我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
' k- C# [- `+ k. Q: [0 M) M
; c- \+ R1 {3 J# I4 J- aI fell in love with you
) Q4 S3 P' _( Q( u8 QAt the first week we met

! a% v; W1 }) B  Y9 _. N5 \7 E1 MYou have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
: \$ k  N, r  b3 S/ }4 h" ]* GAs spotting sky at a summer night
8 n9 v5 H. h- M1 j! o, B( J( Y) @7 DThey are shining stars
5 T7 }) M( D& t( a4 C
Your lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
8 t0 C" @" \( FYour body is chubby
And that is good for sex

I was deeply in love
" I  z# B& b8 V7 E+ x4 x4 y, cEverything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
7 T" r7 M9 k6 O$ q6 x* S
You could not stand my eating
6 z% d$ Q3 W3 Q' C0 F; _Saying no good for making funny sound
1 R9 o9 U% @. g) h9 q4 `/ R: P; X( ?I think you are perfectly right
8 l8 n6 m! `" e% U2 I2 ^- ^Eating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
( X% c$ A$ [" BBecome a fool to think
All trouble things you did
And that is the price for love
* o& ]* I/ j7 c7 G9 p
0 |  p1 }; J# w1 H2 _" ~% _you are deeply in love
3 i! J$ h. L+ WEverything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
  b/ @$ Z3 ?! J1 e% Sand I am helping you to improve'

! P$ `& Z5 S- Z! K* u! u, U- {You are loving me
or that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want

unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
* V- V0 L4 d* e
I will never love another
  t9 c4 b# Q9 R- e6 ZIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
4 \# u' A# ?- k5 gmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

& \' Z- }/ r% \- O6 o
3 y0 F* @/ P" d- z咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
- [- \7 B# d7 aAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
' N) N! H( ~$ `  i* l! e. |As spotting sky at a summer

Your lip is so soft
! J+ b, o/ }9 `* \! \there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
9 N2 U+ D/ j8 [2 _6 K& \& ]Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
7 u9 R$ N& ]9 f; ?. A+ p+ g
I am deeply in love
$ I. m/ a4 v7 d0 w  l" x: rEverything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
# T" G# W  Y5 H% zBut u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
% @( m8 f9 D$ r

His hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
& E8 _5 D+ |# j/ _# iHis hand would be hers to hold forever
3 l/ s" L1 J3 G1 `) z# o6 c+ E5 S* CHis forever is simply as her smile
& f; c- ~( S$ u& x) ^+ dHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
2 H8 _; V% H( b4 k/ u' QShe was a question to be answered
And his answer is
4 J+ \" h! s+ R& t; A, o$ l1 cI do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
4 e6 z- k/ E  c# T* g& d. }* x
Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
8 B" W# V& c+ F' L5 v+ Q
3 v, n. q5 J. R- O& J( p* [It's amazing how I felt
" d  Q: l$ a, T5 Iwhen I was with you
% F* M( c6 q1 `: g' i3 UMy heart beat so fast
: W" h8 p" v$ e# `3 YI looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute
$ Y1 O" H2 U) _$ o( a, W* Q- g4 `
! N, f! w: S5 I, ]9 K6 @) eYou left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
' k# k* H5 [/ S+ d9 T/ Y) G( }How could it be dispersed?

4 Q8 E1 d6 E6 j2 d& F( zFeelings bite my heart
% F) c" F- w0 z' }, u- f! SYou are the right one I wait
% n& k; u+ O6 c/ bIn the depth of my soul
  R0 {, ?) B, I4 OI will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
* R* ]! s1 Q2 D4 ^" E5 [3 [你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
. S- O9 a5 L, {1 M- ]/ q就和用中文写一次
# B3 e+ l- U- p; G  U4 ?( c阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
& `/ o7 z" I: w4 {& }我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
$ \) v# J/ g: i, e/ y8 O不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
+ A  ~) k3 U- E* n
, R( @5 e8 ]. Q- S) ]; `7 K" k如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
3 D$ K' m( d7 n) o$ K, m. s至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
! Y, ]3 m& a# U) B5 K' W/ a闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
3 X/ Z/ N' o& A/ V) f你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

+ D6 _1 H% w: D/ u5 b! d2 d3 p  s靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
- Y: q5 R/ i: H- b

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。