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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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( [$ j5 R! [) s; ]* x *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*" D/ p/ a( q- v& w

; M7 F6 c# b: C2 L2 S; z A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
: O- |" D0 k) vThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
2 R7 g" @4 b$ ~1 P  `+ E1 S0 L0 x there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
2 E; ], B; q! ? Before she says a word, Bob says,/ Q) m! B4 |) t2 \! R
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." ' H' Z6 e" L3 N) E
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
1 `* J! Q, ^# i2 TAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
% y* U' Z7 o$ ~" }The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
, p$ z0 C2 A2 \0 w* mWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
% n. ^9 n: V- M0 i! C5 H "Who was that?"
6 ]) l/ _/ @) [6 i) j. X"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. . ^  ?# c4 T7 v; a
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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$ }9 t2 _% g5 d2 K$ P/ T( ]3 M+ k! SMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
1 j' k' {" w- f: B shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
; m7 m2 C% p! V8 z  I( }" ]5 `  b A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
6 t+ K4 ~8 @# Q& n9 [# h$ G# C& eThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
  M: X( \  g, s! Z5 q& m; IThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".5 T: f  K3 @9 ?6 c  r
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." $ ~5 v) n9 Q/ ]$ d
Poof! She's gone. 7 t3 g+ _$ V2 I. J; O" K# G
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
: z! j$ w  H' l( l( Z "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ! G8 A5 ?, L" c% c% Q
Poof! He's gone. $ c; a% J+ P; h
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 6 z, X, h: v/ G+ m9 |( g
The manager says,9 B" J+ X. N. h* g& g
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."& G( x7 |3 ^) d6 e# I

' s2 c- g9 L2 k Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
7 U0 _* g) G% q4 ~( _/ m/ q*Lesson 2
* O) Z+ D  f/ {/ X( I) e0 [ A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
2 h. ^0 ~& a/ \They rub it and a Genie comes out. - k2 ^9 F; q* x& x1 u" U* y
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
# {& @) f6 w. Z' ?9 r A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. $ ^& R) X1 F8 m8 I. I, Y
The priest nearly had an accident. : z- c* U% S$ y) X% F# L0 [
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
# ~; S: E+ I7 d& A0 \The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
5 U; G8 a& T, NThe priest removed his hand. " `7 o, j; T$ i4 w
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
3 b$ l+ k8 G1 B! Z! I9 I7 \The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" & }; m6 d9 U0 J& }) [! F/ ~
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
7 b6 a. [6 F! h3 bArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.3 q9 Y! G5 v) L" G
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  o, {6 ~. |6 @
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."& W) v1 O# m' t# X9 m% X! H

9 a: u0 i; B- z; q' f. { Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*' k4 d! F" S2 ^9 K& r- h/ S
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
5 [! H* u8 C) y8 O2 |2 C4 z2 y A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
  }" W' {$ q7 i  N; p3 ZThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
+ ]( C) I; m+ p4 W/ e! X. x: JSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
5 j" P6 \0 S1 T% W5 e$ T A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it., f5 \, `1 r5 Y, M; V3 j# E3 S
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
( o" _0 m8 n6 G$ V A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
1 B$ {) k2 q( w, ]  K "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
* O" L/ X$ `3 q, M- k, G* S; r8 OThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. : R8 u; p& W  r( @1 k/ j  k
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.7 \7 x& y! Q! w& h2 e$ `+ a& f+ l
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.6 i3 z  x+ u! S7 K3 Y7 \
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
, J4 ?  Y# I) Q( u, @- ^3 i+ z. s A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
7 d4 M; ^6 o) k7 F3 \3 X9 m While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.4 W; s* E$ k/ g- `. B9 k3 ?
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 5 d* F2 n1 t) z' ~( _3 E
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
; C5 i& N+ X! ?1 f$ b A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
- ~: I2 {* ^! H: q! kFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
8 }% ^3 q1 M" G/ n: I1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
* `1 o  l6 X; a, R: ~/ ` 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend7 x" T& S8 M: l+ a, q, l
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.) b' b* R4 Z  E( f  h& b

4 W4 m+ j& F8 ~1 S% ]8 X+ _4 N* r+ QThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the8 b' X# m1 ]1 |- j% H. T2 ~/ c! p
race again and it won again.0 A6 a8 l( X  t( d& M1 R: o

) c7 b& ]8 N3 C' ?% b1 nThe local paper read:+ \3 k9 r9 y' [) r
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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  d+ h, n9 c1 j8 |4 |+ a6 `The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
& [% @, @3 q2 bpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
! j' N+ ?' Z1 W4 a" Z/ t5 wBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.( d4 Y4 x6 A3 e+ R, J

5 @2 V, z' e# X% l1 M* v6 lThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid% y/ o5 L9 M( {3 X! \2 M
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
  P) ~. v- j" U# o
, `: `" w3 L3 {5 T% [The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:3 a- q. d0 A. x; a) o0 V
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.. O! s$ y- [+ ]7 k

" y: @6 b) }& T6 A( t8 n* z3 C- t# [The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid+ u5 Q! m/ J. [# w0 U" d; {
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:+ E" ~2 R+ [  i5 g4 t/ w" I# A
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
% o9 ]6 Z" g: w1 ythe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild., Y, J( E6 o6 K+ G  Y! ]8 ^

& m/ q$ M% P& P7 I* O  ]The next day the headlines read:- |; L3 z5 k) g1 V3 O
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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- G( B# R& Q% O! tThe bishop was buried the next day.1 A/ K' r8 P$ s4 a6 ?  B. F

/ O# v: F, w* h4 \, I* NThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion3 x" s4 R: V9 S" t% o
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier6 k2 d# B: j. n
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
! i6 g$ m! V  u5 jHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!5 L$ M2 b% g1 D3 c. M

0 e2 y% C! H9 ?/ ^( }Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
5 l! D( e' D& W' P, V+ `3 Z4 C' n3 J( ?Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. + r% q) P; }: L4 o/ i7 D6 v

& h: j. G8 F: sWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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+ e$ \8 Y# @4 g- x- tAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
6 e- W' X9 s+ }/ v, \( \1 A
8 r  R! Q/ E; ]6 D2 y+ WSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. ' v$ s# j' ~2 I* i' y2 y
2 p4 I2 d3 i/ T6 ~/ H. [
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.  p% S0 a4 M6 D+ x

- y) [( g2 S6 u( YI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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0 G6 [" o* m* S6 }: l1 EAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 + |; s6 o0 Y/ B9 |6 |! M8 f
Thanks for sharing.
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5 \3 l0 Z# h0 i  Z+ {$ Z5 g$ BI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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& t+ h* ?6 X; j) p" m- w3 jYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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