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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons / m6 N4 {6 v1 J$ o& V( F4 ?
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*6 [- I% m* t, i
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. % u! b/ g% f6 ^5 i, f9 d
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
  N% L: P9 x4 I  Y+ |- A$ i# _ there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
" K, x2 u( w6 q; A# h" ]4 i) t Before she says a word, Bob says,
% Q+ @) x  u' ^" `  f. ` "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." / i; M' \  z+ ]( U
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
( s; v9 P/ y. k! u1 ]# AAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. / j7 y& d8 Y, S' O+ r
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
# s! k1 Z9 F4 i* W' r$ QWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,: M& Q4 V3 X' g- v( |
"Who was that?" 1 \  }5 {' r& v5 L8 j
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. + B, @+ b9 Z  {" c1 H$ F6 M
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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5 d3 {2 e- f; C( u2 p9 E) `Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your* k  W" _5 z: {" _
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2* E6 V: X, _0 t+ K) }- E% g/ K
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.8 l, }+ V" @1 ^! }
They rub it and a Genie comes out. + v/ v; s3 X# G% U- A! T( S5 P4 H
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
) x% i" F( O* P "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
# d' }5 d) s" X2 N" oPoof! She's gone.
6 {$ r$ I+ |1 P0 j, U! R"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
8 U' q. N& P+ h "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." ) I: h+ N9 _# H7 H1 h  K6 f. p
Poof! He's gone.
0 E0 E; |2 l) A, `"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
. S" E& B9 b- }- x+ lThe manager says,
& P1 _3 w( ^- ^# Y "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
7 g7 k. y- X8 G*Lesson 2
3 Q4 n; f4 q6 C3 \  ]& a A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.7 e; Y* `5 _2 K- _5 e! {
They rub it and a Genie comes out. " f2 x+ j4 @! K4 e
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

' F, k- O2 K/ E# |It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*
; F6 q9 }2 ?# W A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. % M' J3 B0 d; T; ~0 y* a% P3 i
The priest nearly had an accident.
8 R. t3 M6 H" S# r  ~5 w4 [After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. ( `0 q3 \$ N- a
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"   U. F% f5 k: \7 K' `
The priest removed his hand.
+ u4 R) n% W  ?* z8 Z0 IBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. & E! ]9 P4 b( }5 `: E- M: B; C
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
; A: v! |# Y) I- x4 W3 p' L( DThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." / r" c- {: w! X/ ~* U; R# G* h
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
- s$ `. \% K: F# Q) d' Y On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.0 a4 e) c% [+ w2 H$ [: e
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*% o. W2 |' R( v% }% ?& i
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
7 Z: V- i& N9 g" b4 T( G, F A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
% [; ?: Y: _( G" y9 L# M* @The crow answered: "Sure, why not." * Y: w+ F3 o: m0 r
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
- h' \- J) ~. o! O  y! r A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
" I: I+ G% ~/ h$ A  i Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
$ s$ a. f! ^+ i/ X! _8 P A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."$ {* O% z* q5 W+ @
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
4 V$ Y, M8 l' T1 rThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
* D% s1 o* `0 Q, L* gThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
8 j# L5 y, {1 P; Y2 Z( V Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.. _3 J, c/ s4 _) b8 [
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
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7 L" b) N, A7 g$ T; s2 p3 D  P' uMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*" s' E9 c3 C+ o3 ]) A2 q
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.7 c0 _4 K. f5 N% C6 o! j. n7 T
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.; h4 X+ F7 [1 z: U
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
$ ~) F+ |6 ?3 x. ^* g( zThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
7 q+ W7 i! c: z. \ A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
1 V- R) C- A' j  i4 M+ KFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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. l% ~# [; l; B6 e- w$ i Moral of the story:- X$ d# l* V; @: T+ v& P
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy1 q2 O0 Y6 p- Q# T
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend7 R: h% V/ {( }  n5 g) e3 O* A
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.! F0 g1 }* f* o: _7 R. k

' C3 ]: l9 \) [+ X! s+ Q7 @4 fThe pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
9 J  F' o" n: l9 {/ F7 R race again and it won again.8 q. X0 }  r" Q: |; O; D$ l" Z
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The local paper read:; V6 Z) |8 R  I- v$ v/ U2 O/ t
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
- i6 y1 W7 P/ v1 l% r8 a: Ypastor not to enter the donkey in another race.: A2 B+ B5 k& a6 q

8 c* h7 E0 {1 K% c1 f) L3 PThe next day, the local paper headline read:) d7 ~! e8 ]3 y! ~
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.4 i' n, k  K& }& J3 H
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
) Z' [1 x& d; r- ]of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.- M0 o3 I5 V- a4 H
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
, q+ j8 @8 x9 V% P9 ^9 O/ TNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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( M# G4 c/ e; z( E% O" }The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid# r  d3 n+ N  C
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.* W- T4 {+ Y* l4 W' w$ t
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The next day the paper read:5 @" h; \; }- Y% o& @
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
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9 @% R2 k5 u  h7 S, u8 D9 aThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back. v- h' \2 u1 P
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.# }8 ^5 D$ e- j9 O5 I' n

+ S% U  `/ f" C0 \. r) s  f* z0 V+ MThe next day the headlines read:: w2 L* A9 C0 a: g# \$ G
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.
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: j$ @2 D- b9 N- }$ MThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
6 G8 h: u8 H) b& O) D( b, |1 w% gcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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0 p% E+ |$ _% k, QSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier
1 {$ C, O! O! o, o" G( b& s And live longer!
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# F8 X' i, H" [0 RHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 3 F6 }' m) l! X5 a& q
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"; {8 p. G' _4 ~: m
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!+ y! f+ \' y2 S' Z0 o( v9 v7 g

* N' `" x* r( t5 d- L( rWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
) D1 b- i$ I. |# p3 FThen I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. " P4 z* B  ^2 @* ]9 v

+ ]8 d: r- P  M5 qWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. " D; m. m  w) S- `0 a/ H

* O2 A7 U8 }' kAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 0 p+ g0 R8 e+ B

6 S2 ]: T* v3 e6 }Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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' ]" j* M- ^/ y3 UI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. & W- d! O# h9 X
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As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
# y$ f' l2 V! m8 [, oThanks for sharing.8 l: s9 h) O1 k  S$ H
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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/ e2 J* f9 `9 n: QYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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