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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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" l8 E4 w0 F) O. T! \* f8 v *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 5 v* Y6 k5 V. {9 Y5 _
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
# B0 a( O1 N4 P! X4 U there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.# S* h; F, q7 s' z
Before she says a word, Bob says,
% B4 G8 b% O! V( D: l$ l$ d8 P8 F "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 8 k1 Q. T. }2 {- _; s8 i6 K
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
$ s) U- E8 G. J+ C% J' P; rAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 2 Z4 A! M$ C0 U2 R
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 5 n0 n* Y6 m; y
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
$ l* n. Q; H' s& T1 x& n8 b "Who was that?" : O  |, V1 G. G
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
& Z# d' ^0 J8 d8 ~6 H0 |"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
% a1 _" d; O% K2 _, C! S shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 25 P: L" Q3 }6 X* L: R$ k# N
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.3 T0 \$ `& a+ F  ?
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 5 r3 k; t6 P9 g4 j) Y
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
. e  }3 H) K/ { "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
# @: \  g2 u8 {1 v) u4 [  nPoof! She's gone. + b+ Y$ K% g3 b7 U( W* Q) \  p
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.9 n$ {, C' c% J0 m8 v# @
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 8 n* q4 x" y, J$ B
Poof! He's gone.
0 Z5 ]! a. e# D* F, l"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. , s. K+ c: K: X# I- g
The manager says,
  Z2 G* e  C8 q; D8 Y6 d "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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9 z+ x  U! N! C; n$ y, P Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
$ }# P* h7 `( S1 @+ A$ ~. Q*Lesson 2/ G/ U* z$ l0 \9 J
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
4 y  {0 r4 S0 HThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
7 {* f6 p1 t7 M& FThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

# u# l2 ^9 _% ]& _4 gIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*1 c) v8 q$ D# A
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
# E# @2 J- D! Z) B# B3 qThe priest nearly had an accident.
) L/ Y. D' P7 t! [, zAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
5 S* j# f7 i1 Z" N3 S% ^4 j, ?8 Y. IThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" & R, t0 I% s* t- a  d: k
The priest removed his hand.
5 Z9 X1 i' D, C6 K' a  A0 `0 ?' `But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 6 l  ^1 z# r8 z
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 9 `" T$ e6 A8 b: Z5 N
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 6 p" f7 u3 p/ Y* ~4 Z
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.: ^# {$ r( q) a( K- F! ~
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
4 ~: T4 ^3 x+ D- ?& W0 Q+ @5 _ It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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. x. m3 g: t* k) g# r Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
6 D. ^) v  l# i5 `) J5 ~ A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.) {* Y1 c, _) q5 |! A  l5 v
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"4 d. i2 E6 k1 H' p( w; s9 s
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
$ s8 \# J$ E, `' l! ]2 A! DSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.6 Z2 h% t7 U# j/ A! P+ |+ |  x
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
+ K+ [5 e" x6 K9 `- e; G! F Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
$ K8 W( B) a: e A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
# |0 J1 W4 P$ K  J  d "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." / Y' C6 ]% _: W8 n( }: N( O: |$ _6 n
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
0 g8 d. n8 W% |3 v$ q- z6 rThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.8 w2 ]. g- {! B+ }+ U7 y
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
: x5 q4 M, k* s$ d' |. f+ T4 u Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.( S! s& N5 f0 c8 U: k: A/ ?

) t" ]0 O+ E1 {/ r) kMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
% K, j( k' ?6 P6 |: r, O  y; y A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
! X! p* e( Q! k+ P While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.- H! d2 x1 |' A+ ~
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
1 c5 }5 a2 @* ^/ p2 u2 EThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 0 J  Y, k  z5 ]0 E2 J  i& B
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. % Q3 @; F# ?0 Q7 ^  _
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
0 `$ X/ v) s7 r2 y1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy# g' I- `4 D( j- _! G, o
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend1 ?# E  w  Y- h& J" V# p
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the" G  b% T& `5 r
race again and it won again.
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8 N" v/ c0 w  H& L1 TThe local paper read:
, s9 C+ n- A# S' A1 SPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.( Y/ b- b2 |, N

! }: X0 H6 l; ?The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
5 R2 C9 `, i4 A+ z6 Y" T7 Epastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:6 f0 ~8 u! G3 Z; N
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.! V0 O3 U! t% Z, a7 _3 t8 M, f

5 \% n; D% r/ B) F& oThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
$ G7 M8 r; O- Aof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.6 j4 x( B. E5 S/ N9 G( ^. Y

+ Z8 x- k- g# \. W. j) NThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:% D" p# b8 E4 y+ y7 N4 z' y! e( v; A+ y
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.+ Z3 {* o& T! T* F  E. Q& |$ N4 L( d+ F

: B6 c& F9 u- H3 c3 f7 t; K& RThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid! E1 ?" E0 M, N& W& ~
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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8 g  r( g6 \: ^4 ~8 Q7 FThe next day the paper read:
/ ], ?0 o. s  `& c" LNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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  i7 }* n' E5 E. H/ N2 t3 X' }2 r( CThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back2 F, D# J# a. [$ [0 \7 D4 T" Y
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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$ y, h& P! ^* x; U: j6 lThe next day the headlines read:& P4 p9 _6 U$ \. Q6 h
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.6 a- B) i% n& V# X  J

* G4 d8 N7 Y' k1 D2 l- QThe bishop was buried the next day.5 o/ h' b* L4 Z* \, S
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion  _2 x$ S, G" g4 o4 S7 b
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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/ E; G9 g$ r  T0 m1 `5 \) X6 `+ _So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier& K" H+ |$ s+ \: P% F
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
8 o* C/ A' k8 |" _His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
' ^9 {  x  K" [& @! H) s! hThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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. i) ^; b% U5 W, q* p) jWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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* y/ a; c6 C6 O6 t# n4 L  a( tAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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" ?$ q! p. `# SSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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( u" r! J  U9 h/ ?Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
大型搬家
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.8 A. U  A9 E  d; B9 q' P/ X

" I% z' ^8 h+ h% a6 ]I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. & q! U" k( v2 L& y9 c/ j3 U. J. C7 }3 T

4 D$ L; p4 A) H5 T% u. `4 ]As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 " u1 l! `$ F% _  w
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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" _6 `! A: K. _% g2 w3 A. [# ~Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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