Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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4 F  F; g3 c! w- p# m7 x, KCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& I, u( E' A, @/ Q2 m9 c- ]BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

1 }& u: I1 ]. a8 Z( wBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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+ {$ G; m4 o. ]5 p8 ]STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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* T, H6 S# L* DCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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, y9 D5 ~8 F0 m: @6 aWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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% w7 D& S8 D+ s8 ]) HIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
" r3 ]; h2 a7 K4 F: KWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# z3 g5 u* o  ?  T! ~1 `But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
% V0 p# G$ e0 D+ r1 ^Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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$ U; J5 P; H1 o0 }5 h                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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& f& u* @* |3 k. p; zPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵