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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ' c8 j/ `) f6 X1 P7 [
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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" n$ z3 q" ?7 D3 v A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
4 x) `7 P& r' B: g$ {% aThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,, G5 k! O$ X" p7 L! @* R) d# _1 A
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor., O$ h$ u; E! g- O' }3 r8 ~
Before she says a word, Bob says,
' [1 |, E" Q6 x* l0 P. _ "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
$ l  [" a+ d. ?7 A! `' kAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
. Q/ L) \6 P. o! F8 F. HAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 2 C' t- P) I' T0 v8 I3 [
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
: P4 }1 \, ]; y- K0 oWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,8 m9 b& f$ {: p! m- ^; I
"Who was that?"
& K- l. C9 q2 E6 S7 {1 g"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 7 X2 F) C3 f" [4 |# }
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"% x; Q1 P9 s6 @: {  f( {& u
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your- l% K) p! d9 L8 L5 P
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
4 O; z  p# U+ Y$ S3 M A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
+ ^: h# a! A5 I  T0 w7 B8 `4 |They rub it and a Genie comes out.
/ p, F. \, N7 E" ]' q1 X; B8 AThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".  D$ G2 ?8 q$ }8 L$ y0 c% C
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ' f( z- A- D7 l, A
Poof! She's gone.   o  B  s* N  }3 r3 c
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
6 R5 a- R. j$ ~. i "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." $ D7 {# v1 ~; v! Q, \/ H& y/ V* |5 W
Poof! He's gone. 1 q4 b+ z) f) p; b* I
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 3 C6 \5 j& ]. N2 v( n  s0 ?
The manager says,) S0 `0 R. I5 ?- L; |
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."9 d, T8 J- }: i* R* I* u' S
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ! {* V( p( u3 l+ y2 s
*Lesson 2
& T6 @; N5 q# G+ W A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
3 o9 x! P/ \: P! S8 c' \  j, dThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
$ q) _( C) }* C& v" qThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

* L# ?! p# u: J. W6 F4 z% i, GIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*+ ~7 v4 _  |& }5 C- _1 e+ W/ z2 e
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
% Z" e+ ^' O% _7 a' T. o: y- [The priest nearly had an accident.
1 U$ ^2 X/ @1 ~' KAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
4 E/ u( W! V/ l4 O0 i9 h, PThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" + ~" F. g) B* N& n& l( s% X9 q
The priest removed his hand.
  K  H( E6 b" _( yBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 3 S' j/ s0 S) y" R9 r( j+ ?
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 7 f7 U  H& K8 }' [, n/ w
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ! e# ~" X- Y* D$ n- S1 |( ~+ F
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.0 W( r/ Z& m$ a
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  l0 V. z2 i! U3 B/ C6 P0 C
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
/ q: S* T( O: F  H2 |8 p A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
# W" N9 ^) q: w A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
: z$ l+ l$ b( ]. |The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
7 V7 f& V! d5 S2 I9 RSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
+ {% ]+ J# k" n" _- s A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.; i( D/ W5 T/ t
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*  m2 x8 d! w. P+ g. D) o5 c/ `% y
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
3 T  Y/ h5 p; `* t! b "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
- R% t! i; F7 `8 Z# ], mThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
5 o1 v5 a; _6 PThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
$ z( [4 k% {2 }( y* |4 o$ O' s Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.. }7 k: c8 F. D+ _7 t
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
+ E, t! Z+ l1 E# ]  p  d A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.  G. O7 H, T3 J, a4 D- [  i
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
. B8 a! X5 B+ w# y0 J6 V" t# P7 _ As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
8 s4 l, ]" G9 _  X% P. v$ @The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. % p( s+ r/ e/ a( U# x, C8 Q
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
9 |8 v: u8 s! R1 dFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
+ R$ a% H8 l; f1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy1 n& o7 _, p1 y. C2 r% p: s6 M
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
" J- f0 M# L) `5 [6 | 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.7 m4 Z7 R& L$ O! F3 \( j3 v

3 j4 ^7 P: _- \' {' b8 ~' `The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the; Q: y; L" r4 K/ z# H* o! A
race again and it won again.& `$ @$ Y9 p2 U
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The local paper read:
' h& M3 Q8 q! n) S* e, _PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.4 q1 I3 X& X$ Z3 [4 Q/ h' l8 ^5 m

: U/ t) c  K9 D' _The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
/ R+ n) J! g/ f2 J* ypastor not to enter the donkey in another race." n; N! s7 |( R; z6 B3 j

* D/ Y4 b! t& [* U6 H) FThe next day, the local paper headline read:
6 Q' Q" N$ T9 m2 S* r2 Y( UBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.2 ~: T- U' }; t$ o7 |" j/ z! i
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid# v. ~9 K1 m- V% l1 U# r/ ]
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
7 Q2 U; Q% U' G& W) X0 A% I
5 Y( a, G7 U$ w/ KThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
) G6 O% M  J5 f3 z& P& h4 }; gNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid5 Z6 P2 Z5 E5 V) ]. h9 u
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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0 d4 |4 a  ]! M) L4 Y- N: N  XThe next day the paper read:, u$ e1 l+ j3 p, x9 D+ ~
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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! X* I! U0 [5 nThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back8 p0 \* R$ ?$ ]; M( _8 o& j
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild., h" e; S( n3 o$ C  d' Q2 a

7 A$ v: \5 c& q( DThe next day the headlines read:
% p/ g9 Y* V/ d# V- i3 u: B2 BNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.; `( o* \5 Y6 L' G
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
% n* e/ \3 E0 b0 w" T3 kcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.$ x' p  w/ l, ^" \+ K9 a% r' r
+ |; f3 d0 y7 B7 m6 T5 ]. ^
So be yourself and enjoy life...
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! C2 R( t4 g  Z: l3 [2 }. `' G% ^Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier6 G9 m7 C; h: i% _* R% Q1 ?
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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4 L. y4 q0 [8 T0 ]( g1 U! f5 O5 nJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
1 w' [3 x* f: WHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
9 D# F( h! B" b& i8 R  B9 r
) X/ |/ d1 v: g7 cWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ; L5 Q% m. K) F, q# R
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ' m  y/ B. M" N. A& _

" U: M2 e$ f8 V8 v. j+ q6 p) G+ UWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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: D4 e, a: P3 h. z% L4 q. rAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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" ^3 a  X! ~$ B3 Z& wI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 2 @' t+ Z, e' g$ }

; ?2 @" r) J- v  y* B; t. K3 A1 h. JAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 5 S9 T% W8 j# R/ p' l
Thanks for sharing.0 F3 W; m1 e* `: [1 o

/ w* |" H( Q+ X1 a9 R8 E5 SI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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