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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:) S/ I% [0 R k+ l
( O! `4 n4 u8 ^2 F) ~, f* _4 K1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.6 F: ^# l; @% H. `4 A
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
) p. _* |- l) ^4 Qhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday! w* @; F& w0 d
morning.
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5 L* m2 Y1 z" u2 F( Z Y6 |! |9 s$ T' [9 m3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
8 q- D2 D# Y6 d O6 j( Iyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
7 `6 G- U+ R4 m& ?4 F* F9 F( Dlanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'., [* }3 p/ |; Q% m% Q
5 i3 ^2 K% V* G4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its% i3 c9 e( V1 F) |) c9 L# t9 `& l2 X
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
J* k+ _+ K9 J% H8 Xmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
+ w$ O- y5 n0 |: |go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
" S7 p" g. O. e; o% jphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.# l* h! N! p1 |" `
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,4 l4 Y$ ^7 H9 l" M1 D
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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9 r" O6 d% D( S G% l; v. B; x6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
( o1 x! m9 |; [" a# q. Kget you shot.4 ^/ L# J$ |) y
% a$ A) M. y5 w8 L1 B7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
r# Q7 D# ~3 s+ v6 {9 Vhas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at8 g0 {1 m/ p! w
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot+ y5 f0 U* L: Q/ r
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first& R1 S8 b! d' M% n+ K9 M# R
vehicle through the intersection." u5 r. t% q; k3 w g0 [
5 G: X# E# r }- @) L: @8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
% n) V2 A1 _8 W. J, ubarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
0 F$ M% l& R4 y' \6 tday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
9 @% u0 S6 n1 M3 F* R" j0 F7 d! Zmore construction starts everyday.
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,# q# Q1 J$ I6 v( G
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
/ S" ^ ?8 s7 B% Lsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.! Z G. _( G2 Y% i' h" s
. ]/ t/ T1 l6 W10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
5 b' S% n) r g1 |6 groad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye- w, \( a% A& u) T
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
5 o/ K s, T+ r" m7 k. W66 Street are also the same road; got it?8 t+ s$ A1 B: o5 S, [ ?) r
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
& w: |0 F9 S3 f1 ]% P& qshoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally$ d8 r' c0 p5 g2 d: D
Activated.'
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
2 q. z0 O8 i' U' S6 Ayou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
! k8 M% A& @9 c6 G3 Qaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.: C. E, L& Y0 V+ D3 F. z; c- u
" k8 C* B8 @! o/ }9 z( h( U13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur8 d; D3 [; `1 X6 F( }4 |' E( L- E
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and! q1 u, k" H' F1 m# x
blankets in the vehicle. |
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