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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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: S$ k% x' ?) S4 p+ b 1. Bring your own house.% e7 ]* T; a E4 p' k7 A
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and0 c, f& r3 E' Y- E
hospital.1 [8 V+ u/ ]+ z
- H" I0 _- l" y 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder" H* D$ o* i6 C' O/ J/ T
capital of Canada .6 w& y: N' H7 h6 v( l: {$ |' V
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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8 I: P I7 g# U$ C8 _+ H 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
. x) R8 r* x1 \+ l+ ecapital of Canada .: v' M; V* E: S: Y; ^8 e6 Q3 `. I
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is7 F6 G& [* m: ?* X+ m
$8.00/hour.
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3 W3 y6 w& c3 _1 L1 k& I% K; N 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.: v8 z- I% m* n3 v+ h
3 E- F' V7 ?) n l7 u/ R 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money% u1 Q; { j7 r1 w, Q
on a 15 year holiday ?5 m# e+ S5 d* w' y, v
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
, p n) A) D1 z9 [) L7 Q! I2 {) dprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)1 L6 ]1 T4 y# k( h
8 t* P& p6 V' }* I: ?( y10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come; Y7 P R8 |2 t0 \
here sick.
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8 w* \9 e& Y* w( D; P0 v11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
/ w" t; _7 |# h$ t* r/ q; R6 ^2 tyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1 I, G, S+ @# {1 ^8 d+ ~1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".8 \; E7 q% @! G3 x
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
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' y( W0 t7 _% V% V/ U3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its% Z, j0 }" M" n9 T
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest, a: u. ^' O8 x! J
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
]! n" k% M, Qgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
& T O* f/ u1 p- B, K! O: Q2 Z; @" ophone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,- ~9 k4 o2 @3 b' i0 p4 D
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that: Z% c: p" J( }4 f
can get you shot.9 c1 s% d: l$ t8 f& \0 j8 G
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
, n6 V6 H5 J4 y( d, l) U8 W/ Ubarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next8 R/ C' o2 L( o A, V1 j0 V- r
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
2 o8 Z8 }% U7 ^( @; j% Hmore construction starts everyday.# O& Z: A; Z {3 g0 L I! ]
3 ~) {) B2 E2 p: d 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
8 @5 a1 [/ x& K4 h$ }deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
{- V. [" M q( `: s: E- rsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.& Z+ D. m) {% G8 P* w# t! S
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
' J5 V7 q, x/ b/ w2 W3 N Gthe same road.$ y- a; H' O, ^. V8 P
' ^) L, n! {1 j' J6 U9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the( Q" E" e8 q7 B9 E' ~
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally4 V, G! H4 s$ S! D$ S& N( V
activated."8 c" G2 o7 x$ H) a% l) V
3 e1 p' Q; G2 h8 f0 v# Y10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km" K8 ~7 M4 W! `( l+ z% M. ~
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
2 B( I$ ^, e- ?1 L# W! i" \ j. waccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.0 e# P8 Q# ?# b
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur7 K$ Y2 E% b' Z5 ~ P
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
2 S* D8 o/ w o4 J+ ?9 Dblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is6 w3 K" F7 M6 k& c8 V% Q! J2 U3 z; i
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
