我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

I fell in love with you
- j+ {; w8 i4 O3 A2 SAt the first week we met

/ A8 }9 Q  b& l- w4 ~+ nYou have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
8 p! I" E" o0 d) x' \As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars
0 I' D  m8 @! b# q
% a& O5 L' I. O2 MYour lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
7 d/ E$ v! ?" y* J5 y3 wYour body is chubby
6 r- _1 k( D+ A% _3 sAnd that is good for sex
/ X- ?7 X$ _" ~' ?2 E$ N, X
I was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
7 ?: w" ^1 X, L6 c% r  cYou blame me everything and everyday
9 Y; _- p6 i4 b) ^  l) cAnd I think all girls sound like
# W0 r% D# A9 c& k, a
You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
: g$ }: y# O9 h6 t3 i/ E8 _Eating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
, J: m3 I7 \0 P3 v( C# s, g% sAnd that is the price for love

you are deeply in love
- y7 E+ f& s: n  B" `8 e; QEverything from me is negative
# Q  Y  Q3 r% E9 K! r1 ?' j& M"My man should be like this,
& B, |$ g1 N2 n( Y' n* W5 Aand I am helping you to improve'
% N; p! w, K# F. Y$ y/ p1 `  ?5 P
You are loving me
" Z5 x7 B+ v; f5 Kor that one in your mind?
6 x+ J1 h: X6 D7 f# p( a5 KMy mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want
3 N7 W- ~  k, f8 X
unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
4 U" g; X8 V7 }5 ?$ dand I am seriously hurt

8 a9 o! s- d) a3 Q( M$ j' C1 fI will never love another
; Y5 Q5 d2 g% n  X. E' z/ oIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

9 \5 }% N/ z$ k# a3 r8 @. ]" D
0 _: G; b5 G& N; B咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

4 h- E/ X' V! G; r3 r3 O2 Z' B' Dwith the charm,
with the simles.
7 z. C; }+ Z1 C$ X! ]' [I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

( r" O1 M0 F5 RYour lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
  Q3 l9 L+ O# uYour body is so sexy
3 x' d- u6 r( K$ k" X& PAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
, _2 L7 B: R  [, walthough You r so picky for me
And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem

$ O& o% G6 A% X4 T8 }4 s' q; \. p- T
: f! R# H/ {) v" p8 `. s8 X. lHis hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
! [$ ^" Z, p4 SHis hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever is simply as her smile
0 v, J( I3 K0 |, Z1 s8 x- `He said she was what was missing
. e" R. T# G1 ]1 ^  z4 z" LShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
. U: K3 B: H: ~I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas

# F6 L, o- V$ bBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
9 q' J# W2 w" y' y8 Awhen I was with you
My heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
9 }2 O/ `9 w+ n8 D1 `( zHoly Jesus, you were so cute
( D2 r  [: ~# d! l9 W
0 D' {- f( `, |3 g( YYou left me without a word
2 h& n' p# l1 M9 f& XI have nothing except my emptiness
! p6 V( c/ T, C9 x. a4 YMy mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?

2 K; D) k2 Y/ y$ S" D& @Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
) e* u5 |) s" U3 rI will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
: J( y+ w2 t$ S. N/ j' d: E; j$ I你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
0 p. ~' v+ q( y7 U% k& M阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
  }+ o# H$ j) q# ^  V& C你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
+ c5 m* }1 D; l2 U  x2 U" [5 m不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

8 @! @! }3 ~7 Q, x8 n' `如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
9 t" G* X# g$ i; |至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
9 l/ a! m; J; J. ^* o闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
$ T2 l% r# V; x! X- |- ]" l4 H阿,我爱你
3 ~! D1 W4 F6 g你让我心跳好快
2 d- {+ l  o& ^2 o6 v) ^  p0 q你让我脸发热
' _/ b, |  ^* U+ [7 e6 w; @' _; W我爱上你的大嘴唇
% Q, O& L5 S' tXXXXX
) H0 |7 B* f1 i) z+ l! n不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。