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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons " {  s. Z: t  Z6 ~- a( G- g& m
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*7 i$ \6 P" L( t$ E
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.   J8 U& [3 T" }+ N' x
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
' D. M8 y. ~, f1 u7 H! p8 _ there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
" E0 g) d3 `, p) x* K/ F Before she says a word, Bob says,
7 L7 z( d# W! `5 H3 j "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
- g+ W' o$ e* _, V8 \, s+ R6 zAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
9 n$ x& L9 E; ?, W+ ~0 YAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
, a. `1 j1 w% kThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
/ w; n" x+ s1 X" y( zWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,! A6 v8 o8 D& f! K3 j6 L
"Who was that?"
7 O) }7 n/ m) B"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. + x+ q2 p1 D; x7 Q* U3 @
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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: `' E% D( `9 {9 S; u4 ]) C$ {0 ZMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your* g  E. K0 Q- a
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2  Y- a8 A, I, M0 A* R: B0 q% Y- v
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
$ g  Z/ {; c" i/ m2 m$ FThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
8 o! ]6 ?; {: s0 h7 W2 x0 VThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
2 S4 {) ]7 ^4 \ "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." $ b3 F: d# `' t7 {  S; N( h
Poof! She's gone. ; C1 k4 I4 w+ W$ S) A
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
5 U, \, w! {. w$ q* Q) z9 c "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
$ k$ C+ q: n( oPoof! He's gone.
  n9 j2 ~* X; j. Z- k7 v* T+ z"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. # _) s" P" p' L9 {' i% |. _
The manager says,7 L3 E1 H7 H4 x7 d
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."% s/ U. y. ^" T
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 : q; e/ z+ o8 {1 j7 U4 ]0 d
*Lesson 2
  b2 o0 u. R1 G A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
& t( e) [/ U: r$ l' k3 _9 @' TThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
( w. _( G- q/ v8 A+ ?; v2 ?( yThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*: z. E2 o" q) H
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. & [# n4 I( m1 ~6 F! C
The priest nearly had an accident.
# h  W1 p  j, [$ KAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
- B5 s8 a( c! a' ?The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
3 d  ?9 r- C0 k* T8 R0 c2 ]The priest removed his hand. : N& v2 U( ~2 ~# \1 I1 j, p" p
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
, S% g# C; U& M  S; h/ `The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" - P+ p( B4 |4 l2 G- x4 [
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
8 {. o* m' p2 PArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
$ w2 ?1 _% C- h7 Q On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
, r+ n3 R; l5 L0 f( o! s It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."& E8 j# V; s3 M/ ^6 Q$ Z
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*8 \1 T; @+ T" y! K" ]/ ~: Z
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.: d& s# _: i1 ?/ Q4 A! I8 Z
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"( v7 z( Z  A" |* }- t
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." ! _- l- `4 v; V+ C/ K! E
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
7 @) e( E% a* S A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.% J, a* Y6 t' X& Q) o& v& ?* @- k
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*% ]1 f6 F1 Y9 ]
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."- P3 `8 {) N4 j) s" {- o- j; k4 g
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
7 K1 {1 O3 c  k- K3 U; K& h1 h/ _* WThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
! @6 r, g5 e# d! E, q  b' jThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
$ h" D' ]! T; a/ k Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
0 R4 w1 ~& m5 T  t" E& ~8 E Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.& \2 d" c$ Z  x% g% S' @4 I
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*5 H- |4 Y# q& O- ^' S) V8 i0 w, T
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.+ {. [/ G6 k/ n% O  k
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
% ]5 F) n# m% f7 `  ~ As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
: O1 p" {0 P) m* M$ }. K* J: R# yThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
/ o0 Q( I3 L- }% d) Z( p) @( L A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ) D1 `% q2 t3 n; ]5 d
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:: A  _( Z6 k7 |! @) L+ |
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
- B+ o1 w) a3 d! F& ?! K 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
) L( k, Y6 ~/ P1 ^3 C% f9 l) g 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
' {' o2 Z- n+ g6 o) j race again and it won again.' J  e& N8 _# ?" m
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The local paper read:
+ N. {' ~3 q( m9 G) o, V& RPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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' ~. P$ K6 R3 O% X9 c) xThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
/ c. @+ u( o9 S+ o' }  |pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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) }. M& @1 p* ]  v9 r4 OThe next day, the local paper headline read:: n2 m) A% U7 z. B. n
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS./ N$ n) o2 h& `0 R  K* `
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
4 }- Q( C6 z$ J: _# kof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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0 o+ @1 H. c( x6 _1 m4 ~) A3 rThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:, A, _! ^5 S' }' V2 F, B5 C
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.! n5 s: b! O& Q+ g
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
: k! Y% V$ ~' ?+ ]. |" l  u, qof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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0 Q! i2 q! I/ H& Y( vThe next day the paper read:8 Y2 ^! p( J# }: i7 z# _
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.  n" }/ Q8 @: ^# d

4 t, G+ j5 ~$ g/ M" S2 TThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
* f' _& [4 z9 p0 ]% l& d8 ?the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.5 a% ]* k) q- B% p1 i

; O; a) }% S# Z4 lThe next day the headlines read:- q/ p4 R9 H, ]2 a; d1 K* L/ x3 \
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
3 w! N+ k0 ?1 X' Jcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.6 u3 k3 _4 H$ T$ X  e/ J9 q
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So be yourself and enjoy life...& R; Y8 J& x/ m, F  |

, u$ K  X, q3 i1 t: _1 cStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
7 h' N% a. Q( N. A And live longer!
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6 D. T2 d9 A9 {: Q& ^Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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- a; p- u3 r6 x7 MJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?". v7 i" V& r; M9 V
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!5 |  R6 ?6 N& K$ V7 L3 ?

7 e9 a, A; d0 J5 r( yWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
: q' q  ?' z, A+ @. RThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
. e: H& Y2 n: |; `* d- T) D- w$ \6 `: V& l; S" E
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. . V7 M2 z: p2 ?# o$ I

* E( o: L* x( _  e9 J9 u7 ~As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. / P5 n# a( P0 |9 P) g; N
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.. v! l; T1 K7 X; f- b7 U/ L- i

  V7 D$ ?6 B8 Y) }' |+ Q) o9 FI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. ! A( l2 V  ~  K, O4 U2 H, |2 o+ M

& n2 D8 |8 V) ]+ M" A# K7 xAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
$ V) t2 z5 @6 U; K, P" F4 D$ HThanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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