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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons ; t4 F' S" }# E0 d- m/ Z
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. 7 y( p/ T" v( G! t3 s* @
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
3 ~7 k3 `: s, S there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
: F1 k/ o# b3 o9 Y Before she says a word, Bob says,
; i7 o! x4 V- \' h "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." . k. C0 Z& g: P$ V1 [1 `4 _! u
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
' e/ M4 }% Y# J1 h5 S* S$ k4 jAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
9 m/ w1 S7 t$ u0 ]& [The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
: x; C4 ]' r7 \! Z: _When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
# a. O, z( b( X" p5 J, U "Who was that?"
- L5 i9 l2 ^5 }"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. # l) R, ^$ v( \3 b+ P7 v* I: Z& J
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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7 r1 u& L9 w3 u9 |Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your+ i; T7 f* V2 p9 N8 O* `! Y
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2: h' K2 J# h  L8 j
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
; O% l( ]  N( p/ AThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
2 x1 t0 t0 g; I7 K# }9 H* Q% aThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".9 \  W9 j# K8 g: X( u' r
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." 1 m4 j$ @, b" X  P, z( Z3 u
Poof! She's gone.
4 C3 K$ m3 K" c( M" N"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
( D0 y+ t( L5 B0 q "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
7 G6 P8 j, J1 }7 T) ?/ N+ y# q8 Q( JPoof! He's gone.
, U0 }" h) }8 w  n! W. ^8 }  z"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
& Z6 g. `; C# v) mThe manager says,4 o% a& [! f& g/ s8 o- A1 o
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."1 L3 r" L* z6 j" V
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
/ J) i/ D) d) {( |/ Z- G8 B*Lesson 2
8 T- A7 s4 L- ~6 R( B; h A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
; ]0 L: u$ y5 y+ K$ |They rub it and a Genie comes out.
& j+ n: N8 j( S0 lThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

, y- U# N- {0 d& V3 R1 x1 XIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*& z- Q/ M: l' k5 e1 R; L9 V
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
$ `+ T2 I0 G' bThe priest nearly had an accident.
1 ]  y; p9 I8 Z* ^' ~After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. # y) [. P' t9 d, a% j# q9 w8 L
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
$ S; c# r: ?% d' K) F1 y# T$ W5 pThe priest removed his hand. 3 b7 `; Z$ y4 r% G
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 4 X2 F$ I7 Y; F& O: G8 t# S. ?' x
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
& X; b# {' L: UThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." % r. ]8 V  G3 [- q, s1 F
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.  f$ W6 w4 O) ~; A% P
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
: S7 e9 W% z- B& ] It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."3 P& z8 _1 e2 P* f& X
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
7 i! N$ f% g, t* E A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
3 P6 K4 L4 i6 Y) ^5 S9 I  r6 ` A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"# C0 q" ^, k; A8 \
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
& ^" W9 C- |9 P, }. U1 i4 ASo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
/ C+ a! U! g5 T6 I2 h A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.* \% u4 c1 ?' X7 g; M
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*2 V& p7 \+ K8 I) h
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."5 A8 q+ k8 {0 k" a! R: p
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." : F3 `! ]% d0 w# _; Q; B% y
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
: e5 u/ c) g  Z) Q# nThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.4 T4 B6 h% X3 y1 [1 Y
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.4 x# ]0 Q4 q/ m  l, K
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.+ [  h+ i$ D' ~( A% K# B
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
- r5 [: k: q+ r A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.6 H5 f+ ^) q9 h% \' G
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
2 X+ \" l6 @# K: n$ u- F/ ?, T As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 8 ~7 V) h0 q( U1 n
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 3 M) n3 @7 R: A' V; t7 ]
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
$ Q9 |2 N( C" r/ k. l$ gFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.8 g; N/ K0 R) d  y

9 [. _% p/ W+ R/ H Moral of the story:
3 P) |5 F! U. l7 o* h1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy& I4 K, s4 @5 ^/ T. t+ s% u& N, ?
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
5 i. A0 H  u) B 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
% W% W2 F+ b8 p/ U! P race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:1 F. U+ j1 \! ?: V  R
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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5 S9 K# y! L* Q" {The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the1 v/ v5 |4 E2 }" g
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.. m; o1 j' r2 N# U$ E

5 y& X: g/ v# j/ B6 H. K1 l, J0 PThe next day, the local paper headline read:
, w( M' ~6 }3 F& W5 G/ j& b) oBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.( N% A' d7 V5 b
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
5 P& ?5 d: ~+ @2 O9 N; k; @of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:7 }; m+ j& o9 S! I8 N+ A$ @/ a
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.6 _% r/ h0 D% r1 U% T" w7 O3 L

0 G* {) s6 L% W( P( EThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid& l% n6 y$ _( P, Y# c) I
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:
8 k$ t' ?2 I* r. A. [$ d5 |NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back+ V: T% _! [' V" J9 m1 D( Q5 k
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:5 p+ s+ T: H: k. S, p$ y
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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6 X5 [5 z/ G8 L/ b# c' cThe bishop was buried the next day., O; U6 O5 Q0 ?4 x
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
# N) n# L  N  X6 w# G* wcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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0 E- a9 [# [. t* f& H. s3 s& ?: u4 _* @So be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier) k! k; l+ Z# w) I. e
And live longer!
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6 q; j! T- T) e4 ]8 A$ g. Y4 THave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
- k7 z6 [* }7 x% ZHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!2 C5 F' s% b! m
% V) b  d1 e* t8 H1 m5 V
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ! Z1 \: s5 M. ~1 ~, Y8 f4 r" m
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ) r! S$ N$ u" s( S5 N7 p
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ( d  B6 C* l$ Q5 K

6 {: [9 D3 s! L2 \* M* mSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. % m- N2 z& f3 J; T. f/ H

7 N. ~5 @( C4 w1 d( y) lAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
  G: G# E9 U& J  \+ c  t: RThanks for sharing., m0 @% P( @! Y4 Y) W0 a9 t

# Q, x4 ?6 s: c1 t, dI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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