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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:
4 H* }' Z8 d4 m+ ]Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma ( }8 @# h* W2 j# q
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION:
, t# X' y7 D# N: lLong term, team players needed for challenging,
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0 _3 P- z2 o: a/ S" r; D; tpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
" e" I+ k! ^7 t) w! K' l8 fCandidates must possess excellent communication
  `/ a: t' e5 S# J! E: Gand organizational skills and be willing to work 0 `8 ]# }2 f1 x" Z1 ?5 ^- d
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
4 n$ r7 {9 F* `$ H* s+ @3 [and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
& N5 B+ d3 c1 b; kSome overnight travel required, including trips to
# _* f1 V# n. gprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
) h! V  E' n* g" I) C! S9 V8 `4 `endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
! l5 A! [4 U* }4 m& @Travel expenses not reimbursed.
6 F+ t; Q8 Q! _! \9 @, pExtensive courier duties also required. 9 y9 t6 M; l7 l3 U! a+ \7 a/ P

% l: U- I1 ]- PRESPONSIBILITIES:: I/ Z" N( {* v( w
The rest of your life. 5 w) E- D' q' u+ a" s+ ]9 i
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
$ w8 [* e2 z3 U6 uuntil someone needs $5.
9 P  U5 }1 H4 u8 e: Q8 oMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. * {# J$ j% j( r9 H+ [! V* `
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
$ N- G) }. `3 P+ }- Y" Tand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
. F" j: p/ T  u9 Rin case, this time, the screams from
  t; }1 K$ P! x8 pthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf. - C! c- U6 D; V7 z0 A# ?
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
0 d6 E/ y: X! W4 G+ Psuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets ( R1 s, F- P4 D5 @) {1 M7 [
and stuck zippers.
2 m7 d4 Q/ c# O* @, tMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
- u8 Y: W4 b7 Tcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 2 C# Z, w$ L  j5 \1 ^& O! m
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. ! w: X# J4 e( @* i
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
* S2 P9 p2 Z/ r, C  `9 o$ w) ^an embarrassment the next. " `  U* ^0 _  ?' l) c. H0 t
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a " [& Z. n2 {3 s
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. ! R# ?! g4 A& H6 _4 m: F/ K8 T
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. : A7 l0 [; l& o# I9 K) i0 d  W' @0 s7 ^
Must assume final, complete accountability for 1 U4 I" @: o% p
the quality of the end product. ' q. K* y: K: ]1 [
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and : t  p/ W0 R6 U1 ?5 u
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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$ X( Z+ [' U8 {( ^' h2 q, EPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
9 s; G, m4 }9 vNone. - _! ?8 w$ R6 X8 B- X* ]) W
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
6 B3 }& ~9 e, ?  xwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
! V0 I2 S, U. j$ C7 wupdating your skills, so that those in your charge
" K  ^/ n) a) n. p# f, {) ^' Zcan ultimately surpass you.- o: v$ S6 {: p4 e

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: ! b% I! p% b( `( P
None required, unfortunately. 7 z# w: ~& Y% l+ J  i; r4 K
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. 5 F8 r" `/ K, g# H" z5 P# {! L
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WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
  D3 G8 ^( u' n0 ~6 eGet this! You pay them! % f( Y! s2 Z+ r0 `% z
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. 7 G+ d5 G% V3 ]$ D+ K0 _
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
7 _2 Q- _9 J2 T- i: T) _% gof the assumption that college will help them & X, x5 T2 e. Q; Z$ ?; L# L
become financially independent.
! S& x2 U+ O- g; GWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
4 }0 g% d8 C& `& a- B1 n% r$ F* w% WThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that & R; u# a8 i$ D, V' w8 I
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. % D$ D; S) W" ~' N$ @3 O% n! [3 F! ]
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BENEFITS: 9 m( @/ f0 v% D. ]8 L8 a: t$ o& k
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
  ?1 a" e9 S7 H: S, Dno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and ) ?  ]) J. v' J: F( k* Y7 p
no stock options are offered,4 r. L. r3 Y: p% {$ s: K
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, ! s: H7 @5 W( v' J6 |% G4 F3 G

3 J: X* z6 t+ e2 M- h5 ?unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
1 N" `6 V# L! L/ f* N! [4 _' z1 G+ h9 A  C* G* J$ E+ k& y
for life if you play your cards right.
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **1 m! P7 k  P- ^* @
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% I" v6 O) k! V8 VForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
( J- l! S  g$ z5 y* \0 E6 fletting them know they are appreciated
6 x, }2 u  c" A! i: [* sfor the fabulous job they do...
* o9 \* K9 B1 m1 I( Vor forward with love
+ F$ r1 v& j' ~) uto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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