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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons . }. T9 j+ Y8 y3 l9 }* c8 i/ W

5 M( @4 Q/ \6 J1 w. b  U& r *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*6 h7 P. _( C( {8 J3 M: D

5 H3 r# p9 o" b, T1 h A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
1 D1 \% W- A, {0 l9 p6 hThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,' G' F! A. E$ T# `0 e
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.# a4 D- h" J6 Y3 Q
Before she says a word, Bob says,
7 R. n; ~6 X6 r# V "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 5 |3 n- p! U5 c6 N  j3 J
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.+ K9 |9 j" g) E$ P- C
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
2 j9 S% {$ L) t8 J. Z" ?( g& @" SThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. , A( Z) W( o, N0 J" s$ D: l0 V
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,# d1 n  q9 h9 |  y/ k4 n" @# b
"Who was that?" * S) ?) }- I9 |. z
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. & E; _% I* X2 V% o; Z
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your/ |. w( I7 g5 Q/ y2 y9 d# l, v% b
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2( Z) X1 B! i, F  b  E
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
4 h3 Z/ _6 P- D1 NThey rub it and a Genie comes out. ! o- _4 H. K4 H
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
- V+ D) S5 u* d8 i3 j- X: { "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
; T4 ^. `* e7 g' C& l8 |Poof! She's gone. . x) T% ~1 A6 j$ p
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.$ o$ d! R5 e4 M/ r. K( J0 a
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." # I' C  r9 k: D4 M' v- Y
Poof! He's gone.
( ~) h7 D1 H0 q$ ^5 X"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
- }1 r* B$ q  R. ]) T8 @The manager says,2 a" [9 @( Q" P( @+ S) s$ R
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."! H1 U- W! Q. C7 Q& F* I- f1 J

! z  ?: z, y. z  F) s Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
6 a. ^1 @# V' b7 N*Lesson 2
! j( @3 a, b! n3 y A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
) Y& _6 I5 B, UThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 2 S5 y6 i' k* q  e6 V4 W
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
- c: S6 x% d6 Y3 B5 i: Q. q A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. ( v: a# W: g9 t. y. C
The priest nearly had an accident. , n- g. e! F7 X6 v+ A$ t: e6 Y
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. " @$ N4 b, i3 r# i6 S4 q# R
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" , M6 f+ q7 G, v+ n
The priest removed his hand. 3 i/ D+ x& Z9 k! O
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   _& K4 r6 v+ N9 o: ^  N
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
6 Y$ j% O  Z3 _' M! |& h* qThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." + h. `! m$ ~' `
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.1 v5 P) `4 W" _. ^# M7 k
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.% E" }) k9 |0 Z
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*  e( Y; l9 z3 c* m% i7 T
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.8 G" P4 b& {, q7 _; n6 c0 L0 ^" d/ t
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"! L- j9 N8 i2 e! b, ^% s+ d9 e
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
& B. u# l% L" ]So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
/ A- b  Q# @. \$ J/ q A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.+ \$ m+ U5 g5 M( F; ]
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*! ^/ o- W( D& f
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
- Y5 }8 p5 g, P/ o "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." . p4 B& H. s- \  F
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 8 x) L3 I0 S4 _/ o( L, p
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
+ P. ~) w) w) L" }+ Y( U Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
% t7 o4 e- l" ?: U% z Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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7 L  O! q, _' V, E2 PMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
/ P5 a- S0 l+ t/ E* \ A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
+ i- D! x$ n* `+ B+ d- F4 C( | While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
! r( m; r# s. x7 u  @) F1 { As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
  l* F1 A2 [+ OThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 5 n4 f3 Z! E, Q) A, G/ ?3 n
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 3 S% J3 j2 D) b1 e  {) |  ]( w
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
9 h. L3 M1 H* y( R7 T% A1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy- O$ |, W* T) ?8 M3 z+ R+ W7 z
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
+ b3 e+ l# h; f: e2 ?+ G! ]' ] 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the0 P4 \0 u% k6 D' h
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:! X9 g  T8 C1 K# j! C
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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" K) ~- \7 d. gThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
9 `% S; w! S, G0 C# spastor not to enter the donkey in another race., p% _& M' \% l# s! q8 l- X

. |8 s) I7 H# G& KThe next day, the local paper headline read:5 j" R  M: \1 z8 G+ J
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid0 K: r. }% i; M/ q" z! G: j
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.$ K  M; o% W8 r7 D. y$ z2 M

) g1 ]9 f& G$ R; \" v9 wThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:& s( S9 T. e9 g8 r# L+ W( y' ^3 B
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid/ c4 T8 B' x' S4 K! |
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.6 t* V" E/ A; m' A

* m6 h  E5 q8 ~. f1 }; L- `9 s2 uThe next day the paper read:! g) T5 H2 z' q
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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, h! {+ p" k, z& }This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back- T( \0 Q( }& Q2 i& a% J
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.1 X7 N5 A# J/ z# R' U
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The next day the headlines read:
& I) q1 b* x) P3 X" m4 ?( r- O- iNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.. h* D8 y, \$ @+ Q. _2 X

) F8 h  z, S+ m  }: d7 ]The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion. n8 d$ B5 K$ w! k
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.& u6 [$ V0 E( ]3 K3 G  d

% |( f: b* M3 _. ~So be yourself and enjoy life...
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1 F/ d& c- Y: f- R/ Q8 mStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier# W% A! s, f2 n1 V2 t; N
And live longer!
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+ M: I) K- L2 w9 N- |, T6 ^/ PHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life & Y" x' d0 ~( s9 g1 d, ?! ?) _
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
# T& f2 X6 j9 E" }/ v' o3 e, y4 VHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!( W, U; @3 S1 U# z3 y5 j& t

. A' a* s8 \. ]% u( s- XWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ! v) b0 S( t7 d! R
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 2 I, N, ~1 `) F% N2 B

, |* ]4 q# G8 c9 g6 zWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ! Q; Z# H+ @7 z7 |7 u# _" f/ Q

7 j" B. J- f& |, HSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 6 M; R. ~2 {0 b! E

) A* A5 x# s& M' D. X2 @: wThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.1 A3 Z, ~% Y$ }- V

2 D, p0 W2 W8 M; V/ O* sI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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+ k( P/ P" t! w- t, y/ ~' lAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 6 u8 u% O& a6 \/ y# ?9 S8 B
Thanks for sharing.
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; S7 X) y0 ^( A6 k/ |- k- LI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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. P9 n4 J% @: D) v4 VYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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