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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ! m7 B8 c8 ]1 c9 r! H" j  t9 d  k, Q

0 a* ^; N  U/ j  _- e9 t# \ *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*1 }: |3 w9 G, n% Y
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. - O9 }. `4 q# _% i2 Q- A7 r( F
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
) r% m+ E% {+ Q& C; l+ f1 [ there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
% y- a) T+ D1 n8 |7 T1 m7 u Before she says a word, Bob says,2 o6 w( m  |! p8 o% k
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
3 F# ^# s! r" {: N& A. N( w9 L* VAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.8 s( O) W7 J- U" D. \6 f7 o
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
$ g, X+ m  b4 PThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 1 \% e- l5 {2 c) V+ h, h
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
% Z" x/ G- E  R "Who was that?" 4 q; ~- q) t  J- w
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
4 m! ~1 q0 {$ d+ O8 X. A"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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/ h' T/ y0 \2 aMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your. e9 r1 P! ]1 t% h1 ~; |& T" i& {
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
, O0 g2 _+ m% g  E8 _" S1 e A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.$ m$ |- ~: [. y2 e* E8 U4 |
They rub it and a Genie comes out. * T" Z* B( O2 }5 H0 j# Y+ k0 B. T% v
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
) l1 b; X! q# c' V "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 5 p8 E. N7 e3 b3 k: W2 S
Poof! She's gone. ! g1 d1 b& m4 U: [8 G; X
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
% h% e& E( o1 Q& a) f "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
5 q+ {! e, r1 I3 ^* V/ O# WPoof! He's gone.
' D; r# M; V- K  v+ Z7 A"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. - L6 a0 p4 }! {% v8 b+ h6 n( v4 k% m
The manager says,
# t3 r# i+ {( d "I want those two back in the office after lunch."9 g' @3 W, X1 k" K

5 C. i& k* V) q Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 9 j' V" W  n: D
*Lesson 2: g  B- S6 Q: k7 X9 z2 L) o
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
, \2 M2 p, Q: sThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
8 [% C. T  l+ ?& H4 yThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
- x8 c# Q& f- C: q7 U0 G A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
0 n8 |- Z5 ^5 ^# o! J7 VThe priest nearly had an accident.
" z4 F4 q/ ^7 ]8 z9 @0 g% IAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
5 T6 l) g0 j" JThe nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
4 p  `8 u$ B  q- s: CThe priest removed his hand.
8 o7 q( R+ N% b+ h# |$ RBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 7 ~5 g% u# c6 X2 t8 X6 V  K
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
' {8 X# G. R- e1 ZThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." & d" c* p9 u4 _7 l
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.% W8 D3 L% {: E2 e8 y: F9 u0 g% l8 c
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
6 |' t( a, \( r. n6 N2 \ It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."/ Q% I5 C6 i- a' `; t1 `7 U

, K* V4 Y& `6 E Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
3 C% p8 H9 [& Y' ? A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.8 E! b9 ]6 X+ t
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"7 ~" W  I& [  r+ y  Y9 ]4 d9 t7 a
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." , s/ o: {% n5 f/ g$ x
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
+ p9 e+ H$ W: ]3 R A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
5 n3 s* E; o- v3 R1 \, E Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*3 C4 P" M# H: D) b% {/ q: h; o
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."" `( y* _, N" j# X( ]- E
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." ; H" D. ^6 |& C2 a7 s! G" m# {
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 9 h5 N1 t. S4 _) O
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.' s( m7 C  @% z& ^7 N
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.( ?0 R+ x: L& [0 \3 l
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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" B7 v4 L; L7 z0 h$ c4 M: w: D7 {Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6** X+ U. k0 I5 v1 z3 W% S* B7 x
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
2 P% t/ I1 K# U$ Z6 L' w While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him." ?/ y2 N: V2 m; B6 N; ?
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
5 r7 j+ y# ]) ]/ |1 wThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
- \* N1 |& _: u$ B- z A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 0 D4 J; z9 ?% \0 `! Z, t+ Y" b
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.9 x( `, s* R6 U; b; U# M5 o2 a9 h" X

$ b% O% [+ s- \7 S$ ?% D$ t4 r5 z Moral of the story:
/ l0 L: b$ z# z' _% C! P1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
7 R* E1 t4 v7 M/ u 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
; r8 ]/ ]7 c7 X 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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( Z) }9 Q( g1 U* R2 B; hThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the3 M) ^9 d1 F; l4 `1 G- \  N4 T
race again and it won again.+ `# k- [; u# i
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The local paper read:3 Z# k% g! w) R$ P9 e( H. p
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
3 l5 P: o( d+ Q5 y8 cpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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The next day, the local paper headline read:$ C# Q, z5 N; v& Z1 ~
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS., y- R# ^0 s  U. h* I
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid+ q# c, B" i) P0 [3 O! C3 X7 N
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:/ A: N0 C" s$ y8 f7 h
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.2 U; \8 d7 ?2 f

, a, a* T- z# ?8 v. ZThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
1 M- S: J0 E5 Y8 S9 M( Q7 k" \( Iof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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# K! I% C8 ~9 F1 y4 I6 B8 S% Q* XThe next day the paper read:
0 z* ]; }* S# D, ~( j( ANUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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7 u: Z5 V% {) h, p3 U/ v) yThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back$ U( x& O) C( z) k
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.$ ]$ E& Q2 g: {5 V

+ J& ]- h" X5 N$ I! V4 P0 s- |The next day the headlines read:
* \/ }% e, b# p3 MNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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1 X7 q, ~( U! TThe bishop was buried the next day.& [/ v, I. |8 Y, ^

$ }4 M- x- d, G/ GThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion. o5 H/ l+ U5 |3 L( Y
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.9 e- v4 B6 S" ^, j9 a  T, ~7 b
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So be yourself and enjoy life..." C, ?  l3 V$ j6 Q
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier+ {3 Y- x8 h% _$ h
And live longer!+ F* J+ w0 {3 y" _5 P

) [7 t# s8 m5 }, m+ \' b2 k5 ~1 THave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life   z9 j3 n# Y& H* F1 T
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
1 r+ D5 Q& t$ u3 hHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
& B2 U" Z# m1 B7 _2 m- I
. x# n# U' d  [4 Y+ KWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
) O+ D$ r* z- R% w  g4 f, z+ j6 dThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. % L  f( {; D; m* l. S+ n

. I+ [. `5 Y& |We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
# \; k! q  b! w8 u/ k
6 B: V  I! u; b6 ^% y7 d8 GAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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7 T% s* d) ~7 T& K& t- v- aSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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& g$ e/ d4 c: SThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. * l7 m: l! E) z0 V
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
1 V, `+ ]# o+ F8 r0 bThanks for sharing.+ p% T2 p  H, i9 d* F3 U, B8 i2 D

% v- ]2 E6 B/ t$ f. c' m! _I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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