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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and$ K5 F" C3 `, n+ t+ i8 ` E
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder3 Y& h' W" X4 F) N
capital of Canada .
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% f" W2 [) l/ I E 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .! K1 N' k2 T) {* }7 D/ J
0 K2 `1 v- t9 ^% k- z! Q 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
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4 ] D8 B3 N6 q 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is6 i0 _4 C7 B- _8 d8 b0 A
$8.00/hour.: W6 V: |% {3 W7 J' t
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
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# }) h2 g$ x( z; `4 `2 m 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
! _ b8 d* }( b# g/ oprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)4 }$ `- X. Q* O7 t9 R5 W
3 D# y$ w) |& b2 A, j+ c10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come m7 T6 Z, t& p7 B9 v& b2 B
here sick.: V: Q" F5 y' b5 Y. g% Y
1 o5 q% U) \; o+ {# x w y11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
2 I) N ^* g; c; U! v6 lyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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6 B! W! G# d8 b9 C* w THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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+ l; o5 c1 t/ Z1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
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8 a, R4 R$ ~% d- M5 L3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its! ~. u/ z. ^" `( z8 Q2 @
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest C+ ` J& V2 ]! r
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires. v% U- {+ u$ A2 E$ g. ]% _
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell, I5 c5 l5 A3 T8 u( N, B5 w8 [
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.3 J$ Y1 V# Z. A# h7 z/ O$ O
* |& W; w- J1 u3 Z4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,+ P% l" q# \: i; _# {0 b1 b
cussed out, and possibly shot.; p: w# A, N9 g N( B) k
- @. u& h3 G; e/ u; q0 c5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that2 t; u+ h' b5 M
can get you shot.3 @2 ]4 @7 o4 M0 Z5 n$ Y
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
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day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
9 c' L7 V5 k0 k+ K+ ymore construction starts everyday.
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! A/ F9 [$ Q8 x7 G( G 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
' T3 A8 F2 a$ {, ?' Sdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
! e4 U3 ?* @0 H# P2 {5 Ysquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
1 b+ W2 d c7 \ n: L" D4 Gthe same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
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activated."
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km! [ g# k5 Q/ ~& U
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
3 o! I; z% D; r1 s% Z3 Raccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
& D) d: A) Y% J" g% ]( l% I0 B$ \lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and7 v O! p. _7 {2 x
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
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