weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
( [* m& o' V% A$ W  gflock, will you give me one?"
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" X7 x1 C+ ^  gThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

: `$ j) |# p( FThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
, Q5 ~& n' B. l7 sGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
2 X- F3 v9 e& y5 d9 Nsays,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
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"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

4 U  Q/ v. A/ vHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
* F3 X* S0 {* F6 lcar.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"
/ b/ ^' E4 b8 o+ A" i
* R% F# ?' w) z) G6 P"OK, why not" answered the young man.

2 ~! }* Y6 u2 c6 F$ Q' i8 b1 c"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
" m; }4 N5 h6 u* e
"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
) \, s0 E0 U6 a. f" xnobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
  Y0 O, y+ S2 l" Wquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
: _: k) E8 m6 V! t# rNot having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
; i4 e0 N. A6 rmoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
$ ]- G# H* t0 f+ Iinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
( a% e0 \, m6 x% awhere they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

4 r4 X3 g- H- GThe first man married a nurse.
. I# p6 T0 W9 S& k, B4 i0 z" k
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

) N/ p) g% L  K& q4 OThe second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
: V4 s) k6 O* P0 T- lTelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
# X9 A6 T3 F% ^4 e1 q* g* Q+ pbutton...A-bomb.?

1 Y3 G  f- x( K* fThe third man married a school teacher.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
; Y7 f3 ]/ c5 y$ y. x; tbut teachers are just too frigid".
' P. i# U- A4 u' X
The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
( ]& Q  W  {3 w- {. H. U5 \3 g9 r/ pnurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
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5 }! K5 q1 X1 N5 c0 V8 x- w! h% f) MDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
  u# u! I8 H, I6 ]/ D2 ~# B
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
( t9 y" `8 `  }as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
+ E+ I0 r0 P. w% Kin shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
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6 Q( ?% G& y) I$ O7 @Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."
  m6 q' D0 ?* [
( l6 m" Q9 F7 J. U( U: w! A! `The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
( R& p) P1 d' u5 r& Q1 gthree minutes are up."
1 t- M0 n0 m# `0 G( W1 c3 R( K
" d6 j- I5 C$ N/ j$ G9 n% Q" |Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.

4 f9 S- M' U/ a  m+ w: I$ u% L8 _Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
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Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
! p  {' p1 h$ d6 W) t5 v7 |his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
0 C8 g7 w" o6 `/ xlegs.
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Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"

The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
* t; w. [5 M# n/ e3 X( v" ~are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing