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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 8 t# x% l, r" t( Z
  l% {0 r1 S. G
*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*, }# X$ X/ K6 T4 y/ N( g5 B; P9 E

( T/ b! o" f7 S; C- G8 Z* C A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
6 T( L8 x1 J$ L. j  ~# o% {4 UThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
5 ?- C% Z% {; }) w there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.  \' }; N3 Y' @% W
Before she says a word, Bob says,
" K1 H& |& a# G. n3 x) [; @. B "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
& O5 b# v  V) r5 n7 A1 WAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
/ ]  ]- X) m. H$ V8 R% sAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
0 Z  i% f; C' `0 dThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. / @( C& u1 f1 B+ x! n6 D' e5 P. k
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,) X3 \; a) T7 _* L3 `6 q# S3 Q
"Who was that?"
# }9 \$ C$ Q2 K1 W- M2 b- S: Z. I% z"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
% n- \* _: q( ^- g, k"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?". b( i9 q# p3 p  O# f
* Q, e* O$ {! U3 P) c3 v
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your4 Z# j9 @- G- M+ e) V( ?6 e9 c
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
9 k1 Q0 h9 o# F A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
0 L3 `% z6 i! R8 x3 zThey rub it and a Genie comes out. " X+ T) ?/ K/ c/ v5 S* ^. ?/ Q( p
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".% x0 J: d  i6 |3 z! j$ @4 y
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
; t: ~- a6 `1 Y( s' {! d2 oPoof! She's gone.
2 z9 q3 W8 I" w5 l7 `"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.. m7 ^7 N6 ?3 O6 T
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." / v6 X5 D" o) l% V  n$ D& I
Poof! He's gone.
: C3 u2 I# g4 M# i2 M& h"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
1 a$ ]) ~' t3 P% _  W3 `+ ?/ cThe manager says,* G7 y! s, ?' [- O. h. l& s' @
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."' i( N' v3 j" F6 m  M

4 B. w8 g9 m, Y% Q4 K Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
6 r" }' S+ M, Y. [. |/ ?: q+ x" V*Lesson 2
" _/ d$ i% `  ~1 K  x A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
: l4 A2 L$ O" {2 b5 \, EThey rub it and a Genie comes out. & B3 y8 N/ I9 t6 J, Z2 O
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*# K2 D% a8 z& g% X
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
5 s, D9 Y8 `3 r" f$ P4 WThe priest nearly had an accident.
! a4 N% I: P, qAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
% A& U# S  i! R* E8 nThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" " R1 e; v9 j) n" n
The priest removed his hand.
* w+ y" h& E# iBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
/ B& o( s$ s% BThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
2 R/ W% Z+ b6 Z, A' {The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
5 l6 B' v& J1 ZArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
. m) W* A6 P) B8 N; U* n8 } On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.3 y! h0 ]. \9 X3 J  c  m" J
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."! P+ R3 `5 w5 {9 i' |8 B

  I( @4 f. A. s! s& r! [3 ` Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*; R" P# w; x! ^4 M9 _* C/ d
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.% b$ o; e6 D- v5 i5 f
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
# v3 C# ?2 ~9 J6 f/ h" p4 hThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
- h  v% d- }4 X2 tSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
: E4 r- h* t- y2 K+ j& ~' A A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
4 r. O; p8 N2 @, e9 B Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
% d$ G/ h: V( d* a! Z2 e A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
7 w- R& x" U" F) o5 n "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
, R7 s6 y) I0 mThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 6 ]! G$ u& R/ B# J5 P2 S! \0 @
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
, O0 N( M% `0 l. i Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree., |8 ?# c: n* t
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.' f; G/ Y3 {  l# c3 g" _; ]8 @! m6 S

& a' U, n( r! WMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*0 P2 a8 P$ ]7 m" j+ h2 W6 c" g
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.7 Q" [8 a4 J8 H
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.$ E& o4 X" _; ?# Z
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
6 V' ?0 @- C$ B$ GThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 9 p, C5 O. q7 i
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
; G/ W) i( r; @( o! bFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.3 v2 \8 f. V1 j2 P; I, g, P

- w) q* p0 {7 d Moral of the story:
! D# {* A2 p0 @1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
. C4 ^1 |# M, P; f; u& L 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
; n5 V& d2 |9 _  E, p. [7 V 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.1 a  ?! {- C+ [! l* X5 z2 x
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the& n! y0 N( d: t/ s, Z+ Y( T
race again and it won again.! [# \$ j$ Z' q

$ j, O# U5 D+ B2 C; a6 r% s, o1 O4 f$ ~; ZThe local paper read:
0 i0 _$ b* J3 _; p! k* w5 JPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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# D! x) G* x& U9 ZThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
; b  N9 C, `% x) V2 _/ J) C* Zpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
" Z6 b4 u$ @9 i0 P! L7 X9 h0 _8 I8 l3 i
; G/ n4 o; ~1 K( _: u$ ?The next day, the local paper headline read:
+ {* c6 U( O+ R+ h- B# d# {; xBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.: {6 A/ @0 j  h
* V5 k( F! N. L: Z
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid, U& q8 R/ Z) f" v4 T' u) c
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.( u' q- ?+ o' r# z, @% i8 |

3 f5 }0 j$ ?9 T! W8 }The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
9 G! w$ l; R( L) x6 gNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.) F9 a7 E3 |/ |6 s8 [

8 P' q4 b4 ~& ]. d0 uThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
4 G! I4 Z. j/ O/ g3 G) \of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.: F' ]+ T4 A% i& X
3 u4 I6 Z8 u  b
The next day the paper read:
; h6 ~% A! U8 t! q7 O8 ENUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.& g) ^1 _% W1 G. S
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
8 H7 P" \8 e3 d/ P9 Uthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
& ?" v. y* I9 \6 n2 Q) _6 i* x* @8 S' \" L* A" p
The next day the headlines read:
; V/ P4 `" e% l" eNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.' N+ N' d* S1 _8 r) W

8 c% i- {! p! d" `* `0 OThe bishop was buried the next day.9 x" R4 r5 j& B+ Y* D- S

" A: ?6 \- I9 K  eThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
0 b; ?( t( x6 d. ^/ Ocan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
# s( Y9 g% b  c$ n$ O% N% J/ \# ]/ ^' M8 v# B, }% B; w6 b5 c* J
So be yourself and enjoy life...
3 y: H# K$ p% {8 d; V+ D( R) p" \" p0 u8 X2 r. q/ u
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
, u% p+ w7 d4 m4 i, q* r0 ` And live longer!
) S; V: C! |8 `7 J( [3 q0 \- B1 K9 S2 M- j9 N6 N1 z
Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life , w6 m/ b) n1 U4 ?& r) c- y/ a. I. x
9 K/ W) T  r/ S2 n1 A1 C
Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
( Z, _. Y2 o: z7 {3 |* J9 \" CHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
/ @4 H& Y; s4 J! @/ @. y2 y. U( L% Z4 o) I; R
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
4 i$ O. y4 \# S9 k$ gThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. : K& O8 }  Y$ ^% p+ S0 Q( j
4 ?& L; G2 C# F
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. # D8 o! W: M& ]5 g1 A

. c; b- d1 @, r& `3 p2 XAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
6 i3 L! G; p( C5 S# F
0 R$ ~. {1 L' {2 v5 q  gSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
# A; p, B6 K3 s2 C4 [7 C- C: A) I, D! h  f8 x! A" G5 [" Q. j
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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7 c, [- R3 b; R$ H# uI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
8 u1 G. I  t8 \/ B7 ^9 w  Y( e$ s* _0 t/ Z6 h
As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 9 Q" l* Z' I  e4 H% M; D
Thanks for sharing.
9 ]' H7 m9 V$ m9 G: i8 }: j# u/ |! s2 i. p+ L4 _
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
5 \) F% ~7 [* E. q6 N

  S, \! g8 [& j6 C/ A7 a) SYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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