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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons " \5 Z  P2 Z5 O# Z
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. - ^% W2 f1 ~- o" E) ]
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
% u. P/ c7 [* W9 |$ f* E there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.! O5 c! p4 ?; @# L
Before she says a word, Bob says,
: C5 h5 A9 E2 x# X6 Z$ E "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." . k0 |( w1 _. ]4 ]( N. S6 y
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
, J+ P. l) t# n4 {After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. + V' O; l5 O; p! e7 L
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
2 s) q% }" T& X8 G1 HWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,- Q$ R( q5 Y& w0 m
"Who was that?"   B( U9 h  ]6 {7 D9 ~
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 3 V4 ^8 a- T1 t" G' v& x; q$ V4 e" s
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"  O' k6 A% s9 t
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
  j! Z' ~  v/ S2 f% ] shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
' T) v" C5 V" o A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.+ w# N8 M" g3 X5 g" ]6 a6 S) D
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
$ E; X* V  S& ~& RThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".. j* K  ?- N- G$ ?8 s  n
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." : x  k0 ^% P- u: ]2 Q
Poof! She's gone. + Q, d! x. [! Q1 U5 ^1 X
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep., ?; H6 }/ V6 S) X
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
2 }4 j1 ?( `! b2 C1 c  ^; K& V8 E' c1 WPoof! He's gone.
7 X( k1 C; w: T"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. + n# F/ S5 g9 H3 s5 W! E7 q
The manager says,; {6 g6 D% c4 Y! m: k
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
* b0 @  C0 ^# r! {/ I*Lesson 2: V& i7 l; z" X# _) \# i
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
7 Q. {$ O6 H: A& I  g! gThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
" c. f7 n/ U# r0 c% a3 c! s& @The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

4 C% v# y! U# m5 OIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*3 _( \3 v7 b$ z1 {
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
) ^  @1 d8 b- nThe priest nearly had an accident. & C4 o- ?: b) @$ b9 ^" }# M
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. & l1 B  M9 c) J$ z/ y# V& D/ {# E; ?
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
( U/ l0 o7 W8 e, B" @The priest removed his hand.
' o8 U" m* P. D* M; L: u, A" x1 t! rBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 2 a+ I$ q* h. @1 x8 I' V4 h
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
2 g7 ~5 w2 {  C3 aThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ! ?" d9 M/ ]1 O' `6 P  m
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.4 D" y' L0 d7 l1 ^
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
4 M0 h) l! _! n7 \ It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
. L1 x) A9 j% r( S- i6 H; H6 Q' F% j+ Q5 {0 Q% r
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*( U: M4 j' R( ^6 b
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day., R" c" ?7 q" C- ]# N* q
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
- U" m6 l, e; D. s7 zThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
$ x6 w' J# Q  `# d4 e4 Q( p/ H+ A; oSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
! K/ K6 a$ D* L7 I A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.6 X: ?; `- q0 _7 M) [
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*! [) i( g+ C6 v1 E' y
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."  i1 B: o0 I9 g/ A+ C, a
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
) i0 ~  x& J! `7 Z! a  Z$ p9 ^$ gThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. & [0 l7 ^! [2 a( b
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.* P' o! s( g6 |, [8 l
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.: J1 `5 W2 C- ?; A" c; d
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.9 O' o3 k! G% O8 H3 K1 [" P3 A
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*1 j1 p+ h7 n+ ]; X: ^1 |6 u
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
$ l/ l8 C% o1 T While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.' y' R) \; d: P' |
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
; W6 T& ~0 T: gThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 6 S- W: R  r4 d; C! J/ ^
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
3 I6 a$ Y2 Z- S8 kFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.$ o6 Q2 ]3 V) w, I/ T
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Moral of the story:
/ p$ e, ]) B1 ?6 z) u1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
" R' E3 g: i& X  U: ]2 v, Z) l 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend$ e) |1 O: @" u/ _4 y2 t
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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2 R8 k. y! k1 X# [" b! qThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
8 c4 ^) M7 X  c; j- z race again and it won again.: t5 c& A- H) {! h: h

0 f+ Z! c8 V5 n) n; W& r: J& AThe local paper read:
* R( a! T& o# cPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.7 s+ \" t. J' H) k5 S% o9 O/ g7 [
* @7 d; k- H) a, N7 A7 {2 U% Y
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
1 [# |. a1 Y% H  {7 [  Z, Wpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.& ?! I: Q7 h6 f) o2 [2 A, @- D

" `1 f7 Q- b8 t6 uThe next day, the local paper headline read:! O* ?; ^5 h  L
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid+ E' d! P$ E5 h" N( a) F
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:* S4 e8 s* J" t8 W1 e$ A- a: r
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
( c! j2 P9 O' r% z  aof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10., ]5 }8 R! g4 v# P5 q

6 E4 d! V, p6 B2 e6 Z7 V& ?3 DThe next day the paper read:
) T6 V+ f% z7 ?0 E" c, `# _NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back) B3 ^. i7 m" W7 k- }
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
9 b4 K- I+ ?2 {1 ]$ I
) h0 C% a, z. s7 {3 d* o: xThe next day the headlines read:5 i5 g6 i, \" n, K* B
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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4 L: h  y9 E+ z0 k. h( BThe bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
2 K, L. a1 A, |2 ^# scan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.8 x+ x- U: J9 ]( |8 j& x2 t
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
  m9 a9 Z, W0 a; B9 t And live longer!: ]2 G. P7 C% {) X2 x

0 l5 c* m! V7 U5 {2 bHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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' Y" Q3 q5 T: i+ w" L2 AJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
$ }! A4 Y- Q7 j7 |% _' S0 E! I  fHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!* l% L/ |% R$ R4 w# G
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ( q! O* s8 q! F7 B# O
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.   Z: f! |* m  s% V* Z( `

, a7 S# W1 Y' d# N# h% tWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. - J" y' L, x2 l) [: ^& P

7 w  Q2 a. [! _) bAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 0 W+ E$ y; D+ E! ]% a/ C# E" v; U: T# K

7 Q5 n5 b: x) CSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 7 H0 h( k6 L0 E0 g

4 Z1 D' ?+ c; U, [$ t9 U" Z7 ?Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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+ p. R+ ?# I( M0 Q7 o& xI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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: `6 S* b; Y  d/ x0 vAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 9 g# O( u, n6 b+ D& q0 ~7 J0 ?
Thanks for sharing.
3 c* W( y$ N- D* H* h
+ G# \% n0 g5 B4 d+ Q7 ZI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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