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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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1 O- I- V1 f; Q( M5 n& N0 D A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
, k( ~+ T$ S# i+ TThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
- y" T$ D- c$ u there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.7 l% B/ ^/ D7 O3 q
Before she says a word, Bob says,
! ?+ I# c( @) I" b "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." # L" `2 u/ q! }
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.% I& L. o: U! W7 g& Z
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. & R" H! b0 X( b" f3 Q$ e
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
  O  b8 }  U  K* L% `6 zWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,, M$ k# R  N- s8 H# P5 K% Y
"Who was that?"
0 k4 P% K+ `) I  s  k) v2 o"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
  u8 f2 X4 f; I. l# ?% e# L" ]4 a% q"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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3 D) \* R6 y5 y% J8 }9 Z+ @Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your* s8 J0 i/ _; K' ?2 J
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
, F+ O! U. j% F  N- k% l% k A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp." j- x/ g1 ?: J: [
They rub it and a Genie comes out. ; s9 `- t" ?/ D' j" m# ^3 C
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".) G; u# V/ }( R& j- O. R: V
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
, G# o$ U% [' D$ fPoof! She's gone. " x3 z. b. d; k- f1 ?3 M! i
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
" q2 t( Q: y% x. z" A6 g" t+ w$ ]) Z "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ' c, i5 ~$ B2 |/ u% }3 V  G) u
Poof! He's gone. / y, J% u1 X  @, P3 r
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
, D/ v5 x5 Z( W1 X" W+ ^The manager says,
7 M3 l8 ~3 `3 [+ ]* |6 T "I want those two back in the office after lunch."/ c8 |; C; m: y$ I; R0 C

; @* p$ v" @+ b4 y+ b Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
: w. f) O$ T9 q+ ^) x. N# G*Lesson 2
! }/ |8 R; n& r4 a6 ~" y( C7 u4 a A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
1 ]+ {! k; r2 I2 s4 a9 |8 |They rub it and a Genie comes out. 4 Q% P" U  [. m& l5 _6 h* d! L
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*" T! X3 }: ~! ~$ _: _
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. - b: u& h; N! Y9 W0 m4 y
The priest nearly had an accident. & P* h( C2 {1 U9 T, I
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. $ n$ h" q# D0 y5 `' ]+ [( k
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
. W6 B* A1 L8 P8 X) G% kThe priest removed his hand. % n: ?8 l. [: t+ [, i
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. ( `$ G/ `5 p+ u" a
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
  p" Y5 L3 e$ i+ HThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ' u! z: S! x( e: Q9 {# |- t: I
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.( Y9 G. i' e. l
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
/ ?; @* |! a+ x' `. ?+ \! H. ~4 T It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."5 X( z/ e, k( O
9 x2 K2 R7 ^/ N( b0 u: C
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
$ d3 |4 ?4 X" S2 { A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
. e  D4 Z1 N. J4 B% H A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"* n1 r; {1 D: Z' c9 }0 I/ d8 H# A4 S
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." , Z- N' |1 A6 T7 }5 d1 ^; q/ q3 V
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.0 m& S( @: T: ^  m$ [
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
, f! R% q% s, E1 I: f5 c Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*- C0 @3 p" v: W' K" J6 W. D( D! Y
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."( @  `2 r% c% R0 V
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
- L" K, B( v- O1 fThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
( v0 M3 Y; l  _* p7 |5 H4 R, w% UThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
* f2 p4 M. {: y Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
$ A% H! r* r' D8 Y+ f) u- R! n+ V Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
$ P/ ^4 U. e" q, U1 ^" S- Q2 j
: G  ?/ J5 s) K) N! t" O' XMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
, J8 B% L9 c  `! m5 z A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.2 Z1 M; D1 z* Q, v) i
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.* U* m5 n! r: ~" C" [: Z# q
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
  l! y7 M9 b0 _1 K1 eThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 6 G0 z2 W% ~- P5 s8 {0 L8 Y! J
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 6 u/ A2 J# S- ^* p
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.0 [+ _! r; ]% ^+ y. ?. [/ ?7 [5 G. s

, i' `8 y& ?% O Moral of the story:
9 }. W9 {2 D, R' t8 b+ w- p1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy& x8 z! Q, ?% R3 }% F
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend+ B! ?9 x4 W' V* s/ x6 Y: ]6 n
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.1 O+ {$ f" W8 a0 `

5 i1 [/ o( u& c" u; _7 j  y1 u! {The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
/ }9 T) t" d4 D; z; I race again and it won again.$ Z5 g" A3 r2 L& a! b! p

& I/ U; }/ r) N, OThe local paper read:
/ g; t/ a* W0 v; r  F! ]PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.$ S0 d* a1 L4 l: o. T" |" e2 w

' m, f1 w. a: E- P5 lThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the4 ]1 b5 G/ \2 S7 ]5 I, d1 G
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
8 N5 w( b# x" U7 V+ p4 Z+ `BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.5 c! t: [  @( [7 L* }
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
* k! s! f: q0 Y9 Nof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.. R: e  N8 M. ]$ K0 M: D

: q2 {' l$ h2 e3 V% H2 nThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
; O; R) Z" `5 \NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
+ {2 j2 m! Y% i+ N/ Nof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:( F% y2 q5 t  O) z/ }, j4 _
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.3 p% `7 ^6 o% |8 G' h- I& `

8 @, e& g- |4 p# W5 h! zThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
* q/ U4 u% ]/ M# wthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
; ~7 Z1 H2 }" r1 q+ w' k! o% p" r% d8 _7 C. V
The next day the headlines read:! Z3 B7 X9 a$ a# S- y2 K
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.- `" j& V  [. u1 H4 i7 x! M

5 q( v/ L7 b  X; S$ {% QThe bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion$ t0 E- l- s0 K
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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, w7 z1 [" x3 {, R. G2 S) ]So be yourself and enjoy life...: e) c! W. T' A- M0 T( q* J
5 b, u8 x% G1 w: V* [, W1 ^
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier! i, s8 C$ [- h
And live longer!. D2 g; s/ ]4 H4 G. G) C% ?
7 _  n( a! E8 B/ H* @2 z8 t
Have a nice day!
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ! x% p- l. `( j8 A1 K
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
$ F+ o; c0 ^$ R( I# gHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!9 ?# S+ e2 ]/ G6 b
) e2 \& K$ w9 `) [4 O- R; p
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
; F% o7 f; T5 ]) e* l+ Q3 KThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.   e6 o) X6 i/ y5 Z) r
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
# _( @2 S( O! t* A
1 M9 ?- Z, M$ z, u' p# a: cAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
# |% m  c$ [: M" x! f) W7 {
1 @7 s( |8 V1 k' o. D6 [Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
) ~7 @( i2 X5 @# ~6 X6 `$ n6 X. d. I' J7 @/ @3 u- m! Q6 U7 A
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
大型搬家
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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, d* v4 ~% `! x. D5 V! j. Y9 }$ wI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
! [5 m: h2 [- [, C! d5 Q+ w% ]* N  ~$ i
As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
8 m6 j) I0 c/ a1 f  m7 o) c4 D. u* L1 _Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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. x# Y% Q" g$ v. v. W$ NYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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