请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
9 ?3 @+ Q/ Q) K5 w2 S: jBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
; I9 V1 q1 t$ W( a0 C! x  ~However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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+ n; N' [; p7 c0 v& QFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
/ M3 o4 P* f6 c              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
: q' e, U- b5 J' f# ]( T, x              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
- `0 ]0 F; G9 k* f2 r8 Z$ J, x              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ e' a, P2 I) n! S             somehow I lost myself inside again
7 F1 b! o' w1 M) @Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
  i9 g+ V7 [. L: ~: A3 ^             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
# `* K6 h( |3 w3 A; F. QIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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1 S& ^$ q8 a/ E" q$ D+ x

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  k0 q% j) l, A. J0 M* `! \Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
: [( g# j/ }2 j* L9 WSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
; J# s  y2 q: @
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, w, v% O( G6 B, E& e1 M  N1 nSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
% K8 z0 L5 o* z: g5 r4 X/ B' @7 ySomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 n' q5 U0 n3 b) @- V5 c7 B================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
* c8 E: c: n& r
/ L& w4 i0 X" ~: T; `1 C* K7 Zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 Q9 @, }3 W- @9 D# H6 O5 l2 @=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
9 C; f% w* z6 P4 O我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？