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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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g# v$ s5 ?# z6 k4 G1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.: r! c7 y7 H% }1 {' l! C" l! f5 t
- {1 I$ \' a6 q. }5 U" v9 S2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush# D, |. L* {; {" R6 v* B
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday( P# h$ s/ R8 ?) A k
morning.2 P, K! |# n1 A/ e$ ~, @8 I
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,& T1 I& }* T+ }2 T6 I, ]
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a$ A' ?$ V& p+ w* u3 Z, w
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.$ B% a0 m9 n0 X$ d* c/ s
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its+ y; |$ e" L$ j5 c$ H/ N7 S
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest; I3 `5 g! \* q: x2 P8 O
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
! j/ e- f1 N8 Y- ]; g U. Ngo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
5 n# e( E9 e5 V5 _. a& Xphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
) {. d: X! r4 n2 @ r8 J' o/ Ccussed out, and possibly shot." O: a, V% }; g! t: N8 m
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can& d9 s0 K9 M: Y0 J8 H+ e8 x) P) ]
get you shot.
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, }! t% p @6 L+ p7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
8 C4 {5 J! {+ q/ g2 ~. qhas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at8 k( n7 T0 x3 \5 }) X9 E0 ^# J
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot# I8 Y$ d* E2 r3 B; P
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first. D$ j! e6 |: w* F) C! o
vehicle through the intersection.
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% [- B8 Y4 L% i. y( N1 y$ H7 N$ \8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour! {+ ]- L" o8 P! Q. T1 c7 P
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
6 Y; @- ~: R' p# z& {day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and! p! R9 v z2 D' E. y( ^
more construction starts everyday.2 U. l9 I# A: [ J2 I- e- c0 n; n
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
) y) b, h& ^- C, g" sdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,, r5 Z) L. Y. M/ Y. K0 ]
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items./ w) z8 I1 `( v( [0 ] i7 R" `
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
8 i' i) ^& M8 C8 g" V0 |4 Iroad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
; B5 p& f `6 Y$ GRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
. S' u/ G5 r' i/ y66 Street are also the same road; got it?8 `% k1 A" z5 p" X, `5 i9 B2 s5 G
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the: I3 Q8 ]* O# `3 g
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally" G0 S0 h- E% s1 G
Activated.'. W/ Z/ O! Z" X& a* S$ q( I
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
6 a/ \; {) X$ e! f9 c+ ?7 P% _. Wyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'; |- P$ [; k4 b8 i/ s i2 G
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.5 m9 l# }9 f& o( C
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur [3 z3 n, G9 H& m z# P
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
v* F i+ P$ z6 [% D# p: G/ `blankets in the vehicle. |
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