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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons $ ?8 `# N/ b9 I  V2 Z8 Y# j

! q2 C0 Q; k( f' b" y *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
5 R  Y9 u( a) E( S+ @' d" n- U% c3 e6 C+ P0 R0 H: I$ p8 ^
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 8 f* O  D: R9 v) [$ m
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,) J, U+ Z: _4 G" ~; G' h
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
4 ^) U  W; ~6 l4 R/ ? Before she says a word, Bob says,/ u9 K0 y" D3 m; j5 x
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
5 v5 B; B2 U' J1 @After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
% {' o& j5 L; tAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
& @* q. ~. y/ E3 [; o) XThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.   N# z# b& D5 @$ u0 c! D; C! P
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,5 ^9 Y* c( T: B9 u" W! X- k$ K! m
"Who was that?" # C: V5 k6 [! C0 k. c0 q$ m: c
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
8 V3 C  H/ `4 e( }/ b8 T8 o"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
9 A2 L3 ?5 ~( W0 z: v; Y: M  A
! l; d0 N2 w: h! XMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your/ k! @# }. N* U4 V& A
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
) X7 c3 d% n- P2 V% P8 {0 d A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
8 X: I" r& p2 {. [2 iThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
5 O. e, E$ j. R* b1 T( ?# LThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
( y3 [3 u0 N+ c, T* h "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
  m/ ?9 u; F" DPoof! She's gone. ( L) Q2 W" h. ~% J1 M# q
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
( U! c! o3 r% o0 `; Y. g "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
9 T! ^8 _7 }' ]3 w1 g! g3 w  [3 wPoof! He's gone.
6 @6 _# o, Z  ]1 x"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
& H# D: q& G; [) \, @5 ]The manager says,. M2 Y2 n0 R9 U7 U( J! [2 o
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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: O4 \/ Q9 X# i- ]0 T$ Z Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ( G4 L; z; e3 p- H9 j3 p
*Lesson 20 L* N  y! ?- W- h$ z# s, h; _/ i
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
0 b* d5 `0 S  N: |! F- ]8 q" |0 VThey rub it and a Genie comes out. ! {- v4 B, ^# w. G3 u9 r# [
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

! f4 h, _% w/ C- V" |, zIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*9 r* ^' g( p  K* G/ F4 h7 R- m
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
# R% _  }+ B, W" F: p' KThe priest nearly had an accident.
7 f% V' [# Y+ U  ?# RAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
  |* o/ p; g; d6 EThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
& b. Z' E  J+ b% I/ Y7 B: rThe priest removed his hand. ' b5 d+ Q2 Q+ T( H9 C0 I
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
: s4 S$ f4 E6 k) _0 u' D9 [+ ^The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" $ u8 K+ X9 X* e0 K0 ^7 f
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." & V4 P9 q' a% x
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.7 I' J& N& b* e) z
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
$ R' c# O+ |- k. o  T! G5 j: o/ Q It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
1 n3 |' {% G) U# p. n A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
# _0 a! @) q/ P- I# q A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
- I9 }) s6 Q9 V2 X, yThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." 9 O5 B2 J+ q3 C
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.0 Z3 K( ]* ]* G2 {* r
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
. |. _- a+ A8 T Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*5 D+ T) f: F5 M
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
# Q( e9 H$ ?0 d% f6 S' Q2 F4 N! l "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." # @& P. {$ E  U7 L2 R* e
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 6 `. O4 ^/ ^3 S( \$ a8 @& g
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.! @. p" J3 D8 |  d( b2 g
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
! m. W, ~4 G$ D, N: j Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.& t& Z! C% K4 R2 ?  K. ^

9 [2 Y& r' q- m; ~Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*& ^' r# {* ^! M8 u2 K/ k: w. [0 K
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
- w: D5 H( E" K' t8 z9 a: ]% y While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
7 b7 u& J2 E1 ~3 d As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 7 ~. ?, k& r: h8 P1 b) n. E, E
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. $ c, W7 @* e# j
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. " ?* S6 u" M; T4 E7 Y
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.+ I! P' ~! p5 G5 F3 k0 ~
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Moral of the story:
3 ^1 t, W; t9 A, r/ L1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy& s$ ~# V0 e% ?" f
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend6 f; D1 t" W# ^8 \) v0 e
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.) t+ m$ e, _% ~$ ?& w. `% c$ G

  k  w3 p8 h5 y& \/ Q9 \% gThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the, a5 h0 e4 G& z& r" o
race again and it won again.: y/ P" Y4 n/ V' U

  z2 D! N6 l0 {. nThe local paper read:' h& A2 Y- \; S7 k+ L
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the* j/ B2 ]9 b* j" W
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.5 A- j8 x$ `+ W

3 R8 E1 z, b) {' f1 V2 ]) vThe next day, the local paper headline read:2 O( S" O5 h1 d. \% k/ I+ ?  B" b  U7 }
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
: g. @4 C* O" d6 ?; @4 y. g2 O5 z: @# n3 P7 b9 {8 _' g% ]
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
" F/ N9 V1 l; nof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.$ a1 u! r& A7 _

; ~" o) m# q! }" J  U5 ^: {The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:7 [0 \5 A" D  Q) a" h1 ?3 Y3 F
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.8 [, x! [- w! T+ K& i* ?: Q

2 q  R6 `& w: I5 Z* ~The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
. V: a, a4 I$ T/ t% b/ `of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
2 Z( ?/ n0 Y) C; V" k
+ H9 U: }( d' }% [: t2 W+ P6 l+ MThe next day the paper read:4 n* _/ h2 @& `9 e" q, u! @
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.7 i( ?3 Q  l$ [% `( ?6 c3 h. K

, e* f. A1 {8 k) P5 y: Q$ lThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back2 \. Z) _3 @. H8 C+ h8 [
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.+ O: x8 B! \- A9 V) P

0 ~" U1 P" l. b* t- T; CThe next day the headlines read:/ R) E/ j- \# y3 K
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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$ E" _$ n" `5 n! y* L( H& KThe bishop was buried the next day." r# o8 l/ U: I4 j3 @

# g" Q" W3 M4 b& a# c8 [' {' VThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
% x+ v0 \; s+ z1 w2 ecan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.+ Q2 B  g% o) G' R. [

$ u+ E, [+ M' |4 h5 _So be yourself and enjoy life...
& Q: u1 |: E8 ^1 p1 G0 B  L$ Z; ]* b' ?3 J; b# v
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
/ A1 H2 b! ~; a" P% x And live longer!
. w6 U/ \5 N6 V) o' j
1 p$ i" e; j' e0 P% xHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life + f! Z# |) J/ N2 g) M
+ h. r8 G9 {5 L& p% A# F9 }1 p- J
Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
6 O6 A% G9 N2 F+ P: ~His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
3 ^+ Y; r/ ^+ t
% G. l- V$ k$ p9 q( X! LWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
* g% o" f" z4 n% b- {8 ?1 O9 G  YThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
* N/ D( ]. r, H5 t4 L0 ^4 o
+ y5 M/ j2 M8 [% y, c1 PWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
5 O% @$ {) t+ f* {" O
! s& a2 O& s$ O( T! FAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. & }! p7 l* l: N' A3 y
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.. r1 w$ ~$ l& ?" @

; A* F. n( Y) c, p( bI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.   ~2 Z* ?# t/ i3 m: |

# {& u# K: x: W2 v8 p4 ^, \. DAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
4 ^. A% v9 F! ?" J  z, f) X- \Thanks for sharing.
& L$ ]7 Z6 Z7 f4 U) ?
. U3 g6 C$ y/ n! Q4 TI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
5 ]- `% Z$ N1 Y6 b- w( }/ |  A

6 e$ b; C4 G" KYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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