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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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% |- D5 u5 e# [  t$ c9 ? *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
5 v4 N) Y+ ]0 X2 b! A' ]The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,5 s) F# Q( ?! X2 J' N) s6 v4 t
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.( g% V$ h- t* L8 ~6 `" h% U' W7 i
Before she says a word, Bob says,  O! w5 @- }, E9 G
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
8 @& b/ j. Q' l8 d7 WAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.6 D9 Q- w/ g) x
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
% c5 A) f/ H9 Z; Y& J3 _- Z) S% eThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 3 i3 R5 k& O- Y  V
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,( _1 {; O6 Q8 i) Z; F
"Who was that?" ' B' a- `' L) s2 @0 H
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
. g9 o" g6 C9 o, [# f"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your4 m7 J. G( u  C( ^0 L; {
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
5 G( x$ ~- J" W) E* x' W A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.3 j, I9 F0 J! U4 N. O
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
  G4 @; |7 c3 s$ x) A% n) kThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".3 t5 V2 d  S% b% {/ M4 f& I
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
; ^3 Q" d& s! w/ f0 _Poof! She's gone.
- A# S4 ~8 {6 z"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.* c$ E9 X& I- {
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
) @; t6 W' W( B8 n' IPoof! He's gone. 7 T# I! {3 `2 e/ t; r
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ) B; E) F4 r+ ]7 O6 _
The manager says,+ c* `0 Z2 Q5 p. P' L
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."6 [+ s9 x/ r. T

$ a9 z0 [  `4 G  j Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ! S6 X4 L; N& {
*Lesson 27 |8 f; b9 ^. Q
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
8 d5 X1 A9 C- k+ x" eThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
4 \$ c; K' D8 zThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*! `' z) o* T3 x3 b  o' x) G
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.   q+ s1 s) e9 F9 p& x
The priest nearly had an accident. . H& o" s  O4 P- o5 s3 q
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
( {& D3 R% J1 VThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" / h8 M  N% Q8 Q* b
The priest removed his hand.
9 p2 a. a- `% yBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. # M4 |  K2 {8 l# w* w' U
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
) x1 j" M: h7 {) c9 i( L& dThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
6 u' C  o) N& ]9 i) h" c3 MArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.) L* ^; e/ v% E( O' k7 k& q# O9 ^
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
' r& {5 n) G4 M3 i2 c3 I It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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+ t! y& ?9 L+ b& O( Q Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*' R% a  M, S1 s% y# K6 I
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day." ]: X$ O. `+ E. F6 W; M
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
/ U9 c* G- K8 gThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
" Y7 C7 G* r5 u* [3 t# E; f% LSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested." o* Y% M7 E5 K1 ?1 @
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.+ D8 [0 y. u3 N( p, r
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
( }; u6 y3 X' E$ p9 C1 B& ^ A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."# ?' A; h# j4 ^" e, t
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 2 y; I- e5 E& |  |) }' y
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 2 A" k$ k& O7 V% C0 w' p& z3 V
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.$ H, d0 l/ _0 J" F7 I6 Y. C! N% D
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
3 b: z+ y8 L: E4 _, Z Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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7 S) x8 `& K3 D3 d# v6 t" }) ?Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
* h) b) Z6 f1 [& {, L4 s3 I A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
/ O) M7 b* ]4 a While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
5 c1 D1 F3 ]" y! t6 F As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
% Q" X$ ?' J% a$ [7 MThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
9 q8 L7 d- E' g4 G0 ~8 V% e! m- @ A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
: m+ s; r) q* s% X6 |) NFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
$ l9 Z% d4 t8 G% N- o0 }1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy+ q8 f: o) l7 |) ^" _
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3 M2 }3 ]1 {' s6 m, | 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the- P1 T2 w9 u$ v! p. s. R! @0 c
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
: q2 P$ F/ W3 fPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.; F, Q2 D9 N( r; }6 P

$ h- x4 @; g+ P; O% T+ f( ^# L+ TThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
$ @0 f; J* N5 n" V$ K- J# Gpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.7 e% O" {. V6 S7 P' A3 {; X/ M2 I' n
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The next day, the local paper headline read:0 h8 j8 B' T; ^4 ]* N' B5 J
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.6 L' v7 S' Q6 X' l7 _9 G

5 n  I, u9 Q0 I# v  v6 CThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
$ V. |# D% Z7 Q3 N' D; ^' t) Gof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
; B9 s" X( ]. i4 PNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.* ]; j. L4 ^. k+ X: w

# A5 O  ]/ B3 K. pThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
7 F0 S& \% s2 d. X  d( i0 T# K9 uof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.* c  @7 O$ t6 ?- C. F

9 Z# k1 H' Y8 Z8 f9 v4 UThe next day the paper read:
, ^1 c$ G( i! wNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
. i9 A, {, s# i+ G  W- `' h# @/ Othe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.  w* G) f9 E; `5 e0 {- e

' |$ G* U! G1 lThe next day the headlines read:
: I0 F6 c% l1 n- SNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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0 ?8 E; Z2 A1 a* E- MThe bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion) T+ I6 {, E4 T0 e
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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) N/ D$ W& M2 z3 OSo be yourself and enjoy life...* Y. w% M& q& z# Y# n8 E- F3 n
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
6 v8 \2 A5 o! F* R) x And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life & }3 n& A: C0 N, r# u) X1 E. o
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"; r9 c/ @" J3 R% ?, W# `
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!1 H: v+ Z4 K, n0 n5 j) O

% V: O/ n4 o. j; E3 xWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
/ i5 Q2 ^$ S9 \+ iThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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+ z0 L* M  a, O6 |0 F4 Y9 {2 d9 MAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ' z/ `7 U3 Z0 M5 W3 _& _6 d
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing., @# y3 H/ r6 [
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. ( C) q9 C! k+ x+ ~
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
. r1 F- x$ C; j2 HThanks for sharing.
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1 \4 Y9 t1 G* ]5 {2 X5 D0 II find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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