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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 4 z9 P; G, R) ~* J6 _7 Y+ Y& E2 k

) }* F; X- \) Y7 z5 b *Lesson 1: Naked Wife** h3 C7 \5 K8 @& h
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
- ?, `( i9 s9 T" L6 yThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
% ^4 ?0 t/ s, B6 O" G/ c there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
( ^% R/ T8 U3 [0 a Before she says a word, Bob says,
8 ]% V5 C' h2 K) K5 [& h) b+ v* L "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
% f, [+ b! @( G7 X* p. qAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.& l' [/ D, j) K, Z
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
+ H0 d0 o$ V6 q* r( l+ @1 i% FThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
6 ]# X! {- [1 \: N: A6 e: xWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
& R3 \8 y7 Y& `9 Y& ]2 L "Who was that?"
  j4 I% Z2 C' C"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
" p$ u+ w! g  o: C8 C1 K8 g5 s% c1 l"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"( y( V7 C0 p7 F
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your* N! A- d  M: L& A: o
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2/ E8 B  c' B; F
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
8 X1 N* s3 m" E9 f* rThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
( Z# e6 t* Q( Q* ZThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
0 R; p  ?" F$ P9 D9 b "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
8 F* D0 K6 Y  _5 D0 |8 j& D. f' ]Poof! She's gone. ( q7 o- U- o3 q, _: w
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
& y  |& |. F) F7 @$ J4 W "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 9 J+ P1 n0 q2 Z/ u' W
Poof! He's gone.
) I5 E% a5 _2 s5 {+ c: s) G"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
( v" F' X) g) d, z% _7 iThe manager says,( ?4 i" R5 Q; g  ^8 }
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."- [% O1 W- @* I
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
4 K) }4 t6 m2 l3 s*Lesson 2
. S7 D" r3 S6 I1 ]1 I+ M: g8 L" e A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.7 a  h0 @# \7 P) r
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
; K5 z6 ^% F# ?4 m$ n1 P( LThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

& e3 {5 Q3 i5 p) FIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
- u' x1 R+ L2 z A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
( q  k0 }% C1 \( O4 ]& Z' H# JThe priest nearly had an accident.
$ k7 E# H+ R3 p) n0 x5 fAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
* b& B/ f" {; GThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
9 Z1 c6 c* v; p2 s  I1 E/ pThe priest removed his hand. 5 r; i. k0 ~, U
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. $ J% z  }% I6 Z1 _5 f  X, s, D/ n
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" " n! L  W/ x) ]  R5 D
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."   l  ^: {' e+ a! X  j) J
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.& J6 a# ?& X/ k& J; Z+ N  I
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.! S/ {7 a$ X( ^; ]# O
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."% ~5 d4 Z; y0 M) F& k

* }$ B, z- l$ o/ a2 }' a Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
+ B) W/ h; G6 p8 F' V* Z" M A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day." |. a& y! w! V, W1 H
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
$ {4 c- N7 ~5 TThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." " I( w  O/ |7 Q$ O% M: T
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
$ f+ H& m& d) o% M A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
1 g. t% w  |. l Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
& B! x; J6 Y# \ A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
" p/ _+ Y! J& B0 a "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." + |1 S7 t  z9 t( A
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
. z: A+ k; N- O8 _" |& W, HThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.$ U7 G7 S! x' ]& W: {, |$ H
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
5 S: \% o2 o7 I4 D3 k* e1 @4 R Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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) k/ t0 ?9 y4 O# A2 @: R4 VMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*% d8 `: {, h! B9 ]0 I. U$ p* z
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.2 d# t6 B! ]0 }& \6 c( D
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
+ `2 E/ J% u% j& M  ?8 m As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
! ?5 {/ Q3 ~" pThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
3 b* l5 b' z' x5 t3 X) ^ A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ! Q  i' K& Y6 p6 @" N
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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6 ~) w5 g9 O! O: i Moral of the story:" A$ D2 ^" }" o6 o+ f/ J
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
, e1 A) t/ {' W  M0 H 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
( X8 \/ M3 w, Q& D  [ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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5 I& ?4 q( j: T; C' SThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the6 u) S9 I3 a9 r: b- t
race again and it won again.' Y. N3 s  ^" A- f* j. A
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The local paper read:( I& M- B: r! M& Y' W
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.9 u( a; ]) ?3 B+ r  N% K
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
$ j& }7 r3 t4 c) qpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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# x1 i# n  S/ b4 c# q, gThe next day, the local paper headline read:+ ^7 ?( A( ~8 b
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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$ M4 I! ?- J2 F' n9 PThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
2 a, _0 x7 d# sof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.- E9 q2 _4 f7 ^; q) B/ Z

$ q( z% U  R. hThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:* C2 g# C7 q, v  H
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.# `2 W) t. S$ P4 ?

4 q) h$ ^. m) ]The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
7 y+ g0 S! j" |' U1 ]of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.3 h1 S% n, Y$ [+ z3 ]% n( j
5 X4 i/ [8 S/ O; o% j
The next day the paper read:9 H8 J( }  a: g4 q  f
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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* L: K4 O+ O" N8 \1 q0 j6 t" DThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back& q" S: l+ ]( J- Q7 o7 o* s
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.2 P% n- h2 k7 N2 E8 F% I7 `- S

, W6 C, z  U: `( y; A! L7 o; uThe next day the headlines read:% I( s' i! `8 f3 j( L) B
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
% |: B! d& N( A3 A! \7 E, {7 J2 t7 U0 g7 J7 N
The bishop was buried the next day.. q0 W4 F: N1 b( Q

; l/ G3 p- T4 r) }4 L. l8 J2 YThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion9 B# e. J9 h& L( n" l
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
5 E2 e% p* j3 z6 d  K9 D) ^4 ?' A* V- a! [
So be yourself and enjoy life...
- z7 E% Q! _$ z. S9 B5 U. h, j% z7 t; b# E8 O$ i
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier# O9 F$ g2 ?8 X- Y
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 6 d7 q* X+ m$ ?- `
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"5 D2 t6 C# @8 |1 H
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!7 S1 v7 O( n$ V% U  H

3 X: Z, `9 K5 k; BWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.   V$ s! ?" R) [, T( Y$ f! {- d
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. & Y9 `+ n( D; k' G' j3 K% w) `
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. # T% E$ z" X- t6 E, C/ ?( O

9 _* Y/ h8 a* v  A- ^: E: }As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
* D8 P5 y% K0 g3 A2 t4 _$ X% T% X4 g- {4 E- c+ T
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 6 U( J8 P: C$ o( n+ H0 |
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 4 \9 _% c2 C; r
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 4 n9 U' X) ]+ N8 N5 i( G4 @
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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