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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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8 U( I; s& ]- v u1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
. }7 s) y$ ]$ D0 x" W+ U: d# G& ?* vhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday& l, L) }7 {& v, a7 ^
morning.
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: _, \# R; w0 X I( O3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
) B+ M1 |& m: @4 |, Qyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
# `/ i3 p$ \" J) x% slanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its4 I& |8 E. K. D7 Y
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
" Z2 Y: V0 ~% o; e/ Emuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
: j3 f# ? u. S% { Lgo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
" L4 ]! B( t! \" l5 ^9 Lphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
4 x$ |+ l. n4 C, h' S C" Tcussed out, and possibly shot." E9 [0 @' Y) U6 l" s$ _+ v/ Z
* I7 O5 @* m. P6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can& M, F3 f" X5 {+ r" a( `
get you shot.
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, i! ^- S/ @/ M4 W9 V6 G# U B7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
$ Z2 ]7 g$ K. X+ _8 i5 Y/ Rhas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at; Y: \. z9 N& H1 q9 o9 o1 G
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot
9 e: @. \( ^$ ]' _8 f4 T$ vyou as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
5 L! H. R' ]! y# T+ P% q7 Y7 J9 jvehicle through the intersection.
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour" A: Y* ?5 n) Z& j8 h& D! |' _
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
+ g: I# a: a0 fday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and$ k/ s, e0 X0 |
more construction starts everyday.- x6 c& m* \/ @' l& I
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,( E. `1 @3 L f
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,7 V6 w3 ?; H$ w- |( t4 z
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.3 s( P E3 C# H0 u8 M8 p
6 x3 P9 S# a% \7 E10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
. h6 P3 f1 C9 R: froad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
% V5 u c# z1 p( y& h: q, RRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and9 Q1 S+ v& v' T( o5 u
66 Street are also the same road; got it?
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2 R; q$ K3 p- X7 c% c3 [2 c$ L11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the: C4 B c6 T- e. k
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
# a! {4 O' M$ w3 iyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'# F3 Q$ b; b8 b5 r/ H* ~ @8 S
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.5 e8 G2 q. ?" [9 ~! b
" F2 q, ^& `" Y- x5 h6 O; [2 Z13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
4 t2 h1 `' A7 v) G2 X( F9 Flined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and% G2 f. E& ^" l% o
blankets in the vehicle. |
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