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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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- z% R2 ?7 ?8 {The following were some of this year’s winning entries: . l, A  p( n+ F

6 s, Z. _, k  {& H  L3 b' ]1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 0 u  U( v. h, R% j; j
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have . ) }# G* U' z$ |, S: w9 a

  Q6 ?( q. {* Z6 [% A3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. / `1 H, M5 @3 ?
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 0 T7 ?9 g- g: p/ P
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent . x0 @& ^( \& Z0 D% B  p
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. - e' }1 Z" c& @4 |( t/ ^

( e# `+ Q' I  R: c3 ^9 L8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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6 J, A( A% \3 v9 U/ P) ?' M9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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# \0 Z- u# C: m5 N9 x, c10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 8 R" H4 u* g) L) G3 o" b2 S

* J& L$ U) N4 I( @1 _11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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" ?7 e& h3 H7 r, e! c12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. * f$ T" u# z, x: q

8 }" O) d4 B/ V13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. 4 Q" A8 }: z3 @" s3 G. v

2 z, s4 J: ?  m: z; ?$ k0 V, |: R14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. 1 Z& a& s  z- w+ H/ p9 w2 t

5 ]! B/ m. X+ G) V5 r; M15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. 3 H. _0 e0 X- V- G  X8 O7 L; w

& ?; I! H& q, S- [6 ^$ ]16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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