weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
. I8 ]2 i3 Y% wand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
/ Z5 \$ l$ B7 Y. pflock, will you give me one?"
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The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
. }2 e" P- S5 w# pcell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
- R) X* \# h; S& E$ NGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
* |# t# |9 w+ {2 N) }+ SBlackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
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7 P- k- n1 u8 K, jHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
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3 t0 o8 N- A0 SThen the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
- L/ y) K1 H4 C7 k% @- Wis, will you give me back my animal?"
" |0 l' o/ j6 U$ j% o
# S' I; n  u& N+ Q; C"OK, why not" answered the young man.
  R& c9 t$ Y; |' r) z7 B9 e: s
: v+ U8 e4 b- b"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

# |/ U5 N+ l& Y2 `"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
" t0 G. y. b# W2 L0 {
" }5 n( H" w, p, F. F"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
0 c9 o$ j7 ?5 Z3 pnobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
' Q* @% h3 B  K3 B& Jquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
) ^4 k, u+ ]4 N. S/ Smoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
& Z: f, \9 ^& K) swas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
/ C2 V: t  {: c/ X8 i- j3 b8 s/ Aher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
: d" W7 {: [9 i- t0 Q# Ropen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
9 V9 I1 ]* V/ p3 r+ bwhere they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
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The second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?
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* C0 a( o. v8 g0 C7 E9 L2 sThe third man married a school teacher.
/ S" m0 M/ ?2 E; N) J( w4 v
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".
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  v- c1 _( t1 a% C: H2 HThe next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
1 E# |/ D8 b8 Y1 I5 }7 jpajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

; q$ v" h; c7 B* r8 L, R1 K' X  KDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
; p! f0 w5 h7 L7 `6 I
( H' N, u& r: rThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
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At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
7 E5 \+ o5 U+ Das possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
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Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."

' x4 d+ {. e' [The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
/ F- H9 l+ R% j& rheard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
" w& ?7 f; k* o0 ^/ [' e" athree minutes are up."
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Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.
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! T% `6 M) i3 e& ^/ P3 zFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"

! ^- ?4 E) {) \2 ]6 K( w; z4 DThe man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
. b+ Z4 ~) x5 `6 G. \$ t( z* [a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
: F5 f! S& w1 X  ?( h) k# d3 X; j+ n/ {are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing