weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
9 a" s7 m7 l8 p! ]+ E' JBMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
9 D8 N& Q8 |( j. W& f2 x8 s3 bBroni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
5 W; x; H5 ^7 u, zand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
& ?* ~* b& h1 p9 I$ m5 t6 Pflock, will you give me one?"
2 t/ ?* @! a# ~9 _! Y5 k. N
8 ^1 v) I  o* vThe shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
; {" r7 |9 f1 \8 Opeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
2 H/ r# P# |* Y# Y. }0 g5 ZGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
* w8 W% F" {8 h' F0 j4 o8 ^  s2 t5 `Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
' t. O( F! u6 T( i' g0 ^' H7 Ya 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

' {8 ^9 u! D! b% r3 N"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
" _" x* D3 Z4 S- }( \* r7 S! o* j
& a, g4 o9 \2 N" \He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
  @# Z7 c5 n5 b: Y7 q; m
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
* V9 G1 M' \; B- J/ J0 x' I; Ois, will you give me back my animal?"
; Y0 {: Q& j5 a1 C6 u# I7 W2 c
2 |) j$ N  @* W+ W# Z* F"OK, why not" answered the young man.
4 g# b" Z) U# X6 |/ y2 z
6 i" S/ I; n" l: h: {, V"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.
/ \3 x* A8 Z3 k! i# R4 t
5 |; r& M* }. Z$ R"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
8 Z% _/ A( U% r$ U  u: Q( Cnobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
+ H6 a5 y! l/ o6 D9 L% g& A  yquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
; W8 X( Z5 J9 ?/ ^me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
/ P* v+ }9 B/ |" z9 n# ]% `( smoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
3 u" c/ \8 V9 ^  N2 xwas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
* U. l; I3 o9 @1 |& H/ |1 m8 w! ainto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
# O: F5 I- c0 ^! y* \open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
0 l8 f+ H7 |4 c* t0 C/ ]5 awhere they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
1 P/ n+ ?! ~6 S
  e8 a' ^% j. O& f* EThe first man married a nurse.
7 c; I7 a; F: Q& d4 V$ \
- m1 I6 q0 B0 o3 \/ aDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
2 I9 ?8 F# R# `& y* {1 w! xNurses are known to be hot to trot".
  m3 a, ?2 |$ W7 `% K! s
  O% d) O- }, tThe second man married a telephone operator.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
  Q1 x6 R- Y; t& [. ITelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?

" u! W8 G- P& |1 e8 pThe third man married a school teacher.

  |& V* b7 `9 S7 k5 e/ X$ t- C" ZDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".
" s, {5 l/ l! d4 S. \. \
1 Q8 x7 M  l- _6 l. e' RThe next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
4 R, U7 y' A9 C+ Jonly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
# Z7 N% X- o( c4 Unurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
' G) ~4 T  j, ~: S8 K" _pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
8 V) }3 s" m  \) |
% m( O5 r% N9 O  IDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
; F% {! }* [- ~0 x. E
+ v. l+ ?: l/ TThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
9 j; z1 w$ s- U$ |; K; Kwas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
( Z( i" e" }: N
3 Z8 p5 c# _4 O% G( m( X! i. a& IAt 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

% b8 k% w+ |" q& I- ~" `3 zThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
: }  f( A* V0 n7 u2 @7 Eas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
4 f! U$ I/ V$ x: l
) C# w6 x+ z- j* eDave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
% f7 @2 n3 V) d% ]  Itheir voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
% n! u) Z1 \0 S+ ^$ i% f% M, Sheard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."
. ~- J0 }; J4 q1 A6 u  U6 Y$ M
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.
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Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

$ m. J! m- i- O6 l" lDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.
5 Y# F& o$ p* B: ~0 J" N3 H
Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
$ s' j+ s/ l$ ufight?"

The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
7 o8 Y) U# k7 @' E5 ?$ r  n/ O: fa school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing