请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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- H4 y) n2 b3 l$ s& y7 f

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
; {5 r( O  \0 P              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
; c( U8 W! A+ x+ }              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; i5 U3 \/ C& L, z; g8 e             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( p: F+ S( ~5 |             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 R! Y4 W" \" ?" b+ F1 m( C             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
' J) n5 _; q% I: H; q) G             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
- O: T6 j6 P6 k% p               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
6 R& @5 L" p! r5 [0 o& l9 Q+ UIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 d6 N* F3 _6 t/ W8 K! ?0 l' ESomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 M9 ^% u3 h+ d, W* ZSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

9 ?& F! ]& M( M: A5 m# ?Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. h. A/ l  Z2 R$ i+ e* I4 wSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
1 C( G4 o( {7 k& hSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
- S/ c( {  C- V  tHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

+ t" S9 u) i$ ]' t3 m, Tsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
  H. c6 f% w' @somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

& M( o& ]% C' f) y" T2 A$ D" K哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？