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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ' }2 O2 H" y6 D9 B4 V& e
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*) B. U3 j9 Q+ `0 v" L8 d) j3 A3 n

$ U6 U& R2 s7 Y. R. z A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. / O5 F% B7 [& V; S5 T
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,6 N5 O5 j. z1 j* B8 ^
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
. Y3 p+ \0 m3 L& l) r$ j Before she says a word, Bob says,
* J! C- j/ W4 w "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 3 i) w9 d0 M7 m5 @; G. E
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
  p% h6 Y; W8 `# j8 I2 o) M$ |' `/ mAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 0 i" ~' L' K) _/ m' a
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. # n7 D  A0 y7 r& X& U: ?2 ~) R
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
6 I" {+ Z, c- p+ U& j- m2 ^ "Who was that?" 2 _; d, k* }+ y; E8 I& e
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
8 X) J2 y( R8 N% a; `' R& c"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"! ?8 n, P+ @  u7 E

9 J7 k' _" ?! B  a# d$ X0 h. AMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your+ t# B: [  l" w5 _
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2" L5 }, R: b4 C% i
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.! Y# M% s: f7 D0 t. D
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
4 H# f) z# j+ U+ K* {# DThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
! W6 ~+ L- S* K "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
- \9 b, E5 A+ dPoof! She's gone.
- s; @: C# Z7 k3 y' B/ i$ }"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.2 B* V+ z. q' H& r
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
$ ]4 E0 j% t' E! i; `0 y- n2 w8 IPoof! He's gone.
7 X+ b. r6 g- \' n* ]- x* c- q"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 3 M# M5 S3 j, `8 ~7 a8 v: J* P% b
The manager says,* C4 B3 [- {% O$ S' y( i1 j; Q" m
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
/ O/ t' ~* ?  G$ Y% K5 P; `. [*Lesson 2
: `- W- e, q! c: ^, y) T A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.* S: @. ?- K# ^. O
They rub it and a Genie comes out. # O, S$ p- {. t4 L, s! k% V
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

, ?  Q( L( w) R2 J$ oIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
1 A3 |# z# L1 u) d3 M+ z5 q A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. - o! W& p) c0 i7 g% o3 N) d
The priest nearly had an accident.
9 g" ?! {3 \. V$ z7 \After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. ) t! _6 j. v3 Z- i+ S
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
! P" ]% T/ }( U$ i  l) qThe priest removed his hand. 2 e/ c) B, i6 |2 ~
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 6 m4 U! @1 O( Z- F7 t$ e
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
: B5 |- N! [5 x. _( W/ [" I, YThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
, Q4 d5 P# E* i$ j2 \7 aArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.) }; p3 L- E- a0 g: r( f
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.% S9 k4 h" y8 F# o; B
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
' _+ b* t8 X, V( w9 g3 ]) T
/ D- \' o- O" N6 g% P Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*' X; F. m% t9 M0 @% `( J
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
. G- G: M& F3 l* Z' m A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?": N. z& }2 Z, G; F5 w: w! i- ^1 A0 y" w
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
9 \: P" u5 a, BSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
; l$ H; c3 p. e3 _ A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
4 ]: q: e. V  r  ] Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*; J' S* F( C% p3 n6 }
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
8 b; t7 X3 N9 x! W8 E, P! v "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 8 Y1 O, h2 d4 C4 U+ q$ g0 _; H
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. / q! l( B# _; \
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.: U( z2 t# {! }- Q- j
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.* K" L6 _8 b3 M1 [  d  z+ k0 {
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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3 L5 m, W1 y& @  S8 [( e: b1 hMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*2 p" n. Q6 D. B
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
/ a* [3 m6 F. u+ r6 |: x While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him." O' ], x0 R! l; q
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
# k* H- O) N8 n$ r" W1 h- L  ^: sThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. - n5 r& U1 T0 z' y1 V
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
, n8 a. V; D1 C% TFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.2 l% e# N& D0 }
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Moral of the story:
1 c, O% u, U6 H" x  v1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy5 u9 U$ ~; J8 p. A' g6 L" e* R* J
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
0 r: s! F9 w6 y1 c4 V& b 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
) e! M: L2 G- I8 U$ F. Y race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:; z( }' K: Q  r1 }( {9 V- F# N
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.' ~8 ], L" }1 y' z
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
; W( q8 ?6 r, ]pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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( @- w8 z$ ]/ M2 ?! HThe next day, the local paper headline read:  r' h" p: ]  x/ Y' H6 D
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid) C# {, r) G( W, Z
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.! b4 E# i4 _" T
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
6 N# l7 M1 y& P7 bNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.8 I$ L" c* E0 X) d

& z. ?/ j9 R8 u" ^3 T8 {The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid0 j8 Q$ u( X) i9 A" ]/ ]8 ?
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:' j) {# u8 R4 l: [5 R
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.4 L) D4 q/ I8 ]  l& V
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
# z6 E9 G( k' ?: F  Pthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.  j7 o% g# a  r6 D4 ^4 F

1 k( T& Y8 ^! `# EThe next day the headlines read:
  \: l' }7 F% n0 s! `: d5 MNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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  Z/ D6 ]" s: j- N! N% Z; w* L0 ^3 dThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
  d- K; f' }8 i" D% Mcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.3 @7 q1 ?' X) I7 P( R1 C9 @

" ]: B& d3 q5 x0 L4 k( ZSo be yourself and enjoy life..., B$ D' N. g) S) C- o6 D

6 A! ]( h. G: }, i6 ?7 EStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
2 N+ ]- v% `/ Y, ?, _# C And live longer!2 r1 \' I! f, ^- K2 l
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"* x8 z3 ?9 s, U+ r
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!$ n# J, d3 {* ^" w2 a

0 J; e, V/ \. T9 `* J4 V; w' N* jWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 0 P/ ]1 c% o/ \+ B0 \7 a
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
+ M4 h" L1 F4 b4 I# ~9 t, J0 m) B6 a; c: h% }" a2 J& x+ O
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. . e3 V/ z) ^5 D' b

6 v" O" g7 q4 @: F. R7 KSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
2 }& I8 `2 B7 m4 o- V- L) S( l
% B$ _" C+ T/ B2 GThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.4 j% F+ G7 c* m8 o* Y. ]

- W* |6 x" ^9 B4 O. j5 FI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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. T1 S2 |, H* t4 o# vAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 7 {! p  H+ P5 a! o' T7 ]% ?+ Q
Thanks for sharing.
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( w& W2 b* b0 w" C3 i, @; Y3 iI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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# M9 E6 u9 h' E3 f3 [Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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