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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons * Y" L  j- A. Z8 ~

/ @' k3 R& c2 r7 O# l. e *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*$ A% W# C8 \; R! e: B1 |
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. + a& A. o/ U" @7 b
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,4 {' w8 c! q6 P3 J  U+ `' _7 Z
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.6 m, S' ~6 v# k6 F7 v
Before she says a word, Bob says,
7 ?5 Q9 E: ^. M5 \ "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
9 k0 |  w9 Z9 ]& Z; [# H! L) R& z/ hAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
8 [9 v: g, n6 A/ v" o$ NAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. & r, \/ X; \- l* n8 |' H
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
$ n* G; {* m* A8 q* z5 G3 L$ S1 D% yWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
$ s' |- }- D' K( l: X "Who was that?"
* L  M: M# z& h0 y3 x) F1 C7 L"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
; |+ J) N- q- n. z/ C2 ?"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"3 z' c: P8 x3 s4 `

/ ~9 d. d' N% X6 A8 _Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your& ?4 [9 x: U& `3 k5 Q
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2, @% U6 C9 o5 t3 a7 t' ]. p% }
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
3 l9 _, ~. Q8 GThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
1 `  p# D6 ^( D3 f9 c; fThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
0 l( u7 Q% d0 G  B1 _! y. S "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
4 B! H1 m1 g2 ~4 u: I5 D/ xPoof! She's gone. 7 M! \" `4 }* r4 P7 P  ^& z3 E$ [
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
$ m$ `) K5 b) n" Y, |) P/ X "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ( @  M" P4 d1 J% O; }
Poof! He's gone.
/ l' ]: I7 R+ y% |) U# n9 G: H6 j"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ) E$ a% N4 K* i
The manager says,
6 q$ t1 T; M4 F" n3 l "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 * g  ^' h$ W; O
*Lesson 2
& J& e0 m: U! K0 {6 L9 I1 P A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
4 h! g2 Q* q  {# `; B" _( WThey rub it and a Genie comes out. : v- e$ Y0 E5 |3 a4 [; D
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
6 Y$ @% e- G  h. G A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
1 m- m. q! l  E, w# m7 ^& eThe priest nearly had an accident. - G8 s3 G# R1 M
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
8 }6 c6 s1 l( s' D8 i' g( ]. ~/ vThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" : p$ Z" ~3 M+ e  t
The priest removed his hand. 5 l) s/ H, Y# W4 n( t3 }" H
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. + `+ y) t0 L" j( M
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" / w: {  z  A1 O+ R; |2 a
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
6 H* Q& N9 d: BArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
- u1 D* j! f: h, V/ i- ~  ` On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
7 a9 `9 b8 f- t8 k" X, I4 K It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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! w' c7 ~, F/ T8 T0 f$ w) Z  [5 \ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*. ~8 ?( R: y. o5 K' E* K9 u- ~3 Z
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.  t/ p* ?9 x! d2 X: j
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
: `( l6 B* v& j/ ?The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
3 m4 o' H" X, S" k  l7 WSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.- A' V1 {# S+ b2 J+ D2 c
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.& k+ y4 f1 w/ S- n  N8 E1 R
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*& I3 c- {. `5 k4 e# T
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."- s; ~9 [: k* F0 F
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
8 U- {) |- |/ y2 Q: yThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. " w& B5 M: `, V
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.) W$ N1 u% b6 k' ]* {5 A
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
2 \2 D' v7 R; m$ A! N Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
( m" C, N, Q* }  A( A! ?1 B A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
$ U2 p& n# ]6 S# u3 Y, Y) f While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.. j& T# g0 J$ T, ^7 B7 I6 U' B
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
! ~6 P% a; N- EThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
9 n4 y! I8 K: V4 A) } A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
0 w! ]  j/ ^9 C5 [7 l/ E" z  nFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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% \+ m, j7 Q. K8 o Moral of the story:' W2 t8 W# N5 O! Y
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
; J3 H* c5 W. o# I1 _ 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend4 i$ d, ~  E! Y, W
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
7 W* F8 w7 l6 S: A; T7 s race again and it won again.5 O; S- A1 v9 n; F8 G
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The local paper read:$ B" ^; ]$ ?9 |, F( g
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.$ B$ z6 Q; r/ Q1 B! U7 Z  E

# O8 ^1 r0 }+ K( j& n" qThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the0 }. G4 \1 w6 S2 {9 a9 p- e' b, `
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.% e( N2 ?" \5 i, B! }
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
$ {4 D+ _2 ]! v; w# }+ zBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS./ _8 O6 }' o' P7 Z8 |. ?
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid$ L  G  \7 y7 t
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.2 E$ N  `# c& {
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
" N% s8 t: V# R! O% Y9 ^NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.1 Y* K, B4 _6 W$ l9 N$ H0 L
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid% s( J0 g( {( r9 H+ k2 v) S
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.  Z: r% k& a, E9 X+ l- o
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The next day the paper read:3 Q6 T# ], R9 _: J: Z
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back0 T0 Z8 W* Q* s; g7 u* Z! h* r. j2 c; u
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
. ~3 M7 n. I! h# J6 n/ j, ~2 c9 A3 s, ~/ Y& \
The next day the headlines read:* _, l3 s  c3 P. G' w- y4 o) D* n
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.3 p# E( y1 P4 [4 H

8 o) ^. L4 G0 n# YThe bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
  v* T! U+ b' ^, ^9 p2 X) ccan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...9 T3 t: d, t$ m3 }- y2 F9 y; d* D
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier' ?- r" j0 W# Y
And live longer!8 i8 G: r/ Q- p7 ?: m2 W
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
3 q1 q$ Z* \6 u; D4 Z* x3 `$ z. \$ q
. R6 r2 M$ ]; P3 F  m: sJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"2 n6 I' f, G3 S0 w
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!; s* W; k% S4 V8 I* d# P" q8 X; a! @

! G/ v# a2 V6 YWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 4 B, \" t! J8 L* U4 f( M
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
4 k( ~8 a% K0 K! S3 w" i' K! U# k
( F3 r% D7 `' r1 w& m! oWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. & b3 m) d( R/ i0 S
( [8 I1 }$ w3 c: ]
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ; v+ Z* ^( I) h0 J

" a. s$ e$ {( B* ~, p( w$ pSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 8 ~8 W# A; ?% q8 \7 n2 i2 @, N
0 Z4 i8 b5 P7 t% O1 c9 W
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.& l  @$ f! \1 [1 P: B" v2 _' e

/ L( s2 i, D% v, C4 C7 l( F% MI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. & H- m$ M5 }, l4 H- L  _/ ~/ w  F
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
- S* \  C  ?- z) FThanks for sharing.! e+ t2 m1 B$ J7 G- e1 ^' D1 y
3 g7 d7 q' f0 ]
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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