weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
: K! u$ h7 _! ], N8 x& N; N2 ?8 U/ ZBMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
" K# a3 \9 |' j' A3 i9 z% vBroni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
$ K* t  _& ~' F& l4 j0 Rand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"
. m1 u3 x& }9 r+ `
& D# o7 x+ E1 \& o. G. a  \The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
. \* M* @! T1 Z8 h; {; |
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
) S' i: k( \, @% h! qGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
2 E* c  M- Z) C$ \0 jand an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
1 t! G, |- M( U7 ZBlackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
5 @! s( X. a5 Y! L5 u7 I: P
"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

  v4 ^. v1 z2 I. g% I/ S3 ^0 }He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
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Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
0 T' k: c' m$ [1 A$ V7 Ois, will you give me back my animal?"
% _- F  S( F& t8 u/ A! z/ v
( U5 n- M+ r+ ?9 p2 K"OK, why not" answered the young man.

+ l- p$ ?; p7 J1 B4 g* L# ?/ S"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
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"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
5 `: [* x0 a- Y" |nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
5 e3 U3 ^8 a4 U1 O; Y+ {undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
, ]: G3 q" y3 S) X: K$ i9 [Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
! i- h# g$ M1 {0 m$ A6 rmoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
8 ?6 b  {0 B9 d# t; J2 f; u8 Rinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
) ]5 |7 S! `0 l% ]open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
+ ~, Z3 N) o/ nbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
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0 M& d) F/ |0 z( c6 R* BThe first man married a nurse.

$ _  k, @$ S* h1 J, X7 D( FDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
" d( w7 v4 c/ G5 DNurses are known to be hot to trot".
# I7 N( n  T- O7 }  T+ _
/ ]6 E5 |2 m) F1 H, h0 |9 X+ K7 b0 XThe second man married a telephone operator.
( b3 L) I" Y2 Z+ d* ^" T9 |
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
( d8 s  W0 r6 C6 n5 Tbutton...A-bomb.?

5 g8 s  H6 E) AThe third man married a school teacher.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
- @0 G* ]3 v/ Y, y' L+ Pbut teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
7 A" E( K+ d0 \. M/ B7 M0 u8 f: Vonly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

* Y6 c6 F  T# c2 P6 }/ O. wAt 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
0 P! d( L; q* e, T- b2 Epajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
. Q7 N5 w) V, W8 [& h
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
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At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

( r/ M% n/ C4 w4 p& h  SThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
3 G* ^0 s6 _7 ~7 `2 ~in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
3 k# h: Z" k5 C0 \
Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
# M) l6 f4 Y6 Q8 ?' L& Itheir voices."
6 }5 @0 h" u7 U$ m) M$ P
The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
; B* E: l: j" ~! pthree minutes are up."

Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
; V. @$ f3 L+ @4 Q& scalling any minute.
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* d5 }& z; B. r( CFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

! H/ ]2 V' J2 U5 l8 ?8 bDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.
0 w0 b, f2 L3 j; g, i
Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
" b' P* d5 A. t! v$ v* P" S( dfight?"
7 F) H- o5 @# S6 v
6 ?  r1 ^! W, s' yThe man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
9 E) H3 x7 f0 P& c! z& }- L! l1 y8 ea school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
# z2 f" |0 x$ V" fare going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing