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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 6 e9 }- b1 ^( T' n$ Q
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
) h) \- I$ V' S8 @The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
! F$ |4 b" u# u( ]+ ~: c) o there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
9 j' Y# d* Q! f- \7 I Before she says a word, Bob says,$ ]0 S# C2 @( s
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
' @1 T# e0 }& pAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.( `$ |/ Y2 v% d
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. : b+ p* G. m1 |' Y
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
% G; E) ^0 c2 d5 F6 NWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,: j5 S$ X  H, g( ~) v" G$ ?  a: O7 H
"Who was that?"
5 a0 N- ?7 A. r* j"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
* S, `- r9 o9 o5 y+ L/ _"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?". {* O/ i3 v. x! V3 l. ~
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your+ B3 I+ O1 b6 \& S
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 26 \+ ]8 ?1 b/ J* N
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
( H0 c+ K0 \; i5 D/ k/ ]They rub it and a Genie comes out.
- z) c( I- g) EThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
! O$ o7 s+ ^  q' { "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." * O# y5 J" I5 J
Poof! She's gone. ) y, y# g( ~% ~/ |
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
  r6 ]; m8 t, L& m. F "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
' b, m; m& p$ R# fPoof! He's gone.
  I* G, B/ H4 f( t) t. y"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 0 ]" F) t/ R! b* p: {& y
The manager says,
0 Q& W: l0 V- p) T- Z) b "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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) V/ ~* L4 y: b' |: n7 t Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ' n. U. e+ P( j0 ^/ F  s
*Lesson 2( B- c2 h, [: @$ ]: f+ x6 v6 x
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.- f  `8 Q1 \9 m1 m! Z, N) F! t
They rub it and a Genie comes out.   J% G) ^+ z* t+ [
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
' T0 ^, Y4 ~# [; Y A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. & b% X1 s) g! r! h6 A* l" p. V& J& v
The priest nearly had an accident.
0 S- w& S  ^  w3 Z9 NAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 4 f& k% a6 E: K
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" ) q1 O+ ?6 G8 I+ S/ i0 M
The priest removed his hand.
; F4 _- v) F# j5 ]0 rBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. ( c1 P( e8 k! l$ P+ ?' ~
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
( [% e2 g- `7 u9 W+ S( p3 }1 OThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." & a% ~* Q+ S0 }9 r
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
4 \2 z# i0 ~0 Y  ^* W/ @ On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
4 l- M8 z/ N9 l0 D: P2 C It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."8 Y3 D% E3 S* l" ]3 ^

) H# ]5 |" X9 t& d7 R  a Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
% \8 G0 [; R5 s( F3 X, C7 }& E; p A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.( ^$ `5 O! m4 B( b6 ^; U
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
" z( [+ `2 s' T$ S1 EThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." : V7 \0 S+ X$ Z- L1 p1 ^% D
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
1 v/ q# j( Q  H$ v A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
  M) c# M  a' t1 q# G Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
, K2 O8 @8 d! x: d A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."6 ~* _3 o$ Q4 y/ x' O
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 0 R/ v$ F( e( k/ \  J# N0 S. \  ]
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. + z- C4 @, h  N, `
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.$ g! V5 Z4 W' M2 U- A
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.7 F" E+ A3 \  m
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*! u1 _9 i6 @! h( A
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.9 ]9 k, G! a3 x( ^) c
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
' Y& O" \  E" I$ |( r As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
+ S8 C9 b% ?% tThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 1 z* j1 C( g# @0 o9 {
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. : N: G9 [- K5 Z' L$ g
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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* t" O7 Z. Z% x5 e# R/ V Moral of the story:
1 r4 s( r, K+ G& I/ r1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
# S' u' j3 o1 k 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
2 K  U9 O) C1 l, O, _( Y* H 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.( F$ P: i" _+ h8 x  {. N

8 i7 {! a# n4 p( y3 T: B* uThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the$ y0 [6 F/ F6 ]. u
race again and it won again.! N$ U6 J/ d" F3 V& w+ ?, k  X

( @# V$ |- L: f4 q+ MThe local paper read:% w0 O/ w- ?. {) F9 c
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.; i7 V& j1 ~4 A
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the7 |: K3 N6 ]/ S5 A; b# E
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:* Z2 r, R8 n- R8 y% d
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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/ f0 ^# c' V8 S. g5 RThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid) K; v# E8 E8 W  P3 I- q+ x
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.4 t! H) c( A* Z' @" W
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:% S- u$ e8 Q' x* L0 v% ?9 [9 v
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.$ k  U0 N8 u0 ~" O; Y6 A$ {
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
- E0 o) m- Q. Y* z! {of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:/ ^1 ^4 d4 y5 u6 ^! L/ W
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.2 x5 }. x" K$ y5 s, w$ ^
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back# D5 M( u4 ]; ?8 t  {- p  h
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.1 n7 n0 ~2 Z! s$ `5 I( m5 u

8 j8 U+ E' o' n! G* KThe next day the headlines read:& t  d3 s- m# C$ A
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.# v- S6 X; d! O- G* P# D+ o" r
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion+ F6 \5 C) T0 K- G' j9 H
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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8 X* z6 l; |1 N7 _2 aSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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, W% g0 i6 d2 T" l& hStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier' g5 E0 p1 S- T0 ?* i, s
And live longer!. r( H: I! S- N5 h% j7 |

( m7 x0 Q9 E& v+ fHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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4 }- e$ m% `9 NJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
2 z# ]* i9 O& T8 e; rHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!4 _$ ^$ Q, x3 U

! c1 f6 _1 E- @3 F* g" IWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ( C& A; l% ?$ U! O+ j& K; M6 r
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 8 b& x9 q6 [0 [7 H' v

( p5 }2 V/ _' d3 t. @) g* m/ mSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. , V& w# z* W+ {

$ A" S) O* e8 B( w' @# _Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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# V9 C' g% F7 C$ _' SI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 ( @8 S) P: O. p0 ^
Thanks for sharing.0 y* r0 w" g! l& i
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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! g, L9 ~' c7 j  e; w; ]" [+ e& g1 SYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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