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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons % l  f' u! G3 e8 y) U: L
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
$ q! C8 a6 x- P7 eThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
: o( I8 X9 l0 O0 Q there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
( |1 `+ D0 @- U( z) u' b- O Before she says a word, Bob says,  {; u2 z5 I. P: H, J
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
$ u" m! S, c& j$ F7 T+ B8 J" y+ yAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
+ ^1 H& F+ H1 C  y+ LAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
# D4 o/ ^3 ^+ AThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
0 Z" L/ t. m! q0 KWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,8 x2 I8 k0 `  U9 j
"Who was that?" ; p, S) B6 m5 W  r4 O3 o/ i
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 9 P8 C9 U1 J( p0 G4 X0 Y
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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+ W9 E8 Y3 j* w7 `" a* f) FMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
: p6 G6 e" V, T, N) T7 f shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
' X( Q0 W" ]$ V0 L5 d( d A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.6 H- B/ b, _# N( z4 Z# P0 W; q1 S
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
' M5 n, e% c. |  T" K( B4 m4 hThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".6 I2 y9 }9 W1 p2 [" r5 u
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
! |& D" e6 _" H) DPoof! She's gone.
3 {7 Q2 T- d5 {& U7 G8 z0 t/ h"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
6 x) d. Z) W1 U1 H+ J: M1 V1 W "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
  u$ ^/ Y& M6 zPoof! He's gone.
  e5 i* d: J; r: S9 b0 }"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
- i5 k! u9 k: d5 Y: s  G  JThe manager says,
$ t. d2 X2 M8 I: @, \" X "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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  R7 U/ ?4 U# W5 q Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 0 V4 q) T) ?! i' a* S, _1 D3 W. P
*Lesson 2
6 c$ e4 ^) y9 W- k A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
# q$ @' Y9 z% Y" k0 K- K/ r' WThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
3 x5 X# z, I5 P5 Q9 qThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*% `. T/ X- p7 J8 y
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 1 P8 e% C, J5 I& Q) M/ k
The priest nearly had an accident. ' u, n1 G; h6 i' J
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
. Q' V( f+ `% rThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" + s) p. W- j7 w/ S/ f
The priest removed his hand. 1 ^) @  l8 \5 S7 e8 F9 f9 K& V1 z
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
4 B: i$ [0 b) I% HThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" * C! J* A$ @, m
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
1 t$ N' c! z% h& b, EArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
& t/ e+ b0 y! x$ h, Y! |( w On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
" b; X' G, E& Y# H! F' W It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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1 g: P* E& M( N+ Z/ ] Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*. `& h3 w1 b# w: `
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
( o9 h1 o' }. r% B/ K: x( f A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
8 F; y. Z; B$ \0 f! A# aThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
- S7 u: o1 e0 ]So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.# b6 y7 w( L! Y2 l
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
. C: Y( c/ M2 x7 S# h. A Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*$ A) ^3 ]( [1 Z4 [/ Q. H- d
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
3 r5 V1 `# p: o "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
8 I9 J1 n1 P" B3 m+ j: o" oThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ) v; F% o/ W) W* S$ r
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
9 ^: o4 U7 N7 F% C& g$ j) T- i Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
: e, F5 B0 R: ?: f+ x9 \ Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.8 |2 ?0 b* V" ]6 I& t: u. q

0 T& T9 j2 J. M, k4 b) uMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*, R. W3 D( `  e9 I- d! j1 n; Q
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.8 N; d6 V' r! v+ Y! p
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
& y5 w1 T* v$ G" l As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
; k8 F8 |" E6 n0 wThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. " L. F, C! [" M0 v$ y( I8 L% _2 K
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
9 p! Q7 O. T1 M$ \1 \Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.$ k4 T  c: I2 @

/ F; F/ f8 }6 z5 I( q0 y Moral of the story:
! F; X8 w( {( |7 Q9 M. G& X1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
9 s: ^2 }7 R, V  ~ 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend5 Y7 O9 `4 y# N# k+ C0 A
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.# M9 w6 S2 ]! O/ A$ F* `9 R
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the9 S% s7 g6 g2 r& o% v; M
race again and it won again.7 v( u+ f/ g& k

0 P+ u; {" z3 D4 WThe local paper read:  J4 K! q. ^$ [
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.; C2 ~% I4 f! W7 N9 Y+ X, o: l
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the# J; N" h9 Z, M+ _7 N" }& {9 l
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:3 c; y# g2 A) e& M1 Y( x
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
0 s3 V4 O/ A/ wof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
* k: k7 [- F6 h
! [; l0 p. q& X: SThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:3 |" Q; B* [2 D  d9 `! }
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.& ]( @6 i( ?( y' n" J/ n+ W
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid( `1 N7 e" X# p" m6 U6 {1 }! |
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.9 a; k; q, J  H! S

9 \* F& b" ^* O5 t$ @The next day the paper read:
& _- ]( G4 N# I0 Y+ gNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
; o4 J" ?0 C8 D. V3 D- Y& v& R. gthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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& g% a" e# o8 W* XThe next day the headlines read:' z3 _# f+ D+ ]4 B% U+ k+ ~
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.3 `1 r$ H& P. I- B, I" O
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
1 U. Z5 l/ j* `  hcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...0 V- V/ Y% |  \0 p0 ~
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier2 p3 C* T& f) b! G0 n2 S: Q
And live longer!
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4 K- c6 o  N. jHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ; u! O3 B2 v: M" Y

7 T, {) ?  y8 F( N' {! S8 J, ?Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
" ~" ~8 P" O! W! \His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!8 |% D/ |+ W1 @
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. " w3 M4 V# r. X* V) t2 l
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. & N7 \$ J; Y# ~2 `: R

- ~3 T4 ~% z! M; o: I' GAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
6 m* C  ]8 {0 ?8 c! L# B) R8 I& }2 a6 ~5 C% Z& }5 B8 i' u" z
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. % j! r% S" c. z7 [& `' B

& f: }  a! ~0 {' s# J( VThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.# @: C2 ]7 `. ~; ~

2 H) Z; }/ V7 M  {1 f3 {5 R6 ZI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 8 b. }2 o0 h$ s

+ @" F3 X, n  `. Z2 y& ^As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
2 }1 @) c) Z% S# A- a) @( J1 K9 qThanks for sharing.( ?' b1 V& x$ |
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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