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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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3 c% a, X, w4 }7 w* o# p& I *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*9 R+ s3 ?) d/ B0 c0 i

! a, w5 i* x( z2 z- p9 x5 @ A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. * M( l) o2 N+ O* t9 }* W
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
5 M) E; a% L, E2 U; M there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
+ L# n3 k) ]3 u. B! v Before she says a word, Bob says,. K6 Y- L3 E4 n7 Q  ^8 d% N
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
1 f: r/ O- [/ H2 EAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
4 S" G$ ]+ n/ Y- }4 ]After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. ( ?7 e* f$ L" ^7 R6 |4 ~& x0 X8 S
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. % q$ Y2 Q. i$ X
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
+ f& q' r( p+ J) B "Who was that?"
4 t7 n( O' E# g"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 1 }$ w8 W- W' \3 \, ?
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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/ q% K1 k9 \: F1 L; \. n* eMoral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your' Y5 E% B% v$ w6 F: n
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
3 X: Y: K3 G, H( l A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
* O& j' P1 Z3 n, lThey rub it and a Genie comes out.
! R( w9 s8 p% R6 C9 _The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".$ _$ e+ ^0 K  L2 \6 [. }* T. I
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
* L5 Z& l: \1 [0 ~' XPoof! She's gone.
. L3 w: Z! W0 K  ^, H"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.8 D3 T) G1 d/ F) U9 u
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
( d8 w+ |' B. |$ j1 I$ _% {Poof! He's gone.
2 ?* T% H) X2 E. z7 i9 w; H3 |3 o: F"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
2 b* R3 w+ g& a7 HThe manager says,' u2 s% m  j% B% z6 X
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
2 J7 S- z! K3 X* x! b' m*Lesson 2% }3 R. \  u# ^/ k$ J7 O
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.+ u( J% X+ O6 o
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
1 e. a& H4 d8 d; pThe Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

% L* h0 d  F3 s# w* UIt is time to fire such a boss.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*4 m& @4 I8 y6 s( |
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. : v. N: ^/ L+ c1 k/ T$ b
The priest nearly had an accident.
0 V5 M9 l1 s! EAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. + L; e7 b! h  J3 G+ T% _
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
9 P, G0 W: s/ H3 y8 |The priest removed his hand.
6 s. w2 W* \6 p: \+ N" B+ S) GBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
# Y8 F/ R, r/ y# OThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
4 W5 C( N/ _% Q" V6 L# Q, X! WThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." 4 m0 w  ^; G( N5 o7 _
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
! u; N7 T0 i1 ` On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.- T/ j6 C. h9 O  E! Y' O' A1 M! y
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*- z) l, @$ o5 p$ m  M5 l0 j
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
" }5 J9 e3 O& p  l8 T& d  F A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
* w3 G: q2 z9 I! R+ q3 A" BThe crow answered: "Sure, why not."
, b& y/ I1 y3 K- NSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
$ W2 N& G/ V: t A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
! ?4 k, L# b) R( O  P  _9 R Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
; s/ N$ y+ ~7 q1 P: m; a1 J. F5 K A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."1 V% @6 `$ K/ ]. S+ w" J
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
; t9 J8 Q% \8 r, r* `3 `' }The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
! u$ s3 H' u/ t. VThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
% q4 R) D3 c: H( |2 C9 x9 o Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.5 M+ t9 a! q+ j; C+ C8 l, l
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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. j4 @  t7 y7 L- M. R1 n5 oMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
$ n' Y$ J& p7 x/ ~0 K# M3 p A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.3 R$ u3 ?! w0 n  n# p
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.6 R; B+ y5 s+ q5 a
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
, Z) V( w% r" H4 m; zThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
& y8 B! s6 [& ?& a: s A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
. B# z$ h% F7 o' p: H, HFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:
0 W; q& W' }5 z/ A1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy4 M1 o3 G. n4 U  c8 o: ^+ D' D
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend' W1 H  p9 b7 _) a5 j
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the4 \& E" T9 \) e7 e7 B7 g& q3 R! m: t
race again and it won again.
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: m4 E+ a& V+ Y+ t3 IThe local paper read:3 X8 w" ~" X- F  g
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.! q( t( S. h" e9 E* y6 e

7 H$ y) ~9 u% zThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
3 Y. M- n5 s, i; |0 [pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.' P! h$ q: t, i, D3 a

$ Q9 R0 f( M) J% iThe next day, the local paper headline read:
! i1 ]3 Z. w/ p& a/ RBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.3 ?" o1 z5 d5 v% v

$ u3 z! S1 u1 d7 H1 V- a1 u0 aThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
) g% I7 H. H- @/ ^1 H) a! kof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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$ z1 y& \6 [: J+ i5 E! v* t2 \The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:" d% f0 D9 N; A% y( W6 u4 m2 |  b. }
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid8 g6 ~/ {' Q" D$ F
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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The next day the paper read:
7 R+ N5 K8 z- P( \NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.: t8 T5 F; q0 l  `  Y. c
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back. N" I6 s6 Y  e
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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1 S8 p! G6 Z: |+ h7 T( n' UThe next day the headlines read:8 x+ z% g4 t" M+ l7 S* x* V
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
4 D% f$ W# V) O. j! ycan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.$ Z8 f% z  ?& S. u( B8 F) Z

$ h, @- [5 x# d* ]' x2 _So be yourself and enjoy life...1 P# \2 U! S+ k& l, l
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier+ C4 l" Q. l4 e( H2 U' Y
And live longer!1 G8 B8 |4 ^8 d4 P1 H! D

9 W3 [7 b; T( h9 l9 y. G- d. `Have a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life : Y. B2 [3 o4 q& a5 o
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"7 d; g* x) |" [: k
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!9 m. P9 t" M; S% B: o8 q

5 l4 n& O! Z( `; f2 v! F; @  zWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
7 s7 Z& h7 X4 U9 i2 O9 X# HThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ' T& h; S; \; n, }2 a6 U
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 5 ]( k3 x; Z' V8 x

' @( X! P2 p$ i/ B/ qAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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% Z& S- u; M3 X  T" Z, a% sThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing., ~9 C0 ~; V* j; D" c3 x/ X

1 C/ W6 \4 @1 X( i; Y( s! R% g. H0 EI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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. m' H8 o( P0 u+ zAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
4 T9 |% H* l! _3 a3 wThanks for sharing.' e- o- D1 |0 U) L3 v1 f
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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