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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 5 {/ y) ?- Z6 M
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*6 z  T' J" l" c  V! T( ~) w
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
1 O' b8 C- ^  p. OThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
$ H( D# x- T, N6 D- o5 M$ O there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.4 P; E- s" _7 b. ~* t$ D. W/ V
Before she says a word, Bob says,3 }7 d: [$ R, L- e  B% w4 z1 B
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 2 P2 y2 C$ Q4 l7 }' K
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
# z4 ^* d* T4 A# |- K% O7 YAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ; ?% F' f+ g8 V7 e( a
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. * c. k6 O  h$ T; U7 Z. _: B
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
; E" k4 ~5 ^6 l& p" i6 z1 X "Who was that?"
0 m8 E& T$ Y4 k. U8 I- Y" ^! Q9 z"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. / W. p1 b% D0 c4 }8 y( W1 v/ v- w
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?") N6 h6 ]1 C- j6 e/ L
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
3 ^1 J; R% m+ M: X4 u shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 22 F. \# V" o8 C# a3 `, F) D
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
7 w) W) j# x' T3 t. o0 K, oThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 0 J3 j) X6 D9 t' }8 [! l. }8 B8 [5 m
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
1 z) B8 U, e8 Z2 `' ^$ t "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 3 @, h8 I9 I, E/ y7 E
Poof! She's gone. ) K  s/ ?, K+ C: p
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.  ]+ s9 P  `! p! D
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." $ ~8 D% x- V9 Y+ q" S% g$ E
Poof! He's gone. 4 |' i" o6 Y2 \( I' k( u+ `
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ' M4 N% X9 Q& H4 K& @4 U) x4 s
The manager says,
9 r8 a6 i+ s+ d1 J# W7 |3 {2 H "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 & \, {! O- F+ O
*Lesson 2
% ~* O6 N, p1 n9 q" W A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.* x  G* S: {0 h5 f; R
They rub it and a Genie comes out.   d7 ?  J" ]; ?1 f7 Q
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*3 d2 r, J8 ~- W/ O
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
3 b) e3 X  g5 ^, P5 [" uThe priest nearly had an accident. * D* ?% `3 f% ^$ C! |
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
4 S$ L/ {" O+ SThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" ( i7 V) x0 G$ d; n( T1 _
The priest removed his hand.
, s# _, _1 |$ A/ H8 mBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
* v6 I1 @9 N( Z  ^, x  @The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 0 O, ^/ D& Y" n7 j( f
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
8 W; Z3 T+ r4 CArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
  V) B% C& O1 h4 _! x$ ?; \; { On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.3 C- q  {$ a( i3 _+ y7 A
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*- q- V: w: g' I% S3 M- y3 V
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.8 h- A. Y: s6 `8 t/ b" f
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?". [8 H) `# ]$ M  N1 V0 w4 Q
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
) b7 {* K1 K( {: D# ^2 S( Z5 }So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
8 H5 d4 Y3 [6 q/ L9 B# k5 M A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.6 F7 o4 l( F8 K: q) b; [" b9 Y  x- L" q
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
; R( Q  R/ c" @; Y$ Y5 u A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
- _8 |9 g7 S; l0 B* K. z "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 4 M' K' y: h, K  L
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
: W1 C' j- z+ \5 m2 vThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
3 d: D7 K: f  {; o/ V Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.9 K3 A; e4 f/ N8 b& B: Z% ?
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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2 q6 y9 m3 n; z& l2 s+ U" NMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
0 e. T+ Y: [2 x4 X5 j A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.0 {: |' c2 U# d+ N- W8 y
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
( E5 ?! L6 u1 C" D& } As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
5 I8 c7 i! Q, k2 ^9 S8 vThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
6 ]' {2 C3 Y$ c A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
0 ?6 B. Y" _/ ]  M/ y7 h4 d+ YFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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( C4 J# H  D+ @8 H3 a: B# X; T Moral of the story:3 R5 i7 L# i" h3 |' g) u: b7 i
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. [& y* L4 r+ c; y! H8 D- F5 E
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend1 x9 X8 [6 \+ o, M
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.* U2 e2 j8 W4 f; l, G; {) E
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
0 j$ A. r% r# b race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
) d: M- [  D& N4 r& U* APASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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. e  G. a3 Y) ~) i! vThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the1 S8 L% C# A' v5 V: O
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
9 j7 {3 _8 ?1 D, yBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.9 ?  j; k) l& x( ^) p, v4 i
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
4 u2 N8 A: v; c: Jof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:' i: b, A: Q7 t0 G  D8 c
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
1 z4 ?) @2 G3 [; r: b4 Dof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.- ]4 `- l, e! b/ h: m* u$ \

" h6 l  \3 r3 V: {; YThe next day the paper read:9 P$ g2 j  m& ?  o
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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% |" T- F$ J1 E* J. ~This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back$ y/ s, V+ F2 y5 y/ X
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:
6 i1 G  U  G1 K& LNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.+ d7 C/ q. U4 F- k
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The bishop was buried the next day.$ [$ r# N4 r1 M% K! Q$ F1 \  w: w
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
  Q) f# G2 l( o: k# p8 W+ Ucan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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4 t2 }& U% H! ~  [So be yourself and enjoy life...3 S% Y! n, w: F* {

% G% b, T# r& W) @' n, xStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier" E/ u# _7 A4 H. L. _
And live longer!) S* ?+ W2 E/ e6 n
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 8 q: w* Q- w1 X

8 k# D1 a; M% s+ ~3 Q# U9 _Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
! w1 T2 g( |! D& xHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!- `8 P* M" N7 [1 x

+ z3 x# t* G6 H: q  {Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 0 s$ S$ b  k, t! `/ S3 E; C* \5 [
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. . i' ]# b  b0 s- U5 A" i3 W( [$ k  ~
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. ' G' m6 {$ I1 C8 }: L
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.. F) T5 C6 @  M) [  a$ U

) d# i; R" E. q" X; BI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. * F3 z! Z8 A( Z; \* Y
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 " D' t. D* T& x
Thanks for sharing., @+ e# j( ]" ?

4 ]. k; h2 t/ V  o- ]- eI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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