 鲜花( 1)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA5 E: o" J- d3 ]% v
# [0 r2 A, Q9 ?% z9 }
: Q! }1 E2 y( {. W. [3 E7 R% ]% O8 e3 d5 }) v
1. Bring your own house.
. L' J% k& ?; |2 |, L7 b+ Q* S) y' Z( e
9 d$ C& N: B" ^$ D1 Q% m 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
6 [/ ~* }3 i( Khospital.
/ @+ |# D1 C7 p7 Y+ M! ?* G
2 A1 T: b) Y1 [, i" w 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
" z+ j3 I2 K6 n' r- E) ^capital of Canada .' _4 k% \5 X: a; ?2 L
' q# n# T" P) ]: @7 q 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
3 R* Q/ D) d! Y; `- h; a( u5 | D/ ]6 {
5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug8 b g H! z+ b+ ~1 ~0 g7 }
capital of Canada .% s( t( z# a1 `, z/ g* R/ K& w
- ^5 V/ @, Y& I2 c* u8 ~- @ 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
1 g9 `! ? X6 ]9 w8 g0 J$8.00/hour.$ `( V; m; K" m$ A) Y
' j( B4 u' w4 ~) f) d! q% m 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
. b1 t, E7 D6 L2 j3 o+ \& @
' v( f- j1 M! `# x4 U% m 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money% Y) A. p7 c8 O j2 @
on a 15 year holiday ?) a+ j& a" F9 X' q8 A4 m i
/ ~5 `$ M/ w3 S9 w, v! O6 I) `' P 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas6 [+ n3 J6 k, G9 W2 r6 x% R: t
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
" d' T9 |2 p" Y7 B1 g3 I |
3 _9 y: A7 R/ c& S. G10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come% ?7 D3 f0 `8 m
here sick.
, h5 m' L0 ^0 P" J( Q; l, E% @/ Y8 ^/ a( O- E6 P
11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 129 a3 ~* \! `, ?+ r
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
! H" m8 J+ K* W# w
. J% j% j3 k b, Z8 ? \# M( K: S7 v1 |$ U! w
" W( d/ I" q/ x- x THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
. B* n7 F6 P& r/ v) R( S% j
- y/ V' [8 i9 D- D1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".1 t8 h. Q$ u1 C8 N
' C5 T6 d# s3 U L$ p
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour6 @2 h$ k: W0 K: M/ t
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.' M* t* M, s/ p6 ^) x: D0 s( e
, }: y) r) S3 z+ u$ I
3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
: |; o7 ]" `5 F( P! [8 `5 ?own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest/ O* l# `" ~5 D& P$ ^
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires" z3 J- |' @& K+ L6 `
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell* G& t- W9 c6 T; j) v
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
/ v/ ~( ?3 J& h7 t$ L! ^5 [. c9 {, E4 A" I6 @% W5 ?( L0 k
4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
5 ^& f7 a" e2 }& r; e9 ]5 k9 Ycussed out, and possibly shot.. X4 q' f% d$ V
4 }- ?. |! [9 F5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that0 @% Y# T8 h* W6 ?' Z5 Y( d, Q8 \
can get you shot.
8 W( ~6 _. _% D W
( P. ]$ c% h; ^6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour. X8 T: X9 T3 M
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
( J d& v6 i- nday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
* d& L( X' D2 d0 Z5 s3 K+ l( V! Ymore construction starts everyday.
. T9 ?- t" @" Z( @/ }. ~) R5 H( v) l* E% F# ?( ~7 j
7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
$ N0 b; W# S/ s+ s8 ]7 wdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
9 [+ _3 R$ J. @0 E- }: n- Isquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
4 O# K0 _% L$ {2 G# f6 o4 X2 |4 d) ~8 J3 F- `& |+ i
8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
- ?& C' @8 M5 h0 Ethe same road.
( F r0 ?. t$ b% H% N# H2 B/ t! ^2 I- r- G4 u a+ G
9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the! O; X4 f6 b3 S8 B! g) A
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
5 I- t- f* ?/ K X eactivated."5 R) W+ U7 T# a
5 d8 p- @& W9 ]5 @" R( W. h
10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km# Y. C" O& a; ]5 I* ?
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"5 R `# G% g0 ^ `0 d7 G! d9 x
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
, z" t8 q* d2 q3 v/ Y5 n# a9 g t/ x, H: `- t
11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur" A4 x# J8 S' }
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and3 h/ T- A8 L% r
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
5 m3 @4 Y' V" w" W9 L8 q5 U0 lvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
|