请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
3 Z: V1 F# L+ a, I6 h  E" zHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
- A! ~# e! }& z) j) ]3 D



' \  j8 i5 \+ p7 B+ b

  V# f( o9 k1 n$ p
$ @+ Z% @! S9 K/ k6 bFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
- L( v8 i( m6 a+ b6 s( S              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
9 R" `( G+ |' d8 k              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) G1 P' K% J7 H9 a' C1 t8 D# r             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* E6 E. M7 R- V( Y- t& d; N             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
$ s! a' G( C! N& m+ i4 FFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
2 }( p) o" Z1 D8 X* OBasically, I almost finish this poem
* H! X% N- R& |               I am 一个人de精彩
" D! S  l& ^, v+ v& X               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

6 V3 N6 O+ v* c6 v$ H卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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( {" x3 I7 ^* D2 b! N4 C% r- A& ?

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
! k1 [% A  x2 R: fSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
* Z0 u! {1 t& H% n  sSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 A; w2 N* a/ o6 I0 f6 ~0 L; GSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. K5 Y5 ^; w+ L/ `$ [3 H) iSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ p; {/ s) B) c9 N% zSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
8 _7 G' q: `" G+ T5 b6 F
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
) Z" n1 t, d  c# x# y) v/ {Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
% }1 f2 T. ~& X1 G; n* ]3 T4 \) m
* s  v( ?! r1 y! h6 I- M5 B* I3 {- x' ~somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; G4 _% }$ K1 O% \3 ^=====================================================================
' s0 i/ F' Z! q& W# Qsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？