埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5164|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
  k8 R, [; L4 r2 T' {9 a1 l
5 `. A4 b7 V% g& x0 i/ M7 W *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
" \- H2 J$ |! s, \$ p$ a( V* a
5 Y* W, @" p6 q A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
( c1 p* J2 I+ T5 k$ R0 ?The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
3 @/ F2 E- M* Z there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
; E3 I  E* x& f Before she says a word, Bob says,1 k0 N/ C+ U  x; k
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 7 U' x0 `: V0 U  q# k  Q/ g
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
; ?: f. L/ H  j* o/ ZAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
$ ]1 a7 @9 [' F9 rThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
3 k+ Q; z! N. h  B! k( ]  BWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
8 ^5 a$ }8 }5 q3 f "Who was that?" * B2 T( s( A* S* ~
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
  F4 y; R' u  Y. E4 q2 d4 H( X1 E"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"& N; W6 S8 c& p% L1 k0 m3 s( D

4 P. Q& H& u3 HMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your) V5 c+ ]5 G0 W2 o1 [) `6 Z0 K, S1 R, x
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2, P( d8 U" }2 j
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.; b7 `' N2 o. g; w- u2 T
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
6 J7 l7 a8 D( F! \# A$ t# CThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
! Y( C# a3 j9 o2 a1 }/ b "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." , x  E/ D0 Z8 r# E
Poof! She's gone.
  U' H4 \# o3 ^+ A: a. Y  {"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
; G5 y2 n3 h  u0 u "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 9 u9 J1 o( I" |  @# b. |
Poof! He's gone. 6 n# f  ^6 J6 i' o2 p% `
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. % v: ~6 U! o; s" u' o
The manager says,0 c: W/ G4 R* Y9 \+ N' z
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."9 [( T3 n$ m9 l+ w% g3 L4 P/ O

) V2 B2 v) ]  O  F) w# |" O: m Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
* {3 \, c$ R4 l% A/ w, w$ D% \# ~" d*Lesson 2- c5 @2 w% u' g. W3 {
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
# s9 ]1 ?& T% v. O) z1 {They rub it and a Genie comes out.
& S0 z- q$ E  q; S0 `8 L; vThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

2 D$ X5 D# u6 k' X0 ~; IIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
; [. n$ l, K$ v/ v) I# z A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
8 R! R- ^1 u5 i) ?2 xThe priest nearly had an accident.   @2 \( d, Q* n$ W9 l
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
, T$ e! c( q: k6 h% q; [4 kThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" * g% z& W# @! i  j: t
The priest removed his hand. . m8 A' T1 I2 ]4 z; t. M5 O
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
! h5 v# a1 K1 \% s, j; s, GThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
3 m: J6 ^& s" H9 V7 x* y( DThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 4 o2 M; _, q" j' K
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
5 ~  o- }; D* l2 ^ On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
! W- n2 y, [, m8 Y2 J It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
2 L8 I) \0 v9 R$ o: r# u2 f) f$ v) u) W* J2 d9 x1 k- i
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
- P) q# w9 t& Z, O' g, M A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
- S" [& o( V; X7 c A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"- {, E9 {2 x. f) M
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
% l: {' D4 W: zSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.; ?  L. _. v! s# ?
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
# n4 Z( s% b5 _" C4 ?6 H Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*8 A& a$ @; C( z& s, D, Q: W
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
! l* }8 z& I6 m6 X1 l0 j "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
; c- j; G  h+ [% XThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
0 H8 y7 O  E; Z* ~3 TThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.& q7 e0 y/ N' W3 @( N. {
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
9 ~/ m/ I% C6 v0 Q  z6 F Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.2 L* }- S& x4 ^) D) d. o2 i

. @# j$ @+ r2 P1 P% G3 h$ SMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*" h8 C  H3 j2 z3 z, V  R" d% s
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
( F$ J' S# O5 k- v! y While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
; P" h/ H& s0 B As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
8 J' v; _+ t* \6 f( ZThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 6 W0 C' S4 W2 a" @
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. * l' g& Q3 U6 M+ H+ h
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
% K+ w# _6 u7 r( R, y, s7 H+ I/ g3 e2 b* K+ I! F
Moral of the story:' \6 O. D0 }9 j6 S
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
5 t* ]7 _' |2 ]9 K 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
- C, G9 Q, N9 [ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
! {( {* B- T3 D  k/ K6 x4 Q: D) x# a+ E, c! [; i& F
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
: R" v& `# T$ q7 O3 x* E7 V4 l race again and it won again.
; p' f0 D2 S: r1 x3 d- _6 U/ F; D5 f3 K
The local paper read:: I' M" E! V% ]! {0 ]$ \" `, k- M
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
6 g$ C4 o0 D" `1 g* c! O8 A; v8 Q: M
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
% l1 I& P0 r- d% Ipastor not to enter the donkey in another race.8 K% G$ j+ j8 L3 A; g3 V+ k4 E

5 @6 S+ ^* l) J6 T/ m* a# UThe next day, the local paper headline read:* N7 O1 e+ ]6 X1 X
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
! g) n) B4 k- J+ Y
' ~4 \3 c3 T( w. PThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
4 }1 n4 _# N2 s8 N9 D, D4 nof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
( k( }  E. B% Y! A
' Q/ |6 N5 [' p3 l% X$ N( |+ J( rThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:9 S! G  c* l- K' z3 `
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
5 t8 y* U: k- N$ I- P; d% F/ t( W* m
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid8 P$ i) d5 v' d
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.6 q5 W* q) e0 m6 t; P
- o% l$ y- q0 K
The next day the paper read:
) R6 |" P- R$ r) q, kNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
! E( z9 W0 ]( U) @( u7 P% ]7 t' Y3 o( l. @* \  s7 y
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back0 ~4 T* a: F. a# U8 V# C+ }) ~9 F
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
4 }# k% F5 j  a# N& E( O& h9 x* a
. _8 J1 C( \  d( V  B2 j7 k8 Z) \The next day the headlines read:
1 g6 E" p* }3 R  \8 ^, U3 aNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.# d0 a0 R* u  e1 O- {( H: D

; f- c2 b  u$ B1 ~% g  z' H$ B* K- sThe bishop was buried the next day.
) M+ Q! c3 r% h$ T  P% O; K6 t$ |$ L8 S8 O- j" b. `3 a
The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
% {- \' k6 x8 {' \' b: D+ ccan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
, j1 f8 c1 W. |( A; r& [2 i
' @5 T& K" l+ D0 Q3 SSo be yourself and enjoy life...' A* l- H: Z! q4 }% e9 q( K

6 A  _7 p- q2 a8 F# AStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier6 q# t- A: ?/ N4 m( F
And live longer!9 j3 Z& S( x7 a) K/ _

9 A- q' W# @2 R( Y3 PHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
1 H0 ~; _0 d' U! G+ y; k7 r
0 C+ o1 {% z. B! cJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
! p0 p# f7 @2 M& I% v0 QHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!; c" W) J/ I& x* ?7 x

; Q/ y6 p- y# t: u* u5 Q: z. wWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. - R, Z% N: D0 m0 ~8 H
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
7 k& h* v- J' f$ J5 @, ^9 x
3 J2 v4 f, v0 ~We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
( ~4 R, F) f$ P/ @6 @" u" F8 E: O9 V3 }3 V* X$ f
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ' j" W0 ~0 Z4 k7 M1 R5 G
; x" ^; d6 U6 h, l4 O
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. / E3 q0 Q5 d, n1 x; {1 o! A

. [9 b) Y0 M" l+ nThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
; k: [; [  @& `4 i. j  s6 j3 E) f4 O- }- N# s
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
- O2 g& {& s! l3 ^. J  M  e
3 Z$ E( E& z1 _. ?As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
: t! _- r* ]- k. |Thanks for sharing.
$ m) R1 [$ ]! ~
: N  y$ g% x, c% k6 @" Q/ P0 ~I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

) q5 Q) C& |9 P+ S1 T% M/ y  {+ K/ s6 u/ M
Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2025-9-19 01:28 , Processed in 0.166459 second(s), 17 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表