weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
( _$ W, J$ ^( f$ ~BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
: e" \( z4 O6 ?9 @Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
: H* j1 [; @. m* Uflock, will you give me one?"

1 E: m) R. v1 Q& {5 W# @! O4 G, V; tThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
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The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
. L2 J0 D- K  }; U6 k( c& _a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
% l3 `9 E' T' j7 E3 E! ~  p9 Gsays,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
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# ^9 p- g6 Q: V"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

/ H! @9 x' P) Q) c, ^! iHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
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Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"
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"OK, why not" answered the young man.

; T- w8 A0 _2 P3 a3 T7 p7 H) T. ]"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
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) y' l+ `; d- s! N/ s" b"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
5 ]1 Q5 l4 U1 \question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
" g; l" C/ n: v# T+ {me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
  l4 t5 `+ e1 E$ p  j" Kmoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
) j& o; x/ ~$ M2 Y) lwas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
! _% w% ~! T; n7 f5 p* a' E0 ther unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
' p) o( T) h; _( o5 ?open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
; P1 L2 \! m' U8 l+ J8 Presponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
8 t4 E% A. i% Cbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
1 j1 B3 A2 K2 g4 a3 l: [where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
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6 O* |: d2 M. R# J0 j) iThe first man married a nurse.
2 ~( g4 `, ?5 g$ ^9 ]
# d+ w/ \  F: r: V( o* [4 u& dDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

$ g) X1 x$ h, \  S* cThe second man married a telephone operator.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?

The third man married a school teacher.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

3 r/ O9 F5 \8 F; J$ EAt 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
& b7 \# g9 k1 K/ W- f& anurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

: Q8 g! g4 X+ y! C- sDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

% u2 U; s/ a7 |/ R# w! }  c8 CThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

9 a7 w) d! x; A! Y$ W0 F; j- k$ IAt 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

: N. y3 T, U9 R& ]7 r/ lThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
4 q3 j1 Q& m6 @# e/ U/ lin shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
, e2 R( \" H. W  }& u. }+ [8 O
Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
9 S  H. n  J, N! \8 l7 Qtheir voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
9 {7 S# J" H1 w7 A$ c! Rthree minutes are up."
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Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
/ A% l" G$ w) M* `( l3 _9 zcalling any minute.
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Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
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Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
1 I2 c+ z( }/ t! C5 J3 p6 Q/ o1 tman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

) ~8 L; b9 U* x# RJoe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
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The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing