我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
( a9 X# A5 f; Z; V2 W* E7 X
, _: P! h; L- Q* X) b. mI fell in love with you
# ~& s3 Z! g" m3 |: PAt the first week we met
. [' _; ^$ E7 ^2 [" a: ?7 b9 X# z
8 U* H3 e1 b% t" [( LYou have charm, you have looks
* R# E* v( U! W: D* fwith full of pimples in face
: k) k8 z( k4 ~As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars

# K5 u- K' U$ v) c1 y2 vYour lip is so big
& P& M* O, I' yAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex

I was deeply in love
2 |5 d& r; r! y1 s& p* FEverything from you is positive
7 i- h2 f: a" Y- @7 m% u* l9 t" eYou blame me everything and everyday
1 o( `( X7 P/ [9 l- V& E# sAnd I think all girls sound like
3 P! P- V; U% N& o3 P  [$ _7 g9 H. }2 s
! z' W9 }7 L- V6 D8 M, E( @You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
' S( H0 F, g4 A0 J, cEating with sound is a pig
& F+ s9 O" N* `( o9 S' x- l7 [
8 `" x3 G5 P1 Z5 X  x2 ^5 [* hI fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
4 n: m( s; C9 j; vAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love
2 U( \6 v4 Z4 p5 ]
1 m: u3 S/ g( {6 d2 T3 E! l" I- Fyou are deeply in love
. f% ^( H5 j% a2 ~9 r1 {0 |9 pEverything from me is negative
3 T# t2 l1 Y% `4 E) Z2 A"My man should be like this,
0 U, z  M, e, z# Eand I am helping you to improve'

7 I2 h% C! i4 y( s( [6 aYou are loving me
or that one in your mind?
  |, }& P. q, i( [( z1 P6 LMy mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want
' ~+ Y, [0 l  r2 d9 T
" @  Z8 X+ u7 L, h( d  U2 Ounfortunalety not my heart
5 j4 z5 Y0 d. K4 ^* KIt is slashed by you
9 V1 U4 C6 v; N" p% J2 U/ h+ W$ Gand I am seriously hurt

- ~' D: D# }5 Q% i- yI will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
& @$ u/ j* [- ^. I" t2 Fmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

" h: Y2 @# }: R. c7 `2 ]0 i
  l7 j* L1 h( V5 s咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
8 c. m6 X4 u' z不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
! ^8 a# V" Q1 ~9 e' S! G2 B7 a
with the charm,
: A4 R9 D* S- X: j; y+ O( Fwith the simles.
I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
' l2 W+ a7 n8 [) v& j# O; a, t' ^As spotting sky at a summer

; ~! ~. F& `- `+ J5 D. W( T& xYour lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
; k  R" x, r/ Z* V2 d' i% KYour body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
! q9 `$ e6 w& t  \7 Z
I am deeply in love
/ f; j5 V7 O6 `4 u" A. D. l6 g7 ]Everything from you is so charming
: |. D1 H8 `& {1 {. {1 {9 @although You r so picky for me
And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem


His hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
, o; i$ a8 W2 ?His hand would be hers to hold forever
7 v' I& S  p2 f5 m9 q( vHis forever is simply as her smile
' ~+ [1 q$ b1 n. H( B- KHe said she was what was missing
0 O: B7 |- V- J! o! ]She said instantly she knew
" }* s& ?: a9 HShe was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas

* f8 z% n/ p, PBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
, ?9 r* J" L, C+ d
It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
My heart beat so fast
* R+ p: n. i0 t; ?: G1 `I looked at you and thought
/ V) [# T4 P- o, K' J3 F2 g- X8 x7 THoly Jesus, you were so cute

9 d, w/ ^9 I7 ~/ N% i7 eYou left me without a word
' [5 x; v' h+ O2 TI have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?

Feelings bite my heart
1 w3 z) M6 l2 m6 V/ l0 W$ HYou are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
: J# Z$ E" F3 p0 dI will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
$ Y, H; b) [4 A' r- Q" G, f8 ]你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
8 S+ C  m- h+ F* f( p5 q8 B6 h阿,我爱你
5 d% W% m1 \' P% Y你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
1 \7 d" f$ u$ A5 h: s我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
- V6 ]! Y- w1 d5 C, H  j不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
% x, `# A* l$ Y
7 v+ C: b( G/ p' t1 O% _4 O如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
, M$ e4 Z5 L3 d% r至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
& P$ J% n/ C( A阿,我爱你
2 N! Q: v7 t3 v' b5 E+ n你让我心跳好快
' m* J) Q' O) Q% m6 y: `你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
$ E* n3 @; s) P* JXXXXX
7 j  c  a' [- ^% E$ b& K$ a不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

5 k- [$ X& x6 A5 j/ ~靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。