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it's hilarious, but i didn't write it lol# U$ C9 Y V/ Q4 r4 F
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9 m5 x0 A5 X: i9 n3 R8 ZThings to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/parents is/are taking their sweet time:# A& F2 s2 d# O: b8 N& X8 ^6 A1 M: Q
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1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
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2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.8 |" o) K- H5 u+ N1 m7 }& G
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3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
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8 C& W9 k; B: Y( Y& C6 s4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.
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' p0 v5 q2 |3 Q0 X# y7 `5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away., t; t5 S6 t( S Y2 E Z
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) J1 x6 o0 _+ [+ s6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area, T3 @# G" k' \" P+ a9 c
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7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.
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8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask
+ @3 }/ f V0 i; G2 q, c; C8 D6 a: d'Why can't you people just leave me alone?') \* A5 j' w/ Y# O4 V
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9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your nose.
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& [: ?7 ~% }+ C( F+ [$ U. t10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.
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6 z$ a8 @ ~/ `% |: o11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.
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12. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.6 e5 W( J% ?" y6 Y9 C4 c
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& Z5 S: p# r# r+ h: Q14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!
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& X' z' B9 V- r" n* \$ m, DAnd; last, but not least!)
0 v) J) a. R- L0 j5 l" [9 z2 j- q15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" |
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