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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife** I" C9 k" a1 S5 X

, |) o" @+ V' i! w% F0 e2 j A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 6 l& L$ M$ M% [8 e
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
8 {" z" K  d5 T5 ?% W$ e- `" S there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
& E" d3 d$ V7 k, e8 o# o+ d, E Before she says a word, Bob says," m! H% x' a3 Y2 l4 |0 V: O) n+ R
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
8 @+ F( ^* L% B$ f" a6 FAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.. ]( F) r* v  _) f1 t* G  g& l: }
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
3 ?9 h$ s2 _# EThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
* L/ G& k5 w' x3 h+ p) `When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
8 V+ R; d$ Q, v" n7 ^; e' v, R- z "Who was that?"
" ]- g( W6 G# U3 }0 o"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. & T$ D# J1 c; M
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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6 _4 U  Q  n) ~0 X. x+ W7 YMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your/ t+ B* r5 H3 i7 i
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2) l- d" o# F! b/ ~
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
5 s( z; {! m- r8 G" jThey rub it and a Genie comes out. " g9 Z' _! ^, S" M* K* x
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
! t4 s& U6 K7 \4 }! i/ G& M "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
3 x! [4 w3 [* c% QPoof! She's gone.
; X# Y* m2 X' h+ Q' e"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.. {( Z. g8 K- p; c" u0 Z8 |  B4 z
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
3 a; ]7 E: q2 l% h. z  dPoof! He's gone.
/ I' I8 s; }8 q; T7 d"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
/ ~' L$ r% j; L7 |$ y7 eThe manager says,
; O6 {7 P7 o5 v/ ~8 S* F( E; u! f "I want those two back in the office after lunch."/ f3 v9 ]& s$ t! |, z5 }9 ?! |

* M' r3 g1 k2 U8 L" w Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
3 @- `( B2 b% P2 H*Lesson 2
* Y+ x/ ]* h# m% X/ [6 E* l A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.3 \' N2 v1 m! h4 `4 r# b3 }! O
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
2 e! U) l* p8 _& RThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

7 S8 _- D2 C5 D- t0 |It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*# i7 [. q: G1 ~/ w1 D3 _4 x. ^/ U  W
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
  d, U: ?- q+ J2 F1 z3 N. `7 IThe priest nearly had an accident. , e. F9 G9 ^: {' u+ v1 G, I
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
9 [8 W, x0 e) s3 H; i* pThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
% M0 m0 Z( ?' cThe priest removed his hand. 6 G. F* j6 K* G5 P3 Y; w9 O5 f
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 9 U( o6 K  }1 T6 M* F/ i& H( W$ w! y
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" # X! f5 [7 q: t2 h& p& k0 W
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
6 _' I# ?, g0 @: b8 Y  XArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
7 Z9 z2 S1 z7 o# i0 N On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
) L, r0 M! P% s) x2 `' w It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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# j0 }( r  J. i* j Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
6 {! O1 C# ^; R9 V0 ^3 O. s) v A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.# v2 X! g4 `% g: V
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
6 O  Q8 u) M/ e( V# qThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." 8 }9 ?1 c$ K& D- b+ a' Y
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.# y( t$ q5 w  Y  i; V
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
* W) r# ~' s4 T! ]  Z5 s. b. J' q Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*' K; `: |1 L* j% Y8 `  S
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
/ b+ u! z; C0 A$ }/ g "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
( `2 z* n: Y# l) s' O# ^1 n8 TThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 0 v/ I  K* Q6 F, e
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.: ]* f! Y$ P% A0 E+ S4 Q% x3 V" h
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
' V" t+ F; H, n Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*9 ]& ?( ]' w1 K& n, D
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.) L" |) t* d) f( q+ F& \2 y
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
- F  r! V+ H# I As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
5 M+ E' H% P" [. PThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. ) `' B( q) ?* k4 C- G
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
6 ]% t3 z: m" ^, p. A8 pFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
: R* {3 Z0 F0 Y) u$ y, Y1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
! q2 T  i# O' {% m0 t! g* k: W 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
: t+ Y. O( I) L9 a% B: ^ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.+ {, {8 @5 K1 o. l1 w( }& W5 d2 a" V

! n' G1 h: [0 Z/ z( d; N3 uThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the6 G" e8 J$ c" C! J: a
race again and it won again.5 v3 {% y2 G, m0 M" j; R5 l( k* m9 d

% H9 {1 ~2 ]" O. O& kThe local paper read:4 c9 b3 V: l- y
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.. `3 p6 V5 ~1 x6 a

9 O5 ~$ L: Q# O' N2 X; J4 lThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the" j# H6 f$ S+ u% b6 j; d
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.5 ]5 L7 r3 |7 x6 i- |8 R( I/ H" e
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
2 K# _0 r) h( b# t1 ~BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid: ^4 l7 _0 H' Y' N* _
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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: q' a) z7 r9 h% i. wThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
  F2 L- K# z) I% U! i1 V! nNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN., O5 K8 W( ^9 D
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
' G1 k9 N8 W- Q8 \- J& {% {of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.2 X1 t& e7 v/ L5 v" q" ~

) ]7 d! p9 @3 t8 hThe next day the paper read:9 p1 }- I5 N* x( w6 n: @% m6 e
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back' y6 f5 s# l5 K  T' t2 |. i
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:/ y7 v/ W2 L/ i  g- ]1 w. h" Z6 ?
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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" x  ?4 l: ?4 _. V4 t0 bThe bishop was buried the next day.. Y" d' I# u  [! }

7 R7 n) U* A3 p0 Y* R' U6 x% FThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
1 X* k1 O) I- |( w6 J9 A$ qcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
" P% v# M# C* x, g5 b- w$ ]4 d And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
4 A( S  ?; W! A' N' v! Z0 g  l
Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
' w: R9 t* @% E' B- |His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!2 j( M+ A/ y; J) I
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. & p: o3 ]- ?, k. q5 `
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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8 b! g" D; R* c1 `We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ! s, L/ H& X) K% v; T# N

# ]( K  Z, n; b- }Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 2 C; Y) @& x5 r* s
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.) {4 ~6 C; i/ @# c

* @6 d1 W7 T1 G7 u' mI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 9 H% Z( J' d& l! ^* e/ g! j6 \/ P

  D7 P  C/ q7 g4 @& ^As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 9 u" M# K! {9 w' I& M8 I0 L1 |. O. ^
Thanks for sharing.
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: N% v1 G' I' G2 ]+ [9 X% |I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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+ \" N8 B  q# S$ \6 DYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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