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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON 8 G+ x( z# \8 v) l" t+ _- U+ f6 L
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence . `* T2 ]4 V3 T; g5 @% {
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on : X+ U. t3 l' ?9 z: J1 Q n
> > > >little TONY.
+ L, s9 A* `5 A' s% d+ F> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
$ L9 Q! j& U o4 |> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
! @5 {. [8 j2 ]8 y4 |3 H1 ]9 H>thinking."
2 C9 R3 r2 o/ b5 f- Q5 U p; R" d> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women 7 d9 G% J! E3 _
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
$ |8 H( `1 Q' Z* v> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the 3 X! r- y! p6 g) Q
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice 1 k4 Z- b6 O0 C
>cream.
/ {/ o8 S8 p" {# z9 T6 x> > > >Which one is married?" ]& n; T! w, w+ C1 Z3 N# v" i
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the : @; v& V4 P9 b- y1 G4 f7 J
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." 4 G) z* R g C' l
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
' M0 s6 a8 l! u> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking." % q5 q+ P6 F2 G
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+ F0 f2 ?# X3 D7 N! e% E0 r> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH $ O1 g1 A9 D* [8 K. m, p9 ^$ a/ F
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
2 e" Y0 X% R* m R> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
! r! I0 y' [# x. E9 j+ Q> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
4 ]5 p& D- d- A6 n5 q+ |> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad. 0 d* } X! m3 N. I5 |: Z
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' " $ p1 ?- O! N& ]2 p, w( {
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father. 1 P% X+ l7 r( G2 W" o
> > > >"That's what I said!" * ~$ r# y# `9 Z
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH ) D8 }5 [. H3 R" M) S2 i
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are 7 @, t& F9 U' {3 v( T0 q
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
, Y; C. H; u- G( T& J> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
2 r) {* B+ ?% s( M5 U> > > >TONY says "Masturbate." * x2 V+ f9 S' k
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful." * f# l3 i% o- ^
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." 8 R# X% r& _( }4 s3 l, q; Z
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
1 F. B/ h7 x1 s" i2 O8 _ l> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a * |- H# _( f2 e6 u
> > > >piss!!"
" D7 m% r p& S> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use 2 i- \% j4 T q d) Q8 o( s- \
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
7 l+ n, u2 F6 z$ Y0 b, B> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will 9 N. m( q. e) L/ ~2 I* o9 F3 h
> > > >allow
( M2 R7 p5 w' @2 a" A; t" h> > > >you to go." 4 s& {" x" w; u( D' R- w/ i) @
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
" j4 _3 q# ] @0 J> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR & u+ Z/ v6 B4 e% C7 e
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; D; Y; b* w5 W% X> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a . Z+ _; g0 w- a7 w
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
Y6 h0 I ~( M1 A> > > >same sentence twice. ) u0 \! b0 ^! Z0 ~5 g5 S
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father # o- {% Y) D& L) R% a
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
5 D- M! n6 |* L& `: F. {. Z9 f> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
/ {* N% q# C T. |# l |> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out + e" [: O2 D& ? D- e
> > > >beautifully." ; r7 c9 u9 ]- V8 |# Q
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly $ C; ?0 P& \, y2 Z+ b0 `3 [' R
> > > >called on little TONY. ! [4 D2 T$ H9 B% {& {
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
3 M6 ]* j/ r# F% n' H) Q! g> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER * }( Y8 J! ^) T% b
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$ @, j: |: P. D# T: m, L2 r> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
9 |2 n" Z+ {; W> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him 0 D+ u8 Y5 U9 E. A
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
; k% n+ b4 M1 a> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
% h: Y& K$ [' B1 y3 i- k/ Y* A> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." & R+ Z- X) F x8 {- v7 A) t7 ^+ F
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" * E9 q+ \! J7 o, w8 g$ G
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business |
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发表于 2008-5-9 19:16
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