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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 4 i! ?- c3 h) H, n  w
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*+ a- t" u. z' r( n3 b, d

1 N% D+ N' X, P+ D, x& ^1 q A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. * ~1 j4 E" J+ l$ h. Q' m3 e. t
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,8 H( m6 @# X5 P
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
: |9 Q8 @# {) w3 R Before she says a word, Bob says,
, L' `( C# ?. `& i7 g "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." ( c# l" M( p; q) P0 j. ^( I+ V
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
, Z/ i0 K# O: Y/ P$ vAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
5 M' h7 w( |) |* G0 KThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 3 M7 l. K- f3 H* K- \0 s1 j
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,! W' a- B3 `6 K: q
"Who was that?" 4 W1 ~' w6 _1 I* D# }$ Z
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ) }3 F1 s) o/ k( P6 D
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"9 q: p# G% h- j% w2 E% [

2 x/ ?# \+ l! G# X. HMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
! u- ^3 o- P$ D shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2# |5 o+ z: I- P- C
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp./ c7 W( I  ?% J! _% r1 c8 L2 s& e
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 9 V$ @+ x7 ~9 j0 y% ^2 g
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".: s4 Z( ]* L5 l. Y/ d" j
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
/ ^1 o  l0 g) n0 n" F) cPoof! She's gone.
3 X% F9 m6 }+ T( i4 N4 O"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
9 x) }# x  I. |9 U! t0 O" G "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ! _5 U" g/ |9 ^
Poof! He's gone. ; c9 R; Q! h7 G8 r& T2 h
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 8 I1 }1 S+ k# }( U
The manager says,' o3 M8 D* F  _( j/ p
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."1 G4 O6 u0 S4 e/ X

2 `0 f2 ^% W( k5 | Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
$ Z  R2 i" g% D+ n- t; O*Lesson 2! U. E# U) J. U9 U
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.8 S6 o" w) D) f& ^6 |: u" {
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
& z. G" n' d6 F. N" `8 M  aThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

3 n7 @6 r; _2 U$ ?3 I1 M9 j; RIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
+ c) e. T& W& a3 h  K A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 7 Z4 ~% M4 t4 a; k4 g$ k
The priest nearly had an accident.
. x+ H, r& A1 e4 e1 q! ZAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
4 ?* @& n: t9 q1 P' B$ {* l$ {( LThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
/ J  n5 S% {. ?. ^" A  E- N0 ~( hThe priest removed his hand. 0 A/ o0 o8 E& W- j
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
8 Y- T+ E0 [- ]: K) c5 XThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" & N* e0 S# l' i6 p1 e* B$ V
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
0 K' I' V; h1 j8 K/ {7 ]+ u  h$ J: yArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.; I& }$ M# `: S/ Z" a
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129./ t# ~3 u2 _" k" D6 k7 Z
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."- L. r% @6 I) }  J" ]0 q# v
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*6 r0 v/ P6 x8 X  W4 F* N
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.- L* ]$ ~5 u: z: V- J) E! \
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
! `) l1 [3 @9 JThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." 9 v) J- ]3 m) F$ u; G  d
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.2 M, q1 Y/ ?1 U' l# f3 X8 w
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.* o- S- z3 v5 P; n( q- M
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*. V/ Z8 D$ t% x( N, S& k
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
* U; k; o: r! Q& P. q "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 0 a* M0 ?- t( Y+ X. r. L1 I
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
; H0 _% o* y' [$ g* e; G5 DThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
% A# {! w- g. O' t$ I Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.! [9 P: I  K  Z
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*/ ^3 |! S# U  V
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.+ ?8 P0 G( l& E" C
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.# p$ h( ~% E3 T) F
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. - }3 p( u3 n6 e* p; J) Q, S' ?+ A
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. $ _# p- P$ o9 ~/ J4 y6 |+ L
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
2 {3 ]  @2 [. _9 EFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.) p' I- [1 S4 L5 p. g
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Moral of the story:
+ t! x8 S5 r) ~, q+ ]& g1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy5 {5 `# X3 y- q) f9 T$ }/ h
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
) y7 R! f  M  {: g, `/ o 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
9 E* ~) Y9 h  K race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:; E' u$ J; r6 U
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.- t7 n1 w' L& X1 G
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the6 O% l4 ?/ [& m8 ]
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.) r2 P6 ^# h) w$ M; }1 I
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The next day, the local paper headline read:6 g$ E8 J3 ~( d/ u$ |0 R: M5 E
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.0 d2 K: A" J! |; P

+ n, p# m. c+ @This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
2 `+ X; Y- P7 X; h! W5 ^: n8 }of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:8 }& R& h+ J/ h" N( d) u& R
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.' T. D+ J! C( _- h$ @2 i
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid; C, b+ j# `. z+ P2 E. Z( F
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.% q8 ^( q$ J- ?/ f2 R8 J+ u

7 q! ?1 y6 p( X* VThe next day the paper read:7 M' p; E2 s, A1 z: P
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.: h9 T+ t3 X7 p5 r
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
4 w1 k0 E9 |" ythe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:3 F6 j7 W* u3 a2 y
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.7 |3 ~. V4 \5 p6 ^

( v# ?  E% [, yThe bishop was buried the next day.9 M' t' r  K' L/ b* q; C+ ?
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
3 k' S4 h  E# [* C+ x7 hcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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8 h  W* Z6 g0 k. F& H4 R4 sSo be yourself and enjoy life...+ \. g3 ~0 X3 {3 |7 H5 n. V

! Y; Y: S" Z9 o. D2 T* gStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
& I& e, O* f5 U; |2 k8 b, E And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life ) k+ ?- e" s" H( c# N- B

1 x3 y! n1 m+ D$ E$ k& M3 ZJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"3 L% j- D- X' A$ }* ~; T  V% s
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!& y! M- U+ V2 a8 w* ?
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
+ d7 A- G; b; u1 H+ T- r) _% W8 R, ^Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. : E; h* v! w, u' j; C4 i
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.   g) H% d8 f% V$ J
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 2 H6 Z4 Y1 i( F9 t. w9 c/ y& }: s: f

  ]! p9 D5 D" ^3 `Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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6 j' c6 _6 l, _I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
* T: U4 t  ~* @4 c. ?Thanks for sharing.
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' a3 i) D+ C' w6 ]I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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