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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:: c1 u, }( t: S% W
: ~: t/ V4 n6 ^+ H5 y6 Z1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
* D, V& I0 D, E% vhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
8 Y4 t5 f* ^7 B- cmorning.( T" J- c8 a5 n4 l1 \7 r, p
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
1 U- M7 d1 m8 }, a/ ?3 G3 _/ R Zyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a9 T/ f. @8 e+ z
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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7 E4 `7 }7 x' m4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its) o2 f* ?. C( |" f' s s) H
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest F; m3 v1 _$ V/ r I v0 E
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires' O) B6 _" _* A2 Y" Y; a
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell3 q& D$ [. X% v8 U/ ~! f
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.0 \) `) d) e5 u0 U/ l
' T* {1 ?2 e6 k" D5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
+ t' D% x( T* Z3 x9 |: C2 T- fcussed out, and possibly shot.! G* B% w9 {& P
! Z' e5 i: A& n4 x7 o8 C6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
. U) \9 D% R W8 x+ wget you shot.# D ^9 y5 B. r0 o0 [/ _4 W
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7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
# n% e7 v9 T+ J- G8 `has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at4 x& S3 Z3 h4 z; `: {& t. Y
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot
* U: \% V* k" m8 [. {3 Gyou as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first L+ X( c* c2 h) m8 V9 m- V
vehicle through the intersection.0 \0 m9 ?" F, ~. y& D# _ f
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
4 E6 ~; m3 C+ C! g9 @1 abarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next$ V' C4 ^, D* O9 U* c" ^. s
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and& k- e/ b& h# {5 a
more construction starts everyday.' Z: L) f7 G6 Z# g* k0 J
' O" ?: _) P6 P. s9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,& x% E! t! a/ B! i7 r. j
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
3 q+ O. d, K. s: ^6 csquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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* J* W1 P- H) A, X10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same; P# w+ t1 ?0 b! Q
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye& c3 n5 r* W2 @* f8 c4 C
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and! S8 Z% S% W5 e6 h+ {1 T7 N
66 Street are also the same road; got it?3 ~; S% m# h; v
* H# @9 E( c8 n+ E4 W, a11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the* O5 t% R6 s- O% \: L: k
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally5 b t3 Z, ^ x7 z/ f& `" P$ ?
Activated.'
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
1 i' c9 L/ @" W; H4 x2 P) ` oyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'$ k1 X6 x2 K- e9 F, H6 D# A
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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8 n+ q, f+ t T! X$ N: g13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur6 L- I; o. f ] D
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
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