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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
, S8 [; ?" E* u. X% x! L2 O1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   $ I; |) F, A" W: `6 E* w5 y/ U
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 7 I% w, D& x( n$ m% H: H4 y3 R+ k
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. ( X0 P" b3 _9 c! P: `0 V  T6 O, `
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
! \' b& {+ d* j3 w4 n3 A4 f6 iWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. & @: Q( d8 c/ }9 Q
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Personal Days:
- z' A: C, z; oEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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/ a! u6 }  [3 t# \5 `0 L/ yBereavement Leave: % N- m& v, y6 ^' c9 i, U
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   % a8 l4 d7 C4 G! [
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   / A* A; v6 d  M8 n
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   3 w" ]6 Z1 w  N5 Q  j
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. ; |" B0 C* d9 o0 P; Q/ c2 K8 |. F' {
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Bathroom Breaks: 9 O0 {5 `$ F- a
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   ( c$ D4 s+ S, v: {3 E4 Z
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   ) I) p  U8 k# T- i
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
; \5 e7 F% T/ i8 K3 j- s% T4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.   n6 l0 u+ ?+ I( c, m$ Y, L# N5 A

9 S* {( b, B6 |; N6 \7 E2 }Lunch Break:
; ^  J" z% X; z# w( c3 ~7 [6 v4 g' U1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  J' x1 h0 [  j6 U. }1 s2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 0 R: S; Z' A' ^; e
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.   F/ H' c- {& d( ~# c9 Z- z3 H# e

. q0 A: N3 o9 X2 m! B- I; [8 R& QThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. % r! E1 L! t  A2 Z0 l
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The Management 6 Y$ B5 B. j) s# n

$ W" ^! t6 I+ q6 \0 T8 WPass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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