我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

# [# K; t& O$ N+ cI fell in love with you
At the first week we met

You have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
: t: Q. D8 R4 m, q* B+ P$ T: ]They are shining stars

Your lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
" a0 T/ \* s2 l5 Z0 p. l# r& g: AAnd that is good for sex

% ?  L# v- P! ^2 MI was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like

You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
/ k. X! |4 P& H3 m1 Q! d( H* V0 tI think you are perfectly right
' p7 _/ U+ j/ r. x+ PEating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
! I* X$ x6 S: |: g* d0 mBecome a fool to think
+ f4 U% Z: B: z0 k, wAll trouble things you did
  S7 q; m) G: _- B% PAnd that is the price for love

8 v! `* k- L' J3 V2 y, P1 Lyou are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
& F6 P0 K- t! G"My man should be like this,
3 _0 R* C; U: b0 l/ O4 Iand I am helping you to improve'

. Z  V- @' z% Q, A3 EYou are loving me
& }) n+ U( ?* |) bor that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want

+ w& z# s" \0 {) o4 y9 xunfortunalety not my heart
( A: t0 i0 ^; A3 c" B6 QIt is slashed by you
( F& n) s: Q: @# Dand I am seriously hurt
  _; e- T3 K* q% s6 Z( i6 o8 A
5 n  G& Z$ ^9 C7 C8 u% }) l7 f) kI will never love another
" R; J$ K- \. ?: Z; O/ XIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

8 W% A% ]7 q" z/ v7 k
咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
  _) [' J+ ?# u, d3 J6 C- U* S0 t) x不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

2 A' v1 F* y1 G+ C. L. P2 Owith the charm,
+ Q8 }' B. k5 u0 ]9 H$ ywith the simles.
( _# b; Y5 V5 j  h/ d/ t  zI fell in love with you
8 f1 r/ g5 N& v( s7 d9 XIn the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer
; ^+ t0 ], H1 \1 X7 R" w
Your lip is so soft
! z) \$ F% ]5 M4 R0 h4 e) pthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
0 F4 O' P# V8 y! E3 H$ e
* \: M1 N: |; k% p# T# p2 }I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
$ O. [: _+ [# \* x) e* X# UBut u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
$ Y- Q3 {3 ~$ c- g7 P& {

  S4 s1 o; Z6 }! ~' zHis hello is the end of her endings
' {* S+ @0 D+ a3 Y' F4 t9 O0 aHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
$ I# V: {, B; _9 ^9 f, wHis forever is simply as her smile
$ H& m2 D7 m/ }4 M( u7 ]& ~1 FHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
& A, v4 [6 s4 c; o: fShe was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
: V; C$ j. Y* H7 n1 r9 H
Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

; ^. C. O. }, e6 ?! N) zIt's amazing how I felt
, M8 }+ x9 Z9 m' e2 A) Awhen I was with you
My heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute

, A  \! [" J1 nYou left me without a word
: C3 e$ T# K, u) n; W; hI have nothing except my emptiness
* L1 i2 a( I' `! p/ JMy mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?

Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
3 ^6 c6 _$ `+ h- Q7 O你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
% D; X# K6 `9 ]1 ~2 z% l3 ^5 }# \阿,我爱你
) E6 @+ p  [- N0 a8 |你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
5 p: j4 `. M$ A$ G5 D, _+ C7 QXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

/ H3 r$ x4 ~! H如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
6 L+ B2 x. p1 b. A$ C9 e: e4 t你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
& s& d: J' M- P4 f就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
  C4 O& M/ `9 s/ U& Z你让我心跳好快
3 E* _$ x, ]! H% v9 f: V) `- w你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
4 ~* ~& {7 M% |6 ], x

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。