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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 6 u( M/ {1 M& |  U, N3 a) p5 n1 b- a
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*, ~- u$ h) r9 l0 T1 D) V# E
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
+ K) t( P: S- v3 u' OThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
( h! M5 G. u# T: G there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
" ?. e! X% r% |+ A" H# U. T8 p Before she says a word, Bob says,
) l% _9 m1 n' } "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
" p& j0 S' t6 T" b. l5 R, nAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.2 ]7 X6 D/ d$ t* W
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 6 f2 ~/ j" W  |7 C8 q7 c6 ]
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. ' A( }* a+ W$ _2 p
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
' H7 Q# W2 V2 l, O" N "Who was that?" ! y. H* y" \9 p1 K; \& x
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
: H9 I1 ~  m2 n- M/ h" p2 _; \* Q/ ]"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your# T9 b0 |; p* Q( F( y3 Q
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
. X% B3 q9 T; x" a* a. L A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp." l* ]- s5 l1 A# G. E& ~
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 0 t; G1 ?. N. c% x9 a: t3 B
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".2 k: z; P7 R1 w3 J: W7 X
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 4 ?# c$ K7 _" T2 [
Poof! She's gone. 7 c' N, ~5 S+ p+ T; m1 r. a5 `
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.4 i* _* ^7 x! J
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
/ p9 q: L' g1 I  o5 OPoof! He's gone. 3 W6 C; q( s6 T* P
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
" [8 ]; N) Q' L5 Z; _1 l5 UThe manager says,
! _7 t7 ]* U6 { "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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0 a: y! T) V0 `2 v5 u Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 . b/ b( @# K/ k6 [
*Lesson 2
1 V1 N' ^. X0 s0 Z+ @" }4 j! e A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
# M$ Y- ?; ^- d# D7 f. RThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
& T! I1 r9 B0 h/ LThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
' k2 n: g& B2 m6 O A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 1 |5 z* K! d% Q* B" |9 u" ]
The priest nearly had an accident. 3 ]" @- J% |& N7 g" \
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. ! n* h! u/ x/ L  N+ U- y
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
4 O5 y+ L( R  O# mThe priest removed his hand. 3 q6 Y, y: X+ ~. u
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 0 c- o- N9 ]( r5 j6 K
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"   J& O: `# `* k2 {/ a+ }3 m" r
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."   |# N  `% j' i2 B8 z+ e: X
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.6 \$ U- V) C7 x$ I9 E, l1 `1 b
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.# R5 E) z: R) ?4 P( s9 q) \
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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, b$ o7 x& l4 w# r Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*, y' C5 `9 N  m$ |( n: Y/ s" G  [
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.+ Y0 \8 U) b) j; \2 c! n2 O
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
2 X0 J! ~$ S) L) p/ y& Q) CThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
1 O5 \& j* P) K  v, N# b, [So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
* X9 U: r/ C$ }1 \ A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.$ C& K4 z; k$ }' y. W
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*" H3 D* I0 \( @1 C+ F$ K
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."" K6 ?2 j! b' R0 p# u" A
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 7 N: `0 [$ `8 _3 {: _! Q  P2 |
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
( C: V$ F3 p8 v4 M5 wThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
% L/ m8 ^( v4 W  t1 b. Z Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.' u. C' n/ K/ _: X
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.$ _# ^1 Q2 q( L" H

0 Y4 r2 H& ?7 T4 JMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*/ W) o+ T: o2 i/ z
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
" X5 b* }4 N1 [6 t) w$ ? While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.+ `8 o' _! j% e
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. + ~. f8 L; b& L. u
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
' E# b; O, c& O& Y$ L# w7 V A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
% J8 O. D% O- u* x% p3 Y6 EFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
0 m1 |( s3 L! t. G& [3 I4 F1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
1 _. ]# D( k7 J 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend  s+ D4 S7 e0 I* F7 i
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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. s6 C% S+ o7 X2 t, t; j/ zThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
, ^+ E6 J" ^9 {0 Q4 s/ }& p+ f% Z race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:0 J5 l) P1 r' S
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.  S3 H) u; q, z
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the( u( m  ~  y( X7 N2 T
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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: l- z. j, ?/ _* j0 z/ N8 [The next day, the local paper headline read:9 Q% P4 C/ ?: n& h
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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% z' r% u. V) j2 x3 }This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
5 ~" ?# h. V. y* \; Nof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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4 c, P! \  U" A0 S# b* J7 HThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
6 P6 C$ s  @# U8 ^1 |NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
' h' L9 Y! d& U1 j) W2 w4 d! |, bof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:. j5 W3 Y0 D( |
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.! T4 J+ v" @  L& k3 ^" D

& ?" e+ B0 H0 h7 ]  T3 v: t& z/ r6 R7 jThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
, _# S( `: T) `- E, o9 Xthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:
( p' U0 Y1 t3 tNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
7 h1 m1 M+ A4 o# O; _can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier% a8 y# B& c2 s: a* h; E0 k
And live longer!/ ^7 k  M+ l4 D8 s6 |! D! D

! h) \) y" \# K: g4 t9 l% VHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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( s5 J. `6 y  eJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"4 U: o  W" |6 k
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!: k9 ], i% C& c  \( u
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. % a$ F2 I7 W" N/ g6 ]
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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) m/ o, M# ~1 LWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 6 m5 \# k7 \. e0 [) n2 T1 @0 `

0 u9 R8 {3 Y/ Y' f6 ?* U! SAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. # \6 M2 ]' r2 l7 ^6 j( ]

4 U0 S$ K8 R- bSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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" Q2 M$ f. h, B( [# PThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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4 f$ d% }8 `* y/ a/ UAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
2 `9 u, k# D$ I$ O9 G7 F8 uThanks for sharing.
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4 E( A, Z& |6 Q1 [4 sI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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8 i$ s5 x+ n  \% h7 `2 L& yYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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