我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

I fell in love with you
: t# F1 q/ _" j. b( ?$ ^) F: j  u4 HAt the first week we met

You have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars

* U/ i7 U! B, U; |& I# m9 ?Your lip is so big
' x5 ^0 B1 k* x6 NAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex
! }5 J( \) F' ]$ z
0 e9 q: J. W+ @( C. M8 CI was deeply in love
) W% Z) p0 W( H( Y+ r$ aEverything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
" x1 V) _! G$ E) p. OAnd I think all girls sound like

You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
) S6 ^/ t, q. p/ y1 ?- |: A0 ^Eating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
0 i' n2 i4 R1 \+ zAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

you are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
$ j% Q: f6 m& |- R* @" L: i"My man should be like this,
% T4 X9 t3 s/ U! ~and I am helping you to improve'

You are loving me
or that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
! s# k! W- \- V/ Fcan be shaped whatever you want
0 ?! S. v/ g7 o4 p+ X
- t9 c+ _; g8 W0 o6 z" U- S" [unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
# v, n& \9 A6 i: s& y1 Kand I am seriously hurt

. n& r; z7 m6 H# Q  V+ nI will never love another
% c3 b8 w& N! B; X; N* o; g/ wIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

2 u# ~' I4 _1 {5 G: X! W咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
# S$ K* b7 j, o/ n  t5 l( tAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
; p& @* g5 @% Z" Y6 f) p' V
* s0 u+ I0 p" a0 _with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

Your lip is so soft
& r; J9 F4 q9 u( H/ Y2 k% pthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
* ?5 K& e* U) X$ n9 n8 F$ Y- {
I am deeply in love
  S8 x# o( n: c1 O2 e7 ]Everything from you is so charming
" O+ h- R2 i+ p7 B( {" k# }/ G; i4 oalthough You r so picky for me
And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
, B1 r" z; z; yBut u can copy the way how she ranges the poem


( b) H0 R: K! n+ y3 N$ |" L- U+ sHis hello is the end of her endings
( L/ b0 M) s# l3 ?% ^Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
( \: Q) ?" Y/ R! rHis forever is simply as her smile
& D$ S% p. h# o9 uHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
: V; {" }' W- m1 R% I. {She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
2 q* j5 B9 E6 s+ G0 B3 y0 o% \3 C8 W
Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
" b& p4 m7 `3 i) D7 m
It's amazing how I felt
; H- l6 a# ]/ \4 zwhen I was with you
- C! {0 L1 y  J7 ~" IMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
; }+ G7 e5 w, R  d$ m  b) F5 OHoly Jesus, you were so cute
; U1 S1 c9 O4 x
You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?

1 `6 ]5 _, l7 r" p4 p  tFeelings bite my heart
3 X; M; \  P8 }$ \' vYou are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
% G' c; V. Y. l. a8 B, \6 ~  U你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
. I' O# F, _- U. ?$ Q你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
) n- @+ l$ c9 t. [) v2 E; E# ?7 ?我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
4 G0 x* [3 o; ~9 s
5 E3 p, i; Y7 _% q如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
0 j# l6 G  q, G, N- m: F1 M至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
+ r' r5 ?, Z5 M! }你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
, O' ?/ l2 Y. W5 L% t# k" w就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
( v. ^0 G0 I* ^* \4 w你让我心跳好快
1 k! ^+ O- S2 U4 ?! ^; {2 N6 z# h你让我脸发热
% n, a8 ?+ @3 v- }* Z我爱上你的大嘴唇
6 t+ `6 t" `& ?: C+ U% N3 jXXXXX
7 x9 \) f) X; U( o$ @% n不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

- V2 g# h$ t  \5 c$ ]靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
4 y( ]6 g* R+ y" X

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。