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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons 3 q& d/ P' k- j& D
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*' W; [6 u6 x9 u( h5 V
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. , @9 \8 U6 W( g$ ]! d
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,, J- j* d' i& Q2 c* y; b
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.* _* {9 o3 [0 F, f* C
Before she says a word, Bob says,
- e8 }  M9 l  B' m5 j1 k "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
) k  r* _4 d# S) P& D6 ~, zAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
/ N: V% [+ R" k  t# d3 pAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
6 a3 |% `) R+ `4 c% mThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
9 K+ ^( W8 [$ z, _) B% z- [% AWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,+ b) t: j* J2 u9 |. t7 S1 y
"Who was that?"
8 \6 T/ j" E0 R/ k/ w"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
+ `2 {3 R# ~8 w3 p& r"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?", u* F; I8 i4 u* M" v% r

2 P! a0 Q/ A4 }8 n8 ^4 MMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your: }+ n4 z3 m5 o9 Z2 s  {# t
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
, ~6 x8 o" _* d) I A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
, O8 e+ P. H. u4 p  {" dThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
, {& r# B; w: S" Z3 ?3 X  j) rThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".( s8 Q8 ?6 u6 j* w3 z2 Y
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
% x% T2 H6 p% B4 o6 E# [9 Z3 aPoof! She's gone. 4 a9 C$ `2 x1 X
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
- S2 \( z9 j; p "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
8 a5 a1 X: H2 U& N0 \Poof! He's gone.
+ S" j) i  p" }( |! _9 F) T5 y# F. V"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
5 k' `9 _7 q/ _5 [The manager says,
# z" A4 A  _# P2 O$ [: w "I want those two back in the office after lunch."% `7 o) k* g% R* K2 m& R
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
, Z( J; `6 |- n2 @4 L( {5 L: K*Lesson 2" h) I# p. [& \4 J
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.* V4 r: t2 c2 n+ s& X0 r
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
# z. V' m) v' H; \/ rThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

% o' `' Q/ F' AIt is time to fire such a boss.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*: w% ?1 j" c5 x  D! b' h8 |! X& T
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
; ]# q. E% s& P& K+ `  Y* mThe priest nearly had an accident. * R$ G" }. Z/ J% Z0 G' g& b: R6 a
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. " J" G3 {- M$ E* }9 `2 B8 T2 V& [
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" ! x5 V3 h% V: k* w
The priest removed his hand. + @" X, V( O0 E1 m6 c4 w
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
' x6 A6 \* @1 i1 I$ vThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" * q* Q! `. x- Q7 p* `; j
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." . y' m( q& g' V8 M5 K& k/ h) k
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.% Y" t$ [2 v7 O. @% g. A
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
3 G( x" T  h9 F9 @- w, w3 M1 o It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.") s; z; o  y0 Q6 r

  x6 R( X! |) o Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
  G* I/ q" l" [! A! ?* T5 t& p% c A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.' z* g1 e0 z5 L3 Y- D4 |3 r
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
3 j& B: Y2 }) G0 \The crow answered: "Sure, why not." ) D" U1 J; ]/ M0 @* i2 p4 W
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested." S/ Y( i: X" W
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.2 B% T! S& U+ f: o) t6 d$ B2 @
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*2 o  |# _( G4 c' U. R
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."6 E, G# [6 [( P. J: h) |0 |3 y
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." , d6 `) u4 B2 L
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ( }7 e# f+ v) F5 Q* J: \
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.  K3 ~0 M+ t* k& {+ o
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
5 f7 m; {& o+ b9 E+ ^# ?1 {9 a2 \ Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.# ~2 r* ^/ q3 m5 r
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Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
4 S- C5 a9 v, G" S! S A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
' J+ q; g+ U/ I9 H" L( t3 _- ^, c While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
+ V1 a) w* u* t# s As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
7 f3 Z  O: i; o$ B0 x' i3 eThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
+ C6 a) |' k0 S  {# F A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.   d) G2 O/ f9 n; f
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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; ]% e) K4 R8 q  e- E, l Moral of the story:. N! w- h0 K% Q* w; X% K. t2 i
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy) e) F- r& p( o6 H% G, [
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend9 s* p* \* V4 k
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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. C5 F" q$ J! X6 B+ V1 aThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
! P7 C5 F  H  B3 A4 M race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:
/ N- G3 v" S* d3 APASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.9 Q9 e$ S# ^+ D4 F
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the9 f* N* r5 p* h/ B1 D! U- O1 _
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.5 T- y% ?: z3 e; C
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The next day, the local paper headline read:# U( k9 e: m! v) j
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
; v. o$ F0 P" Aof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.2 z8 @3 R% }! h8 |9 P
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:$ _3 O; O( _; m8 v( d5 _, n5 _
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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0 S) A* t$ K6 P* RThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid$ {! F8 V3 x! b$ C
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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: M" R' t8 h0 G* Z' _( i0 k8 NThe next day the paper read:  v# }! n, Z9 N3 v
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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( Y) e9 H, D# p. C9 c2 Y6 aThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back0 N) d' ?+ T( j% E' G
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:
  G" F4 I. m. E8 WNUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.0 ~1 S. |1 _9 |3 b+ k
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The bishop was buried the next day.& F) n5 x6 S/ q/ m$ O) c
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
# p% o6 O+ w. S5 f  Qcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.6 {+ h- Q  O- V- `7 o0 b
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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+ Z; T8 N. N3 W9 `! KStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
+ J- e4 Y- K% \: c. z& F And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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4 H# ]8 |- h; t* X# d' }, Y; TJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"9 d3 l" ^7 j8 K5 K: a4 E( V4 T* }
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
5 g+ q; n% U; j) Z9 o6 |Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. 2 t5 d! h+ T2 j7 @6 }+ P8 ~- m# F

0 W* B: N% g( RSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.3 \, b/ K, v: v0 Y: e6 Z2 S
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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) z* z2 d1 u, b/ N: M1 N6 w$ {As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
( ~" X$ a7 g+ r  |& QThanks for sharing.
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3 K  E+ _% Z2 o" EI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
理袁律师事务所
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