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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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5 B3 m$ |* |" b9 ?! s" {0 ? A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 0 q' h/ t/ e. A- e5 K' f+ {: ~
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
/ \! ?! e# n8 q% H1 X/ d there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.. U- _) w# h9 I2 E' R7 X
Before she says a word, Bob says,4 [9 ~  o3 p1 e: g0 s
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
/ Q  F5 W$ @" P& TAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
% O4 v1 p4 x2 G5 ?, Q1 m3 iAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ! ]0 u. E5 o# ?- Q5 i9 x8 ?5 a
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
9 [  ]7 ~8 A& i$ vWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
5 r3 o+ o. J9 ]3 U/ d, X "Who was that?"
: `2 f# e& q5 a# u7 W" @"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
0 y% D. p1 D: q/ u+ N8 N"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"2 [- L( b% i9 d9 H

; {- H3 b! N) N7 XMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
5 z5 q3 K) Z/ B( r4 D shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 28 g& m) g6 l8 @6 u9 I
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.' l" G: T( E7 D$ O+ ?8 x: E$ o
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
! q' ]/ l3 d: [4 ~The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".. q; C9 G7 O2 j2 b+ i
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." # I$ y. L: O: c  |+ T# D
Poof! She's gone.
0 v) A6 h  c( G2 I"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.' N! v! S$ n$ R4 \9 ^
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." " P$ y, m* F% }# I
Poof! He's gone. 2 D1 N! [8 |# J% A" M
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.   b' u; Q  Y0 K" h7 U& v) `
The manager says,
+ L6 p! y7 ?6 }9 J. l" Z "I want those two back in the office after lunch."2 V( ^( C, x- `) J. _
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
" X( ]3 d1 t1 \6 g; w*Lesson 24 G- u9 \9 n: r2 ]3 v0 Q6 t, E/ c( C% f
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
/ C( Y( ?0 v8 H; F+ ?They rub it and a Genie comes out. 9 q3 d" `+ f8 a" s& R8 H
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

6 X" s' o; r. ~' I+ I( ^It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
9 T! a$ i1 S( B A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
, F! t3 h! |! H2 F; F4 ^The priest nearly had an accident.
( n% V$ d+ X% }& e" qAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
: t5 P9 V, F- l" R) x$ O( ?The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 0 D) f/ {' [& S  \* k" p
The priest removed his hand.
: S3 ~+ ^' ^' d: \But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
2 p6 u  v, r. r! E9 c8 YThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
! w* k3 s, K( ZThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
& y& j/ s6 a. {" R, U) FArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.% v# d6 I9 l7 I$ O. b- y' t- u
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.5 j( j4 ?0 f  s$ A6 M
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."6 C3 s- \% \, S! y  ]

# X) q6 e% P; ^ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*; V9 z# M4 T  }
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.! }* D: y* Z; e1 L
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"9 R9 \8 z) G" t( u) K6 v
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
9 s8 c# \4 J% ^$ w7 v9 ?So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.1 O+ u6 K2 M$ U& i
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.- {% B8 ?0 L- }
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
' W9 Y8 Q8 g' Z" ]" p* H( m/ e9 Y A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
" w" I: w2 d( \9 w( G9 h "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." . @  ~9 K2 q' p% b
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ) [6 z! Q3 f' A0 t+ b6 i
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
% f: A5 Z3 @* Y Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree./ w4 w# D: t0 ]) j1 Z9 B
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
1 P, Y8 Q; h& K8 P0 ?3 x# R9 L5 C+ n2 B A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.: ^" e3 ~8 B3 T3 M3 F9 o
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
, F) B8 ^' S* s0 X- g& n As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. ' L) d. W/ M# _% H4 V+ R( q- r
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. - q! X) G% C! ~  g; i( g
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 9 ^% A- }2 N9 U2 R
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:' q1 v8 N) h2 m3 [- T' ]; f
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
6 U+ m/ N4 @8 k1 ~5 i% m5 Z# g 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
% a' ]; I: r6 P 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
+ R* f' e- E1 [$ s0 @ race again and it won again.! @" U% i# D! _: g( ]7 X2 q  L

; F: @8 K  N7 [$ `" ?$ I0 tThe local paper read:
2 `" @, C- }4 r  e1 IPASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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4 X6 h- |" n5 z, `The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
8 x0 f5 u2 ~/ {% O, Apastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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) ^0 j+ O: e; X5 r6 L8 P% V$ B% h! CThe next day, the local paper headline read:
6 J8 F5 G4 d2 Q# S$ L4 b) R- UBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.8 [+ q) w% m% ^  R" p  G* f' `7 b
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid* b% Z1 z# K. {+ S" y
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.. Q2 g( |5 o/ H/ J
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:/ B/ H) |2 z& O% Z% G! v
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.* U* A4 P+ L& R- z$ \! _6 B
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid- W9 B) `% g) J: i8 J/ p
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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$ K  z& |# _- [; P+ }The next day the paper read:4 F1 Y6 A" ?) ~
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.5 \7 D4 H* x" w, L4 @3 u
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back8 L# f- m. u6 Q) b
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.9 ]' r1 u: ~8 b. M9 ]! A+ h
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The next day the headlines read:) V9 o* U- Q2 _# _
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.( O/ q* S  N2 S8 N; M

5 Z/ N* {. N" |$ _The bishop was buried the next day.
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# l) u8 r% g. q# d3 BThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
& ]% u, o4 L+ ]) }  a6 Hcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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So be yourself and enjoy life...; D# l- j4 s1 B
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier4 Q* g* H+ U+ L5 Z! f  p! s5 W# _1 ~. x) r
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life * n) N3 J! F" Z: \# Z
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
" t5 ]* ~+ o5 Z- n6 u# AHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!' \- j+ q( I+ g

0 F- s* ^1 D7 _Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ; l5 P) j- @+ n; z) O
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. % l, d+ I9 [$ S: [

- N! g) y$ O' S* E5 NWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. % U% I7 x& Q) d9 t( [( s5 C& \

+ I, `  u( @  _As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ( K0 F6 u. h$ f% Y2 `
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.8 T( B  s. |/ @) N+ D

* s% S5 g/ l9 v2 a0 a& qI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 / ?0 Q: A9 x" ~% a6 H
Thanks for sharing.; {- i% M8 D# E; d' f9 k

2 _% F* n$ G$ E/ x+ [3 pI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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