埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5262|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons % ~) j9 E7 e1 ]) O' J; t
9 u" U! w2 g* E
*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*! I: B" [; r7 ]$ K

2 k5 Z2 i% y$ N! c* b- G A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
4 w- ~2 v  ]( i. w4 n5 cThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,; ~2 a9 S8 i' j8 F4 @, m
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
. H, W, ?- J: C: p Before she says a word, Bob says,% a! Z' a. X6 r
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." * Z( U: Q) N. a( S1 P: v1 e$ `
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
4 r( x( b, _+ jAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
. n& p; ?" x) v" h- ^8 g& xThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
) C0 W, R  T, g+ T& P3 ^8 Y) sWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
7 T4 B  Z/ N4 f0 f "Who was that?" 7 p1 z* |4 J* E1 J3 W7 e
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
" @. `2 N- B1 S7 n"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"5 x$ ^4 T% Y8 H' {; ]

2 p( k) j6 j; {% rMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your8 C  e3 j8 {0 y4 f) H* W1 |
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 29 Q# d  i4 w4 i5 E, T0 x
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
! b! U- f" v* k$ [. g. jThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
! n* ^- y: J, X8 y, X7 ?" B) `- Y3 JThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
2 q" u2 |4 D  a( e/ T2 z; L7 [8 A7 ? "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."   e* ?3 {! C/ M/ X- @& x
Poof! She's gone. , g7 o2 J+ x2 Y
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
  ^: i* J- L" _3 Q "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
4 A! S9 U% r$ N  k! K7 tPoof! He's gone.
: y5 y" P- p2 X: P"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 9 d9 K( z& g) i, ]! x/ J# @. p6 {
The manager says,& a+ s- A- Z2 q" H. r' x
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."4 ?8 U5 |- f: Y
9 r6 ?0 h0 G% _$ z
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 / o4 e1 n8 c* M) Y5 r
*Lesson 2  ^( S+ T% U, l
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.) K+ J2 Q- _+ u4 u0 V) c
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
* y& }+ s+ A6 N1 UThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
4 _! c1 s- v0 Y
It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
5 l' \3 V) A5 `. b4 x A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. & c. f; ^! t, p5 }+ {+ W
The priest nearly had an accident. 1 \" l( S  w* [$ a5 u% t. S, N
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
% j' h& s9 @; J! P& {8 [4 R' xThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
5 Z; M4 K: y9 e0 lThe priest removed his hand. 4 ~  d9 ?& z% A3 b  Z4 r
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
5 P% u) f2 y, M" b4 Z; CThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
3 E3 Y9 D4 t# v3 C' p' MThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 9 P& E. v: d5 f4 s+ T+ g  c
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.- q9 M/ ?, I4 R/ G
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
# J  `  G9 l, O( O$ ? It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."- @% ^( o/ R3 n

  t. j# u* h6 w8 A. g% e6 F Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
$ X- A+ v1 e1 r) P4 I A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.8 i0 N* J5 |& J9 Q0 z
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
, o' ]+ R" |3 k2 RThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
) F4 C* c) R# k! e- HSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
7 |$ }) B4 B: g! l( Q A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.' C1 Q) M+ r9 s6 v/ m2 y
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
" `% L% p+ C% e A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
( _  W( m6 U9 A3 u "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." . {# U9 [+ Z0 i+ W/ Q* r/ L# k5 J
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 3 a. r: i/ }# z
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.' U5 c0 z" T: _' B8 g1 [
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
4 j% J! ^4 f# R+ a1 v Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
1 F- M4 K) o1 R7 U
& @% h' |& ?# D4 ^Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*1 y( P& A6 s7 W: h, Z6 |
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
/ V0 I" k2 q" `$ z While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.! z/ l" U2 F& g5 {1 X1 _# Z
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
3 V! S$ Q% ?0 R% Q  V- RThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 3 i- _, b- R' E7 P* b: R# t
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. $ m  a; i# ^3 j0 N  V, d3 P5 B" J
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
: u8 c& t$ Y* N+ n* a. I6 v9 r6 W$ g5 x
Moral of the story:
5 a, f) V! f" K4 ?1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy& w- u7 `5 m; w3 D
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend) v6 i  Y. L- J. t, w
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.2 S2 J# t9 ?3 D
. K/ ?# F. A. v! w. k1 l, ?1 x
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the1 ~, c  J+ |1 O. F+ s
race again and it won again.
& z, j* _  J( _1 x1 E4 Z) j7 }4 g2 K9 n
The local paper read:
( C! T7 C+ G. n4 b+ e: ]PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
! j3 y7 n2 N4 `! W: d
4 d0 d, d1 k2 t& h, H. XThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
* f- p! Q, U+ s  {, ]pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.& h2 n" Y- B( Y
& k( M8 r) N0 d3 i! q9 ~5 T
The next day, the local paper headline read:2 M" a. u, X. n+ m. u* M
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
+ |) c8 h- e1 m4 c* F1 p; O! v1 K$ [4 d5 a: ~1 Y
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
9 Q8 t# R, e/ }+ \1 k- Oof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
/ x& ^9 A! ~; M& G/ q, I( k3 G9 r- [  }: v: o
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:0 J6 \7 T! `# {/ E' e! _! R4 |7 u: z
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.% b9 G4 J; `6 b2 y. w

+ Z5 m2 }; z6 R) PThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
: C) Y$ B9 O; _, Wof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
( c9 I" V3 B3 ]9 ]
0 `8 t- H4 q6 P6 e( Q: O9 m4 X9 ]' oThe next day the paper read:
; l  Z2 U5 A" S4 ?8 q- l1 ]NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.  Z  B2 d1 h  T  n' @0 z

( `; Z( \& k* m* oThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back* o5 x  P: E  E! s7 A( n
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.; P+ d* H* k7 V9 x8 n: ?

: @- z! m: h; M: l- J6 v: AThe next day the headlines read:
! M, v$ Y9 j1 W" k" Q% h0 r: @NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
  C- t! U: \: a) @+ E, K2 B9 P+ W/ s( j8 A2 w
The bishop was buried the next day.
* ?3 W( Q( x/ `  Z  ?& ?
3 C: ~- i$ |. G9 g& j. m" L* kThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion/ `6 r- V  F/ r
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
5 A& H0 Y& X) D* ]. |+ \, |; L6 N0 L- q  g0 @1 |& A  }
So be yourself and enjoy life...
+ P/ I8 Q$ f6 |) L% R
% ~8 H# ^# `8 g; v1 KStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier) C% k, S: p2 ?2 g/ b
And live longer!, h9 U8 x- y0 t
  p) O0 ^* c/ P, r& }5 D/ [* a
Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
: Q' T' c- F0 e7 u% Q' U2 s3 y5 c7 V% [% ~1 X$ o
Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
- q# q) ?6 c* B" pHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
+ S. [1 F( O2 O- ]0 S) [. y& D) |! V( v) D
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
+ C9 {: u  }( ?: o+ IThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. $ Q8 E" w" O3 O( g+ @- ]! j
; s4 ?6 J7 K9 u' p7 O3 Q
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 3 l; O- N* t5 ~

' U) _& \+ l1 G7 G+ ZAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 3 J& t, P/ o. \  u

/ k2 p& q+ _8 @& ]' L! vSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
/ j( X: ], J3 f. W9 p4 F6 L3 [+ }0 k0 S+ h
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing." u- `! R: u( A$ u- G( T2 `! y* |7 R

  |+ R6 I* n5 u; Q+ OI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
6 }! r! u) B% _' r# C  @, l8 a5 E
4 ^( H( `; T" X* Y5 L! QAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
& X/ _) `5 V+ d, K. K# n% KThanks for sharing.
) ]( _; n* d  [$ s1 t
0 W9 q1 Y/ `1 T5 n* n2 Q6 PI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
8 a0 e7 g; U4 @

, z! `4 ]8 f8 q7 o2 L  ?# w3 Z# VYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2025-12-8 09:28 , Processed in 0.149289 second(s), 17 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表