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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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2 M$ G+ a* @. k. k/ m1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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4 l) u# u. Y6 [8 }+ q& ^' X4 W2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
1 u) i- t3 Z: n5 A9 b; `hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
7 N4 y" |. H% r/ N0 L) E* U( Qyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a; T: V& `) K1 e6 a' _* e
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
+ [1 ^5 E- F M) @% ]8 \1 I8 ~' }own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
( ~: R1 ~4 F3 Amuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires+ @/ T) Z0 r/ d, {
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell; m4 A, A2 \9 X
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.' S% u4 O8 t; u( K$ P& |
$ D! n( P. `: \. v% P5 G m( M5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,# \0 x5 i# F) r% M0 R0 N9 }. T
cussed out, and possibly shot.+ Q6 X5 m( I5 P" \0 Z/ t$ a
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
4 |, j( u o6 Vget you shot.
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6 `0 k+ @! I. j3 F0 ?7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
6 V7 V$ {7 U7 J9 T8 P$ w5 Phas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at1 t' u/ {$ X* ^6 L
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot
( G1 u& i, _! A v4 f# X. syou as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first- G2 e l# y9 T# L/ w$ y
vehicle through the intersection.' d7 ?% {( ^: o9 {4 P8 |
- y' m/ Y! H `1 l: Y7 n8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
- ]; I5 r1 d4 a2 M ebarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
7 C9 _$ i3 D2 G8 uday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
% U1 h& b$ G5 Rmore construction starts everyday.9 c- t f7 H6 Y) \/ m5 x5 m9 C+ W
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
P% C% I/ `: o: Z5 Y3 Ldeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,: o8 V Y9 }0 }9 d, m- R
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
7 Q6 _9 n6 ?2 Q" \road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
1 M* ?4 f, |1 {$ bRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and ?. t1 E6 R) ^7 l/ @* y% P. y% j
66 Street are also the same road; got it?/ P* y+ L% ]2 Z) O* b4 `; ^7 p
: b8 s7 C4 A; x( z) O+ j11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
' U3 r- e+ ^1 T- _0 \4 Q" kshoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
6 b6 ^- @% a; E( dActivated.'
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: N$ [6 h% M$ i: @2 D12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
" g& m( H6 O5 m. g1 [" R5 ^you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
" `5 r/ b: }2 i) y; {; I) saccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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' `" q. \7 v0 { N4 A- k7 b$ t13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
" y" t1 e8 L2 v/ ]; D! mlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
& L3 q4 i2 e( f! ^# Q$ X; zblankets in the vehicle. |
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