Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
) n3 N3 [9 ^+ _" V7 o$ F# r( q> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
. G! L& J- o5 U; ~: \: I& S> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
; Y- S/ `/ v" v7 o) J* C> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
6 i1 G) _% |% Y>cream.
& K$ L. g2 M# Q8 m# b& l& ~> > > >Which one is married?"
1 u! j; _5 ?8 h) y3 O5 U( t> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
5 o* I& l/ A5 ^: R& x( L> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
+ P3 s8 M0 Y0 o8 i" D) g> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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8 w) z  s$ _) ]0 Z# Q$ m> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
  }$ ]" z! e2 u+ {' U> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
, l" [3 |9 t  }  J! |9 ~& l> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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7 ?6 d& t6 _$ V1 F> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
2 H% C# M5 w% _/ x: b/ C  w2 V> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
0 d% R0 a/ f( [5 W. Q& _> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
! T$ u0 y; G- A4 |> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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  |& |3 A1 V7 R1 |" r8 O> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
7 X! C# f1 |( H/ Q- U> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' x3 X/ \/ z* b: x- v  N> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
8 b2 m7 m- ]* |5 ]3 U$ P> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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/ H' V' S/ v: K( s8 {  P3 ~> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
! h3 |+ \. |  m/ ?7 S> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
# ~2 L& @5 `4 K> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
2 @; |5 N, d' s+ x- h> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
: d0 G/ }$ ?! n4 K, v> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
% O$ c, j0 C0 G( s' F> > > >called on little TONY.
# ^2 E2 N( W, A3 N& w) ]3 y* ~4 O7 [> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
2 g' B/ o1 H1 R5 o; k> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
1 ]5 L/ T) b" n- d% |> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
" }" u8 i+ P! W8 o: U- A4 F> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business