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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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4 F3 `! {# |5 s! I, U3 [) J *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*; `( ?) m2 Y5 p+ w

/ L; d) N8 }0 O4 ?3 f A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. - J- ~$ U9 g& K4 Q0 B
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,( M7 _& a4 K8 J' X' n
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.% C; B8 ~' `  S7 }+ M
Before she says a word, Bob says,, I; c* z2 x; P1 g8 `3 U
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." * I( ?& z, A" S- ?& Q& g
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
4 k7 l. o  ?: T' o7 k9 E- uAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
% t+ |2 l/ H' |* ]4 B% p" @The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. : Z# |# ?" \: W( i( N8 L$ m- X
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
7 u7 y) R! q( `! E "Who was that?" ; s; w7 {1 P7 z0 o. j. X
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
; O, d/ O5 L# V9 M* x8 ^% J"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?": }* @$ W; `6 Y' O$ `# d

' U9 k. e9 f: V& J1 z( E9 V/ RMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
4 H" F9 k0 c3 N* c( u shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 24 m) K5 _+ T! f4 f9 i  a7 p
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.8 g) x5 y  G6 N2 l5 {) S
They rub it and a Genie comes out. + a5 I/ P# ], j% w  W9 b
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".2 d8 G7 k0 u' m
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." ' E" o8 ]; J" A5 }
Poof! She's gone.
! _- n5 p% n3 a& J. B; n"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.7 b3 Q  {  B6 j( p' f
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 6 x  |. o: t' w
Poof! He's gone. $ v- S3 F) h9 Z$ ]' ?( a
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
* l4 c8 ?0 q/ b, K7 d6 pThe manager says,' f( Q- ~" y; x/ Y' d2 N0 t
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 7 h$ o- O# a! p. s; D
*Lesson 2; g2 a% |9 T+ ?& P. z; ?7 j+ R( A
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
) g+ y2 h# J# L& F' P- ZThey rub it and a Genie comes out. ( Q6 S& D: _0 H; M) p4 W% H
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

: B  y' H* j$ h( J* lIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
9 [( @: D& Q1 G A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
/ ~  z; t$ c9 V  v$ f' XThe priest nearly had an accident. # J$ Y' P# T8 o5 F9 q
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. ! _8 s4 e( w8 W- e5 H
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
1 |$ c! H) m( T7 t. B& h  tThe priest removed his hand.
# u) e. _7 N0 gBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 5 M- }; A% k/ Y) `) ]
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" , g7 ?) ?8 B0 X  f
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 2 p' H) H5 L1 Q: y5 _( F* z: V
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
% B4 k6 Q' e3 X6 A On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
/ q. Y% i% y$ S1 Y It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.", c' i5 s: ]8 R, ?0 c$ f) A
3 }, i+ i4 ?+ ?5 b2 e; E: A
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*) I* H4 A' b; o
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.3 M! k4 f# M7 t" [
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
$ P5 J5 l# v3 E5 o+ e: ?The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
; Q8 `9 _8 b5 \/ B6 uSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
" n8 b* s4 m3 H+ ^6 Q A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
) E( L! z$ ]. T Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
/ C9 Z3 O  L7 P+ Q A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
/ N- C0 L. x. S# j, O7 l "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." ( d$ m+ m  z! o+ S/ |0 s
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
0 N7 N! v' G6 C3 lThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch." L+ V6 i. X5 I% i. Q6 f
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
: C5 M# R( w  ? Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.7 m. ~2 w; z. o2 t

, u/ D% j" Y. ^$ k' g0 iMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
/ X) u, V! K6 q; ?$ p& r A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.9 l" i' ?& F* k& @
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
  I3 r8 M6 W$ i# b As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 5 b% O1 G' A5 |$ P
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. " t. o6 ~) o1 ~' _* T) J- }$ A
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 1 |" p/ r) ~( F2 o) K* Y" T+ j
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.$ h# \3 t: P8 I! A+ Z

' s4 h% f4 N9 {7 t- |: k Moral of the story:
. R/ E: [. ]' |8 y) ^1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy3 u% [/ G. t5 }2 F
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend4 Z* h# _" @7 u1 v6 n, W0 K( O
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.! A# V: r5 j" T  E4 w8 \* }
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
2 Y" F9 k5 U6 l9 o9 _# V5 T race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
( Y# R) m4 q, k* t4 rPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.4 c2 z$ U( v5 H9 {1 h# U2 h
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the! J% P, j# [3 ]
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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- v- l0 o" O$ l: O: aThe next day, the local paper headline read:; z* p& m& `6 q' N, L6 \
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
" u5 E/ x% s$ ]0 n, D2 E3 dof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:( y& y+ L' _% p3 D! H3 H
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid  S1 j$ N- ^2 `8 C% A
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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; C. C! m, d- n" _The next day the paper read:
( h* J& s4 L) A. H. m% e( e9 gNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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+ N2 ^7 p& r2 v# @This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
' G" b4 X( K+ M* x0 ^, uthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:
; U8 N  ]4 e- Q+ k2 a: d6 {: bNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.: B1 A6 C; @4 p

/ V2 |- Z& B  U* V% S/ k: fThe bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
1 G# \* v+ ^/ N4 w/ t$ M6 `; vcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.: _! Q5 X& m3 W6 K; \7 P# r; M9 ?& V
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
2 H( U9 {$ o+ A5 g4 u! }( j: w And live longer!
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8 y4 a. H" Y4 w% J; g3 V: ^/ NHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"- l: d6 o, `8 R1 H1 ~
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!) s7 t  o- X4 X4 y, V* P
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
# P, K5 G* p% N  \! W  F/ yThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ! G$ o% }# w. x/ q$ c; D
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. / h/ U6 R& g, w0 h! B+ l; p
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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; A& m7 p% u+ @6 P: w* ]1 M* U6 tThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.! ]1 P) [2 @. |
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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  R$ Z8 `* d  e( t  ~2 T! UAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 8 u0 w5 z) |+ }+ }) ]
Thanks for sharing.% j: w4 E9 T8 N# L( p

4 N$ m( k, y9 `: L/ SI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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