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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:. c3 u7 l: ~' h4 X# R6 M% ]
' o t% C$ ?1 T' B& T% L2 @$ f( C# G1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.- X: K3 V5 C% s) y! R' L( J n' L
- c4 j+ b$ \0 x0 S5 D( J+ e2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
& V2 P1 ?9 e1 {' fhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday) f+ B1 g: m! i) g
morning.: D. n- ]" _; Z
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
# B) T! P C* ^* l& Z, \you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a6 ~! ~/ a1 I( ] `
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its+ b4 L# z, K/ U" z Q7 S0 y
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest& h2 n- L# z E
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
7 V2 ]9 G0 B8 A7 u) lgo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
' h! D* W( c8 M) r9 M& Q! uphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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9 H4 N4 E" |( m3 H5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
9 B6 Y4 v! W t" k1 kcussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
1 i; F& Q/ ?' S# aget you shot." G3 [7 l: q% ^: `4 N
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7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
: R) o2 _0 s7 P5 K& H3 H7 r" Chas turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
- }" ^0 S3 {+ U$ T' P/ V, K7 G3 ~the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot
: {+ x, f( f5 ~8 X( \0 e b' R6 m0 Gyou as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first/ h: V& P& _& S3 `" w9 }$ Y0 |
vehicle through the intersection.7 y# o, P$ O. F) r
# R p( B: Z8 d& q5 b5 J8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
: \) G. v5 k3 B7 g* tbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
, W2 j( G( k: h! gday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
5 F& A" C' g# P2 j- amore construction starts everyday.
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
/ O2 C! [; l( ydeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,* J' t! ?7 [: Y. k5 Z3 T
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.0 B5 R- ~" n% Q6 d. p/ O( I
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
P4 N$ l; F' I+ F9 ~road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
/ S) C2 q1 _- J9 t4 O" D$ H1 t5 |Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
' h4 E3 M7 d8 r" t, ~1 @& E, @66 Street are also the same road; got it?
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( W) Z, O5 M& \ V. q- ~) D11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
4 {: H B+ }# b! \$ s$ W n. wshoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally+ b+ D1 o& W" L( @
Activated.'
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
1 p3 D$ r& u& x: G5 P" p* \% ]you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'+ i/ o4 M/ \8 ?
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.$ j9 I% G: g5 C- x( H1 {
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
7 i4 o r6 ^* U6 `8 klined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
+ F2 s1 U% P- |$ A: P% C# t. Yblankets in the vehicle. |
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