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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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1 j( N5 c8 P& A1 |% r A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. . E- j' U- q0 J8 g
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,. i: b5 G! W: M% U" G
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.8 B* |/ ~2 G, [) k/ S' I
Before she says a word, Bob says,
2 {+ R! i) P$ e1 t "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." $ m: b0 i$ M3 P
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
3 `+ X' {; X4 e3 A' AAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. " c* I" L& J3 p5 U
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
& C) Y+ p7 K- I  o0 u, dWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,1 {6 v$ t, R0 h
"Who was that?"
: e7 Z7 ]: H) E) W2 \"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.   r1 T/ b+ j, |2 W6 T9 ?. f
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"3 b* q+ Y0 y6 s4 P
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your7 X  z/ Y6 [2 }. g! g8 Y
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2) c9 {. I0 ^" l, }1 b7 ~
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
3 v1 l$ K/ a: ]8 m5 }+ pThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
' A2 |% q' t. u7 q( i- A6 r3 QThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
. ^2 P  ?1 D! _. p3 L0 O; i "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
( O2 U, z$ N! O7 b; F8 b7 \Poof! She's gone.
6 ]) g+ V% a  c"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.  ~' U! y" G5 o6 o& A; J4 |
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." . t6 z9 e1 E% v* s. O8 n; N7 g# D
Poof! He's gone. - x( [& E% t3 S+ n6 X  ~8 Z
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
! _" }% Z: g, b4 P' EThe manager says,8 ^# _; |3 Z$ Q0 X5 y) ^
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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% J" {$ z5 X7 j! R2 b- C+ ^6 ] Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
, H$ n' k% s9 P1 n2 j1 a*Lesson 2. a) v  h- o4 |1 ?& o
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
9 @( K2 {3 M# Y  P6 K8 V7 c. MThey rub it and a Genie comes out. + A+ v: C' T: U8 I
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

$ a6 N; ]- D2 K2 s5 g" q7 b" fIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
6 S  |% `; K- l' n0 R A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 8 J* o5 [/ m7 |/ n  k
The priest nearly had an accident. ) S$ [7 T( f, F, `7 |
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
5 }- h3 c2 I* |4 O9 _The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 1 A; m8 s1 X8 s0 |1 n
The priest removed his hand.
6 [$ b7 F. E2 j- `But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 0 z, l& }& K% l
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
2 d& F+ T/ I& g# p8 M1 ]- }6 [The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
5 a* p7 p5 b" tArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.3 V0 O% G3 Z$ _8 ?
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
% a- G4 l* [' H It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.") Z$ b2 \3 p- a5 e) A# S: k
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
/ H" g) s) O1 P" k A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day., k' n: [0 \  m0 d
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
8 [! C8 s( R: [9 D1 q6 QThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
+ g2 D+ v: q: G5 hSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.& O$ J# Z9 J$ s; u1 a
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.+ ^9 b" r+ D, t- Z5 C, {* n  V* a
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
# q" t( i& k- ]: P2 L) @ A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."3 g' G$ R7 v! l+ x7 I. q
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
8 S. {/ L9 E* g. U- P4 wThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ( u  a, i# i" ^" ~+ S  o% }$ \8 j8 S
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
6 S* V9 N8 ^! g, i; z5 x Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.* y( U+ R1 y& Q. U0 ^! ], o
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*7 P1 _4 E. z. \2 K; Z: m2 O) h1 v$ N
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
+ `0 e: o/ C; q: M While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
: T- Q. O- q& _  S+ l% c" [ As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
: G! A3 |9 B4 r: \, b8 l: M4 N/ _The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
* M# p7 a' D! Y A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
- G. j7 @9 N. ^$ B* Q3 y/ J* [! TFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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$ o8 Y, I) f4 P& _1 O4 \ Moral of the story:
$ g, k; V8 i$ F  f1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy/ v3 T/ {* `* h: Z
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend/ G# B, ]; D1 V( u: ?
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.6 F0 `! y% E: \- Z0 |0 J/ E% T

( b* I9 ^( u6 J4 p( i  eThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the! r% P* j0 m" p& i; \, J8 y
race again and it won again.) y4 i! G3 x1 H- x

8 Z+ z' y5 A7 M7 B1 ]  `The local paper read:$ }% d" i# a6 l. ~0 p8 k
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.  h' j/ N8 I: E+ F& N

# O( ]; @6 h$ v: xThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the6 i# T: n! H0 Y7 g7 S' N0 t
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race., Z; D- ~) K- R* R

2 P5 f/ Z% \! gThe next day, the local paper headline read:4 R4 p% j: u. l5 @1 t- j
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.4 p/ {2 I9 i- d0 Y6 i2 e8 d
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid" _- W/ C: F1 `( f0 A- l
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.$ p  X% P% a- }

7 m5 ]$ }) U3 B" ?; p: LThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:' [9 [) s6 X* E, M8 |8 z
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.9 [/ r/ {" \5 [' L% _

1 J( h+ {3 T2 vThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid" l% K" y- E$ J% i" j3 F
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:
3 ]! e+ N2 _+ A/ q9 ^& H  oNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.* z' ], N$ d  L9 M

+ b$ f0 o- c8 r, @. Q+ |7 xThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
& ^" ~, f$ k  dthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.$ F$ b9 P# N! R; i: Z5 c+ V

3 C  D. [, c; ?3 @8 x/ s( y: I7 BThe next day the headlines read:, S- B# l& K' D6 Z, {7 h
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.4 u/ O6 x% e) i2 [$ r
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The bishop was buried the next day.+ D8 k  Q- ~+ `* h. l

$ ?+ x4 @, ~0 G" Q% \) bThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
& u, ?' V9 O5 A( x# p1 wcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
/ `" N% u% }! q2 E( k/ q And live longer!  ]& F* Z) B+ @* t& K+ m  v

; D: j( u- D% ~; WHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"  m! X6 K, s6 I$ C
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!9 z' H5 d) k4 R1 H! `
5 B1 ]! s( ^) k' w$ e
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ) j# h0 P: u; U2 H
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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) T8 P0 R0 h" o  J0 QWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. + o- J: Y4 i, Q& L

5 b2 `% b4 d2 P7 g9 |+ Y/ _Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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" L! T+ b* X( eThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
6 b' f! {' z. U# P' [. b6 h' WThanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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0 `7 @. b6 x8 D. A1 P. pYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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