请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( `; C4 v2 n9 o# `2 ?( t% X5 NThanks a lot!!!


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& Z0 V7 U: j. u1 t; B


  F+ ?: l0 \9 b, R; u5 b
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
7 S3 u; n( g2 V. C6 U' Y              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  y# {: u. K( L: e! s. R, D  O              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
5 p% w4 O8 s' {: \8 [8 D3 q              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
" O) x( v! o  b6 {However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ v, A$ N" i/ d/ @             somehow I lost myself inside again
7 x9 I* e8 u/ w- MNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
7 C1 w  c; x& C4 R  q9 x% [But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

+ k" a5 }' P0 S% b卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
& a8 @5 x1 o6 \& U* j& j+ xSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
, R& }$ ~1 U7 }, L) g: l
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( X8 J$ R% c" u3 [: qSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, X! r$ n) P; p7 ^Somehow I lost myself inside it again
6 k1 ?+ n: ^' X' n5 i: M3 w/ }6 h
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
% f: q4 d& Q; y9 }+ V, \Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
. }- h% d, k+ w* M" lHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
; m. {6 R2 q, }
+ p+ y* E  z( e8 e: Z& \" hsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
4 j) e5 k  v. {3 [- Z0 o3 ^% dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

; P& O0 x- E  J6 |5 ~$ l哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？