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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code: 2 a# r/ j% y3 L& w0 a# F
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   6 V9 y; J6 g& _" Y
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
' R/ Z: ?, \$ n6 ?: i2 _. K$ {3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
. H) o+ ]# }3 O2 H4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. % q/ z! V' n4 [- h

+ G9 F/ [0 I7 WSick Days:
; u/ i9 M8 Y1 \7 g4 ~We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days: ( N( W" P: f5 J
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. 2 a* u& h/ ?, R" Z1 P5 ~
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Bereavement Leave:
, d2 P* v! b: S1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
% `" \; q5 e$ S+ V/ M! G0 B9 A2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   1 s6 o4 d5 U6 k
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
7 Z. W* ]# {( G, {8 W2 h1 h1 S( ]4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks: : d# s, j0 o5 f9 ?
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
, j; T7 C3 F& U5 [* ]2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   1 H$ C0 x( j# u+ n3 a& a% ]
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
+ s1 ]! X& O. b' V8 h4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. ! M: b% o2 N' I# b# O$ C

% A: v6 L0 T/ RLunch Break:
# \$ O# N& \) [1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
/ A& K" ?' P5 H9 L- a. a5 c2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 3 ^2 n! J" ~( n5 C
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. $ W- M" M8 J; g9 ^7 I7 U9 f- B7 {9 _

4 R) a% ]' z* WThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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$ b/ e- d, g( u2 M8 E: [/ K: F! mThe Management 3 s- X7 h' \! u7 R: \
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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