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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:6 p; Y H( J0 j# ^% K" Z( U
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.5 f8 @# D0 f* m
: i0 V& c. H* A: l1 ]2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
- E1 Z5 k0 f6 m0 v' n Xhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday: J' b' @$ K& D
morning.
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5 T% ` V$ t$ }) `( ~5 J5 L3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
. H+ G# K+ q' k+ o$ `6 Zyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
" |, ~4 J4 L2 M& j: D" Ylanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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! k9 A( a4 Q- c4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its- c: Q' P# N* I: V; L/ y; c3 U s x
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
- n" @; d7 a3 h u' Y3 s; }muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
5 C7 a3 r: V* |, o9 o9 n$ |go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell3 P3 J& A1 c2 x9 l
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.% @1 H4 c) J& |1 Z' h% V, z
' N4 G- K; C9 b+ k) C; G; r: l; |5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
+ O& A4 O- e8 |4 o) Q$ d1 kcussed out, and possibly shot.' X* I' A3 n! i
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
9 ]" Z6 t2 V4 [, d# Q V) Lget you shot.
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% {) T* w3 y }! ^2 ]) l+ I0 D2 T) F2 n7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that/ d( O6 z7 m3 M9 R, q
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at" v2 \7 J4 S _) |3 R0 O0 T: ~
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot* J% d8 ~5 M, z! ]" o+ P, h
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first( i0 z( _ |8 X3 i1 N0 i0 M& V8 k
vehicle through the intersection.* P* q( x* s3 H/ `
- y0 k- b# b, e- o' O# S( @8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour) W" D4 R$ |: i! m% J) f6 c
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
* H% ]+ G9 ]' y4 w- Eday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and* b5 w4 D& d; k" }5 [
more construction starts everyday.) l' L5 }4 F8 j* ?+ N) y7 [2 {& a
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
: k! \0 M, M: x4 ]8 c1 l2 Udeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
0 }" b! N" q1 n* g7 Gsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.4 h& V& l) h$ I2 j: L# l
( g, V9 \; A' Q+ Y) a* b9 E10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
' h( `* e) X' A8 k- T4 H7 Zroad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye& Y+ _' V$ R7 G, g- ^
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and: O& Y7 N' N: i: g7 `' \) Z
66 Street are also the same road; got it?
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+ F1 U A4 N' o# y9 L# d7 T11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the3 l; {" T7 d2 B7 L3 C" z% c
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally1 F7 F6 }! p7 E0 I' r' G
Activated.'3 d5 r' C9 M; l" n
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,& T* l+ `* H" i2 D% k# _3 ?* \
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'6 P0 g0 e% L" V4 x& M0 ^ a
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.: I y7 l* s( t1 i1 ^% n& l
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
7 h% \- Y) I, i& }: m; i& Y) `5 klined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and E8 G$ C e8 a! ^
blankets in the vehicle. |
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