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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ) m" S8 s. ]  E6 X+ p5 ^. s

* B1 Q& j  Z' s: R) j *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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; h4 c  H1 \7 V A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 3 w0 H: K. R3 v, W, g$ n
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,* d; b/ ]& \& o; E
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
' F1 T% C6 ^8 m& F6 r+ Q$ s& p Before she says a word, Bob says,
* z, e  r2 X$ ~: n "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
6 Y  `" t* f4 b- a8 jAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.4 \- L7 F0 o6 p; a, F
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. / K& [' t% n, M
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
; `, d& q6 X, \& p# B, p$ VWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,# Y( P  a/ ^8 u+ \9 K" U! |
"Who was that?" % Y& w# x  F0 k
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
) ]9 n7 {9 q0 c8 Z) [2 t$ ^"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
- a. ?7 q. m/ d' y/ Y( W/ a# i shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2: F" w7 r; v/ y! J
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.1 ~. ]/ x' W! m3 I' N
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
! `; S# [1 z& f7 Z9 M7 ?The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".5 C3 }7 {8 A- r( S! v) Z+ ?* x* s
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
1 D+ S( u! Q. xPoof! She's gone. + X5 G6 b0 y3 {
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
; t0 |4 }9 u- Z  ?3 _, x" \ "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 8 s# r% l2 u. l' u1 j3 l
Poof! He's gone. 9 V; g7 S% z( ?/ x2 }8 Q9 {* z  d1 N
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
* X% y( ^' B1 E$ }; |# H  iThe manager says,) S6 S! }! a0 z! v
"I want those two back in the office after lunch.". A7 i8 q6 x% U) Q! d3 \4 f

. Z* V; W7 M* R. V6 m Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
- M4 s! C, `5 s9 T/ G7 x0 M" i) d*Lesson 2
) x& H* j! b5 q$ i- P) G" X6 [ A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
; v) N( n9 }4 z  {: ?: ~1 Y' KThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 1 B7 L3 P( c' U( O- a
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*  T' }* C5 y' \! S2 v( }
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
" t: u5 ^" a9 G4 jThe priest nearly had an accident.
# L8 S1 U; C1 U" ?) SAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. ( s- b/ i# U, i; T& U
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" ' z7 p+ R* r# f! {- X. K5 T3 C  K
The priest removed his hand. 6 T# G/ V. d" U  p
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. / J# ?6 N+ J5 H; G
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" 5 D) B7 I+ G: v; W/ `5 m0 P* K
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." # v# }) X: T2 F' h, z
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.- `- W# c2 r4 u* n
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.9 \$ M: _1 O4 m. D! \
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."6 D' d/ n* T- e: t+ O
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
# a6 C* e' b* ^- L A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
4 j4 k3 A/ J- w+ V- \/ V2 D1 J- N A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"4 ~, w9 o7 |) V  W% l
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
" i$ Y7 @& ]+ _+ T' K1 JSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.: e& Z6 a  ?9 y3 a- O4 ~" b
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.8 `  f0 v$ {, X  M% q' C
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
# `4 y2 u7 Y- h1 F- y/ ^ A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
) `+ X$ X3 n, a4 B/ B "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
$ a8 W+ W8 L. VThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
) U/ Q7 g  g  q( zThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
1 J( N% k' p& M( R Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
% a& Q# c! D% ?1 { Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree./ w* H+ t- ]$ z& |
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*# U5 n6 @3 W  z; [
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
& J6 S$ O. r, \# C/ g. G While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.+ R! W) C4 P0 X: b
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 5 r  w: I* G' C+ t4 n  U
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
6 i" n% H+ ]9 m: c& l" e. m3 K A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
5 J0 u* {& O* {# WFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:. J3 J4 K6 u6 Z2 c% o7 E$ F9 M
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
& {1 _( l$ U8 f, I4 l 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
, h& g0 n1 f3 G8 ^ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
( A8 r; f3 }  w* k$ P race again and it won again.7 Y2 f: b) h- X* w

- D& }% B  {: [# ~The local paper read:+ {% l# b1 M9 N
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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' i) r+ H: Y. e8 s& nThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the" r% V+ ^/ Z8 W$ Y1 C1 k) n
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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/ S. g% B5 g+ r- l; M( S: w& VThe next day, the local paper headline read:9 o; V5 n# i/ k8 Y) v0 q
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.: E, ~, y+ Q2 s. e) A! v' h8 y

/ J# y4 U. h: O, [1 f& f4 e; yThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid8 N6 P, M3 d0 i
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.; E9 t! s) \, N9 O

( m) F+ _4 C, ?2 J# ]7 Y" |The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
2 x0 d* M/ U/ G+ K6 ^7 R( g; c# TNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.1 I; P, g; @) J( ]/ ]
+ ]# b+ m7 k# ?% }4 }8 N+ i
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
  y/ a* m7 m" f- pof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:( e. k2 h4 ~# F- H, ^7 k4 u) C& W5 l
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.4 w& X, `% ~: M( k0 z, W( ?
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back/ D- i0 F$ T6 B& e
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.! |; }+ F) G3 p7 x, m- `

9 j% b9 R$ h, |/ ^6 VThe next day the headlines read:
! ~" d7 z. M, e1 ~NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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8 I, I9 u0 I( M+ ]* [& q( rThe bishop was buried the next day.: r7 r6 L! h) U

2 A8 k6 T: y" LThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
4 p1 l8 y" h/ D. z4 K( Q! `can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.$ J6 |, W! {9 m& {& N2 }
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
8 v- M! A$ d* H And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life / E5 _4 d' E) F0 a* i
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
7 f! k  u' d4 ]; eHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!7 }$ v! r  _! ?3 [4 h
+ J: w7 r. Q- U( Y( c3 u' N% ]
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. : F, Q/ G- v0 F5 R
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. / [% [3 h0 S/ S
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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& \! g0 p8 n. n) |, {As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
/ [' E+ L; A6 K6 ~' M; J" S4 k' T  J5 W( c: y( J
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. ) ~( s2 n/ H5 K4 A- M
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.9 C  ]+ U$ t2 i  g8 J1 _

/ H; r! |4 o% C  Y5 h% h  b, l- ~I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. - n- u* S5 F1 `* L! t2 J: w

3 N0 t0 x. R& H! n! SAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
$ N3 v- T  ]6 w6 v& O  o2 w% OThanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
1 a* q) y' B9 F5 y

5 V( R+ a6 P# J  x+ r& j; W4 \& bYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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