埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5452|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons : q" j9 j* j) D) t" ]4 m1 U) a( t) L
  T$ j3 V, F* c! b# ~
*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*, ~( @- S7 Q$ e
( ^# C' s& F$ j* r. j- ~
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. ( L; ?; T/ H% T
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,& R+ z, E  f1 T. \. |9 U% h
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
' N) d+ z6 }* E0 Q1 e, X Before she says a word, Bob says,
/ S6 q- F. m" T' H# ?$ H "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
# m$ W" d4 B9 j3 QAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
4 [1 q, Y) J% B' \& @+ p. u4 eAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
, K! p4 t) s9 }4 vThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
) u- Z- `  S8 R6 l1 g, dWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
: x* T  Z8 s4 y# k "Who was that?"
# ?, X8 b  x+ v1 A% G* S"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
6 m4 K5 ?2 V- E6 ~+ D( Y1 B"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
1 `# x1 S, J0 d' V# G: S: m; W% u/ m/ i
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your) e# G, Y: \' A' l, C; S
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2# N$ w5 r3 @5 G
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.( L) V  n# K0 `8 }7 A0 X* N
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
7 K8 F# S, M8 U' b4 ^The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
* S5 M/ p2 Y6 H# _) d "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." - Y! x2 [' d& M
Poof! She's gone. # {' W3 \& T; j& H/ T% w
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
9 ^& J3 K6 @" Q1 z9 |( g3 x "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 8 p! X) E) v% x. g6 N& a0 y: l" B
Poof! He's gone.
% k& t9 T' U0 t- m; b7 m"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
& Z* z8 t# [4 z1 d9 ^2 d/ `The manager says,; }# d+ O& y  F. T( F; P( H
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."* i0 F) D' g' E; f. ~! [
" t/ J0 a! e' O3 Z8 b
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
& _8 W% H& T# o& [9 {" @*Lesson 2
& }, ?% a  k; p  f. {3 `. m A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.0 |* n3 y0 R- z# B, X& G
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 0 v) O1 |6 a, I$ r! A: g, r
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

; \+ s+ t2 G- f+ o+ Q! HIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
3 _1 V/ M/ d$ s" J* x# T# P: z A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. & p% S( j4 l4 c/ Z7 c
The priest nearly had an accident. & L9 n, U! V9 W' E
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
: P4 [: ~9 S5 P4 @The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 1 s" q. Y6 ^0 v5 A& N. A: ]3 o2 h
The priest removed his hand. $ G; M3 C7 ~1 Y
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 6 i! o* x; _) |  H9 I
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
( @2 L  H1 [) I6 H$ LThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." " V  \# o2 L( }2 i3 B! W
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
. W. |' w' Y- n/ G0 }& i; `7 J& D0 q0 o On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
8 u+ U% C) e4 ^6 X It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
. d' E7 }, p8 N( R
8 d2 ~+ g$ I. B Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*" O  R1 ?6 r0 }6 Y
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.$ _& o1 `; w) r( `3 f6 {
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
4 D, r) `  g6 S; k9 kThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
$ r' L) ~2 d9 I7 d7 mSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
" f! V7 @/ G9 Y# G& V# N A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
  m( E, }6 g4 y/ i# |. s Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*% _) p1 d/ U; `9 h' |( f! \, B* R# p
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."% P# X) g' d7 C; q$ f. h
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." # ^$ @) j+ @, j0 {# U0 n8 u; G+ s
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
8 _! \, k; B0 oThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
- V! f; ~8 \: i0 K" _ Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
" C' H7 h+ Q9 T) h) ~- F5 n: } Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.1 Y: ?, A  ]; o. D# Q6 N  R

, b; d, H5 j7 _( Y8 ~) vMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*! w2 R# M! b1 u! M: }* G
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.6 _$ K7 A- C; Y% i
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.6 W% W+ b. Z8 G. s; Q4 A, o2 O
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
. i% z* a# b: y, S3 |! {) rThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 8 j# B! e: _6 z4 K
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
4 O( v4 c* i1 N' f9 JFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.' h6 k  C2 w. Z3 Q3 p/ W% }
0 k; g' c2 T8 x! M. L! o0 u" S
Moral of the story:" o. W  Y3 P5 D$ d6 V" x
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2 F6 y1 E7 r4 n2 R' n# ? 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend* o- I5 Q& O9 u7 I
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
9 z" ^$ A% \0 Z, M. v5 U& y
8 Y2 u, v! K9 b: }; |3 TThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the1 `/ ?9 k* t4 |$ _: w
race again and it won again.
2 Y2 ?+ o! C/ t* X* s$ K& ~
% p) ?* i1 D+ u9 N8 l& aThe local paper read:1 D: ?7 j: z- u( c9 V
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.- n* ]# A! q7 Y! n& C0 T  t
9 ~1 Y1 ~4 r; @0 d
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
& R2 p) O3 h: N- vpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.3 O& r! p' x* T: @+ [) Y/ j4 [
4 d# S: \/ |( ^- G$ v- b
The next day, the local paper headline read:( H% w" f3 c0 Z6 ^* a7 m1 C
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.7 }, Q4 O$ z5 [: v, o
4 O- R0 g4 L7 H9 `0 b/ i
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid/ H( a  i8 Q5 _' E* T$ P
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
+ J6 t1 t+ H8 ~" ^" g0 V/ U  D# T& [2 C4 ^
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
3 t8 o6 D/ n$ _: o8 i; YNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.2 X1 }/ J& X5 e% _0 o% t1 W$ p
; u/ P* S, a2 s. }0 w) ^1 z! [; ~! _
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid: W- A+ X) ^. ^) X7 M
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.6 s# h; M' @" @0 D+ t
! D4 V2 \. E8 n
The next day the paper read:
2 e4 G% n" x/ H% z: qNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
1 v0 R  C& G" A# K* N% w, `5 v- U- Q0 I+ e$ C' Y  c# h
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back, x% O' K9 ~' e3 }
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
# N# y" A' ]* z8 N+ Z' o9 Q5 _6 S9 T8 u2 }
The next day the headlines read:  j1 a" q8 q. H* h$ ~/ o* r9 S
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.) L( B" D" i( w3 p; _8 r* ^
* s: m, Y) B- u8 h; r: Z" @
The bishop was buried the next day.
6 F) v$ W+ h7 P, _
2 ?2 ~3 x' I6 |* xThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion- }. [8 l+ v. `8 V
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
+ L  b# Q% M0 C5 V9 P- q7 N5 n
& x, }% @; g, k/ CSo be yourself and enjoy life...  F# g  E8 L! E, F2 R) A

6 F. a9 a; f' X, N% I. kStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
. F+ l8 U( E; L. z And live longer!' e6 D$ X/ R* T0 J! `
& h: j3 v- K& C$ _+ E* D) _7 b) j7 E# S
Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
6 ?( q6 O9 ]0 j0 M& E  `
" i8 j' u; v# J# h2 JJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
& _9 C+ v- w8 s5 ]/ J- ^His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!; L& X" t! Y) Y! b4 w
8 a8 A9 h: [/ T" f6 O- p0 J
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. # p" A8 E6 a: q4 t9 y0 H& j
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ( E2 V/ v9 y5 l; u: I) U

6 [  f7 g! M  ]2 A0 |+ E. lWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ' n$ f/ u8 \6 k4 \1 j& z7 ~

1 W  Q, s9 H2 ^1 n  H; S9 MAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
( a  O& b9 N% u6 B! U0 w& B
: j6 }; |9 P; J& MSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. * C- @( w$ }# |) y/ u8 S

+ ?  o' G# p6 j9 ?& i6 Q  }( bThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
0 r; I4 ]+ S6 s  _, C1 A9 m
4 r0 X  E# _+ A) Z# ?I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
6 W- u. Z, D6 Y9 {+ u/ `1 K
1 }" G  a% l7 n: P: MAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
) h5 s/ C% h+ y. Z' m) }Thanks for sharing.* X, \! V$ t; I4 h) F: T  ?" t$ U' E

# ]7 Y. d9 o* o* i- V( \9 nI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
4 {" D: E; O! S# H

& s+ T& t( y- d4 W" XYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-3-12 15:22 , Processed in 0.113738 second(s), 17 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表