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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 2 ]8 K; o( `" K; x+ Q, ^% p+ Z9 s
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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' Y4 }0 Y+ o1 Y/ B" \1 D A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
1 @" o, L  r5 D& W* j1 B+ ?The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,7 Q6 Y$ |% g# }: x) ^3 U" `
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
3 y& Z% z5 I% Z% I) H- U Before she says a word, Bob says,4 z& m+ t& Z# t# K! D, t* Q' h$ x. B
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
; z6 N# s/ B1 i3 D! Z+ @After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.8 F) n3 c0 z( h
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
  e. @2 U% Q* `0 hThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 0 O4 D9 \. r+ _
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,: I" ?' U2 a2 g  H8 H6 G
"Who was that?"
( N* x- S' Y6 j0 j; d: x( k. y$ t"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ! O* U  r# N/ X. N$ V8 S% E
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"( s7 v. a7 Q; C! h5 h6 i" ^$ |$ N! W

) p: G- V6 l# p9 FMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your: H. T( F2 \9 C9 [* K. O9 `
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2( O# e6 M  j9 U& e/ G6 [
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.7 q/ B0 J3 Z) ?, i7 l. U1 q. h
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 1 c" i& y' u7 G# ^0 v3 j
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".% r" {+ G( K% d4 r+ k8 c6 K) R
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
! E8 H! ~- |" h: \; ?Poof! She's gone.
( q; q4 p! g2 O6 ]9 u% W"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.# [) _4 T0 d; R" K. C8 Q' D" I7 U
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
2 B6 l1 ]3 z) }- |( m, ?Poof! He's gone. 4 B) S- b8 ?1 i) m% t* z  l
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 5 x7 e/ U, m6 |$ n
The manager says,
( Z& O" v3 V1 W2 \& s5 A# } "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
, j( k6 I1 H$ `0 g; F" p2 c: E*Lesson 2# f2 ]: Y1 e, e8 G5 J( j; ^) [0 P
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
# B. H- e2 n5 `! [& j! Q" MThey rub it and a Genie comes out. $ E+ r! J) p" h4 t& t
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

! P* v6 {# W. }7 p& C4 x4 CIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*' X: d+ _5 k$ o6 {
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
+ ^  r: Z5 X( S/ b% t4 aThe priest nearly had an accident.
2 r8 M! O$ R1 K1 DAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. ! H' y- X$ h" S6 d
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
4 ?! F% T% e% D6 V3 H7 \The priest removed his hand. ( |) O# c* O) o# x. H7 y
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
- m; B" ^/ V/ a  L+ U# \; x' l* gThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
: j8 s7 ], n! s9 B. z/ |The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
) p  B1 w. J# H+ rArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.0 v) f" C  O& K/ g* a: G
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.' N4 c! U# O* l2 p
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."! `8 W7 z9 d% v, R7 T
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*' V. x( m8 j3 b% H
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.* V0 y" N0 Q1 R' h! {. {- g
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"2 |( B) c; Q2 N% q: j  L
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." ( ]4 B% j1 h/ z$ Y
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.7 H. ~5 [" |' G+ H1 F6 {
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.8 ], ?" e1 I+ z( \9 i6 }9 r0 {
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
1 Y) H, j( D) J. M3 V. } A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
3 A6 V8 j- D$ U/ n$ F "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
/ r' G7 ?7 m) |* m# v  ]The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. , J! ]$ Z# ?) @) Z
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.5 e. x( j! {& P9 v; ^& d6 s
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
/ C- N. k" Z* \ Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree., ^: |6 @; f9 e2 T" |7 b. P- Q  |
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*' v  g# l9 q6 [) Q5 Q
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field., Y3 B8 `7 D+ Y' \  {! q0 Z& Q
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
1 l* ^$ t' }5 x" W As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
0 F' W* C' r9 ~' L8 x: EThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. " X4 ^; [4 M3 ]. s" q1 L
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
% B% ?2 X' z' z$ c6 f# D" m; p0 tFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:5 z4 B% B1 |$ T, |: u1 @' r
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy+ T2 y" H, M+ t2 z7 c
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend* z- u( U8 Q) d# R% G
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.9 J  ?; L4 W& K2 y
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the/ v5 P! ^& W; G- J9 j  ^+ R
race again and it won again.
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! |: T, A; k0 g- n9 fThe local paper read:
/ W" W$ A: |* EPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.  ~; o: T# z; g8 G- c
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the+ A, z/ d' s+ ]( t; I' E7 ^' x3 J3 ^
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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* k5 d& ]( S- B0 n* u3 lThe next day, the local paper headline read:
! s2 f1 j; m! o; e/ k' f9 cBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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' G- _1 O9 f& g, i5 W  GThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid; `, f; H" A3 f% _4 s% l# L; m+ s
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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- O( r2 O& u4 @/ {8 b0 hThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:- [- X# b& Q4 Q- m; `3 a7 b7 R1 Y
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid) y1 |& {1 W/ O0 @  |8 m" J* B
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:& I. x  o0 s% Y! ?  X7 e
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back7 h( M2 e+ Q$ }+ f6 }! s
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.( a5 ^' b6 G* E. Y' ]+ S

% U" S% w/ o2 O6 N9 a! MThe next day the headlines read:
" _' w) W# ]6 ZNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.+ Z, c9 u6 z# Z: {5 }1 `. Q- f
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The bishop was buried the next day.: |2 A2 N) ]4 q$ {6 p
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion3 z* ^9 D' T$ o: T6 X2 |, h1 }
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.( Y* G8 J. K; Y7 C7 @* v
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So be yourself and enjoy life...+ ]5 p; v0 S& y7 S) a) M
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
8 @' [& Q- q# N2 p: \4 K* i$ r And live longer!
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" H6 F! n( H( H8 W0 ]0 h/ {Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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2 l: f3 z+ Q: L! e+ c, YJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"$ w; U/ q" m( h. f9 ~- W9 e
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!- U2 |1 c5 F1 `0 v6 n$ X% d

5 I* n3 j! S2 |9 w5 ?% g/ C0 zWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
0 h: J, ^0 m" @- {) }/ t* |; iThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 9 w1 V& |7 r7 S# P  c

7 \& m( U3 p. d& f8 S# w2 }1 fWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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9 W) c9 ?  S# B* M. [0 H. {As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 5 _- V: n" d% q# G% o- ~* u+ e
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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3 R6 I/ d6 b( HThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.# I$ j: e, l( j, W9 C" W3 z

9 P) Q: H$ [/ ?3 pI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. : W0 U/ N) l* M8 n. o- K
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
" J/ i: f' A  i% d; zThanks for sharing.
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9 K4 B8 _' N0 U! y, a3 W0 @0 Z, xI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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