Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' |( t  ^# V# _  zCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

  I: ^% T; d& g& H9 CBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
; a2 C: b2 D9 ]# D! IBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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! b$ q, ]! `. g3 AVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

3 i) {* E4 p/ D/ J& IP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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7 c: t& h3 a! K& x6 zSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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& M' A# K; A* i- I( w  ~MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

9 L8 l& J0 @+ b5 q3 v8 s. x* yYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

( Z8 t# y2 k$ G9 eINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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7 E6 E. U; v# F' ^2 ~) [* j, }! OIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; n9 }9 J+ f7 G2 L3 C- u/ \With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 U9 X) _* D! N2 Y! ZBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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  S: o0 t, K- z! M7 k, N$ R9 ?                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵