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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 3 ~( \: K& b5 Q2 }
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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3 @0 ?# E3 A+ Z( o A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 4 A6 g! g2 S; J. `+ `" v( T; N
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,0 d' i( ]/ E! H8 h3 ]
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
8 N* h: |" B) c6 P Before she says a word, Bob says,' z" S" v- {: \2 W1 l5 k; K: D
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
# k' b! P! T, ]# B  m. xAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
4 {* \: f: E! j( U9 ?2 b+ XAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
+ F, a1 f7 F& D! IThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. / p5 L9 @; A4 L7 o$ J: e- \
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,# X. K- f* ^% [0 w
"Who was that?"
, p* o$ V8 h: Z"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
# B# h5 a! u7 i! {/ T- Y; y"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"5 i2 t- Y) @" b# n& b
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your$ E7 w0 i+ d( z9 W
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2, E3 A0 ]0 ~* a/ f# m3 `
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.$ {9 @7 t3 S! l" x
They rub it and a Genie comes out. * v7 y6 f7 e- @+ Q
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".3 T% |1 U. E! l! R+ \
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
! c- V" E5 X* oPoof! She's gone. / n0 ~1 |( H9 p! `( @4 r
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
2 @7 u) M. e! j6 h "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ; A5 z* B/ q- g8 u. I1 O: `: H3 u& ^
Poof! He's gone.
- j+ F; v  L4 d, {"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
! k% }4 g- }* @) x  k, vThe manager says,! o8 q/ F; ~% M) R! @
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ) _& y* N* F7 ]2 Y
*Lesson 2
4 I* v5 P# e4 J2 m7 I/ a A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
) _& d5 H% E& R9 R5 I. dThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 0 G: c; J5 g% F9 J+ l' G0 g$ V
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

: _- o# v9 @& d& s: Q% eIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
1 [, g6 {* e' ~& c A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 8 b) i. o6 T+ R' g; i( t8 D% e
The priest nearly had an accident. / _4 y  [+ h, j" L6 e
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. * ~/ d. ~1 S% [! i; i( ?+ e% E
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" $ s+ a2 n, ~  G( E5 k) Q
The priest removed his hand.
0 p# O" m: `- ?  M+ K( I. FBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 9 N" D  D. t! Q
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 3 T  Y! w  D/ |% [8 R
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
: `2 b" M( Q" G! o# eArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
5 ^  R; {. e4 c6 ^. d0 _3 H On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.% O% L4 Z: E* R7 K$ T
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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) l9 n4 N- P# y' I+ [$ C Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
8 E: v- x( Z# n3 S# f& H& [ A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.8 S0 T6 e% q/ {& u( ?8 M. \: w
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"2 X, ~3 {* e, `1 ~" s% Y
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
5 Z' v5 a+ p0 g! jSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.: H; r' K) d8 h  B# |
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
+ z8 _: P/ v8 y0 M9 u5 J! c Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
( f* [$ e: f/ C  S% [2 Y A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."- @0 ^+ e7 W7 o' Q. P  F
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 6 p& F+ E1 X" E4 j
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
9 W$ s2 c# X" bThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
5 Z$ p3 ?  R! v% `- @9 P0 H) ? Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
# g1 _. q/ F2 f4 a Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.. v% c2 \& u. O: K' |
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*- N7 z! `$ \! X+ P" A
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.: y$ {0 k: S" R9 _
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
9 v$ O& U5 ]* V! _) o; D8 Z As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
7 ?! G( z+ B" b' O3 N, HThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
+ L) Y4 _) j& J# { A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. $ Q5 U$ X" u' U; I
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.2 Z% p2 l4 e. [7 o9 f( O  ?
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Moral of the story:
# C: l  k2 p) \, j6 d, B  N$ ]1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy7 e, e2 z% M) \1 ?
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
* ?% S, E6 U1 T6 y; K* J# w; Y 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
# M. M& [; _/ a9 I6 ]/ C( _- t0 n8 D/ F race again and it won again.
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& Y4 C4 a4 j& pThe local paper read:* K2 X# P) ^! H8 r  J
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the, f9 g2 u$ G% |" f  y- ~
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.4 U* h, M4 t9 ~4 n7 `
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
0 {8 M% K" Y0 {- T8 ?BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.- }9 d/ }. h  u  O2 j
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
! V1 n/ }. A0 i  _$ ]# ]of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.3 T" x9 C4 h3 Y
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:. z4 f3 e- Q6 C* ~! S- f
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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) M0 H% Z1 ]0 z: I( H6 ?. p. ]The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
. Y. i1 e4 d! D3 A& D1 W% Aof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.2 ^4 T! b, i$ M/ B. d
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The next day the paper read:# k& e# B! ~  T  f0 O  a3 I# G, s
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.  L( [8 V/ k& c% g( M2 |

5 O8 n5 j; Z6 @; ]0 zThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
- X8 _) k% \4 i# othe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:# L* k1 T' k4 X6 j4 _& f) |
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.8 _; m/ {. @4 V- d! P7 _0 m
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion+ _3 y0 h; C1 @! n
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.) A; K" w/ P% C$ e8 ^) ~. E

) }- ]0 ^* l1 U) DSo be yourself and enjoy life...- \0 D8 @9 g$ {* D& C1 E) H+ {
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
8 a5 U, A! p8 x- u And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life - @0 h' D2 v1 h  V# Z% F& s

2 l: ^4 P- Y- p3 b) RJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
, A5 \) {, D) X% N) z6 pHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!$ J! [' W  J# m

6 G' M/ t0 F$ X  ], X9 \+ cWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
, v& U# `* P8 |! S  m9 B% Z" YThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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3 C0 m9 S4 F" vWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 7 @- ^5 {0 X) d7 s0 Y) s
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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/ C: O2 @4 B: x, ]4 h7 |. X* D  ]Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 7 }* E7 n' U8 k3 U( J, j. P$ [# T

5 e+ m: |0 _& Z- p+ A! JThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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. M* T+ ?* K- O" O+ {I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. & o9 u1 `8 g5 v8 Y! ~$ Q
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
% [7 r0 B) e$ u# o+ D* CThanks for sharing.) b1 Y2 T7 y" ?! s" b, @8 c& a1 z
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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) {* V& B" P! N, |0 tYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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