我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
( O; `8 P2 k7 f; p5 X. ?; T
, s  F' o! I# @, ]6 O+ j9 v3 HI fell in love with you
# B- [4 l+ t, _2 R& s% `6 YAt the first week we met
4 M) a; C2 d5 i4 V
You have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars
9 S. X0 V  Y3 T7 I+ N! _3 ?& n
9 o% p7 M* j6 `* wYour lip is so big
$ h/ B7 S# D8 ]  ~; n7 z1 D% UAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex
9 q( p0 r% W( T6 W. ^( Y- Z$ A. s
) P; @) {8 Y" V) e- KI was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
, U: k6 s$ C0 B7 Q( rYou blame me everything and everyday
+ z. X' Y' t) }( {1 V! GAnd I think all girls sound like
3 T$ A- V- G9 T
You could not stand my eating
! R% s( j! _6 d: iSaying no good for making funny sound
  K+ o2 @+ G5 ]I think you are perfectly right
; H  w' A5 g, b$ W$ k7 ~! gEating with sound is a pig

% v6 O+ ?! }; J# OI fell in love with you
. f: D7 [. q9 V8 l& i* H1 I  hBecome a fool to think
All trouble things you did
/ @7 L$ {% l3 pAnd that is the price for love
+ V6 c% d6 w# ?+ K- l
you are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
# j/ ]$ w$ N. B$ x4 z5 f4 P"My man should be like this,
* f" L' Q* E" t6 |9 L8 Z& zand I am helping you to improve'
# i5 n' W% e# o
You are loving me
, v* r( a. K; ]# r( E; C5 K2 ]or that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want

unfortunalety not my heart
  |. s$ A. w# O9 a* cIt is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
3 N$ F; U3 m* b; }0 }
& p, o& H: @9 Q4 |I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
" Z* k1 ]' G8 R- Smy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
8 |+ n+ C9 V; G6 n/ m; x不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
) c5 T: {+ _/ f2 h2 f. Q: `i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
# d: u& M/ p7 R0 y. I- C0 vAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

& z# N1 `4 d4 m$ k- b0 L' Z/ B1 iwith the charm,
) Z4 j5 p1 m& ]% u2 P% o" ywith the simles.
; Y' E- K- P) ~" u6 v/ P- i7 VI fell in love with you
* h/ D- X4 N+ `  C. e$ S7 S; eIn the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

( Y4 b/ f, n# D7 aYour lip is so soft
* K7 l- j' u" T3 W# h9 ?there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

8 B# X# u- I4 sI am deeply in love
* f- R7 B8 P; c6 q  `3 [( @( rEverything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
' w& h) P1 a0 q( |. P- f$ n/ kAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
8 Q! f% p* d# E% l4 b* M. M: jBut u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
* }4 }& b  @+ n3 f5 \: a/ ?
0 Q* }' {3 C9 s$ S! Y
His hello is the end of her endings
3 Y  H, R9 S; {# `5 jHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
' S# E8 F8 ?0 J# h  RHis hand would be hers to hold forever
: k( X) o* m2 c! L4 }' @) {His forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
% Z& w% m4 u1 KI do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
( y! O# ]3 }+ O2 }+ j) }# m7 Y
Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
& T) B7 ^! G" \$ D- _, c9 P% a
It's amazing how I felt
1 G% s5 i. Q$ l' k$ p" t7 Y! swhen I was with you
# Q3 }# h, K. GMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute

You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?

Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
( a6 Z  i: p! D) i1 m你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
, ~( j/ M) [- N% z/ r! e就和用中文写一次
, U9 A( J$ i/ U8 Y9 D阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
/ a9 s, d$ U: c7 X5 }  s, G你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
1 O6 r, t% ^* E% [5 R/ [. E5 `6 W3 `XXXXX
+ Q: C8 s: B+ b不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

, B/ C3 n3 c0 i: w: L  G如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
3 u  h& a9 [0 {  o闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
' e8 [8 }7 b' o# U7 T% p' v你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
* i* e2 L) |% j4 i  t! F6 w& m我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

3 x; A+ w6 z& e5 q9 D
1 l* v2 r1 `0 A靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
' o' |1 r0 v2 K& n0 S. |

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。