我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
1 p- S* d# \- q8 w. F, v
I fell in love with you
5 g3 H& ~  y9 ]0 t$ g  SAt the first week we met

* U, T- U" X% G! d2 O) R* n  ZYou have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
& K; g9 e3 w+ Q( \They are shining stars

6 M6 ]% }" o4 ^Your lip is so big
+ X7 v+ g# `$ K1 ^# V2 GAnd that’s good for a kiss
5 N' F2 a0 F: n) N" Z* v0 nYour body is chubby
And that is good for sex

I was deeply in love
: _, p: P& p3 J! DEverything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
! t4 P" ~: K# z
: W! R, |6 r; j9 \You could not stand my eating
( `' ^8 V- P' ZSaying no good for making funny sound
% D: I, `7 ~0 x! [$ p, U; Y  |- }I think you are perfectly right
9 O8 \1 z0 c7 j& TEating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
' x  H! y" \; w$ F+ Q# dBecome a fool to think
All trouble things you did
% o+ j4 [$ Y$ W# x+ e( u/ d& uAnd that is the price for love
, w6 s: w4 C0 Q/ }% a1 {
you are deeply in love
: M; Y1 S- J5 M3 i2 f1 REverything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
. o8 A4 ]6 A* C5 `/ mand I am helping you to improve'
" a* D( w% g1 N) W9 _+ s5 j
% i. k* k2 H0 G$ }. |You are loving me
7 B/ M0 ^- ~" n+ t& L7 ror that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
2 a. P7 ^' I! s" gcan be shaped whatever you want

' `) H: x$ ^6 M3 P1 I. m. N# x. sunfortunalety not my heart
4 `# _% ?7 i4 b% p1 aIt is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt

& r2 ~( t4 N$ f( II will never love another
8 [. s6 A! V- ^2 i1 t1 LIf my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

$ ]* {: B5 ], w8 O1 P7 P" a+ T) o4 E  f咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
# u' M- u5 A1 I3 E' ?' z不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
' G$ M; J( C- k" @3 qi am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
" ]" @  u+ R6 j* t, Z
3 A& c% @8 E* x* swith the charm,
with the simles.
" F7 K1 c3 M" b; ^& C  \' X$ LI fell in love with you
In the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

Your lip is so soft
! |# ?( X9 ?6 pthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
* U+ |3 U4 `# h% [5 u. RAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
* \: U3 O/ k  j. h! F
$ C) H) k: I" |+ d* U( J; tI am deeply in love
% j9 m5 z' y$ X2 E7 d( XEverything from you is so charming
$ x" _8 `' D6 C+ O* yalthough You r so picky for me
9 S6 W5 o1 r; n  _. {% tAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
- a1 G, X, t' A: h9 f/ S$ a
: }/ L, k5 h' \2 h! U
$ Q9 @/ P7 I$ U+ H# C, iHis hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
% B) e4 H( x7 o- NHis forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
8 d- w$ J. C6 f/ a0 P7 UI do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
1 F' F. K  w( Q) y( u1 M6 \9 F
1 o% b7 b8 H6 y# X) N4 zBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
0 x8 p! j" B( C# o- gwhen I was with you
! z* g5 V/ ~/ F; YMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
Holy Jesus, you were so cute

You left me without a word
: G. `0 a# L" R$ tI have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?

Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
( |5 E# N# c0 f& @) }I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
" I/ N  K0 p3 E6 r; X我爱上你的大嘴唇
/ T; a# t. B! b% x/ T& ~, F; ZXXXXX
( @% [$ e0 ]$ ~; @- e  i! D/ N& m, i不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
% i* J/ H; r' t! I) q* A1 Y; u
如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
# f3 P: W# F% L7 k5 y至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
& ^/ V& J, Y$ w就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
/ [% S# p* ^% i# R/ p2 q* b! k你让我心跳好快
7 T8 |. E" c3 C( d* y; l6 ?你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

$ j* o, N  G6 \" p) i6 O) A靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
8 K6 {1 b2 k. d- ~7 U

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。