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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:+ N6 {9 c) W9 a% Y- I. c; d
, d4 T' {; ]8 \& d" w' I6 n8 U1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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7 a4 N9 u! C: V- z! q3 R. Q2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
/ E$ Z4 E8 [& s( Jhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday( t) u: _ l, }# G
morning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,/ E5 S( ^; h& \
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
) _. W+ H0 ?# P4 K! g" O* _$ t- blanding at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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; w' H0 ~: f3 K5 y2 E4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its9 e: H/ T- G! ]* M
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
( z$ j2 }3 `* mmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires6 @% u" }6 j$ x8 f/ F! G8 m( M8 K
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell, ~: E9 f1 Q' \! U& J; @
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.( ^3 m+ ?8 y. B' m
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
- r# [( ] Q. H4 F$ ]' k( xcussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
- C0 ~2 p2 W2 }- g0 e0 wget you shot.6 M; v Z- Y$ c/ Q" c
% E8 b5 a8 |7 x7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that5 ^2 }2 U; `& |2 |6 Q# k; s4 U
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at4 o8 d% d3 `5 \, K) G( ^
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot; U! X( p6 {1 \0 K( A7 r
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first% z6 O% L$ i, Z3 ` s
vehicle through the intersection.
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9 ]( p0 F: L- a x0 X5 Z8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour2 _1 V0 t8 p7 C1 @
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next* v7 E# @; D, f3 S \5 x/ [7 S
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
8 s+ I- E* f: ]& z2 I0 Z" f# W0 Lmore construction starts everyday.
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, m5 V/ m8 I9 \1 a9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
0 S! D$ B# A: S' f: ydeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,! P7 m _+ _0 r5 J& S
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.' L z; N8 K/ \2 l8 L( l
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
4 F1 {: a3 f) n' troad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye& n& ^( m8 } |/ O5 ~
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
* |# N( @' k$ B6 ] p, ]% c66 Street are also the same road; got it?* p/ u' q/ @! M. _
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the6 K6 i6 e4 S! W) A. |4 A/ D
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,% g. ^7 ^1 x( q+ ^: a
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
+ p& S2 c; z$ c' x. q. N$ M4 Daccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.. z3 s7 n; _ K+ F
2 l: ]9 H" Z& @- i( m# b13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
" o9 }. r8 {/ c9 Ylined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
2 Z7 D# b8 ~" v* X6 }blankets in the vehicle. |
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