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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*2 [7 r6 _) M+ i7 W5 i5 f

: k' }" n* x: j2 G6 S9 ^ A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 9 S* S% u1 O2 o3 I. B6 o$ Z  l* @
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,9 z8 m9 `' ?5 a8 [3 T* `- q
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
" C8 U. M" m  h) r+ H( W: X  C Before she says a word, Bob says,
5 F8 w( {4 G9 X% e$ U+ r "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
2 {) Z' K/ l9 P# M; v9 T1 _! AAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.* d1 W% j9 Y: h5 }% {2 b1 Q
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
4 Z, \1 y, }- V  [8 ~# Q$ w0 mThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
3 i4 r# `- I" }9 EWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
+ ~+ z! Q) f& ^ "Who was that?" 6 o6 O3 _5 k( f! T
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ( O0 E, w3 r4 U7 y. h
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"2 L5 I3 A- E' Y* b3 O
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
' \( i  D5 L4 ~8 C shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
% h* s6 N1 k, R; J: Q; I A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.- e" `9 T& E7 ^: b# S
They rub it and a Genie comes out. & @. U5 S3 A' A" _5 V: C
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".  H4 g  z% Z7 V& t. i- ]
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ) x- I) R% m2 B9 V: ~6 z7 W, f
Poof! She's gone. & ]$ Q- p3 n0 U5 S; p( P+ K2 F( }/ W
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.& t- ~. B% [$ N- f
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ; Y) o' v% _+ O2 L
Poof! He's gone. 0 \9 u9 g  M+ N, s8 L! P
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
$ |3 R* A3 D4 c, S) v; JThe manager says,
( ]0 Y7 H( \+ H "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 , I- z) k  H) {8 P
*Lesson 2( e2 S' Z# p3 z' z& k8 s
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
: m. G) v% H. k% U2 uThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
8 V" P5 ]5 a  G; |/ FThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
: B, o  D! i/ D9 F2 A& |: B A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. : P8 S  f! A+ @; Q
The priest nearly had an accident.
$ S( N, ^2 y) z! W- F( PAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. & q# A9 I6 S8 h" Y+ c
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" " {. c, w& C' f1 R7 j3 f  W' ?
The priest removed his hand.
4 X' q' g6 N& m: C+ ]0 l: `But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
2 N# B1 @! {# k$ SThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 8 o6 ?; k- I' A, C4 p
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." ' `* y; k/ W" D
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.. |! R  Q5 b0 N0 p# n( r9 e: A# r3 _, Y
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
# R4 z6 V$ X2 _9 h3 ^# A' @ It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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/ |( B! M/ v4 i2 z" z+ ]( \) ~) Z  X6 { Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*  R" K, I! p: G7 M: s' s
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.; y  r% ]+ E6 H0 X
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
: A3 M3 a/ @9 W( n0 C  iThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
! h  U( E+ }5 C6 ?: C! QSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.7 S& \/ X" N# X+ S8 f  b! y% |3 \
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
! O8 P* H" D; E$ j( r Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*$ x: r, C3 r8 O$ g2 ]
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
# f6 f/ Z, N0 y6 k* E! \ "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
; Q) S  U/ }. q" u4 I: M: kThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. : q+ m1 b5 `+ G/ P
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
9 j( k# `; i7 x: W9 p: I; s1 R. [ Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.1 C$ ~/ t: d7 ]* {
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*( F# Y2 M( U: f8 F
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
. Z8 [; o9 }" ~3 d5 k While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.0 G' }0 N! h5 w- M6 i
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. ) ]% w' v2 g: c! X1 d  d
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
7 z/ p8 F1 k- }0 v. u, z7 S A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
. t" l5 G* E7 _7 ^Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.. @" v7 _) ?6 h& K. [7 g
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Moral of the story:
1 G/ {- r' E4 L; z! l% [1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
( A7 E  R  {) [+ U! O 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend/ N4 @/ r" z3 N7 @  ^
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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! Y9 m# i$ f5 ?9 i+ OThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the$ C, Q5 T) T% ?/ C7 ~2 J) b
race again and it won again.( C  [0 P) G2 q: z
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The local paper read:: V* e/ p7 `: W+ O4 {
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the$ ^8 ^1 Y1 _+ Y/ u5 j; S
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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. Q: o7 b( t# W; E$ U3 N  m$ F( fThe next day, the local paper headline read:
0 ]4 g- ~2 @" U4 l+ b2 i: J) e: W  N7 V7 VBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.5 V5 ~0 Z0 _( Z5 @  U% N
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid2 h6 H/ D8 a5 h# r' G$ N; Z" O: q
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:. V" e9 ]/ u: S: d5 a
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
: ^0 H) g/ p. p0 J0 n, o! Vof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.5 ^6 ]& o3 Y9 I5 X5 I) X( R# u9 z* A

0 U+ P8 |$ E5 M0 x( K' |' ^( `The next day the paper read:4 l3 N- K4 @7 [- t; [5 R
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back* m1 Q, h. _0 i1 T! y  Y3 P6 X
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:
# u5 S( v6 H4 U' J* K# U3 xNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.  A5 [) ~2 D( ~

6 q+ S. z# ^6 P# E8 O' nThe bishop was buried the next day./ M/ \+ w  ^2 N6 P) @: M* `

) ~# u6 A! m! h- Q6 s; ^The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
* V2 {8 D* I7 R2 b# }4 U5 [' Ncan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...& M6 h5 q! p4 j- H6 a" \7 H
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
- P, w  W  H, V* u8 ^1 \% S And live longer!! u2 @- r( L# z# }

0 X: @, l7 P( r7 Y0 k6 Z* ~Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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. \& V- N0 F3 rJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
0 l9 d1 U1 d- W3 _' OHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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; V6 _6 _* ]: b+ Q% |6 bWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. 2 }2 v4 f8 r' `2 A( n5 g
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. 6 ~& N6 M" C. Q; u( H* a! H

  ~6 Y! G( F+ v5 ^- |# rWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 8 R# P" ^' T# z+ j% c6 d
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 4 B0 ^2 P5 z+ d5 P
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
  P' G7 |8 H1 V; ^+ L# p% }Thanks for sharing.3 ?+ Y0 S  i4 S- Z- x  a
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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