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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 4 G/ i. s7 f4 J) E9 p+ m. a3 w
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. ' j- P4 m" r9 Q' o6 h2 p; o8 q
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
; `; x0 H: d, x8 O$ S7 D there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.0 x9 H: A- A( z
Before she says a word, Bob says,6 h, S0 S* j' n- Q
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
& X1 ?4 @% s2 V1 F+ k' O. l3 B4 p6 a- EAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
6 X0 _- D' x7 Z% K) HAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
% n, \/ u! y6 J5 ^, jThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
& _, Z9 C" c3 OWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
  ?# b! {7 C6 i1 V4 l* h1 | "Who was that?" ) t$ M/ K/ i- z; ?# ?7 T
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
! T3 W- U" @1 i& p, f/ }5 k"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your" D- A9 K8 R, g6 f2 T
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
0 F* W5 |! ^# h0 M A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.9 Q( d  J7 n# A, a  T8 r
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
5 |4 Y8 G* x' e% j7 B: C7 IThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
  d# j- _% }4 n( i' B "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." - w9 C2 ~1 h% M$ Q
Poof! She's gone.
3 \4 ]( I2 J. x" ?$ }. ?5 I1 C0 N"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.& o- l) i2 w* K) s
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
- ]8 U8 s3 m- h# tPoof! He's gone.
" Z6 u3 Y1 w* W; }( x% A2 m6 d"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 9 o  L9 P' ]; N0 D8 @8 E
The manager says,
3 Y4 }7 I% c7 F1 k "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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: v- X% J; o5 H0 V) } Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
) b8 W. n; P- P. Y" c7 j) O* Y*Lesson 26 l9 g/ T- k( @) W4 J- H+ C' Q
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.- u0 W4 L$ O3 R* k5 y
They rub it and a Genie comes out. ; a+ S! d* B  R. u4 Q( {
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

7 o; ]% E2 y2 v5 X  }, S' @% hIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
0 J; |7 c; [8 V% W/ r5 p A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
/ F  _, v  o" Y6 e& JThe priest nearly had an accident. 9 z$ Z; w3 Q9 ^! L/ b
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 6 l  P# J1 i  l
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 2 f$ F% \5 N+ _) B0 G, }
The priest removed his hand.
1 X' C' f8 z3 j5 E; |  }But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
! n( R/ u0 b9 c/ H/ b: {The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 9 V* R- d5 E0 R7 O! [
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
- W- S, ^( `6 J# m  h6 r1 nArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
& D" q" a* }* r, g- t# Q% l On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
2 M  ?( Q8 r8 K- ~6 v6 j It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.": Z) H' c0 |7 @0 \" {/ T

* m. b0 \3 Z4 z3 k5 I; ~ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
! f& r2 f* P6 A9 o8 c8 ]3 [4 H A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
/ v" ~3 O1 E8 ]! [/ m/ w A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
# h/ z5 L0 l6 sThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
( e, ?3 g- O2 N  u" Z# LSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
# {: w% K  Q: E A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
. c9 s# A' H+ e Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
; ]4 Z6 s! r( K' M6 c! A1 M6 n A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."9 {9 Y8 v* n! Q, b9 a* q
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
2 |& h) a: @8 C- \/ y. |The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 8 S6 a/ N  a6 ?0 y- m
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
* |; W4 @$ ?3 y; q/ | Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
+ j' G( ?! R- n0 p& G Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.0 P  b( D+ r; y

# c) G& S' q1 k  t% Z7 {Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*8 L, p9 m1 E% f! [0 [
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.3 C$ l1 f0 t7 V; u
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
  u& e4 f5 l/ V0 c) _ As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
7 u( G0 T$ ~& f/ |( I0 a+ RThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
$ A/ m3 N$ {" K A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ) i1 z1 Y( h3 ?0 l" t
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
) y3 Q( c# d$ }, n/ Y1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
) \  P. \* J9 N7 `' s0 ] 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend- @* ^* G+ q. y  h$ A* u+ {0 K( X
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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, B0 _4 R4 S; r( ~; P1 eThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
, G7 y. F# J" @0 Z" A. }4 I2 T race again and it won again.9 k4 Z. t- p2 e6 X: Y: `5 p
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The local paper read:! c$ I. M- g, V2 t  b7 q1 A5 ~
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the0 Q/ W# J3 F0 b5 @/ U! t( P
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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5 i2 I) b" V1 Z% Y) Y) MThe next day, the local paper headline read:3 O+ z! D9 ~& i( m! C* a. Q
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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* g0 d7 o- F" i  j+ ]$ M0 u" {This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
- a3 Z, {, G- j, I9 y4 H5 r7 {of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:5 s+ _: n3 ?; }6 C  B+ `
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.8 l( F2 Q. Q2 p: f

, L; n" R) |3 E" aThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
( F- a5 q8 z, ~6 s) W  Yof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:
3 D+ `: i! {% ~: t* d' iNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.  e* ^1 q& I. _2 Y- Z, k4 a
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
" @; ?  Z2 e/ P& z7 u2 D5 rthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild." D- n6 @: {. ^: N/ I) W
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The next day the headlines read:* \% v$ Y/ V1 G( M4 k
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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# q4 Q- X) P. h8 n5 y9 N: o3 U" vThe bishop was buried the next day.0 b6 L* O1 T5 v  t% H7 w# j
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
3 y' r$ C2 `% R# xcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier& P+ \5 A* l8 j! @  f
And live longer!
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' C- e5 \3 C; P, `2 u, AHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ) G8 \1 K* f# v) n
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
7 V% ^* Z( g/ Q/ m7 W" U2 X! YHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!( E5 w- Z( U3 x7 s

3 `# d9 u7 y7 Y( k9 `  j. Q# M' |. IWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.   K  [8 }  n  E4 b( ]  @( H$ Z4 p9 L; b
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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& [4 H5 r+ R5 f0 N4 i6 k4 OWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. $ i) F: U( P2 v, _  P& m

8 k$ l7 t& \# \- N3 SAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ( |5 {9 r+ ^! A+ K6 y

: H4 [9 L3 n2 X6 c. A! iSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. / M; X$ ~( h1 s7 f. _

+ i0 y9 Y1 U7 F  z/ LThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.+ J/ }1 W& B/ e- _
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 , F  G+ d; [, h0 x1 d( O! q
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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4 H& ~3 i3 g2 Q6 q! V' i8 MYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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