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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON: U/ J' ]( `( y' I
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
& y1 Z3 G$ y0 t8 [; hhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
5 x" p. X& j3 r/ omorning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
+ f0 O/ I3 [( Y$ oyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
- H* k7 v: C3 @) v) Llanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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4 |5 T5 e5 p3 ]4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its* w2 j0 g3 c7 \0 N4 W. o+ t% F
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest/ T% @8 l2 e5 z2 g
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
3 T& ]* ?8 [( v. G. E \, d/ ugo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
9 G6 |7 v0 f: P: _% u/ H! h9 Rphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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& w) c6 Z2 b" r9 j5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,- S' O! }4 m" b+ |9 y
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
3 n. \! n! C4 t# U0 W" K2 xget you shot.& w3 j2 j! E( B$ ~
2 W3 K; q) e4 m$ j3 S, A* ~ U7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that' ~3 Y# I' s0 ~8 ? p9 M8 I
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at- s3 K9 i! d* F8 J: F i
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot
5 E* I ~( ~! N/ Gyou as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
# N% }7 e& K+ K0 k: ]. U; ovehicle through the intersection.
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/ K/ A s* O4 q q% a' C, ^$ s# H+ W8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour' j$ K+ n1 {6 M7 k' d3 f
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
+ W6 z" f# w( o+ P% yday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and0 n+ |* ]7 F9 Z2 l
more construction starts everyday.% Q" U, C. n% a8 n
/ W4 _" c% ^! T/ l' M' h9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,; f% _ H: S* V& K
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,; E7 k; @7 B$ b( L2 {; `& {3 e
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items./ P: c9 v" e4 d) S* c/ z
0 S% d2 h- ?+ w/ S10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
' ~" X: H2 N9 broad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
: ~# `. r4 ^2 v0 |7 [Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and6 y& _% P5 g1 Y$ \9 i7 i
66 Street are also the same road; got it?& v, i; u1 I5 e/ W& b
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
( q, V+ s8 ^) Jshoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
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9 M# U; H7 o) v# D: S9 F7 f12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,- v, s4 c9 N* _1 ?9 B
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
, J$ E" H1 }1 |( L1 |( x( eaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.+ \8 R$ h8 O: ^( N7 L. O
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur' E) r8 D' M; T2 D) `
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and: t3 h. J0 q$ d
blankets in the vehicle. |
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