我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
) U! L& P' w! H& {
I fell in love with you
At the first week we met

You have charm, you have looks
3 [1 P% j+ u( d2 Vwith full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars
1 R6 _* Z3 i  Q# o0 `8 z5 m& t4 M
Your lip is so big
8 k2 S/ Z9 I! p: W) e8 N1 q& D9 tAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
% e% Z& i4 u0 M; e% R$ OAnd that is good for sex
8 D' W. g* k/ p0 {* l& q2 U
I was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
8 i, u1 i: ]+ Z- J% M& C# jYou blame me everything and everyday
; e0 d7 m0 x, pAnd I think all girls sound like

/ o; o0 y& Y; ~* U1 X5 GYou could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
4 B( Q- O) Q# ~8 s6 c0 mEating with sound is a pig
; ^- l! K! n+ Q7 P9 j
I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

you are deeply in love
1 Y" {3 V, p7 w. p: ~Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'
# W7 d. Z4 n% i. V% z7 Q& F
4 e. r/ t* Q' m1 @& o: c6 KYou are loving me
1 V, l3 [0 g, a% n# ]1 |7 q3 _& Wor that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want
4 ]4 G  y" M4 h
unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
! W# N) `3 s, H) }' D# rand I am seriously hurt
7 V, }& q" z, x! U
I will never love another
4 U$ y7 u# g& _7 c- ]8 CIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

" B. r6 d4 M) Q3 P( H' p9 w
6 }. m6 i; T; A( A' X咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
" P/ w8 W4 {+ P' K4 W1 p/ ^不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
/ w$ t" O% I9 Z, f4 f/ l# Ei am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
0 `+ O2 J$ l% k5 j: Q5 uAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

- X6 u, ]' |* s6 l; M6 swith the charm,
! Y; a4 R. ?2 w1 F2 Fwith the simles.
; V* }- h; H! h! k- T. E6 X$ c# xI fell in love with you
' x1 }4 O6 @* J# s7 f8 cIn the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

( _3 v- `5 C7 t; T: oYour lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
. ?2 t& O- u* U! E1 p; xAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
  i& z# p" A' ^6 T+ P5 PBut u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
  E# q+ L$ n- J: H0 i

# J2 @- w" b! t- qHis hello is the end of her endings
+ l' c& \$ |4 N! vHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
8 O2 c7 P$ z" G' A3 e3 _- eHis forever is simply as her smile
1 D4 q* @. y9 o2 oHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
' b6 B; {9 M8 O/ y. g& c; D$ }She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
# \& u6 @/ a) P* EI do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
8 N( m# `  n4 E
8 v2 Z! ]8 n( B% nBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
5 p: L" b4 b8 i5 S/ Q% P  Awhen I was with you
My heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute
4 X5 P3 ^9 Y6 l. W5 O2 m- t
- L1 X3 d9 I5 s. a9 X# l# g5 gYou left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
; ?7 t7 Q1 [$ V7 P, M+ o5 z- U# A! lHow could it be dispersed?
( h1 V$ M+ s$ f# j
1 U- w3 L7 y# j6 G; W% u5 t+ ]Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
8 {/ `+ t$ z1 F8 u3 X) i% VIn the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
8 r7 G) o3 k& M! R9 J  ~0 |. j就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
5 @+ X' c8 ~; ]) w; {你让我心跳好快
9 u) z7 T# u9 u5 ?  }) A6 n5 Q你让我脸发热
- K2 X% @7 f7 S( L我爱上你的大嘴唇
7 m' ]3 U* ~# o) a* ^% {XXXXX
  R; c; [; l, E2 q( X1 r不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

% _/ C" L+ R0 e( A+ E* h如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
, V. w% }$ [, \1 }! o/ f闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
4 a1 F8 E  \% U: X9 S+ t阿,我爱你
; k/ k# s& O9 f6 v2 m你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
# ^1 v9 t6 d! q: l/ Q* s$ IXXXXX
4 |$ D3 e& U0 Z' P6 n( d' L不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

8 S8 B- ], Z; |3 ~  L  k+ P靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
/ }9 n& E6 x' e, t7 I- ?

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。