我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

" l2 Y/ h  W( p  tI fell in love with you
& O/ B% z3 F$ P  g$ o. `  vAt the first week we met
8 r& w, g. a0 U# o( |, _
' A. l- x+ z2 D% p5 |You have charm, you have looks
5 D0 q$ E6 [8 S! J! }with full of pimples in face
$ V/ z. s" S) U# ~( J. Q& ]7 AAs spotting sky at a summer night
: ^8 x. p* r) mThey are shining stars
# m  m; m8 O4 ]7 c$ u
! G/ l" S. f6 pYour lip is so big
$ l  [6 l) E5 W" b1 f" oAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
' g% w# [. o# T0 d1 J% RAnd that is good for sex
7 f& i! X: Z! N& U$ g1 _
I was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
7 c8 P6 x: D+ j. _9 [. |7 S8 u$ b( GYou blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
. T$ ^1 R; x+ C  ]$ x
4 l; J7 e  M3 r. E' pYou could not stand my eating
) f/ X, l0 b6 U& ISaying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
3 W* M; l" v( [& MEating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
2 I: X5 {! S& X- `# C" L; kAnd that is the price for love
( ]# Z- a3 x+ t1 c+ u* A
4 r& H( D1 m& l9 i3 ~9 ^you are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'
$ P! x& F! \) W  y
You are loving me
or that one in your mind?
  ~( E! R' q  r$ x4 v) [9 b$ CMy mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want
8 o  w& ^& H0 H3 V- G2 e  W
unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
% G' M, V, L  rand I am seriously hurt
: b* c3 g) O3 ^
I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
& i0 H' h- X9 I4 D: Jmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

5 l2 S; v2 F- n& h咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
% D! A* O. p: y/ s7 y" u% f6 J不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
) Y) x. m9 c/ Z& ]9 S( @6 S$ mi am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

with the charm,
5 k- N- t# n7 M# }/ B2 U0 i) Z4 swith the simles.
I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer
% B2 ?' K/ U4 H: @: R
Your lip is so soft
0 d9 E1 x- s5 C; `there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
3 f; h' n2 Z( B& @9 Z' IAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
% ]) w0 M) ^* ?0 m
I am deeply in love
  I: W! `4 U: f1 \, OEverything from you is so charming
" v( |/ g9 _  Q0 \although You r so picky for me
/ w: ]! O3 l( S5 F+ d: e4 u% hAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
- Q& n/ F- ]* \) p
7 [1 W7 a  x, D$ N* ?
& j2 l9 u+ b! }, b- tHis hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
7 u0 m8 P* Y9 r- L& ~His hand would be hers to hold forever
, o8 {" \; _" m: [/ N, [- Z4 WHis forever is simply as her smile
  y( X# g, a- n: p+ _- _- FHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
7 n3 x/ Y9 Y$ a% C! z! IAnd his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
$ Z& T& G/ I. |7 C" Q1 u
) l0 @. c8 f# t" K5 e" X2 S2 n8 hBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
+ O; k/ `. B$ B
) [; \& {9 L" ~" E2 F3 g( f5 wIt's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
My heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute

You left me without a word
0 x  J. z4 R$ o- sI have nothing except my emptiness
# I  v/ D9 b! L9 k$ s1 mMy mood is like a cloud
" j0 B5 V+ M7 d1 r% u* _How could it be dispersed?
" e5 Z9 R; N; p+ p2 B' K' J: D+ |1 D+ r
Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
- [! }6 v: z' Q! @4 C' oI will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
1 u9 M& e  `3 q: r+ I就和用中文写一次
# \$ O5 h& y, ?5 Z  k6 ^3 x6 K阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
8 i. g0 w9 G7 v- r1 s你让我脸发热
/ C, k) l& N8 [- q7 w+ x1 o1 @5 r我爱上你的大嘴唇
" }1 W8 s: F- C3 a2 J' I$ ~: ?XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
9 U' R" h0 u% G- z0 s
' |0 A4 X2 h; w  e; ~如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
( \+ Y* V* z4 j* H1 \8 C+ W至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
( v7 F7 N  K' i你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
# k1 S( V% Q) ~( p你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
$ r" ^' E9 W7 V我爱上你的大嘴唇
2 K" f! |" |0 T/ \XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

+ s- b( q9 s; S) R
; y5 L* D9 G6 ~; |; ^靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。