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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*4 x5 f$ P$ @; i, e! s
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
$ o4 H: l. {0 HThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,1 T, C( ?$ [3 j$ H0 y
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.. G' U# s/ i8 _, h2 |. Y
Before she says a word, Bob says,! q/ K2 r4 o8 X" z
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
4 z& ~) }& ^) y/ r. hAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
0 S3 i; w2 Q1 X4 h2 s+ JAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.   B7 c7 W$ V% ?7 V  B$ Q; p' M
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 6 Q  S' q9 o2 ?5 f  h4 c
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,/ Z' V: j: a4 T' _& l% X
"Who was that?"
( e$ R! T: ?2 M6 X1 P"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
( L5 N" R/ o2 C"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?": @3 H4 {6 D) y; W) G

5 ?( B3 _9 t; t3 IMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your* c) c- m8 f8 X- d& q8 X. K! j1 A+ [
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2; @9 N4 R8 Z% v5 C8 U' [2 @" a% S
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.0 M% ]0 m3 d& ^
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 6 q" f6 X* f4 X2 M8 V
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".' d  C9 }- l+ }3 Q% m
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ! H; C7 d( J; C6 Q
Poof! She's gone. " G# v$ G$ R% d
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
' h: v; Z0 ^1 m. L "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
: c& b1 A" ]% U4 O8 X/ DPoof! He's gone. % K9 E; Z$ k9 q3 {  _6 g  K
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 9 |# C* Z5 n# k0 E6 u
The manager says,
; B9 u8 L! W5 [& V  R "I want those two back in the office after lunch."1 ]. e) Y3 u1 k  C3 X

8 P: k+ |6 H! A2 q! c Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
3 \8 r! \9 S. ~, s7 U*Lesson 26 c( T& Y2 |, N
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
: y4 m6 ?! y" o: e5 [- oThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 3 N3 R& [, W. y# V
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
; W% t" ~: ?& f8 E  L A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
' M/ Y! r9 S2 q# E+ v/ m7 NThe priest nearly had an accident. 2 J9 s% O4 @1 u" `' V
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 0 P; k1 o2 V; f' ?' y& r' f
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
6 V* ]3 T3 a) b7 h0 }The priest removed his hand. # ~& n$ O7 r$ E
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
8 [  ?; s' y: P0 y: x4 XThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 9 u4 c9 h+ R2 s1 F
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ( s" o4 E# Z/ {/ @* M
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
2 }  p# v1 w' [8 C6 W, x  @ On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
4 R( C! j7 [8 `7 G+ `9 c5 _; Z It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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$ M, C8 K( {+ B8 N Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*% H$ @5 o6 O4 u
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.# ?- X) ?" ]5 K5 B
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"* b1 Q- k7 y: l
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
# S8 E; T  [& Q5 k; V4 i$ K6 V' GSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
& {0 a: e5 |0 U& V& l A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.5 {1 N5 t+ ^1 j. M" n$ Y7 X- S0 R* s7 B
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*; v4 ^& p5 x/ a; @/ Q) [
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy.") I, e- B* g  r3 w9 ~# T, W7 b
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
! n0 W; G( o: K9 eThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
5 q9 [4 B; z0 D/ GThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
- f, X2 x- c, H Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.- |- ~3 t0 D* o$ A
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.6 e' m* s; d& Z8 C9 w$ i
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*, ^. w3 O% o% }" ~
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.$ @$ z. @- w" _% v5 s) K5 H; c
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.' b" {/ ?( N2 d( h  C/ S4 u
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
) Q* B, k$ P/ W8 dThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. ( H" s: o; I& X# G
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 0 Y9 @/ w' ~5 |! x2 P/ x; z* L+ c  \
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.8 g3 U7 ~$ U" R: q1 o) ]
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Moral of the story:3 [0 V' L/ L* w
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy! d# t. a" Y' g- |. v3 p9 S
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
/ v+ R2 }# g6 Z/ e 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the, A3 r5 |+ j! z( q
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
  T5 r" U5 L5 t& y* L/ T# _( MPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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# z- }! G. H% V: C2 J" i5 @The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the9 c9 b+ o+ {" ]/ j3 w5 O
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.! q! W  Q2 R; o/ \
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The next day, the local paper headline read:9 h" W: Z$ U4 M' C/ h1 ~
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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; `+ a  _* A* h2 U4 v- ^+ e$ c) n2 W3 sThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
- K0 S2 O8 J4 ]- U7 dof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:- E* r9 Z' \. J" E
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.0 C, R4 x- b# m9 h. ^( D& j

  L0 O- ~+ H" m: i8 @2 g3 bThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid! _( N/ X8 c" ~) [* K! K; `
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:
, U' }9 z' W4 q4 {/ C- nNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back; D0 G4 {% X  E1 {* L5 Y; j- j$ B- u
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.# M; i6 j) U, Q3 [0 d' q
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The next day the headlines read:+ e  w0 n& i2 ^1 l8 l
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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; a: {2 v+ U5 B7 K' JThe bishop was buried the next day.6 `3 G1 ~1 j9 z0 v

% ]  }' F( R1 l; jThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
3 Z, ]8 y. ^- D9 Wcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life./ B) r7 U+ n' m/ g. `3 F
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier3 w3 X" R5 M8 D0 L
And live longer!  R( _$ j4 }& _) c2 B
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life , ?) |# a- i( z# S

8 x  g9 y5 W5 ?: a( r2 E7 kJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
$ z: J5 q, w& g& pHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!- ^7 S8 m+ m; W. a5 Y: A! X
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 3 {8 z' \% \1 C  s7 n: r" ]
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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- E* h. G* S! z8 N$ hWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 1 |: Q' Q0 v2 ]$ w

8 C/ T* I' t. h$ ?* M1 tAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 5 T6 F% P0 Y; L

  S2 W# t. D. F; v. k2 Y( ASix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. * w$ {: f6 G# j+ \: o, _
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.) p2 b- t  x) q9 x
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 1 x# i; Y  F  C; w1 j
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
) p% v2 y7 V8 E" `5 i! hThanks for sharing.. {! h; K* ]( E  d. k9 Y; @5 l; D

  e2 G0 j- R" ^" o5 `I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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