Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ G1 z" p# Z4 F6 V+ Q2 FCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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/ J" r* ]% M  f  |( \8 [BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

# j/ w* A2 H8 }VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

' e& ~- s: E. B2 ?* K; \7 v- nSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

& x) h1 U  o$ j  sSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

: p, R9 d) G7 g8 y5 A! VSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

( d1 k0 y: K1 n1 q- oFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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5 j4 e6 T( f! UMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

5 N' _# |/ ^7 MCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

, a0 b2 [: R  |$ p* d  zYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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4 {! t9 c. K7 L# \% e! b* OIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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/ S% K6 D  C4 f3 ~7 w9 gWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵