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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 4 y4 `# h# \6 f5 }

- \' w& [/ [9 i; v% D2 c" {% U *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*+ n. O8 {( r* S1 H' M0 _0 M+ o
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. " e4 _; m/ X( i6 Z8 Z3 N
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
. ]; n: ^) o; O' j  z1 F there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.+ o  \8 P$ O( _6 q5 @" J, P( U# v
Before she says a word, Bob says,; B9 \) m7 L( [( k$ U. s$ r
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
5 z/ A( F0 Y+ I- B6 b, CAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
  N8 s: P/ c. `( i5 z" }+ FAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 9 F7 P; l  f, e) b2 U2 x( \
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. + q0 v0 `. M/ o) K1 o
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
. ~0 C8 v# `- N0 O' y "Who was that?" 6 h& h5 l, R2 P( h+ g* I
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 0 X4 _. I: _. v0 P' q
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"8 c' ~( D  y& r& ^% w. X/ L

: X2 z3 V  I3 W0 U  J' OMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your: S3 l8 T1 P  F! K. f  ]
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2- ?- z4 x0 H+ W% i. J: D% U
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.( |& a: Y5 i3 g( ^
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
- Q! M+ g; h! f. yThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
( n; P& u' Z) T( T "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."   A" w# i" l( n2 Q# [+ z7 ^+ ~: M6 ?
Poof! She's gone. ! |/ I0 }7 c9 t7 q6 c' p
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
4 [( O6 G0 _$ E% M  V; L% Z "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
# {! o0 T) N+ F/ HPoof! He's gone. # g, w- h' B1 I* U. Q6 u- V5 D
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
/ p' X7 Z& h. W& ?2 }The manager says,
: G( c1 D0 k5 K# d) ` "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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. m" q* R  e( [0 I Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 7 I; K4 I! l1 L9 d
*Lesson 2- k( E4 h; @3 g* X- [
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
( R" S7 p7 _* K; P. qThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
" Z& Z' b& b) B: R7 CThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*! `' [% t5 j: t  ]5 d% O
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
. h8 B0 k) q5 E% h7 B& KThe priest nearly had an accident.
5 Y/ |& e8 g9 J" c  oAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. # n8 ?" g1 X2 j3 L4 a
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
; A- x. z0 ]5 m' d; XThe priest removed his hand. - O$ B1 G6 h" Y) }( a% c
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
+ Y- e5 j* g( L5 D, bThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 0 h3 h* ^. L- w0 Z3 W
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
( s, ?; O0 A: r4 N& pArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.2 t. |; @; G( }! m
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
# {1 X2 z* U, G. u" m It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*% b" b: a+ a  Q$ T
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
+ v$ N+ O2 m) ]/ d$ T1 x/ @ A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"; N. A" {" v: [& J: z
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
0 U0 ~6 @# w" B8 w7 XSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.4 _0 B9 X6 @; X  o
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
* J0 v) |' m- W+ C& E Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
+ e' @  n! o3 |6 c A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."  E! d8 [& A. j2 O0 f
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." # z; G( m, \6 Y; t! ]- K; L
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
& d- t. ]' L* l/ Q4 E; |) uThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch." x% C1 f) \4 Y7 G! n: C. ]7 A, B0 E
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree., q7 I% }+ d) ]* B$ B8 U$ X- N& R
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.+ a6 U: [! P) s( H3 \$ |& R
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
  s" V9 X, O, m$ E& @# V' U' ] A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.+ @" {& v4 p, q1 [" w# b3 f
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him." Q( E; ^! s: J0 e
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
/ X% r$ u: e' U+ L0 T0 `The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
- z2 N# q1 x$ X  B; n7 M) S% r& G A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. # O! w( ]' C8 i4 n# h1 W3 F
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.) D/ T- l" _% C  g; A
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Moral of the story:
# d, y" {) K. S2 \1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
5 o* }4 N  ~* k) z7 \ 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3 O/ l1 V9 C- y; L9 V/ a 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.5 g- v# d* n( ^: D( {4 w

( P! `3 X9 i/ k9 bThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
# P3 U, X; o% ?8 t: k( ?) R% o race again and it won again.- f( A7 I; X6 F6 i% t
+ ~( ?, h, N+ D5 ~
The local paper read:+ K- \1 H! R9 G( b( P
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.0 c% h( C/ V1 _6 \

& ?6 a- z8 _! p' [  V* x  DThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
) h) Z+ d. I7 O' _2 Tpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.* X4 ~% n2 ]- L. H7 I

+ J, x3 j: w0 ^/ Z: xThe next day, the local paper headline read:, z8 V6 c+ F: j
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.  T' G& K$ S, ^0 V6 R: [
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid, k4 S% g# q! A7 G% V" a5 }
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.% ?; e9 V6 z# s2 }" p7 \. s5 u. D

' C2 e- o$ w4 ^$ p- a  M( n7 L' [The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:' S! ]8 M; e5 r$ V' o
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.! |# [+ ~& n  R/ n1 R

4 b+ u: |3 N; w: L* RThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
( S. o* ?' O1 C2 U' Aof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.- ?8 H9 Y- s6 `# x0 l* W

! D. M9 Y" F5 g) E, tThe next day the paper read:
$ V& n5 |% S5 oNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.5 l" w) T: L+ v* d+ ]$ i

+ X$ f4 x" `0 u% T* g+ K: e  [8 \This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back6 S) L3 @6 P& F* P+ S+ K: X
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.7 o# ~  n7 c: Y# [, l

  Z$ C4 @# G1 d; jThe next day the headlines read:
: [2 f# ], k1 t5 [NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.) p& @$ |. }( V" C

4 W  a3 p3 F" P) ]/ eThe bishop was buried the next day.$ l  I% F1 L$ v; ?, u8 ~
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
( `: W, e) m) ?/ @' r: Tcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...- B7 R0 c% W: K% h& O0 _( @
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier# i* x6 z% a3 B5 h3 L* P, I+ X& f8 ~2 q
And live longer!. h; N: C: H* e
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 6 X8 p& [$ u7 E" q
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
% w, L  @- O' y1 O8 pHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
3 R& W! ~! V$ \) f" K
! i+ }" `' K! _; A- X- I0 F! tWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
: K" X, C# B# C+ DThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. * \$ j' g9 ?0 G0 r6 J2 u1 e

' ~3 Y0 T2 r5 C( B* ~+ H" m/ FWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
: h) t- O7 l- ]# N5 ^) p$ }" t* W
+ v  E2 v8 P6 Y9 |7 c& m- ~) G& F- bAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 3 ^8 T5 W% s3 ]4 Y; P# m7 u/ M

% I( ]. b8 J! A/ N8 bSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. : n  M- k3 I7 F, O% J! q, Y
0 Y$ ?/ M9 p& y1 S! j5 U  D
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.. c! D/ m7 J# Q+ r2 K
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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0 H4 }; y% {  R2 ]& e4 YAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
1 G! U8 z# y1 j/ E+ F$ t% [Thanks for sharing.3 x  y" F* M7 [* |

- `4 T* t! }0 `1 }6 [0 TI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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  s  T) t( s( R* c3 l7 }$ [4 I* YYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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