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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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2 Z- N2 I$ m) b' \8 N *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*( i/ m3 U6 r0 }% n

( U% |* @; T3 s0 I A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. % z4 [* b/ N3 R* A/ g1 j  }
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
# e$ S# ^" @1 ~7 \ there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.5 z; N7 K! {- Z" ^, Q. B
Before she says a word, Bob says,8 A. Z9 G# X) H( a( l. z3 x
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 4 @9 t7 {* P) H$ O* K
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.& E7 D' ~4 _4 c) n- ^; d. V" Y$ \
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ' R. m+ ~2 ?# X; t  k8 g& [: @8 R1 W2 L
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 2 l2 v5 ]9 b# Y$ M% i: |0 k# O$ E  H$ _+ U
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
8 |! X) y) b# M "Who was that?"
+ T( _  t/ M! ^9 e. {2 d"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ( l4 Z: q% C+ E, G
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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: _: J$ I7 m# o' ]: \0 J8 {" b& v0 WMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
+ ]9 w% b# h7 n1 w4 B( b shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
% F' v2 l; i. S! S; u, S4 ? A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.& q8 Z; K0 L' W8 O3 p8 Y
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
- m5 b* t, H1 S1 I6 i. ?The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
+ X! V  S! x; B5 p7 E% p "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
  D( |2 c" c" w) a2 j3 F- f) Z! ^Poof! She's gone.
! q# m, @( x$ e2 k; l1 a"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
# q2 f7 Q. j' c4 }- [/ X4 A# ]2 r9 k "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
9 o/ [+ _: K  ?* n" g" h% y1 SPoof! He's gone. 2 B/ J  S4 J, m$ H! `; k8 E" d/ m
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
8 N# Q2 W: k0 ?+ Y9 Z  iThe manager says,
: ?# v) w$ {2 \ "I want those two back in the office after lunch."# Y2 O/ l0 H0 g! d$ F) o
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
* A: O0 C+ N/ R: A0 c1 c0 S*Lesson 25 Z: Q( T. ?) a( x
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.. ~4 B3 Q' Q  d6 M2 g1 j
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
# t, P( T( n- Y& `! sThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*3 A1 V2 c  `! j! d  d( [
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 6 s! F& o" ?, h: U% g% Y3 r, `. E
The priest nearly had an accident.
. Y9 X- Y. M- nAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 4 [8 M3 J$ R- Z0 T" _4 j) E
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" % g  ]& F$ u! V5 ^0 p+ N
The priest removed his hand.
% ?4 `( g. N) @1 S& l5 \$ S/ D8 MBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 2 l. }3 L) j6 ?; {7 Q7 V
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" " l! p( x) ?/ x3 n9 c8 K
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
& c8 y6 t+ @, KArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
' k- ?$ v2 o" J: `4 g On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.* r/ E* f6 }/ \- ?7 m; n$ v
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."$ [8 Z, v$ L7 w, B: f
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
# _/ a: w& c( @ A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.6 W. A+ A& F! o% E
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
$ y5 h1 W0 b9 D' z, M$ q+ iThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
; L9 e5 q% B& a, x7 eSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
8 u% s; u( _- X3 D0 a A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
/ I: P1 H; @8 Y0 [+ H Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
  T6 m0 w6 o  F0 v9 z$ } A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."3 L+ V& k3 I; i! J' Y
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 9 O8 ?" A3 k+ d, _1 f  D
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 4 ~- y8 p' Z4 c# C
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
- }: x! }2 u: O0 v1 t& z: `2 ~ Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.3 ]6 m, W# s& C! c' g- O
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*# v8 q: N, B5 [$ Q& M5 ^
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.0 E3 n3 A9 [- q+ h3 h% j; Z
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
4 m( ^& ]/ J: Q( c# }; G As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 0 q* ^3 m. Z8 X1 W
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.   f; w2 x) E3 \2 j' d
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
$ O5 n6 F1 G  A8 L2 yFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
7 C; D# x& C. o, n+ [- w$ [) o1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
  ~4 c! x$ O9 r. g 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
$ b7 P0 {1 P' m8 A1 T& x" s 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.' U% }# t& J, y; w" \0 b( t

$ F8 T8 ?, p( o! K+ {The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
7 k, ~, Y9 c4 O- P5 K race again and it won again." N/ C: P/ |" T  x6 l% p6 m
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The local paper read:
! |8 J6 I1 c2 z) lPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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5 I$ m" B' A% L1 F( A9 ^% T- lThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the; `- X; l# C0 }) ], R
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:, r9 x& I* [$ ~2 U( Y7 A* h
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.9 @+ a' T1 G1 g* r! w

# `' A9 h5 W9 _# |. OThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
4 ^) b4 }9 r8 w1 r5 C4 jof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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/ p2 N. r+ }8 Y6 N. \3 {The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:9 W$ V! [. b4 q; K; m7 |0 g
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.% S, K: Z* \+ g

5 @3 F5 N' ]9 b7 }5 VThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
7 F) R% i1 z1 A; R2 B- M- ^0 Oof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.9 `$ G# K$ s* |; t% {  n- I1 @
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The next day the paper read:
8 c8 y' v. S4 f7 F& m3 e2 z8 {NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.& M% {% [4 a2 F! c# N1 j' ~

" w% N, |. b4 n  t* E: GThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
6 R/ a/ \1 Q" B* _& b4 e* gthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.; I0 M( p9 w2 D0 i
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The next day the headlines read:' D: K1 ?" m1 X& g  u) K+ ~( w+ }
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion( d  l3 W/ y- j8 v2 @" r- k+ ^
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.7 T* S& E6 J* z, c' |

  A5 G/ W0 P: D) _+ Z2 h. {/ gSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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8 W. T( d5 q1 LStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
  o3 s# @* n* S3 g4 R+ a  K5 x And live longer!! L: H" x; E' @- i1 X# y7 M% U( `
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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: Y7 [, [9 S" M. D) g1 |/ bJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
, K6 m  ~4 v( e/ M1 VHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!5 H8 I2 S8 R; i; ^# E- z

( I$ ?; L& U2 v" @! x, z5 U0 @Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
* z0 i, w9 {8 P3 @Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 3 w( ]& d1 o6 W% b1 @6 v# L
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 2 M& x3 ]# A2 T  m
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 1 T. m6 F6 Z6 e0 A0 N$ C0 {
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.. }* ^2 w1 E( r* U9 u+ j& Q! r) G

. W+ r0 n  y8 r) W. mI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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5 N. o" C' Q2 W7 l) n9 K0 rAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
& q: S9 D" q% ^* G! `6 mThanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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4 s3 o$ `) ?3 k  X# a% k5 S; WYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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