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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*1 u7 X5 R7 e0 o" j: D
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. # m+ o% G- [' K. V+ O; [" p
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,/ k4 u. d" ^5 y9 u3 d1 q( W5 z
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
6 Z7 W3 o+ J# A8 p; Q Before she says a word, Bob says,) y, G5 x  A# W5 u
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 4 p* f5 w) I! y6 H
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.( j" `- y1 i: f. g
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.   p+ A& O2 ~2 M+ e
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. ) U$ @$ D: u2 c/ f/ ~! A
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,1 e+ y! f6 z8 K' e- b
"Who was that?" ( w6 t# `: H; B
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. % `" E1 L& b9 Y% p2 `( a
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"5 I' y. U3 S5 b6 l# F9 k  E
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
/ C3 ]2 Z+ Q+ A$ y/ K6 y, y! | shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2  I( ~$ L% v1 ^* ~$ {/ @
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
7 t4 U- V7 z$ O" t4 }' ?They rub it and a Genie comes out. 3 O9 x" [/ `/ N1 U
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".. M& @0 B# O2 d. ^- [- y) c
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 4 N  z  Q  o- E* C- p
Poof! She's gone. 5 Z" Z) b5 R7 U# A" l2 P( h+ j
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
/ s, N' z* s  G% |9 h "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." & l. ?7 Z+ |* L4 `. _0 y. K$ `! V; W
Poof! He's gone. ! k( Z1 B9 m. `
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ' m6 i; z) B2 L" w8 b3 J3 i, {
The manager says,
: i! F+ @1 o) J- r, y- h5 { "I want those two back in the office after lunch."7 p6 B& c4 C6 s  }& D' T+ A

" w% K+ ^2 w& _# M* W+ S Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
: t9 Z: j7 b. S/ Q& z! [6 h$ t*Lesson 2
7 j+ k5 k9 e. _ A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.; m3 O( J+ x1 B
They rub it and a Genie comes out. / M+ Y5 x( `9 K/ k! c
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
# J, K6 ]2 g: t5 m# R/ M A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
: X- g2 [4 g/ P& z2 \2 hThe priest nearly had an accident.
4 }" U; }# E3 R: k3 o' Y! OAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. : H8 i7 Y6 {9 z* I7 y8 m6 O7 c
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" % g0 k& s2 z3 o% h
The priest removed his hand.
7 V/ p& E- `  O5 RBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
  P' u# o! @; V& I! T( E# s( ^9 G- jThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
" X! D, Q/ V4 t8 M! J; IThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
5 F) Q- e0 {6 Q6 oArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way." K. d9 W2 z0 n! J% s, ?5 Y
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129./ F' Y7 c4 x) C
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
4 d5 E" Z- ~9 k A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
/ D5 {  o( Z! ^, B2 K6 a1 C A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"" d7 c% r0 q# B& S9 W; P
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
, h) |8 v5 C* W- k9 |So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
. N; G  y. _7 U/ B* i: g A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.; A, H/ x  n: C2 R( E* y) N$ X' f
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*- e3 z; W3 u/ O4 v9 t7 g
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."5 K& X. m' R1 z% e, e+ ]/ e
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." ; Y, @* Z. w8 m* V3 L
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
! O6 }4 H) R  B) _! Y! X% `The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
2 r0 _1 g6 P  c/ e  y6 M( z Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.9 i% R# @0 ^; U! v8 Q2 c6 u& }
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*4 I1 m  L2 G/ u* x. E8 O3 J7 ~
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field./ [. f! G; q7 k( @- E1 R9 l
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.' q1 M$ z$ `8 l0 X
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
6 h, b* w* U& g3 \0 c) LThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
7 Q# _1 f" R; l: U A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
$ c9 p2 B! ~) U6 ]/ B) v% qFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
: G$ a" E$ E2 Q1 A3 @1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
0 D4 K" t6 |! L9 V. G 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend# l8 U+ z4 r* z
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.6 R6 X) P9 V) P/ ]
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the( J" Y+ v7 J% @8 g3 G: E
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
7 g8 N6 A! O' \. v7 P6 h# x5 tPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT./ `: q, T2 c/ e4 e! L5 y7 j

+ J9 ~+ ~2 s1 X- C6 W2 zThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the3 l: K. g: n8 |  Q3 L& k# |
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:# O" b0 p% S4 q: i! r- s
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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5 `, P4 R4 Q9 |This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid8 R1 l! G& ]6 G. Y& m
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:% c- x) D3 S- z7 [
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.6 w" r- h. z, y% o
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid* d1 ~" J8 s0 E: x- J
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.& c- p" t6 x- r6 ~- u

# ^; G" S( V3 J+ X# WThe next day the paper read:
  v* C* o+ A6 {3 q6 B, RNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back* K- K% Y% y5 M, x! `
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:- A5 o: G* ?6 V; Q
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.! T3 O" t) f6 A) y
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion. N2 w/ I2 w! {+ c( n1 [* A
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.! g2 ~( B6 ?7 R* r, P- e

. q) U3 T: i( Z/ J1 r% h3 o" MSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier" P5 Z6 x) @3 R! d5 x+ X4 {; @* w& b: r
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
% M1 v, K8 M+ j9 {+ wHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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3 O$ G& Z5 K% }/ q& CWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.   f! N4 x0 r6 W$ u* x
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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6 R- o/ C& r" E' J0 A. F! u% K" z0 KAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 5 i+ {+ G: I, }& P  u1 Q

; |! D: S' |# mSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. ( w2 E* R+ F  M6 x8 a& G
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.3 [$ G7 `! K. U% _' r

$ i/ u2 V& p) S2 n! w/ tI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 1 w; C! h/ G* o8 U4 i0 \

8 ]( V9 [  [; f5 v4 P( mAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 " _! }' l3 b. Z
Thanks for sharing.5 U* V1 i( X0 k" ]: k

. F* F5 u; x/ J0 aI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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" i  b$ {$ |; G7 p5 h; t' k1 P& k: f( LYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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