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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON: s. Y5 e7 [0 j3 ?$ B/ W, j" z6 s
; O$ Y) f5 P( s" e" m& r1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.5 R, R! t6 E; A( u& X0 W
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush9 a. T& M( i" h$ C* _- N
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday K1 p1 B; ~. v3 g6 f' A
morning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
. ?3 C9 X5 \6 Q3 a; B7 xyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
6 G# ^4 P! b. H7 mlanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.5 X# G7 |. ?6 i. \( A7 c
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its4 x9 o. p* R( A% ]0 ?1 z5 L
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest% y9 l7 P8 u+ I& h. Z% L! m* F
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
% @: r. n! |3 m* pgo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
( U* t8 F4 C# H8 B/ fphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way." J6 v z+ k1 g5 C; |6 o& W
1 N) u I% e2 m1 q* k0 {* {5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
' h3 s; }( ~/ S+ I3 b; E1 Ccussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
' a$ F8 R. M# b# t Eget you shot.& s6 \/ i/ O/ C7 K: X; t
2 \; Z- b& F/ e! V7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that+ |2 v. l1 W3 V7 E
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at! N2 v; j, ]& Y- x
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot
9 w& \: Q4 F" X/ |9 ]you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first, A) @- S1 X- k
vehicle through the intersection.5 M7 g$ }! O* ]8 t' ~0 b
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
6 I+ [2 g( k# C0 z, Xbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
7 j1 o L1 F& u9 W3 U& E2 s' Lday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
: o# K: ~$ V1 [8 b$ ~3 r Omore construction starts everyday.
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% U$ ]5 ?+ Z, K( C" H7 \2 U& {9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,2 a [2 I% P$ k1 P" v) \5 T: g
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
' @8 `, X# O: Ysquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same ^ b. i3 ]4 O! d1 Y1 N
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
# e5 Y" a+ Y% @. WRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
+ O, F7 k2 L9 p4 E& n% B3 F66 Street are also the same road; got it?) m* w* [6 }& s( |& B
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the2 P. j6 f% e J% f7 Z
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally$ i$ k# \7 y$ _* u5 V) L
Activated.'
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,! S3 }* C; x+ ?9 R/ @! b
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'# p: A. P6 E, S& \/ g
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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. f& ~0 X6 t4 c T' S: e4 Z+ v13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
. s6 ?3 p( e) r; t; Z3 e) Ylined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and! Z9 X: W7 x- K G- t7 y! s
blankets in the vehicle. |
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