埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5497|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
  M" M/ o" F3 t; V7 p8 D2 G
5 m! L, ]$ b/ c" j7 B' c *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
- J6 U- P+ E' r5 e0 {- B6 x6 \
" ~1 D* O' L  \8 y# u( {# D" {1 S A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
6 i/ v# ^$ j. r% H/ X" N# qThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,9 x/ n# d6 F; M  {
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.3 v9 G( D7 J$ n5 ^+ ]' @8 B
Before she says a word, Bob says,
& i( M/ ~' ]8 _, I% w) v "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
. a" o/ x# Q% l: z' b/ U# JAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
3 N6 w' N* R- ^6 X: ^6 a, SAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. + ?: n' [/ |; q4 C7 l
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. ( {# ^2 ?! d' y. E# V3 P* }
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
8 N  _  Y3 [  j- I3 M8 ^ "Who was that?"
/ E$ P8 l' {% j. d7 m, @"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 4 E+ S3 f, {- a0 F8 k5 A
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"  B; V" B9 z  I1 W1 A% Q$ F3 p: J; ~
& K2 ~' K4 k& K/ i) a% O
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
0 k! e9 X5 i: B$ O% K) m: I$ ? shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2( v; S5 `8 K: m5 h& }6 y: V
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
4 ~* f1 [5 ^, A7 W4 m# }3 S9 DThey rub it and a Genie comes out.   ]( j8 w3 r" h! `1 w
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".  h3 Q& m4 E6 e2 t: l9 |1 ^0 P) K. h
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
7 g: q8 h  o& h2 i+ ^6 k) APoof! She's gone.
% @! v( n& G. _2 Y& v"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
% \7 Q4 Y0 q! `% t( w "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 8 _0 r# x; E* Y$ x1 ^
Poof! He's gone. * j( a2 ^3 b; z& u! K% R* o
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
2 A9 s* @$ H$ |+ nThe manager says,
4 Y) C4 I# I  c* `+ n( u "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
9 |2 _7 q5 v9 y) C, F1 P
, m* R0 u; f9 @ Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
/ B1 A) L2 U/ t3 m$ q. A* O*Lesson 2
, h! N" h. x3 ]. V0 O. G* m7 e8 o A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.! Z- |  z5 O! t. t3 C3 E  m4 x) |
They rub it and a Genie comes out. ) ]& l  f/ M5 |  u* l# J! `! ]. X
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
3 d3 M7 X- ]: ]: Z' A% V6 J0 U
It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*9 k( c7 L8 C- X+ T
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
7 i3 j4 |- B& Y& l4 [The priest nearly had an accident.
+ [2 d9 T! G$ m) o, m+ A- T, ?3 WAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. & H" f7 \2 F5 y$ J
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
! I7 y, r1 f# ]( G1 G3 e6 sThe priest removed his hand.   e2 D6 O4 u; v. [
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
' u  \4 l  L/ s. h: {The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
/ [! G0 }6 U$ i# f& Y. [! rThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
7 H2 K# j) Y) OArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
- \/ T; Z' h* }' r  Q On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
- ]+ w! |2 h: m. U" T It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
4 @# e7 `, ~9 `8 p/ m! u: }+ T7 @4 d' B) ^" W9 D- f! q) w
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
/ H" }" L# v  T6 F+ D- H A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.  M3 a9 x% L0 }: c7 X  B% |
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"% D2 `! ^5 Q9 l% E9 }, m* P: K* j4 ?; A
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." 1 p8 w5 a: ]  r" F
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.5 z( C0 i$ }; V3 p3 d
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.' `( Y( u! R1 _2 M: s# |% V- i
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
! q$ A1 H4 S% K5 n A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
* P5 d( k0 K8 f3 z$ q "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." # ?1 f2 Q- V# _$ i& b; a
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
) g+ H2 ?1 |5 E" ?* d- hThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
1 |7 p, x1 d3 p2 ~$ i. \ Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
; S8 T  \, l: w' {! i1 o" Q2 G; h Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
0 c0 r2 k/ X8 E, D1 }* ~. S/ T6 l1 I- ?' W& |3 E+ S% g  z
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
0 {0 v4 C# m3 }8 j( s3 E' L A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
- G* f& {2 t' N& a: w/ G5 ~ While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.' e1 W; C) b) s2 n. u* T
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. & D2 X% Q, f8 c+ b5 ~$ t1 `7 {
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. . `/ D$ c! S6 O4 m- {1 S
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 5 z7 @. S' |$ A! @5 f1 [; F
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
, _! t$ u! l+ |- F- d' a4 X; ^6 z- I# @% ]; ]- n
Moral of the story:
1 U5 P; F; |  }( f9 k1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy% X6 p/ p7 m' s
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
% ~% \: D+ h/ B1 ^9 @& _ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.7 I! A  h. |2 x6 _- Q
) ]  L7 {1 ]$ t3 s5 n
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
$ @8 w& N  m) Y: z# P race again and it won again.3 \9 u: s1 T' f: P5 y
+ D& m) C1 p0 B  J& e5 p
The local paper read:
- v( k6 E( p% j/ ]9 c: M1 HPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
" ?' Q8 a2 \- ~8 i; z% e: }* Q
6 j- F) H; w% u" v8 _The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
1 t, d* n* W! ~9 v8 hpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
( i0 S4 p, y; I! D/ W- v; x1 N, D+ Y$ O5 U6 z$ {7 i+ n, |, k7 ]5 o
The next day, the local paper headline read:* C; _. k' `& n/ ~1 S5 k4 W
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS., [$ j& k$ y$ q5 }1 k
8 q2 K  s  h0 G: ^
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
6 a# ?6 z7 i8 ^2 Z, Q5 z$ \" `" j+ Bof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
! z: ^/ V& O- R/ U& `! A* ]
  Z" H$ F$ K$ M/ pThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
" y: l6 V; u& G4 m3 e* _NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
, S2 _0 T" R% U* D( M
7 y, G: m7 p) q; I! M3 dThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid" `- u. j6 f. j" s) B, V
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.6 f! R+ H. \% C" E
0 l, h+ G  S8 Q2 \7 F5 [5 h
The next day the paper read:
# }" Z* k1 B2 p! ]8 oNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
$ w$ y) R9 K8 w- Y$ K" @4 w+ w8 j6 P4 N
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back3 C, |' U" q! N  u8 i9 h
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
" f% E) j& L! h& b, L
7 k# j8 i( N  X8 {The next day the headlines read:
" A) K3 {% W$ D' E0 }NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.; m- k' k% `% L) h4 C0 K. `

2 B; a( S# f# s& ]4 f* j( O; PThe bishop was buried the next day.- G9 G$ f: P* |0 n) E4 u0 Q9 z  J7 j

0 q5 @2 j" F4 f# @! r. L, vThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion: B' l3 b6 w  O. d6 V6 r6 j. \
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.& ]/ b3 e# L/ P

  g- ^$ g# u7 w2 n6 P7 j5 a/ vSo be yourself and enjoy life...1 V8 s" p3 N: G& i2 X( }; J4 K# z% _
6 K  ^# u' [9 S2 t& t8 s2 |  Y
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier5 D6 N* p/ k5 m
And live longer!
& H0 U8 E7 X  B' Q; I2 T* j: k; H$ u* h4 o* V2 j4 I
Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ) E" j; m. k2 V; y1 e. \

( ?3 e8 \; M# U/ H. x* [Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
" q- H- l% u) t6 F* rHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!  f6 E1 r7 g% [' e  q/ z

  Q5 y' b/ Q( h6 I% TWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
6 }* |& e' k, V6 k6 |( n/ f8 UThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
% E( p5 a; Q2 p6 J1 V0 [7 ^" w# F7 \6 W6 n5 ]2 b( a
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
1 o& e  }  e' Z. Y. g- t$ \/ ]7 ~, }" e2 e: G, Q, u
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
/ l! x% l- q4 v1 q2 S$ {, e2 m. w& I3 ~5 _; q8 Z$ W# b0 v4 R
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
% b/ [. }4 D! `8 ?( j( a- s
7 c% V3 V* q- @# w. |( B( d/ MThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
$ b7 U  L2 y6 F+ o# }( v/ J' a# r4 ]( A2 d- I
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
. U; t! ^# X  ]/ n/ `
& J- w5 l: `4 {% |2 U  z+ DAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 & ?* L1 }& X: V& v! N  v
Thanks for sharing., D5 [- L* @' l* R  q7 Q" G
& |  d/ H' v- m, S/ x' q
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

2 ~" X+ {( `5 p1 b, r5 _1 ?; Y' j( ?( g8 z- j7 ?$ J8 Q
Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-3 09:56 , Processed in 0.095288 second(s), 17 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表