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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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9 `2 l8 A, `1 H0 O$ u *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*1 }% t' x& K3 Q

  a0 _* [- r1 T- f' P$ R: s  ^ A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. $ F9 z1 ^* e, l' W
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
9 o) Q4 s; E8 k5 j5 ~5 Y: u there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
& X( T' t; E1 c8 A Before she says a word, Bob says,/ W4 W+ q0 w4 A* `) _
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
, ~2 i  D8 O0 \# JAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob./ S1 L: b# @$ ~  \
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
: x& V" T6 P- T' Y) M' v7 yThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
+ m$ M& R* x" x6 j! F: NWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,! T4 t+ ^" t: y; H
"Who was that?"
  `" S5 \: M+ Q) j/ R! x  i"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. $ Z. y/ b% N+ K
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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7 a$ M' C, M7 z, v; {* C0 vMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your8 W) ?) o( m% |; _
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 22 d9 P+ O. E) G+ C! ?
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
- Z1 h0 H/ p" ~They rub it and a Genie comes out. & u+ k  p  b" O0 ^- \
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".! i/ l$ Q2 f3 W& |
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ; ^' |0 F. F* J" o6 w
Poof! She's gone.
0 F  }+ m, r( `0 G* G7 c; E"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.$ G  C. I7 J0 L0 _5 ?. y; H5 ^* a
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." # I( h9 p* }0 }. s. h3 n
Poof! He's gone. 6 ^3 c% J2 T* u. t) l8 b
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 7 Q% {6 V/ r3 n: G* A; W3 E
The manager says,& c+ @! b2 A* J& D3 p, f% J) K' u
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
  b3 d% }6 q/ P' X*Lesson 2
9 S3 E4 M; h  r/ e7 ~0 g A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.) N: M: W! P8 u
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 7 k' B2 J" G- R' J3 q" \
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
+ ]. v. _/ J$ q8 \ A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. ! E) f! i+ p+ P5 K
The priest nearly had an accident. ) W3 a. w& _$ {5 O. y+ v6 F
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 3 A, I* v9 I6 o  c& ^* \  z) s
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
' A" m( k6 i( q; E8 x' k. eThe priest removed his hand.
/ l. A& v0 t% {But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
5 ?+ |) f: F4 W/ S# QThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
$ ~% u7 f! x8 p# Q& d$ Q6 ^) ZThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
0 I0 ^) T" C/ l, B. E9 ]9 J4 UArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
' k5 w% a) L! L4 F; e2 \ On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.! L$ _% c/ S, n' K+ t4 D/ F
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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$ v: C+ R' M: V  x7 L" G Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
7 Z: c9 E! e0 \+ }: z! o. `2 G A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
2 t5 R  _% B- M1 u7 D A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"/ R5 J, \, m/ Z( @& c  |  ^
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
: b! i9 l2 C# J, N) {3 W7 r; |% @/ SSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
3 b) u, z) |/ x1 C A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.- q+ C/ f+ l! e; d! {
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*7 C' f) J# I$ @+ W. K, @
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."( j8 P8 m6 j& H4 B* M* {
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." ' B  ~# H" W: T
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ( @% p- V0 Q+ u& t1 v  p, M
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.3 ]+ u) q4 B7 h  t
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
" N# P' R# _" d5 y% `: i Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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3 {4 s/ O: [- g8 Q& F5 YMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*. v% Z  L0 X: e! p1 V; O- _0 n
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
9 `( `7 D# T- u$ U# R While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.9 f* I7 h/ m6 T7 l
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
6 o$ R& `. J* x- |/ w' Q' lThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
: C) e7 h" I- j; m4 x A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
! f, @7 ^; s/ i1 ?Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.0 I# h5 c( z0 X* x2 F9 k
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Moral of the story:
1 E5 l1 p' V7 V1 t# g7 Z6 }1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
4 Y1 Z9 F1 D5 x6 E  c3 W# v 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
- u! Q1 {- c, A1 d 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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' C$ k) Q6 U% ^4 o# f3 ~- KThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
! H$ v! I. [/ n; S* z) k. ] race again and it won again.
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4 ^1 M. r5 H" N; p5 K  d$ D1 ^The local paper read:
& G/ s9 w- g' hPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.4 K) S' A; w( b) q0 y# c# g

; |0 t: A# U5 F3 j' z" a1 L9 ~The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the# x  W" n9 b% z3 h; U5 a
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
+ J' E+ S( X+ C" S! oBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid0 a( S: d/ e+ Q3 f8 b! j
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.2 Y; \, O. L  z: Z

- f1 `) m+ z+ S! x0 fThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:3 L. f( e, P" {# ~7 R
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.) l+ Y; R5 G* B- q$ m1 r
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid* M' I2 q4 r/ C
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.$ I/ `' J* S( m
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The next day the paper read:8 x# t' s7 [+ @3 W$ e
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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+ Q' A) i' x) [9 ^" n& h2 cThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back7 O- C3 M/ H$ D; [6 l( n7 A
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.1 d1 R- H) o8 I1 E; u
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The next day the headlines read:
0 B) V# r' |4 {- Q! _NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.2 p9 U* V  W2 f9 s  p0 h' y: {

' f- G7 x% g0 S/ ^) V/ a7 h" [! CThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion& h$ L+ r0 u7 \9 G/ S
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...  ?9 P0 F0 y) K
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
: w8 j5 |$ @7 z0 r( M3 n4 O And live longer!+ y+ b( f) P# U& G

$ d- r  u5 q; p) `Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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5 z& r/ L' P! a" d3 f- DJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"" [, t, g; G( l5 H& V( N* \
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 0 s: b; W, _( m; X$ c
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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7 Q5 z4 j! n8 W6 d. }As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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* y1 `) `1 b4 p5 r* }Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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# S& q1 V1 v  N0 d5 l$ aThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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' B2 Y, Z  Z! _5 UI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 $ s, L! M- c+ {0 G6 }2 \0 f$ v9 O
Thanks for sharing.& D. s7 ^- B. \/ Q

4 q/ g( h9 Q% {% Q& @I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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  X: h& \4 d, z1 @4 q& oYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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