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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ) H+ c5 T; \4 W( R: K3 ]
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*+ W$ }1 J" n  [5 F/ ]
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
0 l1 N2 L( j9 u6 c8 r" B" sThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
# D8 m7 \% F6 q$ f) m3 b& y there stands Bob, the next door neighbor./ p6 {2 ^* n2 e. Z4 l! T0 l2 t
Before she says a word, Bob says,
6 \+ a6 _4 S" L0 S "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." $ E" ]2 L) I+ t7 I  w" y0 ~& `8 N
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.5 z7 L9 t9 m9 k& R1 y' _
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
1 ~  `( i0 z* p+ UThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
9 H/ Q$ P& J. c0 j1 F/ ?When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
7 q; l% N/ k) n5 J( D "Who was that?"
, j/ Z) s: \- C# v"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
! S9 j; G( W& Q- ~  P"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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6 a9 S8 V2 e1 L8 X" `  n# FMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
5 d* ?9 p# b4 c0 U$ a2 e shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
" p  V' r# K& q; b+ h4 n3 l A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.% R1 F# @- S& H' ~* ?/ m) |
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
, ]: r. j& r  y/ ]* S' nThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".1 D5 X4 w4 }3 d9 v  O& L2 U/ m- g2 @
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 9 T7 K  w  y) Z7 N2 R8 ~
Poof! She's gone.
5 c3 g! Q$ v4 q6 @1 k9 c"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.8 ?& u8 h7 L: t) c, z/ n
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 8 |/ u3 p. `4 P; P9 C
Poof! He's gone. * G  D9 r  _- Y9 n+ x
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
) Q; S8 i0 E5 l0 `8 aThe manager says,$ H' x! P( P) a3 h$ l6 K9 C
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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3 P9 A& p, Y4 x5 y/ F( ?" E Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 . r: X" _2 p* V& m* I
*Lesson 2. f4 W. g8 y' {- O9 N
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
, ~6 z2 z" m; uThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 5 `. b% Y( Y3 y: M5 W/ h. f
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

3 e* G  t8 ^# O4 nIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
$ c( M( i! B6 M' I# f2 o A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
  }# v9 S8 U- N" y  [0 `! kThe priest nearly had an accident.
2 y/ z# P6 f  N, y5 T; EAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. : ?- X+ S/ y/ I9 K4 `1 i
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
# S& G% }* t0 r* dThe priest removed his hand. 4 ^1 @9 [" ~* K0 `" `  P0 U1 o. M6 A: z
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
# F9 X1 S5 D  {3 Z& r5 \4 j( i& F1 FThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" ! n" J0 X5 O: K1 n! \, Z
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." : t8 @  f' c8 l8 J6 `' h, V# G
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.& K& t1 p7 T$ e! S' H& x2 Q
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
) J$ n" p0 z* Q It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."/ W9 ^% j: Z+ z/ _# Y, V
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
5 \* ~" u  K; d" N A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
- w. K+ I. @! R( b0 A A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
2 h* B7 r( \/ uThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." 8 j0 g1 K6 g1 ]' D
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.# R* t7 _/ }2 n5 i, v
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
* ?0 x6 r1 p) o) t, B- ?/ _ Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*/ V7 B( Q* i( B* j, q& G4 ~2 o
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."; h) }- O% m: X$ j" l9 g
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
5 b9 L, }7 F& ?! V5 N1 I& L9 iThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
9 {& a8 U/ c% ~, w0 {The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
' |! U" T- _3 o9 Z) m Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.! w4 ~$ V& k0 n- ?3 D
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.) B/ A9 Q2 z$ M! H' Y
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
9 S/ _9 a' ~9 }# A' X" R A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field." D) Y+ K+ B  q8 q
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
* \( |- ^5 s. z As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. ; M* ~0 V' V6 M
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 6 E' D( j# N( y$ L0 y" m+ u
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. $ D- R8 {2 D3 t1 [* _% _5 N3 a( A
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.! t; j' r) _3 G0 P

4 D  D5 H! s" S9 [  ` Moral of the story:
( V& m$ y9 x  x( I; L1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy1 I5 L$ K  m" P7 R  |* ~) N0 u
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend4 \7 B: `+ C# L! [" c. q) m3 R8 K
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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$ ~5 ]) I1 Z$ ]The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the5 v( r& J: D: v# F: o
race again and it won again.3 p: u. ~9 N- d/ F; w) ?
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The local paper read:$ w7 [1 K1 o7 g+ H7 j/ l
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the: O. G5 ~  H8 b4 i( E% w( i
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.9 o7 w, n5 |. m

! b/ C& q1 k/ u) d. e8 `The next day, the local paper headline read:
. Z5 @. W+ u2 p- g& SBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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" M* w% y  E1 zThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
6 Q; ^' i0 ~$ ]1 Yof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
$ }# ]. P# D% ~7 E8 t& Q- Y* XNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.0 l4 Q; G  J7 {% {2 r9 I
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
, r+ @+ R% N4 T" _$ q$ L- uof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:
6 C2 B! R) {. I" y/ u. M- d& lNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back& v0 ], S1 W. ?, Q! A1 e
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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3 g. _. F  V* d+ x  y4 OThe next day the headlines read:& o- o1 S  k4 x
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE." s1 {  ^# ~) H0 b+ h* p: F
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The bishop was buried the next day./ {* T" u0 h7 D. B1 v

6 Q0 l* t  i  Z# Z( x. XThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion! H  Q+ I, G# h# ]: \2 T
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.0 Y) Y/ @. J( V* P( J7 b+ u. j

# @( T) f5 ^6 q9 z: s& x9 j* FSo be yourself and enjoy life...4 ?9 c+ {' J; u% E
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier) q) R- b+ m& C4 d4 r! R% j
And live longer!8 X% v0 {. O) ^$ y: m- a

0 I, K9 I. R' l+ V: JHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
& Y  n1 [1 L# a& H( g' XHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!; C% h9 }9 v$ m4 {
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
6 Y' x+ `+ x) }5 M, N. a. cThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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! x6 q2 W# g4 V/ tWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 6 m( Y( d# c1 p5 C+ K0 j) f

& M# ^1 V9 q6 i& y# d5 HSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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* w$ q/ \: |, W3 l1 w1 `Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.1 a1 F  n+ Y6 v

# r2 L( G: _) Y0 B0 z! BI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. ) q) f6 c0 g4 n, [! S% x
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 ' R8 q$ F, l- b0 [
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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