请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
1 M8 @" ^5 s$ B$ D* OBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
" l2 y, e' R6 N; h" AHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
: _: [6 n8 Q! I* W* aThanks a lot!!!
5 ~9 j3 {  M% b0 Q3 u# m. a+ t" l
9 x) i/ o+ h: G. P5 s: Z& \/ P( I
6 a' i9 v& p3 r7 N+ Z



/ j* }5 c. r9 d4 K
% \; Z1 |( K! x+ {7 c4 y4 y' ^, eFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
1 |' K2 R, y- ~; C7 `              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
7 ^  S" s+ O* l7 m) A* y$ M              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
" O" B, k4 K; ]( |7 A, W/ t# q) l# {# {9 t              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
, Y0 v+ {% B3 w$ _However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 n- `  r& B+ ^$ L  O             somehow I lost myself inside again
8 O4 @3 f1 I" v3 m/ ]! PNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
, s& O4 L6 l, o; ]               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

# A- w" e' w8 ]5 K/ p& x卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
; o9 V8 F3 B' _! R' I% ~% |

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
$ z  ^6 I/ Q- v( R, A( y2 [( ]Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
7 h% s6 \8 d: V( K3 Z0 l$ T, ~Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
5 H* l: L0 i6 r* D* HSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
  [0 f6 {: j* n$ m
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 D5 L% Y5 J# R' {, s; oSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

8 Y6 c$ U' V. @Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 G* X& d1 o  c- ZSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
. l5 M" o/ \+ u4 v, s7 Z/ ESomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
# ]# T: @8 t8 f: G* G我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! T* M, b) N* p8 `* L8 N哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？