我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

- }! u+ i7 z4 x6 \+ h7 ~! j3 h$ QI fell in love with you
At the first week we met
6 W; b+ u4 a4 Z% C" a( I  q9 X
  U2 k7 {% m1 P7 n4 SYou have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars

+ E/ W/ ?. ]5 v/ u0 ~2 ]6 f; BYour lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex

; N( c# f% m/ }5 X/ L: X. o1 f4 pI was deeply in love
. P! B$ [8 w8 @8 z4 C2 L( j' ?0 pEverything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
/ P# m( g8 s, j' E2 ]1 WAnd I think all girls sound like

You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
( s0 ^# N/ ?' G0 M" YEating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
/ p# p& W" t# `3 f' ?Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
And that is the price for love
: H* I8 Y/ c% m& j. q
' j8 w4 c' ^1 jyou are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'

You are loving me
2 d, z2 {) R4 @, T; ?& B) l9 Uor that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
! V1 m* W( s- ecan be shaped whatever you want
% j8 S- e4 L( i/ U8 g
unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
. V! e8 ^: x/ @* o2 [. f
3 Q/ p/ d& k; i2 j& E) Q6 [# nI will never love another
  c( q- B7 H2 _6 q0 Q) fIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
" a1 w- N: B2 C. R' y1 E! c# Vmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
1 w4 b1 C) i9 G" U2 a0 T1 P2 F$ |$ F不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
/ n3 w  D* ~6 Vi am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
/ L* |# a0 S) w+ IAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

  }6 ~5 B4 W* v! l. s, iwith the charm,
with the simles.
$ j  j. ~3 Q6 J7 b6 vI fell in love with you
4 ^% [! m! A7 j  f$ b, e  U& YIn the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer
! }2 t) l) F  ^" `) T  X" [: @
Your lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

6 m( I: g( _9 Q( `/ rI am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
9 \+ r1 x5 q, u9 `0 L3 S6 Q1 Salthough You r so picky for me
% r9 ?; c' C- S* a6 gAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
5 v8 G$ e) x+ C
0 c7 R/ Y' V" g! P; T# r5 v+ @$ f- T8 O
His hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
" F0 W9 E; x4 K1 v! KHis forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
8 f  _# U9 Z8 s/ MShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
% s9 j; c2 m5 n# @$ \- E" j
6 W- @% f1 @6 r$ n. lBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

8 M* |$ M+ ?. V4 H1 Z) @. Q0 GIt's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
( I: f! i& L, M4 L. FMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
, i; W/ E$ d* Q8 T* g/ IHoly Jesus, you were so cute
9 h) l: T8 G7 Z; g
9 O. Y& ^: V0 {/ i! y: }You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
0 I( C4 ~9 F6 @3 MHow could it be dispersed?
: K/ U4 O( O# ^. K8 l2 e3 j/ i  ~
Feelings bite my heart
# m# C0 U3 i. d3 EYou are the right one I wait
+ y( s, v  o- t. mIn the depth of my soul
: ^# Z( \' r, E% y$ ]I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
+ r3 P6 q# Q* x你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
; F! e+ o. \( N# A0 `阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
% z8 Z# N9 x/ {% t# G我爱上你的大嘴唇
! V( }- j. X2 I, C. IXXXXX
( }; _0 [8 k5 J( R% g; o不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
4 \# C* h: M/ z3 ?  N
% T/ D1 n* T, t, m如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
% ~2 [% T7 ~" k8 f至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
) `4 y! y  C5 M. l/ \2 ]闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
3 l5 K  P% v/ C0 D! w0 |你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
6 w4 A  W: S* h, |阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
+ G) w% ]9 H2 p2 u# b我爱上你的大嘴唇
! N2 K  l' x2 H) rXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。