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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.2 G$ k3 D! l. p. }& R1 V8 b! m
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
+ ^9 v5 G. j0 R" c# c) Z: C( phour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday9 ~6 _( u: o% T1 O( i
morning.. S4 n+ k! @- s+ J
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
! h9 ?3 r1 |/ v% z/ e% jyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a* n' i( p0 E' v4 @4 T- h
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.7 v4 v! t. ] X" u% ]+ F
, ]& `5 s. r9 P) ^$ A: T4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
, l: C9 G+ Y2 O% h4 ^own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest% \" c9 ?& A; }& m; x0 h- k+ t
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
$ ]: L! B" a0 ^9 n" `* ]go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell+ A4 x$ z$ o0 i- d- H* L2 U
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.9 S2 @8 h0 j6 f V y# j b. c* M
# a! ~) q; K! k/ J5 R5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
" L2 g2 p( ~7 s$ tcussed out, and possibly shot.
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, [8 `! W5 Z5 \; U. t6 v# g8 \6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can$ u7 H( ^6 |6 w( C5 f
get you shot.
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7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
# B: d8 f9 Y5 u% E/ Rhas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at9 {* a) z p6 b" `( D2 Y
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot; |7 ^4 h. I" f7 C* G; p/ l2 K
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first, l# z- i; B2 S
vehicle through the intersection.' G, J1 h6 n6 K8 o( k+ r: X
) k" L) B3 ]2 {2 J1 ?/ K8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour% b4 {8 @9 {) D* J, i
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next1 x3 W# B6 n0 }
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and5 U% q+ l' O# \5 {/ ?
more construction starts everyday.% B% S. ^3 N, V2 x
2 m9 Z1 \: Z) n; T9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,& X1 @$ W3 N! m
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
' W9 I5 |& Y* {$ d% xsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.( Z* N3 w5 O6 k# o6 R
: t5 B- M0 C0 W7 h% B10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
# k; {) |& o3 i' ~" Droad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
$ S' u: @+ w- [8 M+ E1 a3 y. J4 R( zRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and3 z/ |6 C$ y3 {& w; S" K
66 Street are also the same road; got it?" }/ W. ~ y; @. H' H: t3 a( c
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
H h0 O, _3 \$ Q3 g8 zshoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
& Y- S6 e, N, [8 ?Activated.'
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( ~7 f6 m; T1 c% c: L: ]12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,* R. o0 v8 y9 U' W- ~
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'9 M0 G$ _$ U8 @& A! y% e
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.8 z: d7 J* b7 c$ _, V
8 \2 j+ D: H, a1 D6 `4 s13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
# ]5 E H0 o8 Ulined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
& H* j/ s0 G0 C2 cblankets in the vehicle. |
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