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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ) ~3 H6 {% Y) S2 W+ Z- n

3 v0 |% `0 `+ u( U9 O7 ~" o. s0 g *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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9 g6 l0 j7 N/ L$ p. f A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
0 O7 |4 m, j5 I' X+ z0 dThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
: K( h" {+ F3 M6 W5 p6 I& ? there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
: o. g, H2 j  R; u8 } Before she says a word, Bob says,
' m3 K8 W; I3 J "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 1 d. W( L$ X5 W: f
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.0 ^  h* Z7 z( E/ O/ S& `
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
  p3 L% Q8 ^5 fThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 9 ^/ }0 x7 M4 J' t& q0 E: D" ^
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,) G  w& @4 J. k: z5 n7 h! v2 x
"Who was that?" 8 T2 a; o- F, T8 R7 g; ?4 a) e2 c/ Y
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
* e  Q( H" ^3 x"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"+ }6 q7 J0 g' u1 l' Q+ N7 p3 H
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
" M  z  q, K9 m1 i shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2' H% ~. F2 F" m! E% c8 C
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
( r. B; k2 l9 ^They rub it and a Genie comes out. 9 |5 I* w2 F- y- X/ R
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
, }( O$ ]% o2 T' U7 J0 o. A "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
% ~2 t3 ]" I" s* |Poof! She's gone.
+ V& v3 H5 l" ^. h" |"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
# M1 f: C0 d' p& {" c; Z3 B "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." * {( O( w9 E3 D0 b! [! }/ e" P
Poof! He's gone.
7 b; t6 ?5 \: z+ x" F"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. * [$ Q3 ?7 {5 j2 S- g( y
The manager says,
/ f" E$ y" E/ S/ k% z "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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' Q  Y8 v8 U6 e- {  G3 Q Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
$ [! p0 w  v  J*Lesson 2
/ w7 l5 s  x+ _; i. N7 K/ @ A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.' _; \/ W, P, O- Q4 S1 n
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
7 X+ l; Z7 i0 xThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
+ X! }' U) s8 _ A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 1 |8 g5 d( L# d  r3 z" l
The priest nearly had an accident. 7 P& K, l3 M0 N2 U
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
. O' h# A% `) ^: LThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
) d5 y7 h# i' j# G) R: i. }" ZThe priest removed his hand.
3 d- o) y; e: S0 H% IBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 1 P7 K+ {- L4 H7 T
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
9 C4 `* Y! {8 o9 i8 DThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."   V% e; m/ ^6 |7 F: p
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.5 o' R; l8 F9 V  J9 M" l2 E- |0 F, X
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.4 @# {$ V" e1 f9 F! r
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
* F: ?. ^/ a- T) Z# m A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
4 C, {, Q) l8 u7 U A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"5 ^2 B# w+ q( P! _' ?/ l
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." 9 a- `1 I- R8 o5 O% I
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.( l. `8 E# m! q
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
  o' V5 d* M( T6 H3 X: w Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*( x  ?1 ~, |& _0 w8 O
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
' T* a* q) j- K0 b, F* `. E5 \+ A5 X( ` "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
8 ]+ K* j& t4 [" _The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
0 G# V$ _9 B1 `. FThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.* P3 z/ `! ^( L
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.$ z* C1 [  t+ [3 V* v# }
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*! Y" G. d2 ^4 Q  j8 a
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.) ?9 A2 U% t0 O6 s0 b
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
* `0 t  J- f; D* H. t' ~ As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. $ Y# b- v( b, X  |8 d2 R
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
* I6 m* d0 J' ^' ^0 V- l* q% j A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. - ^7 J! u5 V5 R8 e2 b* K2 f
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.3 d$ ]  P# Z. F& N

/ V) g# `0 i; p! `1 C0 n Moral of the story:
2 A/ u# z3 W! p# [6 X# e; t+ @1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
% t7 p5 M# `! R3 p1 Z; U 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
- v) l! _. S6 ^$ p4 B* r 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.5 d! c& D1 l+ {' S, e8 H1 R$ C

! J  q8 L' l" oThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
6 y9 r. P# \* ?* K, @ race again and it won again.
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8 x, G3 l7 a. Z. [  GThe local paper read:
9 j8 u# @# t8 IPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the  i6 Z" P. R* E5 s0 b, q
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.2 Y, d0 @, [2 p: E- s, f
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The next day, the local paper headline read:: m$ a! F; X* J8 i% ]
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.' J6 d' K; T$ d
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
; f/ h8 h! k, d5 a: V, H* lof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
+ u4 h& b6 k5 g9 w6 |* L- j3 B8 q& c+ }, M* `2 X; ^% I
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:: @4 M2 b6 j, n6 b& R- x* }
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.. p8 t& \0 }1 L- ^; h3 f# `7 @
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
7 ^" v6 V# O- N, Wof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.* J  x& g5 T$ S4 U& i' {

) X0 Z+ o1 A' I9 [+ xThe next day the paper read:
" Z5 n. ?0 v5 d0 |NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.3 k; ~3 o* {* M+ r- @% u4 h
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back* a' t# N1 o- O- k" I1 i( O
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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, ~3 J3 g  y5 v+ v0 gThe next day the headlines read:. B3 ]3 ^0 e; N% r. t
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.! [& L& W( `7 n# }% R# D
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The bishop was buried the next day.8 e5 k, q* |) t/ k5 |8 w

: P; D" L' Y% B0 y1 HThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion2 l5 m1 G  o- K% ?% E+ ~, o
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.2 o) H% |, w( C. H& E. x- `
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So be yourself and enjoy life...4 A5 O4 v# X$ O' W' i
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier/ d4 V6 X1 ^# X
And live longer!
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- z; H) H$ I$ ^( H4 K6 X1 N9 eHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"* R& `, C2 A8 p
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!1 W1 C5 j7 k; j1 M

1 S3 C$ h, N# L0 I4 Z: s, T7 EWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ( I" k* V1 Q* {! b6 o3 O9 ?" x
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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( J) F1 r' y, w3 s: x( s- u8 wWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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* a8 I" t. U8 p" H1 F2 cAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. + I  x3 L9 O+ w* e9 f: O

8 q& N' T1 x& Q  I6 cSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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9 l  J  x: R0 m& B6 H) mThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.! C  i& k% F& v" k4 I: ?+ K: @3 ^" w
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. " a5 T" \2 E2 n2 X

+ K/ o3 Q  W4 [As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
6 E8 E7 [3 b! N5 q4 mThanks for sharing.
( ]5 V* o4 }% X# O' i; r! ?3 r
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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