我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

I fell in love with you
0 i5 X( j) k8 j1 t4 V* ]3 |At the first week we met
5 H) K* _6 K7 M0 D
You have charm, you have looks
& n3 q% L$ z/ q. ]2 zwith full of pimples in face
' P/ r7 E) L$ g8 G% k0 nAs spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars

Your lip is so big
3 m% k! L( T9 y$ fAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex
% i* [0 J  ^& ]0 O6 j7 }
I was deeply in love
: s) F5 w2 g7 N) D9 ]* tEverything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
6 z* N: Y% O- j: S+ k$ Q& g" L! BAnd I think all girls sound like

4 k, ?' ^& a& m7 d3 G. kYou could not stand my eating
; h* o; l; w* P, @: KSaying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
7 ~( \. c0 \8 A( Z$ b. E) rEating with sound is a pig

, R' F4 j2 j' F+ ^8 v9 F7 U2 M, a1 uI fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
; \& f5 W6 d# c2 }+ [And that is the price for love

you are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
. r/ {' f# k$ V* ]1 y# n9 o"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'
9 o8 E$ k- k; N( [8 P
% z# O4 k( p1 l. ]5 F2 o! B3 h  rYou are loving me
; e' @. z- e" n* m/ h  g9 x* Eor that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
2 ^: G6 e  m  y- pcan be shaped whatever you want

unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt

I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
8 D, S3 Z8 O) P! [2 b+ W: U: {不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
5 ?/ @' ]5 r& B0 Ti am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
. G- E0 r; @1 @% [. w3 c7 tAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
- o% M. @4 Q) k! B  {! Q
7 R6 s4 O% o! O6 lwith the charm,
' d4 D: Y5 S- j( j  o1 l: Kwith the simles.
) T" i# o* I+ _% i7 tI fell in love with you
6 L& b) T7 t% d+ eIn the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

' _8 F# v. B, GYour lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
1 L" c: u( a2 v6 Z2 aAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
9 Y9 Y$ B% k; F
I am deeply in love
+ U3 N6 q- d) h: ZEverything from you is so charming
1 a  h, V9 F, A2 M. a8 E9 V/ y6 Ealthough You r so picky for me
And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
8 Q& l1 ?% _, `& ?6 f1 }& M

His hello is the end of her endings
8 Y& w; y" I/ B. j. n) }9 @Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever is simply as her smile
: H6 V+ E, d/ C0 e! {He said she was what was missing
1 X, j+ G* S0 [/ o8 hShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
) w6 S8 ?- y6 V& ]3 t# H  hI do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
" Q+ ]& C- L9 g) C5 }
Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

' r5 w0 e( z& p( e( k. iIt's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
My heart beat so fast
( ^3 l& L2 \8 \5 [/ pI looked at you and thought
$ S5 W& }1 _3 EHoly Jesus, you were so cute
5 ^7 Y5 e0 R! \
' u. f" }6 d" e2 a- IYou left me without a word
$ S; R8 k" U8 \% P' Q( SI have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
1 z$ A  [" A( f5 e/ ^7 E* _How could it be dispersed?
. W- _1 @/ Z0 p$ @) l5 O2 z* R
! W1 V% E( {7 L4 a& h. lFeelings bite my heart
2 r2 r( F  t& j! U* E6 QYou are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
) f0 p( R& N( J% k$ ~4 nI will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
" m  y6 N& r( G$ B+ M+ r: r就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
7 [' h6 {% Z, x+ f* y6 q) r你让我脸发热
. X4 T' q9 @2 k我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
& E0 g! v: N4 t
如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
9 G* U  D! Q, s& b4 [2 G至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
2 s1 l- H1 T6 f7 R7 S2 X# \就和用中文写一次
( l) `. P) j' P$ N" z+ m  t3 Z阿,我爱你
% h$ i& F# Z6 i6 d; b6 k# T你让我心跳好快
0 s$ g  c4 s2 O% ]你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
4 M5 ^0 w& }: ~8 O! L2 UXXXXX
3 l6 P) f& e/ ?" `不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

, U+ M6 L. F/ q/ \6 o" J' P1 z8 n靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
/ X) ^8 Y3 T( z, g) h$ E& ~

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。