我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

I fell in love with you
6 N$ j6 q0 q$ {/ [6 VAt the first week we met
+ ~! E8 G7 i# M5 C% i: k
  n9 B0 X9 N0 A2 N, ^, M7 PYou have charm, you have looks
& h* V! ?. t9 j& c  ywith full of pimples in face
' x/ M1 `/ D1 vAs spotting sky at a summer night
/ h' s9 k) O3 Z4 Z2 V* l* X1 lThey are shining stars
- U% C6 S6 {# R9 l; P; k" ?( x
2 G% b- F# o  c$ @# cYour lip is so big
4 o* g- D" Q' Q2 x! zAnd that’s good for a kiss
& W$ J2 w( E- @% F# kYour body is chubby
5 A$ |: s/ b' B) n: `+ Q1 hAnd that is good for sex

I was deeply in love
" d! @5 ~( [. b; X+ ]Everything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
( o( R4 J2 C+ e1 _And I think all girls sound like

0 b% e# L  K+ y' ^2 D; @3 jYou could not stand my eating
# X) b# l( m4 L# tSaying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
Eating with sound is a pig
% E" z1 \2 _) `: L
4 j% u2 K0 H  g, N% ]) U8 SI fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
7 h# x, j6 R  v4 `* F. hAll trouble things you did
. `* r1 t/ ~! D$ @And that is the price for love
' [4 n  T$ ]- Z* s/ k
9 v! k. Z. n/ l+ ]/ R. B* _3 lyou are deeply in love
* u, u* s* s# v& S2 V# oEverything from me is negative
$ r5 R/ q+ V1 ^/ }"My man should be like this,
1 @6 k  h& J- s' o; _0 Jand I am helping you to improve'

You are loving me
8 d) y8 J$ A5 L6 M, u0 ]5 ]/ k8 yor that one in your mind?
8 T) R" R1 r/ c/ _- H( Y9 X9 f* FMy mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want

* Z! _8 Z5 ~, Aunfortunalety not my heart
$ S/ T* F  `9 o+ bIt is slashed by you
7 F+ o) n/ m5 t8 sand I am seriously hurt

: ~* c2 e3 q* k6 p) ?4 p9 EI will never love another
4 T" R% Q& B/ l/ F6 t5 r9 IIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
' Z0 j% Z% q: [# {# P2 `$ d0 b$ Lmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

5 d; @5 t# f: V& L* n8 E% S
+ l/ l, J7 T, K! V/ G' M! {咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
5 |* w2 s& U/ f7 ^6 x! q/ g7 b不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
4 b0 ^8 ]9 h* |  a$ ?5 pi am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
9 I0 `* w$ m: x- X
6 @  G1 Z/ K- g3 e  I) i. jwith the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
7 p  Q: }7 m$ t  _9 K) vIn the first sign.
0 \4 ^! X" t& ?: F+ xAs spotting sky at a summer
0 G% g8 h( S- S2 N2 h5 D
Your lip is so soft
; O, O( `- ^5 G% u0 H0 K. ^4 N7 Athere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
8 c4 H/ y0 t! |" k- J8 nYour body is so sexy
0 l+ G$ u$ G1 }6 H" l" DAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

; {' G% ~& L( L% `I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
  ^# T- E& c5 b$ Z+ _; g) [! _although You r so picky for me
6 k3 l3 G- W2 f4 Z4 w5 zAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
, |( D9 {+ [$ w  _( Y7 ]

His hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
: o( T% W/ F" i5 J$ NHis hand would be hers to hold forever
  Q8 I- e5 ]* y% J" XHis forever is simply as her smile
7 M3 ^  t1 B+ H& u3 `" [  r+ OHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
- H. M, S1 e, m& vShe was a question to be answered
5 p& [1 u& l' aAnd his answer is
  [- a2 V4 T. ^. `! v  p) II do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
* I3 K$ S- n8 ?- k
" @  m5 ?0 e0 o( EBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
& ]2 P1 W& Q. n8 k) D
It's amazing how I felt
2 D1 ?5 b5 ^3 `& U% s# Kwhen I was with you
My heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute
0 B6 c+ u# {% b. L& l8 d' i0 b' {& E
2 p5 w5 `7 F2 t2 w  Z: MYou left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
$ y) Y7 y( M; q, ?! ~' MMy mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?
3 [- {; _: \0 e# f5 J( n! ~
Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
  f& [4 i1 C9 t  h/ vIn the depth of my soul
# Z! k, h! E$ ~- [6 {I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
) P. z6 b1 g7 `/ @8 v/ Z就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
; M! K  Y8 r* c7 c你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
  F. e) ]9 ~9 u  {" R
6 l0 T( E) H. p' Q/ O) a. ]* @如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
, P( f9 g3 H+ A/ Z至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
! V: h) a* p# p; N7 l就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
4 _. Q9 Q2 R! i4 c. L  }我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
- G( g4 Y3 c) D+ s不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

) V# t! p+ P, Z' f0 M% x靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
  E0 _$ l' J2 d' J

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。