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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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# l6 b" j' z' d* r/ {  R5 K4 H A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
  M2 W6 I% V: t6 x5 u& C% E4 CThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
! }; \" }* T$ P3 d, e" Q there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
' g# J# W- B& x6 h Before she says a word, Bob says,
7 ?( w* z7 U8 ]9 g; y( }, g, j: z, r "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
& M; ^" q% ^8 TAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob./ e4 a# k8 N' @+ M0 O
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
, N8 R# K1 u2 _5 L7 yThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
! G; ^/ @# w# EWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
# Y& K. b6 q3 ]) b$ m% a0 R "Who was that?"
$ G0 [8 V$ c& E, r/ _5 y"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. : j& O$ c1 }4 d1 D
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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. W8 `1 h( v6 B2 eMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your6 t& x$ @$ q$ F3 m# ^
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2: X7 W* U; V% ?
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
8 m7 l  C& d- t$ y* XThey rub it and a Genie comes out. " A+ [! v; \6 c1 L) f6 a# C
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
4 c9 L' G7 R  M* h& k9 R3 } "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 9 H( V4 |" [' z( G# [$ S9 W1 N3 i5 o
Poof! She's gone.
0 p% s1 y0 H( c* O; }1 t"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
0 ^% ^& D: z% v, J; D) R- m9 H "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."   }8 a+ d  y- z. \3 B
Poof! He's gone. ( o0 r4 q# w  x% w! H0 H8 u
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
$ N9 z" Z! _1 t! l* Z& i3 CThe manager says,
7 X, I) O! y1 f: ]( Q; G* X% D "I want those two back in the office after lunch."- `! @  v# d) W; W. S
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
5 k& |$ J% f: E3 U*Lesson 22 s3 W$ G: T7 l$ b
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
% A7 t7 ^/ i1 P) K0 ~4 v% U' VThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
0 `/ h: N% M, KThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*4 Q& a, ^/ Z' c; B6 F1 j# y, I
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
1 x/ s& c% ~" F' k8 ]) T* J) iThe priest nearly had an accident.
, |/ E( g: \- |2 |$ A9 s1 j9 sAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
" i3 l) {- k# gThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" & b9 a0 [) ^( ?! [' {
The priest removed his hand. ( {: b' }5 ^( L( z5 A( r
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
* ?0 ~8 j) d' C) ^8 fThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
6 H1 w6 h# ]! a' A! @9 ^The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 0 m' t7 R; G; h7 o: ~, J& S, ^
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.+ z" N5 ^0 ?/ X/ Z
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129., P  z1 Y# ^6 v3 Q0 i
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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: [7 }# }; {0 d+ @/ O Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*, d4 [8 L5 C' Y' g9 v/ A
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.. f3 K7 L$ D( ]" ~* b$ b" @9 u) d
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"( @( O) V! ^/ y" p
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." : y( U0 t/ V2 {. b6 T& `
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.# S# ]3 ^/ K* {$ W% h/ S
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
' [4 o( e* N- n& n% R' _ Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
1 C! D- O3 A- w6 G6 V1 Y9 D# l' k A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."7 K+ U# k: s  w7 S4 Z. {' m) K
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
1 c) X" K0 @# S/ m7 n% r% BThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
  X! \9 |$ V/ I# U# s7 |The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
# ~% _, b4 H& }+ Z3 V4 B Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.0 e9 L6 Q- V. L; U+ V3 y0 a3 ~
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.' f4 E% T9 q/ k8 {. i
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*" O% t( }, g6 Q- R% E
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.' V/ F! q5 [9 g* g! Q
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
+ e. V$ V: L5 S7 j! G* G As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 5 n7 f+ }9 e7 ^* }
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. , m. e7 D4 ]# z) F* P! g; b
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
7 I' B& D7 z* h- S9 M6 F& ]Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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! o- |+ v$ P9 x% K7 f Moral of the story:! Y/ N# _7 _! C& z5 U
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy4 l0 X6 B; A; S! C7 T2 j. c
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
6 Y" q* m: T8 ~" R! a 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the3 |, s4 i7 W( H! E& `
race again and it won again.
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! Y5 ?# y% e" U" \2 K. dThe local paper read:+ \- q1 I. U4 o( r7 i2 P! @5 {/ i; b/ C
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.: A/ [- U+ h2 O  y, ~+ r' ?

. c( h$ T! K% R1 j1 z; o6 N; RThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
2 i  _1 O3 a" d4 c" ~- U% Opastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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9 g7 F( ?4 y; B+ R/ kThe next day, the local paper headline read:, E5 p) a* @) X( @. h3 L
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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9 U! Q: s2 O. m& ^6 _This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
# |' Q9 T: i. z( T! n& I( P. sof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:0 C+ q, ~# d+ ]" j0 E8 \7 I
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.0 M% L2 U( Z& H' m- L9 e
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid0 }, n( R: U- z/ n5 e/ N9 w" q
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.! p3 N  `0 k, O: h4 c+ r

# _" _( w/ L2 @% j! B2 G7 GThe next day the paper read:
# X' |4 m/ C- I4 k, r  i3 X9 [8 A+ NNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
( Y) ]/ G( ?% R3 Q: C" dthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.0 w8 q0 Q- I* B0 o3 Z: I* O5 u
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The next day the headlines read:" M5 K* C) r9 Z; U0 h" W
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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0 `4 u/ _  |* P2 EThe bishop was buried the next day.  g; J8 [6 h) L8 |+ B' W

& Q7 Q7 {4 A9 N+ @The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion$ Y* g5 o$ F: a$ m
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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6 y5 u7 ?  U& h% n% t) xSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier+ s: X9 E4 t. J1 ^
And live longer!
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1 Y0 s* |% }4 `. UHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 9 Q8 ?" _% f8 u% T3 z" u# t

6 Y8 D3 w( f* z2 N+ L/ W5 k2 hJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"4 ~) d9 O# I0 M$ U* x6 ]
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 5 d! ~* e. X8 \8 s) \
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 3 n) v$ D) s& A! H) \
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ' Z, I% e' {/ Z6 L5 [7 P
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. / w& @6 o' z$ A/ N) [+ I; a& E

3 n* c$ ^& {1 ^6 g4 ]Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 5 l$ C# {; s- g" I: [- R9 ^
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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9 Z+ O; g3 v3 x! @I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. & g; b( c0 I! K; u, Y+ b6 k
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 4 _- U# G: F& {" n. E, j1 N; u
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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" E8 `0 G- w  W+ oYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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