我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
/ K; b9 A3 r# q% J9 a0 |! A
7 q) I8 P' l% NI fell in love with you
) y- A, v* O/ z0 w/ ^6 F7 ~At the first week we met

' Q( C( D1 S" d: }; uYou have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars
* a  a% N3 i  c& \+ @* ?3 {8 m
Your lip is so big
% M" ?+ s; W1 H* K. h# MAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
1 d  k, h, h4 N4 @" }$ I6 V( p* t4 W) ZAnd that is good for sex

2 v9 ?$ t" |( W1 lI was deeply in love
* m2 ]" n( H( V  h1 ]$ a( d- c. ~Everything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like

! P& P# j0 Y' [! E0 I+ J7 w5 NYou could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
- m* C* K( a% w! h3 O1 @I think you are perfectly right
Eating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
% _; M" v* `7 p6 @And that is the price for love
+ n% f3 _8 u# Q4 }% ?2 G6 q
5 E. c) a  g; g1 V/ {. v4 [! e# ~you are deeply in love
) S9 P7 Z& R& }Everything from me is negative
9 R* U3 ?- j. ?+ L; b' s% F"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'
8 M$ P7 ?7 q: a
You are loving me
or that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
) |( ?3 V0 H( s6 E* ncan be shaped whatever you want
& ]' O- i3 d6 {
; J* y, W, {) W1 y$ ~" U1 O) g/ tunfortunalety not my heart
# W2 W# \# M3 Z6 [# @/ YIt is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
6 ]  g0 t) A" ^/ {
I will never love another
' f# ]# Z' H3 d) Y- c, K* ?5 G- }0 |/ |6 dIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

% X" z/ Q7 u! v% w* @咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
7 p9 u: K1 I7 ^  U: r/ C7 ZAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
: S2 N% |$ r& H  W
0 s7 C8 n, N8 v6 _with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer
. {9 k% y: H4 i% b  H6 ]4 r: d8 X- W
2 ]7 r8 Y, U& d, `# u/ r" I6 mYour lip is so soft
/ Q7 F+ a2 y% r7 e: F: ithere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
1 Q( V5 J, Y; E0 w% _! I8 GAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
. ?5 ]3 P7 ^* @7 Q4 J
I am deeply in love
0 r! G3 h9 T1 J. BEverything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
' G- y3 C6 s, C# x! w" dAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem

; D2 U% J% v  ^9 e
His hello is the end of her endings
- C. R2 q) |2 LHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
0 O# c* o* c1 x: bHis hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever is simply as her smile
: o+ O- Z  A3 N. A- oHe said she was what was missing
+ \/ R2 w- w  {2 x0 c+ BShe said instantly she knew
+ t3 l3 s: @& PShe was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
) l; s6 Z: a* ^0 ], ]* f0 J
; t$ k; q0 B3 w+ P9 n9 LBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
0 ^4 X4 N" R+ G& N1 \% KMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
1 e& u) I/ U$ o6 uHoly Jesus, you were so cute
  g3 |- C! _8 X% b8 _0 X7 }- X
- b+ P, Q0 `! e- d, m. T# HYou left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
# U) B: K  j  c. fMy mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?
) E. [$ g" E8 |$ [/ m
Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
. A0 z/ k4 r8 k. V4 n+ G# wIn the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
9 Y- e1 x0 Q1 Y4 l0 k* J5 K你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
8 {* V& C# j8 S/ [9 X0 b% v你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
( @1 s& S( F! z! KXXXXX
, Q& q) s, T( W0 i/ Q: c; U; w; B不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

6 R" d( W1 [0 W8 O8 }如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
6 @& g& @! X) O. ]0 V7 |! u2 R4 `" `2 D至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
$ h8 T2 ~) [) H. H$ N4 m闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
/ J$ E7 j5 b! b你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
, \9 |/ r/ b5 B3 o就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
" O- T5 ^  W: [0 q7 ~你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
: E5 A8 r# v3 Z+ ?& ~$ |3 `XXXXX
# E; ]" Z* E' G8 e2 q不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

; P  E6 @: S% A2 S% E7 z6 {靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。