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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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! N3 X( R. M, _! E *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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& c, M7 ~( q; C4 O5 x A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
  E6 Q: _" \6 A" W: [& K" lThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
6 Z' P. [; K0 V3 B there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.) r& I# ]! ]4 N5 E; k2 u1 K7 V
Before she says a word, Bob says,
$ M+ _  {+ w% t8 o% Z9 j/ h4 n "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
) G6 m! a1 _& _% E; WAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
/ j( ~' A( H! t9 K7 v$ YAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ! n. n5 [6 H" |0 x. a+ Z
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
0 X" |* k6 n5 P) k8 TWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,4 v7 z$ C7 d# P6 \+ N1 J+ [
"Who was that?"
; k; m$ ?3 t/ j5 i# }"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. + X# F" }! ^9 W5 T5 I: F. L
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"- H& V: w8 ?) O- U
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
4 m. y- C- V* v, k1 B shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2: H, |3 q2 }- @" Z* y6 V
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.' B% i* @# ?& Q/ y
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
7 [& ~9 A/ g& q( cThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".! C- Y7 }6 e: h8 U# n
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 4 u- n3 i- s* k& H6 D
Poof! She's gone.
9 G6 [' G+ Q4 Q) z, z"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
0 N4 E* E; ?% F3 ]( u "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 2 e. e) P4 o) o7 x
Poof! He's gone.
, p, Z8 I$ K3 [  `"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
* `" d% A7 O( Q; ~The manager says,. k  J' Q( A# R) @
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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5 Y4 p# f6 p3 M: L1 k0 u& h) ^ Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 1 T7 E3 X( x! _
*Lesson 2
" m9 R" |+ E4 B A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
# {3 h. P7 p" @# xThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
6 o( Z) e  U$ }* H' l2 w. pThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

5 [- e$ W' i% f, U- V, Z& bIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*" T9 q) j# _1 b6 _' N! F6 x- t
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
6 f* i7 w# B* d4 H: B9 i# N5 L/ v- fThe priest nearly had an accident.
" J+ J& \( r3 V, J* L% UAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
: q+ B! Q5 ^( H8 o) b% E. f7 o0 U) NThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
  U: A0 T' f! ~9 jThe priest removed his hand.
; H) S9 _4 m5 R/ i( \9 oBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. ; b" [* l+ D, B$ q* Z7 e+ `
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
% I! F3 b8 i" }' P  W. O( v" ZThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
7 ^1 y. y5 s; {* |# a/ BArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
) c3 `( a! M2 d On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
# _* N) Y1 `. H# ^6 Z8 g: G It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."; f1 B$ y3 x$ x  E9 U6 i

  O( h. b0 K* S$ r& j' e3 g Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*1 d& M" b7 i4 H. w; G9 M+ F
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
4 H1 |) T1 m1 a1 ?/ x7 u0 H3 F A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"- P/ G: \5 U! h; c  L  D9 e# X. }
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
( }( |1 M7 x- t& e- w6 z. LSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.; f+ r$ q& w9 \( U3 ~+ }9 [
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.6 x8 O# p& X' n6 }6 \4 r
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*5 u( ]* l* i) }$ O5 ^# h
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."9 B  g, p5 g- u' I. x1 ]
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
2 W- z# n% P2 e8 p' o3 ?3 lThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
5 ], `& X/ M7 I7 i& TThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
* @/ r# g& m  k9 |! M8 ` Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.3 I  R1 U; T: X. z2 v2 l& w
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.! s; {% P; @5 ?7 r& b

2 `+ v- M7 ?* b; C0 r! w! u/ }% fMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
: k1 n6 K" J) b0 Z A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.4 O6 _0 y7 d3 k' P2 h* ]+ Q# S2 v
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.1 ]/ \' I1 B+ F# d0 T- p
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
$ V" ^/ V$ v+ Q+ W# LThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
3 I  ]: x1 P6 {! K1 d5 ], C7 A A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
( J  H! P5 m% _$ RFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.) N3 z, |5 X/ M- Z

  Y6 {6 N7 v' k, o3 K Moral of the story:8 Y) r% c$ W" ~# x9 {5 w/ X4 A
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy" q0 E5 ~+ ~# B7 L4 F' f
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
. d7 U. C) X% X8 p 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the: N9 v9 l6 Y/ i2 W& s, S  k( O( K
race again and it won again.
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! @0 f) z. f! k/ T9 c$ U9 n! P  ZThe local paper read:) h6 t: E4 ?8 b1 {+ N$ P
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.% L" B* p# x# E
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the) x1 I2 u$ n9 W
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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" s& S4 S) I( m( y# CThe next day, the local paper headline read:
9 m& g5 a7 ]! k. d9 |( q* R% j' J# `3 fBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.- N8 a, ?0 N5 X6 ]; ]2 I3 R7 r
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid: K) T0 ]1 o% h0 b
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
2 G3 x6 Q5 o! M0 O8 L! lNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.; X) `8 n' P1 U1 W+ r

# y) b% G  g* U: G4 T7 `The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
4 e8 Q  s% U. d, k: Tof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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" [# [2 w7 M6 o( X9 v4 jThe next day the paper read:
3 a" V( [& O4 b# @( y  tNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
4 ]6 E. Q% B: B5 Jthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:9 S2 s8 E$ v9 |. m7 g& w
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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1 k. e0 W  x6 e# Q6 D! U! V+ tThe bishop was buried the next day.
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# k* P% u7 v" X6 O7 [; V3 {& N. qThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
+ |8 ]$ _8 t  K1 k* R8 ]can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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; ^, \  Y! E5 K8 V6 n+ i5 wStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier( J* H/ m" ~6 q) a# A
And live longer!+ d# ~7 Z$ H' S" k

- B2 A3 J, Z4 \) \Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?") |9 `1 s2 I* N; t# A# N. u6 B2 F
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!; A4 N7 I. F2 ?
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
: K- [$ I& t) Q! N5 y) zThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 1 P. p6 q' v7 P: k* P' @5 f; ?
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ( n/ D2 J" I3 g* |/ v0 D

8 d  R/ B% A' e: ?% f/ M3 r5 ZAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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& @1 f) ~, H/ J! R% r9 L# ?  WSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. + ?, H5 I1 r1 m9 c; O) J9 c$ B
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing./ z3 X7 t6 H( b

3 `5 ^( F& Y6 q( ^, QI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. + i$ o' ^2 y& z

2 s8 _6 b+ h% U" aAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
: z3 h2 G1 A; ?7 P; }Thanks for sharing.
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- y/ m9 C% z+ ]+ zI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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