weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
; J4 K; e3 B) O+ H" B1 aBMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
- X1 ]3 h  z: V3 X& w% KBroni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
! \9 \. M: Q, }' }9 _. Yand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
. y; T( L3 O) s6 d& |. s  dflock, will you give me one?"

8 N* {2 d& L7 O& j, gThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

' \7 j) x/ k' w- K! rThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
+ ]' L; ^# O( V5 ~" \Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
- g' L: ?/ _: @& I0 `7 Ha 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
' b- o2 _9 J1 T$ Q' @1 ]6 H
3 M5 X% R1 s- |"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
6 ^* S1 }! V; @# `* _) h
  l/ o: x+ b6 THe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
) F0 Q5 Z1 c8 {- ^8 @4 N0 a+ I3 [car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
5 Q9 b' y/ J. g/ [- Nis, will you give me back my animal?"

' @' G- B, H7 D' k  G1 `4 G9 M"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
9 |* K' @( [! W
"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
7 S+ s7 ^# B2 U, n! \) ~0 a
; D8 O3 z, U9 Q2 G"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
  p5 B9 M) P8 Q' `# g* o( E$ ~question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
* Y* k/ ?' Q) m. e4 g( M  Wundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
- `& b, }( E, [: v  sNot having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
( X3 s0 Z6 H. g- s# L  Winto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
% @1 i- A/ Z& n1 ~/ T  E" v: ther unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
4 j+ b+ l3 P$ dopen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
( s% c3 u1 n5 J8 r7 [2 w4 aresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
% Q$ _7 s- z1 Vbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
8 P! {* I# O' r  M8 R# k1 V& KNurses are known to be hot to trot".

1 a( f/ ?6 {5 @: p# a* _The second man married a telephone operator.

6 d% Z1 e2 R8 k2 t. q; y9 r$ `Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
+ ]6 Z% V& S+ O% B5 cTelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
' y0 Y! t9 |" `5 M( |1 Jbutton...A-bomb.?
6 C8 m+ M9 W+ |* r9 m4 I- I
The third man married a school teacher.

( B) {' Y6 V, b0 WDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
- Y  J: O, e! \& eonly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.
$ s7 n- f! W5 N# }0 R, _
- g. k- `/ R& j( P6 F9 l, UAt 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
% T! {4 j5 i8 W3 S+ P* ?" opajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

/ M1 Z& t: p" I: [Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
4 ?5 e& l3 n% \$ }3 A6 ]
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
  u6 ~$ ]. y+ G" J1 a
+ z. V# b7 t4 D: JThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
8 y2 ]% s; y5 U0 Q6 Y8 U' ?as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
' G2 ~: ?- s( V% ~* x/ s) |in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."

7 S/ j2 _9 r* [  |! e, k! WThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
7 t7 ^, K5 j$ ^heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
/ l' A5 K5 K4 [3 [: Tthree minutes are up."
* n" A4 H0 x% e4 Q% ]
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
/ W( v' |1 V1 |+ G  K" \calling any minute.
7 V/ ~9 L% ~3 ?
* b. g! d4 c8 E7 w% SFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
0 C/ ?1 |% u' p  M* S
Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
  C5 Y2 R3 b9 p$ pman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
5 G$ |+ S) J- X/ s7 rhis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
4 r! S( t' S4 f7 A7 ylegs.

& L3 w$ U; U6 W9 B8 X9 J, vJoe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
8 n9 v6 ?# o6 O. L: n% @1 Efight?"
' V8 i8 @; S9 E
+ n9 m$ \* d) @: V4 j1 w" W3 ~' S& J! ]The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
% b9 l+ _  x6 P  _! `are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing