In the garden of my heart

Dawson · 发表于 2006-6-25 01:05

听《All I want to do...》有感，涂鸦了这首小诗。见笑，见笑！

In the garden of my heart
You planted a tree
From sunset til dawn
Through darkness to light
Nourished with my soul
Devoured my sorrow by thee

In the memory of my life
You planted a dream
Should the sky fall down on me
May promises fade in the sea
Sewing back every broken pieces
Bursting the love out of me

[mu]http://penguin.spss.sd59.bc.ca/~mqiu/images/without.mp3[/mu]

云山水月 · 发表于 2006-6-25 01:08

原帖由 Dawson 于 2006-6-25 01:05 发表6 w6 z" v7 A1 ~) c9 j; F# {: Q
听《All I want to do...》有感，涂鸦了这首小诗。见笑，见笑！! Z3 ?/ \8 X) L) a( I; ~

) Q7 o5 B% G6 l5 }$ |8 A: JIn the garden of my heart0 w8 r' U9 t1 f" f7 `. A; {
You planted a tree- i1 F4 ]# ]5 v$ E- n5 @
From sunset til dawn
+ h K' O2 }9 fThrough darkness to light
* H& M3 @. O5 G7 A* BNourished with my soul
f8 f' X3 ]) XDevoured my so ...

眼没花哈。。。第一首本版的英文诗吧？

写得真好。

加精加精！

Greatwall · 发表于 2006-6-25 01:20

哥们儿，你没喝多吧？没事就过来烧烟啊！

九月 · 发表于 2006-6-25 01:26

汗！居然有２单词不认识。：（

Justing · 发表于 2006-6-25 03:41

原帖由 云山水月 于 2006-6-25 01:08 发表1 C- u: _+ A6 M$ f1 y( d) W
眼没花哈。。。第一首本版的英文诗吧？. `+ f% S+ S6 _& f# {$ ~! |6 Z' A
写得真好。
0 G' }& D) v5 [5 }加精加精！

我曾在本版也发过一首英文诗

五月 · 发表于 2006-6-25 05:31

如果能谱上曲, 夕阳西下，在海天相接的海边, 轻抚吉他浅唱, 定是首动人的心曲。

微澜 · 发表于 2006-6-29 09:57

原帖由五月于 2006-6-25 05:31 发表
! }9 z v' j( L如果能谱上曲, 夕阳西下，在海天相接的海边, 轻抚吉他浅唱, 定是首动人的心曲。

五月JJ这个意境，想想实在是罗曼蒂克，不过在爱屯，海天相接是没有了，只有在湖畔雪山了：）

朱顺顺 · 发表于 2006-6-29 11:06

Should the sky fall down on me--- leave out "down", as is no good here.

Sewing back every broken pieces--- every broken piece, or all broken pieces.

Dawson · 发表于 2006-6-29 18:23

原帖由 红岫添乱 于 2006-6-29 11:06 发表0 U) @* m  X5 B0 o. _
Should the sky fall down on me--- leave out "down", as is  no good here.( g- U0 [2 X& v2 [8 S1 t; C$ X$ O. ?
  P, L8 \0 q; p) ^  t  R  [
Sewing back every broken pieces--- every broken piece, or all broken pieces.

Thanks for your insightful comment, however I have to disagree with what you said.

1) Sky falls down on sb. is a very common phrase or idom that's been used in a lot of occasions, meaning end of the world. For example, it was used in Savage Garden's song "truly deeply madly".

2) Every broken pieces, hmmm, again broken pieces is a phrase, I know grammar wise it looks awkard, but that "S" at the end puts a nice rythem to the poem.

月光宝盒 · 发表于 2006-6-30 01:17

红岫添乱这喜滋滋的头像虽很农民，但很喜气！很有乐在其中的意境啊！

FCUK · 发表于 2006-7-2 10:50

thee 和you, 好像没有同时用的吧。

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?

五月 · 发表于 2006-7-2 13:50

原帖由 FCUK 于 2006-7-2 10:50 发表
8 A0 I6 {4 ~, X2 m1 N' Tthee 和you, 好像没有同时用的吧。
8 l+ Z: r8 \, V3 q4 @9 u) P+ |; r8 X: _; d
Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?

诗歌, 重在意境和语感, 没有那么严格教条的语法要求吧.

Dawson · 发表于 2006-7-2 13:56

原帖由 FCUK 于 2006-7-2 10:50 发表7 ~* ~/ o. |/ w5 _
thee 和you, 好像没有同时用的吧。
8 T2 Y+ r k. m1 v1 m( V. r* X* b! d! j
Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?

有啊，有很多经典的例子。

比如Sharon A. Bryington那首著名的《While Waiting For Thee》

Don't weep at my grave
For I am not there,
I've a date with a butterfly
To dance on the air.
If I'm missed, find a flower,
I'll be there too,
Sniffing it's fragrance
Right next to you.

Don't be sad
When you remember me,
For I'm singing in the sunshine,
Wild and free,
Flirting with the lighting,
Playing tag with the wind,
Chasing the thunder
Time and again,
Soaring with the eagle,
Swimming in the sea,
Enjoying all of nature
While I'm waiting for thee.

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