我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

I fell in love with you
At the first week we met

/ W8 o8 B6 C) S$ R! r6 S& HYou have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
- g# D3 x0 Y0 q# x! d( b" }% v) ?3 hAs spotting sky at a summer night
+ x: k- Y& q* |; w1 g$ }They are shining stars

Your lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
5 H5 {: k# G& k( RYour body is chubby
And that is good for sex

% P4 K5 P; B1 Q4 B1 o  V  \I was deeply in love
2 m. g; S* w- WEverything from you is positive
( q+ R! m$ `4 \9 p, f* W- [8 HYou blame me everything and everyday
4 r, f' M, u) I3 e4 f; fAnd I think all girls sound like
" I; {# {. t; ~/ Y! j# E5 m
, z+ U+ |! y8 nYou could not stand my eating
( A; y) P4 N/ F$ U  iSaying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
Eating with sound is a pig
! }' @. ?: R! x/ }% m" j
I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
And that is the price for love
# {# I. G, |; p0 k3 _$ [
3 b* H5 N# W4 U& O1 u# Syou are deeply in love
7 p* e2 d" T- l  ~$ ]Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'

* r! {3 e' j7 d9 jYou are loving me
or that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want
* a  _4 P0 T! P
7 P6 v7 N2 ^2 \4 [% Xunfortunalety not my heart
5 Y! `5 [% X' B+ k  rIt is slashed by you
4 m0 `& m( d% X0 x  Dand I am seriously hurt
4 o) v$ Y# z) t/ k9 k, V
. i1 {% z3 x6 f0 `I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
3 S6 z6 F: H+ d& Cmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

1 X$ m3 ]% t& L) i1 f9 P& A
) ~7 ?7 m! p& \( _: ~1 k! Z8 v咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
1 Q, i. J6 m" y6 l不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
5 Y# o+ k0 t9 oIn the first sign.
* ^: x4 Z  u* W3 V0 L( H! V6 HAs spotting sky at a summer

' S  m" `; D8 \6 P( }+ h0 l8 A9 X9 vYour lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
+ N+ G) E1 T, t/ d$ p3 |Your body is so sexy
1 `- [5 V) U- N. f& Y% f# QAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

, \( w0 M0 c% O5 ^  }; SI am deeply in love
  I8 X* h" ~% t8 w6 {1 qEverything from you is so charming
% ~2 @& Y# i8 C0 J% m+ @although You r so picky for me
. U! k  m- E: R( ]$ e. xAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem


7 j% q7 g) H- F0 @3 c$ _. wHis hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
5 u6 d" F) O$ c4 y1 P4 U' i% wHis forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
5 |2 G6 j7 d! d- J7 EAnd his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
/ u/ Z/ b! j" P: f9 K" K( ]! B
8 j  y  R0 \4 n3 J5 M" p( Y) sBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
5 s& o0 o6 `. x+ U. D
It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
# i$ M; v$ p. h9 N! ^: C% z( IMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute

0 ]2 u1 r: b  {6 a  d% w  r0 o) @You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
/ W! J. ~- Q1 A$ ~  tHow could it be dispersed?
. _5 C' q6 p. X1 T* y
$ |9 r+ s( D, gFeelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
0 n3 S# f. k. W) A4 VI will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
! \: d9 \8 k. q; |# z2 k你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
* w. Z6 h2 ?5 V3 [- s8 H你让我脸发热
7 P) o3 j! d2 f' r我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
8 A1 V- l6 f" K* p0 F; w不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
# o$ [' ]% E/ [( T4 [. y
' m$ _0 U6 ?4 V& T- G: _如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
  v7 m% ^( ]7 @, B你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
2 b, J6 T) A' q阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
+ y; w& ^! i" j" F# j. y

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。