Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
$ o% B6 Z2 n& k" [CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

- b( C1 d, W! ^VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

2 z0 j& q; }8 T; OSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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; k- R% D, R) z7 j5 JFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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1 z3 s/ `1 |( \3 DCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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, V* E( k' X3 q, `YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 g6 n# A* n% y8 aINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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9 ^0 x* \, ]8 Z4 N% X, t8 OIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
' S% _- }( x# n! fBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
4 J, f. }/ s, z3 ^                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵