ g1 B! J- k" ^: Sprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come/ K0 w: e+ J5 z0 V, k! n/ ^5 F
here sick.( W8 S+ Q4 @! v+ ]
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12/ S$ B- E+ k) C; m. u' u
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone." L i7 w! Y! k2 q% G
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :# D) P0 w6 ^& _( ^ X; S" J7 ~
! d! p: n# W* \7 V$ P1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".1 k$ k* \: a1 v6 ~+ n
# d% |1 t1 o7 U) Q# n' H2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
G, b0 n: D. kis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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& d. @& l. x, _ K0 c3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its! u4 G1 g1 b- M5 ^% R+ o% k
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest @ A5 k, h- c$ ?
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
$ Y" P. L2 V6 |go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell8 ?+ @! Q2 S* W' L. l( U f* i
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,1 ^* U) w% i7 f Z- U# i
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that: V6 @$ C A$ z1 b6 ]
can get you shot.* g% X* L2 Q5 w9 ^3 f0 U( A8 C0 |
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
8 u Z% A7 p0 T. r3 O9 {barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
% ^) M! z7 ^* ]$ Zday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and4 Z4 p& E- Z' F3 N' S1 _
more construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,2 S8 i% n0 W+ H
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
2 L0 l7 r+ N$ Z1 _' m1 f. h: Dsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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/ j% M- ~0 y; d3 R/ A/ r8 h3 R" O8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all' y; [/ D6 _* y' j3 d
the same road.: c4 V- Y% T" e& n" {/ Q! U
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the# e$ i& w5 O7 v) \, ~. d
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally! s$ R7 O' Q# N$ I8 A; h, v
activated."# ?+ [5 _5 g5 G( }; e
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km/ I& G2 B9 C7 S
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
" A: M2 d) N Vaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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$ a/ t; g& t4 X& _- R11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
. Y& E. t0 V6 k" I; F/ o/ glined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and- w, X2 e) q) `3 u" f j9 `9 F
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is' P- H: l& v# P: A9 |) Q
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
