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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words. - ~# Y& X" C% q1 I: m" O
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The following were some of this year’s winning entries: $ {, U! D3 K" f4 |1 `" R  Q" G' a
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have . ' W9 C9 q! B7 Q6 |

& I: a5 }. S' e$ h. M  a" {3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. ' {' p. Q- ]# z( I5 c/ z3 C0 {

3 {$ G2 B9 n. C6 I6 l4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 0 L# O3 s; Z/ `* w

/ q9 u: t+ Y3 L! W2 [/ D" {5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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5 I6 r% A* P+ r7 M  }/ V% H4 U6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. & v! J" c2 H  M, n- B
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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3 X6 M+ _+ O1 x0 ^# z! e# x( c) N4 g8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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% j/ L* u0 B1 ?/ N10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. : ]7 x& z4 W  J3 P4 v, r1 {; c; F
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. * b: e$ {' p3 w4 O8 [- n3 i# j

5 u" K( S. S6 {6 b# L12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. ! p6 g0 M3 W& N: F3 M  K8 h
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. / }/ g. K4 ?! g) j4 Y# u& A1 |, c% K" T1 a
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. ! q6 n/ ?) |! v9 I

6 @; T; K4 @: c. s4 b16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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