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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush5 S9 @ {9 R0 e; e5 Y! y
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
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! c1 H9 j- j' G8 ?3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2," z) [; Y5 ?2 i$ [: |
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
- U9 P2 @7 }( o3 A+ l: Zlanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
& e7 o. C8 X* |7 H' Pown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
7 v6 H5 `; x H9 Q2 emuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
9 d/ L. V5 |. u$ n6 ]$ a% f$ [go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
6 A; h# c4 d" L3 R+ {phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
, I9 f. x; b" W: m0 Jcussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can! w& |' }0 U; p2 x9 [6 d+ O7 h
get you shot.# m# S; u+ y) y3 S6 K, V
7 N$ m: ~0 N j7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that& c8 k4 i% Z$ ]: R: [7 Y6 }7 I
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at! `8 U: [" k, R8 Y2 o+ T7 `
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot
n0 u" a4 K: l9 pyou as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
+ O, L( b8 I. W4 q5 Yvehicle through the intersection.0 j; @: ~4 e0 _8 i: I2 L
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
! S1 M" p5 @: |3 n# W& m9 @) abarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next9 C$ D3 S d) O4 ?6 m( A
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
m; j- N5 V0 w8 K6 s2 }0 B9 mmore construction starts everyday.- M5 b0 S; | e$ w
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,- z* ^2 R8 t4 s) M% C' H/ s
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
* G# I2 Y! G' u+ T( G. jsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.& f/ R7 Z3 k- ^# ~
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
: C6 A: y. N; [# r! O! Droad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
7 _- R0 D" ]: P2 xRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and6 }2 M- C1 |* ?3 o- m8 b* I
66 Street are also the same road; got it?
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the' g) @0 s1 u3 W9 m) ^
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally( T. W+ t$ u( r! u; i$ E* k
Activated.'' i% v6 v% B4 F7 K" W) I& d' ]6 y
: u) t0 V" a% D8 x1 |2 z12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
! \6 N/ r4 N6 e' |0 l$ o! lyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'. |* P. \+ N6 U
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur5 M; _, K6 G, q; x
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
7 b1 `1 M( ]3 W& |blankets in the vehicle. |
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