Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
( c) u% D1 j, _5 E1 Y4 ~3 O> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
' @! u6 x) Q1 H> > > >little TONY.
3 W$ B+ a8 I; E: f  `! u3 s> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
" y. u4 I0 G: g( Q4 B9 p> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
% z5 Y4 m0 K2 R8 i; P: D! B> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
4 w, S% x" s5 E5 {- N0 v6 f* @* P> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
0 {7 Q+ i" E9 o/ r& h2 \> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
; g9 J, e- s' a3 M> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
: P' w* h1 D! F* @5 O! E> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
2 C% R" }& y+ [" B6 N' Y( e> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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* M2 I/ k2 @; J& \: J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
* e6 b8 g& G8 ~, ^( ?" R> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
7 c, k; i( g: h0 \# W$ C# n> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
* y9 r: I$ r- @9 s9 M; W6 B% C> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
8 y0 L6 U- {2 i/ o8 K- b) Y+ p> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
! S& U4 T: q; m- `1 W' W$ N( l> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
3 Z( f; q6 X* ]1 s. l4 S* R> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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, g8 _! N& R* u: I! H( z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
  z1 O! R  _& F) j2 ]' l> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
9 R+ v1 D* M$ ?& l6 x> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
3 p+ t! b7 t4 K& x% H4 _# G5 X3 X& M: j; G> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
, X( @; |0 }0 |* a) |: `> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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* Z/ d7 Q* t) B5 ?> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
$ U1 n- `4 d& B1 s: \> > > >same sentence twice.
9 h# x' _& H- L> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
1 H  Z; l4 i. }' T$ v% f> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
% L9 |* X) Q5 q$ W1 ~1 p> > > >called on little TONY.
& ~+ g! l" n" F; W> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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* d+ N7 k5 t2 \1 x6 Z3 m/ F> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
* {1 O- `) Z7 ^! q* b0 p> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
3 r4 g& ?/ w2 r3 e% O> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
: i& M  u  t9 t9 G; D) }4 m> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business