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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ' K2 b: Y% V1 ^0 w" }
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
$ N1 b/ Z/ d7 a  `  |3 i4 Q1 N# z2 RThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
* L: ^4 }2 t) \( {5 x2 {' f there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.) h6 L* K* G5 H4 V+ E# w" q
Before she says a word, Bob says,
% `6 I2 @1 Y) l2 C  V; {& X4 t "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 3 V+ o- t: j' c# k
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
) K+ c3 n* _# ~: v$ D* JAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
8 E" m* Z! k6 ~3 k3 C) JThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 6 z' s& j! g! y
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
7 S, g) m- V8 x, ^ "Who was that?" 8 X& l- w3 @/ w
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. $ B) H/ x4 r# T- j2 |! @$ k/ H' g2 V& b
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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- I3 o0 ?5 R9 tMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
! o/ G, M# `7 N shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
5 Z, Y$ p  @6 a& H A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
2 H6 e# }0 n/ E) r: a7 UThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
" I+ s: g) _' D3 KThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".; |/ B. r6 r3 `) Q
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." $ z- u7 N' z0 S. k" I4 i) f
Poof! She's gone. / q5 `9 O7 n0 {" @8 r
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.! s4 }+ W/ P" f! K
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
  F4 q3 `+ d  l9 Q9 X) ?! L) W" sPoof! He's gone.
: R6 Y9 i! X' `# f"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
" G, Y/ E9 k& ?The manager says,
3 w+ M) K, c1 A$ p( P "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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. M: N# q5 r9 u; z Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表   l! m  U0 t/ d: k9 E
*Lesson 2
. Z8 T2 Z5 R+ m  W* f4 U A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
6 @2 c0 e$ _1 L: @$ k3 IThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 0 O5 N8 c% ?" M
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

& i: u/ D" C# VIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
1 t& q. }( \" A1 J A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
+ t, \  D" s: i5 mThe priest nearly had an accident.
* V# V+ G( `  S  j8 \After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
" U  ?. c2 ^* h/ [$ ~! d% hThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
) Z. B8 C" L: C& a0 ~6 y& }6 rThe priest removed his hand. * ?4 @" y  O8 S
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
, {) o: T" V) Q6 p3 I5 hThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
5 v4 E" V% P0 h* }3 q. Y7 ~The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 4 _" T9 i7 B6 Y& q5 e4 g
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.4 R5 E- B" a' ^0 X" l1 D3 o
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
( k8 k: l3 F1 r5 l3 M+ ^; R; F It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."  [4 ], D" U# \* |: ]& {( E; h
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*: I3 Q9 v% g% N6 T+ j# y
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.1 x% Z; b/ g' y8 H- @
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?". {  x' {( e9 a
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
4 b; }! p. D+ B4 q5 K& hSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
" y" ^5 P  G! A A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.5 L, m4 K: ^7 e/ X$ A$ t
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*! b5 n3 T5 s3 M; D
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
: X! J- s3 j" q# | "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
+ L6 ~0 Z5 @" ?8 j+ |9 {% B; D- YThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. $ Y% c7 Q' \- E* o) d$ e
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
# [: i2 A2 |, Y3 M0 ] Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
* c/ h: @8 p  Y2 M( L Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
& L! N3 M; M3 [9 D5 c& K A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field." o/ |, B6 M$ L3 n
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
( q4 s# l: b) _7 D6 R* H6 [7 y As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 3 ^9 ]) P7 j) d4 g" s/ I: O- _
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 2 P- N6 _% q! E, X, ], |* u
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
. r! [# f+ ]' @- O0 ]9 \4 \Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him., ^1 T' K) O/ g; O' P

/ t! R9 n" T% I- W' [6 c Moral of the story:- ]( U/ \' F  I0 H- Z2 b' Y0 G6 L
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy2 j: ^- {' G9 Y+ e' @
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
; b$ T7 m# Y) G 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won./ D1 D: n9 V  k3 X1 r

/ r" |! U6 P3 V+ N. P" L4 @4 O9 ]The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the. }  U/ i* H8 W- r" F1 O& E
race again and it won again.
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0 |4 S/ j$ u& I1 h2 ~( f# TThe local paper read:% X; f: B8 a8 ~
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.1 o& [) [/ I% `8 U9 [% E
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the6 p6 F6 u0 B& j- q) J
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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% D. b5 w3 q' E- i: V9 [6 LThe next day, the local paper headline read:) H% y, e/ G, q/ S" G
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.1 V- @+ q9 K2 s, E

# m" |# ^  U/ `2 U2 |) ?This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid+ B' S* @% }. ]9 c: V! J, N( W( ~& ^
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:' U: x: Y: v% R5 z
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.: w8 V( y4 x6 a/ [5 k

6 d; K: {- p3 A- g* ~; Y8 wThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
" E2 ^9 u) d' y. Vof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.8 i1 B" j5 A( O3 [3 @- V. Y9 l' v

4 `; h7 N; H7 Q8 NThe next day the paper read:3 G0 K5 X' w; X2 r& H
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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* g+ }4 I) v3 o9 UThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back! J% ^7 M9 g6 d6 S- |( j" |
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:
& Y! H) w0 i' f6 C# i2 l* B, V: ^. V$ INUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.( n+ a2 t3 A9 T6 W4 G& H; N
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The bishop was buried the next day.1 @- n7 O  h9 j5 n) }
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion/ u/ y8 t8 |9 ~5 h* Y+ m6 W# U
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.8 g# l# s* v& G: z2 B+ h( ]
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So be yourself and enjoy life...! B1 Y- Y0 o6 R/ R8 i) h3 H+ ~

2 ?7 l4 @: w( a$ I; tStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
# U- S. H" N2 ?5 u( S' s And live longer!
$ X8 F" |- m; Z' }! w. [. B) Q! |- @9 u4 i: D; H, \' G& j
Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life   y7 F$ q) N; U* X
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
0 w( O" K0 v. |. |+ B% {9 s3 aHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
! d6 Q6 e+ j- L0 |- H
' W; |; m4 {* t% c# tWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
" P+ S+ d6 U" N% U) T  J1 @Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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! y8 D* l- O; D, o9 {. ~We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ; j& X. J) y9 Y3 c# l- [

! S' U; n# @" @( ~As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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' u8 a  p& w) `. i5 o- MThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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; \6 V, J9 d& k# b9 c7 w! WI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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% M3 F1 k/ J  kAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
/ x" L4 o7 k5 g8 q* R- PThanks for sharing.4 a8 v! t8 E/ k0 W4 e

: g0 B0 B& x4 X5 v: Z6 w6 S+ S0 V, [8 UI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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