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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 1 T$ ?# Z& j/ r2 r0 @. a& R/ T7 ]
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
; q* c6 F: b! j% l$ J- B9 `The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,& D) t% U  k" s
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
& H) O* E$ W5 V7 r1 F Before she says a word, Bob says,
) k! r7 p3 s8 U "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 6 T+ C5 L! S' P( {  k* S
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.) j6 E* m# ^3 D3 G2 w
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 3 |7 {, i- U& Q
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
1 ~9 N! ^: J7 w. RWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
$ E! ^$ [/ E4 {  I4 ]3 V- { "Who was that?" 3 n' d7 l! V- l
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ; ~3 x; k) Z9 R) O  b/ K" {8 J
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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3 t* N& w% C1 G7 D1 u. B, JMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
* k3 ]' ~; t$ R0 P1 y, Q shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
0 ?2 M2 L2 X' M8 }9 x+ f A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.  s1 l1 Q& A6 A  U! v6 w! s+ x
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 4 N3 s" M8 v! ?+ }! M
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
+ T! |7 g/ y" U  T6 J( Y "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ! }1 k& E6 }$ z! X% ]" I- m  @
Poof! She's gone.
' f% f& p9 w, T' O: N$ `4 p. M4 g"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.- N! `  l; F7 }
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
: |2 _( [" i/ p3 V6 m- |1 G& E, H' MPoof! He's gone.
4 J8 ~/ ]% W8 c8 X+ _$ ~4 z+ R"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
! m; Q# |4 ~" T- i6 gThe manager says,: T- J6 q6 ?! f
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."4 t3 P0 ~. U5 d/ a

  h4 d/ L, Q9 u" C# e: W Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ; _! o4 R3 @2 s9 W. i
*Lesson 2
: b5 M! I) e7 x9 I8 O) W A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
3 F5 C$ w( a: vThey rub it and a Genie comes out. ( E3 b2 ?7 \: B+ c2 `
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
/ l$ M4 U" n4 R9 v! o" x- h A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. " t2 r+ M. a# r* q& ^  X: `
The priest nearly had an accident.   t# z& s9 o+ M
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
3 D  X2 {3 r1 v: tThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
. `0 m+ a0 U. fThe priest removed his hand.
6 _3 B1 K4 v+ e1 fBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
$ ~! A: I  A4 T# \The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"   q% Y- h1 o  n$ |7 v
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
9 _8 F" B: [; vArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
9 U7 q3 D9 I, o5 _4 r1 e' B On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
6 A- t' y- X/ T, a1 }4 U) E5 B* r3 V It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."# p# k2 ?3 B. Q( }4 H+ B

* W8 N" f/ D/ S  s Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*  G" b* w6 H7 _5 x  x5 m' C- n% @
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
4 x% @( ?" s6 [! \  i A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
$ N# H: ~8 ], x: }8 ^The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
! e3 b+ d( ~5 t7 @& C, |So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.. [* b% h: J5 U0 U8 T- k6 M! y
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
% K; i7 n* R  {# O9 A& {! C6 m Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
; X! t* \8 ]& O/ w+ C' Q9 ~ A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."' n5 h) g( ^0 |
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." $ Q1 ~# T  N# A6 _% p
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 5 o9 d) x' `/ g/ D
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
$ [" o$ H+ [# L) S$ @ Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree." G- G  I9 j" H2 y% d" U+ n
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.) a5 @( ^; v! Z) J
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
' v3 E# f, i0 p A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.; w* a1 u/ Q$ v6 r" s7 y
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.' v1 Y8 l% L2 @8 |, {: \
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. " [" s8 [) [* z/ }' L% V( S  ~: l
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 1 ^# A! A6 z- t" g7 ?! }3 x
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
) ~6 F% j: M* e! ?1 U1 YFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:; z! @9 m: {+ m( a# v0 H$ `
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
# n! [/ M' @7 \* w! K 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend- ^! A+ I' p0 h/ L) f. C7 E
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.5 E3 v" G+ u9 d5 q6 S

" V# f+ e, l3 \The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
" h) c; |3 k, ?! A3 @3 E race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
! b# _2 C1 o( O- _6 DPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
) a; y: f  F$ q/ Zpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
; \2 b8 n" I$ Y4 j4 p2 @BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.  D, ?% i, W; x6 ~1 Y
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
8 x1 R5 h" Y& C/ T. |4 I9 t. F) {of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:. ~, w1 N" P2 d% t0 X5 p$ e) d3 @% p
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.' r0 S) f) g2 R: q
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid. V) _" ]4 E/ @, y  a+ s( Y& U
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:
, j. @- e- @" INUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.7 N$ ]  f4 ^* H, t/ \* t: ^

0 U/ v3 X* I2 x0 t& E5 u, `This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
# a6 }- @( t+ w7 s1 F- ^the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.) _, L1 F4 o2 H# ?$ i

3 v! @' n! M3 LThe next day the headlines read:+ s8 `% v# w" Q. C" }
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.. y) P4 ^: O# _. p

/ {& A' {  A1 CThe bishop was buried the next day.% T8 a  q  l  F) S
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion: s. r0 W/ a4 k% v7 P. z) _/ v& ^
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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7 ^5 J# K- o) D& Z' P1 LSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier6 e3 L! [6 d6 E0 z+ Z
And live longer!& f, M, ?$ C, n6 V# q* \

0 ~+ n0 i+ f( V8 X: N' kHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
# I: ^4 c1 J/ o# [0 C
. Q8 w0 h5 V6 ]8 N3 o2 bJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
! Z. N3 c, v2 ?2 tHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!' O) e' p7 j% B5 }4 Z

- W; h7 R' X1 F6 f7 W* uWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
2 q, l4 k0 C9 oThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 0 I! m- i+ ^! j0 n: s

: k$ m7 ^- {2 h4 c. V" k; X; T1 UAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 5 A' e# }. Q# \* L6 n5 w/ T/ K

2 w6 C5 i  W) Q+ M/ |2 n8 OSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. ; @6 t& s) f* ^) r
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.1 `5 l. F7 i" `* _

7 X% c6 p" e; x" r9 O$ GI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 8 n; }. u1 }# i. ~% c4 [$ A
Thanks for sharing.+ T% x0 z  t3 g$ z$ O

$ @$ m4 x7 u* W0 z$ E7 B/ }I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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