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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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2 n, H$ D& `; L0 A) e7 q8 B. D *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*  m7 W8 j6 Y, R% h3 c8 |8 n

$ e0 k5 d2 v# h+ f0 ^ A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
0 e0 B: ~, ]1 }9 q/ T3 pThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
) b9 c9 Y& B- d& d* u. o' b, d there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.; Z# R5 X- h3 O
Before she says a word, Bob says,
6 `/ y( s1 t" a "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." ) G1 X3 e3 v6 f! a" j  R' T4 C/ l
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
8 C$ S, \/ G# @! W0 Q4 FAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 3 j  _) ^* k( s6 F) x: t( e
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 7 Q% U4 b. b4 E2 u1 i% M: T/ M
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
7 L% L. C2 o+ v "Who was that?" 6 N* I( ]( N/ Y! W% [
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ) P& M+ A6 r1 M, a( o
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"; z2 V' ^; q  h1 i3 y) u
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
0 \2 a* J+ }) ?  i# l shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2+ x- y* j: |; n) \
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
; _0 V+ O4 H; s+ j8 t6 q' A" z8 M; |They rub it and a Genie comes out. # i5 I: L" X# X8 Y+ @; U* r
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
* z8 A3 u5 d0 S3 s  K) l "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ' N9 c! H3 f9 t& Q  ^+ b: v% H
Poof! She's gone. 8 t& x9 g7 w5 q( C/ U
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
( n! t; k; n+ D0 U6 z1 [5 H" h "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 4 V7 i! s- ^+ n& X) L1 S3 J+ t- M
Poof! He's gone.
: A! b" v* F* U. l8 [" k"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
- D% B8 H5 V: ]% U, x- y3 N9 P& _The manager says,
! ~/ `" N- G7 K# o* g "I want those two back in the office after lunch.", v" f& F' U. @# z# q9 Z5 ], |' X
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
- D  w( T- h" V8 C* Y+ J  G9 [8 F" U6 D*Lesson 2
  b0 e4 F6 C, B3 r6 I1 i A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.% P6 t8 h+ M4 l" M) g
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
8 d6 S+ r. J9 E( z  sThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

9 }. `- V  D/ _( U4 L% \It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
* F1 B0 _% |3 Z$ g. [! n A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. $ W8 q8 b" U5 U; l$ C* ^
The priest nearly had an accident. 2 Y# R2 {" U. Z/ U% H+ j
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 8 a* Y  a+ w% e" M
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
: r8 m$ P% A2 U! ]9 r! e. dThe priest removed his hand.
5 F6 R. ?& J' H% a* DBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. " U0 P; e) C) V5 A- ]2 u9 N6 ~' m
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
8 i8 |9 R+ |9 p; |; |The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
3 M* I" o$ r1 n4 n) g9 A* T1 ~9 jArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.' l7 I) O! _8 x" |& s
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.1 e0 y6 F4 k2 |
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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/ X9 i/ h9 ^1 G2 M1 T, i6 N) ^ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
- D1 Z( x( a' f0 m/ _ A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.; L, Q) ]2 r6 r& T8 `  K% }
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
" a2 e8 ^$ ]' K; ~3 sThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." , f7 x& S" t7 {# z
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
4 F8 a2 O3 V7 v! Z# g5 A A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
& e( G- `; e" _9 ^6 y; n$ m Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
. }  Y! A8 W; y+ d) }6 y, r A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
9 u. \6 ~4 E. g; o# S. b "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 8 V* m2 v( B5 ]& G, `' x
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
4 V  u$ l- {. z# g3 M* z, TThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
8 F' k- J) q- s- G% E Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
4 e, S3 Z/ F- L$ p2 }. a Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*' R5 o& B0 y) h6 v+ F2 k8 \  S
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
4 V3 \- }4 T3 P# m8 T3 t! ^9 x7 I While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.% B' L' r# \& ?+ Y
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. / f$ b- \; S5 ~) ^( ^! o
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
/ R: D9 F% l2 Q A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 2 `+ {# Y) z# @. y; V2 z' J
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.! J( j7 `3 a7 X* d, E

5 h! }- q, ~) x2 A) C/ u/ \ Moral of the story:+ [; z. @, K6 C; W
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
4 W: t3 ~. K  }4 B7 z6 { 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend3 L, _9 V/ E7 T8 f$ }& x
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.( v7 i6 s* b4 n% }, S" V
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
9 O- b. l1 R# S race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
8 |" `: s: v9 aPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.8 X! I( c- k; m6 [/ n

2 q9 S5 Z! R0 M/ Z; tThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
9 _1 C8 [6 |/ ^/ z- }pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.; u2 Y  g; e% a' t
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The next day, the local paper headline read:. t: o3 C6 W2 v2 O9 G' D# ^; n9 ]
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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* }1 q0 C9 x" q5 K  d& _' lThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
& s* r( Z, G' N1 z6 ^' x- _of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.5 Z% R5 |/ [6 R5 }
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
/ o- m$ I1 u+ \3 H  m  E2 ?+ `9 }NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
; g- D( _$ Y6 |5 nof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.! b* ?+ y" F" ]( b! }: \! C; x# [
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The next day the paper read:
0 m( u# f' k( pNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.% g# W! N# V  `5 m: y1 C. r7 A% T

' p& y3 O) B( V) pThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
- j+ i0 \* I0 c7 {" T* lthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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  }  `, y( `  {$ C5 R/ qThe next day the headlines read:
3 t1 s1 T( K/ C, a6 Y! PNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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3 T9 d/ R+ v1 G$ k# S0 RThe bishop was buried the next day.
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6 T! u; X3 Y( N* F! o; B- cThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
+ s5 T* M) p+ J* y0 k3 e. ?; ~, Rcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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! \% o  y! ?5 x5 n! \6 ~So be yourself and enjoy life...! E# m" [* i( G7 {% t
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
! S0 n/ B( j" h- x, ?6 c And live longer!
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" r; u; z! C* u- O, G% s7 y, fHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 0 C8 G! q( f/ l6 Q- C

1 Z7 @: [# E! t6 BJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
4 ?9 Y. [2 B" jHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!! X; f9 P8 t2 N0 o

  m- _7 `: h$ a; Q9 `) ZWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
' X3 c. m/ r$ ^( L: r, p3 z" uThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ' ]! v* X7 [) T8 j2 q3 u
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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4 U, x# _3 @! I  d: g* }5 V, \( u; |As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 5 X, B* B6 u; w* V% n

% f, M. R2 M1 ^+ d* c. oSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 7 V7 K/ w! n( E6 y9 w6 r# t

& V! N9 X# P& u0 Q* YAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
' e2 X  W' K7 \& j7 ^; ^Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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