weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
2 e: @/ y3 z+ cBMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
! w/ i) j3 V1 o  g+ K# n& u& YBroni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"
7 q4 A* b& e" i( v( G9 J4 G
/ ]. v. V$ L- t' u# B( GThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
3 N  w' s9 g- h' S$ cpeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
; @# p& g7 q) S, ?GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
* j) ^8 a/ j4 @+ p1 X7 o$ BBlackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
$ S! C2 L8 e) h( B3 F0 @$ a
"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

9 J5 c  T5 H- bHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
$ |$ A3 z5 k$ Q1 B+ acar.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"
1 T4 x6 ?) N$ u/ @5 I0 b0 {
"OK, why not" answered the young man.
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"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
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"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
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"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
8 N/ N& e, ~2 }2 Inobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
0 ?* z$ Q- e3 u9 M1 V+ sundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
; a8 {) l: }# @" r/ r* ]moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
, a2 x/ }6 L3 vwas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
2 I/ [2 q: e7 u3 A( M+ o# xinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
3 A! q2 s0 V3 n9 M! T+ A/ Y( ^open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
6 u. U' |% h2 B+ K* \bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
4 p7 E+ x. `$ ~3 b1 K, }where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
5 k3 u- \- b) f
The first man married a nurse.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
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The second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
. [" g6 b" M$ i9 k. z7 x8 cTelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
3 g6 S9 S/ {- [button...A-bomb.?

The third man married a school teacher.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".
; Z1 }4 c/ \& |/ j
4 S: ]; e, h' {3 U: A) [, }  U; qThe next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
% a. X; N5 g% D/ b% k* j* jonly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.
9 T6 b! q' c+ C1 i0 Q) w% ~8 \
At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
5 Z" k- y' c5 D/ Z6 Inurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

+ p; e/ p( Y0 n5 Y) f. z( ?/ iDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
! w3 B$ e. [( g3 T0 }, w& z- z! e# xwas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

6 K  k* \1 W# p0 WAt 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

# z; L1 O1 o! O$ i) zThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
5 @" n/ A4 W" i" pin shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

& c2 M: s% h6 y+ z. g' Q/ a; VDave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."
8 `1 @  v& t) t4 d0 m& T2 @& W
% ]2 K4 y0 _# D, ~Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
8 a( g* y, L$ z0 Ocalling any minute.

Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
2 }+ l. ^7 j# Y
5 G9 Z7 i$ i: t& [9 K& ~: a" P. w1 kDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
7 R3 m' I: k* e6 ~9 k$ w3 Bhis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
( i6 ?1 j  V# Y: ffight?"

- L/ v& a: H& DThe man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
* {+ x& `* V& \a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
: A4 X2 t- B0 tare going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing