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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 9 u& x5 y+ k2 w

. |: t' F% p9 e( U% R2 E4 S& t9 o *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*" T- N, g. Q7 M) H2 e! i
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 2 M$ c' h0 Y- @5 c# ?  u+ E
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,: j& \/ i- o& U$ l5 x# e* X
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor./ c5 t" |9 V  d" ~  m# l6 i# z5 s
Before she says a word, Bob says,8 \9 A1 `# g" {1 B5 {
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." , ^/ q  w4 I$ x( o8 O) l6 c
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.& q) s6 {2 z+ D5 s# w# q! n2 i
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 5 v3 y; L* J; H- d- ^
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. - K3 s' W9 e' b4 M5 h
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,; _4 W: L, c2 h, n; ~+ c
"Who was that?" % C- j$ s- S8 X  `6 @2 [
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. ' G" s, Q4 ?, ]
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?". i2 g; R! B8 P3 `
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
% \: B* J$ f5 P# b' g: Q: R shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 28 Q9 ~1 i0 W" }, ^5 r
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
/ b: s; I: h' |2 o: c: tThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 9 S+ i8 S% S3 }" h5 h
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
/ k( R! ~) o& ]: @; ^5 r" m "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." & L1 y' @- V* {" g9 y0 ?
Poof! She's gone.
2 H1 v/ {+ h2 j9 m' d4 u' c2 L"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
7 C! _7 z. n) l( U "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
! f( F# {( B5 c  |" |Poof! He's gone.
! P. l* R3 L/ {6 O4 G2 R- ]"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
9 `7 }  o* U. ~. ~$ J8 kThe manager says,4 z. }7 [% v9 _" W$ J( D
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."1 s; Y& |" o( O* e
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
, R& d. f/ [$ c8 j*Lesson 2) K' D- f6 g) L; }, J% X
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
) ~4 L( M3 s) b  SThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
9 ^: W! v8 G" f$ H9 RThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
9 d. b3 H! W$ i2 z$ [! X A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 8 a2 \9 U1 [" w, B5 A
The priest nearly had an accident. - Q1 q% W- ~. g$ [0 X$ d
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
/ |2 W3 c: E3 e) J0 LThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" $ E9 v- J" X4 [% a; `0 e
The priest removed his hand.
  F9 X3 b9 e# e( R% x. ^) iBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 0 T; \1 e, O: l& f* W0 v4 I
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
8 E# _7 o7 q; _5 i. U5 WThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
3 W: t: p; p1 x& c+ B4 ~Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.7 i# W8 S( J& W* f
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.. r7 l, K4 }6 [( M$ T4 h% G
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*3 M0 D' ~- x& H  J$ ~7 w
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.$ m! B3 A! A! w6 |; S$ A* y- w/ b
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"( z# E! F, u8 g7 G, ?; F
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." % p/ g+ L2 p. Z: ^$ I
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
0 i( a+ |1 r6 k# O4 S) H; I! ^6 v A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.5 v& a+ {* U# ^! K& m' H
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
# t) _2 ~; `' \) t A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."* E0 P% H+ B8 H$ S8 X% m4 L4 w) [0 B( J
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
% p  ?  K, A/ b; U- YThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 4 S( c0 ~3 s- w2 V) h8 _2 l% A. j
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.) i, F5 Y+ P: O! ^' X
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.9 f* w8 t) |9 P  L: Q
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
- A; m) u2 f1 K% G  a* F8 v A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
( T! c: h0 b$ U8 q: c8 v While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
" i0 q$ b4 b% }- ]5 O$ V; D: j As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. * S) c; C3 C( g# P8 x% l
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 8 n8 z, f" C. ]1 a  n: i( a% f
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 8 `0 F1 ]7 F7 Q4 n" S) J
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
. l7 @8 H& {- F1 f  A$ D5 b8 g( Z& x( U) A* H  c
Moral of the story:
7 i: m2 C% V, @  w' I) p1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy% s; Z/ x0 `( E
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
, S% U% ?4 F$ w6 P- y0 B 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.. l1 g8 a* p, ~* e4 `' V4 N
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
" F" Q/ U* C7 ]3 ^# }; ^' C' b race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:0 H$ U( W" v( V
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.& e" m; g9 D; a/ Z( F1 g' x

! C7 r. f% n$ h/ gThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
' ]' I1 K$ |, H; O$ vpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.5 r. i$ h+ K4 D! B9 z0 b
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The next day, the local paper headline read:4 d9 A3 ~6 x# n+ v
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.4 s/ u) Q$ a* y. z: D

& n' _7 ~6 h: ?$ V, [This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
7 d6 T2 v: Y# w1 C5 ]! Aof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
9 {. I* V- J2 S5 T+ y4 i; o& u. L* a9 `; L- x# k( p  v
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
: D% s# s% N  [, n' q7 h& g7 FNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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0 o4 q7 I. O3 Z- F( w8 o6 @The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid7 h4 H4 p7 k3 R6 V
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.  R0 q1 T& |6 X+ Z) S3 u3 k

7 k( x; c- B, m9 k8 ?1 b& IThe next day the paper read:
3 g" E& h6 ?- Z, G+ \' B( zNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back" @% f' o- L9 w* f6 {
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.' `4 @2 ]: G8 c$ `/ P
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The next day the headlines read:2 R/ B4 w5 h; R' s3 h4 _3 I
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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9 f" Q9 V4 v! IThe bishop was buried the next day./ k/ k3 ?- S; q1 x  X
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
  G: Q' O! B. H' d! K( ^) p3 u" R  mcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...5 q3 c5 F. }' {6 Y5 r
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier! ^, x! |: i. a8 o* D8 i  l
And live longer!* w# V  W$ Y# J# w- Z
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 4 p" Y+ ~  ?0 s) p8 }
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
+ M% u4 J6 Z  R/ FHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!# s4 y# O( M. Z0 c( L# h6 P& ?

! |' ^3 q  w7 q  N: Q& j" wWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
% N+ p, l# V; g. s5 {& DThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. $ N8 c3 b3 f0 N7 i
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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1 W4 F0 J3 j. f) oAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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, k0 h* c8 `( f1 ]% z* I: iSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. , r; Z2 N+ s7 ^/ q* e( e
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.1 v0 ^3 C* g2 N

* Y* B; Z8 f0 z1 T7 N) _: q8 ]I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 8 j# a3 B% ]2 Z4 `: S# F# F9 B- a) H
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
, M$ L/ S4 S, L% I+ @Thanks for sharing.
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( a6 t3 o4 A$ x( H* UI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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