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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*' G5 \$ I6 r# T" t- o  B2 J

1 t& @, z0 x7 @7 h A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. ! X0 ^& ?. V% p/ L. \
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,: R2 Y; t) S/ ]# k6 {. v
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
% p2 t0 N( I2 v) E; ~ Before she says a word, Bob says,
. c) Z8 k3 {0 e: K. @ "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." $ A' C& t3 O5 H2 I5 y
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob./ r! M& M+ i. d9 ^* k  C
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 8 c8 t7 T) M' C" M/ R& e
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
' h" m9 G/ n$ |& m4 U2 @4 [When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,4 c& \2 B9 F$ a& E( o7 I6 ^
"Who was that?"
* w6 ~, V% R/ t3 c; H1 |* Z"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
* L4 I# n% k+ H& d+ H& z"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your2 H; @) V- \6 t2 s
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
4 z) ?. Z6 Z( v/ o7 F9 N1 b5 B. V8 a A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.$ e& c4 t) s% L; ?3 Y
They rub it and a Genie comes out. + s" I* f$ o$ ?
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
$ _% j! u$ \' c% s "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 2 ?; J  f8 ^8 d
Poof! She's gone.
/ n1 L4 Y' Y! q7 p8 O$ i"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
; y+ c* ]4 D, L3 t "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." # E5 r8 C/ k3 b3 ]/ ]) ^5 z' u
Poof! He's gone.
/ |* C1 U& P2 E( w: U- l1 A"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
" s+ A7 F9 d7 i( @! Z/ T4 f, JThe manager says,
1 [9 _$ h6 g1 U "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ; T; Z1 z, E( G9 W2 J
*Lesson 2* s4 z. j6 w$ ^1 F+ k% @& l
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.5 R  K; h$ u* s
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
: u- M# j+ b: K" ?, FThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

9 j/ d, q7 i. u8 yIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
: K+ I( E; a3 ?5 x3 c$ Y4 ^ A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. - ?$ ]& O5 O9 D$ ^
The priest nearly had an accident. ) H: b# T8 X8 p7 A( N4 J, a/ Z0 g; d- X
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 0 [) z6 ^; e! R$ H7 `1 J! U
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
' P6 P" G( D! B. dThe priest removed his hand.
5 v1 B6 |# i4 ~! f3 JBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 6 {1 _0 x0 U8 D
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 4 \, m) `$ f' F. o
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
' S9 N. K" ]7 V5 lArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.' E7 s8 @! I8 W, d- S
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.3 Q# f1 \8 o  l
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."& l+ n: B& Y9 m
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
+ J' Z8 A6 R3 n7 W) l A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
+ W9 I2 C2 V6 f: Y- @1 ` A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"6 I$ P2 Q0 G) \( G: B- }1 d/ P5 G) D
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." 3 v+ S; r9 c7 M2 a" x
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
" |& F$ c+ m0 K, a1 Y A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it." p5 Z' y6 a; F' R! E
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*1 `) A6 L( P: |* Y
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy.", s5 W0 b( @/ w: o
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
. }0 b9 u& a  `3 ?The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ; F4 [  S& ], M8 {0 r0 l3 f
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
0 `! E( A" g' x Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.8 d2 i. E' D/ w
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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1 n1 J1 ]5 O$ k- [Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*: O& o  J; D3 F' i9 \' y
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.# D1 U- ]7 l1 d' G" j
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.8 K& F" \5 j0 f$ }! M# k" ]
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
1 X4 p& b5 K+ _The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. ; |! M/ O& i; e: d
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
/ y- y  d* @+ `: \: n+ Y/ f" {5 rFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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" x' l# H# _/ G6 t  ? Moral of the story:
$ {! M( }, v/ h$ N2 C1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
- L& W1 F5 l0 ?2 b 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend7 U2 r7 a7 r1 Y( `1 q
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.( |) E; S$ t/ ]: n; ]& \- _

; z- X+ v8 T% l" O5 fThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the1 U- b: b: F/ a& ?5 c- R
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:) e4 ~2 ]4 }/ \, s  Q
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the2 x. i: o/ }3 ~. h  I8 l* m% Q
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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2 P: `6 f7 ~* Q4 L2 z: QThe next day, the local paper headline read:
# q( ^5 e& c' o" c. q8 _BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid' u: z# D/ Q9 O1 E* d
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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! \9 Q7 a5 o/ K6 f3 t+ IThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:% e0 b% w" d( R3 F0 S' f' L
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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1 b9 _4 t9 D+ S7 J. \, R# PThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
4 ~% X* D, R. S9 Mof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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( n3 @" D3 c/ z; C+ G, WThe next day the paper read:
% N+ S) W" h7 {NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.+ _8 F7 U. g, g

0 s, `  m; ~! @% [* r) B. ^This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
# j  m. N% B; b$ ythe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.$ u/ P- U. A  }! v; U& `- q
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The next day the headlines read:
6 o7 ^' ?! [  V. ~1 }$ yNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE." |4 }' Q. K, a% n7 k* X+ M

6 M/ {  ?* O8 f! Y4 ]4 hThe bishop was buried the next day.
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5 c' p, t# x7 B; S: O5 z7 YThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
* {" K5 c# K; G" O6 x9 ^can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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, R; ^/ N3 \% TSo be yourself and enjoy life...* n1 t' s- B' |" }
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
$ V0 G" V  y" z% _3 I And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life   O) L9 ?; h1 D% t; L4 ^% b
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"  r& T& S- s$ x8 T9 w# |7 b' t
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!, m- E$ B+ A. H, J' Y% E
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 0 A5 y( q+ b, G3 l( C! P, y
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. / T$ _8 j& h: @  H$ i  V

* q( b) X& s% Q; H$ L/ vSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 1 o9 b- z+ @. m, P
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. . Z! b4 D$ W0 U7 K# n
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 $ @$ Z$ L2 G6 }9 F# U) N2 R# n  k9 l
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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