请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
6 W: s0 h( a* oBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
, T! ^& B2 N; @+ u2 QThanks a lot!!!

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* q2 n$ r" o# |Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; D% s3 Z0 i0 F  P3 `7 m1 P. x+ s5 d( r; C              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 I5 i7 E$ P+ i+ _. _8 y              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* B; X% o: k- n5 o              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 Q# c. a" x+ W. d% v              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
: [0 c! x, e% M/ |; \) s- N             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% H7 ^- K* S/ E. b             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
9 B: O2 A$ D( Y$ E7 U% C$ ^             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
4 H- R- \: h6 F$ `  a2 L% uFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
. }1 n" z2 B" JBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 @2 }: b, d8 x; i% JSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  N( i0 f: j- U  PSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
1 z& p  N( V% u9 wSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. `* y: M$ W+ J# n! t! {( c
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

; B4 S- e2 x& H9 TSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
8 f& E( ~  @. r0 _, K6 [7 N/ C, }8 t/ fSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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( M/ C) @5 d: rHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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- ^7 j9 x& l1 fsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ W" i9 u+ |* d0 K=====================================================================
5 W: l, D7 {/ _# S2 p" y7 Dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

# S9 F$ J! l& s8 w哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？