weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
* |0 \  X) e% [; LBMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
7 R- e; d" x' @& ^8 Q$ c; Z3 Wand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
. n4 A& ?4 @3 K0 m, Tflock, will you give me one?"
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The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
5 x. E7 q" |: i: tpeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

' l6 i5 a7 q7 U: ~7 {& WThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
0 n. P( x4 N) v) BGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
4 _) k1 g  p2 l6 H/ o5 ?and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
0 g5 F" t) _/ ]7 d  ?3 M1 M3 wa 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
; a; w1 s. z) l. i  |6 p: Qsays,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

* @& r, c$ W6 q/ x"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
1 @' r2 E3 H, F. Q; ^, [
, r3 ^, H4 F& M3 F7 O, B" ]) eHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.

/ H% e) D0 c! w# [  ?, aThen the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
8 m2 g1 O. i- [% nis, will you give me back my animal?"

+ w# A! o" y3 W/ `8 X# ^- _* r2 F: N"OK, why not" answered the young man.

* O4 \. x5 E" R2 j"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
  i1 Z' c' D, l# O( b7 P
6 X' ?; e9 U+ B' a"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
9 S2 D9 q2 ~" }: k- t1 Zme back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
3 c2 Q& N* ^( z# h" _7 F# v6 Fundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
% X: X; a. T1 ]$ U" ]% Nwas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
2 W" o$ E7 k4 _. Uher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
9 h- y8 c( _1 `7 y, I! Zopen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
* V$ K9 P. |5 _# w3 I+ |bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
" g: O; }9 q/ K  a2 \+ b" Ewhere they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
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The first man married a nurse.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
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The second man married a telephone operator.
/ U: k6 B; y' ~! Y* W4 k+ P
0 C% n/ \5 s4 O$ p* hDave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?
& h. f0 M9 o: [( ~0 }
The third man married a school teacher.

+ u0 n& k: [) @; N* c, ^  D/ {; k6 MDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
* s, B+ X) [1 M# zbut teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.
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At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
. k1 H. B* R$ Y5 d5 t. fnurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
0 K) c- T) |* B" r) N, tpajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
0 J- e! c! z/ b' y* P# X0 I3 O5 ^' M8 k/ {
5 S: N8 v$ q8 V7 ^3 Q4 ~! eDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
& `' Z* ?9 [9 s$ w" c1 k
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
4 j: M8 y6 K5 Gwas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

  q3 @1 F, j9 O6 Q) W8 h. ~$ Q; sAt 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
! v! u7 b5 v  d, I) H0 A
7 I7 D0 _! C, [7 r5 p5 PThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
  E! [7 ]& R* E0 A: q. I& ias possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
) n. U0 w9 V# y+ h2 p6 B6 c4 Ain shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."
' p% g) @, B; f' m: A
/ j  R1 r* d* o( MThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
, g4 b. ~$ n* D: o$ m& lthree minutes are up."
. r8 G6 S( f1 h( w
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
: k$ m$ [/ j+ a7 E* y7 Fcalling any minute.

, J! h; s7 j7 F4 Z- Z4 O, oFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
$ {" ^4 Z# ?6 l# o& F) Wman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
: J3 }, p9 T6 j7 n& I, l2 t5 Phis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"

2 O2 ], c- t% d. `3 |1 QThe man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing