我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
% Z+ n; s! F4 W; G. S0 S" _& P
* G- Z% T5 \4 C* P( oI fell in love with you
6 A; F7 R0 i% h4 |6 A/ e; _! h" @At the first week we met
8 W% w; u+ ~9 r  N0 L' w
You have charm, you have looks
: I4 C0 W1 E3 a3 B) ]) ~with full of pimples in face
7 Q0 z! Y7 a4 W3 [9 [( g3 _. q! MAs spotting sky at a summer night
* T1 Q9 e" v; q7 ^/ }They are shining stars

Your lip is so big
$ c/ D# a$ U1 L( ?" m& f* a1 OAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex
! S; e/ N) z: L/ R
1 P( @  {/ {, Z- m# v7 C* \I was deeply in love
! G7 w* w: `8 ^+ _: R  ^/ y8 F% tEverything from you is positive
8 Q. m: p+ b  C. S" W5 }You blame me everything and everyday
! _* v/ T' T+ w  X1 C9 ]And I think all girls sound like

7 K' u1 D# j, Z# [/ WYou could not stand my eating
; l/ l) y: K* E( U/ M# }Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
/ e/ N' E; L0 FEating with sound is a pig
) v1 w$ H% `+ ]5 x! u
I fell in love with you
0 W# n& C3 w+ j# N* r1 nBecome a fool to think
All trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

& Z' C1 O- @# T* I, Tyou are deeply in love
! x8 r: X3 ]: Z' H! }! T# f6 nEverything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'
. ?4 D. |6 ]* ^6 e, P
" m3 w$ e2 k. Q* w% @1 d/ p: U& ]You are loving me
or that one in your mind?
, H, @8 @  _1 G  SMy mind is like a mud
! a/ q3 W$ g+ b8 x" P8 u( a1 Q+ Vcan be shaped whatever you want

2 x$ R" E0 N# ]2 ]  nunfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
% {! Z$ ?  O$ U; c8 C7 ^2 }and I am seriously hurt
6 b: \+ M* o; I, @2 @, z4 l" i
I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
0 `" p  N% J# f; R) H- q6 jmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

% m: t# f% n+ r
咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
& h) k9 F9 @# b3 Ti am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
* A! ~8 x1 _4 x. B9 m# q* oAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
9 H; |' K0 U, i
with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
% S% q0 P) C1 vIn the first sign.
9 R$ H; O) N9 s) W5 M# C1 L- uAs spotting sky at a summer

3 s1 ]( q. A( Q& I; E! [Your lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
: y( ~# _+ \1 v
I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
# b% R% W% X  D7 G" |( sAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
& }2 W8 X8 Q8 K- ~6 Y. h

6 V! {$ |( D8 d  H4 NHis hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
, j2 k& {( k( M* ?His forever is simply as her smile
2 W( n8 X: b6 I" c5 y3 xHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
0 p$ u+ s% Z( P1 }4 EAnd his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas

$ U# L( [. p* b$ C/ i0 S5 oBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
& Y8 M$ `& u4 p4 k  `0 Z) @+ s, twhen I was with you
My heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute
+ d' H6 ^% c3 D( E. g- z
You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
+ u/ U8 ]! ?" w$ T1 cMy mood is like a cloud
) X7 S# j1 f9 d9 L3 S6 xHow could it be dispersed?
" v- ^9 D8 O( }* r8 F9 s  |
3 A( s1 A6 G1 Y9 p+ {+ E* l& I* zFeelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
  P/ p* G% z6 i- T! uIn the depth of my soul
* q. F' `) r. |- a/ ZI will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
4 S5 O  Q4 b- z8 B& {1 r- }就和用中文写一次
0 i  s, ^# f+ H" g9 O7 k阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
. F3 Y/ C/ _8 M, e; o8 o% k你让我脸发热
8 c! |( F! J8 K1 M: B% O: |! N- x我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
2 d9 {8 p9 `7 w6 J至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
7 U! D, A8 D5 d8 f- y+ W闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
1 u3 t; L5 H, I2 |, s" h/ W你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
1 k& `7 q1 g: U" q, eXXXXX
. x% D/ x4 t  Y8 k8 {不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

; e7 r9 i9 f4 J( S3 D靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
8 t3 |" e9 j7 A% r

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。