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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*, K) |5 U# w+ ^1 M3 [: b

: m6 c$ C" h. H; J; t6 }, e A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. " `) ~6 ^4 d3 A) Y5 L
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,$ J; y7 [8 [' ?. ?- h
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor./ ~) L- O' J! m. S( `
Before she says a word, Bob says,
9 Z5 p6 Q, R4 l& A" m "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 9 w" ^8 L. r4 j' a: g6 M
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
; [- R( H  ?% Q# VAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
9 Y% O7 g7 m" q; RThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 7 j! c% `: i- F
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
5 y" F6 a! s, b "Who was that?" ' o( q7 R. A2 g. K/ j9 D0 n
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ) j$ x7 a( _3 A0 s3 F/ k
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"- h1 X% [, \* D8 c
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your9 p! c: f! q- A+ W- o8 J& T) ~
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
2 O8 F. e+ L! Q( v) M7 V/ K A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.) ~) t. O3 P9 ^' t8 Y6 }% Z& l
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 4 n+ W* L' o5 w# n, R) `
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".( R+ _3 G# z) w8 |5 c
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 6 V4 \% J* w; S# N* G( w8 m
Poof! She's gone. $ Y, O  p$ t1 i* N
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.( K/ a0 H- j8 }# k, D- @' k
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
1 g& O) K7 _8 cPoof! He's gone. - p8 _& v2 w! R$ b, [9 }
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
  }) O$ ?, H1 [! z9 Y- SThe manager says,) I6 I3 [$ |7 m1 X# |4 \  u
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."# B, a! u+ s8 r1 M7 d5 ?8 r

; K/ z5 t+ w8 ? Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 4 C' A4 B& |, A# z+ }
*Lesson 22 j  P" O* ?: d4 B: A& I
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
2 a; G# d( f5 ?4 S4 ?$ \They rub it and a Genie comes out.
2 T  h" j6 a+ m6 q5 I- {The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*; B, v" J9 m8 S& f: j* ^8 q5 }$ e
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
9 m! }# }' _/ t1 {0 Z& G- VThe priest nearly had an accident. ! ?& f2 F6 {# b* [
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 4 `- p) ~+ y; l4 p. h
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
* `9 ?+ ?! F* I9 B% k9 E& U( IThe priest removed his hand.
& [+ g5 k" I4 _; J/ ]/ t, Z! c  i9 yBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
5 h  W% A* c* x4 M* A) ZThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" : @4 E. {: h2 P6 G& N: |0 O" b( V
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 0 G* M# O3 _  f4 ^  q
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.! w; R( \. h% w1 w; H- v3 u
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.1 l4 C# P! P1 G+ g9 S" [
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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3 X% ^+ i, m( A" Z6 S6 T Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
  ?, a5 d1 q2 T0 m A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
- N7 r2 K9 l& _5 Z: Z A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"/ b9 P: X/ z; l
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
& B" |6 n- u6 j$ bSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.' d+ ?( _" H3 L2 i
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
0 w- X/ ?  L; x/ C. v3 {$ Q+ d Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*9 c8 I' q9 Q9 I5 b! q
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."" z5 t7 ~6 b1 `/ d& \
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
! q0 U; G& b( ?' L4 rThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
, B3 {. p# ^. r1 b% t% VThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.8 ]7 ]3 J9 k8 S3 b  ]* h, q- @" k& ^
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.4 W6 F& X" a/ e, h) e. k
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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8 Y- _$ z1 Q0 fMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
" ?/ a" t* i# }4 J9 Q" t A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
1 a1 x5 a1 ]/ h& \# ^ While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
+ `/ F" k' q7 L) i$ E4 M As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. , |5 Z  m1 ^$ ~
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
! S$ g5 s% q3 n9 [  V0 c  ` A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
. q3 G$ m& r' G& v" P9 a+ BFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.4 h+ F: [/ k! _1 Z

7 p- v2 f, ^( G( ` Moral of the story:
% ?/ C+ c4 ^; y# e. u- Y7 h( z4 i1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy5 Q& P  S* B: d: p
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend" I' v( i# x: `3 C
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.  n; K- u7 s+ f. T
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the* J* P6 o2 ~7 A7 ?
race again and it won again.
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- A# K7 O1 q" ~, h( O9 @The local paper read:3 O4 K6 S7 O- r5 {8 r
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the. r! n( g' u2 H3 @$ W+ L
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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9 C3 s7 Q4 f% C& iThe next day, the local paper headline read:
2 P8 n+ f/ Q" H3 n$ P+ \' V4 ^BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid; F! f% k# z2 `( i6 R
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.7 Q/ m( E& h2 r# U# M; H
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:! v! ^1 X' G" @0 t. g
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.9 w- n9 ]; [; o7 y% C+ @4 }

  }) Y+ |0 B. x, e' h3 z5 FThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
, n, |( _- F  x/ ^) Qof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.3 p0 }+ I; B% C
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The next day the paper read:0 R3 A# g9 P6 h9 M; G5 \* `
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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5 X# h- |3 L5 TThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back3 C5 u$ z1 M0 n7 J- |( S
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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! ~! H, o, }8 f# bThe next day the headlines read:
9 B7 Q4 H( H$ `. L2 a* t2 N0 TNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
$ D4 v: g2 E- c, ]: @can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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# E- W( N6 Q. N: T- P' TStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier6 ~7 W7 ~7 u+ d0 k: V
And live longer!
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3 a" e6 u! W: ?/ m9 R, YHave a nice day!
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ! h8 c) d. T3 }% r& U8 d5 G+ L: z
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"5 \' C& \6 u2 [7 r' `1 Q  b4 V6 X
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
$ r7 n$ ]( Y. T: x" E; Z% [( D  N
) H$ I- d8 Q4 A& e/ m! uWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
% }4 I3 i( d: a1 }. D; c+ X  }Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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' N* V" `. `; aWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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# o7 x) q! M) ?" Q& wSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
3 u# |9 k: C0 E& U& ~' R2 \7 s: @
6 j& L/ h7 c1 mThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.7 c, [* A& s- B$ \( G1 l6 x
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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0 w$ h% L& x5 g& A% Q, u1 [8 |As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
+ a+ K! y3 c# m3 Q6 qThanks for sharing.) m% \6 ^8 U+ u

* f8 U. F. W) G; ^3 DI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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