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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:8 b9 s* I; V! y- C$ O
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush, c0 U& F9 \& [, ~6 K1 J: O0 N
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
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/ O1 q/ v( i. T. z: U; y+ ]3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
5 s# T8 u) v: o: k/ {. tyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a9 ~# S; T2 |* F6 S+ Q" |; R
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.+ z' B% w! x# o) Y
5 v6 Y! u: F$ _8 R1 G4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
. n! |* D3 F' f Uown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
$ _/ {% r# a4 cmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires0 ^2 D5 O* I( I3 _7 G: g
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell E4 Y- F& W1 J$ c' q& q# `1 {) N
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.! y6 O( u+ t) Q$ ~6 g
* L, | F" w) e+ ]3 Y& E. H4 [5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
! A+ \8 M* d: ecussed out, and possibly shot.& C: b+ K/ ]( ]- P, M+ P1 y0 I
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can2 j4 T% p# g3 i- J7 `. u4 w
get you shot.
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7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that- b; m6 _9 i* _3 n2 O9 X
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at7 i) g* h0 a8 F h# C. ?
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot6 `- o' ?" Y1 I3 T: s
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
& k0 ?( J. |$ U# Cvehicle through the intersection.
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour% v- H* W( [; z5 E8 S
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
' E6 `# M" o' }3 iday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
, L: P& y' `: E% l3 s( kmore construction starts everyday.
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,: i/ d5 b% M( `' V( o, ~
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,& @! n( j8 r3 L& S! e7 W6 z7 B5 w6 i
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.+ I& L, f" @1 B; w
0 @5 F. ^! C# J% g/ J/ d10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
2 ~' {0 ^# `+ h5 t0 i6 ~0 g- Droad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye! h/ P* ^6 g8 j `; q& v Y
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
8 X# ]( {& x3 i d3 l! o. q66 Street are also the same road; got it? @# f9 B" `% |; S
9 }7 F, C! Q" f+ t11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
- r- h$ y' b3 x1 yshoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally T1 ~' F% F3 ?% h$ K
Activated.'
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,9 d! a& |" P; \6 }" i* A
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off': r! A2 z9 {2 B+ o" F" |; Y8 T
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.* v X8 ^2 ^0 j8 d
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
H/ O* d5 \" ulined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and9 R# Y) c/ A5 [/ u
blankets in the vehicle. |
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