Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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# `; L' [$ ^6 \. E6 [> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
" ]. x  I/ m) p$ E, ]- j> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
4 n) L# i2 m) ?* G7 |4 H- A> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
- o, V& i8 {, B( g7 j>thinking."
2 v) R- ~# A1 f* j' G> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
& _7 G" b- @- H! q. c: t> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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5 Y/ C! w# `' {; l( X' S! e, `> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
2 J& n! L  i5 ?> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
6 a5 F, o0 F0 e> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
! e- |+ F! ]) H0 J! X0 P1 s> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
& ~2 U/ e$ d4 M5 e$ M& Y7 ]> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
4 O! |% X3 y& ]5 }> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
- v" \. Q2 V! _> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
9 Z0 O& e/ w3 s. F! P4 I* G> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
  \, I, b  f2 P* D5 O! Z; X) r> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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2 \! v2 \$ R; d7 L( t> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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2 ?% U3 Z- e  }5 e% j( i+ m> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
3 a' r7 H; e+ F" B# f- u3 w8 y- Z> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
6 y7 m2 G( A' x3 A& M( D> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
; Y4 i; Q. ]% d> > > >allow
$ p3 e- W5 b5 Q1 n> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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8 L6 M' K4 {/ F% C! ~0 \> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
$ F: m& V" o9 p1 x4 v> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
/ Z* P4 T" z1 V> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
, U) w( j& O3 {% n4 B- x5 g> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
2 T1 P: x/ z+ v% p; S> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
7 o' H/ T" t# k; W( ^> > > >beautifully."
+ K* h8 h2 s7 m5 V: R> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
2 k. z1 P" m# d/ X2 W3 {> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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1 [# D6 a8 L  [# O7 s" z> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
5 l: J; ?" S' M) c' e6 N> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
5 d& D. C8 {! |* ^% g8 i1 e3 e> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
. @( y* p* p4 ?- y) O, S, w  e- m4 ]> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business