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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 7 V. L* S$ e$ C* i9 ~: Y+ t" Z
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*- H4 @3 S. R% b& \* E

; n/ m9 Y! R. ` A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
% y# M9 @+ n2 t5 J! A. nThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
# o! b  W# J0 x4 s% Z there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.* B! k4 ^2 d, H' b% a
Before she says a word, Bob says,
* @6 U, I" x/ \* u2 N/ q  L! {- U$ K "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."   p7 D" }9 T$ X
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.# b- i# @  Z. r
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
8 |# ?: y& ~. L7 P, ZThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
% J* h* F# g7 Z% {! o6 U* T/ K( s+ D1 iWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,6 a4 G: B- B( \
"Who was that?" 1 Z8 E7 `% O2 |  A" H% b! u/ X
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. $ U" Z% U. w; T9 v# A- u7 w6 t2 \
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
  I" a# A; }  }% [# e shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 22 i+ @& B/ I5 A% I$ f
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
$ L) z1 I+ u* C. X3 kThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
4 V9 ?, G, R7 YThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
7 v; i1 W4 J0 o7 ~ "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
2 X' Y8 R( c$ V% [& W& D' d) ^Poof! She's gone. * e4 C$ J  W. D; J4 z" @
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
' C( q& D! [. n3 o/ J% W6 D' e "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."   c$ ]4 W, u; }3 X& i
Poof! He's gone. $ L" F; ^# s' y$ l) ~
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
6 W, }  H: x6 G$ tThe manager says,
9 l: m0 w! I+ J2 j3 e "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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/ y8 t1 T9 x, d* [8 E% W/ _3 q; G Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 + W+ ~/ T  Q+ k
*Lesson 2
% Z+ `' I( Z4 V A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.; m) ^, P! Y2 Y6 O( k
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
: u4 g8 T1 E; }2 ?& ?6 X5 HThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

2 m) N+ @* u% u: `+ z+ zIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
9 P0 H, {8 R  b3 s1 w1 E A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 4 p) D  t7 r# J  x
The priest nearly had an accident. # l$ m5 j! l( `
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. # y4 f. S. @! b$ B8 M# H* B
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
4 o* S# }6 [! A* Q" \The priest removed his hand. ! \" h7 @' o# r1 o5 E6 K" }
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
# p9 ]. E2 C9 B9 `The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
9 g7 P% h+ W0 g: G5 B' {The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 6 ^- E, l9 e* i8 }/ G9 X
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
  K2 n3 J# \: o On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.( I, K. Q) H, C
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."3 U1 s2 u% y& a) Q, g( f

( Z- z- m- O; x0 H/ n& { Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
2 L$ P1 s0 T  S: G" W A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.* F5 w. U& e, e; j
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"1 [9 t: I' Q) @, G2 G! z  \% [
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." $ d7 b! h$ v5 J- w% Q2 R
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.! V) F6 M6 P- R
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
7 n/ }' q+ \; ?9 a, \ Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
% x6 x' j% g, B+ C A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."* g2 G5 c5 N% S
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
7 D; z3 N5 R. t# F% E, J+ pThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 2 H8 F6 `' T' j; _* C/ y1 l+ M7 v
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.( X5 n4 I! M& I. V( |! H; Y- N  S  E
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
4 ]3 t- O/ S1 u/ G Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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5 h8 J0 w$ C8 a: e. J; CMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*6 p  M: _  Z% L) H
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.. y1 h! @8 v6 ?" R" f/ g& Z
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.6 u% ]4 x- T2 a+ c' [' j/ G! [
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. # F4 R4 ]0 e- {& M4 `% p+ P; j9 n
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
% X7 s: i: L5 l- h8 j' f2 R A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
$ U9 D6 l# ^  K. [Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.2 a- F4 \# [, k/ ]/ q  S. o% W
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Moral of the story:
/ l2 i' F9 d& `! I, k1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy3 z3 b: J7 f3 x7 y+ v' ?. R6 x
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
6 V- z( q9 D  a, F* V* [ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.$ ^7 W- P- \0 ?0 F5 v) w

: y$ N% O: }# p9 CThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the; s4 Q  X' n) P: l+ M, D5 I& H
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:# T; F! c2 g) W" N+ }$ x! ~% K
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT., s4 T8 n! \5 K( o
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the9 r0 ^8 |) }% q, A
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.8 }2 S0 Q. t; `$ Z% }

2 X! E" L1 e. `' W  ^The next day, the local paper headline read:. u: B0 `, m5 J; l* a6 Z5 q( [
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.( J+ O) P1 C3 v& K/ d* @7 Q

3 Y0 E, L; k. [1 ]This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid% H. M3 E3 b$ D
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:; [3 s2 f, i: P5 [) u
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
4 c1 J! p5 r: T: oof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:+ E2 h  ]+ k) |% r
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.  R( }4 w7 x8 ]: ~: X# \

$ ?# h0 y! x. m/ u  \: D4 ^8 X2 ^  OThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
9 f& [8 C% ]9 |2 Y7 Q1 [, i* Bthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.& _: A) Z: d& s

6 W: h. O1 d6 eThe next day the headlines read:1 G/ D  ?9 ]0 Y) t' g; M
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.6 ]2 [! C# J" }. j. @+ ~8 C

( I3 A" @6 b" \  Y1 s$ |$ IThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
/ {- n! z8 U- o: i' g1 gcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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, T% B; b0 l" d) V/ o! I: x3 KSo be yourself and enjoy life...+ g1 P1 I3 c; Q: q
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
! k/ A$ b% p$ X1 P And live longer!
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3 [* a, z; B0 Z. x- ^& G9 wHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ! g. P  {7 J! E5 A# q! ]/ `

/ g. q8 E+ W) g; t% U' Y2 R1 z4 ^Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
% Z; T' M- w; m* y# q' tHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ( }9 L: O# A/ q
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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: g. W' ~) {0 _8 X# i. `7 N% c$ WWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
# I9 v8 ?0 s% _7 |- v+ ^( \1 ]) g, N' [. ~5 k  }6 a
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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, B9 L- d6 J; |, P% d. IThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. & p/ T. }6 ~& W* d

# N& M; K/ ?/ v3 z9 d) {0 aAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
" U8 ~; k( X) N. x8 d7 H4 ^Thanks for sharing.+ f, Q4 ?9 g2 ?( P9 F, ]( l2 t

: X  Q  V! ^: FI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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/ h9 a+ y0 F  t. Q9 R8 H8 VYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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