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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*7 j& {4 ]6 J: r0 z4 b" Z

9 R# f3 |$ s! z" `, a( c A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
* X1 J% G, |. y3 S8 YThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
. [& [/ ~" c) L" I there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
7 d  X! m1 n9 H1 u+ V3 a7 A; F Before she says a word, Bob says,
1 F* G% b! ^  h. r5 Z6 f* d "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."   l, w) T% g* u$ X
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.1 n; r' J; q% q& A6 V/ K* W
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ) P$ N! V- h) Q' r) }
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 4 d8 O! o2 j- j
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
# K6 S0 p8 q+ I "Who was that?"
, n0 Z6 A+ O$ t4 o% [2 M"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. / }  o4 F: H# l5 b
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
5 q9 z2 ~+ L2 m" L shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
  z2 E& R4 _& j( Y% U A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
- J6 T+ d, I% e5 r: a7 x( dThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 2 ]1 J' [6 e8 T( B& ^! s8 t
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
) A; o- r4 T) C5 L4 P "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ( a' b0 @* K5 P: n8 |/ [
Poof! She's gone.
( u' G+ m: w# a8 F& u; K8 _; }"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.0 `( H7 w; K3 `6 l3 p8 w& i
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
: r5 |, \: ?6 g& {Poof! He's gone. , O0 G. L+ j* j" H8 V2 E
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. + S6 U* z% I% |; a4 m9 v
The manager says,7 I" H  X0 [4 j2 E! q/ C
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 * G4 x. \6 K& k( V. w! H
*Lesson 2& a! \: ~& \" A1 T- M& Q* C5 h$ z
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
) A* x7 |1 j# \! e& `" d$ k$ @3 hThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
% g# n. q0 A6 T8 V5 QThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

  O/ h1 v" G$ f5 F2 g' _- Y. UIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*# Q& X. `1 i# o2 Y0 {
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
0 n$ L  d) L$ I# ^" y* ^The priest nearly had an accident. - V9 t9 z0 U4 g) G9 W. x
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 7 n  ^3 ~& @; V8 g3 k& g- Y; D
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" $ }8 ?* C; [9 b
The priest removed his hand. , }/ g% e) v# _+ Z) A5 R6 b
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. ! s: c4 b1 q9 ^! d7 |/ f( H' V
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" / n1 k- B0 g! c, m. P
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."   Q' Y3 O- q( N+ A* ^/ A) ]
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
8 @  T4 Z$ ~& g- E! _$ G0 ~ On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
9 ~+ o. |1 V9 w+ L It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."; ^, E- i0 y9 D) w5 S- l6 {9 J- H
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*2 z! |- r2 G4 d- j
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
& c/ H' B) t6 [% a' l4 N A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"+ h0 x. m6 O' e/ a/ A0 f( L# _
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." 5 S' F- H7 \: |' f. t
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested., S8 x+ _1 U/ N, L, b
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
9 i2 i$ B7 `. B) s* S Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*$ M1 S& g' x3 _, q) D
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."# x& C) F" {6 N( C. U
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
, J! S7 C& N( D4 m6 _The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 4 @1 Q$ L- {  T! p
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.4 J$ x" |: [7 R! n0 g+ J/ `/ T
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
" [/ z( o/ V# A7 S. x/ Y/ E Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.: e( C4 a, E9 }- v4 U: d) \6 c
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
( j& P4 Z; U1 D3 ` A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.7 ^! P7 F  C( I1 X1 k& o
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
4 H$ f+ x6 `: e* |9 I: B As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
# m+ k' e& X/ j! YThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
- h0 V( O5 @  T4 ^  M% `3 J" N* k; @ A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
) L, _6 n6 }: D5 G8 m$ jFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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% H6 D) E" {( D8 L9 k% u$ I7 b9 V Moral of the story:
8 w! r7 i; b  T& |1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
( H) d. [0 U* V( B. [! Y' ~ 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend3 g* \3 g) q1 j0 [
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.& d9 a, l+ S- u5 r) \
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
5 z, j% C3 O- {( h6 | race again and it won again.
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% J! V! p% C& H$ M. YThe local paper read:) Y7 f: c9 t0 r) `4 y$ `( j0 z
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.6 e- Y* k" q8 O* u, n1 F2 o6 a- p! F+ u

" Z* J- f. ?2 l/ DThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the9 g9 h5 n8 E# b4 G' T
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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, p3 k4 m# ^2 H) Z- d# J0 fThe next day, the local paper headline read:
0 [9 A& s; ^' Y- HBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid/ O+ P6 l7 r8 A$ A% F5 e
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:6 S9 J) b$ h; l. A  i9 a
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.$ [  X$ }$ w) |/ _* `$ }! {

6 o8 H' I* |% y# k( f5 F9 l6 hThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
6 g$ l4 r& q$ \$ I4 a( `% l. bof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
  K1 K9 q( h0 _- r$ c% S/ C1 f- `
6 Q6 _# F; K  W/ h( zThe next day the paper read:+ e1 R, u: e! O, ~; K
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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/ K9 }6 g( u" J8 M/ e" NThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back, }% I& |4 c5 q: J- M7 e
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.! @% A. D) g: O' e
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The next day the headlines read:
. m5 D5 |$ g" U  Z/ w; Z3 j3 sNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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7 S% O4 V( n& n3 X! TThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion2 }$ o) p4 o/ T8 H' f/ t
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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& l0 ^/ a5 `# R) D6 K  y+ }So be yourself and enjoy life...
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4 ?( m) l# G6 V" V# rStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier  L! j5 X7 D% O1 Z4 F
And live longer!1 Q! o- V! G9 D2 E* m

) c3 L+ V/ k. T8 Q+ nHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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1 U, B6 A& Z/ _: WJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
5 k9 Y& j  |" CHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!( N& B. \5 A# r8 v
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
2 r/ N6 C0 [  Z. JThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 2 q9 G/ a/ q$ L3 q: I: g
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. $ E( L2 @% c/ a8 k# g: [  R

+ E3 k; `# |5 z1 }7 ]; E* E( t% {Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.: D7 G' u: z  C- x1 x+ e

9 g2 H, I6 P: sI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 : f$ B: O3 T' r: _* f+ s5 L
Thanks for sharing.& F, N' W% I3 s

  N! N  R2 Z% g- r& ZI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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