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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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+ V* I' j; A9 |# y  v  M" c; O A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
4 Y; d" Z+ [* @* ]$ qThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
) `4 |8 w( o+ A+ g6 i there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
; Y- L* p! u1 v( E- ` Before she says a word, Bob says,
( U2 [3 {" E2 z* L; u" B3 C( I) x "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 0 t+ _, {/ A5 B0 e3 t0 |% F
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
; R* |+ n# Q' E/ \+ Q9 E: k( G* |After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
3 i6 O7 E1 g+ NThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. * \2 B- Y& T$ `* t& f) O. l" r* o
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,5 O" B6 u) C" _9 D  u
"Who was that?"
! N" L6 B0 ]7 |1 x"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
3 L( d6 M, E- N' W! W! u+ U3 T"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your7 B% Y1 X0 R  j! Z
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
8 D: n5 V  j" E2 v A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
! d- ]/ l( }' v, A, V+ HThey rub it and a Genie comes out. * C: l& a+ i+ z. l5 ]
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".( i0 W  \. b; y
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
1 H6 g  l$ D) qPoof! She's gone.
$ h7 d, m8 E# ?- f- o"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.4 f( _; N4 G8 Q8 n: Z9 R9 L& G. e
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
7 O9 O, O. I7 W/ c: \: RPoof! He's gone. 6 t8 Q" ~, f6 M# X
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 8 Y7 A9 {& [+ S
The manager says,% i$ [# M% q8 \; Y1 B- [2 B
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."7 s# }8 ?6 O+ m

( m, H) Z1 @3 F1 C4 R Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
. _! L' Z$ F" B4 k7 j*Lesson 2% l; K4 f& C+ q5 q& R6 w
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.7 d& V& I% o9 `, l: L
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 7 x* o* B# o; `& r  l: ]3 z
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
' r$ W* w( ?3 [# ?$ o2 ~& g A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 4 K7 @! T  C: f) z& w
The priest nearly had an accident.
3 s, V* F, U  S9 IAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
2 q9 \( }6 r: n; C% oThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
! o& \" {0 F6 C, w3 GThe priest removed his hand.
* \! e5 S* T1 w/ Y: pBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. & r) Z0 c* r$ o) {, c
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" * N) E* S  w5 C0 W* q; q
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
" G/ U9 h) [/ n, O# U( r% jArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.: J" Q. Q6 Z+ W
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
2 ?0 _" V! o2 r; f, x It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."7 g( E/ w% y' n4 {) V
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*) C- L& {6 D8 y1 T3 _- _% L+ D4 X
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
6 p2 e' X& d' _) |$ j3 M A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"% i' {) O! D1 X" s
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." " [3 Z% b% S* _# p7 T/ Z
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
4 t1 [* U6 A$ ~2 U A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
0 O, Q1 y! s! ` Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
  H. O( u( l7 T& \ A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."  |  p! Y: D5 t9 S' j! H7 a
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
6 U2 ]+ ]) k; z- o' m( sThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
. X5 c+ O  I' a  o  m9 v  l' ZThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
7 p% L6 u/ h8 a3 G Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
7 B4 q9 k: G/ f2 l* Q Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.* C7 ~8 D' A! |/ O* {# S3 ^
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*# V: u" u+ R( }. Y( l
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
: I8 p: f7 w8 Q: l+ ^$ I While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.) d" r) p1 j0 Q! p7 _
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 6 f' V! v& m. }3 t9 \2 c
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
8 |5 ?' M3 i) z* \/ O$ w A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 0 n; |$ t  T/ T/ N- _4 _4 b1 W
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him." O* d  c) _" F( p; ]
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Moral of the story:
! @  P2 s" E* m* e- v4 m. N1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy% ^' V/ D3 m$ U. r% s
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend, ?( r: s& r1 _. P
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won., P5 F6 S- o3 Z, Z4 o
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
3 n9 V/ z. d/ L% H6 [ race again and it won again.
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5 P' x. L" k2 w9 @0 }! z: p1 h. S+ tThe local paper read:* p6 d, k2 Q$ v' m! L4 W4 X9 a
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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# w  N' H: A/ L7 M' X' MThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the7 C1 d# |1 h- ^2 S3 G
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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5 _& b" H8 J+ @: h8 c8 cThe next day, the local paper headline read:
7 W# C( U0 Y* E; aBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
" n& v( f/ g* sof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.6 ^: A2 p& V4 q  i* _% c

4 h5 X: l/ X2 U0 eThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
- [0 ?8 \3 h* n; O" {NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN., e1 j6 ]2 ]6 ]

2 ~$ [8 Z5 g  {The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
# E$ |- L- h1 W) Hof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.( Z8 M* F$ ?! ?4 E. V
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The next day the paper read:
/ T7 i! C  \% u# c! G/ A5 \NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.* o# M1 {" i* H

$ Q. s- A5 y( W$ ]/ G6 j& [7 O: n7 ~0 EThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back2 P# k  T! x' D! h6 o
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild./ c1 F. q  P0 L9 m" [. O

/ H. q  u) a) l1 o. i$ oThe next day the headlines read:
7 s; ]3 |9 X( _$ p2 X: H2 wNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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; {( N" b6 r( X! E# hThe bishop was buried the next day.; ^/ P4 G! E( {8 M$ J
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion9 J! k2 U$ L* |, o& s3 w
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.4 K5 W' N1 G; W  \: K1 ?% ~

7 a* x* g- g8 Z2 _" D+ FSo be yourself and enjoy life...9 ^- e7 g/ V4 i# i' T* m

+ U* s# n# J; B, M# ]Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier5 K! |  b0 `2 ~1 h/ N5 y& t" C" v  T) [
And live longer!( t: U7 w$ n2 c0 E6 _) j
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Have a nice day!
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
1 L8 D! N7 T  b: i: u3 e6 o6 {) gHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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7 E9 m4 g) u! b( E5 a4 qWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
5 `/ ?4 C+ n4 w2 D' S* RThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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( E  D& E% E( E. N7 CSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 9 ]+ L; |( k, Q) ]7 V9 N
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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0 N3 y" u1 s  o) _I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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9 G* H8 Y+ Z4 E. Q/ [% lAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 2 a7 R( j: m0 \0 n2 W9 q
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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) v; I% w2 l! j# U  c, yYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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