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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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( C5 N, H0 @2 H, l* B *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
' {2 V& ]$ j' \' P7 D/ iThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,) }6 L8 s  u$ X9 a# @/ K: s( ]( R# t
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
  Y7 {7 m7 ]  Q$ b8 X Before she says a word, Bob says,
5 c; s: Z5 W% D" @7 B "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." * m4 l4 F5 c& g/ R# D
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
& {1 W4 N* P1 {9 |2 R9 PAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
% r, ?* v1 B- E% I) X/ bThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
; Q' @, L) o) L7 q# OWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
. E& f/ U2 Y  e7 K "Who was that?" 6 P$ R. P/ S& o& f) P
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 8 |$ M1 g) \  s+ U6 u. R
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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/ W9 N4 D! @6 `/ \% EMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your/ e4 _% M! m, y* {# O, O
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 29 A5 ^1 z8 m. m! j- V$ U
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.6 v' I8 ]5 n- y) d% T$ ^7 j" O: P0 X
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 9 `% M" x% a1 ]& a2 p( g* }( H0 a
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".' X1 F8 v) i# r! @3 M  f) R
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." . y; b8 F- f6 O( H
Poof! She's gone.   G* G- l1 `; M" b6 [
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
7 W! s. `3 ?9 Z. G7 y) F "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
8 G3 t$ O- {" ?2 A: U' N$ k# IPoof! He's gone. 9 u" K  E8 T/ d* ]# j2 Z
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. : K4 V" K# R- U
The manager says,
, x3 {# a5 V/ X  H1 o/ C/ g8 F% f "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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& C3 A2 f4 ~( b) k) N. s8 g$ R Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
( z% J+ r6 u4 f' [*Lesson 2
( D( Q9 B0 T: {$ f5 S) K  s A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
4 Z1 \3 x% q/ p9 d2 R" {9 j% lThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
7 J& e5 H7 t5 c8 |2 o' xThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*5 q3 l# e+ E  H
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
  M  A+ P- d: r5 v5 _/ p) mThe priest nearly had an accident.
' g! N" B  g- n! g6 Y# A* \After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. & _  S" E1 D9 Q/ a
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
! ~9 u; t( w$ u7 {/ Z6 P: |6 FThe priest removed his hand. 8 J5 j* Q* {: Q# U
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. : f# A7 i" _* _
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
( C2 k, Q" I( x% T' @" y1 dThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
" ^! g9 v/ H9 q6 @, V* F, A6 z0 [Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.! u. B1 ~  w+ p  s( l: C$ t$ }
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.0 x; B0 B, X$ k' ~; @- @' n9 a" R
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.", C4 G' k3 ^3 T1 D$ \

" a2 r7 ?) j. Q% W' L/ s Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
- z, q- L, I9 j7 p$ ^, n' s0 I; \ A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
5 S2 F; t. V7 K5 e* w A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"- s8 Z( u" n' k% s; g' _- v6 f/ E
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
5 C$ A& l4 f3 `9 ~# c/ d, BSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
  L. e4 v' x: ?$ m4 R7 q3 Y" A( t, z A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.7 P6 i6 u& u& N
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma** p: i' k$ M6 ]. Y( w, z, E' M
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
9 s) H! R( k. [; Y5 o "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
0 Z  g6 [) I  ~The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.   g+ \5 G* G& {8 p, X5 {
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.% g8 c* ^$ L$ B% E1 D, G+ P
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.% Q! X- d& X! v7 b" `, a: u
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.& ?& i1 p" V  l  O) h8 }

4 y2 ^- T6 c6 l0 K0 mMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*" i. d5 c4 M* z1 H! N2 [7 ?
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
& L; E- I$ ~  V5 p While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.4 J) p0 g4 p, ], m
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. " _& D& {+ M& d1 Y5 e7 T: @2 o
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. : j( f- @" @+ S1 ?; V
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
: A+ y; k9 G. [6 V0 b% \8 q1 {% {Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:+ u+ l9 }1 W5 F
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
5 `4 K1 d: O" g2 Z$ M$ G* H- @ 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
% q7 O/ A& N/ O! s# L3 m. n: M2 V; v 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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, a2 I$ G4 w) h; d! q8 R2 BThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
) l) X6 ^) }0 {. D$ y' P$ }. e/ P race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:) e: ^! R' y6 q$ m/ r$ T
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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. B7 F/ l! E& r3 Z+ h4 Z8 LThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the7 m0 @7 d- I% Z$ ]* [8 h: d
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.! r9 w+ r" p5 [/ i* E8 e

3 }6 z0 V/ Q: H9 b" e3 LThe next day, the local paper headline read:
# {( o5 C" U, {, e( k2 @BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.0 [  Q; B- J0 W

- }% I) p1 ^/ _$ C, g2 o; V. j3 TThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
4 e3 m, c$ ^! ^7 d2 I7 Aof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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8 V! E  ~% m, E2 q  Z; S- ^0 kThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:8 D0 g9 F9 r. x6 K) y# g3 h
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.5 g. l$ r* ~7 j9 D- @* r4 P" v
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid6 G( P2 _/ o5 N0 `9 M
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.' K0 v+ R9 w! q  U5 ]/ R
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The next day the paper read:
0 n8 `6 ~( [/ V0 I; v# A& W! nNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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) v1 [, B2 C& L* TThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
/ Z: D6 L! l  g) z1 N3 {& Jthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.8 O- _  r1 L% R, r) p$ P

' v3 H/ [5 ~9 R- FThe next day the headlines read:
3 A9 A$ h7 z& a5 p6 |% FNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.- W# L) ]  Y0 c' g
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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% z4 T" H6 F5 V! u- s. K1 `# c( I5 L- _The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion0 V  f! i( y, Z+ c2 W4 P8 E8 T2 e8 `
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
; \7 g8 q" M+ x2 N; i* I- ~5 P And live longer!4 s3 J) O  X" N
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
% h3 ?5 `" K" }- ~4 jHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
& q) v  I/ G) \# P) u3 qThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.2 V! G! G' k4 `+ t  I' B  x
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 8 M! w# |* ]3 O1 b6 E% H

' }: ?" ^4 c# @" kAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
9 W, {* v  k" |- VThanks for sharing.
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7 Q* F, W, o' @: `3 o; @: I8 kI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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