Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? 6 p: V7 z* C/ c8 t : V1 G! R1 k: `( d, L; X5 ^Let's face it ! o$ b, a ^2 z; j& u5 PEnglish is a stupid language. 3 z5 ~. z, B- j) @3 PThere is no egg in the eggplant / o' N# Y6 f6 \ b# N" zNo ham in the hamburger . |" m5 a) Q# Q) r: l4 {And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. + \2 Y1 _( {, ~9 ~# V; gEnglish muffins were not invented in England* `! \. _8 X2 O) h
French fries were not invented in France. 9 p& ~( G9 ~5 _" Z8 ~! H" d$ G% R& ~) W" i! A
We sometimes take English for granted 0 L' z. @) w" HBut if we examine its paradoxes we find that * H0 V2 F# z* j; H6 pQuicksand takes you down slowly # N, V( q/ v, {- U# Z0 S t% jBoxing rings are square - c0 N d" w, ]# G) eAnd a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 1 q$ p% }/ `% U: u7 \ }
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If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.: }( i# b6 z3 d$ b9 @
If the plural of tooth is teeth' b; Z/ B2 l. ?! o8 o0 Q. T" {0 E- z' i8 p
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth7 [6 v7 ~. u! W/ R/ N6 n
If the teacher taught, & S5 |2 J e7 k rWhy didn't the preacher praught. : o9 J. Y: D4 K4 u; C; N * c$ A9 m$ @8 g# b8 z4 `; w8 L. mIf a vegetarian eats vegetables/ Y: B9 W# a5 Q" N. D t3 @+ t5 K& a
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?/ K) C$ Y0 Q7 y% u
Why do people recite at a play , @. K. |* E' i1 a! ZYet play at a recital?% y- s9 f1 l" ]# Y" l! l
Park on driveways and $ b/ j4 u1 y* z. P/ L1 |% Q5 fDrive on parkways 3 H9 ]( A+ B1 j8 ]' ?2 N7 d. H1 q$ A' ]9 B) T9 O6 h( B! B
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy& l3 ~/ d. V: J3 K9 y4 H
Of a language where a house can burn up as x! }6 k3 b$ k
It burns down( d! q& _3 m) S) N# V0 d0 C1 |% }5 {$ \
And in which you fill in a form 9 c% M8 _- m! t- [By filling it out" E- B+ q3 Q" D9 e. {
And a bell is only heard once it goes!6 R, c# y& _' ]& ]9 X% I( ]# u
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English was invented by people, not computers $ c: Q+ {8 v& y9 NAnd it reflects the creativity of the human race * R$ N7 w+ h/ i1 S+ d5 j: o(Which of course isn't a race at all)$ t8 O4 N9 x$ ~% [
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That is why3 Z; v" ^+ j1 }; w
When the stars are out they are visible : w$ y6 I9 a7 U% Q* H [5 v$ pBut when the lights are out they are invisible" v1 u9 R7 f3 r# f! r& u! N$ D
And why it is that when I wind up my watch9 h! Z: r1 }' P$ P
It starts+ D' T% W$ ^% t; I3 B$ B
But when I wind up this observation, ; `% e: N8 N. R Z- D' n. P% I" wIt ends.