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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 1 v3 f! S$ P0 m: T3 l- a3 o' m
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. . K2 U6 k5 r* N
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
! X, {# F! k, p' g- }5 B( X there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
* O# \/ v) P8 d Before she says a word, Bob says,
* }7 x$ `  H- O  f; Y( m "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
9 Z1 \# _( W- v( ?! lAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
8 M) n) }' I1 j  j+ P% T' J  u# |1 FAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
1 O* l6 I+ X" n8 p2 q' N; \The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
4 R" y2 Q& W) l' e* l/ f# `When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,& C* p4 z" m1 Z. |' [# O  O
"Who was that?"
# y3 \+ D2 r/ w- _"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
/ o) U7 \) Q$ B  I$ V"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
/ H' g1 j6 ^4 l4 |$ d( J+ [7 N shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
2 |' X) Q3 c2 Z A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.+ U* K8 E# p) C, S
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 7 c' f' T/ \" I* m
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
7 \' V  e; Q% K5 m6 A! E "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 3 Q9 Q6 q# C% ~
Poof! She's gone. $ V: o- p, K& O
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
  ^2 m1 p- D0 i5 m& l "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
" {) x3 S( H% QPoof! He's gone.
* r. p* _! b6 B" N8 ?7 c" `"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.   r0 r3 _# q6 k% I. A; G
The manager says,; M; Y6 J; s* A! }# K
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 7 o7 ?; i4 k: J# z0 O
*Lesson 2
( `6 b: ?4 U  B A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.5 }$ C- K$ G9 ]' Q! @8 `, s3 ^* A
They rub it and a Genie comes out. # i, p( |  H2 l! C% [; p" x9 @2 {
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

3 m) e, Z8 Q, |2 D5 O5 N2 j8 yIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
" f* V) T8 s, I( a% c4 M- E A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
. O0 p7 T3 X9 b8 X8 t2 \& m; YThe priest nearly had an accident.
- }+ I9 t+ p! p2 ~( bAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
# f$ o' t3 Z0 X/ x8 [The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
. R! L& P) J! z1 S6 D5 a2 A, e: Z4 sThe priest removed his hand. 9 ]1 c7 S+ C  k
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
% J$ ?7 Q/ U: l- D9 w5 w* oThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 2 r2 m( S) @) [+ J7 j2 v" z
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 7 j8 N# {! U' i( w$ n6 c' ?1 J$ i4 e, S6 x
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.0 N; ~! _# Q. y/ S
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.0 u0 |' s. Q8 L1 v
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
8 r' w  N% q% v1 F$ `5 r A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
' J6 y: }  J( [' A- F, i* d A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"9 {9 e0 B' W. A) _& x4 T
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
: [6 y3 j4 ~' y  tSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.0 A/ U8 \6 G6 C/ O2 S2 E3 x
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
3 H6 s1 x0 o: c6 J  q- @; n! V Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*8 L1 s" o3 Y0 c2 d4 K. d
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
5 v) z) v7 L4 B9 {2 h; U: u. T "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." * Q( G; [( p( t  y8 r
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
* p- q7 U6 t1 F# S" g! IThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.  K: D( k; P" K& u
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
& [. M/ C; ?' }7 d8 w9 B; e: t7 l Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.( o% c8 H5 b6 p6 o, {- `4 w
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*4 i. I; k  p! p# o
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.* o1 O3 O) y8 E$ T  F$ f; W2 A  X) g
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.& W" h( u' |8 J  Q: T
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
, R0 ], ], c$ I9 nThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
0 v% k: Z# I. h, J A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 9 v4 w( S# b) D8 R1 b; E7 v+ c3 z0 j
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.8 L0 @2 p/ i5 E& C& q% b9 v

! y9 I% m; T) A  I4 w3 c+ ~ Moral of the story:! w* |' p) V  }+ d8 S, y
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy" z+ `& N* j8 @' o% D; W
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend) I, \9 h( H; ]' i. x1 w5 l0 `" d
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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- W% m, {* `4 @7 a) k0 BThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
9 I& S4 V: v9 t9 N0 `8 V: ? race again and it won again.+ w1 S7 X/ @  d" c5 G
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The local paper read:1 P: T! R. M1 R& V" c
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.8 S; t+ X9 E  t- a8 t6 R: e
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the3 O# {1 w& M; [  s
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
( \0 z- e# q2 n' D. vBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid7 r6 c$ T: I' n' h
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.' |6 q/ Y# }8 c; ?% I6 ?+ y

$ m3 n$ g, o! L7 }% ~  HThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
4 U8 I) p/ U) F. ^+ _8 _, K8 iNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.0 `8 ?5 K2 a3 F9 ~( e& C: N( L
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid$ c- X) q4 m4 B7 R) e
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.1 c, ~3 ^8 I: U) H8 g

) F6 V4 z4 S7 Z3 ]% j! U5 ?  P1 OThe next day the paper read:6 |( r' Y+ L( E. g
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.- Q! q' z: o' X4 u# S

* g" }3 {: a* G& q5 C+ ~9 D; W  mThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
- A( C8 J5 K5 ~8 @5 B  u3 t5 Xthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.6 Z, c: x. ]# K( B: v9 l

' `4 t& ~* W1 K% hThe next day the headlines read:
# h; o% i# x) a$ v( [# RNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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2 C0 X1 @. i7 K0 gThe bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion2 g2 d; w; V9 f( ]5 o
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.( g' [/ M- O7 H) m8 b

1 ~; K3 I% p* s6 }2 f/ kSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
3 j% `! x/ e. Y% N2 i  X: X And live longer!8 z3 N$ t8 p2 G" r" n# O

0 k, N/ g: ?' IHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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- C1 l' W# m& YJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
) ]; F. D! x1 Y) I& D1 fHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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* G7 l+ [! o- E* @1 IWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
7 c$ ?& v6 k! ^1 ^2 }, uThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.   Z) X: h4 ?  A7 i
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 0 D/ X6 k2 K: ?5 q% W# i

. P* z% k* F/ OAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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" C- Q2 a# {9 p: ?3 R; ~  FSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. ) p/ B- b( {1 q2 h
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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# _, l4 I! G5 PI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. + d) r( j6 H' N- n* ^) o4 {
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 $ ~7 @" I' e4 M5 o' Z
Thanks for sharing.
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6 g: E+ g6 C7 P! h- r! d( GI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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# n! L( T; ^  L) F' g- X8 h) HYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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