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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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  C' K" T  F2 b& { *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*4 J# t. e4 W# D' c0 Y
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 7 U4 p. s% _5 b' M5 k
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,! J6 n2 b2 k; C1 x4 |
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
1 `+ ~' `( [# _0 F& r. h Before she says a word, Bob says," ^- T) R4 g! r* q4 w5 Q! E1 Z
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
: ]% ]/ l2 J% D% t6 |; AAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
6 [) I8 f6 @0 B9 S2 `4 K0 z7 i) uAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
( A: j5 e9 P- Z! eThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 6 _- d, s6 J: c# \; U) G
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,2 ^: u7 I- X9 H( {8 h
"Who was that?" ( x( C9 C& [2 @: [- L% J" W- a
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
4 @! D6 J% {/ V( v  m# h"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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4 }, `* t) b$ d, a! z$ ]Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
: }. m, ?) G. M4 \8 I$ ] shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
5 b0 B2 g; T0 k! U A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp./ [5 z6 F- m/ T/ `4 K
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
7 Y' p! F4 t- PThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
1 C# D* q1 d+ `. q- I4 q# j7 t5 h "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
+ R7 z9 D' l  R& T$ R) o6 yPoof! She's gone. 7 ^( c7 c+ i2 ~. C3 a8 x
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.+ f9 X* d! _4 g: B; t& V6 X
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
- c  F9 G3 I5 o, iPoof! He's gone. 3 P  F+ P7 `* ], W
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. $ M4 r1 L# I# k5 H
The manager says,
+ o! L  q% X, x) `1 o$ M "I want those two back in the office after lunch."6 \# r4 M( S( \) _! W
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
; p" v% s' t( j% F$ i& X*Lesson 2
$ }3 l; w% a3 ` A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.0 q$ l# C* c1 ^  c/ I# L; B4 N
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
# ]* |8 @; [5 W: ~* zThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

) [0 A" ?  d$ w# c8 _% v1 `It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*  g4 R  _1 F1 _; D9 L8 T! k
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 2 K0 j! B1 h1 m$ @# W. f1 h
The priest nearly had an accident.
7 m7 v4 g; [7 a9 ~After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.   Q  H3 T5 q1 @
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
9 t+ I) R% B4 R4 b: A. n' EThe priest removed his hand.
' ]  z# ^) x6 g% ]1 EBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 4 b7 g" z' S' ~# {8 D* ]& [; y
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 2 ]2 J+ l' l4 _4 b4 x9 V, L+ I
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
/ m5 U+ U- a* y' b: RArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.- _! l! m% h" T) x: J
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.% v$ n2 q4 Q6 [$ O
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*7 [/ O4 ]3 C. |' v
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
! b2 I+ k  e% _; ^% z$ I A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?", Z6 r4 v' B- T: x/ \3 S; Q
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
- s  C* w2 M( o) q+ `5 J5 rSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested./ i# x: D; U2 L1 ~: ~5 M, o
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
1 X( y) v/ u" Y! M Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*, V, N3 u$ s5 d% b5 T8 L) O! S
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy.". h; e/ C; Q# M
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
; Z9 J) v% E: R. ^The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
3 C6 w, Z" \) J+ XThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.& W! J% ?5 j; j
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
; T0 k  i/ x5 C( W+ g: |  ]# |+ o Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*+ a8 w; l, c) N0 u
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field./ T3 r; P4 O4 ]$ P& G
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
( v, r  e$ V3 l# O6 d8 R As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
- X6 P! j9 G, ZThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. ( q7 V9 I; m  {9 A
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
0 M6 s4 }" Y* J) x* G% mFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.* N# r( N. O* i) ~/ ~9 Z
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Moral of the story:' Q1 [" {# c* ?8 o8 a2 U- P3 C5 ?
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
" ^" z+ P1 S' m5 ^8 J. q' ~; T; b' j 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend! N' `6 P- l, g1 j& l7 m
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.2 X3 \5 p/ N; M; x

* e: Y7 h# q6 i8 ?9 |4 `6 m2 B' XThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
  p; M; R% I) Z- {6 q: n7 J race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:# G9 a+ y( W( _% t5 v1 D* ~: l
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the9 g/ Y$ p' ]+ ?. K# a! D* v
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.4 g4 D/ T& J4 ?9 t' r8 W0 W, f1 Z

! @, n/ t9 a! `- N6 TThe next day, the local paper headline read:8 h- g0 Q- W$ {8 M
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.# J& v3 _- ^8 n" s7 @" G! m
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
; m0 k4 ?, l6 d: V7 hof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.4 X7 b* G3 X4 @+ }! k! L5 K- s  ?- z

& ^3 t9 Z0 O; J1 [/ Z( B3 ~The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
# O9 U/ Z: E" U# kNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.7 I7 d4 k/ c& H& G
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid$ e; \1 A$ Z- L0 Q8 a
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.& W6 j# x& t* t* o

) l' @+ j3 c- H) s5 y7 H  rThe next day the paper read:( a( J6 h" t4 |) J/ I
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.5 {4 O4 @4 e, c: V$ }( d& d6 L3 d2 O

6 @! Z. j# [7 D% j7 @This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back0 b+ ], g; |" J3 u& F- @
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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' E2 W$ Y# p: R5 |+ x& E4 x6 LThe next day the headlines read:1 v$ @. C. w+ X0 J: M! }
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.; I, P& I4 U- r6 E* H" ~5 W

7 V, w" G* U+ m( l. ?$ EThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion, _1 ?( d# x( t
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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' ?$ f' x5 B- X/ \& B1 m( P/ I& qSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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7 Y7 q  U, m6 G5 w' E$ ZStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
, `* @: c2 T" E) D" F And live longer!3 r2 U, A+ |" G* [. e3 M% G

7 @9 J' M. q/ ~$ v6 q  ?Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 7 l& K) y! v* H1 T

# V9 A0 v) j3 C* F4 T+ i9 EJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"4 ~# z: X$ j; X. R& J3 G
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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6 s# w7 M- S5 ?% O. \( O8 T& UWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. - g9 v+ }9 ]2 _7 P  B
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. + K  ^0 ~  m$ V4 F! K

2 ^; H& P/ P0 d7 o2 `& iWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 5 |1 w- \" ~8 n) n5 ~

1 H8 j: A3 Q' R, E! f( e* ZAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 3 g1 J8 N: {" p  j

% f9 }* b! t1 `, E' {* qSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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) S% R3 Q% q# B$ W+ OAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
/ t  G7 {! u$ o9 u( F) h: EThanks for sharing.
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: I) Z. F1 T& A4 e& r* C4 l1 d  mI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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