埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5344|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons . S0 b: u1 @. i$ J5 C

6 _0 v0 |9 P( \0 F9 e *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
% v3 m$ \' a% @! F
# S9 G9 \' Q9 \9 c) M" e7 ^" P: g A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
- l( r; Q' ?2 g1 cThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
" u7 c) k/ @( e6 N7 G there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
* x- C, i; }' C5 m# Z* {# b Before she says a word, Bob says,
) F( y+ y( F# e% h, r9 q0 b* P "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
; `  i$ @) C/ K& [After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.- y4 W* U% g$ A: r' @* O5 [/ t
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
9 ?2 [) i+ }4 e* V  M/ u0 AThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
4 w) V4 [1 C" y) A# i$ @When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
2 H# s4 O. J4 N: Y "Who was that?"
# ~1 ~, `  o3 E"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. - U0 f, v1 W7 c; F" s
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"2 b7 Z$ |  o9 q0 B1 h/ j$ l

- Y  V0 k  U3 z$ F* VMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your0 h4 x9 U* }, c" y5 a- G
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
5 Z7 c/ F6 t- S A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.2 D+ J1 P" [8 a' k
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
& C" @2 z/ O( N* o8 _7 C5 JThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".7 _, ~3 m" {5 T7 M! a
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
4 K& V* `- X6 I" O' g8 h5 p' U3 pPoof! She's gone.
& @* ^/ a  _' _3 n, l"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.6 V8 T; k' b' t7 k8 ^
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
) m- z# _& y0 qPoof! He's gone.
% G, X+ w9 i* Y# `* }$ J/ d"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
- I; g$ O& h9 ^& z1 r" ~% FThe manager says,/ l  h: ?8 O+ D( X: U. Z3 B; a
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
' j8 a+ ~' P0 J$ k/ Z7 U  {: u3 p7 a8 r# |) A6 H' ^
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
# h! z3 Y. H" m; D# T7 U*Lesson 27 Q, s8 K4 N; s
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
" o3 v! l7 H2 Y6 ^They rub it and a Genie comes out. 9 [7 M& g, ]" o9 H. m
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
1 V; E* v- q$ p5 U
It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*  _2 `5 k9 z, }9 \" E5 {2 L- ]
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 9 d( \' |' d2 K; n( [
The priest nearly had an accident.
+ C) b4 S! O8 U% u3 WAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. + G. A% y0 a4 f/ b8 ], \$ y; x
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
. l  Q2 L/ C+ h$ B6 x) v6 qThe priest removed his hand.
& c: T/ c1 E* j; {* v8 UBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. ) G9 [5 J6 {  S! j& H
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" / l. o. f' Q1 P
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 3 {! c  a3 O+ W- U5 C  @$ c/ ~
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way." Q3 u- a! e" s, q+ i4 A- r8 V  _# ]
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.; A2 {! ], k! e3 {, Q
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
* O& O, {; H, k0 ^4 x) ^5 R! t- w( `' U' @1 W) a% q7 F4 T
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
  I! b; U* x, [; ]) f, p A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
4 y: B$ L0 q' D9 F7 F+ g A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
) s$ E# Q, Y3 ~# F9 vThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
9 v8 A% E4 |% r$ N7 U( A8 BSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
( \) I+ r+ q* x2 A( n: Z; ` A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.1 M( S0 n& B6 H2 ~* ~5 O1 ]/ [
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*) ]" v+ ^2 V+ m& R$ `
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."" A* h+ Q7 t' w& }+ t) b
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." " H$ y7 A0 O) ^& q  q8 Z
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ( C0 L9 ]  `; F- J. g) S+ S5 F
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.) d/ k$ f5 ]' j. {
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.8 V: U6 W. s6 q- }! \) f+ c2 Y
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
2 H. p/ V- O; W6 D2 q3 M: L" k; O; D0 a8 s& }- [- @" [
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*. a+ ~/ ]4 F' n0 ?: z" M
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
, J3 G5 P) \8 C: ^ While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
  s! w8 a3 S, m6 G& [1 R As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 4 l' p2 e( ]" |" M$ j% e
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
6 v8 P! A4 u* ]7 a8 W7 x6 t" O3 G A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ' `7 i9 E, Z% ]- d$ _
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
/ @3 d" t9 s- O
3 w: z) U* O8 n: k; d' o7 y Moral of the story:- m) R3 Z# s7 h8 P5 a
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. s" T0 z& k1 H* ^- ~+ ~3 G9 m7 ^
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
7 V9 [4 y$ [- J5 B 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.5 F$ r" W  k; j' V" L

) y: r% `& ~) L  X3 |" v; q7 j1 EThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the6 i9 {1 p* U2 r3 Y* U; J
race again and it won again.- }' O  x  o; E0 T2 j4 V

( I5 e, M2 j) X) rThe local paper read:' h& K/ H; l+ U; k
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.& e! q; I8 t, E5 J; Q) c
0 f, R$ S% I8 x) W5 N
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the! O; Y; a/ E, s2 z! `
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
" u/ o8 ]  Y' v' s  A: Y2 }6 o0 K7 I( [1 F* |
The next day, the local paper headline read:5 o  P  |2 _  Z4 f  J
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.2 d' h$ u, b7 g- i0 I( [! s6 q

1 b9 \* |4 U5 G' W* JThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
/ t2 A% A% }. U3 dof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.. K  P3 G% f! g. }# E; \6 T! U9 S

+ N5 C; M3 O/ KThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
* Z0 M5 K, ?) e: p( uNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.8 H, V; ~- S9 e% o
4 m, |/ p. {1 F# D& P: J  w, C
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid3 `- y1 U6 ?% o+ Y  w+ v, p0 E
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.# C+ [$ p; K$ T7 f( @3 p- R# U

4 H  v. Z2 q6 o! W( hThe next day the paper read:
& _( D& j& _% aNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
6 C" H! J# L, K9 O& Q( A
( {$ |/ _! N9 n- \) NThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back- B  P3 m3 x3 Q7 U% W2 ^* p& g6 F
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
1 I! Q) {- D  Q1 I; H% X; Y' I& v
% L% l4 _. I4 H6 Q. v9 W5 ^The next day the headlines read:
6 ~% O; A# X6 H& uNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.# [. \" l' d/ v! E: n) d& W
' U/ r% [; C' o% U5 G& O4 O  d
The bishop was buried the next day.: h2 @" `, L$ C
( F* h8 W+ I! c2 T
The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion: w8 X5 Q# i" A. o% V" h
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
; s- L0 l6 \% y0 J0 c. a: R: ?# H6 @6 O  y0 ]; T* q2 Y1 T
So be yourself and enjoy life...
/ B0 D; ?0 I5 x' _/ w  E9 I2 h' ^' `+ h/ P# z6 a9 K1 r
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
- a7 h5 `+ j+ h! ^: y# ?; X5 b And live longer!! R/ i" g2 v2 F" |! X/ O

& n4 u- o) U  r8 I2 bHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 8 K8 ^; A) W# X: J4 Y0 I
0 H! ^& g* H+ M" k
Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"" Y# p5 `! n7 G% ~8 }7 |& P+ }
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!" u1 K. u% J4 @( W! j0 A8 @7 \
( ]: S7 g) O! o# v$ I
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
/ y2 `: k) I) rThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 8 z2 p/ ~' B; P+ Q% K2 q  u. y, U( J- J

" _& ?4 [( y$ N% q! w' J4 hWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
* k" z" V- X* K: h& }# }) P
- X& k* J1 W' n/ j0 }' FAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ; [/ B' P) @. q, x8 z" t+ `

& F. C( L& y& T- `Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 6 D! Y6 b' i% H* u

  O" r5 j! z( S$ A" HThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
  p1 g# J! a) s+ U8 P- S
+ i" A# q- _) m" j9 {5 X; ~I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
: d" P% t. S3 Z* z& Z- ]+ ?; t
# w) v, [: |$ y6 z: RAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 & b9 _. l7 S1 r
Thanks for sharing., u% M5 G2 v- k) E- r
3 Q5 B1 j- D0 L+ @. }" `0 j
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
$ p& O5 D/ o' c2 Q2 K

4 B% Y0 T8 @9 y4 X; m' ~7 T1 C; XYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-1-15 11:42 , Processed in 0.101428 second(s), 17 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表