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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons - h- h. _" V6 D. G+ L4 T4 |

& u3 ]  [) K% u! G' v( W *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
7 B7 U$ h, G, ^& q% _5 b" YThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,. F* s1 v' @% M- D) o
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.! W$ }$ p( v; Z$ Z
Before she says a word, Bob says,
1 p3 `( |) V" d$ ^0 v* @, @  y' n "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." . L% z! W1 b3 E& a, @' D
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
' X' p' J6 d  O; t7 PAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ) ~4 Q5 z2 i' O+ E
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
2 S$ ?! @9 r7 x4 p: `9 iWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
+ s  ?+ P+ @+ T- _. j "Who was that?"
. X. R8 _8 O2 X& H0 q"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
( \+ B6 u3 {2 }"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?". r0 ~; U3 E% a% U: ^
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
& o3 \& y3 `, i8 M& d shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2& f. `: y* x$ G- f! }" y" O% E
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.$ r. w* n% i4 [# L5 [. m
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
% }/ P9 @5 E. j. [* h+ SThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".0 \! n+ H1 A2 p; r  B: H" ]
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ) L* `+ {9 s/ @. S4 \/ a, C! X0 F
Poof! She's gone. 2 T+ T6 g" ~; B0 v
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
' R* N5 R2 t, D# V "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 9 R1 w4 f7 E; S. G
Poof! He's gone. % U/ b; }1 d( h
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 2 ~$ h+ l. }7 N3 @) f2 X- z
The manager says,
! @7 B# ]3 g) ?/ Y( O, K "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
; h7 D& f" ~+ w( x! u7 m' ?*Lesson 2
" k6 N7 ]/ L8 ~ A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
0 t& C1 w/ ^* |  y  g" j3 _( z/ xThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
4 Z2 q$ z* h$ k8 B0 D9 r) _3 t2 K7 DThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*" M% v  }: P' @6 A" Q5 P: S
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. ( Y4 v7 E7 t0 L, @
The priest nearly had an accident.
- P5 a8 l' q6 Z8 ZAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
1 p6 k! q* [/ SThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" ' A" [2 s* h8 _7 R/ w6 t: G
The priest removed his hand. 7 C# ^; z( u; Z  l* }( L1 _
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
: o3 X$ i, R* W' W) A9 tThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
! q6 B, ]# u9 d" d9 n' f9 FThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 4 ]/ X' U4 {% r' P# d4 o+ ^6 r
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
5 |$ Z' N4 s8 Q On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.# o: k! q- G( Q% b% n
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."6 \" _; _& ~8 W: {
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
* `+ q+ s9 {# I( \ A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.* y  t6 `, {1 s
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
3 Y0 g, G, J3 {7 ?The crow answered: "Sure, why not." 2 ]5 N1 q; d; ^; v% |
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
4 P) i  F8 h/ ^: n A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
3 g0 Y7 z5 i% M7 x Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
, V: e. `' ?1 _, q A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
/ }" p2 o" o- m1 g8 B  ^. v* ~ "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 6 h$ }5 I; N+ ^" F- D
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ( D2 s: {7 V+ |% a) k2 ~0 _
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.( L3 n6 `8 `" g, R
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.( L! G: Z6 K" C# {: B" d
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.! n) v3 G% |% z

/ D9 P3 E' E' N2 g2 ?Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*  @6 S3 b( H& `" G. I
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
. X, W1 P7 ~3 S: v While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
! E, ^) D& q) u As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
/ ]* a; e$ O9 z* I% J2 C0 ZThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. - T2 U- o3 E& |/ L2 j3 Q
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 3 V+ l3 B; Q8 q& p% [
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.: D1 K0 f5 S; A& q* ~
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Moral of the story:* r* i' X% V9 N1 b
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
& [; g9 B+ ?! Q9 x* b0 O! E$ s 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
! v5 S8 e6 u) C 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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2 r1 S$ A& s& tThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
9 s/ Q- Q) F: S* B- M4 l. Q5 |2 z( m( N/ o race again and it won again.0 Q' s2 g& |! n% {9 A: {$ i  v
9 n" e: D7 z0 `) e
The local paper read:) A/ x5 \& E# w( }* a( \
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.; b6 z, H5 P* I1 v( @
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the* }( k1 c) o# b
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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% |  k8 z+ M" @) FThe next day, the local paper headline read:
2 I7 O5 C7 N$ g0 |$ D& q$ \$ t7 ?BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.# j2 A0 f6 P5 l& x: J5 [' g
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
5 c* r- s  H: oof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent., p" j7 @7 k5 t& J' w6 p4 W

2 M5 p+ y; D5 I0 V0 u' Z: cThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
; W5 d3 T# j  Y# M' WNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid+ f( T- _% r7 f/ f6 O
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
1 [. `. y4 f4 P, q5 E( l+ K
4 z/ ]% F" |* Q: pThe next day the paper read:, F7 n3 v+ i$ b1 @$ {/ h
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.: S: }- W; y9 U* ~, j! x- `" X$ g. I
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back* u7 }  ~. d1 ~5 T3 k
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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4 X9 ^- M4 p, y1 T. I+ FThe next day the headlines read:
) T" v; q/ O" t6 a5 `+ J" F, R/ sNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.1 k5 p  q, Y- H
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The bishop was buried the next day.' R! ~2 I2 j6 L9 F# A, S% [

# C/ a: R. K* N+ h5 i. AThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion% q# P0 p5 J0 J+ @2 U
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.; _  W5 Q7 ?8 O& B  |( z

* y) M+ \5 U9 y" SSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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6 I$ e* }% U/ n  o7 ]Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier# J. v; h' a$ h/ i
And live longer!# e. \: t; z" [6 e7 ?

& Z' `0 O4 V7 y3 p) EHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life & u" }7 O2 D" A* l( S

9 h) @/ ?4 N2 q* fJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?") F$ f5 k; r0 W4 t
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
+ s. K' J! u* r% e% P7 {* P% e4 i; w* [4 ~  T1 S' M: y1 n4 [
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. & T& U$ ?, A! F
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ) F# m- K! k9 f' }0 |

' n$ W- d; R, MWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
2 E6 B7 F6 t- K1 }& c$ x
( B6 v. P1 _& `0 xSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
, L1 }& M8 U2 t% _( \. Q) n9 A  u+ R# x$ {( |7 n" o% h/ I
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing./ N' y. S0 e7 ]; [9 ^& ]
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. " t, m2 v3 u0 P2 k: X* {0 {8 T
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
, e8 W1 A# J* _4 h+ U8 R8 DThanks for sharing.' w# A9 k* a8 t0 Z# A; ~
+ q+ |6 r% {' W" \0 i/ B' ?- Y
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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