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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 4 O7 ^2 J! p' z
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*: Q1 C6 h; {* T5 C+ ]6 J

1 S' e# g- U# G( C! @% G; p A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
6 q8 b% v% S3 q$ P) q$ UThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
: `6 G% U, E" ?' ]# q: i there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
1 y9 G  J& \& M  x% v1 { Before she says a word, Bob says,
* q$ q6 a$ H2 W3 D "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." + H' L5 q/ E& D2 U7 s* d
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
  i( E8 Z* l6 P- E' U% n# m# ]( |After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
- R3 u8 L1 D. Z0 j9 q# F: FThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. ! ?( q, S! A" J2 J7 S
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
8 E2 t/ \6 ]9 ^. D- M9 [& o "Who was that?"
# W9 i& ~' Z  t- @"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
; A# R4 d- f/ z* x" a4 C. O! i3 `"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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3 A' ~# P. T+ _8 mMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your/ e4 Y  U3 R% ^  e
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
* a. a9 W" A0 J A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
; f9 I/ {/ A( S8 G/ ^$ C* ?They rub it and a Genie comes out. ! h0 B9 [0 u8 |" ^! d5 C
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
+ [4 V8 ~" `3 l; j' q "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
- _4 Z1 K) J: v! N+ s) qPoof! She's gone. " R* A% z6 u9 n
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
9 [0 C. {8 k' [6 {7 j/ ?! R! j "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
; r" }8 @! B3 H+ k; H8 D: APoof! He's gone.
6 F' @! M$ b1 J0 f5 Z) |"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ' ^+ f" T1 w; l7 X) p/ _/ m; H# A
The manager says,
& P) e: G- J9 D "I want those two back in the office after lunch."# x* @8 H( ?! v. ^
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 8 N+ M0 T. ^2 G# a: }! L' H
*Lesson 2
' W; W4 G1 Y  n4 d2 d5 L A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
, B, C8 C3 g7 f! Q+ u. LThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
$ q/ C: Z5 G6 p' qThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
6 C* X5 h: o  O/ Z9 V( L- b A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. , D$ R/ B" E. F! P9 q) T0 L
The priest nearly had an accident.
: _- A8 j% ]# X9 aAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
# u8 P: x4 M6 |2 F1 Y9 i% QThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
5 o/ i  J  P) S  d8 E% _The priest removed his hand.
& o. @+ y0 t" \6 U% y6 l& H% sBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   Y8 `- p' _3 X9 A
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" / g- K+ u$ Y5 X. _! Y3 x) d
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." - b- o9 c. U8 B+ ?6 {& P
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
0 @- Z# h! W3 y+ | On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.: G" t) ^7 w! ?/ d; n9 }
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."1 \3 I4 c7 Q+ O* u4 r

& I. |% t: v+ |1 s& o5 U Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*$ k0 \& g/ t7 p  W; o2 f1 P
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
" z, }$ ^! h% [0 s" w# U A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
# N. V8 z# m6 aThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." : O( ]( `7 r1 Z7 H
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.% j! w4 Q: Z! i6 D' G1 W
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.& P: A$ m  N. W
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
" j3 C7 V2 T$ G  N  G A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
( b3 o' x% ^. e/ ?, n9 S) u "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
) i# X6 O6 X4 C  Q  MThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. * s) p; j+ E6 T8 g$ A( }
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.! \, C5 E* ~% [5 z' c" J
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
7 j0 J4 R9 y  N Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.# o: X; G1 Z& B6 A, v9 U

% N  ]. b2 a5 eMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*3 l) i# P: A0 E$ e3 f; |" ?8 B/ L
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
) D& s8 i2 U. `9 w* ` While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.# e& p$ s6 C. k3 s6 J
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
7 n# Y- ?8 x% n3 |" N0 yThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
0 U% ^: g# Y; @7 C, y9 M: ?7 X) ] A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
- T" V; V  a3 l+ _6 |, CFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.2 q0 @, B6 L# {' X) M
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Moral of the story:
* ~5 a' g- y; z- T# D2 Z/ d1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy$ S7 U1 u; v: v" r' I1 B4 q& D
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend4 v; s7 [2 Z5 \; [6 W: {+ Z
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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; j/ k. D3 Y" _% e, e+ KThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the! Z8 f  C0 B/ b" l+ j  e" N  V' K! c+ w
race again and it won again.  ]6 z% x& {2 Z2 E7 _! M

7 J& i4 p9 p) U% A  S# ~, t8 fThe local paper read:
: k( Q# x& H% K- Z0 x( }PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.' S7 n/ p5 ], b5 z3 r" {

4 q- F1 m! U# s, c* p' f9 wThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the3 ?9 ^2 }6 l2 T% B$ v
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
! l. U& ?) \0 _BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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6 \: {$ S; u$ E8 j; Z9 `2 I( O, mThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
8 X( O* j; I% A& b5 w4 gof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
# @# |6 Z2 R& Q1 b" ~. X' J- y$ z( F1 j( f% b
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:; a3 [' ~% _) A' z
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.1 b% ?# z6 N6 U( b3 K

) D* ^7 H, g) B) M" mThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid/ \* \" j" F* @. D. R! w
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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5 z1 y6 x$ _5 G; K+ W" r9 oThe next day the paper read:3 k+ M2 C; {& p* }3 B4 u- P
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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8 I) o6 h: e% ^2 l& k9 K+ lThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
9 V( p4 L0 _& J/ cthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.. N/ U4 |# u( W
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The next day the headlines read:
4 s& g: R* Z2 B; j, k: _: S8 W* i$ |NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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$ ?% l+ c" @: P" l+ LThe bishop was buried the next day.
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, k$ u4 |1 T) m5 W# RThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
) F! G/ R+ Y$ M8 z+ Kcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.$ w! j, I  {4 \+ n
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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$ u2 Y6 w) W2 T/ DStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier5 e6 o8 ]2 F5 n/ ]/ ?
And live longer!
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, ^' _# R3 r1 s! J/ VHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 8 W! p/ \# R9 M6 f1 U# a, A

( Q( Q6 P2 s# K" k0 @  DJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
+ |+ y- q' {. ~/ {6 E/ jHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
% n; i7 b4 D, M: r
1 U- a& j, K2 |Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
0 w3 A. A% d0 v' q& D! eThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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) w) ^0 @2 {; VWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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2 n- n+ S& d% ?8 u& ^6 oAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 1 R, V) f. J& Q" s9 G
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
大型搬家
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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7 C: V! v* O( R1 c" d5 J1 WAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 / V! ~1 @: x) Q0 O
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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1 h4 ?4 }! I( q* }  h* ^Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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