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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'./ r' z$ @9 l" ~1 i O
& L$ Z/ |2 `/ l" ^2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush$ y1 G, I' b6 B- @! \/ c
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
# u) v- X5 p4 ^# i; B, vmorning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,, H7 M/ s/ l* H, ^$ d5 [
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a' X0 o5 w/ }, l* ]" n ~ f. {
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.' t5 u" A6 y. b6 t5 y# ]
! Y0 A! o! S( L; k4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its3 _8 s: J4 K" A0 _% H
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
+ j6 N2 _+ I. [* R8 Xmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires5 D, A2 h# \8 I5 w3 Q' I
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell/ z0 @9 R) X D, I+ w, `) `( x
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.' B# |, a) P {! F
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,5 L% R3 }2 z+ ^ e! M9 C! B
cussed out, and possibly shot.; Z$ _9 h9 T6 q+ t! ?, K
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can" m9 t- ~, R& K$ E1 D1 r7 ~
get you shot.
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3 o3 q+ E$ M9 E, o7 A7 c7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that N. A* ^/ f ~* Z8 J/ e
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
) ], V2 z0 [1 k. Y9 N4 {the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot- z+ z3 L0 m4 @" C* ?7 w
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first# a; c3 R, y) z0 L/ F2 d3 [
vehicle through the intersection.
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/ |7 j3 b$ p8 w: ?* X5 S8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
/ @- E! Y% d8 i- w, Dbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next' m. ?! ^1 L$ o0 C6 s# m) v
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
& }5 q2 K5 h5 j1 x) a8 @more construction starts everyday.
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- g# q7 C+ Z& B4 G9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
3 N, x4 J( \7 U' V* W' q3 p% {1 g4 Jdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,* v9 {+ ]# R3 _/ p
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
" f7 b( |# @1 oroad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
' b: f+ M, Q4 W+ _7 b* z6 j; j- P: U9 u( kRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
/ ~3 O! S4 k$ E# J66 Street are also the same road; got it?; Z: `8 {3 L! g' n W# \4 C) P
" j |% M2 ^5 J2 M( Q! W11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the% C5 w" X$ n6 O8 W/ e- X
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally% {' q/ [* ]9 n, ?& S' U [
Activated.'
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8 H% F; E9 i/ T5 ?7 q6 u/ E12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,8 N' ^. w+ x+ A' a% [
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off': S# N( }1 R& R0 c
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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. N6 U4 r6 O* M$ Y13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
/ Z' d( W- y; D$ J" q9 ^. _6 Ilined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and6 j7 M- w; |. t/ J5 i
blankets in the vehicle. |
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