我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
7 P7 W: T1 [- X8 \% u: B
I fell in love with you
' T$ A2 F: I$ M9 o' M6 h3 F+ ]" kAt the first week we met
6 B9 d& m! q* g+ l& n+ R( ]
# l, ^3 Q( F$ s; z9 X, lYou have charm, you have looks
) x: E& ]7 g1 @: `, g6 Twith full of pimples in face
( a/ W8 U" f  iAs spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars

; V. b2 G/ K' ?1 `7 H, M% ^5 G! MYour lip is so big
& O1 i7 L4 ~8 k. y6 uAnd that’s good for a kiss
- {% r3 _1 K2 H4 o' dYour body is chubby
And that is good for sex

I was deeply in love
+ k5 x# H- f, z% d* \" ZEverything from you is positive
# G' m$ q. [7 z. u/ z/ B2 OYou blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
& Y) {8 ^. i3 D" ^
: U1 t, }" }  ]1 n( @3 ?" t1 v# VYou could not stand my eating
9 S* `) @# J( I# L0 g" c5 D( p. \Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
Eating with sound is a pig
( c3 f* G4 e0 [. ~" f( E
/ N! H) [* f! y0 t1 s  _$ d' |5 C: KI fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
& r1 g" k- `( @, L2 W( xAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

: k8 N/ ~. Z# R- A8 ^9 vyou are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
% Z" f+ ]3 o* x, Z3 Oand I am helping you to improve'
* I1 M8 g9 [% W, l# I/ r
; n+ f$ c6 @  [; f9 iYou are loving me
or that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want

unfortunalety not my heart
5 X7 i; X7 @8 e) P9 r/ eIt is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
; s. O3 H7 F1 @# Z
I will never love another
- F5 s( O  Z# g1 z; \If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
, b' {) l6 F& Z; Vmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

9 b7 o7 c; Z/ M9 z
咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
, m7 ]7 y/ S  g- c9 R. n! @( k不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
, B+ v6 C: V! c( Z" {2 oAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
( }; F: k  x* l+ I5 y( m* y
3 L8 V- K. d/ d) m* o2 k6 {with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
! g" c) o' o: j: n$ |% dAs spotting sky at a summer

Your lip is so soft
+ o, `5 w) u) l: ^. k6 M* |* Dthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
! [! \6 ^+ m6 W
I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
+ h6 {. i6 G2 p6 Walthough You r so picky for me
/ O, C6 _9 R6 l1 eAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
, H7 P# {1 w7 Q  @2 H" ~

& n- h5 Y  o  h, NHis hello is the end of her endings
( ?- W7 {" i) N: U( k# GHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
5 f) T* A5 H5 U1 }9 |+ }' }His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever is simply as her smile
0 `" Y' L$ U$ b0 E. PHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
, F/ Q! Z6 z. \* q- _She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
8 x/ H% J5 B7 w) r, S4 N+ E  ^: J( ?I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
7 q, S) U9 [) `& L6 k
Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
% ~( \; k) T* O8 D
It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
9 |, k2 _* z# B/ x, }% O5 jMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute
* z  d2 C$ N" j0 d% F: \: z
You left me without a word
9 M$ {/ T8 a4 H: t: q$ ?I have nothing except my emptiness
  h( x1 ?+ w2 x3 y; K" I2 |! nMy mood is like a cloud
. g( g$ N' q) L; G* MHow could it be dispersed?

Feelings bite my heart
" S4 L% C3 d- _You are the right one I wait
8 h* H, |  [. h5 _" JIn the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
2 u& a" j2 q+ z6 ]0 |你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
( _+ M. R3 f' Q+ C0 `3 a" A- m8 o就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
& {) f8 r9 v( x' I9 q3 I1 D你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
+ u' n' T! R- O! s( `XXXXX
+ J! y, \. X/ ?不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

0 N# u8 V! z: z5 X( G1 D0 k+ Q如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
- o# J6 }0 @8 H) [0 E闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
9 w+ W, N3 [4 n6 {# ~( x6 V/ `就和用中文写一次
7 c( B  W2 B$ x5 g; s阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
# i" Q% Q4 f0 U5 `' ]) W6 iXXXXX
4 K, F8 h+ p3 L3 \8 o# G& U4 }. k不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

2 q. L( ~/ H0 L2 {
靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
& ^, I$ D# Y+ B

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。