Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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# L# g  a: [3 C) nBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 D4 p. h  M  {$ @( |6 M* L, rVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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$ A! M4 k% b* WBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

- D# w/ r% v" C6 S  o8 ?# U) q& x2 X& FSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

. ?9 m- C, B) F! r. T" bSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

5 Q0 \! t* ^4 j- R+ J% Q6 p. kSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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) i% Y5 Z. p( Y6 |- Y4 G, A# OYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 ~3 H+ y" y' ]4 TINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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6 m; x, T1 _+ t: i9 D* \7 G/ vPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ p" J8 V, n5 \6 YWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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- B. C: R7 E# k& z- x5 r$ y, X7 s8 V% N3 AWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵