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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 4 ]' S% S) a( E1 H3 q  A

: u; P% p) R- B/ L7 R1 q* m. E% q *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
& J7 l6 w7 r' l1 ~The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,5 x2 K. {. m  W
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.; Q: c. R; i; y' I3 l" x
Before she says a word, Bob says,+ @& E) h: X; ^" I: d8 Q/ s: e' e
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
0 k; W4 X3 g1 qAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
, n3 e- U5 h" Q+ `" H% {After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. $ {& ]$ C% o$ q8 S7 X
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. * b8 W- `" J9 o
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
; t3 U, K8 d3 Q. Q! J "Who was that?" 4 F: a7 ^) T! A
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
9 }5 b) f4 @2 m7 x"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your6 J6 U6 M; @1 D' W6 B! `. b4 g
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
7 u. Z# t3 J; ^) H' B3 {5 r: X A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.4 c8 A" W/ s7 K) k( P# ?- L, I8 X
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
( w) E; f. i' C8 L& N6 z) j5 a4 HThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".* P2 v: f1 B2 V( u
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
3 t0 p6 ?" P  v) iPoof! She's gone.
2 J% X/ E1 t7 V2 v"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
! F0 w. X! q, B" c' d "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
# l9 Z* M5 s' t6 j, v: {Poof! He's gone. 3 D7 k1 B0 N7 g
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
7 [' u( Q! i* UThe manager says,
  e5 Q- @# j( r0 u2 ~, O "I want those two back in the office after lunch."2 _/ \/ H8 I: e& \. |

9 b/ G# n3 T! h( H' h Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
; l& l, n9 q) I0 `' ^*Lesson 2( o$ L( o! \7 R' E8 L$ F1 t: i
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
, V6 |! O+ ?7 i/ S' QThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
( y; G0 J: V" l, D' |" uThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*! Z2 ]; p1 R: Q1 z
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
3 Z5 F0 P/ O1 T* D8 CThe priest nearly had an accident. - K4 b1 R3 j2 G
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
, i/ n4 Q; I  v" V- n% s( F& kThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
- [& B* n; w1 ]7 U( G  KThe priest removed his hand.
; \) S7 z7 {( O" r2 RBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. / }2 k1 X8 N6 T- I
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
" _$ B) c; x+ \  F* k$ \1 Z# Q: P4 ^# K& TThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
- {0 a5 W. R$ n" S5 |' yArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
2 _+ c/ ]9 n  y3 }  z6 u- n7 o5 I On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
' p6 @$ }% _( x/ Q2 ?  q& V4 n6 F It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."8 t( Z# g6 V7 S2 r
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
! r% u4 G5 z: h& H" D A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
) T6 h! f% c8 i0 k A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"  K: F3 a* t& L! p
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
6 S4 ~( y( U. N: G+ Q& R: z, HSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
$ m+ w! g' Q8 E8 U% L& E' U A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.& T; \. C7 J* |" Y  H
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
$ \1 X3 v  S4 _6 F9 w A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
1 L8 e7 u5 Y6 E$ f "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
# j8 O$ L% @; c# o) x  _The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 7 _5 Q! u# O3 ?( ^! m7 J! ?- W5 l( C$ q
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
  p) j0 o! B: s2 S8 a Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.( Q5 i% S! x* ]4 e' F/ \' z8 a1 S$ A' g
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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( z$ i, T  X; hMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
& r, W& ^+ q& C! H& C; n A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.# Z* c1 U) B" F: j& q
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.* ~6 o$ i) O! Z" `, Y4 H
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
% c$ A# E& |  \0 x/ V  pThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
3 p9 s" d# R) b4 N( h! @ A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
: T& p& s+ E7 Z5 @1 K2 w: sFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.. P+ p9 _7 ]8 y  e& h3 S
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Moral of the story:
' h* P. i/ j9 W0 h1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
. G# A" c7 l% I  N 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
4 S! i3 O7 R# g) h 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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4 r- u" X/ G0 Z3 s* WThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
, }( s4 B9 O! I3 r race again and it won again.
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/ k3 r- U$ R$ r$ ZThe local paper read:! g+ j2 E9 N5 p: E8 i; n4 _
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.+ j' I5 x" O8 B

3 f  o: |) Q, q# u  f8 HThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the1 Y& V1 p! `7 x# e  z9 e
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.. C- _7 {& e2 _' A; E% T  K
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
- J- f+ c$ K" A4 RBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.- T5 e% b4 R( d; L) u3 f6 Q* o9 e: A2 X# v
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
! j/ ~1 a" |1 {of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:6 h) r! I3 a7 `6 }' O) k; Q5 ~
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.+ b2 K9 r5 c6 f5 E2 Y5 u( u

( Z5 D" \, O. I! j$ J$ x( HThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
; M  ]) A) }$ I, r0 e4 `of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:
; W4 [; s( z1 y2 A4 @+ ~NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10./ f/ v9 d9 O; L: Q0 |" J
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
0 v& M& H' u4 r  j# {/ j& nthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
/ N' E. ~" `' _; }8 W
9 ?' w9 m  a6 H0 {* @2 FThe next day the headlines read:
+ n; X: P  {' R2 t7 oNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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* \+ G! m& ^: A1 |  ?6 GThe bishop was buried the next day.
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4 D! x' c4 s2 H$ _The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion7 _) o4 y# q& h+ \
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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! ~* l: V+ Q. n  SSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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5 P0 |3 U, b4 ], k7 W7 T; TStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier( ]7 c; V5 q4 [8 I8 t7 X
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life $ y# i  z9 i/ p0 v4 R
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"2 a7 s; @  B$ G6 d1 O3 U" ]8 x3 r+ F
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
6 T# \9 y8 q3 i7 LThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 7 K6 ?0 U# q) Y7 p6 F, e
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
( [! Y7 |) k5 T9 r/ q4 ]% _- P. Z4 ]  N) o3 B" j
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
9 q, M% c% w3 c- V' n0 \% ^
' `& Q! \6 Y+ C; ]4 N* _Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
4 ?* r! B( K% F
5 S5 e& }6 S) wThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.8 l. n7 W. [2 y* c

! D# w- L. n/ w( Q  s' q. ?" ?5 PI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
/ P  c, ~) `6 t+ S7 `8 U- ?4 @Thanks for sharing.
8 E2 Y5 ?2 |+ F, n+ f; y0 n. z6 [$ {
0 \" w& D! R  \/ v3 I( @$ R) a# [I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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