weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
/ H* K* y: n* I' e3 U' [7 DBMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
$ e7 ?; I1 M  W% T! o, Mand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"

/ W* P* c+ L- t  Y" oThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
1 ?2 }7 M8 }( {peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

0 N/ I3 S3 M3 r- i) f* tThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
' f, [- d# S9 y2 V7 }, o( Acell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
* @) B! z& z; ?+ m! J; bGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
8 _& ^0 `, _2 |- |: ca 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
8 Y5 G. a5 i: x8 Z: r+ }7 msays,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

+ g* X3 s" X4 p" r9 bHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
* B9 B* {- i4 B, X, I7 b
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
- P! k: r% P) c& |9 ~is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK, why not" answered the young man.
, q3 l- s' v% L' X6 G1 B
$ |& x6 M. w! m% V- p% H"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
- d" P9 I7 P# [& O5 W( M
" ~  \2 l! o, Y/ Z8 X5 s"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
( ~  E; D" d6 p  s# Vnobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
/ s7 b/ t  h: L) z3 J+ Vme back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
% @5 q, H! u& V+ ENot having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
0 a8 Z5 f6 u8 twas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
7 y; l0 Y4 k' P; Qinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
  T3 L0 i: g9 X7 H' jher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
8 G) |% F1 L$ H. e6 M4 fopen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
& `+ D# j& _  j. c! N4 dresponded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
' E# f( O) N" v# }% R$ d- twhere they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
1 l$ I, w7 e' p
The first man married a nurse.

, G/ N- _5 ]- P2 e+ }2 b. G! TDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
2 K& S2 b8 p6 {5 S  M" E: |  S, ]: ?
The second man married a telephone operator.

6 g* w7 {" G9 e) mDave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
+ x" ^. t9 p3 ]+ r3 obutton...A-bomb.?

8 a+ j3 u. @2 z& R/ Y: W+ PThe third man married a school teacher.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".

; F# c( U5 S: A/ m0 N! t4 gThe next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
% O# r, x9 q3 `) h# O" J: d2 \would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
  T' G; A; M: vpajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

' y$ f3 H2 U9 i; UDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
! @: T8 ^, e- M! k
; L2 [3 C7 G5 z- ?" BThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
, i0 a+ a# J& Q& B9 Pwas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."

At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

0 R3 x$ l" K' y# x' x! KThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
; W* L) d: ?0 D% k; ]8 fas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
% F4 E7 e6 D+ Qin shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
. s; _6 n) b2 D* i8 A
Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."

; J$ [0 }7 j, x( wThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
( o4 {+ G* y$ R/ g7 \heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."

* V: X9 }5 O3 o+ f# LDave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.
$ ^1 x0 v( s7 i( U6 ~! p+ y
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
3 V( J5 h7 |1 ~: ^- u& rhis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
/ v* j  S* U# A& jlegs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"

# N7 d, R9 x5 k: ~The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
) y/ j4 {1 F+ h; o; m, ~, ha school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
  J0 Z2 r% k+ bare going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing