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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*9 S+ w! F5 J! K4 {/ F. z4 S+ n, h
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
& G2 b% V) P; WThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
9 |) J" E. r6 Z: z there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
4 t% ^" b0 o% N, ~3 L Before she says a word, Bob says,) ?4 ~$ r, i9 G# q+ y
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 8 W& L, ]+ N/ C! F2 e! Z# [
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
6 w  b3 f9 P7 D& @After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. # p: X& O. u3 E% Z% ^
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
# e: v2 K6 B6 V- W7 UWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,+ R5 e% E1 `; u
"Who was that?"
* p4 x9 y2 U0 E% e3 d"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
7 H4 [. t# X$ L, R- C"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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+ [# `/ f* d1 a+ U9 d: ZMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
2 g5 M+ l3 s; E( h" g; R$ A shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
5 P2 C5 o- o7 t% U8 }4 q. { A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
. x& G7 Y- {; R& C0 }They rub it and a Genie comes out.
8 a. u3 _2 P$ m# v1 nThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".! J) c; A4 s, v( ^
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
* z! o/ K9 O4 q9 v0 KPoof! She's gone. * w  ?; Y* @+ g. r5 ^( R) g. Y
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
* l3 S5 x" F1 u" l5 N( H "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
0 {2 n" n- b2 ePoof! He's gone. - }) Z5 c, Z$ Q# a5 I$ |. k
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
  a" W" q/ u+ [5 ~The manager says,
9 k  `' G5 I) z: g" O/ B "I want those two back in the office after lunch.", o) r5 c6 X0 @- ~% J0 B
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 8 P9 U9 |# o4 U
*Lesson 24 I; c' M4 h0 J* f
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.2 [, X: X. o9 x  T
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
" K8 E3 s, \, }The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

+ W' z) Y0 d2 w2 rIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*7 d& A5 k" W, E) E2 ~3 j
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. & R5 c7 u2 T3 t# D6 o* n# R+ y
The priest nearly had an accident. 7 f% m; |" B, P* Z: p, i3 R" D
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 2 v! d& {& S" R+ g
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
5 [! l/ n3 `4 N0 _7 X) G! pThe priest removed his hand.
0 l/ ~6 f% P# I; O- t: TBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. : v5 }$ C0 u3 b& N4 u7 G& W
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
) O2 D9 |1 l& f8 u1 `3 vThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ! ~4 V* |+ ?8 y% v
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.! M) N! S. N+ b7 e
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
) y3 Q! n* W) ^0 W It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."( ~" N1 s" d- w& @  n8 z

0 `- ?; i( x/ S% z! G. }8 X Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*0 ^, o; u! \/ |2 I8 r
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
6 U( E* w0 g* T A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
2 ^) |  k4 @5 \" S6 AThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." ; t, J, d" a! H+ H# [
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
% A0 k0 F0 @+ [  t A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.) y3 a$ ?8 Q+ x' @2 \( Z: h8 U
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
5 Z, J0 ^9 Q5 ~* J A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."$ u6 W; _3 l# ~# y+ F" p
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." . I8 @- I0 U% |" E) l
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
5 i; i  k# Y! s6 DThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.$ d* y+ w8 r5 l5 h& ~6 C+ W; q
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.; i" ^$ @: z6 A; J. i3 U
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.. T. f9 S$ n% j
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*% W" J3 U6 o7 r: C8 C# y* n
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
4 Y  l+ K! N( B  j5 Q While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
- B* V4 P/ P1 W As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
- p7 t6 ~$ f% T: [7 P; OThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
9 F: h1 z" m' c$ u9 o& E A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
! q. R0 o# F. S& K1 B: tFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:- d2 o: `$ L$ }5 G4 K- x/ }3 e
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy2 a: c, n4 E) C9 ]3 b8 n
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. l  h, |" x0 o1 L- h
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the" K6 Z. n) h) A8 ^( {
race again and it won again., u3 N+ q. B) D( M
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The local paper read:
: C/ C( a2 F' I; ?5 uPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.% D9 u+ w# a2 b( c: ~/ j

' v. @2 F) P4 r+ I+ t/ a! U$ u7 n3 TThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the+ p6 J1 H* k* ?4 c6 B6 X) S2 s# [
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.3 j- S+ c1 b+ g' \: D
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
0 `: m4 L/ v5 S& \BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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0 |7 P. x  q( A1 p, s$ N$ [This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid+ T$ K/ W: O& v3 B) y, @5 z
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.( I6 J5 F0 ]. R* p
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
: }/ @: P5 W; |NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.5 U, F- R8 l5 W

. M- I7 g0 H2 X; k, TThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid. h% \- h6 w0 W
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.4 S1 f2 C% D1 W& h5 l% A
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The next day the paper read:- j7 G  p/ T* C6 p7 p; [! m( a
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.& A  b1 h4 j: M4 p& {( @2 r' a) O7 |
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
% P% S, L' w3 l3 i2 mthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:! |9 T& ?, x8 [8 K6 n+ a8 {- h/ j
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.# F) a9 K; v% H: v. @/ _

# P9 [% t3 [/ w. C1 }+ [The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
( N' [6 K( [. }- p+ o: P% Xcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life./ r  G. F4 b8 S! f6 Y9 N+ f
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So be yourself and enjoy life...4 G4 O, J5 C' Q6 i8 A
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
: s# q% ^. {) {# V; A2 D& f- c And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 5 y' s1 \/ }! ^7 Z3 i, d
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"1 E2 q4 O5 u+ q, Y$ N0 A
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 9 E  ?- m/ w4 L% |
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 3 J; A- f% x2 Y+ r3 O: Y
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 7 i+ z; _6 N7 n* w5 g0 z

2 ]6 i6 i. R9 c* @# aAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 7 C6 J9 z8 S1 U7 I7 {' X0 ~& T

3 ~. @; y2 N$ r2 {; |/ }Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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- p5 s/ O  C" O4 v6 M5 x( BThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.2 G5 m  \  ^1 E) _+ K) O: P3 y

% S9 [& p1 ^5 E6 i8 v  j8 Q( xI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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7 v- b* n9 y$ d. GAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 ' v% H% t* b$ P* m7 M+ D1 u- l
Thanks for sharing.6 D$ B3 p; W8 _

& q) Z6 O1 u  @5 L) e& q' s6 AI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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6 i2 x- U- J! a6 @( H% s+ ~Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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