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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA# L, L+ C! T1 e U& C
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9 H/ @. i: P$ \' p2 X3 C. Z U 1. Bring your own house.- e( e2 C8 t0 H( S# V
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and8 J, P, m# C$ K8 m* _( }: N
hospital.
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( _4 J! @$ v$ X9 S' u+ |. }% ~6 E 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder! F# \" @; J7 K* g$ e
capital of Canada .1 [+ @1 m3 s' R/ F
3 j" }# \$ x5 d$ w; G 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
5 P7 J( ] s' o4 A, F- Mcapital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
% |/ ^# G8 `' [; H1 R1 N( ?, v: w$8.00/hour.) d! f9 Y) o- F
1 ]8 I& X: \+ @6 F0 H8 P q 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.& k4 A" ^' g8 X
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
( V! t9 A* Y" k, eon a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas( p& U0 ?0 [6 [1 M! x
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)4 \; `# R# V! U
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
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! P2 t* |- u4 z, D5 U11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
. |2 R; R$ n9 }* \7 ~years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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$ b0 T4 O8 s/ ?; n) d THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :1 F4 L" P- d5 ~9 X& A8 I
5 O) s' Z5 W8 _4 g) X2 u" k1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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: P5 |! ?" K6 _( g! ?3 O2 |& J2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour' p* V* c1 S5 L2 ]4 j, n8 C
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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% P" [6 _; g7 Q8 L+ E3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its5 A9 ]3 {$ t! ^0 P
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest V' H5 D6 d+ C( q
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires( B) D; l4 p" A; M# E4 g
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
, e8 c! ~ G' y7 zphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.) p# S3 j6 w4 s2 N
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,2 l+ k8 x3 s! ?; z" I
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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! y4 I4 y+ X7 |& r4 b5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that2 [- g6 d3 S, S2 h0 k
can get you shot.7 \) H4 t3 h3 @1 V1 {
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
0 W4 R1 X- K* `8 F, O# ~; a# Fbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
" j$ ]9 Z( Z; V$ E/ ?5 dday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and4 i' I! }2 \; R/ P" H
more construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
& h$ W1 _$ ^& g. E. u# y4 ?9 Q# x, Z1 |deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage, G @" _5 H9 U) _
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
- A5 ~# D) c2 [; u+ ithe same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the4 \* e! k" {. b6 q9 \
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
# [! f" N: |+ tzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
$ U7 e& j0 D0 P5 v, s; |accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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: c, e( Q$ v0 H) Y& I/ ^2 a7 k11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
; w/ t6 `7 y* z C8 Wlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
$ V9 Z# S6 J9 h5 bblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
0 _" q& n3 u2 m+ p" dvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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