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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:1 Z& |. [: Q1 ~: J( s
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.( d1 _; F% ^6 \! Q5 @) v
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
]3 k0 Z3 H& Y7 }4 `hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday) ^- I; D" N) U( R: J6 E
morning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
% i1 B: J5 O# A3 ]; Y; ^+ z5 }& Byou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
7 k- d! T ]+ g$ zlanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
. K+ Q3 S# W2 a0 h Vown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
8 P6 K7 }: R# emuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
& a0 \7 X# `6 ~/ k8 Fgo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
. e# V% [3 O) O, Xphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.( f! Z7 I/ z8 {
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, [- q0 y" O: q, b5 n! d [
cussed out, and possibly shot./ ~) P# a* }2 B8 c
$ M+ ~" F9 X2 X. }0 y m6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
, b( @# h$ z" |. V/ r; T- t4 \get you shot.6 |/ U3 s) r! P& c+ `+ a0 S
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7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that' \) L- u; b; }5 R
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at7 C- b5 E+ o0 ]6 |0 Z* n) ]
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot
# p8 z9 l8 k2 z; ^9 ^) `you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
) K! u* }+ `6 x& A: Y' U; o6 i* Gvehicle through the intersection.! j0 q! g1 u+ m; O% k5 o' s3 c% j
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour C1 w5 S' F2 p3 d7 `
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next6 o7 o) ]& I* X0 p9 M
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
' _( t3 `1 [! j B( e( omore construction starts everyday.- l$ s) o% F' q' {9 r/ y6 k
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,' |, G. M- A# e( t2 a0 {7 v
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
! o3 G7 {$ z6 d' c" \ }squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.- p4 c' w, k4 i) Z' @* j
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
) F" _1 b1 \& N' F0 \/ Z6 wroad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
$ {9 G: F ~1 v3 d# E" hRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and! ]- E" x& i9 k v+ a4 }, O
66 Street are also the same road; got it?
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4 Y; L7 q0 I) t9 A7 Z- K11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the9 d9 ^" t) h1 q
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
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. M( R$ K3 t6 y4 C' g: M12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
- Z1 D. w% ~+ R* y% n/ c gyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
3 B8 B( V4 T5 m- S2 I6 S1 q' xaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.6 h* E6 F" L# `
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur2 n" P% ^: E: x: j+ m8 G6 Z0 p
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
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