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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons # o  q" l+ h6 f5 r
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*  n+ F+ h4 X- S
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
7 C  E1 I4 h' RThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
2 _/ {2 b- V2 q1 e: g! x there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
( \) O9 p% h" z" b5 B' h Before she says a word, Bob says,6 f0 X# C% _% J  n* b4 l) M
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." / w& J0 z$ T3 l% d; I" i# W& `
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.0 k9 U) K6 ~/ ]
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
" {+ q& T1 m9 eThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 9 T: _5 R4 }: m  ~# u
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,  w7 f; H/ d8 I; Z9 m8 ~: ~* |5 i
"Who was that?"
$ y7 m, }9 s: ~. w"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
6 s% c/ j/ V9 V" y"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"# x7 Z# ?6 _; ?* j) v/ U8 x8 O: u0 j4 }

+ l& B7 }2 q5 R8 u- O( L4 T+ DMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your- M- T, z9 G4 {$ n5 v% E
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
+ I% U: a2 F# A- B( O  s A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
$ y& ~5 Q* E9 I+ N2 e6 w. Q. C0 jThey rub it and a Genie comes out.   d+ p5 X" U* v' U+ M* P* J8 u( x
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
( t+ }, M, u  w "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." + E0 J) V) q% T
Poof! She's gone.
8 W$ B& }  W1 Q$ S1 w/ `6 X' w"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.) F$ T6 D2 n: l4 T6 n8 @
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 6 N  T5 F; p$ e/ E. j
Poof! He's gone.
/ X& U$ G; s# N$ y) r& {" C"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. # {$ Y& ^1 n. A
The manager says,- U9 p5 A+ J  O/ }: E
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."! `, u. t, Z0 R0 \: |5 {
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 5 F8 s* p  e7 X* z) p8 Q$ v
*Lesson 2
1 |  l$ M( s0 K5 M$ E3 K A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.) h9 [7 \; j, [* J) p) M1 R
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 8 a8 N' G& T4 \# R$ w
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

/ _7 h; B3 w/ R- K! }3 {It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*4 D( `5 M: o' `) v2 y
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 4 R% V9 B3 b9 J: e# ^8 o. N
The priest nearly had an accident.
% J8 N4 |6 u) x2 H8 {3 D; ]After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
: v8 _# G7 o" S" T: `# oThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 5 F4 L4 }1 w' p# L# o
The priest removed his hand. 2 r0 C5 e) m2 J% m; z8 G
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
. [5 T% d' x0 O! w' S% WThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 8 p4 O1 }; G$ M) r8 K, b4 g
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." . f2 n$ P# ~* d- U- ~. m7 n/ [
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
( \" i8 E- x# Q& E, N- i2 i On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.! r7 O, J! b( x
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.": S6 ?2 P4 h9 M1 L) h" m+ c
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
: }: f7 h) B& c+ n1 E A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
, ~8 u9 c) F) e. d A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
! j# m$ k, R' ^3 Z& D! B  W& qThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." , W' V8 V$ ~3 Z2 ]5 e
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.' P4 }( Q! H' u4 K2 n( z  `
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it., k9 _$ E) `4 |1 F
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*! Y1 E* S& m5 [$ v# x+ U8 z! B" Y
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."" _  {0 \7 Z3 r4 Z/ u+ m
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 9 q8 K8 {! n' V) E" U
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. / ]5 i$ r/ L8 c, {! s
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.8 _# P% y: s, D9 N4 t: I+ M
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
# x& i, E8 W* Z( w% [* k5 ~ Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
9 k" W9 A8 U3 O; C# Y A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field." E7 N' x1 x9 x
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.5 o5 c4 f' }" a8 h1 k9 p
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
: f0 ]$ \3 ]& [* g! kThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
7 `9 c) T" K: \1 @ A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. " H1 k* o- n/ m% a
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:* i  {9 f8 j0 i- c% V/ R6 E- \
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
$ {+ f' {4 J9 q1 ]- D2 V 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend5 d) A# h$ l7 c  D1 f
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.( U* u! Y- }0 \" C0 W  c1 d( T2 x% u

) c. G8 [8 X* G% ~The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
4 `4 E3 j  T# M" M$ Y. [* T+ B race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
7 t9 s1 h* \* U( V! Y! M' VPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
+ [+ N6 b8 T4 ^& b# }& B. Apastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:' p) E7 Q- t, _3 z6 T
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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, w5 k9 u- |0 o2 [This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
' ]- |! |2 e4 V: vof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.. O3 Q: h( I2 y: S$ X) Q; _
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:( t+ a- I: E- m( `
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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7 D* J6 s( L) S5 g$ m; xThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid# J7 {% |8 _6 X. I3 v0 O
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.  o/ x0 x! ]# j1 M! f
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The next day the paper read:
4 Y" z8 c9 b- K+ P$ P' _+ i8 z% SNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.! n$ f' K0 A- h+ c! P2 B
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back. C( f; D3 H8 R* ]1 s4 O, U
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild., I! ^% x' A; ~0 y: o
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The next day the headlines read:( ^0 L+ }: B2 N2 H: T
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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# g, b  z: s4 {1 t1 C7 p  ZThe bishop was buried the next day.
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, z6 E- U; c' Y" q7 OThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion, f4 w! e" ~( ]# S2 l+ D
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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* e$ B8 c2 @6 `$ w- f4 ^( TSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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  k$ J! r/ B6 S" P: a: g. OStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
$ G  V8 |+ ]! P1 M# E6 l And live longer!  {' f) g/ O: D) V3 w" K7 r- ?
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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, s! _  C4 u! j4 CJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"( Q' q3 l4 y) a# }$ R. a
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!/ x: f4 M5 ?" S: I" W' M

) `% \: z; c' dWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ! H9 E8 I8 O* f! u
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. + m2 b. s9 e# X( v/ k+ P4 o) A
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ( M; ?2 }7 r1 k) s

, k0 q/ ?  r( J% U/ O' W+ WAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 2 c+ U2 {9 f$ M4 J
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. % P) S1 f9 c! g2 p/ V* [4 P4 q5 `

0 W, P) @- K3 t2 r5 x1 TThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.  m$ w" F9 P$ C$ b; \
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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. l0 K1 n: a0 q* O; w( ?, `3 j1 IAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
% h0 n: ]0 d+ t9 cThanks for sharing.
5 H- d, Y1 E9 d0 I# D. \$ e* A0 t8 B# ?' g. t% l
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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