 鲜花( 1)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA- J! m* o) N2 H, N C% p K
1 m, \7 o3 ]& J3 m$ T( R
7 o* {6 L% f; K; C5 d' _' h& n
H7 Y `' M5 A' T3 O$ g
1. Bring your own house.- `! E3 n/ M# r
3 n; K3 y% Y7 Z# h1 q
2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
6 O$ h/ } d& y- M Y* j/ ehospital.
# g1 d5 g% I' u' `9 f1 ~2 m( u" o" u; T- O3 Z/ V1 k1 q! [
3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
9 n7 x0 G1 r6 \ acapital of Canada ., [- ]1 [! o7 | `
# B% w# f7 d. p" i 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .7 @- l% V6 @" V4 g
7 ^7 z4 E/ J# s9 m2 q
5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug. n; \6 \0 a) U$ F6 F
capital of Canada .4 U/ w9 B/ _4 |/ f* }
9 L: W3 Q) M& t2 I/ o4 X1 i) D 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
) S0 T- ]! v) k$ M9 ?$8.00/hour.# K" _! w5 v# r( j
* c/ D& W9 f |& W5 s- K9 S
7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
* y5 X0 r! U X: M$ M C" V3 Y4 v' |7 U7 M7 v6 X) ^
8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money+ W5 l; z2 V# o3 c u3 R
on a 15 year holiday ?! Y. m: Q! N' q/ j
: d9 M. @& q% E& Y
9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
2 o- m' |4 P2 [: dprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)) @* p4 O4 U/ r( T! M: Q, o3 ^8 }
1 b1 Y* s7 b0 R( U( t& S) l# R$ N% n# G
10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
/ o% Y2 J' e5 H/ s+ g8 P: Shere sick.
. T! p& w8 T- ^# m
# a9 F. n, ?( Y# K: x11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
5 k- E& e; S9 `" m0 e! V& Syears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
" G9 R+ k4 d+ w( e' h: t7 I! D1 E* Y- M3 s
) R& X* r, g0 Y* Y7 _# G& A4 p, ?( ]7 w! O% j( J3 ^
THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
; L% H' {4 c0 R) d: P& M$ t# ^* U
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".7 ^& }1 {9 x: q* e5 ~& g; H
! K+ h0 M2 [& C" ]/ `
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour- M0 x8 {* j* T) p
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning., g: @, x- B" x" P% h* O! D2 v
& b J1 @8 a8 N$ t
3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
0 k7 G0 {! b- d9 b& e; ~+ cown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
* Y2 V7 b- h Q% xmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
) u# K9 q; ^( f" a( c/ ?go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell0 T) M, q: u) B& Y) \& _5 ^3 }
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
' m" i2 z, ] c, R) F3 g1 L$ \- s9 g1 Z4 x, m
4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
' f6 P5 h ]! c$ {( V" ycussed out, and possibly shot.! M0 L, B5 `- s( y. m
2 ?9 k: N5 q9 K1 R6 I/ }$ x
5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
2 V8 Y/ n- P7 J5 i6 ?can get you shot." U( o5 S% j4 q0 p
& f& s0 Q1 J3 Y u+ Y6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour7 s5 r1 |) \ r% u9 [7 U" r
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
5 z( i+ q- `" C! S; Tday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
0 N6 [- s) G# r4 bmore construction starts everyday.9 X6 ?- U3 U1 ]3 e, ~8 l
$ c2 x, E! `5 g: b! h) d
7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
! C, S) X6 a3 X3 odeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
% T G/ y, \8 u6 n- W5 ]6 _squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
0 O/ ^! a( b6 o$ V) c+ Z' _: J
8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
3 X1 r' m) e9 F( m6 tthe same road.
/ Q# ?- |: E3 n7 u S+ ]7 I
8 y7 ?- s8 c, o$ I: A7 {9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
! w0 ]) ?. m+ f$ Z( [- y, f7 Rshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
# Q9 o. B& g9 {+ `activated."
! f7 u0 v) w) Z: U+ c* Y: M" @6 e& g" c+ d1 k0 @! N$ y
10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km: I+ Q: [& a* g% B5 p
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
6 W4 W# K+ K' o. u2 taccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
! {& K) x" Z1 ~: Q' W2 d
0 T: n" M+ ~# v. L) \# c11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
: p) ~4 A- Y9 d# c4 o" d. Xlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
1 `4 r+ |' I+ f- |, E$ F* mblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is1 J$ h% m( [# H& u6 ?2 t$ e# K
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
|