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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. " s5 x( v# x6 `. s& U  T
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,3 C- [( H. m( Y2 [# I9 J1 q
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
: x- x4 X# `$ d5 K) a. n Before she says a word, Bob says,2 @0 p# D3 \* G! F/ j! z2 y
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
! x; w8 Q  H( `2 \: t. tAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob., \7 j# G1 r" Y( D  {0 B" z; n
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
" n$ I% \' g7 \. N, PThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. + ^; O; m2 {! r# V
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,+ U9 v; X8 K/ y! V
"Who was that?"
+ j- F4 Z+ H9 `; p5 a# A. j"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
! e- ^& r( E/ G( g# u' X5 E0 }"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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( m3 n5 v  y% `# L) M$ W7 D* v& I3 TMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your  f, m9 [) `! X+ V. L0 d! S
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
' k: o# Z3 M8 V" l1 s4 `2 U A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.! c- C3 {- |+ U  @! t. p! I
They rub it and a Genie comes out. . J/ D0 c* f9 J" \0 F( p6 X5 R+ q
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
* s) B0 {. N8 n/ z; W' d; z "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
) P0 h% C9 J' y) a+ MPoof! She's gone.
9 L9 a$ ]) l+ d2 ]# }; O0 U& Z; y"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
7 K( P( a" c6 F' I3 U2 h( A$ Z& N- w5 M "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ; e* h1 d2 }4 D9 l5 F, X
Poof! He's gone. % ~5 w; w2 B: ~- Z3 l& V  V: u7 g1 i+ j
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. * m+ ^; H) U, ], n% `- Z9 a
The manager says,! A, e, ?& a3 c/ t2 I
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."" E& x" u" P  [( J

. n1 d( ]) e  k' q$ [% p Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
' J, h- g3 @8 s*Lesson 2
1 d2 q, ?5 r5 t( Q8 L! m7 Y A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
  [8 p& [% X0 d! T& eThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 9 m8 Q% R7 ~+ p/ O  p# t  H4 c
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
& m3 v1 F8 v7 `) [, ? A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
8 R$ g% N& B5 k: hThe priest nearly had an accident.
0 S' a' S# N* s$ X9 P' Q* u. wAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
) q  R* m' [* o5 qThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
9 D0 U9 z- o2 D0 Q% LThe priest removed his hand. . R& @8 U. e9 \) ^
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
/ z+ _. i) y. |1 uThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
( U" i4 l) c( w- OThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ' f+ _! d. ]- f
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.8 E2 i9 Z" z' T7 Q7 I( C7 K: \
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
6 c4 I- O' G0 i" z' B4 s It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*. x3 @. j: B4 n: L8 R6 h0 ^, g) [
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
  l* z0 j. b9 n- i$ o A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
; J" p+ ^" h3 j# xThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." " ?- T& n6 I! F8 F& W  \/ w$ h
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.) N8 N6 \- [6 S
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.( S" a- n' M1 O8 N
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
# q* r: r' ?( L1 j+ K% F A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
# s2 w$ B- ~- S" F5 }: ` "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." $ k* X9 a8 H# a1 D
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 9 n. z3 `/ l0 x6 r
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
3 E& }8 R. ^7 \0 P5 x1 `7 Q& P5 Q Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
8 `) Z, a' L$ J# k$ Q Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
5 A8 p( ^* @. c7 W: i A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.; U7 Z! z2 l4 ?, c' l0 ~; u6 c
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
% x! q8 c( P- q3 V6 d& J) q As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
2 f2 {3 D* Y2 U/ r/ EThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
1 @3 G, Y: [! R& k6 C A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
0 H8 I- q/ W! D1 x" D9 kFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.. n* A; Q% t( G$ z5 L) q3 L

' W8 i7 A- G! W% A6 }( ]/ g Moral of the story:! E0 Q: D4 c1 c: R7 }
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2 j9 E( S- \) `0 r2 S  a 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend0 i' b* r/ l, C" F4 r' ?
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
- ^: W3 u, Z3 F9 E3 L race again and it won again.& L" C$ F' k8 S6 _, k/ q2 p

' }8 U3 h. N/ c: L' g! G/ fThe local paper read:
6 }6 J5 c6 T$ p. |& C9 V: I( nPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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6 O' b1 V5 n5 e) }/ H1 bThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
9 D4 [/ P& P  E! P' B& Jpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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2 P: l) L, c1 S+ b# b- WThe next day, the local paper headline read:
* ]# N6 s) t9 a% @, _BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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4 J- R7 b2 X5 V: Z& ]$ VThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
5 E5 @" E9 G* C& H+ Fof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.; t' A( u: G1 [: h
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
) c+ g8 C* Y" e/ d+ y$ J$ ~$ gNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.' L1 [0 F+ S9 Z" V$ x+ a" P' @
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid% z- o: G/ g' m/ Z
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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4 O( |4 [. B% u" JThe next day the paper read:
0 ~; ~% f5 `; p2 \; Q( n  kNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.. d5 W! U' c1 X! A1 i9 I
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
. A9 i9 h( ~$ P# \( B5 c& L1 O& ~the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.2 m/ N8 C5 \; `( T! E5 Y5 h$ e5 m

# Z2 G. y# _' Q9 q8 }5 \0 ~The next day the headlines read:
" B' U/ N9 S. |5 @# ~* X: v8 ]) \NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.: d# p, I$ E5 {- d

7 v  |$ s, \0 K: x$ i. j0 h2 h9 PThe bishop was buried the next day.( g, ]# {( U( T5 M" \( A* o: @
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
" ?9 E: N6 i# ]" p5 pcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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4 w: Z4 w6 l: Y$ EStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier& y" ?2 j6 z; `  s
And live longer!$ T& V- {0 b+ \6 f) F

) q5 E& ^" q2 Z1 J6 ]% cHave a nice day!
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"- ^' f1 ?) l6 h0 m
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!- C; z% \- ~$ g: k

6 Q' h6 F9 n5 i* j2 VWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
2 a; w/ S' O9 h% X( `0 {Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ; M, c; z. S# p) X3 z+ e
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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, g7 \2 W; m( g4 W% [& N2 OAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 3 o" \" _7 c* U( T+ a7 C

* a" b4 w/ @+ }0 G( PSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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2 }$ R9 |- v" W( {0 eThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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4 R8 p" d; q0 p: \. PI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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7 W+ @- N' Z  x6 pAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
' q7 f: z' }9 K. m3 \: [, w+ {Thanks for sharing./ Y" _- J' N6 ~0 D  S
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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