Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

8 d* U' x8 y/ J: v, ?" v6 a! S' qCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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6 r# c! c; L( |( H1 ?8 L) w+ v/ JBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* X0 ~+ i: \  t( a6 TBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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  J9 F' L; Q, L; X) S0 I8 R2 g/ y# oP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

8 k% o5 c- R* F) _/ Z2 mBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

: z: h% A& H$ p: o+ ]. T  ^# {STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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) B4 o$ b: J. r% z3 bMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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4 W5 i' L' A5 U, n& y8 \* WCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

# [6 l% e* ~6 z9 {  g$ aPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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" o) Z3 @5 |3 T0 p$ v" C7 l, W1 H- }% fIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' ]1 ]- ^* {. GBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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7 O6 A- G* W+ A3 ^% l! N- ~                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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, }* }" X6 E6 G. D% CPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
. W4 h6 f9 L+ h) \, a  l" N# F                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵