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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons # f5 x, T& N/ K, h/ k. |  D

4 E6 I" W  s& g* U/ ~ *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
% `! n# h* r; U$ \/ ?# \6 lThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,6 g: _% H0 }8 |; _( O7 `) I3 Y
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
" \: S% T& L& ] Before she says a word, Bob says,. b2 Z$ b5 w; `- s4 s* o
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."   f% r" k# k8 [) n& N" `) S5 w
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.& N! b2 m1 L/ J2 U) N
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
  ]" D* F( f. I+ WThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
3 r3 P4 R, W; d0 N5 QWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,) ?" t0 ?/ [/ |. z. v+ T% l
"Who was that?" ( c8 T- S( r7 C1 z
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. " ?/ ], _8 o- G8 Y7 b. G
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
$ ^, ~) p# [0 W3 T% d, T; H4 g shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 28 K/ T' A) X# ~' B
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.3 r: k( C* r. M6 G5 u+ n! z" J
They rub it and a Genie comes out. $ V1 @1 a/ U- \4 I9 S" I( o7 Q
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
! @& E% o" Y! u( e1 u6 g "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
# S2 {8 T( G' k, jPoof! She's gone.
: ]3 Z& _  b) L. |# _4 h"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
, x+ d% I2 [4 J' ? "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." / A  P/ r1 R: N- ]
Poof! He's gone.
7 H+ k  J( T5 e* M; X0 b- S"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
5 a5 C4 |2 J" VThe manager says,
$ W  e' u* {' q7 B8 a. m "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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3 G9 D; ]$ ]9 e  @ Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 8 c. D; O3 Y- l  n: j& n" n
*Lesson 27 D3 s2 M& S: _# x5 a1 S$ B
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.) \! P2 G/ }& w: s+ F# Z# W
They rub it and a Genie comes out. ( h! s) a1 H9 B% Y4 z7 [! @
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
' {0 u6 q/ e, |5 i A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. ; Q& F2 I! `- E3 V& S6 H
The priest nearly had an accident.
4 `, W! [! B: I) O8 YAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. / I- E: O0 S; H  s9 W
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" ' w: ^2 a9 Z/ \& j* k
The priest removed his hand. * o  Q3 }: m% `/ a0 x
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 2 L( D9 d( ]' S! Y; R4 M5 t# B
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
, D+ Y# A! x' G4 n" E- _The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
5 a& m% s; ?, K7 \0 \% q: ^. \Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
; X2 p5 f% [' w: d; B7 n9 a2 y On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.* @( j2 i' s( h+ R" o4 d; \! E
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*5 E& I" Q5 O: C- O# \; G
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
( r5 h7 O8 ?( P. b6 V A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"* B5 w' A; W* Y6 `; S# W
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." . R$ l$ D  R/ B1 M$ S& D
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
% {: D. }1 j, Q/ ?: R* M' n A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.0 s5 E9 a$ h1 n5 X
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
0 @* B+ M0 A2 u. b A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
9 a# Y; v2 q4 ]: N5 w  E "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." ! j4 t7 U$ e' ]) O, A& _
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. % k4 l/ ^# J% W/ H0 z
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
+ w( l4 z5 a, Q( _$ x* G) @2 E Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.# m6 D7 i5 u; _- @' n6 R9 o$ g
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
; H7 Q6 J7 x! W- n5 J5 _ A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.5 \9 k# h3 k& c+ d5 a# W
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
8 K# ?9 M: U, q+ g As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. & ]% F) S# e! P. @+ X' P) }' u
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. $ N% ?. `( N2 K
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
+ D4 B: @* B) b+ L- wFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:5 y5 x, m. e7 D  d4 ]* R
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
0 n+ `* u. Z- E, U 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend6 Y, I& B) i: C) M3 R& `
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
3 \' S7 }1 t! q- X6 U0 D3 j2 s race again and it won again.
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0 `# F9 T( G5 k$ b: {9 pThe local paper read:
+ f3 [; I: J+ ?( Y$ ~PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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# ^) c" F" u* f5 v1 s, |0 G! EThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
' V  n3 G' e7 H# g) zpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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/ {' Q) R0 k" W  xThe next day, the local paper headline read:, V  G, M$ A( l
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
6 B+ |( Y# f1 Q5 x2 h/ p1 Vof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:) x6 n/ {1 v9 u1 k7 w4 P
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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8 _  J  z  h: w% s% m+ P+ J+ GThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
+ h/ w' A5 ]' f: n* n$ B, hof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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8 K. J2 O* }6 r7 K8 p' L( w2 ]* lThe next day the paper read:3 G# H4 E5 D' U" G5 j; u! a
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.9 V/ u6 W& o6 ]2 N0 C
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back& e, E* B1 L" [0 p5 N4 t/ \
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:7 Q/ @& Q) H6 z
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.' V' n5 z# g4 r0 R5 I' X
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion+ C  H$ m6 K) E
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life., g8 K0 f: I0 D* s

( r2 V  |+ N! ?2 S+ x* }So be yourself and enjoy life...
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4 _. ?* J" }, f, UStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
& F4 S+ }  d+ Y) W* H& F  W' a And live longer!, a! T1 C9 h  Y6 j( x* m

* l4 n) Y. m$ m( ~: V% GHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ' W( ~$ \, B/ B% R( z

5 v1 O) X) I5 ^' J: X) ]% c2 ZJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"0 X8 v/ j# J1 \2 v9 y
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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4 z# Y1 F4 E6 H* m5 V$ T7 FWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
. U8 V# ]9 c1 Q3 MThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. % t. m5 k6 q1 [& A4 B. ?8 @# X' j+ M
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ! X, ?( |0 C% `6 J, G) ]
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ! O& j# G9 h0 i
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.% R5 G8 e7 D/ H  H: g
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. ! Y( t3 Z3 e, ^) g

0 t% C4 v1 X, W+ w& |: z) eAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
; z, k" Q; R/ o  ~) }3 kThanks for sharing.
2 T, i6 I% w+ ]4 _' P% o
+ R( O8 z( [7 w! ^# [% wI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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  L2 b# F7 Q& W( k( X# KYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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