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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.% {, t% m b n3 }* q2 Q. B' I6 E/ i
. N$ Y" F4 a9 ] 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and3 ?5 v& {/ p+ H9 P9 G
hospital.2 V a' x7 g. g& u
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder' E2 r/ A+ F# o1 U }
capital of Canada .# J. e4 n! R- \( E
* v' ~, m7 |8 H% O' j7 F6 ?1 P1 E 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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/ `4 K4 e, d* k 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug1 |$ Z4 u( O# W% w
capital of Canada ., v% B& @8 f: Y: y3 A% }, }
& j. Q D3 e8 y. N 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
/ R8 ]- K: f* g8 f+ [9 [$8.00/hour.6 U6 q g7 X( t5 q
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.9 S- n/ z H- O/ C& @; I
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money/ i9 ]/ E) V1 c, M) t# U
on a 15 year holiday ?- @. Q: X* u( t) Z; m
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas5 t1 u z6 I# U3 L
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)% M8 v# M. R8 p% L
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come: u( E6 p/ l& r" i, ]
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12- E1 r5 i( X0 N& V. h u" f
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.+ @" K" v: Q: K- A, l: u+ Q+ |
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :& p: O5 E% J# U2 t& N, T- D
# C- @7 g6 ^9 [1 D1 b1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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7 e7 u' z# G+ Y2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
3 y- J. w( { i5 h" }8 ais from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.! h% V( M+ P8 ?, Y2 w0 ?
; v9 M K. y& d; S# [3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
m K' L9 z" H4 @own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
. i4 s3 n7 f" K' ymuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires; s& E1 P/ q2 V4 L! A2 ?! v
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
, ?1 e+ {1 G) _1 e( H* tphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.) @0 S1 F! g, E6 y6 |& Y9 N
0 |; Z, s% H/ c. |' D4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
: f }9 J5 g3 E8 N3 `+ Hcussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
7 ~: M4 ~1 d2 I5 _* T% _, [: q5 Jcan get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
8 V) E9 S2 K$ U& c0 u, Ybarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
7 n6 f; h+ [& u8 Z) ?: ` mday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and, X7 }: L' h/ w( {* l
more construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, u0 x9 m' z5 O7 G. d0 z0 v
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,3 Y U) @' {/ P2 e7 l8 G. h+ ?
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.0 k2 U K+ Z: f2 ?
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all- }) C( O- K' T# ]! N0 R3 R9 d3 X2 C
the same road.; x) `: v) h- U' Q
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the: U/ D4 w7 H0 K6 d) J" J6 h
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally+ n7 B+ ~" Z7 e4 J* w
activated."
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$ n/ Q! ]0 U/ s. `. n4 z) t j1 }10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
1 f* n& Z) @+ ?$ J: s( r3 R& Nzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
% {' ]2 N& d; J9 {accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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" T9 Y: s* V# j! m- r! [6 Y11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur4 J$ @. a9 n/ Q) P
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and6 n5 N! B! t( w' ?% {1 Z, Y( w1 @
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
+ S5 d6 z5 Y* w. p. \4 N5 _) pvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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