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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:( `7 \- F( r' ?3 N4 c H
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'." x9 [1 u, ~+ D7 G) ~! F2 q
% {" _% t- B1 }; z2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
|+ a" f" E8 b5 [7 S0 Z% hhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday- e( F1 {$ [ X6 ^8 B/ A# M% H% I
morning.; Y. ]; I# Y) b6 _+ R
3 y, k, Y1 W: B7 U8 p' D4 S3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
" y1 F/ x; u: b* {( S7 m0 Iyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a7 q6 c0 {; y* l5 f8 _5 q
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its. n4 W9 f+ Z q* T+ B l
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest+ [; T& v' v, m6 m( a
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires9 q6 b. r7 {/ t4 f
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell; J- T- @5 e/ T/ d; o) H
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
) `+ M/ u6 r0 d/ W+ x% pcussed out, and possibly shot.9 q3 P' n5 i3 L w/ s5 i) m
/ p! i! w3 v$ o: q, U1 t. p8 O3 G6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can4 j% @2 n9 ]! E' k
get you shot.
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7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
7 I+ B% _+ e* X. j) |. khas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
, e0 g9 m; _) B4 T' C; Ythe intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot& E. I. z+ G% T* j, G0 R% R
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first' x( W! N: H+ @7 Z& M8 a
vehicle through the intersection.8 Y$ O8 B$ W. K
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
! y( p4 r) k4 r+ Y/ Pbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next* X( x$ r* v. w. F) N7 z
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
6 a* T( n$ F; r* q3 d, Rmore construction starts everyday.$ _2 y/ H0 N- v4 `9 R
% w" h5 W1 O& d4 C+ J9 U9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
+ T/ }7 x' r/ f$ [deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
1 _6 d/ j! D" d5 [% h; Csquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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+ i- w1 M4 T# }9 S% y/ n7 s10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same- k+ y5 C2 S& b: K* [/ @
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
5 u3 r; `7 d4 F- ~% [" g2 C0 sRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and/ C( U% j% m4 w
66 Street are also the same road; got it?; N; j5 o7 X$ D
$ K! c6 H6 l, `' f2 \6 x11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the# P! ~5 l0 S( O5 W
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
& p; a& ?( Z: K% c/ ]( z# K* A3 t) kActivated.'
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4 ^/ H$ P8 s+ ]6 \: b) ^9 l# u* |12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
. I3 U5 \8 b: X5 E [; S0 Dyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off': t. A0 _, j6 `
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur! p' }1 p7 W" K, a
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
7 m% t1 h8 `8 |- o" N1 gblankets in the vehicle. |
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