Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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$ W7 @6 N3 ?: M- }0 QCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; \) G6 v( R7 z. jCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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9 F9 p" T5 b" G8 m- M/ LBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
6 c0 l- m' q% e4 ~* D+ c/ w. J5 xBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

- o  l1 l. `4 qP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

9 G3 F2 R: l. Y8 ]4 d  DSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

! p$ o& t1 z% b) F- E0 `* QSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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! u1 p! S* J# O& F) D) T6 H$ G# \FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

- \+ \! b0 O' J0 E5 G; n  wMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

- f. r8 `7 K# ]# S, Q* V, M; o+ [% hCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

; `! A* ]% G/ ?0 h5 _8 j3 mYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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( a8 d% ~! U3 L# V: _) LWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

, W- j* n$ @8 t2 e& ]PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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! ~. w' a/ t! I- r9 H2 d) d' O% PIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. D* `/ s4 n, rWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 T2 p/ ?/ o+ S2 DBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 w4 _6 W% L. A9 o& G( B8 \, {Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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5 z: b8 Q9 g( UWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
8 y  x) K) U# t                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵