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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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, D/ z0 o' g8 O% \ *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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/ M* A8 n! y/ r% T5 g# F: z! f A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 6 P, `: L- q( K7 ^
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,/ e' c/ G* w; }
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor./ q$ d  H& H2 d* E* H1 Z$ V
Before she says a word, Bob says,: H; v0 m: ^& F
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." & \: \: [$ y( i1 ^8 Z! `: c0 w( Y
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
  p+ I2 F; n2 t7 F3 VAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ( h5 U- J' V( z# Y9 |3 w' ~# {
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. / F8 H% t9 W- f
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,. t- l1 S9 S4 t2 b4 B% D7 l
"Who was that?"
4 D4 W- P: M! [3 i! f8 Y: o8 u"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
* h/ Z& T% m6 k"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"# z: P' T6 J8 i6 L# D4 Z7 p
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
' ^. o' X0 X; t+ K shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2. L6 R5 z7 N2 U0 s
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
2 p" s! N  w# D( qThey rub it and a Genie comes out. # q* P0 x  H8 t
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".. b- k: V! z( w4 h9 Q- n
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." - y0 j8 R) G! m) S
Poof! She's gone.
3 m1 y8 `8 p) E# \6 Y"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
, I. L8 u1 Q  R: [- ^- \: F9 d0 A "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
' `& u" M( y& r, GPoof! He's gone.   M& u* a5 R% U! \* o
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 7 B2 m/ k, U& Z1 ]
The manager says,
7 H1 l- Q0 u! e* F. d) q "I want those two back in the office after lunch."  e  F4 r0 p; p, B0 S1 ^

" }/ M. I; t+ N: G) b Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
# D' W3 B8 V" Z4 `+ ^*Lesson 2( ~1 x. v. |8 A6 W! L  I
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.5 a& B/ p5 }7 E) k( c) n$ T
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
9 Y2 O+ U1 o3 FThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
/ X0 J7 b6 p2 n6 W A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
  G0 q. k" ]1 \" M( sThe priest nearly had an accident.
0 P  i! W6 c2 H* n* ]1 FAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 7 w& q0 j. J' o
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
  o; i4 Y6 q# n$ w0 I: HThe priest removed his hand. 4 U. u1 ^0 W4 t8 [# u1 a0 j
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
2 ^* W* G& z) d6 s0 O# ]- PThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" ; n7 r; }  A! P% K8 M
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
3 ~4 E3 `8 Y7 R& f) l& _2 PArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
8 B5 n) D9 H5 {$ q On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
& ?+ g: p& y* x) V, C8 } It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."$ h3 W! P0 A5 D5 z' ]

; O" a: w; H) G2 G7 a: D Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
& E1 S0 q0 D' y A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
, n& Z8 ~' a, o; u% Z, z A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
- e; d1 p/ b1 m1 I/ NThe crow answered: "Sure, why not." / ~& S/ X+ |+ x$ _  J5 N
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.4 m6 U8 \% R9 {/ E: M6 P6 w& f2 f+ ^: z
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
1 G& x3 W% ?" q- r9 X: W0 G Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
* [* _( D- N/ e) O6 _# s3 h# | A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."% p) C/ Q+ X0 w& M/ d0 \' L" f6 Y
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
' @3 \2 i8 t  P3 P, vThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. % q$ n% K' H4 X9 U
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch./ O% u& @/ z+ o1 e8 i2 J
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.+ s  ]9 _7 ?/ r+ k, P% y
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.) a+ N' H) q: h' a' B' o

. L' D* m  x3 B0 }* d2 bMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
7 V  M; `& d9 U A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field., z9 R; X8 S" Y
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
4 g$ }: A$ r" e$ A As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. * z) `. [: B7 v! O! `. X$ ^
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
' z, E- |2 o% Q( r4 |- d A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. & {9 {( `8 y2 i1 O. v4 R1 n* ?
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.0 v- `9 W5 F# X
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Moral of the story:9 t  L7 e; L6 [
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2 ?' d( D& M+ C 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend' t3 E3 N, K) U! }( J0 u$ o
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.6 ~5 Y9 W7 s& @
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the+ ?$ J. o+ ^4 F( n2 V
race again and it won again.7 Q7 I5 S1 ?* S
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The local paper read:* m! b; u) f1 d$ K- s, g$ K
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.3 w- a5 z( D3 X# v9 l: |
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
, y4 N; \9 j" e# E8 _+ spastor not to enter the donkey in another race.! u8 `9 k' }, g

7 A( O' i; A# H1 U5 I& j; `: `The next day, the local paper headline read:8 T4 q% w0 q! r) h8 D  R
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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* i  S5 C0 ^7 F# [; W2 N" j0 EThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid) h) U) G2 \% c. g& N( R
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.- W$ Q4 L5 G% h( e$ t, u/ t

/ E- U' n0 l. K- r1 t: M" ?The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:% A, W! [5 D3 [) I& e
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
0 T0 Q& p1 l: e) y. E) }7 Z$ l- Eof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:2 Q5 L1 a' N1 o( I
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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1 o8 c. I/ o' I0 f% Q, g+ ]  QThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back! M, j* |% G$ Z3 e
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.7 `) r0 ~0 H2 w& c; k7 m
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The next day the headlines read:
+ f/ ]1 }" }3 ]  ]$ e  SNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
- p* L  o0 _( N5 k, hcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier4 C' C2 s% R6 l/ u" O7 B( a5 B6 z
And live longer!9 Z! ~0 @1 _$ ]+ m! Q& p6 r+ @
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
8 R- S; U- P' b$ B8 g' C* QHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
+ A; h) R+ `: fThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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- G6 P' u: O- V! |" u# _Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 6 v. |+ [8 l# x
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 % k# D& {$ G/ Z+ W7 h7 M7 g
Thanks for sharing." `( y+ O" \# y" W& n7 \

8 @, w& J1 b5 a2 c$ L* k6 M1 VI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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