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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*4 I/ O7 f7 b% Z8 F" ~" Y
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
- ^$ o6 R% O# j* J) c( LThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,# c5 g& h1 z* J
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
: }/ h3 q. @/ K: R5 c Before she says a word, Bob says,* O5 w: U/ @9 O0 k0 V1 i; n
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
; K) b% s2 n, C7 k+ t: n2 AAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.0 x- t% F# G% U2 M, p  o
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
' ?, [% k& w! _$ U8 J- }3 NThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. ' ^9 T8 ]! S  I
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,  n5 A9 n9 S7 f* ?2 m
"Who was that?"
$ x7 d2 w; m* @+ [$ \1 K. c"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 7 S& E- z5 X8 z. ]( E
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
. l2 s* V' Q8 o( N% ~7 e: ^ shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
" L! B; Y; V$ ~7 h, C( h' L A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
; r. N, z* x% |4 o6 jThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 6 h! n, T( z# x2 q( R
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
5 D' Q7 H' N/ O "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
3 n5 q  o% y- B  U( RPoof! She's gone.
- o! R) H- n# [  V3 v"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.- Y) f* L+ ]5 f% V
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
4 g% R3 O6 `8 t: m( v, {Poof! He's gone.
# k9 V0 G7 t* m4 V6 E3 P& a3 C"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. 7 n- y1 @1 O; }7 h, A6 Y$ f
The manager says,9 B6 A. U2 T0 }. s4 _
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."& m7 v( B' p& _- t( l# N* {
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
7 Z- ^. W! m- l% S8 U*Lesson 2
7 O  i$ |1 G1 S) z8 y A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.; h. ~. C+ C% V6 ^) g' L
They rub it and a Genie comes out. * \: E; l7 P% \; w4 S, T. ~
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*, z+ ]3 |$ j$ p/ M- o  [( f) [
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 0 Q, ~  C% B0 J/ c/ u
The priest nearly had an accident. ! Q. r& l0 t# l. ]; m9 j
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 1 y- g/ K* g  r- d0 t4 x
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" ( d7 a2 o* p% }2 t
The priest removed his hand.
/ n  x! H) h  l9 K+ X/ a1 a: v2 e" qBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. ( S& q0 o: T# ^3 k7 ?# T
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
# b& ]$ O- J3 x* O% k; K3 T. J$ dThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." $ v! n7 k. S% [6 ?# ~4 A/ j) R$ [% W  _
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
6 j5 ]! ]1 i. m8 E# l On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.& V/ z; P% n' u9 \/ B" d
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."9 c  t! u$ s) s" L. V, s

. }- d* V! I! J8 O9 g Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
7 {. D* O* F6 m+ |' B A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
- J) b, f* `3 P) F. k+ L! V A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
! S  b8 L0 L+ b: HThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
1 S0 f) w7 p9 jSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.+ e$ D+ y5 |% g7 p( J2 y
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.. |% v+ \0 R1 J7 S: ]
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*, t4 d6 ?  n: @1 @; G2 S1 a
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."1 K. v" F* B5 l6 `- H( ^2 B
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." , M% w, _$ ?& n
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
) P3 J2 [5 @/ s& ~5 m+ w4 NThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
4 `' A+ Z5 Q7 O0 S& K7 ] Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.& q1 `9 T( \" r( w; A! H3 q4 C
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree." T; ~5 k+ T0 F0 P
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
; u& w1 s9 Q* g3 g" R' d: Z( l A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
4 M4 j2 {/ G' m- H6 w5 }' u0 H) d While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
0 B( T, v$ m: G# ~- x( o( J As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. - r! g) `, }3 g& P' i
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.   t2 E7 z! K% s) h0 a( j7 y! O
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
( W2 j1 {/ C3 }" O- bFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.5 F7 Z) @# `4 n- n! _! f

6 T( |0 F" E- z  G) T/ S% r- N% w+ P& H Moral of the story:6 }) d1 |: B- D: w; ~
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy0 P* _0 X4 ~/ E
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend, j' |2 l8 B+ X
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.; y$ ~/ j: Y- d* f6 u% m
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the; J' Y& W1 L4 _+ p& M7 e
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
& u6 n: @) l. g4 F# Z7 G& sPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the; S& G6 [' N& `8 ^2 S. n
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.! t" G6 y: y7 S1 I' C( F

) z3 ~# P2 ^( Z+ l1 B# K1 pThe next day, the local paper headline read:& ]: }: Y. C: ^
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.: K) `% ^! [. R. P$ {3 _$ |
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
$ f5 |, i3 d' P. |1 |of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.* E& B& w* T) E) {& O& B

, j+ Y% @. M2 o  j5 w5 M3 n( RThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
; L- m6 @1 G* M* _! ?NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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6 c4 ?& z) H" u0 t3 v& eThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid% O3 l: ]5 x2 t2 q4 W! L* c! m5 k3 w
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.( u% }' N* J) S9 T$ W

( J7 P9 M+ ^& k- e# ~The next day the paper read:1 L/ }; @. F; b' W" v* ]
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.8 |) q' s" h; s0 X, p4 K
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
4 {" H0 j1 R, Dthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.  y: k1 O# g7 B
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The next day the headlines read:4 O; S" \( K* K! a
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.: r$ V  f' {0 l* F" ~  ?2 p% f0 B

) q8 R0 r  D2 t( P) IThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion7 c! v, j3 L# x1 L# A
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...7 L* \8 @4 a- F

( r$ P3 n) b$ |( C. G. I- BStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
" Z5 {$ K$ \: Z  b# { And live longer!- ^0 k+ Y! c6 V3 U
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life * F, V0 b* L8 l3 G0 B, N

: R5 o8 ^2 M+ M% l6 Y+ U1 t( ZJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
" ?' c' H  P- t, V9 y7 S; YHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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3 ^0 r( I1 ^0 F% yWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
8 R; i" ~( |. J& |Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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" @( O  Y9 j3 p: p2 B2 V) QWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 2 y* E7 R7 v: o

7 [6 q0 N' n* U: Z: Z$ IAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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) j5 |2 [! ~+ Q8 B" u( Q3 jSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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, X' U& J5 F8 n, A/ WThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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+ t5 W4 ]0 B! I% n& e" X3 xI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. ' W# W  Y9 }" H1 j# S# }& V
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
; Z8 U" c. B0 y; Q4 TThanks for sharing.
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$ _: R+ J$ e/ \5 e/ V& AI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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( O/ P1 A: O+ D+ IYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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