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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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- b8 i( n; \; H/ m5 X0 \/ u+ B *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*9 z' [  X2 d) @5 o7 y; }1 S9 U
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. * V% u4 _5 Q2 G( H9 p! y0 w- @) o9 I
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
6 J" O/ v3 P$ f- S+ X there stands Bob, the next door neighbor./ w$ e; ]# e7 J6 D
Before she says a word, Bob says,
" F2 F  I' P0 J; H  G! [! V "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
$ o4 S2 S7 f1 M- T! e- G6 g* F+ EAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.4 j- j0 t, d+ T
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 3 k6 Q. \9 ?2 Y; y
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 7 w1 }4 u% m% g8 X
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
$ M5 p: |, }8 U" Z! g, Z! t2 b "Who was that?"
; R5 Q  U" g8 Y  N4 P- F. V"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 5 q8 V# Y/ r5 c# b* b, U
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"7 P1 b1 p* d: ]" l

, ^0 l. r) D% R6 A7 T. ]  hMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your# p. ^2 s5 S3 @% }# \* m! k  S, Q
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2( |9 P# L( }- J& P  @: w3 J2 y7 |
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
! q/ T% f' d  G) p3 P8 j; p/ lThey rub it and a Genie comes out. % i: m; I, L6 _0 y
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
4 _; E# [% b. Z5 r' E1 |/ U "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." , V/ A  e4 Y+ |; V7 E
Poof! She's gone. 9 x* p* Z8 t4 |% O8 [4 T' c/ e, X
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.# @" a8 o$ _3 b3 _+ F$ ]
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." # u" K9 P$ u8 o, N0 ]
Poof! He's gone.
' {6 Q$ r$ W4 ?# I. }"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ' G$ Z% m1 P; f" \1 W* \% w; X, h0 ~
The manager says,7 _0 a% G0 T8 s. D7 |
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."2 R, r3 q( s7 a+ ?4 o
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
' O. R2 F2 k9 V( A8 V; v*Lesson 2
0 M8 V$ y6 i3 d" u A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
3 \; ^3 d3 ^' U$ G, SThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
% w' S4 C  q* t" vThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
, s: ?1 O$ c" r$ G) ~ A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 2 s8 ]# c) @; u( x: G$ f
The priest nearly had an accident. 0 i5 ~: F$ Z" k2 v0 ?* V
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
' h/ y$ P9 ]8 aThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
2 L$ r4 ~  y: }3 r9 J, vThe priest removed his hand.
6 |+ ~8 c# t, w) F; f0 p) WBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
5 X# J5 B8 d) A1 \The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" / V- \( O0 `& B( V1 Z
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 5 k2 O: f; f0 ^! F0 J% F! H
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
: `0 e9 Q7 W  x On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
9 `; Z6 g! \* u% g) L/ C2 u It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."1 z9 k; ?5 ^1 U) u) H

' H$ h, b- N% a/ m4 | Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*! N8 N; y5 X+ |0 B  @
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
+ ?" x7 ]) e8 ~0 y( S, e A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
& L" F4 [  K! ]" HThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." 2 M$ V: Y  d: |
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
3 ^5 i0 E! N, f" {7 j' C6 j A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.# h: u% K; Q1 D+ y4 S' G. N9 \
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*3 l' \5 c  {2 W. `# r3 J& |. T
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
( K  Z  C$ P1 i* j: S5 T- `+ j+ x "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
  {" I% M3 m, o/ }( @" kThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
4 c0 D' m3 a3 w  g+ D' A  wThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
" Y6 R- y! B: A1 d# g# b' h9 s Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
' ?0 v0 \) B' z" |0 F6 D0 {. m5 u. P Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.# q: t$ Z& f! O# @& H2 G

- g) @5 O1 `( w; O& ]$ oMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*, `* C: Y. V# m" P# S
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
& r8 A3 p7 r5 J0 `$ L While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
/ m8 O5 o! m3 f0 j7 n As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. - s  w" I2 h: j9 m6 w. ?
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. , f* R8 J: C7 R( c0 I6 {  Q
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ' |+ F! `6 _; o. Q
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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4 Y& `% Y% Y1 B; i  b Moral of the story:
/ ^2 t& G5 z! P1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
8 H' ^- U% X' z6 Q* m  I/ u 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
& Z  ]- }# W$ k3 } 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.* n6 W. d, y5 r, m5 H5 `
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the" m; K" l+ `' }  w! y& A- e
race again and it won again.# O" [3 o3 I' X+ n9 O) j- I
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The local paper read:' r3 t& i" l8 k/ n/ D
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
6 C. n6 L  I" ~3 L; rpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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  a! A/ v/ T3 I0 w6 J% c$ N5 aThe next day, the local paper headline read:6 [! c$ K: s$ u# [! M4 Z
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
# }$ s8 x& }( i& Q1 Y" xof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.8 u' ?- c0 _) S* l. t, E, M

8 v+ u5 ^7 V  G: SThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
; J4 x" ]' T7 Z) mNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.  n5 p: g* D8 [* t' n

! ]6 b4 v. I: t  tThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid: O8 n4 _: c3 A4 s8 O' K* x
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.6 x& K* {4 i, p' c

# c2 s9 c4 }: N. CThe next day the paper read:
  Q! R/ V  G8 Q. P- T6 B8 u8 |NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.* j6 [  b. |. F8 @7 f$ G& [6 c

3 \3 A) t$ g: D, R$ jThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back& A5 G2 ~) n! j* K/ T
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.& d5 ?% P: c7 \! i
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The next day the headlines read:
% o5 z' M  {2 e- [1 nNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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* i! L4 `0 y6 j8 I' S. L  h3 @The bishop was buried the next day.% P% i6 i- `$ ^7 i) \- u8 d

5 t1 @/ z) \. d4 k5 O  xThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion5 b$ Z  J5 ]9 z) J& n
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.8 F0 _( g5 X3 x7 v
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So be yourself and enjoy life...9 H& E; \& Q( Z3 b0 n8 y' B

; ]8 `: I, ?. S4 \! n+ SStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
5 C5 ^  }4 P& c. }! ^ And live longer!' Y6 ~' C$ D# Q) ~6 N  R( R! q

/ \) ~& l0 r  s- u& v2 jHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life * D7 C  w, n) i6 Z' q" t3 ]+ A3 v

+ n1 I! @6 |) Y5 N* e0 T% kJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
& X: [$ `9 T, j$ }8 _5 p  EHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!* _% v3 G7 r) r/ H6 y2 T

: Q# V" X0 H5 ^$ p# XWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
" R: q; o! U( I  Y: J0 r* O5 AThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. * U1 S( T" X' w; w( Z  x

! [/ b3 Z5 @! G  t  J7 M, ^We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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# }9 a1 x( H& {# N6 y. o! C" t7 \: cAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. ' i0 ?8 |% ^/ }# E0 A) Q

. \0 \- ]! J: v- T- wThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.0 D7 n  n9 f/ o) u4 v; _
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 0 S# F' [# }* n" `$ c5 T

  N# E/ T$ c1 d6 G2 ]5 r$ eAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
* A2 ^, M9 c4 ~1 S" HThanks for sharing.
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) T: s) y6 D& K5 D3 f6 |I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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