Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

6 p& p! R/ b! v& N" Z, hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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( K% H- c2 W' |+ M' EBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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$ R: ^3 e1 M  x& Y1 H0 k. PSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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0 ?5 Q/ m+ @* O  G) U' JFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

+ ^' N; t4 L: C! `" w3 MMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

6 R# c3 U, V4 ~: [CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
$ Z( [/ y* G- X" hWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 y0 b) L: D; j( VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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( n! Y+ P& f0 g' cWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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+ K9 f  x$ U- N2 Z/ _+ H4 n3 KPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵