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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:! B) V+ ~+ M; Z8 D4 \
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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/ E5 f5 a7 d7 [7 D1 s4 ?" l2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
. [5 r1 N+ U ?( U R7 G( j9 u: R# ohour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
# \) t" A+ H4 @& V/ rmorning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,$ w5 E& T- @$ A% ~5 C7 v
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a2 Z0 c% I- T: o$ n |7 k
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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* [ `. w8 p* `) U7 R) ?/ g, n4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its7 y! P, ~% A' H9 i1 l1 |
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
" v% k6 r' J( P6 tmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
0 X& M: ?! F% K5 Ogo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell. i1 p, }1 j- R$ r' U
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.; {! s: ~* r8 x' L5 F
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
8 H h% ]: W) }8 h( s) rcussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can+ Q; M; h. \2 q: Z' S
get you shot.
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- p4 i- A0 _# a& s y7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that F ^0 f8 `# r) S) C
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
4 N/ }' z9 |$ l$ d- G" Gthe intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot' n, e @1 S: J K1 @8 |. t
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
6 r6 W- A/ T( b( Nvehicle through the intersection.+ _; r! W0 p; n- E) p; [
{* Z9 O, H, U4 V8 w8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
* T' y' o- g- d4 g7 {- l6 Z; Mbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
) k) H5 a# r) [day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
( _3 s+ b# c* J, d: c3 lmore construction starts everyday.
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# C0 C4 V, G" W0 r* b; v0 G9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
* s$ ~9 f0 W) Q: ^# G" ]) I* mdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,4 B7 ]! \' \% a
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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5 T5 L% ?& |6 ?; o10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same* f. u! M; u* O8 Q/ A' T2 K
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
8 `* d) u8 L- e8 k4 |3 F- y1 w3 ZRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and4 A5 l2 L# L4 N; {+ H5 E
66 Street are also the same road; got it?
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the/ M7 O6 n' Q- `3 C* U1 o6 w5 L
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally& N4 W0 G4 v6 s( i
Activated.'
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3 ^0 |1 M6 h4 f) h! f2 d& r- c+ D12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,- v& w L/ f" F* n/ g
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
) |. u# e. }, laccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.$ b% v6 ~, E3 a5 w# _$ p- V! o
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur" c2 G1 j E1 |- \" P- a
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and9 \. f" y( u, [( n
blankets in the vehicle. |
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