鲜花( 47) 鸡蛋( 0)
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Dress Code: + g- K |) C, i8 G2 k% p# _& @' Q. j
1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
; y, x2 B4 g; t+ k: @& S1 g$ J2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
% ~! o. B% ~/ n( b% h% Q1 @5 T1 N+ F) k3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 6 G5 y% q0 \$ ^5 \1 D$ a$ u: Y
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
, @2 a* m5 @) ^1 c2 q! j0 s& Z/ A1 _7 cWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days: O2 s, R! K7 Y; K$ U* n
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. ' k. m8 \! M8 y i; C0 x' ^' t5 z( K7 Q
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Bereavement Leave:
8 f9 d) y. [7 R0 _" M) ]! w1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
6 E* M* X7 v% \+ g2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
% A: M+ e# O1 j/ s* i( U: q" w+ U3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon. ) n1 }( s( R# a9 m" M5 k
4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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0 |8 V$ U5 ?1 N' }* ABathroom Breaks:
/ K9 N4 t0 q. X5 b3 Y; S1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
. Q4 l7 U) T4 e+ n, a4 i+ m2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. " s& _- |# z9 ^* |4 |# v" M
3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. 3 |3 Y/ {' O$ |1 x u# C9 F
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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1 H+ Y* u/ [/ I$ \& f0 jLunch Break: $ q/ g9 s% m) u# r4 J9 I9 e
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
6 i7 q2 Y. W$ N1 X* U2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. : \# D$ b* Q) V- b' x
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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5 {9 r' J$ R1 G% u' s3 O PThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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1 q. ?. ~" M+ j- {, ^8 gThe Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed. |
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