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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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* {$ [4 C) }7 P& z h8 J! b9 q6 c% r 1. Bring your own house.
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. e( @4 d8 L6 ]( q L1 V0 d 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and. g8 L9 m% f8 u' h2 p* P
hospital.
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder/ u5 @( Q$ A; [7 J: Q Q
capital of Canada .
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% O$ b8 K; w9 D 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug, w2 \* S ^3 l+ w
capital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
" c5 W6 r4 K6 S! U0 T$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
- A. g0 s9 S( o+ I2 `$ ?+ y2 xon a 15 year holiday ?
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% X' L$ V: g* g8 ] 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
3 N+ {& Y* f+ Y/ Iprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
+ c6 m7 V2 C1 ^7 x7 [: y; A- n/ ?* Y9 where sick.& T2 o1 a# a; P4 W4 l5 J0 X% h2 }
+ T# x0 X! G; c; w11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
* r% Y+ S6 M% u1 c$ B, i: myears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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, k! [4 n- v2 o. M5 ^5 ? THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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7 C$ W( Q7 n" R# b1 R4 G+ R1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".$ M& l/ Q, g8 T" u- |# h
) K0 \" j9 B2 U0 W2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour; ?% l+ Q' u' W6 B
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.- n% f7 L) A0 `
! g. v% @ F1 e/ X6 f$ B3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
: x: F7 J0 H' uown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest& J d" _2 M5 H
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
, \7 v6 l5 g- t l9 Rgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
/ a: Y+ l& O( j: ]& ]0 {phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,8 h* q7 A0 k- J
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that! P& N% ^. e' p; ~* ^
can get you shot.2 K- }2 G/ z* q. [: c. m
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour _; F# U( J: I0 j
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next0 h+ s+ `; B! R4 a. [$ ~
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
. d+ J) x8 \( z$ ~$ l( ^more construction starts everyday.& [: b2 `" D! s6 `& F* r) E
8 c+ G. k3 T+ O 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,2 j* A0 ]* k$ b4 c1 i
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,- R5 U" Y! d2 Y! y
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.% Q6 j6 z/ V, v
) M% |. G l g5 r" c1 U8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
8 u/ o% f5 ?; F' h( l0 `) v+ H7 |the same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
/ ^) L' N9 B& l7 v, W) Bshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km5 G6 @. }$ J# e3 Z, |4 x
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"3 B3 ?( q2 i; ~1 e
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
- a- i/ M8 P- n8 | K1 n5 o; qlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and) v' k+ [. H; M+ }- `* u
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is6 X1 i" Z2 O; F% m" s% v1 L) ?
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
