Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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) o8 z; E0 k+ m0 B1 X7 W> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
' _, ?) w/ C6 F  D1 p" L. {> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
/ O) |  h- d; _6 G> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
1 J, m0 e3 t/ J: e' @' O- u> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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& O7 C+ {" v& N7 A# H& I6 M. H> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
2 A2 l: M( m" Z" c> > > >Which one is married?"
# r% u( p. o0 g: _+ k+ F> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
% V' M1 s& w. X> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
/ t6 b3 [5 L; l" l5 U# o> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
( E" Y5 |7 B0 H6 f+ [> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
' F6 c; o  }; ^4 j# j4 W; Y> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
; q: N( g6 x5 S+ [) G> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
) K7 W0 x3 @5 P: Z- s9 ]# |4 I& ]> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
, U6 P8 A4 r$ M; J# W7 @7 b> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
' q/ X  U; S3 d$ O3 x: p0 e> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
1 f$ R6 ^+ [# n> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
5 ]  k7 d" f2 m  c# E2 K( I> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
- g/ G+ H3 p- Q- ]4 e> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
0 i5 i& D# T5 p/ m) t8 |1 X> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
7 M! r3 G- I% [" e> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
( x# t8 m% S- I! @" i% k+ {> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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. E7 i: W9 m5 M, v3 S2 H6 O$ T> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
/ s  p; p$ t) A4 U" l( w9 M> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
, @+ L5 V! F6 v# p  ^> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
) \1 J# x) D. E" ]( r> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
# s; {/ i# b" V. r% f- j> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
+ i8 {/ N! b  {& G8 ^6 v9 C( C3 J> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
4 A1 q% v! _# g2 w$ G' d" g5 M; {> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
4 d, q& i5 u- V' T> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
7 y! F* R5 A* G" M> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
. R& _' S7 K! p+ n5 z> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business