weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"

( l6 n0 q$ q7 D7 rThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
7 h4 `3 e' m- l: Z. ~) kpeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
5 R9 E0 A8 {* L9 s. P
# G- u  {. w4 cThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
# a8 [. p) F7 i$ t+ ~: b9 s* LGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
" g- L3 x! O8 C3 E5 d2 mand an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
0 K9 O6 K' W& Ba 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
7 E6 ^2 D& A; G) h+ h4 a/ G
* T) w. ?4 D/ _"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
0 M8 l6 C# X/ o$ p- C- \car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
# E1 j$ ^3 ~& ]" G2 o4 `9 pis, will you give me back my animal?"

% ~/ N9 W" u- ~"OK, why not" answered the young man.

+ s9 v4 [( b4 }2 j"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

$ \. a$ U! i) e/ v9 n' O  B"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
" V! J# }; W- y2 Qquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
. P5 Q! e, o  t: F" Sme back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
- O- p9 E' [) `3 pundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
; W, [9 U( Q& y5 b: hNot having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
" U3 X- [+ N: C8 y; y7 _was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
/ O& [- r$ ~' q' J$ \5 Q6 A$ _. c6 xinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
9 s( _: m$ J' I4 I( Kresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
5 E; o( {9 b# hbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
2 I6 o1 ?0 X! `* z4 O+ J
) ~  T. G* b' d1 r# jThe first man married a nurse.

5 ^) _! p6 i0 K$ {  J- i+ lDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
4 _: u; x2 Q) a- y5 v% XNurses are known to be hot to trot".

7 h' `( u4 b& UThe second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
" K* A& X% S% _" N9 aTelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
0 R, c8 o' B! ~7 Hbutton...A-bomb.?

. E0 a, c& r% BThe third man married a school teacher.
' J, Y  v% R" R$ h( J4 l" d4 C
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
+ C* e2 K$ s" e! b! |but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
* V6 |8 U5 B) {- ?only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
3 U0 K( M% Z. x6 w" E. a9 X1 g$ ]& ^would call much later in the day.
3 }3 \# F9 {* a- m+ Y; w3 e
8 @4 `3 c: ~& `" {) u2 S3 X5 t6 AAt 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
: b: ]4 C" o8 s7 n3 snurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

8 r+ R1 i" A+ aDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
: W7 H; C( x; k; n8 z5 ?
: S& J+ s0 E8 Z9 }% b5 l' T2 T; |) KThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
  `9 X+ n8 i! K9 q( @/ M. g1 Pwas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
$ t' @9 P: {9 v# e+ n% g/ Z" \% z
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
4 T# ?7 _. _8 B% T/ ]6 r
The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
+ ?. D: k( Q7 y* [4 W! m0 Pas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
* Z& y" A. M; B) s# d$ @
Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
: P6 K# E6 c" htheir voices."
) p2 Q1 ~* R% S5 A# G
The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."
# Z) i# K) z+ a. _
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.

1 e* c" @1 x. z( }: s$ PFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

/ J; V  U$ k8 N" ]  JDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
8 i% ?& n4 y, A) g1 h' ^  Gman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.
( ]7 z7 X5 ?  F' P+ Z3 ~' J
Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
4 V2 q+ y4 O2 p5 \' R- G( D; yfight?"

; R( N! @6 Q9 {4 h6 z  @: \The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing