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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 2 T; s! m4 t3 Z! X# w0 F
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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; l* d5 @7 Z% L& a$ k A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
# W( r5 s" V" k0 ^( H' LThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,8 t: O" B3 K) A5 ]2 r
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.0 m2 l4 o5 [+ k
Before she says a word, Bob says,
/ J) z) B; o8 X3 @# K "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." ( U$ |0 I: O' P+ c5 s& T  ]( m& ~, a
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.$ V0 z" Z7 G7 C
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
+ ?* W7 A8 L$ nThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
' d  Y! n5 F$ _6 h  ?# }When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
" W) z* q4 ~6 M/ i: c "Who was that?"
6 P& R) S, m% u; O4 t, E0 D5 v7 ]"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. : N0 r! Q# U4 g4 e
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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7 ~- v+ J  i2 H1 AMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
1 d0 W/ z. g5 ?; B) f  ^ shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 20 R4 ?+ h9 O1 U. R
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.) ^2 t9 F: G; M) A' ]
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
" q# L9 D' ]  p& xThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
# Y$ W- J9 C9 P5 w1 o, X# U "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
3 T, M0 Q! q+ @* j1 tPoof! She's gone. * ~9 v& c( y' H$ F* n( t
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
  W9 E% ^+ R( Q3 R  r: \ "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
2 C( a) P3 |+ A% QPoof! He's gone. 7 [, M' w  d' O! {
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. : h7 A- H! |  X: c9 B8 x* O
The manager says,3 k  Y& \) N* ?
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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( V( g, v. e7 }" r- a Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
! v2 P0 k' u- O2 X*Lesson 2
/ B3 T& T$ ?$ [9 M A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.3 s& k5 n8 U# v* f: o: B
They rub it and a Genie comes out. ; A8 e  {% S  [7 Y0 N
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

" N: F* S" ]- v/ G  H% Q  X7 gIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*' A' n+ \3 ], [
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
& O! _$ K9 x( N0 n0 hThe priest nearly had an accident.
0 u; _: B/ S, D' I/ F" fAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. ! l$ N' E! }' ^- ~" k
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 6 F0 p$ Y( C9 L
The priest removed his hand. : @6 K$ s; h5 e# V
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. ! }& i5 |  g  m6 t: s1 h0 M
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
# ?4 n- ~" @3 ~+ g" D$ ?: nThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
+ U! Z% ], W1 I+ }! ?Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.8 v% b4 U2 ?2 F
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
3 a9 x$ d' e9 T. _ It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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8 t0 U# a  Y  _; I7 G5 j( c( M6 F Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
$ K) r7 Q" o3 t4 D/ s5 Z1 m A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.6 C7 X0 I" c0 x( T0 D/ J# c: ^
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"2 O7 w/ w3 e  K' L
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." : Y: o6 `6 l8 J% D& n! O
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.0 W& h) Q7 E  Q- R! v. Y7 \0 y
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
7 I# i  a6 J8 } Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
+ {) {( D7 _' Z* P A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
" j  o1 y1 N# o- e( g "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 0 z# r) Z- O. C3 d( E. j2 n7 @5 s
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 6 q* Y  Z( F% E
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
3 M8 [2 E6 Y0 w3 z1 R" x8 M Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
: m6 t! j, L# F% a0 }# a4 P1 L. V Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.9 q1 B) P, ]' ^; ]3 i0 N
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*5 m9 e1 c8 _) M
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
1 a5 k' H% ^( m  d7 C# Z" r While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
1 ~/ J3 y7 n9 m. G$ d7 ~ As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 7 _* K. ?% F: Y9 h8 S& g
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
# E, T6 w% q6 S1 @% J& a0 S/ L A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
8 I/ A% `- t2 }# uFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
& N6 i1 ]/ ^/ U" {1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
7 B" n+ S, a3 X4 ^" g9 b6 [ 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend8 e* A0 ?, `8 s* U
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
: c6 b. G3 ^/ P race again and it won again.+ b$ F1 E# K5 P+ c) n

3 B: ^0 u$ D& m' H. SThe local paper read:+ I, i& @' R5 @
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT." M$ F3 @. r! c6 R- @. p  l* N
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
7 I( }/ h2 b! a- f' }pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
  x& {6 Q4 a, C5 FBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid9 d" _0 t; T3 [9 ?- B: {
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:, y7 |" _& Q) o& i* K/ S2 u
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.4 _5 @/ k4 F1 |
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
5 [8 E8 n8 @- G" s7 F' [of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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- b+ z( f8 I& T& F: {: r3 v* c" J' vThe next day the paper read:
" y3 a9 F  w/ L+ r, y2 sNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.  P0 l8 {# i& i* r* s" h" F; n
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
; i% d* z% ]) Ethe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild./ |' L1 L6 X; K! [4 Z7 A8 Y. b
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The next day the headlines read:3 f  I1 M. ?+ s3 L8 n
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.3 s# ^( N$ w# ^/ W9 n
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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$ l: [$ W" g: H! ZThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
# z3 r) P, I2 [7 O  A! v, K. Ecan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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3 w- G4 ?. ^# x2 q8 V$ USo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
4 J' w, ?  Z0 i: L6 M And live longer!
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, k) C; v& _5 Y9 n7 N, r# CHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life " d2 i* c4 h2 o) f9 ?

: X" s4 G, J0 A& b$ j0 }' lJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"8 a/ F( j; b& A
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!" S. H3 s3 k3 r) {; ]" C1 {3 o

7 S4 j& x: @& g9 }Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ' Y* a/ K( y0 ?+ C- ^( D1 u
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 2 ^% W8 A& u( m- [

: [. i+ X3 o9 SWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ( r5 [0 K8 p+ x3 Z
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.' ^0 r( p4 {+ H/ F7 X% P3 I

$ Z1 X/ ?( F- A, d" l/ n7 W* j3 _( \I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
' u$ E* q$ {) b  V0 ^Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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; Y  p" d- T& x) ?( zYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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