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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words. 5 p- [; H& D! ~4 ?
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The following were some of this year’s winning entries: ) [9 X, R  |6 J" b( k1 _" f

( b! G1 o, o9 O  @6 P; A/ R1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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! K2 v9 P% R; R$ W* d4 ^2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have . . X4 X% k  e* L) b8 W# e

* X/ I# E/ n% Y: A' w; C7 g7 T9 z3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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& S. V" D" w! V/ s5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent 2 F/ S: |7 y' @
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. ( @. ^$ A" ~! V$ [- }' _) J
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. " q. L8 S4 g: N9 T
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash. 5 K/ Q; q9 v0 b3 H, H

% O( v# X$ o2 h5 q9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. % O8 Z0 z  m& y( W2 S9 F

9 u: B* A9 h6 v# v7 c. `11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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  @7 Y; [6 }# I" J" h: H12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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$ l$ e2 n, @- I$ l% \13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. 7 h4 \, H% c3 `: u, @
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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