Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
3 p$ C: m  f9 x4 o> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
! X8 F; }- |( Q( u, Y  P6 g6 u/ G>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
" J9 ~2 l5 t; V> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
) u* @8 \$ o8 ^> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
2 h6 Z+ C6 k/ ~3 F# M> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
; `/ `6 O  l0 z) F> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
* e, J. v& C/ z4 t> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
/ D7 K: P# B1 ?# ]- X$ y> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
1 ]; V6 P; c0 Y, B5 T# L' U> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
3 {. a7 C7 f: i. p8 F> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
$ D% y: b) s5 d! N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
3 c; K: |+ l! R! W8 K> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
2 w+ y8 V0 p8 v9 \; g1 p- g+ f> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
, v& x: y( n8 u0 K> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
. u  J: ^8 Z+ W* \" F1 `> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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+ y7 U7 N5 P0 s# m3 N8 ]2 m- p> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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, s$ P" z0 E) U5 u0 d$ O/ X> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
3 ?4 d; G2 i, n" m8 `> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
7 a2 |+ ?  q  v1 z) }> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
( j5 @+ O5 @# U> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
' l6 I$ G. r  t% o3 P# D, `$ o> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
8 _" l/ r( w' H( I+ K: e* C* d> > > >beautifully."
. u* ~! J2 l, |6 ?9 a> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
! c% t, v, E8 I* u5 e: O> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
  O6 S4 c& e: j: o% N( A6 @" a> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
' B( H$ S% Y+ _  W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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  L& l% P" v4 P* o> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
4 r- i! e! V7 [- m0 ^3 \7 d8 i> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
, Q, U$ o- ]. z1 q> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
, e7 ^6 ^$ I6 V# w& B> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
3 f1 z9 l5 ?5 L. n( @> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business