埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5559|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
4 m9 g: Z. m1 Y9 P. _/ S; ^/ K# s
*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*2 N8 d9 _+ X9 \( V
, [' z; x; P9 V" D  P8 i$ X
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. ( G7 f! D! I0 y: P" _
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
! `6 J+ p: w; I3 V2 `% o there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
) v4 y. B! m3 q" p' _( c; T2 v! a2 ]% M Before she says a word, Bob says,
$ I3 b! G. _4 n$ B "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
' S( L# c* g1 g- qAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob./ `8 ]* W7 r# n% J# A/ ^( D2 K
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
. O: K& U; D- dThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
# L. {- h  X  E% J' E! S- ^When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,* b9 D& l9 Z& ~9 Z
"Who was that?" 3 N* ~/ k* m+ ~
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. & Z7 f' Z7 S* X& b& ?/ i9 j  c
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?": f! @6 N0 T( p# [+ P: g+ B$ N
* e$ m7 g% j6 P  T7 m/ ?" e
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
* z) w, }! @. _- V shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2: I# A6 d+ k% q( j5 E3 p
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
/ g4 d' `( j, A% u6 H& z( oThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 5 N$ I+ L1 y# r& O3 m# k5 F
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
  P1 L" Z7 V% S9 `( H  ~/ h: | "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ! g# I" g. Y$ P* ^! ~9 i# P
Poof! She's gone. 3 o, G' V+ ^5 W+ K2 F; D; a
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
5 Z# f5 W6 f* c$ R8 w, H% O "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
# s7 @( s( O( \) qPoof! He's gone. 2 H5 k9 r; U% P; _( C6 |
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. : F$ ]  f6 Z; j3 o: h7 U
The manager says,( n, r! D$ Y4 n: h2 V
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."; y: o% v0 U3 @7 q% E! r  r( W

2 z) _. g5 ]  X0 S+ z Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 7 \5 s( n3 X1 S: n2 P/ r; t
*Lesson 24 ~( u' _8 ]( e' j) B1 z6 _
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.; b# U0 [$ v9 }+ W3 J+ M* Z
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
+ l; _# @. `* \2 v; |# t( G$ SThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

3 u9 X1 J" h9 Z7 e: W% ]It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
/ B$ n7 j. C# V A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
% W: V/ K$ p" X, nThe priest nearly had an accident.
8 w7 O7 a. I& o/ p7 AAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. . m) ]: y9 }5 V, g3 H
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
- q/ d- B- @1 g+ u! q. cThe priest removed his hand.
8 ?9 y+ [- b( r5 R5 n: t9 `But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
( ~& D8 ?. X& d. D6 T. Q( ~% yThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" ! L  B  ]: M; M, }: X
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
. }/ h1 C! h, g. b1 G, gArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.* H/ L% U3 f( s0 M4 t2 E$ `
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
% o) a  Y8 t1 @6 d+ ` It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."6 \% b1 g# `3 b2 C! p
* Q( l# n( I7 A/ W9 w
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*8 U4 B* p( b+ {& t6 V' R+ d& t/ \
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
& l5 r- `, \3 E A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?", M: q& p/ T: f8 T; y! ]1 X
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
2 n* A) O+ U: ^5 J9 r5 Y5 g7 Z- e$ JSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.' S( A/ U3 ^: v0 I
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.( N/ W: S, y3 N8 ?6 k
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
! r1 K0 ?% [: _4 d A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
. ~  T! D. t5 B' o% }2 R6 n4 q "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
, T# q, d0 h4 I8 g% s* ], pThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. * k  E# N3 [7 w
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.. G; \1 @6 S; U" `
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.+ ~7 k" Y3 i- g9 ?
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.3 g7 n8 Y1 i  ]3 a  Y( d6 F
3 ?1 q$ {& b4 ]  s1 O$ J( V2 @
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*4 z1 k, J* c( m2 d$ t& t
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.0 `9 h4 p1 }6 d& D! e$ T/ W% d
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
6 C  u, B/ [6 A* Q5 |" `' I As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
. ^# s" Y9 G& l! u' O5 N) _1 [The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
4 K) P9 Y" P, R/ U A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
4 j) z5 z/ U6 H9 e8 F- dFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
! w. {% k6 j8 T- y$ l9 ^: l( ^- B: q/ Q+ v3 h
Moral of the story:- J! Z0 f, W6 m8 a  U/ I. B
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy9 R" b2 j& u, P; ]* A. o( l& Y
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. |% @' L$ w7 w, f5 W
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
0 `8 Z+ X" g& V% ~) y. m3 n( B  Z4 [0 y+ r, J. r" B- |# c8 S
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the5 ]0 p; d! N! z# l7 u
race again and it won again.
. }( b; g) H! Z- a% I# K* R$ n( N) U% y# J# \% E
The local paper read:/ S' c2 U2 C, _% b# C5 T
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.! h  [7 v! f# o6 {& [( p

5 H% u- ?$ M- `# {2 _: g0 T7 DThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
5 c, S0 I" H( t9 M( _pastor not to enter the donkey in another race./ V0 h! ]5 u9 D/ \" w# M

+ [5 P& c$ M/ z" n( j" u3 yThe next day, the local paper headline read:4 d$ H2 X3 `1 X8 s$ Y# H5 p! a
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.! _1 J, t9 r0 ?- v# R8 I" `8 [6 [
7 Q' b1 }- P* O( D' z& s
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid  L+ Z8 s5 O; b% ]0 h
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.! R9 m0 k0 X6 h7 e2 A

& r7 |% n& F# D0 a0 }, CThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
7 z, J! ?6 e8 W1 C) R$ w4 _NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
& l* F6 A4 _3 J" y( V  R; O
4 a+ f/ I2 _0 y( ]) H1 G* t5 HThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
- a# D7 B# h. k" s  I& rof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.0 r) n! m3 m+ F2 N6 I2 ^' D  U
% c5 r# o7 `$ M( O, D; I* S5 Z
The next day the paper read:, B! \- H$ w( n) Q5 l+ h  \' L0 N
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
/ s+ V9 S& x3 W
# K: L/ ]4 x3 M8 I' g- b, J# AThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
. R) A7 \6 [) ~2 T4 Z& Bthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild./ v; x5 z/ T0 Q% D' C
7 _+ s' S5 ~( P  z' m
The next day the headlines read:; a0 o* {* n# G% Q4 p
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.9 X! h* c2 S9 P
) y  V& _, R$ F
The bishop was buried the next day.& [6 |2 t( G. Q

! P, Q1 F9 |1 x- s, r: g$ ]The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
" b0 T: c& z+ c$ a  H2 Y7 A6 v( \can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
/ q+ q' M/ i0 W2 y0 Z! ~$ z) |$ r* N! r5 M+ B/ ^
So be yourself and enjoy life...4 r' D9 y9 g' t. O! i
7 y# [2 ~+ x1 F+ G7 R
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
6 Q+ e! u0 A$ s2 f  J0 K1 } And live longer!( z2 I4 ]4 H- R% u# W

2 N6 b" R! {( X8 u+ z5 K; BHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
/ A1 g  |8 ]) V
: [/ T) _, w: s, N$ s$ ?Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"4 h, s; k# D) `! }5 l
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
# j9 \. p: e2 [. T3 K5 \/ ~# y0 u- f- p: ?0 H' g( ?
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
" U0 n, G" y" Z% A( kThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
+ m3 u! C# h, H; n+ L0 x
4 l( i% c7 |& U6 M! b, s+ C6 iWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. : v' H, X3 u9 ~7 b0 c( f' f9 ^

2 v* g9 |% F0 B; i9 hAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
' F* l  P# c; O6 _/ z& T: a) B, `4 u/ m9 v2 h' _
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
( d/ g0 w8 g& {9 J  O4 X( O
: t' \9 B( O8 ?% t' |Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
0 g* L. S, Q" P" J' ^9 n
1 x, q3 ]4 ^9 _" Q1 e1 sI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
% e; g! [, i; Z2 G6 _, h& X* w1 C  L4 I" C3 q& n' s& O
As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 - _+ A: j& N5 I5 @, w
Thanks for sharing.* `$ K% I5 c, O) n- v/ y. n/ e

  ^" H0 z% A0 A2 S4 _# yI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
* U; T# P* o) e
4 t8 f* Z1 G4 ^: d
Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
理袁律师事务所
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-25 15:03 , Processed in 0.176643 second(s), 16 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表