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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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9 f* @, c8 C8 h) G. g/ @8 _ 1. Bring your own house.1 m& {( Q# A- R: F$ H5 D
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and" t+ h- ]3 V/ R2 Q$ p0 Y
hospital.
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& I/ A5 f, \+ a 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
1 ]& f2 Q, v& z) b$ S4 s+ rcapital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .' w1 y D) c" R! w9 @9 z
# B `7 T# R, K# m& o( W 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
# S6 R. }9 \6 m9 c3 Hcapital of Canada .0 K& r, b( M" P- w& Y( ~
" y! n4 _0 L* E. W8 { 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is6 x r5 C3 g% j
$8.00/hour.
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6 A$ \! ]" M% G9 n 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.3 K+ R! d7 N* f/ A
: I' _. y2 C, Y8 ^ 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
7 \2 B6 D0 z6 p; J; } p* Eon a 15 year holiday ?+ I+ \4 g: n7 q# ?. B. W9 {6 ]$ w3 J
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
8 R, p7 e6 D! q4 s. qprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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/ _" H0 e' |' G* T+ B7 y10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
5 v% ?8 [5 q5 @, o" Y5 \- hhere sick.- [6 K1 E# w. B! g: U
6 ]4 z: x( X# F/ f11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
- q1 V; t- J* K+ Q5 u, `; h yyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone. K6 O4 X" M }$ r- r3 f' R$ q
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :' Y2 u) N6 x7 k# t0 z; p7 a. i
. T' C; C: ` k- z1 S) C1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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1 j- I4 O" g: X4 W9 s/ ?7 O2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour9 F( k! K7 e5 f/ o
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
8 ]1 s1 ^; h( E. _own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest0 R9 V* ?5 ` S' p
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
5 h& w n4 C, c. i x$ K; K/ sgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell. @ J. t' `8 X' P# z( f
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
1 N: o! T8 C- g/ n1 Tcussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
- H( ?8 n2 g! U! o' h- T$ ncan get you shot.& Y* ]* _( S5 q0 f' X. ]$ K) [
$ {( i3 ?% F# w6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour! ~7 c; O V" k- ~" a/ y
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next2 W, e- x' K( u! J7 h6 k$ x
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and, G2 ^/ k* _- I; T, n
more construction starts everyday.$ Z8 h2 R8 U+ e! \2 c% [ c
7 v1 D. Y' l2 k B1 o* K 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
' I; t6 j: [& ~ \: h- }deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
% b. {! S. G: F* A( @' V/ f3 gsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
4 x) y+ `0 |: |7 L! G/ uthe same road.9 [4 U x2 u9 P, ]" u: Q2 j5 e
# H4 b; k4 I! Z9 Y9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the2 ?9 h! _' ~1 I' ]! g- ^8 k8 `
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally- R- m$ l$ b( ?. G$ @2 }) M. m
activated."1 B# G% V. B: Z. Z ~$ U
, Z$ b. _) j8 W: E+ h10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
8 [2 l% `! \$ H' t5 \( rzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"3 f3 B* ^( c# c2 {' v8 f
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.6 s# W. {# t/ T$ ]' k1 M
$ q$ M& k- S6 t% V9 R11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
~: @8 L: g. g( |# |, V0 h: slined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and% L, E# L8 K. t
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is2 ~4 f2 e' c" ?& L3 T* r$ b
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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