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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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2 e  @6 f; v2 d4 q5 Q1 u* g *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
7 ]1 a, T! `( }; ?- D- zThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,5 H5 h% }/ w# D/ G# I% u/ W
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.2 p6 v5 F* G+ R/ o
Before she says a word, Bob says,
! ]- r4 v! \/ s( g "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
& N9 G/ q. S& Z. EAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
: o' {5 S% b. l3 RAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. - V& l2 j! V2 e$ e) @
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
3 c  ~5 a5 x& K2 d& _3 jWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,1 P+ T- F+ P1 s1 ]/ A; h
"Who was that?"
2 m) N+ x- S4 |; f5 I"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
- z( D5 `4 E8 Y"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"  |+ N1 d2 N( z/ k! D$ @9 j& c
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your3 h% P) g* m7 l2 O, h
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
# }' T6 C  W. v# ]6 d4 w/ ] A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.1 Z1 ?: j2 g) f% X4 h
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 1 u; P% V: L5 i( t0 H2 Q
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
/ m3 C5 a: T! G7 M. |3 d  K2 Z& ` "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."   e5 b9 ]* ~1 P
Poof! She's gone.
7 k2 m- m1 ~& b0 v$ C/ h6 h7 e9 Y"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep., n% S( d8 E  q
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 9 h6 {2 C6 ~  z$ x# s3 Y
Poof! He's gone. & k8 `6 i: t5 f8 Y2 {
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 2 C0 C! N. Q( f
The manager says,! I4 ~7 b7 r0 j! K% N. C
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
5 e# f( e; |+ G% U# ]& m$ q+ o*Lesson 2
4 i8 _7 J9 q0 Y( r) T  U# r/ B A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
* L4 q" ?+ R; P9 J- o& `& PThey rub it and a Genie comes out. * `; `) {: U1 V! A6 h+ Y" Y
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*: e3 z/ B8 j& H1 V; }. D* n
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
& R$ _( f% D  ]& s6 OThe priest nearly had an accident. 1 z2 J% C8 l* F
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 8 X  B! r8 s3 J
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
! {' p+ u, i, D3 N2 yThe priest removed his hand. & X3 d7 S: d6 H% j* l
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 6 [, l# V$ f$ D$ V
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" ! {& u' W1 Y# r3 Y( A! ^
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." + g( j# I5 S5 U5 _* D! k
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
3 E0 M# E* j2 F( U! N5 H1 O On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
! @. ~' D* [4 F, I' N9 ?# a It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*3 _. q& z9 ]# G5 L1 W, [4 Y6 i
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
* j: s* g1 Y2 |3 v A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
; D: A" G7 ]/ I; MThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
5 t* T$ S+ L% v; x4 eSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.9 [4 d1 _; X$ i5 h' g
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
0 t5 m! J3 {! x2 K! x9 Q1 W6 X/ t Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*' s; \, }2 Q- B) _  R2 H
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
0 J8 Y5 b4 B& \( S+ ?' P "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
$ @) ^2 E% B; @7 i7 r$ J, V0 V4 NThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
! C* L+ _5 M/ [! G9 OThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
1 u1 H4 p7 ?8 ~  S9 h: z Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.9 H; P3 H- o6 s  n4 ^  g( k
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
2 M7 c( {# C  M9 \% u8 y- V A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
9 G% S' L7 r- b While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
+ n3 z5 X  s' l' m As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
- x* p. E8 l1 ~( s7 hThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 2 U2 N$ Y" A' F$ ^" ?
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. $ X& e4 t1 \7 t5 |- |
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.- i/ e6 T: g) f4 f+ \+ L  n% Q- D

% {! d! o4 |& \" }  R8 n5 o( d( f6 A Moral of the story:
' L2 U7 n' \4 j" N, B1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
* |5 x. m, q8 v  h  E- I 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend( v( O7 W3 ]1 ^
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
/ E) {* c9 N2 g9 O+ q# f) Z$ K: e  V race again and it won again.6 L' }! t7 q$ X
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The local paper read:
$ w+ a5 \/ I  l$ N& g! lPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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/ h  ]- B2 b8 z# j  x1 N( y' o  `The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the8 o5 p2 R1 a) w1 l" D3 ^5 h
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:( K5 o/ G+ ^7 G
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
, t. X2 I7 D: o6 cof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.9 D, O5 [7 P0 @' e# F4 g: D
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:# n1 l! V! s6 B& L7 }: C8 f
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.3 K  r# `) F. T. F3 b) c; j# ]- P9 }
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid6 ]5 t+ e. M8 n2 C& I5 H$ S
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10., }, _/ g* r" q9 M+ b6 L

+ C0 t) p# h% }/ jThe next day the paper read:$ O* {! ~+ T9 q' `; Y- E
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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. l: T8 l/ _; {0 j, G) qThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
# ]8 y! S% f& Vthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.) D0 s. M; p" C9 r

3 \0 e" R7 |' WThe next day the headlines read:. t) K1 U' {0 H2 P3 V6 |% D6 Z
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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1 z5 l+ w4 o7 `' \! ]7 U1 FThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion% N) ^$ Z, ?! @
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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9 u+ L9 B/ I; c, xSo be yourself and enjoy life...3 E4 Q- V$ i1 A9 j

1 `- T9 _1 Q- b9 P: r( Y9 gStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
1 f' w( s; V0 J  d8 K, J2 R And live longer!  i7 {& B; @( \' c0 D9 b
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ( H5 s# o) Y) S/ K! C

+ H0 e- M+ I3 P9 u2 F$ oJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"* R# ]7 A: [0 h, Z! W
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!% q! n: q0 c* n( v

- `8 |# _' m0 E. D% JWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
# R) X/ u% X5 K6 GThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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3 W* O8 f7 P& R! R# H2 [We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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7 @# d# P! R& Q; C# A0 x5 c6 \Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. : L+ i" x- q$ x0 N, h4 ~; {

7 Z1 z, t0 _8 }6 k3 l& GThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.0 y; |7 Z, S$ p2 C+ ]. i& w
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. ( B2 N2 `; ?0 L, V' k

6 X, Y& c: @& D- N% j" H, JAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
% _. ?) c' X' I9 ~, v( jThanks for sharing.$ e( }# t1 [& B6 I4 |$ u5 E% {
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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