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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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$ ~+ w7 r2 c% e5 @1 h! B *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
! x2 r8 H7 q8 H& _/ W0 o+ k2 n( ^The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door," |0 p/ o9 W: x  e) N
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.# U: ~, F+ t+ Q2 k- ~
Before she says a word, Bob says,- P2 K; k2 w$ Z  X) F  ?
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." ! O3 e# A! c1 @
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
# S, F' W& e* _+ K: C! a( K0 X* uAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
1 A; s# \2 C: p7 ~- m2 X+ dThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. + z. H) d  a8 w0 P! H$ T
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
. Y9 K: U0 Q4 ^  r' d, n+ D- e$ \ "Who was that?" # [' g. y& p. |1 E3 `; C( |
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. & p( h9 v9 Y3 f# D0 J3 Y/ L+ B' D0 o
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"+ ]  [0 \" N. ~

, `& I1 u8 \, ~( ^& VMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
, @$ Y# ~% v' P4 X6 z# \6 r/ x0 \ shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
5 @* ^5 I: z* u A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.2 X$ w) s/ P- H/ N7 U
They rub it and a Genie comes out. " ~4 R, t+ d+ A" J. w/ l  W. P, D
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".1 E" W7 m5 P: d& r
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ( l# a; ?' R' \4 f4 O- ~: |
Poof! She's gone.
; k/ r  u- j7 |8 S3 w& o"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.9 d, i( J$ h6 X5 u( n8 |/ R6 Y4 d& s
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
, @7 }5 Y2 J6 p7 \Poof! He's gone. 2 r7 ], F1 L" O: r/ C/ P' \. g9 b5 t, V
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
  z2 n; X1 a/ t; P- Q8 O  iThe manager says,' h$ ~7 n& m0 v9 K" H
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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! S" A' D+ N4 i" v Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ) W3 U9 ~( k6 m$ m3 T1 r
*Lesson 2
6 \, W! J1 J( P5 h1 i& c5 T0 R A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
, b" _* _5 r/ l$ SThey rub it and a Genie comes out. , X" j0 s# ~  l& }6 }4 y6 U
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

5 ~1 W3 B6 d% k: ^% ^2 jIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
1 h  e8 b# b8 a' ~0 \ A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.   R6 N  H* K: Q  N% z0 E4 p# C) E
The priest nearly had an accident.
' {9 |+ M' E$ s9 {& b1 CAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 8 a# G9 t% Y! `( Z  G0 ^
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
, Y+ h( H4 k" Y$ qThe priest removed his hand. 9 ?$ S' {: L0 n( w; ~
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   g/ ~6 e0 q7 e, `
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
# ~/ W0 `& y5 j( gThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ) F9 _, @8 K% A9 O4 x
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.6 k" y1 w6 f# ?6 R% r
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
. L- X; q$ e  L: Z2 p3 d It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
3 m0 Z0 T7 U3 B4 y A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
0 P( l/ [4 K5 [2 q. [/ d: U A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"7 H5 D4 ~' u- F2 [
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
" U) w6 e. S- u* BSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.8 y; f0 \5 J5 Y* j. [2 d
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
' T' o/ l5 \' q5 e) T Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*. R- H6 p* ^7 N9 i# l
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."3 P) L% o9 E) g8 U3 C+ p; c% D
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."   x( Z- {( A2 T, }/ n- c$ V$ Y
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. & m$ W0 ~) A. n+ A7 Z( R
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch." s" _: r5 [; o! ]; x8 h
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
& _; Y8 i4 \+ k- v Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.. R8 n. `. v6 I# q$ w( \& b7 i
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*- P" |- l2 t9 G1 y
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
, h1 ~) N7 G" _- k While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
' r4 Y0 p8 L, t As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
" N4 H+ O; H" m: G. f- ]- OThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 7 W! s7 N6 A- f' a
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. # r8 s9 s. ?4 W9 H% A0 T$ t
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:0 Y1 R- h: @$ d" o$ W
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2 b, Q) ?! X1 `3 P. T 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend" @5 T6 X7 e+ A: i" U
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.2 b6 ?  d1 t" K
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the  w1 R+ z- U& f; \
race again and it won again.
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; z# U; {: X" K; h6 K0 A3 Q! CThe local paper read:- N+ r' i( N- ~- C% v9 I7 P; ~
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.9 F0 N) c5 }- u, Z, c
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the* _3 v$ b- b* L" l: a
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
# F  h+ n: J- cBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS., G, B8 M* z$ m  @9 ]  j7 A
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid  M/ I* ]1 N- x
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.  ^5 |" R9 X! ^: X; l
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
. u6 y$ F+ J) h( M6 ~NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.$ x# @$ U8 L% {
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid0 W* }2 o; l7 L; a1 x
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.9 R3 r) H: y: h. G

" x2 V3 n/ o" R: G" XThe next day the paper read:
0 T9 U! [. @7 t# G( m0 S! ?NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back# I* W- R' \4 d3 J) O+ b
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:
9 ?0 U; O& A% W0 H7 |' kNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.& P! E6 ]" s  u+ [# C+ O! J2 s

" v+ e: G+ w0 z/ J. y. eThe bishop was buried the next day.9 R+ a% E' a; T: a& I# y& `1 k( j

0 ^! R% g. z' i0 qThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
7 `* A3 K5 v" a5 h& T* `, t2 Xcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.8 r1 C+ v  S8 E1 Q% n

7 i# G  ^: O5 kSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier( h0 W7 N) b  }& @+ c5 S
And live longer!
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* u- U: j5 w8 j/ j9 lHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 0 o  u. g" G. Q  {& x
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
( }* D  z+ t9 m: b- N2 ~His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. % |/ H8 l+ @5 f/ {3 [4 @
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. . O/ k1 `# F  y( f6 q
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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: i# v! P, v2 f" Z+ d9 EI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 4 M* u# d/ z5 H8 w) l- s7 d

9 u' U. N5 O% B8 D9 M# [As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
* `8 b' H" _, I+ l/ F) @7 @Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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