埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5550|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 3 R! }* W4 m+ v0 |5 e
9 p1 e. G1 E$ T& `
*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*, Y7 |2 s5 `- B: _, l9 L( ~5 O7 |
8 \: ]5 D- R3 l
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
6 X8 N3 l$ H# ^The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
& S% H3 \1 h: k0 ]+ ?: L8 X/ \ there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.& w* V3 U9 ^* m" E
Before she says a word, Bob says,
  R, V% ^+ o  S* ?0 I  Z( [9 ~3 x "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 9 t4 B+ Y1 u! V
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.- p+ V0 P5 `8 d1 ?* b* a" {4 `
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ( y2 _1 x0 E* h9 a/ S- ^4 Q  t" j
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
! h  H: L9 S: ^* lWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
  o+ x3 e3 R$ V* X' i" V, n& B "Who was that?" 7 q9 O( W4 Z' L; Y# `
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 6 X) {$ I7 Z3 u. h5 d  G- l
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"" I. [/ R/ U" e" R! c' C

" }. L# O0 u2 q& c% C  u: w2 VMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your0 w6 r# E4 z  c! p! d' r
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2& b6 G# l; V# S+ Q) h2 C
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
9 w, D/ j3 F# s5 a6 b1 {They rub it and a Genie comes out. 5 ^9 ^" G  R! z2 S, U& S1 a) i
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
) g- X# x3 j9 u# L# H! G "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 7 n$ o6 f" V! j8 |. I5 Z! s
Poof! She's gone.
. F. ~7 U7 a7 W0 [9 d  t2 |1 a% i2 w"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.' I" s7 N9 k8 s; a7 u* n
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
, N8 T- S( x* K% t1 F! ^Poof! He's gone. & ?; O, _5 b( _( }/ s8 W! @
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
2 v; b; G1 _' A: @; EThe manager says,' L9 ?" I0 A" t2 z3 T% J5 y
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
+ G2 V2 g1 v4 \! z8 P% t
  k  i  U3 p$ V Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
4 X! X  I/ b1 s: F) ~4 O*Lesson 2
2 m% p: {: v2 H* a A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.5 X2 F2 c7 w# T9 U
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
! Q2 S4 h; J& G+ UThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
: [* `; O: O. `; ~
It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*( k! a0 H  `. ~0 ^* g+ [
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 4 X7 A& d& P6 X7 }0 L
The priest nearly had an accident. : u& n+ f9 o1 D3 l
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
# ~" _3 ^: e0 h$ r8 mThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" . Z2 C( z2 {1 I1 l
The priest removed his hand. $ j! j* Y3 l. [- j' q, C1 w
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
! D5 V% g# x& X% j& @The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
1 z8 ~8 Z$ W- i' Y8 w3 OThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." * f' m3 ]# h1 h3 ~6 V8 G3 Q' J
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
) ?2 W6 s& t5 [* v& V+ ?$ e6 R/ V On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.5 P2 F2 m/ p1 P( F+ G
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."1 Y) n& S7 k$ s7 u* s" s

8 E2 s8 T9 }3 ?6 ]: f( q Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*: J7 U  S+ ^6 V1 D  I3 A
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.( O+ D- i3 X" S' H: Z. i
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
* C! R+ }+ g, `6 v- \* AThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
7 F9 @: K* S: E8 B' vSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested., c, X8 ^% t# s" b
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.# X* l% k5 c% I! f: ]% U  J
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*: M4 i3 @" |, B% I  P* r
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."1 A2 [/ b3 x+ u& ~3 N$ N
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 8 M( f( \3 D3 C8 i
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ; V5 Z! S. L: t1 E
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
) a, O& p( E# G4 s8 |, E Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
: d6 a; K) P& K% ^* O. O Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
9 J% |: p0 P2 q  \; B% p2 B9 n4 K! `, O$ y  I4 l$ M0 `; b
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*6 S  i8 H9 F, g" ~# N- e& s3 ^
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.1 f# [  G$ x6 [- b* A6 y* G
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him." q! D! ?1 E' e9 t9 {9 F  k2 N7 v
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
# S# W7 |- Y2 d7 X9 K1 NThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. ( ~4 K. S$ o; y# U% o. A
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
7 H$ u( `. ^0 _9 d' }Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
% V# }1 J& i# y! J/ D2 `! S/ @" b; B0 g  H
Moral of the story:
& |* e, \9 h5 M: m: G1 L1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
# b4 ^1 E! ^2 I  L+ ?- C+ c# f7 i 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
" j$ U; \/ N2 m9 \" L" t5 \ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
7 A5 E# D7 D9 k8 A/ i. X1 k* J* C) L9 M! u  S
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the9 V! Q4 b) Y" Z# d4 _
race again and it won again.% f8 l( H; ~7 K. K& X

. y) X# n$ U. g7 eThe local paper read:, h4 K( d- m( f9 Y
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.6 T+ S  t! f4 k) _0 B; ?
/ P$ L( m/ z( C4 t0 N
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
- f$ @; q5 X! V8 x- K# r% opastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
! |5 T* r9 q8 c% v: @. R3 B9 F& I( t3 y. i
The next day, the local paper headline read:
7 N: [' y  a- y5 q4 pBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.# O5 u) |2 {. N- l3 o

  c& H; S' j8 _2 [2 F( b7 Y  @: S9 ^This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid' U9 q1 y/ w1 O& }
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.% u3 O/ r6 q: O7 d# i8 M

0 W! @6 A2 G0 b2 ]7 N. d5 KThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:$ A' f( J4 j2 M9 ~) A6 U
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
/ d" Z0 |/ Z. t; e7 o5 E0 W2 n" z- z, }
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid; X/ o, L4 j7 m
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
' N6 r: j7 H  v5 T
% ~2 _9 \& L* JThe next day the paper read:
# c8 x9 c- b( X. G( H+ y7 ]NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
" I2 X4 J4 o' ^. r9 S- u% u9 ^) F0 p& d% C; u1 z
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
* Z5 _+ [3 n) |the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.% m8 x. h7 ?0 X, }1 }4 C

- Q1 V- x: c3 s* O; w) dThe next day the headlines read:
6 w* h6 J9 g& \- s( A" d1 T1 qNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
8 _: G3 N3 t. _* r
, F" `7 [( Y( M0 f! y! |The bishop was buried the next day.$ T! M# x" c5 K+ m& `

8 I: `5 H- T; O( EThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
. X8 k6 I0 s) ?. Qcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.* W9 W- y5 R7 z% d3 u
4 M4 L* w* M% @7 E
So be yourself and enjoy life...
  O* }& ~$ Q4 Y8 g7 b
; |/ Z. |% D( S# ^8 l/ |Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier1 S! r1 d3 C/ C# ~3 m) ^
And live longer!
4 A% w6 y; \( {# |, Q+ Z
2 R* w0 s; v- f& D( KHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 4 t5 H: B* P1 F
+ a, Q7 _1 Z: d8 ]: @( v- j
Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?", d8 Y% B3 @8 O; _4 s
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!2 M" x9 B) c5 c: C; P; f( L

. ]1 S/ n# q- l  _9 }Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ) |  w. i( T7 x5 ~5 j0 V
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. - J7 a/ W" E: B7 o( e3 s

# o$ q0 R6 W9 O& vWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 9 I% h, x% K2 g6 w5 x7 A6 L8 C! ~
; c$ ?; p2 P; b8 |1 |5 W
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
, O( K( l# A: `8 ?5 _1 H, R- V! U/ w7 a9 p* i
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
( S8 I* ~* o: m9 J* Z+ F
$ X( T' x9 J1 L2 ^$ ]7 R0 [0 NThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.% c) a8 `5 c7 G5 u; A& M
5 y( l# W5 ]3 z/ ~9 z, l4 W& {5 ~
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. + f3 M  X' R" F

0 s  p8 j4 f9 tAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 . `7 L; K8 y% @# ?: C  _
Thanks for sharing.9 b; M9 t/ ~, n' v6 q

7 t' L7 Y9 G5 @% w9 z1 ^I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
% o' s' i3 m; W& l" w" L+ q

& w1 W+ D) Y; p$ E( D0 y3 W: IYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
大型搬家
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-20 20:32 , Processed in 0.176720 second(s), 16 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表