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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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8 ?2 r- m; J6 u9 Y1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.6 K7 Q* w: C0 U; p$ z
! u/ r, Z) S1 ]! v2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
4 l4 `0 ?9 f; W; Vhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
# m( E M' U8 Q/ D: u& {' Z3 Kmorning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
! B+ ]2 b }, `you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a y3 t% X& a1 K I# X. \
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.5 m7 f6 T6 s/ j0 N( Y4 A. v
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
( e. I( j1 o6 _; \/ z( `own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest7 b5 g; J" ~+ v* n# f
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires3 n% M- Z6 d0 I3 {7 g
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell, [$ }* ~: x% {% ?* t5 C: y
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.0 y9 K' c3 ?& O/ y" J& W% o+ b- K
! Y/ G3 [" ~7 P" Z+ p5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,/ c$ {: d7 {. H% }& m
cussed out, and possibly shot.# \" U8 P r' U1 a6 K, \! F3 p5 D
. I+ f% L* o- w! A) k( {6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can4 u( O$ m# B4 t7 D5 e1 {) g
get you shot.
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D8 C) {9 `5 }' ]$ K0 P7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
1 k; _- N( x& f6 F4 `! ^has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
9 [5 a2 Y# C% a" E+ _; Kthe intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot& Q, n7 }+ M; C) M. w- P. O# a8 M
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first% V/ f% y4 }2 M$ K8 {
vehicle through the intersection.
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
' w7 @8 j$ d' g+ g+ ]/ D1 Vbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
% e5 x s6 \8 [: P0 e Mday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
5 p* Y# U; z$ z) q# s8 Amore construction starts everyday.
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4 T# k: I- o3 O; \9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
5 m1 G; n6 ? H0 ydeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage," K Q1 Y; a& O' U
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.9 @$ @( M5 S7 V3 q
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same, b3 a- x+ t. n: o! a
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye7 B/ O1 e7 M* g0 p
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
9 N9 ~; n: u l2 o7 O9 t- O" ?66 Street are also the same road; got it?- E+ v7 E* q/ F! ]
, `4 P5 L) L. q" Z11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
+ D- n. s6 P2 V% b! K4 Q, P# ashoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally$ |3 q4 r# n) f
Activated.'
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
+ E- x" w/ y: P1 U1 ^you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
- g0 n# Q! m# V" N) uaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur. M3 f+ }4 @6 x& G
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
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