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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*, ?! O8 G  \3 t( H$ V0 N( G
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
% d# v( u4 y3 Y" u- H' z7 M. U3 FThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,0 ~2 @& G  {6 f% d$ h6 g$ ^5 D4 H
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.4 y* N5 X4 L8 K# x# K8 E
Before she says a word, Bob says,
* G( S2 C6 m$ y8 x& Q6 E! T. E "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." + `0 Z" |* O5 j& o! v. ]
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.. _7 ]7 M. A& X! C& E" i( u
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. * g1 S- O5 r; c0 y' \" m
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. : ^) P0 x; D9 n* m- X0 [
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
  k$ v* Z- c: O% h6 g "Who was that?" & G8 B) X( e' X9 R7 L- J, ?
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. # U% \- R: H# ^5 v# b
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"& p% Z) d1 x) i% J, N5 `
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your- w5 F0 i- H. u' l3 c2 [
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2. ^. y) P, I: q8 s# F  h( X* H
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
" n( C) l% R: G+ F9 V3 HThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
9 T0 U  L( ~* E/ T) ]' Q8 _The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".9 ?# i' F) D. f
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
0 F) G% ~2 I0 m# g5 mPoof! She's gone. / h' K* Z* j  `) q% V
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.7 q* }0 F1 T7 i: e/ f! V0 R
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
! m. H9 I: L+ |# d2 D0 APoof! He's gone. 1 O7 L1 b% i0 u% G3 \+ ?
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
# d# v' c2 s3 t6 \* Q# uThe manager says,* g3 i: j/ j% J' k
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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3 u' @  K6 ^. n9 l& n7 {! t Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ) q# O& m# ]1 l3 q
*Lesson 2, _3 S6 E8 i- _- _2 a
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.: i3 Q. H# L) U" {5 i8 p' w9 H
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 4 L" F7 v8 |3 n8 N: a' H3 n3 W7 m
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*# ]8 Z  V5 x1 g+ T% k
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
+ p) }' t; U( i3 G- SThe priest nearly had an accident. ! Z. J# ?! d5 k( g. {  ?8 O
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
3 @: K. C: ]0 i$ J$ [% bThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
" X3 Y+ Q3 n+ M2 g4 W6 WThe priest removed his hand.
7 `9 m0 F' ^2 K+ {5 L8 cBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 7 z: J; E* `& L6 T# D$ U& r
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
6 R) a. _9 @0 G2 g, B" I6 WThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 4 E& i: v6 }' {9 b" L2 O
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.! C# S  W2 ~+ @5 K
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
. ]& V6 E9 E% c, r- T It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."4 M* T2 O! n+ ?  f  Q

& r: y- N6 k5 |' n) |$ W) B Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
. _1 t' r3 n+ j7 @1 S A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.3 c) q1 f# F' Q% U( O
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?": o5 O4 I- H. |# a( B
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." 8 {5 x, t& h2 Q* a) [) x. H& [
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
" V; n, [$ e/ S, f% Y' j A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
& [1 k, \, j5 X5 e Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
' u4 h! M- B. F/ C# v, _ A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."! o. e1 M6 d- n: a( J( i
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
' N0 }+ A8 l; U# vThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
; p. G  o& N% e1 c" E3 d: OThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.6 Y2 B$ |2 x+ j( o) z9 ~8 S
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
) C+ D3 k% V6 Y9 A& v% n2 `' \ Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.$ {! u/ G& V2 z3 a4 S

) x2 L. N4 u+ lMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*/ k' K7 [9 k0 @( V% ^, I3 x  D
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
4 _' U* x" V* }% } While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
% c, ]" `0 e2 S! E, z- j As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. - g1 z4 o' Q" ^) d  ?" z
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 2 O% h$ {2 Z7 @" U- N9 ?$ d
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. " m7 A0 Z5 _, e2 S' ]9 J1 p
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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" H5 x9 E& g* I, o Moral of the story:6 |8 [7 q0 ~" q" @7 H7 r
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
4 n* A) t) m, R6 G# @. F" J 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend1 B& s+ P' i, X' X3 Z
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.! F! i; N3 A. v: a! N( s, G6 c" E
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
5 Y1 b: C4 i, G race again and it won again.8 w+ \, z2 ?, q2 o; b4 y% u' j5 E' F
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The local paper read:
' c1 u9 {: W5 v" e% M8 yPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the" j. b+ P% j5 z
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:& k: b* j, N2 L/ x
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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& M5 m! b/ J% R5 a& A4 c) [This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
; d: ~+ W( r& @4 y& b- iof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:9 W' E0 K, i$ L" K, A
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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9 G- f3 X" I: m. BThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
: G9 h2 F$ E  D" rof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:- [2 `. @* j+ y7 b; H% B
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.3 `1 V) C, i2 ~" ^! W3 k* W$ p

& D* B2 ?' ^1 q% lThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back& D7 ]( v( G) i6 i4 l
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:4 E! K3 Y' y" D. C- I- \
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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+ y; G5 m/ [" e+ P- [' yThe bishop was buried the next day.
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; _* j# J0 n" }" n5 {5 |. n$ s" }# hThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
/ k% s7 E9 {2 e  V% ccan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.  s" [4 Y% K7 u# r# Q3 ~( h6 |1 C

+ O! v( W3 }9 M9 ~4 fSo be yourself and enjoy life...7 A$ c; H1 c4 j: ?/ m: m8 F9 ~
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier4 H2 [) n! X7 C4 x* L' y
And live longer!1 Z% T$ n6 A6 k% j8 D( m! J

2 N9 O  T+ R" a1 `Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life / f5 d/ I) F: ]7 f9 \

$ o6 S5 B1 W. K, `+ M* F# c9 V2 m: vJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"* W  c* N+ Q- n: B
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 9 y( [2 a7 X" ^
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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$ u  m) h) V& b0 W2 q$ cWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ' w6 j7 m2 D( T$ P5 z

/ ~" \# f+ @5 I* [3 k" MSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 1 ~" I: z4 M$ t* u* I# v, w
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
大型搬家
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. $ ]0 R- @1 Z! q

7 Z, g0 P  R. E( e* qAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
1 @) m  c8 Z0 t9 L6 jThanks for sharing.
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( b8 q! V6 e2 i4 LI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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