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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.- a9 L/ C( }: `$ i2 c
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush4 b, _ H6 `" N( x1 {) U
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday V3 S/ I& |9 f1 H2 a
morning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,0 O5 |* u$ q }! I/ M
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
+ u/ H1 j3 {5 I" r1 X: Mlanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'./ t/ [, Y q3 }7 l$ I2 t V* c! o. U; L: S9 x
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its1 {0 K: {6 X/ `+ e, g3 e1 p
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
. l4 s3 r4 C" zmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires [, `. F0 k! A6 j2 k& B* Q! c
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell( I3 o( o+ l0 y5 n
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
4 C! a/ p# ]- R2 v6 p4 V0 hcussed out, and possibly shot.* J+ b) w7 r# `0 F$ {( U
& t7 Q8 B l5 u! d0 p {6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can1 D. w* H+ @1 A2 A$ h' \
get you shot.
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6 C. D% F, _. T* d+ Q. i# x6 d7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that! a4 f$ R& D$ L9 T2 H3 n6 p6 I5 d
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
/ c6 P! u6 p. w5 D l0 Athe intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot5 [# x. f4 w! t2 L8 G
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first" e5 k3 e6 O1 M7 Y! p8 O
vehicle through the intersection.
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0 s" X. X5 |* C' j* {3 u7 C8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour0 T' H7 K9 X6 a. E9 `; K( W7 K- I
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
5 P* a5 v4 ^; g; Qday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
) P1 ?" C: t+ j- R3 F& c( I5 F3 wmore construction starts everyday.
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
" T. }% F" V& A) z) Xdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
- |" T9 m5 k. i; ^squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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+ }9 N7 |0 `" c/ N5 Z/ X% t& N3 j6 y10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
% l' X: Y' _7 T) A. l: `road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye6 g/ a2 D5 h, \; `! H: u
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and# S' i! j9 h# f: h- L
66 Street are also the same road; got it?' o0 A4 M' J( c U/ c
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
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Activated.'
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
' y# F/ N& L/ h/ Gyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' C; p# R* q7 a% p( W# s
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.7 C/ n% Z% r- d& b X. j
2 l# l; N0 G+ Q# O; j) j7 Y13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
( ?+ D" F, F& L% r* p, w7 d- u+ _lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and& P8 ^9 u/ B1 E3 T) s3 X7 h
blankets in the vehicle. |
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