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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder4 ^9 f1 }: q* _
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .6 [5 V$ ^+ M9 n3 i6 d9 L& [3 b
, o- {& z3 D; I3 A. T3 H 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
0 `( _% h2 A" i! r& I$ Ucapital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
6 H3 j. l0 m5 w. A$ E3 Z$8.00/hour. {- D, O4 E& [$ a+ @ Z! q' S. x
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.3 O: M, t3 I% J' x% E0 d
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money6 m9 |5 T5 E$ M2 g" s
on a 15 year holiday ?8 S% g6 \7 e) v; p7 I6 v2 w6 L% z2 i
' M. T; R5 |9 i5 w6 g 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
- i: J1 _& } u" eprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)3 }2 e6 g: Y* g* @2 H0 M- h
% d& n. l% E( p# D0 D* a10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come4 Q5 Y6 d; I8 [: J
here sick.
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: D1 x4 c3 q* k M: [1 `/ u8 R11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
5 S2 X4 ?4 O; X$ ]1 x2 u; I1 ^5 ]years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.2 v! ]7 x8 t4 u g/ |$ G: G* v
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% R) |" v) ^8 z* S& J- E1 | THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :! {' K5 P [+ e2 \! G3 _$ b
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour/ f0 F5 {4 d% c2 ]
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.9 B) P' s c5 L' @3 e2 A/ }1 _
~: M7 a' f2 e1 S: y3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
7 l3 I/ f/ ?# ^3 o& z' uown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
" v! H' m2 `! L# q! L& y, imuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires/ h8 g4 Z8 [9 P4 j( T M. S+ Y6 [
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell; x7 H5 m$ w8 y( ~
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.4 h+ n1 ~2 N/ G" X
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
2 Y& C1 H( _. M2 |' ^3 Mcussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that7 ]8 d; N, w) r' W$ P: p& y
can get you shot.
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$ M, R/ W9 l, x& Z$ v6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
" v3 A* `" ^; d; T4 h! `# f5 ?barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
1 l; t. D1 u9 ]& pday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
/ _) \8 }, `: K/ }% [more construction starts everyday.+ L' A5 i5 k* G" _
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
) c4 E% g& A3 D0 Sdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
( V4 `; q- u' G$ fsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
6 o6 b5 [ _1 i- \the same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the3 O2 {4 Y* d. H. F
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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% C* s6 O0 {9 r" j# l- W3 _1 p4 Z10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km7 A" k3 \: X9 B9 o) u
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
( ^0 e$ a- r. W# w0 j2 R! qaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.( f& x; k# f, R% u
) V$ x8 S* M" [9 O4 s11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
$ M; h5 P" G8 X0 m+ ]+ {lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
% m( R+ }4 h" Kblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is' Z7 V# c V, j& M
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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