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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:& _) ]/ O( Z8 J1 B
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.- ^2 |4 A+ p) }# c" j
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
& Y7 x: G. Q! xhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
* H+ p+ P; O# Z9 K8 z4 }morning.1 P" J) @. H6 Z; w! U! ?
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
- {) p3 p* T, X. Q8 W ~8 x6 lyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a9 T$ ]( _0 |0 n9 a
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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0 f9 n5 x. Z+ z# N- l @: C) U4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
& r3 |& X" |# F3 q0 M, X$ K7 p2 Iown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest4 Z7 r p% g9 q. [( Z1 \) a
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
; G- k" M! R$ h& ?8 Ego second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
6 q- {# w* X$ ^4 {+ @# mphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.. X3 s0 x2 k! _& V$ V8 ]) r" X+ k
& C- r' q: @) W" z# }, a5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
C/ y$ I% l0 i0 b2 O# Q) Dcussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can7 ]* V/ N9 H5 t3 a) ]
get you shot.
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7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
( U+ C! g/ V. `2 X% |9 C1 s9 Rhas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
, ~, I( E! b3 C+ f% e" e! `- ]. Pthe intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot+ M( z8 Y B1 t+ L
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
8 z0 Q: M4 J0 c$ S7 }vehicle through the intersection.
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4 H' E% t$ z5 `7 R8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour7 v& B& u) q {$ O; r/ w* l
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next8 Y# Z g; B& x
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
$ t1 Y$ N8 \* S( m2 \# h$ Kmore construction starts everyday.) T+ I: J, ?& q) A% w
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
! P1 U3 q( h) p+ H9 j0 b; ]% V7 rdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,% Q5 j/ O+ B9 w/ `
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.+ ?8 q, y( ^& i- U' J
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same3 |/ b; U- h9 A$ b4 h k, l: }- G1 h
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye5 B* @- ~! d: N: P& f" G' H
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and* c" `7 h' @ E. |* U, M3 o
66 Street are also the same road; got it?, G( T$ D8 Y' s/ x: v m6 e7 u
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
, y( I% `& k3 O% }shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally% }- E1 c( e8 l5 t7 \' H
Activated.'+ j% {) L: V& H0 z% r9 g
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
1 y5 U$ D* ~% d( N$ [you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off': B L& x$ }2 y$ M# Z( A
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
0 _0 }- O) j0 a7 D& f, glined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
/ F( a3 k2 l6 c: u, s' dblankets in the vehicle. |
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