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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2 r" H: k+ @- L3 w$ U; ? n9 T 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and7 Y" N# B& t9 `: T5 q' [
hospital.
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: Z4 r5 r6 [' z 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder9 W* o4 q# W# Q' Y6 b
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug. S0 b# S+ } |
capital of Canada .
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9 h4 ~$ s8 s/ ~- l# w. u 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is) O- n! }" _/ p
$8.00/hour. g% T4 a0 H& X
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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1 u2 g: W0 Z, {, F7 J: k 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money: v( H6 Y- [( l2 i/ g
on a 15 year holiday ?8 U1 V6 x9 b; O3 [1 R! [0 j* c. g" R
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas. c- r& t# R2 b8 U9 \5 X- d, n
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)) n; L$ N3 z% P8 H. k
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come4 Z: }& J* l8 y- W+ J5 j
here sick.* t# K' ?) d: ]; ]
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
7 }6 |3 I. T* hyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.% B7 l$ x* a7 Q4 O. [/ f, d
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :' h0 S% w0 s5 P# T; z4 z$ Z" m: {
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".9 H6 F4 \$ C0 F& Q- F
. j+ l8 h& {; N4 Q' s7 I( z2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
5 U* d% r# [; Q! S7 A; _0 a5 kis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
7 p2 n4 u1 a% c( s! M- Qown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
0 A5 r3 Q0 E, Imuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
7 _( H* a5 I; T" fgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell e3 w" q# t' O4 \! `, [
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,, M5 N. Q! j% a1 c( y# F2 v( P
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that; i! g+ p- f# T- ^ N
can get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
2 d4 j s9 ?- u5 d% ybarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
' W4 Y w k4 g2 p" fday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and! z# _/ }: M7 l) s0 C5 T
more construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,% g) v/ M+ x5 Q' s. a5 G9 y
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage," j3 i& U% d3 N [" h' }7 ^, b
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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# k7 L& G4 h' r0 X" P- w4 c l' Y8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
( ^, \4 f+ Y1 |$ O, W/ n" m" k4 vthe same road.
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/ j7 o$ B/ _; }8 s9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the0 _. ]5 n# \& s7 R* l- C6 s9 g
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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6 }8 T% l& p- @) [8 |! ]' J10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
s$ ^% K9 d3 n* b, Yzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"" U& x& T) R' o7 k4 q2 `7 i/ O
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
. a: v, l4 B: alined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
3 Y( ]) Q- X' } g3 `& sblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
2 \; x( k" _# _( i* tvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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