weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
1 p8 V& Q2 D* f+ Q- y' S7 ?Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
/ j2 q) m& D' v2 i! w6 F" @  G4 hand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
2 j' @3 f- E6 S' S: r  Cflock, will you give me one?"
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The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
; Y% V0 s' d: F+ [. V) u8 \and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
; G" o) X' @4 Ea 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
& o3 q+ L; l5 Q+ ^car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"

. }! A; \6 b' g5 x4 b"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

, p7 r1 k7 a3 \+ z' _6 V+ A" h"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
0 K1 T( g( h7 v& h( N+ Knobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
9 t5 |" g0 w, u' C, ?( _0 ome back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
+ u' G: f! d# x& Uundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
0 Y: }- i3 f! \Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
/ [; L! [. y- j1 S  pwas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
2 z; j5 s7 S# E" Z) Jinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
% W) @- e8 t0 Jher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
) q5 t+ A5 M1 _; E0 a. N6 I0 @5 uresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
9 T& D, D( _9 W6 b) ^3 n; o5 zbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.
" `  P: I$ s6 W0 U+ s4 u7 `
6 }0 F" R+ G% Y6 y0 m, T- ^0 CDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
, S) n$ J( @/ S! _2 p9 d( T4 u$ p% gNurses are known to be hot to trot".

  j; Q$ e1 B/ F1 R- t) uThe second man married a telephone operator.

+ A' J. m6 M. k. X+ [; fDave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
! p% r) @* _( i/ d0 W. k2 D5 Hbutton...A-bomb.?

; z+ x* o) }+ X5 N7 |" FThe third man married a school teacher.
" J3 ^( ~! E! d/ W/ s
  H0 _/ ]* v0 Z: X2 l- ADave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".
1 {5 n4 d: s9 b6 s. L
+ M$ U6 c) Z8 P" s$ }The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
& k/ ]! o9 e( a$ r! v& Swould call much later in the day.
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At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
8 V- `- t7 h; b0 J) p. ]* onurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

! d8 t0 n5 \- q- }) J) pDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
7 F* A' H/ @/ A- p: ]
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

5 K* U: P( Q. ]) \At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
! F" j+ K# P: d- G+ A
+ g2 `4 a; b* U) r4 SThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
; T) f) D' u  t) c! M1 N- U6 j5 K  ~in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
$ j6 Q$ J( \! u3 s. [* |& `( mtheir voices."
, w( U! }3 d) b5 m
: H5 u3 \% k) {0 Z& FThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
7 e% z: Q+ @: T. iheard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."

4 w; @& E4 y6 V4 B9 H3 wDave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.
6 R2 X0 M  d. D# E
3 h. L( q4 u+ A. q# y. W" L; BFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
1 \5 t; N* @4 Y  U0 A6 U: ^3 x$ h
: O8 l1 P( l- [* iDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
7 L( V% G" h- l  e- r. M/ j
The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
. w0 |! X6 w0 o" H6 E/ l  t; n5 u" j0 ka school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
' J4 W- P& A0 R) iare going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing