我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
2 k  p% U1 O7 K2 Q  S0 o$ r6 X7 n1 \
: d; l# n& T  S% @9 BI fell in love with you
At the first week we met

You have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
3 Y$ [% z8 z3 ?1 s& OThey are shining stars
/ S4 t- l; i! m7 A" V: T  G
Your lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex

I was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like

You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
Eating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
+ \! }; N8 W' n$ G3 ^9 T* TBecome a fool to think
- b  J9 Q9 [0 dAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love
* k' b* G  n: C+ }. Z& J
you are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
  k& |1 r$ [# K! ^' S5 uand I am helping you to improve'

You are loving me
+ v: O3 U4 B( m# ]1 f+ A) hor that one in your mind?
* y  N  a, x+ zMy mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want
8 p% z& j1 y( [, \
( L8 \; p2 o4 p6 @6 Munfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
7 h( ^- _7 i! qand I am seriously hurt

I will never love another
0 z6 p0 [, p! d# X: u; h9 pIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

& {6 y$ I0 J" G2 T7 |5 B% [咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
8 C4 n6 C5 ~1 C' e: Ai am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
. ~7 H# z8 A, w, }6 TIn the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

( _# Y( O8 X* S' DYour lip is so soft
: M3 I) ^4 I# V$ d6 Nthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
1 F! y$ l9 V6 N2 f& l# aAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

# h1 N6 j7 `/ j+ M# HI am deeply in love
! m1 k9 T7 m8 ?9 LEverything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
$ e+ B; M7 O! e5 ^' PAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem


& p& G4 V" p0 y4 \+ F# T- sHis hello is the end of her endings
. j8 j4 i/ D3 Y4 N% Y- {Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
% e2 W, U7 M( z1 o5 m8 w4 _& mHis forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
! }5 h4 d, m" J( a3 SShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
& H7 s9 k# p, H& I4 F( S, uAnd his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
3 Y2 z# B: x3 [- B0 u
9 ]# h  L8 O1 q5 N5 n  UBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

0 B5 c/ C$ S; ~5 w; m5 D6 A# @$ WIt's amazing how I felt
  y9 m  c  V! f5 n0 F! \) Zwhen I was with you
6 G; H2 B/ g2 f( `* p5 f3 v7 w9 BMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
+ @- g/ W) M. d) m% ~Holy Jesus, you were so cute
5 X! t( w1 F& w% A) u- _: {
You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
- F4 ~" e" l: M4 ~# u* f# f+ IMy mood is like a cloud
9 w' r1 t/ Y: P4 k! k) F" hHow could it be dispersed?

Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
0 V' J  j0 h1 @  i" v% RIn the depth of my soul
. `# ]2 d- ?1 ZI will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
- ?  J/ F# t* {- T$ `) c8 ~你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
- f4 G; F% o3 ]阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
+ o/ Z. [3 z1 x1 \) \9 n* k# Y你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
% W7 b$ w8 u+ L* @3 `7 E不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
8 C, Z  @7 ?" {至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
: ^, u8 S5 K/ H9 Y+ i" }# G$ B5 K你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
8 \! l( Z( [- }" Y; `你让我脸发热
; b: p$ A% L* N4 |* n9 i7 @我爱上你的大嘴唇
* L) a0 o: p/ g& IXXXXX
0 w" }% u  U# N  G7 v不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
9 K( J5 a1 n! ?, D9 H

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。