我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
: b' T, l; Q8 F! k1 A: f
$ H* A6 O( Q! C6 e/ A* BI fell in love with you
At the first week we met
1 m6 L- M% t& L) |4 \
You have charm, you have looks
: C$ L4 s+ s) j' T6 e- Hwith full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars
3 U0 S5 a1 r+ a
Your lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
( F& P- d( F9 `( h( yYour body is chubby
( R1 ?7 h) A: {  X3 n2 x: {" [And that is good for sex
$ X  ]* {- t! u2 N# Y7 T
I was deeply in love
6 N! Q6 W3 @' j' ]! m2 [Everything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like

1 Q* f- M* a* w& M  a8 e7 P; M8 F$ DYou could not stand my eating
' `2 H1 ?$ z% W/ f9 g* d. x5 KSaying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
7 I  z& I" x* q% t% t7 }( lEating with sound is a pig
  l1 m5 k0 {# L
I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
& A/ C& a" O5 }2 m9 p% JAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

  y$ A* }+ Z- x6 d9 T! _you are deeply in love
6 i' Z! G" u: @" ~# t% }1 u& pEverything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'

You are loving me
or that one in your mind?
# ~0 }+ t" d6 {: F$ D# wMy mind is like a mud
% l9 f$ H. w: J. z7 Y0 ~can be shaped whatever you want
1 \% d2 \2 t0 v6 D/ ^2 s) I
2 k4 X) y8 V& k2 V. ]) funfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
0 s# W- l/ \; A1 n$ p) L9 B
I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

5 h5 M1 a/ q; t/ d; e/ F7 T
8 f; R2 s3 ~% Y$ c咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
& k0 ~: V" `: _* Z/ s! yAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

* b6 A: p! r, `! P* B2 Twith the charm,
with the simles.
, J: G% f& H" D$ M% wI fell in love with you
In the first sign.
! y) A# y3 O9 i" cAs spotting sky at a summer
# Q/ s  x( I6 h; q
Your lip is so soft
6 ?4 m: |, Q+ l$ cthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
  y0 \# `, \1 l7 b4 \4 k+ x6 [although You r so picky for me
* F! C) L+ L3 S5 W/ ~- f/ G4 GAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
: }" R8 G0 @3 D7 k, o: ?# Z
. v( a6 V. l( b7 X& j  c
- X  g8 L( ]) c2 ~4 W% j0 G5 w0 ~His hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
8 ^4 B% Y* {/ y$ eHis forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
/ H( a, w. S' q, }She said instantly she knew
; s+ N% g1 V  [3 X6 cShe was a question to be answered
+ d9 W8 i0 Q( \' q' ]And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
: g8 i, ~% P5 ]9 f' b, A' h5 Z
* e& _( Y9 n1 a  _Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

; X5 g" u- t5 u) V5 L% W6 LIt's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
My heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute

+ x; z; _6 ^& s+ y. eYou left me without a word
, k! a0 W$ I# c: U! P5 J4 XI have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
: o4 J+ n1 u! a. X# v; a6 K0 A& DHow could it be dispersed?
# T' I" _7 L: }+ m
Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
& v# [# ]' }. v5 D8 F; wIn the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
/ g% l0 A6 c/ p1 D# M你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
8 C& H+ U( a" J; ]0 S就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
% e" Y2 F4 ~8 J" Q你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
6 ~( o3 ]8 _9 `2 N( x" eXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
; `0 D2 _" J4 l' D% C' J& r
如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
( w% W+ p- U3 M, b5 {% ?) F4 o至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
* G1 M/ j& W, f$ x+ f# f  u9 o2 @/ L你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
4 `- G: w3 q& b$ l. |阿,我爱你
+ U4 C* q" n! a* |/ `你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
# }) l3 d6 b9 C+ d& v! ^我爱上你的大嘴唇
: L7 {& {4 P& D, ?+ g$ `' OXXXXX
2 B$ i. p" P3 o7 |+ A% U不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

2 [( m. ^) y( e% P" d9 S: ?7 ^
+ k, s, w$ J8 ?0 s靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。