 鲜花( 1)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
* Y2 g4 t r+ I, Q5 f5 C: H" ^; ^: i- C8 F# D! o! I2 p
$ X0 y) b. Z% R% {( m9 o7 q
) f' G% a. _ G1 ~: g+ K9 Q
1. Bring your own house.
# V) ^/ A$ X3 {5 o6 U
+ j7 Z& }% e' ^& X9 L/ |$ m* O 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
& N* ~* d$ \3 r6 d" C5 `$ }2 L2 khospital.1 r1 K8 l" \0 ]. R' L' W2 r9 {
9 Y- I7 P+ e, F* L7 T 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
R# `* L: M$ `capital of Canada .
5 K% A# c- |1 n, |3 z4 l+ a0 X" ^# e) [
4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .2 o* A; d; M. o$ G) l( Q- G
& d4 v2 v& }( l# X' k8 S
5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug( C7 L9 `7 W" b* F E( t. F1 P) k
capital of Canada .0 G1 i8 a+ I6 d- r- h* ~. V
+ _ V/ ~, S9 n }. T* r0 F
6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
7 Y% E {! p0 u3 ~$8.00/hour.
$ X$ R' ~6 Q! k- o2 h* ^
! ]3 }! h+ u" i- V2 e8 b3 K 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.; y4 q) J. }- L: Z# [
5 j' z( D4 Y' }& G% K% q 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
6 b6 R4 e) W7 H5 `3 r8 a3 ^on a 15 year holiday ? b3 ~' @( U% s" @2 n
! j* ~, m( e+ C9 f p
9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas: A' h. y9 |# _4 Q( L
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)3 E3 P% e% }8 K7 X
]4 g8 n" c# A' g9 A. |/ c10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come8 [- t: B6 g9 |: @: e
here sick.9 C+ d3 M' u) K9 o4 ]/ m
# Q/ C, ^0 }* _, n* w% P( Q
11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12) @: p, X4 o" D0 z4 d& j
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
f6 m& U8 C( P& g- V8 ?! [$ Q- b; u
# j7 i& h, E' o) S% M8 X+ O2 d
/ z% d1 C' u( D. @8 K/ o, ~ THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
3 B h8 l; E" x+ ^& T" S) m C% h& _" D3 x) S! C% o" R' L: v! A% C+ s
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".3 j) p6 m& [. F+ i# a5 g$ k
7 H( }" t; o7 {) c- g$ |
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
$ V, w; ]' v- L6 Q$ yis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
" b1 q9 G; h4 a3 N& u; V' m" d$ z5 ~% T( {' E3 F
3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its3 ~' ?( J t! a
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
, S" G# a3 q0 x4 omuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
+ J8 h s- F& ^1 N0 \$ \7 O, tgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell$ C: j3 d9 V) T8 z; b i3 s
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
* ]9 F4 ]3 T" L' x* K, L# W1 x7 H0 @4 a. z" J
4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
" W! w' g3 }; D7 d, Vcussed out, and possibly shot.( \1 X+ C; v0 N: b; N, Z& U) e1 k
( c& Y% G/ |2 W8 V
5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that5 |& d& h: l( Z* ~: t
can get you shot.
0 @, E7 }! u" P3 _0 u" l, Q9 r
& O. d8 Y. c' t+ v6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour! j6 [9 p; ^, L
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next3 Q% l7 g0 D$ o0 r9 h1 v
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and6 p( C0 ~$ L4 ^9 X: Z
more construction starts everyday.5 C+ D! K) R- K# q) I ~) J
4 B Q3 l' q, D) s P 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
n" H) r* o* c) f7 edeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
% |/ O E. |8 d% ~7 o: tsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items./ c6 j& v' g1 L- ~7 o
# y0 S! u5 w* v$ t! V0 i4 p, m8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all0 {/ e* W6 Z" a. H2 E$ g% W
the same road. b2 L) W: s) E* G9 {( }
4 W3 W) p# I5 p8 A# D
9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the9 w2 |+ C! d! }( D1 ~' |, i* z& G3 G
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
_- X& T& \( M9 t) D" i6 hactivated."
" h: ?- ^6 O& X5 T$ i, a4 l% s6 M9 P l6 `; g
10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
# c7 `3 v8 F; H8 C jzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
y) K/ J' G: ]6 waccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
1 L1 }. [# v' L5 q2 y& t3 |; c
. V+ Y9 J: Y8 J% d) s2 F11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
- H: E, P, v, g; E6 u1 R/ ylined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and0 M7 K' O* M. R; { R9 t
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
! R3 z; y% A6 b- S' {% |virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
|