Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
; W) Q( X0 A3 @0 {> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
. Y1 l$ p  C: x8 C5 w2 V( Y! o> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
) p+ p& L  [6 ?, p& T> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
& ?9 n1 f$ X& K+ I! P" X> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
9 b3 k2 r6 x4 ~  A! c% a9 v6 s> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
( {$ V, {2 Y; L7 d" Z8 i> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
$ y' w  F! t5 @6 [( h- n& `> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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% O0 Z& [* y' W6 }+ A; Z" f+ B7 @> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
: }. {: y" x  L& G8 N> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
, p8 r1 \' a( J: O4 ~9 l> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
- I+ i8 f. Z* f$ m. b* v> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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) y; O# a; L# m- D. V7 v" P> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
% \0 J$ L: y+ @> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
% t9 N8 e" Y, y* v6 E! _* f, l" a> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
0 T" L, J0 t' T! ^; j> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
7 N8 m" \: D( W: F, H: P> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
) }4 m" B  N$ w- o( n7 o> > > >piss!!"
) r" e9 n- m3 h3 n, J! G+ G9 p> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' m% U! v, L- t> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
0 q  j' \8 k4 Y+ \+ h; n- p, \+ b& Z> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
- v3 R* |8 }+ d. ?- U: r! ~  ~( e> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
$ ?, x1 l, Q7 i2 N. \( y  x$ N> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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4 a) |2 W8 V$ R3 m% R8 U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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0 U, y- L% ~4 k+ k/ V> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
* p" ]: x1 R) Q" \> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
4 p; t6 H/ Y, p* ?$ F# d) J> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
& _( v* [, L# C" d> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
- ]$ l. m2 B3 z, V& o! @> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
! s* G5 d* V. f+ C' |: L( V5 z. J> > > >called on little TONY.
# _6 n0 A: e+ P; Y& O> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
4 M# U& u# d4 ^' u3 b# m> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
/ D6 M& b, h0 m4 L- z; o: |4 L> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business