Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

# V. t; J: `% ~( VCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
" t4 y, ?3 _" ABEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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* C8 S% i" W5 xP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

2 k) g( c7 Z, `- ^2 Y6 }# o  e4 @' X, GCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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* e6 Z5 W' x/ kYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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. N% G0 \. h" G4 k: [INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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! i$ i8 x; y- N- ]If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
, Q) `5 y6 T- L9 N( w. E7 F8 ?* HWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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2 l. _  M# T) {6 J; y9 qWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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- y8 p4 F# y. \8 `* @1 q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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( V3 u+ P' _! ?9 G4 h                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵