weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
/ h) B, _* |# ^3 q5 a, z2 X& BBMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
5 H9 Z- W2 |, |0 L0 wand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
0 V, q4 Y& u0 bflock, will you give me one?"
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The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
7 l7 ^$ C/ b9 H/ Q, E! B% Rpeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

6 B$ v) Y  @$ x- S  o! BThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
; i5 V9 }7 J! P$ {; M2 Ucell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
8 l) \6 H7 \4 q% V- f7 ?4 p3 land an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
& N& T3 N5 X" O$ b% d  d4 Ksays,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
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"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
" m' S) W- {( |# T
He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
/ a/ y/ k" m( Z/ {8 P0 p, L) Bcar.
9 y4 }1 m* Z) ^3 i0 u- {- o
) B; G) h# p+ Z9 r, j+ H1 C' AThen the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
3 F. H6 X( [! d! @+ H) z. Gis, will you give me back my animal?"

9 b: S& y% w5 L; L( \"OK, why not" answered the young man.
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"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
5 W0 a1 C! H7 e2 X
"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
$ @/ ?" I  f0 R, l& H3 r
. O  x- h/ |% B7 b; |: ["No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
, `* k" m4 ?  c6 r; D9 _nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
+ @5 i7 V, _# ~. ~& x) qquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
+ z! v3 e9 ?8 v$ x, r  {0 d' eundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
. R9 ?- w; S7 F  \moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
! v1 ^/ Q% T8 Z8 k5 t+ Cwas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
' `" d5 f- k1 @, A7 ?4 M0 Ginto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
8 X/ t( C$ o6 I: }7 hher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
" e& r  J3 N5 H" H/ M8 s# a$ @6 ~% Iopen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
; j0 U$ Z9 \6 g; `, X3 oresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
! n& k- q. }! N# wbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
- d  Q( A/ [% L# b, R: w# qwhere they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
4 N5 B5 t, P- W% I: L5 f/ e! b6 v5 _
The first man married a nurse.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
5 M  J2 s0 ~& N# u+ I" }( ]& K% }
8 S/ }  r3 }3 ]' k0 S8 \The second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?
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; b4 @' ~  q1 l+ qThe third man married a school teacher.
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: w/ a7 A$ B3 IDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
6 J4 F( W7 L6 x8 d  obut teachers are just too frigid".

* L9 p# o5 Q! q8 n0 Y5 M, J! A( l+ HThe next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
6 V/ A+ _& x/ D& Conly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
4 a- r, i4 l7 xwould call much later in the day.

9 ]/ y$ X' W( G- B3 W! E/ }At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
7 f4 }* {- G! a0 a! Jnurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
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# P9 y- ^( Q( |/ n1 w/ wDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

7 X! D& [% \( P' w, V# V+ w2 G  G( G( |# |The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

/ u1 p# v* V7 V/ s7 v1 qThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
* a& J9 z- b9 Lin shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
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  A1 D( b0 ?9 M; m7 CDave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
! ~) r; l7 N' etheir voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
( T$ l* }0 F$ @, t! Y9 ]! x% uthree minutes are up."
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Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.

' D+ q# K0 D/ l& [Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

: W, A9 q; k/ I7 eDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
9 i* K9 E) T& l$ W: g# g/ z8 I1 nhis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

6 E9 h( i& {, i% z1 T, I$ q4 s) lJoe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
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$ b1 `  f9 j! @, i9 C- o1 vThe man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
6 f8 _. F( @+ W9 `+ `are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing