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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 4 R5 `% u' Z* w0 z) L
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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! }. [) z* C! N/ ~ A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. , c3 ^6 n1 p6 V& q8 C4 @
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
# j% y3 l( u  {+ f there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
) g" _* t' D7 k& v1 ? Before she says a word, Bob says,
" u6 E# @. b# g, x% k- S9 Z2 c! z "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." ) i2 i, U+ Q4 Q; [5 O2 n5 |
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.5 g- V" b5 L$ q8 S7 G) t
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
  v0 s" ~) f/ F! N# cThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. . B8 u( E; A! O, e  W/ e  G; V
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,) _9 }' W& B$ s3 e6 v. |2 I& W
"Who was that?"
+ ]6 C4 Z, K5 q1 B2 A  D5 F"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. , V& }6 C) N0 C, h
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"4 q( l6 e, `1 D, @  Z( F" n
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your0 p) g+ g+ E3 P) H% V; p
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
, h6 w, \; e6 d3 b2 s6 \ A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.( P, F5 Y6 B  q( A, y. d' Y4 e! `1 h
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
  A5 {! w4 ~3 C5 I( E/ Z! mThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".2 Z4 b+ L! I: C4 U% d
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
% I$ |% c/ t& |8 _) UPoof! She's gone. ) @4 k- {1 `' d* F; @7 r) j# L3 v
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.* F# o, z7 {+ @5 m( m5 z5 Y. {
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
$ y+ R* L1 ?# w1 I' y* MPoof! He's gone.
" D0 t& f4 J" c/ ~6 I"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 0 s. T9 g# Q% z) f* m
The manager says,  J# V0 ]' p5 {: N3 O/ B8 I  @
"I want those two back in the office after lunch.". S% B* U6 H, N5 `. ]) v7 _$ Q0 P

- d7 {8 G0 }. t1 f! Q Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表   m8 X- F8 b9 ]
*Lesson 28 t& V) B: v, v
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
# ?. q% P4 d$ m9 e/ \, V* n9 kThey rub it and a Genie comes out. & p9 B. B6 W8 \. }; r# f$ P0 b( L
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

* ~! \' X6 Y% u: z4 |9 T/ GIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*  s! l/ _. p- W4 O
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 3 _9 j, s, o; V# s$ }3 x
The priest nearly had an accident. & J4 o4 v" H" [% d) i4 d4 D6 {; G
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 7 j; q; s4 }. n- R
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
6 Y3 N# Y2 M% e0 @4 YThe priest removed his hand.
9 Q$ c9 l; o) F, R( r6 D( JBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
' E# t2 r7 w6 E) SThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
) b3 `  W% Q7 ?( G, PThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
8 `0 K3 ~( F5 xArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
, A: I. ?9 l5 H" A# z On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.8 v& H+ ^) ?& s, Z0 c; V- k
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."# ?4 [" X! R) j1 S, s$ I
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
/ w2 O+ i% l5 L2 o  C A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
8 ^# O4 _2 m8 m A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"; x" t+ `0 y( @- T) R( f5 a- X
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." ! Z: N, ~0 p: I6 R/ q0 P
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
0 B1 M% [' K- Y3 {$ I2 E. H% ^ A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.8 w0 ~# m' o& Q$ c: c$ R& x3 L
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
9 B2 m2 m7 G" ?- h7 ^ A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."$ j+ ]) \7 j+ h2 q- e8 C
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." ' H9 A) |1 x( X
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
) f' E* J  _$ e( S$ c2 o* qThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
" Y* @& A2 B& z& @7 U: d Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.& G& r' i6 r% v# |) x
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.* ~  \4 J3 n$ X* Q  h( H% @

1 [+ Z% S- V) l) |# AMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*  {! C% {& E6 A/ X# u; X
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
) r4 \+ g, z6 H While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
5 {/ X, B0 {% N  k$ y- u: U As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
. o: o- }$ X' p) Z2 g7 T1 U7 t8 `The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
; b; r7 g0 C' I A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.   {6 T& r" R( l, V( g5 z
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.1 k% }4 }3 c, b* W" `! f

9 L" O1 x% M1 f, f" D8 b Moral of the story:# O2 `9 C; i1 R# @
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
( M: ]% x7 y# G* G 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
2 d+ p2 x6 J6 j2 a# ` 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won." ^& ~( \0 T/ W+ R, S

2 `) w" [& m2 v; k! ^1 }: H% @) JThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the; {% b/ p6 `. S2 z7 S: X3 b
race again and it won again.
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1 A. G  c1 r9 `2 V+ `: ~4 k$ T4 I" G. xThe local paper read:: M. i2 U9 h* e  D( }  G+ m; U
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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/ E! }# Y% N8 J6 W! b9 ZThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
2 W' s. j$ z# t; Q# y. }pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
5 m+ x, b. q0 ?$ nBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid2 ?/ ~0 R3 |1 P" }% d8 }5 l
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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, b, z3 }. \7 Q' k0 o5 KThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
2 w) _1 Y* s: R' q% p0 K  zNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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) L9 Y: C5 ?* e2 PThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
; v: p: L, f5 }' E3 ]; z; Eof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.* B  i+ {1 ?/ Y, ~8 j2 K1 N' K
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The next day the paper read:
$ P. I# h7 A1 A$ |# A& m5 ANUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.# }( X* W: ~, }' ]1 |$ v3 J

; S% S. s' G. o; k9 k9 I( dThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back1 j0 ?3 D8 r" Q; {* e
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild., I0 r& q- ^7 L7 g& K
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The next day the headlines read:4 g/ g7 d- x4 C4 b
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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; [) G% B) k( |The bishop was buried the next day.
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5 T! l' J$ q; Q" wThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion  ~+ Q" t( a8 G4 `. c
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.) m2 F8 W" K2 V$ e
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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8 Z% x- g3 `6 fStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
- G! q& k4 X% C) T8 U0 [% R And live longer!
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: D0 U8 C$ W5 f9 K! e; o% T4 h$ W. zHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 1 ^# y2 \" b' T5 _
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"5 H7 [2 S5 M. s7 p8 ]
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
% K& G0 X$ M8 B! u  d) ~5 _3 f9 z1 a6 x5 R1 `
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. , w9 R/ b9 R; {+ b$ q5 _
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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. H: V% a8 _$ {; w' c% k/ WAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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( ~6 {. Q2 d6 W3 s1 R. d' \4 JSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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4 G$ J2 {- K( o$ z1 h/ g  u8 nAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
) k! Q" M# r$ Q- gThanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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