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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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0 D0 `) Y2 ^$ t6 u 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder8 W m; a7 M0 K1 F; \; p. a
capital of Canada .
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' ~/ f" n! G0 m1 H* { 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .& R! t; r1 x o+ v" J
+ _+ a, h7 b! s, b 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug/ K9 m) J9 u" L5 ~ O! U& P
capital of Canada ." o0 \0 N% M/ _: H- t. n# A" Q& g9 ~
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is; f) h( H6 p' g
$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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! H6 g: a9 F7 ^& v 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money1 O2 o3 Y0 f! l. }7 ]
on a 15 year holiday ?
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7 X+ q& w7 P, N. { 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
; A2 B( J3 I/ A! h$ Jprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)8 X U) t- m0 ?0 O( n
& ^$ V/ S" O/ R+ J" d3 b10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come3 [5 d( c7 f" |& R6 Z" m+ x
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12. M2 e+ H% `- ^
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :" _" ^5 @$ r6 F: m+ L0 N, [
8 j4 m1 Z4 c4 T% H- q1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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9 G6 }# e9 F2 l5 z/ U2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour+ S4 u0 p0 {0 R/ ]- o+ P v& A: {9 H
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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- i+ N" a M/ L3 l* A: y3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
! i" l; n5 Q" U+ {& ]own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
. {6 D# X5 Z3 J# O9 Jmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
2 n {" R# {- r' P/ D3 T g7 @go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
$ Y# `: L4 A- o, v3 T( a7 s2 [/ l3 Rphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
. f2 c) |, Q* }3 M8 acussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that1 r/ x$ `! U. P! n! d2 V
can get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour3 K6 H2 q) Z9 @# u2 L) X0 C6 {
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
7 D; \4 ^+ G8 W6 ]. gday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
# {3 M1 Q% D. S! X$ x4 fmore construction starts everyday." O- {5 a# B& Z1 h! K; T$ |
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,6 s5 }( L- @* V* |! y
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,3 @' a9 C$ f4 r- |2 {9 T1 Q% \6 q
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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4 A. @ Q4 H, ?& b+ E; i6 q* k8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
* w9 l. E/ B+ x! q! r* q ?the same road.3 ]; m+ }2 ?1 w- i3 X4 [: r. P
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the0 ~3 \% ~4 ~( p( [8 k4 M
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km* C7 }( F* i8 r' S% p
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"9 e' x/ T# [# a7 e0 w- a
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.9 b& }) P w6 Z ]* Y
( e, Z0 q' e$ p7 j: `: H; f11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur) {9 }1 o9 i! [3 W3 Y, _/ _% y
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
% N1 Y% F: [7 S, {- R# A- v; `$ s# Ublankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is+ o& Q" p' K& [' ]. Y. ?% j! R
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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